12 Days Of TCB: Poem Time For Lovers

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Commercial Break – Episode: "12 Days Of TCB: Poem Time For Lovers"

Overview

In the festive episode titled "12 Days Of TCB: Poem Time For Lovers," hosts Brian Green and Kristen Joy Hoadley delve into the holiday celebrations while engaging listeners with their trademark improv-comedy and insightful discussions. This special episode balances humor with heartfelt moments, all set against the backdrop of the holiday season and the ongoing "12 Days of TCB" event running from December 13th to 25th.

1. Launching the 12 Days of TCB (00:00 – 04:00)

Brian kicks off the episode by highlighting the excitement surrounding the "12 Days of TCB," promising daily fresh episodes throughout the holiday season. He humorously references classic holiday sentiments with quotes like, "Tis the season to shake that ass. Tis the season to shake those titties. Bouncy. Girl, girl, girl. Hey." (02:54) This segment underscores the podcast's commitment to delivering consistent content, irrespective of the busy holiday period.

2. Charity Spotlight: National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (19:36 – 47:52)

A significant portion of the episode is dedicated to promoting charitable causes. Brian and Kristen emphasize the importance of supporting organizations that aid women and children escaping abusive situations. Kristen shares, "The National Coalition Against Domestic Violence helps women and children who are getting out of abusive situations, get back on their feet, find shelter, and regain their independence." (19:36). They encourage listeners to donate, highlighting the critical work these charities perform, especially during the holiday season when needs are heightened.

3. Main Segment: Reviewing a Love Connection Episode (24:00 – 58:38)

The heart of the episode revolves around a playful review of an early episode of the beloved dating show "Love Connection." Hosts interact with the guest, John Duvall, to dramatize his memorable date with Ellen.

• Guest Introduction and Initial Interaction (24:00 – 32:03):

  Brian introduces John, a 37-year-old divorced man from Kentucky, setting the stage for an entertaining recount of his Love Connection experience. Kristen quips, "He sounds like exciting with the discos." (39:19), adding a lighthearted tone to the narrative.

• The Date Story (32:03 – 46:18):

  John recounts his date where he recites poetry, leading to humorous exchanges about his "self portrait poem." Kristen remarks, "I don't think there is any situation where it is appropriate for a man to read me a poem," (37:08), highlighting the comedic tension in the storytelling.

• Climactic Moment and Outcome (46:18 – 57:38):

  The date takes an unexpected turn when John discovers a life-sized male nude painting in Ellen's apartment. This revelation leads to a series of comedic interactions, culminating in Ellen deciding to end the date. Brian reflects, "What a lovely, just like wholesome episode of the commercial break. How could we make it any nicer for you as we lead up into Christmas?" (58:37), wrapping up the segment on a feel-good note.

4. Humorous Interludes and Host Banter (Throughout the Episode)

Throughout the episode, Brian and Kristen engage in witty banter, particularly when discussing topics like cruise ship experiences and the peculiarities of maintaining friendships while managing multiple podcast recordings. For instance, Brian humorously compares Carnival Cruises to the "well liquor of the cruise world," commenting, "They're the well liquor of the cruise world. Absolutely." (11:16), blending humor with observational comedy.

5. Sponsor Breaks and Calls to Action (Various Timestamps)

Ad segments are cleverly woven into the narrative, promoting sponsors like Live Nation, Ring, Midi Health, Shopify, and Indeed. These breaks are seamlessly integrated, ensuring they complement the episode's flow without detracting from the main content.

6. Conclusion and Final Thoughts (58:38 – End)

As the episode winds down, Brian and Kristen reiterate the importance of supporting charitable causes and invite listeners to engage with their content across multiple platforms, including YouTube, Instagram, and TikTok. Brian concludes with heartfelt wishes, "I do love you and I love you best to you. Best you out there in the podcast universe. Happy holidays." (62:01), encapsulating the episode's blend of humor, community spirit, and festive cheer.

Notable Quotes

• Brian Green at [02:54]:

  "Tis the season to shake that ass. Tis the season to shake those titties. Bouncy. Girl, girl, girl. Hey."

• Kristen Joy Hoadley at [19:36]:

  "The National Coalition Against Domestic Violence helps women and children who are getting out of abusive situations, get back on their feet, find shelter, and regain their independence."

• John Duvall at [37:08]:

  "I don't think there is any situation where it is appropriate for a man to read me a poem."

• Brian Green at [11:16]:

  "They're the well liquor of the cruise world. Absolutely."

• Brian Green at [62:01]:

  "I do love you and I love you best to you. Best you out there in the podcast universe. Happy holidays."

Conclusion

"The Commercial Break" episode "12 Days Of TCB: Poem Time For Lovers" masterfully intertwines holiday festivities with engaging content that spans humor, heartfelt discussions, and community support. Through lively host interactions, a nostalgic dive into "Love Connection," and a strong emphasis on charitable giving, the episode offers listeners both entertainment and meaningful calls to action, embodying the podcast's essence as a joyous escape from everyday drama.

Transcript

[Brian Green]

This episode is sponsored in part by Live Nation. All right, you're a fan of the commercial break, so I know you're a fan of comedy. And good news for you, some of the best comedians in the world are touring right now. In my humble opinion, the best way to see comedy is to see it live. It's that energy in the room, it's the infectious laughter, it's the sense that someone is doing a high wire act right in front of your face and at any moment the train can come off the tracks and, and that is always just as entertaining as when your favorite comedian sets the room on fire. Nasser and I have become big fans of watching live comedy. Never once have we walked out of a comedy show regretting the $300 we're about to pay the teenage babysitter to obsessively text her boyfriend and doom scroll on Instagram. Never once. Let me punch up a few of the comedians I know are on tour right now. There's the ever lovely Sarah Silverman, hilarious Brian Reig, and Chelsea Handler, who I kind of have a crush on, Sarah Milliken, Kevin Hart, the always funny Atsuko Okatsuka. And literal man of the hour, Sebastian Maniscalco. If that guy doesn't give you a tickle, you just don't own a funny bone. There are all kind of live shows, there are all kind of venues, and there are all flavors of comedy. So head over to livenation.comcomedy to get your tickets today. That's livenation.comcomedy. times are tough. The entire world stressed out. You deserve it. Go see some live comedy. Live nation.com comedy and thanks to Live Nation for being a sponsor of another kind of comedy show. The the Commercial Break. This episode of the Commercial Break is sponsored by Ring. The holidays are almost here, and between traveling, hosting family and finding the perfect gift, it's such an exciting, busy and yes, sometimes stressful time. Ring helps you stay connected to the home for all the merry moments. Even when you're on the go with Ring, you've got the whole home covered. Their video doorbells alert you when gifts arrive and you can even chat with the delivery people to let them know where to leave the packages. The indoor cam. It's a game change so easy to set up. You can use it to check in on your pets when you're away. And with two way talk, you can even talk to them. Plus, if you want some privacy, you can just flip the manual cover to turn off the camera and microphone. Wherever the holidays take you, Ring makes sure that you're always home for the holidays, so head to Ring.com to find the latest deals on Ring video, doorbells, cams, and alarm kits. Ring makes the perfect gift for everyone on your list. And thanks to Ring for being a sponsor of the commercial break. Hey, Chrissy. Best to you.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Best to you, Brian.

[Brian Green]

Best to you out there in the podcast universe. And happy holidays. Sometimes podcasts like ours will take off a lot of time during the holidays, but not us. We're gluttons for punishment. So we have the 12 days of TCB coming at you December 13th through the 25th. Brand new episodes every single day and live fresh episodes during the entire holiday season. As the great Clark Griswold once said.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Holy. Where's the Tylenol?

[Brian Green]

Find it quick. And join us this entire holiday season for brand new episodes of the commercial break. Tis the season to shake that ass. Tis the season to shake those titties. Bouncy. Girl, girl, girl. Hey. The next episode of the commercial break starts now.

[Chuck Woolery]

And we're gonna have the hap, hap.

[Brian Green]

Happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby. Tap dance with Danny. Fuck. Oh, yeah. Dancers and prancers. Welcome back to the commercial break. I'm Brian Green. This is the Donna to my blitz and Kristen Joy Hoadley. Best to you, Kristi.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Best to you, Brian.

