TCB Season Roulette: Season 5

Summary

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The Commercial Break

S5 "TCB Season Roulette: Season 5"

Release Date: June 5, 2026

Hosts: Bryan Green & Krissy (Chris Joy) Hoadley

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Episode Overview

This episode marks the end of the "TCB Season Roulette," where Bryan and Krissy revisit random episodes from previous seasons. Today’s focus: a St. Patrick's Day-themed throwback from Season 6, full of Irish lore, banter on Americanized traditions, misadventures, and typical TCB unfiltered hilarity. The hosts ride through misconceptions about St. Patrick, dive into traditions, crack jokes about mustaches and beards, and Bryan caps it all off with his infamous “drummer from Tool” story—an all-around rollicking improv journey.

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Major Discussion Points & Insights

1. TCB Season Roulette Finale & Show Self-Reflection

• Bryan introduces the episode with TCB’s signature self-deprecating humor, reflecting on technical mishaps (like forgetting to press record) and the show’s chaotic but enduring charm.
  • “We finally coalesced as a team and figured out how to record by pressing record. The microphones sounded good, the studio looked excellent… only forgot to press record twice and we interviewed almost 100 celebrities, musicians, actors, comedians and a random guy named South Georgia Sean.” (00:10)

2. St. Patrick’s Day: History, Myths & Americanization

• The duo launches into a spirited exploration of St. Patrick’s Day—its origins, how it’s celebrated, and (as always) how America has remixed the tradition.
  • St. Patrick, Not Irish?
    • “St. Patrick’s Day is not even Irish… St. Patrick was actually British and not Irish.” — Bryan (09:08)
    • “Fun fact for me.” — Krissy (10:27)
  • Driving Out Snakes = Protestants?
    • “A lot of people believe that the…driving the snakes out of Ireland… is just a way of saying he drove the religious zealots, the Protestants, out of Ireland. …That’s not my belief, I’m just sharing that with you.” — Bryan (10:28)
  • Kidnapped by Pirates
    • “St. Patrick… kidnapped by pirates as a teenager. Why has this not been made into a movie?” — Bryan (10:50)
  • Traditions Made in America
    • Dyeing rivers green, green beer, and corned beef and cabbage are all highlighted as American inventions—Chicago gets particular attention for their green river (39:59).
    • “Corned beef and cabbage is not Irish. It’s Irish Americans that made up this because corned beef was cheaper than bacon.” — Bryan (46:15)

[Key Segment: St. Patrick’s Day Myths & Truths]

• 08:26-10:50 – St. Patrick’s true origins and snake story
• 43:53-45:58 – Irish vs. American traditions: leprechauns, clovers, and Lucky Charms

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3. Celebration Culture: Parties, Parades, and Getting Out of Hand

• Stories abound of wild St. Patrick’s Day (and spring break) celebrations in Savannah, Miami, and Chicago.
  • Savannah Gone Wild
    • “I’ve been to St. Patrick’s Day and it scared me. In Savannah, it scared me… they lose their fucking minds is what happens.” — Bryan (22:36–23:28)
    • Tales of fountains dyed green, heavy police activity, and party cities actively discouraging spring break chaos.

[Notable Quote]

• “Find that fine line between having fun and going to jail. This is the weekend to do it.” — Bryan (05:27)
• "All the good parties get killed by the old people. That's what happens." — Bryan (25:30)

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4. Mustache and Beard Trends: Rants & Memories

• Offbeat ruminations on contemporary facial hair fashion (Timothée Chalamet, young mustachioed men) vs. classic 70s and 80s styles.
  • “The young kids with just the mustache—not my favorite thing… makes them look like Pedro from Napoleon Dynamite.” — Bryan (13:19)
  • “Beards are always in. As long as it’s managed correctly…” — Bryan (14:31)
• Personal anecdotes about beard hygiene and stereotypes tied to Irish genetics.

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5. Authentic vs. Americanized Irish Customs

• Four-leaf Clover
  • “The four-leaf clover is just a rare and lucky symbol…not tied to St. Patrick’s Day specifically.” — Bryan (43:53, 45:04)
• Guinness and Pouring Rituals
  • The hosts reminisce about the ritual of pouring Guinness properly and the differences between Irish and American bars (07:42–08:29).

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6. Irish Stereotypes and Immigration Experience

• Discussion of Irish immigration, historical discrimination, and cultural assimilation.
  • “My grandfather used to tell me stories about how his relatives…were discriminated against…‘Irish need not apply’… John F. Kennedy as Irish Catholic president was a big deal.” — Bryan (40:36–41:51)

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7. Lord of the Dance/Riverdance & Irish Dances

• The hosts relive the Riverdance craze, Michael Flatley's fame, and the peculiarities of Irish dance.
  • “Irish dancing like you’ve never seen it before. 55 redheaded women never moving their arms.” — Bryan (29:32)

[Classic TCB Tangent: Riverdance Parody]

• 29:27–38:09 – Outrageous improvised promo for “Lord of Acid” featuring Bryan, Michael Flatley, and band mashups.

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8. Bryan’s Legendary “Tool Drummer” Story

[55:02–68:09] — Key Segment

• Bryan delivers an epic, winding tale from his youth: fueled by drugs and guitar, he (possibly) meets the drummer from Tool at the banks of the Chattahoochee River.
  • In a haze, Bryan’s one question: “What do you think about the Celtic religion?”
  • The “drummer” allegedly goes on a mystical diatribe. To this day, Bryan’s unsure if it was real or just an elaborate prank while high.
  • Krissy’s Advice: “I say go with it.”
  • Reflective Bryan: “What a dumb thing to say, Brian. If you had some moments back, you would go back and do things differently.”

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Memorable Quotes & Moments

• On Irish ingenuity: “When there were no potatoes, we went to making whiskey and Guinness. I think we should be proud of ourselves for that. It’s nutritional. You could live off Guinness.” — Bryan (06:31)
• On American-izing holidays: “Why not make Easter a drinking holiday? Why not?” — Bryan (21:17)
• On beards: “Manage that beard. If you’re gonna do the beard, give it some management, that’s all I gotta say.” — Bryan (15:58)
• On holiday food: “Corned beef and cabbage is not Irish… Real Irish dish is actually bacon and cabbage.” — Bryan (46:15)

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Fun & Noteworthy Segments + Timestamps

• Guinness Pouring Rites & Rituals: 07:42–08:29
• St. Patrick’s Snake/Protestant Allegory: 10:16–10:28
• American Spring Break & St. Pat’s Outrage: 21:37–25:27, 22:36–23:28
• Riverdance / Lord of the Dance Riffing: 29:27–38:09
• Irish Stereotypes & Immigration: 40:36–41:51
• Irish vs American Traditions (fact or fiction game): 47:32–52:08
• Bryan’s (Possibly True) Tool Encounter: 55:02–68:11

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Overall Vibe

The episode shuffles between irreverent fact-checking, personal confessionals, running in-jokes, and wild digressions—as only TCB can. There’s endless affection (and teasing) for Irish roots, tongue-in-cheek takes on American holidays, and a gentle roast of pop culture. At the heart is the infectious “just fine” chemistry of Bryan and Krissy, reminiscent of eavesdropping on your wildest, most entertaining friends.

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Best summed up: “We’re here to encourage you to get as intoxicated as possible. Find that fine line between having fun and going to jail.” — Bryan (05:27)

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Transcript

[Brian Green]

Foreign. Adventure A Little Taste of TCB the TCB season Roulette, as I came to call it over the last three weeks, is finally, mercifully coming to an end for all of us. I had a specific episode that I wanted to play for season number six, but I decided for once in my life to see something through all the way without changing my mind or getting distracted. So I'm gonna stick with the game plan. I've picked a random episode from season six that was just last year 300 episodes ago, if you can believe it. While Chrissy and I may be in the sunset of our lives, I feel Season number six we finally coalesced as a team and figured out how to record by pressing record. The microphones sounded good, the studio looked excellent. Every episode recorded on video, only three of them went in the can. We we only forgot to press record twice and we interviewed almost 100 celebrities, musicians, actors, comedians and a random guy named South Georgia Sean. We still can't get rid of him, but our sewers, bridges and waterways are safer because of Sean. And your Spotify and Apple accounts are still dropping entirely too many episodes of this dumb podcast. So let's all take a deep breath together. Let's remember, not too far back in the distant 2025s, sit back, relax and enjoy the last TCB season Roulette from season number six. We'll be streaming next week. YouTube.com the commercial break a hi there, oh there. A Howdy. How there? Love you. Meaning.

