Joey Diaz is going through changes

Summary

Summary of "Joey Diaz is Going Through Changes" Episode of The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament

In this episode, released on July 29, 2025, Joey Diaz and his co-host Lee Syatt engage in a candid and humorous conversation filled with personal anecdotes, reflections on aging, community ties, and musings on music and modern societal norms. The dialogue is peppered with Joey's trademark humor and unfiltered observations, making for an engaging listen for both regular listeners and newcomers.

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1. Nostalgia Over Birthdays and Carvel Cakes

The episode kicks off with Joey reminiscing about his nephew's birthday and the traditional Carvel cake, a staple in their celebrations. He shares his disdain for the stale quality of Carvel cakes outside of New Jersey and New York, stating:

"If you don't live in Jersey or New York, you're eating that shit that's 22 days old." [01:05]

Joey contrasts this with his time in California, where he struggled with the lack of authentic Carvel experiences, emphasizing the deep-rooted nostalgia he feels for these local traditions.

2. Discontent with Rudy's and Community Authenticity

Joey and Lee delve into their shared experiences at Rudy's, a beloved local restaurant, where Joey expresses his frustration over the introduction of country music in a region he feels doesn't align with the community's cultural roots. Joey passionately asserts:

"As a human being, you have to stand for something. You have to stand for something." [05:14]

He criticizes the lack of authenticity and community connection, lamenting the shift away from the traditional ambiance that Rudy's once embodied. This segment underscores Joey's emphasis on preserving the cultural integrity of local establishments.

3. Personal Changes and Setting Boundaries

Transitioning from external observations to personal reflections, Joey openly discusses the changes he's undergoing in his life. He admits to feeling "sick and tired" and acknowledges the need to set boundaries with friends and acquaintances who attempt to involve him in their ventures:

"I've been going through some changes lately. I have to call a dear friend of mine tomorrow and apologize for my behavior." [09:51]

Joey emphasizes the importance of personal well-being over external pressures, highlighting his focus on family and personal priorities.

4. Navigating Social Media and Unwanted Communications

Joey shares his struggles with managing social media interactions, particularly unsolicited messages from friends in distress. He expresses frustration with the intrusive nature of platforms like Facebook, stating:

"Every time I open Facebook, I don't know what I'm gonna get. It's always fucking." [35:18]

His candid take sheds light on the challenges of maintaining personal boundaries in the digital age, emphasizing the need to prioritize mental health over incessant connectivity.

5. Humorous Take on Daily Routines and Household Chores

In a lighthearted segment, Joey humorously critiques modern conveniences like dishwashers, advocating for traditional hand-washing methods. He shares vivid descriptions of household mishaps and his disdain for what he perceives as "white people shit" in domestic settings:

"I don't believe in dishwashers. No? No. Then why have I make a protein shake for three days?" [41:23]

This playful rant not only provides comedic relief but also offers insight into Joey's preference for simplicity and hands-on approaches in daily chores.

6. Reflections on Music and Personal Impact

A significant portion of the episode is dedicated to Joey's deep reflections on the influence of music in his life, particularly focusing on Ozzy Osbourne and Black Sabbath. He recounts personal memories associated with music that helped him navigate tough times:

"Tomorrow's Dream was for me to wake up the next morning. And I would listen to it every night before I went to bed." [65:31]

Joey shares how music served as a lifeline during challenging periods, illustrating the profound emotional connections individuals can have with their favorite bands and artists.

7. Contrasting Classic and Modern Music Trends

Joey and Lee compare the authenticity of classic rock bands like Black Sabbath and Ozzy Osbourne to contemporary artists such as Billie Eilish and Madonna. Joey criticizes modern performances that rely on lip-syncing and lack the raw energy he associates with older acts:

"It's just a chips. Fucking lip syncing, it's no big deal." [73:34]

This discussion highlights Joey's appreciation for the genuine artistry of past musicians and his skepticism towards the manufactured aspects of today's music industry.

8. Personal Anecdotes and Storytelling

Throughout the episode, Joey peppers the conversation with personal stories, including his experiences at concerts, interactions with friends, and humorous takes on everyday situations. His storytelling style, combined with Lee's reactions, creates a dynamic and entertaining dialogue that keeps listeners engaged.

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Conclusion

In "Joey Diaz is Going Through Changes," Joey and Lee offer a blend of humor, personal insights, and candid reflections on various aspects of life. From nostalgic reminisces about local traditions and music to discussions on personal growth and societal observations, the episode encapsulates the essence of Joey Diaz's relatable and unfiltered conversational style. Listeners are treated to an authentic glimpse into Joey's world, marked by laughter, introspection, and a steadfast commitment to authenticity.

Transcript

[A]

Kick this mule. What's up, you savages? Uncle Joey here with his trusted bodyguard, Lee Syed. Direct from Israel. It's the Church of. What's happening now? New Testament. Tuesday, July 29th. Right?

[B]

Right.

[A]

All right, what's happening?

[B]

Well, I'm good, dude. I'm happy to see you.

[A]

And something else is July 29th. My beautiful nephew, Nicky Porkchops, aka Nikki Hoboken, aka Nikki Jersey City, aka Nikki Elections, aka Nikki AS. Happy birthday to my favorite fucking nephew.

[B]

Birthdays, the month of birthday.

[A]

Fucking birthdays. One last week and one this week. Two weeks. I gotta eat cake. But today's cake was very good, too. It was a nice Carvel. Little one. Fresh. Not when, like, if you don't live in Jersey or New York, you're eating that shit that's 22 days old. You know, it's like fucking paint that top layer. The top layer where it says, like, happy Birthday. Stupid. You peel that off, it's like shoe fucking leather by the time we get it. I lived in California for 23 years. I suffered like that for years. I had to go to birthday parties and eat the Carvel, make him believe I was having a good time. But it was 20 days old, this cake. And I miss Carvel that much. And I would eat it.

[B]

You know what? It was nice today because, George, it was like sitting out a little bit and, like, the top got a little soft. Like, I didn't know it was ever. Like, it tasted almost like marshmallow. Which, like, I didn't know I had never because my. Like, I had ice cream cake when I was a kid. But, like, my introduction to, like, Carvel cakes was you. And because you, dude. Like, that was like, one of the first rules I learned with you. It's like, if it's. If it's any sort of event, there's going to be a Carvel cake and there's not going to be any other cake.

[A]

I'm holding on to the last of my faith in fucking Studio City, where people want to eat a carrot cake for your birthday. I'm not showing up at a carrot cake for your birthday. And it's got homemade cream cheese and gluten free and there's no nuts. Get the fuck out of here. It's your birthday. If the kids eat a peanut, fuck them. It's your birthday. It's your birthday. Not the fucking ugly kids. It's your birthday. So I. Listen, man, I don't know. If you call me nostalgic. I don't know what you should call me. I Don't know what you should call me, but I know that you have to fucking stand up for something. And just because I lived in LA and I could easily say, what's your favorite ice cream? Oh, I love Johnny's yoga yogurt. You know, non gluten jam in a cup. I have to agree with him. For my career to get anywhere right, or for us to hit a certain spot, I didn't give a fuck about that. I'm telling you, from what I grew up now, I know Carvel's not the best ice cream. I'm not a fucking dummy. But it's nostalgic.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

It's like the other day, you guys hear me talk about Rudy's for 20 fucking years. Rudy's one of my favorite restaurants. It's a deeper type thing, man. I went there during a lot of tough times. I was a kid when I first did they used to have mugs of Heineken. They served me. That's loyalty. I don't give a fuck. There's a thousand restaurants that are better. And you have waitress and Chinese people throw rest food in the air. But, dog, you go on Rudy's, and every time you're gonna go in there, they're gonna shock your fucking world. I went in there the other night with my daughter. They had a chicken cutlet with a burrata special with peppers. It's not for me anymore. I can't eat that shit. But I kept looking at the guy going, holy fuck. If I would have smoked a pound of weed, I would have ate that. You know, for me. But it's not about the food. I go in there with my daughter. I'm feeling good. We're gonna go to the Happy Gilmore thing. And, okay, it's a guy with a banjo playing country music, and I'm sitting there at Rudy's, okay, it's one song, you know, but then it was like a second song and a third song. And I saw the bartender put the volume up because she wanted to sing along with the songs. Like, this is fucking cute. And after, like 30 minutes of getting a headache and my food hadn't come, I called her over and I go, where you from? And she goes, edison. And I go, then you're not going to understand what I'm going to tell you. I go, this is fucking Hudson County. And after the Cubans and the Dominicans and the Turks and the Arabs, after they've taken everything, the Italian, the Irish, after they've taken everything from Hudson county, you got the audacity to Play country music up in this motherfucker. I gotta step out into Bergenlein or whatever that is, Anderson, and I don't know what I'm gonna get. It could be rigatoni. That communist music. It could be that shit. It could be any of this shit. That rap shit. With the same bell. Yeah, Mama Bing with a guy with a bell. Oh, I'm fucking impressed. It's the same shit. But you won't have the audacity to put on cowboy music in Sinatraville. Like you have to stand for something.

[B]

Wait.

[A]

As a human being, you have to stand for something. You have to stand for something. They've taken everything from me. You're not gonna play country fucking music in a bar in Hudson County. Okay, Joey, you're off fucking guard there. Rudy's is Bergen County. I don't give a fuck. It's an extension of Hudson county before Fort Lee. It cuts off once you hit Larry. You Shanghai Palace. That's the end of the North Bergen. You people don't know who Larry wu's Shanghai palace is. It was used to be across the street from tickets from England and all that shit. Once you pass that, you're really in Cliffside. But before that, that's still a little bit north Burgundy. A little fair view. Ish. And the rules still count. So I told if you want to play country music, I ain't mad at you. Go down by my house, get the truck, get the banjo, go to Marlboro. You can play all the fucking country music you want, but go to a restaurant in Marlboro and see if they're playing country music. They're not. So wait, so why the fuck are you playing country music at Rudy's?

