The World Ain't Flat with Rich Vos

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament
Episode: The World Ain't Flat with Rich Vos
Release Date: May 13, 2025

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Introduction and Welcome

In this lively episode of "The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament," hosts Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt are joined by special guest Rich Vos. Recorded live from New York City, the trio dives into a myriad of topics ranging from urban life and personal anecdotes to parenting and past experiences with addiction. The conversation is candid, humorous, and peppered with Joey Diaz's trademark profanity, offering listeners an unfiltered glimpse into the lives of these seasoned comedians.

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Personal Updates and Urban Life in New York City

The episode kicks off with Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt exchanging banter about their current states and the vibrancy of New York City. Lee humorously mentions the lingering effects of an edible, setting a relaxed and informal tone for the discussion.

Notable Quote:
Joey Diaz [00:02]: "What's happened, you bad motherfuckers?... It's a whole new day. It's a whole new week with a whole new set of rules."

They discuss the optimal times to experience New York, praising the city’s seasons from April to June and September to October, contrasting it with the oppressive heat and congestion of July.

Notable Quote:
Joey Diaz [01:14]: "This is the time of the year New York is fucking boss... you're gonna be sweating bullets with your nice white shirt and your flip flops." [01:14]

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Navigating Personal Safety and Urban Challenges

Joey and Lee delve into the challenges of staying safe in New York City. Joey emphasizes the importance of body language and being alert to avoid getting mugged, drawing on his experiences and observations.

Notable Quote:
Joey Diaz [05:44]: "Take my name for granted, that's what it is. Me llamo Jos. Antonio. Okay? That's all I fucking know. Me llamo." [05:44]

Lee shares his strategy of wearing sunglasses to blend in and avoid confrontations, while Joey offers practical advice on minimizing valuables to reduce the risk of theft.

Notable Quote:
Joey Diaz [02:16]: "The problem with you ain't the fucking sunglasses... And nine out of 10, you're looking at your fucking phone bouncing on the street." [02:16]

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Parenting and Raising Children

The conversation shifts to parenting, with both hosts sharing their approaches to raising their daughters amidst the complexities of modern society. Joey discusses his strictness regarding his daughter's attire, aiming to shield her from negative influences.

Notable Quote:
Joey Diaz [03:44]: "How Am I supposed to carry my shit?... You need one Visa, one ATM card, and your id, if that. If the migrants don't have licenses, why should you?" [03:44]

Rich Vos joins the discussion, adding his insights based on his experiences as a father. He highlights the importance of being present in his children's lives, contrasting his own upbringing with his current approach.

Notable Quote:
Rich Vos [19:30]: "Especially when your oldest one's married to a black guy and they got the cutest little Puerto Rican Baby." [19:30]

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Experiences with Addiction and Rehabilitation

A substantial portion of the episode is dedicated to the hosts' past experiences with addiction, particularly cocaine use. Joey Diaz recounts vivid memories of his addiction, detailing moments of paranoia, drug-induced behaviors, and the eventual realization that led him to sobriety.

Notable Quote:
Joey Diaz [47:22]: "I have a couple of ideas for different books, but one was... the life of an addict." [47:22]

Rich Vos shares his own journey through addiction, describing his interactions with users and the lengths he went to obtain drugs. Both Joey and Rich discuss the profound impact addiction had on their lives, relationships, and personal well-being.

Notable Quote:
Rich Vos [54:04]: "Once you... you're in it and you think you're having fun. Like it's really, you know, people say, what's that? Definition of insanity?" [54:04]

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Musical Preferences and Concert Anecdotes

The trio transitions to discussing their favorite music genres and experiences attending concerts. Joey expresses disdain for modern concerts that he feels are overly politicized, contrasting them with past experiences where music was more straightforward and less contentious.

Notable Quote:
Joey Diaz [24:25]: "When you were talking last night, we're talking about sore Pool, other shit. We're watching Mobland after Mobland... It's a theater of pain." [24:25]

Rich reminisces about attending concerts with friends, highlighting the camaraderie and unfiltered fun of live music events. They debate the evolution of concerts from purely musical experiences to platforms for political expression.

Notable Quote:
Rich Vos [26:02]: "The dude that took me was a real Springsteen fan... There was a tub of water in the room." [26:02]

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Reflections on Parenthood and Personal Growth

As the conversation deepens, Joey reflects on the challenges of parenting without a close relationship with his own parents. He emphasizes the importance of being present for his children, attending their activities, and providing a stable environment despite his past struggles.

Notable Quote:
Joey Diaz [73:02]: "It's just scary where your kid could end up if you make like... I've been in prison, you know, I lost a daughter... that's been the roughest thing I've ever done in my life." [73:02]

Rich adds his perspective on balancing work and family life, sharing how his relationship with his children has evolved as they've grown older and become more independent.

Notable Quote:
Rich Vos [74:07]: "I was bouncing off the walls... because I have my kids and my daughter's going off to college now." [74:07]

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Final Thoughts and Upcoming Events

Towards the end of the episode, the hosts discuss their upcoming performances and events. Joey promotes his upcoming shows, highlighting special guests and the venues where they'll be performing. Rich shares his schedule, emphasizing his commitment to supporting local venues like Uncle Vinny's.

Notable Quote:
Joey Diaz [78:16]: "I see it all talking about I'm in Connecticut in September, nobody gives a fuck. But I gotta remember Uncle Vinny's." [78:16]

Lee Syatt provides his own event schedule, showcasing the collaborative spirit of the podcast hosts. The episode concludes with mutual appreciation among the hosts and a light-hearted farewell.

Notable Quote:
Joey Diaz [79:53]: "All right, stay black. Have a great week." [79:53]

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Conclusion

"The World Ain't Flat with Rich Vos" episode is a rollercoaster of raw, unfiltered conversations that offer listeners a deep dive into the personal lives, struggles, and triumphs of Joey Diaz, Lee Syatt, and Rich Vos. From navigating the bustling streets of New York City and the complexities of modern parenting to candid discussions about addiction and personal growth, the episode provides a multifaceted view of the hosts' lives. Rich Vos brings an additional layer of humor and relatability, enriching the dialogue and enhancing the overall dynamic of the podcast. For those seeking a blend of humor, honesty, and insightful reflections, this episode stands out as a compelling listen.

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Notable Quotes Summary:

1. Joey Diaz [00:02]: "What's happened, you bad motherfuckers?... It's a whole new day. It's a whole new week with a whole new set of rules."
2. Joey Diaz [01:14]: "This is the time of the year New York is fucking boss... you're gonna be sweating bullets with your nice white shirt and your flip flops."
3. Joey Diaz [02:16]: "The problem with you ain't the fucking sunglasses... And nine out of 10, you're looking at your fucking phone bouncing on the street."
4. Joey Diaz [03:44]: "How Am I supposed to carry my shit?... You need one Visa, one ATM card, and your id, if that. If the migrants don't have licenses, why should you?"
5. Rich Vos [19:30]: "Especially when your oldest one's married to a black guy and they got the cutest little Puerto Rican Baby."
6. Joey Diaz [05:44]: "Take my name for granted, that's what it is. Me llamo Jos. Antonio. Okay? That's all I fucking know. Me llamo."
7. Joey Diaz [47:22]: "I have a couple of ideas for different books, but one was... the life of an addict."
8. Rich Vos [54:04]: "Once you... you're in it and you think you're having fun. Like it's really, you know, people say, what's that? Definition of insanity?"
9. Joey Diaz [73:02]: "It's just scary where your kid could end up if you make like... I've been in prison, you know, I lost a daughter... that's been the roughest thing I've ever done in my life."
10. Joey Diaz [79:53]: "All right, stay black. Have a great week."

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Note: The transcript includes explicit language and mature content. Listener discretion is advised.

Transcript

[Joey Diaz]

What's happened, you bad motherfuckers? It's Tuesday, the 13th of May, the day the devil was buried at sea. It's me and Lee. The Church of. What's happening now, New Testament. It's a whole new day. It's a whole new week with a whole new set of rules. What's happening, Tarzan?

[Lee Syatt]

I'm doing great, dude. It feels like LA tonight because we took the edible like an hour ago. So I have, like, six minutes left.

[Joey Diaz]

All right? Who gives a fuck? It always feels like that. Listen, this guy's always. I started torturing him Friday about, we're gonna go for 600 milligrams. I get him going all weekend. He's huffing and puffing. He's fucking. You know. He lets me play with him, so I gotta keep him. What do you mean?

[Rich Vos]

I let you.

[Joey Diaz]

You let me? I tell you on Friday. All this week, you're gonna lose. Cause I know you're fucking dicking around. You know?

[Lee Syatt]

I am dicking around.

[Joey Diaz]

Eating five milligrams.

[Lee Syatt]

No one eats.

[Joey Diaz]

You do. And you sit there and make believe you're watching the Knicks and shit. But anyway, how was Mother's Day? Did you call your mom?

[Lee Syatt]

I did. I called my mom. I was there for her birthday last week. So I was with my girl and her mom for this week.

[Joey Diaz]

How was that? When you're with her mom, what do you do? You just sit there?

[Lee Syatt]

No, they're nice. They're cool.

[Joey Diaz]

She cooked.

[Lee Syatt]

My girlfriend cooked. We sat up by the water. Dude, it was nice in New York yesterday.

[Joey Diaz]

Oh, it was very nice.

[Lee Syatt]

We were just out on the water.

[Joey Diaz]

This is the time of the year New York is fucking boss. Let's get this shit out of the way. From April 20th to fucking June 15th, there ain't no place you'd rather be. And, like, from September 10th to October 30th, there's no place you'd rather be. This is the time of the year, if you're gonna come to New York, this is it. You come in July, you're gonna be sweating bullets with your nice white shirt and your flip flops. Man, it's hot. Yeah, it's fucking humid. It's fucking July in New York City. Not to mention 85 fucking trucks, you know, 22 fucking Ubers, six scooters. What comes out of there? Heat. So what the fuck, you know?

[Lee Syatt]

Oh, yeah, but this dude, like, yesterday. And you know what saved me is sunglasses. Cause all anyone told me when I moved here is, you can't like. I love people. Are Acting crazy. I love watching it. And they. People told me, like, that's when I'm gonna get mugged, is like, if a homeless guy is yelling and I just start looking at him.

[Joey Diaz]

You're not.

