What's up pigeon breath?

Summary

Podcast Summary: "What's up pigeon breath?"

Podcast Information:

• Title: The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament
• Host/Author: Joey Coco Diaz
• Description: Joey Diaz (comedian, actor, and New York Times Bestselling author) and Lee Syatt are LIVE from NYC! The hosts talk life, comedy, and everything in between on this weekly podcast. Come for the laughs and stay for the friendship. New episodes every Tuesday.
• Episode: What's up pigeon breath?
• Release Date: October 22, 2024

---

1. Opening Banter and Catch-Up (00:00 - 02:35)

The episode kicks off with Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt exchanging playful insults and catching up on recent happenings. Joey humorously refers to Lee as "pigeon breath," setting a lighthearted tone. They discuss the amusing challenge of Lee's recognizable voice being used by others on the road, which Joey finds both funny and annoying.

Notable Quote:

• Joey Diaz [00:05]: "What's up there, pigeon breath? Everything all right?"

2. Comedy Life and Club Experiences (02:35 - 15:30)

Joey delves into his experiences working within various comedy clubs, highlighting the struggles and dynamics with club managers and fellow comedians. He shares anecdotes about opening for Jim Florentine in Boston and the differing audiences between cities like Boston and Springfield, Massachusetts.

They discuss the challenges of booking shows, dealing with difficult managers, and the emotional toll of navigating the comedy scene. Joey reminisces about notable comedians like Robert Schimmel and the impact of reality TV on the comedy industry, emphasizing how exposure doesn't always translate to genuine talent.

Notable Quotes:

• Joey Diaz [09:45]: "There was a comic named Robert Schimmel. Yeah, yeah, Robert Schimmel was a funny motherfucker. Great guy."
• Joey Diaz [12:35]: "What do you think happened Thursday? I destroyed the Audience. And now he came out with. He said too much and blah, blah, blah, blah."

3. Reflections on Career and Mental Health (15:30 - 30:36)

Joey reflects on his journey in comedy, discussing his commitment to the craft despite the hardships. He emphasizes the importance of perseverance and maintaining a positive outlook, even when facing setbacks like canceled shows or difficult touring schedules.

The conversation shifts to broader social issues, particularly immigration. Joey expresses empathy for migrants, detailing the perilous journeys many undertake to reach the United States. He contrasts their bravery with the complacency he observes in some Americans, advocating for greater understanding and support for those seeking a better life.

Notable Quotes:

• Joey Diaz [24:47]: "What possesses people to put two belongings on a raft with another family and some guy down the Corner to do 90 miles to change their lives."
• Joey Diaz [29:16]: "The American will never retire at 65. The American will always have a part-time job to their fucking 90."

4. Personal Life and Relationships (30:36 - 42:24)

Joey discusses his personal life, particularly his relationship with his wife, Mercy. He credits her with providing balance and stability, which are crucial for his well-being. The duo touches on the importance of support systems and the challenges of maintaining relationships amidst the demands of a comedian's lifestyle.

Lee shares his own experiences of moving back home after college and the emotional complexities involved in living with family. They both highlight the financial strains many face today, such as skyrocketing living costs and the difficulty of affording basic necessities like housing and transportation.

Notable Quotes:

• Joey Diaz [39:19]: "But you're gonna have great time. They give you two free cocktails. Go drink the cocktail."
• Joey Diaz [40:20]: "If not, I just live on the road. That's what guys do, you know, once you get old and you had your career."

5. Social Observations and Humor (42:24 - 60:00)

Throughout the episode, Joey and Lee intersperse humor with social commentary. They discuss topics like the exorbitant cost of living in places like New York and New Jersey, the impact of inflation on everyday life, and the absurdities of modern consumerism.

Joey uses his comedic lens to highlight societal issues, such as the challenges immigrants face and the disparity between hard-working individuals and those who exploit systems for personal gain. Their banter often veers into satirical territory, addressing topics like OnlyFans, ticket scalping, and the commercialization of everyday experiences.

Notable Quotes:

• Joey Diaz [49:10]: "It is what it is. That's a lot of Dolly. I can't imagine being somebody that makes 90,000 a year, that lives in Jersey or works in New York."
• Joey Diaz [55:00]: "We're back in North Bergen, baby. We got some guests lined up already. We're gonna. We're gonna blow their minds."

6. Closing Thoughts and Future Plans (60:00 - End)

As the episode wraps up, Joey and Lee discuss their plans for future shows and the reopening of their new office in North Bergen. Joey expresses excitement about reconnecting with their audience and bringing fresh content to the podcast. They also touch upon the importance of resilience and adapting to changing circumstances, reinforcing the episode's overarching theme of perseverance.

Joey concludes with a humorous take on avoiding distractions during performances and the significance of genuine connections both on and off the stage.

Notable Quotes:

• Joey Diaz [73:00]: "And that's how you know that there's something going on here. You're like, okay, you know what? I'm gonna leave this guy alone."
• Joey Diaz [75:48]: "But at least go have fun. They give you two free cocktails. Go drink the cocktail."

---

Conclusion:

In "What's up pigeon breath?", Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt deliver a candid and humorous exploration of the comedy world, personal struggles, and societal issues. Their dynamic interplay ensures an engaging listen, filled with laughter, insightful reflections, and relatable anecdotes. Whether discussing the highs and lows of a comedian's life or diving into broader social commentary, Joey and Lee offer listeners a genuine and entertaining perspective on navigating the complexities of modern life.

---

Note: Advertisements and promotional segments have been excluded from this summary to focus on the main content of the episode.

Transcript

[Lee]

What's up, buddy?

[Joey]

What's up there, pigeon breath? Everything all right?

[Lee]

I missed you, too, but God damn it. Oh, and people talk to me on the road now. In your voice, by the way. And it just. It. It sucks because everything you say in my voice is funny. Anything anyone says is funny. Good to know, but it's annoying.

[Joey]

How many edible G tonight? Don't come in here with one gun.

[Lee]

Who came in here with one gun?

[Joey]

You better eat 200 tonight, because as of next week, you're in training. Keep popping them. Don't worry about nothing. Keep popping. No.

[Lee]

Yeah, I'm not. Why would I be worried? I'm just gonna live on. Live on this balcony.

[Joey]

That's perfect. You don't want to walk down those stairs anyway.

[Lee]

I don't know how I'm gonna walk down the stairs on those mushrooms.

[Joey]

I don't know how you're gonna walk up those stairs.

[Lee]

Yeah, that's the. Yeah, that. You're right. That's the most important question.

[Joey]

Who's gonna have a sublet apartment somewhere just so you have to walk upstairs? You can have, like, a little room and a little Jew house somewhere.

[Lee]

That's.

[Joey]

It means you look up and you're like, you know what? Not today. Tomorrow, but not today. I'm in. No, it.

[Lee]

I'm never in the mood to go upstairs. I had to bring my suitcase up yesterday, and I just looked at it. Bringing the suitcase up. That's the worst part. And I look like I sound like an because I'm huffing and puffing, and I look like an. Because I'm just lugging this huge suitcase.

[Joey]

I told you, gotta get, like, a little something in the backyard that you could throw up like a rope. Today I went to the pharmacy, right? The Pharmacy's closed from 1:30 to 2. For lunch. Yeah, they take lunch. The pharmacist, CVS.

[Lee]

Of course they do. Look how pissed you are.

[Joey]

But why.

[Lee]

Why can't they take a lunch?

[Joey]

They're working. The people are dying. They gotta give up, ask the questions. But I get that, right? I get there like a 158. I pull up to the window, I got music blast. And I lower it, and I'm waiting for the window to open. You know, it's like an electronic window. Also, I see a lady pushing a rope, and I'm like, lee's looking for you. You know what I'm saying?

[Lee]

Little grade up and down.

[Joey]

Yeah, like she was pulling cvs. You got to get a dumb waiter. What the. Don't they have a press to cbs. Like, how do they get in at night? You can't just have that gate at the window.

[Lee]

They might, maybe, but maybe they just have someone back who lives back there and just lifts up the thing. I. Could you imagine being lifted to your apartment? That'd be amazing, dog.

[Joey]

That would. I'm telling you right now, you should invest in a. What's that company? The sling rope. What's that company you took down in California? The.

[Lee]

The zip line. I did not take down a zip line, by the way. It's still there. They changed names. They had a little accident, but everyone's still there. I didn't take anything. Goddamn. God damn it. I'm gonna be 80 years old and someone be like, what about the zip line?

[Joey]

How about a little Puerto Rican zip line up there? You get yourself. Listen, those migrants will do anything for the small $5. Oh, yeah, you know, listen, it's. It's. It's 15 an hour, right? In theory, yeah, in theory. So if he comes over and just pulls you up, it takes like four minutes. You give him the small 10.

[Lee]

Have you heard of, like, a task rabbit? Do you know what that is? Where, like, you can hire someone to come to your house to do whatever you want? No, no, You. I. I had them build some furniture. You. You haven't. You would never do something like that.

[Joey]

No, I'm not that. I don't have that type of money to have people come over the house and build. You just sit there with a cigarette telling them. They watch the furniture. You know, I, I ain't that rich, dog.

[Lee]

It costs, like $30 to have something put together.

[Joey]

Question. Who do you think takes that job for $30?

[Lee]

People who need it. I don't know. They were very nice when they came over.

[Joey]

Sure, they're nice. They needed $30. You know what I'm saying? $30 is $30. And they're probably hitting them up. They gotta only get like 20 bucks. It takes an hour, right when they came over, it's.

[Lee]

Yeah, some of it took a little bit longer. I had some guy build some outdoor stuff. I had some guy build a TV stand. It's not. But I was like, I wonder if I could hire someone to just have like a standing appointment to just bring me up the stairs, like, carry out.

