The Art Of The Steal!

Summary

The Commercial Break – "The Art of the Steal!" (May 21, 2026)

Episode Overview

In this improv-heavy, irreverent episode, Bryan Green and Krissy Hoadley riff on political vanity projects, the pitfalls of pool ownership, bizarre real estate schemes, and the peculiar subculture of "Disney adults"—all with their signature, disjointed banter. The main theme centers on the absurdity of American vanity (personified by Donald Trump’s reflecting pool debacle), the strange intersections of politics and pop culture, and the odd ways people try (and fail) to escape reality, whether via pool renovations or living at Disney.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Trump’s Reflecting Pool Vanity Project (00:08–11:00)

• Bryan launches into a satirical tirade about the state of his own backyard pool, and quickly parallels his misadventures to Trump’s mismanagement of the Washington D.C. reflecting pool.

• Trump’s “emergency” renovation: Trump allegedly gave a no-bid contract to personal friends—who have zero experience in pool maintenance—to repaint and “fix” the reflecting pool, escalating the cost from $1.3 million to a staggering $14 million.

• The project’s result? Mismatched seafoam blues, cracked concrete, peeling paint—turning a historic national monument into a “literal pool,” not a reflection pond.

  • Bryan: “It's no longer a reflection pond. Now it is actually a pool. And by the way, I don't think it stops there...he's going to start putting beach chairs out next to it and then selling timeshares.” (09:39)

• The hosts lampoon the Trump family’s notorious business ventures, now including "Trump Phones," and the never-ending cycle of vain, failed enterprises.

  “If there's some people on earth that are worse at business than I am, it's those three human beings [Don Jr., Eric Jr., Trump]. And that is saying a lot, because I'm pretty bad at business.” – Bryan (00:32 & again 12:21)

• Krissy sums it up dryly: “If there's any loophole, he finds it.” (08:23)

2. Parallels to Everyday Life: Pools, Parenting, and Perspective (11:00–24:04)

• Bryan jokes about feeling less incompetent thanks to having professionals now service his pool, after years of comical mishaps.
• The pool analogy segues into confessions about parenting, specifically the relentless ceremonies and pageantry around his children’s events (kindergarten graduation).
  • Bryan recounts: the overzealousness of “first-time” parents versus his own weary, veteran approach to school milestones.
    • “All that stuff starts flooding into my mind...But what flooded into my mind today wasn’t all those things...Wow, have we learned so much since my first child graduated from kindergarten...I don’t need to be there two and a half hours early, but you’d be surprised how many parents are.” (17:01)
• Comical, relatable moments: Chasing the family dog Blue in his boxers through neighbors’ yards (“One of these days someone's gonna call the cops on me...I'm outside holding my dick.” (18:31)) and trying not to pass on his road rage habits to his kids.

3. Costa Rica Adventure: Real Estate Reality Check (25:05–35:06)

• The duo reminisces about a wild Costa Rica trip: beers and cigarettes en route to Monteverde, exhilarating (and drunken) ziplining mishaps.
• Bryan warns would-be Costa Rican expats:
  • Americans often go down with delusions of grandeur, but “Costa Ricans understand the value of what they have...Don’t expect to go down there and just start grabbing beach land for a dollar, because that’s not gonna happen.” (31:07)
  • Bad real estate developers (like himself, he jokes) quickly discover that labor, materials, and bureaucracy don’t match American expectations.
• Lampooning "spiritual" beach getaways:
  • “Come to my spiritual bufo retreat in a tent in the cloud forest. For $3,600 a day, you’ll be served three meals a day...But we'll be smoking bufo till we can't see straight.” (32:45)
• “Lack of skilled labor was my middle name. Hey, there's Brian Lack of Skilled Labor Green!” (34:44)

4. Disney Adults, Cultish Quirks, and the Algorithm (36:33–46:15)

• Bryan details his fascination with Disney Facebook groups, noting the rise of obsessive Disney adults—many of whom now live for months at a time in campers at Fort Wilderness Resort, trying to “live at Disney” for the price of a swanky apartment.
• Funneling faith through fandom: Multiple vlogs/streams shift abruptly from Disney minutiae to full-blown Christian Nationalist evangelism (“Let Jesus be your guide, and Jesus is one and Mickey is two.” (41:42)), eventually merging MAGA politics, religious fervor, and Disney obsession.
• Bryan vents:
  • “I just wanted a Disney video about fucking Disney.” (43:21)
  • “By day number nine, they were wearing their full MAGA gear with one of the T-shirts, said, ‘Jesus chose Trump.’” (43:08)
• Both hosts joke about the internet algorithms feeding them this bizarre subculture (“Maybe it was the algorithm.” (46:05))