[Lee Syatt]

But with sunglasses, you can look at anybody. What?

[Joey Diaz]

Let's get back to normal here. If you're walking the streets and your eyes are creeping, you can't have no sign. Especially you. You don't know how to work with sunglasses yet.

[Lee Syatt]

What do you mean? How do you work with sunglasses?

[Joey Diaz]

Who's the people who protect the president? Secret Service that good with sunglasses? Okay. That's what they do. That's what they've been doing for years. You're just new to this. And I know you. You're still stuck on Uber and help Yelp. The problem with you ain't the fucking sunglasses on Uber. Everyone uses Uber. The problem with you ain't the sunglasses that you got that backpack looking like a migrant. And nine out of 10, you're looking at your fucking phone bouncing on the street, and it's your body language. You see what I'm saying? And this new type of migrant in the city and this new type of criminal, you can't be fucking walking around with a backpack or anything. I could not have a backpack because a guy could just come from behind you and start ripping your thing and you're fucking sitting there like, yeah, but.

[Lee Syatt]

He could do that with your shirt, too.

[Joey Diaz]

No, he can't, because you could break the bond. It's just a shirt.

[Lee Syatt]

I don't. I feel everyone wears backpacks.

[Joey Diaz]

Yeah, well, just because everybody jumps off the bridge doesn't mean you're gonna fucking jump. Are you. What are you tatting like my daughter? My daughter hit me with that this morning. I told her, next time you say that to me, you're punished for a fucking week. I go, I'm raising you not to be like the rest of these little fucking idiots. This morning, she wanted to leave the house with a cut T shirt off with a little bra strap. Time out. And I looked at the mother like, what the fuck are you doing? Well, she won't wear. I don't give a fuck what she won't wear. This is a Cuban house. You go cover up that fucking bra, you little freak.

[Lee Syatt]

Oh, it's that. That starting.

[Joey Diaz]

No, no, it's like she just said, the other girls at school do that. I don't give a fuck. I really don't give a fuck. I'm trying to raise you so you're not like the other fucking idiots.

[Lee Syatt]

How Am I supposed to carry my shit? I understand. With mercy. That makes sense.

[Joey Diaz]

You don't need to carry your shit. Where you going? Where you going?

[Lee Syatt]

Here, I.

[Joey Diaz]

You.

[Lee Syatt]

Sometimes. You have to carry that. Dude, that's like the thing about New York, that you have to carry a lot of shit with you. If. If you're doing sets at night, all.

[Joey Diaz]

You need is a knife, okay? That's all you need. Have to carry a lot of stuff for you. You got your whole computer and your phone and a knife. Look at you. Wallet in front pocket again.

[Rich Vos]

That's what's supposed to go.

[Joey Diaz]

No, it's not. I'm mugging you. Shouldn't even have your wallet. You don't drive.

[Lee Syatt]

That's true, but I have credit cards. What do you do?

[Joey Diaz]

That's it. When you go out into public, you use the fucking things the cops give you for the shields. You take that out, that stupid shield, that's not gonna get you out. If you stab somebody and you put your Visa card and your license. So you have a strip in there, and you put it in nobody.

[Lee Syatt]

But how are they getting into my. We were just talking about this with someone.

[Joey Diaz]

This is New York City. These migrants, they got long fingers. They've been practicing fucking pickpocketing since they were two. This is what they do in Managua, Nicaragua. Where the fuck they come from. They all got. You know, when you're a kid here, you get a doll, right? When you're a kid in Managua, you get a doll with bells and a jacket with a little chain in there. So if you hit the. That's how you train a pickpocket with bells, right?

[Lee Syatt]

And that's why I don't put in my back pocket. But my front pocket's safe. Listen, dude, if someone put a head in my.

[Joey Diaz]

If I hit you in the head now. Now, I know your wallet's in your front pocket, so I'm gonna go for it. So why bring your whole life in that fucking wallet when you don't need it? You need one Visa, one ATM card, and your id, if that. If the migrants don't have licenses, why should you? Shit. For years I was a criminal. I never had a license on me. And I didn't have an ATM either. It was cash or a knife. That's it. What's your name? I don't know. Where's your ID? I have no fucking idea. And you have 20 IDs. I had 20 IDs growing up, but you're not gonna see it.

[Lee Syatt]

I had no idea.

[Joey Diaz]

Take My name for granted, that's what it is. Me llamo Jos. Antonio. Okay? That's all I fucking know. Me llamo.

[Lee Syatt]

But I know me llamo well.

[Joey Diaz]

Tell him that you're Llamo and then they'll leave you the fuck alone.

[Lee Syatt]

I had no idea. All right, I'll try it. It makes sense.

[Joey Diaz]

Listen, in New York City, it's not as killer as it used to be. You got amateurs now. But how you get mugged is body language and goofiness. That's how you get mugged. Body language and goofiness. You just get fucking mugged.

[Lee Syatt]

What's goofiness?

[Joey Diaz]

Being a goofball. Look at that sign. Isn't it great? Who gives a fuck? Mind your fucking business. Look straight ahead, right? And get those glasses. Everybody wants glasses that they could tape people. No, get glasses with little windshields, like fucking a car so you can see what's coming up behind you. That's how you gotta live. It's 20, 25. You gotta be prepared. These people stab you in the back. They go with knives, these migrants. And I shouldn't be just blaming the. Blaming the migrants. I gotta be blaming everybody in New York City. I'm sorry. I'm sorry to the migrants for me to be fucking hawking on you, but I'm trying to take Lee under my wing here. He thinks this is fucking Orlando. You know, you're just walking down.

[Lee Syatt]

I have to be honest. I don't think I've seen one migrant since I've been here. I don't know. I don't know where you are in New York. You see, like, I see them everywhere.

[Joey Diaz]

I see him on channel 11. I see my WPIX. That's why I see them.

[Lee Syatt]

And what are they doing?

[Joey Diaz]

They just walk in the streets looking for momos that carry their wallets in their front pockets, okay? Didn't they mug a fucking cop last week? Did they not? I mean, am I the only fucking one? Today I got a call from a friend of mine, hey, man, I'm flying into Newark. I'll be there Wednesday, and we're leaving Saturday out of Newark. I go, are you a fucking idiot? He goes, what are you talking about? I go, you don't want to fly into Newark? He goes, yeah, but we got the tickets a month ago. Good talk. I don't give a fuck if you got them a year ago. Do you know what's going on in Newark? He goes, no, what's going on? I go, you don't put on cnn? No, I don't watch the news. What are you doing with your life? You're going to fly into Newark, get delayed. Listen, I'm letting you know right now, I ain't going nowhere till September 6th. I don't even get my real license till August 7th. That real ID bullshit, I don't even get it till August 7th.

[Lee Syatt]

So wasn't the deadline like this week?

[Joey Diaz]

Yeah, who gives a fuck? I'm not gonna listen. You could still fly. It's gonna take you an hour and a half. And if you fly to Newark, it's gonna take you 19 hours. So you might as well fly to Philly. If you're not gonna have an id. It's extra screening. They check you, but who gives a fuck? They're still gonna let you fly, and they're gonna enforce it heavy for two or three months. Give me. Now they're gonna put Clear and TSA together?

[Lee Syatt]

Yeah.

[Joey Diaz]

They have that for an extra charge now, right? Yeah, right. Now they got you there, so now you can go on clear. We don't have to. Take your fucking shoes off. You go to Newark, Clear is fucking packed all the time and so is TS Listen, summers are horrible to fly anymore. The last five years, since the pandemic this year. If you're thinking of flying out of Newark, cancel your fucking flight. Why go through that? Like I was telling Jim Florentine the other day, I'm old school. I get to an airport today and you tell me my flight's canceled. You know what? Keep the luggage. Keep it. I don't even want it because that's another four hours. I gotta wait here for the luggage to get shipped downstairs. So before that happens, keep the luggage. I got my sleep apnea machine. I got my weed in there. I got my license, I got a toothbrush. That's all you need.

[Lee Syatt]

Have you thought about shipping your luggage down? What they like. I did it once when I left la. You can, like, give UPS your luggage and they'll just deliver to the hotel and you send it back. That way you don't have to do at the airport. But what about. What about. Speaking of Newark? The. The air traffic controllers, they got, like. They got time off because it was so stressful.

[Joey Diaz]

Listen, if you're on a plane and I don't know where you are, that's one thing, but look, it's the other way around. If I'm sitting in a plane, the pilot goes, hey, the tower just turned off. We have no fucking idea where we're at. I'm scared. But if I'm in a fucking Thing sitting there in a tower you can't even go through. Why am I stressed out? But that's the country today. That's America. Now we're all stressed out over dumb fucking reasons that, you know. Everybody's stressed out. I don't know what to fucking tell you. I just go to yoga, get a whoop, watch exercise. Everybody's so fucking stressed out. And I get it, man. Times are rough. I'm looking around, man. Restaurants are empty, comedy clubs empty. A major comedy club just bounced a check. Once you bounce a check, that's the beginning of the end, Jack. That's all I know. There ain't no coming back from that. You don't bounce a check by mistake. And especially a comedy club, that's a corporation. So keep telling me how things are. Great. You're gonna jump up and down. Things are fucking rough, and they're gonna get rougher, dog. I'm an E. Comm major, so out of habit, I look at things. I love looking at businesses and see what's going on. Restaurants by my house that five years ago would be packed on a Tuesday night got two people in those motherfuckers. Now on a Tuesday night, it's a different fucking game.

[Lee Syatt]

Well, what about that? You were just talking about the Knicks game. It was the most expensive Knicks ticket in the history of the Knicks.

[Joey Diaz]

Okay, that's great. So you bought a ticket. There's one ticket in there that's $31,000. And you bought it like a jerk off. You bring like some hot chick to be cool. She don't know what the ticket costs unless you tell her, I paid 31,000 for the ticket. And they get lost by 40. How bad do you feel? Well, you might as well put a knick hat on the sweatshirt and jump up and down with fucking. The black guy. The director.

[Lee Syatt]

Oh, yes.

