Wellness Unmasked: Holiday Parenting, Divorce Stress, and Children’s Mental Health

Summary

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The Clay Travis and Buck Sexton Show

Wellness Unmasked: Holiday Parenting, Divorce Stress, and Children’s Mental Health

Host: Dr. Nicole Saphier with guest Angela Scafiri, Family Law Attorney
Release Date: December 16, 2025

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Episode Overview

This episode of Wellness Unmasked with Dr. Nicole Saphire focuses on navigating the emotional challenges families (especially single or divorced parents) face during the holiday season. Dr. Saphire is joined by close friend and family law attorney Angela Scafiri to discuss the realities of single parenting, the impact of divorce on children, and practical advice for maintaining kids' mental health amidst stressful family dynamics. The episode is filled with expert insights, personal anecdotes, and actionable recommendations, aiming to help parents support their children and foster resilience over the holidays and beyond.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Unique Challenges of Single Parenting in the Holidays

• Personal backgrounds:

  • Both Dr. Saphire and Angela share their own single parenting experiences, emphasizing the complexity and responsibility involved.
  • Quote (Dr. Saphire, 05:43): “I was a single parent at a very young age… I had about a decade of my life of being a single parent.”
  • Quote (Angela, 06:16): “You’re taking on all the roles as a single parent… meal planning, breakfast, lunch, dinner, school academics… handling our own jobs, paying the bills… it's a lot of responsibility. And during the holidays, it gets compounded.”

• Pressure of the season:

  • The holiday spotlight on family and togetherness can bring up guilt, anxiety, and concerns about ‘doing enough’ as a single parent.
  • Quote (Angela, 07:39): “…as parents, particularly as single parents, we give ourselves like a guilt complex... I don't know that our kids are necessarily feeling that or seeing it unless we're putting it out there…”

2. Divorce, Co-parenting, & Kids’ Well-Being

• Common parental mistakes:

  • Oversharing with children or involving them in adult conflicts during divorce is extremely damaging.
  • Quote (Angela, 08:57): “Some of the most significant cases are those where the parents feel like they need to tell their child everything, no matter what the age… And that's so unhealthy for them emotionally, psychologically, and even physically…”

• Managing conflicts and traditions:

  • Parents should keep disputes away from children and focus on creating positive holiday experiences, even in new circumstances.
  • Quote (Angela, 10:24): “…try and be as civil as you can. Try and communicate… You don’t want that conflict to have your child or your children feel that. You just want them to enjoy the experience and enjoy the holiday knowing that they have the love and support of both of their parents.”

3. Children's Mental Health During the Holidays

• Statistics and consequences:

  • Holidays see a 30% increase in ER visits for pediatric mental health crises. High parental conflict puts children at 2–3 times greater risk of depression and other health consequences later in life.
  • Quote (Dr. Saphire, 11:20): “...these are actual physiological changes... high cortisol levels in the body increases inflammation, increases risk for autoimmune disease, cardiovascular disease, certain cancers and dementia down the road.”

• Modeling resilience and emotional regulation:

  • Parents must manage their own feelings and model responsible, calm behavior for their children.
  • Quote (Dr. Saphire, 18:12): “You need to fake it for your kids’ sake. If you need to...vent, journal, pray, exercise, whatever… But do not pass that stress onto your kids because their brains, their bodies are not equipped to handle these stress emotions.”

• Building new traditions:

  • Change can be hard, especially for children of divorce. Creating new, positive traditions can help them adjust and even thrive in new circumstances.

4. Therapy, Coping Tools, and Parental Responsibility

• Therapist vs. parental role:
  • Debate over whether parents use therapy as a “cop-out” or out of fear of mishandling delicate issues.
  • Quote (Dr. Saphire, 22:02): “Do you think too many parents are putting their kids into therapy as a means of—I don’t want to say laziness, but I will say laziness—on the parents’ part?”
  • Quote (Angela, 22:40): “For me, I see it as more fear based…sometimes they don't want to screw up their kid...”
  • Recognition that sometimes referring children to professionals is the healthiest option, especially if parents recognize their own limitations.

5. Moving Forward & Practical Tips

• Focus on emotional and physical health:

  • Parenting well requires strength and self-care—physically and emotionally.
  • Decrease digital/social media use, prioritize direct connections, and set healthy examples.
  • Quote (Dr. Saphire, 25:40): “Parents, you need to do your best at staying emotionally and physically strong for your kids. Get rid of some of this digital tech.”