[B]

I thought you said there was a guy with a banjo there. You're just saying they had country music on.

[A]

Yeah, five songs in a fucking row.

[B]

Was anyone else upset?

[A]

No, I don't give a fuck who was upset. They have no class. They don't have roots. They don't have roots in the community. I don't have nothing in this world. I don't have a family. But I grew up, up here. And this is all I got left. And every time I go to Hudson County Park, I see fucking these four foot people with bags and people eating corn. We didn't eat corn in Hudson county when I was growing up. You know what I'm saying? No, we eat ice cream or hashaway, deli or pizza. Now they got sweet corn, you know what I'm saying?

[B]

Yeah, with the little cheese on top. And then yeah, it's good.

[A]

Leave the fuck alone. That's good, because you're fucking momo, okay?

[B]

Do they have good elote in the park?

[A]

I understand. Where I'm coming from that shit is good, but not Hudson county park, right? Okay? They even put a Cuban place in there. I don't want it in there because that means the food ain't gonna be that good. You have to ship it from the restaurant over. They cook. There's rats down there. There's fucking seashells. That's not gonna work. That's not gonna work. Whatever the fuck they got down there, those little pigeons and the shit down there, you know? I know Hudson county for what it is, man. I fucking went to a basketball camp down there, and I fell in love with Jersey City, and I fell in love with Hoboken. The Benders, the people who took me with my family died. Then the Ases. Everybody I grew up with is from Hoboken. And they all stand for something. They all stand for something, you know?

[B]

And is music like a slippery slope? Like, is that like. Is that just like a slippery slope?

[A]

But at least stick to the fucking neighborhood. This is Sinatraville, okay? So if you're not playing Sinatra, I really don't want to fucking hear your music, right? Because every time I step out on Anderson, Bergen, Kennedy, I hear fucking, oh, my God. Me and my daughter got in an Uber in New York the other day.

[B]

What did it smell like?

[A]

Dog. I had to open the window.

[B]

I told you. I knew it.

[A]

You want air conditioner? I go, no, no, no, no, no, no. This is air. And he goes, why? It's hot down. Like, why? It smells like somebody farted in here for eight hours straight. Like, that's what it smelled like.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like if I came in here and just farted for eight hours straight in the movie theater. I was smelling myself. I still had to fucking fart on me. Not till I got home off the ferry. I. I had to stand out there. Air out in that fucking Hudson County. Dead man water, Marco. Lake of death over there. I'm fucking getting salt water. That's how I got it. Out in the movie theater. I could still smell the fucking fart.

[B]

Oh, it kills you.

[A]

It was. Listen, I'm not.

[B]

It's not a fart. I don't think it's a fart. I think they haven't bathed in a long time.

[A]

He had a ride from fucking Maryland to Kennedy Airport, and the guy didn't need a laxative. And that guy just kept farting, and he's on the phone. Because they're on the phone talking to.

[B]

Who are they talking to all day?

[A]

I don't know.

[B]

For 10 hours.

[A]

They're like black people in prison. You ever go to prison on the phone all day with some chick? Yeah, I'm over here. Yeah. How can this chick get a job? How's she going to watch the kids? How's she going to cook? You got the fucking lady on the phone all fucking day. Constantly, Constantly. If you got to walk down the street and talk to somebody, you're a little retarded. Put the fucking phone away. Pay attention to your surroundings. You're walking through beautiful air, and you're out. And then you got a fucking. Those idiots that put it on speaker. Speaker. Like, I want to hear that retard. Because they want everybody to hear. Yeah, so make an offer of $80,000. I can't, Bob. You know, I don't need to. Shut that shit up, man.

[B]

It's the worst.

[A]

Listen, guys, I'm going through some changes.

[B]

I can see that.

[A]

I really, really, really have been going through some changes lately. I have to call a dear friend of mine tomorrow and apologize for my behavior. I've told you guys for a long time, I'm getting old. I'm not getting grumpy. I'm getting sick and tired. And people are very nice, and I get it. But every once in a while, people think they're cute and they don't get it. I got in trouble when I was a kid a lot. And then I got a piece of advice one day, and they said, I want you to start using your ears. Listen to what people are saying. Really tap into what they're saying. So next time you see them, I want you to practice and bring something up from their life. That's your homework. When you talk to somebody and they go, I got a little sister. I don't care about your little sister. But next time I see you, I'm going to say your little sister. You follow me? I don't even know what we're talking about here.

[B]

You were talking about that. You're not getting old. You're getting.

[A]

Okay, I'm getting a little sick and tired.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

When I tell you something one time, it's not for you to take it and throw it away. And then fucking. You know. If you say to me, joy, I have a business that I want you to be a part of. And I go, George, listen, I'm 62. I got a daughter. I don't want to do shit. I got to go. Back on Twitter and talk about weed and shit at my age with a 12 year old daughter. So there's some things that you can't give me enough money to do. I don't want it. I don't want it. So when I tell you that one time, get the fuck out, like, stop. It's not gonna work out for you. And people always wanna push together. And then they all become like your fucking aunt at Thanksgiving. We all have that aunt that, you know, you just want something normal. Can I get mashed potatoes? You never had my mashed potatoes. I put turnips and snake shit and something else and I got to be like, impressed, you know what I'm saying?

[B]

Right?

[A]

And then even though you told them you don't like it, they still give it to you. That'll piss you off and that, that's good till you're about 12. And then one day you got to ask your aunt, can I ask you a question? When you take it in the ass, do you mind? What, honey? It is, you know, whatever. Something to throw them off to understand what your point is, right? Some people refuse to. So I get a call this week at 9 in the morning from somebody. I'm not awake, but he's such a dear friend of mine that I called him back out of respect. I'm headed to the dentist to take stitches out of my mouth. I answer the phone, I love this guy. Me and this guy were criminals together, right? In Northburg, 40 fucking years ago. Just the fact that he's still alive and he's still got heart. So he says to me that he's got a studio somewhere and he wants me to dump this one and go over there because I could save money. And I'm like, I'm not interested. You know, I'm not interested. I like going up there. He's like, well, why would you want to go up to that shithole? And right away, you know, like, dog, I have other reasons why I go up there. Well, what are they? None of your fun. And I just went off and hung up on him because he wouldn't stop with the, you know, it's better down here. They're opening up restaurants. I'm sick of all you motherfuckers telling me about what the fuck I know. We just got Cuban food tonight. A couple Cuban sandwiches. Not the best, but you're not gonna get a sandwich like that in Pennsylvania or anywhere else. The only place or anywhere else in this country except Miami if you want a sandwich like that, it's gonna be Miami? Yeah. Your friend has a place in Nashville and they do Cuban food. That's garbage. That's some guy with pulled pork. He don't know about Cuban food. They eat it just to be cute. No, I want Cuban. You're not gonna get a better Right.

[B]

But you don't have the office here because of the Cuban food. And I think.

[A]

Listen, look at that fucking Greek food you took home to go that your shit is still bleeding from.

[B]

Listen, that's like.

[A]

That's like a fucking ice. Should be raiding them any day now on my coal shit. And it wasn't bad. It wasn't bad.

[B]

Oh, no. That place was good for midnight or whenever we were.

[A]

Go up to Fort Lee and look at the cannonball. George Washington landed here. They had, like a war out here somewhere, didn't they? George Washington, Fort Abe Lincoln up the corner in Fort Lee. That's why it's Fort fucking Lee.

[B]

I didn't know, okay?

[A]

I don't even know why it's still Fort Lee because wasn't he a pedophile? He had, like, the first black slave, you know? Everybody had a slave, but poor fucking Fort Lee, whatever his fucking name is. What's the guy's name? Robert E. Lee. Right.

[B]

No, that's in the South, I would imagine, huh? Robert E. Lee's like the other war, the Civil War. Okay?

[A]

I don't know. I just. Frederick Lee. I don't know. He ain't Chinese, you know. I know fucking Fort Lee is not named after a Chinese dude. Maybe now, and even then it's Korean. But the guy Lee, he was blown. You go up there and there's a cannonball, there's still a cannonball. And it says, like, right here, George Washington took a nap. This area has always been booming. This is number one area to see Martians in my world. And I traveled all across this country. None of that shit with Guy Fieri, because I ate food that you eat when you're fucking broke. I was a feature act, so you can't come to me with no stories. You follow me? Right? Feature act food. It wasn't, you know, Chris Walensky. No, it was not like that.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Feature act food. So when I refer you to a place, it's feature act food. It's feature act budget. And I had one of those places across the country. And in my world, that's the restaurant you want to eat at. Oh, yeah, because they respect you for being an American. You respect them. They give you a dollar's worth of food, and you give them a Dollar. And that's it? No fancy? No. Harpos? No. Oh, my God. Well, Gigi goes there. I don't give a fuck what Gigi does.

[B]

Especially for certain kinds of food, like Mexican food.

[A]

Tell these motherfuckers when I take you to Denver, how much is the tab at that place?

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

Tell them what the breakfast is in there.

[B]

Fucking green chili. Eggs and then green chili and everything. I had green chili on a breakfast, quesdillia on a burger.

[A]

What's the price?

[B]

The whole bill for both of us was like maybe 30, 40 bucks.

