The Karol Markowicz Show: Stop Trying, Start Doing: Carla Ondrasik on Taking Action and Finding Real Motivation

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Karol Markowicz Show – Stop Trying, Start Doing: Carla Ondrasik on Taking Action and Finding Real Motivation

Podcast: The Clay Travis and Buck Sexton Show (The Karol Markowicz Show)
Episode Title: Stop Trying, Start Doing: Carla Ondrasik on Taking Action and Finding Real Motivation
Host: Karol Markowicz
Guest: Carla Ondrasik (motivational speaker, author, former music executive)
Air Date: November 12, 2025

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Overview

This episode features a wide-ranging, engaging conversation between host Karol Markowicz and guest Carla Ondrasik about the pitfalls of "trying" versus the power of "doing." Carla shares insights from her new book, Stop Trying, which draws upon her experiences in the highly competitive music industry and her understanding of psychology and neuroscience. The discussion explores how people often mistake intention for action, and how shifting from "trying" to "doing" can lead to real results and fulfillment.

The tone is warm, lively, and direct, with both host and guest offering anecdotes, practical examples, and a mutual enthusiasm for helping listeners get unstuck in their personal and professional lives.

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Key Discussion Points and Insights

Carla Ondrasik’s Motivation & Background

• Transition from Music to Motivation (03:39–04:39)
  • Carla’s 25 years in the music business taught her the necessity of action over mere effort: “It’s like selling ice to Eskimos…you can’t try. You have to have a very strong mindset.” (04:39, Carla Ondrasik)
  • Childhood in Sayville, Long Island shaped her necessity to “survive and choose the high road” by acting decisively. (05:23)
• Carla’s Core Drive
  • Making others’ dreams come true has always inspired her—her career highlights include helping songwriters break onto major albums.

The “Stop Trying” Philosophy

• Reframing ‘Trying’ vs ‘Doing’ (07:34–12:06)
  • The book explores:
    • What does it really mean to “try”?
    • Why are we conditioned to favor trying over doing?
    • How does this mindset hold us back?
• Cultural Myths about Trying
  • Carla highlights how society praises “trying” as a virtue, but argues it often becomes a cover for inaction: “That trying is a brave first step, but it’s not, I’m telling you, it is anything but. It is an excuse. It is a half-hearted effort. It is hiding…” (08:28)
  • She warns that the brain even rewards us for trying, giving “little hits of dopamine,” tricking us into complacency.

Practical Parenting and Language Shifts

• On Parenting Approaches (09:04–11:19)
  • Karol reflects on the disconnect between American encouragement for “trying” and her strict Russian upbringing.
  • Carla suggests: “When you tell your kids, ‘just try your best,’ you’re giving them permission not to do it. … When you say, ‘do your best,’ ... their brain is going to go into do mode.” (09:29–09:41, Carla Ondrasik)
• Concrete Language in Real World Situations
  • Carla gives memorable scenarios where “trying” is simply not acceptable, from stopping at a stop sign to paying the mortgage. (11:13–12:06)

Overcoming Motivation Slumps and Fear

• Act First, Motivation Follows (18:47–20:03)
  • Carla counters the myth that motivation must come before action: “Motivation doesn’t prompt you to act. You act first.” (19:09, Carla Ondrasik)
  • Once you're doing the thing, the motivation catches up: “Don’t wait for the motivation.”
  • Karol responds: “Waiting for the motivation to return is the equivalent of trying.” (19:49)

The Writing Journey: Surprises & Lessons

• Learning and Vulnerability (20:12–22:06)
  • Carla admits that, despite a career of “doing,” she faced new insecurities writing her first book at 62.
  • “I didn’t realize how insecure I could be… Even just, you know, talking myself out, … there’s fear of failure and fear of success.” (21:29)

Pride, Regret, and Relationships

• What Matters Most (22:17–25:20)
  • Carla: “I choose every single day to be the best daughter, the best sister, the best mother, the best wife, the best friend…” (22:17)
  • Discusses the uniquely intense challenge of the mother-daughter relationship, and the importance of acting before regret sets in.
  • “If there’s a relationship you’re trying to work on, work on it. Do that work now. … You can’t try once the person’s gone. So do it now and do it.” (23:22–25:36)

