LINE!!

Summary

The Commercial Break — "LINE!!" (July 16, 2026)

Hosts: Bryan Green & Kristen Joy Hoadley
Episode Theme: Skewering Hollywood transformation movies, pop culture, and a hilariously terrible Christian film review

---

Episode Overview

This episode spotlights Bryan and Krissy’s signature improv riffing, as they blend pop culture commentary with a merciless review of the Christian movie "Gramps Goes to College". Kicking off with quips about getting in movie-star shape and the absurdities of Hollywood, the duo transitions into lampooning the writing, acting, and worldview presented in their movie of the week. The vibe is irreverent, playful, and satirical, poking fun at everything from Tom Cruise to creationism to campus hijinks, all delivered with their self-aware, "cheesecake factory of comedy" off-the-cuff banter.

---

Key Discussion Points and Segments

1. The Unreal World of Hollywood Transformations (00:39–04:19)

• Bryan’s Movie-Star Pipe Dream:
  Bryan fantasizes about being offered millions to whip himself into shape for a film role, lamenting the difficulty of memorizing lines rather than the physical transformation.

  • "God damn. Somebody needs to offer me a movie so I can get into shape. Like make that my job. Give me a couple million bucks and a script." (00:39)

• World Cup Side Tangent:
  The hosts banter briefly about the Espana vs. Argentina final, with dry commentary on corruption and soccer fandom.

  • "What will certainly be remembered as the most corrupt World cup ever." (02:15)

• The "I Play Rocky" Trailer:
  Excitement for a new biopic about Sylvester Stallone’s underdog journey. Krissy wonders if such stories still happen in contemporary film (“slipping something on someone’s desk”).

  • "No, there are no desks anymore." (04:42)

2. Hollywood Then vs Now & the Franchise Problem (06:12–09:33)

• Lamenting Hollywood’s Lack of Fresh Ideas:
  Discussion about endless reboots and derivative spinoffs, exemplified by “Big Bang Theory.”

  • "They just keep rehashing the old ideas. So it's really difficult for a new, fresh idea to percolate." (07:56)

• Tom Cruise and Star Transformation:
  In awe of Tom Cruise’s agelessness and relentless physical transformations; speculation on elite medical care or even “alien injections” from Scientology.

  • "So now I'm starting to wonder if those Scientologists are up to something, right? Like if they maybe have the key to the kingdom." (09:35)

3. Christopher Nolan Worship and the Modern Epic (12:07–15:31)

• Christopher Nolan’s Directorial Genius:
  Christopher Nolan hailed as this generation’s Spielberg, with gushing reviews of “Tenant” (“Don’t understand a word of it, but it's fucking fantastic”), “Oppenheimer,” “Inception,” etc.

  • "The guy is so good at what he does. He is our Steve. He's the next Steven Spielberg." (12:07)

• Matt Damon & Manifesting Body Transformation:
  They riff on Christian Bale’s and Matt Damon’s yo-yoing for roles, with Bryan’s usual refrain: “Someone pay me to do this!”

4. Listener Plea and Venezuela Earthquake Aid (16:18–16:42)

• Charity Announcement:
  Brief but heartfelt push to support Venezuelan earthquake relief, with direct encouragement to their audience to give what they can.

5. Movie Review/Watch-Along: "Gramps Goes to College" (20:32–56:09)

Setup & Plot Recap (20:32–21:51)

• "Gramps Goes to College" Introduction:
  Setup as an unintentional Christian "Back to School" with a 65-year-old creationist protagonist, his campus conflicts, and his possible long-lost daughter.

Scene Breakdown and Roast (21:51–56:09)

• Dorm Life Absurdity:
  Bryan and Krissy lampoon the implausibility of a senior citizen living in a co-ed dorm, mocking the set dressing and dialogue.

  • "I think quite frankly on all college campuses across the country this should be just something we do. We should let 65 year old men go to the co ed Dorms with the 18 year old women." (21:52)
  • “This guy made a movie just so he could pick up 18 year old girl. I think full board.” (27:03)

• Awkward Character Interactions:
  Jokes fly as characters hamfistedly deliver lines about Jesus, intramural sports, and stilted would-be romance.

  • "Well, I'm a drug addled slut living in the dormitories." — Bryan, satirizing a character’s intro (23:45)
  • “‘Neanderthal? Whoa, snap. That’s how college kids talk.’” (25:41)

• Campus Christian Athletics and Stereotypes:
  Running jokes about the proliferation of "Christian athletes" groups, bland team name proposals, and bizarrely flat college life.

• Creationism vs. Evolution Dialogue:
  Merciless mockery of the film’s attempts at “debate,” with hosts frequently pausing to dismantle the logic and production choices.

  • “By the way, evolution answers all of it. Yeah, grandpa.” (36:24)
  • “It should be considered ridiculous. All that evidence, all of that evidence coming together and fitting perfectly into one single theory should be outlawed, quite frankly.” (38:32)
  • “He gave no credible evidence whatsoever to his theory. And I am convinced after reading Wired magazines for over two years.” (41:13)

• Notable Quotes and Moments:

  • Krissy, observing the off-kilter production: “There’s no music transitions, there’s no background noise. It’s like a weird silence that this movie has.” (23:15)
  • Bryan, on the protagonist’s ego: “He has made himself look fantastic. The kids want his autograph, the girls are into him, the teacher won’t kick him out of class because he’s handsome and smart. This is. Wow.” (47:13)
  • Bryan, on MacGyvered Mensa credentials: “I also qualified for Mensa, not by IQ, but I filled out my form… They asked me to be an honorary member because of my incredible intelligence.” (53:28)

• Script Satire & Meta Commentary:
  The hosts repeatedly break the fourth wall, clowning on everything from casting choices to amateur scriptwriting:

  • “This is the worst movie ever made… this is pure fantasy slop.” (34:01)
  • “Jesus H. Mother fucking Christ. God damn, this guy is unbelievable.” (53:04)

6. Palate Cleanser and Outro Banter (55:38–58:00)

• Desperate for Good Art:
  Both crave an antidote to the film’s mediocrity: “I need a palate cleanser… I need to watch the I, Rocky trailer again.” (55:41)

• Shoutouts and Show Updates:
  Encouragement to catch their live streams, join their community, and give feedback ("best to you out there in the podcast and streaming audience"). (57:43)

---

Memorable Quotes & Moments

| Timestamp | Speaker | Quote | |-----------|--------------|----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 00:39 | Bryan | "God damn. Somebody needs to offer me a movie so I can get into shape. Like make that my job…"| | 02:15 | Bryan | "…what will certainly be remembered as the most corrupt World cup ever." | | 09:35 | Bryan | "…starting to wonder if those Scientologists are up to something… alien injections…" | | 12:07 | Bryan | "He is our Steve. He's the next Steven Spielberg." | | 16:42 | Bryan | "There are very real people down in Venezuela who are suffering and will be for a long time."| | 23:15 | Kris | "There’s no music transitions, there’s no background noise. It’s like a weird silence…" | | 38:32 | Bryan | "It should be considered ridiculous. All that evidence… should be outlawed, quite frankly." | | 47:13 | Bryan | “…He has made himself look fantastic… This is the biggest fluff piece I have ever seen.” | | 53:04 | Bryan | "Jesus H. Mother fucking Christ. God damn, this guy is unbelievable." | | 55:41 | Bryan | "I need a palate cleanser… I need to watch the I, Rocky trailer again." | | 57:43 | Kris | "Best to you out there in the podcast and streaming audience." |

---

Notable Segments & Timestamps

• Hilarious opening roast of movie-star fitness culture: 00:39–04:19
• Hollywood’s derivative content rant: 06:12–08:47
• Discussion of “Digger” & Tom Cruise’s transformations: 08:03–10:59
• Christopher Nolan fanboying: 12:07–14:00
• Matt Damon, Keto, and being “memorable” for cash: 14:00–15:31
• Launching into Gramps Goes to College review: 20:32–21:51
• Skewering “Gramps” and the Christian college movie: 22:42–55:38
• After-movie debrief and palate cleanser: 55:38–58:00

---

Summary

This episode is an exercise in comic catharsis: a meta-lampooning of pop culture and faith-based kitsch, delivered with the rapid-fire, punch-drunk chemistry Bryan and Krissy are loved for. Movie banter, pop culture worship, hot takes on Hollywood, and a full-throttle watch-along roast of "Gramps Goes to College" — it’s all here, making this another classic “cheesecake factory of comedy” installment from The Commercial Break.

