← The Collage Podcast
The Collage Podcast
Episode 58- Yuni
00:56:22
Yuni, founder of local nonprofit Scootable talks with Jeff about her story and perspective on serving and encouraging people in need.
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Foreign.
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Podcast. And thank you for making us a part of your day. If you enjoy the podcast, please like rate and subscribe. Hey, we want to welcome you to another edition of the Collage podcast. Good to be here again. We're recording out of a little town called Temple Texas here and out of a little place called Feed My Sheep. So we are excited we have a guest today. Well, we always have a guest, but we are excited about our guest today. So we have uni here today. So uni, for everybody out there, tell us a little bit about you. We are getting to meet each other for the first time today. So we.
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They're downstairs.
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B
There we go. I actually, and not just. Yeah. And so not just figuratively ran into each other. Like she was walking out one door, I'm walking in another, I'm like, I gotta go. And like, because I didn't realize she was coming up here and I was going in there so.
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With your sandwich or your, your wrap. Did you finish?
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I did, but you're not supposed to tell everybody that because I gave up bread products and I was eating. So she is mistaken.
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It technically counts.
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Agreed.
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Bridge, it's Stephen.
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B
Thank you. We're going to get along just fine. So uni, tell us a little bit about you.
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About me personally. I am a wife, I am a mother, I am a friend to a few love. We have a nonprofit and we've been here quite a few times. And so I definitely love coming here. I'm learning a lot from being a part of Feed My Sheep and just getting to in the nooks and crannies of your programs and your services. So it's been great. I've met great people, including yourself.
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B
Whoa, look at you trying to know. You're trying to butter me up right there. Yeah.
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A
You're going to be so slippery. Just, I grew up in a, you know, military town. Father served in military for about 29 years. And so, you know, service is what I know.
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Okay.
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And so having the non profit is, is what I know. And being a part of other non profits and, and programs that have their, their services and things, it's, it's an easy ooch. It's an easy involvement.
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Very nice. So we're gonna just. So you are from what military town would you say?
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Good old Colleen.
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B
Okay, so you're from this area. Okay, yeah.
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Name of Fort Cavazos, formerly Fort Hood.
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I, I, I have a, I'm getting.
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Used to, I can't Fort Cavazo's part, but it's Fort Hood is what I know, but agree.
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I'm not. I don't mean to miss.
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Got to get the wheels going.
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It's just so hard.
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Newness of it.
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And it's just for me that I'm not going down to. I probably. But that's our local military established. So, like, Colleen on the map is. It's 20 minutes from temple, so they. It's kind of in our little stratosphere. Temple Belt and Colleen, they're kind of how we kind of geographically lump together.
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Yes.
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Um, and Colleen is. Is a big monster of a city now. It's growing. It's. It's really big. So grew up. Colleen would be your home base.
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Okay.
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And so military families, that's a luxury. A lot of times they travel quite a bit.
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You know, and that's the funny part. We didn't have that experience with. With traveling a lot. My dad was. Once we got there, it was pretty much there until, like, right in the middle of high school for me, of all times to. To him for. To get relocated. And so all the friends that I had from elementary to middle school and then high school, it was like ripping out my heart. But, you know, I think I adjusted. Okay. I graduated. So, I mean, you know, okay, not that.
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And let me. I just got to get this. Okay, Are you straight A's and B's, huh?
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A little bit more Ace and B's.
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But, you know, okay, we're not gonna. We're not gonna go into grades because I was not. I. I passed.
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Okay.
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I said, yeah, agree.
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I mean, that's just to pass.
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So, like, what would I say? Like, I was below sea level, so I was a good sailor of a student. I stayed right at sea level, so. And because, like, in college, I learned this one early at A and M. D is for diploma, so. So that was my model. Now I gotta ask this out of the clean schools, the one that you attended high school for a little bit. Are you a kangaroo? Ellison or Harker Heights? Which school did you go to?
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Well, or Copper's Cove, Killeen, but we went to Heights. Used to be a ninth grade tenor.
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Okay.
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So I'm really telling my age. So it's like. Okay, so before it was a high school, it was a ninth grade center, and so I went to the ninth grade center before it was Heights. Harker Heights High School. And then you went there your. Your freshman year, and then you transferred over to Colleen, So I went to the ninth grade center. And then I went just a few months into Killeen High School.
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So Kangaroo So, people, it is hard. Like, this is going to be very difficult for me to do a podcast because I'm a temple wildcat. And Colleen Kangaroos are. Waco High was our number one most hated rivalry. Colleen was number two number clean was like, you did not like clean. So we will. We'll try to make it work. We're going to make this work. Okay, let me ask. You said something that was intriguing to me. We're going to go back. He said that a life of service because your father, military, I mean, and that is the military's core essence, is you're serving. I mean, that. That's what it's about. Tell me what it means. That's just natural to you. Like, and you just said, and we're going to come. We're not skipping your nonprofit. Okay, so. But we're going that way. But it is intriguing to me. That was just in your introduction. You said, hey, this is who I am. My dad was in the military, and just service is. This is the world I know. Tell me what that means. What is it? Serving others means what I think is selflessness.
