I've still got problems

Summary

Podcast Summary: "I've Still Got Problems"
The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament
Hosts: Joey Coco Diaz & Lee Syatt
Release Date: October 1, 2024

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1. Navigating Religious Holidays and Personal Beliefs (00:01 – 04:23)

The episode opens with Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt discussing various religious holidays, particularly focusing on Jewish observances like Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur. Joey humorously downplays the solemnity of these traditions:

Joey Diaz (00:23): "At the end of the day, all that shit's kind of, like, blasé. But you just roll through the punches."

Lee contemplates the somber nature of Yom Kippur compared to Rosh Hashanah, remarking on the introspective aspect of seeking forgiveness.

The conversation shifts to personal spirituality versus organized religion. Joey expresses his affinity for borrowing elements from multiple faiths, emphasizing a more fluid, state-of-mind approach to belief systems:

Joey Diaz (02:24): "But I'm Catholic, and I also love the Catholic religion. I love a lot of Judaism stuff. It's like, I like to borrow from different things and put one together."

2. Building Community Connections through Everyday Interactions (04:23 – 12:56)

Joey and Lee delve into the importance of community, sharing anecdotes about interacting with busboys and waitstaff. Joey highlights his strategy of connecting with service workers by speaking Spanish, fostering genuine relationships beyond superficial interactions:

Joey Diaz (07:09): "Sometimes I just talk Spanish to people. I feel, like, international."

Lee praises Joey's ability to make these connections effortlessly, noting how Joey's approach breaks down barriers and builds camaraderie.

3. Embracing Cannabis Culture and Business Insights (12:56 – 37:39)

The discussion transitions to cannabis, with Joey sharing his experiences and endorsements of cannabis-infused products. He introduces "Diet Smoke," a premium cannabis gummy brand, highlighting its balanced effects:

Joey Diaz (15:07): "The chocolate moose... I just took one bite of this chocolate mousse, and I felt like I was 22."

Joey critiques the current landscape of cannabis dispensaries, comparing successful immigrant-run stores to larger, less personal operations. He reminisces about high-profile clients like the late Ralphie May:

Joey Diaz (37:43): "He bought everything. Like if the weed was the strongest, he'd get. Give me all of it, man."

The conversation underscores the challenges and triumphs within the cannabis industry, emphasizing community support and personalized service.

4. Stand-Up Comedy: Overcoming Fear and Embracing Growth (37:39 – 61:05)

Joey reflects on his tumultuous experiences in stand-up comedy, including instances where he was booed off stage due to personal struggles with addiction:

Joey Diaz (61:05): "Fear is good. What are you laughing about? I farted. I took a whiff."

He shares insights on managing fear in comedy, advocating for authenticity and letting performances flow naturally without overburdening oneself with self-criticism.

Lee discusses his own comedic journey, expressing excitement about headlining shows and the mutual support between the hosts. Joey emphasizes the evolving nature of comedy specials, suggesting shorter, more frequent segments to match audience attention spans:

Joey Diaz (44:28): "I'd rather you put three 20-minute segments up. That's 60 minutes. Nobody's not saying you got an hour."

5. Personal Reflections and Future Plans (61:05 – 80:06)

The hosts delve into personal growth, with Joey opening up about past fears and the transformative role of serious hobbies like Jiu Jitsu in rekindling his passion for comedy. He expresses gratitude towards Lee for revitalizing his enthusiasm:

Joey Diaz (65:41): "But no. So I'm happy you're here."

Joey announces upcoming live shows, including a residency at Parks Casino in Philadelphia, and discusses the logistics of performing while managing personal habits:

Joey Diaz (52:32): "I'm putting together four shows, three in 2025 and one in 2024... It's going to be a great night."

Lee shares his own experiences with headlining and expresses pride in Joey's resilience and dedication to the craft. The conversation concludes with mutual support and plans for future episodes, reinforcing the strong friendship and collaborative spirit between the hosts.

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Notable Quotes:

• Joey Diaz (00:23): "At the end of the day, all that shit's kind of, like, blasé. But you just roll through the punches."
• Joey Diaz (02:24): "But I'm Catholic, and I also love the Catholic religion. I love a lot of Judaism stuff. It's like, I like to borrow from different things and put one together."
• Joey Diaz (07:09): "Sometimes I just talk Spanish to people. I feel, like, international."
• Joey Diaz (15:07): "The chocolate moose... I just took one bite of this chocolate mousse, and I felt like I was 22."
• Joey Diaz (37:43): "He bought everything. Like if the weed was the strongest, he'd get. Give me all of it, man."
• Joey Diaz (61:05): "Fear is good. What are you laughing about? I farted. I took a whiff. Everything is beautiful."
• Joey Diaz (65:41): "But no. So I'm happy you're here."

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This episode offers a blend of humor, personal anecdotes, and insightful discussions on religion, community, cannabis culture, and the intricacies of stand-up comedy. Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt provide listeners with an authentic glimpse into their lives, challenges, and aspirations, making "I've Still Got Problems" a relatable and engaging listen for fans and newcomers alike.

Transcript

[Joey Diaz]

Year Rosh Hashanah's up, you know, stars of David, the whole deal. So I don't want nobody to feel left out here.

[Lee Syatt]

Do Christians have a holiday like Russia? Like Russia, Shauna, and Yom Kippur. And, like, I guess it's more Yom Kippur than Rosh Hashanah. But, like, it's, like, depressing. Like, it's like we're, like, saying. We're, like, asking for forgiveness for how terrible we were.

[Joey Diaz]

At the end of the day, all that shit's kind of, like, blase. But you just roll through the punches. When you're a kid, you get beat in the head.

[Lee Syatt]

They beat you in the head.

[Joey Diaz]

No, I'm just saying, like, when I was growing up, Easter, like, when I was young, all those years till I lived in Jersey, I think you had to turn the TV off on Thursday night.

[Lee Syatt]

Why?

[Joey Diaz]

TV Thursday night? No TV or radio Friday and Saturday, you could turn it back on then. Sunday's Easter. That's the way the Cubans did it. But then I told mom know, let's skip a do on that because, you know, she would make fish soup all week and all other types of stuff. You know, everybody has a different way to look at their religious holidays, you know?

[Lee Syatt]

I know.

[Joey Diaz]

Listen, I love Jews, but I heard the events are boring.

[Lee Syatt]

There. Some of the food's okay. Like, this isn't the worst. Rosh Hashanah is pretty good. Yom Kippur is a shitty one because you have to fast all day.

[Joey Diaz]

Yeah. Like, I couldn't be Jewish because of that day. That's the day I tap out. Like, a week later, I'm back.

[Lee Syatt]

I would love to see my. My brother's wife did it. My brother's wife converted. Like, would you ever convert to Judaism?

[Joey Diaz]

I can't.

[Lee Syatt]

No.

[Joey Diaz]

No, I can't. I mean, listen, Judaism is a state of mind. You don't need to convert. Everybody, you know, everybody makes a big deal. Listen, I'd love to tell you this didn't happen, but it did. When I got locked up, I read a lot. And then when I got out of there, I read a lot more. And I looked into, like, I was lost. So I looked into so many religions. Do you know, like. And so far, like, I don't know all the basic, basic, basic details, but the course I took and what I read about it. I've always liked Buddhism.

[Lee Syatt]

Interesting.

[Joey Diaz]

Okay. But I'm Catholic, and I also love the Catholic religion. I love a lot of Judaism stuff. It's like, I like to borrow from different things and put one together. You cannot narrow somebody down and they're going to say, I'm a Catholic, because they don't really agree with everything in Catholicism. Church does. You don't agree with everything the Jewish temple does. You rather eat bologna sandwiches and that Matzah. We got to change that up. And I'm just making jokes with you here, but.

[Lee Syatt]

Right.

[Joey Diaz]

Everybody looks at their religion so much differently than I do. It's like politics. I'm a Democrat. Listen, you're a liar. You're a liar because there's no way you could agree with all that stuff. But at the same time, you like stuff that the Republicans do, or maybe you like stuff that the independents do and you just vote a different way. I don't know. I'm just assuming this.

[Lee Syatt]

No, but that's really smart.

[Joey Diaz]

I really hate when people fucking say I'm this. I'm a Catholic, and I love being a Catholic, but I. I love borrowing from other religions, you know, I love it. And that's why I hate when people step on something and commit to it on a percent. Because you're not really 100. That.

[Lee Syatt]

No, dude, I've never heard of anyone talk about religion like that. Like, it makes sense. It makes sense. And it makes sense for politics.

[Joey Diaz]

It didn't make sense in 1798 when you came off a ship from Israel and, you know, whatever, the. Chasing the Israelis then, you know, it doesn't make sense. But once you get here, you know, listen, you're an American. You were born here. I know for a fact you don't agree with everything we do.

[Lee Syatt]

Yeah, it's impossible. No one agrees with 100% of everything.

