← The Clay Travis and Buck Sexton Show
The Clay Travis and Buck Sexton Show
Forging Self-Confidence: The Navy SEAL System to Overcome Fear and Doubt | Ep. 48
01:05:54
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- [00:00]
David Rutherford
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David Rutherford
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David Rutherford
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David Rutherford
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David Rutherford
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David Rutherford
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- [02:39]
David Rutherford
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- [03:31]
Jordy
That baby's crushing it, honestly. So she has a few tasks that she has to do every day, which is just sleep. She has to eat, she has to poop, and she just has to hang out. And she is four for four right now. And just going through, you finish all four, you just start back at zero. It's like the Golden Gate Bridge when you paint it. You know, you start at the beginning. Once you finish painting it, you just have to start over because it's been so long. It's just that it's just a cycle. And she's doing great, man.
- [03:58]
David Rutherford
Well, I love the metaphor of the Golden Gate Bridge, right? It's, it's, it's this, it's the servitude, it's keeping. It's the upkeep on some grand, grand vehicle to discovery on the other side, right? And you have, and you have to make, you have to make the, the, the journey not only aesthetically pleasing, but functionally pleasing as well, too. And, and that is, that is what you do with children, is what you do in terms of creating those bridges through until they get done with this initial cycle and then the next cycle. And then you add in a little bit of play in there, then you add a little bit of learning, and then you add a little bit of socialization, right? And each one of those is a bridge to the next evolution of who they become as a person.
- [04:51]
Jordy
Does that mean she's the bridge and I'm the Painter. I don't know who I am in this analogy, but something like that.
- [04:56]
David Rutherford
100% right. No, no, she's the car on the bridge. Right? Ok. The love that you and your wife give her is the bridge to her future self. Right?
- [05:09]
Jordy
But changing diapers is the pain. I'm pretty sure we nailed that.
- [05:17]
David Rutherford
I love it. Well in that reference again, thank you all for showing up. If you really have been enjoying the show, we have been so blessed to have you part. If you love the show, please don't forget to like leave a comment. Subscribe to all the different, different places we're on all the different platforms. Obviously the show is on everywhere from TikTok to Instagram to X to YouTube. The video, we post video both on x and on YouTube. It's. You can follow the show at. @ D Rutherford show on X. It's at D. At, at D Rutherford Show. On the other platforms it's @DavidRutherford Show. YouTube, it's the David Rutherford show. If you want to follow me, it's usually I'm on X and Instagram the most and it' at Team Frog Logic. You know, one of the things that we, I wanted to just discuss and it's kind of, you know, relevant to the initial question of, of your, your newborn child is, you know, what are the critical aspects that we need in this very difficult life? Because why sometimes on that bridge they might be a toll booth or there might be the bridge out of order. And, and so what do we do and how do we reference that? And so, you know, one of the. Behind this motivational concept that I've been in development for 30 plus years and all my background and all of the different things I've done in the military intelligence and working with professional and collegiate athletes and business people is to deliver these core concepts that really help people discover what inside themselves makes it possible or what ignites the desire to want to drive over those bridges in life. Right? Especially when some of those bridges, like, have you ever seen like the, the glass walkway bridge in China?
- [07:19]
Jordy
Oh, dude, I'm not going on that.
- [07:20]
David Rutherford
Dude. I mean some people have some very substantial fears about crossing those different bridges. And from a little concept and then obviously from a metaphorical concept because you know, each chapter of your life, each, each se of your life is connected through these different capacities within the human condition, within these different values or virtues or belief systems, right? That's what gives you the structure to move from one moment to the next in your life and especially the big moments. And we see so many people dealing with big moments in their lives. And in fact, I bet if you're listening right now, you know, there's a high probability that you're going through a big moment in your life. And for many people that are ambitious and want to kind of leave a mark in this, this grand, you know, highway of their existence, you know, there's there, there, the higher ambition you have, the greater probability there's going to be immeasurable challenges, really things that can knock you down. And this is kind of actually the place where I began this journey, right, because in this period of my life, post high school and into college, I had really kind of lost that self confidence that really we all need every day as we are going to confront our great ambition or aspire to our great ambition. And in that aspiration or inspiration, we're going to come in contact with that negative insurgency who's going to try and get us to quit or be afraid or to be paralyzed in slowing down our momentum. And for me, it was the biggest, most palpable aspect of that, beyond the fear, was the fact that I had lost all my self confidence, which was very peculiar for me. Cause I really imagined myself as a pretty self confident kid. I had good childhood, rough in some ways, but I was confident in my abilities when tested. But obviously I didn't have the capacity as a young purple person, as many people don't, to have that grander idea of how difficult things are going to be. And you know, before we hopped on, Jordi and I were discussing this. You know, I have four teenage daughters who are all in this place where their substantial nature of their identity is emerging. And so part of, you know, our challenge, my wife and I, is to say, hey, you know, yeah, it's hard now, but in the future it's going to be a lot harder. As your ambition grows, so do the challenges. So you're going to have to develop these types of skill sets in order to be able to combat the setbacks that you face. The knocking back or the, the chopping down or the, the collapse, if you will. To go back to that bridge analogy, the collapse of your self confidence, which happens in some capacity almost every single day of your life.
- [10:37]
Jordy
That reminds me of a Simpsons episode, Homer. You know, Bart goes to his dad and he's like, this is the worst day of his. My life. And Homer tells him, well, don't worry son, it's the worst day of your life so far. Yeah, that's about right.
