12 Days Of TCB: Christmas Trauma (And Birds)

Summary

Podcast Summary: "12 Days Of TCB: Christmas Trauma (And Birds)"

Episode Title: 12 Days Of TCB: Christmas Trauma (And Birds)
Podcast: The Commercial Break
Release Date: December 18, 2024

---

Introduction

In this festive episode, The Commercial Break team—Bryan, Chrissy, Nasser, and Astrid—dive into the chaos and comedy of the holiday season. Titled "12 Days Of TCB: Christmas Trauma (And Birds)," the episode blends improv-comedy, personal anecdotes, and humorous takes on traditional Christmas themes, all while encouraging listeners to engage with charitable causes.

---

The "12 Days of Christmas" Parody

The episode kicks off with a playful and irreverent take on the classic Christmas carol, "The 12 Days of Christmas." The hosts humorously reinterpret each day’s gifts, infusing adult humor and unexpected twists.

• Chrissy begins the parody with enthusiasm but quickly veers into explicit humor:

  "On the eighth day of Christmas my true love gave to me Eight maids a milking... I've been French henning."
  (05:00)

• Nasser attempts to keep up but admits gaps in his memory of the song:

  "You know, if you haven't tried a French hen in bed, then you don't even know."
  (05:51)

• The parody culminates in an additional "13th day," maintaining the comedic momentum:

  "And the 13th day of Christmas My true love gave to me a break from TCB."
  (10:38)

This segment highlights the hosts' knack for blending traditional themes with modern, edgy humor, setting the tone for the episode's blend of heartfelt and hysterical content.

---

Charity Spotlight: ASPCA

Amidst the humor, the hosts emphasize the importance of giving back during the holiday season. Chrissy shares a heartfelt plea for donations to the American Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals (ASPCA).

"The ASPCA is today's charity. Now some of you have written in and talked about this also so we are going to give it a little love. If you would like to donate to the ASPCA and help cats, dogs and other animals find loving homes and stay out of the kill shelters, please consider donating."
(17:00)

Chrissy recounts a personal story about saving a squirrel, underscoring the genuine connection and commitment the hosts have toward animal welfare.

"I saved a fucking squirrel...a baby squirrel, which carries hepatitis or something like that."
(17:50)

This segment seamlessly blends the show's comedic elements with meaningful advocacy, encouraging listeners to contribute to a noble cause.

---

Worst Christmas Gifts: Personal Stories

A significant portion of the episode is dedicated to sharing the worst Christmas gifts the hosts have ever received. This segment is both relatable and entertaining, showcasing the hosts' camaraderie and individual personalities.

Nasser’s Mirror Mishap

Nasser opens up about receiving a mirror as a Christmas gift during high school.

"I did one time, yeah... It was kind of, you know, that is it maybe not the best present."
(23:12)

He reflects on the awkwardness of receiving a mirror, pondering its symbolic meaning without finding any significant interpretation.

Astrid’s Endless Bandaids

Astrid shares her frustration with receiving bandaids annually from her family, labeling them as "stocking stoppers."

"Every single year, I get bandaids from my family... Last year, I think there were unicorns."
(24:23)

She humorously laments the repetitive and practical yet uninspired nature of this gift.

Chrissy’s Hair Club for Men

Chrissy recounts an unintentional jab at her receding hairline from a former brother-in-law.

"He gave me a subscription to Hair Club for Men... growing back my receding hairline?"
(27:05)

This story highlights the sometimes uncomfortable and misguided intentions behind certain gifts.

Chrissy’s Mother’s Fashion Fails

Chrissy delves into her tumultuous history with her mother's gift-giving, particularly focusing on ill-conceived clothing items like matching jean outfits and flannel jackets.

"My mom decided to get us gift certificates so that they can do their own thing... But she ended up getting flannel jackets."
(28:48)

She humorously describes the mismatch between her mother's intentions and her and her brother's reception of these gifts, painting a vivid picture of holiday frustrations.

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Reflections on Family and Holidays

Throughout the episode, the hosts reflect on the complexities of family dynamics during the holidays. Chrissy emphasizes understanding and empathy towards parents' efforts, despite imperfect outcomes.

"In life, most people are doing the best we can with the information we have at the time that is given to them."
(37:00)

She acknowledges her mother's single-handed efforts to make Christmas special, even if the results were often disappointing.

---

Encouraging Participation and Engagement

The hosts actively engage with their audience, encouraging donations to charities like the ASPCA and promoting interaction through social media platforms.

"If you donate to any of our causes, send a screenshot. We will send you some swag."
(19:23)

They also promote their online presence, urging listeners to follow them on Instagram, TikTok, and YouTube for more content.

---

Notable Quotes

• Chrissy on Charity:

  "The ASPCA makes sure that you're always home for the holidays."
  (18:42)

• Nasser on Worst Gifts:

  "A mirror from a guy... that is kind of a weird choice."
  (23:17)

• Chrissy on Family Efforts:

  "Just remember, we're doing the best we can with the information we have at the time."
  (37:00)

• Astrid on Band-Aids:

  "They're very handy, but I'm like, what kind of band aids am I gonna get now?"
  (24:30)

---

Conclusion

"12 Days Of TCB: Christmas Trauma (And Birds)" masterfully combines humor with heartfelt reflections on the holiday season's tribulations. Through candid discussions about worst gifts and the challenges of family dynamics, the episode resonates with listeners navigating their own Christmas chaos. The integration of charitable advocacy adds depth, urging the audience to find joy in giving. Overall, this episode encapsulates the true essence of The Commercial Break: a blend of comedy, personal insight, and community engagement, making it a festive and memorable listen for the holiday season.

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For more episodes and information, visit tcbpodcast.com. Follow The Commercial Break on Instagram, TikTok, and YouTube to stay updated with their latest content.

Transcript

[Brian]

This episode is sponsored in part by Live Nation. All right, you're a fan of the commercial break, so I know you're a fan of comedy. Then good news for you. Some of the best comedians in the world are touring right now. In my humble opinion, the best way to see comedy is to see it live. It's that energy in the room, it's the infectious laughter, it's the sense that someone is doing a high wire act right in front of your face and at any moment the train can come off the tracks. And that is always just as entertaining as when your favorite comedian sets the room on fire. Nasser and I have become big fans of watching live comedy. Never once have we walked out of a comedy show regretting the $300 we're about to pay the teenage babysitter to obsessively text her boyfriend and doomscroll on Instagram. Never once. Let me punch up a few of the comedians I know are on tour right now. There's the ever lovely Sarah Silverman, hilarious Brian Reegan, Chelsea Handler, who I kind of have a crush on, Sarah Milliken, Kevin Hart, the always funny Atsuko Okatsuka and literal man of the hour Sebastian Maniscalco. If that guy doesn't give you a tickle, you just don't own a funny bone. There are all kind of live shows, there are all kind of venues, and there are all flavors of comedy. So head over to livenation.comcomedy to get your tickets today. That's livenation.comcomedy. times are tough. The entire world stressed out. You deserve it. Go see some live comedy. Livenation.com comedy and thanks to Live Nation for being a sponsor of another kind of comedy show.

[Chrissy]

Commercial Break.

[Brian]

This episode of the Commercial Break is sponsored by Ring. The holidays are almost here and between traveling, hosting family and finding the perfect gift, it's such an exciting, busy and yes, sometimes stressful time. Ring helps you stay connected to the home for all the merry moments. Even when you're on the go with Ring, you've got the whole home covered. Their video doorbells alert you when gifts arrive and you can even chat with the delivery people to let them know where to leave the packages. The indoor cam. It's a game changer. So easy to set up. You can use it to check in on your pets when you're away. And with two way talk, you can even talk to them. Plus, if you want some privacy, you can just flip the manual cover to turn off the camera and microphone. Wherever the holidays take you, Ring makes sure that you're always home for the holidays. So head to Ring.com to find the latest deals on Ring video, doorbells, cams and alarm kits. Ring makes the perfect gift for everyone on your list. And thanks to Ring for being a sponsor of the commercial break. Hey, Chrissy. Best to you.