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Bryan (satirizing Trump): “Now there's only a couple of other problems with this whole thing. Number one, Donald Trump declared an emergency so that he could give this contract to his friends in a no-bid process.” (08:23)
• On self-awareness: “Bad real estate developers are a dime a dozen. I'm one of them. So there you go. I did the same thing here too.” – Bryan (34:43)
• On parenting and personal growth: “At first I thought my kid was dying. Now I just know it's just a small case of hypothermia. And I could fix it with a hot shower. It's amazing what you learn as you go on with those kids.” (16:56)
• On Disney campers transforming into faith/politics vlogs: “She went from talking about going to living at Disney World property to proselytizing about Jesus...by day nine, [they] were wearing their full MAGA gear with shirts that said, ‘Jesus chose Trump.’ And I'm like, oh God.” (43:08)

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• Trump’s reflecting pool saga & political commentary: 00:08–11:00
• Parental musings and pool analogies: 11:00–24:04
• Costa Rica trip, expats, and real estate woes: 25:05–35:06
• Disney Resort campers & subculture rant: 36:33–46:15

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Episode Tone & Style

• The conversation is improvisational, irreverent, and intentionally self-deprecating—embracing the show’s “chaotic, unpolished charm.”
• Political critiques land via personal analogies and profane humor, rarely veering into earnest debate.
• Running gags: Trump’s endless vanity schemes, “Trump Phones,” Bryan’s pool disasters, Disney as a quasi-religion, and the relentless, misfiring algorithms of the internet.

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For First-Time Listeners

This episode is less structured and more like eavesdropping on two sharp, sardonic friends poking fun at the world and their own foibles. You’ll find no neat resolutions—just authentic, often absurd, takes on modern American life, celebrity, family, and the surreal echo chamber of online fandom.

“All I wanted was a Disney video about fucking Disney.” — Bryan, 43:21

“We all prefer things a certain way—like groceries. If you want groceries just how you like them, you gotta try Instacart…”
(The episode ends on another classic TCB note: mid-tangent, rolling directly into an ad, actively lampooning itself.)

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Listen for:

• Satirical, explicit social commentary
• Relatable tales of middle-aged adulthood
• Mockery of American excess, both political and personal
• A wild ride that never takes itself too seriously

Transcript

[A]

On this episode of the commercial break, you have that Saudi plane. Now why don't you take that Saudi plane and go to Saudi Arabia where they seem to really like you, Build some golf courses, do a couple more towers of shitty hotels and bad restaurants and steaks and Trump phones. Oh, Trump phones are coming out. Do you know about this?

[B]

Like actual phones or like. No. Like a carrier?

[A]

No. So Don Trump and Don Trump Jr. And Eric Jr. Three of the brightest minds in business. I mean, I swear to God, if there's people, if there's some people on earth that are worse at business than I am, it's those three human beings. And that is saying a lot. Cause I'm pretty bad at business. The next episode of the commercial break starts now. 2:30 in the morning. Yeah. Cats and kittens, welcome back to the commercial break. I'm Brian Green, this is my dear friend and the co host of this show, Chris and Joy Hoadley. Best to you, Chris.

[B]

Best to you, Brian.

[A]

Best to you out there in the podcast universe. You know, I was just checking on my pool to make sure everything was satisfactory back there.

[B]

Yes. How is that looking these days?

[A]

Well, it looks beautiful because the professionals are now on the job, right? I don't, I'm no longer trying to manage this fucking mud hole by myself. I've got other people doing the job for me. They're competent. I don't know where they get their knowledge from. They're well trained. From the magic land of the pool cleaning. Pool. Pool school. They went to pool school. I did not. They're doing a great job. Chemicals seem in order. I threw the kids in there the other day and besides them turning blue and shivering instantaneously, they didn't seem to get it, you know, skin didn't melt off or anything. So I guess I didn't fuck it up too bad.

[B]

No.