[Joey]

Listen, in New York, you'll find whatever your desire is. You understand?

[Lee]

Oh, I can't even imagine.

[Joey]

You get yourself a little old chick with those Nancy Pelosi titties to up the stairs, and you squeeze a little wooden titties while you go up the stairs, everybody wins. You know what I'm saying? It's a win, win situation for everybody.

[Lee]

Why would I want to squeeze 90 year old titties?

[Joey]

Because they're ancient and they're hard. Like the way they.

[Lee]

Yeah, you're not really selling it at all. I don't know. Then they're hard.

[Joey]

Like, I like Nancy Pelosi's titties. I would squeeze them if I saw. She's got some banging titties. Never forget that. Her face is all up. But when she dies, those titties ain't gonna move in the casket. Oh, she's Jewish. Right Now, I don't think Jews are.

[Lee]

Allowed to get fake titties. I don't know.

[Joey]

Listen, at that point, they do what they want. You know, once you're a congressman or whatever the she is, you do what you want. Listen to Juicy, I'm over here. But if they cremated, those tits won't burn. They'll be at the end, the other side looking like two burnt coconuts and with three eyes. You know how coconut's got those three little eyes?

[Lee]

What do you mean eyes?

[Joey]

Yeah, when you see, look at a coconut, they always have like an indentation of eyes and you know, whatever. Listen, I took a tropical class when I was in college. Don't worry, don't ask the questions.

[Lee]

I apologize.

[Joey]

How is Boston last week with the YouTube sensation?

[Lee]

Boston was an interesting week. It was a great week. I think Jim Florentine did great. I opened up for him on Thursday. But in the person who I opened up for all week was a great guy, very nice, very funny. But it was interesting because it like every once in a while someone will come up to me at a show, be like, oh, it's my first comedy show, which I don't. To me, that's crazy. That or 30 years old and never been to a comedy show. But this for a lot of the, like, his audience was like their first comedy show. So it was an interesting. And it was all. It was a cool week because I started in Boston, like in like front of like young people in Boston. Then the rest of the week was in Springfield, Massachusetts, in like, you know, two hours west of Boston. There's nothing there but a casino and like drugs.

[Joey]

People. Yeah, people.

[Lee]

Oh, the only cool thing there is the Basketball hall of Fame. Like that I. I could see you if you were ever in that area.

[Joey]

Yeah, I know. I've been there before.

[Lee]

Oh, I haven't, I didn't. I've been to Coopersfield, but I Didn't.

[Joey]

Go to Springfield 15 years ago.

[Lee]

Oh, yeah?

[Joey]

Yeah.

[Lee]

Was it any good?

[Joey]

No. The whole chain went down the drain when the guy bought it. There was two clubs. He took it over, and there were powerful clubs in Jersey. And then he bought. Bought them, and he added two clubs, and it. It just went under. What a shame.

[Lee]

But it was. It was fun. I got to be. I got to hang out at the casino all weekend, which was a good time. And it just felt like the last time I was at this club, I didn't do well because it's like a huge. It's in, like, a castle almost. So, like the. The. It's, like, super echoey, and it just. It just took some getting used to, but it was fun. Actually, I was wondering, like, I had an experience a couple of weeks ago where, like, I was opening for somebody, and that person also brought an opener. And that opener, like, I don't necessarily know if he was trying to get in my head or not, but he was like, oh, yeah, I don't know if you. If you need to come tomorrow. Like, maybe. Maybe you can host. And I'm like, the club booked me, and, like, it kind of pumped, like. And I destroyed him the next night.

[Joey]

Yeah, of course. That's what you do out of respect. You lay it on them. You okay?

[Lee]

Yeah.

[Joey]

You sure? I saw you last night. You sure? Yeah. Well, Okie DOK broke me with him. Okay. And just when they get on stage, they don't even know what that is, Right? Because they've never worked at it. They think it's just going up there with the water cooler with your buddies and talking. But I have people come up to me and go, yeah, I can talk for 30 minutes. All right, do it. Anybody can Talk shit for 30 minutes, but to know what they're doing, it's a complete different situation, you know?

[Lee]

Yeah.

[Joey]

It's funny because 20 years ago, this shit started with reality TV, and people started getting hot, and every once in a while, the improvs would book them. There was this one guy that wasn't the funniest guy in the world. In fact, he was out of comedy. He was selling real estate in Southern California. His big joke was he would come out with his pants on fire and go, it's hot in here or something. And they would throw water. Yeah, nice guy. Hell of a nice guy. Hell of a nice guy. I'm not saying anything bad about anybody, but what I'm saying is, this is what happens. The guy picked up heat. They gave him a couple Southern California shows, and he sold out. It was like a marriage thing. He was like a bachelorette dude. But in real life, he was a very good comic. He was a regular at the improv. He was just old and he decided to go through real estate. So they put him on the road.

[Lee]

Oh, no.

[Joey]

Put him at every improv on Thursday nights. Like, he just went, you know, from Tempe to whatever. Let me tell you something. There was a comic named Robert Schimmel.

[Lee]

I've heard of him.

[Joey]

Yeah, yeah, Robert Schimmel was a funny motherfucker. Great guy. He was on the Young Comedian special with Rodney, with that All Star, the one I like a lot. I mean, you have to be really good to be on that one. And he was like, okay. So he was not like four of the clubs that that dude was coming in on Thursday. So what the club did was they took the Thursday from Schimmel and added a Sunday.

[Lee]

For Schimmel and he would have to move to Sunday, right?

[Joey]

Schimmel didn't like that. He didn't. He didn't say a word. He just canceled those weeks at midnight the day before the Friday, and they would lose their minds. The one weekend I got the headline because I was there already, but nice. That's how crazy he was. He canceled them. They would come into the club at 8 o'clock, there'd be a fax from Robbins. Listen, I don't feel good.

[Lee]

Do you remember when you were able to make that shift? And I don't know, it might be different for you, but, like, when you went to. Got to make that shift from, like, almost doing whatever the clubs want to, like, now you get to kind of call the shots a little bit. That must be cool.

[Joey]

Well, listen, Lee, if you know anything about me, right, I didn't give a. I didn't give a. Since, like, I was a loyal soldier. When I was in Boulder, I was very good on the triple runs. And then I moved to Seattle and I realized that, like everything else in life, there's a lot of people who think they know what they're talking about and they think they're geniuses. And, you know, like, there was a couple people. Like, I booked a couple when I lived in Seattle was when I really had a hard time on the road. Those 18 months when I took a plane somewhere. It was a nightmare for me. It was always a nightmare. Like, I went to West Palm beach one time, but they put me in. Davey had a club where the Miami Dolphins practice. It was in Davie, Florida. And then they Had a club in Fort Lauderdale and West Palm Beach. I still remember getting, like, letters from them. Hate mail. And then years later, they booked me in a different club. When they all joined ventures, the memorable club to me that I did one weekend and caused havoc. And I even told her, send me home. Like you told the manager. Yeah, I didn't like her at all. Like, I didn't like her at all.

[Lee]

And what did she like? What did she do you didn't like?

[Joey]

First off, they made it very difficult to work there. Like, she was part of this, like, women crew that was running comedy and they knew everything about comedy. And, you know, they disappeared them. I don't know what the happened to them. They disappeared. There was a couple of them that were just acting not goodly. The lady in Florida, the lady in Cleveland, that woman there was like six or seven women that were just rude.

[Lee]

That's the worst. And it's not even just. Well, I'm sure you ran into guys who are too.

[Joey]

Oh, these were even worse. There was a little click, man. I remember one time I booked a Penzo commercial. Three days on a Penzo commercial. And I called this lady three days before and said, sarah, I had buffalo. Okay, Amy and something else. And I called up and I go, sarah, I got a problem. Can I come in on Thursday? Because I booked a national Penzo commercial. First thing she did was hung up on me immediately. Yeah. Then the next morning she called me and she's like, are you sure you want to cancel over a stupid commercial? And I'm like, yeah, I have to have no choice. She goes, well, you just lost this week. A week in Miami and a week in Cleveland. I didn't say nothing. I just. She just hung up the phone. Then the lady in Idaho, Boise, I forget what her name was, but everybody was like, oh, my God, you know, she was one of those chicks with the glasses and the tattoo already. And, you know, and I still remember who the headliner was. I even had a beef with him that week. But we apologized. It was great. I'm not going to mention any names, but it was just a week from hell. Like, she came up to me and told me rules. At that time, I was doing comedy, like seven years. And I'm like, you know what? I don't like these fucking rules. And those days I didn't mind working Sundays because I didn't have a house anyway, hotel. So I didn't mind. Once I moved to Los Angeles and got settled and did about 20 of those Sundays. Was one day I go why are we here?

[Lee]

Especially during football season?

[Joey]

Why are we here to see 70 people? You gave away every ticket. I don't understand why we're here. And I made up my mind in Dallas. That's the last time I worked a Sunday. I'm like you. I'll work a Sunday in Jersey because I live here now. But I ain't working on something on the road. You know what I'm saying? But right? Who gives a about all that? It's the 22nd. What is it? The 23rd of the month. Second 22nd week away from boo hoo.

[Lee]

Hoo, the years over.

