The Tudor Dixon Podcast: Men Explained (Finally): Understanding How Guys Think, Feel, and Love with Tom Sturges

Summary

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Podcast Summary

The Clay Travis and Buck Sexton Show – The Tudor Dixon Podcast: "Men Explained (Finally): Understanding How Guys Think, Feel, and Love" with Tom Sturges

Date: October 13, 2025
Guests: Tudor Dixon (Host), Tom Sturges (Author of "Men Explained: Finally")

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Main Theme:

This episode, featuring author Tom Sturges, dives into understanding the core psychology, emotional landscape, and relational habits of men. The conversation, rooted in Sturges’ new book, aims to demystify how men think, feel, and love — with special insights for women, parents of boys, and anyone invested in building better cross-gender understanding.

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Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. The Core of Male Psychology: The "14-Year-Old Boy" Theory

• Sturges’ Central Argument:
  • Tom likens men’s underlying psychological makeup to that of a 14-year-old boy, suggesting that men, regardless of age, operate from a fundamental adolescent perspective.
  • Quote:

    "We’re 14-year-olds and we hop into the seat and we’re pulling levers and making our eyes blink and telling jokes, but a 14-year-old is running everything." (Tom Sturges, 01:02)

• Supporting Analogies:
  • Tudor shares her mother’s "Peter Pan syndrome" view of men, which Sturges affirms.

2. Praise and Appreciation: The Secret to a Man’s Motivation

• Importance of Praise for Men:
  • Men thrive on adulation more than just simple compliments; small acknowledgments (e.g., praising a freshly mowed lawn) deeply motivate.
  • Quote:

    “You say those words, that guy will basically do whatever you need the rest of the day.” (Tom Sturges, 03:18)

• Comparison to Women's Needs:
  • Women enjoy compliments for their looks or successes; men crave recognition for actions and achievements.

3. Comparison Culture: Men vs Women

• Men Compare Monentary Success, Women Compare Appearance:
  • Tudor observes, “Women are comparing wrinkles, men are comparing money.” (03:51)
  • Tom discusses the impact of social media and AI on increasing insecurities for young men, but maintains that the basics of male psychology remain constant—craving simplicity and straightforwardness.

4. Simplicity and Compartmentalization in Male Thinking

• Emotional Categories:
  • Tom distills male emotions to happy, sad, and angry.

    “We have three feelings: Happy, sad, and angry. And everything can fit into one of those categories.” (Tom Sturges, 07:02)

• Compartmentalization:
  • Men keep work, relationships, mistakes, and achievements in separate “boxes”—a key to their emotional survival.

    “If all our stuff started to mix together, which I think…women are much more one huge box…that’s not the case for us.” (Tom Sturges, 10:29)

5. Being Needed, Not Commanded: A Man’s Desire to Serve

• How to Ask Men for Things:
  • Men are happy to help if asked nicely, but resent being ordered.

    “If you ask us nicely, we will do almost anything that’s interesting.” (Tom Sturges, 08:26)

• “Nagging” vs. Requesting:
  • Tone matters; gentle requests elicit better results than critical demands.

6. Falling in Love: The Visual Emphasis

• Men Fall for “The Face”:
  • Men fall in love visually, with the face as a primary attractor, and remain attached to that visual image.
  • Quote:

    “We fall in love with the face first and everything else proceeds after that.” (Tom Sturges, 17:12)

• Resistance to Change:
  • Men generally dislike when partners change their appearance drastically, preferring consistency.

7. On Cosmetic Changes and Social Pressures

• Women Modify for Other Women:
  • Tom suggests much beauty modification is to impress other women, not men; men often prefer natural looks.
  • “If you want to play the game...keep him interested...don’t change anything. Be exactly that person every day.” (Tom Sturges, 21:17)
• Societal Friction:
  • Sturges notes men are now hesitant to even compliment women due to cultural sensitivities.

8. Connection and Compliments in Modern Dating

• Challenges for Young People:
  • Cultural shifts make it hard for men to compliment women or for women to admit wanting marriage and children.
• Parents’ Role:
  • Encourage daughters to feel good about genuine male compliments; remind boys and girls that natural connection is okay.
• Simple Strategy for Women:
  • To know if a man is interested, “Just get your face in front of his face for a couple seconds.” (Tom Sturges, 26:53)
  • Notable pick-up line: “Excuse me, have you seen my husband?” (Tom Sturges shares stories at 27:00–29:05)

9. Audience for Sturges’ Book

• Designed for Women (But Valuable for Men):
  • Aimed at demystifying men for women to foster better relationships.
  • Tudor emphasizes it also helps men understand themselves and reflect on what they need.