[A]

Yeah, it only took a couple visits and that guy had that pool whipped into shape. I'll tell you what, no algae, no bloom, no weird color, no extra blue, no dark green somewhere right in the middle. I like to call it American flag blue. That's what it is right now, American flag blue. And when I think about my pool and I think about how bad I have messed it up over the years, time, time and time again, I think to myself, well, at least I'm not fucking it up as bad as Donald Trump is fucking up the reflecting pool, the reflection pool, pond, whatever it is over there in our capital, our lovely capital.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I just don't understand for the life of me. I Don't want to dunk on Trump. You know, I don't want to make this. Yeah, I do want to dunk on Trump for a second, actually. Why are we so obsessed with remaking everything in our image, in our mind and our likeness? Why are we so obsessed with the never ending vanity projects and not on everything else that's going on in the world that you started that now we can't unfuck? It's unbelievable. And this pool seems to be a particular interest to Trump. Now, for those of you that do not know, I will explain very quick, very briefly what's going on. I mean, you have to have your head in a hole not. Not to understand what's going on. Trump decided the reflection pool was put in a long time ago. And here's how it worked. It was attached to the tidal estuaries. And so what would happen is the water would flush in and out as the estuaries, as the tide raised.

[B]

I didn't realize that.

[A]

Yeah, it was pretty ingenious design, actually. Read all about it a couple nights ago. And so what would happen is constant fresh water would be poured into there. However, because that water is not the water that goes into my pool when my pool guy cleans it. It was having. It would get algae and that algae would bloom time and time again. And it was a real mucky mess. And so in 19. Excuse me, in 2010, they went in and they redid the whole system, still bringing water from the estuary, but now they had like a system of pumps and stuff where they could try and manage. Yeah. And then once a year for a week, they would close it down. They would empty it. They would kill the algae. And they apparently also, there was a lot of, like, geese poop. It was like full of geese poop. Like hundreds of thousands of pounds of geese poop.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And they would have to go in and, you know, un poop it.

[B]

They would have to de poop a lot.

[A]

They do.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

That's gross. Remember we used to go golfing at that. What was that? Cross Creek.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

That little short course. The executive course.

[B]

Executive course that also had the clubhouse where they played keno.

[A]

That's right. Every Buckhead Betty over the age of 70 would find themselves at 9 o' clock in the morning, the Cross Creek Country Club bar.

[B]

Including us.

[A]

Including us. We decided we're not there yet, but if we could be the youngest people in the room, it makes us feel better about ourselves. So we would go to the Cross Creek Bar. And I'll tell you what, there's There's a lot of different scenes in Atlanta. The Cross Creek Bar is one of them. It's for sure a vibe. If you go there, if you've been there, you know, if you haven't, it's a little out of the way. Right smack dab in the richest part of Atlanta is this old condo slash apartment complex called Cross Creek. And they must have a hundred acres of land right in the middle of the most poncy part of Atlanta. And they have a golf course that makes no money, that's full of geese shit, that's a lot of fun to play, but let's be honest about it. It's not. It's not Augusta National. It's pretty shitty, actually. Yeah. No, it's 18.

[B]

All right. No, I thought that was.

[A]

Oh, it's. It's a. It's 12 holes, actually. So you're right. It's not 18, it's 12 holes. So you can play it different ways and get your holes in. But then they have, like, a building that's attached, like a. Like a country clubhouse. Yeah, clubhouse. But it's very small.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

And downstairs, you pay your $5 to get on the executive course. And you have to walk. There's no golf carts or anything. You have to walk. And then upstairs, there is, like, a dining room, a restaurant. There's a restaurant. And if you ever had dinner at Cross Creek, then you know what I'm talking about.

[B]

Yeah, we didn't eat there too much.

[A]

I did a couple times, actually. It's the. It was a measure of last resort, but I still decided sometimes to go.

[B]

Yeah, it's like frozen stuff.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. They put it in the fryer, microwave or whatever. But, you know, the people ladies there are nice. They're in their 90s. They'll serve you food, but then they have a very small bar. It's just like a. A rectangle bar with a few bar tables around it. You can overlook the golf course. And at any time, day or night, that place would be open to, like, three in the morning. It open at 9am anytime. Day or night, there'd be 12 or 13 hardcore alcoholics in their 70s just sitting there playing keno, watching golf. And this was their life. This is what they did. It was like the Golden Girls, only with a lot of booze and a shitty golf course outside the window.

[B]

Yeah. It was their social scene.