[Joey Diaz]

Where was he? He wasn't jumping up and down. He was sitting there fucking depressed, looking for Denzel Washington. Even Tracy Morgan was puking again. $30,000. That's just stupidity. That is just something that you look at and go. And I get it. Well, Joey, he's worth $20 million. I know, but it's a fucking principle and nobody knows it. I could see if. 31,000. I want to sit in the middle, like, up by the top. And at halftime, they zip me down. And I get out of there like, yeah, nine. Nine prongs, but a bitch ain't one. You know what I'm saying? That's 31,000. But for 31,000 to sit next to a guy who paid 1,500 for his. How dumb do you fucking feel? Oh, yeah, but that's the stupidity of us now. That's how dumb we are. Now that. Oh, and you bring in a girl that's hot, but she don't give a fuck about this game. Yeah, she got a little Knick hat on like they do during Yankee season. Look at the Knick games. Look at the first 10 rows and get back to me. They're not watching a game. Look, it's Denzel. Look, it's Artie Lang. Look, it's Christopher Columbus. That's all they're doing. Not even watching the game. No, it's people. The people who watch the game, they're at home. Yeah, because they know it's a bunch of fake Nick fans all of a sudden that come out to show how much they love New York. And those idiots that get together and watch the game on the street behind a thing. Get a fucking life. Get a life. Go find a tranny or something to hang out with that you have to go to a fucking outside to a parking lot and look at a TV screen with 300 other idiots and jump around to show you're a New Yorker. You want to be a New Yorker? Look at Rich Vaas. Motherfucker always got a knife on him. That's a New Yorker. And we'll be back. Cocksuckers. What's happening? Beautiful people. Uncle Joey here. Listen. Going online without ExpressVPN, it's like putting all your passwords on a billboard for everybody to see. Keep your stuff on lockdown with ExpressVPN. ExpressVPN hides your IP address, making it super difficult for third parties to see your Internet activity. It works on your phone, your laptop, your tablet, so everything stays private even when you're browsing on the go. I love using ExpressVPN. I've had them for years. Because I know whenever I'm online, I'm secure from online peeping Toms. Rated number one by top tech reviewers like CNET and the Verge, this is the tool you want to be using when you're up at night going through Google looking for late night questions. Do me a favor, secure your online data today. Right now, not manyana today. Expressvpn.com church c h u R C H that's E X P R E S s v p n.com church c-h u r c H To find out how you can get up to four extra months free, go to expressvpn.com church and tell them Uncle Joey sent you. Listen, I've been with these guys for years, since we had them last. And I suggest you sign up with them. There's a lot of people out there trying to get into your stuff. ExpressVPN.com Church is the answer. Hey, Uncle Joey. Here. If your wireless company is still charging 90 bucks each month and you're still dropping calls in your own house, it's time to wise up. Give them the boot. Mint Mobile is what's happening now, Jack. With premium wireless plans for just 15 bucks a month. That's for the cheap seats. 15 bucks a month. You're going to get fat wallets and skimpy bills. Listen, you can't lose with this. $15 a month. And all plans come with high speed data, unlimited talk and text delivered on the nation's largest 5G network. Who's better than them? So this year, do yourself a favor. Skip breaking a sweat and breaking the bank. Get your summer savings and shop premium Wireless [e-mail] that's mintmobile.com Church unfront payments of $45 for 3 month 5 gigabyte plan required to equivalent to $15 a month. New customer offer for first 3 months only. Then full price plan options available, taxes fees extra. See Mint Mobile for details. Okay, but listen. $45 for three months. Then you pay full price for options available, taxes, fees extra. Cement Mobile for all your details. We're back, bitches. My main man, Rich Voss is here today. Fucking comedian extraordinaire. Old school savage.

[Rich Vos]

What's up, son?

[Joey Diaz]

What's up, buddy? At least I asked here.

[Lee Syatt]

I'm still here.

[Rich Vos]

You know, it's funny. When I was like, we're talking about kids now. And. And you know, my daughter went to the concert the other night. Who's the dude that played halftime? Lamar?

[Joey Diaz]

Yeah, whatever his name.

[Rich Vos]

Yeah, and she's dressed like. I go put a fucking coat on. Okay? Because you and your friends are going to be the only white kids here. So you're going to stand out to begin with. So put something on your shit. And she's got her prom Friday. And last night we're sitting at the table, I go, look, let me tell you what's sacred in this world. God. Your parents and your virginity. Okay? You go to the prom, you get. I said, he can get some titty. That's it. That's it. He said, you get a little titty. I told her, he can get a little. That's it.

[Lee Syatt]

So what was her reaction to this?

[Rich Vos]

Let me tell you. I got Older daughters with kids. And I told them the same, you know, they didn't listen. But still, you got to carry the message. You know, you're. You're. You're 17, you're good looking. Little titty move on. See what I'm saying?

[Joey Diaz]

I am shocked. I am shocked right now. I didn't know what to tell my daughter. I wouldn't even. I would not even know, you know?

[Rich Vos]

Yeah, well, you just.

[Joey Diaz]

But you're not gonna grind them because then they'll want to be out there being freaks. It's like Catholic girls.

[Rich Vos]

Yeah.

[Joey Diaz]

When they went to Holy Rosary Academy, they were all nice and shit. And when they bust out of there, they become fucking animals. Yeah. You can't oppress them.

[Rich Vos]

No, I mean, you know, my kid is good. She's smart. She going to hangs out with other kids. But you know, prom night, they're getting a house. 15 dudes and 15 girl, you know, they rented a house for the weekend. You know, listen, I didn't go to a prom because I. In 11th grade, I raised my hand to go to the bathroom and I never came back. I just walked out. I said, this, this ain't for me. But so I didn't really go to a prom. I went to some graduation parties, you know, they didn't know, but I never went to a prom or any of that, you know, and she's going just, you know, why couldn't. You know, it's so much easier if you have a boy. You know what I'm saying?

[Joey Diaz]

So much easier, but not as meaningful.

[Rich Vos]

No, it's not as fun.

[Joey Diaz]

It wouldn't be the same for me. I mean, I love a boy, you know, I would love anything. I don't give a fuck at this point in the game. But I think with girls, especially guys like us, first off, God doesn't put a girl in your life unless you did something really bad.

[Rich Vos]

I got three of them as a kid, okay?

[Joey Diaz]

That's why when I was 30, I knew I was gonna have daughters. I just knew it. God's gonna fuck with you. He's gonna make you pay for everything you said, everything you do, whatever. And then after, like, I came to that realization, I became better with women because I knew I'm gonna get. And sure enough, two fucking daughters. And, you know, and it's like I tell people it's tough to be a racist when you have a daughter, you know what I'm saying?

[Rich Vos]

Especially when your oldest one's married to a black guy and they got the cutest little Puerto Rican Baby.

[Lee Syatt]

Is that what Jews and blacks make?

[Rich Vos]

Yeah, Puerto Rican babies. This kid is the coolest. I, you know, I FaceTime with him and stuff, but I have three daughters. Yeah, but they all grew up, you know what? They all grew up great because like you, my ex wife, myself were in my kids lives, you know, I mean, we were involved. I would go all. And you, every time I call you, you're at a. I went to all my daughter's games. I was in the stand yelling and screaming, you know, because I had money on the game. But still, these kids better cover. But so, but I. If you're there for your kids, I don't know why I'm talking about kids because I heard you earlier. If you show your kids attention and affection, they'll grow up to be pretty good kids, you know what I'm saying? Usually, usually, you know, my parents were nowhere to be. Not my mother's fault. My father was nowhere to be found. You know, he's all whatever. So my mother couldn't control me. She couldn't control me.

[Joey Diaz]

I had a situation in my house about a year ago that it was. My wife was fucking traumatized. Like it's. Let me know about the future quickly. I talked to my wife because I didn't really know. I didn't want her to think that I was stiff or I didn't trust her. So my daughter asked me about a concert and I go, sure, you go see the fucking girl. And it was chaperone and she found some other kid to go with her. My wife went up to pick the kid up. The kid had like purple hair and shit and she was Mercy's age and she was fucking chubby with like a barrel dress on. And my wife was like, you know, whatever, I don't know what kids dress like. And then she went to the show and there was a man with a dress on, with a beard standing in front of my daughter. And during the fucking concert they were running ads for Palestine. It was just one. It was one thing after the other that got me hotter and hotter. Well, my wife is a fucking redneck and she's a fucking Christian. And it broke her. When they got home, they were both crying. And I asked my wife what happened and she goes, I'm gonna fucking kill her. She called my wife a. Well, you don't like transvestites? What's that? When you don't like transphobic? Transphobic. My wife lost it. My wife went upstairs, they were yelling at each other. And like two days later I asked Mercy what The fuck was that? And she's like, dad, she's not used to it and stuff. And then a couple weeks later, the chick won an MTV award. And that's the night she came out talking about they should start a fund for all these artists. And I'm like, I turned the TV off and I go, mercer, we gotta talk. This ain't the world. This is a chick looking for attention. First off, she's the ugliest little girl I've ever seen in my life. That is the ugliest fucking kid I have ever. And that's what they, you know, the other day, went to fucking not California Pizza Kitchen. I don't go to that place. Went to the other place, the Cheesecake Factory. Oh yeah, fucking tremendous. She wanted to go.

[Rich Vos]

Place is big, so.

[Joey Diaz]

No, the place is huge. I'm taking her there. And sure enough, two 15 year old girls, 400 pounds a piece. And they're. What are they? Rock. What are they with the fucking makeup, with the wig and what are they?

[Rich Vos]

Unfuckable.

[Joey Diaz]

And I told my daughter, I go, you see those two goth chicks?

[Rich Vos]

Oh, goth what?

[Joey Diaz]

And now they want. They're £400 apiece. They're probably freshmen in college. They could just go to the gym and be accepted. I mean, that's the shit that I don't know what's going on in the world. Like when a parent looks at a child and goes, we have to talk. Well, those you cannot have fucking goth shit on. And you know, it's just we've gone somewhere else. I see it with coaching. Like you're supposed to be scared of your parents at some point. And when you have a coach like. Doug, when I was growing up, I had coaches in rec that would fucking make you go off like you ran the whole fucking hour with no ball. And I see these fucking softball parents, not the parents, but the coaches. And it's like everybody raises their kid petrified. I'm not scared. I'm scared of what she'll turn out like, do you know what I'm saying? Like, I'm petrified. Like I could die tomorrow. And she's a 14 year old kid and it's the same, it's a cycle of what happened to me. It's a girl who's lost now and you know she's gonna stall for a while because it's hard to recover from a death. That's my biggest fear, Rich, is what happens to our kids later on if we don't do the right job. We could do the best job. In the world and I could still fucking have a daughter that wants to strip.