    “You did a great job of getting into the depth that most men cannot not get into…to look at that and go, oh, this is what I’m expecting, right?” (Tudor Dixon, 31:55)

10. The Power of Whispering and Gentle Communication

• Whispering vs. Yelling:
  • Sturges recommends “whispering when upset” as a way to defuse conflict and draw men closer, leveraging their lasting attachment to a partner’s affectionate tone.

    “The key to a great love affair is when you get upset, to whisper…when you whisper at somebody, they lean in. They can’t help it.” (Tom Sturges, 33:30)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “We’re a three-piece jigsaw puzzle…and you go, ‘Oh, those three…that does fit together. That’s who he is.’” (Tom Sturges, 05:23)
• “For a woman…you kind of relive that scenario and you think about how you could have changed it…men…push that all the way over here.” (Tudor Dixon, 11:59)
• “The greatest mystery of his life is this: How could a woman fall in love with me? Does she not see that I am a child?” (Tom Sturges, 16:35)
• “Women are doing a lot of that stuff [cosmetic changes] for the other women.” (Tom Sturges, 23:09)
• “Just get your face in front of his face for a couple seconds and that man’s reaction will tell you everything you want to know.” (Tom Sturges, 26:53)
• “We love it. We’re kids. What kid doesn’t want to get praised?” (Tom Sturges, 38:08)
• “Let’s do a Zoom. Your girls and me…let them ask and go, ‘OK, what about this?’” (Tom Sturges, 39:40)

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Important Timestamps

• 00:00–02:33: Introduction, Tom Sturges’ book and the "14-year-old boy" theory
• 03:18–05:23: Praise, adulation, and comparison tendencies
• 07:02–10:29: Simplified male emotions and compartmentalization
• 16:35–18:38: Falling in love—the visual emphasis for men
• 22:57–24:39: Social pressures, compliment taboos, and comparison culture
• 26:53–29:05: Practical advice on male attraction and memorable pick-up lines
• 31:55–34:46: Book’s audience, gift for self-understanding, and the “power of whispering”

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Summary Tone and Takeaways

The tone throughout is playful, vulnerable, and sincere. Both host and guest laugh about “Tom Science” but emphasize the real-life impact of Sturges’ insights, reinforced by personal anecdotes. The conversation demystifies male behavior while highlighting the simplicity, compartmentalization, and need for praise that often frustrates women. Sturges and Dixon hope the book (and episode) will help relationships by encouraging honest praise, gentle communication, and an acceptance of fundamental differences—especially among the next generation.

Final thoughts:

• “Lay it on thick, baby. Come on. That suit looks amazing...We love it. We’re kids. What kid doesn’t want to get praised?” (Tom Sturges, 38:08)
• Both encourage older and younger listeners alike to bring kindness, patience, and praise back into relationships and social norms.

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Where to find Tom Sturges’ book “Men Explained: Finally?”

• Available on Amazon.
• Sturges created the artwork with a friend; he encourages readers to leave a review.

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Memorable Closing:

• Tudor Dixon: “I want you to go out and talk to everyone…I will be talking to [my daughters] about this.”
• Tom Sturges: “Let’s do a Zoom…let them ask and go, OK, what about this?” (39:40)

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Transcript

[Tutor Dixon]

This is an I Heart podcast. Welcome to the Tutor Dixon podcast. Today is going to be a good episode because we are going to learn about men. We, for men out there, we're listening, we're learning about you. This is for, for men too, I think, because men, you're going to hear that. I guess what you're doing is good and it's okay because we have an expert. We've got Tom Sturgis here with us and he just is releasing his new book, Men Explained Final. Tom, thanks for joining me.

[Tom Sturgis]

Thank you so, so much for having me. I appreciate the opportunity to discuss this. One of my favorite topics.

[Tutor Dixon]

I mean, you go into great detail and it's all awesome because you are explaining men in such a simple way. But I think in a way that we as women really need to hear because we expect so much different behavior from you than you are giving us. And now we know we can read this and understand.

[Tom Sturgis]

I've tried to decode this like a Rosetta stone so that you can go, oh, wait a second, he's a 14 year old boy and understand that that is our basic operating system. My view of this is that we're 14 year olds and we hop into the seat and we're pulling levers and making our eyes blink and telling jokes, but a 14 year old is running everything.

[Tutor Dixon]

My mom used to constantly say that men suffered from Peter Pan syndrome. So that, that makes a lot of sense. Actually, as I'm reading through this, it makes a lot of sense to me. But I mentioned to you that I have, I have four girls. I have two 12 year olds, one 14 year old, one 16 year old. So as I'm watching them around, these boys and I just yesterday when I went to pick up my 12 year olds, I said to my mom, it's so amazing to me how much different they are from 12 to 14. Because when I picked up 8th grader last year, just at the end of the year, you see these boys really taking on traits of men. And then I read this and I'm like, okay, well maybe that's like, that's who they become.