[A]

It really was. It was. I got. We should go there one time. We should. Just. Because we're closer to the age of belonging there now. That's 20 years later we should revisit. Yes. So the geese poop in this reflection pond pool was, was really bad. And so once a year they would close it down. Now, Trump claims that many, many presidents have tried to fix this and he's the only one who could do it because he had three of the best pool guys in the world that he knows very closely. They're very bigly. He knows them bigly. That he had them go and bid on a contract to clean it and paint it American flag blue. There's only one problem with it. That blue is not American flag blue. It's the same color as my pool. The pebble tech in my pool, which is a seafoam blue. I mean, it's really not. Seafoam is green, actually, it's just like a bright blue. Think of the bluest blue ocean, Turks and Caicos, wherever you imagine yourself when you see the bluest blue ocean, the clearest of waters. That's the kind of blue that's being painted on there. And now there's only a couple of other problems with this whole thing. Number one, Donald Trump declared an emergency so that he could give this contract to his friends in a no bid process. Whenever you do something with the government, you have to have at least three bids. They have to be blind bids. They can't be your buddies, they can't be your friends.

[B]

If there's any loophole, he finds it.

[A]

It's not, it's. He finds it and then he enriches him and the people around him. Yeah, I wouldn't be, I wouldn't doubt that these people, that he's like half owner of these pool businesses. What happened was he picked one that was his friend. They have never worked on a pool. It turns out they don't even do pools. They don't even paint. They don't even do any of this.

[B]

Oh my God.

[A]

But he gave them the job and he said it was going to cost a million point three dollars. And now it's at fourteen million dollars and going up. You want to know why? Because as it turns out, these guys aren't very good at doing pools. And so they have mismatched the colors. Like it's a big thing. It's. Sure, it's a big, huge, if you're going to call it a pool, it's the world's largest pool. And they're trying to spray this pebble tech on it, this pool, this pool paint on it, and they're not matching the color. So one square, you know, like one half acre is One color, and then the next half acre is another blue. And then the third half acre, so there are cracks. The cement is already cracking. The. The paint is already chipping. The blue is not blue. It's like a total fucking disaster. And it is just a vanity project that no one in their right mind would ask for in 2026.

[B]

Right? Not with everything happening.

[A]

God, and I hate to be. I hate to be, you know, that guy, but I'm just gonna point out that the reflection pool is named Reflection Pool because in the darkness of that still water, it would reflect the monuments around it. Lincoln and the Washington Monument. It would reflect those things. When it's colored, child. When it's colored. Play doh. Blue, it's not going to reflect shit. Do you understand? You understand what I'm saying? It's no longer a reflection pond. Now it is actually a pool. And. And by the way, I don't think it stops there. In my opinion. Trump's going to see this. This blue, and he's going to imagine this is a resort and he's going to start putting beach chairs out next to it and then selling timeshares and chopping up the park over there and selling timeshares.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

He is such a fucking nudnik. I swear to God. Of all the things to be concerned about right now, be concerned about. About the Strait of Hormuz. That's what you need to be concerned about. Pretty please and fucking thank you. Can we get that? Can we fix that problem?

[B]

Yeah. I mean, it's crazy. There's so many problems just in the U.S. i mean, it's.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

So many other problems besides this, but

[A]

we're building golden arches.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

We're building ballrooms that no one asked for, even though he claims every president has asked for it. What? Oh, by the way, my favorite part about this reflection pool is there are. At least I saw this on one of the news channels yesterday. They put together like a little montage. Montage of Trump talking about his pool guy, his pool guy. I picked my pool guy. I called my pool guy, my pool guy, my pool guy. Well, now it's turning into a real fucking nightmare. And yesterday he gave a quote, I think, to the Washington Times, where he said, I don't know who's doing the pool had nothing to do with me. I didn't choose them. It's like he can't even keep his own bullshit straight. It's just unbelievable how he can never be wrong. This guy is going to derail the entire world if something. Something Drastic doesn't happen soon. And I don't mean anything bad to Trump. I mean, someone's got to step in there and say, hey, dude, you're not well, let's get you. Let's. You have that Saudi plane now. Why don't you take that Saudi plane and go to Saudi Arabia where they seem to really like you, build some golf courses, do a couple more towers, shitty hotels and bad restaurants and steaks and Trump phones. Oh, Trump phones are coming out. Do you know about this?

[B]

Like actual phones or like. No, like the. Like a carrier?