[Rich Vos]

Yeah, well, here's the thing. First of all those ads for Palestine to concert, I'm sure they weren't for rentals anyhow.

[Joey Diaz]

No, but it pisses me off. When you went to see Led Zeppelin, a Black Sabbath, it wasn't political.

[Rich Vos]

No, they just.

[Joey Diaz]

This whole thing is wrong. Like this whole fucking thing is wrong.

[Rich Vos]

Well, look at that Irish band that put up a big sign, Fuck Israel. They lost their visas. But you know, it's all political and they're brainwashing the kids. Not only, not only the world, their, their teachers, their professors in colleges. You know what? Back in the 60s and 70s, liberalism was open mindedness, looking at things from both sides. Now both sides have been hijacked by extremists. You're either this or this, you know what I'm saying? And, and they're these kids, those half these kids protesting, you know, on these college campuses. They're just dumb white girls that have no idea, you could. They have no idea about history, you know, history, American history, more or less, foreign history, you know. So I don't want to get into politics, but they're all being brainwashed right now, these kids, they're being brand. And I told my daughter, you know, you got to make your look at things from both sides, make your own decision. Hang out with white kids. And I'm just fucking around.

[Joey Diaz]

When I was 18 and 19, politics was the last thing I was.

[Rich Vos]

Yes, me too.

[Joey Diaz]

And again, even if chaperone would have put up pro Israel stuff.

[Rich Vos]

Yeah.

[Joey Diaz]

And I would have been at the show. No, I would have said no, no. What the fuck are you doing with this shit? And you just. And like I told my daughter, I'm happy you don't fucking listen. I stopped playing her in the fucking car. I don't mind the fucking Irish chick, Billie Eilish, I don't mind those bitches saw with tea. But that fucking shot, I can't take that. And I don't want that in my life. I don't want that in her fucking head. And I don't want her to have that type of behavior in her head. It's fucking lame and it's ruining fucking kids and you gotta say something at some point and go, hey, no, it ain't gonna work.

[Rich Vos]

That's true though. But if you said pro. None of it. I don't want to, I don't want.

[Joey Diaz]

To hear about none of that.

[Rich Vos]

I went, the last concert I went to, I was in Arizona and the club owner took me to see Springsteen. Right. He didn't do any of his political. He just came out, did almost, what, four hours or something? I don't know. Whatever he played, he killed. It was a good concert. And I left. There was no, you know, stopping and talking about this or that. Just play your fucking music. Let me get the fuck out. That's all.

[Joey Diaz]

If you had a good. Listen, I look at these concerts online.

[Rich Vos]

Do what?

[Joey Diaz]

I look at some of these concerts online. I wouldn't stay there. I wouldn't go to half these concerts. It's just embarrassing at this point.

[Rich Vos]

I haven't gone to one.

[Joey Diaz]

No, no, no. I don't know that you went and had a good time, but, like, half these guys to the touring, it's like, come on, guys. I didn't really have come on, guys. Like, stop, stop.

[Rich Vos]

The dude. The dude that took me was a real Springsteen fan. And he's singing and he turns and sings to me.

[Lee Syatt]

What the.

[Rich Vos]

You're a dude. Don't be singing to me. Turn the around. Sing out that way.

[Joey Diaz]

I'm not from. I'm not from the Jersey side where Springsteen was king.

[Rich Vos]

Yeah.

[Joey Diaz]

I'm from the Jersey side with Ted Nugent. Was king. And if you like Springsteen, it wasn't going to be a good afternoon.

[Rich Vos]

Well, I was more.

[Joey Diaz]

It was not going to be a good afternoon.

[Rich Vos]

I was. I liked Southside John. I was more of a Ramones guy.

[Joey Diaz]

To be 52s, but Ramones were.

[Rich Vos]

I loved the Ramones back then. You know, whatever.

[Joey Diaz]

Springsteen, he taught at two of the Ramones. That.

[Rich Vos]

Yeah. Well, he looks like an ugly Howard Stone.

[Joey Diaz]

Oh, yeah. He's in Badger. Go away, please.

[Rich Vos]

I know.

[Joey Diaz]

You know. Oh, that's punk music. That's.

[Rich Vos]

I'll tell you.

[Joey Diaz]

Go away. Leave me the alone.

[Rich Vos]

I was a big fan because they were from my hometown. I. Parliament Funkadelics.

[Joey Diaz]

Oh, I like.

[Rich Vos]

I was a big mothership connection. Yeah, they were from Plainfield. A couple.

[Joey Diaz]

I was going to see those in 95 in Boulder. Yeah, they were coming, like, once a month. And that was a great show. I like all that stuff.

[Rich Vos]

I wish I was in town. They're playing. They're playing.

[Joey Diaz]

Yeah, they're doing something. How old is he now, though?

[Rich Vos]

Oh, George Clinton.

[Joey Diaz]

He's got.

[Rich Vos]

I think he's older than Biden.

[Joey Diaz]

His hair must smell bad. Oh, yeah, that fucking pachogi. Whatever they put in their hair to fucking 83. Keep those dreads. That's not bueno.

[Lee Syatt]

He's about to be 84 in July.

[Rich Vos]

Relaxer.

[Joey Diaz]

No, that's not relaxer.

[Rich Vos]

That's.

[Joey Diaz]

Remember when I went to prison? That was big. Everybody had the Jheri curl in prison. And they would have to wear a shower cap in the daytime and shit. They would have to wear a shower cap. And I'm like, I can't handle this.

[Rich Vos]

I'll show you a picture later. My hair was. I had a big afro. Because.

[Joey Diaz]

I'm from North Bergen and with the humidity, it really goes off well.

[Rich Vos]

So I had enough.

[Joey Diaz]

You.

[Rich Vos]

I had an afro. Curly ass hair. And then I went to New York and I went to this hairdresser because I wanted a shag. Like the carpet? No, like they had. It was like feathered. So I had. I went to this place, I cut my hair and I hot combed it and I had the nicest shag until the first I washed it. And that shot back up to an afro. I had a shag for two days.

[Joey Diaz]

When you were a kid, you don't understand that. Like, what the. This guy to do my head. I got to figure out this magician trip.

[Rich Vos]

And this was nice, man. I went to school like David Cassidy. But, you know, back. Back to my black high school with my afro.

[Joey Diaz]

Playing field.

[Rich Vos]

Playing field, yeah.

[Joey Diaz]

Jesus Christ. And that was rough in the 80s and 70s.

[Rich Vos]

Kids used to come to my. In high school. They carry guns to school in high school. I remember Willie, like, he pulled out his gun and his friend said, don't with. To me. They go, don't with him. He's cool, right? Like, I never got with. Because I grew up playing sports and, you know, smoking reefer and selling whatever. Even the gangster Earl, Earl, if you owe the money, he took you to the park and made you strip and he threw you in. In the pond. And they you up, they can, you know, beat your ass. He used to take people for a ride. He had. He owned two Deuce and a Quarters, all right? Two electric 225s. Big guy, big drug dealer. Love me, love me all. You know, I just grew up amongst that. So. But dudes, in, in. In this late 75, our school was terror. It was terror. I'm telling you. Like one day, me and my friend, because we were in Plainfield, we go, let's go up to watch on and look at some white girls. And we drove up to the school and we're walking around, the principal came, goes, look, I know you too aren't from here. Go back to wherever the fuck you're from. Just get out of black.

[Joey Diaz]

Your friend.

[Rich Vos]

No, white dude. We went to just go to white.

[Joey Diaz]

Dudes within Plainfield High.

[Rich Vos]

In those days, it wasn't a lot, but, like, I. They had a high school reunion, so I. I went just to show, you know, see some old friends and shit. I didn't sign up. I just, you know, set the right by the bridge by the mall by my house that year. So my wife came and met me there, and it was like, me and three other white guys. She didn't believe I went to, like, a black high school. And she came to the reunion. She goes, oh, damn, you were right.

[Joey Diaz]

Right?

[Rich Vos]

And Roxanne was there. She was so fine in high school, but, you know, we're older now, but I saw dudes, like. So I did like 10 minutes, 15 minutes. They brought me on. I just. And I. The same Muslim with his bow tie was still Muslim, right? Same people. And Gerald was there. He used to sit the bench for the best way. You know, I was with dudes. I went to school. It was so much fun because, you know, these are dudes I grew up with since fifth, sixth grade, played sports. They were all there, and they're fucking. I mean, pimped the fuck out.

[Joey Diaz]

They look, you know, bad schools down there.

[Rich Vos]

What's that?

[Joey Diaz]

Pensaken, Camden, Plainfield. Malcolm X. Shabazz was a bad school.

[Rich Vos]

East Orange. West Orange. West Orange.

[Joey Diaz]

One of the one. One year, they flipped the North Bergen bus. The basketball bus. What? Freshman Christmas tournament. They flipped the North Bergen bus.

[Rich Vos]

Well, Plainfield won the states in basketball this year. Plainfield won the states.

[Joey Diaz]

They win the states every fucking year.

[Rich Vos]

I meanfield.

[Joey Diaz]

And there wasn't Passaic maybe was bad. What was the school where everybody from. Everybody from Louisville. Louisville in the 80s had four players from a fucking Jersey school. And they called it the Louisville Connection.

[Rich Vos]

From Jersey. Oh, Elizabeth. Maybe it was Elizabeth because Elizabeth put out some players.

[Joey Diaz]

Yeah, early on. Jill Chapman, that dude is from Jersey, too. The dude that plays for Dallas. The crazy guy that was a Knick, and he was saying anti Semitism.

[Rich Vos]

Oh, you're talking Tyre Irving.

[Joey Diaz]

What's Kyrie Irving?

[Rich Vos]

He thinks the world is flat.

[Joey Diaz]

Yeah, a lot of them do. Wiz Khalifa thinks. I never even thought about it. And if it's flat, I don't give a.

[Rich Vos]

You want to see flat? Look at my wife's ass. That. It's like Jackie Chan from behind.

[Joey Diaz]

You know, it's. It's.

[Rich Vos]

Who gives a. Of the world? First of all, the world ain't flat. My globe at home is.

[Joey Diaz]

When I were talking last night, we're talking about sore Pool, other shit. We're watching Mobland after Mobland. We're just talking and we're fucking. And my wife's like, you never really had interest. She goes, can you fill me in on that? And I'm like, listen, you know, I don't know about what, about. I just never. I don't give a fuck. Yeah. If it's got nothing to do with me. I really don't. Like if it's a flat earth or if it's a round earth. I don't give a fuck.