- [10:52]
David Rutherford
That's about right. That's it. Right. And, and, and if you think you've got it figured out, just wait a week, right? That's, you know, I mean I, I've, I've had so many people in particular my, you know, my, my buds. Instructors, right? You finished some insanely brutal day in training and, and you're feeling good about yourself. And that one instructor always just says, well Gu. Rutherford, you had a good day today, but I'm gonna knock the piss out of you tomorrow. Right? And you're just like, what, what did I do wrong? And you know, for me that's the place where I really began to reshape this foundation or not really even offended, but this structure of self confidence and, and how it's formed and how it's built and, and how it emerges. And so you know, I, you know, when I had hit a point where I discovered that, you know, maybe carrying a gun for a living wasn't, I wasn't going to be able to really effectuate the most change in people by the end of a barrel of a gun. Now don't get me wrong, I really believe that, you know, that type of service has a huge impact on self confidence and it has a huge impact on meaning and purpose. But at the end of the day, right, if, if, if, if all you do is, is use a gun, there's a correlation between a particular negative outcome that's very intense on, on any, any pretty much all pieces within the human condition. And it does have long term effects and effects to people. And so you know, what I realized in my kind of going into my third year with Blackwater was that man, there's, there's got to be something more. And it really transpired in my trip. I did a fall deployment over to AFGH where I was training counter drug commandos and mentoring them on missions. And then I was running a side building project for the Afghan border police. And it was during this experience that I had gone out, we did this, mentored this op, we hit this compound. And if you're not familiar going to any compound or place in a third world country, one of the things you'll notice in particular in Afghanistan is there's a trove of, of, of children. There's kids everywhere, right? Because they, they, they have a, a high reproductive rate, right? Because why? Because more kids help you work the fields. Just like old school Americans. You know those old families of the late 1880s that would had 15 kids or even into the early 1900s. You know, my, my wife has a massive family that she comes from in terms Of. Of cousins and siblings in the whole thing. And. And. And so you. I remember hitting this compound, and I'm looking around, and there was nobody. There was not kinetic in any way, shape, or form. It was very docile. But we're sitting there, and as we split up, you know, the male adults and the females and the kids over here, I meant it kind of hit me. And I got hit with one of those kind of God moments, like, tapping me on my forehead, like, hey, Rush, wake up. You know, and that's what I hope. You know, sometimes my voice does with you when you're in your car, when you got your working out, is that I. What you feel for me is me tapping your head like, hey, wake up. I'm trying to tell you something. Well, what God was trying to tell me in that moment was the real critical importance of our children and how important that if we can somehow teach children to think outside of the typical cultural power structures that exist, you know, in order to be able to reassess or restructure their perception of. Of. Of. Of how you gain power. Right. Whether through your fist or through manipulation or whatever Machiavellian influence that you're. That you're available to. Right? And so easily, we can, in particular, as young people in our. In our early teens, right, where things are very influential to us. And I realized in that moment, man, you know, that might give me more fulfillment in my life. And, you know, that was. I. I was in not a great place, and I really wanted to do something more meaningful. And so it was kind of in that moment that I was like, oh, wow, I. I want to go, you know, help kids. That's weird. You know, here's this team guy, military contractor, Blackwater mercenary, whatever you want to call me, you know, and now all of a sudden, I want to go help children. And I know the juxtaposition of that is definitely complex, but pretty typical.
- [15:56]
Jordy
The root of the problem. You're trying to go to the root.
- [15:59]
David Rutherford
That's right, because I had seen the atrocities of what men can do to each other when. When they are funneled into the. The proverbial system of. Of. Of the natural order of men wanting to conquer one another. Right? I mean, there's no shortage of examples in particular. You just look at the 20th century. You know, low estimates, it's 150 million people annihilated. High, it could be 350. I mean, we just can't tell in some cases. I mean, the mass carnage that ensued was. Was. There's no word that can actually really describe it. And so what happened as a result of all that carnage? Right? What. What did the generations that lived through that as children, what happened in their minds? What emerged out of that? And, And I saw this replicating itself in. In, you know, the current state of what the gwat was. What are we going in there? We bomb these villages or we kill these, you know, terrorists in quotations, if you will, or bad people or HVTs or whatever, you know, what happens to their. Their children. And I, I certainly would hope that in some capacity, if I was to be brutally murdered or killed, that my children would be inspired by that in some capacity, hopefully for good. But, you know, there's always a probability that human beings want to seek revenge or retribution for being wronged in some capacity. And I saw that and I was like, well, is there a way to impede that or to redirect that anger towards something more positive? And I remember that. That. That fall of 05, you know, I remember I was like, I told my. My buddy, I was. I was working with Joe, and Joe's just a real amazing guy, had gone through training with him. We were partners in Blackwater, everything we did. And, And I said, hey, man, I think I want to work with kids. And he's like, what? You know, because I. I had a definite reputation of, of not being very child friendly in my behavior, if you will. And, and. And you know, he was like, what do you want to do? And I was like, I don't know, man. Maybe try and, you know, figure out how to teach him how to be stronger or give him hope or. I don't know. And, and we were. I was working on the idea, and then I came up with like, well, you know, maybe I. Maybe I'll just, you know, I'll teach him some of what we learned in training. And he's like, you can teach him how to like, make bombs and blow stuff up and shoot people. And I was like, no, no, no, no, come on, man. I was like, like to. To. To look at the lessons that we learned in this really unbelievable training program. I mean, because, I mean, I know I changed as a result for the better, you know, I know you changed. I watched you change. And, you know, it's this. This. This growth that comes out of you. Maybe I can take whatever that is. And, you know, what is it? Maybe it's just, you know, what. What we were exposed to shaped our self confidence and made that stronger. And I think that's what I wanted to try and do. And I was like, you know, and I was like, what? You know, and I think I'm going to call it, you know, because I have so much respect. If you really want to go down a fun rabbit hole, go do some research. Research on our early product predecessors, the Naval combat demolition units that were the guys that led the D day invasion, that cut the lanes so the landing craft could land and then get into the underwater demolition teams of the Pacific theater and their operations, I mean they were in every major beach landing assault from Tarawa onward, right? The battle of Tarawa where 3000 plus Marines were annihilated or drowned or crossed in that because they had hit the outer reefs, got out of their boats and they were in the lagoon and they were just picked off by the Japanese pretty easily. And then they drowned too. And so they brought in, they resurrected the NCDUs, they created the underwater demolition teams and they, and these guys would swim in the middle of the night, lay 50 pounds of TNT, strap it to these coral reef bulkheads and then blow them up so the landing craft could get to the main shores on Iwo Jima, Saipan, even Okinawa. And these guys were just, I mean, you want to talk about self confidence, like it's difficult to even comprehend that because they weren't going in with, you know, belt fed machine guns and all this. They went in with like those old circular dive masks, you know, these two by fours they had for fins, you know, these old UDT shorts, you know, a Ka Bar dive knife and this haversack of 50 pounds of TNT. And that's what they went and did their mission with.
- [20:57]
Jordy
And so that's more than confidence, that's like something above confidence because that doesn't.