[Tom Sturgis]

They are the boy that the, the 9th and 10th grader. That's them for the whole rest of the rest of the ride. It's like the cookies came out of the oven and they, they're being served that way every day. So yes, I, to me that's, that's the case. And by the way, thank you for four. Four girls. How fantastic.

[Tutor Dixon]

Well, thank you. I think they're fantastic. So I so this was really an interesting read for me because I'm like, okay, come on, give it to me. I don't get it. I want to know for myself, I want to know for my daughters. But really, a lot of what I. I enjoyed the vulnerability that you had in this book and the ability to say that men need this. This, I guess praise was kind of an overall theme that. I mean, that's what I got from it as a mom, as a wife. I looked at this and I went, you know, I guess I should be pointing out when even you commented on even mowing the lawn, like, oh, the yard looks incredible like a golf course.

[Tom Sturgis]

Oh, boy. I'm telling you, you say those words, that guy will basically do whatever you need the rest of the day. And it's true. Women, and this is just my perception, of course, my kids call it Tom Science. I have three bo, by the way. But women like, Women like to be complimented. Your hair looks great. You did a wonderful job on the radio today. But men, we want to be. We want adulation. We really do. So, yes. Compare the front lawn to a golf course. Fantastic.

[Tutor Dixon]

From my perspective, I liked the part where you said, okay, well, women are comparing wrinkles. Men are comparing money. And I mean, that's true. And I do think that we are in a strange world right now. Well, I was just reading something today, an article that came out that said young men are. And right about that age of 14, are being pushed by social media into, like, concerns about looks and concerns about figure and muscles and all these things that I don't know that they were. When I was young, I think it really was career and success. And so the money versus wrinkles thing made sense to me.

[Tom Sturgis]

Right. It is a different world because we have the Internet. And that Internet world is about to get crazy because of AI. And so as I know, if you were around and paying attention in the early 80s when people started, when the Internet was this thing and, you know, aol.com and you actually dialed up and the revolutionary change that that gave the world AI is going to take that and put it on steroids. So boys are going to be confronted with, you know, big, strong men and getting waxed and all that other nonsense. But still, if they're basic, they're kids, you know, and from my standpoint, we are such simple beings, right? And I think the women in our lives add look for the complication. Like, it can't be this simple. It can't. You can't.

[Tutor Dixon]

It's not possible.

[Tom Sturgis]

And I'm telling You. We are. It's. I say in the book that we're a three piece jigsaw puzzle. And you go, oh, those three. Oh, look. Yeah, that does fit together. Yep, there it is. That's who he is. And I think that that's who we all are.

[Tutor Dixon]

But you can kind of even see it in the way art is formed for men and women. Men like movies that are about war, about things that are very cut and dry. There's not a lot of deeper meaning. It's. It's. One side wins, the other side loses. That's. That is how men think. You look at movies that are geared toward women and it's like all this emotion and what. And there's a lot of discussion. We actually, over the. Or I guess it was last week, there was. There's a university in Michigan called Cornerstone University, and they have these things called wisdom conversations. And they had a conversation about family. And one of the people on the panel was a lifelong feminist. And so she was probably right at the height of the feminist movement, came out as a professor and kind of a philosopher in feminism. And she made the point that we have gotten to this place where we've told men who, you have to be feminized. You have to be feminized, but that's not a natural feeling for men to be feminized. And she said, they did a study years ago where they had men and women in therapy and they talked to women and they said, you know, tell us about your feelings and how did it feel to talk about your feelings and all of this. And women went into this great detail and they said to men, do you want to talk about your feelings? And they were like, why would I do that?

[Tom Sturgis]

Exactly. The way I look at it, we have three feelings. Happy, sad, and angry. And everything can fit into one of those categories. Our team wins the super bowl, yay. We're happy, and we'll run out and chest bump the neighbor who we haven't spoken to in three years. We approach it in such a different way as women. And I would object to that feminist. I'm sure she has all her ideas all worked out, but I think we change very badly. I think this is one of the things we do worst, is if somebody comes and says, you know what I need you to do differently, panic sets in because we're barely who we are. You have to understand this is constructed with duct tape and paper clips and spit and glue. This image that we present to the world and to somebody to come go, you know, I need you to do this differently. It's. It's, you know, panic sets in.