[Joey Diaz]

There's no way. There's no fucking way. And then we pick and choose as Americans. I will get away with this. Oh, they're bombing these guys. Who cares? No, no, but that, you know, it's. It's really weird, you know, listen, man, nothing bothers me more when I see labels for me, like stand up writer, podcast, listen, that's all included in the comedian umbrella, right?

[Lee Syatt]

Okay.

[Joey Diaz]

We're comedians. At the end of the day, we're comedians and we could do it all. We could produce, we could direct, we could act. And we're not labeled to one thing. The main reason I love standup is because you could do it for three months and shoot a movie for three months and write new material and then got another movie or a TV show for three months and write new material and bring it out there. You have these pauses. They don't choose to do it that way. No more. There's no money in that. But these are all the things that you have to look at as an American, as a human being, and go, wait a second. I don't agree with everything this motherfucker says. I like some of his policy, you know, in the beginning, and I hate to bring this up, like, in the beginning, fucking. I'm sure that dude that made everybody drink Kool Aid.

[Lee Syatt]

When you said, I hate to bring it up, I have no idea where you were going with that.

[Joey Diaz]

That dude, you know, in Guyana, Jim Jones. Yeah. You know, he had every intention. Was right. When he was in San Francisco. Once he went into the jungle and started shooting. Met and started 20 different chicks. You go somewhere else, it's like giving somebody a bunch of fame, you know? But I bet in the beginning he was doing something right, you know, Waco, that dude was onto something. You know? He was onto something.

[Lee Syatt]

No one's ever said that before. You started off. So, like, this is actually one of the smarter things I've ever heard. And now, like, these cult leaders were on to something.

[Joey Diaz]

They were on to something at first. They had to be. They won a bunch of retards over six or seven retards. I mean, you know, they're coming to you guys in Sandy. I mean, I, I. What I'm saying is people go, you know, like right now, tomorrow. I said, you know what, Lee? This. I'm renouncing Catholicism, right? And I'm gonna start a new church. It's the church of what's happening now. What do you feel like today? Today I feel like a Palestinian. All right, run with it. Today I feel like Hama. Today I feel like Israel. Today I want to be, you know?

[Lee Syatt]

Yeah, you could.

[Joey Diaz]

This is why I, I agree with these kids. They dress up like cats. I mean, they're, you know, that they've been drinking too much water with ink in it or whatever. The. They put plastic in it, you know, you want to play somebody else. But there's days I wake up and I'm international, you know what I'm saying? I don't want to speak no English.

[Lee Syatt]

Some days you're Jose, some days you're Joey.

[Joey Diaz]

I just don't want to speak no English.

[Lee Syatt]

Do you do that? That would be amazing to get out of stuff you don't want to do.

[Joey Diaz]

I do that for eight hours a day. Sometimes I just talk Spanish to people. I feel, like, international. I tell you, I don't know what I want to do till I smoke that first Joint in the morning. Once I do that third bunker, you call me up, I'll let you know what I'm gonna do. All in the nutshell.

[Lee Syatt]

So explain that you, like, if you're just out at the mall or something, who do you talk Spanish to?

[Joey Diaz]

Whoever somebody comes up to me. You? Joey Diaz. I just start talking, somebody comes up and say, you look like Joey Diaz. Then I just talk to them in Spanish. No, no, no, no.

[Lee Syatt]

There's so many people right now, like, I knew that was him.

[Joey Diaz]

People walk away confused as scratching their head, telling their mother, he looks so much like him.

[Lee Syatt]

You know, that's so funny because I've seen you do it at restaurants, anybody, and you had a joke about it, but it was just the truth. Like at restaurants, like the Bus Boy or whatever, you'd talk to them and that was cool. I always love that. Oh, they loved it. They always. Everyone. No one ever got mad at you for talking to them in Spanish?

[Joey Diaz]

No. I got the bus boys under control at all these restaurants by my house. I give them this, I give them that. I give him a joint. There's one kid that's like 18, he got hit in the head with a safe when he was like a kid. I don't know what happened. I don't know if he got hit in the head with a safe. That's an old expression, you know, he was walking under a window, Somebody dropped, knocked him out, and he never came back. And every time he sees me, I give him something, you know, like a little gift, and it sends him off the chain. I remember one time I showed him like a. A picture of a. Of a girl in a bikini. He lost his mind. He's 17. He went. His face got all red, and you could tell he had to run to the bathroom and bang that out.

[Lee Syatt]

Oh, God. And you have. How many of these people, like, how many restaurants do you have busboys at?

[Joey Diaz]

5 or 6.

[Lee Syatt]

Jesus. And it's so smart because you, like, you probably never wait for anything.

[Joey Diaz]

I got 1, 2, 3, 4 for sure that I go in there and I mingle with the bus boys. And I'll tell you what, I mingle with my girls at Starbucks, the young girls. You give them a five dollar bill, they do backflips. They don't give a fuck. Sugar in my fucking tea for me. Not sugar, but sweetener. Like, order tea. I can. They're all like my nieces. They're all like my nieces. It's insane.

[Lee Syatt]

How long does it take for you to get so close to these people.

[Joey Diaz]

And all different colors. White, black, Indians, you know, Arabs. They're all in there. And I talk to all of them. I don't. I don't give a fuck to the nicest girls and guys in the world over my Starbucks over here.

[Lee Syatt]

How do you do that? You do it so well. Like, how long does it take you before you're like best friends?

[Joey Diaz]

How shitty is everybody's job? Yeah, okay. For somebody to come in and speak to, somebody who doesn't get spoken to all day. And I do it from the heart. I could see it. This sucks. They don't want to be there. They're embarrassed to be there. Don't speak the language, whatever the fuck. Those are the guys you talk to. I don't tell them nothing about comedy. They don't know a thing. Now, equal conversation, it's one fat talking to an immigrant. They don't know and I don't want them to know.

[Lee Syatt]

Right?

[Joey Diaz]

I'd rather they not know so we could just have a normal conversation, you know? And I love busboys. I love waiters. You know, when they're gay, I really have a good time with them. I had a gay way to Saturday.

[Lee Syatt]

And what do you do with them?

[Joey Diaz]

You know, I was just like, what's going on with the water? You know, I tease him a little bit. Then at the end, he goes, I gave him my card, he goes, you trust me? And I said something like, you know, in that Eric Rocher type of way. Like, I don't know what I. What the did I say to him? Do I trust? He said, do you trust you trust me? I go for certain things. And when he came back, he's like, what do you mean? And I was like, I'm just joking with you. I was like, you standing behind me, you know, oh, my God, you should have nice young kids.

[Lee Syatt]

No, no. I only thought because, like, he, like, he would have got the joke. It sounded like he was going back and forth with you.

[Joey Diaz]

I don't understand when I walk into your place of business and how I get. I saw it today at cvs. Lady came in with a fucking coupon. It's always an argument, you know, and you sit there and go, this poor Indian guy, I don't even know what you're talking about. The guy's got a wig, for Christ's sake. When was the last time you saw. With a fucking wig? He's getting a three dollar bill. He's just happy to be there. The guy's a sweet sweetheart of a guy. Sweetheart of A guy, I've seen him in there before. I like all my, like my cvs. I got it under control. I do what I want. I see, I feed the cat in the front. So I'll stop there tonight about 9:30 and feed the cat.

[Lee Syatt]

Do you really?

[Joey Diaz]

Yeah.

[Lee Syatt]

Are you gonna. Are you gonna take it home?

[Joey Diaz]

No, it's too fucking feral. That. That dude's a lion.

[Lee Syatt]

Oh, wow. Okay.

[Joey Diaz]

I think she's pregnant again, which, you know, and the boy is like her son. He's like a bigger kitten.

[Lee Syatt]

Okay.

[Joey Diaz]

So I just took a case of Fancy Feast with my wife because I got sick and tired of pulling in there and I gotta get out of the car, walk in, you know, it's late night, so there's only one person in there, you know, right? I gotta wait for her to come to the front just for two cans of cat food. It takes 20 minutes to give this fucking poor cat who's already hungry. Motherfucker been waiting out there for me since, you know, 10 to nine. As soon as the sun goes up, he's out there waiting for me. So I go over there, I talk to him, I make sure nobody fucks with him where him and she eat, and they fucking leave.

[Lee Syatt]

You even have the cats under your fuck on your payroll. How do you do this?

[Joey Diaz]

It's my community. You want to always be a part of your community some way or another in a positive or negative way, you know, I mean, I smoke dope on my balcony. That's not doing something for me. My community. I got no big time neighbors either. They, you know, by the time they smell, it's 3/4 cut.

[Lee Syatt]

Oh, yeah. You're allowed to be. You're allowed to smoke on your balcony, I think. No, no, no.

