The Collage Podcast

Episode: The Role of Accountability in Helping Others

Release Date: March 8, 2026

Host: Jeff (Feed My Sheep)
Guests: Brian Hawkins (Executive Director, Cove House, Copperas Cove), Caleb (local business owner)
Location: Feed My Sheep, Temple, TX

Episode Overview

This episode centers on the complexities of “helping” people—especially in nonprofit settings—when those being helped seem unwilling to move beyond basic relief into recovery or restoration. The conversation explores the tension between compassion, stewardship of resources, organizational mission, and the concept of accountability. Multiple perspectives are brought together: Jeff as the nonprofit director, Brian as a seasoned minister and shelter leader, and Caleb as a younger business owner. Together, they dissect what it means to help others well, when helping becomes enabling, and how kindness and accountability intersect in real-life situations.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Relief, Recovery, Restoration: The Helping Model (00:22–04:36)

• The episode follows up on a continuing discussion about how nonprofits—and well-meaning individuals—move people from immediate relief to recovery and finally, restoration.
• Jeff questions: How long should support be extended to someone who seems uninterested in leaving the “relief” phase?
• The team agrees that many organizations struggle when their goals for individuals (restoration) don’t align with the individuals’ own intentions.

2. Choosing a Lifestyle & Accepting Choices (07:54–13:14)

• Brian: “Some people don’t think life is supposed to look like we think it’s supposed to look like.” (07:54)
• Both Jeff and Brian note that some individuals consciously choose homelessness or a relief-only lifestyle to avoid responsibility and accountability.
• Brian: “The hardest thing for people to do is understand that some people don’t want what we would call better.”
• They’ve shifted from calling exits “evictions” to language that emphasizes client choice: “We agree with your decision to no longer participate in our program.” (13:14)

3. Stewardship of Resources & Emotional Limits (13:25–17:11)

• Extending resources to those uninterested in change comes at the expense of those earnest about moving forward.
• Brian: “You can spend money one time...so whatever you expend financially, emotionally, [or] physically on any one person, it no longer exists for somebody else.” (14:09)
• The group discusses the Christian ethic of “the least of these,” with Brian pointing out Scripture also emphasizes accountability (16:05) and stewardship.

4. Practical Accountability: Setting Expectations (18:18–22:53)

• Brian outlines his shelter’s approach: “Our little slogan is we're a launch pad, not a crash pad.” (19:18)
• Expectations are clearly explained up front, with regular benchmarks and follow-ups. If there’s no progress in 30 days, the program exits the participant.
• Many opt out upon hearing about requirements: curfews, check-ins, or work.

5. Business Parallels & True Kindness (23:47–29:16)

• The parallels between business and nonprofit worlds: in both, accountability and expectations lead to healthy outcomes for all involved.
• Keeping someone in a job or program they show no interest in is not kind—to them or others.
• Brian: “Sometimes there's kindness in the withholding...but when you keep providing, you're telling them, ‘I don't think you're capable.’ That's degrading.” (28:30)

6. The Fine Line: Empowering vs Enabling (29:16–39:11)

• The challenge is knowing when “help” merely enables someone to maintain their current situation.
• Jeff: “Am I empowering a person to possibly move towards options...or am I enabling them and keeping them in the place they are currently at?” (29:56)
• Examples are discussed: panhandling as a lucrative job ($100–$150/hour in some estimates) and well-intentioned but mismatched gifts (e.g., 18 pizza boxes given to one uninterested recipient).