[Tutor Dixon]

But you also made the point that men want to do things. They want to be needed. It seemed like there was a way to have that conversation. If it is saying, you know, I need you in this way. There's this desire to be needed and come in and kind of saved the day. Kind of that caveman feeling of, I've got to provide. I've got to provide these certain things.

[Tom Sturgis]

And in my understanding of it, and I think this is universal. And every guy who listens to this right after I say what I'm about to say will go like, huh, Yep, that's true. And that. That is this truth that if you ask us nicely, we will do almost anything that's interesting.

[Tutor Dixon]

I guess it. So does it. When we ask, does it feel like we're nagging? I mean, honestly, I think, well, if.

[Tom Sturgis]

It'S an order or it's a command or you haven't met my expectations, where that's. That. That doesn't work. But if you. You want. Let's say you want somebody to take the kids to the park and run around, sweetheart, could I ask you something, please? And. And just ask us nicely. And we're like, absolutely. Because we do want to be needed, but we don't want to be told what to do.

[Tutor Dixon]

I love the way you explain compartmentalizing things, too, because I. This is. It's interesting. I didn't really realize this about men until I was in my 20s. I think my a. She got an internship at my dad's office. So my mom was like. She was the. She was the punisher. She was like the. She was the scary person at the house. And my dad was the happy go lucky. Like, he was fun. He would play with us.

[Tom Sturgis]

14 year old.

[Tutor Dixon]

Yeah, exactly. Exactly. So the dad at home was like, this amazingly sweet. And my mom, she. He just let my mom rule the house, right? And anything my mom said went. And no matter whether he agreed with the situation or not, it was always. Your mom's always right. And it was the most frustrating thing as a kid. And then my sister went to. She got an internship at his office, and she went in there, and one of the ladies was like, we feel so bad for your mom. And she was like, why? Why? And she's, oh, your daddy's, like, so serious. And she was like, oh, not feel bad for my mom. She's rough. You know, like, we had seen a totally different side, but the compartmentalization, like, he was a different person. At work.

[Tom Sturgis]

Completely different and different with every relationship at work. So I promise you he could have a day long argument with one of his vice presidents about something and then go out later that night and play poker and have a great time and have a wonderful evening. Because it's two separate boxes. There's the box of me, the boss. There's the box of me, the dad. There's the box of me, the fan of the football team. And I think that's key to our survival as men because if all our stuff started to mix together, which I think, I don't know, of course, but I think women are much more. One huge box with everything like bumping into each other and rolling around and, and that's not the case for us. We are, we are these little boxes. And for every man there is, there are things that he has done. I know for, for me, for example, I remember asking a woman when her baby was due, it turns out she wasn't pregnant. And it's one of those, it's this like the cringiest, it's. I mean, I'm cringing now remembering that and the look on her face and what an idiot. I felt like that's in its own little box. Stupid things I've said. That's in its own box. And I push that all the way over here. But my good deeds and the great things I've done, that box is right here. And I'm ready to pull things out and show people at a moment's notice.

[Tutor Dixon]

But see, that's the, that is the difference because for a woman that you, you kind of relive that scenario and you, you think about how you could have changed it or conversations. You come home from work and those things stay with you. And, and that was another thing that this woman, the, the feminist said. She was like, you know, if a man is asked, well, when you relived the conversation, they just kind of look at you like, why would I have done that?

[Tom Sturgis]

Exactly. It's in the box. I'm already done with that. I'm ready to, I'm ready to go, go see some basketball. What. What do. But that's the idea of the simplicity. To me, if women were airplanes, you guys would be F14s with a couple of sidewinders and your own refueling plane above you. We are a couple of, you know, a piece of paper folded over with a paperclip at the front. We are, we are, we are that vastly different in our approaches and the way we travel through the world.

[Tutor Dixon]

Hey, stick around. We've Got more with Tom Sturges.

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[Tutor Dixon]

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[Tutor Dixon]

Now stick around. We've got more right after this.

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[Tutor Dixon]

So how do you find one of us that you suddenly connect to? I mean, I think that's the, the worldwide question of, of all time is that men and women eventually come together and we're meant to be together, but how do we find that person that makes sure that those characteristics fit the other characteristics? And you say that men have three basic needs and they're fun, appreciation and reward. And I say, as a woman, I think that that's what you are looking for as well. You're trying to find that person that when you connect with them, the things you do together are fun and you look up to them.