[Joey Diaz]

This is central New Jersey, right? You know, there's trees that. Last night I saw a beautiful fox. You know, last night I saw something on the road and I almost hit it. Almost. I almost killed myself not to hit this thing. I don't even know what that was. It could have been a rat. I almost died for a rat, like by hitting this rat.

[Lee Syatt]

It is crazy. I. I got. I hit a deer before. Like, it jumped out and hit me. That's terrifying, hitting that. But you don't think about it. You just swerve and you just got this car back. That would have sucked.

[Joey Diaz]

Yeah, no, no, all that. But I don't know. I've been here for four years now, right? I've got my restaurants pretty much. I'm pretty, you know, happy with them. I got a New spot for you when you come. You like chili? Chili con carne?

[Lee Syatt]

I. I think so. How is it similar to the what we have on the hot dogs or what kind of chili?

[Joey Diaz]

No, no, no, no. That's hot dog chili. This is chili, red beans, meat, cheese, sour cream, couple onions.

[Lee Syatt]

I've never tried that. It sounds good. Whoo.

[Joey Diaz]

This place, it's tremendous. Tremendous. Guess what else they got. Good, because my daughter got it on Saturday.

[Lee Syatt]

Oh, what?

[Joey Diaz]

The chocolate moose. There is something from another planet. I just took.

[Lee Syatt]

The moose is old school. I love chocolate mousse.

[Joey Diaz]

I took one bite of this chocolate mousse, and. And I felt like I was 22. It got hard. My fire came out of my. It was tremendous. Oh, yeah. You like that whip? It had moose.

[Lee Syatt]

Oh, nice.

[Joey Diaz]

With a chocolate bottom on it.

[Lee Syatt]

Oh, perfect.

[Joey Diaz]

A bottom dog. These people professional. It comes in a jar, and it's got chocolate on top. A little darker chocolate. Then they put a little whipped cream and a little hot. I sat there for, like, three minutes controlling myself, because my daughter's going to town on it. I told them, shade all the mushroom. Whatever the she got, she get the thing. She inhaled it once she saw that. When I saw that chocolate mousse, I was like, man, I wish I had more reefer than me.

[Lee Syatt]

Oh, yeah. Is it. Is it Harvey? Like, you don't really have desserts. I don't really remember you having a lot of desserts recently.

[Joey Diaz]

Listen, if I do get a dessert, it's got to be three or four people, right? Okay, I'll get a spoon for four of us. Like, if we go to the place where you thought your hand was the fucking crab.

[Lee Syatt]

Oh, yeah.

[Joey Diaz]

If you don't get the bread pudding there, you might.

[Lee Syatt]

Oh, it's that good. I love bread pudding.

[Joey Diaz]

Do I ever talk about bread pudding?

[Lee Syatt]

No, I'm not. I got really excited.

[Joey Diaz]

I bit it one time. My wife got. I was like, what? And they have, like, a waffle with, like. I can't even describe it. When was the last time I spoke to you about waffles? I don't know about waffles. They got a dessert waffle.

[Lee Syatt]

Yeah, dude, that dessert. Waffles.

[Joey Diaz]

That.

[Lee Syatt]

That. It saved me when I had the crab hands.

[Joey Diaz]

You could see. You could see it.

[Lee Syatt]

You knew I was high. You knew I was high, and you're like, let's get dessert. Because I had gotten a salad and the mushrooms. Guys, I'm not joking. I had crab hands. I couldn't. I couldn't. Like, they tried to hand me a glass And I freaked out, like, when I stepped out of that booth, dude, I didn't think. I was surprised that I stood up. Oh, my God. Was your cousin there that night? Or it was like somebody like a younger kid and he had to sleep on the couch too, or is that a different night? Oh, your nephew Nikki.

[Joey Diaz]

Tricky Nikki. That's this. I gave him a mushroom bar. One of those funk factories. The chocolate brother. I just got some banana sundae from them, okay? It's a banana sundae flavored chocolate bar. God damn. God damn. It was good. And goddamn did it take me for a loop the other day. But the first time Nikki came down here, like, the third time, he remember, for my birthday, he ate the whole.

[Lee Syatt]

Oh, is that that night? Okay.

[Joey Diaz]

Passed out now. He always passes out. We give him edibles. He's like 22. He came to LA during the pandemic and his uncle called me and said, you gotta meet him. He wants to see you. He feels bad. I go, all right. And I brought him ABX's and weed. And I'll never forget he called me. Next thing goes, man, I slept in my car last night. Jesus. He ate the edible at like three.

[Lee Syatt]

Okay?

[Joey Diaz]

He ate sushi or something. And he dropped his girlfriend off somewhere and he went to his parking garage and fell asleep in that. They thought he was dead on arrival. He walked in, like, at 8 in the morning. I don't know what happened. Uncle Joey gave me an edible. That's what you get.

[Lee Syatt]

Do you keep track? Because, like, I can think of, like, three people that have, like, fell asleep and, like. Like, didn't Tom Segura after the church once have to go park his car to Ralph's and get, like an Uber home?

[Joey Diaz]

A bunch of people, but it's water under the bridge. Those guy trying to help him out.

[Lee Syatt]

I don't think they're complaining. I just think, like, how many people make other people take a nap?

[Joey Diaz]

A lot of people. You know, I got hypnotist powers. Like, I got that type of. The guy with the watch in front of him. You know that little dude, you are getting sleepy. No, I'm not.

[Lee Syatt]

Did you ever do a show with one of those?

[Joey Diaz]

What's that?

[Lee Syatt]

Did you ever do a show with a hypnotist? Oh, I can't see you liking hypnotists.

[Joey Diaz]

Listen, hypnotist, magicians and midgets, you know, I gotta look both ways for a little while.

[Lee Syatt]

Why don't you like hypnotists?

[Joey Diaz]

Well, think about it. Because you always look at you creepy they look you like a dinner. What if he hypnotizes me and rapes me and then wakes me up and tells me I was on a horse? When I'm sleeping and I'm hypnotized, you can tell me whatever you want, you know.

[Lee Syatt]

So you're actually just worried about it working too?

[Joey Diaz]

Well, it works, but it don't. Half of them are charlatans, but, you know, I mean, how do you get the front row to clap and sleep and bark? Like, when that happens, I get out of the room. Because if I go up there and stab one of those, they better say, why you stabbed me.

[Lee Syatt]

Oh, my God, that's. I. It makes sense that you didn't. That you wouldn't. I don't think I do it either. Like, they. I don't know if you tried it for, like, cigarettes ever or you just were able to quit that. Not, like, nothing.

[Joey Diaz]

Who, me?

[Lee Syatt]

Yeah.

[Joey Diaz]

Oh, I did an eight ball. After doing the eight ball all night with no cigarettes, who's gonna smoke the next morning? Poop. That's how you quit smoking? That's how you threw myself into the mouth of the lion. Why not? It's really crazy, Lee, that the edibles and it was insane. It was insane. I don't even know if Chiba choose is still around.

[Lee Syatt]

They used to be. I think I saw them somewhere recently. But I was just telling because, like, when I was up doing my shows, like, they, like, people would ask about it and we went through, like, I don't know, seven to 10 different edibles before we got to the stars. The cookies, like, a couple different kinds of cookies, a couple different gummies. The Chiba chews, the pretzels, the chocolates. Oh, the sticks. What were those? Chocolate.

[Joey Diaz]

When I used to switch the Chiba Chews on you, that was the best for who? For everybody. You listen to raise your tolerance. It made you a lot tougher. You know, maybe you're roofy proof, too. I roofy proof too.

[Lee Syatt]

I appreciate that.

[Joey Diaz]

Even when you go into a bar that's kind of weird, and there's guys jumping up and down, if they roofy, you're roofy proof because I brought you through the ranks.

[Lee Syatt]

I probably. Yeah, you know what? I never thought about it like that.

[Joey Diaz]

Look at it that way. I built your resistance. I opened up your eyes a little bit. You know, Refa opened up my eyes. Sometimes you got to pass it down, dude. I gotta help the younger generation understand the power of this. But listen, enough is enough. Happy Roger Shine. Let's get this show started. It's a Tuesday morning, October 1st. Mess around when it comes to relaxing. You got. You guys know me a new. My new go go to is Diet Smoke. These guys are the real deal when it comes to premium cannabis infused gummies. Whether you're looking to unwind, boost your mood or focus, get some stuff done, Diet Smoke has you covered. We're talking about a premium buzz, but not the kind that knock you out. It's the perfect balance to give you a nice mellow high. Like I told you guys, like I'll tell you during the podcast within the THC, the Delta 9 and the hemp, there's something about that, that it's a tremendous little warm feeling. You guys know me, I like, I mean listen, I ate the whole bag, but you guys know how I run. These are perfect. My wife loves them, my sister in law loves them, they taste great. So whether you start, whether you're trying to start your day off on the right foot or wind down and relax before bed, Diet Smoke has what you need. They even have a two day delivery nationwide and 100% lifetime guarantee. When was the last time you got a guarantee from a gummy company? Not never. So if you're ready to relax like a champion, head to dietsmoke.com and press in code Joey J O-Y for 20 off your entire order. Listen, we got your back. That's Dietsmoke.com code Joey J O E Y. Grab some gummies, kick back and relax like the doctor that you are. Diet Smoke dot com. Turn off your TVs, run for your lives, it's over. They didn't put you on this planet just to give up. If Uncle Joey could do it, I can rule the world. That's what you got to be thinking. Welcome back to.