[Brian Green]

Best to you out there in the podcast universe. Welcome Back to the 12 days of TCB. Here we are rolling toward Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, the day after Christmas, the day after, the day after Christmas. Every fucking day you get a new episode of the commercial break in December. Fear not. Thank you to everybody who has been supporting us, writing in.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I know.

[Brian Green]

Saying wonderful things about us. I do. I do love the reaction.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

That is nice. That makes it worth it.

[Brian Green]

This has been great for the audience. Not so good for the three of us here in the room as we've been nonstop recording. But, hey, we'll get a nice break. We will, Brian. The beat em up boss will give you guys a break, I promise. Real soon.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah, it will be well deserved.

[Brian Green]

Oh, man, will it be well deserved. So, yeah, and everybody has been writing in saying that they're really enjoying the 12 days of TCB. Some people have been so kind as to send screenshots of them donating. I saw a national breast cancer coalition fund or two the other day. Couple ASPCA and the St. Jude foundation seems to be a popular one with everybody. So thank you very much. Your swag is on the way. I do promise that. So, Chrissy, how are you feeling? I just wanted to take a temperature check in the room. How are you feeling?

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I'm feeling good. I'm feeling great.

[Brian Green]

You sound like you got a little bit of a cold.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

No, it's my throat. Because we've been doing so many shows after day. I might need some tea. Tea and honey.

[Brian Green]

You need some tea and honey. We'll get you some tea and honey after this episode. Not letting you go. You gotta finish this episode, man. I'll tell you what, I don't even.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Say I'm getting a cold. I do not want a cold.

[Brian Green]

Well, you. And I already said it. So now you already got it.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

No, but don't put that into the ethos.

[Brian Green]

Oh, God. I put it into the ether. What are we, Teresa Caputo now? What are we gonna do? You gotta go around, spit twice, spin around, yell in the air. What are you gonna do? How do you get rid of a cold? Well, listen. It is that time of year when people do get sick and been coming here where I have 13 to 15 children that bring around every fucking disease possible. One of my kids had this weird. Have you ever heard of Rosalia? Have you heard of this? Rosalia is a very nondescript infection that children.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Sounds like a flower.

[Brian Green]

It sounds like a lovely flower. It basically blooms into an extraordinarily high fever with a rash. But adults don't get it. So don't worry. You don't have to worry about it. Or do adults get it? I'm not sure. If you get it, let me know. But my kid was cooking. She was like, at 105.7. And so when you touch her, she's hot. So listen to this. This is crazy.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

105.7.

[Brian Green]

You say 105.7. Their brains are burning at that point. But not true with children. Children can. They have a lot of malleability in their brains because they're not fully formed yet. So it's a little bit. It's much different, actually, with a child. If you're at 105.7 as an adult, you're dead. I mean, there's no way your body can take that. So when my first one was born, about a year. He's a year and a half old, and one night he was sleeping in the bed with Astrid and I. And I rolled over in the. He was in the middle of us. I rolled over and I touched him. Just, like, put my hand on him, right? And he was like a tea kettle. That's how hot he was. And I was like, holy shit. You know, he's a Fever. So we get up, we get the thermometer, we take his temperature. He's at 105 something. And we are freaking the fuck out. We're like, oh, my God. So we get some cool damp cloths and we give him, you know, Tylenol or Motrin or whatever it is. And we put a call in to the do and the doctor says, well, listen, if it goes down, you know, great. If it goes up, go to the hospital. If it goes down, don't worry about it. Come and see us tomorrow. So we bring him in the next day, and when the doctor takes his temperature, it's at 106. And now. So I'm totally freaking out about this.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah, I know.

[Brian Green]

And the doctor is like, don't first. It's our first. Don't worry about it. Right. Which is a really hard thing to do as a child. She's like, don't worry about it. Honestly, sometimes kids go into the 107, sometimes even the 108s, and it's just their body reacting to an infection. If they. As long as we can bring it down with some kind of medication or, you know, cooling them off in some way, shape or form, then we don't get worried about it. But I thought to myself, holy shit. Yeah, you could cook rice at 107. Can you cook rice at 107? What is water boil at?

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Fahrenheit, 100 degrees Celsius.

[Brian Green]

Celsius. What is it? I know. Celsius. That always gets me fooled.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Christina, you have the European.

[Christina]

No one knows that. I was embarrassed that none of us knew what temperature water boils.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. What does water boil? 130 degrees Fahrenheit, I think is what it is. 127.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I don't know.

[Brian Green]

Okay, fact check that, Christina. 00 is 32 degrees.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

212 degrees Fahrenheit.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

212.

[Brian Green]

212 degrees.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

You had a little ways to go.

[Brian Green]

Okay. Yeah. So we couldn't. We couldn't fry an egg on his head.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Rice, rice.

[Brian Green]

Rice could boil on my son's chest. So anyway, if you get Rosalia, let me know. You know where they get a lot of infections like Rosalia is a. Carnival cruises, apparently. I was going to share with you this, that.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Oh, my word.

[Brian Green]

Where is this going? I was going to share with you that I was right. Before we got on, I was flipping through Instagram, as I do, and I saw this reel where someone had posted that a guy on a Carnival Cruise not but 45 minutes to an hour after they left the LA port was trying to kick down people's doors. He had his shirt off. Big boy trying to kick down doors on the Carnival Cruise. I have determined that the Carnival Cruise has become the Black Friday Walmart of.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Cruising because it's so cheap, right?

[Brian Green]

I mean, it's dirt fucking cheap. It's like a hundred dollars to go to Cozumel for the weekend.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

You've seen those ads before.

[Brian Green]

I've been on a Carnival Cruise, by the way. I went on there many years ago. It was my first cruise, was a Carnival Cruise. And I thought it was lovely because I had nothing to compare.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Well, I was gonna say maybe that's the starter cruise.

[Brian Green]

Y starter cruise. It's the starter cruise or it's the I want to get away for the weekend and I don't, you know, I'm. I'm not getting paid till next week kind of cruise because I've been on Royal Caribbean and Disney cruise. Now Disney cruises are crazy expensive anyway, so you get what you, you get what you pay for in that sense. Royal Caribbean, I think, is like the middle of the road. They have Ritz Carlton cruises.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I know I'm on that list now.

[Brian Green]

I'm on that list.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I would go on a Ritz.

[Brian Green]

I would definitely go on a Ritz cruise if it wasn't $41,000 for the mid suite. $41,000.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I was like, well, I was like, Jeff and I, let's treat ourselves.

[Brian Green]

Jeff and I will treat ourselves. Yeah. Where do you work? I was like, oh, that's way off, way off.41. But so there's a huge gap between $239 for a person to go to Cozumel for the weekend of $41,000 for the mid suite on a Ritz Carlton cruise. And so I understand that when you make it accessible or affordable for everyone to cruise, everyone's going to cruise. Everyone and anyone are going to cruise. But so far this year, I think I've, I think I've heard the Carnival Cruises has had to pull a poop cruise for three and a half days back to port. Many people have fallen or jumped off, sick, you know, all kind of bacteria running through there. You know, some lady died in the jacuzzi. People are literally rocking the boat in the middle of the night. I can't tell you how many fights I've seen in those clubs at night that are going on in those Carnival cruises. What is wrong with people? Why you're on a cruise? What's. So why is everyone so upset?

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Somebody was looking at somebody's girl. That's what happened.

[Brian Green]

Drunk, somebody's girl.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

That's the way it happened.

[Brian Green]

That's true.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Somebody's man or somebody's girl.

[Brian Green]

And alcohol, you know, alcohol is the reason.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Unlimited alcohol or whatever, that's the thing.

[Brian Green]

And trust me, they're not giving you, you know, Cuervo 1800 on those cruises.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

That's the top shelf.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, that's what we call the well liquor. You know why we call it the well liquor? You keep it in the well so people can't see it. That's a true story. Yeah, top shelf liquor is on the shelf so people see it and they want to buy it. Well liquor is in the well where no one can determine exactly what they're drinking, including the bartenders or the people selling you that alcohol. It is. It is a bad idea to order well drinks all night long because that alcohol is probably high octane.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Carnival Cruise is the well drink.