[Announcer]

This weekend only, experience the chills, thrills and skills of Crabapple's largest operatic techno festival, the Poly Oligon Ultra Fest is back and hotter than ever. Seriously, it's gonna be 95 degrees. So pack your party wagon, grab your fanny pack and put on your best sparkle tutu because this three day fest has it all.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Ah yeah.

[Announcer]

With headlining sets by DJ Sex Puppet Nickel Mixa featuring Toddle Pocket, Italy's shortest operatic techno singer Rigatoni, and one very special late night set by saxophone beatmaster Poodles. Plus exciting performances from Mike McCroney and his fire breathing dance po Jill, the go Go Clown Lady, Dirty Dave and his amazing Flying Bible Beaters and Tantra prostate massages by hand magician Raphael. Three long sweaty days and three never ending smelly nights glamping with thousands of overly friendly strangers. You'll be hungry and tired by day, frustrated and dirty by night. Free water from the community hose and two communal showers. You'll be wishing you had booked that expensive hotel. And new for this year's festival, Free Yoga provided by the misguided youth stretchers. An art market with over 30 artists peddling terrible art they bought on Temu and plenty of food from random food trucks no inspector has ever had time to inspect. Your tummy will be begging for more or begging for the door. So go to REI and buy an expensive tent you can't set up. Load up on craft beer that'll go bad by Saturday morning. Pack your best neon tights, put on your strongest deodorant and head to CR Apple fairgrounds where you'll be parking two miles away from your crowded tent site. Gates open on Thursday night to get the hangover started. Early music starts early Friday morning to wake you up irritated. And the party won't stop until Sunday because who doesn't love to party on Sunday? The fifth annual Polyoligon Ultra Operatic Techno Festival. Come on, grab apple. Drop the be Absolutely no glass or outside food will be allowed inside of festival grounds due to previous incidents. No Y Brian 3000 is allowed inside the gates. All ball gags must be checked at the door. No swimming allowed inside of the drinking water. Please refrain from sleeping in front of the stage. All children must be accompanied by a service animal.

[Brian Green]

On this episode of the commercial break. So the question is, Trey, are you up for it? You've said no once. Say no again.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

I'll get Jeff to book.

[Brian Green]

If Jeff books me at Mempho to do Lord of the Acid, I am down 100%. Fill my cup up with whatever and just send me out there with a heart monitor, Bootsy Collins and schools from Widespread Panic.

[Announcer]

The next episode of the commercial break starts now.

[Brian Green]

Oh, yeah, cats and kittens. Welcome back to the commercial break. I'm Brian Green. This is my dear friend and the co host of this show, Chris Joy Hoadley. Best you, Chris. Best you out there in the podcast universe, how the hell are you walking into a St. Patrick's Day weekend?

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

That's right.

[Brian Green]

Of festivities and fun, where you certainly will puke on your shoes and lose your underwear. But that's okay. We're here to support you at the commercial break. We're here to encourage you to get as intoxicated as possible. Find that fine line between having fun and going to jail. This is the weekend to do it. The cops will be occupied with other idiots. You can go out and be yourself. It's that kind of weekend.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

There's a big parade going on downtown.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, well, you know, in some places they have actually kiboshed the St. Patrick's Day parade because it's just Too unmanageable debauchery. Yes. What is wrong with you people? You're not supposed to besmirch the good name of the Irish people. We are not all a bunch of drunks, just most of us. Leave it alone. And if you came from Ireland, you'd drink too. That's all I gotta say. Ireland's a beautiful place, but it's up there. It's up there and it's an island. You're on an island, you get island fever. You got to do something. The Irish are the Irish. I'm proud to be of Irish descent.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

I know you are.

[Brian Green]

I'm proud to be of Irish descent. Thank you very much.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Good job.

[Brian Green]

We're not the best looking people. We're not the smartest looking people. We're not even. No one ever claimed that the Irish were super intelligent human beings. But we figured out how to make things work. When there were no potatoes, we went to making whiskey and Guinness. And I think. I think we should be proud of ourselves for that. It's nutritional. You could live off Guinness. You could. You'd have a bad headache, but you could. I've tried. Well, Bud Light, not Guinness, right? I never had the stomach for Guinness, actually. I used to love a good Guinness.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

I know.

[Brian Green]

I like it, but one or two.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Yeah, you can't go.

[Brian Green]

Because a Guinness drunk is a different kind of drunk. And I think that's part of the reason why Guinness is kind of attractive to some people, because they can drink it, but you got to sip it. It's got to be something you do over the course of a couple at least 10 minutes. You got to give it. I could drink a bud light in five. But you got to give a good Guinness 10 minutes because it's a heavy drink.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

That's true.

[Brian Green]

It's making a heavy drink.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Like it's very popular right now amongst the kids.

[Brian Green]

It's always been popular. It's always been. But it's. But you're right. It's been contained in its popularity. It has its moments. And then it goes away. In the. I think in the early aughts, the 2000s, when I was out there hitting the bar scene, it was very popular to have again as. But could you pour a Guinness correctly? Was the question.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

That's always the question we had when

[Brian Green]

I was a bartender, we would have our. The Guinness reps would come in once a year and they teach you how to pour a Guinness. But even then it's a little bit misleading because here in the United States, you refrigerate the Guinness. In a lot of pubs in Ireland, the Guinness is not refrigerated. It's a warm Guinness. It's a room temperature Guinness. And that's a different kind of experience, the kind where you're sure you're gonna throw up at some point. You know what I'm saying?

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

I do.

[Brian Green]

I do. And I just. It's just that the way that that liquid falls into the glass and the creamy foam on top, it's a whole thing.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

It's a ritual.

[Brian Green]

It is a ritual. It is a ritual. And I've had a Guinness in Ireland, and it was quite the experience, I do have to say.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Was it the warm temperature? Room temperature?

[Brian Green]

I think it was room temperature. But because it was so cold outside, it had a little, like, a little crispness to it. It wasn't completely flat. I mean, like, completely room temperature. I think just the lines were cold, and that's why it made it a little bit cold. But happy St. Patrick's Day to you, however you decide to do it. And I thought this was a good time to review some of our St. Patrick's Day knowledge, because, yes, I would love to. We all have our. So what is St. Patrick's Day? Let's start there.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

It is celebrating St. Patrick.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. Thank you. Are you Irish?

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Saint named Patrick?

[Brian Green]

The saint named Patrick. I am not Irish, but I will tell you this. The. That St. Patrick's Day is not even Irish. It's not an Irish holiday. No, it's not. St. Patrick was actually British and not Irish. So you are celebrating. So St. Patrick's Day. You're celebrating essentially arrival, right?

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Yeah. But it is all part of the UK Though, right?

[Brian Green]

Yeah, it was all kind of part of the United King. Parts of Ireland are still part of the United Kingdom, and we all know that from our history lesson from Dez Bishop. Hi, Des. Happy, happy St. Patrick's Day.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Yes.

[Brian Green]

Dez Bishop is our. By the way, our most streamed episode on Spotify.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Really?

[Brian Green]

Isn't that amazeballs?

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

That is interesting.

[Brian Green]

Can't figure out why. But I'm not arguing.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

I love Des.

[Brian Green]

That people love dez.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

We love dez.

[Brian Green]

We do love dez. And this last episode was very politically charged. We talked about American politics and Irish politics.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

And he's our Irish correspondent.

[Brian Green]

He is our Irish correspondent. Anyway, happy St. Patrick's Day. This is a. It is the. The holiday of St. Patrick.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

But for years. What did he do up until about. He drove. Supposedly drove the snakes out of Ireland.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Oh, that's right.

[Brian Green]

But of course, Ireland Is a island where there are no snakes. Snakes don't live in Ireland.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

No snakes in Ireland.

[Brian Green]

No, snakes are native to Ireland.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Fun fact for me.

[Brian Green]

That is a fun fact. So a lot of people believe that what he. The. I guess this is just a way of saying he drove the religious zealots, the protestants out of Ireland. But in fact he did not. There were lots of people who were protestantists to live in in Ireland. But some people believe that. That's why they say that he drove the snakes out of Ireland.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Snakes being Protestants.