[Tom Sturgis]

Yes, exactly. But you asked such a great point. How does it ever fit together where you find that person? And if I can keep my 14 year old mind to be able to answer this in two parts, I will. First of all, to me, every man's great mystery, the greatest mystery of his life is this. How could a woman fall in love with me? Does she not see that I am a child? Does she not see that I am immature? Does she not see that I only have three emotions? How is it possible? And because we have no idea, that's where the games begin. We pretend that we're completely in charge of everything. When's the last time you saw a guy who wasn't in charge of everything around him, even though he's not in charge of anything that's around him? It's part of the game that we play, right? Is that that's how, that's how we have to proceed. So the mystery being you fell in love with me. I mean, why? How? But so set that aside. And then the great question, and I think I answered this in my writing, is how do we fall. How do we fall in love? And the answer is that we fall in love with the face first and everything else proceeds after that. You might think it's your hair or it's that nice dress or it's the face and we've been telling women this for years and years and years. There's Marlow talking about the face that launched a thousand ships. And there's Shakespeare wishing he was a hand on. He was a glove on the hand that Juliet is resting her cheek on. And songs like you're Beautiful and Billy Joel, Just the Way youy Are. And we've been saying it over and over, and it really is the case that we fall in love with the face first. And if we find that face, we fall in love with it again every day, over and over and over.

[Tutor Dixon]

Well, then, what do you think about the fact that we so easily change our faces today?

[Tom Sturgis]

Okay, so one of my thoughts, and it's so. To me, it's a truth, which is a lot of women marry a man they see as a project. They marry a man they hope to change, and a man hopes the woman he marries never changes. If you wore your hair the same way every way, every day, the same glasses, the same everything, I promise you, the husband would. He's never gonna say, you know, I'm kind of bored with the. With that shirt and those earrings. He would be like, God, I love that shirt and those earrings. Please wear that every day. So, for instance, I was telling. I was telling your producer when I met my wife. My wife, we met in the rainstorm and her car had run out of gas, and I stopped to help a stranded motorist. And we have been together since that day. We consider that our wedding day. And part of the reason is because I fell in love with her, right? I fell in love with her face. And I have begged her, please, no false eyelashes, don't puff anything. Just be you every day. And I will be perfectly content and I will fall in love with you again and again every morning.

[Tutor Dixon]

This is a conversation that we have quite a bit at our house with my mom and my sister. And I have this conversation. Mom and my sister live in Florida, and where they live. It just so happens that this is a very popular thing to do, to have the injections and, you know, the big lips and all of that. And my mom's like, you know, none of us have done that, but, you know, there's a curio. I think you're right. As women, there is a curiosity around it. There is a cert. There is the. You see the lines around your lips. You see the lines around your eyes, you start to get like, oh, he's not going to think the same. I think from our perspective, we know you fell in love with the way we looked and we see ourselves changing and we go, we've got to get back to that. But we have this conversation all the time saying, I mean, but you're not really going back to that look. It's like a different look.

[Tom Sturgis]

No, that's a different. There's a friend of mine, he calls that the sisterhood and it. And not in. And it's the strange mouth. It's not, it's. Listen, if whatever women want to do to be happy, who am I to say they shouldn't do it? But I'm just saying if you want to play the game with the man in your life and keep him interested and intent and part of your life, don't change anything. Be exactly that person every day.

[Tutor Dixon]

But we get old and then we're afraid that you don't like us anymore.

[Tom Sturgis]

Well, we're getting old too. I don't know if you notice, I mean, I have a hair over here that it's like a whisker. And I don't even turn the light on when I go in the bathroom anymore because I know what I'm going to see. I'm like, oh my God, it's like somebody wearing a Tom Sturges mask. That doesn't feel fit very well. I mean, what, what happened? And you know, I've seen pictures of myself when I was a kid. I was like, all right, I was a reasonably good looking guy. And then I'm like, do not show me what I look like. Come on. This is. We are aging as well and as if we can age together sort of on the same path. I think that's where the, that's where happiness is. Just don't change. Be beautiful you every day of your life. And I think the man in your life will, will go right along with the program.

[Tutor Dixon]

I think that this is something men are afraid to say because like you said, you started this out by saying, you know, whatever you want to do, you can do that. But I think that men, too many men are afraid to say, we'd rather you not do this. Because I don't think that this society accepts men saying women shouldn't do something. But women have no idea what men think about it. I mean, it's a, it is honestly a conversation I have had with so many men, so many women like, what do you think men think about when, when women do this? Do they like it? Do they. What does it feel like to kiss someone's lips that have. Are the lips the same? I don't know. I mean, I really have, I really have Like, a lot of questions about this, and men don't want to talk about. They're like, I'm not going to touch that.

[Tom Sturgis]

Yeah, we're not going to. And so the essay that you mentioned, men count each other's money and women count each other's wrinkles. I think women are doing a lot of that stuff for the other women.

[Tutor Dixon]

Yeah, we feel. Yeah, we want to look. I don't know. Why do we want to look all the same?