Real-World Examples & Everyday Relevance

• The “Earworm” of ‘Trying’
  • Carla assures listeners: this shift in mindset will stick with you—“like a little earworm”—making you notice all the places you say “try” instead of “do.” (12:06–12:27)

Future Outlook & Living in the Present

• Predictions for Five Years Out (31:09–32:32)
  • Carla declines to “future trip,” emphasizing her focus on the present moment.
  • She predicts, however, a social trend toward phone-free spaces and renewed real-life connection: “...there’ll be more opportunities, more rooms where there’s no phone rooms, more limited access…” (32:03–32:19)

Carla’s Closing Advice

• Final Takeaway (32:50–33:47)
  • “Be aware. We don’t have forever. … If there’s a dream you have and you’ve been trying to make it come true, if there’s anything in your life, go do that thing. Fail and fall and win and lose, whatever it is, experience it and jump in and do it.” (32:56–33:47, Carla Ondrasik)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On the ‘try’ fallacy:
  • “Trying is an excuse. It is a half-hearted effort. It is hiding behind, it’s pretending.” (08:28, Carla Ondrasik)
• On parenting and action:
  • “When you tell your kids, ‘just try your best,’ you’re giving them permission not to do it. … When you say, ‘do your best,’ … their brain is going to go into do mode.” (09:29–09:41, Carla Ondrasik)
• On motivation:
  • “Motivation doesn’t prompt you to act. You act first.” (19:09, Carla Ondrasik)
• On regret and acting now:
  • “You don’t want to have any regrets and time is finite. … Stop trying to do those things and start doing them or you will be filled with regret.” (23:22–24:30, Carla Ondrasik)
• On living in the present:
  • “I don’t future trip and I don’t think about the past. I’m right here right now. … That’s why I really have—I’m very peaceful. I fall asleep in 30 seconds.” (31:14–31:35, Carla Ondrasik)
• Closing advice:
  • “Please, if there’s a dream you have … go do that thing. Fail and fall and win and lose … jump in and do it.” (33:25–33:47, Carla Ondrasik)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• Carla’s background & music industry insights: 03:39–07:29
• The thesis of “Stop Trying” & psychological traps: 07:34–12:06
• Language shifts in parenting, the do/try brain connection: 09:04–12:27
• On motivation, acting first: 18:47–20:03
• On writing the book, learning at any age: 20:12–22:06
• Relationships, regret, and taking action: 22:17–25:36
• Future outlook & technology: 31:09–32:32
• Carla’s final advice: 32:50–33:47

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Resources & Contact

• Carla Ondrasik’s book: Stop Trying (available wherever books are sold)
• Website: stop-crying.com
• Instagram: Carla's Instagram (for daily motivation and science-backed tips)
• Key topics on Instagram: “Eat the frog,” Zeigarnik effect, tools for shifting mindset

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This energizing conversation offers both philosophical and practical frameworks for listeners seeking to move past inertia, release the crutch of “trying,” and discover the rewards of committed action—whether in relationships, creative projects, or everyday pursuits.

Transcript

[Carla Andrasik]

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[Carol Markowitz]

Hi, and welcome back to the Carol Markowitz show on iheartradio. My guest today is Carla Andrasik. Carla is a motivational speaker, author, and a former music publishing executive whose new book, Stop Trying, helps readers turn intention into action using proven tools from psychology and neuroscience. Hi, Carla. So nice to have you on.

[Carla Andrasik]

So excited to be here.

[Guest or Co-host]

Thank you.

[Carol Markowitz]

So I think I've had some siblings on and I've had a parent and child on at different times, but you are my first. I've had your husband on the show, John Andrasik, Big fan. Five for fighting and now I'm talking to you, which I'm so excited about.

[Guest or Co-host]

Welcome.

[Carla Andrasik]

It's so much fun. I mean, just that our story keeps evolving and changing. I love that. I'm happy. You know, he's so generous. He's so supportive of me, which is great.

[Carol Markowitz]

He seems really fantastic. We've never met in person. I'm gonna have to meet you both at some point. But tell me about your new book, Stop Trying. You were in the music business and you are a speaker and an author. What made you write a book about no longer Trying?

[Carla Andrasik]

That's a very long question, but I'll edit it for you.

