Say goodbye to Zoom!

Summary

Summary of "Say Goodbye to Zoom!" Episode of The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament

Release Date: November 12, 2024

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Introduction

In the "Say Goodbye to Zoom!" episode of The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament, hosts Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt delve deep into the challenges and transformations of podcasting, reflecting on their journey and future aspirations. The episode combines humor, personal anecdotes, and candid discussions about the evolving landscape of podcasting.

Moving Away from Zoom

The primary focus of the episode is the hosts' decision to discontinue using Zoom for their podcast recordings. Lee Syatt expresses his frustration with the platform, stating, "I've been doing a podcast for four years that has basically been a disaster" (02:08). The technical issues and the impersonal nature of Zoom interactions have prompted the duo to seek a more authentic and engaging recording environment.

Podcast Challenges and Changes

Lee elaborates on the difficulties they faced while podcasting via Zoom, including unreliable guests and technical glitches. He remarks, "I didn't like doing it. I was having a hard time with it, doing it" (02:19). The hosts discuss the stagnation in their podcast's growth and express excitement about transitioning to a new studio setup, which promises better sound quality and a more intimate atmosphere.

Personal Reflections and Past Experiences

Joey Diaz shares personal stories about his past, including his experiences with substances and the impact on his mood and appearance. At 00:05, he humorously attributes his seemingly depressed look to taking mushrooms: "Maybe was the 12pm mushrooms I took. I don't know. I feel fine." These reflections provide listeners with a glimpse into the personal lives of the hosts, highlighting their resilience and growth over the years.

New Studio Setup

A significant portion of the conversation revolves around the excitement of setting up a new, spacious podcast studio in NYC. Lee Syatt discusses the benefits of the new space, emphasizing the need for better equipment and a more comfortable environment: "The studio is perfect for us. I mean, it's definitely a little bigger than what we looked for, but we'll take it." The hosts anticipate a renewed energy and creativity with this upgrade, moving away from the limitations imposed by Zoom.

Reflections on the Comedy Scene

Joey and Lee reflect on the broader comedy landscape, comparing their experiences to those of other comedians like Joe Rogan. They discuss the importance of evolving and staying relevant in a rapidly changing industry. Lee Syatt shares insights on the decline of certain TV shows and the necessity for podcasts to adapt: "We're coming back strong. We want to do things that we didn't do on the church because we were too stoned." This segment underscores their commitment to authenticity and innovation in their content.

Upcoming Shows and Events

Towards the end of the episode, Joey and Lee announce upcoming live shows and open mic events. They express enthusiasm about engaging directly with their audience in person, planning multiple performances to invigorate their community. Joey mentions, "Stay black. I love you guys. See you next week." This invitation highlights their dedication to fostering a close-knit listener base through live interactions.

Conclusion

In "Say Goodbye to Zoom!", Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt candidly discuss the hurdles they've faced in podcasting and their strategic shift towards a more personal and technically sound setup. The episode is a blend of humor, self-reflection, and forward-thinking, promising a refreshed and more engaging listening experience for their audience. By addressing both personal and professional aspects, the hosts reinforce their commitment to authenticity and meaningful connections with their listeners.

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Notable Quotes:

• Joey Diaz at 00:05: "Maybe was the 12pm mushrooms I took. I don't know. I feel fine."

• Lee Syatt at 02:19: "I've been doing a podcast for four years that has basically been a disaster."

• Lee Syatt at 14:43: "I like the whole setup that we're doing. I'd like to meet you a little earlier so we could get a dinner, go somewhere and eat and bullshit."

• Joey Diaz at 22:45: "I think you're doing smarter than fuck. I could tell you are building a market down there."

These quotes encapsulate the hosts' humor, frustration, and optimistic outlook towards improving their podcasting endeavors.

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Note: Advertisements and sponsored segments (e.g., Liquid IV, BetterHelp) were omitted from the summary to focus solely on the episode's content as per the guidelines.

Transcript

[Joey Diaz]

What's up, buddy?

[Lee Syatt]

How we doing today? You look depressed. What happened?

[Joey Diaz]

I look depressed?

[Lee Syatt]

Yeah. What happened?

[Joey Diaz]

And nothing. I Maybe was the 12pm mushrooms I took. I don't know. I feel fine. I thought I looked happy. I wear a bright sweatshirt for you.

[Lee Syatt]

You took a gram and a half of mushrooms?

[Joey Diaz]

Yeah, I usually take two. Nothing. I'm wearing a bright shirt. I look. I thought I looked really happy.

[Lee Syatt]

Listen, I could give a Frenchman's about your bright shirt. All right? Bright. Rogan. Look, look. That's where he got it from. Wow.

[Joey Diaz]

Jesus Christ. He's saying I'm wearing the same sweater as Rogan.

[Lee Syatt]

Okay, what are you gonna do? Next thing you know, you're gonna have J.D. vance on the podcast. You know what I'm saying?

[Joey Diaz]

I'm doing good, buddy. Hold it. Looks like you're. It looks like your Internet's acting up. I don't want to.

[Lee Syatt]

You're back.

[Joey Diaz]

He's back. I don't want to start of it.

[Lee Syatt]

I'm back. Like herpes, brother. Don't worry about nothing. This all work itself. All right.

[Joey Diaz]

I'm doing good, dude.

[Lee Syatt]

Today the delivery came from the furniture. We got carpets. We got to get some. Some shades. And that's pretty much it, you know? Now we just got to get it all set up. And I'll tell you what, I'm gonna burn this fucking zoom. I am so happy. I'm done. Like, I'm done. I've been doing a podcast for four years that has basically been a disaster, like, you know I'm saying. But when I moved here, that's the best I could do. I didn't even think about a zoom. I was zooming in guests, but they were pain in the ass, and the zooms wouldn't work. And this has been a fucking. You know, it's like we had this podcast for, like 10 years, going eight years, and then for four years, I had, like, that they put me back in the B leagues. It seems like, like I'm. I'm back in the farm team. And I'm okay with that because now start with, you know what I'm saying? And I'm sure a lot of people were disappointed, but listen, that was the best I could do with what I had to work with for a year or two.

[Joey Diaz]

And to be honest, I'm surprised.

[Lee Syatt]

Listen, I didn't like doing it. I was having a hard time with it, doing it. That's why I cut it from two episodes to one. It was brutal, you know, and you. You have all these things you want to talk about when you have a camera in your face for an hour until the camera gets put in your face, and then you're like, I'm out of shit to say you're putting me on the spot every week. You know, podcasts definitely work better. I mean, listen, God bless Bill Burr. God bless all people who do a podcast for an hour by themselves and just rant. God fucking bless them. In another time, maybe I'll do one with no YouTube where I just don't even have to look at a camera. I just sit there and it's like ramblers. It's like Marlon Brand on Apocalypse now when he would make the tape recordings of horrors and all this shit. That's my next podcast, the Horror. That's what it's called, the Horror. And I'll play the fucking. Me shitting my pants, me changing my diapers, you know, me emptying my colossal bag, whatever the fuck it's called. So. But it's okay. But I, you know, this is why I'm so excited. You could tell. The last two weeks I was a little fired up. The last three weeks I've been very fired up. Because you have no idea. It's been like. And listen, over the pandemic, Mushroom, Mushroom. Podcast grew. Podcast grew. And record numbers. And the terrain changed. The terrain really changed a lot in the podcast world in four years. You know, fucking the Chinese app, twitch, whatever the they do, they jump up and down for a minute. What's it called, Tick tock, tick tock and all that. It's really changed. And now these are all elements that you could use towards a better podcast, you know, so we'll have to open up a church, New Testament, tip top, because these are the things that will lure people. But I don't want no, you know, in my world, there has never been no smoke and mirrors. I don't like. It's like I watched what's that show, Yellowstone last night, okay. And I had a funny feeling that the show was gonna suck. And I'll tell you why. Because it was such a great show. And then they took like a two year hiatus, maybe even longer. And the writers have to come back. They have to get a last night episode. They spun around the horse for 15 minutes. Then the guy played a banjo for 10 minutes. You know, it was like I was lost. It was like the fifth season of Miami Vice. I think Miami Vice lasted six seasons. The last two seasons, just like, what am I watching? Everybody quit. The people who stayed were high. They didn't know what they were doing. And my point with that is we're coming back. So I don't want to come back weaker. I want to come back strong. I want to come back doing things that we didn't do on the church because we were too stoned. Turn up, your TV's running for your lives. It's over. They didn't put you on this planet just to give up. If Uncle Joey could do it, I could fucking rule the world. That's what you gotta be thinking. Welcome back to church.