[A]

No. So Don Trump and Don Trump Jr. And Eric Jr. Three of the brightest minds in business. I mean, I swear to God, if there's people. If there's some people on earth that are at worse at business than I am, it's those three human beings. And that is saying a lot because I'm pretty bad at business. Don. Don Trump Jr. And Eric Jr. Decided when they got into office they were going to have the Trump Gold phone with Trump Gold phone service made 100% in the United States of America. Smartphone made by them. Remember this? Okay. Turns out it's not made in America. Turns out it's not real gold. Turns out that even if you paid $400 deposit to get your gold phone last October, it's just starting to. They're just telling you now that you might get one in the next couple of weeks. And people are pissed. Like Trump supporters are pissed all over the world. They're like, I played for that Trump phone. Well, you're the fucking moron that paid for a Trump phone. You ever heard about Trump stakes or Trump real estate classes? Trump hotels, Trump casinos, Trump fucking every. Everything he touches turns to dirt. That's it. It's. Except for his own pocketbook. And you got to give him that. He finds a way. He finds a way to make himself more rich.

[B]

Oh, yeah, all the time.

[A]

What are we going to do?

[B]

Vote.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

At least that makes me feel better.

[A]

If they allow it. Yeah, if they allow it. That's the other thing. If they allow it. And that's the other thing that makes me really nervous, is that Trump is so incredibly unintelligent in so many ways, and he's so full of shit in so many ways. But the problem is, the challenge we have with Trump 2.0, is that there are a lot of people around him who aren't dumb and they are sycophants for power. That's what they want. They want to be close to power, and they're willing to use Trump. Trump is a useful idiot to a lot of people.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

And so when they say something, he agrees, and then they tell him what to do and he does it. Right. So if you think that this is like Trump playing 4D chess, this is Trump being a puppet of a lot of other people who have a lot of money and a lot of wealth and a lot to lose if, you know, the other party gets into power or if certain things happen or the Epstein files get out or whatever it is. So they keep telling Trump the next move and Trump does it. Because, let's be honest, Trump is asleep most of the time. Literally asleep. Do you see him the other day sleeping at that meeting?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

I mean, this has happened like 12 times, but. Oh, well, yeah, you sleep at the meeting. And then somebody asked him about it and he said, I was blinking. And it's like you were blinking for 17 minutes during a meeting. You had one long 17 minute blink. Moron. Anyway, I just. The scary part is there are teeth to this particular administration. And the way that they're, the way that they're just eviscerating voting rights in this country is really scary and very sad. And we'll see. We'll see what happens. I was hopeful there for a minute. Listen, I'm no bleeding heart liberal. I don't, I don't love everything the Democrats are about. No, I consider myself pretty. I'm a pragmatic pragmatist is really what I am. And I'd rather see like a true independent, middle of the road, you know, center left, center right type of candidate, but they don't exist because you got to get clicks these days. And so you got to yell and scream about this, or yellow scream about that. So it's either, let's, let's have a world with no police officers. Sounds like a great idea. Or let's, you know, all bow and kneel to the, the insignia that is Donald Trump and his golden name. It's one of those two things. And there are people that are in the middle, but they don't seem to stand a fighting chance most of the time. Certainly not for president. And that's kind of what sucks. Anyway, my pool's blue, in case you're wondering.

[B]

Your pool's healthy. Good.

[A]

Yeah, my, my, my pool is healthy. It's good. The kids have been swimming in it and, you know, so I feel. And no one's dead yet, so I'm feeling great about the pool, thanks to the.

[B]

Have you been in the fuck?

[A]

No. Are you kidding?

[B]

Me too Cold, right?

[A]

At night, kids beg me. They beg me to come.

[B]

Yeah, because you're a kid and I mean, that's just the most exciting thing.

[A]

It is the most exciting thing and you don't care. You don't care if you're just freezing cold, shivering. The other day, one of my daughters was just. Her teeth were literally chattering. I could hear them.

[B]

I'm okay.

[A]

And she's like, I'm fine, Daddy, I'm fine. And I'm like, when your lips start turning blue, that's my rule. When your lips or your fingers start turning blue, you got to get out, get in the hot shower. And you would be surprised how many times that's actually happened. At first I thought my kid was dying. Now I just know it's just a case of small case of hypothermia. And I could fix it with a hot shower. It's amazing what you learn as you go on with those kids.

[B]

That's true.

[A]

You know, one of my kids just graduated from kindergarten.

[B]

Yes. Congratulations.