[A]

Are you. You're fucking crazy.

[B]

Really?

[A]

They have a special at that place, Bob's number two every morning.

[B]

Joe.

[A]

Wait. Yeah, yeah.

[B]

Sam.

[A]

Sam's, Sam's. They have a special. They give you two eggs, a bowl of chili, and something else for 4.99.

[B]

I don't know if it's 4.99.

[A]

4.99 for the breakfast and a bowl of chili, 6.99. So you're fucking crazy. Go on the fucking menu. Go on the fucking menu.

[B]

Sam's number three.

[A]

Number three. They probably raised the prices, but, dog, those are the cheapest prices. When you walk in, that says it. Been on fucking.

[B]

Oh, it's great. It's right next to the. To the comedy.

[A]

Works like it. Nothing like it, brother. Downtown. That's where we go down. Yep, right up the corner.

[B]

I've been to both.

[A]

That is something that I've never seen, the green chili. And they used to have another place, too, that had a bunch of locations in Denver, and that place was world fucking class, too, that all this food is dirt fucking cheap.

[B]

Oh, and it's good. It would be 62 if Joey and I live there. Because that. Dude that.

[A]

You have no idea. Nicky pork chops. If I take you there, you'll put green chili on everything. Because it goes on everything. Eggs, a cheeseburger, fucking burritos, cereal. Like, if you're eating corn flakes, put some green chili on that motherfucker. Oh, and how much? How much?

[B]

Let's see. Bowl of chili, still $6 weekday, early bird. I love early bird.

[A]

Yes, I'm an early bird. I'm an old man. What's the price, brother? And look how many early bird specials they got. How many?

[B]

The cheapest one is the one you're talking about, Gavin. $9.99.

[A]

Okay, what do they give you?

[B]

They give you bacon, sausage, two eggs, scrambled or regular and toast, $9.99. So if you could hear. Bacon, sausage, two eggs, and toast for $9.99. The bowl of chili. That's crazy.

[A]

So 16 with a bowl of chili.

[B]

So at least at 32, 40 bucks. Yeah, I wasn't that far off. Trust me, I know numbers.

[A]

I remember the first time I went dead by myself before radio, and the tab was eight bucks. And I gave her, obviously, a 20, right? And I told her, you just saved my fucking day. But look at those specials, guys. That's who I could send anybody. That's what I'm trying to say to you. I could send anybody there and go, that's a fucking restaurant. If you don't like that place, then we don't even need to ever talk again because the burgers were great. How to eat burgers. They got a Mexican burger that they put in a fucking. In a fucking tortilla. A tortilla? No, no, no, no, no. This place is the real shit. I went to other place I took you that I lived and died. I've been going there since 1984.

[B]

And where.

[A]

That's how loyal I've been to those motherfuckers. And when I go to San. I would go to San Jose, Original Jones, boringest town where hookers. Hookers would come up to us as we were walking to the club. In a mall with kids and shit. It's outside, but hookah. Every time I went there, one time during the week, a hooker would just come up. And you thought she was coming off the train because the train runs on the street. You have to cross it, right? Remember, there's a movie theater. That's what we call the hookah for you.

[B]

She didn't show up. I did make the bet.

[A]

Yeah, we called him, hurry up, we got a hooker down there.

[B]

No, he called me for like 18 times over two hours.

[A]

He takes an hour. Where you been? He goes, I had to make the bed, Lee. She's a fucking hooker.

[B]

Yeah, but. Yeah, you didn't even have. But, yeah, I did make the bed. But.

[A]

But that place there, Original Joe's. Original Joe's, Yeah, I've been going to Original Joe's. San Francisco, 1984, in the fucking tenderloin. That's what my loyalty is. Why? Because when I was flat fucking broke, flat fucking broke, I go in there and get a. A bowl of pasta. They give you two. You know, when you're broke, you eat bread, you know what I'm saying? You milk that fucking bread in that meatball and you get that cheese and start eating that too. And there was a waiter, Mr. Something. He's Chinese, okay? And every Time I went, he knew. And I would bring him, like, cocktails. And whenever I stole and I made money, I'd give him money. Like, I'd give him for all the tips that I miss out on, right? So he used to give me Nutty Irishman, which is like Kahlua and no Amaretto. And is it Bailey's at all? Bailey's, Amaretto and Bailey's with a little whatever. And, you know, he would always give me those. You don't get drunk on those, right? But I would sit there with my little martini glass because they all had, like. They're all waiters. Suits with black on and suits. And I would sit there like Sinatra. Here I am, 1985 San Francisco. If they could only see me now in North Bergen. Oh, living like a doctor in this motherfucker.

[B]

And what is. What does Sam's and Original Joe's have in common? They both have a bar, like, where you can just sit. What is it? What is that called? Town called the bar at a restaurant. It looks like a bar. Like you can just hit one person at any restaurant. Sam's and Original Joe's has.

[A]

Oh, yeah, yeah. They have. They have the counter.

[B]

Counter. That's.

[A]

They have a counter with the spinning seats.

[B]

I love the counter. The counter is the best spot at any restaurant.

[A]

Any restaurant I know. For the Original Joe's.

[B]

Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

[A]

I got the fucking counter too, dog. Original Joe's got an Italian hamburger. Look at me. With steak fries at 11 o' clock at night.

[B]

Says it right here. 25 bucks. But it's good. It's a $25 burger.

[A]

It's a fucking Joe famous, like steak, hamburger, sandwich. Unfucking believable. That's what I'm gonna send you.

[B]

Right.

[A]

You know, the other day again, I saw a thing on Instagram, the top Cuban restaurants in Miami. The restaurant I've been Talking about since 1999, Porta Sagua, with the gay waiter still in the top five. And you got. They can't be expensive. My friend went to Gloria, Stefan. It was $300 to eat Cuban food. You got robbed, bitch.

[B]

Right?

[A]

I hope Gloria played the fiddle or fucking something because you got robbed. I sent him to fucking that place. The next day. He's like, Joey, 67 bucks. My whole family ate and we ate like fucking. You know, I don't know how it is now. It's down by Collins Avenue, but it still made the top fucking 10. Listen, dude, that's what I believe in. I'm not Gonna say, I don't want to see. Listen, anybody could send you to a. Oh, my God, the River Palms, you know, the waiter, he rubs your phone sometimes. Not everybody that watches the show could get their feet rubbed at a fucking restaurant. And they don't. You know what I'm saying?

[B]

And like, yeah, like, let's just even say, like, Morton's. Like, yeah, sometimes it'll be a good steak, you'll have a good time, but you'll drop 300. It's also great to go to Original Joe's and spend 40 on a. Like a. Like, it's. You need to have, like, reasonable prices. Like, that makes a huge difference, like, if you enjoyed it or not. Yeah, I would have enjoyed it for 30.

[A]

Refer you. Like, I can't refer people to anything anymore. Like, if you told me, like, listen, I'm so old, I'm out of tune with life and the Metropolitan, whatever. But I can't refer you to a Yankee game or a Met game because if you have two kids, that's $400 that you don't have. 400 is conservative. I just mistaked on that because it's 160 a ticket. I was gonna say two kids and your wife and you. And what, are you gonna go sit there and look straight ahead? Not eat hot dogs, the kids? What are you gonna do? Give them fucking Chinese Yankee hats from Chinatown with the Y upside down? I mean, you know. And that's who I think about when I think about those games or a restaurant or something. I'm like, what about the family of fucking four that have to eat? Like, the other night I saw an app, a thing. An app and two entrees for something. One of those Australian restaurants, Outback. Yeah, you're gonna shit, blood. You're not even gonna make it home. You're not even gonna make it home. But America has. That's a night out now in America.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

For a family of four. That's a sad fucking truth.

[B]

Even just a single. Like. Honestly, last night I had in my head, I wanted to go to a diner and get breakfast after my spot. I didn't go because I looked at the menu before. I just had a feeling it was going to cost me 40 to $50 to just get eggs and bake. Like, between that, a drink, to sit there, a tip. And I was like, it's not worth it. Like, I'm just not. Because you. We've talked a lot about places being empty, and I think that's. I think people just look at it. They're like, you know, I'll just do like. That's like we've had factor before. That's why those, they're huge now. It's like, why would I go and.

[A]

Drop 40 when I could drink a factor or something in the morning? Just to hold me over till 10 to the fucking guy comes to the office with burritos or something.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Or a taco. Whatever you get at 10, 15 for that first break. But when I refer a restaurant, it's not going to be a high end place. That's not my bag at all.

[B]

Right.

[A]

It's going to be a place where I love fucking. Look at what we talk about all the time. It's not the best restaurant in the world. It's not Las Palmas. It's a good Cuban restaurant. It's a very good Cuban restaurant. But what do I like it the most? Because five of us could go there and we drop a buck 20.

[B]

Well, like, that's what I think the difference is with that place. And I'm not a Cuban expert.

[A]

I'm not cheap. You're not cheap. I'm happy of that. People think they're gonna go to a restaurant and pay 400 and you're sitting around a bunch. It's like Tony Montana, you're all a bunch of fucking mummies. You eat this fucking food, it's the same. It's just a bunch of people being the same shit with a tuxedo on, right? You know, whatever the fuck they're doing. Sitting there eating a meal. I can't eat a meal with a suit on.

[B]

No, you're not comfortable.

[A]

That's a funeral. I gotta sit there with hoop doopty doo shoes on. I want to sit with sweats. And you got to put your balls to it. You got to be like Moses, you know, like when you got to part those balls, you got to stretch out your little legs.

[B]

Are you parting them now?