[Brian Green]

Snakes being Protestants. That's right. And I don't believe that. I'm just telling you what the. What some people believe. The reason why we say he drove the snakes out of is just another word that's being used for Protestants. Again, that's not my belief. I'm just sharing that with you. I want to make sure that we don't get any protestants up our ass right now. Because, you know, I like the protestants. They're good. Yeah. So it's probably just an allegory for either driving the snakes out or converting pagans or whatever. Whatever it was. Anyway, fun fact about St. Patrick, he was kidnapped by pirates as a teenager. Why has this not been made into a movie? I don't know, but this sounds like perfect fodder for a television show or a movie. St. Patrick. The, you know, Pirates of the Caribbean. St. Patrick.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Yeah. least the limited series.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. Why don't we get Johnny Depp on that? I know, yeah. What other Irish people could we get to play? Who's there? Some famous Irish actors and actresses. No, I'm saying who all

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

the.

[Brian Green]

I'm trying to look and see if my notes. If I put any names. Liam Neesom. Tom Cruise is Irish, in case you were wondering. Yes. Yeah, he's Irish. So Colin Farrell is Irish.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Brian Green]

Colin Farrell would be good in anything.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Yeah, he would. We can get him on the pirate.

[Brian Green]

Yes, that's what I vote. But he's not a teenager anymore. But, you know, we can find a teen. What is that? Timothy Shalalameh. I know he's not Irish, but couldn't we get him, Convince him?

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Dye his hair red?

[Brian Green]

That's right. He could be a 3 year old or a 30 year old. It just depends on whether or not he has a mustache. Speaking of Timothy Shala.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

True.

[Brian Green]

We were having a debate with our friend Rachel last night about a guy, a musician that played at the Grammys. I can't remember his name. Dungaree or Dungeous or whatever his name is. The guy that came out in the 70s, bell bottoms as tight as they could be to sing that. I'll get the name.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Okay,

[Brian Green]

let me do my homework as a noted national podcaster here. Give me one second. He is. What was his name? Benson Boone.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Oh, Benson Boone.

[Brian Green]

Benson Boone. Beautiful Things is what he sang at Grandson.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

That's very popular.

[Brian Green]

So Benson Boone, he's going the route of Timothy Shalala May by wearing these outrageous outfits and having this weird stash.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

I got to say, the young kids with the. Just the mustache. Not my favorite thing in the world thing, though. It's a thing, but it makes them look like young kids with mustaches. Mustaches are for old men in the 70s, not in their 70s. Back in the 70s or 80s. Or if you live in Chicago or Green Bay, Wisconsin or something like that, where you got to protect your upper lip from the cold weather, then I can understand. Yeah, it's allowed. But Timothee Shalala May, one of the best looking human beings on earth. One of the most famous human beings on earth. That stash ain't doing him any good. It makes him look like Pedro from the Fully and dynamite. It does. I'm sorry.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

I didn't even think about that.

[Brian Green]

I love Tim. I love Timothy. I think he's a great actor. But that chat, that stash, that's cheese tastic, man. You got to let that shit go.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

I know. We were discussing it with. I was discussing with a friend of mine, and her son has one, and she's like, I hate.

[Brian Green]

Oh, God.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

It's just like. You got to go with it. It's the trend.

[Brian Green]

Well, listen, you don't have to go, buck the trend, kids. Buck the trend. Go full goatee. Go Abe Lincoln. Go Flavor Saver. Do something. Be Eddie Vedder. Have a little weird Flavor Saver on the bottom.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Beards are still in.

[Brian Green]

Beards are always being. I think. I think that if you. As long as it's managed correctly, you know, and this is like Irish. I think people think of Irish people and there's, you know, stereotypes. Just like everything else in the world, they think of guys. Guys or girls with red hair, freckles, blue eyes. But that is a genetic trait that is not an Irish trait. So there, of course, there may be a gene pool that's more susceptible to red hair as an Irish person. And I don't know what all the genetic. You know, I don't know. I'm not a geneticist, but I. You go over to Ireland and of course you see people with red Hair and freckles or light skin and freckles and stuff like that. That is part of the gene pool of Ireland. But that's not the majority of people. Right. The majority of people are like a good representation of everybody else in the world. And the one thing that I noticed when I went to Dublin, which was years ago, is that most of the men there are clean shaven. Like there's not a ton of facial hair running, at least when I was there, running around Dublin. Now that could be a trend. That could be the. I don't know why, who knows? Who fudgeing knows? But some of these guys here in the United States, they are outlandish with these beards. It's like a political statement. Do you know what I'm saying?

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

It's like they're wearing the beard to let you know how they feel about the rest of the world. And it feels a little strange to me. And I am not a huge fan of unkempt beards. Like the wild beards that some of these dudes wear.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Grizzly Adams type.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, yeah, manage that shit. Go dollar Shave Club, kid. I mean, that's cheese tastic. And if you're gonna do the beard, just give it some management. That's all I gotta say.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Those kinds of tools and oils and things now.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

The whole market.

[Brian Green]

I know our friend Rachel loves a guy with a beard. She loves a guy with like a. An unkempt, unmanaged beard. But anytime I look at one of those guys, like I was at Starbucks the other day and it was a dude that walked in and he had a. I mean, he was. He had it right.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Beard in it.

[Brian Green]

Yes. But I could. I saw what he had for dinner last night because it was still stuck in his fucking beard.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Yeah. Now you gotta keep it clean.

[Brian Green]

No, there was like pieces of stuff in his beard. Yeah, you got to keep it clean. And I think the longer and the bigger and the more unkempt that it gets, the harder. Yeah, the harder it is. Listen, there is something that drives me crazy about my cream and cereal habit. And I'll share this with you. Even though my beard is really more like a five o' clock shadow, it always has been. I never have grown it out very much. I keep it high and tight whenever I drink milk. And a little bit gets on my. On the hair of my beard. After two or three minutes, I start to smell the milk coming. Even if I wipe it, even if I clean it, I can smell it. It like sticks in my nose hairs and I, I, it drives me fucking crazy. I don't understand how with a big unkempt beard that you can do anything dairy related without having a big problem.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

I know.

[Brian Green]

So I don't know what this has to do with St. Patrick, but I'm just telling you right now, manage that beard. Manage that beard.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

So what did he do besides drive the snakes out?

[Brian Green]

That's what he did. He was a saint. Yeah. He converted the pagans and the Protestants.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Then they made him a saint.

[Brian Green]

Then they made him a saint. Yeah, he created, it was a miracle. I think part of why it's an allegory also is because if you follow the Catholic Church, then you know that they are in love with ridiculous rules and, you know, regulations.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Oh yeah.

[Brian Green]

Traditions and all this other stuff. They are an old, a bunch of old codes that are just holding on to these silly traditions that may feel important but probably aren't. One of the ways that you become a saint, you have to, you have to have, you need to create a miracle. And a miracle can only be defined by the church itself. And what is a miracle? A miracle is an otherworldly godlike thing that happens, you know, I don't know, one loaf into 30 loaves, or 10 fishes into a hundred fishes or whatever it is.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Water into wine.

[Brian Green]

Water into wine. That's right. Chrissy, look at you.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

That's my favorite one.

[Brian Green]

That is my favorite one too. Water. So you had to create this miracle, but that can only be defined by the church itself. And so I guess there's a lot of flexibility as to what it is. But even like, you know, converting people to Catholicism is not necessarily a miracle in and of itself. Lots of people have done that. So I think they had to create this story of driving the snakes out of Ireland, because when you drive the snakes out of Ireland, how convenient is it that there are no snakes native to Ireland? Do you know what I'm saying? So the miracle has been performed forever and ever. No more snakes.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

No more.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, but true. Yes. No, there's no native snakes to Ireland. I don't think there's, I don't think there's cold weather snakes because they're, you know, cold blooded.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Yeah, that's true.

[Brian Green]

So they just freeze and die. Right. I think, I think that's how that works.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

I don't know. You know, here's the funny thing that's happening with my kids. Speaking of cold, cold blooded. One of my kids is super interested in everything. Like you tell her something and she wants to know how it works. She asked why she can see her ribs, and I. Or what she's seeing when she's pointing to her ribs in the mirror. And I'm like, oh, those are your ribs. Those are your bones. They protect your lungs and your heart. And, you know, that's blah, blah, blah. And this is how it works. Show me a video. Show me a video of how it works. Right? And I'm like, oh, okay. So I go on YouTube and I find a kid friendly. You know, explain it for idiots, explain it for children kind of video. And I am learning more from watching those videos than I ever did in school. Like, simple, basic scientific stuff. I'm like, that's how it works.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Yes. That's great.

[Brian Green]

Your heart is a muscle.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

What?

[Brian Green]

Say what? That's crazy. What are those bones do. That's amazeballs. You have a bone there. Wow. I'm just as excited as she is about figuring all this stuff out.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

That's huge.