[A]

Thank you. And it's very cute. But all of these, these little year end things or the first day of school or whatever, then all the other moments come flooding in. The day you took her home from the hospital, the day you got, you know, you dropped her off for the first day of school. The day that she said her first word. All that stu stuff starts flooding into my mind. But what flooded into my mind today wasn't all those things. But then, wow, have we learned so much since my first child graduated from kindergarten. And what do I mean by that? I mean, yes, it's a graduation, but I don't have to get dressed up in a suit and tie because they're not going to know and no one's going to care. Yes, it's a graduation and we should be excited, but it's a kindergarten graduation. We can't go over the top with presents and gifts. Yes, it's a kindergarten, It's a graduation, but it's a kindergarten graduation. I don't need to be there two and a half hours early, but you'd be surprised how many parents are.

[B]

Well, you said that.

[A]

Oh my God.

[B]

You were there 30 minutes early and it was packed.

[A]

Astrid's texting me and she's like, where are you? And I'm like, you told me to be there at 9:10. And it was 8:40 or 8:50.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And blue had decided to take an adventure in the neighborhood this morning. So I was chasing her around in my boxers like in the third neighborhood neighbor over I swear to God, I'm going to get arrested one day because my neighbors think I'm pervert sometimes. Like, I'll let Blue outside, but I have a deck. And sometimes we close that deck door because of the pool. We don't want the. If we think the kids are going to be out there, we close it. We lock it so the kids can't get down to the pool.

[B]

That's smart.

[A]

But occasionally that happens and I forget to open it back up at night. So when I let Blue out in the morning, I'll eventually hear her barking because she's either going to shit on the porch or I got to let her out by going and opening that gate. You don't know how many times I've been out in that back porch in my skivvies and sometimes just holding my dick. Just run out there and hold my dick. And I know that one of these days someone's gonna call the cops on me. Anyway, today I was out in the neighbor's yard in my boxers, and I'm like, get over here, Flu Green.

[B]

Flu green.

[A]

Yeah. And she's in like these bushes and she's just like, stick her head out and be like. And then back in the bushes, I could hear. I don't know what she's chasing. She's probably eating a dead animal. It's rolling around in her own shit. And I'm like, right now, Blue, Green. Here I am in my box, my briefs. I'm like, you got over here right now, Blue, Green. I'll fucking kill you.

[B]

I'll put you a little behind.

[A]

Yeah. There's two things that are going to happen. Either number one, I'm gonna get arrested because I'm outside holding my dick. Or number two, I'm gonna get arrested for. We think he's an animal abuser, right?

[B]

Us.

[A]

Never has a good word about Blue come out of my mouth outside of this house. I've never said, like, good girl, Blue. Great job. I'm always like, get the fuck over here. I'm gonna fucking kill you. I'm gonna wring your. But they were driving down the road. I got my youngest in the car, and there's like a lady and I swear, driving 15 miles per hour on a 35 mile per hour street. And every time she went up a hill, she did. She couldn't find the accelerator. It was. She slowed down even further, you know, And I know. I'm sure she was older. I'm sure she was. But there's 52 cars behind me right now. She's got a whole traffic jam going on. And I'm the one right behind her. And so I hit the horn, I'm like. And I go, come on, lady, drive. Like that. My youngest is like, come on, lady, drive. I was like, I gotta watch myself. I gotta watch myself. Anyway, so I get there, I'm like, hey, babe, you told me to be there at 9, 10. She's like, I know, but the place is already full. And I'm like, what do you want me to do? And so she like, put bags down to hold chairs. But, you know, it's just like, bad form altogether. I feel bad about it, but fuck it, I've been. I've had kids there for the last 32 years. I don't care anymore. I'm like, I don't care anymore.

[B]

Yeah, no, I get that. Does I have a seat for you?

[A]

Yes, of course. She works there, by the way, too. So it's like, don't give me any fucking bullshit. I know all these parents, I know all the teachers. I love all of them to death, but don't give me any bullshit. I don't want to hear it. I've been doing. I've been here literally six or seven years in a row. And so I've earned my right, I've paid my right. Earned my right to sit there. Yes. But then when I got there, I had to park a half a mile away. And I walk up and I'm all sweaty and weird. I'm like. And I walk in and it's like they're just getting started. And the three chairs is right in the front. And Astrid's pointing. She's like, right there. And I'm like.

[B]

As you pass everybody I know, I'm

[A]

walking in the front while the principal's on the microphone. I'm like, excuse me, excuse me. Those are my seats. And I just got there. Like, it was a guy sitting next to me and he was like. Like he was shaking his head as I was walking in. Fuck you.

[B]

Well, it's hard. I mean, it's hard for everybody to get there at that exact time in the morning too.