[A]

I've always parted them.

[B]

I didn't. I have.

[A]

I just go. So you have more space at the movie theater. You know what I'm saying?

[B]

Oh. Oh, my. Dude. But that's like with Las Palmas. They're to me, a white dude. Their quality of food would be worth more.

[A]

Dog, the breakfast there. That breakfast. You're not going to eat lunch?

[B]

No.

[A]

Well, maybe you.

[B]

Yeah, but listen, you'd be right there with me, Mr. Hash. Like, we'd be going. You never ate when we were in la.

[A]

What do you mean?

[B]

You're just saying I'm the only one eating. I ate you ate all the potato tacos I ate.

[A]

Oh, bro. What would you do right now? What would Nick do if he tasted one of those potato tacos?

[B]

He'd move to la. He'd be the mayor of LA in six years.

[A]

The potatoes were perfect. Not. It was like a mash mixed with.

[B]

That little salsa after.

[A]

And salsa wiggle.

[B]

Yeah, dude, that. And that's. That is what's fun about going like any traveling or even just. Dude, that's my favorite part of going anywhere. If I know I'm going to a city, I spend like weeks looking up places.

[A]

I'm a surprise. You motherfuckers. I just got a date in Chicago.

[B]

Really?

[A]

I don't know if I could take it. It's a weird date. We're trying to get a Wednesday show. That's the type of town that you got two options. Yeah. You could call a friend. I'd say recommend me somewhere and they'll recommend you something. Oh, we'll just take a walk on the south side and take a chance.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And then.

[B]

Or both.

[A]

Or we.

[B]

We do one recommendation. One chance.

[A]

We went to that place. Italian beef.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Remember, you went with me. It was.

[B]

That was a great weekend.

[A]

You get out of the car there, you're looking both ways. Jack loaded.

[B]

Dude, that was my first.

[A]

Get out of the car there, you're looking both ways. You gotta have a guy with his foot on the pedal in case the place gets robbed when you're in there. Oh, yeah, it's real. But that Italian beef. And you get the beef. We always get the beef with the peppers. Then we get the beef with the sausage in the middle.

[B]

Yeah. That blew my fat mind.

[A]

God.

[B]

Dude, when I. The first time and the first time I had it with you was in whatever it's called, not where you saw. Where you shot the special. And we pulled up with one of your friends and it's a dipped beef with a like a foot long saw in the same sandwich. And they. It's just on them. It's not a secret menu. It's just on the menu. People are ordering it on a normal. Like Tuesday. It's. I love Chicago. Oh, my God. They understand in Chicago.

[A]

Think about. Chicago is my type of city. Because you could just go for a short walk and you'll smell something. You smell something go, what the fuck is that? And then you'll look and you go, ew. That's the first thing you judge yourself. You look at the glass and go, oh, they haven't cleaned that glass in years. But it does Smell good?

[B]

Yeah. Oh, yeah.

[A]

And then you look at the menu and you're like, I'm gonna give it a shot. And you go in there and that's where the fucking. That's where you're like, oh, I'm in Chicago. Let me tell you what I fell in love with in Chicago. All you're gonna hate me. I'm gonna get hate mail. I'm walking in Chicago, smoking a joint in, like an affluent neighborhood. Whatever. Yeah, it's where the Zany's downtown, right? Which I don't like that neighbor. Too many.

[B]

I haven't been there.

[A]

I like the other one. Crazy workaholics, the Pollocks and shit. But they put you down there. And one day I went for a walk and it's a beautiful neighborhood. And I'll tell you what I stopped for and I got hooked.

[B]

What's that?

[A]

Coconut oatmeal and coconut milk with little pieces of coconut on top of that. Motherfucker. In Chicago, like, I'm like, this is. They're poisoning me. Breakfast in Chicago. This is a blue collar city.

[B]

What should you get?

[A]

It's fucking like June. Why should I get oatmeal? I went in there and I took a picture of it and I took a picture of the thing on the menu and I told my wife, start making coconut oatmeal every fucking morning for like a year. I took it. I love. And when I, you know, Texas, I go to Houston because again, it used to be the cheapest place in the city for eat. The cheap place in the country for people to go out to dinner. That's one of my favorites. A family of eight could go out for the small lady. I'm happy about that.

[B]

Yeah, that'd be great.

[A]

All those little restaurants like that. But anyway, we're going to take a breather and then we're going to come back, we'll talk about a couple of things that happened the last few weeks. Okay? Stay black, cocksuckers. We'll be back. What's happening? Beautiful people. Uncle Joey here. I want to talk to you about something. You're not getting any younger. Neither am I. Look at me, I got a beard now. If you're on the hunt for natural way to stop aching pains like I am, check out Cornbread Hemp. Their CBD gummies are made with the purest and most potent CBD because the flour is the only part of the plant they use. When you want something that gets the job done, you want Cornbread hemp. Let me tell you something. These gummies are delicious. Also, they got blueberry, they got blueberry breeze, they got blood orange, they got watermelon. And you can mix them up every day like I do. All their products are third party, lab tested and USDA organic. So, you know you're taking something safe and pure. So do me a favor, right now, everybody's got this, that, this here's Uncle Joey telling you right now, church listeners can save 30% on their first order. Just head over to cornbreadhemp.com church again. Cornbreadhemp.com church c h u r C h and use code church. It's that easy. At checkout, that's cornbreadhemp.com church and use code church. C H U r C h. Don't be using code house. I know a lot of you people get confused. It's code church. C h U r c [e-mail] we're back, Jack. So anyway, I was getting to you guys about that. I went off on my friend and I really apologize. I got to call him tomorrow and tell him I'm sorry because I don't want to go to Pennsylvania. And the reason why I was mad at him, not mad at him, but I had an undertone of anger was because the guy I met, and again, he offered me a weed thing. I told him no. And, you know, you know, like when somebody tells you something, they don't want you, but they're kind of assuming you're gonna go, I want in on that. And I talked to him once and I go, I don't want to do anything. I'm busy with my daughter. I don't want to do anything. You know, I appreciate it. And then he did something, and I made a mistake taking it. That's where it was wrong, because now that gives people the green light to torture you whenever the fuck they want. And it was, you know, before I got the thing, I think I counted 27 emails, 27 emails of what's in it, who made it, who grew it, you know, guys, I'm busy. I got time to sit here and read 10 minutes of your company history, nor do I give a fuck. And then he started hitting my Instagram, which really started pissing me off because that thing vibrates. I'm taking that. I'm getting rid of that thing. I'm in my dentist office, I'm getting drilled and I'm getting goofy people. And he was one of them. You know, sending me pictures of this is me with Nick in 1984. I don't care. I Got fucking. I got my eye fucked up. They got 20 needles in my mouth. I'm thinking it's my daughter or my wife. I reach in my phone and it's this fucking jerk off shit, you know, or meme or something like that, which. I'm not a meme guy. I'm not a meme guy. I don't laugh at those things. I've never laughed at a fucking meme. The only one was when fucking Joe Rogan interviewed Conor when he broke his leg. Then for a week they had him interviewing people in bad spots. And when they had the one with Jesus, when he had the latter interviewing Jesus, that was some classic fucking shit.

[B]

But other than that.

[A]

No means other than that. You know, it's got to be something outlandish with. But you know, the black guy with the big dick sitting on the bed. How many times are gonna send me that good in life, you know what I'm saying? The guy from the fucking Tiger Whip, you know that show on Netflix that he fucked the tiger. Everybody started making memes.

[B]

I don't want to say I don't like that shit.

[A]

Since I'm a. Since I'm a kid. I don't like that show. It doesn't do anything for me. Me. So he wasn't sending me memes. But I got 20 other people, you know, I get up in the morning, I go on Facebook. And I don't go right on the computer. I drink my coffee. I talk to my wife. I do a thousand things. I'm prepared to go into the computer. I look at it with an open heart. First I go on DraftKings because I'm doing this thing on the casino. If you hit it, you get 300 credits every day. 300 stars. So fuck it. I go on DraftKings. I see what the schedule is. Then I go on Facebook and all the other stupidity. And every time I open Facebook, I don't know what I'm gonna get. It's always fucking. It's. And then it's not even Facebook that's bad. It's messenger, right? The shit that you don't see that people send you for years. And then you'll see, like, this number doesn't take calls. You could call me on Facebook. You could hit that number till your face turns purple. I'm never gonna hear it. I don't even hear it. And every once in a while I hear it ringing like, well, what the fuck is that? I think the alarm's going off or I need a pill. I don't even know what the fuck it is. And there's people. There's nights I wake up and I got missed calls from people. People get hammered or they're going to kill themselves and they want to call me on Facebook, like, leave me the fuck alone, man.

[B]

One of those is. Those are very different things. Oh, my God. What's getting hammered versus killing yourself? You might want to pick up the killing yourself ones.

[A]

Guys. I don't look at that. I want you guys to know that when I'm in the middle of something and if that text goes off and I look at it and it's not something to do with what is on my mind, so sometimes I just erase it. I don't even open it. I just erase it.

[B]

Dude, that was one of the angrier you've been at me. Like, I think it was on one of the first times I was on your podcast after LA and I was just responding to people, I think, on Twitter. And I didn't uncheck you from the reply. I would have thought you would have turned notifications off. You followed like a. By like a million something people. Why do you get a notification? Dude, you call me, like, fucking stop replying.

[A]

Because the funny thing about you is you think I know how to turn the notification off. That's when you come to my house and I don't even know exists, Lee. What do you mean? I'm worried about more things. Other things in life. Yeah, I'm worried about the notification.

[B]

You're getting a ding.