[Rich Vos]

I know.

[Joey Diaz]

Like, you want me to worry about who shot Kennedy. It's 20, 25. It was 60 years ago. He got shot in the head. I don't give a fuck who shot him or how they shot him. I've always been like that. If it had nothing to do with how we're gonna put $5 in my pocket, it's got nothing to do with me.

[Rich Vos]

Yeah, that's true. I mean, I don't know.

[Joey Diaz]

And it's like, some people have distractions in their life. I fucking don't even let distract. Like, I just. And people get mad. Like, a couple weeks ago, I went on a couple podcasts, and I spoke about that. I don't care about Epstein or Diddy or none of that. It has nothing. Like. I just don't have time to even think about that stuff.

[Rich Vos]

My life growing up was up. I got comfortable being uncomfortable.

[Joey Diaz]

Me, too.

[Rich Vos]

I got being uncomfortable. So I have my own to deal with, you know, whether it be anxiety, getting sober, raising a family, my own to deal with, you know, Now I'm dealing with a lot of other. I'm not dealing with it. I'm just being affected by it from outside issues, you see, what. You know, because of my religion, but it's not personally affecting me because I'm. You know what I'm saying? I'm not in college or I'm not. You know, my job isn't. I know what you're saying. Just take. I worry about my kids and not even my older.

[Joey Diaz]

My friends. It's like when I see somebody on tv, like, oh, yeah, we're having a benefit for blind kids, and they invite people over to the house and they cater and they put this big shadow on, but meanwhile, they got a cousin who needs money.

[Rich Vos]

Yeah. Or they.

[Joey Diaz]

I never understood that shit. You got people in your circle, but you want to help. Like. And it's like, I know you do it for attention. At the end of the day, it's for fucking attention. So people come over and go, oh, he's such a good person. And at the end of the day, nobody gives a fuck. It's just as long as you have food there.

[Rich Vos]

Somebody's birthday on Facebook, nobody gives a fuck.

[Joey Diaz]

Yeah.

[Lee Syatt]

You know what really bugs me is those people online who, like, they'll go find someone like a homeless guy or whatever, and they'll give them money and they'll like. They do it nice. In theory, it's a nice thing. But they have a. They're interviewing a homeless guy.

[Rich Vos]

Here's the thing. First of all, donation is not. When you donate, you're not supposed to let people know because it's self serving donation. If you like. I never let people know that, you know, I send money to St. Jude. That's between me and St. Jude because.

[Joey Diaz]

I said, money to St. Jude.

[Rich Vos]

They're the only legitimate one. But people go on Facebook, it's my birthday, can you donate to. No.

[Joey Diaz]

Go fuck yourself on Facebook in the morning. Nothing bothers me more than that. Donate to do Go fuck yourself. I gotta go to the car, get my wallet to say happy birthday. Go fuck yourself. Forget it. Forget I even had a good fucking. Right away they want to be, oh, on my birthday I want you to donate to Cats of Newark. Listen, a cat ain't gonna get a dollar from me, all right? Yeah, just take your fucking happy birthday and move on with your fucking birthday.

[Rich Vos]

Yeah, lucky you got a happy birthday.

[Joey Diaz]

I can donate to Africans or some blind school. Get the fuck. I'm not going out to the car to get my wallet. I'm not doing it. My wallet's in my car. Your dad called a doctor. Can we have your insurance card? Anthem, can we have the number? Doesn't matter. Doesn't matter. I got referred for you from a fucking doctor. You think he would have referred me if I had no fucking insurance? We'll call back when you have the number. And then I gotta wa. 80 days. Yeah, Anthem, write it down and give me a appointment. The lady just like froze. No, I'm calling you. I'm legit and you want to break my balls now or call me back? No, I ain't calling you back. And say something. I'll call your supervisor. It's Anthem. I got a reference. You know the doctor? Yeah, we. What the. You think he would send you a fucking deadbeat? The fuck is wrong with these people? It's unbelievable.

[Rich Vos]

I went to physical therapy and they go, fill this shit out. I go, I was here already once. I fucked out.

[Joey Diaz]

We're gonna send you a propactive. What's your medication? Listen, I know you see my wife next to me. Yeah. Don't ask me a fucking question unless you. I got people. My sister today to. What kind of. What are you bothering me for?

[Rich Vos]

I just know.

[Joey Diaz]

I don't know nothing. I'm telling you what I know. It's foot fungus. What type? You know? Where'd you get it? Who cares? Who cares?

[Rich Vos]

What disease is your diabetes?

[Joey Diaz]

You see my wife next to me? She got all the paperwork. What bank? I don't know. Bank of America. Everybody goes to bank of America, right?

[Rich Vos]

Yeah.

[Joey Diaz]

The fuck is wrong with people?

[Rich Vos]

I don't. I gotta fill out. Like, I didn't. That's the reason I quit school. I didn't like filling shit out.

[Joey Diaz]

No. Every time you call a doctor, we're not saying send you a package for what? I got to get there 10 minutes early. Now I got to bring reading glasses and fill stupid shit out? Have you ever had hepatitis? I don't fucking know. I had chlamydia and it disappeared one day. Okay? It stopped leaking. I never heard from it again.

[Rich Vos]

Has your dad lost any toes? What the fuck? What really gets me is when I walk in, not even hello. What are you here for? Insurance. Motherfucker. Slow the fuck down. Do I look like I'm going to rip you the fuck off?

[Joey Diaz]

The first thing I fuck with them now. Occupation? Savage, you know? Oh, yeah? What'd your father die from? Heroin. What'd your mother die from? She got stabbed 20 times where she was getting raped.

[Rich Vos]

Okay, Louis.

[Joey Diaz]

And I love when they read the paperwork. They look at it and they look at me for a second and then they know I'm not fucking around. I'm not here. What's with the questions? I got fucking sick. I got diving colitis, whatever the fuck it is.

[Rich Vos]

So it is.

[Joey Diaz]

Why are you asking me fucking questions and making me talk?

[Rich Vos]

So I'm in physical therapy this morning. And the dude, he used to play football. He used to play halfback for the Giants, but now he's. So they have me on this thing, doing this. I go, this is gay. I go. I laugh at people in the gym doing this.

[Joey Diaz]

30 minutes. I gotta pay 80 to do this. Come on, get up, Mango. Let's do this right. Let's go. They did the same to me, too.

[Rich Vos]

I know. Massage me. Make me come do something.

[Joey Diaz]

I'm not $88 insurance don't want to cut it. Then they want to Michael needle me. Like, yeah, a little needle. It's like a little whatever with the little dicks. It's just a little fucking needle. A little Filipino dick. I'm fucking around one of those little fucking gumball dicks. Yeah. This is going to change your life. Ain't going to change my fucking life. Give me the Jap with a long fucking needle. That's what works.

[Rich Vos]

I'm fucking around with rubber bands.

[Lee Syatt]

How do people react to you saying this? I'm just imagining like a 22 year old kid.

[Joey Diaz]

I'm done, guys. I'm 62. And I've earned this right as an American. I pay taxes. I did. I was a felon. I did my time. I paid taxes. And I fucking deserve better treatment from medical and all these fucking idiots. And you gotta call them out from time to time. If not, they keep. They'll keep fucking with you. Well, they keep fucking with you. Why do I have to go get my insurance card? I told you, I got insurance. That's all you need to know. Anthem A N T H E S that's it. What's the number? I don't know. 219, 63. Do the fucking math. I don't fucking know.

[Rich Vos]

Now I got to go play.219.

[Joey Diaz]

You get so. You get so like, fucking like I'm not into it no more. Like I'm just not into it no more.

[Rich Vos]

Well, I don't.

[Joey Diaz]

I'm done. I've already lived too far. We already took down People's Expressions. I took down People's Express in 84. It's2025. Yeah.

[Rich Vos]

And MCI.

[Joey Diaz]

I took down Discover Card, by the way.

[Rich Vos]

Let me tell you something.

[Joey Diaz]

I took Discover Card. They sent me those checks, those blank checks. Remember? They would send you the card, but then they send you those blank checks. That card was cut up and I still was using those checks. I would show up with a feather, with blood. Yeah. How much?

[Rich Vos]

When I had my painting business. I feel bad. I gotta. I gotta hook. These paint stores used to give me pain on credit. Anytime you gave me anything on credit, you never saw me see me again. What the fuck is wrong with. At the bar where I went to, they had me on the sign with other the absolute deadbeat list. Because I was passing bad checks, you know? What the fuck? They took them.

[Joey Diaz]

That was a Sunday. Like, Sunday, you woke up with no money. I got checks. I got money. You know what I'm saying? Sunday's a good day to write a check. Nobody could check them out. You're in there buying fucking. Yeah, give them a couch. Fuck it.

[Lee Syatt]

This is why they ask for your numbers on the Phone now.

[Joey Diaz]

Fuck you.

[Rich Vos]

Let me tell you, checks are like money, man.

[Joey Diaz]

Dog. I used to work for this company in Fairview. The guy was a scumbag. He would. Yeah, he was like a fuck. He was a carpenter's helper. It was seven bucks an hour. And I would go and he'd go. The first two hours, you don't get paid cause it's in the car. He would just do douchey things. I still remember a couple times not having lunch money, him not even offering. Like, he just did a bunch of douchey things. And then he was supposed to meet me one fucking Friday. And he never showed up. It was like a $60 check. I was living with George. I go, george, drive me down to this guy's house. I just kicked the back door in. I took his Dom Perignon and fucking Magnum. I took a bunch of shit. He had like $180 to go. I took every. I went, George drove me to a couple places. Well, I said, george, allegedly. I just kicked the fucking door down.

[Rich Vos]

What did you say?

[Joey Diaz]

No, allegedly. It happened. It was 40 years ago. They can't fucking take me to court now. He had a roommate that wouldn't give him 200 bucks. I stole his car stereo. And the government check he got and cashed it and cashed it like a motherfucker.