[Carol Markowitz]

Give us the whole story.

[Carla Andrasik]

Fast forwarding for a second. When I was in the music business for 25 years, it's like selling ice to Eskimos. I mean, there's so much competition. My job was placing songs with recording artists. So, you know, there were 10 songs on an album and there were thousands of people, and you can't try. You know, you have to have a very strong mindset. So, of course, I've been practicing this for, you know, all of my different careers that I've had. But I think my journey began as a child. I was raised on Long Island, New York. My dad was a gambler, like the classic bad boy. And I have to tell you, it was sink or swim sometimes.

[Carol Markowitz]

Where on Long Island?

[Carla Andrasik]

Sayville, Long Island, Suffolk County. And, you know, I mean, it was pretty crazy. Loving parents. But sometimes it got a little weird.

[Carol Markowitz]

And a little Crazy roller coaster ride, I'm sure.

[Carla Andrasik]

Absolutely. And I was put into situations that were precarious and pretty much left on my own to figure it out. And that's where I began to realize, look, I can't half heart my way out of this. I gotta do the best I can. I have to choose the high road. I have to, you know, survive. So. So that was pretty much, you know, cemented then. And then. I've always chosen things, careers and jobs where you have to act. You can't just hide behind, you know, you can't hide behind something else and pretend you're doing something and, you know. So, yeah, I was. It was a combination of two things. This. This book and this gift that I've given everybody. It really embodies who I am. The not trying person who's all in. Yeah. The person who loves to motivate. So I. My. My thing that gets me so excited is making somebody else's dream come true and motivating people. And I do it all the time. I discovered John. I heard his voice wall. Yeah, I heard it through a wall at Motown Records. I heard that voice and said, that needs to be on the radio. And as a publisher, I would work with songwriters whose dream was to get on Barbra Streisand's record, or Huey Lewis or Christina Aguilera or Mariah Carey. And that's what I did. I made those. I got them on the charts. I got their songs on the radio. So this really embodies motivation. Making dreams come true and delivering a powerful message of how to achieve those things for yourself.

[Carol Markowitz]

So is there a step one in the stop trying effort?

[Carla Andrasik]

Absolutely. Step one is becoming aware that there is a difference. So the book is basically, what does it Mean to try? So what does it mean? What do we think it means? Okay, then why do we do it in the first place? How that hurts us and how to move forward. So the first step, we throw that word around we think we're doing, when we're trying, it kind of makes us feel good. Oh, I'm trying to. Yeah. Yeah. I'm trying to build my business. I'm trying to work on my marriage, trying to spend more time with my kids, you know, trying to lose weight, trying to quit vaping, trying to quit smoking. We're fooling ourselves, Right? And that actually makes me sad because there are people that fool themselves for decades or their whole life. They try really hard, and it's not their fault because we're taught to try. We are taught that try harder, try Again, give it a try. That trying is a brave first step, but it's not, I'm telling you, it is anything but. It is an excuse. It is a half hearted effort. It is hiding behind it's pretending. And our mind even messes with us. It even fools us by giving us like little hits of dopamine because we're trying. Yeah, Your brain's thinking, you know, I'm doing it a little bit. Nah. A little bit. But yeah, yeah.

[Carol Markowitz]

We're taught to praise our kids for trying also. I'm thinking about this, you know, I'm, I was born in the Soviet Union. Russian parenting, it's not very cozy. And it doesn't really, you know, if you get a 90, it's like, why didn't you get 100? And it's funny because in all the parenting stories told to say to your kids, like, well, at least you tried. And I'm like, you didn't, you didn't actually do this. Well, so do it. Do it better next time.

[Carla Andrasik]

Yeah, do it better. When you tell your kids, you know, just try your best, you're giving them.

[Carol Markowitz]

You'Re giving them permission not to do it. Really?

[Carla Andrasik]

An option. It's actually an option, right? It's a maybe. But when you say, when you tell your kids, do your best now their brain is going to go into do mode. So the try mode and the do mode are completely different. And your brain actually lights up brighter. You get so much more energy, it's a physical thing. Than when you say you're going to try. And guess what? If they do their best and they fail just by saying do your best, you don't expect the A. You're not expecting success every time. But when that kid does their best and they study another hour, you know what? I'm not gonna try my best. I'm doing this. They're sitting up straighter, their voice gets louder, they're feeling empowered. They're gonna study, you know, in the morning on the bus, or they're gonna late at night instead of playing games, I'm doing my best. Right? And they still don't get an A. They walk away going, I have pride in myself.