[Lee Syatt]

Hey, good to see you, buddy.

[Joey Diaz]

It's crazy. I got an email today from one of our old friends in LA speaking stuff. I'm not gonna say his name. Okay, hilarious. He quick comedy and he became a journalist in some state and he hasn't done comedy in eight years. I haven't heard from this guy. I don't even think, you know, he left. I think I did some podcasts with him, but he hit me up. He's like, I don't watch podcasts no more. I don't do anything. I just, I'm just a journalist now. And he goes, I'm trying to do a national piece to sell it to one of these. I forget the big newspaper, USA Today or something. And I'm like, all right. He goes, yeah, I just Want to ask you some questions. Number one. You know, he asked me again, are you a Republican or Democrat? I go, listen, I'm not going to answer that. I can't answer that. He was like, what do you mean? And I told him what I told you. I just can't answer that question. I don't have time to explain what I like and what I don't like. Okay. I don't have the time. So he goes, can I at least get you to endorse a candidate? And I go, I'm not doing that either. And he's like, what do you mean? He's like, what do you mean everybody's doing? I go, I don't do that. I just don't do that. I go, it's such a hot issue for people. You're just gonna. With them and they're gonna. With you right now. You. The next three months, two months. This is gonna be fucking a little crazy. So. Because no matter who wins, people are going to be unhappy.

[Lee Syatt]

No matter.

[Joey Diaz]

People are going to be really unhappy this time. So, you know, this why I tell people, get your passports. YouTube is all around the country. I'll miss you, but I'd rather you away living your life in Portugal selling peanuts on the corner than over here fucking with, you know, whoever the fuck.

[Lee Syatt]

So.

[Joey Diaz]

To be president. So.

[Lee Syatt]

But I think it'll be that bad. I hope it'll be bad for a.

[Joey Diaz]

Little bit, but again, I'm not political or anything like that. But let's. Let's be honest. This is a fun podcast. I don't like talking about this, but right now the tanks are moving into Lebanon. Okay. You know, gas is going back up. A family of four is done. There's so many things that are done. How are they going to come back? How are they ever going to come back, Lee?

[Lee Syatt]

I don't think anyone knows.

[Joey Diaz]

Tonight we start a long showman's union. A long showman strike in nationwide, I think it is not just New Jersey. Yeah, that's the port of la. That's fucking San Francisco.

[Lee Syatt]

That's not good.

[Joey Diaz]

No. And that. And then we have. The nurses are going on a strike in New Jersey at the hospitals. You know, if it was 1, 2, 3 things, we could focus on them and knock them dead. It's like me and you. Debt, credit card debt and something else. Those are your main things. All right, what are we going to take care of first? The credit card debt. Blah, blah, blah. 80 a week here, 60 a week here. You're going to get an extra job Painting houses at night. This is how you do things. You narrow it down. We have so many things that are broken right now.

[Lee Syatt]

That's a good way to put it.

[Joey Diaz]

The price of eggs, the price of milk. You know, Americans can't buy a house. Interest rates are. You know. Don't get me started. Don't get me started. This is what happens when I smoke too much dope and do edibles. I start thinking about that. I'm not thinking about it. For me, I'm thinking about a family of two. These kids can't do what we did. They can't go to a playoff game because it's 9,000 a ticket. They can't do a thousand things because nobody controlled this. You know, go put music on. Somebody just told me they paid 700 for a country concert. Two tickets.

[Lee Syatt]

Wild. I think I was. I. I don't know what podcast it was on, but I saw a clip of Ari on a podcast and he said something like, when there's inflation, it never goes back down. Like, we just kind of get used to it. And I think it was part of the problem with Dave Smith. But it's. It just seems like, yeah, like, all the prices go up, but they. It never comes back down to where. Where it was.

[Joey Diaz]

I still remember when we got the luggage with the gas. Gas went up. We're gonna put a stipend on luggage, okay? Gas went down 80 times. I still pay a yardstick and so does the rest of America for that goddamn luggage. You know, it's not going to come believe. There's so many things you got to pick. There's things we could help as Americans, and you got to pick and choose what. Whatever each side is going to work on. We've got, I don't know how many illegals in the country, and they're setting up shop. Jack. They're planting for flags. We had to seek and destroy, you know, like any other immigrant. Half of them go to work, but the other guys figure out a loophole. That's the way it's always. Let's not just blame them. I know. I know countries who trade before they come here and they got a check and they go back to their country and the check gets sent back to their country once a month.

[Lee Syatt]

Yeah, a lot of people do that. Yeah.

[Joey Diaz]

People don't understand. So we have so many things that are broken. You know, the mayor of New York just got indicted. That fucking knucklehead. I mean, there's just so many. Where the fuck do you start? So that's why Me, I take a few edibles, I smoke some dope, and all I could worry about is my community. The busboys, the cat. I go to my daughter's softball games. I go to the fucking events to watch football. The young kids, I support them. I sit there with Steve. And that's it, brother. You know, that's what I do. You can't help the world, cannot help the world, cannot save the fucking world. And good luck trying. You're gonna lose your mind. But you could start with your neighborhood, you could start with the people in your life, whatever the fuck it is. I don't give a fuck. Give them all reefer and edibles. That's why I love these. This diet smoke. These diet smokes don't have a lot if once you start mixing the hemp with the Delta 9 and a little bit of edibles, man. And look at this pack. I was just looking at this. People gonna love this. This is straight for, like, moms. You open this up, boom, you got 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 shots of getting your head together once your kid goes to school, right in the mammy pack. And once you finish, you can put your long cigarettes in there. You know what I'm saying? That's why I got the edibles. Close. I don't want to think of that stuff. And I'm sure, no, nobody in America wants to think of that right now. I haven't since the pandemic, But I'm sure booze didn't come down after the pandemic. And I'm sure, well, not in price, but people kept drinking that motherfucker.

[Lee Syatt]

Yeah.

[Joey Diaz]

And you know, people buying weed. I don't know what the coke deal is or the meth or the heroin, but Colombians, I see them on a boat every afternoon. Viva Columbia. So they're doing something right.

[Lee Syatt]

You know what's crazy? I don't think I've ever seen. This is. I'm in Portland, Maine this week and dispensary was closed. Like. Like that's kind of, isn't it? I don't even remember dispensary. Dispensaries got shut down, but I don't remember. Like, how can a dispensary not make money?

[Joey Diaz]

Lee, remember we discussed this a couple weeks ago? When you're a business owner, there are so many things and I never knew this. I felt the same way you did and everybody other American, but think of running a business today. Let me tell you something. I'm going to depress you right now, you know, when George, brother George brings the lobster tails?

[Lee Syatt]

Yeah, they're great.

[Joey Diaz]

Richfield park, that place has been there since Jesus love Chicago. It's going out of business in two weeks. They're closing down. They're going down to one store. When I read that. Listen, I'm not the fat fuck that I was. It's not like I'm gonna go up there and buy 10 lobster tails and eat them. The first time I had those, I was eating three or pop, right? I was eating regular ones and one with the chocolate on the thing and whatever cookies he brought, I was eating three of those. I'm not gonna lie to anybody. You come from California where you don't eat dick and you got that frozen yogurt. We ho. Whatever that dump was. I used to take my daughter there because of the boredom. Me and her would go there, draw on the board.

[Lee Syatt]

Going to Laurel Canyon.

[Joey Diaz]

Yeah, right. The one you can walk from your house.

[Lee Syatt]

Yeah, yeah. Not Pinkberry, but one of those things.

[Joey Diaz]

Yeah, yeah, it was one of those things. And then you come here and George shows up with a box and he brings them everywhere. He stops in Ridgefield all the time. They're going out of business. Let me tell you something. If you think it's easy running a business today, you're out of your mind. You know, you're out of your mind. Listen, I walk in these wheat stores and I am fucking flabbergasted. I'm sitting there going, where they getting all this money from? You? And I used to go to that store in North Hollywood with the two Armenians. They would have 10 to 10 edibles, reefer, high level. You went in there, they goofed with you, they smoked with you. Those guys made like $3 million and bought four more of those, and then they ended up selling them. And they walked out of that business with a ton of money. And it was two. And there was two of them. And they were immigrants and they worked all fucking day. No, they didn't even hire an employee. Towards the end, they had, like a girl. But one of them was always there watching the register like you're supposed to, you know? That's why when people say to me, you got to come to my weed store. It's beautiful. Why? I'm not going there to see a house. I'm going there to buy weed. And you better have the best, because that's all I want to hear. And everybody sells you on that. Oh, my God, our store is so beautiful. You gotta check it out. What? Set a check out.