[Brian Green]

Again, we're Irish, so we got. We have an uphill climb here, but we're working on it. We're not so good. We're not so good at some stuff. So, you know, St. Patrick's Day. Drove the snakes out. Kidnapped as a teenager. Now we all. And by the way, a dry, traditionally religious holiday until about the 1960s or 70s.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Oh, it was a dry holiday.

[Brian Green]

It was a dry holiday.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Okay.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. Because it's a religious holiday. So it's a dry holiday. Yeah. I mean, you think of Easter. You don't think about everyone going out and getting smashed. Yeah. Ah, he's risen.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Crazy bunnies. Like, drunk bunnies.

[Brian Green]

Drop the eggs.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Drop the eggs.

[Brian Green]

Drop the eggs. Oh, wait, hold on.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Yes.

[Brian Green]

Go Easter. Go, Easter. Go. Go, Easter. Go, Easter. Go.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

We could start it.

[Brian Green]

We could start it. Hey, listen, I don't put anything past the. I don't put anything past us. At this point. We're selling Teslas on the front line of the White House. Why not make Easter a drinking holiday? Why not? I mean, Christmas isn't a drinking holiday either, but plenty of people get smashed. Yeah. So it was a dry holiday until it was just kind of taken over.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

It was like a marketing thing, like, with the green beer.

[Brian Green]

Of course. Yeah. And there you go. There's another holiday tradition that, of course, we all know about or have heard about, which is a lot of towns will dye their rivers.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Yes.

[Brian Green]

I think.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Well, Savannah did it for a long time.

[Brian Green]

Savannah did it for a long time, but stopped it. They stopped it because it got. The party got out of control.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Yeah, well, they still Have a big. I was down there for St. Patrick's Day one year. Not specifically for St. Patrick's Day. It's just my vacation backed up into it.

[Brian Green]

Okay.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

So we were leaving the day after St. Patrick's Day, but they did. They have these beautiful squares in Savannah and these beautiful fountains in each of the square. And it was a dying of the fountains.

[Brian Green]

Oh, really?

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

And you could go around and the kids were out. It was like a, you know, school day and the kids were out there and everybody was dying. The fountains.

[Brian Green]

Yes, that's right before 3pm Everything's fine. But after 4:30, lock your doors.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

It was like spring break. It was nuts.

[Brian Green]

Oh, I've been. I can tell you the story about that. I mean, I've been to St Patrick's Day and it scared me.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

It's in Savannah.

[Brian Green]

In Savannah, it scared me. Me. I was legitimately nervous about what was going on. They do, they. They lose all sense of decorum. They lose their fucking minds is what happens. And it's because. And I was one of that. Like I was one of the people that was contributing to the fucking bullshit. Yeah, I was in the mix. But at some point I just got a little nervous about how many people were out of control. Like everybody seemed to be out of their gourds with no one checking them. Do you know what I'm saying? Except for the. A few bouncers and a couple police officers who really had their hands full, they were arresting people. Every time I saw a police officer, they had someone in handcuffs taking them away. And I think that's also why a lot of towns, a lot of people, a lot of places, they are really not interested in spring break or St. Patrick's Day any longer. They're just not interested in it because it brings nothing but trouble.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Because destruction.

[Brian Green]

No matter how hard you try to talk sense into people and say, listen, come to Miami, have a good time, enjoy yourself, there's a line, don't cross it. Just be cool. That's it. There's all. If there's 10 people in a room, two of them have no fucking common sense. The second the liquor hits their breath, it just does. They just don't. And we all know people like this. I was one of these idiots, right? I mean, I think I knew where the line was most of the time. But, you know, there was an occasion where you just kind of get a little wild out. A little?

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Yeah, exactly. Amongst other friends that are doing it too. Woo.

[Brian Green]

Yes. You think, you know, running in the fountain and taking your shorts off Is funny, but everybody else is like, what is. What happened to Brian? Like, everyone else is talking like, what's. He should probably cut. Probably no more cocaine for Brian. Let's pretend like we don't have any more left and we'll do it secretly.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

We're out.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. You got any more, man? Got any more? Oh, dude. Funny thing. It fell in the toilet. But we'll be right back. Six of us are going to go to the bathroom. You stay here. You stay in the fountain. We'll be over here. Yeah, but I mean, Miami, Panama City, Daytona beach, all of these places, they have absolutely said, do not come. We are not interested. Miami had television campaigns that they would run in other cities. I saw that being like, spring break. Not here. Don't do it here. We're not interested. We're closing the bars down at 11 o'. Clock. There is a curfew at midnight. You're not able to be on the streets wilding out. It's not going to happen. So don't come. And that is ballsy move on behalf of a town that really makes most of its revenue from parties. From parties. That's it. Yeah. I mean, you can have that fucking whatever it is, Ultra Music fest there every year. But there seems to be less trouble with the Ultra Music Fest than there is with spring break. And that's it.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Spring break's always been just kind of a wild and crazy time.

[Brian Green]

I know all the good parties get killed by the old people. That's what happens. And if it came to my front door, I'd kill it, too. If that was, like, outside of my house, I'd probably be like. Yeah.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Did you go on spring break a lot?

[Brian Green]

No, I told you, I only went on spring. I mean, as a actual. At the age where I was supposed to be spring breaking.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

No. When I got a little bit older, I went down to Miami a couple times. Okay. Daytona beach once, Panama City. And that was like in my mid-20s. But in the years when I would like spring break years, I only went one time to Panama City. And we ended up getting a hotel 15 miles from the beach.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

That's right.

[Brian Green]

And we got kicked out of that party. We got invited to a party that quickly got kicked out. It was a whole shit show. And we ended up doing whippets in a fucking Howard Johnson 20 minutes from anything. Yes. It was so weird. It was the weirdest spring. It was the. But I was weird. Like, you know, I was a weird kid. That's just the way it was. All right, so we'll talk a little bit more about St. Patrick's Day in Savannah, some more traditions, and we'll play a game. All coming up on this episode. St. Patrick's Day episode of the commercial break. How do you feel about that, Chrissy?

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

I love it.

[Brian Green]

All right, good. I'm just killing time.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

I'm trying to find the gold.

[Brian Green]

Oh, yeah. Chrissy brought a lump of shit.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Brian thinks it looks like a lump of shit.

[Brian Green]

That looks.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

It really.

[Rachel]

It looks.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

It's a rock that has been painted gold. And it looks like the sketch from

[Brian Green]

the famous video from the leprechaun video. We all know it. It comes around once a year, like St. Patrick's Day. That video comes around once a year where all the people are looking at the guy in the tree and thinking he's a leprechaun. It is pretty funny. It is pretty funny. Did we find out that was a sketch? I think we found out that was a sketch.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

No, I think it was real.

[Brian Green]

You think people actually thought there was a leprechaun in the tree?

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Well, they were looking. Somebody saw a leprechaun, and then everybody kind of got whipped up about it.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But that first guy, I don't.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

They thought he was a crackhead.

[Brian Green]

I think he had plenty of leprechauns in his life. Little green men that brought him crack. All right, let's take a break. We'll be back.

[Astrid]

Hey, podcast universe, it's Astrid. While Brian and Chrissy are here messing around in the studio, I am here doing the important work behind the scenes. So who better to tell you where to go than your favorite Venezuelan producer? That's me. First, go to tcbpodcast.com and check out the website I help design. Then hit the contact us button and send us your address to get your free TCB sticker that I also designed. You can text us at 212-4333, TCB, and it's likely I'll be the one to respond. And one last favor, Follow us on Instagram at the commercial break. It takes me a lot of time to create all those posts. You can watch the [e-mail] thecommercialbreak and see how I made Brian and Chrissy look good in that studio. See, Brian, you're not the only one I boss around. And now let's hear from our sponsors while I go back to work.

[Brian Green]

All right, and we're back here in a St. Pat Pre. St. Patrick's Day episode. God bless you all, my children. We just figured out that St. Patrick was never a saint. Actually, he was never canonized by the church.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Yes, he's not canonized by the church.

[Brian Green]

Well, he'll always be a saint, too. I can't give a shit. Yeah, I don't give a shit.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

He's known for holding a shamrock.

[Brian Green]

Oh, well.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Carrying a cross and repelling serpents where

[Brian Green]

there were no serpents. So God bless you, St. Patrick, wherever you may be. I think being kidnapped as a teenager probably. Probably made him hallucinate. There's another thing that's distinctly. Do you remember Lord of the Dance? Mike Unflatley, Lord of the Dance? Let's see if I get it to work. Oh, oh. Man down. Let's see if I can get it to. Let's see if I can get it to work.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Oh, there you go. I should be dancing around, kicking my heels up.

