12 Days Of TCB: Spirits, Enter Me!

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Commercial Break

Episode: 12 Days Of TCB: Spirits, Enter Me!
Release Date: December 23, 2024
Host/Author: Commercial Break LLC
Title: The Commercial Break
Host Names: Bryan Greene and Kristen Joy Hoadley
Description: The Commercial Break is an improv-comedy, interview & variety show that delves into pop culture, internet oddities, relationship drama, dark humor, and more, providing a comedic respite from everyday life. This holiday special features daily episodes from December 13th through 25th, including discussions on popular culture phenomena and charitable initiatives.

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1. Holiday Special Kickoff: 12 Days of TCB

The episode begins with Bryan Greene and Kristen Joy Hoadley enthusiastically announcing the "12 Days of TCB," a special holiday series featuring new episodes every day from December 13th to 25th. The hosts emphasize the show's commitment to providing fresh, entertaining content throughout the holiday season.

Notable Quote:

• Bryan Greene [02:15]: "TCB coming at you December 13th through the 25th. Brand new episodes every single day."

2. Spotlight on "Bluey" and Upcoming Feature Film

Kristen Joy Hoadley passionately discusses the excitement surrounding the beloved cartoon "Bluey," highlighting the announcement of a full-length feature film by Disney and BBC. She praises the show's ability to convey life lessons subtly through engaging and creative storytelling.

Notable Quotes:

• Kristen Joy Hoadley [03:23]: "There's a lot of excitement in the Green household because yesterday, as we're recording this yesterday, Disney and BBC have announced they will in fact be making the seminal cartoon that has taken the world by storm, Bluey, into a full length feature film."
• Kristen Joy Hoadley [06:04]: "Bluey is such a great cartoon. It is for adults and for children. The lessons are not... life lessons that everybody needs to learn."

3. Embracing the Podcast Identity and Charitable Initiatives

The hosts openly discuss their initial embarrassment about their podcast but acknowledge the growing appreciation from listeners. They introduce four charities they are supporting during the 12 Days of TCB: National Breast Cancer Coalition Fund, St. Jude Research Hospital, ASPCA, and the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence. Kristen expresses pride that the podcast has positively influenced listeners, particularly in promoting "Bluey."

Notable Quotes:

• Kristen Joy Hoadley [06:05]: "Eventually, they end up listening to it is this. Especially if they have kids."
• Kristen Joy Hoadley [11:38]: "We have been doing it for hundreds of thousands of years. We're gonna continue to do it."

4. Critical Segment: Debunking the Satanic Preacher's Claims

A significant portion of the episode features a satirical and critical analysis of a rant delivered by a self-proclaimed "satanic preacher." This preacher alleges that popular culture phenomena like Pokémon, Dungeons & Dragons, and Magic: The Gathering are vehicles for satanic indoctrination. Bryan and Kristen humorously dismantle these claims, highlighting the preacher's lack of understanding and logical inconsistencies.

Highlights of the Debate:

• Preacher's Claims: Pokémon cards are tied to satanic rituals, Dungeons & Dragons causes loss of touch with reality, and Magic: The Gathering promotes occult practices.
• Hosts' Rebuttals: Bryan and Kristen mock the preacher's assertions, pointing out absurdities such as mistaking fictional game elements for real-world satanic symbols. They use humor and sarcasm to undermine the preacher's credibility.

Notable Quotes:

• Kristen Joy Hoadley [19:00]: "What do you mean you don't know our phone number? I only tell it to you twice a day, four times a week."
• Kristen Joy Hoadley [29:48]: "What role model is that? Goatee?"
• Kristen Joy Hoadley [52:11]: "Or it's just a fun game that kids like to play."

5. Charitable Appeals and Community Engagement

Throughout the episode, Bryan and Kristen encourage listeners to support the featured charities by donating through provided links. They offer incentives like free TCB swag for donations, fostering a sense of community and goodwill during the holiday season.

Notable Quotes:

• Kristen Joy Hoadley [12:35]: "So we're just shining a light on these charities. They have no idea we're doing this."
• Patrick [41:12]: "During the 12 or 26 days of TCB, check out our featured charities and donate to them if you can this holiday season."

6. Concluding Remarks and Final Sponsors

The episode wraps up with final sponsor messages from DSW, Midi Health, Instacart, and Nourish, seamlessly integrating promotional content into the concluding segments. The hosts reiterate their commitment to live broadcasting throughout the holiday season, encouraging listeners to engage with their content across various platforms.

Notable Quotes:

• Kristen Joy Hoadley [63:37]: "Have no family to celebrate Christmas with this year. The commercial break is live the entire holiday season to make you even more miserable than you currently are."
• Bryan Greene [63:44]: "So put your Christmas pajamas on, gather around the Christmas tree and listen to brand new episodes of the Commercial Break."

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Key Takeaways:

• Holiday Special Format: Daily episodes during the holiday season focusing on popular culture and charitable causes.
• Cultural Commentary: In-depth and humorous analysis of perceived negative influences in media, notably debunking unfounded satanic claims.
• Community Engagement: Strong emphasis on supporting charitable organizations, fostering a sense of purpose and generosity among listeners.
• Humorous Tone: The hosts maintain a comedic and irreverent approach, effectively balancing satire with genuine discussions on relevant topics.

Overall, Episode 12 Days Of TCB: Spirits, Enter Me! offers a blend of humor, cultural critique, and charitable advocacy, wrapped in the hosts' signature comedic style. It serves both as entertainment and a platform for promoting positive community actions during the festive season.

Transcript

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[Brian Greene]

This episode is sponsored in part by Live Nation. All right, you're a fan of the commercial break, so I know you're a fan of comedy. Then good news for you. Some of the best comedians in the world are touring right now. In my humble opinion, the best way to see comedy is to see it live. It's that energy in the room, it's the infectious laughter, it's the sense that someone is doing a high wire act right in front of your face and at any moment the train can come off the tracks and and that is always just as entertaining as when your favorite comedian sets the room on fire. Bastard and I have become big fans of watching live comedy. Never once have we walked out of a comedy show regretting the $300 we're about to pay the teenage babysitter to obsessively text her boyfriend and doom scroll on Instagram. Never once. Let me punch up a few of the comedians I know are on tour right now. There's the ever lovely Sarah Silverman, hilarious Brian Reig, and Chelsea Handler, who I kind of have a crush on, Sarah Milliken, Kevin Hart, the always funny Atsuko Okatsuka and literal man of the hour, Sebastian Maniscalco. If that guy doesn't give you a tickle, you just don't own a funny bone. There are all kind of live shows, there are all kind of venues, and there are all flavors of comedy. So head over to livenation.comcomedy to get your tickets today. That's livenation.comcomedy. times are tough. The entire world stressed out. You deserve it. Go see some live comedy. Live nation.com comedy. And thanks to Live Nation for being a sponsor of another kind of comedy show, the commercial break.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Hey Chrissy.