[Steve Simone]

Greetings from podcastville. It's Tuesday 12th November.

[Lee Syatt]

Poop, poop.

[Steve Simone]

We do. I'm excited. The check in is brought to you by Liquid iv. Listen, you could drink all the eggnog all Christmas that you want, but you're gonna need to get hydrated, all right? And you can make those little pina coladas and jump up and down with Elvis or Santa, but you're still gonna need hydration. Liquid IV is going to make it easier for you this holiday season. Liquid IV packets get you eight vitamins and nutrients, three times the electrolytes of the leading sports drink. And guess what? No artificial sweeteners. Again, no artificial sweeteners. Just mix a stick of liquid IV with 16 ounces of water and it's the best, best way to stay hydrated. Liquid IV even comes in sugar free versions also, which are just delicious.

[Lee Syatt]

I got the, you know me, I'm.

[Steve Simone]

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[Lee Syatt]

Are you kidding me or what?

[Steve Simone]

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[Lee Syatt]

I'm done.

[Steve Simone]

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[Lee Syatt]

Party started on a Tuesday night.

[Steve Simone]

Bam.

[Lee Syatt]

Listen, I love getting high, but I look at those old church episodes and I break your balls. We're never going back that Lee. Oh, but I don't want to drool again. I don't want you passing out, you know, every once in a while. It's good to see you go through.

[Steve Simone]

Changes oh, yeah, I'm not gonna.

[Joey Diaz]

I'm gonna.

[Lee Syatt]

For me to come back and put a bong at the circle and start that all over again. No, what I want to do is what I told you. I want to war Hudson County. I want to put Mr. Barone on. I want to put Louis Hernandez on. I'm going to put my eighth grade teacher on. I'm going to put my sixth grade teacher on. I got cops. We got musicians that live in North Jersey. I don't want this to be. I'm going to interview a lot of regular people, people that are more interesting than any of these fucking celebrities that you see or these personalities, because they didn't put tattoos to be cool or, you know, they were a pink hat to step out. These are real people. They don't give a fuck about none of that stuff. They didn't cry when Kamala lost.

[Steve Simone]

Yeah.

[Lee Syatt]

They didn't do any of that. You know what I'm saying?

[Joey Diaz]

No. I think the smartest thing you've always talked about from, like, fighting to, like, comedy or whatever, is evolving. And I think, because I. When you were talking about those TV shows, I really like the show suits. But the last two seasons are the unwanted. And I think you're right. It's because they try to do the same thing.

[Lee Syatt]

They try to do the same thing, and you gotta dope it up. And then after a while, you have, you know, this uncertainty in a writer's room, which a lot of people understand about TV shows. And what really happens, that if a show is successful the first two seasons, they're gonna go after those rights, and they're gonna offer more money than you're offering them. And now your network, you know how much you need Lee, but your network can't cover the spread. You got to take a pay cut, or you got to, you know. Or you can't have an assistant or something like that. Because I want to hire Lee because I know how good he is, how efficient he is, and that's what happens to these things, you know? You know what my biggest question is now? I don't know if you noticed this beside Kansas City in football, nobody has really won a World Series lately or a championship or super bowl beside Kansas City, and really held to that number one spot for years. Last year, Texas Rangers won it. This year, they were fucking 8 and 34. You know what happened? They traded away players. So you just built the team to win a World Series, and that's it. Now you're going to trade away the players that got you there? The chemistry that got you there. Yeah. One or two people going to leave, but that's what I seems in sports, in NBA, every year, something. Nobody's running a dynasty. The Celtics are the closest thing to a dynasty, but it's like, people win. They don't win four in a row no more. You know, they don't know New England. It's Kansas City now, you know, and it's just really weird. I never understood building a team and then breaking it up over money.

[Joey Diaz]

Right, Absolutely. And that's. And I don't think that's what you're saying, but I just want to make it clear for people watching, that's not why the church ended. That we never thought about my, like.

[Steve Simone]

No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

[Lee Syatt]

I'm just saying that, listen, the church had to end. Let's get this. The more I think about it, I'm like, I've made some mistakes in my day. It felt like a mistake at first, but it saved our lives. It saved our lives. It saved our friendship. It just saved a lot of things. Taking that breather. People have no idea how deep we were in and how deep I was in stand up and how deep I was enacting. And then to wrap this up in a bow, I got a wife and a daughter. You follow me? So it became. It's the law of diminishing returns. Even at the end, with the podcast pandemic hit, and we were still doing it, but towards the end there, it was starting to maybe get a little repetitive.

[Steve Simone]

People.

[Lee Syatt]

It's crazy, because people you could put. When it came to us, we could put the President on there, and they would still say, that was a great episode, but I'd rather just be you and Lee. Right? And then when we do two episodes in a row, they yell at us, bring back a guest, and you're never gonna please everybody, so do what the fuck you want to do. And the people who want to stay, you stay. And the people that want abandoned ship, go. Because eventually they'll come back and they'll see that, you know, our podcast and maybe an hour, 15 minutes, but it's better than sitting there for three hours just picking up shit to talk about, because that's when you get tired. That's when the people at home go, you know what? I've had enough of this. I rather keep the conversation fresh when it's not fresh. End this fucking thing. Sometimes I do a podcast for 40 minutes and I gotta get the fuck out of there.

[Joey Diaz]

I got way better. There's so many of them. And you know why I'm so excited about, like, this new. Like, the New Testament is. And I'm not saying we'll never have a comic on, but I like the idea of having other people on because. So these comics have been on every podcast and told a lot of stories. There's a lot of stories that haven't been told. Especially, like, add color to your old stories. So it's not only going to be. And we'll still get high. It's not like we're going to sit there like, no, don't go over.

[Lee Syatt]

And the. Me and mumbling. If you look at some of your podcasts, we just ended them. The last 30 minutes are just us two mumbling about farts.

[Steve Simone]

And.

[Lee Syatt]

And we could have got out of there and then we'd stay another hour after that. That's what people. And we just weren't doing a podcast. It was a whole night. It consumed our whole fucking night. By the time we got home, we're like, what bar did I go to? Nowhere. You left the. You know, so these are the things that people never really understood that I never had time to explain to people. There was a lot going on, you know, now till this day, there's still people. Oh, the news is going to come out. They left in a rush. We just looked around, we heard what was going on our neighborhood, and we both looked at each other, including Steve Simone and a bunch of other people, and said, I'm paying 2300 to live with guns going off outside my fucking window every night and shit. Because it got stupid, you know? But again, I don't want to dwell on that. What I want to dwell on is what I want to do with this. The studio is perfect for us. I mean, it's definitely a little bigger than what we looked for, but we'll take it. It's worth it. We gotta get some heaters in there. Because I could tell it's gonna be a cold winter. It was. It was warmer outside than it was inside today.

[Joey Diaz]

Oh, well, yeah, it's. It's concrete.

[Lee Syatt]

It's.

[Joey Diaz]

But yeah, we. We are gonna need a heater, but it's cool. I like that. It's big, too. We can do more stuff in it. It's like. Because the. I think what people don't know is how small we had one. The office next to In N Out was decently sized. Every other office we had barely. Like, you could. Like that first one where they kept saying we were smoking weed and we weren't smoking Weed. Yeah. The people. We couldn't even get around it if you couldn't. Once you were in for the podcast, you couldn't leave. And then there was also. They took one office and cut it into two. So our office didn't have AC coming into it. It only had the outtake of the ac. Like, we didn't like it was. That one was tiny. And then the last office, it was fine for what we needed, but it was. There was only one place to put the table, and it was tiny, this one.