[Lee Syatt]

And to me, it seems like it would make Them a target like the one we were talking about wasn't. It wasn't gross, but it was like an industrial building. It looked like a small house. And on the inside they had ac.

[Joey Diaz]

But it was right on my corner. There was three of them there. There was the little house, then there was the big one in the corner. And then across the street was the one that was owned by the church that I went on Christmas.

[Lee Syatt]

I heard about the church, I didn't.

[Joey Diaz]

Think it was right there. I went in there and cracked them. They had like three different types of weed. They all had holy names and what are you keeping me out on Christmas Eve? So I went across the street to the Russians and they hooked me up. And then the Armenians were next to them. And your Armenians made. My point is they made money hand over fist. Two guys. I walk into a weed store in Jersey. There's 15 people working, two different managers, a specialist, you know, and you can't do that. That's labor. That's labor. I when I look at the websites for all these weed stores, they're all having sales.

[Lee Syatt]

But are they busy when you go in or like, is it usually empty?

[Joey Diaz]

Men's immense. The one I go to the Most is busy. 75%. They always have at least 10 people on the line. I love them. I love NJ Leaf. They're solid. They're right in Freehold. I get 14 minutes and I'm there. But it's big. And every time I walk into those places, I say, a lot of square footage, a lot of 20 bags, a lot of 20 you gotta sell, you know, I know people walk in there and pop four, $300 of the shot. Like in LA, I'd be next. I'd be dropping one and a quarter, they'd be dropping four bills, five bills, you know, Ralphie May was dropping 1800 every time that motherfucker went to the weed store. Think about it. 18, really? Everybody.

[Lee Syatt]

What would his order be at the dispensary?

[Joey Diaz]

He bought everything. Like if the weed was the strongest, he'd get. Give me all of it, man, give.

[Lee Syatt]

Me all of it.

[Joey Diaz]

He'd take three pounds of different weeds. Like he'd take a half pound of one, a quarter pound of one and a pound of the other. He always bought that Mats OG on Mondays I would have. He'd give me like an ounce on the way home. I couldn't wait for that motherfucker to pick me up on Mondays with that envelope of cash.

[Lee Syatt]

He'll do that every Monday.

[Joey Diaz]

Every Monday when he got off that plane, he come right from the airport to me. He tell whatever people he was busy at a meeting. No, he come get me. We run over to the corner, and we fucking stock up. He'd go in there, buy brownies, cookies. I remember one time we went to a Dodger game. We walked in there with a cake, a fucking THC cake. They knew him. They let him in like he was the doctor in there.

[Lee Syatt]

Did you. Did it have, like, frosting on it? Like, how big was this cake?

[Joey Diaz]

Well, he went in there with a cake and a bakery thing. They let him in.

[Lee Syatt]

Jesus, dude.

[Joey Diaz]

Edible cake under the sun. Roger Clemens was pitching.

[Lee Syatt]

That's up. And, like, I know. I already know kind of what you're gonna say, but it.

[Joey Diaz]

What?

[Lee Syatt]

What? Like, how did he get out of, like, the maximum? Because we were only allowed to get a certain amount every month. Like, did he. Did the dispenser just not care because it was Ralphie.

[Joey Diaz]

I would buy half ounces at a time.

[Lee Syatt]

Okay, got it.

[Joey Diaz]

So we would buy six. Six. And he'd say he'd throw in two, you know, edibles, loose joints. It was. It was unbelievable.

[Lee Syatt]

So much weed.

[Joey Diaz]

And then he'd wrap it under his fat and take it on a plane and take it to the next city and get. And every waiter in the comedy club will be hopping for four days, smoking gasoline with Ralphie May.

[Lee Syatt]

That's wild.

[Joey Diaz]

So I'm really proud of you.

[Lee Syatt]

Thank you, buddy.

[Joey Diaz]

Because, you know, Lee, man, gotta tell you something. Before I met you, I didn't meet a lot of guys like you. Everybody in my life was always a grifter, a drifter. They had an idea. Let's work on it. And then one day, they just went away. Oh, I'm working on a new roller skating show.

[Lee Syatt]

You know, that is my dream.

[Joey Diaz]

And the fourth time there, after I got the Longest Yard, I felt very guilty because I had a lot of comic friends, and it was me and them. I felt a little weird around them. And they'd always ask me questions about the business, and I would. But three or four of them just wanted a handout, and it used to drive me crazy.

[Lee Syatt]

They wanted you to give them money?

[Joey Diaz]

No, no, no. They wanted a handout. Like, hey, man, can you take me with you here? And at that time, I wasn't on the road or anything, guys. I didn't know nothing. I just popped a movie. I. And shortly after that movie, about six months later, I lost three of those friends. And it was because they were lazy and they pissed me the fuck off. They call you with stupid questions, you tell them, and then a week later they're doing something else. And then they blame it on you. And it was just like, guys, I never told you to do that. You know, like, whatever. And it was just failure after failure. You know, people think I joke around. When I was trying to write that book, I went through eight people. They just gave up. At least they just were giving up. It was this LA thing that people want to do something. It's so exciting. And then three weeks in, it's work. And once it becomes work, that's not what they read in books. They read that a bartender in Hollywood came in and said, you're beautiful. We'll give you an audition that don't work no more. So it really pissed me off. So when I met you, you were a very much go getter. I was dealing with a lot of people. Again, I hate saying this. They were waiting for a bus that never wished they showed. They were just spending their week and I was attracting these motherfuckers. When people would talk to me about movies, they were always $100 a day movies. And one day I just had to put the kibash on everybody. I was like, that's it. I'm done. I'm not doing anything I don't want to. Because everything wasn't, by the way, in my life. Oh, you're in that movie. It's only $100 a day. Another one. How many day movies am I gonna do after the Longest Yard? I'm like, this is. So these guys were like, you know, trying to cut through the line. They were always trying to cut through a line. Oh, I got a Showtime special. I'm shooting. Whoa, whoa, whoa. You got a Showtime deal? No, no, no, no. I'm shooting a Showtime special. But my friend's girlfriend works with Showtime and she said she could show it to the head of Showtime. I go, really? She's in programming? No, no, she's a receptionist. You're sitting there going, these poor bastards. Because when Showtime started putting specials on, everybody shot specials and tried to sell them to Showtime, and everybody was up at that time. I had a friend that shot one, but they never turned the air conditioning off and they put the mic right under it. It was one after the other, one story after the other. That's why I never went independent. I don't listen unless the big shows are going to shoot it. Why waste my time? You know? I'm saying at that level, you could shoot these every fucking year and go broke every and now even the YouTube numbers are going down on these guys. Let's put it on YouTube. YouTube is sick of fucking specials. They don't want to see a half hour special. Release three 20 minute specials and you get more traction on your YouTube page. Absolutely. 20 minute specials. And now I'm in your head three different times in a year you just sold me. You're gonna put one piece of work out and expect your world to change because you're that special. And that's what happened to specials. And now they come out. They just come out. Nobody's watching no more.

[Lee Syatt]

You're not wrong.

[Joey Diaz]

Bill Burr, my buddy the genius, and Jessica Kirsten took their specials to Hulu. Maybe that'll give it a different eyeball, you know?

[Lee Syatt]

Right.

[Joey Diaz]

You said something a couple weeks ago and I still believe in a YouTube is number one. This is where everybody goes to watch it. So if you're going to spend that money and that time to shoot a special, I'd rather you shoot three 20 minute specials, edit them a little bit, do a quick interview before and after. Do it at three different places. Oh my God. With a different stage. Not out of town. Not out of town. You could do one in the Village, you could do it in Queens, and you could do it in the Bronx. So these are the things I think where this is going into now. Not that I'm gonna do a 20 minute special, you know.

[Lee Syatt]

No, you could, but.

[Joey Diaz]

This is where it's gonna go. And there's all these availabilities right now on YouTube. So if you put a special on YouTube, don't go for a million downloads. Go for what you could get. Be proud, it's gonna be on there. But I'd rather you put three 20 minute segments up. That's 60 minutes. Nobody's not saying you got an hour. And what is an hour gonna do for you if you talk to anybody? Everybody. I got an hour. I got an hour. I got. Everybody got an hour. I'd rather you do 320s and now you spread yourself out three times in a year to your audience. And once you build that, three specials a year, 15 minutes, same shit, it's unbelievable where you go. People will be watching that shit all day. Couple videos of interactions with your friends, jumping up and down, smoking reefer, whatever the fuck you do, you know, box. I don't know. I don't know. What do I know?

[Lee Syatt]

No, but I like that. It's a great idea.