[Rich Vos]

I was working for this club, this guy that booked rooms, right? That's when I first. And he got kicked out of his house. So he had all his shit in his hotel room, right? And I was working the hotel. He had. He booked a room there. So this motherfucker after my show didn't have my money. I went and took his tv, right? Not to hold his tv. And I come home with it. My ex wife goes, oh, so you're working for a microwave next week? But that TV lasted eight years. I took his tv, I took this carpenter, didn't pay me me. I took his Sawzall or whatever. It's, you know, expensive saw. Listen, just get my money. I don't want to have to steal your. I don't do it now, you know, because I'm getting paid. But back in the day. And even if you did pay me and left around, I go, you didn't pay me enough.

[Lee Syatt]

Dude. I. I forgot you had a painting business. One of my favorite things to watch online is when they don't pay a contractor and the contractor destroys the shit that they did. That must feel so good.

[Rich Vos]

Well, and I say this on stage, but this I was fucked up. I owed. See what I would do is I would go to the garage sales and I would buy like these old golf clubs for like $5 a set. Rusty old golf clubs. So then I go to a coke dealer, I go, give me a gram on credit, I'll leave my golf clubs as collateral. I said, don't sell my clubs. So come Friday, I owed everybody in town money. And I had an old Dodge pickup truck. So I would have my workers paint my truck with house paint. So I had a different color. Dave Voss, he had. No, he had a red truck. That's shutter green, semi gloss. I would paint my truck, I would paint it different colors every week. And then people. I was up, this is my life. Then people would pay me, you know, for Benjamin Moore paint. That's good paint. And I had the Benjamin Moore cans. So I would go buy the five dollar paint and pour it into the Benjamin Moore cans, then show up at the house with. With Benjamin Moore, with shitty painting it. You know, I'm driving away, the house is already peeling. And. But I made amends to. Some people, you know, said, I'm sorry, that was back then.

[Joey Diaz]

And their house is still shitty. They said that. Sorry, they still missed the wall. You know, man, I'm thinking of writing a book, another book. And it was. I have a couple of ideas for different books, but one was. And it'd be embarrassing. It would be the life of an addict.

[Rich Vos]

Yeah.

[Joey Diaz]

And some of the shit, you know, I said it all, but there's some shit that you think of and you go, what the fuck was I doing that day? I still remember dumping an ounce of coke in a bathroom hotel in Denver. And for hours, kneeling on my hands and knees, just licking the side of the bowl. And you wonder what the fuck is wrong with me underneath. Because the water threw the coke up. So the coke would turn brown on the toilet. And I would just take it and put it in my nose for hours.

[Rich Vos]

Why'd you dump it? You thought somebody was coming?

[Joey Diaz]

Okay, I was living in Boulder with my girlfriend at the time, and I got a call one night, she called me and she goes, you friends are in town, they're at the airport, they're waiting for you. So I got in my car, drove to Stapleton Airport, and when I pulled up, the guy's like, bro, I know who you're looking for. Those four gorillas. I put them in a cab and I sent them to the strip club, the real popular one. No, no, no, this is in Denver. So it's a big one in Denver. And I go, okay, Something Charlie's. Something Charlie's. I took the cab. I walk in, everybody's dancing to strippers. My four buddies have a stripper surrounded. They're throwing her up in the air, you know, I'm like, oh, my God. So I'm like, what are you guys doing? They go, we got a hotel across the street. We got 4 ounces of coke. And I'm like, what the fuck? And they're bringing strippers over. But he bought a whole block of. There was four of them. And he bought a whole block of hotel rooms upstairs. I don't want to say his name. And fucking. We were up there for, like, two days. And they got so paranoid. They were hiding the coke. You know when you take the tissue paper out of the wall, when you wash your hands? They were taking the tissue out and hiding in there and closing the tissue. And so they had six bathrooms with the coke hidden in those tissue compartments. So I don't know. We woke up two days later, and they're like, we gotta go back home to North Bergen. And they had, like, three ounces of coke. So he goes, take two of them and send us the money. Okay, yeah, good, sure. I'll get rid of. I'll send you the money. Tomorrow. This will be gone. And I went back to Boulder, left that ounce in my house. And me and my girlfriend at the time, she drove me to the hotel and she goes, I have to go back home to do something with my parents, but I'll be back at 11 to spend the night with you, and we'll finish doing the coke. I'm like, okay, I go stop at a liquor store. It was one in the afternoon. I go up to this hotel room. I'm in there doing Coke, watching TV. And also, I'm starting to get paranoid. Like, 30 minutes late. And I go, let me look out the window. And it's one car after the other car would pull up. And then three minutes later, the car would pull up and another one would pull up. And I'm like, oh, they're switching cars on me. And I'm hearing with a drill. And I'm like, holy shit. They're gonna put a bug in the wall to see if I'm doing coke, right? And it's two hours later. I'm sweating profusely. I'm by the window, and still the cars are stopping. Two minutes. And then they take off and another car pulls up.

[Lee Syatt]

You watched it for two hours?

[Joey Diaz]

For two, three hours, I was paranoid. I was on my hands and knees, sweating. Finally, I Hear people talking in the hallway. And I go, fuck this. Oh, no, no, no, no, no. It gets better. They have a tub of water in the room. You know, every hotel has a little thing of water. I filled it up with water and I threw a coke rock in there to see how long it would take for the coke rock to dissolve in case the day came in. Okay? It was a big coke rock and like 12 ounces, maybe 16 ounces of water. You're gonna love this. So now I'm still fucking banging it out. I got no shirt on. I got like, you know, like when you order the porn, but you don't have enough money, so the porn would come in sideways, so you'd have to jerk off on your back and catch, like, little things. My dick's not getting hard, the whole fucking thing. I'm going through an hour of this, and finally I'm hearing people coming up steps. I'm like, the TA is here. I'm looking out the window. Cars are pulling up and then pulling away. And I took the fucking what I had and I dumped in the toilet, and I flushed the toilet and I could see the coke going down. I remember, like. And after I dumped it, all the drills stopped. Everything fucking stopped, right? So I'm just staying there for hours and I'm just licking the coke off the fucking thing for hours. And the phone, my phone's ringing in the hotel room. I'm not answering it. And finally I go, fuck, I'm thirsty. And I go. And I grab that water with the coke rock. Now I'm talking to myself at this point. I'm so out of it. I'm like, you know, I gotta get my life together. I gotta go back to church and shit. I drank the water with the coke in it, and my voice disappeared. I started talking like Mickey Mouse. So my wife is calling me, who's my girlfriend at the time. She's like, what are you doing? Do you still have any coke left? I'm like, I couldn't talk. So finally I got dressed. About three in the morning. I went downstairs to see if there were cops. It was a fucking ATM machine, like a drive through for, like, something. They were pulling up and leaving. I'm like, God damn it. That was like the eighth time I had dumped an ounce of coke. One time I thought there were dogs out there. When I went out, there was fire hydrants. I'm like, oh, my God. I thought they were fire. And Carl, the redneck I was with kept yelling, they got dogs. We went out there the next day was fire hydrants covered with snow on it.

[Rich Vos]

I fucking. One night. I mean, I was. So I smoked all night. I don't know. And I would. I stayed at my mom's house. And I was getting dressed, but I undressed and I was naked or something. And I thought I saw a rat run across the floor, I thought. So I took a plate of peanut butter and put it in the center of the floor. And I made a net out of one of my mother's stockings. I had a hanger. And I was sitting on a couch half naked, holding a stocking net with peanut butter on the floor. My mother walked in, she goes, rats. No, I mean, the shit that goes on in your head. I'm so glad that I don't. Look, I don't know. I'm sure you. But I'm on borrowed time. I should be dead from the shit I did. You know, this is. It's amazing that I could sit here, laugh and talk, you know, about some of the crazy we used to do. I bought my. My friends go get me an eighth of coke. So I got him an eighth of coke, and they go, we'll be asleep. Shove it under the door, shoved it under the door. I made five trips going back that night with the hangar, pulling it back.

[Joey Diaz]

Taking a little bit out.

[Rich Vos]

You know, by the time they woke up, there was maybe, you know, a spec left. You know, I. I would. Man, it's just coke up. Like, if there wasn't Coke in the 80s, it was just pod or alcohol, whatever. I probably have, like, a. A regular life. Coke everything up. Like, I wouldn't even snort anymore. To me, that was like reading a book backwards. I'd be at a party, you want to snorkel? What are you wasting it for? Shut the fuck up. I don't know, snorting it. But, you know, after that bottom that I had up in Boston or wherever the fuck I was, it was a bad run. A bad run.

[Joey Diaz]

You know, I'm thinking about where Nikki lives now. That building was a fucking war zone. And we had friends that lived in that building that they would get so fucking paranoid that they would tie a string around their wrist and tie the string to the doorknob so if anybody came in, they could hear the wrist. And let's even get deeper. Your friend, God rest his soul, used to put parachutes on his cocaine because he lived on the 30th floor. So if the cops came in, he would throw the coke out the window and they would land down on the floor with Little parachutes. And he, he lived on the 30th floor. He got so paranoid that he greased his balcony so if you tried to climb through it, he would fall off. That's when you're fucking paranoid, when you grease the balcony. So if somebody, if Spider man just happens to be in the fucking neighborhood because everybody thought that you're gonna fucking kill him.

[Rich Vos]

When you were high, you thought people could climb buildings.

[Joey Diaz]

Oh my God. I was in the halfway house and I got a furlough and my in law said he could furlough here. They were really catholic, so they put me on the trailer and it was the dead of summer and I went in the house. I stood with them till about 9:30. I couldn't wait, I started yawning. Like 9:30, I had an eight ball waiting for me outside with like a case alone, bro. And it was really good Coke. It was 80 degrees that night. I remember being in there at 4 in the morning and seeing people with white, dressed in white with the trees, all had snow on them and they had the fucking rope with the machine gun in one hand and they were going down and fucking. I'm like, oh my God, I'm throwing the coke away. It fell that day. It was all over the floor. So I'm like a Vietnam vet, pretty much crawling, bumping into an eight rock over there, going, oh boy, there's another one. I stayed on the floor for like four fucking hours. And then I was. And then I sold coke in a halfway house. And that's where I really saw paranoia. There was a kid that called into the podcast, Alejandro Raya, I loved him. Mexican kid. I would give him an eight ball of coke and he would shave for 12 hours.

[Rich Vos]

He would do what?

[Joey Diaz]

Shave the next day. He wouldn't have no skin left. Like you could see where all this and all this was, was different than his skin color. Cuz he would sit in the bathroom all night with a towel on, with shaving cream, shave and snorting coke.