[Brian Green]

Irish dancing like you've never seen it before. 55 redheaded women. Women never moving their arms.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

I feel like those were on tv, the commercials.

[Brian Green]

Oh, forever.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Yes.

[Brian Green]

PBS played that thing non stop. That was like. It took the world by storm.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Oh, it did. And did. Riverdance, was that, like, the competitor?

[Brian Green]

Riverdance was created by Michael Flatley. Lord of the Dance was Michael Flatley's own break. He's the breakout star.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

He was.

[Brian Green]

And that foot movement, I gotta be honest with you, that's pretty amazing.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

It is.

[Brian Green]

There's like a. Yeah, crazy. There's a guy from Kentucky. He's like a redneck dude, right? He's like a backwoods country dude.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

But he has perfected, like, this country version of it, this bluegrass version of it. And I'm telling you what, that. Thank you for just shutting off, like, that piece of equipment. Some piece of equipment. I think it's your piece of shit sitting next to it. It's made it not work. There's some kind of magnetic something coming from it. The electromagnetic waves coming from your gold piece of shit. Your poo poo.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

I know. You told me it looked like a turd. And I said, I haven't seen a turd in a while.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, well, unfortunately, I live in turd. It's just a turd factory around here. So. Yeah, I think Michael Flatley was like the breakout star of the River Dance. Yeah, he. He was like the director of the River Dance or whatever the fuck. But he is still around. He is still. That River Dance is still doing tours. Just an update on Michael Flatley in case.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

I would love to learn to do that dance.

[Brian Green]

I'd love to, too, but my feet barely move in general you see me at a fish show and my feet are frozen to the ground. My butt might wiggle.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Your body?

[Brian Green]

Yeah, my butt wiggles in my hands. Make small waves as the LSD courses through my veins. To play on this one. There we go.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Are they wearing tap shoes?

[Brian Green]

Live Nation presents Treyan Astagio and Michael Flatley in Lord of Acid. Special dancing guest star Brian Greene. They put me in boots that are, like, tied to the floor and I'm like, Michael's moving his feet and Brian's moving his arms. Together they are lords of ashes.

[Announcer]

End

[Brian Green]

bagpipes and 15 minute jazz solos.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Noodling on the bagpipe?

[Brian Green]

Yeah. Free form jazz exploration by bagpiper Brian Green. Ex.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Read it. Live nation.

[Brian Green]

You've heard of River Dance. Now experience ayahuasca dance with Brian Green, Trey Anastasio and Michael Flatley. One night only. That's all the doctors will allow.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

You've seen the rest, now see the best.

[Brian Green]

You've seen the rest now see the chest of Brian wired to a heart monitor. Will he or won't he survive the night? It's a life or death electrifying experience for the same people who bought you fake St. Patrick. Patrick, watch Brian drive the imaginary snakes out of the stadium.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

I would pay to see that show.

[Brian Green]

It's fun for the whole family. I can see it now. I can.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

With your heart monitor.

[Brian Green]

I know. With my heart monitor. Yeah, on the screen, like a live heart monitor. It's showing you what's going on. Watch Brian's heart explode.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Oh, my God.

[Brian Green]

So the question is, Trey, are you up for it? You've said no once. Say no again.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

I'll get Jeff to bookhead Mempho.

[Brian Green]

Jeff books me at Mempho to do Lord of the Acid. I am down 100%. Fill my cup up with whatever and just send me out there with a heart monitor. Bootsy Collins and Schools for Widespread Panic.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Maybe you could do a flute.

[Brian Green]

You've heard of Tool in the Sand? Watch this. Tool in the sand. That Dominican Republic. That should have been called Tools in the Sand. Oh, Lord. Yeah. I mean, listen, for a very long time, that Lord of the Dance was all the rage. I mean, it really was. I don't care who you were. You had to be under a rock. Not this rock, because that's just a piece of dung that's colored gold. But you had to be under a rock not to have heard of Lord of the Dance. It was cray. A river dance. It was insane.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

It was.

[Brian Green]

And that type of dancing is nuts. The way they're flickety flogging their legs around and bouncing up and down, but their arms never move. And that's, that's the crazy part to me. Yeah, they just hold. Fold their arms like that. That's the Irish way of dancing. It's the Irish sports bra. They call that the Irish sports bra. You just hold your boobs, hope they don't show too much.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

The Irish sports bra.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. Because, you know, that's another, you know, a genetic trait I guess of the Irish and the, and the English is that the boobs are big over there. I noticed. I don't know if anybody else noticed, but I noticed. But yeah, a lot of those girls that were doing that river dance, I mean they were, you know, endowed and so you could. I think that was part of the keeping modest thing because, yeah, it was very much, very family friendly. There was no shenanigans going on there. But I don't think Michael Flatley was into it anyway. I think Michael Flatley was light on his feet. I don't know that for real, but I think he was. And now he's got his own.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Still around.

[Brian Green]

He's still around. He's got his whiskey still kick it. Yep, he's still kicking. No pun intended. He's got his flattery whiskey. Irish whiskey that you can buy. He's also got merch for sale. Lord of the. Yeah, I mean, you know, you got to be a really die hard Michael Flatley fan to be wearing the shirt around. But okay, whatever you're into, I guess.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Yes, you do. You really have to be a fan.

[Brian Green]

I feel like if you're wearing Michael Flatley merch around.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

But I have like tour dates on the back.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. Where it has tour dates or you know, I. Hard flattery or you know, I, I mean I flatly. I think if you're, if you're. That you're in your 70s and visiting Walmart often, you know, and drinking the whiskey. Yeah. If I'm getting to Michael Flatley shirt for Christmas, it's the kind of thing I'm wearing when I'm changing the oil in the car. And I never change my oil in my car. Just letting you know that it. But I, I was just as amazed as the next person about the dancing because it, when I first saw it, I was like, that is a crazy form of dancing.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Yeah, it was really quite remarkable.

[Brian Green]

And I guess that is a traditional Irish jig. Right. I guess when you think about up an Irish jig, that's what it is. Here it is. Here's the girls dancing. Yeah, that's what I remember. It was. One guy in the crowd was really excited.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Yeah. And it's so fast.

[Brian Green]

So fast.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Their feet are moving so fast. But have special shoes for that.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. I don't think I'm in love with the guys outfits, though. I'm not. I'm not in love with nylon. Like a Renaissance pants. Yeah. But there's a cumberbum. Yeah, there's a cumberbun involved. Yeah. It's like Renfest takes it even a step further. Is a whole different animal wren fest, you know? And listen, Renfest also in certain Renfests, I've been to a few, and they certainly celebrate the Irish culture there too. I guess because of the Renaissance. I guess the Renaissance had something to do with Ireland. I'm not sure. But it seems to be kind of amalgamated into it there. And, you know, I'd be up for doing a little river dance, but I'm not buying that. Cumberbun is out for me. If you ask me to wear a cumberbun out, I think because of band, where we like the uniform was with a cumberbun and a bow tie. I was out. And it wasn't like a black cumberbum. It was like a bright blue cumberbun and a bright blue tie. And so as if we couldn't be nerdy enough, as if it was hard enough to find a prom date. Yeah. Then had to wear the cumberbund. That's right. But so saint. Some St. Patrick's Day traditions around the world do include dyeing the. The river's green and the fountains green. Stuff like that. I believe Chicago still does it. I think they send about 70 pounds of food coloring.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

The biggest, Right?

[Brian Green]

That's the biggest one. Yeah. And when I grew up in Chicago, that was a big deal. You. There would be a whole day affair. Live coverage on the news. They would diet green down at one of the canal locks, and then they would release that food coloring and for about a day that it would be some form of green. Right. And so I saw this funny joke, and I can't remember where it was, but. And so it's not my joke. I don't want to take credit for it, but it's like, if they can dye the Chicago river green for a day, why can't they dye it blue for the rest of the year? Because that water is murky.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Is it?