[Brian Green]

They're the well liver of the cruise world. Absolutely. Listen, you can't fault someone for trying to find a deal in that regard, I say, hey, listen, you know, if you can only afford $239 a night or a cruise, you've got to get to Jamaica and you've got to get to Jamaica tomorrow to buy some weed and flush it down the toilet before you make it back to port like Brian did then. Listen, Carnival is a great option. By the way, Carnival Cruise was the cruise that you. That I got stopped on the way back.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

That makes sense.

[Brian Green]

At a strip search including anal cavities.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I'm surprised they were so strict.

[Brian Green]

Well, of course they are. They know that the people who are smuggling weed go on Carnival Cruises.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I guess you probably don't get the same treatment on the Ritz Cruise.

[Brian Green]

No, at the Ritz Cruise.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

This way, sir.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, they land a helicopter. This way, sir.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Here's a special container for the weed.

[Brian Green]

We will now pull into Star island in Miami. We're a Trump helicopter will pick you up and fly you back to a New York City skyscraper. With there you'll have your ass wiped with only the finest cotton sheets.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

500 thread count.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. In the Ritz Carlson Cruisers, you press a button in the bathroom and it goes poo poo or pee pee. And someone comes running in and they dab your penis. If you pee pee, they go ping ping, clean the seat.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I wonder if they have bidets. I love a bidet.

[Brian Green]

Oh, they must have bidets on the Ritz Carlton. Well, actually, no. There's spaces at a premium there. But I did look at the floor plans on the, you know, I did too.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I wish I could do that.

[Brian Green]

Exactly. I wish I could do that.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I was totally going on like my vision board.

[Brian Green]

Listen, true story. Astrin and I love a Ritz Carlton.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Oh, we do too.

[Brian Green]

We love a Ritz Carlton. We got married there. That doesn't mean we have money. It means somebody else had money to give us. Right. But we have been.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

That's a treat.

[Brian Green]

We have been lucky enough to stay at a number of Ritz Carlton. We are the kind of people who go on vacation and we spend the money on the accommodations. Exactly right. We have children, so we know that, you know, we're not going to do anything fun during the vacation, so we might as well stay somewhere nice.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

We do too, because we like to relax.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. And so we've stayed at Ritz Carlton. Plus, when you get married to Ritz Carlton, they give you a bunch of points you can use, you know, to stay a place. So we've, we've made the best use out of those points. So I love a Ritz Carlton. So when those cruise line, when they started hitting me up about their news cruise ships, I was looking at every floor plan and some of those, some of those cruise ship suites at the Ritz Carlton, they're like 1300 square feet. Oh, yeah, that's half this house. I mean, it's, they're bigger than my apartment. I know. It's not even in, in the way that they do them up. Every inch is the finest quality. Everything. When you go for the price. Because of course, when you're paying $41,000 a night, a person to get on one of those cruises, a person. And then they only take you on like a three day cruise for $41,000. They have three restaurants. They have. When they have racquetball on a cruise ship, you know, you're cruising with stuff. I think they actually have a polo field there. I think Harry and Meghan do polo on the Ritz Carlton ship. But when you go on a Carnival cruise, because I've been on one, they stick a bed up against the wall. There's a porthole you can't see out of, and the crapper is. The crapper and the shower are the same thing. Do you know what I'm saying?

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah, see, that's what I'm not going to do.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, you put down the toilet seat, give yourself a shower.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Fun. Those cruise ships are going to Jamaica.

[Brian Green]

So you're saying there's a chance. Hey, Listen, after the 12 days of TCB I'm treating everybody to a Carnival cruise.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I think we should do it just for research purposes.

[Brian Green]

Oh, I would do it. I think those Carnival cruises are the ones where they have the. Like, the yacht.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I'll bring my own food.

[Brian Green]

The wrestling cruises are definitely on Carnival. I can guarantee you that.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Absolutely. Brad Williams was on that.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, Brad Williams. Or the 90s music cruise, which apparently is very popular. I saw there was a 311 cruise. Creed has done a cruise.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Everybody has a cruise.

[Brian Green]

Everybody has a cruise. Why not a TCB cruise?

[Christina]

Heather McMahon has a cruise.

[Brian Green]

Heather McMahon has a cruise.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I saw that cruise would be fun.

[Brian Green]

I bet it would, too. For sure.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I know she's been talking about it for a while, and I'm excited to hear the stories from it.

[Brian Green]

Why can't we have a cruise? Well, I think we need to actually probably do the live shows we bailed on last year before. We do people texting all the time. What are those live shows? Stay tuned. Stay tuned. Those live shows may now be on Twitch. We'll figure it out. Hey, we gave you refunds. What can we do?

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

The live show's Ellen Switz.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. The live show's now on Carnival Cruise from here to Cozumel. Now, Carnival's not in on this. It's just us. It's like these charities we've been talking about. They know nothing about it. Neither does Carnival Cruise. Chrissy and I will be doing a live episode of TCB in the formal dining room every night at our table, which I just hope we can sell the table. I just hope we can sell 10 tables.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Your mom has off to the side at the retirement.

[Brian Green]

Yes. A private. Yeah, if not, then we'll do it. We'll do it next to the bed by the porthole. I can see it.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Me, too.

[Brian Green]

Yes.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

We had a whole show planned.

[Brian Green]

Yes, well, we had a whole show planned. I'm not even gonna get into it. It's not even worth talking about. We'll get back to it, I promise. But on Carnival, let's put a pin.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

In it for right now and circle back.

[Brian Green]

Let's put a.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Later.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. 20, 30. When my next parathyroid gets taken out, when my next tumor grows, then we'll think about it. Carnival Cruise actually sells, and I think a lot of cruise ships do this. They sell rooms underneath the waterline.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Oh, my God. Those are the $200?

[Brian Green]

Yeah, those are the $200. Well, I don't know. On Carnival, you might get a balcony for 200 bucks, but you can actually get one of Those stowaway rooms. And they call it the stowaway room.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Like in best in show when they put them in the hotel room.

[Brian Green]

Yes. I'm not even kidding. No window. Just a painting of the ocean where you can pretend that everything.

[John Duvall]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

This is the. If the ship goes down, your first room. That's why it's a hundred dollars. We need the weight to balance out the ship. $100, what do you say? But we'll let you have all the well liquor you want. Don't worry about it.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

That was probably the guy that was busting down doors on the carnival.

[Brian Green]

Oh, man. I'll tell you what. Whatever. Whatever was going on, he looked angry. They actually had to sedate him. The doctors sedated like an elephant. They just stuck him like an elephant. That's crazy. I mean, I don't even know if that's legal, but I guess out in open water, anything's legal.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

And no, it's lawless.

[Brian Green]

Hey, listen, great idea. I don't drink. So next time I go on the carnival cruise, I'm going to start kicking down doors to get the good stuff. All right? Okay, listen. The National Coalition Against Domestic Violence is what we're talking about for the next couple of days or for the last couple of days we've been talking about it. We are going to put a link in the show notes. The National Coalition Against Domestic Violence helps women and children who are getting out of abusive situations, get back on their feet, find shelter, get away from the abusive relationships, and then get back on their feet. And also with financial literacy so that they can take care of themselves and their family during what has to be extraordinarily difficult times.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Super important.

[Brian Green]

I know that the local women's shelter around here, which we give a lot of stuff to and money to, this is the busiest time of the year. You can only imagine. And a lot of women choose to decouple from those situations. Now, a lot of those women have children. And it's just a terrible, scary. Yeah, it's scary. It's a terrible thing to think about. And then to think about the fact that the kids may not have Christmas gifts, which makes it twice as miserable and twice as scary, and that the women are really in a shitty situation they've got to dig themselves out of. These people do God's work by helping other human beings get out of terrible situations. So if you would donate a dollar, even a dollar can make a big difference this time of year to any of the causes we've been talking about. But this one feels near and dear to my heart. So if you would please, we'll put a link in the show notes directly to their website where you may make that donation directly to them. We have nothing to do with it, but we're just encouraging you to do some good during the 12 days of TCB. The love connection has nothing to do with the carnival cruises or the abuse, but. Or maybe, I don't know. We don't know what happened in every Love Connection relationship, do we? But I will promise you the person we're reviewing today is not an abuser. I'll promise you this. Probably the nicest guy that's ever been on Love Connection. We're gonna be back with one of our favorites. What the fuck Chuck? Love Connection. After these words, we'll be back.