[Carol Markowitz]

I worked. Yeah.

[Carla Andrasik]

I did everything I could. And that is monumental, right?

[Carol Markowitz]

Because I tried. It could just mean studying for five minutes. You still tried. You still, you know, and you don't.

[Carla Andrasik]

Say to your kids, right? So we already know this. I want us to become aware. So the first step that you asked me was to become aware. Consciously aware. You already know. You already know that Trying is not a good option. So how old are your children?

[Carol Markowitz]

15, 12 and 9.

[Carla Andrasik]

Okay. That 15 year old is going to be driving out of your driveway in.

[Carol Markowitz]

Your car very soon because Florida is pretty young. She already has her learner's permit.

[Carla Andrasik]

It's so scary. So when they do that, you're not going to stand there and go, try to stop at the stop sign.

[Carol Markowitz]

Right, Right. That's a great point.

[Carla Andrasik]

Right. Try to drive slowly. Try not to be distracted. No way. It's stop. Do not turn the radio on. There's no try. And when you go to lie pain medication, you don't look for the thing that says we're going to. We try. It's relieves it faster, better than anyone else.

[Carol Markowitz]

Right.

[Carla Andrasik]

We don't accept. Try. You're not allowed to try to pay your mortgage or try to pay your rent.

[Carol Markowitz]

Try not to have an affair. Try. Yeah, you're. You're absolutely right. You have to actually just do those things.

[Guest or Co-host]

All of it.

[Carla Andrasik]

Try to get to the gate. The. Like, we want to try to take off at night. Businesses couldn't run on trying. So we already know. And bringing it to our conscious is the first step. And let me tell you, you might hate me after this podcast because it's like a little earworm that you're like, oh, gosh, you know, I love that.

[Carol Markowitz]

Yeah, I think I need that earworm.

[Guest or Co-host]

Actually.

[Carol Markowitz]

I. You know, you go through phases in your life where you're. You feel more motivated than other times. I would say I'm in a little bit of a dip with motivation. And I like the idea of I'm not going to try to write my substack, which I am bad at getting it done. I'm going to go do it. I like that.

[Carla Andrasik]

So, you know, that's so interesting. So you can be super successful in many parts of your life. The greatest mom. You have this incredible platform, right? You're a doer, you're intelligent and you're strong and you do. But then there's another area in your life where you choose to try. So you have to ask yourself, why am I. Why have I been trying to do the sub stack? Like, what's the thing that's holding me back? Am I afraid it's going to fail? No one's going to sign up. Am I afraid?

[Carol Markowitz]

It's Nicarla. It's all of that.

[Carla Andrasik]

So address those things. And boy, fear is. If I could flip your mind, if I. My next book could be about how great fear is, but there've been many books written about it. It's the greatest thing. If it doesn't work now, you know, now you won't regret not finishing it because you were afraid to. And fear will teach you, you know. Failure will teach you so many lessons.

[Carol Markowitz]

We're going to take a quick break and be right back on the Carol Markowitz Show.

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[Carol Markowitz]

Were there any surprises in writing?

[Carla Andrasik]

Stop trying oh my gosh so much. One other thing I want to say when you just said, you know I'm not feeling very motivated right now. Anybody that's listening if you're feeling that and it happens, Right?

[Guest or Co-host]

Sure.

[Carla Andrasik]

We think that we have to wait for the motivation to begin, right?

[Carol Markowitz]

Yes, that is absolutely right. It doesn't come back on its own.

[Carla Andrasik]

Actually, it's the opposite, though. Motivation doesn't come first. Motivation doesn't prompt you to act. You act first. You know, what do you. You think, I love going to the gym every day? No, you act first. First. And then when you start doing it, you're like, wow, this feels good. I want to do this again. Because once you're finally doing something, then you realize this wasn't so bad. I created this monster in my head. Now that I'm at the gym, I'm loving seeing all these people, and I'm loving working out. I love the way it feels. I love. So don't wait for the motivation.

[Carol Markowitz]

Right.