[A]

It is. And it turns into a bit. It's like a race to the bottom a little bit. Everyone gets all crazed, right? They're like, I gotta get a parking space. I gotta get a place. I said, oh, my God, my one year old is gonna do the Hokey Pokey. What am I gonna do? You should have seen it last year. I mean, I swear to God, these kids are doing the fucking Hokey Pokey half of them stand there, the other half are shitting themselves. I saw one kid, like, had his hand in his diaper and he goes, mommy. I was like, oh, Lord. But my kids have been there too, so. I know, I know, but. And I also get that when you're one parent, your first kid or whatever, that there's a certain bit of, like, gravitas that you put to these things because you want to remember them and you want them to be special. And I get it. By your 8th kid in your 10th year at a particular school, you're like, I don't give a shit if you're pissed at me. I've earned my right. I've been here long enough.

[B]

Paid your dues, literally.

[A]

And my kid is graduating. So there you go. Your little one year old's going to be back here next year. Them snotting on themselves and staring at them.

[B]

Oh, my God, my kid's going to do the hokey pocket. I have to be there.

[A]

Them you taking a video of them standing there like a deer in the headlights, I promise, is not going to be the crowning achievement that you think it is.

[B]

Right?

[A]

My kids did the same thing. Never once have I gone back and looked at it. Why? Because they're standing there like, with, like a deer in the headlights. There's nothing to see here. Not a thing. Unless you really want to hear the Hokey Pokey on a picture of your kid. Find a nice picture and make a little movie out of it.

[B]

That's what it's all about.

[A]

But it's in Spanish. All right, so there you go. All right, let's take a short break and then we'll be back.

[C]

Hey, it's Rachel, your new voice of God here on tcb. And just like you, I'm wondering just how much longer this podcast can continue. Let's all rejoice that another episode has made it to your ears. And I'll rejoice that my check is in the mail. Speaking of mail, get your free TCB sticker in the mail by going to tcbpodcast.com and visiting the Contact Us page. You can also find the entire commercial break library audio and video, just in case you want to look at [e-mail] Want your voice to be on an episode of the show? Leave us a message at 212-44-333. TCB. That's 212-433-3822. Tell us how much you love us and we'll be sure to let the world know, on a future episode. Or you could make fun of us. That'd be fine, too. We might not air that, but maybe. Oh, and if you're shy, that's okay. Just send a text. We'll respond. Now I'm gonna go check the mailbox for payment while you check out our sponsors. And then we'll return to this episode of.

[A]

Oh, my God. I belong to all these, like, you know, Disney groups. Disney.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

You have on my Facebook that I joined long time ago. Like, you know, Facebook a long time. I didn't have the Facebook app on my phone. I just will put it in my browser on occasion and jump in there and see what's going on, which is

[B]

what I did yesterday and happened to see that. That was right as.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

I said, we're going to Costa Rica tomorrow.

[A]

I know, that's crazy. How did that all happen? Did you come over and pick me up or did I pick you up or. I don't remember.

[B]

Danny drove us to the airport.

[A]

Oh, Danny drove us to the. Oh, so you. You probably spent the night at my house. And we jumped in Danny's car and then we went down to Costa Rica.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And then the first thing that we did, it was unwanted to talk about, but we'll go down this road for a second. The first we fly, it's three and a half hours, I think. It's not a bad flight. You get there, you get. And then Raphael was waiting for us with a driver because Raphael lived in Monteverde, which is.

[B]

Which is a long time to get there.

[A]

Four and a half hours. There's not a great road system, or there wasn't back then, certainly. But there's not like a fully formed highway system in Costa Rica. It's a third world country. Right. And they now have improved that. There are now some highways that go to main thoroughfares, like Monteverde. But Monteverde is not a small, tiny little city, but. But it's also not a big city. It's rel. It's a mountain city. But there's a lot of ecotourism that goes on around there. There's a University of Georgia environmental school. It has a campus there where they send some students every year.

[B]

The rainforest.

[A]

Yes, the rainforest. True rainforest. You're up at the cloud forest is what they call it. Right. So it's in the mountains. And Raphael lived on a mountain outside of Mount A Verde. So he did. He lived even. Like, he was really remote. I mean, this was not, like, right around the corner from anything. It was a 20 minute drive just to go down the hill to go into town. 20, 30min drive. So Raphael picked us up because you know, how fuck were we going to get up there? He's not going to just hate. I guess you could hail the cab but then you're going to be in the back of a cab for four and a half hours. So Raphael shows up in this like minibus like minivan and with a driver and we're like, ah, awesome. You know. And he shows up, we're at the airport. Great. And the first thing that we do, the first thing as soon as we get outside the airport is pull over into a gas station, five beers to buy beer and cigarettes and wow. It was the four and a half hour adventure of a lifetime. As all we did was drink, smoke and stop every 30 minutes for Raphael to pee. Yeah, that's right. That picture right there, I know is when we stopped to pee.