[Tom Sturgis]

And who cares about impressing the other girls in the elevator and the way society has evolved? I mean, we can't even compliment you now. Right. I mean, if I were to say right now, by the way, you happen to be very. You're doing great, whatever you're doing. I can barely say that without worrying about, you know, have I insulted our. No, because we don't get to say that anymore. We count each other's money. Right? We do. Oh, look at that guy. He's got that new car, and look at that Rolex. Wow. Oh, and he's got new golf clubs. Those are the things that we compare each other. Right. How much better is that guy doing than me? But women, they're like, ooh. And I used an example of Megyn Kelly. Do you remember Megyn Kelly attacking Jane Fonda, like, right on television? Like, yeah, it's Jane Fonda, one of those beautiful women from her earliest days to the end of her days. And I don't care what she did. Her doctor's better than everybody else if she does. If she's done stuff. And I saw her, I went to a friend of mine's house, Phil Rosenthal's house. Her dad and my dad made a movie together, and we both sat there as the guests of honor. And she was gorgeous. She's 83 or whatever. It doesn't matter. Beautiful, just stunning. But there was Megyn Kelly, like, in front of millions of people, going, tell us about your plastic surgery. And I was like, right.

[Tutor Dixon]

We are.

[Tom Sturgis]

This is going in my book. This is going in the book.

[Tutor Dixon]

Women are also incredibly cruel. We were at an event, a college event, a few weeks ago, and women came out and they were like, you know, I'm really interested in getting married and having kids. It's kind of a hard thing to talk about on a college campus these days. And I thought, how bizarre that we've made this uncomfortable. But it goes along with what you're saying about men not knowing how to talk to women. I think that there is. The next generation is very concerned about the women are afraid to say, I actually want to get married and have kids. The men are afraid to say, you have a beautiful smile. Where does that lead us?

[Tom Sturgis]

Yes, there's a chasm. And somehow getting over that chasm, I mean, I think that's why men invented alcohol, frankly. Begin. That's, that's the bridge. Because a man, give a man a drink, it gives him a little, I think, what do they call it? A shot of courage.

[Tutor Dixon]

Right?

[Podcast Advertiser 1]

Yeah.

[Tom Sturgis]

Described it just another shot of courage because we need that. But when we are our most 14 is we see that face, the beautiful face, and we are paralyzed. We don't know, our tongue gets tied, our mouth gets dry, suddenly we're hitching up our pants. We don't, oh, we're so lost. And if you could, if you women can make it just a little easier for us, you know, just smile or wave just the tiniest indication that it's okay to approach, you know, it's okay to approach.

[Tutor Dixon]

I think it's also, as parents we should talk and say that this is okay. My daughter came home from school the other day and there's a boy that she's, she thinks is really cute. And he said to her, you have a really pretty smile. And she said, said, he said, I have a really pretty smile. And she was so happy about it. And I thought, how do I make sure that she knows that that's something that you should continue to be happy about? Because there is a point when young women get to college and they're told that's off limits. They should not comment on your looks.

[Tom Sturgis]

Listen, which was that? Was that the 12 year old or the 14 year old?

[Tutor Dixon]

That's my 16 year old.

[Tom Sturgis]

16 year old.

[Tutor Dixon]

He's going to kill me now.

[Tom Sturgis]

No, no, she's, but well, she's, you know, it's, it's one of the things I mention in the book is if a girl wants to meet a man, a woman wants to meet a man, all she has to do is get her face in front of his face for a couple of seconds and that man's reaction will tell you everything you want to know. Is there a future there? Is there a possibility or is there nothing? And the line I recommend is you. If for an adult woman, as you bump into the guy at the valet line or at the bar, say, excuse me, have you seen my husband? The guy will have to look at you to answer that question. And I've given this there and I'll give you three examples of friends of mine, women who, they want to meet a man but instead of, can you introduce me? And there's the first date and then all the nonsense, just get your face in front of his face. So woman sits in front of this guy and says, if you see my husband, the guy looks at her, he goes, goes, I don't even know you, lady. So I don't know your husband. Okay? Everything she needs to know, she just run out. He has no sense of humor, he's not quick on his feet, and he doesn't find her beautiful. End of story. You got 10 seconds. Another friend of mine said that to a guy and the guy took a look at her and he said, he said, I don't know, I don't. But who is the lucky bastard?

[Tutor Dixon]

There you go.