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It's sacrifice. It's reaching into the very deep depths of who you are to truly figure out one of those things, like, how do you help someone other than yourself, which I think is a huge feat, and that not many people sometimes can. Can get. You know, there's a lot of selfless selfishness out there. And for me, it's just. I didn't want to be one of those people. It's like I want to be something bigger outside of myself. And so doing that, it's like, okay, well, my dad led by example and with his service, and it's like, I could do the same thing. You know, just helping just, I think really just comes natural to me and just really wanting to. To help people, helping people. The whole cliche thing is like, you help people, it brings you joy and happiness, but it really. It really does. You help other people, it just brings you so much joy. And I think it. It's a. It's a piece of my life that I think I wouldn't want to not have incorporated into my life. And what it is that I'm. I'm doing as an individual, what we're doing as a family and nonprofit and all the things, it just fits so well. And so it's just a natural progression in terms of how I want to walk this journey of life.
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B
Agree. And, like, it's interesting to me, like, in the world that we're in now, if somebody says I want to serve others, I want to put others in front of me, you almost have to sort of say it apologetically like, hey, I'm so sorry, but I really just want to help people. And that's kind of how far the world has gone. One direction to be. So what is it? Egocentric, where I'm only concerned about self, self. Self preservation and self that we've gone to the nth most degree as a, a whole. And to go up, it's just about, you know, on all different sides. Oh, I'm just worried about me and getting mine. Yes, that's very self centered focus of life. That's fine, it's mine.
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Yeah.
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Or why don't need to worry about them. I got my own problems. Again, that's the same animal manifest. I can't do anything about them because they won't even help themselves. So I'll just take care of me. Which we do need to take care of ourselves. Not saying that, but so out of that, this, this life of serving others is, I would say it's how we're made.
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A
Yeah, I think so. I think you have people too that kind of, you know, a lot of us, I think a lot of us do have our unresolved traumas. Which puts you into a survival mode in terms of you are about self, you are about self preservation. I think that's a very natural thing to do is to just kind of be in an, in your own space, in your own bubble, trying to survive your day to day here, minute to minute. And so that's understandable. And so, you know, I think it's very courageous when those, you know, people can get outside of that, process their traumas or learning to process their traumas along the way and figuring out that, you know, even though you're in the midst of your own trauma, you could still help others. And so, you know, service is a, it's a, it's a very thing that you, you have to dedicate to it. It's an ongoing evolving, you know, evolution of, you know, self, I think as people were. Always evolving.
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Okay.
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I think always evolving. Tell me what that means as a person. Like, you know, you're not the same person you were as a, as 8 years old.
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Fair.
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I'm the same person you were as a preteen or a teenager or in your young 20s or 30s. Like we're always, you're having teachable moments, life lessons. And these, these things mold you as an individual and I think they bring you like full circle and you Know, taking your life lessons and using those to, to help other people who are struggling or who in the once in a space that you were helping them to come out of that, that is of service. Sharing your story. That's service. You know, service doesn't always have to be this big, big, you know, rambunctious, robust thing. Like service can be the smallest thing. You smile at someone today or you shake someone's hand today, you compliment someone today, you ask someone. Really, when I ask someone, how are you doing? I really want to know, like how you're doing. Like, it's not a surface level question for me. Like, I really want to know how was your day today? And if you give me a whole novel, then that's a novel that I'll be interested in hearing. So, you know, it's, you know, services. It could be robust, it could be big, or it could just be the simplest, smallest, little teeny, tiny thing. And so, you know, people, I think once you realize that your service, whatever that might be, you know, it's helpful if you're willing to just share it and touch it. It's just a helpful thing.
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B
Can you imagine, like, and maybe you do like, or imagine the world if, if everybody had a mindset of true intentionality like that, and in me included in that that were you truly did care about the answers that people gave and you really listened to the responses and you really wanted to interject in those stories where it's appropriate to. And, and then what's funny in, in a non funny way is that's the exact world we all would desire to live in. Like if you said, man, Jeff, tell me where you're the happiest. Where people care about me and I know I belong and I have a place and I fit within these things. And I understand it's not perfect. So it's the world that I would venture to say that, that we were made to live in.
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A
I think a very valid point, a very good point that you made is that people just want you to care that, that they just want you to acknowledge them. They want you to see them like whatever it is that you're going through, I see you, you're valuable. And let's figure out how to help you get from point A to B, or if we're trying to get from point A to Z, or just really trying to help you in your journey to get there. And, and I think that's really it. That's, that's it.
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I mean, I would agree to like this what. And we're gonna deviate just a bit. I believe here the number one thing that we can provide to every person here is that they are noticed.
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Yes.
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Okay. And I, you, I know I've gone through different chapters. I have many people that I run into. I'd love to help them. And it with much clarity, you know, somebody who's suffering from addiction, it is much clearer in my mind that the best thing for them is to be free of this addiction.
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Absolutely.
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Is not so clear in their mind.
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Yeah. Well, I think when it comes to addiction or you know, other type of, of mental, like locks, if you will, it's the judgment. Will people judge me?
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Yeah.
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And I think, you know, if you approach from a place, a place of like really tender loving care, tlc, like, like really showing up to where, you know, individuals feel like they're not being judged for their downfalls or their slips or their struggles. I think once people really, really see that they are able to, to bring down those barriers, bring down those walls. And like you said, like I see you and it's like that's a very important, beautiful thing for you to tell someone. It's like I see you where you are, I see you and I see where you want to be. And it's like even though you might have some trips and falls and stumbles along the way, that's okay. If we got to go back to point A, let's just go back to point A.
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That's right.
