12 Days Of TCB: Poem Time For Lovers

Summary

The Commercial Break – "12 Days Of TCB: Poem Time For Lovers"

Podcast: The Commercial Break
Hosts: Bryan Green & Krissy Hoadley
Release Date: December 22, 2024

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Episode Overview

In this special “12 Days of TCB” holiday installment, Bryan and Krissy bring festive irreverence and comedic banter to the world of vintage dating shows. The episode centers around their gleeful breakdown of a classic Love Connection episode featuring "perhaps the nicest man to ever grace the show." True to TCB’s off-the-cuff style, the duo riffs on everything from cruise ship class divides and chaotic Carnival cruises, to the cringier elements of poetry on first dates, sprinkled with their own holiday reflections and another push for charitable giving.

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Key Discussion Points & Segments

1. Holiday Vibes, Donor Shoutouts & “12 Days of TCB” (00:00–02:13)

• Theme: The hosts are deep into their “12 Days of TCB” project, releasing new episodes daily for December and encouraging their audience to support various charities.
• Listener Engagement: Appreciation for listeners sending in donation screenshots to organizations like the National Breast Cancer Coalition, ASPCA, and St. Jude Foundation.
• Personal Touch: Krissy mentions feeling under the weather, and Bryan jokes about illness in winter (Rosalia discussion) and the hazards of parenting.

“Some people have been so kind as to send screenshots of them donating... So thank you very much. Your swag is on the way.” – Bryan Green (01:16)

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2. Carnival Cruises: Walmart on Water, Cruise Class Comedy (05:19–15:40)

• Cheap Cruises Antics: Bryan describes Carnival Cruises as the “Black Friday Walmart” of cruise lines—packed, unpredictable, and full of viral mishaps.
• Cruise Hierarchies: Humorous comparisons between Carnival (“well liquor of the cruise world”), Royal Caribbean, Disney, and the ultra-lux Ritz Carlton cruises.
• Wild Stories: Stories about passengers causing mayhem, disease outbreaks, and Bryan’s own brush with cruise ship customs.

Notable Quotes:

“Carnival Cruise has become the Black Friday Walmart of cruises.” – Bryan Green (06:04)
“They are the well liquor of the cruise world.” – Bryan Green (08:46)

• Ritz Carlton Luxury Laughs: Fantasizing about bidets, polo fields, and “pressing a button in the bathroom.” Krissy and Bryan share their appreciation of the high life and reminisce about their own Ritz Carlton experiences.

“We are the kind of people who go on vacation and we spend the money on the accommodations... we know we’re not going to do anything fun during the vacation, so we might as well stay somewhere nice.” – Bryan Green (11:00)

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3. Charity Focus: National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (15:35–18:02)

• Holiday Giving: Bryan highlights the increased need for women’s shelters during the holidays and encourages even small donations.
• Impact Emphasis: He stresses the importance of these organizations, mentioning that the podcast has “nothing to do with the donations” except to amplify good causes.

“These people do God’s work by helping other human beings get out of terrible situations.” – Bryan Green (16:36)

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4. Vintage TV Review: Love Connection with Chuck Woolery (20:46–51:28)

• Segment Introduction: They revisit Love Connection (classic 80s dating game), known for its awkward, earnest guests—including today’s star, John Duvall, whom Bryan dubs “the nicest guy that has ever been on Love Connection.”

Key Moments:

a. Meet John Duvall: Peak 80s Earnestness (21:01–27:04)

• John is introduced as a divorced Kentucky man (“looks 62 but is 37”), disco enthusiast, astoundingly wholesome and sincere.
• Hosts gleefully lampoon John’s innocence, mustache, and detailed, Midwestern storytelling.
• John recounts platonic dance partnerships, bell-bottoms, sparkling costumes, and “no funny business.”

“I had a dance partner. She had a boyfriend. Made it pretty clear to me that there would not be any funny stuff, but that was okay with me.” – Bryan Green, riffing on John’s style (22:55)

• John’s disco heyday “five to ten dates a week,” but now laments how country music replaced disco and made dating harder.

b. Contestants and Audience Involvement (27:04–37:44)

• Prospective dates: Tony (dancer, woodworker), Lynn (talks too much, wants kids), Ellen (museum fan, wants a smart partner). The hosts hilariously critique their introductions and videotape styles.
• Audience’s interactive choice; the hosts delight in analyzing 80s dating show tropes.

c. John’s Date with Ellen (43:45–50:09)

• John’s poetic spirit is revealed—he custom-writes (and sometimes re-uses) self-portrait poems for every date.
• He’s floored by Ellen’s bold “life-size male nude” artwork (“great detail in some places”). Extensive laughs over 80s TV’s unguarded moments.
• John awkwardly recounts their date: house tour, shared meal, return, gentle escalation to kissing—sitting down because “you get tired if you stand up very long.”
• Both John and Ellen describe their time as happy and wholesome; sparks seem to fly!

“Oh, it's beautiful. It's warm and sensitive and I'm here with you.” – Ellen, on John’s poetry (45:26)

• The hosts riff: “I walked through the door, did you know my penis hits the floor?” – Bryan, pseudo-reenacting John’s poetry (45:30)

• The wrap-up: The audience vote is revealed; John opts for Ellen, and they leave the stage, seemingly having actually made a “love connection.”

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5. Reflections, Feel-Good Endings & TCB Nostalgia (50:09–53:59)

• Contrast with Other Episodes: Bryan and Krissy note John’s rare wholesomeness among the usual “Love Connection” and dating show trainwrecks they’ve reviewed.
• Childhood TV Memories: The hosts share memories of 80s/90s daytime TV staples and Bryan’s affection for Love Connection as comfort viewing.
• More Charity Encouragement: As always, they circle back to the 12 Days of TCB charity pushes.

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Memorable Quotes & Moments (with Timestamps)

• On Carnival Cruises:
  “Carnival Cruise has become the Black Friday Walmart of cruises.” – Bryan Green (06:04)

• On Cruise Class Differences:
  “They're the well liquor of the cruise world.” – Bryan Green (08:46)
  “You press a button in the bathroom and it goes poo poo or pee pee. Someone comes running in and they dab your penis.” – Bryan Green, on Ritz Carlton cruises (09:57)

• On John’s Innocence:
  “This is the nicest guy that's ever lived. I had a dance partner. She had a boyfriend. Made it pretty clear... that was okay with me.” – Bryan Green (22:55)

• On Dating in the 80s:
  “Nice guys sometimes do finish last. There is a certain boredom that comes with always being nice.” – Bryan Green (34:08)

• On John’s Poetic Approach:
  “I rewrite this... poetry is my own... if I like the girl, I'll recite her a poem that I wrote to one of my last loves…” – John Duvall (35:37)

  “Nothing gets a girl wet like the last girl... getting poetry for the last poem. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it works every time.” – Bryan Green (36:19, riffing hilariously)

• When John Sees the Nude Painting:
  “Nice paintings. Just one painting, though. We're talking life size male nude.” – John Duvall (39:16)

  “His penis doesn’t quite measure up, right?” – Bryan Green, about John’s nerves seeing the painting (40:03)

• On the Actual Date:
  “So far all we've done is maybe hold hands because we don't want to rush these good dates...” – John Duvall (46:29)

  “I brushed aside her, Chrissy. And I got an erection immediately. And you don't want to rush these things, you see.” – Bryan Green (46:43, riffing on John’s innocence)

• On Making a Love Connection:
  “I came to Love Connection looking for a handsome, intelligent man that was ambitious. And I found one.” – Ellen (48:05)