[Lee Syatt]

I remember going to a podcast studio, look at it, and the lady's like, yeah, people do podcasts here all the time. And I'm walking in there going, no, they don't. It was. It was all 10 metal.

[Joey Diaz]

Oh, no.

[Lee Syatt]

The lady's like, oh, it's cool here in the summer, lady. It's 80 outside, 104 in here. Me and my wife are sweating walking through this. Ain't nobody doing powder here. It's 11 in the morning. Yeah. Ain't nobody doing cocaine and we're sweating profusely. And you're telling us that this place cools down. I mean, I hate all that. You know me. Air conditioner, I like. It's got to be a little cold, but this is going to be a little bit colder than what we anticipated in January, so we'll have to get there a little earlier, put the heaters on, take a ride, then come back and do your thing. But that. Listen, I like the whole setup that we're doing. I'd like to meet you a little earlier so we could get a dinner, go somewhere and eat and bullshit, or do the other thing, get the podcast done with, and then go get a bite to eat. And that's a continuation for YouTube or whatever, wherever we go to eat, so. And there's a lot of places to eat.

[Joey Diaz]

Oh, dude, that. There's nothing that's going to make me feel warmer inside than one of those chili dogs from, like, that we had today. Those chili dogs, especially January, if we're cold and just get six of them and two orders those things. I've never had anything like that. A Hiram's hot dog. That was crazy. I can't believe they deep fry the hot dogs.

[Lee Syatt]

Yeah, they're good. I can't believe that. That place. I went there for my eighth grade after we took a trip. The pictures that I put up with me and Dominic, God. God rest his soul, and Louis Hernandez and Dave Ruiz. That was that day. We had the suits on. We stopped there. The city it was. Hiram's was next to Callahan's. So some people like Callahan, some people like Tyrams. So I'm here. Hiram's is still in. I haven't been that since 1985. I thought about it on the way home. 1985 was the last time I ate from Hiram's. And I. That hot dog today was off the fucking hook. The chili was off the hook. The onions were off the hook. The bun was off the hook. I ate two of them. I blew a fart. Like where the turnpike meets the parkway. Now, if you know that area exit, whatever it is, it smells like a dead mule for like 10 miles. You look at each other, you start smelling your armpits. It's an odor you never smell. And it's the birth of cancer when you drive through that. That's when you put your mask on. Not because people are breathing on you during COVID You put your mask on when you drive through the birth of cancer on the Jersey meeting the parkway. I blew a thought that I had to open the window. I'd rather smell that than the fart I just blew from those two hot dogs. You know why? Because they were loosened up in Hudson county water right there from the Hudson River.

[Joey Diaz]

Oh, my God. You think you happened that quickly just on that ride home?

[Lee Syatt]

Oh, I blew a train. I didn't. Anything else? I had two eggs with a piece of toast and a fruit bowl for breakfast. It was plain this morning, so I need anything else? I ate those two hot dogs. I blew a fart. The windows got fogged up. It was tremendous. I ain't mad. I'm just saying.

[Joey Diaz]

Oh, dude. I haven't had a sip of water since then because it was just so, like. It's spicy a little bit.

[Lee Syatt]

You're gonna dehydrate.

[Joey Diaz]

Well, that. Those hot dogs tasted good.

[Lee Syatt]

Thank God. I got liquid IV as a sponge. I brushed my teeth twice and Listerine. After I got out of the shower, I had to come back and work out. I did something. I went to the gym at 5.

[Joey Diaz]

Why?

[Lee Syatt]

Because I was sitting an hour and a half up and an hour and a half back. I can't do that. And I couldn't lift this morning because if I swing kettlebells, I get in the truck, then I come back and I can't walk for three days. And I knew I ate that for lunch. So I was like, I ain't taking it. I got on the bike for 20 minutes. I pedaled that motherfucker like 10. Cops were after me. And then I just got out in the gym. I stretched, I threw some kettlebells, I did all the cables, and I got out of there. Tomorrow I'll go to boxing class, and I feel better about myself.

[Joey Diaz]

Oh, and I'm. I need to do that. I'll need to do the stairs an extra time. But you did, like, my favorite. You didn't. Like. My favorite thing to do at a place like that is you just got one hot dog to start, and then you finished it, and you're like, I think I need another one. Yeah, that's my. And it takes two seconds.

[Lee Syatt]

Oh, why go in there all in for three of them? That's the first time I've been in there. The first time. And next, you know, the hot dog tastes like a fried mouse. I don't need that either. They just cut the tail off and put two of them together. I don't need that either. You know what I'm saying? So you always got to start with one. You always dip one toe in the pool, right?

[Joey Diaz]

Right. Oh, yeah.

[Lee Syatt]

Jump in. You always dip one. And you. But that's, you know, history, man. Those places are North Jersey history.

[Joey Diaz]

You were saying as we were driving up there that across the street used to be, like, an entire amusement park, and now it's just a condo complex.

[Lee Syatt]

Palisade Amusement Park. If you're over 55, you remember it. If you live in Jersey right now. I think I went there with my mom a few times after my dad died and we came from Cuba. And the thing I remember the most is the pool. It was the largest saltwater pool, but it was like the ocean. It was a wave pool back then, guys. This was the early late 60s, early 70s. You know, they already had a wave pool, and they had vanilla ice cream that was better than fucking Dairy Queen and better than Carvel. And then one day they closed it, man, they just broke everybody's heart. They built buildings.

[Joey Diaz]

It was too valuable.

[Lee Syatt]

Yeah, that. That landscape is just. You know, it's like, today we saw that church. That was beautiful. And he says, it's for sale. They got a knock, sell it, and knock it into condominiums. You know, that's where the money is. Now. I tell all these people on the Sunset Strip and everything that eventually everything's going to change. Those locations are hot. People are going to keep coming to you every year, Will you take 8 million? Where you take 9 million, and 1 year you just go, you know what? I'm getting sick of fucking sitting here. Nine million. Is that cash? Yeah. Okay. My attorney Because I'm out of here. I don't want to see another comic laugh. I don't want to hear one of their fucking stories.

[Joey Diaz]

Yeah, I think it's why it's exciting you inviting your friends on. Has to be pretty cool. You've known some of these people since you were in middle school or maybe before. And like, now, like, you, like, get them all on the. On a podcast, but you guys are still, like, young and okay. Like, that's pretty cool.

[Lee Syatt]

I'm sick and tired of hearing that these stories are made up. I'm sick and tired of people saying that this never happened. I'm gonna put people on there that I grew up with. At the same time, they're gonna explain to you what was going on in their home, the reason they acted like they did and the reason I acted like I did. You know, we're all still friends. Like, Saturday. This Saturday is my. My brother Chuckie McBreen is getting. They're gonna name the Ramapo College basketball gym after him.

[Joey Diaz]

Oh, cool.