[Rich Vos]

The dude.

[Lee Syatt]

We've been doing the podcast for like 13 years. I've heard a lot of coke stories. It doesn't sound like fun.

[Joey Diaz]

Listen, man, when you're fucking in it, you're in it and you think you're having fun. Like it's really, you know, people say, what's that? Definition of insanity?

[Rich Vos]

Yeah, doing the same thing over and.

[Joey Diaz]

Over with the same results, expecting different results. You know, I still remember like buying coke just to get paranoid, like hiding under my bed. I still remember nights when I left three different Hotel rooms. Like, go to a hotel room, sit down, snow the line and go, we gotta get out of here. And drive a mile to a hotel next door and get another room and sit there and go, we gotta get out of here. I did all that crazy shit.

[Rich Vos]

I would. I would do it and it'd be three in the morning. I'd be sitting outside my mother's and I would just walk laps around the block to try to walk it off.

[Joey Diaz]

I wouldn't walk outside.

[Rich Vos]

I walked. And you could hear my footsteps. It was so quiet. People are going, what's this guy doing? Walking into cops, cops. What are you doing? I go, just exercising. But you would do it just to come down from it. Like, I'm so glad. You know. The fact is, if I did it now, I would die with all that shit in it.

[Joey Diaz]

I would just die.

[Rich Vos]

I just know that I have money too.

[Joey Diaz]

I just know that I would drink a Budweiser and do a line. First of all, I had the opportunity this year out of the. It's gonna be 18 years. I haven't touched that shit. And last New Year's, I know when people are doing it. I'm a colleague. I go in the bathroom and I hear, you know? I know. And it doesn't bother me or affect me or make me relapse or anything. But this last New Year's, I went to a party after New Year's, after New Year's that I wasn't really supposed to be at. And I went in there anyway, and they were snorting coke right in front of me. And I go, you know what? I'm gonna sit here and watch this theater. Like people watch me. It's a theater of pain. They don't even know. That's why if anybody should've got an Academy Award, it's Boogie Nights when the two chicks are talking in the bedroom. And she goes, do you want to go for a walk? And she goes, so do I. And she goes, not really. And they're doing it. Fucking. It was a perfect cocaine comedy conversation. They hit it out. Julianne Moore, she's having a fucking thing in there with the skinny chick that used to bang that dude from the store, Heather Graham. And they're talking and doing coke. And she goes, let's get out of the house. And she goes, let's do it all. I don't really want to do it. I'm like, these guys are the good consultant. You know the scene in Boogie Nights, dog? I went to a house one night where there was a fucking White dude that I knew, a manager at the Improv. And he had a little Chinese gay guy over there with little diapers on. And. And I'm like, oh, this is right out of Boogie Nights. And there was somebody else over there, I'll tell you, after the podcast. And I was like, God damn, it's real. It's real. Let me tell you, it's craziness. It's fucking craziness.

[Rich Vos]

I told this story. It's a famous story I told on the radio. My short, short story. So we used to cop from these two gay guys in. In east or West Orange. They live in the high rise. I'll say Doug and Dickie. I. It's on my first album. I told the story. I know, being Anthony, Doug and Dickie. So we'd go up there. I'm gonna use fake names. Me, Bill and Tom. And every time we go up there, like Dicky, the light skinned black dude, asked one of them, hey, come upstairs, I got to show you something. Give them tons of coke, ask if he could blow them. And supposedly they said no. Right now I'm going up there week on week, week after week with. And Dicky's never asked me to go upstairs. And I'm starting to get a complex, you know, like my mom's like, calm down. He'll ask to suck your dick. Give it time, right? I went up there, I went up there. Remember those basketball shorts with no pockets? Man, I had basketball shorts on, no underwear. You could see, like just my ball bag, right? I'm going. I'm going up tonight. He's like, hey, hey, hey, Tom, you want to go upstairs? Leave that homo down here. Basically, like he even. That's how ugly I was that he never invited me upstairs.

[Joey Diaz]

Gay guy never even want to suck your dick. That's not good for the ego. That's not good because all you need is a. You should have gave him a whistle. Gay guys love whistles. And tell him you blow a little whistle in his muffler, he would have gone with bots.

[Lee Syatt]

Dude, there's no one who loves gay guys more than Joey. And you invent sexual stuff for them. How are you gonna blow a whistle on someone's.

[Joey Diaz]

I don't know. But if anybody could figure it out, it's a gay man. They're crafty. They'll figure out how to talk you into blowing a whistle up your asshole. Listen, somebody talked the Indians into selling New York. You could always talk somebody into doing something creepy at four in the morning when you got a bank Book and they don't, you know what I'm saying?

[Rich Vos]

Bad checks, coke, dry. You know, listen, I look back, I'm glad I did everything I did in me too, because it put me where I am now, you know what I'm saying? You know, you are where you're at when you're supposed to be there. And, you know, that was just my life. All the we did, but we did have fun after high school, my friends and I, man, we went to parties, we had a good time. And then those good times, well, you know, you leave. You leave one set of dudes and then you're hanging with dudes that do more. Then you're with the next level of dudes and next thing you know, you're in rehab. Next thing you know, you're like, your mom drops you off in the morning.

[Joey Diaz]

And my divorce. That poor girl. That girl lived through hell. And one of the things I remember the most is I was supposed to go to her brother's wedding. I was supposed to go to brother's wedding about a month before. This is when I was crazy. I bought an. I'm still crazy, but I was real crazy. Like two weeks before that, I bought an ounce of coke that was so good and I was such a junkie that I gave it to a friend of mine to hold in the safe. And I said, do not give me this. Tulsa, February, whatever, the day before the wedding, do not give me this. Even if I threaten you, do not give it to me. And something happened. I never bothered him. The day before the wedding, I went over there about three in the afternoon and I was supposed to take a flight at 6 in the morning to take me to Denver. And then the car would pick me up and drive me to Boulder for a wedding. I had a dog then. What was his name? Hercules. Hercules. I had a dog. And about 4 in the afternoon, I just started doing a couple lines. One line led to another. About seven o' clock, I said, I need some cocktail. I went and I said, I could buy a bottle of tequila, but I'll buy everything now. Case of beer, a case of this. I was by myself, guys. Then it was midnight. Then it was five in the morning and that dog wanted to go out to pee. And I wouldn't let him. I'm like, you ain't going out there. The boogeyman's out there, Hercules. And I went straight like. I didn't go to the wedding. The phone kept ringing. I didn't leave the fucking house. I didn't let the dog out Till Saturday at midnight when the cops came. I was calling the cops on myself. I was like, there's somebody out there. The cops would come around. How many times I called them that night? Three times. Every hour on the hour I called him. There's a burglar out there. And the last time they came, they're like, joey, put away the bag. They're like, do you want us to take it and we'll bring it back tomorrow? I'm like, no, what bag are you talking about? I had it hidden in the sink so I could hit it with the disposal. And I kept putting my hand in there going, I'm gonna lose my fingers. It was fucking terrible. And I still remember, like, Sunday, I had no coke left. I'm still trying to masturbate. And I'll tell you what I was watching. I was watching the girl in red with what's her name, the pretty girl from the 80s. I mean, this is 1986.

[Rich Vos]

So Kelly LeBrock.

[Joey Diaz]

Kelly LeBrock shows her monkey for a split second when. When what's his name calls her from the window. What's his name? Gene Wilder calls her from the car. She throws the blanket up and gets up, and you see her little bush a second. I figured out how to freeze it on there. Like, I just froze it on that bush. And for 12 hours. I was like, this has to happen. Nothing happened. That's embarrassing. You're trying to jerk off and nothing happens. And if you have coke. How many times did this happen? You have coke and you call a girl and she's like, I'll be right over. But then you actually jerk off and come, and you're like, I'm not letting her in. Yeah, fuck her. She could knock out there all night. She's out there banging on the door. Hurry up, it's me. That's it. I already came. I'm keeping this coke.

[Rich Vos]

I was. I didn't have. This wasn't coke. But I was working Rascals, and I picked this girl, Rascals down the Shore. There was a club down Ocean. I picked this girl up, so I take her to diner. I get her a burger, whatever. Not the deluxe, but the burger. And, you know, you don't get fries yet. So then we get in the car, we're making out. She goes, I can't make out in a diner. So then I pull next door to the car wash. He goes, what's wrong with you? And there was a hotel across the street, like a crack hotel on the other side. So I pull in the hotel, there wasn't a car in the parking lot. Not one car. So we're in the car before I go in, we start making out, and she either blows me or gives me a hand job, and I bust a nut. I go, I'll be right back. So I go in the hotel, I walk back, I go, oh, man, they're all sold out, right? She goes, there's no car. I go, yeah, it's a crack hotel. They don't have cars. I mean, I gave her one of my CDs, but still. Take the. But.

[Joey Diaz]

When you into drugs, you get creepy about that shit. There was a chick I really liked before I got married, and I would team up with her whenever I was doing coke. But I started to learn her period schedule. So I wouldn't go over there those five days, and she would call me, come over. I'm horny. Not tonight. I'm not sharing coke with you. You're bleeding, bitch. I'm not going nowhere with some greedy motherfuckers. I did a podcast with Theo. It's online, and he was talking about it, how many nights he would get coked up, call a hooker, and get so paranoid, he wouldn't let him in. He would slip money out the hole and say, go away. And then he let one in, and the next day she got sick, and he took care of her for a week. And he goes, we're still friends, man. I like her.

[Rich Vos]

That's hilarious. That's hilarious.

[Joey Diaz]

Drugs take you to places that you never think you'd go. Like sometimes, and you go. And you're like, I'm not gonna do that again. But, yeah, it was fun. It was fun. It was a fun fucking 20 years for me to do. I loved it.

[Rich Vos]

It was fun. Until I. Till it wasn't fun until I started.

[Joey Diaz]

It's not fun anymore.

[Rich Vos]

You know, once you.

[Joey Diaz]

When my back started jolting in the middle of the night, I would get these jolts in my back at the end, and I'm like, I'm gonna die. Pretty soon, I was. And that's what stopped me at the end, had that and my wife. That's why I said, fuck this.