• Avoid “emotional dumping” and negativity:

  • Don’t trash-talk the other parent (whether married or divorced).
  • Keep complex legal or stressful work conversations away from children.
  • Quote (Dr. Saphire, 27:38): “No guilt-based emotional dumping. No woe is me this holiday season to the kids.”

• Organizational and sleep strategies:

  • Writing to-do lists before bed helps manage stress for parents and models healthy coping to children.
  • Quote (Angela, 27:58): “I am old school. I am colored pens and sticky notes in all different colors… I actually find it's cathartic to write it down instead of typing because… I don't want to be on my phone. I don't want to look at a screen.”

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Notable Quotes & Moments (with Timestamps)

• On taking on all roles as a single parent:

  • “I have my hands full just with the one… worried about… meal planning, school academics, managing our own jobs, paying the bills…” – Angela, 06:16

• Holiday guilt as a single parent:

  • "We give ourselves like a guilt complex… I don't know that our kids are necessarily feeling that unless we're putting it out there." – Angela, 07:39

• Involving kids in divorce fights:

  • “To have kids during the divorce process, in the divorce, that's the one thing you want to try and avoid at all times…” – Angela, 08:57

• Lead by example with technology:

  • “You want your kids off social media, but then you’re sitting there scrolling on your phone…” – Dr. Saphire, 10:32

• The cost of parental conflict:

  • "You are exposing your child not just to the short term effects… but potentially downstream consequences that will affect their physical health." – Dr. Saphire, 12:19

• Kids' resilience post-divorce:

  • “The majority of kids are going to do just fine even with divorce, as long as… they already want… They already feel like they internalize their parental emotions…” – Dr. Saphire, 20:40

• On therapy for children:

  • “I don't have the tools to get you through this the best way… I’m going to bring the mental health people in and, you know, get you on a path.” – Angela, 22:40

• Seasonal aspirations and practical coping:

  • “A happy and healthy family and friends… I have some fitness goals. And I loved your podcast a couple weeks ago about trying to do it in December and taking 10 days.” – Angela, 24:47

• Organization habits for well-being:

  • “I actually find it's cathartic to write it down instead of typing… I actually have, like, an aversion at night to tech. I don't want to be on it.” – Angela, 27:58

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• [03:30] – Show intro and topic setup
• [05:04] – Angela introduces her background as a family law attorney
• [06:16] – The daily reality and responsibility of single parenting
• [08:57] – Dangers of involving children in divorce conflicts
• [11:20] – The physical and psychological cost of parental conflict on kids
• [14:15] – Creating new family holiday traditions after divorce
• [18:12] – Parents “faking it” and the importance of emotional regulation
• [20:06] – Normalizing divorce vs. working on marriages
• [22:02] – Debate on parental roles vs. therapy for children
• [24:47] – Aspirations and self-care going into the new year
• [27:38] – Avoiding emotional dumping and “guilt trips” for kids
• [28:24] – Nighttime list-writing as a stress management tool

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Episode Takeaways

• Holidays are particularly stressful for single or divorced parents but also offer opportunities for new traditions and deeper parent-child connections.
• Parental behavior—especially in conflict or transition—directly shapes children's emotional and physical well-being.
• Parents are encouraged to lead by example (especially with digital habits), create a stable home environment, communicate responsibly, and seek outside help if needed—but not abdicate emotional responsibility.
• Organization, self-care, and reframing the season’s meaning can help both parents and children remain resilient through holiday challenges.

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For more from Angela Scafiri:

• Family Law Attorney, Jacobs Berger, Morristown, NJ: jacobsberger.com
• Instagram: @angelascafiri

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Transcript

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[Dr. Nicole Safire]

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[Dr. Nicole Safire]