• TCB’s Parting Holiday Thought:
  “What a lovely couple. What a lovely, wholesome episode of The Commercial Break. How could we make it any nicer for you as we lead up into Christmas?” – Bryan Green (50:28)

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• 00:00 – 01:47: Intro, holiday banter, listener donation shoutouts
• 05:19 – 15:40: Carnival Cruises and cruise comedy
• 15:35 – 18:02: Charity spotlight: National Coalition Against Domestic Violence
• 20:46 – 51:28: Love Connection episode review & full comedic breakdown
• 43:45 – 50:09: John & Ellen’s “poetic” first date, painting reveal, and connection
• 51:28 – 53:59: Hosts wrap up, holiday nostalgia, more giving encouragement

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Tone & Style

• Freewheeling, affectionate, and bitsy-chaotic. The hosts keep the vibe unserious throughout, approaching classic 80s TV tropes and earnest personalities with both mockery and genuine warmth.
• Frequent digressions and “riffing”—Bryan especially enjoys improvisational character-driven comedy, while Krissy’s relatable deadpan grounds the wildest bits.
• Charitable Encouragement: The holiday season and the “12 Days” project adds a layer of earnestness and community spirit to the usual TCB irreverence.

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Conclusion

This episode is a prime example of The Commercial Break’s blend of improv humor, affectionate pop culture skewering, and genuine warmth—especially in how Bryan and Krissy champion charitable causes through laughter. For listeners who love both the cringe and comfort of classic reality dating, with a hearty dose of contemporary commentary, this “Poem Time for Lovers” episode delivers several belly laughs, warm fuzzies, and even a holiday call to action.

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Featured Charities (with donation encouragement):

• National Coalition Against Domestic Violence
• St. Jude Foundation
• ASPCA
• National Breast Cancer Coalition Fund

Links in show notes—“even a dollar helps!” (16:36, 53:28)

Transcript

[Chuck Woolery]

Tis the season to shake that ass.

[Brian Green]

Tis the season to shake those titties. Bouncy girl, girl, girl. Hey. The next episode of the commercial break starts now.

[Chuck Woolery]

And we're gonna have the half, half.

[Brian Green]

Happiest Christmas in Sping Crosby tap dance with Danny fucking K. Ah, yeah. Dancers and prancers, welcome back to the commercial break. I'm Brian Green. This to my blitz and Kristen Joy Hoadley. Best to you, Chris. Best to you, Brian, and best to you out there in the podcast universe. Welcome Back to the 12 days of TCB. Here we are rolling toward Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, the day after Christmas, the day after, the day after Christmas. Every fucking day you get a new episode of the commercial break in December. Fear not. Thank you to everybody who has been supporting us, writing in.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I know.

[Brian Green]

Saying wonderful things about us. I do. I do love the reaction.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

That is nice. That makes it worth it.

[Brian Green]

This has been great for the audience. Not so good for the three of us here in the room as we've been nonstop recording. But hey, we'll get a nice break. We will, Brian. The beat em up boss will give you guys a break, I promise, real soon.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yes, it will be well deserved.

[Brian Green]

Oh, man, will it be well deserved. So, yeah, and everybody has been writing in saying that really enjoying the 12 days of TCB. Some people have been so kind as to send screenshots of them donating. I saw a national breast cancer coalition fund or two the other day. Couple ASPCAs and the St. Jude foundation seems to be a popular one with everybody. So thank you very much. Your swag is on the way. I do promise that. So, Chrissy, how are you feeling? I just want to take a temperature check in the room. How you feeling?

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I'm feeling good. I'm feeling great.

[Brian Green]

You sound like you got a little bit of a cold.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

No, it's my throat. Because we've been doing some day after day after day. I might need some tea and honey.

[Brian Green]

You need some tea and honey?

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I might.

[Brian Green]

We'll get you some tea and honey after this episode. Not letting you go. You got to finish this episode, man. I'll tell you what.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I even say I'm getting a cold. I do not want a cold.

[Brian Green]

Well, you already said it, so now you already got it.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

But don't put that into the ethos.

[Brian Green]

Oh, God. I put it into the ether. What are we, Theresa Caputo now? What are we going to do? You got to go around, spit twice, spin around, yell in the air. What are you going to do? How do you get rid of a cold. Well, listen, it is that time of year when people do get sick, and you have been coming here where I have 13 to 15 children that bring around every fucking disease possible. One of my kids had this weird. Have you ever heard of Rosalia? Have you heard of this? Rosalia is a very nondescript infection that children sound like a flower. It sounds like a lovely flower. It basically blooms into an extraordinarily high fever with a rash. But adults don't get it. So don't worry. You don't have to worry about it. Or do adults get it? I'm not sure. If you get it, let me know. My kid was cooking. She was like, at 105.7. And so when you touch her, she's hot. So listen to this. This is crazy. You say 105.7. Their brains are burning at that point. But not true with children. Children can. They have a lot of malleability in their brains because they're not fully formed yet. So it's a little bit. It's much different, actually, with a child. If you're at 105.7 as an adult, you're dead. I mean, there's no way your body can take that. So when my first one was born, about a year. He's a year and a half old, and one night he was sleeping in the bed with Astrid and I, and I rolled over in the. He was in the middle of us. I rolled over and I touched him. Just, like, put my hand on him, right? And he was like a tea kettle. That's how hot he was. And I was like, holy shit. You know, he's a fever. So we get up, we get the thermometer, we take his temperature. He's at 105 something. And we are freaking the fuck out. We're like, oh, my God. So we get some cool damp cloths, and we give him, you know, Tylenol or Motrin or whatever it is. And we put a call in to the do. The doctor says, well, listen, if it goes down, you know, great. If it goes up, go to the hospital. If it goes down, don't worry about it. Come and see us tomorrow. So we bring him in the next day, and when the doctor takes his temperature, it's at 106 and now. So I'm totally freaking out about this.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah, I know.

[Brian Green]

And the doctor is like, first. It's our first. Don't worry about it. Right? Which is a really hard thing to do as a child. She's like, don't worry about it. Honestly, sometimes kids go into the 107, sometimes even the 108s, and it's just their body reacting to an infection. As long as we can bring it down with some kind of medication or, you know, cooling them off in some way, shape or form, then we don't get worried about it. But I thought to myself, holy shit. Yeah, you could cook rice at 107. Can you cook rice at 107?

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I don't know.

[Brian Green]

What does water boil at?

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Fahrenheit, 100 degrees Celsius.

[Brian Green]

Celsius. What is it? I know. Celsius. That always gets me fooled.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Christina, you have the European.

[Producer/Announcer]

No one knows this. I was embarrassed that none of us knew what temperature water boils at.

[Ellen]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

What does water boil? 130 degrees Fahrenheit, I think, is what it is. 127.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I don't know.

[Brian Green]

Okay, fact check that, Christina. Zero is 32 degrees.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

212 degrees Fahrenheit.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

212.

[Brian Green]

212 degrees.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

You had a little ways to go.

[Brian Green]

Okay. Yeah. So we couldn't. We couldn't fry an egg on his head.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Rice. Rice could boil.

[Brian Green]

Rice could boil on my son's chest. So, anyway, if you get Rosalia, let me know. You know where they get a lot of infections like Rosalia is Carnival Cruises, apparently. I was going to share with you this. That. Oh, my God, where is this going? I was going to share with you that I was Right before we got on, I was flipping through Instagram, as I do, and I saw this reel where someone had posted that a guy on a Carnival Cruise not but 45 minutes to an hour after they left the LA port, was trying to kick down people's doors. He had his shirt off. Big boy trying to kick down doors on the Carnival Cruise. I have determined that the Carnival Cruise has become the Black Friday Walmart of cruises.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Because it's so cheap, right?