[Brian Greene]

Best to you.

[Chrissy]

Best to you, Brian.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Best to you out there in the podcast universe. And happy holidays.

[Brian Greene]

Sometimes podcasts like ours will take off.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

A lot of time during the holidays, but not us. We're gluttons for punishment. So we have the 12 days of.

[Brian Greene]

TCB coming at you December 13th through the 25th. Brand new episodes every single day.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

And live fresh episodes during the entire holiday season.

[Brian Greene]

As the great Clark Griswold once said, holy.

[Chrissy]

Where's the Tylenol?

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Find it quick. And join us this entire holiday season for brand new episodes of the commercial break. Hello, Is this Jesus? No, this is Patrick. The next episode of the commercial break starts now. There was more than one lobster present at the birth of Jesus. Oh, yeah.

[Brian Greene]

Dancers and prancers, welcome Back to the.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

12 Days of TCB.

[Brian Greene]

I'm Brian Greene.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

This is Kristen Joy Hoadley, also known as Mrs. Claus. Best to you, Chrissy.

[Chrissy]

Best to you, Brian.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Best to you. Out there in the podcast universe, Mr. Claus is probably at home in his little Santa Claus apron with his ass cheeks hanging out, flipping some yakas for breakfast. Some flapjacks. Indeed, Chrissy. There is great excitement around the Green household and I'll explain why and any. By the way, Santa's coming.

[Brian Greene]

Santa is not coming.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Well, Santa is coming. Santa's coming. Santa's coming. Happy Christmas for you kids, I know. No, you little shits. Santa's coming for the kids, but not for Blue. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Actually we don't. We stopped getting blue treats for Christmas because it's very expensive. And does the dog really fucking know the difference? Honestly, no. She'll get to run in the wrapping paper and bark at us while we're doing it. There's a lot of excitement in the Green household because yesterday, as we're recording this yesterday, Disney and BBC have announced they will in fact be making the seminal cartoon that has taken the world by storm, Bluey, into a full length feature film. And everybody is on board. The guy who makes the music, which is wonderful, all of the character voices and the original creator is going to write the story. Two hours of Bluey and one contiguous sitting. I cannot fucking wait. Because for those of you who've never watched Bluey, and I'll explain something in one second about how this is one of the most talked about topics about tcb, at least locally here, where I am Bluey is really 12 minute episodes. It's not here. Yeah, they're 12 minute episodes and then they run two of them back to back with a commercial in between. So the, the episodes are really short and they matter of fact, they have a few special episodes that are 30 minutes long. But some of these stories, you know, they could get more running room out of and make you cry even more than you already do. At fucking Bluey, where I live. When people find out that we do the commercial breaks, obviously they want to go. Listen, they want to know more about it. So some of the children that the kids go to school with, their parents have obviously found out through the grapevine that the commercial break exists. That makes me highly embarrassed to go to any function where parents are. Yes, I get very anxious about going to functions, especially people that I don't know. I know they're looking at me and most of them with a look of disdain. How could they let that man and his children in my school? But you know what? It is what it is.

[Chrissy]

It is. We have to embrace it. After all this time. It took a while, but we have to.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yes, listen, I do embrace it. Five years in, it's something that I do. I'm not as embarrassed as I used to be, but I do still get a red face when people ask, yeah, I do want to crawl in a hole and die. Every time I go to a. Every time I go to a function like a birthday party and someone asks me what I do, I say, I'm in advertising sales. And then they say, what does that mean? And then by like the fifth question, I'll go, well, we're content creators. And then they go, oh, so you like what? And I'm like, oh, it's a pod. What's the name of the podcast? I'll look it up right now.

[Chrissy]

Every time.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Fuck you. Actually, most parents are really cool about it. Yeah, most of the people that we know are really cool about it. And one of the things I have heard most often from people who like the show and then end up listening to it is this. Especially if they have kids. I started watching Bluey because of you, Brian, and now I like it. I've heard this four or five times, and I. That makes me proud that the commercial break has done one fucking good deed in its entire life. Bluey is such a great cartoon. It is for adults and for children. The lessons are not. They don't beat you up over the head with the lessons, but they're life lessons that everybody needs to learn. And the reason why Bluey, it's a fun show, too.

[Chrissy]

It's fun just about the lessons, but they make it fun.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

The music is fantastic.

[Chrissy]

Yeah, they dance around the little family. So cute.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

It's really funny. The dad is wonderful. The mom is wonderful. They're dogs. They're wheeler dogs from Australia. And the reason why I think the cartoon hits me in the soft spot is because the lessons Are lessons you should learn as a children. As a child. But you need to relearn as an adult. Yes. You need to remember as an adult. And they do it in a way that's so creative and so fantastic. If you watch, if you're an adult, even without children, and you sit and watch a couple episodes of Bluey and you don't end up at least saying it's not a bad cartoon, then fuck you. Honestly, fuck you. Okay? Bluey is fantastic and I'm so excited. They're gonna make a two hour movie. By the time it comes out, my children will have long since grown out of Bluey. But you know what, what are we going to do? And I think we can all agree Bluey's generally wholesome, right? Yeah, it's generally wholesome. You know what's not wholesome, Chrissy? Pokemon cards. Pokemon cards are not wholesome.

[Chrissy]

Okay?

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

And there are many people. You know what Pokemon stands for? Pokemonster. Isn't that what it stands for? Pokemonster. I'm looking at Christina like she should know about Pokemon. Isn't that what it stands for? Pokemonster.

[Chrissy]

I don't know.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I think that's what it stands for. What does Pokemon, is it like a pokeball stand for? Stand for Pocket Monster. Pokemonster.

[Chrissy]

You know what it stands for?

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Pokemonster. Pokeyu Monster. A little Pokemonster.

[Chrissy]