Welcome to Wellness Unmass. I'm Dr. Nicole Safire and we have been talking all about preparing for the holiday season here on Wellness Unmask. We've been talking about what we as parents can do, trying to get our kids off of digital tech, what we can be doing for ourselves in terms of preparing for the new year, physically and mentally. But one of the things that I really wanted to kind of dive deep into is another aspect of making sure that our kids are okay. I figured for this conversation, the best guest is actually my best friend. I'm gonna be bringing her in in just a few minutes. But it's really interesting because, you know, both of us, we have very heavy jobs. I am looking for cancer every single day. I diagnose cancer and I see people when they have now had a devastating diagnosis. She is a family law attorney and she is with people during some of the most stressful times of their entire life. And so while I can talk until I'm blue in the face all about the devastation and its toll physical health can take on an individual and a family. I wanted to bring Angela into this conversation, especially as we head into the holiday season talking about family dynamics, kids, and what we as parents can be doing to supporting our kids. As we know, 40 to 50% of all US marriages, maybe even more, end in divorce and nearly half involve children. So kids are affected. Holiday season stress is high, so let's dive in. Angela, I am so happy that you are joining us on Wellness and Mass today. Welcome.

[Angela Scafiri]

Thank you. Thanks for having me here.

[Dr. Nicole Safire]

Okay, so give a quick little blurb. Who are you and why are you here today?

[Angela Scafiri]

I am here because I'm one of your closest and dearest friends. This is shit. Also, I am a family law attorney in New Jersey. I practice all throughout the state, but mostly in northern New Jersey. I've been practicing for over 25 years and I deal with a lot of high conflict custody and parenting time issues. And I know you want to talk today a little bit about children and prioritizing them during the holidays and how hard it is for intact families, single parent households, parents going through perhaps a divorce or something else. And so I figured we could talk about it a little bit. Yeah.

[Dr. Nicole Safire]

And you and I both have unique histories or life experiences in the sense that we both have or are single parents. I was a single parent at a very young age. I think everyone kind of knows my history. I had a son when I was in high school. I was 18 years old. And I was a single parent until I met my now husband when I was in medical school. So I had about a decade of my life of being a single parent. And your current situation is you are also a single parent. Talk to me a little bit about what it's like being a single parent.

[Angela Scafiri]

Well, you're taking on all the roles as a single parent. I mean, that's the easiest way to say it. I have an only child and I always find it remarkable with single parents who have one, two, three kids. I have my hands full just with the one she's just entering into her teen years. And, you know, we have a lot going on every day. We are worried about as, you know, a single parent or single mom. Meal planning, breakfast, lunch, dinner, school academics, are they on their subjects? Are they getting ready for all their tests and quizzes? I just had that conversation today. When they're out from school, we're home, we're taking care of them, figuring out how to manage our own jobs and how we're going to be away from what we're supposed to be doing, right, to keep paying the bills because we're also the sole provider in our single family, you know, in our sole parent household. So it's a lot of responsibility. And I feel like, especially during the holidays, it gets kind of compounded because then you are addressing, you know, all of the fun stuff that you want the kids to have, plus all the responsibilities that still didn't go away.

[Dr. Nicole Safire]

Now, do you find that especially during the holiday season, there's extra pressure on you in the sense that, you know, we talk about how, oh, well, the holiday season is all about celebrating and togetherness, but there can come some negative emotions with it as well. I mean, there is this concept of togetherness and family and. And if you don't have a traditional family unit, does this put some pressure on you as well?

[Angela Scafiri]

I think it. Yeah. I mean, honestly, I do think that it comes and goes. It's not like a constant overarching theme of life or anything, but particularly during the holidays where you want the best for your kids and you want them to have all great things and all great experiences and then you're worried that maybe you're not doing enough. Or do they feel different when they're hearing about their friends who are traveling together with brothers and sisters and cousins and moms and dads or, you know, whatever the case may be, in their family unit. And like I said, I have an only child, so we have a much smaller family. It's just us. But the flip side of that is that we're very close and she gets to have the benefit of my undivided attention all the time. And we do a lot of fun things together. So I think as parents, particularly as single parents, we give ourselves like a guilt complex. Like we feel the guilt and I don't know that our kids are necessarily feeling that or seeing it unless we're putting it out there, that they're feeling it from us. But otherwise they really wouldn't know.

[Dr. Nicole Safire]

From your professional standpoint, what are some of the things that you see families, maybe they've gone through a divorce, they're going through divorce. What are some of the worst possible things that parents do in their own actions that impact their kids?