For fans of: irreverent satire, pop culture riffs, and biting commentary on low-budget cinema and quirky American subcultures.

Transcript

[Professor]

You've got a big day so you use unstoppable scent boosters to give your laundry non stop freshness. So no matter how long the day goes, you can't stop.

[Brian Green]

This power, this walk, this pose, this strut, this look, this talk.

[Professor]

Your clothes will be so fresh you can confidently strut into that end of

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

the day meeting like a boss.

[Brian Green]

Boss, Boss, boss, boss, boss, bosses. Let's talk business in my office.

[Professor]

Add new unstoppables beads to your wash for 24 hour non stop freshness so you can smell unstoppable.

[Brian Green]

On this episode of the commercial break. God damn. Somebody needs to offer me a movie so I can get into shape. Like make that my job. Give me a couple million bucks.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

That's your job.

[Brian Green]

And a script. I think be I think harder than any of the other body work is just memorizing. I'm so bad at memorizing. I try and memorize commercials that we do here. I have a hard time with like three lines. If you gave me the Odyssey, the Iliad and the Odyssey and told me to go ahead and memorize those, I'd be like, sure. Line, line. You don't. You just have to smile. Line, smile. I love you is the line. Line. I need some gluten. Give me some gluten. Unbelievable. The next episode of the commercial break starts now. Yeah. Cows and kittens. Welcome back to the commercial break. I'm Brian Green. This is my dear friend and the co host of this show, Kristen Joy Hoadley. Best to you, Kristen.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Best to you, Brian.

[Brian Green]

Best to you out there in the podcast universe. How the hell are you? It looks like we're going to shape up an Espana and an Argentina.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yes.

[Brian Green]

World Cup.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

That was exciting.

[Brian Green]

Listen, I was rooting for England hardcore. I just didn't want to see Argentina win. But they did. And so now we live with the result. Espana, Argentina in what will certainly be remembered as the most corrupt World cup ever.

[Critical Listener]

Ever.

[Brian Green]

And so I fully expect Argentina to win. But I will root for Spain to the moment it goes down. I to the all 90 minutes plus. Yeah, well, it was an exciting game, I will tell you that. And from my eyes, from my eyes are a lot of people online who say differently. From my eyes, a fairly called game. I didn't see anything overtly. There were a couple elbows here and there. There were a couple of pushes in the backs that I thought could have been called. There was an early foul that was clear as day, but it just didn't get called. But the ref didn't call him on both sides either he let the game get really physical. And so in my opinion, squarely called, fairly called. Whether or not Argentina should have even made it that far is a different question altogether. But who am I to say? Who am I to judge Messi?

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

They come back from the end again. I mean that.

[Brian Green]

The lion does it again. Yeah, the lion does it again. He is just the world's best soccer player ever. He, when he has that ball on his foot, it's like there's a magnet and he can just swirl it around in any which way he wants. In that pass for that last goal that won the game, you know, seven minutes into nine minutes of extra time. Just unbelievable that that pass was picture perfect. It was like they wrote it. It's like a movie. It's like a. It's like a Rocky. Chrissy and I just saw the trailer for I Play Rocky, which is really good. True story of how Rocky went from something, you know, an idea inside of Sylvester Stallone's brain to reality. And he was a valet. I know this story. He was a valet in Hollywood. And while he was certainly a bulky, you know, kind of rugged, good looking guy, he was no, he was on no one's radar. No one was looking for Sylvester Stallone to be a movie star. But he had this idea for this boxing movie. Big fan of boxing. All his life he was a boxer and he, he took it to distance. He kept saying no until he got what he wanted, which was write the movie, play Rocky. And eventually they capitulated and it became. And it won an Oscar. So there you go.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I wonder if that kind of story would happen these days.

[Brian Green]

No. Well, yes, actually. Yes. And I'll tell you why. It's because a lot of the movie companies and streamers look for to people like us, like independent creators who are otherwise not in the Hollywood world for their next big thing. It's the true. I guess the landscape is littered.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I saw him like slipping something on somebody's desk.

[Brian Green]

Yeah.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

You know.

[Critical Listener]

Yeah.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

That wouldn't care if you can do that.

[Brian Green]

No, no, no, no. There are no desks anymore.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Well, right, yeah.

[Brian Green]

You can't slip anything on a desk. There are no desks. No one's there. Best to you too out there in the streaming universe. Thanks for joining us. Yeah, you don't. There's no desks. You don't slip things. I don't even know if there's a Hollywood anymore, if I'm being honest. I think it's all run by AI. I think there's just A bunch of AI assistants emailing each other back and forth about potential scripts. I'm certain of it. I'm certain of it. It's wild. I mean, we work in the industry and I work on kind of in the industry. I actually had a meeting this morning with Muckety muck biggity wigs from a big network. And I wish I could disclose, but I can't.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Big wigs. Yeah, I love big wigs.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, they're. Yeah, yeah.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I picture them with a big wig.

[Brian Green]

The old pompadours they used to wear like the. In the court.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yes. Like the powdered wigs.

[Stephanie Carter]

Yeah.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I think they still wear those over in England.

[Brian Green]

They do, yes. It's a big. It's a big part of what they do. They do it in parts of Africa too. But I think in parts of Africa where, you know, white people still have control over the land, it's like, you know, it's wild. They still wear those wigs and they still kind of adhere to that old system. But, you know, you watch these procedurals in. On British TV and whenever they're in court, you know, you always see the. The prosecutor. The Ohms Budman I think is what they call it. Like the Ohms Budman is instead of a lawyer, it's like an Omesman or Ohms Budmans. Ohms Budsmans.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

One of the barrister.

[Brian Green]

There's Barrister too. There's all different kind of weird names. But then they have the wigs and you know. Your honor, madame, sir, good day. So you were talking to a big. Yeah, I was talking to some big wigs today. And, and, and they had worked at a very well known network owned by one of the big threes. NBC, abc. Cbs. And we were just kind of opining about how difficult it is for good ideas to percolate these days because so many bad ideas just get rehashed. Like it's just rehashing. I mean, that. What is that show? What does it show with all the nerds? Big Bang Theory. Big Bang Theory is on its fourth derivative. Fourth derivative. HBO now has a fourth show from the universe of the Big Bang Theory. That was a sitcom that I. I don't know if you ever paid attention to. Listen, we've had some of the people that were on that show on here. I don't have anything terrible to say about the show. It wasn't my thing.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah, I didn't really watch it.

[Brian Green]

I even said that to what's her name when she came on here. Wasn't my thing. Mayim.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

Balik Mayim Balak wasn't my thing and. But now there's four different television shows that have come out of that one. Not my favorite sitcom. So they just keep rehashing the old ideas. So it's really difficult for a new, fresh idea to percolate. And that's why I'm excited about movies like Digger, because clearly that is a wild outlier of a movie that I think we're all going to be talking about for decades to come. I hope. I hope it's as good as the trailer.

[Rachel]

Yeah.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I mean, Tom Cruise doesn't just put his name to anything.

