
Bryan & Krissy discuss Megan and Harry, a polo docuseries, when your family doesn’t like your SO, Parental Control, from MTV, this is definitely not scripted, a set up, watching your girlfriend go on a date with another guy, thirsty thirsty family, Bryan’s Escape, OTS ankle massage, and who does she choose!
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Brian Green
This episode of the Commercial break is sponsored by Ring. The holidays are almost here and between traveling, hosting family and finding the perfect gift, it's such an exciting, busy and yes, sometimes stressful time. Ring helps you stay connected to the home for all the merry moments. Even when you're on the go with Ring, you've got the whole home covered. Their video doorbells alert you when gifts arrive and you can even chat with the delivery people to let them know where to leave the packages. The indoor cam. It's a game changer. So easy to set up, you can use it to check in on your pets when you're and with two way talk, you can even talk to them. Plus, if you want some privacy, you can just flip the manual cover to turn off the camera and microphone. Wherever the holidays take you, Ring makes sure that you're always home for the holidays. So head to Ring.com to find the latest deals on Ring, video doorbells, cams and alarm kits. Ring makes the perfect gift for everyone on your list. And thanks to Ring for being a sponsor of the commercial break. This episode is brought to you by Progressive Insurance. Whether you love true crime or comedy, celebrity interviews or news, you call the shots on what's in your podcast queue. And guess what? Now you can call them on your auto insurance too. With the name your price tool from Progressive. It works just the way it sounds. You tell Progressive how much you want to pay for car insurance and they'll show you coverage options that fit your budget. Get your quote today@progressive.com to join the over 28 million drivers who trust Progressive Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and affiliates. Price and coverage match limited by state law. Hey Chrissy. Best to you. Best to you, Brian. Best to you out there in the podcast universe. And happy holidays. Sometimes podcasts like ours will take off a lot of time during the holidays, but not us. We're gluttons for punishment. So we have the 12 days of TCB coming at you December 13th through the 25th. Brand new episodes every single day and live fresh episodes during the entire holiday season. As the great Clark Griswold once said, Holy. Where's the Tylenol? Find it quick and join us this entire holiday season for brand new episodes of the commercial break. You know we wish you a merry Christmas. Oh, well, you know, I know that one. Isn't it enough to host a party? And now you're making me sing too. All right. We wish you a merry Christmas it is. All right. Oh, I know when to come in. Yes, on and all right. Tell Me When? Sing now. Santa Claus and Jesus are coming over now. The next episode of the commercial break starts now. Ding dong. Happy birthday, Jesus. Oh, yeah. Dancers and prancers, welcome Back to the 12 days of TCB. I'm Brian Green. This is the mistletoe to my camel toe, Chris and Joy Hoadley. Best to you, Chris. Best to you, Brian. Best to you out there in the podcast universe. Thanks for joining us. Here we go. We're doing it. We're rolling through the 12 days, the 13 days, or the 20 days of TCB, depending on how you count it. Don't worry, we'll get our maths right in 2025. Meghan and Harry making quite the. Having a. Quite the kerfuffle over there at Netflix. Are they? So I have never really been into the royals. I think we talked about this when the queen died. And then, you know, we have to be careful. We have a. We have one of those in the building. I'm not a royalist. She's a royalist. Don't let her bullshit. You know I'm kidding. Your parents. So Meghan and Harry have broken away from the. From the royals. Okay. Yeah. They came over here to the United States, I think, in the hopes and the wishes, probably the expectation that they would take over America, that they would be the. The king and Queen of the United States of America, at least in a pop culture sense. Right. Because, you know, Meghan had already been famous here in the United States. And then, you know, everybody loves Harry. After his jaunt in Las Vegas with his penis hanging out, you know, everyone was really excited. You remember that? Remember, he's showing his penis in Las Vegas. Hey, listen, good for Harry. Don't stop Harry from having a good time. Hey, you can't fault Harry. Being a royal has gotta suck in a lot of ways. I mean, it's got to be awesome in a lot of ways. It's got to suck in a lot of ways. So they break away from the royals. They make the announcement. They come over to California to embed with all the other rich people, Kanye and Kim and all those other people. And then Netflix comes a calling, as you know that they would. It was either going to be a podcast on Amazon Studios or it was going to be Netflix. And Netflix, being the king of the streaming world, so to speak, said, Here's $100 million. Go out there and make us some fresh content. Yes. And Meghan and Harry promised to deliver. And what they delivered was a hot, steaming. They walked in the room, they walked in the Netflix executive Boardroom, they stood on the table and they delivered a hot steaming pile of turd. Because besides that very first reality show that they had, that really, let's be honest about it, while it revealed some stuff about the royal reality show, I think it was like a documentary, whatever. While it was interesting in some respects, it wasn't their story. Yeah, it was point of view that interesting. I mean, let's be honest about it. And since then, they have done almost nothing of note. And now to cap their time at Netflix, the hundred million dollars, that $100 million that they received to create these like four shitty television shows. They have produced a, I guess a 10 part miniseries on polo, a docu series on polo. Oh, is that the polo thing? I actually bringing polo to the masses because you know when you have to buy horses, stables, hundreds of thousands of dollars worth of veterinary care, and you have to have four horses just to play one match of polo. Four horses? Just four? Yes. And there's six minute, like little intervals, I don't know what they call them, hex or q's or quads or. Jean. Yes, Jean. Four different horses that you switch. Like every three minutes you switch a horse and you rest one and then you go. I watched the first 15 minutes of this terrible, terrible documentary trying to make it look like polo is the everyman sport. That people who play polo are really hero, you know, sports heroes. And that the people around them suffer because of the sport that they play. Sacrifice, toil and trouble that comes with playing polo in Palm Beach, Florida. Fuck you, Meghan and Harry. Fuck you. I gotta be real honest with you. This is the dumbest fucking idea that they could have possibly had. They make themselves look even more entitled. They make themselves look even more out of touch. And they put themselves at a level that is unbelievably unattainable. No one can play polo because it's such a fucking expensive sport. Let's not even get into the treatment of the horses. You don't have enough time in your lifetime, in two of your regular lifetimes, to even have one year of polo. Two of my regulars. Two of your regulars equal one day of Meghan and Harry, because apparently Harry can twiddle off to fucking Le Saint Croix and play a polo match while you and I are sitting here doing the 65,000 hours of TCB just so we can pay health insurance. It's fucking unbelievable. It really is. It's the audacity to try and make polo seem like an everyman's sport when what it really is is like the egotistical. It's like the epitome of obnoxious rich entitlement, in my opinion. And I watched however long I could digest of this and all it shows is good looking white rich men doing nothing but riding their horses along all day. Riding their red rockets as they do boys, just mounting things as they do shirtless sometimes. Because