[Rich Vos]

I was at this bar, the film center. 40 cent drafts. I had no. I was. I had maybe a dollar for two drafts. I didn't know how I was getting back home. I was fucked up. This girl, she was. I think she was hot. She came, sat at my table, and she goes, can I buy you a drink? I go, yeah. She goes, well, you got to walk up and get It. And she gave me $20. I walked up to the bar, ran out the door and took off. And I go, it doesn't get any lower than that. Then I was in, like, rehab maybe two or three weeks later. I mean, I just stole the girls $20. And it's. You think, oh, it's only 20 bucks. But you can. You. Your mom, you're like, you got no money. You got to figure out a way to get high, you know? I snatched some out of this dude's hand. He punched me twice in the head. Next thing you know, I threw in the pipe. It was soap, you know. What the you hitting me over soap for? Don't rip me off when I'm ripping you off. What the is that about? I know, but it. It's. Let me tell you something. It's. There's no good ending.

[Joey Diaz]

No.

[Rich Vos]

There's never no good end to that shit. No good. And, you know, look, when he started, he had hair and a lot of things.

[Lee Syatt]

Brain cells. But it's. I gotta be honest, though. I don't. I get paranoid. Like, that's why I like weed, is because it shuts off. Like, people say they get paranoid on edibles. I really don't.

[Joey Diaz]

You like weed?

[Rich Vos]

Oh, I hate it. It made me paranoid.

[Lee Syatt]

I don't get parent. I. I like. I'm anxious about everything all the time. So the, like, the idea of doing drugs to make me more anxious, I would have been dead. There's not a chance.

[Rich Vos]

When you eat pushy, do you feel like you have a full head of hair?

[Lee Syatt]

I put my head against it in the back.

[Rich Vos]

You look up and go, damn, man, this is what I would look like.

[Lee Syatt]

Dude, when you were talking about the. The afros you had. When I had hair, I didn't do. I had a buzz cut for my whole life. I was so jealous of. Of. I. I wish I did everything. I wish I did the perm. What did you call it? The. The shag.

[Rich Vos]

Oh, the shag. Man, that was.

[Lee Syatt]

Whatever I never had. I had a cowlick. I had the worst hair.

[Joey Diaz]

You know what's funny? Like, and this is anything in life, it all starts out fun and dandy and, you know, yeah, after a while, just use this, you know? And I ended up in prison over it. It's not something I kept doing, putting a gun to somebody's head, I ended up in prison over it. But the funny thing is that I stopped doing it when I was 44 years old. And it's so weird how I did more from the age of 44 to 62 than I ever did before.

[Rich Vos]

That in your life, you mean?

[Joey Diaz]

So I could imagine if I wouldn't have done coke. So that's why I tell people now. You know what, man? Don't even fucking do it. Just smoke your reefer. Nobody ever went to prison over reefer. Well, not now, no, but nobody went to prison. Cause they smoked too much reefer. Nobody goes to the hospital because they smoked too much reefer. Lisa's over there. She's about to say, yeah, but they have lung infections. I don't give a fuck.

[Lee Syatt]

Oh, shit.

[Joey Diaz]

That's not what I'm talking about. You know what I mean? You know, it's like. And so far in my world, I've been smoking it for 50 years. It's safe. It's safe.

[Lee Syatt]

It's definitely the safest one.

[Joey Diaz]

He's showing us a handsome guy like Bon Jovi's drummer. Look at you. A little shag like Bon Jovi's organ player.

[Lee Syatt]

I'll have you send that to me and we'll put it in the podcast, huh? If you want, you can send it to me.

[Rich Vos]

We can put that in.

[Joey Diaz]

You know, and it's weird to think about addictions. And like, I was thinking. I thought about this yesterday in the shot when it me up yesterday. I was thinking about Mother's Day, and I'm like, you know, man, I've been in prison, you know, I lost a daughter. I've had a lot of heartache. And comedy's rough, you know, it's really rough what we do. I think the roughest thing was getting up for 45 years without having a mother, you know, that's been the roughest thing I've ever done in my life. You know, like, it just. It never goes away, that pain. So if I could outlive that, I could fucking do anything. So I'm happy I stopped doing all that shit. Now I just smoke my reefer. I giggle like a fag, you know, I eat mushrooms from time to time. I giggle like a fag, you know, And I enjoy it. It's better than feeling the way I used to feel before. And I never liked alcohol either. I can't just drink alcohol. That shit's garbage.

[Rich Vos]

Got me sick.

[Joey Diaz]

I can't do it. I never really liked the feeling at the end.

[Rich Vos]

So I was never close with my parents, but that taught me to be close with my kids. Like, my. Every day I watch my kids. Like, I had them in the day. My wife. Ex wife had him at night. Then when they. I turned 40, they went off to school. You know, I didn't watch them anymore until like 3 o' clock. So all day long I had. I was bouncing off of walls, you know, because, you know, I have my kids and my daughter's going off to college now. You know, I'm not gonna bounce off the walls now.

[Joey Diaz]

But still, you're pretty calm for having a daughter going, but you already done this. You like that ad? The first kid, the mother's wiping down the kid. Second kid, the kid's rolling and. And she just gives him a. Yeah. You know, once you lived it, it's pretty easy. I. This is my first shot. It's, you know, it's just scary. It's just scary where your kid could end up if you make like. I was watching a movie the other day and it was a criminal movie. These guys are criminal and they're leaving in the daytime with, like, kids in the house. 10, 8. When I was a criminal, the best thing about your life is you don't know if you're coming home for dinner. You just don't know. You know, I can't imagine getting arrested now and calling my daughter and going, I'm not going to be home for a month.

[Rich Vos]

Yeah.

[Joey Diaz]

Until my bail gets lowered. That's insane. Like, I couldn't even imagine that so.

[Rich Vos]

Many kids now grow up like that, though, you know, I mean, they're. What the. I couldn't. I don't know, just. I don't know what I was going to say. But it was good. I had some serious.

[Joey Diaz]

I'm happy that, you know, man, when you do what we do, when you do what anytime anybody does, you've realized that you get busy. And I get it with parents that make a lot of money and shit. And then they start getting nannies. And you know what, man? I always wanted to be there. And I'm happy now that I could be at the softball games. I wait for her at 2:45. That means the world to me for me to be home when she gets off the bus and I'm outside. I'm not inside fanning my pussy. I'm out there with attention, looking at that bus driver going, thank you, cocksucker. And I make her sit outside and talk to me for a minute and check the mail. I put her through all that shit. And I tell my wife, I go, I don't want to go home. The time I got in trouble was when I would go home and my parents would be home because I would look, I would peep, you know, look, and you find shit that you're not supposed to find. And I don't want her to go through that. So come home at 2:45, feed the fucking cat, eat your fucking lunch or the late lunch and do your homework. And I sit downstairs and if she needs help with the homework, I go upstairs until my wife gets home. And I fucking enjoy it. I'd rather do that than go into the city and do a podcast and giggle with a bunch of jerk offs. I'd rather do that.

[Rich Vos]

I listen when I, you know, I go on the road, I come home, I'm. I don't go New York. What, so I can sit around with some woke. Shut the up. I. I used to drive back after a gig from like, on a Saturday night from like Boston or D.C. to go to a game on Sunday, you know. And I'm not trying to say. Let me tell you something, if I'm lying, let a microphone break.

[Joey Diaz]

Where you at this week, Rich?

[Rich Vos]

This week I'm at Uncle Vinny's. I got a lot of shit coming up, Rich.

[Joey Diaz]

Let's focus on this week. Cause Vinny's needs a lot of fucking help. So Friday and Saturday you're at Uncle Vinny's.

[Rich Vos]

Uncle Vinny's.

[Joey Diaz]

That's all you need to promote. Cause I see it all talking about I'm in Connecticut in September, nobody gives a fuck. But I gotta remember Uncle Vinny's. Nine o' clock, Friday, Saturday and Sunday. Fucking no, not Sunday, no, no. Friday and Saturday, two shows. That's it. Point Pleasant. Lee, where you at?

[Lee Syatt]

I'm at Rodney's on Wednesday and I'm.

[Joey Diaz]

With you on Saturday and you with me Thursday.

[Lee Syatt]

Oh, at the dojo.

[Joey Diaz]

Dojo, yeah.

[Rich Vos]

I didn't know.

[Joey Diaz]

Well, guess where I am Thursday, Friday I'm with Rich. I'm gonna go down there, fuck around with Rich. And Saturday I'm in Philadelphia at Park's Casino. It's sold out, so don't even bother.

[Rich Vos]

I'm coming to dojo Thursday.

[Joey Diaz]

All right, I'll catch you in August, cocksuckers.

[Rich Vos]

You're going.

[Joey Diaz]

That's the next show at Parks? Oh yeah, it's sold out.

[Rich Vos]

That was fucking great when we worked there.

[Joey Diaz]

Fuck yeah.

[Rich Vos]

That fucking spray they put in a fucking outside.

[Joey Diaz]

Get a fuck around Parks. Parks is a high level organization. I support them to the utmost. That's great. I support the city of Philadelphia. I like people who got no class. And I got no class either. So it works for each other. We got no class. Nobody has to hide shit. I Don't have to drive down there, make believe I'm somebody. I'm just a Philly dirtbag. I'm gonna go down there and go to Merlino's Cheesesteaks, eat some of that gangster shit on Saturday, and that's it. From there, I'm gonna shoot over, do the show. And I'm 42 minutes away. And we added a special guest. Rachel Feinstein will be there Saturday night.

[Lee Syatt]

Nice.

[Joey Diaz]

So we're rocking the motherfucking house. So she's funny. She's funny and she's a good egg. She's a very good egg. So you're at the parks Came on today. Cocksucker.

[Rich Vos]

I used to park cars at the London House in Denver.

[Joey Diaz]

At Denver.

[Rich Vos]

In Denver. When I lived in Denver.

[Joey Diaz]

I never knew you lived in Denver.

[Rich Vos]

Just for two months. And then I couldn't get any coke, so I came back home.

[Joey Diaz]

You should have gone to Boulders where you get boulders. You know What I'm saying?

[Rich Vos]

Mr. Lucky's.

[Joey Diaz]

Thank you for coming on, brother.

[Rich Vos]

Thank you for having me.

[Joey Diaz]

Thank you, Lee. Cocksucker. You were OK today. I only made you take, like 300. So this is the zone now. This is the zone. So we got more ABX's next week.

[Lee Syatt]

I can't wait.

[Joey Diaz]

All right, stay black. Have a great week. And I want to thank our sponsors for always having our back. Love you.