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Like as long as you're proactive and wanting to help yourself because they have to be an equal participant themselves in their own journey to recovery. And so you know, caring is, caring is a huge component. And I think that the non judgmental part of it helps them take huge steps from forward in their own recovery.
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And I agree.
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Healing.
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Hey, before we go any further, so for all the people listening, tell us about the nonprofit that you are, that you started. That you started, that you are running. Correct. Tell us about that. And then we're going to keep going down this path. But I want that spoken early.
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Well, I appreciate it. We have and we're called Scootable.
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B
Scootable.
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Scootable. That's one word.
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Uh huh. Okay.
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S C O O T A B L e or scootable.
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Scootable.org okay.
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Come see us. We would love to see you. Visit the page. A couple of clicks.
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That was good. That was, that was nice.
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I wasn't even practicing.
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That was nice. Uh huh.
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I'm trying here.
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Okay. So scootable.org we help divorcees divorcees.
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Divorcees who are either pre divorced already in their journey or post divorce, like newly divorced.
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And so male and female, male and female. Okay, fair.
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There are.
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Because both get divorced. Like they, I mean, so divorce will hit both sides of the fence. Okay.
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A
So I can only imagine, you know, women, yes, we, we know that women are, you know, would be at the forefront of kind of possibly needing some help, but men would also need help. There's, there's good women, there's good manager. Sometimes you hear the. The thing is, like, they were horrible together in a marriage, but there would be good separate friends apart or just a. It just didn't work out for whatever reason. And you know, a man, to me, he's still an individual. He's a valuable individual. He still has, you know, things that he wants to accomplish as well as her. So when you separate and divide, you know, assets, children, all of the things, it's a very hard thing. And so I don't want men to be left out because my father, he's. He's a good man. And so if he were in this situation, knowing that he's a good man and he's a provider, but just might so happen to, to need someone to help him, whether emotionally, financially, or, you know, just resources, navigate, help him navigate the process and knowing what to do, where to go, you know, I wouldn't want to leave him out or anyone. Like, I believe there are good men, whether relationships go well or not. Just things just sometimes they just don't work out for whatever reason. So we help men and women, of course. And so I will go back to how we got started, okay. Like, I'm, I'm still married. Okay. But how we got started was, you know, I had one of my good best friends from College. We are 20 plus years in our friendship and knew her spouse in college, nice, charismatic person. And it just, you know, marriage is hard, period. You know, there's struggles and all of the things, but just one of those things to where it's like, okay, well, it didn't work out. And so she just didn't know what to do. She didn't know where to turn. She didn't know what were next steps, nothing. And so it was like, okay. Naturally, as a friend, it's like, okay, let's dig deep, let's see what we can find. And we found a lot of nothing. And that's not to say that we scoured all 50 states and all of the things to dig deep to see what might have been available. But we just didn't see anything. Definitely nothing on a national level that we could find. If you found something, let me know. You can email us and. And let us know. There's a contacts page on school.org and you can let us know.
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B
You don't play around. Like, she don't play.
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We trying to let the people know that we're here.
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Agreed.
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A
But didn't see anything on a national level. Not really anything on a local level. So it was just like, man, like, this just. It doesn't feel good. And so just. We talked about it for months, and just one day, we were like, we should start a nonprofit.
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Okay?
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A
And so. But months and months went by, and we hadn't said anything about it. We said it that one night, and months and months went by, and then it. It was constantly on my mind. And so I'm just thinking. Not communicating that to her, but just on my mind and thinking. Thinking, man, how could we do this? And so one day she came. She brought it back up to me. So I'm like, it's on your mind, too, because it's on mine. And so it's just like, let's just do it. And so we did it. And so here we are@school.org.
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B
Okay, and what do y'all like? So tell me about this process of walking somebody through that chapter. Because I'm emotionally stressful. We're fixing. I've only been on one side of it. I was a child whose parents got divorced, so I've been on that side. So. But I've never been on the other side. Like, I'm in a relationship. We were still married. But I would imagine on this, it's a extremely difficult.
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A
It is hard time, very stressful, especially if it's one thing to be amicable. And you both are like, okay, this is not working out. And so you know that it's not working out. And you both agree, like, okay, we're just gonna, you know, go our separate ways. But, you know, I don't hate you, you don't hate me. And it could be, you know, a kosher, like an okay type of thing, and you can go along to get along kind of thing. And then there's the other side of it to where I hate your guts, you hate my guts kind of thing. And it's like, you know, it's. It can be really, really stressful and a nasty process. And so, you know, just getting people to. To know that it's okay to feel how you feel and that you can find help, and it's like, you know, we want to be national, but obviously we're starting locally in terms of, you know, our footprint. You know, we're trying to maximize this footprint and grow because we don't want to grow too big to where we're disservice. We're not. We can't really, you know, help everyone who might come to us because, you know, their, their needs are imminent. But what we do have on schoolabo.org is if you go, we have an information and resources page and you can find information for. Information for, you know, food assistance. You can learn about your insurance option, transportation. You can learn about support groups on a national level. And edlist is always growing. Um, and so we're constantly adding to it in terms of what we're learning nationally that people can look into. There's information about the divorce process, like step by step. So it's like what you're to expect once you get started. These are the steps in terms of the timeline. This is the beginning and this is the end. And it can take, at this point, I think divorces are taking two plus years.
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B
Two plus years?