- [21:02]
David Rutherford
Even make sense, dude. I mean there are these stories of these guys and if you ever get the opportunity, I highly recommend you visit the Navy SEAL Museum in Fort Pierce, Florida. You know, I try and get up there once a year. This thing is absolutely one of the coolest museums. This little museum on a beach where our training originated back for the NCDUS in preparation for World War II. And you know what, I, as I evaluated that, I was like, you know, and they call these guys the frogmen of the Navy. And that's when I came up with the idea, well, maybe if I created some kind of training program or idea that I pulled from this, our storied past and our training, you know, that made it user friendly for kids, they would accept it, they tolerate, they want to get into it. And so I labeled it Frog logic and I remember going to Joe going, hey, man, you know, what do you think I should. You know, what should my logo be? And, you know, I want to use a frog and a tree frog because it changes camouflage. It can operate in the water, it can operate out of the water. It's got some cool, you know, weapon systems with that crazy tongue and the, you know, the sticky fingers and all. You know, I just thought it was the coolest. The amphibian, right? It's one of the oldest creatures there is. And. And I go, what do you think? Like, what should I do? And the logic portion I'm thinking about, you know, I don't know. And he goes, you should put the frog on top of a brain and have, you know, the frog choking out the brain. And. And Joe was, I think, at the time, a brown belt in jiu jitsu. So, like, you know where. And, you know, he just a really tough, badass dude. And. And I'm like, you know, this is for kids, right? He's like, yeah, that's what makes it cool, you know? And I'm like, all right, well, maybe not that, but maybe just a frog on top of the brain. And that's. That's how the.
- [22:55]
Jordy
You need to do a rear naked choke on that brain.
- [22:59]
David Rutherford
Right? Right. You see it bulging out like it's. It's prefrontal. Yeah, it's pretty prefrontal. Cortex is, like, strained, right? And, you know, veins popping out of that. And I was just like, all right. And so I went to, you know, my. My lifelong buddy who I'd gone to high school with, probably the best artist I've ever met in my entire life. His name is Brian Cult. He's a graphic artist. You can check him out online. Just look up Brian Cult, graphic artist, who's literally done art for every piece of my companies throughout the years. I just. I love them so much, and I thank them for helping me bring this to fruition. The idea, the image, right? Because an image speaks a thousand words, and so did this. And I was like, all right, well, what do I do first? And David Rutherford, my best friend. Welcome to the show, Sean. Thank you for having me. It's an honor to be here. What's up, team? I recently had the incredible honor of joining my best friend, Sean Ryan, on his show. And as a token of my appreciation for him and his audience, I want to do something special for you. For 30 years, I've been helping individuals and teams to discover how to utilize pain and suffering to propel their performance from the world Series champions the Boston Red Sox to elite operators, top entrepreneurs and business owners. I want to offer the first three foundational Frog Logic courses that I've been developing for the past decade. Embrace fear, forging self confidence, and team life. These courses come straight from the painful stories and lessons learned I talked about on Sean's podcast, and they also emerged from the thousands of people I've instructed. Normally These courses are $200 each, but until 9-1-15 you can get all three for just $200. That's three courses for the price of one. Please go to davidrutherford.com or click the link in the description to get the bundle. Thank you very much, Ouya and Godspeed. From Bitcoin believers to cautious first timers, Kraken makes it easy to trade crypto in seconds with over 300 tight spreads and easy funding for your account with Plaid, PayPal and Apple Pay, Kraken lets you trade, earn and invest on your own terms. Download Kraken today and get $10 in Bitcoin after your first trade of $10 or more. Just enter code iheart10 under AD invite code when you sign up. Not investment advice. Crypto trading involves risk of loss and is offered to US customers through PayWord Interactive, Inc.
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- [29:30]
David Rutherford
So I went back and I evaluated in the context of self confidence all the different parts throughout all of Bud's from pre phase, first phase, second phase, third phase, all the things in my medical role. Excuse me, my medical roles, my performance role. I had all of my friends, what I saw in there, and I just started saying, all right, this lesson and this part and this lesson, what I learned here, and all these things and, and I. And they kind of emerged into these concepts. And I had like 26 of these things. And you know, at the same time I'm trying to figure out, well, how do you do this? How do you start essentially a motivational training company? So what do you do? You go online at the time that it's just getting big. And you know, you look up, right? You look up who. You look up Tony Robbins, and you look up Awaken the Giant within. Right? And I go to Zig Ziglar. Oh, you can go even further back to that Dale Carnegie, Right? Yeah. And. And you know, you got Zig Ziglar, you got Stephen Covey, you got Les Brown, you've got Jim Rohn, you've got Mean. The list is long, man. There's been some really amazing motivational speakers in history. Well, he's, he's really good. I mean, he made it, he made it succinct. And, and you see these. And it's the seven steps to be a great manager or it's this. And so I was like, all right, 26 seems a bit much for kids, right? Let's. Let's try and figure out how to reduce. So what I did is I just looked across the scope of it, the span of it, and certain things that were similar. And then I drilled down and I ultimately came up, up with these eight missions in order to forge your self confidence, right? And these eight missions are. Have a positive attitude, and they're kind of sequential, but you can pick each one. Right. But the idea was that I would kind of utilize our mission training, you know, packets, all the different things, and kind of put a. Set it up in kind of like a instructional guy and ignore and kind of give it that militaristic feel step by step. This is how you do it, this is what you follow. And these are the things that if you can learn these things and employ them in your life every day in some capacity, when you get punched in the face by that Negative insurgency and knocked on your butt. You know, these are the things that can help rehabilitate your self confidence. Because I want to say too real.
- [32:07]
Jordy
Quick, is that one, is that I think it's always, always bring this up, but it's important to keep in mind all these concepts like self confidence. You know, if you're a 16 year old kid, 16 year old dude, nothing's. You haven't really had real challenges in your life. You're just confident by default. Or at least I was like, I'm invincible. Like I can literally do anything. And then it's not until you get, don't make the team, you get the bad grade, you get dumped. Do you have family issues then that's only then when you start getting it shaken. And that's the only time when having confidence matters. It's easy when nothing's going on, but.
- [32:41]
David Rutherford
It'S hard when there's.
- [32:42]
Jordy
The only point is when you have everything going against you or at least it feels that way. And I also wanted to say that it's interesting just from the start that you, you called them missions and you say it's forging your self confidence as opposed to, oh, let me just like give you this information and then you'll be confident. No, you have to frame it as a mission that you have to forge and you have to do something. Is that, that's part, that's a key part of it, right.