[Joey]

Yeah. Yeah. All right. Let's get this party started on a beautiful Tuesday morning. The check in is brought to you by Mint Mobile. Listen, your cell phone bill shouldn't be a luxury expense, all right? Mint Mobile has awesome service for just 15amonth. That's right. 15amonth. 15amonth. All plans come with high speed data and unlimited talk and text delivered on the nation's largest 5G network. Listen, from Uncle Joey to you, it doesn't get better than this. My neighbor's got Mint Mobile. He's older, you know. I'm saying he's retired. He's on a fixed income. He says his phone is never gets interrupted. It sounds great and it's beautiful. So there you have it. Finally a cell phone plan that has what you need at a price that makes sense. Do me self a favor. Get this new customer offer and your three month premium wireless plan for just 15amonth. Go to mint mobile.com Diaz again to get this new customer offer and your new three month premium wireless plan just for 15amonth. Go to mint mobile.com Diaz that's mint mobile.com Diaz Diaz. Cut your wireless built to 15 bucks a month at mintmobile.com Diaz 45 upfront payment required. Equivalent to 15amonth. New customers on first three month plan only. Speed slower than 40 gigabytes. An unlimited plan, additional taxes, fees and restrictions for your lives. It's over. They didn't put you on this planet just to give up. If Uncle Joey could do it, I can rule the world. That's what you got to be thinking. Welcome back to church. I haven't been eating mushrooms, so I ate a. My friend gave me a chocolate bar. It was as stale as a. I ate it though. Before it took me 20 minutes I had add schnapple and water to it.

[Lee]

What do you mean you haven't been eating mushrooms? I feel. What did that mean to you?

[Joey]

Physical mushrooms.

[Lee]

I know that but in what, two days?

[Joey]

I've been planning these things. I haven't touched them. I'm on a sabbatical till you get back to. I can kill you. One night. What is that?

[Lee]

Why is that the goal, to kill someone with drugs?

[Joey]

Oh, because what else I got going on? I got nothing going on. I might as well.

[Lee]

I got going on. I don't want to get killed with. He calls me up and like, dude, you have the craziest retirement quote, unquote, retirement ever. Because you call me up and you, like, were taking me through, like, the tests you're running on these mushrooms. You're, like, making your own things. Like, you're. You're sprinkling stuff on them. Who, like, who does this with. With mushrooms?

[Joey]

I'm growing them in the closet. I got the system down. I'm gonna get them now. I got nothing, dog. I couldn't grow a nothing. So, no, I don't know how to grow anything.

[Lee]

It's not like a farm. But I thought. I don't know, I thought you had. Not necessarily grow, but, like, you know, how you want experiments on flies. I thought you were running experiments.

[Joey]

Oh, you. And I taught you. You're right. And the next morning, I forget. I forgot all about that conversation with the mushrooms and stuff.

[Lee]

How do you forget about it? That's all I've been thinking about because you just say these things.

[Joey]

I say these things. I'm improvising as I go because I can feel your emotions break down on the phone.

[Lee]

Yeah, you. Oh, my God. You said they had flavors this time I didn't want. So none of it. None of it's real?

[Joey]

No, I got the flavor.

[Lee]

I'm in Shutter island now.

[Joey]

I got a cheeseburger flavored mushroom for you. It's all over. You're gonna be loving these. I got a pickle flavor. I got a lox flavor for you. Anything you like, I got a flavor for. Don't worry about nothing. I got you covered.

[Lee]

What about the texture?

[Joey]

When things get heavy, we pick you up. We take it to a little place in the seacoast.

[Lee]

You're not picking me up. Who's picking me up?

[Joey]

They give you a view of the Meadowlands. Nice.

[Lee]

Dude. You go places in this and don't go in if there are stairs. How you pick are you. There's no way you're picking me up if I'm on the floor.

[Joey]

Listen, not picking you up. I'm picking you up in the city and I'm gonna drive you to this place to seek office they hold you. They put a white jacket on you. You go in there for a week or two, you look out the window, you sing little retarded songs like Veto from the Godfather. Godfather too. When he was looking out the window, he was just sitting like a. You know, anyway.

[Lee]

And that's what these are going. Jesus Christ.

[Joey]

You listen. A continuation. Some sent me three bags of those bubble things.

[Lee]

What about those things? Like, more of the edibles, the.

[Joey]

The bubble gum, the blow pops. I think bubble threw me three bags. I get home sat, and I'm like, what is that bag on the steps? I open it up, it's three bubble bag. I gave two of them for my daughter for the softball weekend. I kept the other one. I only swallowed like two balls. It was a purple one. I wanted to test it and see what happens.

[Lee]

What do you mean, what's gonna happen?

[Joey]

I don't know. Maybe eat a purple one and swallow it. You never know.

[Lee]

Jesus.

[Joey]

If you go to the hospital, they see a purple bubble, they're like, what the is going on here?

[Lee]

I'd love to see what a doctor would say. Has a doctor said anything up to you? No, nothing like, nothing with, like your weed amount or anything.

[Joey]

They get me out of there as soon as possible. When I start talking, once they start talking about fungi, toenails and stuff, and I do bonkers at seven in the morning. They don't want to hear that. Does not want to. He's cool as a. But he don't want to hear that. My heart doctor is about 60. He's big, he's strong, he's Jewish. He's probably on his way over the Iran by himself in a parachute right now. That dude, he's a no. Nonsense. They're just gonna blow him out of a parachute, Boom. He's gonna shoot people and then be a heart doctor to the Israelis or whatever. I don't know.

[Lee]

Can you imagine if you saw your doctor on CNN or something?

[Joey]

Oh, my God. What would you do if you saw.

[Lee]

Him with, like, a gun?

[Joey]

I love it. It'd be better if he got shot in the leg so I could see that, you know, So I could tell him, hey, you're a soldier. You know what I'm saying? You gotta shot the leg, and you ran away with your little stump and never bothered nobody. You know what I'm talking about?

[Lee]

That was pretty crazy because you called me last week when. When that guy with the drone, like, you could just see the whole thing. Like, the drone, he just starts throwing at the drone.

[Joey]

It's Insane. It's insane. The. They got that. They got a drone that you light your cigarette and the drone lights it for you as they blow you up. Tremendous. You can't, you know, can't write this.

[Lee]

And speaking of, like, the news, dude, what do you have. Do you know at all what's going on in Cuba right now?

[Joey]

Yeah, they got no electricity, them. I told them 10 years ago to get out of there. You know what I'm saying? What are they gonna do? They're gonna sit there and keep waiting for pamphlets? Enough is enough. God ain't coming back, and he sure ain't going there. You know, what's he gonna do? What are you gonna do? You're sitting there, there's no cows, there's no dirt. There's nothing. They can't. They can't. They got. They're smoking half cigars and they just wait. You know, my cousin, you know, I checked in with them. Ari's supposed to be going, but I told car, you better bring candles with you in a creepy vampire. You know what I'm saying?

[Lee]

Like, I can't even imagine. Like, are they allowed to come here now or like, did we close that again?

[Joey]

I have no idea, Leah. You know, listen, those people, I respect them. It's so weird what I respect from people. Like, today I went to the gym. I'm on antibiotics. I was sucking wind in the gym this morning, just riding the bike and stretching. I was sucking fucking wind, and I'm feeling bad about myself, and I walk out. And as I walk out, Sandra was walking in, getting out of an uber that's a 91 year old that works out at my gym. She was heading out of an Uber and I just waved it. I go, sandra, you bad. She fell in her face because she lost her stepping. And she looked like Phantom of the Opera for two weeks. She had bruises all three. And she kept showing up at the gym. Guys, that blows me apart. Like, from there, I went to boxing. And then I really almost died this morning, but. Because of the antibiotics. But it's so weird. You really have to put this into perspective. We have a hard time driving an hour and a half someplace, right?

[Lee]

Yeah, absolutely.

[Joey]

And when I say hour and a half, I'm measuring 90 miles. Even if you're. Even if you have a peg leg, you could do a mile an hour, you know, 60 miles an hour, right? What would this. This has always baffled me. What possesses people to put two belongings on a raft with another family and some guy down the Corner to do 90 miles to change their lives. But meanwhile we have people that won't do a thing to change their lives. If you think these people get on a boat for fame and fortune. No, they're just getting on a boat to live like normal human beings. To have the wants that everybody in the world has. You think about that. That always has me up. That has always said to me, number one, where I come from, those people are tough. And number two, just that. Because listen, for everyone that makes it three boats go down. Those are shark infested waters. It's a nightmare when they turn the lights off.

[Lee]

It is pretty crazy to think that they're willing to do that just to get here.

[Joey]

And yeah, you don't know what fear is. And again, I've never been there, but I just imagine it. You don't know what fear is till you're in the ocean at night. You ever look at the beach at night and go, what the is out there? And the waves are coming in and every once in a while you think you see nothing, but it's your mind playing tricks on me but.

[Lee]

And they have everything in their whole life, like their whole life is with them on a raft.

[Joey]

Not really. Because how much can you bring with you on the raft?

[Lee]

That's my whole point exactly.

[Joey]

Like they don't have water, they bring water, a change of underwear, tuna in a can, crackers. There's no protection against the sun. So if you're out there in the daytime, that's wide open all day, you get blisters, you burn out there. So think about what some people do for their freedoms. But we got these jamokes here that are allergic to peanuts and you know, go to Cuba and give out peanuts and see how many people are going to go, nah, we're allergic. I break out into highs. That's, that's rich people, diseases, you know what I'm saying? Like, it puts everything into perspective. What the. Listen, these immigrants that walked up from wherever country, they did, listen, yeah, we got a lot of riffraff coming in and gangs and terrorists. But think of the people who woke up one day and said, I'm going there, man, I'm going to go there first without my wife and kid. I'm going to go over that, pitch a flag and then come back and get them.

[Lee]

And it takes a long time. Sometimes it takes like, can take 10, 20 years.

[Joey]

No, I mean, you know, if you come back here and sell Coke. Yeah, but if you come back here and get a job as a landscaper and then move up the today I saw four Mexican guys pushing a fucking forward. The car just blew up. And they were on, like, fucking road pushing it. And I giggled for 10 seconds. And I like, said, can you imagine, Lee? Like, that was our car, the family car, and we had to use it to go to work. And now it's done. They had the hood open. They had the fucking extinguisher. Something blew up. They were pushing it. They didn't even have enough. The fat Mexican cousin got out. That motherfucker hasn't worked in years. He's like the driver, and he was. You know, it's. It's when you see these things, it goes, what the am I thinking? And what the are the people around me thinking?