[Nasser]

Best to you, Brian.

[Chrissy]

Best to you out there in the podcast universe and happy holidays.

[Brian]

Sometimes podcasts like ours will take off.

[Chrissy]

A lot of time during the holidays, but not us. We're gluttons for punishment.

[Brian]

So we have the 12 days of TCB coming at you December 13th through the 25th. Brand new episodes every single day and.

[Chrissy]

Live fresh episodes during the entire holiday season.

[Brian]

As the great Clark Griswold once said, holy.

[Nasser]

Where's the Tylenol?

[Brian]

Find it quick and join us this.

[Chrissy]

Entire holiday season for brand new episodes of the commercial break. I will be home for Christmas. The next episode of the commercial break starts now. Lo.

[Nasser]

Yeah.

[Chrissy]

Cats and kittens, welcome back to the 12 Days of TCB. I'm Brian Grain.

[Brian]

This is the Uncle Eddie to my.

[Chrissy]

Russ Kristen Joy, host. Best to you, Chrissy.

[Nasser]

Best to you, Brian, and best to.

[Chrissy]

You out there in the podcast universe. Here we are yet again in the studio helping you through the holiday season. I don't know how, but there's in.

[Brian]

Some way shape or form.

[Chrissy]

I'm sure we're helping you.

[Nasser]

Let us do that. Let us think that we're helping.

[Chrissy]

Yeah, well, I mean, if people donate to our causes, then we're definitely helping, that's for sure. How else are we helping? I don't know. We're just putting more. We're putting more downloads into the universe for people to absorb. There you go. Thanks for joining us, Chrissy. Do you know the origins of the 12 days, by the way? We just figured out that the 12 days of TCV is actually 13 days of TCV since we don't know how to count on a calendar. So you're getting an extra episode. We'll actually be doing 13 days. Halfway through the 12 days of Christmas, we realize that it's 13 days of tcb. Do you know the origins of the song 12 days of Christmas?

[Nasser]

No, I don't think that I do.

[Chrissy]

I don't think I do either. Let's learn together. Let's get learned. The best known English version was printed in the Mirth without Mischief, a children's book published in London in the 1780s. Something about the northern castle of Newcastle and the Tyne and the partridge and the pear tree and all that other stuff. But here's the more Important question. Can you name the 12 days of Christmas?

[Nasser]

Oh, gosh.

[Chrissy]

Come on. I know you can do it.

[Nasser]

Well, Partridge in a pear tree.

[Chrissy]

Okay. That's the easy one.

[Nasser]

Okay. I mean, I'd have to kind of sing it.

[Chrissy]

Okay.

[Nasser]

On the first day of Christmas Christmas.

[Chrissy]

My true love gave to me Partridge.

[Nasser]

In a pear tree on the second day of Christmas my true love gave.

[Chrissy]

To me Two doves, two turtle doves and a partridge in a pear tree.

[Nasser]

Okay, the third one is French. French horn. French hen.

[Chrissy]

French hens, French hen. On the third day of Christmas my true love gave to me Three French hens two turtledoves and a partridge in a pear tree on the fourth day of Christmas my true love gave to me A diamond ring Four calling birds Three French hens Two turtle doves and a partridge in a pear tree on the fifth day of Christmas my true love gave to me what is it? Five diamond rings.

[Nasser]

I knew there were rings in.

[Chrissy]

Four calling birds, three French hens Two turtle doves and a partridge in a pear tree on the sixth day of Christmas which would be today on the TCV. There's no 13 days of. We're gonna make up the 13th day. On the sixth day of Christmas my true love gave to me six Flying Nuns. Oh, Flying Nuns. Six geese a laying, by the way. What? Six geese a laying. Only in Old English is geese a laying. Geese a laying an egg.

[Astrid]

Well, I was thinking that's a two for one deal.

[Chrissy]

Yeah. Six geese and a laying. Oh, six geese and a laying. There you go. Six geese a laying Five golden rings Four calling birds Three French hens Two turtledoves and a partridge and a pear tree on the seventh day of Christmas my true love gave to me I don't know. Seven swans a swimming Six geese a laying Five golden rings Four calling birds Three French hens Two turtle doves and a partridge and a pear tree who? What murderous motherfucker decided to write this goddamn torturous song, and now why am I singing it? Because I really don't know the lyrics and I'm so interested to hear them. On the eighth day of Christmas my true love gave to me Eight rocks. I think this is some pervert that made this up. Listen to this one. Eight maids a milking Seven swans a swimming Seven semen X's swimming Six geese allaying Five golden rings Showers Four calling birds as in birds, women, Three French hens. We all know what that is. I mean, if you haven't tried a French hen in bed, then you don't even know. I'VE been French henning. I've been French hen and Astrid for years. That's how this gringo got Astrid. She was like, what is that? And I was like, that is the French hen. I hide on you like a little squatting bird I twaddle my wings as I bounce on top of you and I give myself a blowjob. It's a French horn, A French hen. Okay, so that's it. So we've got eight mills of making, Eight maids of milking Seven swans a swimming Six geese a laying Five golden rings Four calling birds, three French hens Two turtle doves and a partridge in a pear tree. Oh, this guy's definitely a pervert. Listen to this one. On the ninth day of Christmas my true love gave to me Nine strippers dancing Nine ladies dancing Nine ladies dancing this is a porno song. Nine ladies dancing Eight maids of milk and six swans a swimming Six geese getting laid Four golden rings Four calling birds Three French horns Two turtle doves and a partridge in a pear tree now here we round the corner and for sure without any doubt this is perverted. On the 11th day on the 10th day of Christmas oh, my true love gave to me.

[Nasser]

What?

[Chrissy]

Well, I didn't know the 1780s were quite so liberal, but here we go. Ten lords a leaping, Lord's leaping oh, if you try a French horn with a lord leaping. If you're a leaping lord that tries a French horn, you're a bottom and you know all about it. All right. Ten lords a leaping Nine ladies dancing Eight maids of milking Seven swans a swimming Six geese a laying Five golden rings Four calling birds, three French hens Two turtle doves and a partridge in a prayer prix but on the 11th day of Christmas my true love gave to me more portal things 11 pipers piping, laying pipe 11 pipers laying pipe 11 pipers piping 10 lords a leaping 9 ladies dancing 8 maids a milking, 7 swans a swimming 6 geese a laying 5 golden rings 4 calling birds, 3 French hens 2 turtle doves and a partridge in a pear tree all right, well, I guess they have to end. They can't end it in porn, so they go back to something more Christmassy. On the 12th day of Christmas my true love gave to me 12 drummers drumming 11 pipers piping 10 lords a leaping 9 ladies dancing 8 mates milking 7 swans a swimming 6 geese a laying 5 golden rings 4 golden birds 3 French hens 2 turtles and a partridge and a pear tree Dun dun dun. All right, I think it's the first time I've ever sung that song ever. Ever. That's the first time I've ever known what's in it. And now I'm realizing half of it is porn.

[Nasser]

It is.

[Chrissy]

That's what it is.

[Nasser]

What's the 13th?

[Chrissy]

Well. And the 13th day of Christmas My true love gave to me a break from TCP.

[Nasser]

That'S the gift that keeps on giving. Oh.

[Chrissy]

12 drummers drumming, 11 people laying pipe 10 lords leaping over each other nine naked ladies. All right, okay, that's it. There's the 12 days of Christmas.