- [33:08]
David Rutherford
Well, prior to that, you know, as I was developing as an athlete, whether it was lacrosse or basketball or football, whatever I was passionate about, you know, it was about. The mission was the winning and the losing. It was the competitiveness in the moment of the game. Right. And so that's how I used to frame it. But when you go to buds, man, it's, it's like, no, the mission is to make it through the next 10 minutes. Right? The mission is. The mission is not like I'm going to be a world class expert as a frogman, you know, tomorrow it's more like holy cow, I got to go do log pt right now. After I've already run 4 miles, I've already swam 2 miles, I've already been gotten an additional beat down of an additional 500 push ups and I had to get wet and sandy for inspection first thing in the morning. I'm exhausted, I'm starving, my knees are killing me, my back hurts, my feet are rotten from being wet for the last four straight days and now I gotta go do log pt. How am I gonna make it through log pt?
- [34:14]
Jordy
Well, Even if you were successful with it, even if you're good at something, wouldn't they just, like, crank it up harder so you failed anyway?
- [34:20]
David Rutherford
Well, that's the object. Yeah, well, that's the thing. That's the underlying secret, I believe, of buds. Like, even when you're performing at your best, they're gonna make you feel like you fail, because that's where it matters. Can you rebuild in the moment, the moment that matters and you take a hit. How quickly can you fire and forget and move back into a ready position again? And that's the brilliance of the program because you don't have a reference for that before that. And that, what I came out to believe was really this. That's the piece where you learn about yourself is when you're. Because like you said, I mean, day in and day out, when there's no pressure on you. Yeah, I'm ultra confident. I can handle anything. And then. Okay, well, show me. All right, well, I'll show you. And then you start doing it and you start getting flustered, and then you start getting angry or frustrated or pain, and then you start feeling sorry for yourself. And that cascade can happen like, like, like that.
- [35:28]
Jordy
And you can't just tell that person to be confident. It takes. You're saying it takes practice. There's like skills you have to practice. This isn't just like a thing you learn and you're like, oh, I'm good now.
- [35:37]
David Rutherford
No, there's no. I mean, that's why I tried to say this is. You have to develop this system, a system not only to rehabilitate your. The collapse of your self confidence, to get it back up to where you can just engage, but where you can then engage, engage, engage through failure, fail, failure. Oh, success or a little piece of success. Oh, that keeps me going. That keeps me going. That keeps. And you build and you build and you build. And that's what I'm sure, you know, if you're listening, that you kind of worry about some days. I know I worry about it even now at 53 years and all I've ever done, man, I'm constantly resetting myself in these mission templates. Right? And checking myself, and my wife is checking me and Jordy checked me and, you know, and I. And. And that's what I'm trying to do is I'm just trying to give you this thing that this, this system, this idea, this process, this. This concept of forging self confidence that I've really been thinking about and trying to put into practice. And as many different environments, as you can imagine, most of them extreme environments. And, and what I've discovered as well is what works and how it works. And so let me just go through with these. Mission number one is have a positive attitude. Mission number two is to PT and live healthy. Mission number three is to motivate yourself and others. Mission number four is to earn respect. Mission number five is to set goals. Mission number six is to live with integrity. Mission number seven is mentoring to mentor or be mentored, to be mentee or mentor. And then finally mission number eight. Eight is to have fun in the process. All right, so let's just do a brief overview of these. Go through these pretty quick. All right, so, you know, mission number one, have a positive attitude. I started the self confidence piece because really the thing I saw every day was, you know, you can be riding the top of the world one day, buds, and then the next you're on the precipice of thinking you're the worst human being and you're ready to go ring that bell. And you know, I talked a little bit before in an episode before this about the importance of that bell, the metaphor of it in our lives. And so it's your choice. This is the greatest aspect about the human condition that I found. The most flexible, the greatest, the easiest thing to really do every day. And that is to just make the decision, you know, am I going to be positive, negative or neutral? And we do that every day. And then throughout each part of the day, am I going to be positive about what I eat for breakfast? Breakfast. Am I going to be positive about the, you know, the, the crap I have to take at work or on my team, or, you know, am I going to be positive in my relationship when it doesn't go my way or I don't get what I want, or am I going to be positive when I let myself down or I don't achieve a particular goal, or am I going to let the negativity of that overwhelm me and be the controlling mechanism for what stalls my momentum or what, what dismantles my motivation to be self confident? And it's a real simple question, you know, and within every mission, again, just to reference, if you haven't heard me describe this before, there are always four sub steps to all of these things, right? And the way it's designed is you take one month or four weeks to do these. You know, the overall arching mission is the concept you focus on. And then I attach these subsets that you spend one week on or you can do it in one week and it main, introduce it on a Monday. Then each step is Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, and then you finish the thing. So you know, and for instance, you know, one of the most powerful steps in, and have a positive attitude is really to figure out how to anchor your heart to your mind. Right? And what I mean about that is there were so many days in buds and I always use this picture when I give this lecture of an individual kid in surf torture. And that's where you're forced to lay down arm in arm with your teammates in the Pacific Ocean, just washing over top of you for extended periods of time. And that ocean could get as cold as 60 degrees, 58,9 degrees at least in San Diego, where we were certainly up in Northern Cal, it's a lot colder. But so you're sitting there and you're, you're, you're being. Whatever you're being punished for, you're in this, this predicament, being served, tortured. What happens? You, you, you, your mind starts telling you this ain't worth it. This sucks. I don't want to do this. I don't need to do this. Because your body is in pain. And so your body starts over, your limbic system overrides that metacognition of that image of you being a SEAL jumping out of airplanes and two or three years down the road in training. And it negates all that gets rid of it and it says, well, right now I'm miserable and this sucks and I want it to end and I can't do this. And so that piece of you, that, that heartfelt desire, the ambition, the, the dream, if you will. And, and, and listen, I, I 100% believe dreams come true. I am a, a recipient of that on multiple ways in multiple formats. I have participated with people to help them achieve their dreams in many different avenues and industry. And I've seen it just happen over and over and over and over again. It's real. But what happens when we're consumed with that pain and our confidence takes a blast. That peace in your heart that allows you to dream, it gets, you know that you override it with some kind of rational thought where you're trying to argue, argue your way out of, out of pain, right? And so, you know, if you anchor your heart to your mind and keep that dream alive in those moments, man, that's the first step. And then, you know, there's. Start every day, cold, wet and sandy. Find a swim, buddy. And then my favorite within. This is no whining Right. You know, if, and this is the thing that is absolutely beyond measure in my, my world is, you know, if you whine, you're negative. You know, Now a lot of people think they can get away with it, right, Jordy, by being sarcastic. But in any sarcastic comment, there's an underlying tone of negativity. It just is what it is, right?