[Lee]

Oh, and it's not even just, like, people who aren't, like, coming from other places. Like, I think about it a lot. Like, I don't have a fancy car. I have a Hyundai. But, like, I need a new car. I just.

[Joey]

That's why you can afford people to come over the house and build things. I'm surprised you don't hire people to make you, like, models, come on over, puzzle for me. You know what I'm saying?

[Lee]

I could do that. Yeah. That's pretty badass. Just like a real power trip. But I, like, just like to be able to get a car when you need one or, like, there's a lot of people who like, what if your car breaks? You're. You just don't have a car now. And I've been lucky to not be in that situation, you know, right now.

[Joey]

What people don't know. And I don't do this podcast to scare people, but I see this happening now. People are getting their house sold from. Out from under them. You know, it's the end of a generation. My mother's old, she lives in California. She doesn't want to. So you're leaving this house paying, like, a normal rent, and now you're going to Real World. And I know two people right now that are worried. Like, they're like, I don't know if I can afford an apartment. One guy, my brother, and I'm really worried about him. And I told him I'll do whatever I can to help him, you know, but it's what's going to start happening. I never even thought of this. This guy set on a budget. He's been living six years. You know, he has a budget, he settled in, and if he has to go up 6 or 700amonth, that's not good. That's not good that the American will Never retire at 65. The American will always have a part time job to their fucking 90, you know, because how can we? You're not going to live on Social Security. But none of these people who listen to this fucking show care about Social Security. They're like me, fuck it, when God calls, I'll be ready. You know what I'm saying?

[Lee]

But I think they get it. They totally get it from like the housing person perspective.

[Joey]

Yeah, I'm just. It sucks. It's getting rougher and rougher. You know what I tell you on the church five years ago I told you a lot of stupid things on that church. But one thing I would always tell people and look at them and people used to laugh at me. I remember people going like, go yourself. You don't know what you're talking about. Remember I used to go, if you're living with your mother, stay there.

[Lee]

Yeah.

[Joey]

Do you remember I told you like a year before the pandemic? I'm like, dog, if you're living at home, I know you don't like it. I can't imagine having a with a muzzle on or having to eat ass and listen to your mom and whoever else lives in the house. You got to take their ear beatings. I don't like that either. But stay at home because it's gonna get wild. And look, I didn't know anything like this. I was just around. But till this day I believe it. You know, when people come to this country, like the Chinese for example, I've always studied the Chinese. When I was a kid in the 70s, sure. Not their books. And yeah, I know about the Ming dynasty. But when I was a kid, I used to watch it. I used to go to a Chinese restaurant in New York and I used to go to a Chinese restaurant in Jersey, the New Moon Chinese restaurant. Okay? They all spoke to each other like they were family. I didn't know what they were saying. But at both of those restaurants there were always kids. If you went there at 8:30, the kids were there doing homework. The one boy was falling asleep at the table. They closed at 9. That means they didn't have a babysitter. That means they work with their parents. And I went to a restaurant in New York where was the same thing and the one in Jersey. They all lived together and they grew together. When they got money, they all bought something together. And then they busted out when they made a little bit of money. And that's what a family is all about. I guess I never had a family like that. But that's why I said it's time to move back in with mom and see what we could do in this house.

[Lee]

Oh, could I was in that exact scenario. I left immediately after graduating college. I was home for I think three days and I drove right to la. And then when we, when we left LA and I went back to my mom's, like at first I was like, I don't know how I feel about this. I felt a little bit bad about myself. I was like, you know, it'll just be for covet. And then it was, it'll be four years. It would have been four years this month. And it was great. It was great to spend time with.

[Joey]

Her, save money, whatever. She gave you a bedroom, a basement, it didn't matter, you know, it was just. It's not the home you grew up in, correct?

[Lee]

No, no.

[Joey]

So it didn't matter. But you're still home and you know, things are getting pride though. I. I go get from time to time and I just walk out and shake my head like a sandwich is 15 now. Like Subway should be making a killing now.

[Lee]

They probably, but. But they're everything for them is more expensive too.

[Joey]

Like a fucking footer for 599, you know, compare. I go get a sandwich of a soda and it's 20 fucking bucks. Lee. 18, 19. Listen, I don't raise my hand. It is what it is. That's a lot of Dolly. I can't imagine being somebody that makes 90,000 a year, that lives in Jersey or works in New York. One of those scenarios and how they're going to eat lunch every day. It's 200 for lunch, it's 150, 150 minimum if you go out that and I'm just saying $30, 20, 22, you know, it's not $11 for lunch no more. So I'm seeing it now and going oh, when I go get gas now it's like, oh, I got my truck back. So every time I get gas I got tears of, you know, I take a ride to New York to Gutenberg or North Bergen or the dojo. I come back the next day, I'm like woo, that was real last night. That tank is on three quarters, man.

[Lee]

And especially the way you drive. But like that's why, like that's why I'm having so much fun I think doing stand up. Because like I. The people who are there, I've noticed seem to be a lot like happier. Like have you noticed a difference now that you've been back A little bit. And, like, the audiences, do they feel the same? Do they feel different at all?

[Joey]

I'm old school. I want the audience to come in there a little bit disheveled, slow them down a little bit, you know, and then it takes, like, maybe seven or eight minutes to let yourself go from what's really going on. And really, you know, you ever been there, like, in thought, and you're like, what am I going to do about my fucking uncle? He's a fucking idiot. And the whole drive there, you're thinking about this idiot. And then you get there and maybe like, four minutes in, you get entertained and you go, my fuck. And you go, you know what? I'm just here to laugh. But what have I noticed? Yeah, crowds are enthusiastic. They're happier to see you because their world needs more comedy. You could see it when you're up on stage, you know, like, it's just. The world needs more comedy. Anything to throw them off the normal edge. I need comedy sometimes, you know, And I'm a. You know, I need somebody to say something to me, for me to giggle from time to time to see if these mushrooms are real.

[Lee]

And, like, have you at, like, whatever you are 30 years in, and if you have a good set, do you get off and all you. Do you feel pumped up now? Like, is your, like, adrenaline going? Or is it, like, more normal to you now?

[Joey]

I put my career now and my life into perspective the last four years when I do comedy. For me, it's always a win now, and the consumer is going to feel that. I'm not looking for fame, right? I'm not looking for fortune. I'm an older man, and I just want to get out of the house, make people laugh. That's it. And I still think the crazy shit I write, I look at it three days later and I giggle. So why not? Why am I gonna stay here again? I'm not doing this Thursday, Friday, Saturday, I know I don't have that. So I'm gonna give the people I'm working with what I have. You know, a couple of years ago when I joined Jiu Jitsu, I go, you know what? I'm not gonna go to Jiu Jitsu no more because my knee. I'm fat. I'm old. And then I remember John Jock Machado, okay? He's got a hand that he had a. He was born with a birth defect. He's got, like, three fingers missing. He has gotten a coral belt in Jiu Jitsu, not because he gave up, but because he worked with what he had. This doesn't work for me. I'm going to use it to my advantage and work with it right now. Like I said to you, Lee, if I had to do a weekend on stage, I think after three nights, the audience would feel it. I'm tired, you know, a late show. I think I'm saying no to late shows. Listen, let's do one show if you get it and you get it. If not. I ain't going nowhere. It's not like I'm going to fucking Connecticut or going to Pittsburgh for the next year. I'm going to be centralized, just trying to, you know, add a couple clubs to the resume. Whether I need them or not, I still need to. This week I have plans to go out a couple nights. And that said, it's just, it's a no lose situation for me. It's kind of like I put myself back in 1994, back in 1993. I had gone through, I had been separated for two years. I'd gone through all the mental anguish. I spent time in New York. I waited online. I signed up at an open mic. I had to wait three hours. I had to live with George. I didn't have any money. Okay, you shut the noise off and you just have fun. You don't have the rent money. What can I tell you? You don't have gas money. Call your friend to drive you. These are the realities, but you cannot let them stop you. Do you know what I'm saying?

[Lee]

Yeah, and it's. But. And it's cool. So like you're, what you're basically saying is that, you know, you're not. The only reason you're doing this is for comedy right now. Like in 94, you were just out there to do comedy.

[Joey]

Before I was to get a special to work this club, for this booker to like me, there was always a thing. This is a labor of love. I'm bringing some guys with me. Give. Instead of bringing up two guys, I'll bring up three guys to give some guy love to understand what the, you know, is going on. He's never done a theater or he's never done a big venue or something, you know, this is how you maneuver, you know. So for me, listen, if I didn't have mercy and I didn't have my wife and I'd have to get up at 6 in the morning, God knows what I'd be doing right now. I told my wife other day at breakfast, we were eating. Upstairs they go, can you imagine our life right now without Mercy. We'd be hating each other.

[Lee]

What did she even say? Oh, yeah, you think so?

[Joey]

We have no balance with her. She gives us a little bit of a balance and it keeps me afloat. If not, I just live on the road. That's what guys do, you know, once you get old and you had your career and you had the sitcom, just go on the road. You know, you lost your wife, the kids hate you. What are you gonna do? Stay at home and, you know. But you know what, man? I wanted to add some action to my life. The last four years, it's just been a little quiet. But I've been thinking. And then when I was, I started watching and I'm like, what are these people doing? I think it's time for Uncle Joey to come back. And just like I said, I don't care if you cancel me. I don't care. I'm not going to tell you to leave your phone. Put your phone in the bag because I don't want that new joke on YouTube. It's just power. I can't wait for people to go, I'm not putting my phone in the bag. You. You. You guys are just doing this to have control to. Oh, my material and the artistic. Go yourself. Go fuck yourself. Yourself. Not get the off. You're not that important. Okay. You know you don't like those. No, I don't believe in it. It's got to stop. It's just a power thing. It's something to let you know. Have to put the phones away. What's the reasoning? She can't get a phone call. No, because you can't tape my set. Well, I didn't know what you were saying. Beats Jesus Circle, you know what I'm saying? Whenever you come down, tell me that Jesus gave you a message, then I'll put my phone away. Until then, hear the rhetoric and in your famous mind, go yourself. I'm not putting my phone a bag. You. Damn you.