[A]

It doesn't matter. Next time you see something, get in your fucking car, come over. I'm doing this thing on your computer. You're driving me crazy. And I'll accept it. Okay. And you'll do it for me in front of me and I'll say, thank you. Okay? And on the way out, I'm like, thank God he did it. Because I'll never do that again. Okay?

[B]

I'll do it.

[A]

I'm not going to do it. Always remember that with me. All you fucking idiots. Joey, you're doing this. Listen, guys, I don't know what I'm doing. I don't know what I'm doing. I'm just taking a lucky fucking chance and doing a video or whatever. And it worked out. I don't know what else is going on. I don't know about notifications. I get hit up by Instagram every day, click on to make money. Every day I end up some other page. I don't know where the fuck I'm going. People think, like, you know, it's fucking insane. I don't know what I'm doing. I have been saying this for 15 years, that I am an idiot savant. I know how to tell stories and I know how to go to a restaurant and order. That's it. That's it. I don't know anything else. I don't know. I know how to do laundry, but my wife won't let me put it in the dryer because she says, I'll blow the fucking dryer up. I cooked something the other day. I took my wife out to dinner. She was at a softball game. I was headed to the softball game. I go, honey, don't make me breakfast. I'm going to eat up the fucking thing. I put three pieces of Yu on the fucking frying pan. The potatoes, I ate them. I smoked some pot. I got in the car, I drove a half hour, then I came back because I thought I left the oven on and the oven was shut off. You know what I'm saying? Like, I'm one of those guys. That's why I don't do that shit in the morning. You know how many times I was already in the YMCA doing laps, and I'm like that. I turned the candle off, God damn it. And I had to go out the Y. You think I'm kidding you? I'd walk home with the fucking pants and flip flops and the mask on my head, fucking cursing everybody. And I go upstairs and the candle would be off. That's why I don't do anything in the morning. That's why I don't cook. Put anything in the dryer, put the oven on, you know, put the coffee. This fucking guy. You know these people, everybody say, joey, we're thinking of getting you. What's that coffee machine that you got to like? No, the other. No, it's Nescafe. All that shit is world class. George Clooney, Brad Pitt, that's my world. I just don't get it because I'm not a big coffee guy. But when I wake up in the morning, my wife knows. Just fill it up with water for me. Don't make me get up and then I'll be watering that thing because I will rip it right off that fucking counter. And nobody will drink coffee because I'm not good to anybody in the morning. It's like, if I got to get up. And I told her today for the first time in 25 years, I swear to God, today I told her, I go, do not put my coffee cup in the dishwasher. No more. Why? I go, why? Because you didn't make breakfast Sunday and Saturday. I got up Sunday and there was no coffee cup. I had to use a different one. And when I opened up the dishwasher, my coffee cup was in the dishwasher with my other coffee cup. So for three days, because you didn't make breakfast, I didn't get a clean coffee shop. That's white people shit. Just rinse my coffee shop. If not, I'll rinse it. It's that easy. Rinse it and you. And you put on the thing and let it dry. But you're making me wait two days for a fucking coffee cup because you want to put it through a fucking stupid dishwasher. That's white people shit. Our parents did not use a dishwasher. They wash with their fucking elbows. Everybody in America now. I don't even want to take a fork at people's house no more. Everything is in the dishwasher.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Fucking washer fork with hot water. That's why your mother put the gloves on. Remember those fucking gloves? You thought your mother was making meth? No.

[B]

Dishwashers have hot water.

[A]

Huh?

[B]

Dishwashers use hot water.

[A]

No, they don't. They have a temperature gauge. Yeah, yeah, like 66. And they shoot steam to confuse you. No. That's why white people get all those diseases and they got guts and shit. Nick, tell them about the white chick with the dirty feet at my daughter's softball game the other day. No, no, no. That pinga. Only in New Jersey. Now, you want to know? You want to look the country, you got to go to South Jersey. The feet on her, the dirt, and she was jumping up and down doing meth. I don't even want to talk about it. At a kid softball game. Yeah, he's got video. It's. It's. It's just.

[B]

Anyway, another parent.

[A]

It doesn't matter. Let's talk about what we're talking about here. What we talking about?

[B]

Oh, washing dishes by hand.

[A]

Yeah. You know, why do we have to do this every night? Every morning I get up and I see a sundae cup and my daughter didn't rinse it. Nothing pisses me off. I don't care if you. I don't care if you dirty the dishes. Just do me a favor. Rinse it so when I go to wash them the next day, I don't have to fucking get a fucking concrete thing to blow out your fucking shit.

[B]

Dude. Do you do the dishes? Like I've never known you, like, so many rules. No.

[A]

What I do. I just drain them. I fucking sit. I focus my. To put them in the dishwasher. I don't believe in dishwashers. No? No.

[B]

Why?

[A]

No? No. Then why have I make a protein shake for three days? I'm walking around looking for the fucking blender. No, you take the blender. If you finish that shake, as soon as you finish it, you put the hot water on. You put the hot water on. As you're drinking the shake, the hot water is already. The water's coming out and you're already getting the hot water prepped. So when you put that fucking shake in there, it kills all that milk immediately in the ice cream and the soy milk and everything else. And then you take it, and then you open up the bottom because that's where the shit develops. And you clean that out with soap and whatever the fuck and you separate it. So when you make a shake again, because what, what, what gets you sick isn't you drinking out of the top like an animal, like me? People go, well, you're fucking. No, you're a fucking cannibal. You don't even put in a milkshake. Why am I going to dirty another dish again? White people shit. If it's you alone, why are we doing this? To dirty another dish. Fish. Fish are running out of water. But you're going to use another dish. This is what they tell you, but everybody thinks green. Oh, my God, I'm so green. No, you're not.

[B]

Oh, I love a paper plate.

[A]

Me too. And you throw it away.

[B]

Yeah, it's the best.

[A]

Forget about paper plates, okay?

[B]

I'm sorry.

[A]

You take that thing apart, it's the black thing, the wringer and the fucking washer. That's where the junk develops. If not, I gotta wait three days. And she's not even doing that. She's just putting it in the thing. And then you wonder why your skin is turning yellow because you're drinking homogenized fucking, not milk. Do you understand? There's just little things that you have to take a little bit more effort. This is the Cuban side of my house when I grew up. You think your mother got a mop like that, Mr. Clean? My mother would come in here, move all this. This carpet would get rolled up. And this was three times a week.

[B]

She'd roll up the car.

[A]

Cuban woman's house carpet gets rolled up, all this shit gets pushed to the top. She go in that bathroom, fill up a cup and start fucking hitting the floors with hot water. And then fucking laundry soap. And then Cuban Cologne to take the spirit out. To put the spirit out of the house. When you walked in that house, your house smelled like fucking. Jesus is lead. That's a Spanish woman's helm. That's how you fucking clean the floor. Yeah. Who are white people now with the vacuum that vacuums themselves?

[B]

Oh, yeah, that's cool, Roomba. You don't like that?

[A]

No.

[B]

Why it does it for you?

[A]

Because this is the level we're sinking to in our homes. And this is your home. This ain't your car. This ain't your building. This is your home. It's your fucking home. This is where you eat. This is where you fucking kids are growing. This is everything. And that's the difference. I grew up in a house where it started in the fucking kitchen. And it was hot water with buckets and a fucking. It was like going to the hot dog factory. The meat comes out of the ceiling and it hits the floor. And you got two Puerto Ricans putting salt on the meat. And you got 10 Puerto Ricans pushing it into a hole. That's how it is. You don't clean the floor with a mop. It's hot water. You can see the steam coming up as she's throwing that fucking perfume on. And the. What's the yellow dishwasher? Detergent, Pomallif, whatever. And they put Clorox in that motherfucker to kill the fuck. Bleach. Bleach, too. That's how you clean a floor.

[B]

But throwing bleach around your house?

[A]

Oh, yeah, I love that smell in the morning. That's when you know your house is fucking clean. Don't you want to take a shit? And your house is shiny. And your toilet. Listen. You take a shit in a medium toilet or a fucking place that like every night. Listen, I always. My bathroom is disgusting, okay? But guess what? I earned that fucking right. I earned that right for years. I shared a bathroom with 22 fucking people. All your life, you share a bathroom with 22 people. Finally, my wife gets a house. I got my own bathroom.

[B]

So that's yours.

[A]

I don't put my dick in a thing. I shit high half the time. I put my roll my knuckle in the shit and it sticks with the paper. Or her towel on the bottom. Yeah. She didn't put the towel bucket every time she used her towel. Like, for some reason my towel smells like shit. Yeah, because you put in the area where I wipe. Fuck is wrong with you?

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

And then nobody's got a cool bathroom no more. When I Was growing up, there was a thing with a stick. That's it right here at arm's distance. You pulled it. Now, not white people have a thing that. So if you pull it, the whole paw falls down. Oh, I gotta make a complete fucking turn like. Like the Exorcist to get paper out of here. It's all the way back. Go to a hotel. It's all the way creeped in like a hole back here. I gotta be the Fantastic Four. Slinky, whatever his fucking name is, with a long arm. And you gotta sit there as you shit and take that. 9 out of 10, they use shitty toilet paper. So when it rips now you got all this fucking paper going around like confetti. And you're wiping your ass with little pieces, big pieces. You don't even fucking know anymore. It's a nightmare hotel anymore. And then if you're a nice hotel. What happened to the fucking shower stick? What happened to the door of my shower? I gotta take a shower with the fucking door wide open. I gotta sit there with a door, wait for somebody to come in. I don't even have a level of fucking protection. No more. 400 a night. Where's the fucking shower door? No shower door.