[Tom Sturgis]

But the best answer. And these two are still a couple, they haven't gotten married yet, but I think it's going there. I tear up at this story because I'm a soft hearted Irishman. So she says to this guy, excuse me, have you seen my husband? And he looks at her and he says, as a matter of fact, I saw him in my bathroom mirror this morning gazing, baby, that's perfect. And so he said, well, where is he? She goes, I don't know, I haven't met him yet. Suddenly all the possibilities are suddenly endless, right? With just within just 20 seconds. So I go back to this, the face. So that boy who said that to your daughter, that's all she needs to know. That boy is in love with her.

[Tutor Dixon]

So now, oh, now it's on the record. I'll have to have her watch this.

[Tom Sturgis]

You are in big trouble.

[Tutor Dixon]

I know. I already know this. I have four girls, so I know I'm in big trouble. But, but honestly I, I was reading this book and I was thinking, okay, so who is your audience? Because as much as I think that I loved it, I really did love it. I was like, I can see so many different areas of my life in this book and experiences that I've had. And even the way you explained how men remember the women in the past and all of the, all of the different ways you described how men feel and perceive and all of that. It was so important to me. But I thought at the time, you know, do I, is this a book for young people? Because I do think that that's something that we're struggling to remind people is, okay, the way, just the simple way you explain things.

[Tom Sturgis]

First of all, that you just followed one of my rules, which is we don't want compliments, we want praise. And I want to take what you just said and have it tattooed on my chest. It's exactly how I would want people to react to this book. Who is my audience? My audience mainly. I thought I wrote this for women as a way of saying, here's what men are, here's what we are, and on the behalf of the men, so that the women in their lives can have a better relationship with them with fewer expectations that will never be met and a better understanding of what gets that man from point A to point B every day in his life.

[Podcast Advertiser 2]

Life.

[Tom Sturgis]

So it's, it's for anybody who wants to read it. And I thank you for those, those wonderful words.

[Tutor Dixon]

Let's take a quick commercial break. We'll continue next on the Tutor Dixon podcast.

[Podcast Advertiser 2]

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[Tutor Dixon]

So I'll tell you from my perspective, I also saw this being for men because I looked at this and went, oh my gosh, it makes so much sense. Like little things that I can improve by saying, wow, the yard looks amazing or did you clean the car? Thank you. But I looked at that and I was like, I also felt like from the perspective of my husband, it's like to see that, to read that and go, oh, that's what I really mean by this. Because I think that you did a great job of getting into the depth that most men cannot not get into. Like that level of exploring self is not natural. So to be able to look at that and go, oh, this is what I'm, this is what I'm expecting, right?

[Tom Sturgis]

Oh yeah, yeah. So I think as you're talking about, obviously you have a great relationship with your husband. So you guys are probably, well, you do Some. Many of the things that I describe here, probably naturally, but I think the key to a great love affair. And again, who am I? I don't have a lot of initials after my name. The key to a great love affair is when you get upset to whisper. And so here's why this is so important. Go with me, okay? He saw your face, which is quite a face, fell completely in love with you, and he's got this beautiful life going. And let's say you raise your voice and there's this shrill, awful sound that comes out of this beautiful face that he's loved for all these years.

[Tutor Dixon]

It.

[Tom Sturgis]

It. Every. Every wire is crossed at that moment because it. Suddenly nothing makes sense, because this is all he's heard all these years, is love and sweetness and kindness. But if you lean in and say, what happened to the car, for instance? Right? As opposed to, did you crash the car into the. All right. And I don't know if you noticed, but when you whisper at somebody, they lean in. They can't help it. And so I recommend this. This is in one of my books about parenting, is when you. I've never. I've got three kids. One's in his 30s, one's in his 20s, one's in his teens. I have never raised my boys to any of my boys, ever. I have whispered. And, man, did they. I love that. They do not like that. And I remember I was picking one of my sons up to go to a baseball game, and I was in the house and was super early, and he wasn't getting up. And it's like, sam, Sam, wake up. Sam, wake up. And he pulls his door open and goes, what are you whispering for? Right? Because it was Adam. He's like, no, I'm really whispering now. I'm not mad. I'm. I'm whispering. So that's the. So that's the critical thing if you.

[Tutor Dixon]

Want to get it.

[Tom Sturgis]

If you want to keep the love affair perfect. Just never, never, you know, just whisper your. So let's say you and your husband are at a restaurant and you feel like he's flirting with the waitress, right? And you could go, hey, jerk, what are you doing? Or you go, hey, come here. You're hurting my feelings. He'll whisper back, what am I doing? You go, you're flirting with the waitress. He goes, oh, sorry, I thought he was being charming. My bad. And he'll. And it's over instantly. Instead of destroying an evening or destroying a weekend or a vacation. Just, just, just. The whispering is, I think, critical for the little boy in us to never be reprimanded, especially by the woman whose face we fell in love with.