[Nasser]

I'm glad you reminded me. I remember learning it when I was small, but I can't. I did not remember everything.

[Chrissy]

Yeah, I remember doing the Christmas, like, recital, you know? And I remember Little Drummer Boy became a favorite song of mine because I learned how to play it on the. On the. What do they call that?

[Nasser]

The drum?

[Chrissy]

No, the accordion. But it's not an accordion. It's like a keyboard. Is it a harpoon or a harpoon or. Oh, a recorder. A recorder. Oh, the recorder where you press the button and you strum and then it.

[Nasser]

No, the recorder was the little flute thing.

[Revere]

No.

[Chrissy]

Okay. That's a different thing. It's a little like a harpsichord. Maybe it's a harpsichord, but you would just press the button and it would make a key, but it had the names of the keys on it. So it's made for little children to play. It wasn't like some complicated thing. It was like you press this button button or that button, and then you strum it and it made a certain noise. And so we learned how to play Little Drummer Boy, which really has one note in it the entire time. I mean, it's not that hard to play, but. Little Drummer Boy, what's the best Christmas song? Traditional Christmas song.

[Nasser]

Oh, I like. My favorite's Rocking around the Christmas Tree.

[Chrissy]

I don't know if that's a traditional. Think of, like, a Judeo Christian Christmas song.

[Astrid]

Good king wins his loss.

[Chrissy]

That's a good one. Good King's a good one. I like that one. I think Little Drummer Boy is my favorite. But then, of course, there's. Is Ave Maria. Would that be considered a Christmas song? Maybe. Probably.

[Nasser]

We should ask Jeff's mom.

[Chrissy]

Jeff's mom. Why does she.

[Nasser]

Her name's Ave Maria.

[Chrissy]

Her name's Ave Maria. Her name is Ave Maria. Really? So you call her Ave, or you call her Maria? Call her Ave. You call her Ave? Wow, that's really. That's really intense.

[Nasser]

They're a very Catholic family.

[Astrid]

Have you guys heard the rendition of Ave Maria? Sort of a different style by David Bispal?

[Nasser]

I don't think so.

[Chrissy]

David Bispol.

[Astrid]

Bispal.

[Chrissy]

Bisbal, yeah.

[Astrid]

He's a Latin American artist and it's. It's very party forward. It's Ave, Ave, Maria.

[Nasser]

Nice.

[Astrid]

And I love his music videos. I love the dancing.

[Nasser]

There's some good versions.

[Chrissy]

David Beasball. David Beasball, Cuban professional baseball player. Guess I'm not talking about the same. Not the same one.

[Nasser]

The other one.

[Chrissy]

Hold on one second.

[Astrid]

Yeah, I see this.

[Chrissy]

Okay, give me one second. Christmas song list. Okay, let me give you a list of songs. You tell me which one you like the best. You tell me which ones you're partial to. You ready? Sure. Okay, here we go.

[Nasser]

Do it.

[Chrissy]

The Christmas song by Nat King Cole, Felice Navidad, Jose Feliciano, which is a favorite around my household.

[Nasser]

Yes, I love that one.

[Chrissy]

White Christmas by Bing Crosby. Deck the Halls, Frank Sinatra. Do you hear what I hear? Bing Crosby, which is a great one. Jingle Bells by Frank Sinatra. Although I don't really think of Frank as like a Christmas kind of guy. I think more of him is like breaking my legs in a dark alley kind of guy. But okay, here comes Santa Claus by Gene Autry. But Santa Claus is Coming to Town by Bruce Springsteen, in my opinion is. Santa Claus is coming to town. Santa Claus is coming to town Santa Claus are coming to town Santa Claus coming to town. If we're really at a Bruce Springsteen show that goes on for three hours. Hey, but sing it again, Clarence. Another Saxon. Santa Claus going to town Santa Claus Go New Jersey Santa baby. Earth a kid.

[Nasser]

That's real classics, Santa.

[Chrissy]

Do they know it's Christmas? Wham.

[Nasser]

That one from Wham.

[Chrissy]

Well, I mean, there's the other one by Wham too.

[Nasser]

Last Christmas.

[Chrissy]

Last Christmas. Which one of my kids is incessantly singing.

[Nasser]

I love that song.

[Chrissy]

And so the other day he was incessantly singing it. And you have to. If you know me, then you know that I. If you know me, and that means listen to more than three seconds of the commercial break. Then you know I'm a bit of an oddball, a little bit of a goofball. And when I sing songs or I hear them repeatedly, I start making up my own lyrics. Usually those turn into comedy. And usually poop or pee is the first thing I go to because I'm a 3 year old in my mind. So he's like. So he. One of my kids goes to the bathroom, he uses the restroom. He comes out of the restroom. And I go, oh, number one or number two? And he's like, oh, it's, you know, number two. I go, okay. So I was like, so then you start singing Last Christmas. I go, last Christmas I made a big poo, but the very next day, you flushed it away. This year, when it comes out my rear, I'll give it to someone special.

[Nasser]

Okay. And what did he think?

[Chrissy]

Well, it's the best thing that has happened ever. Like, dad made up the best song ever, and now he's singing it. Can we make a video? Of course we can. And this is all happening around bath time, right? I have very young children, so everyone, I need to help them with bath time.

[Nasser]

Yes.

[Chrissy]

Really do all of it. And it's fun. And we're having fun. This is going on for, like, 30 minutes. I am embedding this song into his head, into a kid who remembers everything. He's an elephant. He remembers everything. So he runs down to go have dinner. Dinner's on the table. And I'm getting changed, whatever. And all of a sudden I hear Brian Green. And I'm like, oh, she found my Instagram search page. I'm like, oh. And I'm like, what? And she's like, don't. Don't. You go. You. You cannot be telling these kids these songs are going to go to school, and then they're going to get in trouble. Everyone's going to get in trouble. And I'm like, no, no, no, no, no, no. He's just fun. And I got so. I'm like, listen, kid, this song is for this house and this house only. You cannot repeat this. So let's just get it out of our head. Let's sing the regular version, which is also a little weird, too, but okay. Wham. Like, we're going to sing Wham. Okay, the Wham version. He says, okay, so last night, we're going to bed. One of my daughters starts singing the exact same song. Astrid. And Astrid's like, I told you they're all going to get kicked out of school. And I'm like, ah. A little pee and little poo never hurt anybody. I mean, listen, my son will be the hero of his very young age classroom if he sings that song. And he does it well. Do you know what I'm saying? I do, for sure. All right. Despite all that we bitch about blue here around the Green household, we really are animal lovers. I saved a fucking squirrel, for God's sakes. A baby squirrel, which carries hepatitis or something like that. I went to great lengths to save that squirrel I drove in the rain 20 miles in my air conditioned car to get that squirrel to safety. Now listen to me. The ASPCA does a great deal of good and while they have those terrible commercials that everyone hates, there's a good reason why they tug at your heartstrings so they can save ants animals and make sure that these animals even when they're left abandoned by who do not understand the responsibility of having an animal. They try and make sure that they get to good homes and do the best they can to do that in a no kill way. The ASPCA is today's charity. Now some of you have written in and talked about this also so we are going to give it a little love. If you would like to donate to the ASPCA and help cats, dogs and other animals find loving homes and stay out of the kill shelters. And I'm not saying they never get put down because that is just not.

[Brian]

A reality of life.

[Chrissy]

But help them find a good home, give them some cash so that they can do well and make sure that these animals get saved. Especially after disasters. This is the one thing that really sucks is that if you're in a disaster and you're choosing you want to keep your animal with you. But life circumstances, it's either you or your animal. There are tough choices that need to be made. The ASPCA can come in and help in those situations. They do do a lot of good. Please help us by donating to them. Link in the show notes and if you donate to any of our causes, send a screenshot. We will send you some swag. With love from Chrissy, Christina, Astrid and I. We'll take a break and we'll be back.