[Brian Green]

I mean, it's dirt fucking cheap. It's like a hundred dollars to go to Cozumel for the weekend.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

You've seen those ads before.

[Brian Green]

I've been on a Carnival Cruise, by the way. I went on there many years ago. It was my first cruise, was a Carnival Cruise, and I thought it was lovely because I had nothing to compare.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Well, I was gonna say maybe that's the starter cruise.

[Brian Green]

Y starter cruise. It's the starter cruise or it's the I want to get away for the weekend and I don't, you know, I'm. I'm not getting paid till next week kind of cruise because I've been on Royal Caribbean and Disney cruise. Now, Disney cruises are crazy expensive anyway, so you get what you. You get what you pay for in that sense. Royal Caribbean, I think, is like the middle of the road. They have Ritz Carlton cruises. I know.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I'm on that list now.

[Brian Green]

I'm on that list.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I would go on a Ritz.

[Brian Green]

I would definitely go on a Ritz cruise if it wasn't $41,000 for the mid suite. $41,000.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I was like, well, I was like, jeff and I, let's treat ourselves.

[Brian Green]

Jeff and I will treat ourselves. Yeah. Where do you work?

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I was like, oh, that's way off.

[Brian Green]

Way off.41. But so there's a huge gap between $239 for a person to go to Cozumel for the weekend of $41,000 for the mid suite on a Ritz Carlton cruise. And so I understand that when you make it accessible or affordable for everyone to cruise, everyone's going to cruise. Everyone and anyone are going to cruise. But so far this year, I think I've. I think I've heard that Carnival Cruises has had to pull a poop cruise for three and a half days back to port. Many people have fallen or jumped off, sick, you know, all kind of bacteria running through there. You know, some lady died in the Jacuzzi. People are literally rocking the boat in the middle of the night. I can't tell you how many fights I've seen in those clubs at night that are going on in those Carnival cruises. What is wrong with people? Why you're on a cruise? What's. So why is everyone so obsessed?

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Somebody's looking at somebody's girl. That's what happened.

[Brian Green]

Drunk somebody's girl.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

That's the way it happened.

[Brian Green]

That's true.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Somebody's man or somebody's girl.

[Brian Green]

And alcohol, you know, alcohol is the reason.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Unlimited alcohol or whatever.

[Brian Green]

That's the thing. And trust me, they're not giving you, you know, Cuervo 1800 on those cruises.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

That's the top shelf.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, that's what we call the well liquor. You know why we call it the well liquor? You keep it in the well so people can't see. That's a true story. Yeah, top shelf liquor is on the shelf. So people see it and they want to buy it. Well, liquor is in the well, where no one can determine exactly what they're drinking, including the bartenders or the people selling you that alcohol. It is a bad idea to order well drinks all night long because that alcohol is probably high octane, Carnival Cruise.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Is the well drink.

[Brian Green]

They're the well liquor of the cruise world. Absolutely. Listen, you can't fault someone for trying to find a deal in that regard, I say, hey, listen, you know, if you can only afford $239 a night.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Or a cruise, you've got to get to Jamaica.

[Brian Green]

And you've got to get to Jamaica tomorrow to buy some weed and flush it down the toilet before you make it back to port like Brian did then. Listen, Carnival is a great option. By the way, Carnival Cruise was the cruise that you. Then I got stopped on the way back.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

That makes sense.

[Brian Green]

At a strip search, including an anal cavity.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Well, I'm surprised they were so strict.

[Brian Green]

Well, of course they are. They know that the people who are smuggling weed go on Carnival Cruises.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I guess you probably don't get the same treatment on the Ritz Cruise.

[Brian Green]

No, at the Ritz Cruise. I don't know.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

This way, sir.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, they land a helicopter this way, sir.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Here's a special container.

[Brian Green]

Yes. We will now pull into Star island in Miami. We're a Trump helicopter will pick you up and fly you back to a New York City skyscraper. With there, you'll have your ass wiped with only the finest cotton sheets.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

500 thread count.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. Ritz Carlsen Cruises. You press a button in the bathroom and it goes poo poo or pee pee. Someone comes running in and they dab your penis. If you pee pee, they go ping, ping, clean the seat.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I wonder if they have bidets.

[Brian Green]

I love a bidet. Oh, they must have bidets on the Ritz Carl. Well, actually, no. There's spaces at a premium there. But I did look at the floor plans on the. You know, I did, too, in the.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I wish I could do that.

[Brian Green]

Exactly. I wish I could do that.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I was totally going on like my vision board.

[Brian Green]

Listen, true story. Astrin and I love a Ritz Carlton.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Oh, we do.

[Brian Green]

We love a Ritz Carlton. We got married there. That doesn't mean we have money. It means somebody else had money to give us. Right. But we have been. We have been lucky enough to stay at a number of Ritz Carlton. We are the kind of people who go on vacation and we spend the money on the accommodations. Exactly. Right. We have children, so we know that, you know, we're not going to do anything fun during the vacation, so we might as well stay somewhere nice.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

We do, too, because we like to relax.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. And so we've stayed at Ritz Carlton. Plus, when you get married, the Ritz Carlton, they give you a bunch of points. You can use, you know, to stay a place. So we've, we've made the best use out of those points. So I love a Ritz Carlton. So when those cruise line, when they started hitting me up about their new cruise ships, I was looking at every floor plan and some of those, some of those cruise ship suites at the Ritz Carlton, they're like 1300 square feet. Oh yeah, that's half this house. I mean it's, they're bigger than my apartment. I know. It's not even in, in the way that they do them up. Every inch is the finest quality. Everything when you go for the price. Because of course, when you're paying $41,000 a night, a person to get on one of those cruises, a person. And then they only take you on like a three day cruise for $41,000. They have three restaurants. They have. When they have racquetball on a cruise ship, you know, you're cruising with stuff. I think they actually have a polo field there. I think Harry and Meghan do polo on Ritz Carlton ship. But when you go on a Carnival cruise, because I've been on one, they stick a bed up against the wall. There's a porthole you can't see out of and the crapper is. The crapper and the shower are the same thing. Do you know what I'm saying?

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah, see, that's what I'm not going to do.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, you put down the toilet seat, give yourself a shower. Fun. Those cruise ships are going to Jamaica. So you're saying there's a chance. Hey, Listen, after the 12 days of TCB, I'm treating everybody to a Carnival cruise.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I think we should do it just for research purposes.

[Brian Green]

Oh, I would do it. I think those Carnival cruises are the ones where they have the, like the yacht.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I'll bring my own food.

[Brian Green]

The wrestling cruises are definitely on Carnival. I can guarantee you that.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Absolutely. Brad Williams was on that.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, Brad Williams. Or the 90s music cruise, which apparently is very popular. I saw there was a 311 cruise. Creed has done a cruise.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Everybody has a cruise.

[Brian Green]

Everybody has a cruise. Why not a TCB cruise?

[Producer/Announcer]

Heather McMahon has a cruise.

[Brian Green]

Heather McMahon has a cruise.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I think that cruise would be fun.

[Brian Green]

I bet it would be, for sure.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I know I. She's been talking about it for a while and I'm excited to hear the stories from it.

[Brian Green]

Why? Why can't we have a cruise? Well, I think we need to actually probably do the live shows we bailed last year. Before we do, people texting all the time. What are those live shows? Stay tuned. Stay tuned. Those live shows may now be on Twitch Figure. Hey, we gave you refunds. What can we do?