[Brian Green]

It's true. This is true.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

And transform like that for anything.

[Professor]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

That's the thing about being an actor that I think I would love and hate. I would love to, like, be it be my job to just sit around and transform my body 80 pounds heavier than I am today so that I could, of course, eat exact, you know, cream and cereal. So I'm blue in the face. Under the care of the best. I was thinking about this. Tom Cruise must be under the care of. Of the best doctors slash longevity specialists ever. The guy looks fantastic. And he's 70 years old. Is he 70?

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

No. I did look it up today. He's like 64.

[Brian Green]

64.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Okay, 64.

[Brian Green]

He looks like he's 44 wearing a

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

fat suit for this.

[Brian Green]

Oh, you think so?

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Well, that's. I was reading a little bit about it because I wanted to watch the trailer again.

[Brian Green]

Okay.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Because it's a lot to digest.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. If you haven't seen the Digger trailer yet, go watch it after the show is over. It's fucking wild.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

And I guess he transformed himself for. There was another movie I didn't recognize it from 2008 that he had worn a fat suit for, so.

[Stephanie Carter]

Oh,

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

fat suit stuff.

[Brian Green]

He did play, like a CEO of a company for a movie. Yeah, yeah. And he was. He was big and he had, like, weird hair. He had, like the comb over hair. But I saw him yesterday talking about the camera that they used to make this movie, Digger. He was, like, in love with this camera. He was talking, like, caressing it and talking about it. He was doing an interview with some podcaster or something. And Tom, in just regular iPhone glory, looks amazing.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Oh, he does.

[Brian Green]

Amazing.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I know, it's weird.

[Brian Green]

It is weird. So now I'm starting to wonder if those Scientologists are up to something, right? Like if they maybe have the key to the kingdom.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Well, aliens.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. Maybe he's getting alien injections and it's keeping him Young, I don't know. And maybe, I mean, you know. You like Tom Cruise, right? Everyone, Tom Cruise is, while he has had his moments, he. In pop culture, and there certainly are some sordid tales from people who know him about the level of control that he likes in his life and around him and all that. And the Scientology thing is just out there. I don't understand it. But he's a likable guy. That's why he seems like it.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah. And his movies are fantastic.

[Brian Green]

He has stuck with one company his entire career.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Oh, really?

[Brian Green]

Paramount has made all of his movies, I think, except for two. So I think a Few Good Men and then if maybe it was the Big Chill or something like the. Not the Big Chill.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah, he wasn't in that.

[Brian Green]

The one where he slides around in his underpants.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Oh, Risky Business.

[Brian Green]

Risky Business, I think those two movies, I believe, are the outliers and everything else is Paramount. So he has stuck with them, they have stuck with him. He has taken chance after chance. He's gotten hundreds of millions of dollars, and he never fails. The guy just doesn't miss.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I know.

[Brian Green]

I, I hate, I hate to say it, but I never wanted to see another Mission Impossible after Mission Impossible. I know, but never.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

But they're so good.

[Brian Green]

Is it good, man?

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Just like the second Top Gun.

[Brian Green]

Yes, it is.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I didn't want to like that, but it was really, really good.

[Brian Green]

Oh, my God, Chrissy. I just, I, I didn't want, I don't, I want to know. I, I don't want anything to do with Tom Cruise. And it sucks me back in. I keep going out and they keep pulling me back in. That Tom Cruise.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

And he looks good.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

He does.

[Brian Green]

Sexy. He does, he's, he's hot. I, I, I just, I want to be Tom Cruise now. That's what I want to do. I want to be a Scientologist with the Drinking the blood of aliens and making myself younger. If I could do only those things and get fat and skinny and fat and skinny for roles like. Christian Bales talked about this.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Oh, yeah, he did that.

[Brian Green]

He does this. He does these body trance. A lot of actors do this. And it is terrible for your body. Terrible. It's terrible for your body to gain £100 and then lose it in six days and then put it back on and, you know, change yourself physically for a role. That has got to be a very difficult and satisfying thing to do, I would imagine. Like, who doesn't want to be given permission under the care of doctors completely.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Somebody else.

[Brian Green]

Yes. Be completely somebody else. Eat as many cheeseburgers as you can over the next six months. We want you fat and happy. That's what we want to do. And then look at Matt Damon from the Odyssey. The Odyssey. Another movie that I can't wait to go see.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Me too. Out Friday, right?

[Brian Green]

Yeah, it's out Friday. It's sold out. It's sold out everywhere. I tried to get tickets. It's sold out for the first weekend. At least around here it is. I can't. I can't find any tickets in all the formats for, you know, extra wide, IMAX, 4K, 3K 2D, you know, Dolby sound, surround. It's all. It's all sold out. But there's another guy, Christopher Nolan, that just can't lose. The guy is so good at what he does. He is our Steve. He's the next Steven Spielberg. And proving it time after time. Name a bad movie. Christopher Nolan is. No, I can't. From Momentum Momento all the way to, you know, that one that no one understands, you know. You know what you want to talk about? No. No. The one where everyone goes backwards. Oh, Syncope. No, Syncope is the name of his company.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

God, what is that?

[Brian Green]

God damn it. I. You know, some days your brain's just not working. It just isn't.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Then, obviously. He just did Oppenheimer.

[Brian Green]

He just did Oppenheimer, which won booku awards. Chris Nolan and Christopher Nerling made a bunch of movies, and one of them was called Tenant. Tenant is fucking fantastic. Don't understand a word of it, but it's fucking fantast. No one understands it. If you think you don't, tell me you understand it because you don't understand it. Dunkirk, I've watched it a ton of times. I still don't get it. Dunkirk is so good. Memento is so good. Oppenheimer, fantastic. Inception, probably the best. Interstellar, probably a close second. The Dark Knight. The Dark Knight.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I forget that he did the Dark Knight.

[Brian Green]

Yes, he did. He did that trilogy of movies, Christopher Nolan and the Odyssey. And Matt Damon's out there talking about how fortunate for the movie they were talking about the rules on a Christopher Nolan set. No cell phones, no diva behavior. When you're ready to act, come out to the set and let's act. Right? So in other words, there's no call times. He just says, when you're ready, when you got your lines, when you're good to go, come on, and we'll go work on it, right? So it's like everybody's just like, this big collaborative experience, you know, he. He wants you to be in the moment. So, like, when they're in Iceland and shooting and Zendaya's and a tiny little, you know, thing that's not covering anything, she's just got to stand out. Like, she's no diva behavior. You got to feel it, be in it, be in the moment. And so he's known as, like, a creative guy. That collab that's very collaborative, but he knows what he wants, and he doesn't want you pissing and moaning about it. Right? But it's Christopher Nolan and Matt Damon saying, listen, he came to me, he said, you know, I think you might be good for this part, but you got to get into shape. And Matt Damon gave up all carbs, everyone. He's like, meal by meal. I just had to make a choice. Do I want the movie, Do I want. Do I want this bread? Do I want the movie? Do I want this pasta? And he said, I just kept making those choices over and over again, meal by meal. And eventually, you know, I went and got tested and learned that he was, like, very allergic to gluten. And it was like, make giving him an allergic reaction. And so he said, I haven't had any since. The guy looks a fucking amazing. Yeah, he's looking amazing. God damn. Somebody needs to offer me a movie so I can get into shape. Like, make that my job. Give me a couple million bucks job. And. And a script. I think harder than any of the other body work is just memorizing. I'm so bad at memorizing. I try and memorize commercials that we do here. I have a hard time with, like, three lines. If you gave me the Odyssey, the Iliad, and the Odyssey and told me to go ahead and memorize those, I'd be like, sure. Line, line. You don't. You just have to smile. Line, smile.