[Joey Diaz]

Yeah. And I've been saying this for years, that that's how I would do it, that's it. 20 minute specials, three of them. That's people's attention span. They could put it in their car while they're eating the lunch in that car. They could do a thousand things with it and it's not going to step on their toes. It's 20 minutes.

[Lee Syatt]

And everyone has. And it's because I. When I see long videos, sometimes I like, I don't have time for this.

[Joey Diaz]

You don't have time? Who does? We've discussed a thousand times. Why do people keep going for the hour if they know even, you know, you have to really dig. I mean, Netflix would never give you the analytics, but you got to really, when you watch those shows, you got to find out how long people are actually watching that special before they turn it off and re watch it or sit there the whole night and watch it. Usually I gotta watch them in two anyway. I really do. I watch all the specials on Netflix, but I gotta watch them in two pieces, so. But man, it's October 1st already, Jack. It's getting cool pretty soon. They're gonna do this Monday. Oh, what's wrong? Yeah, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I gotta move something around because you don't want to be going to New York City October 7th. That's a fucked up day to be walking around New York City.

[Lee Syatt]

I think the first day I'll be home.

[Joey Diaz]

Yeah, so be careful. Just stay in the bunker on the fourth floor. You got no reason to come down that day. Give your legs either. You know what I'm saying? But I was talking about opportunity before and what you've become. And you know, people have, you know how many times people call me and I go, dog, there's a feature week. Yoda's got one. And they go, I'm not a feature act. Okay, then sit at home.

[Lee Syatt]

Right?

[Joey Diaz]

Sit at home. The guy's got 17 weeks of work. When I was, you know, back in the early 2000s, this guy had 80 weeks of work. He had 10 clubs, you know, that were a B rooms types. He brought in big names, you know, he spread it around. But on top of that, he had all of Michigan. Half of you know how big Michigan is for comedy. All those fucking lakes and shit, right?

[Lee Syatt]

I never thought about that.

[Joey Diaz]

There was at the time, there was a funny bone in Mishawaka, right by the Indiana border, by Notre Dame, all that shit down there. But he controlled the rest of that territory. He got me a winter gig once at a country club. There was four there at the bar and the yacht in the Back like it was frozen in the water. Like some kayak. Whatever. The fork and water was so frozen, the kayak was stuck. I did a thousand rooms for him. So when I call you and I say, do you want a feature? And you go, no, I'm a headliner. I'm done with you. Because if you really wanted to work, you took it. Guess who tastes that work? You.

[Lee Syatt]

I love featuring.

[Joey Diaz]

And that's the reason you got two cancellations this year. You got to fill in.

[Lee Syatt]

Yeah, that was really fun.

[Joey Diaz]

Think about it. But if you wouldn't have been there, if you wouldn't have raised your hand, and this is what people understand, it all starts by getting off that fucking couch. Nothing's gonna happen on the couch. You gotta get out. You know, I was thinking about my daughter today. She gets home at 4. You know, three Mondays it's 2:45, 2:50, she does some homework. She's done it like 4:30 and like I gotta go up there and get her sometime and go, what's going on here?

[Lee Syatt]

I'm relaxing after a long day.

[Joey Diaz]

What long day? What long day? When I was her age, I was just Getting started at 3:30 I was just get. After you have that afternoon snack. You know when you go home and have that little snack?

[Lee Syatt]

Yeah. Oh, always right there.

[Joey Diaz]

There was no reason to do anything. I was that disciplined that I was going to do my homework later, but I'd be out. All those stories I tell you about robbing trains. And that's what I was doing when I was 11 and 10 with these lunatics in North Bergen. We were going down to the swamps and getting those punks and then knocking on people's door and selling them for a dollar apiece because they keep away mosquitoes. You know, it's a different world. And listen, I understand, but when it's nice out, you gotta get out of. Go throw a baseball. In this neighborhood, there's no kids that come up. They don't come up. She's got to ring the doorbell for them and. And even then the kids will look out, it's sunny out there.

[Lee Syatt]

We'll stay in her out to play.

[Joey Diaz]

But there's really nobody out there. I mean, the kid goes downstairs, hits the bag a little bit, throws the ball, does some jumping jack, and then she comes back in. I don't blame her. I don't blame.

[Lee Syatt]

You said that for years, like you, you don't see kids playing outside anymore.

[Joey Diaz]

You know, there's a little boy across the street, he's cool. I like Wesley, but He stays at the camp till five or whatever they do like after school program. And the other two up the corner, who she gets along with, they go to a Catholic school. So it's just very weird. But I was out. I was just Getting started at 3:30 I was going home, bringing in the mail, getting a fucking ham and cheese sandwich and paying. My mother wasn't home when I was 11, right?

[Lee Syatt]

That's probably the difference.

[Joey Diaz]

When I got home, I was gone. Gone. There's no reason to sit in this mausoleum, get out there, play street hockey, whatever we played, everything. Didn't matter what the wet, didn't matter whether you were good or bad. You just went out there and you tried your best. But you know, what can I tell you? It's all completely different. I gotta be honest here. I'm pretty content, you know. I was gonna hold off, but next Tuesday, tickets go on sale. It's either presale. For my residency at Parks Casino in Philadelphia, I finally pulled the trigger. I put together four shows, three in 2025 and one in 2024. And the date is November 22nd. It's the night before Thanksgiving. It's a great place. You can hang out at the casino. You could eat there. You can meet us at Jordan Molino Steakhouse, Cheesesteak house, fucking cheesesteaks afterward, whatever you guys want to do. It's going to be a great night. So just letting you know, Philly, I don't talk shit. I love you motherfuckers. I'll be down there for some Sixer games and shit. I am so ready for fucking Sixer basketball, you know, and let's see if the Phillies get to the playoffs or whatever. I think playoff started today, so I don't really know what's going on, but I'm excited you're on those shows.

[Lee Syatt]

Thank you, buddy.

[Joey Diaz]

I don't know what to call them, you know, I got some people that could fly in for those, you know, we're gonna have a good time. We'll bring our crew in, get Eric out here, George Perez, you know.

[Lee Syatt]

Oh, fuck yeah.

[Joey Diaz]

And just have a good time again, you know, I don't want to get on planes. I got more announcements, but they'll come up when they fucking come up. But again, Lee, you're doing a great job and I'm really proud. And you know, you don't have that much noise in your head unless you put it in there. And that's the only problem you have. You work yourself up for no reason. It's just case. C'est la vie. And how I know is because I used to work myself up at this level and it was for no reason. There's nothing you could do.

[Lee Syatt]

I wish I could stop. I don't know how to ask how to stop doing it.

[Joey Diaz]

You gotta wait for the stars to align and then capitalize on that too, in any which way you can. But since you moved to New York, you brought excitement back to me. I feel better. My future is a lot clearer. I didn't know what was going to happen. You know, I'm gonna try to get into the city this week, go up to North Jersey, look at some offices so we could put this podcast in full effect.

[Lee Syatt]

That'll be fun.

[Joey Diaz]

And that's my plans, Lee. That's all that's on my mind right now. I've been writing a lot lately. Like, just writing and writing. It ain't funny. I don't give a. I'll find something in there. But it's from my heart and it's not I gotta talk about for the podcast. It's none of that. So I'm excited. I'm gonna do some spots this week around Jersey after they announced the tickets. I can't do no shows 100ft from 100 miles from there, so I'm gonna be going up to Brooklyn with you and the Bronx and something else just to work out because what am I gonna do? I ain't going to Philly if I'm not tip top Magoo. I got eight weeks to train to get to Philly, so seven weeks.

[Lee Syatt]

That's exciting. Yeah, dude, I'm excited for like, one of the reasons I'm excited for it is like we. We did parks before. It was awesome. It was a great show and. But it was like such. You were so relaxed because, like, it was such an easy thing for you to get to. It seems perfect for you.

[Joey Diaz]

I'm home. That's a 42 minute ride for me from my door. Are you kidding me? It's a one shot. You'll come here in the afternoon, meet me, we'll get tuned up edible, we'll puke, and then we'll go to the show, you know, like soldiers. Perfect. How did you feel this weekend?

[Lee Syatt]

I felt great. It was, it was definitely nerve wracking. Like, it was just, you know, it's going from 20 or 25 minutes tops to 50 is a lot. And I said like, I felt I didn't want to let Josh down. And I also, you know, I want to do well in front of the owners. Those were better than others. But, like, I felt really confident, and I dealt with. And I dealt with things, but, yeah, and I also like some, like, you know, talkers and things like that. But, like, overall, it went very well. Again, it was. I was. It was just fun to, like, you know, almost not, like, bomb. I'm just so scared of bombing in that situation. And it was great that people came out. It was awesome that people came out. And what I. What I really like about it is that, you know, most of the people there didn't know who I was. Like, they. They hadn't heard of the podcast. And if I can get. I would never want to let down, like, a listener, but if I can get someone who has never heard of me before to laugh, it's like, okay, this is actually funny. Yeah, it was just. It, like, gave me a little. I like these weekends because it gives me, like, a little glimpse into, like, what life could be. Like that. Like, just like, that weekend is my dream. Five shows Thursday through Saturday. Like, that's. If I'm headlining, doing that every, like, 40 weeks a year. That sounds badass to me.