[B]

I am so sorry.

[A]

400 a night. They don't have a shower door. You're in that fucking freezer and then they give you that portable thing, the fucking stick. I don't want the stick. I want the shower in the wall connected. I don't want that stick. That's when you really freeze. So now I'm freezing with the stick shower and I got no fucking curtain here. I'm sorry. I got emotional about. I'm sick of them.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

I'm going back to New York.

[B]

Dude. I'm root three learning so many new rules about. I didn't have no idea about dishes.

[A]

I'm looking at my bathroom. I gotta turn over all the way around to get toilet paper.

[B]

So where's your toilet paper?

[A]

Over here. So that means only this hip moves. I'm like the. I'm like the one girlfriend happy Madison with that slid his thing. That's lit as fucking thing. Okay. It's only one side, right? So you know the papers right here. If the paper right here and the TV's there. You got a ball hanging out. You're scratching. You're watching the Yankees. You're sniffing your fingers. Somebody's calling you, Nick. Coco's on the phone. I'm calling back. You know what I'm saying? You don't Want to be bothered? You're in your bathroom.

[B]

Did you put a TV in your bathroom?

[A]

Fuck yeah.

[B]

Did you really?

[A]

Not now. It's too small, this bathroom.

[B]

I thought you just redid it.

[A]

No, no. I lived in Hollywood out of tv. We had an old little TV I won in a contest or something at Hollywood. I stole it from a set.

[B]

And you just. Holy shit.

[A]

There's nothing better than wiping your ass while you're seeing what the weather is. You know what I'm saying? Think about it. You're wiping your ass accordingly. It's going to be 90. I got to dig deep in there because if I don't, I'm going to have a fucking spicy asshole by 2 o'. Clock. You have to do the weather while you're fucking drying your ass or your balls.

[B]

How much time are you spending on the toilet?

[A]

Three minutes. I'm not a long timer. That's for losers. I ain't got that type of time.

[B]

Bring the TV in for three minutes.

[A]

No, I turn it on. You don't bring it in. You go, you sit down, right? You put your. Listen, when I shit. When I put my pants down and I sit, I get the first whiff of ass because I just. I don't wait till the last minute to shit. I ain't got time. I'm not gonna sit there for two hours and read the paper and fucking bitcoin report. That's never been me, okay? When I go to the bathroom, when I sit I'm like, oh my God, I already sat in my ass face, okay? And it just starts pouring out. Bah pee, bah, bah, bah. And I just sit there. Sometimes if I know I'm gonna be there a long time, I'll get a Kleenex fucking towel, wipe my phone and play fucking dominoes, whatever. Not Domino's, but Wheel of Fortune. That's the only reason. I'll sit there like eight minutes and I will let everything come out. But it's killing me because I'm wasting my time that I should be out earning. But I'm sitting there like a fucking idiot waiting for everything to come out of my asshole. And then I just put the game away, I wipe it again.

[B]

And you're watching the weather though, is what I was talking about.

[A]

No, the weather's on TV.

[B]

I understand it's on TV, but again.

[A]

If I go in at 9:20, there ain't no weather. I got to wait till 9:40, so null the fucking weather. Then I go on the computer and I go to the New Jersey, seven day weather. That's it. Everything is different. We have to improvise. That's the word I'm looking for.

[B]

I appreciate that. I did. I.

[A]

But yeah, you have to make your bathroom experience somewhere in this country. We decided to make the bathroom experience 40 minutes. They figured out that after like eight minutes you're just getting hemorrhoids. You're really.

[B]

Yeah. So I was asking how long you're sitting there for.

[A]

So you want to be in there quick. That's why at night you got to eat an apple, two cups of coffee, reefer, all that. It's. George made a point three or four years ago, and it is absolutely true. You could do whatever you want the night before. Reefer wise, you got to drink coffee, two cups, go to the bathroom, shit, and take a shower. When you come out of that shower because of that shit, the shit blows out. The THC and anything else that was in there, you don't do that in the morning. You want to do it.

[B]

But I can't. I can't control when I shit.

[A]

Well, you have to drink coffee, you have to drink juice.

[B]

I like coffee.

[A]

You get up for three hours, you don't drink anything. You know, Lee, there's health issues. You gotta. This is why you're high for three fucking days.

[B]

Well, that's not why.

[A]

It's not my lack of days he was high for.

[B]

Yeah, because you got me up last week, you fuck.

[A]

I've been getting you up for 12 years.

[B]

I know that. And I've been high. Why do you think I was? Dude, when we were doing Sundays and Wednesdays, I would be high from Sunday to basically Tuesday afternoon. And then I would get a break until Wednesday night.

[A]

Guess what?

[B]

What?

[A]

You're still here.

[B]

I am. I know.

[A]

I'm not complaining. Yes. No one's crying. You're talking, luckily. Leave them alone, okay?

[B]

Leave me alone. You're talking about how high I get.

[A]

Just look at the shape of you.

[B]

Yeah. What do you say?

[A]

Look at the shape of you. Your eyes mix your mixture match your shirt. You a sucking dick of the gay bar, poke pinkies look at you. And then they made you serve tacos. And what the is wrong with you? A pink shirt. That's like a Mexican gay bar. You worked at Pinkies San Diego. Eric's the DJ or some.

[B]

That'd be a good place.

[A]

Anyway, we gotta talk about this, so we might as well let it out. Last week was a fucking shocker to me. Last Tuesday I was somewhere and I'm driving home and Dean Del Rey sends me a text and I look at it and it's RIP Ozzie. And I go. And I was like, what the fuck is that shit? And I pulled over on the nine. I called him. I go, what are you talking about? He goes, dude, Ozzy died. Can you believe that? 14 days after his show. I could see it happening. He waited and, you know, he yelled out, God bless him, whatever. And I get back and I'm driving, and then I just started fucking hitting me, man. I'm like, what the fuck? How did Ozzy Osbourne die? Like, I'm sitting there and I always had a fear as a kid. I go, I'm gonna have a hard time when Ozzie dies. Charles Bronson. And the last one that's gonna go, that's gonna kill me is Julius Erving. That's the last guy that's gonna go, you know? But it didn't bother me for a little while. I was like, okay. And then I go, let me put on his first solo album. And holy fuck, I just started crying, man. I just started fucking bawling. Because I remember it was just a different time in my life. It wasn't a good time in my life. And I remember that it was all that was keeping me alive at that point was that stupid music and the camaraderie we had from listening to it, you know?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And those two albums after he put those out, those fucking, you know, going to the Palladium and watching them at the 8:30 show. They did two shows and just the whole concert vibe back then, I was thinking about that. I think one time I went over there with Kurt to see acdc. And that's when he told me about the fence, that there was a fence behind the Palladium. And I'm now, you know, you went back there and you picked it open and you went back and there'd be like 60 people back there fucking selling coke, eating Quaaludes and shit. And I went back there. That's where we did coke before AC dc. He's like, we could do coke back here. I go, where? Right behind the Palladium. There was a little fucking. You just picked up the fence. You went in there and there was just fucking people everywhere. Drinking before concert. And it was very, you know. Yeah, it was a great fucking venue. I must have been like in ninth grade the first time I went there. No. Yeah. Ninth grade. Judas Priest, 1979. First time I went there and I saw some fucking fantastic high level. I went to see Left Depot on their first album, Open up for Judas Priesthood. And that motherfucker came out with a motorcycle on stage. Fuck, yeah. From the. From the back. That's the back of the Palladium. They fucking. You're like, what the fuck is going on here? Every time I went there, I had a good time, but it was just. He was such a part of that creepy childhood I had. He was such a part of, like. Because I love Black Sabbath. But then I went to see them, and I could tell when I left there that I wasn't going to see these guys again.

[B]

No.

[A]

Yeah. They were terrible that night. Van Halen opened up for them. It just wasn't. I don't know. Ozzy was great. You know? Now I get when you guys go, you were great. Yeah, I liked Ozzy, but the sound was off. You could see the drummer snorting coke on the fucking drums. It was tremendous. I'm sitting there going, look at this motherfucker. In between songs, he put the drumsticks and poured fucking coke and snorted right off the drums. We're like, oh, my God. And I'm like a freshman in high school, and I'm like, wow. And then they broke up. And that's what had you confused. There was no Internet. There was no nothing. All you depended on was Cream magazine. That's it. Nobody remembers Cream magazine. And I still remember going on playing hooky, doing acid, and going on Kennedy Boulevard. And by Levy's across the street, they had a bookstore, Combination magazine. And I went in there and I got the Cream. And it had a whole article that Black Sabbath had moved on without Ozzy. And I'm like, wow, it's fucking over. And then people were like, what happened to Ozzy? And all of a sudden, John Lennon got shot on a Monday night. And that Sunday, I went to the. I didn't go up to Central Park. I opted the other way. I went to Bleekabobs in the Village. And I was just looking through the albums, and all of a sudden I saw an Ozzy Osbourne album from England. It was four songs with Rudy on the COVID And I'm like, oh, shit. And I took that, and I stopped at a head shop. No, no, no. In the Village. In the Village. There was a head shot when I brought the cocaine things. It was a wallet with a stone, with a bottle, with a razor blade, with a spoon, with a little fucking thing that you. With the spoon on top. I was fucking 16.

[B]

Jesus.

[A]

And the money. And here's the funny thing. I had just gotten money from that bank I had $20,000. I had just gotten that Tuesday from a scam bank that we did. Twenty fucking thousand dollars. My mother had just died. I didn't even know what to do with the money. I put it in my sock drawer. And at night I would just take like $50 out. I didn't even know hundreds of that. I'm going to go to pizza parlor. I'm going to be Johnny goombats. I'll take 100 out. That lasted me like three months.