[Critical Listener]

Ah,

[Brian Green]

I love you. Is the line. Line. I. I'm. I. I need some gluten. Give me some gluten. Unbelievable. All right, so the Odyssey. I play Rocky Digger. We're seeing them all. Let's go see him.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I'm excited.

[Brian Green]

Let's talk about it here on the show. Let's make sure that everybody in the audience sees it, too. YouTube.com TheCommercial Break is where you can find us. You can find. Follow along on our live streams. And then I try and release that episode later on that evening, depending on our recording schedule. But you're getting three episodes a week. Sometimes you're getting four. Just depends, you know, we're we're trying to get into a groove here and, and we've been trying to do that for seven months. So we'll figure it out eventually.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I think we're both in town for a while.

[Brian Green]

For a while. Well, at least for some, some of the days a week. Yeah, we're, we're both in town for a while. And one more time, I'll remind you, I've been doing this for the last couple of weeks. You can still donate generously, please. Time, money, energy and efforts to the recovery efforts down in Venezuela after they suffered not one, but two horrible, life changing, life altering, once in a lifetime earthquakes within minutes of each other.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

And they will be recovering for a very long time. So I know that, you know, there, there comes this like, like charity fatigue. I get it. Hearing about it and seeing it and you just get inundated online by all the images like I do. But there are very real people down in Venezuela who are suffering and will be for a long time. Let's do this. Let's take a break. When we get back, we want to get back to Gramps Goes to College, which is another movie we've been really excited to see.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I wonder, is there a trailer for that one?

[Brian Green]

I don't know. You know when you texted me last night and you said I showed Jeff the trailer for Digger, my brain for one second second was like, did she, did she find the trailer for Gramps Goes to College? Yeah, I was like in the car reading it and I was like, all right, let's do this. Let's take a break. And we get back, Gramps, line,

[Professor]

speaking

[Brian Green]

of line, I mean, who wrote that script?

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Now it's bad.

[Brian Green]

It's like Peter, Paul or Luke must have written. It's literally spoken in Bible. It's so weird. I was thinking about it last night. It's like these. You couldn't make it more abnormal if you tried. All right, so let's take a break. We'll be back.

[Rachel]

Let me do something Brian has never done.

[Professor]

Be brief.

[Rachel]

Follow us on Instagram at the commercial break. Text or call us 212-4333 TCB. That's 212-433-3822. Visit our website tcbpodcast.com for all the audio, video and your free sticker. Then watch all the [e-mail] break and finally share the show. It's the best gift you could give a few aging podcasters. See, Brian, that really wasn't that difficult, now was it? You're welcome.

[Critical Listener]

Just a Guy who rants, not funny at all. The co host is asleep. She's pretty dog. People like the show. Why are they on the charts? What's the fuck they talking about? I shouldn't always do this, dad. TCB is terrible. This show is fucking bad. I'd like to punch Brian in the mouth. This podcast is kinda sad. Is this what we think is funny now how do I turn it off? My ears are saying ow. Stop laughing at your stomach. Are these two making sense? least I didn't pay. I am deaf. In my defense, TCB is terrible. That is being kind. Both the hosts are idiots. They left the funny behind. What is this show about? It's offensive to my soul. Bright is a hack. These two aren't funny and so old. Why all the hype? How did this get made so many episodes, none of which are great. TCB is terrible. Worst show you could do. TCB is terrible. Worst to you.

[Brian Green]

All right, here we go. We're back with Gramps Goes to College. All right, let me see if I can. Oh, geez. Oh. It started at the beginning. I wanted to start it right here, I think.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah, we were like 18.

[Brian Green]

18 minutes. Was it 18?

[Professor]

Question during the last class of the semester and you'll see the comparison.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, we don't want to talk about. We saw that part.

[Brad Hanson]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

Okay, here we go. We're back.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Is he in the cafeteria?

[Brian Green]

He's in the cafeteria. Gramps is in the cafeteria. In case you weren't with us yesterday, go back and you can listen. We just got warmed up on a movie we called. Not we called, they called Gramps Goes to College which is essentially the, the. This is the Christian version of the Rodney Dangerfield movie Back to school where a 65 year old man has not only been admitted back to college for to get his master's degree in biology, he believes only in creationism, not in evolution. There's a teacher that he has his eyes on and I don't mean in a sexual way, I mean he's going to take her down. The whole school is talking about it. Really? Because when a student has opposing viewpoints than the professor, essentially it's like who cares about football on Saturday? We want to see the professor and this guy boringly talk about biology and evolution. And so not only has he been let back in college, but it just so happens that his daughter, long lost daughter, goes to the same school.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Also he's been admitted to a dorm.

[Brian Green]

A co ed dorm. A co ed dorm. That is the best part about this is they I think quite frankly on all college campuses across the country this should be just something we do. We should let 65 year old men go to the co ed Dorms with the 18 year old women because that's, you know, they're just a bunch of sexed up liberal assholes. Anyway Chrissy, as he said. So here we are, we're. We're really just getting into the meat and potatoes of the movie which I. Of which I don't know. I have no idea what the plot is here but I'm hoping it reveals itself. But I do know that the. What is it Hicksville? Is it Hickson? Hickerson? Hickerson. Hickerson Hall. We do know that the Hickerson College is the Panthers. The very famous Hickerson Panthers.

[Gramps McGillicuddy]

Hi, I'd like to present to you my roommate Brad Hanson.

[Brad Hanson]

Nice to meet you Brad.

[Brian Green]

I love to present people to you. I am now presenting to you fellow humans. This,

[Brad Hanson]

this is my roommate Stephanie Carter.

[Stephanie Carter]

Nice to meet both of you.

[Jace]

Nice to meet you.

[Stephanie Carter]

Should we pray?

[Brian Green]

Ty. Go for it. All right.

[Stephanie Carter]

Oh dear God, thank you for the

[Gramps McGillicuddy]

state, thank you for this food.

[Stephanie Carter]

I pray that you would nourish our bodies with it now. And I pray these things through Jesus name.

[Professor]

Amen.

[Gramps McGillicuddy]

Amen.

[Brian Green]

Listen to that background noise. I know, I know.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

There's no one else.

[Brian Green]

No one there. Yeah, but they have this unnecessary filth the entire movie. Chrissy and I wasn't. The entire movie. The 20 minutes we've watched. Chrissy and I have been complaining that there are no tran. There's no music transitions, there's no background noise. When people walk, you don't hear their footsteps. It's like a weird silence that this movie has. But now all of the sudden they've decided to put in background noise when it makes no sense.

[Gramps McGillicuddy]

So Stephanie, why don't you tell us about yourself?

[Jace]

I'd prefer to talk about different things.

[Brian Green]

Well, I'm a drug addled slut living in the dormitories. Why you go to school here?

[Gramps McGillicuddy]

Me?

[Jace]

Yes.

[Gramps McGillicuddy]

Contrary to popular rumor, it's not so I could annoy professor.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

So I guess that's not his daughter. We thought maybe at one point yesterday that that was gonn to be his daughter.

[Brian Green]

Well, I'm still betting that this ends up being his daughter. I'm still betting that he.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

He.

[Brian Green]

It's. She's so long lost that he doesn't even know her name. Yeah, he doesn't recognize her.

[Gramps McGillicuddy]

You know, I've gathered a wealth of knowledge and. And wisdom over my lifetime and I Just wanted to share it with anybody who would like to listen.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I wanted to share it.

[Brian Green]

I wanted to share to learn. Why are you creepily creeping across the table? He's, like, huffing toward. Yeah, leering toward her.

[Jace]

Okay.

[Brad Hanson]

So, Brad, what's your story?

[Stephanie Carter]

Just a good old country boy getting me an education. My dad owns a big ranch. He wants me to take over someday, but I want to do different things in my life.