[Astrid]

Holidays getting you down. Family acting out of pocket. Text us and tell us all about it at 212-433-3TCB or leave us a voicemail with all of the unhinged and or spicy details and then follow us on Instagram hecommercial Break and on TikTok CBP podcast. If you need a laugh or an escape, you can always escape for a full hour and watch our YouTube videos at YouTube.com thecommercial break while you simultaneously peruse our website tcbpodcast.com to find out all there is to know about Brian and Chrissy. Now let's hear from our sponsors so we can afford the holidays this year.

[Brian]

This episode is sponsored by Pre Alcohol from Zbiotics. I am not one to imbibe a whole bunch anymore. I've got 13 to 15 children, checklists to get done and jobs to do. But even with moderation, I don't bounce back like I used to from a night of drinking. I find myself having to make that choice. Can I have a great night or a great responsible day tomorrow? A tough choice to make indeed. That is, until I found Pre Alcohol zbiotics Pre Alcohol Probiotic Drink is the world's first genetically engineered probiotic. It was invented by a PhD scientist to tackle rough mornings after drinking, and.

[Chrissy]

Here'S how it works.

[Brian]

When you drink, alcohol gets converted into a toxic byproduct in your gut. It's this byproduct, not dehydration, that's to blame for that rough next day. Pre alcohol produces an enzyme to break down this byproduct. And just as long as you remember to take pre alcohol as your first drink of the night, then drink responsibly. You'll feel your best tomorrow. We've now been out for a few nights of drinking where pre alcohol is the first thing that I drink. Let me tell you when I can get up in the morning, take care of my 12 to 13 children, still record an episode of the commercial break and make it to bedtime with a little bit of energy left in the tank to watch bad television. I know that pre alcohol has done its job and with the holiday season upon us, I know I'm going to be consuming just a little bit more alcohol than usual. But with pre alcohol I can stay on track and not let the holiday season throw me off course. Go to ZBiotics.com commercial to learn more and get 15% off your first order when you use the code COMMERCIAL at checkout. ZBiotics is backed by a 100% money back guarantee, so if you're unsatisfied for any reason, they'll refund your money, no questions asked. Remember to head to ZBiotics.com commercial and use the code COMMERCIAL at checkout for 15% off. Thank you to ZBiotics for being a sponsor of the commercial break and for making my mornings after drinking just a little bit easier.

[Jeff]

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[Chrissy]

When you feel a cold coming, shorten it with Zicam, the number one cold shortening brand.

[Brian]

Oh, no, not before the holidays.

[Chrissy]

Your cold is coming. Your cold is coming.

[Brian]

Thanks, Revere. I really should keep Zycam in the house.

[Chrissy]

Getting a cold is on no one's wish list. Take it from America's most revered messenger. Shorten your cold at the first sign with cold shortening products from Zycam, the number one cold shortening brand available in stores. Or see where to [e-mail]. okay. And we're back. Okay. Tell me the worst Christmas gift you have ever received.

[Nasser]

The worst Christmas gift?

[Chrissy]

Be honest. You got to let them know, I think.

[Nasser]

A mirror.

[Chrissy]

You got a mirror for Christmas?

[Nasser]

I did one time, yeah.

[Chrissy]

From a guy?

[Nasser]

Yes.

[Chrissy]

Oh, no. Oh, no. Like, take a look at yourself before you leave.

[Nasser]

It was like a fancy mirror.

[Chrissy]

Okay.

[Nasser]

Well, I was working at a furniture store at the time, and I was in high school, so. But it was kind of, you know, that is it maybe not the best present.

[Chrissy]

And what did you interpret that mirror to mean? What was the symbolism? Like, take a look at yourself before you leave the house or something? Take a look in the mirror.

[Nasser]

I mean, it was like, I said it was a nice mirror, but that just popped in my head when you asked me.

[Chrissy]

Okay.

[Nasser]

I mean, my least favorite one.

[Chrissy]

That's your least favorite?

[Nasser]

I didn't think it had any kind of crazy meaning behind it, but I think he just happened to work in a furniture store and get it.

[Chrissy]

Yeah. I wonder what's going through his head. Like a nice chair or a nice couch. A love seat. Everybody needs a good end table, right? Don't we all need a good end table? I do. I don't know. And then you pick the mirror. That is kind of a weird choice, but it's certainly a man choice. Like, it's a choice from a guy who probably doesn't, you know, I don't know, doesn't have much. Anything else? Was he the kind of guy who would spend most of the afternoon on Sunday watching football?

[Nasser]

Yes.

[Chrissy]

Okay. There you go. Just checking. Christina, worst gift you've ever received.

[Astrid]

Well, let's see. Every single year, I get bandaids from my family.

[Nasser]

Oh, bandaids.

[Astrid]

My mom gives me a pack of Band Aids, like, as a stocking stinker. Yeah, but it's.

[Nasser]

I mean, you can always use Band Aids.

[Astrid]

They're very handy. But, like, every year, I'M like, what kind of band aids am I gonna get now?

[Nasser]

It's a thing.

[Chrissy]

Yeah.

[Astrid]

Like, I mean, last year, I think there were unicorns.

[Chrissy]

Oh, you got. Oh, she gets. You, like, play bands?

[Astrid]

No, I mean, no, they're real band aids and I really use them. Yeah, but they're like, for kids. So last year I was in charge of my mother's stocking and I gave her band aids.

[Chrissy]

Well, then there you go. She got her comeuppance. Band aids have become quite the commodity in this household for sure. In your house, we have 10 boxes of different charactered band aids. And if one kid gets a boo boo, and I mean the smallest of boo boos, one that does not even, I keep on explaining to them, band aids are for blood. Band aids are for blood. If there's no blood, there's no need for a band aid. That doesn't fix a bruise. It doesn't fix a bruised ego. It doesn't fix that your brother kicked you in the ribs. It doesn't fix that kind of stuff. But it doesn't matter to their little minds because all they care about is having, you know, hello Kitty or whatever it is on their. On their body. It doesn't last but five seconds because they always rip it off right away and then they play with it and eat it and stick it in their hair and all this. How many hundreds of boxes of character related band aids have we gone through in this house? Because when one kid gets a boo boo, all of them have a boo boo. They're all, you know, someone will come to me, Daddy got a boo boo. I mean, it's Christina.

[Nasser]

If you have extra band aids, give.

[Chrissy]

Them to our house.

[Nasser]

This is a good house for them.

[Chrissy]

That's right.

[Astrid]

Well, funnily enough, it started because I was a kid, I used to use so many band aids. Why I just used to always get cuts on my fingers.

[Chrissy]

And so you would just. So you were known for the bandaids.

[Astrid]

I was known for having band aids.

[Chrissy]

Okay.

[Nasser]

Yeah.

[Chrissy]

All right. So your mom just. Your mom's getting back at you for.

[Astrid]

Years of just never forgot it.

[Chrissy]

Yeah, that's right. I would say the worst gift that I have gotten. And I think we may have had this question, like back in season number one when we were doing like a fish that fishbowl thing where we were pulling questions out of there. I think the worst gift. I know, the worst gift I have ever gotten was for my former brother in law. Former brother in law, who was one of my favorite humans on Earth. His name Was Charles. And he was a gay man. And he was a very fashionable gay man. French aristocrat, high society gay man. Always dressing nice, always looking nice, always smelling wonderful. And he gave me no shit. Like a subscription to Hair club for Men when I was like 26 years old. As well as some like peroxide shit that you put on your head. Minoxidil. He got that for me as a gift. And he had no idea how badly this hurt my feelings. No idea. He was like, what? I know you wanna look good, so I'm just, I'm helping you. And I'm like, helping me what? Grow back my receding hairline? And he's like, well, it's no secret, Brian. Everybody's like, thanks, Charles, I appreciate it. Worst Christmas gift ever. For sure. But. And I think probably in a couple of days we'll get her on the phone. But. But my mom is certainly the is. She's an equal opportunity destroyer of hopes and dreams around Christmas gifts. Because my mother has got to be the worst gift giver consistently.