[B]

You spent 20,000 in three months?

[A]

Oh, like an animal. Snorting, buying clothes, eating dinners. At that place on Tunnelly Avenue that. It's like a stone Mason. On 50th and Tunley Avenue there's a place that makes stone. They've been there since they made Jesus a stone. Two doors down, Stancato's. Wasn't it that restaurant down there? Okay, you know, it's red. It's still something. It's a restaurant today. It's something else. But when we were kids, that was like a big mafia hangout. Like, they didn't go up on this side, they would go on that side. There was a couple of little Italian restaurants. And every time you went in there, you see eight old guys with cigars and shit. Like, I know what time it is. They wouldn't eat on these on the Kennedy Boulevard once they eat on the Tully Avenue ones. Pretty fucking interesting. What? Cocksucker. What we say?

[B]

I wish I could tell you.

[A]

You don't know. So it was just really funny that after that, after I found the album, then the hype started coming up. And I remember I used to go buy the tickets where I paid for Ozzy Osbourne, like 1250. I got them in Cliffside park, right close to where Georgie's business is now. The plot was a place when George and I were kids. I'm talking about kids 12. And it was there till about 10 years ago. It was called Things From England. What was that? Be There, Be There. No one was Be There was there. And Be There was there like 78. And then things From England came in. Things from England came in. So it was a combination Ticketron.

[B]

Oh.

[A]

With an album store. And it was albums that have been imports from England. So any album, anybody who's got AC dc the first album, they have an Australian and that's what they would have. They would have ufo, but from England they would have. That's anything that came out here. But they would have it from England. Like they had. Your uncle bought Judas Priest Killing Machine here. It's called Help Bent for Leather or whatever that album is. But in England, it was Killing Machine. The COVID was different. That album is in the basement. It's gotta be worth millions, because nobody has that album no more. It was brand fucking new.

[B]

And then you'd go there to buy concert tickets.

[A]

We'd buy concert tickets there, remember? We bought the tickets for him there and then we went to see him again somewhere. And then the kid died. When we were seniors in high school, like in fucking April, the kid went on a plane, Randy Rhodes, his guitar player, and he fucking died. And we were fucking heartbroken. And again, Ozzy's get sidelined. But fuck, no. There was a band called Night Ranger. And they had a guitarist played Brad Willis. That was pretty fucking good. So he joined Ozzy for the. For the Diary of a Madman album. That's when he had the Castle on stage and people getting stabbed at concerts. And it was tremendous.

[B]

Like, the first thing I heard about Ozzy was like the bat thing was that even. Honestly, I don't even know. Was that real?

[A]

It was real. But by that time, it was great publicity.

[B]

You know what he do at every concert?

[A]

No, no, no, no. He did it. He went to a meeting on executives and he bit the head off a bat and threw the bat of them. And then he got tetanus or some shit.

[B]

Oh, Jesus Christ.

[A]

And they took a shit on the Alamo or a piss on the Alamo. He was on fucking fire. But the one thing about him is that most people faked the funk. That motherfucker was real. Like that dude died a few times. Like that dude did a lot of fun. His band was called the Blizzard of Oz. What the fuck does that tell you? And I made a shirt. I loved that name. His uncle worked at Levy's. It was sporting goods. And you could make custom shirts in there.

[B]

So you made your own shirt.

[A]

We used to make our own shirts for concerts. Listen, do me a favor. Throw up killing yourself to live. Black Sabbath, live. I'm going to show you something. I showed Lee once before. We have to go through a specific part. So before concerts, your uncle and some of his fucking lunatic friends would make shirts for concerts. They would make the shirts. They would lower that. They would make the shirts if they hated a concert. So if one of those guys had a girlfriend and she was going to see Adamant, these North Bergen idiots would make shirts that says, Adam Ant sucks my dick and go to the concert. And just to annoy Adam Ant.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

And they would make them at Levy's but there's four idiots at this concert, and that was us. That was us at the Black Sabbath concert. Because I made a shirt called Suicide Solution. And I walked into your grandfather's house, he would look at the shirt and go, and it was two lines of Coke and it says, suicide. You got to be retarded. We were sophomores. We all made hats that. Because the name of the band is Judas Priest. But you could also call it what's the opposite for Judas Priest? There's another name for. It's Judas Christ or something like that. So what did we do? We made those hats. Your uncle and fucking. They got in trouble for wearing those hats in school. Something about because it was blasphemous or something and one of the teachers was really religious or some shit we used to make. Anyway, getting back to that, these idiots made their own shirts. And I still remember going to a concert. That's why when people say to me, hey, we're going to a Jet game. Are you wearing your giant shirt? Fuck, no. I learned at a concert in 1980 what it is to walk home with a bunch of drunk junkies and you and three of your faggy friends have a shirt that you made at home that's kind of cool, but not really. You look like a fucking idiot, but in your demented, acidic mind with the weed, you actually think it's fucking cool. And that's what we used to do at these concerts. This is all very fun. Listen, he had the religious stuff, but I never believed in the devil. You know, only one time when I did some THC Crystal Angel Dust and I put home. I went home and put on Master Reality, and the Exorcist was on. So I took the volume off the Exorcist and left the volume on Master Reality. Dog. I thought I was gonna kill myself. It was my 16th birthday. But there's four idiots at this show that made. There they are. There they are. That was us. That was us. Those four idiots with that shirt on. Look how crazy they go when he stops and does the guitar chords. These four idiots turn into the biggest fags you'll ever see.

[B]

Did he move with the hands?

[A]

Yeah. I'm telling you, that was me. That fag holding on to his face. That might be me. Look at his haircut. That might be me. I'm telling you, when I saw that. How do you know I know about this video? Because I'm telling you, I saw this. I can't see who's sitting next to him. If I see your uncle Or a villo. Yeah, it's a black guy. He's just as confused. But look at him. Watch him, watch him. Yeah, this is classic. But just to get back to Ozzie, just those. And I went to see him that last time. And a Black Sabbath half returns. Yeah, because they were always breaking up in the 70s. This has to be 76, 77. They were always breaking up. Cause it was duck bombs and whatnot. So yeah, 75 is when this album came out. Killing your Sabbath, Bloody sabbath. Or maybe 73. Who the fuck knows? But I loved all this shit. This is what kept me alive when I was a fucking kid. Those years after my mother died. It just gave me like. They had a song called Tomorrow's Dream. That was it. Tomorrow's Dream was for me to wake up the next morning. And I would listen to it every night before I went to bed. Coked up. After I just finished crying that I missed my mother. So this was all very like part of my little retardation after my mother died, you know?

[B]

Right. And like the thing that got me. Because I didn't have any relationship with Ozzy really.

[A]

Neither did I know the guy.

[B]

He wasn't like a. I wasn't a huge fan of him. But like the thing that got to me was like the last song that he sang that at his concert was like Mama, I'm Coming Home. I've been listening to that song like non stop. It's a great song because it's a fucked up song.

[A]

Listen, you know, this is what people don't know. When you look at Sharon Osbourne, you're like, sharon Osbourne's this, that, this, that bitch Sharon Osbourne shaped his career. What people don't know the album Sabotage, I don't like. It's about them singing an album of how they got robbed. Their management robbed them. And that was Arden's father. Damn. So Sharon Osborne's father was their ex manager who robbed him. And he was in the same. He came from the same Notorious hat as the Led Zeppelin manager, Peter Grant. They were mafia, they were gang members. They were like fucking, you know, they believed in just robbing you. That's it. So when Sharon asked him, what are you gonna do with Ozzie? He told her, you could have him. And he was living over Gus's liquor store on the other side of Hollywood Boulevard. You know where Gus's is? It's down by the Roxy and all that. It used to be there. It used to be.

[B]

I'm sorry, not Chicken's place.

[A]

It's Something different there.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

He was living over the Gus's, broke, drugged out. And she went to see him and picked him up and cleaned them up and put a band around them. They got Randy Rhodes and that's what that bitch did. And then from there, I mean, she even had her own festival. They even had Ozfest guys.

[B]

Oh, yeah. I didn't know that they were doing.

[A]

It on New Year's Eve in la. I mean. Yeah. This is crazy. This is crazy shit what she did. I think the best thing they showed is his last dance with her. That made me cry. I saw it online. After the concert, he grabbed her hand and they started dancing.

[B]

Oh, that's nice.

[A]

And I'm like, you know, this is what you always want at the end of your life is to have that partner that you were both eating shit. And now they're worth. What are they worth? Half a billion?

[B]

Yeah, I was gonna say has to be like hundreds of millions at least, you know, because like even. And it's crazy. Not like, not like around his music, but then his reality show was huge. Like, he was huge on the.

[A]

Everything he stepped on that she developed after that was fucking huge. And let me tell you something, his fucking reality show was one of the best of all time. Top, Top five. He's a funny motherfucker, that dude. He was very funny. That's why they liked him. That's why he lasted. He was naturally funny and naturally had chops. And you read about him how his parents grew up in a five bed in a two bedroom house. His parents lived in the one bedroom and he lived in the other bedroom with six kids. They didn't have a shower or bathroom till he was 16 years old.

[B]

I read that.