[Angela Scafiri]

Talk to their kids about the divorce. So I do a lot of high conflict work with parents going through highly contested custody and parenting time issues. And some of the most significant cases are those where the parents feel like they need to tell their child everything, no matter what they age. You're talking about a five year old, a seven year old, a preteen, a teenager. And they are now in the process of their parents conflict. And that's so unhealthy for them emotionally, psychologically and even physically because they're just ramifications from that. Their brains aren't even developed really. And you can talk to that. Right? As the medical. We have, we have and you have, right. Their brains aren't developed to process the amount of information that sometimes coming at them in the way it's coming at them. But to have kids during the divorce process, in the divorce, that's the one thing that you want to try and avoid at all times, right? Keep the issues between you and your co parent, try and be as civil as you can. Try and communicate because without communicating right, you're not going to make plans. Who has got Christmas Eve? Who has Hanukkah? Are they overlapping? Not this year, but other years you have Christmas and Hanukkah falling on the same year. Some parents fight about who wants Christmas Eve, who wants Christmas Day, who wants New Year's Eve, who wants New Year's Day. You don't want that conflict to have your child or your children feel that. You just want them to enjoy the experience and enjoy the holiday knowing that they have the love and support of both of their parents.

[Dr. Nicole Safire]

Well, I mean, at the end of the day, it's like parents, kids don't need perfect parents, but they need parents who can keep their crap together and be responsible.

[Angela Scafiri]

Absolutely.

[Dr. Nicole Safire]

One of the things that I talk about with the parents in the whole digital tech and the phone and the social media, I'm like, listen, lead by example. You want your kids off social media, but that you're sitting there so scrolling, like on your phone, doing whatever. So especially if you're trying to emulate for your kids a, a healthy place mentally, if you're in this conflict and you're involving the kids in it, like, come on, keep it together, guys.

[Angela Scafiri]

Right? And it's hard. I mean, going through a divorce is one of the, the most emotional, psychological things you're going to deal with in your life. Right? It's, you thought that you had one vision of how your life was going to be and all of a sudden it's upended and it's completely different. As a parent and as an attorney, I can relate to what a parent is going through in that divorce process. But you have to have the self discipline to keep it together for your kids. Absolutely.

[Dr. Nicole Safire]

Some stats that I pulled for this interview. ER visits for pediatric mental health crises increase about 30% during the holiday season. And children exposed to high parental conflict, like parents that are fighting 2 to 3, higher risk of having depression and even that. You know, we talk about depression and some people kind of blow off mental illnesses. Oh, they're just sad or, oh, they're just bored or whatever it is. But no, these are actual physiological changes that are happening inside of a kid. You know, a kid who is stressed out from the tension with their parents or the fighting or the guilt that kids, you know, take on themselves. Like, well, now I'm not. Now my mom's by herself because I'm scheduled to be with my dad or vice versa. This actually raises their cortisol levels and we've talked about high cortisol levels in the body increases inflammation, increases risk for autoimmune disease, cardiovascular disease, certain cancers and dementia down the road. So you as a parent, being in this conflict, exposing your kids to this conflict and not keeping your crap together, especially over the holiday season, you are exposing your child not just to the short term effects of themselves feeling anxious, depressed and all the things that come with mental illness, but potentially downstream consequences that will affect their physical health.

[Angela Scafiri]

Yeah, that's true. I mean, I don't see it in the physical context, but I definitely see it in the emotional and psychological context because parents are then coming to me, the clients are coming to me, talking about what's going on with their kids at home and how one child's reacted to something and the anxiety and depression are definitely, I feel like at an all time high in the divorce process. It's. But particularly during the holidays because I have that guilt all of a sudden. You know, you're trying to explain to them they're going to have a great time at Grandma Jane's house. But you're going to Grandma Jane's house, who's dad's, you know, mom, and you're going to be with your paternal side of the family. And don't worry about me and mom. I'll just, you know, be with some other, maybe my best friend or maybe a cousin or a different relative. And kids see that and they feel it, right? Because especially in those first couple of years where it's different. Different. A lot of times they, they don't like change, right. They want it to stay the same.

[Dr. Nicole Safire]

I don't like change, personally.

[Angela Scafiri]

I don't either for me. But yeah, I definitely think kids, you will see their anxiety level rise. And our children are smart, they know, and they feed off of their parents, so they feed off of you. So if you're anxious and you're presenting something to them in an anxious way, they're going to pick up on that. So the best thing you can do is really just stay positive in whatever the news is that you're delivering. Right. This is how we're going to share the holiday this year. You're going to stay with me for Christmas Eve. You're going to go with dad on Christmas Day. Everybody's going to have a great time. This is what I'm thinking. Or maybe bring in a new tradition. I always like to give that as an example. Like, you know what, the holiday is going to be different this year, but we're going to have a new tradition and we're going to whatever it is. Go for a train ride or go.