[Lee Syatt]

We're all going up there, you know, and this crew has known each other since the fifth fucking grade. And we love each. I mean, we talk all the time, me and these guys, you know, they have to come on the podcast to really, you know, Ralph Afuso has to tell the story. When we went to basketball camp in the sixth grade and we were just torturing the counselors, putting shampoo in their sneakers. These guys were men. We were in the sixth grade with no fucking worries. No worries. You know, Chuckie McBreen, the coach of Rampa, we're going to have him on to talk about how many nights we played basketball till 11 o'clock at night up in his pool. And his pool was even dirtier, you know, from us jumping in there. I want to have Louie come in and talk about basketball. What it was to us. We didn't know what. Like, I watched my daughter last night. I wanted to stick a fucking screwdriver in my eye. But it's not her fault. Her generation doesn't even play when the sun is out. Never mind going to the court after dinner and playing three on three till two in the morning. You know, I want to. I gotta bring. You know, I'm going to try to bring Christy Lorenzo on Bonehead's brother. You know, Bonehead's brother? He lives around the corner from me. But you gotta make sure he's sober. You gotta get him a little high, no alcohol. I got a lot of guys that are gonna explain the state of mind we grew up in. Which is more important. When you hear the state of mind, you'll go, oh, I get that story. I understand that story. You know, I bumped into John Rage last week. What's the first thing that he talked about? Us robbing a gas station and he was the getaway man. Did I say something to him? Watch the video, he said it first. You know all those. Have a fuck. This is what to let you know, we were three hungry kids. You know what he told me once I took the tape off, he goes, I was the getaway driver because my younger brother threatened me. And in those days he would kill me, I had to do it, you know, this is the guy, you know. But I want you to understand where that state of mind came from. I'm going to have decent kids. Come on. I'm going to try to have Stephen Villo, come on. Which is my brother, the debt. And he's decent as could come. He didn't live a life like ours, but him and I still breathe for one another. He plays in that band, the Past Masters. You know, it was very interesting. I'm gonna try to put anybody that grew up like me on Lucio Fernandez from Union City. You know, he's a big shot, Union City in politics. We grew up together. He had the fucking barbell fell on his chin when we were lifting weights in our backyard. What does that tell you? And he's got, you know, it was, it wasn't the stories, it was the state of mind that people want to get to. And once you listen to these guys stories, you'll understand their state of mind and why we did those things. Zero were given zero.

[Joey Diaz]

Do you think you would have like. Do you think it would be possible to have the lives you had now? Like if you were kids now?

[Lee Syatt]

It wouldn't be accepted. Kids are different. We're different now. And listen, I didn't believe it, but I'm living it now. I'm living it with my daughter. How many times do I get up, she come home at 2:45 and I go, let's go for a ride. At 3:30 there in US, you go to the park. It's a bunch of sixth graders, six year olds playing on swings. You go to the basketball courts when there's no school. Listen, there was no school. We were at the court at 9:01am Regardless of the weather. If it was too cold, we played or warmed up and we stay there till three and take a break and then come back. And then at 7:00 after dinner, that Was a complete different time to go out.

[Joey Diaz]

Right?

[Lee Syatt]

That's crazy. My daughter, the kids in the neighborhood. There's one kid that rides his bike and.

[Joey Diaz]

But like, what if mercy came to you and your wife and, and said, hey, I want to go out like at 8 o'clock and I would you guys let her?

[Lee Syatt]

Yeah, she had somewhere to go. Not to hang out at a fucking Wawa and eat bubblegum outside and stand yet, you know, phone at least stand a liquor store and try to hustle somebody getting you a bottle of BlackBerry brandy or something. That's, you know, and that's what people don't understand. There's no kids hanging outside liquor stores no more.

[Joey Diaz]

No, no one would do it. I think that's what I was gonna say is like, I don't.

[Lee Syatt]

If you come to me with the right story, I'll do it. If you're a 15 year old kid and you're like, listen, dog, I just want to smoke some joints and get a six pack of Budweiser, I might buy a six pack and drop it off in the parking lot where there's no cameras watching. Because he was a gentleman. But if he tells me he wants whiskey, he wants to make Long island iced teas and blow them up with gasoline, I ain't getting that motherfucker nothing. He ain't drinking shit, drink shoe polish like I did, go home and steal your grandfather's whiskey.

[Joey Diaz]

But who's gonna tell you that? Aren't people gonna tell you the first one most of the time?

[Lee Syatt]

The what?

[Joey Diaz]

Aren't people gonna come at you like more respectfully, more most of the time?

[Lee Syatt]

Well, they're gonna come respectful, but I wanna know what they ordering. If you come at me and say, if you're a white kid and you say, can you get me some wine? I'm just gonna say, listen, take your faggotry somewhere else. But if you come to me, you're like a nice kid and you're by yourself and you go, I just want to smoke some reefer and I need a bottle of Boone's Farm. I'll get it for him. Because they're gentlemen. Spoken like a true gentleman. But you're not going to come up to me and work me and tell me, listen, I want some kamikaze mix and I want pineapple. What are you, Puerto Rican? Pineapple juice. Relax.

[Joey Diaz]

But if they are Puerto Rican, then.

[Lee Syatt]

They should have pineapple juice at their house.

[Joey Diaz]

I'm saying they can have it. Oh, okay, yeah, that's fair.

[Lee Syatt]

Coconut juice. Pineapple juice. Coconut Milk, they got coquito at the house. Puerto Ricans got it down, dog.

[Joey Diaz]

Oh, my God.

[Lee Syatt]

Why are we talking about this, boy? You know what I'm saying?

[Joey Diaz]

I don't know.

[Lee Syatt]

Puerto Ricans are getting a bad rap lately. Enough is enough. It was a joke. What the. I am retarded as a. The other night. What?

[Joey Diaz]

What do you mean, what? Put your glasses on, took it off and said that.

[Lee Syatt]

Yeah, because I can't. I can't see. I need the, you know, not the teleprompter. But I gotta see what time it is before I go into it. I was a sad. Last week. I did three sets. I'm very proud of that.

[Joey Diaz]

Nice, dude.

[Lee Syatt]

You know, I did not want to go on stage tonight and not be prepared, you know, Even though I'm not going to be fucking prepared. But at least with three, four sets under my belt, I could see where it was. Wednesday showed at the dojo was. The set was okay, but it was like Bill Burr's first two minutes on Saturday Night Live. He was like. And also, he just let loose. And then I remember what it is to let loose and what people really want to see, you know, because of my age and because I just slowed down, I go up there with a more whatever, relaxed. They don't like that Joey Diaz. As a matter of fact, I don't like that Joey Diaz. I gotta go. Yeah, I gotta go up there. I didn't say motherfucker at the end. In the beginning, you know, I gotta steal your heart right from the beginning. I got. You gotta know where I'm going with this. But I tried some great jokes about my antidepressants. I'm scared to sleep at night with the sleep apnea machine because I might keep spinning and choke myself to death. You know, at least I'm talking about different stuff. This is what I wanted to talk about. This is the most important thing to me. Not going back up there and thinking, listen, you're gonna get a rotten ass joke or something. But I just couldn't. I couldn't. My life the last four years has been so peaceful. I ain't got no stories to tell. Can you believe that? Like, nothing, really. Nobody got hit in the head, you know, Nobody. I could go off about the baseball coach and tell the story how he was looking up at the sky when the girls were hitting home runs. And I was like, time out. What are you looking at?

[Joey Diaz]

You also have been eating mushrooms by the handful. You. I mean, it's not like you haven't.

[Lee Syatt]

Done anything but I eat mushrooms on the weekends. Today was an exception. I didn't even eat a mushroom. I ate a bread strip.

[Joey Diaz]

Yeah, that was really cool. That was really fun.

[Lee Syatt]

I just want to let you know what we got in store, what the ammunition is that's coming for you. It's a different world now. It's not going to be 2000mg edible. I don't even need that much. Listen, I got these new edibles. Somebody said pretty good packages are 50 milligrams. There's each 50 milligrams. But when you look at it, it's 30 milligrams of THC, 10 of something else, and 10 of CBD. Four bags. You know what I'm saying? Like 400 milligrams. I gotta tell you, at first I'm like, these things suck. But last night during my daughter's basketball game, those came to life, right? I was like, oh. And let me tell you what I ate, because I can always be honest with my people. I started with Eminem peanuts from Halloween. These things were already old, breaking apart. It meant nothing to me. You know what I'm saying? I just started tearing up those peanuts and then I had a banana milkshake.

[Joey Diaz]

Oh, you made a. You made a milkshake?

[Lee Syatt]

Yeah. A little bit of vanilla ice cream, two bananas, milk. Boom. Tremendous.

[Joey Diaz]

Okay.

[Lee Syatt]

I went downstairs. Lee. I was still hungry. I had to go right back upstairs and make a half a bagel with cream cheese. And then.

[Joey Diaz]

Hold on.