- [42:18]
Jordy
It doesn't help anything.
- [42:20]
David Rutherford
It, it. I, I used to believe that a bitching sailor was a happy sailor, right? And if I was complaining, I was going to be able to get through it. Man, I'll never forget you asked my platoon mates in my second platoon when we were in Kuwait getting ready to go to combat. You know, we're driving, you know, the do these DPVs. And you know, I was a guy that didn't even know how to change oil, right? And to give you an idea of the work that required for every hour you drove in the, in the, in the desert was eight hours of wrenching on these vehicles. And they were an old VW souped up VW engine with, you know, racing components and all that. And so I remember, you know, my, my lpo, Larry, who I love, love, love you so much, Larry, deeply, you know, would be like rot. Go, go disassemble and rebuild this carburetor. And you'd hear me in the back, you know, playing, you know, rage against the Machine, you know, blank you, you can't do. Make me do it. What? I won't do what you tell me that. I forget what song that is, but I would just blast that and I'd bitch and I'd moan, you know, and, and I didn't realize the impact that, that whining psychology, but then on the people around me. So that became a big one. So these, these stories are not only based on my evaluation of training, but also my own personal responses in there too. So have a positive attitude. Mission number one. So mission.
- [43:45]
Jordy
I think about that like just the whining thing. I had to check myself all the time because now with a, with a wife and a kid, you know, what's. If we're in a stressful situation or we're dealing with something, I mean, are our, you know, when our kid was born, it was, I'll just say it was a little bit of a stressful experience, right? It was kind of a long, complicated situation. And man, you know what would have made a hard situation 100% worse is if she looked at me and I'm like, man, I'm really tired, I'm really stressed.
- [44:17]
David Rutherford
Out.
- [44:17]
Jordy
I don't really know what to do. This is hard like you did now, can you imagine how much worse I could make it with my own word?
- [44:25]
David Rutherford
I can't imagine. I've seen people do it on a.
- [44:27]
Jordy
Regular basis and I am stressed, I am tired, I am freaking out to some degree. And she looks at me and, you know, going through this and what do I say? Oh, you're good, I'm good. No, it's all good. We're fine. You're gonna be fine.
- [44:40]
David Rutherford
That's right. That's right. And so that positively, it made the situation completely different.
- [44:46]
Jordy
I go to complain, to write later on my own, like, response for human being.
- [44:51]
David Rutherford
That's awesome. So, you know, mission number two is PT and live healthy, right? And the question in this one is, are you happy with your body and your mind? And, and overwhelmingly, you know, most people, unless you're, you know, a triathlete, and usually they're even more mental about their, their performance ability than anybody else. But I mean, I'd say 99% of people on the planet are just not happy with that. And that's a normal place to be. And so, so, you know, what do we do? Right? I think one of the most fundamental aspects of self confidence is when you are physically and mentally strong. And so that is the next step, right? Have a positive attitude of what you're going to face, but then you need to physically and mentally be strong. Strength is a must. I can't overemphasize. And I think I, I've told this story before. I know I've chatted with you about it, Jordan, but, you know, when my children with my daughters, it used to be, I want my daughters to be intelligent, empathetic, beautiful human beings. And then as the world, as they grew older in the world, I came to understand the world. And as nasty as it is, and I used to believe a lot of that was just maintained or contained overseas, but now we know the, the extent of what it is in our own shores. You know, I, we, John and I added in strong. We want our children to be strong. And so we, we have a premium on making sure they take care of their bodies, they eat right, they sleep right, and then also their mind, right? Really to enhance the strength of their mind makes it real.
- [46:36]
Jordy
You know, it embodies it because you can think about, about these missions, which are good. Having confidence, taking on challenges, have a positive attitude, all great things, but there's something real about, like, I don't know if I can do this last Push up and you see yourself do the last pushup. It's real, it's in reality. And you saw it with your eyes. There's something about that that you need.
- [46:56]
David Rutherford
Well, if you think about it like, if you think about human beings in the scope of our existence on the planet, the. The fundamental reason why we were able to survive or thrive is because we could move long distances as tribes, herd of animals, we could endure the elements, right? We could figure out food intake and storing food or all of these things. And then we were able to build strong structures that could withstand things. And so that capacity, that physicality is fundamental in human experience of strength and our ability to survive and thrive. And so step one in this is your body is your church. Church. And so, you know, I always give the reference, you know, would you go into church with a, you know, your McDonald's bag and pull out your cheeseburger and drinking your coke while you're sitting there in church, right? And the metaphor is that then, then why do you do it every. Each and every day? And so, you know, just be aware and I. And figure out that if you, if you active in. In the pursuit of strength physically and mentally and the things that make you strong, right? Great sleep routines, you know, staying pain is far away from. From the toxicity of booze and drugs, right? A glass of wine, hanging out with your friends, all good every now and then, but if it overwhelms you. And I've had a lot of friends be destroyed by this. A lot of my friends are dead as a result of alcoholism or addiction. And, and I flirted with some of that myself as well, you know, but these are the ideas that you really fixate and make. Strengthen yourself, right? And the idea within that and the labor one step, four within this is training never ends. There's never a time where you're done staying strong. And so that's, that's, that's the second part of this. All right, so mission three. Motivate yourself and others, right? And the other, the, the question there is how many motivational triggers do you have? Like, what are the specific elements of relationships, of activity, of pt, of dining, of hanging out. Out. What. What are the specific moments where you feel motivated, right? And then once you're in there and you've got a good sense of yourself, right? How do you motivate others? Because that's. I'll tell you what, this was a massive component of why I actually even made it through buds, literally. I was at a moment after my second injury where the Base training officer basically said, listen, dude, what's up with you? You, you know, the, the, the doc had, had told me to drop me because of injuries. And the base training officer went over to the, you know, the warrant officer who ran PTRR and was like, hey, what about this kid Rutherford? And the, the only reason I ultimately, you know, one of the main reasons was because of this guy. Warrant officer Rewards basically told the base training officer, you know, he's a motivator. He really looks out for his teammates, and if he can make it through, he'll be a good frogman someday. And you know, that little thing that I had done because I had realized when I was in my greatest misery, when I was the most negative in my own head about my poor performance or what I was incapable of doing, what I had learned early on, playing football and all the other sports, especially as a quarterback, I'd learned that it was my job to help. Help the people around me to lift them up to get better performance. So I just employed that tactic in buds and it made me, as I started motivating others, made me forget about my own misery. And so that component of being able to motivate yourself and others, they're correlated there. It's a critical thing. And here's one of the things that so many people do is people get annoyed by motivated people, right? You're like, like, dude, shut up, all right? Don't come, don't come over here with that false motivation. Well, well, guess what? Go ahead and be that guy or that girl because it matters. It matters more than you think and even