[Christina]

Holidays getting you down. Family acting out of pocket. Text us and tell us all about it at 212-4333, TCB or leave us a voicemail with all of the unhinged and or spicy details and then follow us on Instagram hecommercial break and on TikTokcbpodcast. If you need a laugh or an escape, you can always escape for a full hour and watch our YouTube videos at YouTube.com thecommercialbreak while you simultaneously peruse our website tcbpodcast.com to find out all there is to know about Brian and Chrissy. Now let's hear from our sponsors so we can afford the holidays this year.

[Brian Green]

Today's podcast is sponsored by Midi Health. At any given time, 61% of adult women say they want to lose weight, but for many, that's easier said than done. If you've had trouble losing weight, don't lose hope. Midi Health uses a deep understanding of women's hormones and a combination of weight loss medications to create a customized plan for each user. Midi Health can help you achieve more effective and sustainable weight loss by addressing hormone imbalances. MIDI can also prescribe proven weight loss medications that help you experience reduced appetite and increased feelings of fullness. When paired with hormone optimization, you're not just managing your weight, you're also supporting your body's natural processes, which means you can overcome those weight loss plateaus that in the past have been so difficult to move beyond. So if you're ready to combine the power of hormones with the power of weight loss medications, visit joinmitty.com today. Discover how this innovative approach can lead you to lasting success. That's join midi.com when you think about.

[Unknown]

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[Chuck Woolery]

Coming, shorten it with Zycam, the number one cold shortening brand.

[Brian Green]

Oh no, not before the holidays.

[Chuck Woolery]

Your cold is coming. Your cold is coming.

[Brian Green]

Thanks Revere. I really should keep XYCAM in the house. Getting a cold is on no one's wish list. Take it from America's most revered messenger. Shorten your cold at the first sign with cold shortening products from xycam, the number one cold shortening brand available in stores. Or see where to [e-mail] oh man. Okay, listen, over the last couple of years, one of our favorite things to do is to review dating shows. Now Yesterday we reviewed MTV's parental control. What a terrible television show.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Whatever happened to Jeremy?

[Brian Green]

I didn't find Jeremy. Actually didn't find Jeremy. I would have thought for sure he.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Wiped his history clean.

[Brian Green]

He's not around. He's not with us anymore. He's incarcerated somewhere. Jeremy. I couldn't find him. I thought for sure he would be a, you know, someone trying to make a living on Instagram. But he. I didn't find him. I'll continue to look. My search skills are fantastic. So if he's out there, I'll find him. But I only spent a couple minutes on it yesterday. Okay, so one of our favorite things to do has been to review Love Connection episodes. Love Connection, of course. The very famous dating show from back in the 80s and early 90s. They actually had two versions of the Love Connection. One with Chuck Woolery and then another one in the mid-90s with another guy not as funny. Chuck is definitely the Best. Although he became problematic in his later years. He was great. But he's great now. He's great.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Back in the day, recently, right.

[Brian Green]

Chuck Woolery did. I believe I do remember seeing something about this.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I was like, oh, Chuck died?

[Brian Green]

Yeah, Chuck died. Okay, well, I think Chuck died. We'll figure that out. Is he dead? Yeah, he's dead.

[Christina]

November 23rd, recently.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

So that's what I was thinking.

[Brian Green]

Oh, he just died November 23rd.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah, I sent that to you. Aw, I know.

[Brian Green]

Okay, well, Chuck, at least in the 80s you were a nice guy. So I think I have found the nicest guy that has ever been on the Love Connection stage. And that is saying something. Because in the 80s, the people just had a different perspect and also looked 20 years older. And also, look, this guy. Wait till you see this guy. I think he's 31. He looks like he's 62. Wait till you see this guy. Guy. Okay, let's review this episode of Love Connection. Here's our boy, Chuck W. Oh, can you hit play for me? Thanks. And also the music.

[Christina]

I thought I unmuted it, but I don't think I. The other one.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, there you go. There you go.

[Chuck Woolery]

1979 and 1980, they were the best years of his social life.

[Brian Green]

Look at him. He is 37 years old. Chrissy, this guy does not look a day under 65 years old. This is amazing.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I know.

[Brian Green]

We have started. I think all those preservatives are huge.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Mustache.

[Brian Green]

Look at that.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

The mustache, I think, adds.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, the mustache does add years.

[Christina]

And the jowls.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, the jowls and the gray hair. All of it together. And the caterpillars on top of his eyes.

[Chuck Woolery]

Been divorced for 13 years, but he says that he wants to get married real soon. Oh, please welcome John Duvall.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

The men don't usually say that.

[Brian Green]

Out. Hello, John. How are you? Awesome.

[Chuck Woolery]

Cecil. Cecilia.

[Brian Green]

Kentucky.

[Chuck Woolery]

That's down around Fort Knox, isn't it?

[John Duvall]

It's about 30 miles as a crow flies south.

[Chuck Woolery]

Fort Knox, okay.

[Brian Green]

It's about 30 miles outside of Fort Knots. You see, what you do is. Yeah. If you take a 40 over there to exit 32, then you get off at 32, you can take 16 over to 12. You know where the gas station is? Chevron, you'll take a right there. I live about 12 miles from there. And you gotta pass a couple of past years first. Chrissy. Just letting you know.

[Chuck Woolery]

Okay, what was so special? It said 1979, 1980. They're the best years of your social life. What was so special about that.

[John Duvall]

That was when disco rang supreme.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Oh, he was big in the disco.

[Brian Green]

I love John. He's so sweet.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I know.

[Brian Green]

I used to get him my bell bottoms. And I would go out on Friday night and I like to wear the bell bottoms. But my penis often showed. So I'd put in there so as not to upset any of the women folk. And then we'd go out and party hard. We did a lot of cocaine and poppers back then. And that's why I think it was fun.

[John Duvall]

Big disco. I had a dance partner. We had did. It's about 10 years older than I was. She had her own boyfriend.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah, but she had her own boyfriend.

[Brian Green]

This is the nicest guy that's ever lived. Oh, my God. I had a dance partner. She had a boyfriend. Made it pretty clear to me that there would not be any funny stuff. Stuff. But that was okay with me. I wasn't very sexually immature. I was only 29 years old. I wasn't quite ready for the full ride, if you know what I mean. Chuck made it kind of nice because.

[John Duvall]

We would go out there and really do our thing and had a little costumes on.

[Chuck Woolery]

Had costume.

[John Duvall]

Exactly.

[Chuck Woolery]

What kind of costume?

[John Duvall]

Oh, I had like a tuxedo shirt with tuxedo pants and suspenders.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Oh, that's quite the look.

[Brian Green]

I got my whole outfit at TJ Maxx for about $39. And then she would be wearing a sparkly do, if you don't mind. And then we would go out there and do our thing. And there was absolutely no physical contact afterwards. It was kind of nice for me. And her husband's partner had a nice.

[John Duvall]

Disco dress and we would do her thing and she would go sit with her boyfriend. And then this was what was so great about 79 and 80s.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

He's just perking right up.

[Brian Green]

Look at his eyes. Yeah, he's like. This was what's so great about 79 and 80s. Most people thought I was gay, so I really did not get a lot of action. But I looked good doing it. Do you know what I'm saying? Chuck?

[John Duvall]

Come over and ask me to dance instead of having it the other way around.

[Brian Green]

Sure.

[Chuck Woolery]

They thought you were good. Probably.

[John Duvall]

Hey, I made them all feel like Ginger Rogers. And they'd love me for it. They love me so well. Increased my dating about me maybe five to ten times a week.

[Brian Green]

Really? Five to ten times a week? There's only seven days in a week.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Geez, he's quite the man about the discos.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, I think. I think even when I was dating someone seriously. We wouldn't go on five dates a week very much.

[Chuck Woolery]

Well, now, what happened to your social life after disco took a dive? Well.