[Carla Andrasik]

Act first and then see how you feel. And you're.

[Carol Markowitz]

That's the whole thing, the whole, don't try, just do it. It's the motive. Waiting for the motivation to return. The equivalent of trying. I'm trying. I'm waiting around to feel like wanting to do this, and it never comes.

[Carla Andrasik]

So I love that.

[Carol Markowitz]

I really do. I'm going to implement it in my own life, for sure. So tell me about the surprises while writing this book.

[Carla Andrasik]

I've been fascinated with this word, and I've been collecting information. I've had study groups with people. I've been nurturing people based on it. But I didn't know that I was gonna write a book about it. I had an inkling of an idea, like, how will I get this message out? So the surprising thing was how much the universe brought the opportunities to me, and the fact that, you know, somebody else was like, yeah, this is a great idea. My agent, we can do this. And getting the publishing deal was so surprising. And then everything about it has been a surprise and a learning process for me. I've never written a book. I had to learn how to write a book. I had to learn how important social media is with Instagram and Twitter and all of it. It's just been overwhelming. But I think most surprising is how much I feel like I still have the capacity to learn and enjoy learning something new. I'm 62. I had the huge career.

[Carol Markowitz]

You look super.

[Carla Andrasik]

I'm 62. My kids are launched. They're gone. And I'm have all this room to do this, you know? It's amazing.

[Guest or Co-host]

Yeah.

[Carol Markowitz]

And you didn't try. You just did.

[Carla Andrasik]

Yeah. And the insecurity about it. I'm, I'm. I'm. I'm the no try girl, right? I'll just jump in and take care of whatever it is. But oh my gosh, I didn't realize how insecure I could be, you know, like, you know, just kind of terrified. Wow, now what am I doing? And even just, you know, talking myself out, you know, there's fear of failure and fear of success. Like, what if this actually happens? What am I going to have to be doing? So many surprises.

[Carol Markowitz]

Fear of success is something that people don't really talk about it. Getting what you want is terrifying.

[Carla Andrasik]

It is, it really is. It's crazy. It's. It's a crazy thought. But, you know. Yeah.

[Carol Markowitz]

What are you most proud of in your life?

[Carla Andrasik]

I'm most proud of you. I had a little time to think about this question and that I choose because it's a choice. I choose every single day to be the best daughter, the best sister, the best mother, the best wife, the best friend. I choose that I want to be so great for everybody in my life and I go out of my way to put other people, you know. Yeah, I wouldn't say first, but, you know, special and treat them so special. So I'm really proud that I choose to be that person every single solitary day.

[Carol Markowitz]

It's amazing. I. I love that you started with daughter. Like, you know, I have to say that's probably the one I have to work on the most. But is that, is that one just more challenging? Is that why it's at the forefront of your mind?

[Carla Andrasik]

Is it the mother, daughter relationship? It's the most difficult relationship on the planet.

[Carol Markowitz]

Yeah.

[Carla Andrasik]

And, you know, I think we all have difficult mothers, whether they're an amazing mom or not. And yeah, there is a reason I put that first. And it is the most challenging probably in my entire life. And I mean, you've just get some books about it and read about, read about why, because that'll help you to become better. And I have to say, regret is a terrible thing. You don't want to have any regrets and time is finite. So if there's a relationship you're trying to work on, work on it. Do that work now. Because you don't know how much time you have and you don't want to regret that. This is, this is the try message right here in everything. Start that business, have that relationship, spend more time. Stop trying to do those things and start doing them or you will be filled with regret. The negative self talk comes in. I'm a loser, I'm weak. It's never going to happen for Me, I can't have that.

[Carol Markowitz]

You really know, huh?

[Carla Andrasik]

Yes. And that's just your brain. You can have those things. And by the way, I just want to say what you do has nothing to do with the outcome of the other person. So just because you do all the work and you make the efforts and you don't half heart your way into your mother's heart, it doesn't mean that she's going to reciprocate that.

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

Right?

[Carol Markowitz]

I'm very close to my mom. I shouldn't have phrased it that way.

[Carla Andrasik]

No, no, I know. It is the most.

[Carol Markowitz]

Like when.

[Carla Andrasik]

When I.