[Joey Diaz]

And you're putting smoke in your head for no reason. Why would you go there for 40 weeks a year when you paying all that dough for four stories? So, no, I get your investment out of that, too. So.

[Lee Syatt]

I do want to do that, but, yeah, that's great.

[Joey Diaz]

40 weeks with.

[Lee Syatt]

I don't know. I just came up with a number. I don't know. Will you tell me what number?

[Joey Diaz]

A number is something that you could still have a life, and you still have a dose of reality, and you don't burn yourself out, you know? I mean, listen, I was doing 40 weeks a year since 98. Whatever. But what I wanted to talk to you about was fear in comedy, okay? I had. Listen, you know, people think I lied to them. I have no reason to lie. I am scared of everything. Do you understand me? Like, before I have to do something, my head flips. That's a mental thing. That's a retardation I have, okay? Everybody has their own little quirks. I don't know. I think other people have this quirk. Like, I don't like looking at my standup material. I don't like looking at myself. I don't like listening to myself. I just like to put it out there and let the pieces fall where they may. If I said something wrong, whatever. But I'm not gonna. I'm not gonna focus on that. I just want to focus on doing a good job. But we all have this natural fear as comedians, and I love it. But again, because I lived in all those years, here it is, plain and simple. In a nutshell. You're gonna get opportunities when you're going to have a little fear. I shouldn't say this because people take it the wrong way. I'm going to strangle one of these people, take it the wrong way, you know, And I didn't. I didn't do this, but if I could do it over, I wouldn't have put that much pressure on myself. Like triple runs in my mind. It was Madison Square Garden, right?

[Lee Syatt]

Oh, yeah.

[Joey Diaz]

You know, and then you get there and you eat a bag of dicks and you can make all the excuses you want. You're always going out there to hit a home run, right? You're always going out there to be the best that you could be. Just a bet. I don't need a standing ovation. I don't need to make out with three chicks or have an orgy. I just want to go. I just want people to say, that dude is funny, and you have a great time. But I knew that I fucked up a lot of my good times by being scared when I'm in the back of some fucking hillbilly bar in Craig, Colorado. Like, I took those things seriously, you know? And I look back at it and there's no reason. No reason, you know, you don't think.

[Lee Syatt]

Like, I should be more, like, free at those shows?

[Joey Diaz]

A little more. But at some time, you're gonna have to remove the safety net and be Lee Siat. And that's when. I don't know, I get. I get. I guarantee, if I turn my phone off and got on my whoop. I have high stress right now thinking about those days because I'd walk into a club and then. Don't get me wrong, after, like, 2003, I was doing it 12 years. I got more looser, you know, there was more drugs, I got more looser. I was drinking whatever the fuck it was. But I didn't have that fear when I auditioned for Mitzi Shaw.

[Lee Syatt]

No, you weren't scared at all.

[Joey Diaz]

No. As much as I was scared in some Polog Town gig, you know what I'm saying? Like, I. When I walked in the store, at the store, I knew I belonged there. So it's kind of like in my mind, I just had to be funny, you know? But I don't like that fear. Like, I don't have it no more. The reason I didn't get on stage when I first Moved here was a covert. And number two, people getting chopped apart for saying and doing nothing. It became open territory on people. Number one, I was burnt out to do stand up. It was nowhere in my mind, you know, I was telling my wife. I wrote. I read one of the notebooks from when I first got here. A couple weeks ago I found this notebook from the first six months here. Okay, I need a psychological help. I wasn't that bad of shape, guys. I was in that bad a shape. I was writing in that notebook three times a day. And the night stuff I read was not good, guys. I took that notebook and ripped it up and threw it in the fucking bottom of the bag so nobody could ever find in the garbage again.

[Lee Syatt]

Were you angry or something?

[Joey Diaz]

No, I was confused. I was very scared. I was scared of the move. I was scared. Listen, I can move anywhere. Call me, just call me. Paradise. Really. It'll take me 10 minutes to get there. I've always been open hearted like that. But this move was scary. I had two other people with me. I had a young girl with me. I didn't know what the schools were going to be like. I didn't know what type of neighborhood this really was or what it became. I was a little burnt out from stand up. I was a little burnt out from the whole sexual. People point their fingers when I had to tell everybody to suck my dick. I was just burnt out. But a lot of fear was there. There was a lot of fear. Like there's no fear. When I went and got my knee surgery. I don't even know how I walked into that place and got knee surgery replacement people banging on my knee and shit like that. What happened, Lee? You hit the edible spot again? You know what?

[Lee Syatt]

I got a call.

[Joey Diaz]

Somehow I could tell. But it's so weird. All that has turned in my life. Like I have no. Like at this point now I'm like, why? And it started with Jiu Jitsu. When I got serious about Jiu Jitsu was when that started. And that was a year ago. For the first time in my life, I got serious about something else except comedy. And because I did that drove me to love comedy again. Or at least be excited about doing it. And then you move in here. Now I got my buddy. It's easy to get on stage. We smoke 10 joints and we just do what we got to do. Get in the car, eat something and giggle.

[Lee Syatt]

It feels like going to the Ice House. I'm excited like just like that kind of night, you know?

[Joey Diaz]

Lee, bro, I was coming to your house during the pandemic at about 7:00 on the off nights. And we would drink a tube of God knows what was in it. It was 200 milligrams.

[Lee Syatt]

I forgot about those. Those were pretty good.

[Joey Diaz]

And we do something else and something else. Like we did an edible and smoke weed out in front of your house. That was all day for me back then. It was not good. Everything backfired. Like, everything had just backfired. I'm like, God damn, what happened? But no. So I'm happy you're here.

[Lee Syatt]

Thank you, buddy. I'm happy. I'm excited.

[Joey Diaz]

Yeah. We got a show October 15th. We got a lot of going on. Yeah. I put. I'm putting something together for October 15th, and then pretty much after that, I gotta do spots, North Jersey or in the city. So I'm excited about this league. I don't care about the car. I already crashed it. So come. Come one more. You know what I'm saying? I'll run you up when I know. Now I know the capability. I got in that thing a little bit less. If you're gonna cut me off, I'm coming through you. Blah, blah, blah, Bam. It'll be like the Mexican dude with the 2 bumper. I hit him in the back and both bumpers fell off. I didn't even. That car is a tank.

[Lee Syatt]

So you're gonna drive it into the city.

[Joey Diaz]

Drive it. Take a ferry. You know, I just don't like the ferry at night. Because then you're always worried about getting back.

[Lee Syatt]

Right.

[Joey Diaz]

I can't have a good time. I gotta leave in a rush because I gotta catch the 10:10 ferry. I thought the ferry would run all night, but it doesn't.

[Lee Syatt]

That's crazy that they used to. But no, I'm excited to see just, like, you're happy, like, excited about stand up again. Because, like, that's what the. Because I try not to push you. I know everyone was trying to push you, but as a comedy fan, like, I'm just excited that you're doing stand up. And I didn't really understand when you were like, oh, like, I'm not ready to do it. But, like, I had a really perspective. Yeah.

[Joey Diaz]

I just watched a special recently where I know the guy and it was 50% of the old perspective. And I'm like, this is why I had to get that, you know, fingers in the ass, the monkey, the muffler. I had to get all that out of my mind. I'm 61. I can't go up there and talk about eating pussy, you know, I can't, I can't. It just makes me look weird and feel weird. So I had to change my whole approach. Do I want to go talk about my daughter up there? No. I still got problems with people. You know, people texting me at 8 o'clock at night on a Monday. All day, all day. I've been sitting here like fucking Michael Chandler, waiting patiently. And these never. You know, I don't get it.

[Lee Syatt]

I. I don't know. I think you might have just named your show.

[Joey Diaz]

What?

[Lee Syatt]

I still got problems.

[Joey Diaz]

I do. I still got problems and they're getting even worse. You know, I can just give you a list of the future problems I'm gonna have. Somebody's gonna get hit. Somebody with a Tesla is going to get hit soon. Because they, they're really getting specifically Teslas. Those people who drive them are irritating. They think they're cute. They're in that phone. A spaceship. They're in there talking and dancing and yelling. Okay. Yeah, okay. Because if I see you electronic drive, I'm hating you. I'm principal the car up, not me. I know what you're talking about. You in the back, talking to your friends, doing your fingernails. If I see one of those pilot cars. No pilot in the front and you sit in the back looking at your eyelashes, I'm hitting you out of principle.