Ring the bell.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yes, ring the bell. Crawl up your ass and ring that bell. So for years I have watched bits and pieces of a video. One of the things that we love to talk about here on the commercial break are pastors, especially TV preachers. The guys who get up there, they take your money, they give you nothing in return except for bad advice and wisdom. About 3,000 year old text. And it's just a scam that never stops coming. It's cult after cult, bullshit after bullshit. Take your money after take your money and listen. Let me remind you, we are not anti religion. Religion can do a lot of good. And there are a lot of, a lot of the tenets of most of the religions are good tenants to have. Do unto others as you want them to. You treat others with kindness and respect. Don't murder people, don't sleep with your wife. You know, Ten Commandments has got some good news in there. But the truth is is that most preachers bastardize these things for their own profit and your loss. That's how it works. They're going to get you every time they get you coming and they get you going. And one of my favorite things to do is to watch these hypocritical sons of bitches tell us what's good and bad to do, to read, to look at, to any of it. I just is one of my. Praise Jesus indeed. This video we're about to watch is pretty famous on the Internet. It is a TV evangelist who took Pokemon cards and made them into a satanic ritual. He said that the satanic ritual and they are imported from Japan and kids are being taught about the devil through Pokemon cards. And he literally goes on a 30 minute diatribe about this. I want to get to as much of this video as I possibly can. So I want to do this. I know there's going to be a quick flip around, but I'm going to take a short break and when we take that short break, we're going to come back and we'll do an extended couple of segments here on this very famous Internet video where the preacher will tell us how bad Pokemon is and all the reasons why. While we're at it, four of the five charities that we want to focus on during the 12 days of TCB have already been talked about and I want to remind you of those. And then we'll get to the fifth charity on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, the National Breast cancer coalition fund, St. Jude Research Hospital, ASPCA and the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence. Those four charities spend a majority amount of, majority of the amount of money that they receive each year actually doing good work out there. And some of this work that they're doing is God's work. Research for breast cancer and help for people who can't pay for care. Getting women out of abusive situations and their children to safety and then teaching them, giving them the tools and the resources to get out there in the world and live a, a life without abuse under the guise of controlling an abusive behavior. Saving animals from controlling and abusive behavior. And when people give their dogs up because they decided I don't really need a dog, you know, as much as I complain about Blue, she's still fucking here. Getting a meal every month, every day and every night. Every month. Every month.

[Chrissy]

Once a month I feed.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Once a month I feed the dog. And then St. Jude's Research Hospital, which I really think does honestly angels work, they provide cancer care to children that otherwise could not afford it. And they do not charge a dime. One of those four charities, we're gonna put a link to all four of them today inside of the show notes, if you would be so kind as to give A$5, whatever you can afford. This is when they make the Most money. This is when they raise the most money this time of year. And so we're just shining a light on these charities. They have no idea we're doing this. And the links go directly to their website, because if they did, they'd probably say, no, thanks.

[Chrissy]

They'd say no.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah, yeah. Those links go directly to those websites where you can donate. And we don't get in the middle of it. You just go there and you donate. And if you send a screenshot to us of one of those donations or of you donating whatever it is, we will certainly be happy to send you some free TCB swag. Like a sticker I picked up from the mempho ground so many years ago.

[Chrissy]

So awesome.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

All right, let's take a short break. Quick flip here, and then we'll be back with Pokeman and Satanism.

[Chrissy]

Perfect.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

That's a weird transition.

[Patrick]

What do you mean you don't know our phone number? I only tell it to you twice a day, four times a week. Fine, if you insist, I will tell it to you again. It's 212-4333. TCB. That's 212-433-3822 and don't you forget it. Now, in case you can't remember, our instagram handle is hecommercial break. A tough one. I know. And our TikTok handle is tcb podcast, and that one is the same as our website, tcb podcast.com and one last thing, go to YouTube.com the commercial break for all of our video episodes. Got it?

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Good.

[Brian Greene]

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[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

All right, this preacher has a problem with Pokemon. Chrissy. Because you know, Pokemonsters, the little pokey Pokemonsters, the pocket monsters have come from Japan. They are doing the devil's work. We'll let him explain all of this, but this is a very famous video that's been going around the Internet for probably about 10 years. Let's hit screen record and then we'll never seen this video.

[Chrissy]

I don't think so.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

But Chrissy, there's. It doesn't say much. I mean, honestly, I love you, but that doesn't really say much.

[Chrissy]

But I don't go down dark rabbit holes.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Oh, this isn't even a dark rabbit hole. This is a pretty wide open.

[Chrissy]

For any of you out there. Listeners that have watched the Righteous Gemstones on hbo. They had to have modeled the. You know, the firstborn son. I can't remember his name on there, but after this guy.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Listen, I have never seen this. Remember we talked about the. The two Jared's.

[Chrissy]

Yes.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Remember the Jared Friggles or Freegles or whatever they are. Fribles. This guy and what's his name that plays the. I can't remember. Who plays the guy in the right. Kenny Powers.

[Chrissy]

Yeah, I forget his.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

He looks exactly like this.

[Chrissy]

Exactly.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

We are looking at a screen.

[Chrissy]

It's a hundred percent full blown Mullet.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

He was in Eastbound and Down. What was his name? Christina.

[Chrissy]

God, when you say it, I'm gonna remember it.

[Patrick]

Sorry. He's Danny McBride.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Danny McBride. That's right. Danny McBride. Such a great actor. Comedic actor. Yeah. This guy looks exactly like Danny McBride. Mullet and all. I mean, this is a likeness. All right, let's listen to what he has to say.

[Satanic Preacher]

Orient and some things have a big impact on us and some things don't.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Wow, he even talks like Danny McBride.

[Chrissy]

They had to have modeled that character after him.

[Satanic Preacher]

I can't think of anything that come over from the Orient that actually had a big impact or a phenomenon type craze other than Godzilla.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Godzilla? Since when did Godzilla have a craze? Would anyone go crazy over Godzilla?

[Chrissy]

No.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Did you go crazy over Godzilla?

[Satanic Preacher]

There is something new that's come over to the United States and has actually captured the minds and the imagination of every single child as he pulls it.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Out of a black briefcase. What is this guy carrying? Drugs?

[Satanic Preacher]

And you know what? It's not new at all. Japanese kids have been watching this thing since 1995. It started out as a cartoon, went to a comic book. They made it into a video game.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

They made you into an HBO television show.

[Satanic Preacher]

The Toys Collectible card Game. Now, praise God. There's even a movie on it.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Praise God.

[Satanic Preacher]

And it was started in 1995. It's not new, but it's new to kids, and they're eating it up.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Am I correct in saying that this guy is about to put pictures on a projector that your seventh grade science teacher used?

[Chrissy]

Yes, I remember that projector.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

We have technology now, bro.

[Satanic Preacher]

And it's called Pokemon.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Pokemon.

[Satanic Preacher]

And it stands for pocket monster, as we now know.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Brian didn't even know that.

[Satanic Preacher]

And even made the COVID of Time magazine. Now, the first thing I want you to notice is, do you notice any symbol up there that you've seen before?

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

The swirly whirly twirly? No, it's a. What is Evie?

[Chrissy]

They're showing a time.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah, they're showing a time cover with four or five Pokemon on the front of it. Big letters, Pokemon. And then one of the Pokemon has a spiral in the middle of it. And I don't think that's a.

[Chrissy]

Like the googly eye, the hypnotic eyes, the spiral.

[Satanic Preacher]

And it stands for what? Male fertility males.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Male fertility. Since when does this spiral stand for male fertility? Wow. Jeff and I should get matching spirals on our balls.

[Chrissy]

I can't believe we haven't heard about this at the 21 convention.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

No, there's an audience here. In all the years that I've seen clips of this, I never noticed there's an audience there. Wow. You actually went somewhere. You actually got in your car and you drove to a TV studio where you watched this guy with his little projector and his prophecy club in the background and his four houseplants sitting in front of me. I know.

[Chrissy]

I was trying to figure out if that was the glare. Those are plants.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Those are plants.

