Podcast Summary:

The Commercial Break – "12 Days Of TCB: Zan The Baby Man"
Hosts: Bryan Green & Krissy Hoadley
Date: December 16, 2024

Main Theme & Purpose

This episode of The Commercial Break dives into the comedic dissection of "pickup artist" culture, with a particular focus on the strange, rambling advice of Zan Perrion (often mockingly called "Zan the Baby Man") from the infamous 21 Convention. Bryan and Krissy revisit their favorite outlandishly bad advice and philosophies that this self-proclaimed guru delivers to young men, riffing on his contradictions and odd analogies. The episode is bookended by absurd holiday banter and satirical commentary on pop culture oddities.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Holiday Banter & Opening Chatter

• The show opens with festive jokes, a send-up of "Feliz Navidad" and hosts ribbing each other about Christmas attire and new studio upgrades.
• Bryan's Walmart Christmas jacket and his wife Astrid’s insistence on him dressing up for the studio are met with good-natured teasing.
  • "If it wasn't for Astrid, I'd be wearing a T shirt." – Bryan [02:00]
• They joke about running more episodes for the "12 (now 20) Days of TCB", with playful protests of exhaustion.

2. Pop Culture Tangents

• Ancestry DNA and Surprise Paternity: The group discusses clickbait stats about men discovering they’re not the biological father of their children thanks to DNA testing.
  • Leads into a rapid-fire, comedic confusion about the science of twins, with the hosts admitting total ignorance.
• Machine Gun Kelly & Megan Fox: A running gag about unlikely celebrity relationships:
  • On self-comparison:
    "Me and Machine Gun are exactly alike, except for I'm not dating Megan Fox and we're not in a blood...like some blood brother thing." – Bryan [02:26]
  • The hosts speculate humorously about their breakup, the pressures of celebrity "circus" couples, and reference Tommy Lee & Pamela Anderson for context. Lively, irreverent commentary ensues.

3. Celebrity Nostalgia & Ridiculousness

• The 90s revival continues with jokes about 90210, Johnny Depp as a "40-year-old high schooler," and generational crushes.
• Bryan recounts being confused with actor Brian Austin Green in his childhood.

4. Internet Oddities: Hawk Tuah & Meme Coin Scams

• The viral "Hawk Tuah Girl" is dissected; the hosts express incredulity at her podcast's massive chart success and meme-coin rug pull scandal.
• Explaining Meme Coins: Bryan breaks down the mechanics of a pump-and-dump scheme and Howie Mandel's cousin ("Doc Hollywood") playing a role in the debacle.
  • "This is how some of these new media stars are getting rich. They do this meme coin or altcoin, and then they pump and dump it." – Bryan [17:35]
• The hosts joke about launching a TCB meme coin: "Break your bank coin, sorry, you spent so much money!"

5. Setup for the Main Event: The 21 Convention & Zan Perrion

• The hosts set the scene: The 21 Convention, a crumbling "manosphere" event, serves as ground zero for some of the internet’s weirdest "pickup artist" advice.
• Zan is introduced as a particularly lost, contradictory, and unintentionally hilarious speaker – "Jack Sparrow knockoff, greasy hair, big belt buckle, and dad bod" [20:26]

The Zan Perrion Segment – A Breakdown

A. Zan’s Advice and the Hosts’ Satirical Commentary

• Father Figure Energy & The “Line”:
  Zan claims men adored by women embody both a stern "father figure" and a vulnerable "little boy." He advocates literally telling women, "I like you, but I don't like your behavior. Don't cross this line."
  • Hosts mercilessly mock the idea:
    • "I'm inviting you kindly, gently, to shut the fuck up. Do you mind?" – Bryan [27:32]
    • "A woman wants a man to have strong leadership energy...but also someone to take care of. Look, I got a little lipstick on my collar, mama. Take care of it. But don't cross that line." – Krissy & Bryan [35:34]
• Warrior's Repose:
  Zan uses an Aztec warrior analogy, explaining that a man fights "battles" then crawls into a woman's lap like a child.
  • Bryan and Krissy lampoon this with sketches of men plaintively whining for milk, hugs, and help tidying up.
    • "Brian needs moo moo. Milky, Astrid! Tt tta da!” – Krissy [30:25]
• Ease & Delight (or, How to Drift into Meaninglessness):
  When asked about "living a life of ease and delight," Zan spirals through Stoicism, Ecclesiastes, Mark Twain, nihilism, and death, never making a coherent point.
  • "He probably wrote a whole book on it." – Bryan [50:45]
  • "Nobody's going to remember you. That's the truth." – Zan [53:41]
  • "Nothing like a little Mark Twain to end the afternoon." – Krissy [61:07]