[Brian Green]

Well, it did plummet. I got into transformers and model trains. And I had a model train partner. And you see, she would come in and help me with the model train. But she married. But what would happen is we would go to the model train conventions. And then oftentimes I would be approached by other men to play with their trains. And it was nice in that regard. I felt like I was being paid attention to.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

It really embodied embodying this character.

[Brian Green]

I think this guy's very nice. I wish for one minute I was. I wish for one minute I was as innocent as John was.

[John Duvall]

Country western scene came in.

[Chuck Woolery]

He just changed with music. Doesn't matter. Country western scene. Then take off the sequin vest and hop into your cowboy boots. Wasn't.

[John Duvall]

I couldn't keep up with the steps.

[Chuck Woolery]

I don't think Cotton eye Joe. Cotton eye Joe.

[John Duvall]

I didn't really like it.

[Chuck Woolery]

Chuck didn't like.

[John Duvall]

Because disco was so sweet. And the way we turn and it's touch dancing. And this was all, hey, jerk them around, cowboy. I didn't like.

[Brian Green]

This was all jerk them off, cowboy. I was at a certain kind of cowboy bar. And I don't know, it just didn't feel right to me.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Chuck here for it.

[Brian Green]

Plus, the tight jeans didn't show off the best of me, if you know what I mean. I found that my dating decreased by five to ten days a week.

[John Duvall]

In fact, I get sore arms from dancing with some of the cowgirls. And so I didn't like that.

[Brian Green]

I bruised easily. Chuck. I got sore arms from dancing with the cowgirls. Wow.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

He gave it a shot.

[Brian Green]

Sounds like. So he's a man about town.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

He likes to dance, basically.

[Brian Green]

He does. Well, you got hair like that. Well, disco is your thing.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

It is, right?

[Brian Green]

I think he probably should have changed his haircut after Disco Go.

[John Duvall]

Been doing the last couple years waiting.

[Chuck Woolery]

For disco to come.

[John Duvall]

Waiting for disco to come. Sitting at home and playing disco with my phone.

[Chuck Woolery]

Well, let's take a look at the tape.

[Brian Green]

Playing Disco with my thumbs.

[Chuck Woolery]

To John, son. I remember you're going to vote.

[Brian Green]

This is my favorite part. We get to look at the ladies. He's going to choose.

[Chuck Woolery]

Okay, first there was Tony. She enjoys dancing and woodworking. She's been divorced.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

She likes dancing.

[Brian Green]

She likes dancing. She likes woodworking.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

And woodworking.

[Brian Green]

And woodworking. I think that's something John could get into.

[Chuck Woolery]

She Has a five year old son.

[Brian Green]

Now.

[Chuck Woolery]

She thinks the best thing about being single is having her own bathroom. And she says men are a constant source of surprise. And here's what she means.

[Brian Green]

Someone who seems like they'd be very.

[John Duvall]

Dull on a date turns out to be very exciting. Some that you think would never be interested in small child become very attached.

[Brian Green]

Oh, well, that might be a downside there, Terry. The 80s were a different time, guys. Some men just take no interest in my child. And some take a lot of interest in my child. That's right. I think this lady's a perfect fit for our boy here. Very soft spoken. Yeah, Tony, my child, it's.

[John Duvall]

It's always new and it's always different.

[Chuck Woolery]

All right.

[Brian Green]

How's your child feel about that?

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I know Lynn.

[Chuck Woolery]

She admits that she talks too much. She says that she'd like to get married so that she can stop having blind dates and start having children.

[Brian Green]

Lynn's 33. Looks 43. I want to be taken seriously. Definitely, like, you know, not because I'm female. If you want to be taken seriously, don't wrap your shirt in a bow. I mean, let's just be real about it.

[John Duvall]

Have different anatomy, that I have different.

[Brian Green]

Feelings or different emotions than they do. But if they want to be a gentleman, that's. Oh, that's okay. If it makes them feel comfortable, I don't demand, you know, I don't have to have anybody open my door.

[Chuck Woolery]

Okay.

[Brian Green]

She's very forward for the early 80s.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

She's in construction, Joe.

[Brian Green]

Well, you got to be. You got to have a good head on your shoulders to be in construction.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Chuck Woolery]

Finally watched Ellen. She's originally from Richmond. Richmond, Virginia. She enjoys going to museum. Says that she wants a man who's attractive and smart as she is. Here's what she doesn't.

[Brian Green]

You can tell in Ellen's eyes that she's already way too advanced for our boy here.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I think so. I don't want him to be an egotistical person.

[John Duvall]

I'd rather have somebody that was more.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Interested in things in his life than his own life. In other words, like.

[John Duvall]

Like maybe his hobbies or, you know.

[Brian Green]

Things that he does rather than himself.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I don't want the guy that's always pulling, taking the mirror and going like this while he's driving.

[Brian Green]

Well, you lucked out on this one. I'm not sure this guy even has ever looked in a mirror.

[Chuck Woolery]

Okay, look at all three again. First is Tony. She's 36. She's a high school teacher. Lynn works in the Construction industry. And she's 33 and Ellen's 34. She's a sales rep for a textile company. The audience. You met John, seen his three choices, know a lot about it.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Oh, they're choosing now number one.

[Chuck Woolery]

All right.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

It was such a fun and interactive way for the audience.

[Brian Green]

It is a fun and interactive way for the audience to get involved. Choose which person's gonna go on a blind date with this luscious, lovely man.

[Chuck Woolery]

We're out of time. So we're gonna find out who John picked and hear everything that happened.

[Brian Green]

Don't worry, Chris. Chrissy. I got the second half.

[Chuck Woolery]

We're gonna find out tomorrow, though. That's our show for today. I'm Chuck Woolery. I hope all your dates tonight are good ones. We'll see you tomorrow.

[Brian Green]

Bye. Bye, everybody. Yeah, this is one of the very early episodes, by the way. You can tell just by the hissing noise in the background and the way that this is made, how they can.

[Chuck Woolery]

Get on Love Connection. It's a lot easier than they think. Now, if you're over 21, just call this number right here and have a free date on us. How bad can that be?

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Well.

[Brian Green]

Well, it's kind of weird that you set people up on blind dates. They show up at each other's houses. Yeah. Oh, that's.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

That's an early set.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. I love the music. Oh, yeah. All right.

[Chuck Woolery]

CH's wardrobe produced by Pierre Cardet.

[Brian Green]

Pierre Cardan. Chrissy. I'm just letting the music play because I like it.

[Chuck Woolery]

Today you'll meet John. He always recites poetry to his dates. Yesterday the audience voted on which you.

[Brian Green]

Think that reciting poetry to you, would that be weird or would you like that?

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I mean, it depends on the poetry.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, but I mean, like, if you just met a guy and he came in on the second date and he just said, I have a poem for you. I'd like to read it. Yeah, maybe like the second year of marriage.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Right?

[Brian Green]

Right, yeah, something like that. No, not for you.

[Christina]

I don't think there is any situation where it is appropriate for a man to read me a poem.

[Brian Green]

Oh, really?

[Christina]

Unless I am at a poet's event, yes.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

What if you had someone write a poem for me?

[Brian Green]

I've written soliloquies, but I don't think I've ever written a poem for anybody. And I certainly wouldn't recite them to him. That's what imessage is.

[Christina]

It's like making someone listen to you play the guitar. It's giving Barbie, you know. You guys know the scene.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, I've done that a lot escaping Brian. But to be fair to me, I was drunk or high. So there you go. These three women, they willingly did it because they said, well, it's better than him talking. I said, do you want to hear a little Brian's escape?

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

That's right.

[Brian Green]

Here's our latest single.

[Chuck Woolery]

He best for him.

[Brian Green]

Today you'll hear who John chose. Sunny side Off. I just was a fan of things that words that sounded good together, they had no meaning.

[Chuck Woolery]

Yeah, says his date.

[Brian Green]

And you'll meet Jan.

[Chuck Woolery]

The audience chose a date for her and it didn't work out. Today we'll hear about her date with a man she Joe's.

[Brian Green]

We won't actually hear about that date, but we'll hear about Joe's day.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

They were like already saying it didn't work out back then.