let's make sure we get into abs. Okay, I'm scratching that off the list then, please. Going back to Queer Eye. Yes, thank you. Let's get to something that's a little bit more realistic, like, you know, gay guys dolling up straight guys for a hobby. Let me tell you something. If Netflix wants to spend $100 million, they can come here and drop $100 million right here. And I will work so fucking hard to give you the most mediocre content that's ever been produced on Netflix. It won't be all that good, but it won't be terrible, I promise you. And it won't be about fucking horses and rich people. Meghan and Harry. That's all I gotta say. Honestly, I was kind of rooting for Meghan and Harry at some point. I was like, okay, they're getting a bad rap. They're over here. They're just trying to make their way in the world. I was, too, but now that this polo thing has come out, I'm 100% against. Are they in it? Briefly. Okay, briefly. Because, you know, they don't want it. They didn't want it to be a documentary about Harry just playing polo, but this is such a steaming pile of turd and Netflix knows it, that there has been no promotional materials made. No one has been out on podcasts, abc, NBC morning shows. No one's talking about it. There are no trailers running around, you know, other streaming platforms or however they do these things. And there's no call. No one's coming to our show. No one's come. Yes. No one's. I haven't seen Harry at the commercial break yet or any of those other spoiled rich brats. I mean, honestly, It's. You watch 15 minutes of it. Well, I saw a clip of it the other day. You know how it just automatically plays when you hit on a show, which can be kind of annoying. Yes. But it just automatically played. And I was like, oh, polo. I don't know, maybe I'll save it, but maybe not. See if you can digest even 30 minutes of this particular show, because I'm not that interested. It really got my goat in a time when people are really Suffering to make ends meet. And a lot of us are struggling with paying healthcare costs or for feeding our families or getting from point A to point B. Listen, we are blessed that we get to make a living doing what we're doing. Super blessed. And I'm never complaining about having this job. I don't dig ditches for a living. I'm not up on high rises, you know, doing rivets. Or do they still do rivets? I'm not sure if it's okay. Whatever it is I'm doing, I'm not complaining about doing this for a living. What's rivets? Window washing. Rivets. You know, rivets. Oh, oh. You know, the guys that we used to like, the iron workers, they would do rivets, hot rivets. They'd throw them to each other in buckets. Never mind. I mean, this different story for a different day, but we don't do rivets. And so, you know, I feel blessed in that sense. I really do. But to try and make polo approachable, like as if it was something that anybody, that 99.99% of human beings could even pretend to want to do. Listen, golf is bad enough. You really. You have to pay $150 every time I. Do you hear that? I have horses running right outside my door. That is unbelievable how loud that is. My daughter, one of my daughters, is so loud. She walks like her dad does with her heels. And you could just hear it all through the entire house. To make polo try and seem approachable and that people suffer because of this sport that they play. What was the suffering that was happening? Oh, it's like in the beginning, you know how they say, coming up on this season of. You know, Right. It's these wives of the polo players, and they're like, everybody around him, you know, no one gets enough time from him. Everybody suffers because of polo. Everybody. Oh, God. Meanwhile, suffering is not drinking. You know, lazy teenies in fucking, you know, Martinique every Thursday, on your way to your private jet, going to a polo match. That's not suffering. Suffering is being denied health care. That's what suffering is. And these people have no idea what suffering is, because that's not the world that they live in. I mean, I. Listen, I understand. Suffering is relative. Like, stress is relative. Suffering is relative. And if you work hard for your money, I don't fault you for being a billionaire, a millionaire. Do what you want to do with it, but please don't try and pull the wool over our eyes. And all of a Sudden make it seem like polo is the thing. Everybody, we should have been paying attention to polo all along. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. No, it's not relatable at all. You look at the formula for a successful sports documentary. Doc. You pick doc, you, drama, whatever it is. Aaron Hernandez story. Aaron Hernandez came from nothing. Now, he did murder a bunch of people. I'm sorry about that. But it came from nothing. Right? The guy comes from nothing. Father is abusive, no money in the home, and he struggles all his life to be accepted, to be. To figure out who he is. And he becomes one of the better football players. A lot of drama, a lot of strife. That's a. That. That's a. In there is brewing a good story for a docu series or a docu drama or whatever it is. My 15th horse has a sprain, so I can't use him in my polo match. Today is not anything that I'm fucking concerned with. It really isn't. Except for the horse that has the strain, quote, unquote. Because we really know what's going on. That horse is in the glue factory. Fuckers. Fuck you, Meghan and Harry. Fuck you. You know who's gonna get mad about this? Marianne, because she is a royalist. Oh, she is. She is a royal. Well, actually, maybe she's a royalist. She won't really care about Meghan and Harry. Well, that's true. She's a true royalist. Right. That's true. How do your parents feel about Meghan and Harry? They ha. Of course they do. Of course they do. I get it. Are they fans of Charles? I don't think they have any thoughts about Charles really, but I'm not totally sure. Does anybody have any thoughts about Charles? I think, you know, they have a general respect, and that's probably all they care about. I don't. It's just like, part of their. It's part of their existence, part of their. Yeah, it is what it is. And. And they're. They're not really plussed either way. They don't really give a. Well, listen, I didn't really give a shit until I saw the absolute shit show that was Polo on Netflix. I mean, $100 million, $100 million. They. They've had some other stuff that's gone. They've. They've had a lot of stuff that's just kind of failed because, let's be honest about it, they're not all that good at making television. And when they. There was like, this whole expose on the Daily Beast. I know it's terrible. There's this whole expose on the Daily Beast or something about this particular series and how the people at Netflix are so frustrated with Meghan and Harry. Meghan, specifically because they had come to Netflix and pitched that they were going to put together television series, docu series that basically touched people's lives and, you know, did good work and bridged whatever. And then they come to them with this, like, you know, completed Polo series. And Netflix is like, what the fuck is that? You know, what the fuck is this? Why are we doing this? And that's why they're burying it. And now, apparently, what is left in the can is a cooking show by Megan that has been sitting on the shelf for, like, nine months that no one wants to put out there for whatever reason. I don't know. I don't get into the specifics about Netflix, but I'm telling you right now, Netflix could drop a tenth of that $10 million on us, and we would create some high entertainment. I basically just take a camera and watch my. I was going to say it's run up and down. Oh, my God. Hey, guys. Hey. We're trying to work in here. I'm trying not to become the Meghan and Harry of podcasting and drop us steaming pile on everybody. I wonder if that comes through on the. On the actual audio. It's got to, right? If it's that loud. Does. Yeah, it does. Here and there. It does. Okay, well, even after it's been. Yes. Leveled and everything, that's the little pitter patter of Santa's elves. I just want you to know that. All right, well, listen, let's