[Carol Markowitz]

When I list the things that I feel, the relationships that I think I'm good at, I start with, I'm a great mom. I'm a great wife. I'm a great friend. I'm a great sister, like down at the very bot. A great daughter. And the fact that you started with that is what was interesting to me.

[Carla Andrasik]

And, you know, maybe somebody listening, maybe it is a big thing for them. But, yeah, if you. You have to do those things so that you're not filled with regret, whatever that person is for you, that's.

[Carol Markowitz]

I think that's so important. And. And it goes back to your stop trying message.

[Carla Andrasik]

Right.

[Carol Markowitz]

It's like you. You can't try once the person's gone. So do it now and do it.

[Carla Andrasik]

Well, and you won't have the regret. There's a piece in the book, I tell a story, and this really. It happens to me all the time, but I was sitting in a restaurant, you know, the tables are close together, and this is after Covid now they're, like, close again.

[Carol Markowitz]

Right, right.

[Carla Andrasik]

And I heard these two women talking, and she was saying, I'm just. Just, you know, I've been trying so hard to get closer to my sister, and I just feel like there's nothing that I can do and I'm just gonna give up. And I wanted to just leap across the table and tell her, what have you been doing? What is trying? Right. What are you doing to. You know, this is the most incredible relationship. I'm so close with my sisters. You know, I'm one of three. So anyway, yeah, it's. It's all around us.

[Carol Markowitz]

But you didn't leap across the table.

[Carla Andrasik]

I didn't. I zipped my mouth up.

[Carol Markowitz]

We're going to take a quick break and be right back on the Carol Markowitz Show.

[Guest or Co-host]

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[Carol Markowitz]

Give us a five year out prediction and it could be about anything at all.

[Carla Andrasik]

That's a hard one for me because I truly live in this moment. I do. I, I, I, I, I don't future trip and I don't think about the past. I'm right here right now.

[Carol Markowitz]

Amazing. How do you manage it?

[Carla Andrasik]

I that's why I really have I'm very peaceful. I fall asleep in 30 seconds.

[Guest or Co-host]

Wow.

[Carla Andrasik]

It's just I'm right here. I don't think about anything else. So. So for me to future trip, I'd say the thing that I see around me is that we're less connected. Everybody's got their face in their phone. When you're in the waiting room, when you're at the airport, when you're at the car wash, when you're at the spa. Like wherever you are, everybody's like this and I want to talk to people.

[Carol Markowitz]

Right? I love talking to people.

[Carla Andrasik]

Love it. Like I just want like put your Phone down. And so I feel like the five year prediction is going to be there'll be more. What does not exist now. There'll be more opportunities, more rooms where there's no phone rooms, more limited access to.

[Carol Markowitz]

You'll have more cachet, I think, to be off your phone. Like, it'll be cooler.

[Carla Andrasik]

Yeah, it'll be, yeah. Old school again. Like, let's talk to each other. That's my five year prediction. I hope that comes true.

[Guest or Co-host]

I love that.

[Carol Markowitz]

That's actually, I haven't heard that one yet. And that's a really, really interesting one. Carla, this has been amazing. I love talking to you. I can't wait to read. Stop trying. Leave us here with your best tip for my listeners on how they can improve their lives.

[Carla Andrasik]

Get my book.

[Carol Markowitz]

Oh, yeah, step one, get Carla's book. Stop trying. Stop trying and go buy it.

[Carla Andrasik]

Go to the website, stop-crying.com and go to my Instagram because every single day there are wonderful. You'll look at it and go, oh my gosh. I never knew about eat the frog. I never knew about the Zeigarnic effect. I never knew. And these are all things that are like science backed studies for our brain with regard to trying. But my best advice for everybody is be aware. We don't have forever. We think we do. Time is finite. Please. If there's a dream you have and you've been trying to make it come true, if there's anything in your life, go do that thing. Fail and fall and win and lose, whatever it is, experience it and jump in and do it. That's what my best advice is. I love it.

[Carol Markowitz]

Thank you so much. She is Carla Andrasik. Check out her book. Stop trying. Buy it anywhere. Books are sold. Thank you so much for coming on, Carla.

[Carla Andrasik]

Thank you, Carol. Well, it's been awesome.

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

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[Carla Andrasik]

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[Carla Andrasik]

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[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

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