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A
Two plus years. That depends if you have children. Like, if you have children, that could be a longer process. And so, you know, just helping people to understand and get an idea of what it's going to be like for them. There's information in there about domestic violence. There's information about, you know, the grief process of going through a divorce. Because, you know, they say that going through a divorce is like experiencing a death. And so there are, you know, those stages of, you know, what we're calling like, divorce grief. And so you can learn about that. And there's also on that page to where you can know how to talk to your children about, about the process. And it's like, even if you have a great relationship with your children, that doesn't mean it's not going to be a hard conversation.
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B
Yeah.
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A
And so we also have information resources that you can look into that you can delve into and, you know, help you along the way. And so we do have case management for a few Texas counties to where, you know, they can reach out to us and we can kind of get a little bit more specific in terms of their needs, in terms of, you know, how we can help them a little bit better. And we're only just trying to grow that.
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B
Okay, interesting on that. So because we, we lose. Well, don't lose sight. But in theory, every marriage started at a place that two people believed that they wanted to live. Life together.
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A
Yes.
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B
Okay. And then for this or that occurred. And then many marriages also involve kids. You know that they've got families, they've got these things that are part of this process. And it is, it is. I like the fact that you say it is grief is losing something that was dear to you. You know, like you go, somebody loses their pet. If you cared about the pet, you can go through the stages of grief. You know, it's not just a look in a relationship that you have devoted time and life and caring. It that's no longer part of you, you grieve.
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A
Right.
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B
It's. It's lost and so it's hurt and like in that. And for kids, like for. If you're out for adults. Kids are not stupid. I don't lack of a better term. They, they are more aware of what is occurring. They may not understand it.
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A
Very intuitive.
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B
Very intuitive. I can still. I'm grown man. I'm old. I can still remember I was in first, second grade, second grade. I guess my parents got divorced at this time and we were moving out. Okay. And I remember being at my grandparents house with my mom and it wasn't time to be at my grandparents house and I didn't understand what was going on and I didn't understand why my dad wasn't there. And it was never spoken upon. Well, we're just going over here and then, oh, we're moving to Texas and now we live in Texas now, huh. Like about feel terrible. Well, obviously now I would go, now you look back and you're going. I still remember that night. I can still remember being. And being uninformed and still to parents out there, it is still in my family, the unspeakable topic. I'm pretty aware that my parents got divorced.
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A
Like even like it. The divorce rate is huge. Like 40 to 50% of marriages end in divorce. In today's.
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B
That's right.
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A
You know, in today's timeframe. So. Which is totally different from way back yonder. But it's a very prevalent thing and you'd be surprised at how many people don't want to talk about it or just. It's just something that's just not spoken about. And, and it's like, you know, things happen in relationships, divorce happens in relationship. And it's okay like it's, it's okay if that didn't work out. It's okay to rebuild and get you a refresh or restart and start over. Like it's, it's okay to do that. Like I don't think there's anything taboo about something that, you know, no longer worked for you into moving into something that might be better suited for you and for your family and to just rebuild and, and find your happiness. Like no one wants to be stuck in something that they're not happy in. And so it's like if it doesn't work out, you process the grief and you know, you do the rebuilding and you move on. And the other unfortunate caveat to that is of course domestic violence.
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B
A great whole other.
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A
So it's like domestic violence happens which is a very horrible thing. And you know, that's another obvious reason for you know, divorce and things like that. So it's like if again, if something's not fitting within your values, your thought and your vision of your whole picture of your, your life picture, your family picture, then you know it's okay to readjust.
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B
Yeah.
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A
And so, you know, just letting people know it's okay to readjust.
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B
It. It was, it's interesting, I was having a conversation with somebody not this past Monday, the Monday previous, very, very high level executive and she was talking with one of her co workers and they're not at the stage they're getting divorced in her marriage, but they're, they're that. But this lady, high functioning is in such a place doesn't know how to get access to bank accounts, to all of these different things. She's stuck. Yeah, she doesn't know how to even navigate out and she's in a domestic violence situation. But she can't feel at this juncture that she could get out because I don't have the car is not in my name, the I can't get in my bank account.
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A
I can't do this form of domestic abuse.
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B
Well, agreed.
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A
And like I don't think a lot of people know that like if you don't have access, like economical abuse, you don't have access to the bank accounts, the investments, the portfolios or things. If you can asset access things to help you, then that's a form of abuse. Like you in order to help yourself, you do need access to certain things. And if you don't have access to these things and your spouse is the one who you don't normally keeps account of these things. And marriages like that, there's, there's nothing wrong with a marriage where the spouse, there's one spouse who might handle all the financials and things like that, that's fine. I've heard of, you know, those type of marriages and that's totally okay. But if it's the type of situation to where that spouse is like, no, this is what I'm doing. You don't need to know about that. I give you what I give you. Or this is more than enough for you to do what you need to do. No extra access or, you know, the things then, you know, mentally like that really is a form of abuse. And I don't think a lot of people like really know that, you know, and so it's breathe.
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B
It's just I think if I'm. If I am an abuser.
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A
Yeah.
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B
Okay. And. And I would not to any of this, like keep this in mind. Like the behaviors we are speaking of, we are not advocating and think they are good at all. There is zero excuse for male or female for abuse of this sort. Okay. So like in traitors all the time.