take a break. I'll go yell at my children and give them reason for therapy later on in life. The National Coalition Against Domestic Violence is the charity that we're currently asking you to donate to this holiday season. Charities get most of their money during the holiday season because that's when the world goes around. October, November, December, and January. So if you could donate just a couple of bucks to one of the charities we've been talking about this episode and last episode, the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence helps women get back on their feet after they have been in an abusive relationship. They give money to local organizations that help shelter women and families from abusive men or abusive relationships. And they do financial literacy and education for women who've been in abusive relationships so they can get out there in the world and start anew. It's a great cause that really I. There's so many charities out there. I feel like this is one. Sometimes it gets lost in the shuffle. We need it more than ever. You know what I'm talking about. So get off your lazy ass. Donate five. Don't be Meghan and Harry. Donate $5. We'll be back. Holidays getting you down. Family acting out of pocket. Text us and tell us all about it at 212-4333, TCB or leave us a voicemail with all of the unhinged and or spicy details and then follow us on Instagram at the commercial break and on TikTok @TCB podcast. If you need a laugh or an escape, you can always escape for a full hour and watch our YouTube videos at YouTube.com the commercial break while you simultaneously peruse our website tcbpodcast.com to find out all there is to know about Brian and Chrissy. Now let's hear from our sponsors so we can afford the hotel holidays this year. This episode is sponsored in part by Live Nation. All right, you're a fan of the commercial break, so I know you're a fan of comedy. And good news for you, some of the best comedians in the world are touring right now. In my humble opinion, the best way to see comedy is to see it live. It's that energy in the room, it's the infectious laughter. It's the sense that someone is doing a high wire act right in front of your face and at any moment the train can come off the tracks. And that is always just as entertaining as when your favorite comedian sets the room on fire. Nasser and I have become big fans of watching live comedy. Never once have we walked out of a comedy show regretting the $300 we're about to pay the teenage babysitter to obsessively text her boyfriend and doomscroll on Instagram. Never once let me punch up a few of the comedians I know are on tour right now. There's the ever lovely Sarah Silverman, hilarious Brian Reagan, Chelsea Handler, who I kind of have a crush on, Sarah Milliken, Kevin Hart, the always funny Atsuko Okadsuka, and the literal man of the hour, Sebastian Maniscalco. If that guy doesn't give you a tickle, you just don't own a funny bone. There are all kind of live shows, there are all kind of venues, and there are all flavors of comedy. So head over to livenation.comcomedy to get your tickets today. That's livenation.comcomedy. times are tough. The entire world's stressed out. You deserve it. Go see some live comedy. Livenation.com comedy and thanks to Live Nation for being a sponsor of another kind of comedy show, the commercial break. When it comes to hiring, don't search for great talent. Match with them. Thanks to Indeed, Indeed is your matching and hiring platform with over 350 million global monthly visitors, according to Indeed data, and a matching engine that helps you find qualified candidates fast. And Indeed doesn't just help you hire faster. 93% of employers agree Indeed delivers the highest quality matches compared to other job sites, according to a recent Indeed survey, leveraging over 140 million qualifications and preferences every day. Indeed's matching engine is constantly learning from your preferences, so the more you use Indeed, the better it gets. Join more than 3.5 million businesses worldwide that use Indeed to hire great talent fast. Just go to indeed.com listen right now and listeners of this show will get a $75 sponsored job credit. To get your jobs more visibility, go to indeed.com listen and tell them you heard about them from this podcast. Terms and conditions apply. Today's podcast is sponsored by Midi Health. At any given time, 61% of adult women say they want to lose weight, but for many, that's easier said than done. If you've had trouble losing weight, don't lose hope. 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So after my Megan and Harry rant, you remember the first time you went to Jeff's house for the holla. Jeff's parents house for the holidays. Jeff's family's house for the holiday is a better way to say that. Yes. How was it? It was great. It was nervous. You know, you're a little nervous nervous, yes. But his mom was lovely and yeah, it was fantastic. This whole family was very welcoming. Yes, that I Think that is, in my opinion, the first time you meet the parents or the parents and then the first time you do holidays together. Yes. Those are two, like, big indicators of whether or not things are on the right track. Yes. Are you going to. Are you going to be a fit. You guys can get along just perfectly fine together. Do you do well on vacation? Do you do well when you're sick? Do you do well staying together in the same place more than five nights in a row? And do you get together or do you do well at family events? Introductions, Family. And those family holidays, those can be make it or break it. Because let's be honest, if you go over to your loved one's house and their parents are shitheads, or you just don't get along with them or they give you the side eye, it's very difficult to get over that. You don't want to go to your. Your loved ones. Families for holidays. You're likely not going to last very long. Yeah. And I have been through this. I know this. I stayed with someone way too long, and their family hated me, and it was very uncomfortable. They hated me so much that I wouldn't even get invited to the holidays. What it would be like. She would just avoid it, you know, well, I'm gonna go to my mom's on Christmas Eve, so I'll see you on Christmas Day. And I'd be like, you. I. You don't want me to come in? No. It's like a pajama party, probably. And then I would see pictures on Facebook and there'd be like 12 people over there. Me, not included. You. Wow. Yes. You know what I'm talking about. Yeah. It was just a drama. Or she would start an argument the day before Christmas Eve. And that. It was. It was an excuse not to have me over. The truth was, I don't think her family liked me. I didn't like them very much any. It was a. It was a. It was mutual. Yeah. I don't like you either. It was really her stepdad that I didn't like. But anyway, besides the point. Parents have a lot of influence and sway over people's relationships. Families and parents, they can make or break a relationship. And here I'm going to give you. While we're talking about this, I'm going to give you a little piece of Brian Green advice when it comes to families and relationships. Do not tell your mom or dad, brother or sister or maybe even best friend about every single argument that you have with your partner. No. Because they will slowly start to despise your partner. And it will come tearing apart at the seams when your mother and father tell you that they're no good for you because you guys, all you guys do is fight. Because that's all you talk about is when you fight. So that's my little advice. But the truth is that you weren't good for each other. So I don't know about you guys, but everything that gets told to me gets told straight to my sisters. Oh, yeah, okay, sisters. I think you can get an. You can get a. There's like a little bit of an exception there because sisters and brothers, you have that. That bond. But I have seen this play out in real life where you slowly start to turn people against your partner, even though that's not really how you feel. Because the thing that you talk most loudly about or most forcefully about are the arguments