[Nasser]

Really?

[Chrissy]

On a consistent basis. Yes. Let me give you an example. I am 25, 26 years old. Remember, I have a twin brother. I'm 25, 26 years old. So that would have been sometime in the 2000s. Right? Sometime in the 2000s, long after 1982 has gone. But my mom was still pandering under the delusion that I was like a four year old boy. Because when I opened up her gift, her big gift to me was a full head to toe jean outfit, jean jacket, jean shirt, pair of jeans, you know, white socks, white crew socks. And she was like, you can pinch roll them like they were acid Washington. She's like, you can pinch roll them. And I'm like, pinch roll them, mom. No one pinch rolls anymore. What are you talking about? That jean jacket, Chrissy, was the ugliest thing I had ever seen in my entire life. But what was made worse was when Kevin opened up his gift to realize that he got the exact same outfit.

[Nasser]

Oh, matching.

[Chrissy]

Yes. So Kevin and I had matching jean outfits. Now, sweet. We humor. We use it a lot to defuse emotional situations in my family. And Kevin and I were running a little hot that my mom had decided to get us jean. So we kept a lot, you know, so we made a big joke out about it, you know, jean jacket. Mom don't get jean jackets. You don't get jean jackets. That's not what happens. The very next year, my mom decided. My mom decided to go to Kohl's and get Kevin And I. Flannel jackets. Flannel jackets, like the kind you wear to chop wood. Do you know what I'm saying? Not the stylish kind, but the kind you use to chop wood with thick corduroy pants. So now we look like true woodsmen. And it wasn't just me who got it. It was Kevin who got it. So the year number two, my mom fails.

[Nasser]

Year number clothing gifts are tricky. Yes, you know they are.

[Chrissy]

Year number three, I think we each got a carton of cigarettes with a brand new ashtray because your mom's helping you die.

[Nasser]

And then you used that.

[Chrissy]

I got a six pack of Bud Light one year. I think that's what I got for my mom. And then eventually my mom wised up that, you know, she was trying to pick us fashion choices. Listen, when you're a mother, you'll always be a mother. When you're a father, you'll always be a father. You're always going to want to dress your babies. I'm sure that that's true. I'll know that when I. When I, you know, when I'm 72 and my kids are 9, I'll realize that. But what my mom wised up to was, why don't I just give the boys gift certificates so that they can go and do their own thing? Great call. Unless mom gets us gift certificates to, like, you know. What was the store? Woolworth. Do you remember that store? Woolworth, 1930s.

[Nasser]

Yeah.

[Brian]

Yes.

[Chrissy]

There was like one in the greater Chicagoland area. And I don't know how she got these gifts. I think she asked my grandma to send them to us. Woolworth. Where am I gonna get. And then one time it was the Burlington Coat Factory. The Burlington Coat Factory.

[Nasser]

I remember that place.

[Chrissy]

Is that where all the kids are getting cool CL clothing is? The Burlington Coat Factory. Of course, my mom was always known to make, like, super special. Listen, Christmas was such a special time when we were very young children. Then our parents divorced. Like a lot of parents do divorce for a lot of different reasons. And when they divorced, my mom went to live in an apartment and my dad stayed in the house. And, you know, so my dad did his best to make the Christmases special, and my mom did her best to make the Christmases special. But I think when they weren't together teaming up to make the Christmases special, it just. Something got lost. So my mom would, like, decorate her apartment. She had this fake tree that would bend at an angle, you know, and like tinsel and stuff like that. So it lost its Luster. Just a little bit. And I'll tell you when I think it really kind of like, it hit me that it's lost its luster. Was one year. I think this is the same year that we got the cigarettes in the ashtray. We come in, it's Christmas Eve, and my mom has got the oven on, and it smells good in the house.

[Nasser]

And that was different.

[Chrissy]

That was different, yes. Because my mom. It never smelled good when my mom was cooking, God bless her soul, but it smelled good. And so I was like, I wonder what we're having. It smells. Doesn't smell like traditional Christmas food. And my mom says, it's a surprise. I know you're gonna love it. I know you kids are gonna love this. I've been thinking about this for weeks. I made a decision. I'm gonna go with it. I know you don't always love my cooking. You're gonna love it. We all sit down for dinner, and my mom pulls out trays from the oven that had been warmed, two of them separately, and she puts them on the table, and they have these tins with the cardboard top, and both the cardboard tops say, Pizza Hut pasta. My mom got Pizza Hut pasta bowls for Christmas. And I'm telling you what. It was all it was cracked up to be. It was terrible. It was like this Pizza Hut cooking pasta bowls. I mean, you would think, how hard is pasta to up? If you're making the pizza, you can make the pasta. No, but I didn't see any pots of boiling water over at Pizza Hut when I went there. I mean, I don't think those were coming in the door fresh. It was terrible. And it was just like the. To me, it was a bit of a sad moment. Funny, but a bit of a sad moment.

[Nasser]

She was trying.

[Chrissy]

Cause I was like, my mom's trying so hard to make Christmases special, and she just can't win for losing. I mean, it's like, absolutely has destroyed any notion that Christmas is special in any way by freaking. And I go, mom. And she goes. And she goes, you don't like it? And I'm like, it's Pizza Hut for Christmas. And I go, I know. Like, you know. Okay, I appreciate the effort, mom, but how did you even think of this idea? And she's like, well, I called him and I asked him if they were open on Christmas Eve, and they said yes. And I thought, great, let's do pasta from pizza. I saw a commercial. It looked great.

[Nasser]

They do make it look good on the commercials.

[Chrissy]

Listen, they do make it look great on the commercials. Because that's what the people who make the commercials are paid to do.

[Nasser]

Exactly.

[Chrissy]

They're not getting their pasta from Pizza Hut. They have professional chefs that do that shit. There is no pasta chef at Pizza Hut. I can guarantee. No.

[Nasser]

And that's probably why they do not have those pasta bowls anymore.

[Chrissy]

Yep. But now Domino's does. So. Yeah, I think it just makes its way around the pizza universe. I think there's a.

[Nasser]

Throw some pasta.

[Chrissy]

That's right. I think there's a company who makes pasta bowls for pizza places, and they win the big contract and realize that it's a loser, and then they move on to the next big pizza brand. It's like, you know, one moment Pizza Hut has it, the next minute Domino's has it. Little Caesars is next. Little Caesar's Pizza bowls. That's why I can. I can appreciate a Little Caesar. Listen, if I'm going to have pizza on the holidays, which is not the worst idea in the world, I'm being real honest. We've already determined that Brian is not a big fan of the traditional clucking and chucking. Dinner with ham and turkey. That gives you salmonella. I'm okay doing a taco Christmas. I'm okay doing a pizza Christmas. And one year.

[Nasser]

Yeah, make it fun.

[Chrissy]

One year we did our own pizzas and we cooked them in a pizza oven at my dad's house. That was fantastic. I'm okay with that. But let's not go to Pizza Hut for Christmas Eve. If I'm going to have a pizza on Christmas Eve, I'm going to have a pizza from one of the, like, the boutique pizza places around here.

[Nasser]

Well, there's tons of them now, but maybe back then there weren't that many.

