Podcast Episode Summary

The Collage Podcast – When Helping Hurts Pt. 1

Host: Feed My Sheep
Guests: Jeff, Nancy
Date: April 3, 2026

Episode Overview

This heartfelt episode, “When Helping Hurts Pt. 1,” dives deeply into the complexities, challenges, and emotional toll of helping vulnerable people in a community context. Through the story of “YR,” a mentally ill, unhoused woman, Nancy and Jeff explore what it truly means to help, the barriers and heartbreak along the way, and how “success” often looks very different from what outsiders expect. Listeners are invited into the messiness of real-life compassion and the uncertainty that comes with it.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

Meeting YR and Early Encounters

• Nancy meets YR: Nancy first encountered “YR” at “the well” about a year ago, after being pointed in her direction as someone new to town in need of connection. (02:42–03:16)
• YR’s background: Originally from the Austin area, with a family in Waco (including six or seven siblings), and a long history of mental illness and years spent on the streets. She was described as oscillating between anger and happiness, making communication difficult (03:53–04:04, 04:18–04:43).
• Nancy’s outreach: Nancy offered food, showers, and temporary shelter, including allowing YR to stay in her backyard “she shed”—a pivotal act of personal generosity (05:30–07:01).

Chronic Barriers and Attempts at Support

• Housing efforts: Various strategies were tried to get YR into safer, more stable housing, including attempts to involve her parents, placement at Feed My Sheep’s planned housing “the farm,” and explorations of group housing alternatives (07:01–09:00, 10:18–12:27).
• Resistance to help: YR demonstrated consistent aversion to car rides—rooted in past trauma—making transportation to safer environments extremely challenging (13:44–16:21).
• Cycle of crisis: Over months, YR cycled through street homelessness, brief shelter, mental health crises, and medical emergencies—often requiring Nancy’s intervention and support, with little direct help from YR’s parents despite their proximity (07:01–10:18).

Family Dynamics and the “Meeting”

• The big plan: Nancy facilitated a meeting between YR and her parents, hoping it would result in both emotional support and a tangible transition to safe housing (13:11–18:31).
• Devastating realities: The reunion was emotionally overwhelming.
  • YR broke down sobbing. Her father also wept deeply, expressing pure, uncontrollable pain upon seeing his daughter after years (21:22–22:29).
  • The mother, in stark contrast, scolded YR harshly for crying and minimized her obvious suffering:

    “What is wrong with you? Why are you crying? Your dad is not dead. I am not dead. You are not dead. Stop it. Stop crying. You are fine.” (23:00–23:13)

• Nancy’s heartbreak: Nancy was viscerally affected by the lack of warmth from the mother and the emotional abandonment YR experienced, prompting her to question whether she’d done the right thing (24:13–26:42).

Defining "Success” and Its Limits

• A safe place, at a cost: Despite the tumultuous reunion, YR ultimately moved into a new apartment secured by Nancy and Feed My Sheep. She was physically safe, but her emotional and psychological scars remained untouched (26:42–28:56).
• What does success mean?
  • Jeff challenges the listener to reconsider success:

    “Tell me what your success rate is. What the heck does that mean?” (28:56)

  • Nancy reflects:

    “Success, I would hope, would be for her to know that she's loved.” (30:28)

  • Jeff presses further:

    “Does YR...know without a shadow of a doubt that she is loved by you?... She is not alone.” (31:50)

• A poignant ambiguity: The hosts urge listeners to sit with the confusion and lack of closure, emphasizing that true help is messy, relational, and rarely neat:

  “You have to end at a place of confusion...This is not some child storybook that we deal with.” (31:08–31:19) “Was it a good story...or was it a bad story?...Who can you relate to the most in this story?” (34:30–35:38)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On hope vs. heartbreak:
  • “I thought it would be...I thought she would have love, and...see how hurt she is and how much pain she's in and that she's been traumatized...Why would you not just scoop her up in your arms and just say, 'I'm so sorry that this happened to you. You should cry. It's okay to cry.' But she didn't.” — Nancy (23:40–24:19)
• On painful family estrangement:
  • “It was the deepest, most uncontrollable...Just ache for her. It was the most...the saddest thing I've ever seen. And he just...just held her and...wept.” — Nancy on YR's father (21:30–22:29)
  • “Her mom...just stood next to them and...shrugged her shoulders.” — Nancy (22:27)
• On the limits of help:
  • “Did we solve all of YR’s problems by putting a roof over her head? No.” — Jeff (32:43)
• On the scale and value of love:
  • “Everything we do here comes down to one point: is that individual people matter. Individual people need to know that they have worth, they have dignity, and they have a place that they can belong.” — Jeff (35:38)
  • “Individual people matter. Individual people need to know that they have worth, they have dignity, and they have a place they can belong.” — Jeff (35:38)

Important Timestamps

• YR’s introduction & mental health challenges: 02:42–04:43
• Nancy’s initial outreach & “she shed” story: 05:30–07:01
• First hospitalization—losing her son: 08:33–09:18
• Explanation of “the farm” and housing attempts: 10:18–12:27
• YR’s inability to use cars—trauma: 13:44–16:37
• Setting up and experiencing the family reunion: 18:31–24:19
• Discussion of success, heartbreak, and ambiguity: 26:42–35:38

Tone & Approach

The episode is candid, emotionally raw, and compassionate, marked by both hope and frustration. Nancy and Jeff are honest about their limitations, their heart for the people they serve, and the ambiguity that often marks community work with traumatized individuals. They invite listeners to abandon easy answers, urging reflection and empathy rather than judgment.

Conclusion

Through YR’s painful journey, Nancy and Jeff expose the complex layers of need, love, suffering, and hope faced by those who help—and those who need help. Rather than wrapping up with a tidy ending, the episode concludes with a challenge: to recognize that real help is often confusing and incomplete, but the act of loving another person and giving them dignity can be profound, even if imperfect. Listeners are left reflecting on the worth of each individual and the messy beauty of human compassion.

“Everything we do here comes down to one point: is that individual people matter.”
— Jeff (35:38)