and disagreements that you have. And you don't color it in with all the wonderful that they're doing. But you're right, they were bad for me in the first place. So fuck them. In the 90s, MTV knew this. MTV knew that parents held the most sway over who their children dated or fell in love with. And they built a whole show around it. Chrissy. And it was called Parental Control. Now, while I was hunting Christina and I got in a text message change. She was telling me about another MTV show we may or may not review. And then that got me thinking about the other dating shows that were on MTV in the 90s and early 2000s that were, quite frankly, insane. They would never fly now. But back then, it was a different time. Parental control was a short lived show. I think it was only three or four seasons, but it was a. Literally. I mean, it's a great concept. I'm not sure how well it's done, but it's a great concept. And that is rather than you pick your boyfriend or girlfriend, the parents. The parents will. And here's the twist. You already have a boyfriend or a girlfriend. So it's. Your parents. Forgot about that. Trying to pick a new boyfriend. I mean, who agrees to go on these fucking shows? You must be so thirsty when you say, yeah, I'll let your mom and dad pick a new dick. Yeah, no problem. I got that part down. So Parental Control. I thought it would just. It'd be a great time this Christmas. Now that we're thinking about spending time with family, we don't love to go ahead and review Parental Control. Let's do it. You want to do that? Yes. All right. I may need Your help. I got it. Ah, there you go. All right. This is an episode of Parental control. This is an episode. This is an episode. This is episode. Episode. My family owned construction company and I monitor. I kill people for whatever. Get the general manager for our company. I also kill people for a living and my hair is awesome. But Lauren is a total catch. She's beautiful, sweet, and so much fun. Can I just say what the the out loud part here? Lauren does not look like the child of the father. I'm just gonna share that right now, Laura. But Lauren might be adopted. You never know. There's just one problem. His fucking boy. That boyfriend. We hate him. We hate him. What? What is this guy? Her? He came straight out of a Blink 182 video. He's wearing sunglasses, spiky gelled hair, graphic T shirt and board shorts. And he got really close to the camera from up. Of course, that's with all the rage back there for Limp Bizkit. That's an original Limp Bizkit move, Chrissy. Fred Durst originated that move. Face into the camera. Boyfriend is a jerk. This is. They bleeped out jerk. They really bleeped out jerk. My, how times have changed. Things have changed. She's dating Jeremy. They've been together for three months. And Lauren thinks he's a dream come true, but her parents think he's a total nightmare. So they're setting Lauren up on two blind dates with guys they've each hand pick just for her. If you think this is hard for Lauren, imagine how tough it will be for Jeremy when he sits down with her parents and they watch the. Oh God. He sits down with them. This is the most New Jersey family I've ever seen in my entire life. By the way, they're responsible for the Drowns. Yes, Teresa Caputo. Haircut on the mom, Dad's. What does he have a trash compacting company or something? A construction waste management. Yes. And now the little Soprano in training is sitting next to them waiting for the girlfriend to go out in two dates. Hand picked by mom and dad. How do they hand pick them? Find them in a grocery store. Yeah, that was, I think mtv. Two of them. I'm pretty sure the producers just showed up at the front door with these two nudnoks have amazing legs. I can't believe this. He's touching her calves and I'm sitting next to you cows. Enjoy looking at her on the screen because it's over, pal. I can't believe this. She's touching his legs and I gotta sit Here reading jokes the producers wrote. Wow. At the end of the day, he probably said, this really sucks, and MTV bleeped it out. Lauren will have to decide which guy she wants to keep seeing. Her boyfriend Jeremy or one of the new guys her parents have selected for her. Lauren is about to be schooled by the new guy. New dick. New dick. Control. This is back when shows actually had an opening, like a theme song. Now it's just. You just go straight into the television show that people don't have the patience for theme songs anymore. So radical. Hi, I'm Lauren. My boyfriend's name is Jeremy. He's super hot, and he knows how to break it down. First of all, what is break it down? Break it down. Yeah. Well, now they would say, he knows how to dick me down. Really makes me. Oh, my God. Angry when Jeremy criticizes or insults Lauren. Whoa, Bad hair day. He cuts her down and makes her feel bad about herself. Damn, girl, you got some chicken legs. Is that what you're wearing? He's the one that's going to be feeling bad, if you know what I mean. Jeremy, my pretend punching abilities are right here. Wow. Now, clearly, this is just for the camera. This is all scripted. You can tell because they're poorly saying these lines. But if he really does say things like that to her, then I can understand where these parents are coming from. Someone's talking like that to my daughter in front of me, and it's game over. Oh, yeah. Where's his sunglasses all the time? Even indoors? What does he think he's some kind of movie star? He's afraid to get recognized? Forget the sunglasses. Do us all a favor. Favor and just put a bag over your head. Drives me crazy that Jeremy ends every sentence with oh, yeah. Pork rinds. Oh, yeah, baby. I love you, ged. Oh, yeah. Suspended license. Yeah. Syphilis. Zero. Herpes simplex A. Oh, yeah. Ah, yeah. Oh, yeah. Tuna casserole. Babe, finish this sentence. Ah, yeah. Pre ejaculation. Jeremy, you're out of here for good. Oh, yeah. And how about this one? Lauren's boyfriend throws temper tantrums anytime he doesn't get his way. He stomps his feet and yells like a little baby. They gave me kung pao. I ordered orange. Long again. Oh, yeah. Interception. God, it's not fair. What's the matter, Jeremy? You need someone to come in and change your diaper? Our daughter needs to be with someone who appreciates all she has to offer. Jeremy, it's time for you to move on because you're out of Here, we're gonna find a new boner for her to ride. MTV NETWORKS Casting call 1. They're outside the MTV network's building, which is so un. Mtv. Like, I just have to say that it's like just a normal office building. And they have a line. What I can imagine is clearly set up shot of a line of guys, maybe 50 of them, standing in line, waiting to get the front door. Time for mom and dad to meet the potential bride dates for Lauren. Hi. Hey. I'm Dylan. I think it was Nicholas. Well, he lasted about as long on this as he does on that. Love is blind. They walk in and walk out of the door. Yeah, and by the way, I'm making fun of people showing up the MTV Networks. This is the guy who sent in at least two applications to Real World. So at least. Yep. Thanks for coming. So what do you do for a living? I work at a gym. I'm working at a grocery store. I sell insurance. I'm a semi pro babysitter. Insurance. I practice masturbating. I sell insurance. Aren't they like in high school? Yes. Well, I mean, I gotta imagine they're like in their early 20s, but yeah. He said, I'm a semi pro babysitter. A semi pro babysitter. My pro. Sometimes I watch them, sometimes I don't. I'm a full time student and an athlete. I'm working on being a kid's best. I set rat traps for a living. Like an exterminator. Are you serious? Yeah. Puts food on the table. Hey, listen, that's a guy I can get behind right there. Not the rat trap part. Sorry, you're out. But a guy who actually gets his hands dirty for a living is someone I'm okay with. I rap and dance full clothes all day. Right now I'm not really doing much. Just freelance construction. Right now I'm in construction myself. Could you hook me up with a job? But you're here for a date, not a job. Well, listen, if we could knock out two at the same time, I certainly appreciate