[Brian Green]

Oh, yeah? I want to do different things in my life.

[Jace]

Really? I bet you have some nice wheels to get around.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

She is dying for a car.

[Brian Green]

Oh, man, she can't wait to get a ride somewhere. Isn't there Uber in this town? Or a cab company, A bus? I'm not sure.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

She's got her chauffeur.

[Brian Green]

Oh, yeah, that's true. She's got. Her mom got her a chauffeur because she got a dui and now she's had her license revoked.

[Jace]

You mind giving me a ride sometime? I've never driven a pickup.

[Stephanie Carter]

I love that.

[Brian Green]

Me too. I love a good ride.

[Jace]

Let me drive.

[Brian Green]

How about both? Wow, look at the color. Like, the difference in, like, the lighting and the color. This. Who's. Who's here helping this guy make this movie?

[Stephanie Carter]

You find some new crew to hang

[Brian Green]

out with this year?

[Jace]

Yeah, I've decided to hang out with Homo sapiens this year. The Neanderthal thing was getting a little old.

[Stephanie Carter]

Neanderthal?

[Brian Green]

Whoa, snap. That's how college kids talk.

[Stephanie Carter]

Really? Is that a way to speak to an old flame?

[Jace]

That flame went out so totally that there is no evidence that it ever existed.

[Stephanie Carter]

Your mouth's saying one thing. Your eyes are telling me you still want me.

[Brian Green]

What in the sex. The Is going on here? Oh, this guy's. Yeah, I like this guy. He's got the words.

[Jace]

It reminds me of the universe still expanding.

[Stephanie Carter]

And why shouldn't it? Don't tell me this is that infamous Gramps that everyone's talking about on campus.

[Jace]

Why don't you step out of character and be nice for a change? I mean, what are you doing in the cafeteria?

[Brian Green]

I mean. Yeah, why don't you step out of character and be nice for a change? You are so bitchy.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

This.

[Brian Green]

This character is cartoonishly terrible.

[Stephanie Carter]

You're recruiting for my intramural squad.

[Brian Green]

By the way.

[Stephanie Carter]

Do you know any good athletes that aren't taken?

[Brad Hanson]

Maybe Brad would be interested.

[Stephanie Carter]

Yeah, I'd love to be on a team.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, I'd love to be on a team. What sport are we talking about? I love sports. I play all of them.

[Stephanie Carter]

Did I mention any good athletes?

[Gramps McGillicuddy]

So what sports do they offer?

[Stephanie Carter]

Well, just about everything. What's it to you? Trying to show off some talent, old man.

[Gramps McGillicuddy]

That sounds like fun.

[Brian Green]

Well, I don't think they have. Don't tell me this guy's gonna try and make himself the sports hero of this movie. I mean, this guy made a movie just so he could pick up 18 year old girl. I think full board.

[Stephanie Carter]

But I think you could be a manager for some lame team.

[Gramps McGillicuddy]

Or maybe I could start my own team.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, you do that.

[Stephanie Carter]

We need another laugh around campus. I'm getting back to recruiting for all this.

[Brian Green]

Lame team. It's lame team.

[Stephanie Carter]

Is he on the football field, Gramps?

[Gramps McGillicuddy]

Yeah, maybe so.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I'm picturing him like passing. Doing like a Hail Mary.

[Jace]

I refuse to answer.

[Brian Green]

He breaks a hip, he ends up in assisted living.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

God.

[Jace]

On the grounds that it will embarrass me.

[Stephanie Carter]

Were you serious about starting an intramural team, Ty?

[Gramps McGillicuddy]

Oh, absolutely.

[Brian Green]

Oh, absolutely. I love starting intramural teams. I've learned so much in my days on this earth. I just love to share the wisdom. What do you think, sunshine? You're pretty sexy for my daughter.

[Gramps McGillicuddy]

Yeah, Cool love.

[Stephanie Carter]

Nothing better than to show up that arrogant shirk.

[Jace]

And I'd love to see you do it.

[Gramps McGillicuddy]

Wouldn't exactly break my heart to serve him a big piece of humble pie.

[Brad Hanson]

Can I be a cheerleader?

[Gramps McGillicuddy]

Oh, absolutely.

[Vaughn]

I'd love that.

[Brian Green]

Can I be a stereotype in your movie?

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

What a. What a team they have.

[Brian Green]

What a team. Yeah, they've got. They're gonna do sports, Chrissy. They're all getting together to do sports. This is Revenge of the Nerds. Really? This is the plot for Revenge of the Nerds.

[Gramps McGillicuddy]

But we haven't got any team members yet, so maybe you girls will help us recruit.

[Jace]

I'd be glad to. I look forward to seeing the agony of defeat on Jace's face.

[Brian Green]

I know how to get guys to do what I want. I just got a car from old Brian over here.

[Gramps McGillicuddy]

We only want to recruit people that love the Lord. You know, we're gonna. I wanna name the team Sons of the King.

[Stephanie Carter]

Sons of the King.

[Jace]

Nothing.

[Gramps McGillicuddy]

You know, there's a meeting of Fellowship of Christian Athletes tomorrow night. I'm gonna go there and see if I can find somebody.

[Brian Green]

Good idea. There just happens to be a meeting of the Fellowship of Christian Athletes.

[Jace]

Jace had some Christians on his team last year. Maybe you could steal them away.

[Brad Hanson]

We'd be doing them a favor, I think.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Well, what are they going to play? You know What?

[Brian Green]

I'm. Yeah, they still haven't decided what sport they'd like to be involved in, but that's okay. Yeah, listen Chrissy, let them dream. A kid can dream.

[Stephanie Carter]

Go talk to some guys right now that might be interested.

[Jace]

Can I come with you?

[Stephanie Carter]

Sure.

[Brian Green]

I'm going to go talk to some guys right now. In this empty cafeteria.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Hey, look over there. There must be a meeting of flatter society.

[Brian Green]

Hey gramps, why did you tell Noah to leave the mosquitoes off the ark?

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

What?

[Brian Green]

I don't. I don't even understand the flat earth. The flat earth society get the mosquitoes on the ark. What?

[Brad Hanson]

Some of your fans?

[Gramps McGillicuddy]

Yeah, right.

[Brad Hanson]

Were you by any chance trying to line me up with Brad?

[Gramps McGillicuddy]

Hey, there's nothing matter with a little matchmaking, is there?

[Brad Hanson]

Except you should have told me.

[Brian Green]

Except you're my daddy.

[Brad Hanson]

I would have left my roommate at home. Looks like she stole him away.

[Gramps McGillicuddy]

You know, I have a really good feeling about Brad. Stephanie. Ah, not so much. The word of the Lord that I received was a double minded woman. Is unstable in all her ways.

[Brad Hanson]

She doesn't appear very double minded to me. She seems to have her mind totally set on having fun. And it appears that fun involves brat. At least for the moment.

[Brian Green]

Uh oh, there's here's. We're setting up some drama, a little romantic friction. That's right. Grandpa says let she who be a hussy not be too fussy.

[Gramps McGillicuddy]

I don't know what you're saying, but I think she's wrestling with God. I really sense that she knew him at one time and now she's running away from him.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

If that's true, I feel like he's

[Brian Green]

giving acting direction while he's talking. You know what I'm saying? Now I want you to get in character. I want her be the girl who's run away from God. But now she's trying to find him

[Brad Hanson]

again, running as fast as she can.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

She's throwing Stephanie under the bus.

[Brian Green]

She really is. And I do have to say those posters. I mean, what was the budget on that? Who has drapes like that anymore? This has got to be in a senior citizen home.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I think it is.

[Brian Green]

Hey, can we leave autograph groups?

[Gramps McGillicuddy]

Are you mocking me? No, you're our hero.