[Lee Syatt]

Yes, a half a bagel with cream cheese. Who.

[Joey Diaz]

Why only a half? What did he do with the other half?

[Lee Syatt]

My wife had. Somebody sent us bagels and she had cut one in half.

[Joey Diaz]

Okay. I thought it was you.

[Lee Syatt]

No. So a half is better than a whole. I came downstairs, I smoked some more. I must have fed that edible again. I ended up upstairs toasting white bread, getting chicken cutlet with American cheese, tomato lettuce, mayonnaise on, heavy on the salt and pepper. I ate one of those. I was ready to throw two pieces of bread in the oven to make a second, but I said, ta, ta, ta, ta. Ate the chicken cutlets with no bread, just salt and pepper. That was my dietary last night. That's what I ate last night. So I had to go to the gym today. I had to burn.

[Joey Diaz]

I can see that now.

[Lee Syatt]

Tomorrow I gotta go back and banging out the boxing gym because you gotta get your levels down the sugar. I gotta take a test tomorrow too. A1C test. Tomorrow's my last diabetic class. I took a pre diabetic class. That's for free. I'm getting old. I need things to do. You know what I'm saying?

[Joey Diaz]

I'm not laughing at you taking the class. The class is pretty cool. And I'm. Dude, I've eaten so many kinds of ice cream, but you opened up with a milkshake. I've never made a milkshake before.

[Lee Syatt]

An 8 ouncer. I love banana milkshakes. I really wanted to make a strawberry one, but we were out of the strawberry once. I had blueberries and blackberries and raspberries, but I always have that with coconut water and put protein in it. So I really wanted something different. I like cutting up strawberries and putting them in a bowl with milk. You put a little sugar in there, close it up, and come back two days later. And the milk is fucking red. You know what? It's like, you make.

[Joey Diaz]

Hold on, dude. I know you pretty well. Are you telling me that you. You make strawberry milk specifically for strawberry milk?

[Lee Syatt]

Yeah.

[Joey Diaz]

I never would have guessed you make milkshakes at night.

[Lee Syatt]

I didn't make milkshakes. I started making them here because why go to a place and get a milkshake that's loaded with sugar at home? If you make a milkshake, it's still not better for you, but at least you can control it a little more, right?

[Joey Diaz]

Okay.

[Lee Syatt]

You know, you ever get a milkshake, it's thicker than and it's got 2,000 fucking plus calories in it. And then you come home, you get Breyers, Vanilla Ice, no sugar. The ice cream, vanilla, I think it's 80 a scoop. Eight ounces of milk. It is what it is. I'm old. You know what I'm saying? I like my milk for my bones and my calcium, so I'd rather control the sugar. And I make them at home. I love it. I'll use some of that fake sweetener, which is cancer, too. So you're not going to win. You're not gonna win. And I make the milkshake 8 ounces. No reason to make a 16 or 22 or whatever. Even though a couple days ago I saw a commercial for the new. It was like, on Instagram. Shake Shack. It's a new chocolate shake there. You lock shake, bro. They're not around. I'm not even gonna drive by there no more because I'm gonna fall stone. That's on the way back from boxing and everything else I do. It's right there in Freehold, New Jersey.

[Joey Diaz]

You have to drive by it all the time.

[Lee Syatt]

Yeah. And I. I don't really listen. If I eat that, it's every two weeks with my daughter. My daughter likes it, so she'll stop in there. My wife. They'll talk my wife into it. I just, you know, I like. I do like the cheeseburgers there with a slice of cheese and onion. Raw onion. That's it. I put a little mustard. I like mustard on my burger. You know what I'm saying?

[Joey Diaz]

Oh, you gotta do it.

[Lee Syatt]

Do.

[Joey Diaz]

You said you saw it on Instagram. You said you saw the shake on Instagram.

[Lee Syatt]

Yeah, it was like an advertising. Somebody was talking.

[Joey Diaz]

Oh. Do you ever look. Do you look at a lot of food? I look at a lot of food on Instagram.

[Lee Syatt]

I'd rather look at a chef that's cooking something healthy or, you know, there's a lot of food on Instagram and a lot of it is just the same. It's the same shit. So, you know, I gotta watch what the fuck I'm doing. I'm. I must have put on five pounds last night with the bagel and the chicken cutlets. But I don't eat much in the daytime. That's what's killing me. Anyway, let me talk to you savages real quick about Better Help. We'll be back, Jack.

[Joey Diaz]

All right.

[Steve Simone]

Uncle Joey, back here to talk to you about BetterHelp. You know that they helped me out. This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. Here's a reminder to be grateful. It's easy to forget what a badass you are. Betterhelps online therapy gives you the tools to appreciate yourself just the way you are.

[Lee Syatt]

Like they did for me, you know.

[Steve Simone]

I'm saying they were there.

[Lee Syatt]

They gave me exercises and different things.

[Steve Simone]

To do and my mind to change. And Here I am, three years later, like an animal. Thanks to BetterHelp online therapy. So do yourself a favor. BetterHelp is completely online. Nobody knows nothing. Just fill out the quick survey to get matched with licensed therapists. And you can have video calls, phone calls or messages anytime that suits your schedule. No running around, no taking buses. This home. You go home, you put your rub on your robe on. You get the cat, you pet them. You could even switch therapists on eight point if you don't like. The first one they gave you for no additional charge until you find the right match that's perfect for you. This is all about you.

[Lee Syatt]

Better Help. Holidays are coming. We all fall into slumps. Knock it off. Everybody in the holiday thinks that their uncle or their mom or what could have been. Listen, why go through the holidays like that again, BetterHelp is going to ask you help you.

[Steve Simone]

So let the gratitude flow and let Betterhelp get help you get through the holidays. What I'm going to do is this betterhelp.com Diaz. Diaz.

[Lee Syatt]

To get you 10% off your first month.

[Steve Simone]

That's betterhelp.com/. Diaz. Diaz.

[Lee Syatt]

You're gonna do fine. I love you guys. Now back to the craziest show on earth where you need therapy after you listen to the goddamn thing. Stay black.

[Steve Simone]

We're back, bitches.

[Lee Syatt]

If you're feeling a little ho hum.

[Steve Simone]

Before the holidays, contact Betterhelp or not.

[Lee Syatt]

They did miracles for me. Don't work me too.

[Steve Simone]

Miracles for you.

[Lee Syatt]

Anyway, back to the show. I was just telling Lee I got a doctor and you know, because my name is Jose Diaz, they only text me in Spanish.

[Joey Diaz]

That's why. Did you click a box by accident and say Spanish?

[Lee Syatt]

No, it's my name. But they. So now when I call them and they say, press one for white people or two for Spanish, I press Spanish. See, I make that work for me on certain things. Because, listen, no matter who you call, they don't want to piss off Spanish people. Always press the Spanish, whether it's United Airlines, the doctor's office. Just a free little tip on a Tuesday from Uncle Joey. Don't believe the hype. Press 2 and the lady goes, are you Spanish? She's not going to make you get off the phone. Not until they. And they're listening, so use your coconut from time to time. That's the Joey Diaz review on a Tuesday morning. Anyway. Yeah, they keep texting me in Spanish like I, you know, I only go the Spanish route when they want to put me on the phone for 22 minutes.

[Steve Simone]

When you call it that.

[Lee Syatt]

There's 22 people waiting on the block. Well, not really. I'm pressing number two and I'm speaking to Dr. Juan right off the bat. You know what I'm saying?

[Joey Diaz]

I love that you figured that out.

[Lee Syatt]

Yeah, They've never made. Listen, I've been figuring this out for 20 years. I told all you never get. Always got on the first class line when you fly. Always. You don't know nothing. You don't know nothing. I didn't know me no ablo meno. You know, whatever the me know, just I don't know. They're not gonna throw you out and embarrass you. They're just going to really kill you. They're going to go, next time, stand on that line. Sure there ain't going to be no next time. And guess what? The next time I'm going to stay on this line yet again.

[Joey Diaz]

Jesus.