[Satanic Preacher]

Okay, now this thing is actually called Polywhirl, but they actually had another name for it before they renamed it.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

It's called Penis Creature.

[Satanic Preacher]

First came out, it was called Hypno, and they changed it to Polywhirl to make it a little more innocent. But you see what it actually does.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

As if Hypno wasn't innocent. Listen, just because you put a spiral on something doesn't mean kids are gonna get hypnotized as is.

[Satanic Preacher]

It's supposed to be able to mesmerize.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

You think this guy is the most miserable son of a At family gatherings or what? Yeah. The turkey legs are spread open, showing its turkey pussy everywhere. It's the devil's work.

[Satanic Preacher]

Hypnotize its enemies. And you can see how that would happen. That starts spinning around and it's just like one of those hypnotic wheels that they use to hypnotize. And you see up here in the.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Top, you know, it's hypnotizing.

[Chrissy]

No one uses to hypnotize.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah. You know what's hypnotizing is the crimp in your hair.

[Chrissy]

It really is. You had to spiral in there.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Satanic Preacher]

Here's a creature, an alligator type creature over here. Dragon. Kind of a funny duck bill thing down here. And this is an interesting character over here.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Nothing tells kids to murder and rape like a duck billed thingy over here.

[Satanic Preacher]

Character over here is called Mewtwo. And Mewtwo looks like an alien. If you look at him real carefully, he looks like an alien. But you know, the first thing that I noticed about that thing is he.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Sings like an angel. He's Bono and Mewtwo.

[Satanic Preacher]

I looked at it and I looked at those eyes, I said, you know what that kind of looks like the things that we used to pray to inside that circle.

[Chrissy]

What?

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Oh, he used to be a Satanist, by the way.

[Chrissy]

Oh, okay.

[Satanic Preacher]

Notice that he has a particular salute.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I probably shouldn't have left that part out. His former Satanist turned prophet.

[Satanic Preacher]

It's given. And he's in this pose. Every time that you see Mewtwo, he's in this pose. Now he has three fingers.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

That's because it's a card, you dumb shit. What do you think is going to change? It's going to morph into something else.

[Satanic Preacher]

And those three fingers are always sticking out like that. Now he doesn't have five fingers like we do. He has three.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

But if they were the three, which means he only. He's two less. Chrissy. He can ring your bell with one slap of the hand. Bing, bong, make a jizz all over yourself. Mewtwo on us. Should be called poo too. Goes right up your bum.

[Satanic Preacher]

Be this.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

He's thinking, yeah, he's sticking the devil's horns up.

[Chrissy]

Or hook them.

[Satanic Preacher]

Doesn't mean hook them horns. Doesn't mean I love you. Doesn't mean one more. It means hail Satan.

[Chrissy]

One more.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

How Would that mean one more doesn't mean Hail Satan. How does this mean one more? This means two. It doesn't mean one plus one. It doesn't mean two fingers.

[Chrissy]

I'll have one more.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah, one more. Hey, waiter. One more. Did you mean two? No, one more. It's the universal sign for one more. No, this is the universal sign for one more. One finger. Not this. This means two more.

[Satanic Preacher]

That all Satanists identify themselves with. And it says here.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Wow, they got a stadium full of Satanists every Saturday afternoon in Texas College Station.

[Satanic Preacher]

Here it says, for many kids, it's now an addiction. Very much so. Cards, video games, toys, a new movie.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Very much so.

[Satanic Preacher]

Is it bad for them? What we need to look at is whether or not that particular statement holds true.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

What we need to look at is which editor at Time decided they would waste an entire cover on Pokemon? And is it good for our children?

[Satanic Preacher]

Bit bad for them. Here's one of the characters.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Dude, we had she Ra when we were a kid. Is anybody taking a look at Shira? Yeah, Shira was wearing a thong with her boobs sticking out, running around, murdering people.

[Satanic Preacher]

Cute little one. Everybody okay. Everybody go. Oh, come on. I know. I know you wanted to do that. See, that's why I did that. He's cute.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

You're going to hell.

[Satanic Preacher]

But the one thing.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah, he's cute, but he will set your children on fire. This little tail back here is a secret symbol. You know what this means? It doesn't mean Ziggy Zaggy. It means drink Satan's juice and have sex unprotected.

[Satanic Preacher]

Noticed about him right off. This is Pikachu. One thing I noticed about him right off was his tail.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

It's a lightning bolt.

[Satanic Preacher]

Oh, yeah, and it's a Satanic Z. It even comes down here to a point.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

The Satanic Z doesn't even look like a Z, let alone to Satanic Z.

[Satanic Preacher]

Just by looking at him. Enough. Alone is not enough to really be able to say, okay, yeah, that's bad, or that's Satanic. What we first need to do is we need to look at.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Well, we first need to do is go fucking crazy. And then we can look at him and determine he's Satan.

[Satanic Preacher]

The actual production of these things. And the first thing we need to do is we need to look at who actually produced the trading card game that has captured the minds and the imaginations of our children. Now, it doesn't make any difference what I say. It's what their own material says, because their own material will give them away. Okay, so I'm going to read to you.

[Chrissy]

Here we go.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Here we go. Conspiracy theories abound.

[Satanic Preacher]

Here's the direct quote from the web pages of the producer of this game. Listen to this. The Pokemon trading card game is a new collectible card game that is made and distributed by Wizards of the Coast. What is a wizard male practitioner of black magic. Wizards of the coast, the same company that made the best selling game Magic the Gathering.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Oh, God. The Magic the Gathering and Pokemon. That's a double satanic strike right there.

[Satanic Preacher]

Magic the Gathering is a heavily.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

But I don't know. Wizards of the coast, they sound like they're kind of cool.

[Chrissy]

They do.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Hey, dude, you want to go down.

[Chrissy]

Yeah, they're cool.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

You want to go down and burn some goats? That's right. Hey, brother, what's up? I'm going to roll a fatty and then I'm going to go down and murder some chickens. One more, bro, one more.

[Satanic Preacher]

Holt Lace trading card game, which has been very popular in the 90s. And I should also tell you that Wizards of the coast also owns a subsidiary company named tsr. And TSR is the company that puts out all Dungeons and Dragons material.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Oop, dun dun dun dun, Boom. I feel like this guy should have a board like that. Always a sunny in Philadelphia guy where he's connecting the dots.

[Satanic Preacher]

So let's look at.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah, you want to know why? Because you have to sell 1,000,007 Dungeon and Dragon sets to make a fucking dollar. So they have to get all. You know, they conglomerate like this Magic the Gathering. Because there's my. There's one of my children running down the hallway chasing Pokemon Poke monsters.

[Satanic Preacher]

This is the same company that puts.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Out Pokemon Pokey Tuna monsters. That's what she's running down there.

[Chrissy]

Evidence number one.

[Satanic Preacher]

So let's see where they're coming from.