matters to the sour pusses, to the hard asses, to the negative. Nancy's over there. You know, it matters. It has an impact. And hell, step four is false motivations. Better known motivation at all. You know, one of the great aspects of special operations is when, you know, in the most miserable moment, someone, you know, makes a joke about it. That dark humor, if you will, like true misery, when someone makes a statement that's just hilarious when everybody's miserable. So, you know, surround yourself by those people, it really makes a huge thing. What's up, team? I've been writing for over 40 years. Finally, I've decided to bring to life a character that has been on my heart since my experiences of carrying a gun for a living. If you recently watched my episode with my best friend on his show, the Sean Ryan show, you heard some of my real world experiences that shaped this character. And the story of the poet warrior. Can a poet's soul survive the Crucible of War, the Poet Warrior follows Adam Ferguson, a reclusive teenage artist haunted by his father's early death as he transforms into a battle scarred Navy Seal. Through the chaos of combat, in the shadow of 9 11, Adam grapples with the raw truth of mortality. His journey is a searing odyssey of heartbreak, failure and the relentless search for identity amidst the ruins of lost loved ones. Set against the turbulent dawn of the global war on terror, this this is a story of a young man torn between his poetic heart and the hardened warrior he's become. If this sounds like a story that might pull you in, please visit my website@davidrutherford.com or click the link in the description below. And if you pre order now, your signed copy will be delivered before the holidays. Thank you very much and Godspeed. You don't need a thousand dollars to buy Bitcoin, you just need a plan. Kraken lets you set up recurring buys.
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Jordy
So you can build your position over time.
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David Rutherford
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- [57:26]
David Rutherford
Mission 4. You gotta earn respect, right? And to recognize that you're accountable for that mission every day. So many young people, I think, believe they just deserve respect because they're upright, have opposable thumbs, and a TikTok account, right? And so you literally are like, man, I deserve respect because I'm breathing. Well, I'm here to tell you that's complete bs. There's no way you deserve any. You don't nobody deserve. You don't know he owes you anything, period. End of sentence. Any way, shape form, no matter what you've gone through, nobody owes you squat. And we learn that, right? And so every day. But what am I trying to do? I'm trying to get it to the point where, just like I'm doing with you right now, listening to me on this microphone, I'm trying to earn your respect. I'm trying to tell you and share with you and be, you know, be honest with you and be open to you and to share with you so that you know that that rapport initiates that trust. Because that's what respect emerges, is built on this trust that we feel in connection with each other. That's fundamental to self confidence. Because when trust doesn't exist in your relationships, what happens? You don't feel self confidence about anything. Anything. You just don't. It's just part of it. But when you're actively engaging like we were every single day, I remember it, it was just every day I just wanted those instructors to look at me and be like, not even like, way to go, Rutherford. You know, way to go. Way to, way to take that on the chin and come back, you know, I didn't even want that. I just wanted them to look at me and not have that underlying layer of disgust on their, on their face that like, you worthless pie. Know my favorite aspect in training was, you know, you'd ask an instructor like a, a pretty poignant question about moving forward or something and they'd say, well, rot in the unlikely event that you do pass that elev, you know, evolution, you, you, you, you might get on to this, right? Not even like giving you that. And if they told you you were.
- [59:41]
Jordy
Not terrible at something, that's like about the highest compliment you could ever receive in your life.
- [59:45]
David Rutherford
Life. Well, you could Even distill it down before that. If you do something and you don't get barked at, you don't get shouted at or pointed out, no comment, just no comment is a win. I mean, that's, that's how, that's how intense it is. And so, you know, you are accountable for that. You, no one else, you're accountable to seek out the respect of the, the, the organization, the team, the relationships you're in. Your children, your friends, that's on you. And you need to be able to do that every day. And so, you know, couple ideas within. Earn respect. Number one is the most important. Just don't lie. Now, I know that's hard because we live in a society where telling lies, we, we tell them pretty regularly, pretty easily in order to protect the people we care most about. That's what most people, Most people lie and listen. Every human being lies, period. Every single person lies, lies, it doesn't matter. Brilliant guy at UPenn studied lie in a long time. Everybody lies. The place we lie the most is where we lie to ourselves most. And what that ideation of respect actually is like, oh, everybody in my, my class thinks I'm squared away. Meanwhile, you get peer reviewed and like, everybody thinks you suck. And so this illusion is destroyed. But then you're like, you double down like, no, they're just idiots. No, they're not. They're telling you something. You got to listen. You're not doing what you need to do. You're not seek, you're not doing the actions to get people's respect. You know, and the other one is the willingness for you to do the work. I don't think you get to jump in line for one type of. Because you have some plaque on the wall, right? Just because I'm a Navy SEAL doesn't mean you should carte blanc. Listen to what I have to say at all. You know, not even close. In fact, you should question what I'm telling you in a deep level and then listen to what I have to say and does it make sense? Do I have information to support it? Am I genuine in how I'm talking to you? And so that's a big thing too. Do the work and show the people to earn that respect. So that's it. All right. Mission number five. You gotta be able to set realistic goals for yourself, right? And this real question is, what's your purpose in life? Life. Now I know, like, that's the massive question. I've talked about that extensively in the past. In the last show, I did about frog logic is, you know, what is your purpose? And it's a very difficult thing to answer that question. Well, if you don't know what your purpose is, then, then set a goal on something, take aim at something, and then try and achieve that goal. And that even if it's as small as, you know what, I want to be on time in every appointment I have for the next 30 days, no matter what. In fact, you know, in Bud's, you know, the old saying is, if you're not five minutes early, you're late. Well, we in my class, we reduce that all the way down. If you ain't 15 minutes, you're early, you're late. And so that has been ingrained in me my entire existence. And think about that. You're meeting somebody important for the first time, and you show up seven minutes late, 20 minutes late, automatically you've lost their respect, right? And so the goal of that self confidence, showing up on time with steadfast, that gives you that good platform to begin on, first impression, right? And so within that, setting goals, you know, really make sure you understand how to set a good goal, proper mission planning, and then stop being fixated on the goal. I'll never forget, like it took me six months, I think, think for me to let go of the fact of all I thought about was graduating. Like in, in the best advice I've ever been given. There are a lot of people, the typical advice is just think about the next time you eat chow, right? Think about that or just think about finishing. The evolution. It got so intense for me that I reduced that all the way down is, you know, just, just think about the order I was just giving and trying to perform that order as best as I can right now in the morning moment. And as long as I slowed it down to that capacity, man, I was able to not fixate on a space that I had no idea, you know, all the steps that were included in that I was able to distill the goal down and do an attainable goal right in front of me. And that, that, that's critical.