[Lee]

It is. It is kind of weird, but pay for it.

[Joey]

They. I put my phone in back. What are you crazy? I'll break this phone over your head. I got people, I got drug dealers calling me. What do you think? Well, you're trying to tell me is that important? So you're telling you pointing everything. Oh, we don't. They play it like. We don't want you to get bothered. Shut the up. Shut the up. You know, then they started with, well, the act. I'm. I don't want my joke on YouTube. Knock it off. Enough. Enough. It's just you trying to be better. It's just you imposing communism. This is stand up comedy. What you're saying ain't God's word. I don't know what the you're talking about, so knock it the off your bag.

[Lee]

Do you get upset when people record you, though?

[Joey]

Yeah. But there's door guys, right?

[Lee]

There's door guys, especially places you play. Some of the places I play don't have those.

[Joey]

Oh, there's door guys and they know the deal. That's why I don't play at Joe Schmo's place.

[Lee]

Right.

[Joey]

Because they don't employ you. Go to Gotham, try to take your camera, you know places, and they'll tell you, listen, put the camera away. Well, I got my right. Go outside and take the traffic that. But you're not going to take. You want it. You want to tape, Go outside. There's a thousand cars. It's like the Indianapolis Speedway out there in New York City.

[Lee]

It's crazy.

[Joey]

Hey, I'm talking to you. This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. It's scary to face your fears, but life will be even scarier if you don't let BetterHelp online therapy help you overcome your fears. Talk through your struggles with somebody to find solutions to problems. Let me explain something to you. I had some problems. I went to BetterHelp and I'm not even kidding you guys. This morning I went to ear doctor and they put the biggest needle in my arm that I had ever seen before in my life. And I saw it now 9 out of 10, I would have ran out of that room and said, let me go to the bathroom. And I would have gone to my car and gone home. I would have called him and said, good luck. But because I worked with BetterHelp because I took care of these needle problems I had, I didn't even feel the needle. Just remember you asked me what's BetterHelp. BetterHelp is completely online. Just fill out a quick survey to get matched with a licensed therapist and you can have video calls, phone calls or messages anytime. You can even switch therapists at any point for no additional charge until you find your perfect match that works with you. But let me explain something to you. BetterHelp will get you there. They gave me exercises to do. Listen that my anxiety is zero. Now I have a stress tester on my watch, on my wrist. I run medium all day, hot. If Lee tells me some story, you know, I'm saying, then I get hot. But besides that, listen, take off the mask with betterhelp visit betterhelp.com Diaz. Diaz. Today to get 10% off your first month. Listen, you're going into the holidays, a lot of feelings come up. This is the time of the year, no shame. Contact betterhelp.com and push in. Diaz. And what are you gonna get? You're gonna get your first month 10% off. You're gonna find a therapist and you're gonna work these things out and start the new year looking like Tip top magoo jack. Betterhelp.com Diaz. Diaz. Happy Halloween. Oh, do I got good news for you savages. Listen, there's no need to stay up late. This Saturday night. There's going to be a big afternoon fights at UFC 308, live from Abu Dhabi. Are you kidding me or what? Jumping on all the action with DraftKings Sportsbook, the official sports betting partner. The UFC, the featherweight title is up for grabs in the Stack card. Listen, I don't have time to read you the card. We have no time for this. Download the DraftKings app right now. Do yourself a favor. Before I even get to it, download the DraftKings sportsbook app now. Use Code Joey Joey. And listen, speaking of Stack, if you're new to DraftKings, listen up. This weekend only, you're going to bet $5 and get 200 in bonus bets instantly. So you can bet the rest of the night. Pick a fighter in the prelim. I don't care. Put $5 on them. You're gonna get 200 to play with the rest of the night. You're gonna watch the card. It's two in the afternoon. You can start drinking margaritas by six o'clock. Forget about it. It's all over. Either Topia wins or the Hawaiian wins. And either way you go to the restaurant. If the Spanish guy wins, you go get yourself a little steak. If the Hawaiian guy wins, go to one of those Chucky Chooky restaurants and you jump up and down. I don't know what's got to do with DraftKings. I'm just telling you it's a party this weekend, Jack, because It starts at 2:00 again. Download new customers, bet $5, get 200 in bonus bets instantly. Download the DraftKings sportsbook app. Now press Code Joey J O E Y. That's Code Joey for new customers to get 200 in bonus bets like that. Only on DraftKings, where the crown is yours. Go have a good time. The Yankees start too on Friday night. Where you gonna be then? You're gonna be thanking me that's where. And now back to the show gambling problem. Call 1-800-GAMBLER in New York. Call 877-8-HOPENY or text hopeny467-369 in Connecticut. Help is available for problem gambling. Call 888-789-7777 or visit ccpg.org Please play responsibly on behalf of Boothill Casino and resort in Kansas 21 and varies by jurisdiction void. In Ontario, bonus bets expire 168 hours after issuance. For additional terms and responsible gaming resources, see DKNG co mma.

[Lee]

I have my car here and it sucks right now.

[Joey]

It's time for people to go, what the am I paying for? And what the is going on? What the is going on? Why am I paying for the cheapest price for a Yankee ticket for the World Series? Up in the third floor, it's like twelve hundred dollars. I didn't know Jesus made a comeback. I had no idea Lennon made a comeback. That the family of four have to pay $5,000 and sit up in the nosebleeds to see the goddamn World Series.

[Lee]

What is crazy? Like, although like the scalpers, like how, like how that's even legal.

[Joey]

Oh, yeah. Oh, they don't know how to control it. They have no idea. They put blocks on the tickets. You could only buy four tickets. Listen, leave me the alone. Everybody is on something. Everybody knows how these people are making money. A decent American who works hard, pays his taxes, you know, pays the park. Also. I want to take my kids to the World Series the way my father took me, the way my grandfather took me. It's impossible. It's two months before holidays. Who's gonna lay out five GS?

[Lee]

I think a lot of people, unfortunately.

[Joey]

A lot of moms gonna be on onlyfans pretty soon showing that monkey. So that kick you go to the circus. Listen, I got no money, but here's my onlyfans. Go look at it. I got hella asshole. It's tough. Yeah, I just heard that today in the car. And I'm like twelve hundred dollars. And I'm like, you know, God bless the American who's got that right. Have you buy a ticket. Buy a ticket for somebody else in your building. Go and see the first little black kid you see on the street. A Puerto Rican kid with a glove who's really going to be something. Not your little white kid who gets scared when a ball gets hit to him. You know, that little black kid right there. A little Puerto Rican with the fucking half a glove on, missing teeth. Because he already got hit in the head with a hard ball. That's who goes to the World Series.

[Lee]

Yeah.

[Joey]

What?

[Lee]

Did you ever go to a World Series game or would you go to one?

[Joey]

I would go to one, absolutely. But I never had the privilege. The closest I came was to the National League east finals. Like Cincinnati and the Mets in 73. That's the closest I ever came. No World Series. No. Yeah, that's. That's division play. Yeah, that's the closest.

[Lee]

But 1200 tickets, too much. You can't justify it, especially not as a. Even if you can't afford it, I.

[Joey]

Gotta sit up in the nosebleeds. I gotta walk up there. They got escalators. Covid's coming back. You know, it. It's. It's gonna be a miserable Halloween. Even though two weeks ago, my wife brought home the Halloween candy. The dummy left it out overnight.

[Lee]

Does she know you're out already?

[Joey]

Huh?

[Lee]

Does she know it's all gone?

[Joey]

No, I didn't eat it all. But, I mean, she put. I always tell her, don't leave that out. Yeah, hide that. She takes that in the other side of the house, and I don't even look for it, because that type of. About midnight, that's. The other night, I found another buzz. I went off. But she only buys four packs.

[Lee]

Thank God.

[Joey]

Worst I could do is four of them. I gotta open up, like, 22 of those things. You know what I'm saying? But no, she buys a combo Oreo Chips Ahoy and that. They're not for me. They're for my daughter, for her lunches, right? In theory, but every once in a while, gotta. You bump into them all night. Oh, look what we have here. I bumped into a box of Yodels because I don't open up that cabinet a lot, but when I do, also, I got a nice complimentary box of vodka from the boys.

[Lee]

Oh, very cool.

[Joey]

From those alsos Porosos.

[Lee]

Yeah, the.

[Joey]

They are those, boss. I don't know.

[Lee]

Poor.

[Joey]

Poor or also. And they sent me a nice jacket, some hooded sweatshirts, a T shirt. I haven't tried the vodka. I'm gonna make one of those Interesting man commercials. I don't drink, but when I do, I drink dos. Also got like, some little fag with playing the organ behind me with a little hat. With a feather. You know those guys, when you go to a jazz bar, they gotta let everybody know they play the piano. Listen, relax, all right? Relax. There's a million piano players. Go sit down with some wig. Go learn a Magic trick or something.

[Lee]

And this is all going to be for their commercial.

[Joey]

No. Yeah. Like, no. I'm not gonna hire a piano guy with a little. I don't like those people anyway.

[Lee]

No, I'm surprised to hear you say that.

[Joey]

I can't wait till we get to. Bro. I got the office.

[Lee]

I'm so excited. Thank you.