[Dr. Nicole Safire]

Go for a train ride.

[Angela Scafiri]

Well, out here. Well, no, I don't mean a train ride to see Santa. In my head and what came out were two different things. Like they, especially where we live in our area, there are, you know, special visits with Santa where you have canty for the younger kids. Maybe for the older kids it's something different. Maybe you go see the Rockettes in New York City.

[Dr. Nicole Safire]

I like that.

[Angela Scafiri]

Right. Like or go for tea or something.

[Dr. Nicole Safire]

These are all things that we text each other we should be doing. But if we just find time, we don't have time. You're listening to Wellness on Mass. We'll be right back with more.

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[Dr. Nicole Safire]

The way that I see it though is fake it till you make it okay. You need to put on a strong front in front of your kids. Honestly, sometimes I feel overwhelmed with work, with the house stuff. We have renovations going on. But you need to fake it for your kids sake. If you need to get your kids off to whether they're going with another parent, if you're going through a divorce, or if you're still just at home, when you are with your kids, you need to put on that brave face. Cry in your pillow, alone, alone, screaming. No one can hear you, call your friend, vent whatever you need to do, journal, pray, exercise, whatever you need to do. But do not pass that stress onto your kids because their brains, their body are not equipped to handle these stress emotions. And when we're talking about the whole make America healthy again movement, it starts out in childhood and the stresses they're exposed to in childhood will stay with them. You know, it leads to overeating, leads to metabolic disorder and all of these negative things. And so we as the parent, we have to put an end to it. If we want to actually get our kids to a healthier place, physically and mentally.

[Angela Scafiri]

Absolutely. You, as a parent, are the backbone no matter what. And you lead by example, and your kids will follow. And you're absolutely right with everything you're saying about how it starts at home. Right. To make your kids physically and emotionally healthy.

[Dr. Nicole Safire]

Yeah, Yeah, I agree. And, you know, the good news is the majority. I mean, you know better than I do, overwhelmingly, kids do okay after divorce. Divorce doesn't necessarily mean the end of the world.

[Angela Scafiri]

Absolutely.

[Dr. Nicole Safire]

Divorce is common. There are very legitimate reasons for people to consider divorce. Do I think people get divorced more than necessary? I do. That is just a personal opinion. I think some people go through their little midlife crisis. They need a little bit extra attention. They are not really good at communicating with their spouses. Do I think that people should work on their marriages a little bit more? Yes, I do. Yes, I do. That's a personal opinion.

[Angela Scafiri]

I think we've gotten comfortable with divorce where perhaps a few decades ago it was more taboo, and now that it's. I don't want to call divorce mainstream because that seems it's a cool thing to do, but it's not. Right. Like, that's the goal is not to be divorced. You want to stay married forever with the person you love, and you have all these great things about raising a family together. But, yeah, I do think that we need to work on our marriages. But there are many cases where people do end up in divorce, and that's okay too. Right. I mean, there are a lot of legitimate reasons, and I see it every day, but the focus always needs to remain on your kids.

[Dr. Nicole Safire]

Yeah. I think what happens to a lot of people are they're so focused and caught up in their selves during their divorce that they're like, all these things that I'm going to get to do. But at the end of the day, you decided to have children, bring children into this world, and you need to still remain in the backseat because it's. Your kids are now the most important thing. The good news is, you know, the majority of kids are going to do just fine even with divorce, as long as, you know, they already want. They already feel like they internalize their parental emotions. They have that fear of abandonment.

[Angela Scafiri]

Yes.

[Dr. Nicole Safire]

And pressure to choose sides.

[Angela Scafiri]

And sometimes they're angry. I mean, so. And I really see it post Covid, the amount of children in divorce that are getting mental health services, which is fine. They're in therapy. Everybody, you know, has the ability to take the kids and have them in therapy for anxiety, depression, whatever the case may be, kids need time to process and they need to process in a healthy way. And sometimes, especially if that's hard as a parent.

[Dr. Nicole Safire]

Right.

[Angela Scafiri]

Make sure that they're seeing a professional that can help them to get through those moments and then they'll move on from it because the kids are resilient. You know, after the divorce, it's really getting through that change because everything is to step towards a brighter future for them and making sure that their best interests are your priority.