[Tutor Dixon]

That is so sweet. And it is. It is a good reminder that every man is a child at heart. I think women are, too. I think we have a very. There's something similar there, but it's. We react differently to things, but just that that relationship changes in your mind when you hear it that way. So I thought it was a real blessing to get to read your words, and I appreciate it, and I want other people so just. It's just out. Tell them where they can get it. Men explained.

[Tom Sturgis]

Finally, here it is. And I. I created the artwork, too, with a friend of mine. So the safe is locked up tight, but the side of it has been blown open to share all these beautiful secrets. You can get it on Amazon, and if people. If you like what you read, please leave a comment or. Or pick stars and put them next to it. That would be great.

[Tutor Dixon]

You will like it. It was. I mean, honestly, it was so sweet and. And just so real. I think there's not. I cannot imagine a person that would read it, that wouldn't go, okay, yes, it makes sense, and I've learned something, and I can. I can change how I react to things.

[Tom Sturgis]

You know, what I. And especially. And I hope you'll stay in touch with me because, you know, if you put this. Just some of these ideas in front of your four daughters, they will be so far ahead of the rest of the game because they will know, this boy doesn't like me. Why am I. Why do I keep bumping into his life? He's not interested, clearly. And go where the, you know, fish. Where the fish are. Right? Go to the boy who. This is.

[Tutor Dixon]

I mean, honestly, this is what I'm. When I hear what. When I read this book, I was like, this needs to be talked about on college campuses. This is what. Because there is a real confusion among young people today of how to come together, how to love each other, how to understand, even within your own gender, how to communicate. I mean, I think that there is that need for someone to come in and say, it's okay. It's okay to fall in love with someone's face. It's okay to. I mean, all these things, like, it's okay to not understand what he's thinking when you're thinking something else. But. And I thought it was such a valuable thing to say for a woman. It's important for you to praise because I think that's something we're told we have to be stingy with.

[Tom Sturgis]

No. Who told you that? That's terrible. No, you gotta lay it on thick, baby. Come on. That suit looks amazing. Let me take a couple pict. Okay, great. Hey, you shaved really well today. That's. That's very nice. I mean, we love it. We're kids. What kid doesn't want to get praised?

[Tutor Dixon]

Of course I'm walking into the room with the best looking man here. I mean, those are the things.

[Tom Sturgis]

Oh, my God. You're telling me Mr. Dixon is not going to fall over when you like just you grab his arm and say those words. Wow. I'm walking into the room with the best looking man in here. Holy moly.

[Tutor Dixon]

These are the things though, that we're not teaching the next generation right now. We've taught them so opposite. Be obsessed with self. Be stingy with your compliments. You know, people don't deserve your time and how do we get back? And your book is so critical to that. That's just the whole time as I was reading it, I was like, this, this is what we need to be reminded of. This is what we need to bring back to young people and say, these are the things that are okay and they're necessary. You know, it's okay because it innate. This is how we. I mean, this is the same from caveman times to today. These are the differences between us. It's okay to say that there are different ways that we need to feel love and affection. And that's. I was like, I want you to go out and talk to everyone. Like, I want you to talk to my girls. So I will be talking to them about this.

[Tom Sturgis]

Let's do a zoom. Let's. Let's do a zoom. Your girls and me and we'll. And let them ask and go, okay, what about this? And what about. I'd love it. I would absolutely love it.

[Tutor Dixon]

I am going to make you go. I'm going make you go out and do things. I mean, public appearances. I'm. I'm serious. Go. And make it okay to give people compliments again. Yes.

[Tom Sturgis]

Let's do it.

[Tutor Dixon]

Let's open doors again. Let's say that's okay. I mean, tutor.

[Tom Sturgis]

Let's do a. Let's do a sorority tour together.

[Tutor Dixon]

That's. There you go. I'm in. 100%. I'm in. Thank.

[Tom Sturgis]

Me too.

[Tutor Dixon]

Thank you. So thank you so much for coming on today and really get the book Men explained finally. It's not. It's. It's like one of those things that it's not impossible to understand. When you. When it. Your mind is open to it, you go, oh, okay. Yes, I get it. And I'm so glad that you wrote it. So thank you, Tom, for being on today.

[Tom Sturgis]

I understand why you are so successful.

[Tutor Dixon]

Oh, you're so sweet. See, now you. I feel like you're. Now you got me. Oh, you already know us, we love compliments.

[Tom Sturgis]

Thank you so much. So appreciate you. And I look forward to our next conversation.

[Tutor Dixon]

Me, too. And thank you all for listening today. You know where to find the podcast, and you can watch it on Rumble or YouTube. Thanks for tuning in, and we'll see you next time. This is an iHeart podcast.