[Chrissy]

Exhibit A.

[Satanic Preacher]

Now, from seeing the symbols, your. Your actual discernment should now begin to be sharpened. How many? See a circle?

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

That's an oval, my brother.

[Satanic Preacher]

A pentagram.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

They're showing a magic the trading. Magic the trading cards or magic the game? They're showing the actual like logo, the box that you would get.

[Satanic Preacher]

Yeah. If you look, there it is. See that?

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

See that? It's a circle. You see that? You see that circle, Chris?

[Chrissy]

You can at least have a pointer.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yes. Now, this doesn't mean circle or circle or circle. This means kill your mother and father. That's what that means. Obviously that when I used to pray to the devil back in the day before I had this haircut, I'm Telling you right now, anytime I saw a circle. Murderous rage. Murderous rage.

[Satanic Preacher]

Magic the Gathering. This is a role playing game. Now, parents, in case you don't know what that is, that means.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

It means you play a game. That's right. That's right. It doesn't mean you roll a doobie. It doesn't mean we're rolling down a hill. It means murder your parents.

[Satanic Preacher]

That your child actually becomes a character in the game, actually becomes a part of the game. And that's what makes it exciting, is there's not many games out there that they can actually become a part of.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

How do I have a. Like, I just have a sneaking suspicion that our friend here, not only was he a former Satanist, but he played a lot of Dungeons and Dragons and Magic the Gathering.

[Satanic Preacher]

They can play it, but they don't actually become a part of it. In this particular game, they actually do become a character in the game. And remember it said that it's an occult game. One of the dangers of this thing is being a role playing game.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

When did it say it's an occult game?

[Chrissy]

They did not say that.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I never read that in the instructions. Yeah. Then again, I never owned a Magic the Gathering card deck. I was too busy watching Oprah and Love Connection.

[Chrissy]

Yes.

[Satanic Preacher]

Is that it's played with the mind. How many know that the mind is a very fragile thing.

[Chrissy]

I think your mind is like a Dr. Phil.

[Satanic Preacher]

And what happens is in these role playing games, I'm going to use the example of Dungeons and Dragons because TSR is the one that puts out all their material. The danger of dragons, Dungeons and Dragons, or any kind of role playing game like this is that it's played with the mind. And when played with the mind, the mind begins to lose that fine line with what's real and what's fantasy. And the more you get into the fantasy world, the more it seems real.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Kind of like religion.

[Satanic Preacher]

And all of a sudden now you don't know what's real and what's not. In Dungeons and Dragons, this is a game played by three or four people. And what you do is you have.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

He really is moving all over the place here. What happened to the Pokemon?

[Satanic Preacher]

One particular person, this is a dungeon master and he sets all the rules up for this thing. And then in your mind, you actually fight battles, you go through mazes, you go through dungeons, and you actually fight wars with evil wizards, dragons, demons.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

And then you end up in some stranger's basement, chained to the wall, urinating on yourself while asking for another satanic beings.

[Satanic Preacher]

It's all in the mind. And I mean, if you've got a vivid imagination, you can have one heck of a game. And what happens is that you can play this game.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Bob, can you bring up footage of my 1988 three day long game with.

[Satanic Preacher]

Teddy, Todd and Chad for 10 to 12 years? Because the object is, as long as.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Your character is alive, 10 to 12 years.

[Chrissy]

One game.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

One game. Now, I have never been into Dungeons and Dragons. Don't know how to play it. Don't know the first thing about it. I have had a few. A few friends who have been into it. I don't remember them playing for years.

[Chrissy]

No.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I remember a game lasting like a day or something, you know, like an afternoon.

[Patrick]

It can last for months.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Can it really?

[Satanic Preacher]

Yeah, it can last for months.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Do you have friends that play this?

[Patrick]

Yeah, yeah. I mean, I know it can last for months. I've played something similar, but it was what they call a one shot, which is like you do it in one night.

[Brian Greene]

Yeah, that sounds like something digestible, but.

[Patrick]

No, it can go on and on for a really long time. But 10 to 12 years feels a little excessive.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah, this is. I think this guy is exaggerating just a smidge.

[Satanic Preacher]

You're in the game. Once your character dies or gets killed in that particular game, you're out. So you can imagine that if a person loses touch with reality and now they've actually become that character, guess what? Anything that happens to that character now happens to them.

[Chrissy]

And there's overwhelming character.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I've been frozen by three ice spells.

[Chrissy]

People aren't able to separate.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Sorry, Chrissy, I can't talk right now. I'm frozen by an ice spell. A number three ice fell evident.

[Satanic Preacher]

Psychiatrists and psychologists both tell us there's overwhelming evidence showing that a lot of teenage suicides that are caused by Dungeons and Dragons are caused because the player has finally lost touch with reality.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Wait a second, hold on. There is psychiatry. There is a study that has been done out there. This guy's quoting a study of psychiatrists and psychologists that did a study on suicides that happened because of Dungeons and Dragons. Wow. Okay. All right, well, listen, I can understand that, but the mind is fragile in so many different ways. Like it could be Dungeons and Dragons. Some say it was heavy metal music. Other people say it's video games. Third person might say it's movies. Is this true that there is an actual study done?

[Patrick]

It is not.

[Chrissy]

It is not.

[Patrick]

So it says. Multiple studies have found no link between Dungeons and Dragons and suicide, including research by the American association of Suicidology didn't know the US center for Disease Control and Prevention, CDC and Health and Welfare, Canada. But in the 1980s, there was a widespread conspiracy theory that Dungeons and Dragons was linked to murder and suicide. Of course, satanic panic. But this guy's clearly part of it.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Well, this guy carried satanic panic on into the 2000s, apparently, with his projector and his black on, black on black suit, by the way, not a great look for anybody I know.

[Satanic Preacher]

And what's happened to them now they actually feel a psychic bond with that character. And so the character gets killed off and no longer in the game. You have no purpose, because all your purpose was, for the last 10 to 12 years was playing Dungeons and Dragons. So your character gets knocked off. Guess what? So do you. So let's go back to magic the gathering. Here's one of the cards. Yeah. Ain't he cute? This is Kabal Ghoul.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

It's a skeleton guy. Come on. Ghoul.

[Chrissy]

Cabal. Ghoul.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah, listen. I mean, back in satanic panic days, back in the 80s, there really was satanic panic. Everybody was murdering, you know, goats and kids and, you know, kids were getting. Because of Twisted Sister. People thought Twisted Sister was satanic. It was a bunch of guys running around with makeup on. How was that satanic? Yeah. Now, like, when you get into Metallica and stuff like that, some of their earlier albums, all of this imagery has been used wisely to market the music, to make the music, and to shed light on the tone of the music that you're listening to. I was into Metallica for a long time. They certainly deal with dark themes, no doubt about it. But it didn't make me go crazy. I like the music. I like the way they played.