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A
You know, definitely not saying that because, you know, you definitely have. It goes both ways in my mind. When it comes to anything, whether it's physical domestic violence, the hitting or whatever it might be, a woman can be aggressive. And so just not saying that, it's always the men who's doing something. I definitely don't believe that. You know, I definitely think, you know.
- [30:04]
B
It can go and it's wrong all the way at all levels. So like first, like for anybody. Yeah, anybody, if you are hearing this and these things, you're going, man, I might be in an abusive relationship. If somebody is laying hands on you, doing whatever we would hear that is not an acceptable thing. Not as not acceptable. And if it is in such a place of I don't have any money and I not allowed to buy clothes and this, he gives me $25, I can in and go buy two shirts and I don't know how to get in the bank account. And this that you might want to be looking at is maybe some red flags of going, I am not in a healthy life abundant type relationship.
- [30:55]
A
That's very true. And on schoolbar.org okay, that's right. There's resources on domestic violence. We have a specific page devoted to domestic violence. And you can find a slither of resources, warning signs, what to look for. Even if you're, you know, abuse can, can happen gradually over time. It's not like just a bam, like this is. This is it. It gradually happens over time. And you know, some people might think that oh, that was, you know, they didn't mean it, they apologized and then it's something else. And then it's, it's. Things can be subtle that, you know, you're, you're not thinking and calculating as you know, this is know form of domestic violence or abuse. And so we do have a page specifically for domestic violence to where you can know the signs. There are resources people that you can contact, resources, organizations. Yes. So it's, it's a very real thing. We definitely want to make sure to touch on. On that very sensitive subject. So we do have that information.
- [31:56]
B
Agreed. And like the abuse subject is. Is one and this we're talking about. It is. It's an imbalance of power.
- [32:08]
A
Yeah.
- [32:08]
B
You know that it. But it's not like all of a sudden just. It could be. But generally it's not like wake up and all these. It's just like slowly eroding away of the power. And next thing you know, you're in a place you're like, I don't even know how I got here.
- [32:27]
A
It's very true.
- [32:28]
B
In the workforce, I mean, you go sexual abuse or a power. I mean an imbalance of power is. Opens itself up to possibilities of abuse. If somebody is underneath you, you can abuse your. Right. Oh, they do whatever I say because they don't work here. If they, if I don't.
- [32:47]
A
Yes.
- [32:47]
B
That can lead to. Doesn't. They're supervised relationships. Same deal. We can end and we can be in places they're like, how in the world did I get here that I can't even get to my own bank account? This or that. And you're like world. And then to go. How to get out even more daunting.
- [33:11]
A
Yeah.
- [33:12]
B
And to go and then to try to navigate some of these areas completely on your own is overwhelming.
- [33:21]
A
Overwhelming. And that's what we're. That's. That's our purpose. It's definitely to. To help you in your process, to help you in your journey, to get you connected to others, resources. All of the things. We're really just trying to. To think of everything that a divorcee would need in terms of what can make their journey more manageable, how to help them navigate better like that. That's really what we're trying to do. Trying to help them figure out what they can do for self and what they can do to help their families to heal and thrive. And so that's definitely what we're trying to, you know, to help divorcees, you know, do. And so it's a, it's a, it's a journey for sure. It's a lot of networking and trying to reach out to organizations and we're so new and so it's a lot of cold calling and, you know, emailing and, you know, but. And that's okay. You know, it's. It's part of the journey because we're on our own journey as well, trying to make sure that we can, you know, we're in the trenches trying to make sure that we can get all the resources that we can for divorcees to try to help them help themselves with their mental health. Because it is so stressful. It is so overwhelming. And then again, there's all of the emotions. There's anger, there's sadness, there's depression. There's so many things. And so, you know, it can be hard for them to show up for themselves. And so, you know, we're. We're trying to help you to know it's okay to feel how you feel. Feel all of the things like feel all of it. And so in terms of. With Feed My Sheep and what you all do, which I think is a lovely organization. Feed my sheep. And so I'm supposed to say, hold on.
- [35:08]
B
Feed my sheep. Temple.org yeah, give me five right there. Did you hear that? Yeah, that just happened.
- [35:15]
A
You know, homelessness is another thing that also happens with divorcees.
- [35:19]
B
I agree.
- [35:20]
A
And it happens about. If I can get my number right, I could be wrong. Don't quote me. But if you can find it, you know, you let me know on school.org send me a message to say, way better. Get it right.
- [35:30]
B
Way better.
- [35:30]
A
It's 30% of women and children experience homelessness when they go through divorce.
- [35:37]
B
Agreed. And. And we would say. We would say. I would feel pretty confident in that answer, at least for a term of time. That's not permits. And then we would use. There's definitions of homeless.
- [35:48]
A
Yes.
- [35:49]
B
So there's the HUD definition, and then there's the one the school districts use. I would agree completely on that one. Not that I would disagree with whatever, but, like, the school district's definition is insecure housing counts as homeless. If you have to go stay at a relative's house and you're sleeping on the couch for a month, you're homeless. If you're staying in a hotel, you're homeless. Okay, so it's not like. But so I would agree. I mean, like, you're going to go. There's going to be a process of that. And then people are going. It would be. Death is a pretty solid life moment.
- [36:25]
A
Yeah.