- [64:11]
Jordy
I heard a good analogy one time that was like, if you're driving in the middle of the night, you got to drive to the next state over. You can't see to the next state, but with your headlights, you can see, you know, however many feet in front of you as you can just see that and follow the road where your headlights are. You actually do end up getting all.
- [64:29]
David Rutherford
The way there 100%. But you got to know where you're going right, that, that's, that's key. You have to have a plan of where you want to go. Don't just go drive. Although there is some aspect of, of wandering, the wander loss, and you go back to Jack Kerouac on the road.
- [64:44]
Jordy
That's different though.
- [64:45]
David Rutherford
Yeah, that's a different construct. Right. That's what, when you're really trying to find yourself and it can be this free, free roaming and then, you know, and then you can find some things but, and then at the end of your goals, make sure you debrief what you did wrong, what you did right, learn and then repeat. All right, number five. So number six, live with integrity. Out of all the virtues out there, this is one of the most important ones that I believe. And, and, and the question I ask people is, does honor guide your behavior? Right. When you do something, are you hope that there's a modicum of honor in what you're doing and why you're doing it, or is it nefarious? Is it Machiavellian? Are you trying to, what's your mo, what's your modus operandi? Right. What's your intention? Are you trying to manipulate or are you genuinely trying to achieve something that's beneficial not only for yourself, but for your team? And so Mission 6 is an interesting one. Know the difference between right and wrong. Never rest on the success of your last mission. And, and so, and there's a couple other in there too. But living with integrity is one of the primary things we really learn. Because if you don't have integrity, your teammate's not going to trust you. If your teammate doesn't trust you, he's not going to want to go to war with you. And so think about that, how you have to live up to that. And integrity is a big one. It's like in the, the photo I use is from Log pt. If your boat crew stinks and you get called out, it's usually because there's. Because when you do the Log pt, you've got this giant pole over your head. You've got your seven man boat crew and you're doing push ups with it, you're doing sit ups. Well, if, if two or three guys aren't really touching that pole and the rest of the weight disperses on the other four guys. You feel that. And so it's like, hey man, get your damn hands under the pole. And, and what's happening? Like you're faking it. You're, you don't. You're losing the integrity of, of the pain everybody else is feeling. And, and, and that's not cool. And what ultimately happens is, oh, your boat crew doesn't want to work together. We'll go get on that one over there. That's double the size. It's called Old Misery. So you go from a 300 pound thing to like a four something, 400 pound pole. And you want to talk about misery, you want to talk about integrity in that one. Nobody escapes the pain of old misery. And that's what happens if you live without integrity. It's an inevitability you will have to confront and face the pain of, of your lack of, of, of effort and integrity.
- [67:18]
Jordy
All right, go back and listen to Coach Swider's episode. It's episode early 30s. In our, in our podcast, he, he outlines integrity in such a passionate and clear and inspirational way. More than I think I've ever heard any, anybody just, just what do you believe and what do you do? Talking about auditing yourself. I think that was a brilliant explanation. If you want to listen to Coach Swider.
- [67:39]
David Rutherford
I think his encapsulation of it was the best almost I've ever heard. Yeah, absolutely. Do yourself favor re. Listen to that episode. It is phenomenal and I've seen it in action. I know men that, that played for him. I know a lot of men and these men are men of integrity. They really are, right? The justice in of the world. The, the JD's, the, the, the, all these guys, the Jonathan's, the, the Dan, I mean the Chris, all these men that played for that man. I mean they are men of integrity. And I really, really admire these guys. And what, and, and Coach Water too. All right. Mission 7 mentoring. All right. When was the last time you asked for help or when was the last time someone asked for you to help and you were able to give it? Mentoring is an essential component of self confidence. Why? Because when we fail a jam, we need help. We need to understand what we're doing wrong. But if you don't have the courage to go ask for somebody who knows, then you're going to wander in the, in, in the desert, right? And that's not what we want. And you want to be able to have somebody that can you trust, that you respect, that has integrity, that can look at you and be like, hey you, you're messing this up right now and it ain't cool, right? You're not, you're not what you think you are are because you're doing this wrong. And then you're like, wow, thank you for that. Will you tell me what I should do? And then the other beautiful aspect of this, if you go out and have mentors, and everybody should have three or four mentors in their life, Everybody. And these are real people dedicated to helping you get through life. Once you get to that place where you think you're like, all right, I think I got this. And I do this with all the young men that I mentor and I've mentored a bunch, is I say to them, the one thing that you're going to owe me at some point in your life, Life, an opportunity is going to come where you're going to have to mentor someone else. You're going to have to lean in and teach that. And it can't be your own children. It has to be. God's going to put somebody in front of your face, and you need to mentor them. And they all respond amazing with that. Because the biggest thing in mentoring step four is you got to share your life with people, right? Or what else is it for? Like, all you're learning all these incredible things, you got to share that. And I remember when I would have an instructor, like, lean into me specifically and be like, hey, Rut, you need to learn this, because I learned this. And you're like, good God, man. Thank you. That's the feeling I love to feel. Right? It was incredible. All right, mission eight, final mission is to have fun. And the question I ask is, you know, when was the last time you peed your pants from laughing so hard? Jordy, when was the last time you let a little couple drop drops fall out because you're peeing. You're laughing so hard, dude.