[Satanic Preacher]

Now, you notice that there's count.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I like when they told me to go in the backyard and smack, sacrifice small animals.

[Chrissy]

Right? What was that? That was the Metallica.

[Satanic Preacher]

In other words, this.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

What's that?

[Chrissy]

That was the Metallica thing, right?

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yes, it was. It was Metallica master.

[Satanic Preacher]

Master stands for two points, and it says cabal ghoul. Now, in case you don't know what a ghoul is, it's a dead, rotting, decaying thing that's been in the grass.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

In case you don't know what a ghoul is, who are these people he's talking to?

[Satanic Preacher]

They're from a different universe and magically summoned back to life. So you have a walking dead thing, and that's what a ghoul is.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Merry Christmas, everybody in this particular thing.

[Satanic Preacher]

It says at the end of each.

[Chrissy]

Game, oh, my God.

[Patrick]

Only on tcv, Santa, otherwise known as.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Satan, otherwise known as Satan, put a.

[Satanic Preacher]

One plus one counter creature that died during the turn and was not regenerated. In other words, you have cards that'll actually keep your character alive for a certain amount of time.

[Chrissy]

And the ghoul kills them.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah. Is this guy giving a Satan. Talking about Satan, or is he telling people how to play Magic the Gathering? Because I'm not sure what he's doing.

[Satanic Preacher]

Here's another interesting card.

[Chrissy]

You were making fun of me earlier for not watching. There's a very good reason I have never seen this.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Well, there's probably a very good reason why I've never watched the whole thing either. This guy is totally confusing me. I have no idea what he's saying. We started with Pokemon. We went backwards to Dungeons and Dragons. Now we're on to Magic the Gathering and the Ghoul. And the Ghoul. The Kabul Ghoul, because it's called Ghoul. Oh, Halloween's Eve.

[Satanic Preacher]

The All Hallows Eve card. Again, this is all in Magic. Magic the Gathering. By the way, there was a news clip that I read about two weeks ago.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Oh, I'm sure.

[Satanic Preacher]

That spoke of a young boy in Maine. I don't remember what the town was, but it was in Maine. And he came home one day and asked his mother about Magic the Gathering and said that the teacher had decided to use Magic the Gathering, this card game, as a new and exciting way to teach mathematics in school in their class.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Mommy, we're drinking rooster blood. Having one more. The teacher said, one more cup of rooster blood. Do you know about Magic the Gathering?

[Satanic Preacher]

And they even formed what was called a magic club, and that all the kids were part of this magic club. Well, the mother said, well, you're not going to become a part of that. You're not going to be in that. But one of the kids had given him one of the cards, and that card he showed to his mother, and that card was called Necromancer.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Necromancer.

[Chrissy]

Okay.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Is that true? There's a necrophiliac in Magic the Gathering? Because if that's true, then maybe that's taking it a smidge too far for the young kids. Kids. I mean, I'm not against Magic the Gathering, but if you're. If you're dealing with terms like, you know. Necrophiliac.

[Chrissy]

Yeah.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Necromancer.

[Patrick]

Yeah. Necromancer. Not necrophiliac.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Okay, okay, okay.

[Patrick]

Very different. Necromancer I think that person can like a vampire.

[Chrissy]

Right.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Okay.

[Patrick]

So when necromancy enters, if it's on the battlefield, it becomes an aura with enchant creature put onto the battlefield with necromancy.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah, listen, a little necromancy doesn't hurt anybody. Necromancing does hurt people that are currently dead and being screwed by somebody else, that's necromancing. Okay, let's take a break. We're gonna get back to lots of Pokemon Satanism magic together. I'm not sure where we're going with this, but, you know, yeah, I'm having fun watching it nonetheless.

[Chrissy]

Stay along the ride.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Stay along for the ride. Merry Christmas. Put on another log on the fire as you as you run up to wrapping Santa's gifts for your kids. Just remember, they're probably gonna murder you in a rage if you give them Pokemon cards. All right, donate to our charities. We'll be back.

[Patrick]

Hi. You know what time it is, so let's get to it. Pull that phone out of your pocket and follow us on Instagram hecommercial break and on TikTok for now, I guess. Cvpodcast. You can also find all of our video content that we're filming in our brand new [e-mail] TheCommercialBreak so check it out and throw us a follow a like a comment, whatever you can spare. If you want to get in touch with us, you can always text us or call us and leave us a voicemail at 212-4333, TCB. Now, I have one last request. During the 12 or 263 days of TCB, check out our featured charities and donate to them if you can this holiday season. Alright, let's take a listen to our sponsors and get back to the show.

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[Patrick]

Easy.

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[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

With our preachy pastor buddy here from the prophecy club telling us all about the satanic panic that happened around, apparently around him with Pokemon magic, the Gathering. And what was the other one? Dungeons and Dragons. That's.

[Satanic Preacher]

And on that card, it showed spiritual beings actually being risen up out of the ground, out of their grave. And then he asked his mother, what does summon mean? And she said, why do you ask that? And she said, he told me, daddy.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Told me he got a summons from you to be in court tomorrow, he.

[Satanic Preacher]

Said, because all the kids on recess go outside on the school grounds, pick up huge sticks, wave them in the air and say, spirits enter me.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Spirits enter me.

[Chrissy]

Sticks.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

That is a Tuesday night at the Hoadley house. They also go outside, pick up sticks and say, spirits enter me. And then they do with a little Sprite, maybe some Coca Cola. Chrissy, what is that? You say, spirits enter me, and all of a sudden a margarita is going down your gulp.

[Satanic Preacher]

True, true. This is all hallow zine. Again. Two points symbolized by two skulls. Here's your demonic.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Are you teaching us how to play or telling us to stay away from it?

[Satanic Preacher]

Dude, black cat. I guess it's a black cat. I never see anything look like that.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

It's a berry.

[Satanic Preacher]

There's your demon in the middle. Jack o'lantern Full moon, Mountain monsters. And it says, this card is called sorcery. Sorcery comes from the Greek word pharmakeia. It's where we get the word pharmaceutical in occultism. It's witchcraft through drugs. Sorcery.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

And says, wait a second. That smells like horseshit to me. That really smells like pharmakia.

[Chrissy]

I think he's reaching.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah, I think he's reaching. I think that's that newspaper article he just made up. Listen this is before the Internet when you could actually fact check anything. So people probably just believed it. They want to believe it.

[Satanic Preacher]

Put two counters on this card. Remove a counter during your upkeep. And when you remove the last counter from All Hallows Eve, all players take all creatures from their graveyard and put them directly into play. Treat these creatures as though they were just summoned. You choose what order they come into play.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

So, you know, the mind is a very terrible thing. It's very fragile. So what I read an article, Chrissy, about, I don't know, must have been about four weeks ago. Can't remember the name of the newspaper, but it said that a young man came home with half decomposed bodies in his hand and said, mommy, did you know I got these from the graveyard? It all came from this card.