- [36:26]
B
Losing a spouse in this way is right up there in the big, big moments of our life. And it's a topic still, societally that we don't really Speak on much. And so people are left. If we go, somebody passes away. Okay. Nobody would go, Jeff, good luck. You're on your own. Go figure it out. Yeah, People walk through that process and they do this and they go, he lost a loved one and this and that. Oh, we need to be with him. We need to support when divorce, you can feel, but this is what we're trying to alleviate. Not. You can feel that you are completely on your own. All your friends, guess what, they may got split up.
- [37:18]
A
That is very. Is a very real thing. You have friends in marriage and, you know, friends will split down code to one side or the other.
- [37:27]
B
That's right.
- [37:28]
A
And so it can be a very lonely place, especially with families. Some families don't believe in divorce.
- [37:33]
B
Agreed.
- [37:33]
A
And so that's another thing. It's like this is something that, you know, our family doesn't do. And it's, you know, you could be on your own and that. No friends, no family. So it could be a very lonely place to be. Or sometimes you just don't want to share.
- [37:47]
B
Well, agree.
- [37:48]
A
You don't want people to know what's going on. So then you keep it to yourself and it's, you know, you feel a little isolated. Whether that's no friends, no family, or you just keeping it to yourself. You're keeping yourself in kind of like an isolated space.
- [38:01]
B
Agreed.
- [38:02]
A
You know, and, and, and you know, people have to, you know, want to decide for themselves what they want to share. So, you know, we always say, you know, and sometimes getting access to counselors, therapy, things like that is not financially feasible. So it's like, do you have a trusted friend? Do you have, you know, maybe a coworker, an acquaintance that you can talk to that you feel safe with? Or, you know, maybe some support groups or, you know, if you do go to church, you know, a pastor or, you know, some churches do have support groups themselves. Like, you know, find. Find your people, you know, so that you don't have to go through this by yourself. You know, get out there in scootable.org, you know, we are, we are.
- [38:51]
B
I don't know, people.
- [38:53]
A
And so, yeah, you know, we call it, you know, when we're reaching out and trying to help people and we say, you know, your Scootable village. Right. As our signature. Because it's just. It takes a village, it really does, with other communities, organizations, resources. You know, it really does take a community of resources, people, services to do the work that we're doing. And so we're just trying to collect it all as much as we can so that we can have it available and, you know, really be a full service, a full spectrum of information and resources that, you know, divorcees can grab and hold on to.
- [39:36]
B
Very good. And like this, like, even doing this part, the world we're in, it's still like, it's crazy. Percentage wise. There's a decent population of people that'll be listening to the podcast going, oh, I can't believe they're telling everybody to go get divorced. Why are we talking about that? We're not saying that. We are not saying those words.
- [39:59]
A
I did say I'm still married.
- [40:01]
B
That's right.
- [40:01]
A
And happily married. And so, like, again, like, we Absolutely. Absolutely not even a question. Believe in marriage.
- [40:10]
B
Yeah, that's right.
- [40:11]
A
We believe in the union of marriage. Your marriage is your marriage. You do what you do in your marriage. But for those that they couldn't figure it out or they. They couldn't make it work, like, that's okay. And there is a safe space that's right. For them to come to@scruple.org that's right. And so it's just like, you know, we believe in marriage, cheerleaders for marriage. But for those who didn't quite get to make it to the finish line, we're here for you. We want to help you, you know, again, with your healing and your thriving and your success. And so that's. That's what we want to be.
- [40:47]
B
Just very nice.
- [40:48]
A
I'm going to wrap you in a nice little hug of cocoon of love.
- [40:51]
B
Agreed hugs. Because it is. It is. I haven't been there, so I can't answer on this side of it. I can't imagine the loneliness. It must be at certain junk, because, mind you, we're talking about two adults. It could be. There's so many different scenarios there could be. You may be going through this process and you had no intention of getting divorced, but the person you're married to had a real solid intention of not being married to you anymore. And you're like, you're sitting there and it wasn't like, oh, good, I chose this. This is awesome.
- [41:26]
A
Somebody made a decision for you.
- [41:27]
B
That's right. Two adults. And one of them made a decision, said, guess what? I ain't in this anymore. And see it. And then you are, then, okay, it could. And so some of these things like this, it could be just one night you are, and the next night you ain't.
- [41:43]
A
Yeah.
- [41:43]
B
And they're gone. And you're going, oh, my gosh. And Then on you, it catches again.
- [41:49]
A
It'S a, it's a gradual. Like, again, relationships are hard. You're dealing with a whole nother personality other than your own. And so there's a lot of compromise. There's so many components to a healthy, you know, relationship, partnership. And, and all the things that, like, that's, that's understood, you know, but, you know, when you're so focused and you're living your, your day to day, I think sometimes you miss the signs. Oh, of, of, you know, the warning signs of, of divorce. And so it's you, you just take a step back and you think, like, what did I miss? And probably if you just sit with yourself and you really think about it and you're like, wow, that happened and that happened and that happened. And I just, I, I really just was like, I'll get to it, we'll talk about it, we'll fair, you know, we'll, we'll get in therapy or we'll do the things and you just don't get to it. And then before you know it, you're further and further and further apart. Communication is a big component, a big factor.
- [42:48]
B
Agreed.