[Brian Green]

Well, because she came back for a second round. You see what I'm saying?

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

But they didn't. But in later years they don't say no.

[Brian Green]

They don't do that in later years. They also don't have a seven and a half minute introduction like the commercial break did for the first two seasons.

[Chuck Woolery]

Now here's our host, chalk puller, a Gene Wood. All right, thanks everybody. Thank you.

[Brian Green]

Oh, he's so good looking. Hey, Billy has ass hair. We love ass hair.

[Chuck Woolery]

Thank you. Thank you very much.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Ladies love.

[Chuck Woolery]

Get started by meeting our first guest. He's originally from Cecilia, Kentucky. He's been divorced for 13 years, but he says that he's ready to remarry. Says that he came to Love Connection because he didn't like the women he's been meeting.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Divorced for 30 years.

[Brian Green]

13 years. He's 37. So he got divorced at 24. 25. Divorced. Yeah. 24. Yeah, that's. That's young to get divorced. Yeah, but I mean, if you were married to John. Well, I know John. It's going to take a certain kind of personality. Nice guys sometimes do finish last. It's a true story. And the reason why nice guys finish last is because they're. There is a certain boredom that comes with always being nice. Do you know what I'm saying? I'm not saying it's a bad thing, but I can see John.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Well, in your young 20s, maybe.

[Brian Green]

Yes.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Although he sounds exciting with the discos.

[Brian Green]

Well, listen. Yeah, he sounds so exciting that he couldn't find his own dance partner. Hi, John.

[Chuck Woolery]

Welcome back. Have a seat.

[Brian Green]

John.

[Chuck Woolery]

What's. What's wrong with the women you've been meeting?

[John Duvall]

Well, I'm still You know, meeting some women at bars and places like that. And they seem to be a lot different than they did back in the, you know, the early 80s and the late 70s. They're more cold and callous and. And in fact they seem like they're more ugly.

[Chuck Woolery]

Why do you think they got.

[Brian Green]

They're more ugly.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

He threw that in there too. Damn.

[Brian Green]

Well, Brad bit.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I know.

[Christina]

Well, women got standards and he can't stand it.

[Brian Green]

I can't take it anymore. I don't know.

[John Duvall]

Well, it's. It's really hard to say. Maybe I could be getting older too and.

[Brian Green]

You could be getting older, John. That might be a statement. That might be true.

[John Duvall]

And I was dating before that were younger, getting older too. And we're all getting old.

[Chuck Woolery]

What sort of poetry?

[Brian Green]

Yeah, we're. We're all getting older, Chuck. It's just one of those unfortunate things. One year I'm 36 and the next year I happen to be 37. And my birthday was last Tuesday. Chuck and I almost ran over a squirrel. Luckily I avoided any kind of contact. But it was because my arms are sore from all that flipping and flopping into country western type music.

[Chuck Woolery]

Well, I rewrite this.

[John Duvall]

This poetry is my own and I write it. And normally on a date if I recite the poetry, I'll recite a poem about myself. Just let the girl rose as I.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Read pilots about himself.

[Brian Green]

I'm getting older. How about you.

[John Duvall]

Know what I'm like? It's like a self portrait poem. Then if, like say if I like the girl.

[Brian Green]

Yeah.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Maybe shy away from the self portrait poem.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, we don't need to hear about your self reflection. It's like Aaron Rodgers doing a whole Netflix special on his ayahuasca experience. It's just a little. It's a little glow up we don't need. You know what I'm saying?

[John Duvall]

Now I'll recite her a poem that I wrote to one of my last love.

[Brian Green]

Which was cool.

[Chuck Woolery]

To one of your last.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. Nothing, nothing gets a girl wet like the last girl.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Getting poetry right for the last girl.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It works every time.

[John Duvall]

I don't mention her name or anything like that.

[Chuck Woolery]

Of course you don't say to Helen.

[Brian Green]

I'll leave it out.

[John Duvall]

I do have one poem that I have a blank and I could put up girls names.

[Brian Green]

Well, please repeat it, please recite it. But of course Chuck won't have a follow up question here which will suck because that's not what Chuck does. Chuck's bad at follow up questions.

[John Duvall]

But I don't do that.

[Chuck Woolery]

Let's bring everybody up to date on what happened yesterday.

[Brian Green]

Let's move this along. Let's move away from the interesting part of the show and back to the boring part of the show.

[Chuck Woolery]

Now, we showed the audience John's three choices. They voted on which one they thought would be best for him. And we're going to take a look to catch you up today. First, there's Tony. She enjoys dancing and woodworking.

[Brian Green]

Dancing.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I mean, I kind of like it.

[Chuck Woolery]

And that's Tony. Then Lynn, she says that she'd like to get married so she can stop having blind dates and start having babies. Helen says that she wants it.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. Thanks, Chuck. Well, to be fair, that's what she said.

[Chuck Woolery]

Who's as attractive and smart as she is. Now, the audience vote was recorded yesterday. We're going to get that a bit later on. We're right. Right now, John's going to remind us who he chose. Chuck.

[John Duvall]

I chose Ellen.

[Chuck Woolery]

Chose Ellen.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Oh.

[Brian Green]

Oh. He chose the one that I thought would be least a fit for him because Ellen looks. Ella looks and sounds like she's lived some life.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Saucy.

[Brian Green]

And John looks like he literally reads novels on his day off.

[Chuck Woolery]

Let's do right now. Let's say hello to Ellen Gski. Gky.

[Brian Green]

I'm sorry.

[Chuck Woolery]

Ellen.

[Brian Green]

Gky.

[John Duvall]

Hi.

[Brian Green]

Hi, Ellen.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Hi, Ellen.

[Brian Green]

How are you?

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Fine, thank you.

[Chuck Woolery]

Just make yourself at home back there, okay?

[Brian Green]

Okay.

[Chuck Woolery]

And you can tell me about the date.

[John Duvall]

I went over to pick Ellen up.

[Chuck Woolery]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

And I took Route 34. And then I got off at exit 12. And I was in my jeans and had some suspenders on. Ch. All right, John, let's move it along. Now.

[John Duvall]

She invited me in, and I go, you know, into the house right there. And she looked very nice. The beautiful blue eyes, which she corrected me, this turquoise eyes. Very, very nice party. And very nice.

[Chuck Woolery]

Give us.

[John Duvall]

Let'S say every, let's put it.

[Chuck Woolery]

Everything.

[John Duvall]

We're, we're in the right places, I think. Absolutely.

[Brian Green]

That's good.

[John Duvall]

Just both the eyes.

[Chuck Woolery]

Yeah.

[John Duvall]

And I, I, I get in. So we've got. Give her a chance to pump the roast.

[Brian Green]

Uh, water.

[John Duvall]

Water and shedded water. Some of their other plants. So I kind of went on a little tour.

[Brian Green]

All right, John, let's move it along now. We only have 15 minutes.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

She had some other plants.

[Brian Green]

She had some other plants. Please name them, please. I hope this guy names them.

[John Duvall]

And we get into this one room, and she opens up the door, and I'm noticing some of the art that she Does.

[Brian Green]

She's a.

[John Duvall]

She's a fantastic artist. Nice paintings. Just one painting, though. We're talking life size male nude.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Oh.

[John Duvall]

And I like it.

[Brian Green]

And there I saw it. Yes.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

His eyes.

[Brian Green]

It was. It was a penis. And I came to the real.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Life size.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. Life size penis. And I came to the realization I was dating the wrong sex.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Exactly.

[John Duvall]

I mean, you know, am I here and somewhere right now?

[Brian Green]

You know, I don't know.

[Chuck Woolery]

And in fact, maybe you'd be thinking, would she want to paint you?

[Brian Green]

Well, I don't know.

[John Duvall]

I don't know if I could lead up with this nude.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I don't know if I could lead up to this.

[Brian Green]

I don't know if I could meet up to this dude. He doesn't. His penis doesn't quite measure up. Right.

[John Duvall]

Yeah, he's a very good artist. And I mean, we're talking detail in some areas, if you know what I mean.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

He's been dying to tell this story.

[Brian Green]

Oh, he has.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

The most exciting thing that happened to him since the disco.