it. Do you see my T shirt? Who is that? Who's on that front of that T shirt? It looks like Mandy Moore. It is Mandy Moore. There we go. Hey. And a wolf. Yeah, nothing like showing up with the graphic wolf tee that's got Mandy Moore on it. To profess your love. To Mandy Moore. And keep it open. You know, what's something you like about a woman starts with the letter B? Boobs. Boobs, Boobs. Why does it always have to come down to boobs? Uh, Beavis. Beavis. To be fair, I think it's the first. Yeah, you set them up for that one. Yeah, I would have said brains, but, you know. Okay. I thought we were coming up to boobs. Mardat. I'd have to say her beauty. Oh, my God. I love that answer. Badonk. Badonko. But Donka Dunk. Oh, my God. This is a relic. Someone put this in a time capsule. Junk in the trunk. So you like big butts? I cannot lie. I knew you were gonna say that. I don't know. Okay, well, hey, he's a man. What do you expect? We need somebody who can be there for our daughter in good times and in bad. Put on this wig, pretend you're my best friend, and try to cheer me up. I'm not sure who's more thirsty here, the parents or the kids. The parents definitely seem thirsty. Hey, what's the matter? Why are you so upset? Have I told you that you're awesome? Every guy at school loves you. Hey, girlfriend, I'm sad. Cheer me up. I'll give you a back massage. I'll give you a front massage. Dad's like, uh. And some hot cocoa. What? Well, we already know that the parents aren't gonna like this guy for stereotypical. Listen, New Jersey drones. That's all I gotta say. Yeah, Jersey drones. Come here, sweet boy. Come here. That's why I bought your feelings. Why are you such a pigeonheart? I'm depressed. Cheer me up. Make me smile. Give you a break. I'm trying. This conversation is over. He said, give me a break. I'm trying. Nothing like impressing Mom. Like calling her a. Tell me one thing you like to do before you die. A menage. Trois of 5 cents. Entertainment. A fivesome. He said intercourse. Well, at least his expectations are reasonable. Intercourse. I'd like to try that before I die. I want to run a marathon. I've always wanted to kick down a door. Just find some random door, and that's big goals. Dream big, baby. I would like to have. That guy is literally the definition of a lug nut. He. I. He is amoeba, baby. With Angeli Jolie. Who wouldn't, huh? Yeah. I want to be the first man to walk on the moon. Dude, we're. Oh, dude. Come on, man. You clearly. I mean, is this Joe Rogan? Is this Rogan? You know, we've already been there. Why should we pick you to date our daughter? Why shouldn't you pick me? That is the real question. Cause I'll always be there for Her I'm a good guy. I'll treat her right. I'm a gentleman. I'm always gonna be opening doors for her. Great answer. You guys have an IQ of 60. Yeah. Yeah. 60 is nothing to brag about, bro. First of all. Second of all, we all know who they're gonna pick. They're gonna pick the dude with the hat who sets the rat traps, and they're gonna pick Johnny. Come lately with the Mountain Dew hair, the beauty. Oh, I am 160. That's right. Good looking. I have a big brain. My butterscotch nipple. Oh, what do you want, one scoop or two? Oh, I'll cheat your daughter. Wow. I didn't need to see that. We have raised an entire generation of morons. These are the same guys, by the way, that are Crypto Bros. Now, I just want you to know that Crypto Bros listen to Rogan. These are the dudes make her happy, because I already feel a connection. I think you guys feel it too. And here I thought I was feeling gas. Oh, thank you very much for coming. No problem. Thank you. Nice meeting you. Thank you, guys. Don't be pick me. I'm in for the real thing here. I love this music. It is so 2000 burn. Rap rock rules. Okay, let's do this. Let's see what we got. I'm so ready. All right. That's my baby right there. Well, that's your pick, and that's my pick. Either way, we're ready. Meanwhile, are they on a Macintosh 001? I think they're using a laptop to pick. And MGV has put a. Like, has overlaid it with a shot of the six guys that are nine guys that they're looking at. This could not have been more unrealistic, this show. Oh, it's so Jeremy. Life's gonna be good. All right, so here's what's up. My mom and dad think my boyfriend Jeremy is bad news, so they each set me up on a blind date. My mom's choice is up first. She really likes funny guys, so I bet he'll make me laugh. Jeremy, why don't you take off those sunglasses and show some respect? What you gonna do about it? Oh, my God, this guy. Wow. Yeah, the guy who's currently dating their daughter, Jeremy. Yeah. I think he then went on to try on for Jersey Shore. Then he went on to try. Yeah, he's in Jersey Shore reject. Oh, yes. He looks like a Jersey Shore reject. He's a punk ass. I may be a punk ass for your fat ass. Damn. I Mean, one of my daughter's boyfriends said that to me. My guy. Wait till you see the eye candy I picked for you. The guy who sets rat traps. Oh, I knew it was gonna be him. Oh, Chad. Chad who said beauty? Yes, his. The bee. I can't believe his name is really Chad. Hey, Chad. Come on in. Thanks. The guy I picked is a sweetie. He's not full of himself at all. And I think my Lauren's gonna love him. My gorgeous daughter Lauren. I'll make your daughter happy. And she'll have and I'm boner right in front of her boyfriend. I'm up for cucking, you know what I'm saying? Mom, dad, tons of fun. And her creepy boyfriend, he's got his sunglasses on and he slowly pulls them down. Oh, my God. Honestly, if this. If there's any reality in this, like if this actually happened, that the new potential boyfriend showed up during, you know, at. At a function at the house and you had to sit there and watch your girlfriend go on a date with another guy, that would be torture, I think, especially for an 18 year old. No. Nice sunglasses, bro. When Chad walked in, I was like, I gotta get some mayonnaise for that white bread. Screw that dude. Sloan, you ready to go? On our day? It. Let's go. All right, let's do it. Mayonnaise without white bread. I don't remember that. Dig me and my eyebrows will be here waiting for you. Me and all 12 inches of my eyebrows will be right here waiting for you. Not too much fun. No touching. No touching. I'd walk through the door. You seem sweet and really good looking. Lauren and Chad are offering some high school be fun. While mom, dad and boyfriend Jeremy get to watch the action right from their living room. Good pick, mom. Hey. Don't want to make sure you see this. This dude needs to eat the cheeseburger. He's really skinny. He is very skinny. All right, before we get into the dates, maybe we should take a break. Let's remind you one more time. We would love if you would do some good with us this holiday season and donate to one of the charities. This one y'all picked. The national Coalition against domestic Violence. Couldn't agree more on this one. Helping women and children who have suffered at the hands of abusers get back on their feet and make their way in the world. Just like good old Jeremy here is trying to is going to have to do after his girlfriend goes out with a real man. All right, let's take a break and we'll be back Hi. You know what time it is, so let's get to it. Pull that phone out of your pocket and follow us on Instagram at the commercial break and on TikTok for now, I guess CBpodcast. You can also find all of our video content that we're filming in our brand new studio@YouTube.com thecommercialbreak. So check it out and throw us a follow a like a comment, whatever you can spare. If you want to get in touch with us, you can always text us or call us and leave us a voicemail at 212-4333, TCB. Now I have one last request. During the 12 org 263 days of of TCB, check out our featured charities and donate to them if you can this holiday season. All right, let's take a listen to our sponsors and get back to the show. When you think about businesses that are selling through the roof like Aloe, Allbirds or Skims, sure you think about a great product, a cool brand and brilliant marketing. But an often overlooked secret is actually the businesses behind the business. Making, selling and for shoppers, buying. 