[Dr. Nicole Safire]

Right.

[Angela Scafiri]

I mean, that's why I really tell clients all the time, as long as you are parent focused and your children are the priority, this is gonna end up.

[Dr. Nicole Safire]

Okay. Can I ask you a question that you can plead the fifth to and I won't be offended. We'll still be friends. Do you think too many parents are putting their kids into therapy as a means of. I don't wanna say laziness, but I will say laziness on the parents part. Meaning parents don't wanna put in the work to actually sit down and have these conversations and really feel the feels with their kids. And they would rather just send em to a therapist. Even though therapist obviously is trained professional, they know exactly what to do and what to talk about in these moments. They. But is it a little bit of a cop out to the parent saying you are not focusing and you are not working with your child on the emotions and making sure there's some stability?

[Angela Scafiri]

Okay, so that's a great question. I won't plead the fifth. I'll answer. I think for me, I see it as more fear based. I get what you're saying, that it could be a cop out. I feel that parents have so much information and sometimes they don't want to screw up their kid. They're like, you're just gonna go to therapy and let a professional figure it out? Because I don't have the tools to do this. Which I think is an okay answer to recognize what your own limits are. Right. Like if you are having a problem processing what's happening. Right. And now somehow you have to be the sole person that your child is talking to. That's not always a good thing. It's okay to have a professional who's trained and could meet a child at their level. Right. To talk about those issues and give them techniques to process what's going on. That doesn't mean. I don't think that what you're saying happens. I do think that that happens as well, but in my professional experience, I don't see that as often as it's coming either from fear, like, hands off, I don't know what to do here. Or just an acknowledgement or a self awareness, which I think is a really healthy response that I don't have the tools to get you through this the best way. And because I want the best for you, I'm going to bring the mental health people in and, you know, get you on a path.

[Dr. Nicole Safire]

Okay. I mean, fair enough. You know, I think that kind of what we're both saying is focusing on the child and making sure that they're okay and really making sure that their emotions are regulated. There aren't the ups and the downs, especially heading into the holidays. It's better to be a little bit more even keel. That's probably one of the best predictors of how well they're going to do, not just in the short term during their childhood life, but as they go on and what their understanding of relationships are.

[Angela Scafiri]

Yeah, absolutely. I mean, that's part of raising a child. You want them to have and see healthy relationships. Right. That's why I always say it's not such a bad thing if people are getting divorced. Right. Because you rather raise your children to see what healthy love looks like. Right. And keeping that as your focus with them, there's not going to be a bad outcome. They're going to be okay.

[Dr. Nicole Safire]

Yeah.

[Angela Scafiri]

Yeah.

[Dr. Nicole Safire]

Do you have any 2026 aspirations, goals? What are you looking for in 2026?

[Angela Scafiri]

Wow, that's a loaded question. What am I looking for in 2026? A happy and healthy family and friends. I'm looking to get a little bit more structure over my own time so that I can do some of the things that we complain, for example, that we never get to do. And I have some fitness goals. And I loved your podcast a couple weeks ago about trying to do it in December and taking 10 days. I admit I'm not there yet at my 10 days.

[Dr. Nicole Safire]

It's 20 days in December, but that's okay. We can start with 10.

[Angela Scafiri]

Oh, no, no, no. I can't do 20 days. But I was trying to just get the 10 days in December and I'm almost there, but I'm not there yet. But that was a great change in mindset, like get it done December. So you're not first going into the new year already feeling exhausted about all these goals that, that you have planned for your, you know, physical well being. I like that.

[Dr. Nicole Safire]