[Brian Green]

He knew the second that he walked into that room that he had the best love connection story. And he might be right because this might be episode number three. And it had great detail in some places. Please tell us which places it had. Great detail.

[John Duvall]

Hours posing. This one.

[Chuck Woolery]

A lot of hair under the arm.

[John Duvall]

Exactly.

[Brian Green]

All right. I think that's a good place that we should take a break. Let me remind you that we are talking about the women's CO or the co. The National Coalition Against Domestic Violence is one of the five charities that we are going to focus on during the 12 days of TCB. We're just shining a light on these charities that do such great work. And if you would be so kind as to just donate a few dollars, $5, $10, $50, $1,000, whatever it is, to one or multiple of these charities, we certainly would appreciate it. It'll make you feel better. They'll be able to do some more good, go out there in the world in 2025 and help some people, some pets.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

And we've vetted these charities, too. They use almost all of their money that's donated.

[Brian Green]

Most of these charities use a majority of their money. I mean, all of these charities use a majority of their money to the intended causes, which not all charities do. There are many charities, probably the ones you know most about, because you hear about them all the time, that do nothing but market their own charity. They'll spend like 70% of their budget on getting more money. And then they pay their, you know, the people who run these organizations a whole shitload of money. None of these organizations do that. St. Jude does do a lot of advertising, but they also do a whole shitload of good. And they do more good than they do advertising anyway. You get the point. Links are in the show notes the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence. Please go donate. We'll take a break and we'll be back.

[Christina]

Hi. You know what time it is, so let's get to it. Pull that phone out of your pocket and follow us on Instagram hecommercial break and on TikTok for now, I guess CBpodcast. You can also find all of our video content that we're filming in our brand new [e-mail] TheCommercialBreak so check it out and throw us a follow a like a comment, whatever you can spare. If you want to get in touch with us, you can always text us or call. Call us and leave us a voicemail at 212-4333, TCB. Now I have one last request during the 12 or 263 days of TCB. Check out our featured charities and donate to them if you can this holiday season. All right, let's take a listen to our sponsors and get back to the show.

[Unknown]

When you think about businesses that are selling through the roof like Aloe Allbirds or Skims. Sure you think about a great product, a cool brand and brilliant market. But an often overlooked secret is actually the businesses behind the business making, selling and for shoppers, buying. Simple for millions of businesses. That business is Shopify. Nobody does selling better than Shopify, home of the number one checkout on the planet. And the not so secret secret with shop pay that boosts conversions up to 50%, meaning way less carts going abandoned and way more sales going. So if you're into growing your business business, your commerce platform better be ready to sell whenever your customers are scrolling or strolling on the web, in your store, in their feed and everywhere in between. Upgrade your business and get the same checkout experience as business powerhouses like Aloe, Allbirds and Skims. Sign up for your $1 per month trial period at shopify.com OdysseyPodcast all lowercase go to shopify.com OdysseyPodcast to upgrade your selling to shopify.com OdysseyPpodcast when it comes.

[Brian Green]

To hiring, don't search for great talent, match with them. Thanks to Indeed. Indeed is your matching and hiring platform with over 350 million global monthly visitors according to Indeed data and a matching engine that helps you find qualified candidates fast and Indeed doesn't just help you hire faster. 93% of employers agree Indeed delivers the highest quality matches matches compared to other job sites, according to a recent Indeed survey, leveraging over 140 million qualifications and preferences every day. Indeed's matching engine is constantly learning from your preferences. So the more you use Indeed, the better it gets. Join more than 3.5 million businesses worldwide that use Indeed to hire great talent fast. Just go to indeed.com listen right now and listeners of this show will get a $75 sponsored job credit.

[John Duvall]

Credit.

[Brian Green]

To get your jobs more visibility, go to indeed.com listen and tell them you heard about them from this podcast. Terms and conditions apply. All right, now we're back. All right, all right, we got it. No problem. Don't worry about it. Christina here in studio with us, by the way, just doing a wonderful job. There's so many moving parts now to this whole thing.

[Christina]

Despite my snafu earlier.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

It's okay.

[Brian Green]

You know how many times we've done it. If we had never done, I probably would be frustrated. But we have done it so many times that it's just part of the gig. It's just.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah, we're really on season 10 earlier.

[Christina]

Today, too, so I don't feel bad.

[Brian Green]

Christina and I recorded something twice today. All right, so we're back with Chuck. He is literally with the nicest guy in the world. They're about to tell us about. Well, they started. He started to tell us about his date, his blind date with this young lady. And we got to the part where he walked in the apartment and he saw a nude painting of another man with a apparently very large penis. Here we.

[Chuck Woolery]

Who was the model for this particular painting?

[Brian Green]

Well, I went to an art school.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

In Brentwood, and it was just one of the art. The models that they have at the art school. But I guess I exaggerated some. Some things in certain. Okay, she got creative.

[Brian Green]

Chuck is blushing.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I know. You know, the people in the audience do are freaking out.

[Brian Green]

A penis.

[John Duvall]

I'm really getting to like her a lot. And I'm thinking, you know, it's about time for the. You know what, the poetry.

[Brian Green]

Oh, Lord. You just walked in the door, John. You just walked in the door and saw a picture of a penis.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

The poetry.

[Brian Green]

The poetry. I thought he was going to say, you know what? My penis. I mean, honestly, you can't give this girl 15 minutes before you start dropping poetry on her, man. The 80s were a different time because if this worked, if she goes on a second day with him, I'm going to be Very surprised.

[Chuck Woolery]

Not exactly the first thing that. Not the first thing that bounced into my mind.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

No.

[Brian Green]

I'm sensing he's a rap scallion, that John. Remember that?

[Chuck Woolery]

No, I. I realize with all due.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Respect, he does his little eye roll too.

[Brian Green]

I know he's got his little eyes. Those eyebrows move up and down and they're accentuated by the world's largest eyebrows. So they just, you know, they. You can't help but know.

[Chuck Woolery]

Okay.

[Brian Green]

He's like a little kid. He's kind of cute.

[John Duvall]

So I recite a couple of poems. One about myself and then that one special poem that I referred to earlier.

[Brian Green]

The one special poem.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

The one that I wrote for the Waggle of.

[Chuck Woolery]

What'd you think of his poetry?

[Brian Green]

Oh, it's beautiful. It was warm and sensitive and I'm here with you. I walked through the door. Did you know my penis hits the floor?

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

He's an excellent poet.

[Chuck Woolery]

Painter and a poet.

[Brian Green]

Here.

[Chuck Woolery]

I can't believe it. Okay, so what happened next?

[John Duvall]

Okay, well, we leave there and we caught something to eat and then we went back to her place.

[Brian Green]

You caught something to eat?

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I know.

[Brian Green]

This talks so weird. Yeah.

[John Duvall]

And she invited me in and I had to get my. I had. I left a jacket right there and it happened to be in her bedroom.

[Brian Green]

Wait, hold on. What happened to the rest of the date? You went and got something to eat. What happened there?

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

John came back to her house.

[Brian Green]

Your name.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

And then he had left his jacket in her bedroom.

[Brian Green]

That's weird.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

While he went on the food alley.

[Christina]

He was trying to get another look at that.

[Brian Green]

He was.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Was the mood in the bedroom in.

[Brian Green]

One of the doors in the apartment, first of all. Second of all, you were literally describing plants she had in her house. And you said we went to eat. I mean, what happened?

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I know.

[John Duvall]

So obviously I had to go get my jacket and got my jacket and we got back to the door and so far all we've really done is maybe hold hands because we don't want to rush these good dates and.

[Brian Green]

What?

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Oh, you need to savor it.

[Brian Green]

Yes. So far all we've done is I. I brushed. I brushed side her, Chrissy. And I got a erection immediately. And you don't want to rush these things, you see?

[John Duvall]

So I said, well, I'll give her a little peck on the lips, you know. And a little peck on the lips got a little bit more.

[Brian Green]

Little bit more.

[John Duvall]

This jacket's really getting heavy in my arm.

[Brian Green]

So this is the same guy who bruises because of country western dancing. You have to understand John hasn't been to a gym ever.