- [42:48]
A
When you're not communicating your needs and wants and, you know, how do we, how do we move together? How do we move this marriage thing along? You know, how are we moving together as a family unit? And when you're moving on two different accords, you know, and you're not paying attention to the stress and the strain, like, life is stressful, that agrees just in general, between work and if you have the babies and the things, just life is just stressful, period. Trying to figure out how to take care of yourself and your family or just, you know, self or, or if you're codependent on your spouse and they're the breadwinner or whatever it is just life is just really stressful. But when we're not tuned in and really honing in and paying attention to, you know, let me check with my partner and are they happy? Am I happy? You know, are we having the conversations of, you know, what is, what does this look like for us? And when those, you know, that communication is falling by the wayside, you do see, like, man, I miss that. Or, you know, and then you get to divorce's doorstep and then you're, you know, you're, you're going through with it. So, you know, it's a, it's a huge, you know, life event that people go through and, and, you know, not everybody understands it, you know, especially if you know, you're in a relationship and you're like, well, I couldn't imagine. Or, you know, but, you know, when you step outside of yourself and you kind of really think about what someone else is going through, you're like, man, you know, like, I wouldn't, you know, before we started school.
- [44:25]
B
School.org I'm gonna say it again. I'm not gonna laugh this time. Go ahead and say it.
- [44:29]
A
Scootable.org but, like, before we started, like, I wouldn't know what to do, honestly. And so it was like, you know, I'm. I'm. We're trying to do the. The very thing to where, you know, people don't necessarily have to think hard about what next steps are. Where do I go? You know, what can I find? And so we're just trying to fill the gap in that way on. On skoodable.org I didn't laugh.
- [45:01]
B
I did a good job. There you go. And what I really like. So out of this. And then we're going to come to this place. What I really found very enjoyable. Like, both of us would agree, like, the people that we work with are going into places we wouldn't wish upon anybody. They're in very dark, difficult places that we're not sitting there. Man, I sure hope I got more customers.
- [45:27]
A
Yeah.
- [45:27]
B
No, but what we're trying to do is the heart of it is maybe to feel the hurt of this life is so difficult, to just simply know that somebody sees the hurt that you're going through and you're not alone. That's it. We're just going to walk through this, you know, and it's biblical. I mean, like, what. Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I am. I'm not alone. Okay. And then the pastures are green. I'm not alone there. But I'm also not alone in the dark. And so what I like at this is some of these moments and divorce is one of those moments where it could be totally, totally, totally feel like you're all alone in a dark place, all by yourself, and you can't let anybody even know possibly, that I am lost.
- [46:24]
A
Yes.
- [46:25]
B
Hey. What I like is y'all provide a way for somebody to at least reach out and say, I might be lost.
- [46:34]
A
Yes.
- [46:34]
B
And they can hear another voice and to say, hey, guess what? I ain't the light. But I'm gonna make sure that you ain't alone in this room.
- [46:43]
A
Absolutely.
- [46:44]
B
And we're going to walk towards the light, and then you are going in to provide that information. Because it is comfort. It doesn't change the situation. But to know that somebody is there with you makes the miserable times survival.
- [47:03]
A
Yes. Yes. Where can they find this information on.
- [47:06]
B
That is scootable.org man, did you see? I did that very well.
- [47:11]
A
Did it great.
- [47:13]
B
Excellent. And then before this, don't forget this if. Have you met Kay up here yet?
- [47:18]
A
I have not.
- [47:18]
B
Okay, so before you leave, so we're not getting off track, but you need to meet Kay and our resource, Misty, wherever she been. I know so well. Misty. We're going to give a shout out to Misty. Misty is but like her relationships.
- [47:33]
A
Yeah.
- [47:35]
B
So Misty is. She's home and taking care of her husband and doing family stuff. Life doesn't cease to keep coming at people. As long as we are breathing, life is still coming.
- [47:48]
A
Life is lifing.
- [47:49]
B
That's right. Life. And we were just joking, Bobby and I. One of our guys out there, he put out there. Adulting is difficult.
- [47:57]
A
It is difficult.
- [47:58]
B
Whatever that means. I don't even know. But adulting, it's. It's tough.
- [48:02]
A
We make choices every day. We do every day.
- [48:05]
B
Every second of every.
- [48:06]
A
Every second of every day. And it's like, man, what choice do I make today? Or what choice has the day made for me? Or has life made for me? It's. It's a challenge.
- [48:16]
B
Okay. So like, this drives my. My son and anybody who knows me drives him a little bit crazy. I must say it a million times a day in my head because I think life is one solid series of choices and the only choice I have. So like mine is, I think the only choice I truly control is my reaction to the world. So I say over and over and over and over and over and over. I can't control the weather. I simply can control how I react to the weather.
- [48:48]
A
I like that.
- [48:48]
B
So mine is simply. That is my choice, is my response. So here, I'm going to give you. Ready? Here, you can put this on scootable.org I'm going to give this to you. This is so my formula, my mathematical formula for life along those same premise. Okay. Is so mathematics, even though I'm terrible at math, is E plus R equals O and the R is the variable in the equation. So an event plus my response equals the outcome and I control the R I like. Okay? So the life does not determine the outcome to me. I am part of the formula that determines that I have an ability. I am in control of the formula. I can't control the event.
- [49:37]
A
Yeah.
- [49:37]
B
But I can control the response and Those together equal the outcome.
- [49:42]
A
Yes.
- [49:42]
B
Like this to go to scootable.org, there you go. I slid that one. But like that, that is a way to put more in your corner of the R. That is more in the response. The more you have in the response, the more you control that, the more you realize the outcome is in your hands.
- [50:05]
A
Yes.
- [50:06]
B
That is power.