[Joey]

I have just. When I pulled up, I was like, oh, oh, I can't wait to see it, you know? And I walked downstairs and I spoke to her, and we got a good recommendation, and I gave all the stuff in already, you know, so I'm just waiting for the go. And my nuts are gonna blow up. Know what I'm saying? Like a. Like one of those sites in Lebanon. They're just gonna spew, you know, like the overhead visual of the building. And then you see a little Jewish missile come in, and it just blows. Nobody knows nothing. You don't see nobody.

[Lee]

Why are you blowing now? Why are nuts about to explode like this? I was excited about this office for a while.

[Joey]

This is four years we haven't had an office. We're running, like, you know, and we.

[Lee]

Don'T have to catch up in two weeks.

[Joey]

What do you mean?

[Lee]

What do you mean, what? I mean? We don't have to take all of them at once.

[Joey]

Take all of what at once?

[Lee]

Everything. Whatever you have planned.

[Joey]

Oh, no, no, no. We're gonna slow it down. You're not gonna make it to Christmas. You're not gonna make it for the holidays.

[Lee]

Why are you tapping your face?

[Joey]

Because you're gonna be all right. I'll wipe your head with. The good thing about this, we're close to everything, but we're close to a hospital, so.

[Lee]

Oh, good.

[Joey]

In eight minutes to the hospital. They got a diner next to that.

[Lee]

To the hospital, to the office.

[Joey]

Listen, don't ask questions, all right? Just. We're back in North Bergen, baby. We got some guests lined up already. We're gonna. We're gonna blow their minds. I gotta get the office. We're gonna get high five. I'm gonna put. You know, we got to put, like, some effect of what we're thinking. And where we're going with this is just going to be black. Because when we end this, it's just. Let's put black with a missile coming in the Hudson, baby. You know what I'm saying? We're on the Hudson. It's over.

[Lee]

That's. I'm so excited.

[Joey]

If you like, you could sit there on the balcony and look up and you'll see the UFOs. All night long, coming in, going out.

[Lee]

Why would I Want to see UFOs? Going. I'm gonna be up and not. What. I'm gonna be watching UFOs.

[Joey]

Now, me, I don't give a. But I know. I've known they lived out there since the. Since I came out of mom snatch. But what I'm saying is that you got the world by the balls, okay? You don't have to even go home. You got Cuban food. You got Cuban women. You go down Burger Line Avenue, you're gonna live what I lived. When I get out of there, you're gonna go. You know what? I'm not taking no ferry home. Go yourself. Drop me off on 32nd Street. I'm gonna walk around a little bit, go to those dos Hermanos. You come over to get that Cuban. That Cuban steak sandwich maybe 15 minutes from the office.

[Lee]

Is that the one where, like, the Yankees go? No. That you've been talking about for years? Yes. You've been talking about that for, like, 10 years. And I've always wanted to try it.

[Joey]

I'm also going to take you to Hiram's.

[Lee]

That a deli? No, no. What's Hiram's?

[Joey]

Look it up real quick. Hiram's. Look it up. Your dick's gonna get hard. Forget about it. This is.

[Lee]

This episode's taking a turn. Hiram's in for Lee.

[Joey]

Yeah, Just look at Hiram.

[Lee]

Oh, it's. Oh, it's chili dogs.

[Joey]

I haven't even taken you there, Doug. That's. That's when I take you there. That's when you just. That's when you just take the. Anybody I've taken there just takes the Ozempic needle and breaks it in half. They just break the Ozempic. They're like, it's not gonna work here. Take your magic elsewhere. You know what I'm saying?

[Lee]

Oh, no, dude.

[Joey]

That place has been there since I'm a kid. Lee, the hamburger there, it's got a taste that only that place has. I'm not saying it's the best in the. I can sit here and tell you it's great, and I have not been there in close to maybe 2014. You all listen, Listen. When you go in there, it's simple. Fries, a burger, a hot dog, and a Yoohoo. That's it. That's. That's, like, the menu. Anything after that, you go for it. God bless you. God bless you up there. And I went to Rudy's.

[Lee]

Oh, yeah.

[Joey]

Oh, George the framer. I saw Slick Nick slinging dick you know, the next congressman of New Jersey. And it just feels good to go up there on Mondays. I go up there early, maybe train with one of my buddies. Now they do jiu jitsu and take a shower, any of those places. And then just shoot and do the podcast.

[Lee]

That'll be a blast. And it's gonna be good to see you and. Because this has been great, but different.

[Joey]

Look, I can't. I'm all zoomed up. I'm all cameraed up. I got more. Everybody seeing these videos before. I was chewing that mushroom before I clicked into this, and I'm trying to get it down. I'm like, how many people seeing this video right now, Russia? They're watching me going, look at this jerk off. Got enough of those videos. Thank God I don't whack off on camera and sit there, you know, like, Johnny Boom Bot's losing an eye.

[Lee]

No, thank God you don't jerk up. Why would you jerk off on camera?

[Joey]

Because people do that. Look at me. They watch porn, and at the same time, they're watching you watching, and there you are. Yeah, Lee, you're on camera everywhere.

[Lee]

Oh, yeah.

[Joey]

One day they're gonna put out a compilation tape banging one half. And you're gonna have to run to the hills. That's gonna be worse than the ditty tapes.

[Lee]

So what do you do? You just do, like, you just hide all the cameras in here. Like, you don't have any computer, no phone, no anything. You just.

[Joey]

No. When you whack off, take everything out of the room. Computer, the phone is about this to. Don't ever whack off in front of her.

[Lee]

So you have to take everything out of your room. Or do you have, like, a special room? Just like a. No technology room.

[Joey]

I used to get so paranoid in Vegas. I'd whack off in the closet. You know what I'm saying? They give me the big room and I go in the closet. Like, nobody knew. Because in Vegas, everybody's watching.

[Lee]

Please hold on. So you would go into, like, the hall closet and, like, crouch on the floor.

[Joey]

What would you. In the bathroom, there's. You know how they give you big bathrooms sometimes? Yeah. I would go into the little closet where they had, like, the towel and the blow dryer. Bang. Went on five, six in the morning. You're paranoid. You need to shoot something, and it takes you like an hour because you got to get your dick hard.

[Lee]

And you're standing up, right?

[Joey]

You're standing up, laying on the wall like a Dracula with the closets you don't know what's going on. Every time you hear a noise, you stop, because it could be the. The mayors, the maid. Why would the mayor be knocking on my door?

[Lee]

I said, made. Why would the mayor be. Can you imagine if it was the mayor? If the man and you were jerking over the closet?

[Joey]

That's one of the things I started thinking about towards the end of my cocaine. And I'm like, why would I go to Vegas? Like, one time I went with Rogan in 2006, and a bunch of. I didn't see those all weekend. Like, I saw at the airport. I saw them when I checked in. I saw them when we did the show. And then I didn't see them till the airport that morning. And they were like, something ain't right with Diaz. That's what. I would go there. And my. I would call the dude before the plane landed. He would, like, meet me at the hotel. I would go right to the room and start getting the party started. They were like, where are you? Yeah, I'll be. I remember one time, my friends from Jersey were there, and I didn't meet them that weekend. It was the same weekend. They were like a hotel across the street. The kids I grew up with. I'm like, I don't want to see you. I'm too busy in my room.

[Lee]

Jesus, dude. And, like, was Vegas the king? I mean, there's everything in Vegas. How could it not be?

[Joey]

The guy was so connected in the Vegas scene as a coke dealer that he would. He would just knock on your hotel door at 4 in the morning because he knew everybody. It was insanely. It was insane. For about a year, I would just go to Vegas just to see him because I knew he was going to take care of. He had everything. It was like 1:25 for an eight ball, three sleeping pills, two oxygen pills. He gave you everything. Cream for your nose.

[Lee]

You know, why didn't you just buy a bunch more of these? Could you do that? Like, could you. If you. If you liked his little packs, could you have bought, like, 10 of them and brought them home? Or would they just all be gone immediately?

[Joey]

Let me ask you something. When the guy from. When the guy from Crispy Pizza gave you those two boxes of pizza, did you bring any home for your mom or did you think of anybody?

[Lee]

It was not two bucks. It was three extra slices. But no.

[Joey]

Okay. You know, you snooze, you lose. I remember one time I bought a bag of Xanax, Valium. That's when they were Valium. With the V in them in Beaumont, Texas. I didn't even take those things. I bought them because my friend's roommate did those. And I bought the bag on Thursday night just because that's all the dealer had. He goes, I'll come back tomorrow with an eight ball. So I go, all right. So I go, what do you got tonight? He goes, all I got are pills. I go, how Many? He goes, 30. Give me the whole bag by the time I'm on the plane Sunday. Well, I didn't get on the plane Sunday. I didn't get on the plane till the following Sunday. That's how I ate all those pills in three days. So addiction is addiction, but I was a animal when it came to it. What are you doing? So this week, you're at the Denver Comedy Works.

[Lee]

So excited.

[Joey]

That's the first stage I ever got on me.

[Lee]

Oh, dude. A. It's like one of the top ones ever. But I did. I don't know if you remember this, but right when I started, like, two months in, you let me do, like, three minutes at your. At the Comedy Works. And it was just like, even. That was like a wild three minutes. And to be there for the, like, for the first time as like, an actual person, like a feature, I could. I'm pumped. I'm so pumped.