[A]

Yeah, you had to go to the bathroom outside. You know, it's not where you fucking start, man. It's not ever where you start. And you're not going to stay there if you don't want to. That guy was dead in 1980. Dead. Dead without Black Sabbath. Nobody wanted him. He was a fucking known coke. Everything that came with all that life, he did. And this chick took a fucking gamble with him, then had kids. I don't know where she got to come for him to have kids. Because that dude was. And he's been shaking for 20 years. He's been shaking for 20 fucking years. So, you know, it's so funny. Like, this is what I'm writing my book about, about fucking how I got fucked up because people got it wrong. Can you believe that? I got inspired from a guy especially Two weeks ago, when I saw him dance with his wife at that age, their last dance. And you think about that guy. The drugs he did, the stupidity he did, the trouble he got into, all that shit, which he really never got in trouble. But all the articles and all the bats and all that shit. And that dude had a tremendous home life. The kids all came out normal. In fact, he's got a kid that don't want nothing to do with the fame, another daughter that nobody. You don't even know she's alive. She didn't want to be a part of it at all. So it's a very interesting story, and it's very interesting. Look right there. It was his last dance with her. Man, that's 40 fucking years of marriage.

[B]

That's all I'm there.

[A]

Do you have any fucking idea what that must feel like? You're like, I can't believe this bitch. She's got bad breath. But she's the one that took you to the dance, right? Because without her, she had nothing. He had nothing. This poor bastard.

[B]

Dude, I know it's sad that he's gone, but if you had to script the end of your life, he had a pretty decent one, it seems like, to have that concert and go two.

[A]

Weeks later, bro, this guy had a great fucking life. And to think it all started from singing a stupid song or showing up to fucking do something you never thought you were even good at. You know, you think about that, like, you show up and you don't even think you're gonna be good at it, and you just keep showing up. And then you meet a girl and she has good drugs and she plays the drums and you keep singing, and all sudden you're in another band, and that band puts out nine albums. Who has nine albums that you know today? Guys? Anybody? Drake? Mm mm. Nine fucking albums that they put Heart and Sweat into. And each album is fucking great.

[B]

That's a difference. I think.

[A]

They got eight studio albums. They got one greatest hits album.

[B]

How many albums are good do you think?

[A]

I love all nine of their fucking albums. Every one of their albums. Something different about each album. And you're like, what the fuck is this? And then he put out two, three, solo Bark at the Moon, you know, he put out a bunch of. You know, you think that these legends are going, I'll tell you who we overlooked. We overlooked this bitch every fucking day. And I want all you motherfuckers to. I don't know what you got, whether it's Spotify or Apple. Put on Apple Playlist and put on fucking Madonna and get back to me. When you listen to her fucking playlist, that's another motherfucker you gotta go. You know, Ozzy was a bad motherfucker, but Madonna opened up the door for 2,000 bitches. Listen to her albums. They all sound like her. They all sound like her. The other day, me and Mercy listened to the first one with. That's a fucking badass album. Yeah, Holiday and Physical Attraction and Burning Up. But the other one is really good. Like A Virgin is fucking tremendous. Right? It's tremendous. She has like three or four songs, then the other one, True Blue. But look at her. Fucking True Blue. She has an album in 93, that's fucking brilliant. She's got the one when she came out with the quarters on the titties. The one when the black guy lights the balloons. Deeper and deeper. These people are fucking living. Yeah, Madonna looks all fucked up now, Joey. That doesn't matter. Look at her. Look at her work. Look at her fucking work over the years and everybody was trying to be her. Everybody stole from Madonna. I don't give a fuck what anybody told you. You know, these guys are. We're about to lose them. Aerosmith. Aerosmith is no joke. You know, these guys have been around. This ain't a fucking. Listen, I love what's her name, Two Face to Love. Go there, Ellie. What's her name? What's her name? Billie Eilish. I love Billie Eilish. Until I put on one of her concerts.

[B]

What's wrong?

[A]

It's a guy with a DJ booting her, lip syncing or whatever. And these kids are paying thousands of dollars and it's just going to a club. It's us going to the palladium in the 80s and somebody comes in, like some fat chick from Brooklyn comes in and they stop. You're all coked up and all of a sudden, excuse me, ladies and gentlemen, we have a special treat coming to you from Brooklyn, Monet. And all of a sudden you got this one of those songs, Dee Dee Dee Dee Dee Dee dee dee Dee Dee Dee Dee sounds like everything else. And she goes up there and lip syncs and you're there. Thank God they had no cameras in those days with those idiots taping things and shit. But it's the same thing. It's just a chip. Fucking lip syncing, it's no big deal. And then she gets off the stage and you're back to snorting coke and fucking dancing up and down. But Madonna, it was different, you know, all these People, Aerosmith. These guys are gonna go pretty soon, and we're gonna be done. That's it. And I'm not talking about. These guys are not like these wannabe that these Americans, these white people put up to be heroes, you know? Nobody put Ozzy Osbourne up to be no fucking hero. They were thinking of other fucking people. And look at the damage this guy did. And he didn't give a fuck. So RIP Ozzy. And I'm happy. I. I got to listen to you. I'm not gonna sit here for two hours and give you the Joey Diaz you know. Who gives a fuck? He's dead. Now we got. Then the other guy died. What's his name?

[B]

Hulk Hogan.

[A]

Hulk Hogan. We're gonna. They're gonna keep him. Jamal Warner died last week, you know, but then there's people still walking around. You look at them and go, jesus fucking Christ, when are you gonna fucking get hit by a truck, you cocksucker? What do you got this week?

[B]

This week I'm in New York. Locally. I don't have anything booked for you.

[A]

All right, so Wednesday we're at the dojo for the best of Wednesday night, cheap tickets, and Thursday night we're at the dojo for Bucket and a story. They're gonna pass the Bucket out. You're gonna put a topic in there. They, the comics have to go on stage and do eight minutes on the shit they pull out of the Bucket. It's the first time they're gonna do it. And then we're gonna keep doing it, like every other Wednesday. It's a great show. You see, people create material. You come back and watch them and you see from what a note in the bucket now became 10 minutes two weeks later. That's crazy, because 800 when you have. Listen. It's tough to write when you're at a coffee shop and you put your pen in your mouth and your girlfriend's like, what do you want for dinner? You're not going to write nothing. You're not going to write nothing. The best writing you're going to do is when there's 50 people in the audience and 100 eyeballs are looking at you like your cat when they're hungry. You know what I'm saying? You ever see how your cat won't take the eye off you? Oh, I know they won't take. Did you get the nip?

[B]

I did. I got toys, too. And a laser pointer.

[A]

Did she like you?

[B]

She's not hitting me.

[A]

There you go. There you go.

[B]

See, I just bribe her with treats.

[A]

You gotta out think them.

[B]

I'll thank him. I'm just. Like I said, I jump up. What you want, dude? Cats, dogs, you always know are there. This cat moves. You don't hear that thing and then it just. It'll just appear on the bed.

[A]

Tell me the truth.

[B]

1.

[A]

The truth is family. You miss mama? So you were banging one out one day in the bed, and the cat jumped on the bed next to you. Because they'll watch you jerk off and go, look at this pig motherfucker.

[B]

It's the worst. Oh, yeah, because listen, I tried to get to not to come in the room. I built a whole fucking wall.

[A]

They love to watch Future Call. When you bat one up, they'll show.

[B]

Up on the bed. She doesn't like me. Why isn't she on the couch? I set up a little room for her on the couch with blankets and shit. She doesn't want to be on the couch. She'll just sit there and she just glares at me the whole time.

[A]

They know what's going on and they look at you and go, no, she.

[B]

Glares at me when I'm not jerking off. But, yeah, I jerked off a lot.

[A]

Did she catch you? The cat?

[B]

It wasn't catching, but she was just, like, noticing she's in the room.

[A]

What are you either go or you stay. You know what I'm saying, Buttercup, I'm gonna bang one out whether you're in here or not. You know what I'm saying? So you could go on your terms, or you could sit here and look at me fucking make eyeballs.

[B]

But it was like, I did that. Like, it made me nervous the first couple times. If I don't want to give, I get. I was like, if she whacks my dick, I'm gonna freak out.

[A]

We gotta whack it with a controlled element. Don't take your balls out and sit there. She starts scratching your balls with her left hook. That's a lot of explaining you gotta do. You gotta go to the doctor. Cause every time a cat scratches your balls, you know that one hook's gonna get caught in there. And now you can't take it out. That's too painful. Cause they're like. It's like a cat's dick. You ever hear cat fucking? When a cat fucks you, his dick opens up, so when he pulls out, he shreds the woman's pussy. The cat's pussy. That's why female cats are like. Because it's like razor blades ripping their insides. Oh, my God, that's the same thing that happened with their claws. The end of the claw has another tip. A lot of people don't know that. So if they get you in the nutsack, you gotta go to the hospital. They gotta look at the doctor and tell them you gotta hit the nut sack. And they're gonna look at you a little different. They're gonna make a call, too. Somebody's gonna come in and talk to you. Because not for nothing, we wanna know why the cat swatted you in the nut sack. Can we go to your house and smell the cat? You know?

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

All right, cocksuckers. I love you with all my heart, Lee. Nothing this week, Just open mic and fucking bucket list.

[B]

Bunch of shows coming up. But we only talk about the week next.

[A]

All right, my friend, I'm Uncle Joey. I got nothing. I'll be at the dojo next week. And again, happy birthday to my beautiful nephew, Nick Askalise. He's having a party tomorrow night. I got an 8 o' clock bocce game, so I'll never make it. I can't make it up and down by both fucking situations. So maybe if you want to do lunch in Jersey City, I'll come up, we'll hang with the sheriff, shoot some dice. You know what I'm saying? I love you. Have a great week, motherfuckers. Stay black. We love you here at the church, Sam.