[Chrissy]

No, there was like, you know, everybody in every city around the world has a Antonio's pizza or Tony Romo's pizza or Bob's Pizza. You know, those pizza places that have been in your neighborhood for years, but you don't know anybody who's ever gone there. But on Friday nights, there's a lot of cars out front. Everybody has one of those pizza places and has forever and ever. But it isn't until very recently. And I think Atlanta might have been one of the places that started this trend to have these very boutique pizza places that have, you know, wood fired ovens. I had flown in in a helicopter from Italy for 700.

[Jeff]

Yeah.

[Chrissy]

From Sicily. That. That is not old. We just flew it in from Sicily. And those are the kind of places where if you're gonna get pizza for Christmas Eve. Let's do a pizza for that kind of place. Now, I do have to say Pizza Hut when I was a kid was the better of all the options, in my opinion. That was my personal opinion. Like, I would rather do Pizza Hut than the other guys, so. But in the worst part about that particular dinner, that particular feast, was not that my mom had decided to get Pizza Hut. It's that there was no pizza from Pizza Hut that could have come along.

[Nasser]

With it with, like, at least a box of pizza.

[Chrissy]

But here's the good news. We got lots of cigarettes to smoke, so at the end of the beer to drink. So at the end of the day, wasn't that drunk.

[Nasser]

Yeah, you make the most of it. That's what you have to do. And you have to. You know, when you get older, too, you look back at stuff that happened when you were younger with your parents, and you're like, they were doing the best they could.

[Chrissy]

Well, here's my belief. Generally in life, most people are doing the best they can with the information they have at the time that is given to them. I just think that's true of most human beings. We're just doing the best we can with the information we have in the moment that we have it, and that's it. And I. There's no knock on my mom. My mom was a single mother. And, yes, a single mother of mainly adult children, but that's still a feat. Like, you still have to. Yeah, she held down a job. She. I mean, my mom is a rock star in a lot of ways. Look, she made me. And I'm doing 12 days of TCB, which actually is 13 days of TCB. Okay, maybe we weren't all that great at math, but I'm telling you what, Pizza Hut or no Pizza Hut. My mom was trying. And for that, I give her credit. And now with the grandkids, she just loves to get them toys. And with the grandkids, she's doing so much. I've noticed that my parents are doing so much better with the grandkids than they ever did with me. I guess that's how therapists stay in business, huh?

[Nasser]

Yeah, it's just, I think, easier when they're not your own kids.

[Chrissy]

Oh, yes, for sure. All right, let's do this. We're gonna take a break in just one second, but I wanted to remind you, the ASPCA doing good for animals all around the United States and beyond. So do us a favor. There's a link in the show Note if you would go donate to the aspca. And if you do and you want some swag, you can go ahead and take a screenshot of your donation and we will send you some swag, some TCB schwag. And please understand, we have not. We do not get in the middle of this. We're just putting the link on the website. It goes directly to their website. We are incentivized in no way. We haven't even communicated. We haven't even communicated.

[Nasser]

No. We just like these charities.

[Chrissy]

We just like these charities and we hope you'll do some good over the holiday season. Okay, we'll take a break. We'll be back.

[Astrid]

Hi. You know what time it is, so let's get to it. Pull that phone out of your pocket and follow us on Instagram commercial break and on TikTok for now, I guess CVP podcast. You can also find all of our video content that we're filming in our brand new [e-mail] thecommercial break. So check it out and throw us a follow a like a comment, whatever you can spare. If you want to get in touch with us, you can always text us or call us and leave us a voicemail at 212-4333, TCB. Now I have one last request. During the 12 or 263 days of TCB, check out our featured charities and donate to them if you can this holiday season. All right, let's take a listen to our sponsors and get back to the show.

[Revere]

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[Nasser]

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[Chrissy]

All right. And we're back. Okay.

[Nasser]

You know, and I went, pizza now.

[Chrissy]

Oh, man, when. I love some pizza. But we have. I know, but we have pizza so much around this house because the kids, you know, they're kids. They love pizza.

[Nasser]

Yeah.

[Chrissy]

And so we have pizza at least. At least once every 10 days. There's pizza of some brand or variety, whether that be frozen pizza or we go out for pizza or, you know, so I do want pizza. But then part of me is like, I already have a lot of pizza in my diet. I'm not sure my cardiologist is going to appreciate. Here's the reason why I ask you about the worst Christmas gift ever. Because they've put out the traditional annual list of worst gifts for 2024 to get to.

[Nasser]

Is this from Town and Country?

[Chrissy]

This is not from Town and Country. This is from Whale House.

[Nasser]

Oh, Whale House.

[Chrissy]

Good old Whale House. That was good. You saw that one right on the corner, you were like, I like that one. All right, ready?

[Nasser]

Yes.

[Chrissy]

I think this is the worst. Yeah. The 17 worst Christmas gifts as per whalehouse. Ca. Here we go.

[Nasser]

What?

[Chrissy]

Yeah, don't ask me. I just found it. I thought it was interesting. I was reading through it. Okay, number one, a coffee cup. I can agree with this wholeheartedly.

[Nasser]

Yeah, don't get me. There's too many coffee cups out there.

[Chrissy]

Listen, I drink tea every night. I drink tea. It's easy on my throat, my belly. I like it. There's no caffeine. Calms me down. Cause I need calming down a lot. And through the years, people have gotten me coffee cups, teacups. Right. Throughout the years. It's wonderful. But now I have a hundred of them. I don't need another one. I honestly don't.

[Nasser]

And that's just the last time we moved, I purged a bunch of them, even if they were kind of special. Yeah, there's too many.

[Chrissy]

Let's be real. Has anybody ever really said, I want a coffee cup for Christmas? I mean.

[Nasser]

Yes.

[Chrissy]

Unless it's a fancy one. Now, one of my family members this year for Christmas wants one of those Fancy ones that heat themselves up. Like, you put them on the little thing and they heat themselves up and.

[Nasser]

Hey, I'll take a Yeti any day.

[Chrissy]

Oh, yeah, well, yeah, yeti. Well, get me one of those other ones. What are those? Those ones, everyone's killing each other for that. Have a bunch of lead in them, Stanley. Yeah, I guess we're over the Stanley's now. Are we over the Stanley's now that there's lead in them? Okay, just checking. Number two. Walmart gift card. Mom. Walmart gift card. Actually, I don't think this is the worst gift ever.

[Nasser]

I was gonna say you really got attached to those pants.

[Chrissy]

You got those pants. I was wearing those yesterday. Those pants are the best.

[Nasser]

I knew those were them.

[Chrissy]

Fucking cozy house pants I've ever had.

[Nasser]

There you go.

[Chrissy]

From Walmart. Not from Lululemon, which also makes a great. Of course they do. They're $600 a piece, but also makes a great, you know, sweatpant, whatever you want to call. Lounge pant, whatever you want to call it.

[Nasser]

Jogger, Jogger.

[Chrissy]

I'm telling you what, Those random ass pants I found in a Walmart and bum shit, South Carolina were some of the best pants, and I had to work for those because they didn't have many in my size.

[Nasser]

I remember the story.

[Chrissy]

Yes. All right, number three, socks. And this is something that was always in my stocking. Always, always, always was socks. Now, now, if you would have asked me 10 years ago, I would have said, please stop giving me fucking socks. If you ask me now, please give me more socks. I am in love with a cozy pair of socks. Me, too.

[Nasser]

I'm wearing some special ones today, in.

[Chrissy]

Fact, ones that do not get holes in them. I'm wearing socks from a company called Clover, which is why they have the clover on the bottom. I like that. And they are incredible. And they don't ruin. You know, I've bought them from, like, sock companies that are supposed to be reputable, and then three months later, they have holes in the bottom. Really? And I don't wear socks. Like, I'm not wearing.

[Nasser]

Bombas are great.