[Joey]

It is. You know, they stopped. I. I don't know if they do that anymore. Comedy Works is one of those rooms that when Wendy, the owner O'Brien. Great lady, great lady. She came through for me. Great lady. But she used to have it that the headline. I had to follow, like, four headliners from Denver. You had to follow, like, everybody there on Tuesday, Wednesday. Thursday was a local headline. You know, when I started there, Denver had five or six national headliners that were killers. When you told me you were going over there, I did like, a. Like, I just thought about all before I got on stage there. I remember I told you I went to an NBC thing. Like, I had taken the standup class, and I was still a pussy about getting on stage. And they announced this competition, and that's where it was at the county war. I said, let me go down there and finally check it out and see what this is about. And I remember going down there and seeing all these comics, like, you know, fucking T shirts on hbo. And I sat down and that was going to be the first time I got on stage. I go, I'm going to go do this contest. This is it. I'm done. And Lee, I check him out. I was like, little what am I, fucking stupid? And then two weeks later, they were auditioning at the University of Colorado to open up for who ended up becoming my friend. He's dead now. He passed away. I forget what his name was, but. Great guy. Charlie. Charlie White. White something. He was an Indian. American Indian activist. Funny hill. That's. Jesus, I'm horrible. I'm stoned. But I went to the audition thinking it was in an auditorium. People, like, in my demented mind. And I get there and it's in an office smaller than the office we had, like a student office. And there was three uptight little kids there, two of them American Indians, which I already lost the war. Like baggy Indians. They weren't even like drinking Indians that stabbed people. You could see, like, they were like Indians that were trying too hard. And I did a Godzilla joke and something else and I never heard from them ever again. You know what I'm saying? So I.

[Lee]

You had to do the jokes in front of three people in an office? Jesus Christ.

[Joey]

You know, But I put myself in those positions. Remember a couple months ago you said you were going to get up at 8 in the morning and go stand on line somewhere?

[Lee]

Yeah, I was.

[Joey]

I was just saving your life.

[Lee]

Okay?

[Joey]

You know what I'm saying? I don't have time to explain these things to you. I did a lot of creepy things. I did a lot of creepy things. I went to a lot of creepy places I didn't belong. And I still remember being flat broke and borrowing lubes, his car and borrowing like 30 bucks from somebody going into the city to audition for an improv troupe. Now what the would I audition for an improv troop for? But in my demented head, hey, let's give it a shot. So I get there, they bought Valet park, it's a Copacabana. And I walk in there worse than three white Indians, four Spanish people who think they're, you know. Those are the worst, right? The performers on the troop were great, but the people who auditioned, you were just like part of that Latin thing in LA where they all hang out, but at the end nobody's making a dime. They're criticizing everybody. The government doesn't give us enough money for actors. Sag, go yourself. You know, last I checked, the guy from Heat, what's his name? He ain't doing too bad.

[Lee]

De Niro.

[Joey]

Opened up the taco stands.

[Lee]

Oh, Trejo?

[Joey]

Yeah, Trejo. What the fuck are you talking about, huh?

[Lee]

Danny Trejo.

[Joey]

Danny Trejo. Yeah, I'm talking about him. Great. He owns taco stands. He's. You know, our friend Emilio Rivera is doing great, but you got these handful of Latinos. They get together, the group, they can't book a headshot. They start giving each other fake awards. You know, you're like, stop. Stop. Cocksuckers. Anyway, what do you mean, fake awards? Yeah. Like, it's just. No names, all right?

[Lee]

I'm not asking for specific names.

[Joey]

You know, it's just a. A side that people get into, especially when you're a minority. And in that room, ain't nobody making money except the guy who put on that thing.

[Lee]

Right.

[Joey]

They're talking about. And if you go to the Spanish ones, they hit you with la raza and all this they're gonna do. And meanwhile, they're making money and they're shooting movies. But they're not pulling you in with them.

[Lee]

No.

[Joey]

You don't know what the they're talking about. So why are we here? We're wasting each other's time.

[Lee]

Like, going. What we were talking about. I'm like. I'm jealous that you can say that to people.

[Joey]

What?

[Lee]

I don't know. Like, why are we here on Sundays? I'm not doing, like, you know, it's.

[Joey]

I didn't say this. I said this when I was a feature act. I said this when I was a feature act, when I was fighting for my life and I was already a regular at the store because they were doing it right, but everybody else was doing it wrong. I still remember a situation here at Rascals in New Jersey where I came in, instead of this dude saying, I just don't like Diaz. He just ragged me all week. You talk to the audience too much. Please don't do that, okay? I knew if I talked to the audience, this guy had a chance. Do you know what I'm saying?

[Lee]

Oh, okay. If you talked. Okay.

[Joey]

Everything he could to get me off the show. And he was a good guy. He was just getting to the end of his career, and he started getting, like, picky because his crowds were smaller. And I did five shows with him Wednesday night. I talked to the audience too much before I got there. He cut my time to 20, which is a big mistake, because now I'm in Comedy Store zone, right? You just yourself. You just yourself. Because now you're gonna give me what you don't want. I practice 18 minutes three times a night for the last 20 years. This was 19. This was 2003. I was a regular maybe five years already six years. Come on. So what do you think happened Thursday? I destroyed the Audience. And now he came out with. He said too much and blah, blah, blah, blah. Then Friday, early show, he complained about something else, and I just laid into him and the club manager laid into. And that was it. We worked Saturday, and he never spoke to me again. And for no reason. For no reason. I was buck wild as a feature act. Buck wild. I made the one guy quit in Miami. He threw the glass down. When we go to New York and do the podcast, I'll get Ricky Cruz on there. Ricky Cruz saw a ton of that. I was doing as a feature act because I didn't give a fuck anymore. I'm at the store on a daily basis, and you're here headlining on something you did 18 years ago. Go away. And then you want to get mad at me for coming out here like an animal, Right? Real comics weren't complaining about me. The. Tommy Davidson's the. The guy from Sinai Live that's in Florida now. Him and I work together perfectly. That's the strongest guy I ever worked with the road, by the way. Really?

[Lee]

Who's that?

[Joey]

The kid from Sinai Live. That's. That's a conspiracy guy now.

[Lee]

Oh, Ackroyd.

[Joey]

Who?

[Lee]

Dan Ackroyd.

[Joey]

Is he a standup comic from S. I don't know.

[Lee]

He was. Okay, sorry.

[Joey]

Anyway, don't matter. But I worked with a bunch of guys that were hysterical and nobody complained. It was always once a month. I had this. You know, you always have these guys that are like. They don't like it that you're where you're at, and they're where they're at now. They're planting flowers, trying to stay relevant, and you're a animal. You don't even care about being relevant. You're just up there doing what you're doing. Because if I was fighting for my life in those days, nobody was gonna give me Montreal. Nobody was gonna give me anything. So I had to get as good as I could be. So I just went up there and started murdering mother. This started around 2003 with me, and then I got the longest yard, and then I tried the headline. That didn't work out. But anyway, I did good last week at the dojo. Paul versus a funny guy, man. Yeah, he's an under. See again. And everybody's looking at this guy. Look. Paul versus a dangerous. On stage. I laughed my ass off. It was a great show. We're gonna do it again November 6, a week before I do New York. So I'm definitely ready, you know, but it's been fun. I'm thinking about Denver a lot. That's how this whole year beating started. I'm sorry about that. I'm thinking about Denver a lot. And I was just a fucking kid that I was just getting on stage to fucking have a good time, Lee.

[Lee]

Yeah, because when you're doing it in Denver, at least the first time, like, you were just like, right. Either still married or right after the divorce, it was like a lot of change.

[Joey]

Yeah. But when I came Back in 93, I was in a different place. And from being here, I looked at comedy a little differently from being here, going, wow, how hard is it to be an open micr here? I gotta go back to Denver. You don't have to show up with four people. I didn't have to show up before people. I don't know. Four people that I'm gonna ask every week, hey, you want to come to a club and spend $20 to see a bad comic? I don't have that type of ball. So I chose that path and it, you know, it was a lot better for me. And I was. Happily, I had nothing. Nothing. I had nothing. Half the time I lived in a hotel with some broad. The other time I lived with my cousin. And that was a nightmare. He was always trying to borrow money from me, and here I am broke. I would lend him money and then steal it back in the middle of the night and steal a pill from him. It was. It was a. The funniest thing ever. And I didn't want, you know, that's why I say that sometimes. Listen, man, nobody gets into comedy because they just want to get into comedy. We all have a reason for whatever the reason is. But after a few years, you start looking at that and going, I don't know if I'm going to do it. And then you're like, well, I could go back to bacon pies or delivering fucking whatever the fuck I was delivering when I got this job as a comic. Or I could look at it and attack it, because this is as good as it's going to get in my world.

[Lee]

Oh, yeah.

[Joey]

So at least go have fun. They give you two free cocktails. Go drink the cocktail. Some chick always talk to you. Hi. You know, I started working here six months ago, but my father loves comedy. Okay. You know, you want to bring me home? Yeah, you have to meet you. It's. It's still. You're doing comedy six months and people come up to you and talk to you.

[Lee]

Oh, yeah.

[Joey]

And it's interesting. And, you know, it's a better time without all that. This is why I said to you that I appreciate la. I appreciate the comedy they provide, but some people aren't ready for that emotionally. And it just. The stakes hit you, you know, I don't like being an open mic there.

[Lee]

It was tough.

[Joey]

Like, the same people who were at that place on Sunset, that they lived there, what was that house, the comedy house and the whole thing, those people are still there, just a different location. Like, that's a click, that's a clock. That's a click that talks about how well, I'm friends with this guy. He said he was gonna get me in the Comedy Store. I'm friends with this guy, he says, gonna take me here. It's just to show it's mental health. If comedy is 40, mental health. When you go to those open mics, you're dealing with 2080. It's a big swing. Those places, those dudes.

[Lee]

Honestly, dude, it might. It might even be a little bit low because I was gonna say, like, I feel like. Because I started in la, but, like, I've done open mics all over the country and it's. It's. That might be closer to 90 10, like, just batshit crazy.