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

The live show's. Ellen, switch.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. The live show's now on Carnival Cruise from here to Cozumel. Now, Carnival's not in on this. It's just us. It's like these charities we've been talking about. They know nothing about it. Neither does Carnival Cruise. Chrissy and I will be doing a live episode of TCB in the formal dining room every night at our table, which I just hope we can sell the table.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I just hope we can sell that your mom has off to the side at the retirement.

[Brian Green]

Yes. A private. Yeah, if not, then we'll do it. We'll do it next to the bed by the porthole. I can see it.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I do.

[Brian Green]

Yes.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

We had a whole show planned.

[Brian Green]

Yes, well, we had a whole show planned. I'm not even gonna get into it. It's not even worth talking about. We'll get back to it, I promise. But on Carnival, let's put a pin.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

In it for right now and circle back.

[Brian Green]

Let's put a. Yeah. 20, 30. When my next parathyroid gets taken out, when my next tumor grows, then we'll think about it. Carnival Cruise actually sells. And I think a lot of cruise ships do this. They sell rooms underneath the waterline.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Oh, my God. Those are the $200.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, those are the $200. Well, I don't know. On Carnival, you might get a balcony for 200 bucks, but you can actually get one of those stowaway rooms. And they call it the stowaway room.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Like in best in show when they put them in the hotel room.

[Brian Green]

Janitor closet. Yes. I'm not even kidding. No window. Just a painting of the ocean. You can pretend where. You can pretend that everything. This is the. If the ship goes down, your first room, and that's why it's a hundred dollars, we need the weight to balance out the ship. $100. What do you say? But we'll let you have all the well liquor you want. Don't worry about it.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

That was probably the guy that was busting down doors on the carnival.

[Brian Green]

Oh, man. I'll tell you, whatever was going on, he looked angry. They actually had to sedate him. The doctors Sedated like an elephant. They just stuck him like an elephant. That's crazy. I mean, I don't even know if that's legal, But I guess out in open water, anything's legal and no less lawless. Hey, listen, great idea. I don't drink. So next time I go on the Carnival cruise, I'm gonna start kicking down doors to get the good stuff. All right? Okay, listen. The National Coalition Against Domestic Violence is what we're talking about for the next couple of days or for the last couple of days we've been talking about it. We are going to put a link in the show notes. The National Coalition Against Domestic Violence helps women and children who are getting out of abusive situations get back on their feet, find shelter, get away from the abusive relationships, and then get back on their feet. And also with financial literacy so that they can take care of themselves and their family during what has to be extraordinarily difficult times.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Super important.

[Brian Green]

I know that the local women's shelter around here, which we give a lot of stuff to and money to, this is the busiest time of the year. You can only imagine. And a lot of women choose to decouple from those situations. Now, a lot of those women have children. And it's just a terrible, scary yet scary. It's a terrible thing to think about. And then to think about the fact that the kids may not have Christmas gifts, which makes it twice as miserable and twice as scary, and that the women are really in a shitty situation. They've got to dig themselves out of. These people do God's work by helping other human beings get out of terrible situations. So if you would donate a dollar, even a dollar can make a big difference this time of year to any of the causes we've been talking about. But this one feels near and dear to my heart. So if you would please, we'll put a link in the show notes directly to their website where you may make that donation directly to them. We have nothing to do with it, but we're just encouraging you to do some good during the 12 days of TCB. The love connection has nothing to do with the carnival cruises or the abuse, but. Or maybe, I don't know. We don't know what happened in every Love Connection relationship, do we? But I will promise you the person we're reviewing today is not an abuser. I'll promise you this. Probably the nicest guy that's ever been on Love Connection. We're gonna be back with one of our favorites. What the fuck, Chuck? Love Connection. After these words, we'll be back.

[Producer/Announcer]

Holidays getting you down, family acting out of pocket. Text us and tell us all about it at 212-4333, TCB or leave us a voicemail with all of the unhinged and or spicy details. And then follow us on Instagram hecommercial break and on TikTok CBpodcast. If you need a laugh or an escape, you can always escape for a full hour and watch our YouTube videos at YouTube.com thecommercialbreak while you simultaneously peruse our website tcbpodcast.com to find out all there is to know about Brian and Chrissy. Now let's hear from our sponsors so we can afford the holidays this year.

[Brian Green]

Oh, man. Okay, listen, over the last couple of years, one of our favorite things to do is to review dating shows. Now Yesterday we reviewed MTV's parental control. What a terrible.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Whatever happened to Jeremy?

[Brian Green]

I didn't find Jeremy. Actually didn't find Jeremy. I would have thought for sure he's probably. Or he's not around. He's not with us anymore. He's incarcerated somewhere. Jeremy. I couldn't find him. I thought for sure he would be a, you know, someone trying to make a living on Instagram. But he. I didn't find him. I'll continue to look. My search skills are fantastic. So if he's out there, I'll find him. But I only spent a couple minutes on it yesterday. Okay, so one of our favorite things to do has been to review Love Connection episodes. Love connection, of course, the very famous dating show from back in the 80s and early 90s. They actually had two versions of the Love connection. One with Chuck Woolery and then another one in the mid-90s with another guy not as funny. Chuck is definitely the best. Although he became problematic in his later years. He was great, but he's great now. He's great.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Back in the 80s recently, right?

[Brian Green]

Chuck Woolery did. I believe I do remember seeing something about this.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I was like, oh, Chuck died.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, Chuck died. Okay, I think Chuck died. We'll figure that out. Is he dead? Yeah, he's dead.

[Producer/Announcer]

November 23rd, recently.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

So that's what I was thinking.

[Brian Green]

Oh, he just died November 23rd. Oh, I know. Okay, well, Chuck, at least in the 80s you were a nice guy. So I think I have found the nicest guy that has ever been on the Love connection stage. And that is saying something, because in the 80s, the people just had a different perspect and also looked 20 years older. And also look, this guy. Wait till you see this guy. I think he's 31. He looks like he's 62. Wait till you see this guy. Okay, let's review this episode of Love Connection. Here's our boy, Chuck Woolery. Oh, can you hit Play for me. Thanks. And also the music.

[Producer/Announcer]

I thought I unmuted it, but I don't think.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, there you go. There you go.

[Chuck Woolery]

They were the best years of his social life.

[Brian Green]

Look at him. He is 37 years old. Chrissy, this guy does not look a day under 65 years old. This is amazing.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I know.

[Brian Green]

We have started. I think all those preservatives are huge.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Mustache.

[Brian Green]

Look at that.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

The mustache, I think, adds.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, the mustache does add years.

[Producer/Announcer]

And the jowls.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, the jowls and the gray hair. All of it together. And the caterpillars on top of his eyes.

[Chuck Woolery]

Been divorced for 13 years, but he says that he wants to get married real soon. Oh, please welcome John Duvall.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

The men don't usually say that.

[Brian Green]

Oh, John. How are you? Awesome.

[Chuck Woolery]

Cecilia. Cecilia. Kentucky. That's down around Fort Knox, isn't it?

[John Duvall]

It's about 30 miles as a crow flies south.

[Chuck Woolery]

Okay.

[Brian Green]

It's about 30 miles outside of Fort Knox. You see, what you do is. Yeah. If you take a 40 over there to exit 32, then you get off at 32, you can take 16 over to 12. You know where the gas station is? Chevron, you'll take a right there. I live about 12 miles from there. And you gotta pass a couple of past years first, Chrissy. Just letting you know.

[John Duvall]

Okay, what was so special?

[Chuck Woolery]

It said 1979, 1980, they're the best years of your social life. What was so special about that?