[Lee Syatt]

Yeah, what these people talking about. Poor bastards. But anyway, I was talking to you about a picture I posted.

[Joey Diaz]

Mm.

[Lee Syatt]

Saturday night, I was driving home from Uncle Vinnie's. I went down there and did a guest spot. And somebody texted me with a number that I kind of recognized, but not really. And it was a picture of me. And she goes, thinking about you. Hope you're well. And I'm like. And I didn't look at the picture. I just saw it. And then I called her back and I said, hey, who's this? And she goes, Mary Koch. You know, these were dear, dear friends of mine in Boulder. In the 89 on, he was the pastry chef at a famous restaurant called Edisio.

[Joey Diaz]

You've talked about.

[Lee Syatt]

Yeah, Joe. Joe's my brother, marries my sister. I love them both. And they did a lot to me, man. When I got out of being locked up, it was Joe who lent me some dough to do roofs. Whenever I needed money to do roofs, I would just go to Joe. Joe cut me a check. So I did his roof. I took care of him. But he made me a deal when I started comedy. When I started comedy, it was basically Tuesday nights. Store would go to, he baked Monday nights, he would bake all night till seven in the morning. And I decided, I'm gonna write jokes with you all night. So very early on, from 91 till about 93 every Monday night, I didn't sleep and I didn't do coke either. I would go to the restaurant, I wouldn't want to do coke. He was baking. So I was like. He would give me everything to taste and all the mistakes. You fucking kidding me? You know, I got it down, dog. Even then I had it down. That was the purpose. Come in, taste my desserts. Let me know how they are. And just sit there and I drink coffee, you know, drink sodas and shit. But it was a very interesting time when I looked at that picture. Like, when I got home, I looked at it and I gotta be honest, I had to take my glasses off and cry for about three minutes.

[Joey Diaz]

Why? What about it?

[Lee Syatt]

I just saw a different Joey Diaz there.

[Joey Diaz]

You know, and how I'm. And like, where were you in your life?

[Lee Syatt]

I was in Boulder. I had just gotten out of prison like a year before, and I was about to start stand up comedy. But it was not the guy you're seeing right now. There was a little bit of him, but it wasn't the same person. When I looked at the face, I was like, I remember that, dude. That was a different world, man. That was just a different world.

[Joey Diaz]

Yeah, I would love to, guys, if you can pull it up. I'd love to see it.

[Lee Syatt]

It's just a sad. It's very sad to see who the I was. You look at the picture, you're like, joey, it looks just like you. Whatever. I know, but that look in my eyes was. Holy shit. That was after the kidnapping. Plus 10,000 other bad things I did back then. In that mind, nobody, like, I just did not give a fuck. It's so scary to look at that picture. And I was big, I was healthy, but I really wasn't mentally stable at all. You figure? Yeah, I just was not there. I was just about to get separated when I got that picture. I could tell because I had some sun from roofing. That was the white shirt I would wear when I would roof.

[Joey Diaz]

And where were you?

[Lee Syatt]

Boulder.

[Joey Diaz]

No, no, I didn't know. Like, it was like a party. Like, I'm. It's amazing to me like, that the one picture had, like, give you this much of a reaction.

[Lee Syatt]

The picture was taken at the restaurant in the back with a shitty cat. Okay, Obviously. But it was just. I was just a different person then. And I was weaker. I was very weak at that time. I applaud myself for doing copy, but at the same time, I was just waiting for somebody to save me. At that time, I wasn't serious about comedy. I was just doing it to see what would happen, you know?

[Joey Diaz]

And now, like, it's. Yeah, it sort of like it really fits into, like, the theme of the new podcast, Dude.

[Lee Syatt]

Well, I look at that picture and I see the man I was. I see a man that procrastinated a lot. I see a man that made excuses when things didn't go his way. The. This guy didn't like me. They were older. They've been doing comedy longer than me. You know like when your friends come to see you and they're like, hey, those guys are way funny. And you're like, well, you gotta remember, that guy does this. There was a guy who gave excuses. There was a guy who had more mind fucks. And the mind fucks weren't going to be the mind fucks. Like, when I got a mind fuck now from somebody. I have an audition Thursday. I can't say for what. It's pretty big. I had assigned paperwork and shit, but I would. I just avoided everything. Lee. I was tiptoeing through Life. Because I knew deep down inside I was just a fucking sack of shit and a criminal. So it didn't really matter. By that time, my daughter was already born. And that's why I know, yeah, my daughter was born at that time already. She was about a year old. But if you look at that mind, there was no dad in that mind at all. There was nothing that screams that out.

[Joey Diaz]

And I could be thinking like too far into it, but, like, you weren't smiling in the picture. Like, do you think? And now you smile all the time.

[Lee Syatt]

Do you think?

[Joey Diaz]

Was that just like a random picture or you weren't smiling?

[Lee Syatt]

I didn't smile too much in those days. I just came out of prison. Life had done it to me again. It wasn't me. God forbid I did anything. And that picture, that's what I thought about. God forbid. God forbid I never took the race card. They threw me in jail because I was Cuban. No, no, no, no. God forbid they threw me in jail. Just that wording is loser talk. And when I got out, I changed that wording immediately. I knew it had to start with how you thought and your words. They didn't throw you in jail. Nobody just comes to your fucking house and throws you in. You know, I lost my job. How do you lose your job? What happened? The quarter fell out of the bottom. What happened? These are all procrastination that we tell ourselves and other people and the people that you're telling that to, and they don't go, stop, that's wrong. They're the same type of people. They accept that behavior. And that was the mind that I had back then. That's why I had no success at 30 years old. Because I involved my past too much and what I was doing every day and had nothing to do with it. Today is Monday. Get the fuck up. Cut your shit. Nobody cares about your story. At the end of the day, nobody cares about your fucking dead mother. You know, that's how I would talk to myself. Because that's the only way to really get into yourself. That no claiming responsibility. You're going to end up where you were 15 years from now. And I've seen it now, now that I'm 60 and I've lived life, all those people, all those guy from the Laugh Factory didn't like me. You know, all the excuse people that who knows what they're doing? That was the biggest change I did then. Never mind, stop being a thief and stop doing that. I mean, three years after that, I was still burglarizing houses And I was back here doing comedy and that was eight months of just pure crime. So thank God I bet the the jets against Philadelphia, not Randall Cunningham. Anyway, speaking of jets, let me do something about DraftKings. I'll be right back after we talk about DraftKings. Say black.

[Steve Simone]

All right, guys, Uncle Joey here for DraftKings. Do I got to talk to you about something? This is the fight that fans have been waiting for. Two epic battles on back to back nights. Getting on the action with DraftKings sportsbook. You want to get in on this? Because on Friday, the baddest man on the planet, Mike T. Steps into the ring to take on Jake Paul. That's what you got right there. And then on Saturday, you got Jon Jones, who takes on Stipe Miocic, and you got a tremendous UMC card. It's a huge weekend if you're a fight fan. So do yourself a favor. If you're new to DraftKings. Let's get the party started. Listen up. New customers bet $5 to get 200 in bonus bets instantly. Jamie, 200 and bonus bets instantly. So you can bang out the rest of the ufc. So if you bet the Mike Tyson fight, boom. You bet the $5. And on Saturday, you'll have $200 to go bananas with for Jon Jones, Stephen Mayor Chick, that poor guy that waited forever. Michael Chandler's got. I don't even know he's waiting for this week. Download the DraftKings sportsbook app now and pressing code Joey. Joey. That's code Joey. Joey. For new customers to get 200 in bonus bets when you bet just $5.

[Lee Syatt]

You understand me?

[Steve Simone]

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, $5. 200 bonus bets. DraftKings, where the crown is yours.

[D]

Gambling problem. Call 1-800-GAMBLER in New York. Call 877-8-HOPENY or text Hopeny 467-369. In Connecticut, help is available for problem gambling. Call 888-789-7777 or visit ccpg.org Please play responsibly on behalf of Boothill Casino and resort in Kansas, 21 and over. Age and eligibility varies by jurisdiction. Void. In Ontario, bonus bets expire 160 additional terms and responsible gaming resources. See DKNG Co MMA right back, bitches.