- [70:22]
Jordy
Laughing that hard.
- [70:23]
David Rutherford
Oh, man.
- [70:23]
Jordy
All right.
- [70:24]
David Rutherford
It's not. Pee your pants. What's the last time you snorted or you cackled or you bent over? You had a stitch in your side? When was the last time?
- [70:32]
Jordy
It was probably over a year ago, honestly, which is sad. But I remember when it was. It was just being super silly and dumb with my wife. We just got laughing about something, and that's what we do. But it was a uncontrollable laugh. Laughter. And it's. It's a rare thing, but it's. It's one of the best things.
- [70:49]
David Rutherford
I'm glad you just said it. It's a rare thing. If you're listening right now, think to yourself, when was the last time that you had that moment where laughter consumed you? Because the joy of the moment you were existing in. You want to talk about self confidence when you can be in that state and you can find humor or the, the, the interpretation of your existence or the assessment of your life or, or the reactivity of a relationship or a statement or a funny man. That's the place, that's the moment. Now those moments are few and far between obviously. And so it's critical to think about it intentionally. I want to have fun in this pursuit of this ambition. And granted you're like, what if it's really painful? I mean there were moments in buds where you must have been miserable. Yeah. But those moments I'll never forget. I, I, you know, had guy like guys like Bing would say something hilarious, man in hell week. And I just look over and I just start cracking up in the midst of my misery. And I'd be like, whoa. And Wojo and, and Adam and you know, Jeff and, and all these amazing people, Mark and, and, and I'm, you know, they would say things and they would just, that laughter would just cause an elation that would lift you above the misery and reset that self confidence to drive forward.
- [72:15]
Jordy
Probably said things you can't say on a podcast.
- [72:17]
David Rutherford
Oh, bro. That's why I'm gonna go on my friend Ryan's podcast Liberty Risk here in the next few weeks and I'll say a bunch of those, those stories there. So pay attention to the Liberty Risk podcast, right? So within the step one, obviously have fun. Laugh it off, right? If you are miserable, something's going wrong, figure out how to laugh it off. All right? We do that, that. I think special operations guys do that better than almost anybody on the planet. Why? Because it's gonna suck, right? No matter what, you gotta embrace the suck. And the easiest way to do is just laugh it off. Oh, we just got in trouble. We gotta go put on a 65 pound ruck and ruck for, for 20 clicks in the middle of the, the desert. Well, hell, this is awesome, isn't it? You know, and you laugh it off, right? And, and the other one is, is really figure out how to love yourself and to love your teammates, right? That's, that's. There's no greater sensation of fun, joy, just that, that feeling you feel when you're, when you really truly love yourself and you love your team. If you're struggling with that, find somebody who does love themselves, right? For me, my core, I go to Christ, I know Christ loves me no matter where I am. What I'm going through, what is it? That's the gift. That's the gift of his sacrifice. That's the gift of the word to me. I Know, my wife loves me. Sometimes she gets angry and a little pissed off at me, but I know she loves me. I know my children love me, you know, my friends, my family members, you know, I know that love is real. And so when you have that, when you're facing really profound, insurmountable challenges, man, that love is what drives you. It's what keeps your self confidence intact, you know, and. And I look at my teammates throughout my experience and friends of theirs and people we've lost, you know, you ask them, you know, why. Why do you. Why did they do that? Or why did they sacrifice for you? And the only answer people give is because they love me. And today, by the way, it's my brother's birthday and just want to tell him, I love you so much, man. And I just love that you're my brother, my actual brother, my blood brother. You can find him on Instagram @MrRutherford. And, you know, and I think about that. And yesterday was the anniversary of Mark Lee's death, and I watched all his close teammates from Task Force Bruiser post these beautiful tributes to him. And you could tell there was this profound love in them. They missed him. They remembered. They were able to invoke those memories of this really amazing human being. And I've had the opportunity to meet Mama Lee, Mark America's Mighty Warriors. She has a great foundation. Check that out. Mama Lee, Mighty warriors donate to it. They do amazing work. I've had a lot of friends utilize them. Wonderful. But you can see these people truly love him. And. And that's something that comes out of. That's that idea of having fun. And having fun is incorporated in the idea of love. So. So These are these eight missions. You can find these on our website at davidrutherford.com where there's a special going on right now. Go check that out. And I just, you know, self confidence is this fragile thing, and we need to have a system in place that really can help us rebuild it. The system that. But, you know, when you feel like, you know, the. The sky is falling in, the tsunami is going to hit you, whatever metaphor it is, or nobody loves you, you know, you have to have a system that you can rehabilitate that self confidence. Because without that self confidence, just like I go back to that moment with those children and I see them, and you're in an Afghanistan, and you got to realize that, you know, Afghanistan is about as impoverished as you get, get. And you hear the stories about, you know, little girls trying to go to school and being burned or being raped and little boys being, you know, the pedophilia going on in the culture, the. The eye for an eye culture that exists and you're like, how are these young people going to experience life at a higher degree? How are all the young people in America or older people that are experiencing profound mental health challenges, how are they going to experience life as we deserve it to be experienced, which is a, through a perception of a confident perspective where we can figure out what our purpose and meaning in life is. And that's by figuring out how to keep that self confidence intact on whatever battlefield that you face every single day. Again, Jordi and I feel so blessed that you listen to us, that you pay attention to the show, that you're paying attention to what we're doing and how we're trying to help. And I just. If this message hits you and you feel good and it makes a difference, just give us a shot. Head over to davidrutherford.com and check out the course forging Self confidence. We also have embrace fear and living the team life. But I, I put all this together for you because that's what my mission in life is. That's what my purpose is, is to try and take these experiences and what I've learned and to help other people. Thank you so much. God bless you. My finance guys, like, you know, we talk every day about stocks. We should just shut up and bought bitcoin. Just shut up and bought Bitcoin. Forget everything else in bank. I have all my crypto on Kraken. Dave Portnoy trusts Kraken with his crypto. So do millions of clients around the world. Download the app today. Get $10 in Bitcoin after your first trade of $10 or more. Just enter code IHEART10 under ad invite code when you sign up.
- [78:25]
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- [78:31]
David Rutherford
H Come on.
- [78:32]
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- [78:34]
David Rutherford
Long?
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David Rutherford
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Jacob Goldstein
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David Rutherford
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David Rutherford
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