[Lee Syatt]

Well, yeah, they're sitting in the back. Do people. Do I. I saw people asleep. I didn't see anyone taking them back. That's crazy.

[Joey Diaz]

Look, that is gentile. Normal people don't do it. That's the gentiles. That. Oh my God. You have a Tesla? Yes. Oh, I love mine. Even though it's 9,000 for the battery and I gotta drive 10 hours to get it fueled. Right around the corner to Little Nick, the Mexican over there. It's like an Arab place, but they got Mexicans who double up and I love them.

[Lee Syatt]

What are they doubling up as Arabs?

[Joey Diaz]

They put like a little turban on sometimes and then I catch them. I know they're Mexican. I don't blow that cover. That's not right. You know what I'm saying? That ain't right.

[Lee Syatt]

I love it.

[Joey Diaz]

Where you at, Mr. America?

[Lee Syatt]

This weekend? This weekend I am at River. It's in Wethersville, Connecticut. It's. I have show Friday and Saturday. It's. It's River, a waterfront restaurant.

[Joey Diaz]

What's the name of this?

[Lee Syatt]

It's Bruhaha.

[Joey Diaz]

Bruha.

[Lee Syatt]

Yeah, it's the, the, the name the club is at. It's called River A Waterford, a waterfront restaurant in Weathersfield, Connecticut. Friday and Saturday.

[Joey Diaz]

How nice. This is the club you shut down previously.

[Lee Syatt]

Allegedly. Previously under a different location.

[Joey Diaz]

And that's what they're going to do when you show up this week. That's how they're going to bring you out. Previously at the Brouhaha. It's going to show you up there. People are talking what's going on here? And all of a sudden, today, before and after, you had lining.

[Lee Syatt]

Yes. Yep. It's my show.

[Joey Diaz]

What happened there? You bombed the first time. Now you're going back as a headline. It don't matter. They liked you.

[Lee Syatt]

That is really cool. No, I'm really excited. The guy Ryan, who runs the club is great. And I've. I've done this other clubs around there and shows and it's supposed to be a great room. They just moved there maybe a few months ago or something. And it's gonna. It's great to do it.

[Joey Diaz]

I'm really proud of you, especially this weekend. You didn't come home with no tomato stains on your shirt.

[Lee Syatt]

No.

[Joey Diaz]

Thank God nobody got you off the stage with the hook. They give you that hook and they push out. They're like a dancer comes on stage, keep it going.

[Lee Syatt]

That's my, like, worst nightmare.

[Joey Diaz]

What's that?

[Lee Syatt]

Like, get the light early. Could you imagine that? Like 20 minutes, you see a light flashing.

[Joey Diaz]

It's happened. Ah, And I'm still here.

[Lee Syatt]

No, you. No. It did not happen to you as a headliner.

[Joey Diaz]

I was very aggressive in the beginning, and I would book myself in places I didn't belong in. I didn't know. Nobody knows. Who the knows right When I get there, they're like, ah, these people are Mormons. You know? And you're like, what the. Just my rent money. Now you tell me they're fucking Mormons and you want me to be clean? I got a joke about an orgy with Mormons and Salt Lake. No, I didn't, but you know what I'm saying? Like, you're like, right. There was a lot of those things. I didn't know what I was booking myself into. I had no idea. I'm a fast talker from New York. I'm doing comedy in fucking Wyoming. Lee. There was one place I had to be escorted out to my car. I did a gig in New Jersey for a police department that had to get escorted out of there.

[Lee Syatt]

What did you say, those police officers?

[Joey Diaz]

That the undercover cops were a bunch of douchebags that they're snorting.

[Lee Syatt]

That's amazing. And they didn't like that.

[Joey Diaz]

You can see the regular cops, and you can see the undercover cops. They all had beards and ponytails, and they're over there drinking and smoking cigarettes. And you can see they got, like, fucking meth eyes. And they're the ones that snort with you. And then they arrest you and they get clean before the trial, and everybody's clean. You're sitting there going, this ain't the same bearded guy. They hook him up, they take him to that rehab in Florida, you know. So what were we saying? What was I saying?

[Lee Syatt]

You said about the undercover cops. You got escorted out of the show.

[Joey Diaz]

Cops, bro. They gave me a light. They said, come through here. And they paid me, and they want to walk you through the back. Like, three cops had to walk me outside. Thank God I had friends there. Like, it was open to the public. And friends of mine that I grew up with were there, and they came over, gave me a hug, and I'm like, I gotta get out of here. We gotta leave. And the cop goes, leave and then meet up with these guys. Don't stay around here. That was. That was the weekend before I got clean from cocaine.

[Lee Syatt]

Were you, like, with them on purpose or, like. Or what? Like, did you think it was gonna get a laugh? Where's your head at?

[Joey Diaz]

I was probably aggravated because I didn't have no coke. And these guys pissed me off more. I had two benefits that week. Had a benefit for the police department. I'm not going to say that. Good people. I'm not going to say the department of the town. And I had a benefit for my high school. Something. My high school was a disaster because they got. They were all doing coke and got involved in the conversation. So it was a disaster. But I took the money anyway. And the one the night before was a disaster. I remember leaving there going, what the fuck? Like, I just got escorted out of a police event. And I did the Friday, and then Saturday afternoon, I got the call that my friend died. I did Saturday night. I got on a plane Sunday. That was it. I was so busy. I didn't do coke. And I was still given a debate about that movie. So that was. That was 17 years ago when that happened.

[Lee Syatt]

Wow.

[Joey Diaz]

It's a long time ago, brother. When I got booed off a stage like that. I got booed off another time after that, I think, in Atlanta.

[Lee Syatt]

But you were, like, taking chances that. I'm not, like, I. I don't really like that. That's a wild thing to say to. To a Room full of cops.

[Joey Diaz]

Like, listen, in 2005, I got a little. I. I bombed. I did like a six city tour. First I was too drunk and too addicted to coke to be on this tour by myself. You know, I remember I was with. That's the week I passed out in Beaumont. The people had to pick me up and take me to a hotel and have me there for three days. They had me on holdout. My face was all. It wouldn't move. So yeah, I got booed that weekend. That whole tour, I got booed. I forget where I went, but it was one disaster after another. It wasn't good. I wasn't a real headliner. I was just drawing material together. And that wasn't a fart. That's my new puppet.

[Lee Syatt]

This show. Holy. That second one sounded like you shit your pants a little bit.

[Joey Diaz]

No, no, this is clean stuff. This is. This is a protein shake with pineapple, coconut water, a little protein powder. Clean Bobby.

[Lee Syatt]

I love it.

[Joey Diaz]

So, yeah, you know, fear is good. What are you laughing about?

[Lee Syatt]

Back into it now.

[Joey Diaz]

What do you want me to say? I farted. I took a whiff. Everything is beautiful. It's a beautiful Tuesday morning. I'm ready for the world. And that's it, my brother. We'll do this again next Monday. Hopefully. Yeah, we could do it live. No, no, not next Monday. Hopefully, like two weeks after that. We'll start this. Maybe take a week off, set up the studio and come out blasting.

[Lee Syatt]

That'll be great. I'm excited to do in person. We're gonna get up again, but I'm excited.

[Joey Diaz]

That's part of the deal. If worst comes scenario, we all go to the fourth floor. You know what I'm saying? We sleep it off on the fourth floor.

[Lee Syatt]

Let's watch me get up those stairs. Great to see you, buddy.

[Joey Diaz]

Great to see you too. I love you, man. Congratulations for you second headlining week of the year. You're a animal. And we'll chit chat during the week. It's Tuesday, October 1st. The check in is brought to you by Diet Smoke. Listen up, cocksuckers. Uncle Joey doesn't mess around when it comes to relaxing. You got. You guys know me a new. My new go go to is Diet Smoke. These guys are the real deal when it comes to premium cannabis infused gummies. Whether you're looking to unwind, boost your mood or focus, get some stuff done, Diet Smoke has you covered. We're talking about a premium buzz, but not the kind that knock you out. It's the perfect balance to give you a nice mellow high. Like I told you guys, like I'll tell you during the podcast within the THC, the Delta 9 and the hemp, there's something about that, that it's a tremendous little warm feeling. You guys know me, I like, I mean, listen, I ate the whole bag, but you guys know how I run. These are perfect. My wife loves them, my sister in law loves them, they taste great. So whether you're starting, whether you're trying to start your day off on the right foot or wind down and relax before bed, Diet Smoke has what you need to even have a two day delivery nationwide and 100 lifetime guarantee. When was the last time you got a guarantee from a gummy company? Not never. So if you're ready to relax like a champion, head to dietsmoke.com and press in code Joey. Joey for 20% off your entire order. Listen, we got your back. That's Dietsmoke. Com Code Joey J, O, E, Y. Grab some gummies, kick back and relax like the fucking doctor that you are. Dietsmoke.

[Lee Syatt]

Com.