[Brian Green]

Oh, yeah, it's murky. But it's a big deal to go down there. Gotta be St. Patrick's Day parade. Everyone goes and looks at the river, and it's a whole fun thing to do. Chicago is one of the places where the Irish people emigrated, because when they got to New York, I mean, if you've ever watched the gangs of New York, that is an interesting snapshot of a period of time in the United States of America when New York was very much separated out into cultures. And one of them was Irish. But the Irish. And my grandfather used to tell me these stories because I think he was old enough that his grandparents would tell him the stories. The. The people who actually came over from Ireland over here, that they would tell the stories that you would get to a place like New York or one of these major cities, and they would often have signs in the window that said, Irish need not apply. And that was kind of a rallying cry for the Irish people, because a lot of people thought of the Irish people as much less than right. And so they were very much discriminated against when they would come over in certain places around the country. And I think Chicago was one of those places where they kind of had a little bit of a foothold.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

They were.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, yeah. And so there's a lot of, you know, the Irish traditions and culture is strong up there in Chicago. And it was, as is the Italian and the Polish and a lot of other cultures that found solace in Chicago, I think. But, you know, it wasn't always easy for the Irish people. I'm not saying it was harder than these, this or that. I'm just saying that the Irish people also had some tough times when they emigrated over to this country. It wasn't the melting pot we'd like to think it was. It never has been, but it wasn't the melting pot that we like to think it was. And my grandfather used to tell me stories about how his relatives, his. His grandfather, his father, they were discriminated against because of whatever. As a matter of fact, John F. Kennedy, as an Irish Catholic, the Irish were so disliked, Even in the 60s, the Irish and the Catholic, that there was, that he was given 0% chance of winning the presidency, really, because having an Irish Catholic president was a big deal. Like, people just didn't think of the Irish Catholic people as people who should be leading the country, even though in the background they were pulling a lot of the strings, like his father was pulling a lot of the political strings. It was a big deal. First Irish Catholic president. And, you know, that was a big milestone, I think, for a lot of. For a lot of people who were of Irish descent or people straight from Ireland. Okay, so let's talk a little bit about leprechauns. I wrote a whole bunch of notes down here about stuff that we can talk about. Yeah. So but leprechauns, are they Irish? Kind of is the answer. Right there was Irish. Irish folklore created them. But they were originally mean red wearing shoemakers, not the cute like lucky Charms like mascot we think of today. Dyeing the Chicago river green is not actually an Irish tradition, but Chicago plumbers dyed the put dyed to track pollution.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Really?

[Brian Green]

Yes. And that was originally how the river got dyed green. But then it kind of went in the 70s when everybody started and this kind of became a partying. That's right. Four leaf clovers. If you believe in a shamrock symbolizing the Holy Trinity, the four leaf clover is just a rare and lucky symbol. It actually isn't tied to St. Patrick's Day specifically. Although we think of it now as something top of the morning to you is something that an Irish person would actually never say. It's leprechaun fan fiction essentially is what it is. Created by fan fic. Fan fake. You people are freaky. You are freaky. And the name Patty for St. Patrick's Day, the correct term is Patty, not patty. Yes, Patty dd Yes. Because St Patrick's Day, St Patrick's Day, Irish name is Padraic. And so you would say Patty, which is short. Patty is short for Patricia. Patty is Padraic. So there you go. There's correcting some things that may not be necessarily.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Well, I wonder how the. How did the clover get associated, the four leaf clover?

[Brian Green]

Well, some people associate the clover with the Holy Trinity, the Father, the Son and the Holy Ghost. The four leaf clover is said to be a rare version of that. And lucky if you find one. Truth is, if you look hard enough, it's actually not that hard to find a four leaf clover. I, when I was a kid, I was all wrapped up in this because I, of course I was Irish Catholic, went to Catholic school. And so there was like, if Irish, you know, clovers were all over the place around St. Patrick's Day. It was just one of these things. And we had clover growing in our yard like a lot of people do. It's like it's a weed. So it's everywhere. Right. So I was all fascinated with whether or not I was going to be able to find a four leaf clover. It didn't even take me 15 minutes to find a four leaf clover. And then I found another and yet another. And yet another. Yeah, I found a bunch of them. And then I realized it's not that lucky to find a four leaf clover. It's just whether or not you're willing to look for one because it's a weed and so you don't look for it.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

I had a guy bring me a four leaf clover on a date one time.

[Brian Green]

That's a cute little thing.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

I know. It's different.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. Here's to me getting lucky. You know what this means? Corned beef and cabbage is not Irish.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

That is not.

[Brian Green]

It's Irish Americans that made up this because corned beef was cheaper than bacon. Real Irish people. Or the Irish dish is actually bacon in cabbage. Lucky Charms. I think you can probably figure out that this one has nothing to do with Ireland. This is an American marketing team. Came up with. Yeah. Came up with the Lucky Charms. Guinness, of course, is Jameson. Whiskey, of course, is Bailey's. Is. Which I just love.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

I love Bailey's, too.

[Brian Green]

I love a good Bailey's. It's so great. And then there's one more interesting thing that I wanted to point out that I read here. Truth About New Orleans. Throws out cabbage from parade floats. Yeah. Yeah. Nothing like getting hit with a vegetable to say, Happy St. Patrick's Day. That sounds like it would hurt.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

It does.

[Brian Green]

Throwing a head of cabbage at you. What's that?

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Maybe it's shredded.

[Brian Green]

I sure should hope so, but.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

But that's messy.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, that's like that tomato day in. In. In Italy. You know, in Sicily, it always feels like that would not be something I want to be involved in. Why would you. Why would I want to get struck in the head with tomatoes? Some tomatoes are really heavy. I don't want to be any part of that. Like that. Running of the bulls.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

Okay, so I'm gonna name some things. You tell me whether or not it's Irish.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Okay, I'll try.

[Brian Green]

Hold on one second. Okay, here we go. I'll start with people. The Rock, Dwayne Johnson. Irish or not Irish.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Well, yeah, I want to. I want to say no, but because he's randomly on this list, let's go with yes.

[Brian Green]

He is. Surprisingly, his dad has Irish ancestry. Yeah. Imagine him in a.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

In a leprechaun hat, like a tiny little one.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, yeah. Pink. Yeah, like the little tiny ones. I have one of those somewhere.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

You do?

[Brian Green]

Yeah. It's a hair.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

I put it on your head.

[Brian Green]

It's a hair clip that my daughter has, and I tried to put it on my head, but it didn't work. I know, but it wouldn't. I don't have any hair to put it on. I could stand. Staple it to my head, I guess. Or staple it to my head. Is that Harrison Ford who used to staple the. The Indiana Jones hat to his head for stunts? Yes. Really? There's. There's film footage. Yeah, there's film footage of it. Google it. He. Real staples, like a staple gun. He would staple it to his head so that it would stay there while he was doing it. I gotta imagine there's a doctor on set giving Harrison some pain medication or something, because how do you staple stuff to your head and not feel it? Unless he's just getting. Unless he's drinking Bailey's and whiskey. Mariah Carey, Irish or nay?

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

I'll go with yes.

[Brian Green]

Irish. That's right. Her mother's side is Irish. John F. Kennedy, we already know. Is Irish. Beyonce, Irish.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

I'll go yes.

[Brian Green]

She's not. No, no. So there you go. But she did a record called Irreplaceable with an Irish sounding accent in a viral video. I have no idea what that's all about. Robert De Niro. Irish or nay?

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Robert De Niro. Let's. No, he is. He is.

[Brian Green]

He is Irish.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Okay.

[Brian Green]

That's right. But he's, you know, he's best known for his Italian mafia movies.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Yeah. And I'm listening to the Al Pacino autobiography right now, and he's definitely Italian.

[Brian Green]

Okay. Thanks for that.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Well, I always think of those two together for some reason.

[Brian Green]

They've done a few movies together. Lady Gaga.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

No.

[Brian Green]

Yes.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Oh, I thought she was Italian.

[Brian Green]

No, you're right. No, I'm saying, yes, you're right. Yeah. She released the song Poker Face, but make it. I. I'm. Never mind. That's just a joke that I was trying to make. Didn't work out. I was actually thinking of a bit that I could do. Yeah. These are my notes. Paul Rudd.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Paul Rudd.

[Brian Green]

Yes, he is.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Okay.

[Brian Green]

Yep. Brad Pitt. No, no, no, it is. He is Irish. His great grandparents were from County Downs.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Really?

[Brian Green]

County Downs is where my family is from. The Green family. But of course, there's probably a million Green families from Ireland. Yeah. You gotta imagine. And of course, Ed Sheeran, we already know. Does the McDonald's Shamrock Shake get sold in Ireland?

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Mmm.

[Brian Green]

I'm gonna go with no, it does not. You're right about that. Is Shepherd's piece Irish? Yes, it is. But.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

But that's got potatoes in it, right?