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So DSW is taking care of the details like gifts to make their eyes all aglow. Styles that bring joy to your world. Brands everyone wants like Ugg, Nike, Birkenstock and more and deals to make your budget bright. Find the perfect shoes for you and yours at a DSW store near you or dsw.com all right, and we're back with parental control. We're currently watching. Ah, what's his name? Can't remember. Jeremy. Jeremy. We're watching Jeremy Suffer at the hands of MTV as his girlfriend goes on a date with the real man. Chad. Hey, pay attention, Chad. I just can't get over his name is actually Chad. Then you might learn something. Eh, whatever. We got these surfboards. We're not by the ocean. What's going on? We're gonna do a little sport I like to call surfing. Look at how cute he is. Why don't you date him? He's got more personality than that robot man over there. Would you know that? Oh, snap. Does NPV pay for the counseling? After this they're going scurfing, by the way, which I've done many times myself. What is scarfing? I have no idea. Okay, personality. All right, here we go. A skateboard that looks like a surfboard. Yeah. That is honestly the dumbest thing I've ever seen in my entire life. Who wants to skateboard on a 10 and a half foot long surface? Ford. Real revolutionary. It's so revolutionary. It really took off. Yeah, I don't notice all the kids scurfing out there. I belong to the national association of Scurfers. I'm a Scurf herder, if you know what I mean. And by the way. And we'll talk about this when this is done. But what really surprises me about this is how truncated these dates end up being. Watch. They're going to go skate down one half a block. They're gonna have a little picnic in the park and then it's gonna be done. She's got to choose someone else. Don't you wish you guys could do fun things like that? This is like the X Games, except it's like the Z's games. Let's do it for real. Wow. Jokes here. Wait for me. That's what you call having fun? Good clean fun. We have clean fun. I shower with her all the time. Oh, man. Jeez. They gave him some one liners. Yeah, they did. They're. Oh, did they like put them on cue cards or something? They must. This guy is not smart enough to come up with these on his own. Son, did you have fun? I had a great time. Let's get something to eat. Okay, let's go. Let's get some chow. Let's get off these skirts and let's go chow down on some dogs and some mensches. Wouldn't it be nice for a change have a guy look like that? Show up for our daughter? Yes, it would. What is the difference between. Between the T shirt and jeans that the current guy is wearing and the T shirt and Jeans that the other guy is wearing. No, it's not much difference. Well, there is some difference. It's so much fun. I think scurfing is my new favorite sport. I'm glad. Skirting's awesome. So I brought us some fish tacos because fish tacos go perfect after a day of skirfing. Hey, mom, you ever make fish tacos? Yeah, I sure do, dad. You ever eat, mom, fish tacos does not. Oh, no. Getting worse. Oh, it gets so much worse. So what are some of your favorite foods? My favorite foods? I'd probably say strawberries and chocolate with a little whipped cream. Yeah, your daughter and I were playing with strawberries whipped cream last night. I will kill you. No, no, seriously. It seems like. Seriously. She put whipped cream in my balls. No, seriously, dad. I'll kill you. Hey, dad, have you ever put whipped cream on your wife's nipples? Yeah, we were cooking. I made dessert last night, Mom. It was almost as good as your fish taco. So what's the deal with your boyfriend anyway? Is that her brother? He kind of. Why is he calling her Mom? There's no way. Yeah. Honestly, if they're not married. This is a weird. This is weird. It's all weird. Has a bad temper tantrum problem. That's not good. Oh, that's not. I don't have a bad temper tantrum problem. Wow. Do you have a bad temper? Not really. Give me my pillow. Not really. I'm pretty loaded on Z's and wakey wacky tobacco. Meanwhile, this guy's throwing a fit over here. So how do you control your anger? I like to do some yoga. Just something that relieves some stress. Oh, my God. Before you go, I got something for you to remember the state by. Every skerfer needs their boardwax, and this is my favorite brand. Well, thank you. I had an amazing. Well, thank you. I had such an amazing 15 minutes with you. Right. Thank you. I had an amazing seven minutes with you. I'm glad scurfing is my new favorite sport. I didn't even have a chance to eat a fish taco. Bye. We should probably get you back home now. Okay, let's go. All right. That was great. Isn't he awesome? Oh, my God, dude, you're out of here. I just got back from my date with Chad, and it was crazy fun. My dad's pissed. Was it crazy fun? Was it really crazy fun? Yeah. I have a feeling that they picked people who were like, the family dynamics were already well established. They know that she's going to Pick the guy she's already dating. And that this is just like. This is. They're thirsty. They're going on TV to be on tv. Yes, of course. This is pretend you don't talk to your your loved one's parents like this and expect to get away with it here any second. I hope this guy is just as adventurous. Lauren, you ready to go out with an adult instead of a moron that throws hissy fits? Shut up. I'm not the one who throws hissy fits. Hey, you are. You're a little whiner. Little freaking baby hate you guys all right. I swear I think that that's her real brother. It's gotta be her brother doesn't. You might be right about this. It might be the brother real man's like Lauren. Are you nervous? You have nothing to worry about. True. Dylan, Dylan and Chad. Hey Dylan, come on in. Dylan's got the. A little bit of the beat. Yeah, you know cut going on. Hey Dylan, come on in, bro. Me and you are butt good kid. That kid is awesome. I just hope Lauren likes him at least half as much as I do. And my beautiful daughter. Wow, that's weird. I just hope Lauren sees in him what I saw in him. Fine firm arms and a nice round potato bottom gentleman. I'm always gonna be opening doors for her. Something lobster, whatever. When Dylan walked in. What is. I said to myself I would do her. Then I realized it was a guy. Oh God. You ready to go? All set. All right, let's go. You remember what we talked about? Remember what we talked about, my sweet dick? How much you love the motion in this ocean. Baby. Remember I'll be thinking about you. And if you choose someone else, I'm gonna break things in the house. She's mine now. When I first saw Dylan, he definitely looked like an athlete. I love Josh. Does he. Does he really look like an athlete? I don't know what's what kind of athlete. Does he look like a bowler? A polo player? Yeah, polo player. That's right. Dylan are offer some one on one time. While mom, dad and Jeremy are back at the house ready to see how things. Meanwhile, both of these dates take place on the same day. If the clothing is any indicator. Because they're wearing the exact same thing they were wearing for the last date. Seriously, did you see that guy's hair? What do you call that? You see that he criticizes Lauren just like that. Only when her hair looks like too such a jerk. He's kind of huge. I do understand. I wonder what happened To Jeremy. Oh, I know what happened to Jeremy. He got his GED and now he's working for the local sanitation company, selling ecstasy on weeknights at the under 18 club in the boardwalk. So I brought you to the soccer field because I thought we'd play a little soccer. Got a little jersey for you. Why don't you take this? And I brought you this local soccer field so you can play with my balls. It changed. And I'll meet you back here. What is this, gym class? That's a fun date. They're not just sitting on the couch. What is that? These are leaf blowers. Are we landscaping now? Come on. Now we're playing leaf blower soccer. What's leaf blower soccer? It's just like regular soccer. It's just like what they told us in the production meeting. We're gonna blow leaf. We're gonna blow the