[Brian Green]

If you stood up to Professor Tucker, you're our hero.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Professor Tucker seemed very nice.

[Brian Green]

No, Professor Tucker's a bitch, man. She failed me in biology because I said what up with Jesus, dude, Jesus is my boy or hero.

[Gramps McGillicuddy]

I'm just doing what needs to be done.

[Brian Green]

You're A legend on canvas in just one day.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I can't wait to see what you

[Brian Green]

have for the rest of the year.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I'm waiting to see this team I'm gonna put together.

[Brian Green]

You're a legend on canvas after just one day? I can't wait to see what happens next.

[Gramps McGillicuddy]

No legend. I don't do autographs. But hey, maybe I could get your autographs. I just happen to be forming an intramural team. I need some team members. You guys interested?

[Rachel]

Cool.

[Gramps McGillicuddy]

Sign me up.

[Stephanie Carter]

Me too.

[Brian Green]

Cool.

[Gramps McGillicuddy]

Here's my card. Shoot me an email with your contact information and I'll get back to you and we'll get you on the roster. Thanks. Thanks, grandpa.

[Brian Green]

Sweet grandpa. I love a business card. I'll go home and email you right now with my contact info so that we can all be on the roster. Sweet gramps.

[Brad Hanson]

Oh, do you like them calling you Gramps?

[Gramps McGillicuddy]

Uh, not especially, but there's not a whole lot I can do about it. There's a lot worse names they could call me.

[Brad Hanson]

Have you had a lot of requests for autographs?

[Gramps McGillicuddy]

Uh, no, but there have been a lot of kids coming up.

[Brian Green]

This is the worst movie ever made. It's gotta be. This guy is right. The guy on Instagram who I found this movie through did like a clip or two about. This is 100% right. This is the worst movie ever made.

[Gramps McGillicuddy]

Talking to most of them confrontational. And some have been supportive. You know, the grapevine must really be green here. I just wish the gospel could travel as fast as the gossip.

[Brad Hanson]

Amen.

[Brian Green]

You've only been on campus for 24 hours and you already know everything about everybody. You're already. People are asking you for autographs. You've become a hero on campus because you stood up to Judy. What's her nuts? I mean, this is like. This is pure fantasy slop.

[Brad Hanson]

How do they know that it's you?

[Gramps McGillicuddy]

Oh, hello. I stand out in this campus like a pink Cadillac at a mafia funeral. I'm the only gray headed guy around here with a backpack and Tenny runners on. I'm just gonna have to get used to it.

[Brian Green]

Tenny runners?

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I don't know what that is.

[Brian Green]

I don't know either.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Maybe tennis.

[Brian Green]

I'm probably his age and I don't understand more autographs.

[Jace]

Dude.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Hi.

[Gramps McGillicuddy]

Part of the computer club. And we heard you were a computer

[Brian Green]

guy, but also a creationist.

[Gramps McGillicuddy]

How can that be? Oh, let me guess. You guys read Wired magazine?

[Stephanie Carter]

Duh.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, duh. Who doesn't? All the cool kids are reading Wired.

[Gramps McGillicuddy]

Answer your question with A question. What organ in the human body is the most like a computer?

[Brian Green]

Well, that's a no brainer, pun intended, but no, it's the brain.

[Gramps McGillicuddy]

So where did the information come from that controls the function of the brain operating system you might consider evolved? I must point out that in order for something to evolve, it must exist. Previously. I don't see how you guys can even considered that both the software and the hardware, the brain could materialize out of a bunch of cells going through a set of non directed mutations.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

But instead of just materialized.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, instead of just materialized.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Instead of mutations, just materialized.

[Brian Green]

Higgity biggity higgity poo. I put a big brain right inside of you. I'm having so much fun.

[Gramps McGillicuddy]

What good would a brain be if it's not connected to the central nervous system?

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Not a lot.

[Gramps McGillicuddy]

It would be like a computer with

[Brian Green]

no input or output capability.

[Gramps McGillicuddy]

No keyboard, mouse, audio. Exactly, you got it. And then you have to ask yourself the question. In the first place, how did this organism survive without a brain in order so it could develop a brain later?

[Brian Green]

By the way, evolution answers all of it. Yeah, grandpa. So I love sometimes how creationists listen. You believe in creationism? Cool. Not. I'm not here to bust on everyone's beliefs. I don't know any more than you do how it all happened, because I haven't been around since the amoeba. You know, I didn't, I didn't witness it all go down. But scientists have a pretty good idea based on some pretty hard evidence that they keep testing and measuring and testing and measuring over hundreds if not thousands of years. And it seems to be that we did evolve from amoeba. That's an. Eventually an operating system came to be so that we could do more complex functions. So, you know, it doesn't seem that far out to me. What does seem a little far out is wa. Bang. We're just here now. That could be the case. I don't know. But. But I have a hard time sometimes when creationists, they just ignore all evidence to the contrary and say that it can't be that way because the Bible told me so. And the Bible and science don't line up well. Maybe the Bible was written by a dude and maybe that dude happened to be wrong or he was giving it his best guess at that time.

[Gramps McGillicuddy]

What are the lungs for?

[Brian Green]

For inputting oxygen to give to the cells. Mostly brain cells.

[Gramps McGillicuddy]

So how does that oxygen get there? By the hemoglobin in the blood. You guys are good. So can the brain survive without that blood and the oxygen?

[Brian Green]

No, not for very long.

[Gramps McGillicuddy]

So what came first? The blood or the brain or the lungs or the heart that's needed to pump the blood to the brain or the liver, which is needed to clean the blood, etc.

[Rachel]

Etc.

[Gramps McGillicuddy]

Our systems are dependent upon one another for survival. The idea that they could develop individually and slowly, yet come together to work together the way they do should be considered ridiculous. Not science.

[Brian Green]

It should be considered ridiculous. All that evidence, all of that evidence coming together and fitting perfectly into one single theory should be outlawed, quite frankly. Kristen. Et cetera, et cetera, etcetera.

[Rachel]

Etc.

[Brian Green]

All right, okay, let's. Let's do this. Let's take a short break. Everyone settle down. And everyone's getting all excited about Gramps and his going back to college. He's a legend. He is a legend in his own mind. And he made a movie all about his legendary status himself. Yeah, I'm going to make a movie about my legendary status too, as a cream of the crop podcaster with over 13 listeners in 12 states.

[Professor]

All right.

[Critical Listener]

Woo.

[Rachel]

Okay. You're probably wondering why I, Rachel, have taken over the voice duties at tcb. It's pretty simple. Astrid asked me to shut Brian up, even for a minute. Well, lovely Astrid, your wish is my command. Do you want to help Astrid too? You know you do. Leave a message for her or me or Chrissy at 212-4333, TC. That's 212-433-3822. You can be on the show too. Just call and say something, anything. Or text us and we'll text you right back. Promise. Then head over to tcbpodcast.com and get your free sticker. It's your constitutional right to a sticker, and we must abide. You get the point? Follow us on Instagram at the commercial break and watch all the episodes on video at YouTube.com/the commercial break. Best to you and Astrid, especially Astrid.

[Brian Green]

All right, we're back with Gramps Goes to College and we're still in the cafeteria talking to strangers who just pull

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

up and, yeah, they sit down next

[Brian Green]

to give Gramps his legendary status credibility.

[Gramps McGillicuddy]

Let's get back to the brain, which is more complex? A computer which is designed by man, or the brain, which you think evolved through some mutations?

[Brian Green]

The brain is much more complex.

[Gramps McGillicuddy]

Exactly. Now maybe you can see why I have a hard time accepting that a bunch of molecules of hydrogen, oxygen, carbon, etcetera, just hanging around together one day came together to form a living cell that had reproductive capabilities, no less. And then later, they gathered together by the billions to form the supercomputer, etc. Which controls the function of an amazing, amazing machine which we call a human being.