[Chrissy]

Personal hygiene products. Comes in at number four. Yeah, I guess. You know, I don't need tampons this Christmas. Yeah, that's what you're saying.

[Nasser]

I like shampoo, but, I mean, you could go with an expensive shampoo and conditioner.

[Chrissy]

Okay. I think there's a difference between getting, like, bath bath bombs and, you know, scented stuff you can, like. It's thawed out, like, you know, here, like, one time I Got Astrid. We had one of those standalone tubs, and I got her a thing like one of the.

[Nasser]

Oh, yeah, the tray.

[Chrissy]

A tray. And some bath bombs and some other stuff that went on there. And I said, hey, you could go ahead and take your bath now. Little did I know that Astrid hasn't taken a bath in her entire life. Like, she doesn't take baths.

[Nasser]

Oh, really?

[Chrissy]

Yeah. No, she doesn't. I think she took like three baths when we had that stand. And that standalone tub was beautiful.

[Nasser]

Oh, we've got one and I love it.

[Chrissy]

Oh, but she's just not a bath person. Yeah, some people aren't, but I thought I tried.

[Nasser]

That was thoughtful.

[Chrissy]

Yeah. But after six years of knowing her, I probably should have guessed, having never seen her take a bath before.

[Astrid]

I was going to say it's not that thoughtful.

[Nasser]

Thanks.

[Chrissy]

A picture frame comes in at number five now. Yes. An empty picture frame. Yes. Totally worthless. Don't get someone an empty picture frame. That's a highly subjective thing to put in someone's house. Right.

[Nasser]

But a picture in a picture frame.

[Chrissy]

Okay, I can go with that.

[Nasser]

Special picture.

[Chrissy]

I can roll with that. I guess it's given. I guess it's the context also. I'll tell you what we got my mom for Christmas year, Kevin got it for. And we've been adding to it is one of those digital files where you hook it up to the Internet. It's got an address, and then you send pictures to it.

[Nasser]

Yeah.

[Chrissy]

So even though my mom. So even though my mom, you know, is not mobile, so we can't get her out of the house a lot.

[Nasser]

She can stay up to date.

[Chrissy]

Yes.

[Nasser]

When we.

[Chrissy]

When we have an event here at the house, or we're over at the gym and there's a recital or whatever it is, we can take pictures and then we send it to her so we can say, hey, mom, look on your frame. We've got some new photos.

[Nasser]

I love it.

[Chrissy]

So I think that was a good present. But an empty frame. Yeah. I don't want that ugly, ugly Christmas sweater. The very out. I think it's overdone. The ugly Christmas sweater thing is overdone. And I don't own ugly Christmas sweaters because anytime I have gotten them as a gift that I just don't wear.

[Nasser]

Oh, you give them to Goodwill the next year.

[Chrissy]

Yeah, that's it. Or that same year.

[Nasser]

Yes.

[Chrissy]

Or I re. Gift them.

[Nasser]

Yeah.

[Chrissy]

Guilty of re gifting or not regifting? No, never regifted.

[Nasser]

I mean, I don't know that I've well, no, I've never gifted. Re. Gifted as if it was my own gift. Like, I had picked it out for them and I really hadn't.

[Chrissy]

Okay, so you never.

[Nasser]

I would give somebody something, but I would say, I got this and don't want it. Would you like it?

[Chrissy]

Okay. Ever regifted?

[Astrid]

I think I might have done it once or twice. But not. Not like a mean. Normally it's like, it's a nice thing, but like, I just already have it. Or.

[Chrissy]

Yeah.

[Nasser]

Or.

[Astrid]

And like, I don't want to tell someone if I already have something that they got me because they feel like they did put thought into it. It is something I would like. I do have it.

[Chrissy]

Yeah, I agree. I've gotten, like, golf balls that. Then I re. Gift to my brothers or something like that. Well, I guess I'm telling them now. Sorry, guys. I got the golf balls from someone else. I gave them to you. I've re. Gifted a few things, but I do it with intention and love. It's like, oh, I know you would like this much better than I would, so I'm going to pretend as if I got this for you, even though someone else got it for me.

[Nasser]

In a pinch.

[Chrissy]

Candles from the Dollar store. This is very specific, but anything from the Dollar Store. Can we talk about the dollar?

[Nasser]

You can't give a gift from anything from the Dollar Store.

[Chrissy]

Can we talk about the neighborhood ruining dollar stores for a second? I mean, these places are absolutely terrible. And despite being a dollar, it saves you no money. They are simply. Think about all the extra packaging. Think about all the extra things that have to be done to break stuff down into smaller sizes to charge you more money for less product. Think about this. You go to Walmart, you buy an orange Costco, you buy a giant jug of detergent, right? It costs you $25 or whatever. Then you go to the Dollar store and it's like $1.99 for the tiniest little thing of detergent or a couple packets of detergent. It is so much more expensive per item. Like per gallon, per fluid ounce, per. Mm, whatever it is to buy that stuff at the Dollar store than it is at Walmart. Now, if you only have two bucks on you, I can understand, but they don't pay those people a living.

[Nasser]

That's the sad part. Yeah, I read a whole thing about how they pop up in food deserts, too, which is places that don't have fresh food and produce, and then, you know, they have everything canned. And it's, you know.

[Chrissy]

You know what makes me feel Good about society. Right now. They're closing dollar stores at. By the minute right now. Like the Dollar generals and the dollar stores because they just are terrible. Stop. The dollar stores. Don't give me anything from the dollar store. Don't want. Thank you anyway. But a candle from the dollar store.

[Nasser]

No, that's. Those candles are bad.

[Chrissy]

They're bad.

[Nasser]

They're really bad.

[Chrissy]

Bad. Are they scented?

[Nasser]

I'm a big candle person. I go for a nice expensive candle because it just lasts longer and smells better.

[Chrissy]

I agree.

[Nasser]

I mean, anything I've ever bought, anytime I've ever bought a cheap candle, it's disappointing.

[Chrissy]

It's disappointing. It smells terrible. They're bad for you. Like, they don't burn in there. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's all. A keychain. Comes in at number eight.

[Nasser]

Oh, yeah.

[Chrissy]

Please don't get me a keychain. Let me get my own keychains. I don't want to. I don't want your keychain. I want my keychain.

[Nasser]

Yeah.

[Chrissy]

And I don't wear a keychain. Who wears keychains anymore? Who does this? What's a keychain for? When you're seven and you have a backpack, a keychain makes sense because you collect them on your backpack. Right. It's some little indication of your individuality when you're a young person, but when you get over the age of 15. Do we need keychains anymore? Really? I don't think people have keys anymore. I turn my car on with my phone. Fuck you.

[Astrid]

Okay, rich guy.

[Nasser]

I know I'm rich.

[Chrissy]

I'm rich. That. That Hyundai sitting outside doesn't turn itself on. I press a button. Ladies, number nine. And I couldn't agree with this more. Please never do this. We're just talking about this on today's show. A pet for Christmas. Do never get anybody a pet for Christmas unless you have talked about it with them specifically.

[Nasser]

Yeah.

[Chrissy]

Because in Christmas, birthdays, anniversaries, none of it. Don't do it. You do not get someone a pet when they do not expect you to get them a pet. That is a terrible fucking idea. They will feel obligated to keep that animal they probably didn't want in the first place. You want to know why they didn't have a pet in the first place? If you want a pet, you go get a pet. You don't do. That's not something someone does for you. You do it yourself.

[Nasser]

Yeah, that's tricky. That's a lot of responsibility you're putting on someone unless Unless it would be like a pet for the family. You know, in a family house where.

[Chrissy]

You and your husband or your wife or your whatever have spoken about it at length. You've. You're going to surprise the kids with a dog. You know they're not going to take care of it, so it's your fucking responsibility.