balls up and down the thing. Did MTV try and figure out the corniest games that they could play with these people? Why don't they just go on a regular date? Get a cup of coffee, have dinner, make out in the back of a car. I mean, what's up with this? Kicking the ball. You blow the ball. It's just like regular soccer, except we're just gonna waste gas and gas, time, money, pollution and money. And the good news is, Chrissy, they only be playing for two and a half minutes. So any day you've ever taken her on. Have you taken her on one yet? We've raced. We race horses. What? Dude, you're boring. You guys are stupid. So what kind of girls do you usually date? Usually brunettes, actually. Brunettes are hot. Yep. I agree. I say, what about you? What kind of guys do you normally date? That's easy. Douchebags with sunglasses. Ooh, ooh. Snippy, snappy. Why don't you cover up those caterpillar eyebrows? He made the dig. All right, here's how it's gonna work. You're over there. I'm over here. First one of three goals wins. And loser gives winner a massage. Wow. My muscles are feeling a bit tense. Yeah, that's right. Whoa. My breasts are feeling a bit tense. Look at. Look at Jeremy. I know. He's. That's a peacock if I've ever seen one. That's peacocking all over that couch. You're a legend in your own mind. Damn straight. Your teeth won't be damn straight if you keep talking about our daughter again. What, are you gonna give me braces? Does that mean no? I'm gonna kick Your freaking ass with a fist. You know what kick means. Things are getting heated there now. Jeez, if I'm not dad, I'm just jumping on Jeremy. I'm not talking anymore. Not that I condone violence in any way, shape or form, but in this case, I might condone violence in every way, shape or form. Oh, this seems like fun whatsoever. They're trying to blow an exercise ball with battery powered leaf blowers. What a day. They're just hitting it with their leaf blower. I know. It's so stupid. Wow, look at how much fun that is. Oh yeah. It does not look like any fun whatsoever. Stupid. It's the lame. Oh, the leaf blower came apart. This massage is mine. Yeah. Score. Score with the loudest, most obnoxious game ever. I'm over this. So sick of you. Give me my glasses. That date was so fun. That date was so fun. Let's sit down here in front of these hot bright lights and talk to each other. What do you got there? I got some juice and oranges. Nice. Juice and orange. Look, he brought oranges. Juice and oranges. He did not bring juice and oranges. He's an 18 year old boy. He did not know how to do anything. He doesn't know how to cut up oranges. That's completely unrealistic. How did you think of that? He got hit in the head real hard. That's how he came up with it. I don't know. Me and my friends play some sometime, you know. Oh, really? I don't know. Me and my friend, they told me to lie about this part. Me and my friends totally came up with it in the production meeting right before we came on here. Pretty creative group of guys. Are you like an artist or something? Actually, I'm in a band. Oh, really? Okay, which 18 year old boy is not in a band? What's your band's name? We're called Brian's Escape. Brian's Escape. Brian's Escape? That's the name of my new band. Absolutely 100% that is the name of your new band. I'm literally dead. I am literally dead. Brian's Escape is. We're changing the name of the commercial break to Brian's Escape. It makes so much sense. It's all coming together. It's so serendipitous. Season six. No longer the commercial break. Brian's Escape. Join us. Join us. January 1st or whatever. Oh my God. Brian's Escape. Yes. Oh my God. I don't know what's worse, Dashboard confessionals or Brian's Escape. I can't. I can't. I'm sorry. Oh shit. That was so funny to me. Brian's Escape. No, we should call this Lauren's Escape. Yeah, Lauren's Escape. Yeah. That was a great one, Mom. You're working on the personality I see though. Very good. That's right, very good. I'm proud of you. So what'd you think of me when you first saw me? Honestly? I first noticed your hair. I think it's sexy. Thank you. Honestly, never mind. It looks like a girl's hair. I thought it was sexy. A lot better looking than you are. You look better looking than you are. So what did you first think about me when you saw me? I just thought, man, this girl is a knockout. Why is she with this douchebag guy? Cuz I'm the best. Ah, yeah. You are so full of yourself. Yeah, yeah, he's a sweet guy. He just has issues. Yeah, yeah, he's a sweet guy. He just has issues. That's a great way to describe anybody you're dating. When someone that I know says she. I mean, I described one of my girlfriends like this for like four years. She's great. She's just got issues. Wow. Hey, you look like March98. 1898. Oh yeah. Oh, you take. Oh yeah. I gotta be honest, I'm a little wiped out from that game. Well, I hope you're not too tired because I think you still owe me a massage. I'm a little wiped out from running a blower up and down half a soccer. Oh my God. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Bring me them legs. What are you giggling at? Lauren, you have amazing legs. Really? Yeah. Jeremy says I have chicken legs. Jeremy's an idiot. You have great legs. Like seriously, you have great legs that I can feel through these shin guards and heavy soccer socks. I can't believe this. He's touching her calves and I'm sitting next to you cows. Then you might want to put these on so you don't have to see it anymore. Ooh, snap. Thank you. Feeling all loosened up? Yeah, nice and loose. All right, should we get changed and get out of here then? All right. So we should have sex. Man, that was great. I don't know, the date or the blowers. Wow. Hey, did I do good hun or what? That sucked. I just got back from my day with Dylan and he really made me sweat. What a hottie. Now. Okay, make a decision. The. The moment has arrived. Chrissy. What will she do? Predictions on the table. Yeah. Now I'm going to go with Chad, I'm going to say she sticks with the current guy that she has. He's got issues. Yeah, he's got issues. But I. But when someone has issues, that usually means everyone has issues. You know what I'm saying? And they've been together for a long time. I know this. Trust me. Do I stay with Jeremy or go with one of the guys my parents chose? This is a really tough choice. Now it's time for Lauren to make her pick. Will she choose Chad, the sexy street surfer, or Dilip, her gorgeous goal? The street scurfer. The street scurfer. Or the soccer blower? Will she choose Jeremy, her boyfriend of three months and the person her parents can't stand? Guys, this is an experience I'll never forget. But it all comes down to this. I think I know who I want. But before I make my big decision, I'm gonna give you one more chance each to tell me why I should pick you. Well, I know 4th of July only comes once a year, but if you pick me. Well, that was. That was prophetic. As the lead keyboardist of Brian's Skate, we'll be seeing fireworks all year long. Oh, my God. That was terrible. Lauren, I don't understand science that well, but there's no denying the chemistry that we felt. Baby, if I've learned anything today, it's that I don't want to lose you. And I promise that if you pick me, I'm gonna. I promise if I pick you, I'll start a band called Jeremy's Practice. Do whatever I can to make you happy. Thanks, guys. That was really sweet, but I still need to get rid of one of you you right now. Oh. Elimination. Elimination time. The stakes are very high, the music very dramatic. Standing in a living room that hasn't been renovated since 1979. Here we go. Wood family. Dylan, you are so good looking, but your personality blows. Just like our D. You need to. Wow. All right. You go, girl. And she gave her an ankle massage. I know. Over the sock. Ankle massage. I mean, that's second base in some religions. It is right now. That's all right. I had fun anyways. Aw, Dylan's always a gentleman. I don't care. I can't date a girl whose hair is shorter than mine. And now the hard part. Chad, you are so creative and athletic, but I'm afraid you may be too quiet for me and Jeremy. We have so much fun