[Jace]

Wow.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

He's converting people, isn't he?

[Brian Green]

Right here.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah. Real time.

[Brian Green]

Wow. He gave no credible evidence whatsoever to his theory. And I am convinced after reading Wired magazines for over two years.

[Gramps McGillicuddy]

Which means that that could make Darwin's book the Origin of the Species. Nonsense. Instead of reading Wired magazine, I suggest you guys pick up a book entitled I Don't have Enough Faith to Be an Atheist.

[Brian Green]

We should see the bookstore has it.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Let's go right now to the bookstore.

[Brian Green]

Written by me, Gramps McGillicuddy.

[Brad Hanson]

I used to think that universities were supposed to teach us how to think. But I'm starting to realize that they're trying to teach us what to think.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

She's a freshman. Who's been there for one day.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, she's been there for one day. Dad just dropped her off. And now I've got everything figured out.

[Professor]

Natural selection is the mechanism of evolution. And today we have a perfect example of how natural selection causes the evolution of resistance to insecticides. Mr.

[Gramps McGillicuddy]

Bounce, I'm sorry, but I'm really having trouble getting a handle on this natural selection. Could you explain its properties to me?

[Professor]

Properties?

[Gramps McGillicuddy]

Yeah, you know, size, weight, color. What's this chemical composition? Does it matter? Is it energy?

[Professor]

It doesn't have properties. It provides effects that we readily see in the lab or in nature.

[Gramps McGillicuddy]

So something that has no physical properties whatsoever causes living organisms to mutate?

[Brian Green]

I know. What's wrong with his mouth?

[Critical Listener]

Well.

[Brian Green]

No.

[Gramps McGillicuddy]

Which one is it?

[Professor]

Natural selection doesn't cause the changes. That's just the name of the process. Basically, organisms that are better adapted to their environment. These are the ones that survive and they produce their offspring. Now, what causes that? That could be recessive gene or chance mutation. But somehow they're better suited. And so they survive and they pass down that DNA.

[Gramps McGillicuddy]

Then why does it say in the book, natural selection causes the evolution? Pardon my French here, Professor, but it just seems to me that these textbook authors, with your help, are trying to sell us a crock. A crock ain't full of butter. Whoa,

[Brian Green]

Grandpa, Grandpa, Grandpa.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

The crock ain't full of butter.

[Professor]

Are you almost done, Mr. Bounds?

[Gramps McGillicuddy]

For today, I think I've sufficiently introduced my fellow students here to the concept that just because something's written in a textbook, that doesn't make it the truth. It's kind of funny. People won't accept that God exists because they can't see him, but they'll embrace and even evangelize natural selection, which has no physical properties. We can even see we have a

[Professor]

lot of scientific material to cover here today. How about we just take this discussion offline? Perhaps you and I could meet over a cup of coffee and I can clarify it for you.

[Gramps McGillicuddy]

Yeah, I'd welcome that opportunity.

[Professor]

Fine. And now to reiterate.

[Brian Green]

Fine. Fine.

[Professor]

Importance of evolution in this classroom. The science of evolution is the glue that holds all of biology together.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Oh, pull it up to the old with absolutely no.

[Brian Green]

Here comes a big pickup truck.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Makes no noise.

[Brian Green]

Oh, yeah. Here he comes, the hot stud. The Neanderthal up. There she is.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

No, he's letting Stephanie drive.

[Brian Green]

Oh, yeah, man, that was. You drive.

[Jace]

I can.

[Brad Hanson]

No.

[Jace]

That was a lot of fun. Can I do it again sometime?

[Brian Green]

Sure.

[Jace]

How'd you like to go to a party Saturday night?

[Stephanie Carter]

Are you asking me generically?

[Brian Green]

Wait, didn't she lose her license?

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yes.

[Brian Green]

She shouldn't be driving at all. Okay, Just checking out, I guess.

[Jace]

I'm asking you out. It is the 21st century and girls do that. Especially when the guy doesn't seem to take a hint.

[Stephanie Carter]

I didn't know if you wanted to be just friends or what.

[Jace]

Well, after Saturday, we'll know more about what we want.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Oh, all right.

[Stephanie Carter]

Where's the party?

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I hope they show this party.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, me too. I want to see what. I want to see what? His version of this party.

[Stephanie Carter]

I don't know. I really don't go to parties.

[Rachel]

I don't know.

[Brian Green]

I'm pretty scared of parties. I hear there might be alcohol and I'm pretty sure that I'm not. I'm not interested in that.

[Jace]

Chrissy, be with me, don't you?

[Stephanie Carter]

Yeah.

[Jace]

Then come.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Meanwhile, she's a senior.

[Brian Green]

I know she's a senior. He's a freshman.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

What's going on here?

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

We just met.

[Brian Green]

I know, but, you know, things do move quickly in college.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Oh, that's true.

[Brian Green]

Hicksville, Hicksville.

[Vaughn]

What's the story with his Cramps character?

[Stephanie Carter]

Who.

[Vaughn]

Who's the talk of the campus?

[Professor]

Oh, no, don't tell me.

[Brian Green]

What's the story?

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

The talk?

[Brian Green]

It's words getting around.

[Professor]

This has gone beyond my classroom.

[Vaughn]

Okay, I won't tell you. But it has.

[Professor]

Wonderful. Luckily, I've got a little talk scheduled with Gramps.

[Vaughn]

This guy must be a real moron. Or perhaps crazy.

[Professor]

Oh, far from it.

[Vaughn]

Well, are you gonna kick him out of class? Or at least threaten to kick him

[Professor]

out of my mind? But I hate to duck out in such A challenge. It's been a while since I've had such a worthy adversary.

[Vaughn]

What constitutes the qualifications for worthy, bold, intelligent, handsome?

[Professor]

I guess some women might.

[Brian Green]

Oh God. This is a pickup movie for him. I mean, he has made himself look fantastic. The kids want his autograph, the girls are into him, the teacher won't kick him out of class because he's handsome and smart. This is. Wow. This is the biggest fluff piece I have ever seen. For. For. And there he has given no credible argument that evolution does not exist. He is. His one credible argument is it's not a real the. That natural selection is not an actual thing. Of course it's not a thing. It's a theory, it's a process. Processes cannot be held in your hand, you are a moron, etc.

[Professor]

Find him attractive, do you? You're getting personal, Vaughn.

[Vaughn]

Well, you know, Vaughn, Yvonne, I'm so

[Professor]

sorry that the mutual attraction's not on my end. And besides, I just think your wife might object.

[Vaughn]

Yeah, whatever.

[Brian Green]

Ah, snap.

[Vaughn]

What you might do to gain a victory over this adversary is use some of your feminine charms. Give him a real biology lesson, if you catch my drift.

[Rachel]

Vaughn.

[Vaughn]

I'm just saying.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

This is ridiculous.

[Brian Green]

I'm just saying sleep with him and

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

then pop a boob out.

[Brian Green]

Pop a tit out. Grill Tavern.

[Professor]

So are you this much trouble in all your classes or are you just targeting me?

[Gramps McGillicuddy]

I'm an equal opportunity troublemaker. But you know, most classes don't teach something as debatable as evolution.

[Professor]

All educated people accept evolution.

[Gramps McGillicuddy]

All educated people accept that organisms evolve slightly to adapt to their environment. But not all scientists and scholars accept that you and I descended from some ape like creatures which descended from some lower life forms which all descended from some one cell organisms.

[Professor]

Well, those people are in a definite minority.

[Gramps McGillicuddy]

True. And you and your peers are trying your best to make sure it remains that way using suppression of freedom of thought.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Hey, I let you. Are they the ones like burning books and taking books out of schools?