[Brian Green]

It has a bunch of shit in it. The Irish version is actually made with lamb. Other ver. Excuse Me? Yes. The Irish version is made with lamb. Other versions sometimes have beef. And that beef version is called a cottage pie, not a shepherd's pie. Are potatoes Irish? No, you're right about that. Potatoes actually came from South America. That's right. They're associated with Irish people because of course, that's what they ate in the famine.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

The famine?

[Brian Green]

Black and tan. Is that an Irish invention?

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

The black and tan? Yes.

[Brian Green]

No, no. It's a pale beer made a pale American beard. Pale ale and then served with British. But I think back in the war, they started mixing those two beers and they realized that they could separate them and make a cool look looking drink. A black and tan. Never my favorite drink. I thought that it kind of tasted a little bit weird. Yeah, for sure. Are bagpipes Irish?

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Yes.

[Brian Green]

Scottish. Scottish.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

That's right. God, I knew that.

[Brian Green]

Okay, Halloween. Some people say is iris originated in Ireland.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Yes.

[Brian Green]

True or no?

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Yes, true.

[Brian Green]

It is true.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Because there's a certain pagan. Yes, Celtic. Pagan holiday.

[Brian Green]

Celtic. All right. Yesterday we were talking about Tool. Today we're talking about the Celtic traditions and the Celtic quote unquote. Religion is not really religion, but okay. I mean, maybe it is. I don't know. Who knows? But I will now tell you an interesting story about the Celts and Tool. Are you ready for those two stories to make their way together?

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Yes.

[Brian Green]

Okay, let's do this. Let's take a break. And we get back. Brian will tell his Tool story,

[Rachel]

Rachel here, while Brian takes his old man bladder to the little boys room. Let's talk turkey. TCB needs your help. If you love the show, do us all a favor and share. Sharing is caring. And we know you care, don't you? Do you want to be on the show? Leave us a voicemail at 212-433-3822 and you could be the next TCB. Disembodied voice. Ooh, what'd you do today? I was a disembodied voice. You know, that sounds more dangerous than it actually is. Find us on Insta at the commercial break on the [e-mail] and all the episodes on video are available the same [e-mail] TheCommercialBreak. I'm gonna go help Brian get back up the stairs while you listen to the sponsors. And then we'll all meet back here and get back to this episode of the commercial break. I'll take a raise now, bitches. Bye.

[Brian Green]

Okay, are you ready?

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

I think so.

[Brian Green]

All right. I am. I think I'm 20 years old. 19 or 20 years old. Okay. If you say no, then I've got yet another story to bore you. So it just depends on which story you want to get bored by.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Let's choose your own adventure.

[Brian Green]

Choose your own adventure. Choose your own boredom. Which one do you want to fall asleep to? Which one do you want to pretend like you're listening to?

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Let's go. Let's go with the original.

[Brian Green]

You want to go with my original? Okay. It's story time with Brian. Oh, we got the noise back. There you go. I like that. Okay. All right. I'm 19, 20 years old. I don't remember exactly what I am. I am living out on a porch.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Uh huh. This is your porch years.

[Brian Green]

This is my porch years. Brian Green. The porch years. I didn't even think it was a year. I think it was the porch days, like the porch weeks. I think I got kicked out pretty quickly. It was a tight. It was a tight squeeze. So for those of you who haven't heard, there was a period of time when I lived with my best friend, who lived with his good friend in a two bedroom apartment in which there were already two people living there taking up the bedroom. So my best friend moved into the screened in porch that was no bigger than the size of this area we're recording in right now. And he put like a small single bed in there, a record player, all kind of tchotchkes. I mean, he made. He did it up. He even put like a little sheet.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Tapestry.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, tapestries. There was a rug on the floor. It was a whole thing.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Wine bottles, candles.

[Brian Green]

Oh my God. He was a weird guy. So he had a lot of tchotchkes. Like just. She'd put tchotchkes everywhere. He'd go to. He was the guy who walk into an antique store and buy the strangest, cheapest thing he could and make a whole, you know, I don't know, altar out of it. I mean, it was like weird stuff. But he had an impeccable taste in music and he was just a weird guy. So for him sleeping out on the porch, he was saving a few bucks. It was camping to him. Right. Well, when Brian was living under a porch, he invited me to come live on the porch. So yeah, these are. I. So I'm probably a little bit younger, 17 or 18, but you know, so this is like one of those times that I'm there sleeping out on with him and the thing. And him and I would often after work, we both worked at restaurants, two separate restaurants. But when we were off together. That would be real trouble. This is the same guy where I collected like six weeks worth of narcotics into a box to go to the Further Fest after Jerry Garcia died. And we didn't even make it to the actual festival grounds, to the concert grounds before we had done all six weeks worth of stocked, piled drunk. We were such a mess. He was such a mess. He passed out for the entire day. I managed to float on. He passed out for the entire day. Quite frankly, I'm surprised it wasn't me that did that. But anyway. All right, so we have a night off and we decide we're gonna get a bag of blow and we're gonna go back to the house. And like we often did take out the guitars. We had this big whiteboard on the wall of the apartment in the dining room, which the dining room glass doors then led to the screened in porch. So we had often sit at the dining room table playing guitar. And then on the whiteboard we'd be writing lyrics to these songs that we were making.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Okay. Brainstorming.

[Brian Green]

Ridiculous song. I mean, just like, you know, just imagine two coked up 17 year olds without any musical talent whatsoever creating songs out of the same guitar like A, B, C abc, A, B, G, A, B, D. And then writing lyrics to it. It was. And we'd go back and forth like he'd write a line, I'd write a line, he write a line, I'd write a line, he'd do a line, I'd do a line, he'd do a line, I do a line. It was like a whole thing that we used to do. It was like an obsessive behavior that we had. But this time the other two people in the apartment also had the day off and they were having none of it. We got to like 10, 11 o' clock at night. And they were done. They came, they came out. When I remember the guy who, like with the head guy, the guy who signed the lease. Yeah, he came out and he was like, guys, I gotta be honest, this isn't working out. I am not doing this. So either you guys pack up your shit and go, like permanently, or you pack up your shit and you go now. But I want to have a quiet night.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

And I can't take this guitar. Playing it like this is too much for me. I don't know what you guys are up to. And he's didn't like completely disapprove of the drugs, but he also wasn't partaking. So I think for him it was just a big Fucking annoyance. Yeah. Okay. All right. 10, 4. Well, being the good roommates that we were, we understood the mission. And we were like, okay, we. We're really on thin ice here already anxious because of all the drugs coursing through our system already paranoid that we're gonna get kicked out of this place, we decide to pack up and go. We put a guitar in the back of this old Ford Taurus that my friend had, and we had a Ford Taurus. I know, the old Ford Taurus with the dancing Hawaiian girl on the dash. Yes. And the pine scented. You know the. The pine scented thing. The mirror. Oh, my God. If I. I smell that again in my life, I pass. I hate that fucking smell.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Yeah, it's a bad one.

[Brian Green]

But it was overwhelming in his car, in my friend Eduardo's car, because he had four of them in there. Not one, but four of them.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Oh, my God.

[Brian Green]

It was obnoxious. But anyway, that was just his OCD manifest itself, I think. So we decide we are going to go to a very famous apartment complex here in Atlanta that sits on the river.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Yes.

[Brian Green]

This is the same apartment complex that is in Catch me if you can. The movie Pilots live there. The Pilots live there. Was a big swingers community, big party community for a long time. Now it's just an apartment complex, but you can still get to these beautiful. Like there's these areas that sit right on the river, big green areas that sit right on the river, have picnic tables, you know, almost like stadium seating that you can sit on overlooking the river. And we knew somebody that lived in this apartment complex, but they weren't home. We couldn't get a hold of them. But why not go to the. Park our cars in front of their house and then go sit on the river? And at least there were far enough away from the apartments and other drama that we could play our guitars quietly and just sit there for the rest of the night drinking beer and doing cocaine. You know what normal teenagers are doing? Unbelievable. Brian.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Up to no good.