[John Duvall]

That was when disco rang supreme.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Oh, he was begging the disco.

[Brian Green]

I love John. He's so sweet.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I know.

[Brian Green]

I used to get him a bell bottoms. And I would go out on Friday night and I like to wear the bell bottoms, but my penis often showed, so I'd put a little there so as not to upset any of the women folk. And then we'd go out and party hard. We did a lot of cocaine and poppers back then. And that's why I think it was fun.

[John Duvall]

Big discord. I had a dance partner. We had did about 10 years older than I was. She had her own boyfriend.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah, but she had her own boyfriend.

[Brian Green]

This is the nicest guy that's ever lived. Oh, my God. I had a dance partner. She had a boyfriend. Made it pretty clear to me that there would not be any funny stuff, but that was okay with me. I wasn't very sexually immature. I was only 29 years old. I wasn't quite ready for the full ride, if you know what I mean.

[John Duvall]

Chuck made it kind of nice because we would go out there and really do our thing and had a little costumes on. Had costumes? Exactly.

[Chuck Woolery]

What kind of costume?

[John Duvall]

Oh, I had like a tuxedo shirt with tuxedo pants and suspenders.

[Ellen]

Oh.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

That'S quite the look.

[Brian Green]

I got my whole outfit at TJ Maxx for about 30. And then she would be wearing a sparkly do, if you don't mind. And then we would go out there and do our thing. And there was absolutely no physical contact afterwards. It was kind of nice for me. And her husband's partner had a nice.

[John Duvall]

Disco grass and we would do her thing and she would go sit with her boyfriend. And then this was what was so great about 79 and 80.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

He's just perking right up.

[Brian Green]

Look at his eyes. Yeah, he's like. This was what's so great about 79 and 80s. Most people thought I was gay, so I really did not get a lot of action, but I looked good doing it. You know what I'm saying?

[John Duvall]

Chuck, come over and ask me to dance instead of having it the other way around.

[Brian Green]

Sure.

[Chuck Woolery]

They saw you were good, probably.

[John Duvall]

Hey, I made them all feel like Ginger Rogers. And they'd love me for it. They love me so. Well, increase my dating about maybe five to ten times a week.

[Brian Green]

Really? Five to ten times a week? There's only seven days in a week.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Geez, he's quite the man about the discos.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, I think. I think even when I was dating someone seriously, we wouldn't go on five dates a week, you know, very much.

[John Duvall]

Well, now, what happened?

[Chuck Woolery]

Your social life after disco took a dive?

[Brian Green]

Well, it did plummet. I got into Transformers and model trains. And I had a model train partner. And you see, she would come in and help me with the model train, but she was married. But what would happen is we would go to the model train conventions. And then oftentimes I would be approached by other men to play with their trains. And it was nice in that regard. I felt like I was being paid attention to it really.

[John Duvall]

Embodying.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Embodying this character.

[Brian Green]

I think this guy's very nice. I wish for one minute I was. I wish for one minute I was as innocent as John was.

[John Duvall]

Country Western scene came in.

[Chuck Woolery]

He just changed with music.

[Brian Green]

Doesn't matter.

[Chuck Woolery]

Country Western's in. Take off the sequin vest and hop into your cowboy boots.

[Brian Green]

It wasn't.

[John Duvall]

I couldn't keep up with the steps.

[Chuck Woolery]

Cotton Eye Joe.

[Brian Green]

Cotton Eye Joe. Yeah.

[John Duvall]

I didn't really like it, Chuck.

[Brian Green]

I didn't like.

[John Duvall]

Because disco was so sweet. And the way we turn and touch dancing and this was all, hey, jerk them around, cowboy. I didn't like.

[Brian Green]

This was all jerk them off, cowboy. I was at a certain kind of cowboy bar and I don't know, it just didn't feel right to me.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Chuck here for it.

[Brian Green]

Plus the tight jeans didn't show off the best of me, if you know what I mean. I found that my dating decreased by five to ten days a week.

[John Duvall]

In fact, I get sore arms and dancing with some of the cowgirls. And so I didn't like that.

[Brian Green]

I bruised easily. Chuck. I got sore arms from dancing with the cowgirls.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Wow. He gave it a shot, sounds like.

[Brian Green]

So he's a man about town.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

He likes to dance, basically.

[Brian Green]

He does. Well, you got hair like that. Well, disco is your thing. It is, right? I think he probably should have changed his haircut after disco.

[John Duvall]

Been doing the last couple years waiting.

[Chuck Woolery]

For disco to come.

[John Duvall]

Wait for disco to come. Sitting at home and playing disco with my phone.

[Chuck Woolery]

Well, let's take a look at the tape.

[Brian Green]

Playing disco with my thumbs to John, son.

[Chuck Woolery]

I remember you're going to vote.

[Brian Green]

Oh, this is my favorite part where we get to look at the ladies. He's going to choose.

[Chuck Woolery]

Okay, first there was Tony. She enjoys dancing and woodworking. She's been divorced since four years.

[Brian Green]

She likes dancing, she likes woodworking.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

And woodworking.

[Brian Green]

And woodworking. I think that's something John could get into.

[Chuck Woolery]

She has a 5 year old son now. She thinks the best thing about being single is having her own bathroom. And she says men are a constant source of surprise. And here's what she means.

[Ellen]

Someone who seems like they'd be very dull on a date turns out to be very exciting. Some that you think would never be interested in small child become very attached.

[Brian Green]

Oh, well, that might be a downside there, Terry. The 80s were a different time, guys. Some men just have. Take no interest in my child. And some take a lot of interest in my child. That's right. I think this lady's a perfect fit for our boy here. Very soft spoken.

[Ellen]

Yeah, Tony, my child, it's. It's always new and it's always different.

[Brian Green]

All right. How does your child feel about that?

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I know Lynn.

[Chuck Woolery]

She admits that she talks too much. She says that she'd like to get married so that she can stop having blind dates and start having children. Here's how Lynn likes to be treated.

[Brian Green]

Lynn's 33, looks 43.

[Ellen]

I want to be taken seriously. Definitely, you know, not think because I'm female.

[Brian Green]

If you want to be taken seriously, don't wrap your shirt in a bow. I mean, let's just be real about it.

[Ellen]

Have different anatomy, that I have different feelings or different emotions than they do. But if they want to be a gentleman, that's. Oh, that's okay. If it makes them feel comfortable, I don't demand, you know, I don't have to have anybody open my door.

[Chuck Woolery]

Okay.

[Brian Green]

She's very forward for the early 80s. She's in construction, Joe. Well, you got to be. You got to have a good head on your shoulders to be in construction.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Chuck Woolery]

Finally watched ellen. She's originally from Richmond. Richmond, Virginia. She enjoys going to museums. Says that she wants a man who's attractive and smart as she is. Here's what she doesn't.

[Brian Green]

You can tell in Ellen's eyes that she's already way too advanced for our boy here.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I think so.

[Ellen]

I don't want him to be an egotistical person. I'd rather have somebody that was more interested in things in his life than his own life. In other words, like maybe he. His hobbies or, you know, things that he does rather than himself. I don't want the guy that's always pulling, taking the mirror and going like this while he's driving.

[Brian Green]

Well, you lucked out on this one. I'm not sure this guy even has ever looked in a mirror.

[Chuck Woolery]

Okay, look at all three again. First is Tony. She's 36. She's a high school teacher. Lynn works in the construction industry, and she's 33. And Ellen's 34. She's a sales rep for a textile company. The audience. You met john, seen his three choices, Know a lot about it.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Oh, they're choosing that number one.