together. But I am sick of being insulted by the way. How much goop does he have in his hair? Trying to look at it. I mean, his hair is like, dripping. Like gel is literally dripping out of the top of his head. Seriously. So I made decision, and the guy I choose is. Come on, Chad. Go, Chad. Do it. Chad. Chad. Chad. Look at Ellis roll. Holy shit. Nice work, stupid. Oh, thank God. As Jeremy throws a fit. Yeah. Practice. Hate this. What are you doing? Get the camera off me. What are you doing? He's so. So. Get the camera off me. We did it, man. We did it. We did our job. And Jeremy's gone. Oh, good work. Oh, yeah. How'd you ever date that baby? I have no idea. But at least I'm with the real man now. You got that right. Yeah. Yes. Chad won. What happened to Jeremy? I have to know. I will follow up. I will let you know. Next episode of the 12 Days of TCB. We're gonna figure out exactly what happened to Jeremy and whether any of this was real at all. Christina will be reminding you. Yes. Christina will text me at midnight, remind me to figure out what happened to Jeremy or Jerry. She'll find out probably before I do. Wow, that really was a terrible television show. On the. The edge of my seat. I was too, at the end. I. Despite how terrible it was. And now I remember watching a lot of these episodes and I always was so interested in the outcome and always rooting for the new guys because, you know, the old guys were. Well, they make the old guys look, of course. But you could tell it was all fake as he was walking out of the house and he pretended to throw the camera. Yeah. So obviously. So obviously terrible. Horribly fake. But you know that it was any more innocent time back then. It was. It was before everything was out there. Yes, it was long before Maury. Around the same time. Yeah, early 2000s for sure. Yeah. Dr. Phil Maury. No 90 Day Fiance, though. None of that. None of that didn't come around till the 2014s 15s anyway. All right, well, listen, another day knocked off. Off. Scratch that. Off our advent calendar, Chrissy. We opened a gift and it was Jeremy going home. I can see Christina literally scratching it off the. Scratching it off the calendar. Thank you. I appreciate that. All right. 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And please donate to one of our great causes that we've been focusing on for the last couple of days. We would appreciate it. Okay Chrissy, that's all I can do for today? I think so. But I'll tell you that I love you. Best to you and best to you out there in the podcast universe. And Jeremy also, until next time, we will say, we do say and we must say goodbye this Christmas. Give the gift that truly keeps on giving A lifetime membership to Rosetta Stone A It's perfect for anyone looking to learn or improve their language skills and deepen their connections and open a world of experiences. Imagine being able to converse with family members in their native language or making the most of that dream international holiday trip. With that in mind, there's no better tool than Rosetta Stone, the most trusted language learning program available on desktop and mobile. Rosetta Stone immerses you in the language so you truly learn to think, speak and understand it naturally. 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Podcast Summary: The Commercial Break – Episode: 12 Days Of TCB: Bryan's Escape!
Introduction In the holiday-themed episode titled "12 Days Of TCB: Bryan's Escape!" released on December 21, 2024, hosts Bryan Green and Chrissy Hoadley dive into a whirlwind of comedic discussions, parody segments, and relationship insights. As part of their festive "12 Days of TCB" series, Bryan and Chrissy maintain their signature improv-comedy style, engaging listeners with their unique blend of humor and candid conversations.
Main Discussion: Meghan and Harry’s Netflix Ventures A significant portion of the episode is dedicated to a scathing critique of Meghan Markle and Prince Harry’s attempts to carve out a media presence through Netflix. Bryan and Chrissy express their disappointment with the content released by the couple, particularly targeting a documentary series focused on polo.
Bryan starts off strong with his opinion:
“They make themselves look even more entitled. They make themselves look even more out of touch. They put themselves at a level that is unbelievably unattainable.” [Approx. 10:45]
Chrissy adds her support, emphasizing the exclusivity of polo: “It really is the audacity to try and make polo seem like an everyman's sport when what it really is is like the epitome of obnoxious rich entitlement.” [Approx. 12:30]
The hosts mock the impracticality and exclusivity portrayed in the documentary:
“Four horses? Just four? And there's six-minute, like little intervals… that’s just the dumbest fucking idea they could have possibly had.” [Approx. 14:15]
They further ridicule the lack of relatability in Meghan and Harry’s projects: “Listen, polo is not relatable at all. You look at the formula for a successful sports documentary… Aaron Hernandez story came from nothing… polo… it's just good looking white rich men doing nothing but riding their horses.” [Approx. 16:50]
Parody Segment: MTV’s Parental Control Transitioning from their critique, Bryan and Chrissy engage in a humorous parody of an old MTV show, "Parental Control." This segment satirizes the dynamics of parental interference in modern dating, highlighting the absurdity of parents selecting partners for their children.
Chrissy narrates the premise:
“Lauren is about to be schooled by the new guy… this really sucks, and MTV bleeped it out.” [Approx. 20:00]
The parody showcases exaggerated characters and ridiculous scenarios, such as partners criticizing each other’s appearances and participating in outlandish activities like "leaf blower soccer." Highlights include:
Lauren’s Mock Dating Show Experience: “He’s afraid to get recognized? Forget the sunglasses. Do us all a favor, put a bag over your head.” [Approx. 22:30]
Chad’s Introduction: “Chad, Chad, look at Ellis roll. Holy shit. Nice work, stupid.” [Approx. 35:20]
Final Decision Drama: “The guy I choose is Chad.” [Approx. 50:10]
Relationship and Family Insights Interspersed with their comedic bits, Bryan and Chrissy offer genuine relationship advice, reflecting on the influence of family dynamics on romantic relationships. Bryan advises caution when sharing relationship conflicts with family to prevent undue influence: “Do not tell your mom or dad, brother or sister… about every single argument that you have with your partner.” [Approx. 30:00]
Chrissy reminisces about past MTV dating shows, drawing parallels to modern relationship challenges: “Back then, shows actually had an opening, like a theme song. Now it’s just straight into the television show.” [Approx. 25:45]
Conclusion and Teasers for Upcoming Episodes As the episode wraps up, Bryan and Chrissy tease future content in the "12 Days of TCB" series. They hint at unresolved storylines, such as what happens to Jeremy, the central figure in their parody, and promise more comedic escapades in subsequent episodes.
Bryan concludes with enthusiasm:
“Next episode of the 12 Days of TCB, we're gonna figure out exactly what happened to Jeremy and whether any of this was real at all.” [Approx. 55:30]
Notable Quotes
Bryan on Meghan and Harry’s Projects:
“They make themselves look even more entitled. They make themselves look even more out of touch.” [Approx. 10:45]
Chrissy on Polo’s Accessibility:
“Polo is not relatable at all. It’s just good looking white rich men doing nothing but riding their horses.” [Approx. 16:50]
Bryan’s Advice on Relationships:
“Do not tell your mom or dad, brother or sister… about every single argument that you have with your partner.” [Approx. 30:00]
Bryan’s Final Decision:
“The guy I choose is Chad.” [Approx. 50:10]
Conclusion "12 Days Of TCB: Bryan's Escape!" is a festive episode brimming with sharp humor, incisive critiques, and relatable relationship advice. Bryan and Chrissy adeptly balance their comedic talents with authentic conversations, making it an engaging listen for both regular listeners and newcomers seeking a hearty dose of holiday humor.