- [50:07]
A
I love it. It is power. And I think a lot of people sometimes don't realize, like you are as much of an important component and variable in your own story, in your own equation, in your own formula. Like you. You are it.
- [50:22]
B
That's it.
- [50:23]
A
And. And you are very important to your success, to your healing, to your recovery.
- [50:28]
B
Why did it take us this long to get here? What in the world are you doing? Uni, you're killing me. Agreed. At the end of the day, okay, we'll go a whole other deal. Like if they let us loose, we get all kind of trouble. Because we could talk.
- [50:41]
A
We could. Yes, we could.
- [50:42]
B
Because ready, we lose that. We lose in this world so much of how much we are responsible in our own lives. We sit by and we think we're passengers in the car. And really we are driving this car and we do not have. And we allow ourselves to even be put in the backs. We control the response. I cannot control when things happen, good or bad. Yeah, we may walk out of here and something really good may happen. Something really bad may happen. I don't know. I can control my response and my reaction.
- [51:18]
A
Yes.
- [51:19]
B
That's how that is what life is about. It's choices, you know, and I can't choose to have the. The right winning lottery tickets and get become a good joke in here tonight.
- [51:29]
A
If you do, you know, I could. You know, I'm your friend today.
- [51:33]
B
I agree.
- [51:33]
A
And going forward, we're going to move forward. My response or two, just throw me like $5. I'd be so happy.
- [51:41]
B
Yes, but like that, even in that scenario, let's say I did do that, that is not going to be the outcome that I'm looking for. I can still have that moment and still be the passenger in the car. What I really. And even these the times that you realize in life, the clearest that I am truly in control is those moments that are the darkest. I have a choice to make. I can either quit or I can fight.
- [52:14]
A
Oh, you get that. Beautifully said.
- [52:16]
B
Okay. And so like in out of that, we are saying in this, it's terrible on the divorce do, we're just simply saying you're not alone. You Are not powerless. There is no imbalance of power in life as a whole. And what y'all are doing over there, that why they sort of fit together. They're very different. We are not in this world. You are. Okay, but what the similarity is is you are saying in what you do. The same thing we say over and over. The only thing we do and why we do it is we simply say people matter.
- [52:53]
A
People matter.
- [52:54]
B
Yes, people matter.
- [52:55]
A
People very important.
- [52:56]
B
They're mad.
- [52:57]
A
Yeah. We're interdependent on each other. Like, that's right. We need each other. Right. And so if my neighbor is struggling, if I can help my neighbor, then I'm going to help my neighbor. That's the same thing that you do. It's the same thing that we do. We're helping our neighbors, period.
- [53:11]
B
It's not rocket science.
- [53:12]
A
Not rocket science.
- [53:13]
B
Hey, I'm going to tell you, I enjoyed visiting with you uni. Okay. And I do. And, like, we will be praying for what you have going on. And then, like, both of us. So ready? We. We share on this comment out there. I'm a. Oh, I would say maybe. I would say I believe. Okay, guess what? I want to be out of business tomorrow because there is no people going without food and struggling with the issues that we have every day at Feed My Sheep. And I would believe that you would say, you know what? Scootable.org it went away because there's no body struggling with divorce anymore. But guess what? We ain't going out of business tomorrow. The world we live in is not perfect, but we both. We will both be walking side by side with people tomorrow and the next day and the next day and the next day. And we will be here. I don't know what's ours. Feed my sheep temple.org feed my sheep temple.org and skoodable. That's right. That's. That's twice now I've said it. That's a record for me doing that. We're doing great. So, okay, everybody out there went a whole lot of places. We're going to get unique, come back, we're going to talk about relationships and life. Like, so we introduced her website. I do ask you to go look at that. Okay. And to go look at then what's going on there. If you're in a relationship and going through some of these difficult things, great resource. Go look at that and go see what's going on. But if you listen, you could also go, golly, they touched upon a bajillion different things that would be interesting.
- [54:51]
A
Yes.
- [54:52]
B
Interesting topics. So good to have you.
- [54:55]
A
Thank you for having me.
- [54:56]
B
Yeah. Thank you for coming and everybody out there. If you are listening to this, we would say the commonality, we always would say, is that people matter. And then I would say to you, if you're hearing this and whatever you're doing, you are a person, and the truth applies to you as it does to everybody else. You matter.
- [55:17]
A
You matter. You're valuable.
- [55:19]
B
Amen.
- [55:19]
A
You're amazing. You just gotta dig deep. If you lost it and can't find it, it's there. Just dig a little deeper. Dig yourself. Pull yourself up.
- [55:28]
B
Are you digging like a rabbit?
- [55:29]
A
I don't know what I'm gonna.
- [55:31]
B
Is that a rabbit?
- [55:35]
A
I was like, I don't know what's happening.
- [55:39]
B
It's like a Ricky Bobby moment that I don't know what to do with my hands right now.
- [55:43]
A
Yes.
- [55:44]
B
It wasn't. It was like a badger, rabbit, hedgehog. Like, we got four more weeks of winter coming up, so I don't know what I incur. Okay.
- [55:52]
A
So it's good to me.
- [55:53]
B
Good to have you. And that is it. Thank you, Bobby. And we are out of here.
- [55:58]
A
Foreign.
- [56:06]
B
Thank you for listening to this episode of the Collage podcast, a production of Redcord Media. For more information on this and other podcasts, please visit redcordmedia.org.