[Joey]

But there's a point where you learn from that. You go, holy. You know what? That dude's crazy. And I don't want to end up like that. I gotta do something. Because my comedy scene, in fact, he. He reached out to me today. The guy that ran that comedy scene just checked in. I wrote him a nice thing back on Facebook. Those are some of the best times in my life. And I knew I was around people who were crazy, who would kill me in a New York minute. There were three guys in there that I owe. You know, next time we talked to Josh Wolf. A lot of those people aren't around, the people we don't open mics with. I love to find some of them, and a lot of them are around. I still see them on Facebook with friends. But the one kid, Jeff, with the handcuff always creeped me out. And sure enough, he jumped off a building, you know? Sure enough. Listen, I don't want to call this out now. Yeah, like, three of those people abandoned ship. Like, one guy jumped into the Seattle water. He hung himself. The guy I'm talking about, he had, like, a kid and, you know, but I knew he was demented. Nobody keeps going on open mic every Monday with the same act, with the same suit. It smelled like debt, you know, and there's no growth. There's really no growth. Even though you. You try to talk to them and go, come to this place with me, they show up with the suit and the handcuff again. And that's how you know that there's something going on here. You're like, okay, you know what? I'm gonna leave this guy alone. And every time I see him, I'm gonna hug him just to make sure you don't got a bayonet on him or something stabbed me with or hit me in the head with.

[Lee]

It's happened a couple of times. Because sometimes people will go nuts in those places. Like, I like home. Like, whenever anyone tells me they're nervous to do an open mic, my, like, go to line is like, homeless people do open mics. I can't tell you, like, how many, like, actively homeless people have been. Especially in la.

[Joey]

How is homeless? You know, I didn't walk in there. Stump sm.

[Lee]

You didn't have all of your belongings with you eating a baguette.

[Joey]

And then I showed up twice at the club with my little army duffel bag. You know what I'm saying?

[Lee]

Your whole life, huh? Was your whole life in that one bag?

[Joey]

Oh, ask Terry. When I met Terry, I showed up and she's like, where's the rest of them? Like this. No lamp, no nothing. Nah, who needs a lamp when you're the king of darkness, you know? Look at you. See you only eating 100 milligrams. You.

[Lee]

I smoked. I'm dying over here. What's wrong with 100 milligrams?

[Joey]

Where'd you get the weed from, Baka Street?

[Lee]

No, first of all, I have some that you got me. But I also have good stuff.

[Joey]

I also have good stuff. You get like 20 that you have.

[Lee]

No, I don't. Oh, my God. I might have proof here that I don't. God damn it. Let's see here. Well, this is pre rolls. But these are 25. Yeah, these are pre rolls from before shows.

[Joey]

18. I told you not to buy pre rolls.

[Lee]

Well, I. I actually did buy stuff.

[Joey]

20. I got a vape.

[Lee]

I'm never here.

[Joey]

You know I'm never here. Yeah, listen, that's your problem. 8, 000amonth. And also you want to be 8, 000?

[Lee]

Please don't tell people I spend 8. I wish I had 8,000. It is way too.

[Joey]

Building your vacuum for you.

[Lee]

Not a vacuum, dude, you can't. I couldn't build some of that.

[Joey]

You what?

[Lee]

I can't build some of that this year event. I'm so happy.

[Joey]

Hey, one of my Johnny Engineer. You don't see me buying that.

[Lee]

Yeah, because your wife can build it.

[Joey]

What do you mean?

[Lee]

Yeah, she's good at that stuff. She likes it.

[Joey]

I'm building her own stuff. That's what I'm saying. I can't dump my stuff on.

[Lee]

I know, but I don't have it. I don't have a wife.

[Joey]

I can't do that to nobody. So before we. I ain't gonna hire some poor moke that's gonna come over and I gotta be nice to him for. For two hours.

[Lee]

Oh, no, you have to. What do you mean to be nice to him? You leave him alone. Why is that your worst case scenario? You might have to be nice to.

[Joey]

Someone for two hours. You gotta offer milk and cookies. What type of animal are you, Lee? You desert Jews? You don't even give you a. Not even a. Not even a campaign you're working.

[Lee]

You give them a tip and then you let them do their thing.

[Joey]

You give them a. What you.

[Lee]

You say, hey, you want a drink? And then they. And they usually say no. And then you give them a tip and then that's it. That's all you got to do. They don't want you hanging out with them. I was like, I can't imagine going into someone's house and doing that.

[Joey]

Me neither. That's pressure. That's why I couldn't. I can't imagine having somebody come in my house and me looking with a straight face going, hi, you to build something for me. I'm too fucking stupid. I'm never going to lie to you. Because you were talking about three years ago, and it made me think about something. When I first started going up to 149th, 8th street to see my godmother and I would play with the tenants in our buildings, There was one kid who I thought was just brilliant. If I was 5 or 6, he was the same. I struggled with English, you know, this kid was Spanish just like me. But this motherfucker was on a different level. Smart. He's the kid who taught me how to build models.

[Lee]

Okay.

[Joey]

Yeah, yeah, okay. And we were talking one day and, you know, we would just go downstairs to the model store where we used to buy the glue for Sticky Charlie. This is two years before Sticky characters Charlie, by the way.

[Lee]

Oh, damn.

[Joey]

So I was five. This is 1969. It could have been. I was eight. 1968. And I would go down there, you know, and one day he goes, I like to build one of those, but my mom doesn't have the money. And I'm like, listen, what if I get the money from my mom? You build it, teach me how to build it and you keep the thing. And he goes, deal. And we went, we bought the glue downstairs and he bought like I bought the Hulk. And he just taught me how to put the glue together. But I had a desire to learn that. It wasn't like. I always thought, like, maybe I'll have him fucking make the thing and take it home to my mom. Look what I did. Meanwhile, my mom knows I'm a fucking idiot. I can't put that together. He taught me. So I think I paid for like two models. I went to my mom. My mom was great. Just let me see what the models. And I told her the truth. I said, I don't know how to do these things. And he taught me. And after that. But I can't imagine there's a 60 year old man, me having somebody to come over to build me a shoe closet. Like, I. I have so many things I need to do here, you know, like I need to help me. Somebody helped me with the garage and rip down the wall and stuff like that. If you hire somebody in construction now or any field now, right, they tell you they're going to come over and they're going to do it. And they all set up to two days, bro. They come, they tear it up, and then they leave for four days because they got to go to another job. Yeah, your job was supposed to be only five days. Now it's two weeks and your walls open. God knows what lives in there, what can get it. So before that happens, I'm going to have a friend of mine come in here. This is what he does on the weekends and on Saturdays in like January when it's cold, we'll rip down the board. He says he'll take it in this truck. I help him out, he helps me out. And it all works out at the end, player. But you're gonna have great time. How many shows?

[Lee]

Wednesday, Thursday, Thursday through Saturday.

[Joey]

It's a great club, man, and a lot of great. I saw a lot of great shows. That's why I met Felicia Michaels.

[Lee]

I know you met her there at the bar.

[Joey]

Yeah.

[Lee]

Wow. I knew you worked with her, but I didn't. I didn't know you met her.

[Joey]

She was already a big shot, though. Shibble. I saw a lot of great acts there right after Roseanne left. I never saw Roseanne perform there. But first of all, let's get this straight. After I got into comedy, I would go there on Tuesday nights. And in those days, the headliner would have to come in and close the open mike. I mean, it was like Bobby Collins in those days. Bobby Slayton, you know, it was just great. She's always had a great comedy mind. She. What these people are doing now. She was doing in 1993, 91 when I walked in there. When you walk in there, you realize I walked there in 1991. Were you born by then?

[Lee]

Yeah, I was born in 88.

[Joey]

You were born the year I came out of prison. How can I forget that? That's a good year.

[Lee]

It really was.

[Joey]

Anyway, so I got nothing this week. Basically. I think I'm just gonna go do guest sets at two shows, hopefully. I like to go to Aaron Berg's Friday night at Uncle Vinnie's. It's a 8pm show. I'll try. I love Aaron Berg. Thursday, I got two options. What do you got? You got the Denver Comedy Works.

[Lee]

That's right.

[Joey]

And then you come back. By then we should have the lease done and then order. You know, I'm sure getting the Internet, it's gonna take two or three weeks, you know, obviously, I'm assuming, but that building, you know, they got a ton of there. So it's gonna. It's a great. We have the new bat cave in North Bergen. That's all these motherfuckers gotta know about. I am very excited we're going back. This opens a lot of doors to guest, you know, that I could never get my hands on before. Like I told you. And that's it, man. I'm excited for 20, 25. I got some shows, you got some shows. So if we stay healthy, we got some good going on play and we don't have to do this on Zoom no more.

[Lee]

I'm so excited to see you, buddy.

[Joey]

Me too, buddy. So, yeah, have a great time on the road. Wear a condom. And the check in is brought to you by Mint Mobile. Listen, your cell phone bill shouldn't be a luxury expense, all right? Mint Mobile has awesome service for just 15amonth. That's right. $15 a month. $15 a month. All plans come with high speed data and unlimited talks and text delivered on the nation's largest 5G network. Listen, from Uncle Joey to you, it doesn't get better than this. My neighbor's got Mint Mobile. He's older, you know, I'm saying he's retired. He's on a fixed income. He says his phone is never gets interrupted. It sounds great and it's beautiful. So there you have it. Finally, a cell phone plan that has what you need at a price that makes sense. Do me self a favor. Get this new customer offer and your three month premium wireless plan for just 15amonth. Go to mo mint mobile.com Diaz again, to get this new customer offer and your new three month premium wireless plan just for 15amonth, go to mint mobile.com Diaz that's mint mobile.com Diaz D I A Z cut your wireless bill to 15 bucks a month at mintmobile.com Diaz 45 upfront payment required equivalent to 15amonth. New customers on first three month plan only speed slower than 40 gigabytes an unlimited plan, additional taxes, fees and restrictions.