I like that. I'm trying to be forward thinking right now in December. That's why we're having this conversation. I want people to start out 20, 26, as strong and healthy as they are, so that we can hit the ground running. You know, my takeaway here, just to kind of recap the last couple of weeks, are parents. You need to do your best at staying emotionally and physically strong for your kids. Get rid of some of this digital tech. You can still join me in. I'm not on a social media ban. I haven't stopped being on social media. I'm, you know, posting my TV segments and posting the podcast. But if you see me, I'm not interacting with people as much. You know why? Because I'm really trying to decrease the amount of time I pick up that phone and I click. Because every time I do that, it's hitting dopamine in my brain. And I don't want my phone to release my feel good hormones. I want exercise, seeing my kids, my dogs, my chickens, my friends. That's where I want my dopamine from. Those are healthy sources of dopamine, not my phone. And the less I do, my kids are seeing that. And as we head into the holiday, a lot of people have non traditional families. I think one of the biggest thing you heard Angela say it, don't trash talk the other parent. And I'm not just talking about people who are divorced, by the way. Married people were probably some of the worst at that. Okay. I absolutely, you know, one thing I say to my kids all the time, you know where you get that from, right? And it's not me. That's probably not the right thing to do. She'd probably tell me I shouldn't do that. But we all know it's true. You know, no legal talk in front of the kids. Don't talk about some of the conflict stuff at work stuff. Whatever's happening. Maybe you just don't have those conversations. I like open conversations with my kids, but maybe I'm a little too open. My oldest son said to me, you know, that I would talk about cancer as though it's like running to the store. And he's right. But that's because that's my daily life. And you have to kind of think about what you're bringing into your home and how that impacts. Yeah. And lastly, no guilt based emotional dumping. No woe is me this holiday season to the kids.

[Angela Scafiri]

Absolutely not. And also I think that sometimes, like right now, just as a single parent, right, with the holidays and we're talking about all the stress of everything. So I will now carve out like 30 minutes before I go to bed at night to make a list of all the things that I didn't do today that I'm.

[Dr. Nicole Safire]

You're not on your phone 30 minutes before. Oh, I am writing this. I am old school.

[Angela Scafiri]

I am colored pens and. And sticky notes in all different colors. I have a rainbow of sticky notes. And I just make notes to myself. Yes. And I like to do it. I actually find it's cathartic to write it down instead of typing because at the end of the day, I don't want to be on my phone. I don't want to look at a screen. You know, our jobs all day we're looking at screens, we're talking to people. But a lot of it is computer, having a phone heavy. And I don't want to be on tech. I actually have, like an aversion at night to tech. I don't want to be on it.

[Dr. Nicole Safire]

Do you know why I like the writing the list before bed? I've talked about this before for is because if we lay in bed and we have so many things happening still in our brain, it's really hard for us to get to sleep. But if you actually physically remove them from your brain by writing it down, you're now allowing your brain to just unplug and say, and now it is time for bed.

[Angela Scafiri]

100%. It's that physical act of getting it out of your brain and writing it down. So I especially during the holidays, but really my whole life, every day making lists at night. And I've tried aim, you know, best intentions for the next day, but hopefully within the week. But it does make me feel better. I feel like a release of okay, at least I'm organized. When I wake up in the morning, I know what the priorities are and what needs to get knocked out first.

[Dr. Nicole Safire]

I like it. Angela Scafiri, family law attorney in New Jersey. You can see her on Fox and Friends occasionally. She does a lot of parent panels. Where else can people find you?

[Angela Scafiri]

People can find me on Instagram and Social. I'm on Instagram.

[Dr. Nicole Safire]

And what's your law firm?

[Angela Scafiri]

My law firm is Jacobs Burger out in Morristown, New Jersey. So jacobsberger.com, you can find me there. And my email's there if anybody has any questions or.

[Dr. Nicole Safire]

Yeah, I hope you don't need a divorce. But if you do need a divorce, she's actually pretty insightful. And actually, you know what she is? She's not just about divorce. She talks to people about parenting and what's right for the family and absolutely she actually is a therapist in her own self in addition to you being without a license. All right guys, thanks so much for listening to wellness unmasked. I'm Dr. Nicole Safire. If you can hold it together for the next three weeks, few weeks for your kids, it's the best thing possible. Get yourselves and your families through the holiday season. It really is a time of being together, being grateful. Physical and mental health are incredibly important, but it all starts with you, the parent. So however you're doing, that's how your kids are doing. And let's do everything we can to keep our kids healthy. Thanks for listening to Wellness unmasked on iHeartRadio. Wherever you get your podcast and I'll see you next time.

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[Dr. Nicole Safire]

Same day Delivery to stay connected with my sister during the holidays.

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[Dr. Nicole Safire]

Shipt has tons of stores to order from. Groceries from Albertsons, crafts from Michaels, even pet supplies from Petsmart. The list goes on. So when we have long distance movie nights, I return to Shipt to get face masks, snacks and everything else we need delivered to her and to me same day. Download the app or visit shipt.com that's s h I p t dot com.