7. Mission Clarity and Donor Stewardship (37:09–43:04)

• Each organization must be clear about its mission—some may focus solely on immediate relief; others on transformation.
• Brian: “If God tells you to give that money away, then do it. But if you're doing it to make you feel better, that's probably not what God wants you to do.” (37:17)

8. Respecting Adult Choices (45:39–47:17)

• Organizations and donors must acknowledge personal agency—even if the choice is toward continued homelessness or dependency.
• Brian: “People choose us over other shelters all the time. People choose homelessness over either shelter all the time...The hard part is accepting that choice.” (46:59)

9. On Hitting ‘Bottom’ & The Weight of Accountability (47:18–52:04)

• Discussing addiction or ongoing need: enabling can delay—but not prevent—a person reaching the “bottom” where real change may occur.
• Brian: “The only way for them to learn is the consequences of that wrong choice...What keeps parents enabling is fear: if I cut them off, they’ll die and it’ll be my fault. Nothing could be further from the truth.” (48:06)

10. Detachment, Dignity, and Love (54:22–61:50)

• Helping must be separated from feeling sorry; maintain respect for the person’s dignity and choices.
• Brian: “My job wasn’t to feel sorry for them. My job was to help resource them.” (54:22)
• Detachment is crucial: “Quit feeling emotionally attached to that decision. They’re not trying to hurt our feelings. They don’t know us.” (56:16)
• Jeff: “I can be kind with no strings attached to people and love on them as human beings. The resources I provide do not have to be that same way. There’s expectations in everything we do.” (57:02)
• Emphasize process over outcome: not everyone will reach restoration; kindness doesn’t mean rescuing against their will.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Brian Hawkins [07:54]: “You can’t do it for them, and you can’t do it in spite of them.”
• Brian Hawkins [13:25]: “If you’re not careful, you exhaust so much energy on the ones who don’t want what you’re trying to give, you don’t have any energy left for the ones who do.”
• Brian Hawkins [16:05]: “The scripture also says if a man won’t work, he shouldn’t eat.”
• Jeff [19:18]: “We’re a launch pad, not a crash pad.”
• Brian Hawkins [28:30]: “Sometimes there’s kindness in the withholding...when we keep providing, you’re telling them, ‘I don’t think you’re capable.’ That’s degrading.”
• Jeff [29:56]: “Am I empowering a person to possibly move towards options...or am I enabling them and keeping them in the place they are currently at?”
• Brian Hawkins [46:59]: “People choose us over other shelters all the time. People choose homelessness over either shelter all the time...The hard part is accepting that choice.”
• Brian Hawkins [56:16]: “Quit feeling emotionally attached to that decision. They’re not trying to hurt our feelings. They don’t know us.”

Timestamps for Key Segments

• Opening and Episode Setup: 00:22–04:36
• Lifestyle Choices and Nonprofit Challenges: 07:54–13:14
• Resource Stewardship and Emotional Limits: 13:25–17:11
• Accountability in Practice: 18:18–22:53
• Kindness vs. Enabling and Business World Parallels: 23:47–29:16
• Panhandling and Mismatched Help: 31:23–39:11
• Clarifying Mission and Stewarding Donor Gifts: 37:09–43:04
• Respecting Choice and Program Philosophy: 45:39–47:17
• Parents, Tough Love, and Hitting Bottom: 47:18–52:04
• Separation of Emotion & Action, Dignity & Detachment: 54:22–61:50
• Wrap-up, Next Topics, and Parting Insights: 61:50–66:51

Tone & Style

The conversation is warm, candid, and often humorous, balancing deep empathy with practical realism. There’s a shared insistence on dignity and respect for those being helped—understandable skepticism for easy solutions, and a recognition of the limits and costs of compassion. Biblical references and real-world examples ground the discussion, making it accessible and nuanced.

Summary Takeaways

• Not everyone wants to move beyond relief; respecting adult agency is crucial.
• Clear expectations, accountability, and resource stewardship protect both organizations and those most ready to move forward.
• Kindness does not always mean giving; it sometimes means withholding or redirecting efforts.
• Enabling can feel compassionate but often strips individuals of dignity and agency.
• Detachment—from outcomes and emotional enmeshment—is vital for healthy helping.
• Each organization (and individual) must clarify its mission and accept that sometimes others will choose a different path.
• Ultimately, helping is “walking with,” not forcing, and respecting choices even when it hurts.

For more discussions on practical compassion, local stories, and the realities of serving others in the community, stay tuned to The Collage Podcast.