[Satanic Preacher]

Again, this is a role playing game.

[Chrissy]

Remember? I mean, there's people that are in the house.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah, well, first of all, they look like they're sleeping.

[Chrissy]

I think I would be.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I would be. I think they probably. This is probably a paid public access audience.

[Satanic Preacher]

I wonder why. Here you see.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Well, that is a little. He's showing another card and it's a guy in a jean shorts. It looks like praying over a fire with demons on the side of him, man kneeling.

[Satanic Preacher]

And look, he's forming with his hands the triangle right there. He's kneeling in front of a flame. There are the crescent moons behind him. Over here can only be demons. Hellfire. All around here is called the magician. And these are collectible cars, a lot.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

And these are cards because he's played it. You know that this is a reformed magic, the gathering addict right here, that.

[Satanic Preacher]

One day your child may come home with or may know of a student that has given him some of these cards. Now you will know what they are.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I'm empowering you to take those, those away from your children. Because nothing says do it like taking it away from them.

[Satanic Preacher]

Right back to Pokemon. Because now we've already established that the same company that puts out that game and puts out Dungeons and Dragons puts out cute little Pokemon. Isn't that interesting?

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Cute little innocent Pokemon. Chrissy, I read an article, must have been about three weeks ago, where a young man took a Pokemon card and sliced up his dog and ate him for dinner. And then he said, mommy, have you heard of Slice em up? It's a cute little animal on Pokemon where you slice up your dog and you eat them. True. It's true. It's all true.

[Satanic Preacher]

Now before we go any further, I want to see that if we As a group can agree on something. So I need little audience participation here to say yes or no. Okay.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

We.

[Satanic Preacher]

Are you into that?

[Chrissy]

Yeah.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Oh, I'm into audience participation, Big boy.

[Satanic Preacher]

Listen to me carefully. If we examine the yes. Characters of this particular program, and they are the kind of role models, they're showing a Pokemon.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I mean, the most innocent Pokemon like Card you've ever seen in your entire.

[Satanic Preacher]

Life, on our kids to be watching. In other words, if this whole game, the characters of this game, the monsters, this whole premise of this thing actually goes to establish the kind of values, the kind of standards and the kind of morals that we want our kids to have when they reach adulthood, that it's okay. In other words, if they actually help to establish the kind of morals, values, and standards that we want our children or our grandchildren to have when they get to be an adult, that it must be all right.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Can we agree on that?

[Satanic Preacher]

Okay. Yes.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Tell me more, doctor need to do.

[Satanic Preacher]

Is we need to examine and see what kind of role models we have in this game. Now, what we need to do then.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Listen, I don't have time for all this bullshit. Could you just come to my house and smack my kids around for me.

[Satanic Preacher]

Again? Oh, I know. He's cute, isn't he? Little satanic tail.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Little satanic tail. He's adorable, isn't he? Murderous little nut. Can I just pay you to come to my house and make my kid's life miserable? Is that possible?

[Satanic Preacher]

Here is the Pokemon ball, okay? That's this thing here, okay? And inside of that, you catch the Pokemon. Let the camera get a view of that. That's the Pokemon ball. And you actually catch the monster.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I bought this on eBay for $675. No one touch it. They can't get fingerprints.

[Chrissy]

Yeah, what he was preaching here really worked. Because today, Pokemon has been eradicated.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah. Pokemon no more.

[Chrissy]

No one plays it.

[Satanic Preacher]

No one plays Pokemon inside of that thing. And harness the power in there. And then you can call on that power to regenerate itself outside of that ball and praise God, it turns into a bigger and better monster.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Praise Jesus. I summon you, spirits. Enter my Pokemon balls and grow bigger.

[Satanic Preacher]

Now, we're told that there are 150 species of these particular creatures on the face of the earth. And we're also told in the material that these pocket monsters are creatures that inhabit the world with humans.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

And we're also told to stone to death men who lay with men in the Bible, you jack hole. We don't run around doing that.

[Satanic Preacher]

That they can evolve and grow in bigger and better creatures. Now the object of this game is gotta catch em all. And they tell you that if you catch them all, you become a Pokemon master. Listen parents, that word master will appeal to any child because they can become a somebody. They can become a master. And you know what? If you're the master of something.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Well, there's one master that really got me as a child. But it just started with the word master. And I'm telling you what, every young boy will get there eventually.

[Satanic Preacher]

You don't need mom, you don't need dad, you don't need grandparents.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

No, I actually like to stay on the other side of the house, if you don't mind.

[Satanic Preacher]

You don't need aunts and uncles, you don't need school. And you probably don't even need a church.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Well, in Brian's case, the church was a great place for masters.

[Satanic Preacher]

You're a master, you can become a God. That's the premise of what this has been teaching.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah, that's exactly what Pokemon's teaching. Be your own God.

[Satanic Preacher]

You become the Pokemon master.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Or it's just a fun game that kids like to play.

[Satanic Preacher]

That's the whole premise and the whole goal of this game. Now this is the main character right here. He's called Ash Ketchum. Not Hal Ketchum.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Ketchum, that's right. Master Ass Ketchum. That's what his name is. Master Ass Ketchum.

[Satanic Preacher]

Ass Ketchum. Okay, and I'm again listening.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Master Ass Ketchup over here. Oh, Pokemon destroyed my technology. Oh, Pokemon, why you do this to me?

[Satanic Preacher]

What I say, it's what their own material says. I'm going to tell you what, what they describe him as.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Listen, let me read it here. Master Ass Ketchup. Oh God, we're getting slap happy on the 44th day of TCV.

[Satanic Preacher]

Yes, an energetic and determined 10 year old who's a little too competitive. And he's obsessed with catching all Pokemon. And driven to become the world's foremost Pokemon master. And you know, every time that your children watch this program, whether it's a video, whether it's a cartoon, whether it's. Whether it's a comic book, no matter what it is, they hear this mantra, this rap song that's played over again. And it says, I will travel across the land, searching far and wide, each Pokemon to understand the power that's inside. And then it's enchanted to them. Gotta catch em all over and over and over and over again. You know what it does? It fuels your child's craving for more cards, more books. Books, more videos, more movies. It's designed to do that, so.

[Chrissy]

Designed to sell you.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

It's designed to sell. So is religion. It's the same thing. It's marketing. We've been doing it for hundreds of thousands of years. We're gonna continue to do it. I don't think Master Ass Ketchup is gonna really. I don't think that's gonna destroy anybody's life if you really. I mean, listen, when the Pokemon game came out on iPhone, I think it was a little much. I saw people trying to catch Pokemons in places, and I was like, really? Did you have friends that were playing this?

[Patrick]

Yeah, of course. Well, it was during the pandemic.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

That's true. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I thought it was a little much, but I didn't think there was any harm being done there.

[Chrissy]

No. Unless people were running into each other.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah. It was just annoying. When people were trying to catch their Pokemans walking in front of you, that's.