[Nasser]

You're prepared.

[Chrissy]

Got it? Yes. 10, 4, 10. A T shirt. A brand new T shirt. No, no, don't get a T shirt for Christmas unless it's like a really good T shirt. Yeah, unless it's a really funny T shirt.

[Nasser]

A funny one, or a good quality.

[Chrissy]

A good quality one. But don't try and get someone a T shirt that you think is fashionable right now. That's a bad idea. Then you're my mom again.

[Nasser]

Clothing is. I go against getting clothing.

[Chrissy]

I agree with you 100%. Number 11. Weight loss programs.

[Nasser]

No weight loss programs. That's like your hair loss program.

[Chrissy]

I know, it's. I think it's worse actually. You know, listen, my hair is going regardless. Right? A weight loss program might indicate that you. Someone else feels you're lazy, can't take care of your own self.

[Nasser]

Yeah, right.

[Chrissy]

That's a terrible gift. That's like getting someone rehab for Christmas. You're an asshole. Go to rehab. Which one time I was in rehab for Christmas. I just got you.

[Nasser]

Well, if only you'd had a gift certificate.

[Chrissy]

Do you remember? I know, if only. Do you remember the time I told you that I was homeless? Like I was living under somebody's porch because my dad kicked me out because I kept bringing strippers home. And so I lived under the porch of the stripper's mom's house while she was cheating on me. Because, because really, honestly, who's dating the guy under my porch? It's pretty much a lose, lose situation. So the next step for me, even though at the time I was certainly drinking and drugging, it wasn't like I was a full blood, you know, I wasn't, I wasn't like, had to snort cocaine 24 hours a day or was drinking myself into oblivion every single afternoon. I just was casually doing drugs most of the time. Yeah, but, but my big out was I had a guy that met me at a coffee house. Like an old high school friend met me at a Waffle House, I think it was, and was like, hey, dude, I heard you're not, you know, like, you're having a bit of a problem. And I was like, yeah. And he's like, I'd like to call some of My friends and have them meet us here. And I, they, they can help you, I think. And I was like, oh, okay, great. The people who showed up were people from a rehab program, quote unquote, where they asked me if I was in danger, did I owe any drug dealers money.

[Nasser]

Oh, wow.

[Chrissy]

How much alcohol did I drink? I got all of a sudden got roped into like a little cult. And they sent me to a halfway house in. On Buford Highway, Atlanta.

[Nasser]

What?

[Chrissy]

Not even kidding. 12 guys living in a three bedroom apartment, four of us per room. We all had to pay rent by going and working day labor jobs. And I was there during Christmas. There was no TVs allowed. You could have a CD Walkman. If you had one of those. You could have a CD Walkman or a radio. No televisions allowed, none of that shit. So on Christmas Eve, they rolled in the TV and they played It's a Wonderful Life to basically 16 hardened criminals. And Brian, white guy in the crowd. It was the most disturbing Christmas Eve of my life, Chrissy. Of my life. Yes. And so rehab for Christmas, not a bad thing. Exercise bike falls right behind. Weight loss management. Calendars or office supplies agree with this 100%. You don't need to get that for somebody. Let them do that on their own. That's a highly personal thing. My wife loves calendars. Loves calendars, Loves them, has them all over the place. She uses.

[Nasser]

I love a good calendar.

[Chrissy]

Yes. And. But you know what? She doesn't want anybody else picking that out.

[Nasser]

No, you do it yourself.

[Chrissy]

Number 14 is a paperweight. Well, I didn't even know those existed anymore. Do we even use paper anymore? I mean, who's getting a paper weight? Do you have a paperweight? You looked at me like you might have a paperweight.

[Nasser]

There's some beautiful paperweights out there, you know, I've seen before. They're like the blown glass and they're really pretty.

[Chrissy]

That's a piece of art. Yes, that you use as a paperweight. But a paperweight is like a rock, you know what I'm saying? Like a rock with a place for envelopes that no one gets anymore. I don't know. Cash is number 15.

[Nasser]

Why not cash?

[Chrissy]

Hey, listen, I'm saying this moves up to the best gift you could possibly give this summer and this spring and this fall and this Christmas for the commercial break is cash. We should start a Patreon just so people can tip us. You know what I'm saying?

[Nasser]

Yeah.

[Chrissy]

Number 16 is self help books agree with that 100%.

[Nasser]

Don't give personal.

[Chrissy]

Yeah. You make people feel like they're being an asshole. You know what I'm saying? If you give them a self help book, like.

[Nasser]

Like how not to be an asshole.

[Chrissy]

Yeah. Like maturity 101. Yeah. Relationships for children, the five love. Languages for assholes. Yeah. That kind of stuff. And number 17 coming in at the worst gift to give someone. I just forgot it. Cleaning tools. Don't get someone a vacuum for Christmas.

[Nasser]

Unless they really want it. Hey, listen, there's some great vacuums out there.

[Chrissy]

There are some Dyson's out there that I would dive.

[Nasser]

Exactly.

[Chrissy]

Yeah.

[Nasser]

Honestly, we received one one year. Oh, you did, mom. And loved it.

[Chrissy]

It was good.

[Nasser]

Yeah.

[Chrissy]

Okay. All right. Go for the Dyson. Listen, the Dysons are like. That's a different story though. A Dyson is like getting an iPad.

[Nasser]

It is? Yeah. Really. And they're more expensive than an iPad.

[Chrissy]

We have a Dyson and that thing has like a screen on it that tells you how much it's picking up at any given time. And is it Max Eco maximum?

[Nasser]

Yeah. Filtering.

[Chrissy]

Yeah. Dyson really changed the game. They made it sexy to have a vacuum. Yes, Dyson. Dyson is the apple of vacuums, that is for sure. It's its own ecosystem. You need their chargers, you need whatever. Anyway, I like a good dose. I'll take a dose. But don't get me Clorox or, you.

[Nasser]

Know, well, clean supplies. Yeah, no, that's bad.

[Chrissy]

No cleaning supplies. Merry Christmas. All right. TCBpodcast.com that's where you go. More information about the show. All the audio, all the video right there from one location. You can also get your free TCB sticker. Or if you need a replacement for your 21 EPM sticker that's biodegrading right in front of your eyes, let us know. Go to the contact us button, drop down menu. I want my free sticker. Give us your physical address and we'll send you that sticker. No must, no fuss. Also, if you donate to one of the charities we've been talking about in the 12 days of TCB, the National Breast Cancer Coalition, St. Jude's Hospital and the ASPCA. Take a screenshot, let us know and we'll send you some free swag. I'll send you some of that deep swag, some of that B side swag. MENFO stickers picked up off the ground from Menfo touched by Brian's hands. Don't you want that? That's going to be worth money. My fingerprints are on that. Picked up off the ground Picked up. Picked up off the ground and mailed back to us by Jeff's partners. I'm not paying to throw these in the dumpster. 212-4333 tcb212 4333822 questions, comments, concerns? Content? Ideas? We will take them all. Also, that's where you can send the aforementioned pictures. You can also leave a voicemail there. Add the commercial break on Instagram, Instagram, TCBpodcast on TikTok and YouTube.com thecommercial break okay Chrissy, that's all I can do for today.

[Nasser]

I think so I'll tell you that I love you. I love you.

[Chrissy]

Best to you, best to you and best to you out there in the podcast universe. Until next time we will say we must say, and we do say goodbye.

[Unknown]

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[Chrissy]

I gotta get some cocaine. Double degrading. Have no family to celebrate Christmas with this year. The commercial break is live the entire holiday season to make you even more miserable than you currently are.

[Brian]

So put your Christmas pajamas on, gather.

[Chrissy]

Around the Christmas tree and listen to brand new episodes of the commercial break.