[John Duvall]

All right.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

It was such a fun and interactive way for the audience.

[Brian Green]

It is a fun and interactive way for the audience to get involved, choose which person's gonna go on a blind date with this luscious, lovely man.

[Chuck Woolery]

Boys, we're out of time. So we're gonna find out who John picked and hear everything that happened.

[Brian Green]

Don't worry, chrissy. I got the second half.

[Chuck Woolery]

I'm gonna find out tomorrow, though. That's our show for today. I'm Chuck woolery. I hope all your dates tonight are good ones.

[Brian Green]

We'll see you tomorrow. Bye. Bye, everybody. Yeah. This is one of the very early episodes. By the way, you can tell just by the hissing noise in the background and the way that this is made.

[Chuck Woolery]

How they can get on love connection. It's a lot easier than they think. Now, if you're over 21, just call this Number right here and have a free date on us. How bad can that be?

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Well.

[Brian Green]

Well, it's kind of weird that you set people up on blind dates. They show up at each other's houses. Yeah.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Oh, that's on early set.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. I love the music. Oh, yeah. All right.

[Narrator/Voiceover]

Ch's wardrobe furnished by Pierre Cardet.

[Brian Green]

Pierre Cardan. Chrissy. I'm just letting the music play because I like it.

[Narrator/Voiceover]

Action. Today you'll meet John. He always recites poetry to his dates. Yesterday the audience voted on, which we.

[Brian Green]

Didn'T know about that. Reciting poetry to you, would that be weird or would you like that?

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I mean, it depends on the poetry.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, but I mean, like, if you just met a guy and he came in on the second date and he just said, I have a poem for you, I'd like to read it. Yeah, maybe like the second year of marriage. Right? Right, yeah, something like that. No, not for you.

[Producer/Announcer]

I don't think there is any situation where it is appropriate for a man to read me a poem.

[Brian Green]

Oh, really?

[Producer/Announcer]

Unless I am at a poet's event.

[Brian Green]

Yes.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

What if he had someone write a poem for me?

[Brian Green]

I've written soliloquies, but I don't think I've ever written a poem for anybody. And I certainly wouldn't recite them to him. That's what imessage is for.

[Producer/Announcer]

It's like making someone listen to you play the guitar. It's giving Barbie, you know, you guys know the scene.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, I've done that a lot.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Escaping Brian.

[Brian Green]

But to be fair to me, I was drunk or high. So there you go. These three women, they willingly did it because they said, well, it's better than him talking. I said, do you want to hear a little Brian's escape?

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Okay. That's right.

[Brian Green]

Here's our latest single.

[Narrator/Voiceover]

He best for him. Today you'll hear who John chose.

[Brian Green]

Sunny side off. I just was a fan of things that words that sounded good together, they had no meaning.

[Narrator/Voiceover]

Yeah, says his date. And you'll meet Jan. The audience chose a date for her and it didn't work out. Today we'll hear about her date with the man.

[Brian Green]

She jokes we won't actually hear about that date, but we'll hear about Joe's day.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

They were like already saying it didn't work out back then.

[Brian Green]

Well, because she came back for a second round. You see what I'm saying?

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

But they didn't. But in later years, they don't say no.

[Brian Green]

They don't do that in later years. They also don't have A seven and a half minute introduction like the commercial break did for the first two seasons.

[Narrator/Voiceover]

Now here's our host, Chuck Woolery.

[Brian Green]

All right, thanks everybody. Thank you. Wow, it's so good looking kid. Oh, hey. Billy has ass hair. We love ass hair. Thank you. Thank you very much.

[Chuck Woolery]

Ladies love get started by meeting our first guest. He's originally from Cecilia, Kentucky. He's been divorced for 13 years, but he says that he's ready to remarry. Says that he came to Love Connection because he didn't like the women he's been meeting.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Divorce for 30 years.

[Brian Green]

13 years. He's 37. So he got divorced at 24. 25. Got divorced, yeah. 24. Yeah, that's. That's young to get divorced. Yeah, but I mean, if you were married to John. Well, I know it's gonna take a certain kind of personality. Nice guys sometimes do finish last. It's a true story. And the reason why nice guys finish last is because there. There is a certain boredom that comes with always being nice. Do you know what I'm saying? I'm not saying it's a bad thing thing. But I can see John.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Well, in your young 20s, maybe.

[Brian Green]

Yes, more.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

He sounds exciting with the discos.

[Brian Green]

Well, listen. Yeah, he sounds so exciting that he couldn't find his own dance partner. Hi, John. Welcome back.

[Chuck Woolery]

Have a seat. Well, John, what's. What's wrong with the women you've been meeting?

[John Duvall]

Well, I'm still, you know, meeting some women at bars and places like that and they seem to be a lot different than they did back in the, you know, the early 80s and the late 70s. They're more cold and callous and. And in fact it seem like they're more ugly.

[Brian Green]

Why do you think they got more ugly?

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

He threw that in there too. Damn.

[Brian Green]

Well, Brad bit.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I know.

[Producer/Announcer]

Well, women got standards and he can't stand it.

[Brian Green]

I can't take it anymore. I don't.

[John Duvall]

Well, it's. It's really hard to say. Maybe I could be getting older too.

[Brian Green]

And you could be getting older, John. That might be a statement. That might be true.

[John Duvall]

And I was dating before that were younger. Getting older too. And we're all getting old.

[Chuck Woolery]

What sort of poetry.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, we're all getting older, Chuck. It's just one of those unfortunate things. One year I'm 36 and the next year I happen to be 37. My birthday was last Tuesday, Chuck, and I almost ran over a squirrel. Luckily I avoided. Needed any kind of contact, but it was because my arms are sore from all that flipping and flopping into country western type music.

[John Duvall]

Well, I rewrite this. Yes. This poetry is my own and I write it. And normally on a date if I recite the poetry, I'll recite a poem about myself.

[Brian Green]

Just let the girl roses are red violets about himself. I'm getting older. How about you.

[John Duvall]

Know what I'm like. It's like a self portrait poem. Then if like say if I like the girl.

[Brian Green]

Yeah.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Maybe shy away from the self portrait poem.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, we don't need to hear about your self reflection. It's like Aaron Rodgers doing a whole Netflix special on his ayahuasca experience. It's just a little, it's a little glow up we don't need. You know what I'm saying? Yeah.

[John Duvall]

Now I'll recite her a poem that I wrote to one of my last loves which was a one year.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, Nothing gets a girl wet like the last girl.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Getting poetry for the last poem.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It works every time.

[John Duvall]

I don't mention her name or anything like that.

[Chuck Woolery]

Of course you don't say to Helen.

[John Duvall]

I do have one poem that I have a blank and I could put up girls names.

[Brian Green]

Well, please repeat it. Please recite it. But of course Chuck won't have a follow up question here which will suck because that's not what Chuck does. No, Chuck's bad at follow up questions. But I don't do that.

[Chuck Woolery]

Let's bring everybody up today on what happened yesterday.

[Brian Green]

Let's move this along. Let's move away from the interesting part of the show and back to the boring part of the show.

[Chuck Woolery]

Now we showed the audience John's three choices. They voted on which one they thought would be best for him. And we're going to take a look to catch you up today. First there's Tony. She enjoys dancing and woodworking.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I mean I kind of like it.

[Chuck Woolery]

And that's Tony. Then Lynn, she says that she'd like to get married so she can stop having blind dates and start having babies. Helen says that she wants to memorize it.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. Thanks, Chuck. Well, to be fair, that's what she said.