B. Memorable Quotes & Moments

• Zan on authenticity:
  "You’re simultaneously both [warrior & poet]. And you forgive yourself everything, all seeming mistakes. Because we think we're not good enough. But we're more than good enough." [45:26]
• Krissy’s cyclical riff:
  "Teaching a generation of young men how not to get laid. Zan Perrion, everybody." [45:19]
• Bryan, on the uselessness of self-help advice:
  "Just pulling out quotes from every chapter in history does not make you enlightened." [61:41]

C. Audience Participation (‘Or lack thereof’)

• The Q&A segment is excruciating:
  • "Anybody got questions for...are you here to see Zan? No, no, no, no, no." – Krissy [41:32]

D. Meta-Commentary & Self-Awareness

• Bryan and Krissy constantly point out Zan’s circular, incoherent logic and drift into mock-philosophical absurdity.
• They close by poking fun at the endless conference, the air of futility, and the idea of "making no point trying to make a point."
  • "He’s certainly got weird ideas stuck in his head about women and relationships, trying to be enlightened..." – Bryan [61:27]
  • "But just pulling out quotes from every chapter in history does not make you enlightened." – Bryan [61:41]

Notable Timestamps

• [02:25] – Bryan compares himself to Machine Gun Kelly
• [09:49] – How personality, not looks, made Pam Anderson or Jenny McCarthy attractive
• [13:59] – Hawk Tuah meme coin rug-pull explained
• [22:32] – Hosts groan about doing more TCB episodes (lighthearted burnout)
• [25:30] – Zan segment begins: Intro to "father figure" energy & advice
• [30:35] – Krissy’s “Brian needs milky” baby voice parody
• [35:29] – Krissy highlights the contradictions in Zan’s leadership advice
• [41:05] – Awkward silence in Zan’s audience Q&A
• [50:07] – The hosts riff on ‘ease and delight’ as a donut flavor
• [53:41] – Zan’s fatalistic "Nobody’s going to remember you" monologue
• [61:07] – "Nothing like a little Mark Twain to end the afternoon."

Overall Tone & Takeaways

The episode is irreverent, fast-paced, and gleefully mocking throughout—but it also exposes the incoherence and sometimes unsettling undertones of pickup artist advice. Bryan and Krissy maintain their improvised, playful, “friends-at-the-bar” tone (“unfiltered, chaotic, unpolished charm”) while dismantling pseudo-guru bravado with absurd voices and personal asides.

Listeners are left with:

• A scathing, sidesplitting portrait of the "pua" world’s accidental comedy
• Some pointed commentary on the dangers and idiocy of following internet fads and fake philosophers
• A holiday helping of pop culture nonsense—served "with ease and delight"
• Reminder to support real causes: St. Jude’s and the National Breast Cancer Coalition, not meme coins

Memorable Quotes (With Timestamps & Attribution)

• “If it wasn't for Astrid, I'd be wearing a T shirt.” – Bryan [02:00]
• "Me and Machine Gun are exactly alike, except for I'm not dating Megan Fox and we're not in a blood...like some blood brother thing." – Bryan [02:26]
• "This is how some of these new media stars are getting rich. They do this meme coin or altcoin, and then they pump and dump it." – Bryan [17:35]
• “I'm inviting you kindly, gently, to shut the fuck up. Do you mind?” – Bryan, mocking Zan [27:32]
• “Teaching a generation of young men how not to get laid. Zan Perrion, everybody.” – Krissy [45:19]
• "Nobody's going to remember you. That's the truth." – Zan [53:41]
• “Just pulling out quotes from every chapter in history does not make you enlightened.” – Bryan [61:41]

Final Thoughts

This episode is a perfect encapsulation of TCB’s comedic style: fearless, unfiltered, and ruthlessly funny. While showcasing the absurdities of both internet culture and self-appointed "gurus," the episode is ultimately a roast—for everyone’s benefit—of taking oneself (and dating advice) too seriously.

(Episode closes out with plugs for the TCB website, stickers, charitable donations, and the promise of more daily holiday episodes.)