[Brian Green]

Yes, they are.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

There's suppression of thought.

[Brian Green]

No, Chrissy, that's it. Suppression of thought. That doesn't agree with the things.

[Professor]

That's right, class, that is not suppression.

[Gramps McGillicuddy]

All right, I'll grant you that. But were you actively encouraging people to question the contents of the textbook? Or are you just like a cat playing with a mouse? You know, just amusing yourself?

[Professor]

Well, you don't seem like the mousey type.

[Gramps McGillicuddy]

Cute. You know, back in my day, education was all about memorization and regurgitation. You stuffed your head with a bunch of knowledge, took the test and promptly forgot most of it. Then you got ready for the next test.

[Professor]

Well, that's still basically true.

[Gramps McGillicuddy]

Yeah, but there's one big difference in the teaching of evolution.

[Professor]

And what's that?

[Gramps McGillicuddy]

Students can forget every single detail that's scientific in nature, but they remember one key point. That life is nothing but a bunch of cells having chemical reactions. And when those reactions cease, there's nothing left but dust in the wind.

[Professor]

And what.

[Brian Green]

That's. By the way, that is exactly what I remember from my biology class. What about you, Chrissy?

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Right.

[Professor]

It's a point.

[Brian Green]

I don't even remember that much, to be honest. I don't remember that much about biology.

[Gramps McGillicuddy]

You're a bright gal. I'm pretty sure you get my point. You think you're pretty special, don't you?

[Brian Green]

What?

[Gramps McGillicuddy]

Come on, just. You think that you're better than most people because your superior intelligence and your physical beauty, maybe.

[Professor]

So you're accusing me of having an ego problem?

[Gramps McGillicuddy]

No, no, no. Maybe I'm accusing you of being human. But. Come on, just admit it. You feel special.

[Jace]

Okay?

[Professor]

So if I'm gonna be completely honest,

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I guess I have some.

[Brian Green]

Oh, my God, Chris. This movie, the script that you have written. I cannot believe anyone agreed to do this, but I know what happened. These are all of his buddies, his creationism buddies. And they're all making this terrible movie in the service of him and him alone. And this is insanity, literally, of a superiority complex. He's saying he has a gut feeling that God exists and that God made us by snapping his fingers. And so therefore, that overrides any kind of evolutionary processes or theories because those processes and theories are hard to quantify. But isn't God also hard to quantify? Has anybody seen him? Can you hold him in your hands?

[Critical Listener]

Him?

[Brian Green]

Yes, that's it.

[Gramps McGillicuddy]

So what makes your chemistry.

[Brian Green]

Well, come on, Chrissy, he's a. Yeah, he's got a dick. Clearly.

[Gramps McGillicuddy]

Reactions, your thoughts, your dust.

[Brian Green]

Actually, it's definitely a chick. It's definitely a chick.

[Gramps McGillicuddy]

Any more special than the janitor or the garbage man? Or about that possum and finding the triangle?

[Brian Green]

I know he's. Because that's probably his day job to

[Gramps McGillicuddy]

find out why the chicken crossed the road.

[Professor]

You know, my intelligence is not derived from an opinion. I think I've successfully proven my brain capacity with qualified testing. I'm a member of Mensa.

[Gramps McGillicuddy]

You know, many creationists are also members of Mensa. But you consider them to be morons because they won't accept the gospel of Charles Darwin.

[Brian Green]

Oh, come on.

[Professor]

Really? You're going to be accusing scientists of participating in religion?

[Gramps McGillicuddy]

More like anti religion. But, you know, there is an element of faith involved and they use similar proselytizing techniques as they spread their gospel of death.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

No, sir. I was working under the gospel of death.

[Brian Green]

Jesus H. Mother fucking Christ. God damn, this guy is unbelievable.

[Professor]

This is assumption that you were.

[Brian Green]

This is the horsiest, shittiest script I have ever seen in a movie.

[Professor]

It's a man of intelligence.

[Gramps McGillicuddy]

You know, I also qualify to be a member of Mensa, but I don't put much stock in that.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I turned it down.

[Brian Green]

I turned it down because I don't. Because I don't play their games. They're just regurgitation and spitting out information supposedly makes you smart. I also qualified for Mensa, not by iq, but I filled out my form and I name, address, all that other stuff. They asked me to be an honorary member because of my incredible intelligence. Oh, and by the way, I play intramural sports. Chrissy, you want to get on my roster, I'll give you my card. You can email me your contact info. Thank you, etc.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Thanks.

[Gramps McGillicuddy]

Wisdom. In the end, Godly wisdom is much more important than human knowledge and intelligence. Alfred Lord Tennyson said, knowledge comes, but wisdom lingers. And if I might add, it lingers eternally.

[Professor]

You just never take a rest from this campaign trail, do you?

[Gramps McGillicuddy]

Well, it's not my campaign.

[Brian Green]

Okay. It's the lore.

[Gramps McGillicuddy]

What you do, David.

[Professor]

It depends what it is.

[Gramps McGillicuddy]

Let's pray some clear night. I want you to gaze up into the stars and just. Just consider how immense the universe is and how small our earth is within it. And then consider how small you are in relationship to the earth. And as you ponder your insignificance in the vast scheme of things, just imagine being the daughter of the author of all that majesty. Just try it.

[Brian Green]

I am pleased that stars.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Amen.

[Brian Green]

In the name of the Son of the Holy Spirit, Espiritu Santos. Peace be with you. And also with you. For you. And to you, et cetera.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Gramps.

[Brian Green]

All right, let's go back to Frankie B. Yeah, yeah.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Or our pickup artist.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, yeah. The pickup artist is so much more interesting. You know what? The pickup artists are telling more truth than this Guy did in 30 minutes of his own movie.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

That is the most terrible movie.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

It's really, really.

[Brian Green]

I need a palate cleanser.

[Rachel]

I know.

[Brian Green]

Like, I need to watch the I, Rocky. I play Rocky trailer again. So I remember that there are actors out there who Actually do a good job and do a thing. You know how it goes. All right, well, listen, we'll get back to it. We love you very much. Thank you for joining. I think we're working on YouTube, but I'm. I have a suspicion I looked at it yesterday and I should look at it again today. I guess that's it. You can write us at the commercial break on Instagram, send us a dm. We're hitting you back and forth. I was just checking the messages yesterday, a lot of them, because I hadn't checked them in like a month and a half. Listen, there's a lot going on and we're trying our best, all right? Everybody's. Everybody's got their own burdens to bear, so to speak. You can go to YouTube.com the commercial break, and right there you can subscribe to our channel. And when you subscribe, you will get notified when we go live, which is a couple times a week. We love to see you in the chat. We'd love you to join us if you're even seeing us on YouTube, because I should probably check that. And, and, and if you would also do us a favor at TCB podcast on TikTok. And then we've got our personal Instagrams. They're down there in the show notes. I've also left a couple of links to places you can donate to Venezuela financially. Listen, take a couple hours on a Saturday, go to your local collection center, help them sort out stuff that's going down to Venezuela. It doesn't matter that you don't speak the language. You'll probably get fed. You're most likely going to dance. You'll have a good time. Even in tragedy, the Venezuelans keep things alive.

[Gramps McGillicuddy]

Yes.

[Brian Green]

Oh, she would like a stuffy update. A stuffy update. What's a stuffy update? I don't know what a stuffy update is, but we'll give you one. Okay, Chrissy, that's all I can do for today, but I'll tell you that

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I love you and best of you.

[Brian Green]

Best to you out there in the podcast and streaming audience. We'll figure out what stuffy update means and we'll give that to you later. Until next time, Chrissy and I will say we do say we must say. Etc. Etc. Goodbye,

[Critical Listener]

Sam.

[Brian Green]

I get asked.