[Chuck Woolery]

Who's as attractive and smart as she is. Now the audience vote was recorded yesterday. We're going to get to that a bit later on. But right now John's going to remind us who he chose. Who did you pick, Chuck?

[John Duvall]

I chose Ellen.

[Chuck Woolery]

Chose Ellen.

[Brian Green]

Oh. Oh. He chose the one that I thought would be Liz. Least a fit for him because Ellen looks, Ella looks and sounds like she's lived some life. Saucy And John looks like he literally reads novels on his day off. Let's do right now.

[Chuck Woolery]

Let's say hello to Ellen Gski.

[John Duvall]

Gsky.

[Brian Green]

I'm sorry. How are you? Fine, thank you. Just make yourself at home back there. Okay.

[Chuck Woolery]

And you can tell me about the.

[John Duvall]

Day I went over to pick Ellen.

[Brian Green]

Up and took Route 34. And I got off at exit 12 and I was in my jeans and had some suspenders on. All right, John, let's move it along now.

[John Duvall]

She invited me in and I go, you know, into the house right there. And she looked very nice. The beautiful blue eyes, which she corrected me to turquoise eyes. Very nice ice party. And very nice.

[Brian Green]

Give us.

[John Duvall]

Let'S see every, let's put it everything. We're, we're in the right places, I think.

[Brian Green]

Absolutely. That's good.

[John Duvall]

Just broke the ice.

[Brian Green]

Yeah.

[John Duvall]

And I, I, I get in. So we've got. Give her a chance to puff the roast water and shedded water. Some of other, other plants. So I kind of went on a little tour.

[Brian Green]

All right, John, let's move along now. We only have 15 minutes.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Some other plans.

[Brian Green]

She had some other plants. Please name them, please. I hope this guy names them.

[John Duvall]

And we get into this one room and she opens up the door and I'm noticing some of the art that she does. She's a, she's a fantastic artist. Nice paintings. Just one painting, though. We're talking life size male nude.

[Brian Green]

Oh, and there his eyes. It was a penis. And I came to the real Life size. Yeah, life size penis. And I came to the realization I was dating the wrong sex.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Exactly.

[John Duvall]

I mean, you know, am I here and somewhere right now?

[Brian Green]

You know, I don't know.

[John Duvall]

And in fact, maybe you'd be thinking.

[Chuck Woolery]

Would she want to paint you?

[Brian Green]

Well, I don't know.

[John Duvall]

I don't know if I could meet up with this nude.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I don't know if I could lead up to this nude.

[Brian Green]

I don't know if I could meet up to this nude. He doesn't. His penis doesn't quite measure up right. Yeah.

[John Duvall]

He's a very good artist. And I mean we're talking detail in some areas, if you know what I mean.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

He's been dying to tell this story.

[Brian Green]

Oh, he has.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

The exciting thing that happened to him since the disco days.

[Brian Green]

He knew the second that he walked into that room that he had the best love connection story. And he might be right because this might be episode number three. So. And it had great detail in some places. Please tell us which places. It had great detail.

[John Duvall]

Hours posing this one.

[Chuck Woolery]

A lot of hair under the arm.

[John Duvall]

Exactly.

[Brian Green]

All right. I think that's a good place that we should take a break. Let me remind you that we are talking about the women's or the. The National Coalition Against Domestic Violence is one of the five charities that we are going to focus on during the 12 days of TCB. We're just shining a light on these charities that do such great work. And if you would be so kind as to just donate a few dollars, $5, $10, $50, thousand dollars, whatever it is, to one or multiple of these charities, we certainly would appreciate it. It'll make you feel better. They'll be able to do some more good, go out there in the world in 2025 and help some people, some pets.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

And we've vetted these charities too. They use almost all of their money that's donated.

[Brian Green]

Most of these charities use a majority of their money. I mean, all of these charities use a majority of their money to the intended causes, which not all charities do. There are many charities, probably the ones you know most about because you hear about them all the time, that do nothing but market their own charity. They'll spend like 70% of their budget on getting more money and then they pay their, you know, the people who run these organizations a whole shitload of money. None of these organizations do that. St. Jude does do a lot of advertising, but they also do a whole shitload of good. And they do more good than they do advertising anyway. You get the point. Links are in the show notes the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence. Please go donate. We'll take a break and we'll be back. Hi.

[Producer/Announcer]

You know what time it is, so let's get to it. Pull that phone out of your pocket and follow us on Instagram, hecommercial break and on TikTok for now, I guess CBpodcast. You can also find all of our video content that we're filming in our brand new [e-mail] TheCommercialBreak so check it out and throw us a follow a like a comment, whatever you can spare. If you want to get in touch with us, you can always text us or call us and leave us a voicemail and at 212-4333, TCB. Now I have one last request. During the 12 or 263 days of TCB, check out our featured charities and donate to them if you can this holiday season. All right, let's take a listen to our sponsors and get back to the show.

[Brian Green]

All right, now we're back with.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

All.

[Brian Green]

Right, all right, we got it. No problem. Don't worry about it. Christina here in studio with us, by the way, just doing a wonderful job. There's so many moving part of this whole thing.

[Producer/Announcer]

Despite my snafu earlier.

[Brian Green]

You know how many times we've done it. If we had never done it, I probably would be frustrated. But we have done it so many times that it's just part of the gig.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah, we're really on season 10 earlier today too.

[Brian Green]

So I don't feel that Christina and I recorded something twice today. All right, so we're back with Chuck. He is literally with the nicest guy in the world. They're about to tell us about. Well, they started. He started to tell us about his date, his blind date with this young lady. And we got to the part where he walked in the apartment and he saw a nude painting of another man with a apparently very large penis. Here we go.

[Chuck Woolery]

Who was the model for this particular painting?

[Ellen]

Well, I went to an art school in Brentwood, and it was just one of the art. The models that they have at the art school. But I guess I exaggerated some things in certain.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Okay, she got creative.

[Brian Green]

Is blushing.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I know. You know, the people in the audience do are freaking out.

[John Duvall]

I'm really getting to like her a lot. And I'm thinking, you know, it's about time for the. You know. What? The poetry.

[Brian Green]

Oh, Lord. You just walked in the door, John. You just walked in the door and saw a picture of a penis.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

The poetry.

[Brian Green]

The poetry. I thought he was going to say, you know what? My penis. I mean, honestly, you can't give this girl 15 minutes before you start dropping poetry on her, man. The 80s were a different time. Because if this worked, if she goes on a second date with him, I'm going to be very surprised.

[Chuck Woolery]

Not exactly the first thing that. Not the first thing that bounced into my mind. No.

[Brian Green]

I'm sensing he's a rapscallion, that John. Remember that?

[Chuck Woolery]

No, I realized, with all due respect.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

He does his little eye roll, too.

[Brian Green]

I know. He's got his little eyes. Those eyebrows move up and down, and they're accentu by the world's largest eyebrows. So they just, you know, they. You can't help but notice. Okay. He's like a little kid. He's kind of cute.

[John Duvall]

So I recite a couple of poems. One about myself and then that one special poem that I referred to earlier.

[Brian Green]

The one special poem.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

The one that I wrote for the lab.

[Chuck Woolery]

What do you think of his poetry?

[Ellen]

Oh, it's beautiful. It's warm and sensitive and I'm here with you.

[Brian Green]

I walked through the door. Did you know my penis hits the floor?

[Ellen]

He's an excellent poet.

[Chuck Woolery]

Painter and a poet here. I can't believe it. Okay, so what happened next?

[John Duvall]

Okay, well, we leave there and we caught something to eat and then we went back to her place.