[Lee Syatt]

Anyway, download the DraftKings sporting app, the what is it? Sportsbook app. And just don't forget about your Uncle Joey. Anyway, yeah, so that's what I saw when I saw that picture, Lee. I got all the answers of why I hadn't done anything with my life. Not only was I a thief, you know, I had warrants. People were looking for me. The police thing, going to prison thing, that locked everything down. So now I'd gotten that off my. My fucking back, you know, So I was free to do. Stand up Tommy. Those three years, I just fucking procrastinated. So you live and you learn, guys. But I'm telling you how it was. When I look at that picture, it broke my heart because I don't know that person anymore. No responsibility. Didn't give a fuck about your rent. Didn't give a fuck about your car payment. I had it when I fucking had it. Shut your fucking mouth. Didn't give a fuck about that. I was on probation or parole. And how do I know it? Because I kept snorting coke and I had a daughter in the house. When you don't care about your kid and you're still fucking around, you're in no danger. Anyway, let's talk about something happier.

[Joey Diaz]

I got to keep Simone this week, bro.

[Lee Syatt]

Let's talk about Tampa, okay? You hit a gold mine with Tampa, and I'm very proud of you. The problem that you were doing was, you know, anymore you could. It's not worth it. I. I seen years ago how they started treating feature acts. Hotel this and that, this. I just saw it. When you're a feature, you go out there, but if you're not making money, you're going out there to at least be seen. And yeah, if you're doing 100 tickets a show, you're getting seen. But it's not like a feature could survive. You were working all these clubs up in. What's the really club? The really good club in Providence I like.

[Joey Diaz]

Oh, Comedy Connection.

[Lee Syatt]

Yeah, Comedy Connection. Great club. But if I call him tomorrow, tell me the same thing he tells you. Everybody brings a feature.

[Joey Diaz]

Yep.

[Lee Syatt]

Everybody brings a feature act. Everybody brings a feature, blah, blah, blah, blah. But. And when they do come, the headline is paying for everything. I gotta pay for their hotel. I gotta do the whole thing. I don't mind doing that at all. But when you're an un, like when you go in 70% of the clubs, the people need to see you. They're not there anymore.

[Joey Diaz]

Never.

[Lee Syatt]

In fact, let's raise that even higher because I know there's a lot of comics who watch the show. 90% of the people are going to book you are not going to be there. If you're not with a big agency or something as a feature, they're going to treat you on the bottom rung. I understand. You win because you get to go on stage. And at the long run, it makes you better. But I also want you to think about the investment you're making. The four hour flight like we discussed last week, Tampa, I'm very proud of you because you made the owner get up and talk to you about giving you a week before you left and even giving you a special night on your own that fucking Sunday. Those are the clubs you want to go to where the owner's there and he's involved enough with these, these corporate clubs. They're not going to see you. The feature people will tell you you did great and we'll talk to the manager, but you know.

[Joey Diaz]

No, I'm sorry, I've gotten to do some. No, I. It was really cool, dude. I was. I've heard about side splitters forever and I've been to a lot of cool clubs the last couple of years and they're like, there have been some really cool managers. I, I'm almost positive other than, I guess, the dojo, this is the only club I've been to where the owner is ever there. Yeah, like, and he wasn't just there for like five minutes. Like he was running food. Like he was. No, he wasn't. He wasn't watching. He was just. He was out there.

[Lee Syatt]

The reason why his club has a.

[Steve Simone]

Great reputation.

[Lee Syatt]

Is because he's there.

[Joey Diaz]

Yeah, it was, it was really cool and the comics were great, the staff was awesome. And yeah, it was the first time I didn't. He just came up to me and we talked and he rebooked me and I've gotten to do more clubs more than once, but I've never had a, like a booking before I left the weekend. That was really fun.

[Lee Syatt]

I'll call on Tuesday, Mitzi. I'll talk to her. And you know what? Thank you. Thank you. There's another brain dead fucking weekend. I don't get no response. I did that all the time. That's why. Look at the early churches. Gotta make the call. Yeah, somebody book me. No, okay, next time. Next time when it's too late, you're gonna have somebody there now, it's gonna cost you. Now you get me for four bills, five bills a week, but the next time the name comes up, you're gonna have to pay me, bitch. In fact, I'll just send you a bill, you know, I mean, these are all the things that you have to look at. Why am I there? Why am I taking a five hour flight? So the owner had to go somewhere with his kids this weekend.

[Joey Diaz]

Right?

[Lee Syatt]

You know, that's true, but.

[Joey Diaz]

And that can always happen. Yeah, but, but like this one, this was like, I booked this in February. I like because I, I reached out.

[Lee Syatt]

I remember I was pretty much in shock when you told me. I thought you were headline and I was like, oh boy. But no, no, he ran the right channels. He featured them again. Let your headline. And then it starts with a great other feature act co headline you and you grow with the club. These are the clubs you want to go to. That's not going to happen to you in improv unless there's one. Unless you live in Virginia or you live in Houston and you're an hour away. They could develop you little by little. And then you, I start headlining and you headline Fourth of July, you headline Thanksgiving, you headline the day before Christmas, you read a thousand bullets for them. But after two years, people will start coming to your shows because you talk about local spots and after you do it like twice, you gotta make a decision because now this club owner's looking at you going, we did everything we could. We've headlined you four times, six times with the holidays for two years. You gotta go on your own now. Now you gotta graduate to theaters and a lot of people get comfortable at the home club. Oh yeah, this is where it starts. They start getting cute at the home club where you're building at a home club. When you go to that club. Next time the feature you're gonna fucking not from the stage. We got to figure out a way for you to get people email on the list. So the next time you go to tap, all you gotta do is click a switch and people come watch you. I'll never forget, I was a full time feature act. Dave Vettel came up to me in Florida. He goes, I think what you're doing is fucking smarter than fuck. I could tell you building a market down there. I go, yeah, that's what you're doing as a feature act. You can't build the market everywhere. So if you're working 20 clubs, you got to pick the 10, the 10 that is perfect to launch you. It could be Chattanooga, but you're going to headline there first and people get to see the picture you headlining and blah blah, blah. So do you understand what's happening, brother?

[Joey Diaz]

Oh yeah. And it's just so cool to see like a club that really cares and like to think about. I said to like because some people messaged me like, like some, a couple people like, hey, we had a really good time, had no idea who you were and it would be Crazy to think of people coming to shows in, like, 10 years. Like, I see that all the time. Don't people put up pictures of you? They've seen you ten times or whatever it is? Like, that's crazy to think about.

[Lee Syatt]

Guess what? There's still people that come up and go, I remember when you came with Rogan. There's a lady who came up to me the other day. She goes, I went to see you in New York with Rogan when you did something about a nun. She goes, I was dying. And, oh, that happens. You build a following as a feature act. But later on, when you're really hitting mother, you're featuring when headliners are complaining about you. That's when you know you're doing a Ranger. When they're saying this motherfucker. And then there's a. The guys that are gonna go, you know, he. He talks to the audience, and you just making excuses. Don't book yourself as a headliner. Next. Learn him, watch what he's doing and work against it and not switch with him and take your bullets. As a man, there's no pride here. Nobody's. I'd rather switch like a hero than die and look like a zero. Because my pride speaking.

[Joey Diaz]

I've never even thought about people switching, switch, switch.

[Lee Syatt]

Doesn't mean no thing to me.

[Joey Diaz]

Wow.