[Brian Green]

Okay, so we're there, we're hanging out. We're on this riffing. We're riffing. We're on this picnic table. The merry garden goes round and round, round, go, go, go and round, round, round. The most ridiculous lyrics you ever heard of your entire life. 33p reboot. And we notice that there are a couple of people at the picnic table in the next. Next section down. Probably like half a football field. So we kind of tone it down a little bit. Right now we're getting a little paranoid that we're going to get busted because we're over here doing drugs and drinking and playing guitar. We don't live here, and our friends aren't home and whatever. In about 15 minutes, after we had noticed and kind of toned it down, a girl came over from that table, and she asked if we had an extra cigarette. And I was like, you know, I'm fumbling around all twist it up, and I'm, like, chewing my face off. And I give her a cigarette, and she says, if you guys want to come hang out with us, you can bring your guitar. I'm over there with some musicians, too. And we were like, okay. I was not about it because I just wanted to stay in my little hole. I didn't want to move. My butt was planted on the seat because the panic attack that the drug is putting me into makes my body unable to move. But Eduardo is all about it. He's like, oh, let's go. Let's go hang out with some other people. Yeah. And we go over there, and there are a couple of girls and two guys that are sitting there. So I think it's like four or five people. It's pitch black. It's really dark. I can't see much. And they start talking, and we start having some small conversation. But it's kind of, like, weird and awkward a little bit now. We're all sitting in the dark next to the river. We don't know each other. I have a guitar in my hand. It's a weird scenario, you know, Dave's got an eight ball burning a hole in the pocket. Like, all I want to do is go back to that picnic table so we can get more hop. But the conversation is going on, and I'm kind of in my own head. I don't. I'm not really following the conversation. I remember until this girl says, well, this guy's in a band. And Eduardo goes, oh, yeah? What band are you in? Like, is it, you know, local band? What do you. What kind of shit do you play? And he responds, eh, it's kind of rock. It's kind of rock. And he says, oh, yeah? What band is that? And he says, yeah, I don't know. You probably never heard of. He's like. He's like. He's, like, trying not to answer the question. But the girl goes, you may not have heard of them, but they're pretty famous. The name is Tool. And I was like, what? I popped up right away. I go, tool? You were in Tool? And he goes, well, I don't like I don't want to say, you know. And she's like, he's being humble, but he's the drummer from Tool. And I'm like, you're the drummer from Tool? And he's like, yeah, I play drums with Tool. And I don't know if this is real or not real in this moment, right in this moment. But I am so young and so naive that I instantaneously, I fall for it. I'm convinced now. We're sitting next to the drummer from Tool. I am high as a fucking kite, I am driving snakes out of my own head. And I'm like, holy shit. And all I could think to ask him, because I am high, I am discombobulated, and I don't know shit from Shinola. The only thing that Brian thinks to ask him is, what do you think about the Celtic religion? What do you think about the Celtic religion? I want to have a conversation about the Celtic religion.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Why did that pop into your head?

[Brian Green]

Because I had. Because I knew enough about Tool and the symbology that they use and the tattoos that some of them have to know that they believe in the Druids and the Celts and all this other stuff. Like, that's a. There's a lot of themology that goes on throughout their music about these things. Yeah, right. And here I am, 17, 18 years old, fucking brain fried. You know, it's now it's like 2 o' clock in the morning in the dark, sitting next to a bunch of strangers. One just claimed to be, you know, Dana Carvey or whatever, Carrie or whatever his name is, the drummer from Tool. And all I could think to ask is not, how's Maynard? When's your next album coming out? I love you guys, you know. Cool. Nice to meet you. That could have been another one that I said. I like your music. Yeah. What do you think about the Celtic religion? What do you think about the Celtic religion?

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

What did he say?

[Brian Green]

He went on a three minute diatribe about the Celts, then he got into the Druids. It was, I say, three minutes. In my head it felt like 40 minutes. Because all I wanted to do was gab back at him about the little that I knew about all of this, which was nothing. I knew nothing except that Tool might, might or might not be into the Celtic or Druid religion. I mean, I was so fucked up that it was like all that my thinking was incongruent. And so all I could do was just like sit there, listen while my nose is running, and hope that I could Get a word in Edgewater. Well, he goes into this and then. Okay. And then I. And then I blabber something back to him about some knowledge that I have and.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Which was none.

[Brian Green]

Which was none. Nothing. I was like, I hear they worship trees. I heard they sacrificed babies in front of trees. I hear that Mother Earth is gone.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Oh, my God.

[Brian Green]

I was thinking about getting a tattoo one time in the Celtic religion.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Oh, yeah, that's.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. So I say a few things about that and then I say, I was in a band too, Chrissy. This almost dead stopped the entire conversation because once I mentioned that I was a musician too, he says, oh, yeah, great. Like. Like dismissing it completely. And then he says, well, it's been nice meeting you guys. I think we gotta go. And they left. And to this day, in my head, I don't know if this is real or not real. I have no idea. I know what he looks like. I didn't back then. Because back then was a different time. You didn't have images of every single human being that ever lived at your fingertips. Disposal. You had to work in order to find out what someone looked like.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Well, I wonder, like, if you did you find out if they were, like, playing. They were in town.

[Brian Green]

That was the other thing, is that I think that Eduardo went and did a little scouting and I don't think they were touring at the time. They may have been in town recording an album. Who knows, right? Could have been a million things. Maybe he was dating this girl. Maybe there was some connection there. Sisters, brothers, I have no idea. I really don't. But in my mind, for years, I met the drummer from Tool one night, dark, in a dark corner in front of the river, right? In my mind, I did. But as I got older, I started to wonder if in the age of no Internet, that was. I just. Did I just get hoodwinked by somebody who's claiming to have been the drummer from Tool? But because it was so dark and because I did not know what he looked like at the time, could I have just been imagining things essentially still to this day when I talk to my friend, which is. It's been a while, but when I. When we. When we review that evening, neither of us can really remember enough of what these people look like because of how dark it was. Because of. It's just. You gotta imagine there's no city lights, there's no street lights, there's no nothing. There's just a river and a huge green space with big trees. So even if there was a moon out, it could have been covered. We just didn't see and we didn't. It's hard to go back to that moment in time and not see the person that we know now to be the drummer. But who fucking really knows if that's the drummer?

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

I say go with it.

[Brian Green]

But I do know that they do believe in stuff that's Celtic. That's.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

That that still holds true.

[Brian Green]

That's what I do know that for sure.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

I'm glad you brought it.

[Brian Green]

Thank you.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

To him. What do you think about the Celtic religion?

[Brian Green]

What do you think about the Celtic religion? What a dumb thing to say, Brian. You know, if you had some moments back, you would go back and do things differently. That's one of those moments I would go back and do differently. I'd be like, oh, really? So why are you here in Atlanta?

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

What are you guys doing? What's the next thing you know? There are so many questions and I. I could have. There's so many things I could have said, oh, I'm a fan. I like your first album because I think at that time they only had one album that was maybe two that were available. And I would have shared that. You know, I'm a fan. I'm not like a die hard fan, but I'm a fan of the music. But I just blurted out the first thing that came to mind.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

I think the only thing that you can do now is go down to the beach.

[Brian Green]

Tool beach, show Tool in the sand.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Find the drummer.

[Brian Green]

That's.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

And you know, talk to him.

[Brian Green]

That's it.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Get a redo.

[Brian Green]

I want a redo. Hey, Tool drummer, if you're listening, which you're not, but if you're listening, do you remember that night? He probably does. Let me tell you about the time in Atlanta when I decided never to go back to Atlanta, right? I met this moron who asked me about the killer Celtic religion. I thought I was being.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Well, he had some things to say about it.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, he did. He went on a little diatribe, right? And so that lends a little bit of credibility to. Maybe he was the drummer for Tool.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Maybe you were going. You may be in your head too quickly. You thought you were going deeper. You know, you didn't want to be like, I'm a fan. I love you. Yada, yada, yada. You wanted to connect.

[Brian Green]

I think that's what it was. I think I'd like it. I'd like to think that I was asking a question that other people won't ask because it's not the first thing on their mind when they meet a famous person. But really I think I was just so high that I couldn't think of anything else to ask. All right, well, there's my story. Tcbpodcast.com that's where you get all the information about Chrissy and I. All the audio, all the video right there from one location. Go get your free sticker. The drop down menu on the contact us button says I want my free sticker. Give us your address and away it'll go. 212-433-TCB 212-433-3822 questions, comments, concerns Content Ideas at the commercial break on Instagram YouTube.com the commercial break for all the videos the same day they air here on the audio feed. Okay, Chrissy, that's all I can do for today.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

I think so.

[Brian Green]

I'll tell you that I love you.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

I love you.

[Brian Green]

Best to you and best you out there on the podcast universe. Until next time, Chris and I will say we do say and we must say goodbye. We all prefer things a certain way, like groceries.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

If you want groceries just how you like them, you gotta try Instacart.

[Brian Green]

They have a new preference picker that lets you pick how ripe or unripe you want your bananas. Shoppers can see your preferences upfront, helping guide their choices. Because when it comes to groceries, the details matter. Instacart get groceries just how you like.