[John Duvall]

Falls to the floor and just so happens there's a chair there. Cuz you get tired if you stand up very long.

[Brian Green]

Then when do you get tired if you stand up very long? Well, who is this guy?

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

He's done to kiss more.

[Brian Green]

Wait, did she sit on you like there's a chair? Yeah. Geez, John, God, I thought you were a nice guy. Now you're just like a. You're a little hellcat waiting to be unleashed on a chair.

[John Duvall]

And we're still kissing and we thought, well, this has been such a nice time, maybe it's time to cool it.

[Brian Green]

No, she thought this has been a nice time, maybe it's time to cool it.

[John Duvall]

That's basically when the date ended. It was.

[Brian Green]

Okay, so you told us about none of the dates so far. You walked in, saw a penis painting, caught something to eat, made out on a chair, and she told you enough is enough.

[John Duvall]

We both agreed.

[Chuck Woolery]

Okay, that's nice. I like it. How would you sum up this video?

[Brian Green]

Well, when I came to Love Connection.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I was looking for a handsome, intelligent man that was ambitious. And I, I found one.

[Brian Green]

Ah, wow. There we go. They made a love Connection. I found my dancing partner who does not have a boyfriend.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

That's right.

[Brian Green]

Yeah.

[Chuck Woolery]

Let's see how good they were.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Oh, I knew they were gonna pick one.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, because of the dancing and because they're both very quiet in nature.

[Chuck Woolery]

51%.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

He just gave the audience a scathing look.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, he gave them the death stare. I think lasers came out of his eyeballs. That was crazy.

[Chuck Woolery]

But if you want to take the audience's advice and take Tony out, you know, that's, that's the one we'll pay for because that's who they suggested. If not, you're on your own. You can do what you want.

[John Duvall]

I hope it's quite obvious by now that I would very much like to go out with Ellen.

[Chuck Woolery]

Actually, it is rather obvious.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, it's very obvious. As much as it can be in 80s television that things have heated up between the two of you.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Oh yes.

[Chuck Woolery]

Come on out.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Come on out.

[Brian Green]

Come on down. Come on down. Get yourself a furry young man. She's lovely.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

A leather skirt too. I like it.

[Brian Green]

Lovely. Good for them. I actually wanted to see this work out for this guy because he really is a nice guy. You don't like. You would be hard pressed to find somebody in 2024 that is. That talks and acts like this. Hard pressed.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Oh yeah.

[Brian Green]

And while he may be a little. You know, maybe his, he's got old world themes. He was. This is the 80s, right. He's 40 years old in the early 80s. So he's got his family crest on his pocket, for God sake, for some kind of crap.

[Chuck Woolery]

Thanks for coming on the show. And we're going to come right back with another couple. Hang it.

[Brian Green]

All right. There you go. Hold on. I feel really happy for John, really excited.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I hope they worked out and had babies and their family crest can be passed.

[Brian Green]

You know what? This is a couple that I probably would never find online because I don't think that John is the type of person who probably kept up with technology. But I do have to say, what a lovely couple. What a lovely, just like wholesome episode of the commercial break. How could we make it any nicer for you as we lead up into Christmas?

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

That's a feel good story.

[Brian Green]

Yes. We didn't go for anything anybody. You know, we've done so many love connections and so many of the guys are just jerk offs to the. That. Remember that one guy who was the guy who was like a bouncer at the door, Remember that? And he was touching the ladies and he was like, I date all night long or whatever. He said, I can keep going all night long. So many of these guys were headed straight to Jerry Springer, but John was a nice, classic, wholesome young man. And that lady. Yeah, or jail. And that lady was so low. Lovely. Nothing like parental control. Nothing at all. All right, well, listen, how much more damage can we do today? Honestly? All right, let's quit while we're ahead. I do love a good love connection. I really do. It was part of my childhood. I remember my parents watching this show a lot because it was on during daytime tv. So you would get like, if you stayed home sick or you're on vacation, you would get prices, Right? You would get Love Connection. You would get Judge Wapner.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Oh, the Wapner.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. In the, in the 90s you would get Oprah. It's something you would get. What time Oprah, come on. 4:00. Oprah's on. That's right. 4:00. You had to miss it. Can't miss television. Oprah. Oprah Winfrey. But Love Connection was one of mine. Love Connection was the one that I really loved. All right. TCBpodcast.com that's where you go. You find out more information about the show, all the audio, all the video right there at one location. And now every single episode of the commercial break moving forward will be available on YouTube. The same day that it's available here on the audio feed Spotify, just a couple of days afterwards. So please do us a favor, go to the YouTube channel, subscribe like, comment on your favorite video, share if you dare, share if you care. Or you can go to Spotify and watch those videos. Like I said, just a couple of days after they drop here on the audio feed. Also do us a favor. 212-4333 TCB. That's 212-433-3822. Would you be so kind as to text us comments, questions, concerns, content, ideas? We take them all right there at that phone number. You can leave us a text message, you can leave us a voicemail. We don't care how you do it, just do it, please. At the commercial break on Instagram, TCB podcast on tick tock. And again YouTube.com the commercial break. Also, because we know you're in the giving spirit, we certainly would appreciate it if you could spend a few bucks. If you want to give Chrissy and I something really special this holiday, you can do two things. You can keep listening to the 12 days of TCB and beyond. Follow us on your favorite podcast platform. But then secondly, you can donate a few bucks to one of the causes we've been talking about. St. Jude's foundation, the National Breast Cancer Coalition Fund, the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, and the aspca. All of these organizations doing wonderful work. Spend a few dollars, make yourself feel good. It's tax deductible. Go straight to their website by clicking the link on the show Notes. Thank you and in advance. All right, Chrissy, I guess that's all I can do for now.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I think so.

[Brian Green]

But I will tell you that I do love you and I love you best to you. Best you out there in the podcast. Universe. Happy holidays. Until next time. Chrissy and I will say we do say and we must say goodbye.

[Unknown]

At Alma, we know the connection between you and your therapist matters. But if you're already feeling stressed and burnt out, the idea of trying to find a therapist you really connect with can be overwhelming. That's why Alma's focused on helping you find the right therapist for you. When you browse their online directory, you can filter your search based on the qualities that are most important to you. Then you can book a free 15 minute consultation call with any therapist you're interested in seeing so you can get a feel for whether they're the right fit before you commit to a full length session. Alma also makes it easy for mental health care providers to navigate insurance. That's why 95% of therapists in their directory accept insurance for sessions so you can find care that's affordable without stressing about the paper. You want to talk to someone, but not just anyone. Alma is there to help you find the right fit. Visit helloalma.com therapy60 to schedule a free consultation today. That's hello A L M a.com therapy60.

[Brian Green]

This Christmas give the gift that truly keeps on giving a lifetime membership to Rosetta Stone. It's perfect for anyone looking to learn or improve their language skills and deepen their connections and open a world of experience. Imagine being able to converse with family members in their native language or making the most of that dream international holiday trip. With that in mind, there's no better tool than Rosetta Stone, the most trusted language learning program available on desktop and mobile. Rosetta Stone immerses you in the language so you truly learn to think, speak and understand it naturally. With Rosetta Stone's intuitive approach, there are no English translations, you're fully immersed, and the built in Truaccent feature acts like a personal accent coach, giving you real time feedback to make sure you sound just right. Don't put off learning that language. There's no better time than right now to get started. Today, listeners can get Rosetta Stone's lifetime.

[Christina]

Membership for 50% off.

[Brian Green]

Visit RosettaStone.com RS10. That's 50% off. Unlimited access to 25 language courses for the rest of your Life. Redeem your 50% off at rosettastone.com RS10today for yourself or as a gift keeps giving. If you got a softie in your brain, you're gonna have a softie in your pants. You know what I'm saying? Working from home, that means you're also eating from home. We suggest stocking your fridge and pantry with fruits and veggies so you always have a healthy snack within reach. This healthy suggestion is brought to you by Region's Blue Cross Blue Shirt Shield of Oregon. Together, we help have no family to celebrate Christmas with this year. The Commercial break is live the entire holiday season to make you even more miserable than you currently are. So put your Christmas pajamas on, gather around the Christmas tree and listen to brand new episodes of the Commercial Break.