[Lee Syatt]

Talk about you, right? I'm gonna congratulate you and let you know that you did great because you made the show better. You didn't look at your ego and go, well, I'm gonna, you know, stick around. Because, no, this is what people do. This is what a team player does for a club. When you get a home club, they're also gonna call you one day and go, doug, win a bind here. I need a mc. You're not going to go to the Bury the fucking feature act. You're going to go to the Enhancers Act. You know, like, help him out a little bit, right? The other side of comedy. These are the people that don't run the light. These are the people that respect the other comedians in the room, and they're not fucking arrogant. And let's talk about something real important before we close up, because I think it's time that people know how I felt about this shit. We had an election in this country, and it was. We've been very lopsided as a nation for the last eight or nine years. I don't speak about politics because I don't know about politics. I wouldn't bring a politician on the show to ask him his Policies or whatever, or the doj. I don't know anything about these people, but over and over I told you on this podcast that I know people, Lee. I know, Pete. Last Monday night, I took my daughter to get pizza at 9:30. I realized my wife was out. And we were just sitting here. And this has really bothered me all week. And we were sitting here and I go, mercy, you have no school tomorrow. Let's get the out of here. You hungry? And she goes, you. Yeah, let's go to Osteria and get a pizza and watch Monday Night Football. So it was the night before the election, and there was a couple couples at the bar having a great time. Having a great time. I had gone earlier. After the podcast, I take a ride just to cool off, and I stopped in there and there was nine people at the bar. But there was this couple that I remembered. They were having a great time. So I come home thinking I'm done for the night. And Mercy tells me she's hungry. So I bring her back to Osteria to get a pizza. The pizza is fucking sensational there. And as I walk in, they said, did you see the ruckus outside? And I go, no, there was no ruckus. I walked in with my daughter. What happened? They go, you see a couple at the end? I go, yeah, it was their fourth wedding anniversary. And he was getting drunk and talking about how Trump's gonna win. And his wife just said, honey, calm down a little. Well, the fucking guy held off and started yelling at her that she wanted Kamala. He doesn't even know why she's marri married to her no more, that she's a puke. And he got up and he left his wife there.

[Joey Diaz]

Holy.

[Lee Syatt]

And she was outside crying, waiting for an Uber or waiting for a friend to pick her up. Listen, man, I don't understand that. I've been banging my head off the wall all week over something like that. And then the reaction I got from people, like, if you ever watch Led Zeppelin or the Eagles or all these bands I like, they never stop. They're in the middle of a show to make a political fucking statement. The first band I ever see do that was YouTube. And I never knew you too. And I've never gone back. You're playing music, you know, whatever his fucking name is. YouTube. Bono loved him. I just won't go see him. Because when I went to see him about 15 years ago, it was all politics, my friends. Shut the fuck up. Shut the fuck up. And the reaction of people and the reaction of friends of mine that I knew in la, they have their problems. They're fake people. But there was two particular women that I've known for over 30 years. They've always been very fucking promiscuous. That's how they got to having a fucking career. And I wish you could have read. And I'm not outing them. I'm not, you know, I wish you should have read what they were writing. After all the dicks you sucked after, one girl used to take it in the ass from every fucking comic in the Midwest. After all the dicks you took in the ass, now you want to talk about sexual assault victims. And, you know, the hypocrisy is so fucking big now. It's so big, it's like, I don't even know anymore where these people, what happened. And I'm just happy about one thing, that we got the fuck out of there, because I think that's what was driving me crazy at the end of the day, the fucking hypocrisy and the bullshit they were just talking. These people don't even know what they say. One of them wrote a thing after Tony Hinchcliffe did that thing that actually won him the presidency. They wrote a thing about just Lee. I'm not gonna outer, but if you would have read this, you would have gone, what was the point of this? This is 10 pages, and I see three people who said, you're brave, you know, you're articulate, you're a great writer, but at the end of the day, you just wasted two hours of your life writing a blog that nobody gives a fuck about you. You're just gonna have people gonna tell you. Yeah. How great you are and how strong you are. What the fuck is wrong with people? You know? It's like, I'll ever stick a finger in your pussy. No. He fucking grabbed these contestants on a Miss America. Those chicks love that. I mean, you know, I don't know. I don't know. I consider those chicks just as creepy as the comics we came up with and the actresses that complain about, you know, the dude who used to make them come up to his office and read scripts.

[Joey Diaz]

My point scene, it's.

[Lee Syatt]

We have just the pandemic. Didn't do any favors to a lot of people. And I never forgot who the fuck I was, you know, and these people just forgot that they sucked 80 dicks and, you know, they blew every fucking manager in the business. They forgot, like. And then they're gonna post shit like that, and it drives me crazy. So congratulating, Trump waiting. J.D. vance.

[Steve Simone]

Yeah.

[Lee Syatt]

Listen, this is our country and who we are already. January one, he's coming out the box, he's throwing people out, he's stopping wars, he's, you know, the stock market went up so the proof is in the pudding. And I didn't want to side anybody or didn't side and I'm not here to be a political, you know, whatever. If you listen to me, you're retarded more than anything because I really don't know what the they're doing. So Hostela Vista, that's a great endorsement.

[Steve Simone]

Yeah.

[Lee Syatt]

And after La Vista, zoom. Because hopefully after this I don't care. We have to sit on the floor next week with a blanket on and do the podcast together. I've had it. I'm coming up early. I'm doing everything that's old. I gotta two gram mushroom that looks like my toenail waiting for you.

[Joey Diaz]

I was gonna say we're gonna. I don't know which I like worst, the, the mushroom ones or the ones you used to send.

[Lee Syatt]

What? No, these are clean Bobby.

[Steve Simone]

Clean Bobby.

[Joey Diaz]

I'm excited to do it in person.

[Lee Syatt]

So we got an extra Show we added November 20th at the Dojo of Comedy. Hopefully I'll get Paul Versey and Lee and a different people tonight. It's New York City. I Also I'm adding 12-26-@ the Bogle Theater. Not the Count Basie. I'm doing the little one. Get in at 7:30, get the out of there by 9:30, go go to a bar, bang your girlfriend. You got those little cards, you know, knock yourself out. But those are the dates I added. And I'm doing an open mic Nov. 26 at the American Comedy Company in conjunction with Uncle Vinnie's and the weed store NJ Leaf out of Fairview. There's my home base, wheat store. They're very good to me. And this is going to be a couple of pros and then we're going to pick out of a hat to get a couple open micrs and everybody gets to go up together and you guys could see it's a different open mic for you guys. So hopefully you'll get on this week of not. We're gonna do it once a month and then they have their own open mic that we're gonna be at anyway. So it's time to fucking get out of the house on Tuesday nights. Wash your pussy, smoke some dope and watch some fucking comedy. American Comedy Hotel, November 26. I think they got a handful of tickets left if you Want to come? Come. I'm not headlining. I'm doing 20 minutes. Lee, you know we're going to get Aaron Berg. Hopefully we'll get Vic Sedano. You know, that's it. This is about the younger generation, not some old white haired, pale looking motherfucker. Love you, motherfucker. Stay black. I want to thank Lee and everybody. I want to thank our sponsors and I want to thank the people who stuck it out with us. This is real. We're going next week, cocksuckers. So get ready. We got about six shows before the holidays and we're gonna try to make your holidays better this year. Stay black. I love you. I love you guys. See you next week.

[Steve Simone]

The check in is brought to you by Liquid iv. Listen, you can drink all the eggnog all Christmas that you want, but you're gonna need to get hydrated, all right? And you can make those little pina coladas and jump up and down with Elvis or Santa, but you're still gonna need hydration. Liquid IV is gonna make it easier for you this holiday season. Liquid IV packets get you eight vitamins and nutrients, three times the electrolytes of the leading sports drink. And guess what? No artificial sweeteners. Again, no artificial sweeteners. Just mix a stick of liquid IV with 16 ounces of water and it's the best, best way to stay hydrated. Liquid IV even comes in sugar free versions also, which are just delicious.

[Lee Syatt]

I got the, you know me, I'm.

[Steve Simone]

A white peach type of dude, but I got a raspberry peach one. Oh, no, it's a raspberry watermelon.

[Lee Syatt]

Are you kidding me or what?

[Steve Simone]

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[Lee Syatt]

I'm done.

[Steve Simone]

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[Lee Syatt]

Party started on a Tuesday night. Bam.