[Satanic Preacher]

What we call enchanting. Here's the next character. This is Misty. Look at this. Now, this is off of a comic book. This is actually a page of a comic book. But if this was clear, look at.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Her breasts hanging everywhere. Misty the with her short shorts and her suspenders holding her breasts back.

[Satanic Preacher]

If this was actually clear, you'd see that that's a halter top. It stops right there. And she's got short shorts on. And, you know, she's got to be about the same age as what Ash is.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

And let me tell you something. Master Ass Ketchup and Misty have a relationship that's secret and sexy. And I have a whole book written about it. I do some fanfic on the side, okay?

[Satanic Preacher]

And she's described as Ash's companion. And listen what it says about her. She's headstrong and stubborn. Constantly arguing with Ash. Typical woman. No, just.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Whoa.

[Chrissy]

Now we're. Now we're getting to the root of things here.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Well, did you think anybody with a haircut like that was gonna be, like, the kind of guy you'd want to go on a date with? No. No.

[Satanic Preacher]

Just kidding. God forgive me. All right.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

God forgive me. God forgive me. Let's get back to Misty in a t. Frivolous spirit.

[Satanic Preacher]

That's what it was. And here's Brock over here in the corner. And Brock is by far the most hormonal, because.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Now we get to it. Now here it comes. He's about to go unhinged.

[Satanic Preacher]

His fascination with the opposite sex many times gets him or the group in trouble. Well, then there's Pokemon trainer Gary.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

And Gary's up and so what? I don't know this game, so I don't know. How does it get them in trouble?

[Chrissy]

I. I know. I think it gets Brock in trouble.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah, I guess Brock's boner gets in the way of us catching all those.

[Satanic Preacher]

Pokemen pictured in here. But Gary is a real self centered jerk. He's vindictive and he's obnoxious.

[Chrissy]

Is that how he's described?

[Brian Greene]

And then I guess.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

And do they really describe Brock as a hormonal Pokemon catcher?

[Satanic Preacher]

Two characters and one's called Jesse and the other one's called James. Listen what it says about them.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

There we go.

[Satanic Preacher]

It says prepare for trouble. Make it double. Jesse and James are an evil gang looking to steal rare Pokemon. Jesse and James are stuck up, fashion conscious. And you know what? In the program, they're also prone to cross dressing. Now if you don't know what that means, that means that if you feel like you're a woman in a man's body, you wear women's clothing, you dress like one.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Which is what I do on Tuesday nights. But that is not Prophecy Club films on Thursday.

[Chrissy]

Yeah, it's okay. One day a week.

[Satanic Preacher]

If you're a woman who feels manly, you wear men's underclothing and dress like one.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Under underclothing. First of all, it's super sexy when a woman wears a man's boxer. So let's just go there. Okay.

[Satanic Preacher]

Cross dressing. Oh, what kind of role model would that be? Yeah, okay, now remember at the first. I think that's enough right here because.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

What role model is that? Goatee?

[Satanic Preacher]

You got a pretty well good establishment on this thing. Remember that? I said that if the characters were the kind of role models that established the kind of values, standards and morals that we wanted our kids to have when they got to be an adult. That this game or this particular thing is. Okay, remember we said that? Okay, so let's examine what we got.

[Chrissy]

Remember, Remember.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Remember five minutes ago when I told you something? Yes, yes. I'm sorry, I'm busy looking at Misty and Brock, imagining their relationship. Steamy, it's sexy.

[Satanic Preacher]

A headstrong, stubborn, quibbling, self centered, vindictive, obnoxious, hormonal, sexually preoccupied, evil, thieving, cross dressing jerks.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

No.

[Satanic Preacher]

I don't know about you, but I mean, even if I wasn't a Christian parent, I wouldn't want my kids to grow up with those kind of traits. Then we have to actually say that the characters of this game.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Don't you know what I've learned about this video? You know, I've learned this entire video. I've learned that our boy here has not only made Pokemon Magic, the Gathering and Dungeons and Dragons extraordinarily boring, but second of all, he has proven nothing except his ignorance about the world in general. And I think that's all we need to know about this video. Wanted to break it down for a long time, but you know what? Sometimes you get exactly what you deserve. Joke's on us.

[Chrissy]

Yeah, sometimes it happens.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah, sometimes it's good, sometimes it's not. Listen, it's funny. But he's not that. He's not that interesting.

[Chrissy]

No.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah, he's kind of boring. God bless the woman who sleeps with this guy. Does he have a wife? Let's see. I just want to see if there's a ring on his. Hold on one second. There is a ring on his finger. God bless America. Well, the sucker born every minute. What can I say?

[Chrissy]

I want to play Pokemon now, though.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I've never played. I never have never played. Don't know the first thing about it. I think it was like a little after. Like a little before. A little after my time. Excuse me. I think Pokemon became real hot in like the late 90s, early 2000s. And yeah, that was. I was already a grown man, but I read about Brock and nowhere does it say his hormones get him in trouble. That never says that.

[Chrissy]

I think he inserted that in.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

But listen, is that not every boy ever. Their hormones get them in trouble. I mean, that's just. I think that's most adolescents actually. Their hormones get them in trouble.

[Chrissy]

Yes.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Well, don't be a cross dressing son of a. That's the moral of this story. Pokemon chasing hormonal.

[Chrissy]

Unless you're dressing like Santa.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Santa's not cross dressing. Really. That's. That's playing. That's role playing. Chrissy, you're role playing Mrs. Claus today.

[Chrissy]

I am.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

And you look hot doing it. All right. TCBpodcast.com that's where you go to find out more information about the show. All the audio, all the video right there from one location. And now every single episode of the commercial break moving forward will be available on video either on the website, Spotify, just a day or two after it releases, and YouTube.com thecommercial break. Like, go to YouTube. Follow us there. Like, subscribe. Comment on your favorite video. We would just adore you if you did. You can also text us 212-4333, TCB. That's 212-433-3822 questions, comments, concerns, Content, ideas? We're taking them all. If you want your free TCB sticker or swag, two ways to get it. Number one go to the website. Hit the contact us button. Drop down menu. I want my free sticker. Give us your address, we'll send it to you. Second way. Take a screenshot of you donating to one of the causes we've been talking about. Send it to our text message hotline and we'll be happy to send you one at the commercial break on Instagram TCB podcast on Tick Tock. All right Chrissy, that's all I can do for now.

[Chrissy]

I think.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

So I'll tell you that I love you.

[Chrissy]

I love you.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Best to you and best you out there in the podcast universe. Until next time, Chrissy and I will say we do say and we must say goodbye.

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[Chrissy]

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[Brian Greene]

Oh my God.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Have no family to celebrate Christmas with this year. The commercial break is live the entire holiday season it to make you even more miserable than you currently are.

[Brian Greene]

So put your Christmas pajamas on, gather.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Around the Christmas tree and listen to brand new episodes of the Commercial Break.