[Brian Green]

You caught something to eat? I know, Weird. Yeah.

[John Duvall]

And she invited me in and I had to get my. I had.

[Brian Green]

Had.

[John Duvall]

I left a jacket right there and happened to be in her bedroom.

[Brian Green]

Wait, hold on. What happened to the rest of the date? You went and got something to eat. What happened there?

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

John came back to her house.

[Brian Green]

Your name.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

And then he had left his jacket in her bedroom.

[Brian Green]

That's weird.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

While he went on the food alley.

[Producer/Announcer]

He was trying to get another look at that.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Was the mood in the bedroom?

[Brian Green]

In one of the doors in the apartment, first of all. Second of all, you were literally describing plants she had in her house. And you said we went to either eat. I mean, what happened?

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I know.

[John Duvall]

So obviously I had to go get my jacket and got my jacket and we got back to the door and so far all we've really done is maybe hold hands because we don't want to rush these good dates and what?

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Oh, you have to savor it.

[Brian Green]

Yes. So far all we've done is I. I brushed, I brushed side her, Chrissy. And I got a erection immediately. And you don't want to rush these things, you see.

[John Duvall]

So I said, well, I'll give her a little peck on the lips, you know. And a little peck on the lips got a little bit more, A little bit more. And this jacket's really getting heavy in my arm.

[Brian Green]

So it is the same guy who bruises because of country western dancing. You have to understand, John hasn't been to a gym ever.

[John Duvall]

Falls to the floor and just so happens there's a chair there because you get tired if you start stand up very long.

[Brian Green]

When do you get tired? If you stand up very long. Who is this guy?

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

He sat down to kiss more.

[Brian Green]

Wait, did she sit on you?

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I'm in a chair.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. Geez, John. God, I thought you were a nice guy. Now you're just like a. You're a little hellcat waiting to be unleashed on the chair.

[John Duvall]

And we're still kissing and we thought, well, this has been such a nice time, maybe it's time to cool it.

[Brian Green]

No, she thought this has been a nice time, maybe it's time to cool it.

[John Duvall]

That's basically when the date ended. It was okay.

[Brian Green]

So you Told us about none of the dates so far. You walked in, saw a penis painting, caught something to eat, made out on a chair, and she told you enough is enough.

[John Duvall]

We both agree.

[Chuck Woolery]

Okay, that's nice.

[Brian Green]

I like it.

[Chuck Woolery]

How would you sum up this day, Ellie?

[Ellen]

Well, when I came to Love Connection, I was looking for a handsome, intelligent man. That was ambitious. And I found one.

[Brian Green]

Oh, wow. There we go. They made a love connection. For you. I found my dancing partner who does not have a boyfriend.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

That's right.

[Brian Green]

Yeah.

[Chuck Woolery]

Let's see how good they were.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Oh, I knew they were gonna pick one.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, because of the dancing and because they're both very quiet in nature.

[Chuck Woolery]

51%.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

He just gave the audience.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, he gave them the death stare. I think lasers came out of his eyeballs. That was crazy.

[Chuck Woolery]

But if you want to take the audience's advice and take Tony out, you know, that's. That's the one we'll pay for because that's who they suggested. If not, you're on your own.

[Brian Green]

You can do what you want.

[John Duvall]

I hope it's quite obvious by now that I would very much like to go out with Helen.

[Chuck Woolery]

Actually, it is rather obvious.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, it's very obvious. As much as it can be in 80s television that things have heated up between the two of you. Oh, yes.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Come on down, come on out.

[Brian Green]

Come on down, come on down. Get yourself a furry young man. Oh, she's lovely.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

She's wearing a leather skirt too. I like it.

[Brian Green]

She's lovely. Good for them. I actually wanted to see this work out out for this guy because he really is a nice guy. You don't like. You would be hard pressed to find somebody in 2024 that is. That talks and acts like this. Hard pressed.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Oh, yeah.

[Brian Green]

And while he may be a little, you know, maybe his. He's got old world themes. He was. This is the 80s, right. He's 40 years old in the early 80s, so he's got his family crest on his pocket, for God's sake.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

There's some kind of crap.

[Chuck Woolery]

Thanks for coming on the show. And we're gonna come right back with another couple.

[John Duvall]

Hang em.

[Brian Green]

All right. There you go. Well, I feel really happy for John.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I'm really excited. I hope they worked out and had babies and their family crest can be passed.

[Brian Green]

You know what? This is a couple that I probably would never find online because I don't think that John is the type of person who probably kept up with technology. But I do have to say, what a lovely couple. What a lovely, just like wholesome Episode of the commercial break. How could we make it any nicer for you as we lead up into Christmas?

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

That's a feel good.

[Brian Green]

Yes. We didn't go for anybody. You know, we've done so many Love Connections and so many of the guys are just jerk offs to the that. Remember that one guy who was the guy who was like a bouncer at the door, remember that? And he was touching the ladies and he was like, I dunno, date all night long or whatever. He said, I can keep going all night long. So many of these guys were headed straight to Jerry Springer. But John was a nice, classic, wholesome young man. And that lady. Yeah, or jail. And that lady was so lovely. Nothing like parental control. Nothing at all. All right, well, listen, how much more damage can we do today?

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Nothing.

[Brian Green]

We can quit while we're. All right, let's quit while we're ahead. I do love a good Love Connection. I really do. It was part of my childhood. I remember my parents watching this show a lot because it was on during daytime tv. So you would get like, if you stayed home sick or you're on vacation, you would get prices, right? You would get Love Connection. You would get Judge Wapner.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Oh, the Wapner.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. In the, in the 90s, you would get Oprah. It's something you would get what time Oprah, Come on. On four o'. Clock. Oprah's on, right? That's right, four o'. Clock. You had to miss it. Can't miss television. Oprah. Oprah Winfrey. But Love Connection was one of mine. Love Connection was the one that I really loved. All right. TCBpodcast.com that's where you go. You find out more information about the show, all the audio, all the video right there at one location. And now every single episode of the commercial break moving forward will be available on YouTube the same day that it's available here on the audio feed Spotify just a couple of days afterwards. So please, do us a favor, go to the YouTube channel, subscribe like, comment on your favorite video, share if you dare, share if you care. Or you can go to Spotify and watch those videos like I said, just a couple of days after they drop here on the audio feed. Also do us a favor. 212-4333 TCB. That's 212-433-822. Would you be so confused, so kind as to text us comments, questions, concerns, content, ideas? We take them all right there at that phone number. You can leave us a text message, you can leave us a Voicemail. We don't care how you do it, just do it, please. At the commercial break on Instagram, TCB podcast on tick tock. And again, YouTube.com the commercial break. Also, because we know you're in the giving spirit, we certainly would appreciate, appreciate it if you could spend a few bucks. If you want to give Chrissy and I something really special this holiday, you can do two things. You can keep listening to the 12 days of TCB and beyond. Follow us on your favorite podcast platform. But then secondly, you can donate a few bucks to one of the causes we've been talking about. St. Jude's foundation, the National Breast Cancer Coalition Fund, the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence and the aspca. All of these organizations doing wonderful work. Spend a few dollars, make yourself feel good. It's tax deductible. Go straight to their website by clicking the link on the show notes. Thank you in advance. All right, Chrissy, I guess that's all I can do for now.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I think so.

[Brian Green]

But I will tell you that I do love you and I love you. Best to you. Best you out there on the podcast universe. Happy holidays. Until next time. Chrissy and I will say, we do say, and we must say goodbye. If you got a softy in your brain, you're gonna have a softy in your pants, you know what I'm saying?