[B]

That blown up for you.

[A]

Yeah. And we, we, we had a great time. That was a great time.

[B]

It was a lot of fun.

[A]

You were there for a week. I think I was there for a number of weeks.

[B]

Yeah. We did all the adventure stuff. Ziplining, zip lining that Z. And I've done ziplining since then. That zipline was really one of the best.

[A]

It's one of the world's highest and longest. Yeah, you are that zipline. I'm terrible, terrified of heights, but I did good. I was like, okay, I'm just going to do it, whatever, you know. I think I was drunk so that helps too. I don't think we sobered up the entire trip.

[B]

No.

[A]

So I was like, okay, let's just go. And we, we drove there and then we walked from, you know, you'd zip down one and then they'd have you.

[B]

It was like 13 or 14.

[A]

Yeah, increase it. Growing, increasing in, in length and height as we went along. Until finally you were just over a valley between two mountains. And it was, I don't know, I forget what it was but it must have been a good minute and a half long zip. I mean you were just. And you were so fucking high up.

[B]

Oh yeah. I remember my stomach muscles hurt too because you're, you know, you're kind of.

[A]

Yeah, you got to hold yourself up. Yeah, you got to hold your legs up and God forbid you touch the fucking zip line. I mean that, that trip is a ton of fun. Costa Rica is one of the most beautiful places.

[B]

It really is. I've been back since and gorgeous.

[A]

They have no standing army so they are really like kind of a neutral country. And here's what I always say about Costa Rica. Now, I've been there a bunch of time, probably spent a collective six or seven months there in my life. And I've been down to the beach resorts, towns. I've stayed at nice hotels, I've stayed at shitty condominiums. I've stayed at Rafael, and I rented that same trip, I think. Was that around? No, no. I went back later on that year and I went for Thanksgiving and for 10 days we rented a beach house and like a beach community near Jaco. And I'm telling you what, we went to the pool every day. We had, we got a red snapper and cooked it for Thanksgiving dinner. And it was the best, one of the best Thanksgiving dinners I've ever had. Yeah, but I've been all around that country and I'll share this with you, you know, because a lot of people talk to me about this when they find out there's some loose connection to Costa Rica. They say, oh, I've always want to go down there and get a house. And I see a lot of people go down there. Yes, they do. But if you're expecting that Costa Rica is going to be this place where you're going to go down and your dollar is going to go very far, it's going to go about as far as it does here.

[B]

Yeah, that's true.

[A]

Because the Costa Ricans understand one thing, the value of what they have. And it may not be much in a lot of cases, but they understand it.

[B]

No, it really is a tiny country.

[A]

It is, but it's a beautiful country and they keep it that way and they're hell bent on keeping it that way. And I remember one of the first times I went down there after Raphael moved, we were driving out of the airport and we were getting kind of on the outskirts of San Jose and I was just staring out the window and I was seeing all these, like little shacks, right? Some of them don't even have doors on them. They're like houses without doors. But I, I just noticed how many of these women or men were like, sweeping off their front porches because there's a lot of dirt roads there. So it could be very dusty, you know, a lot, a lot of dirt, and it would collect on porches and patios. I just remember noticing how many people were sweeping. I, it was the thing that I, I noticed. I picked up a pattern and I said, wow, there's a lot of people sweeping. And he said, brian, these people here they don't have, but they know the value of what they have.

[B]

Yeah, exactly.

[A]

Yeah. There's a lot of pride in what goes on. Costa Rica is a beautiful country with beautiful people. But don't expect to go down there and just start grabbing beach land for a dollar, because that's not gonna happen.

[B]

No, it's not.

[A]

No. Ask Rafael. They bought some property down there. Plus there's. Costa Rica is lined with bad real estate developers on the beach, in the beachfront. Yeah. There's a bunch of like Americans who went down there to try and build, you know, developments and towers resorts, surf resorts. Yeah. And they're all empty and shitty and dilapidated because they didn't do it the right way.

[B]

Yoga retreats.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

That's a big one.

[A]

Yeah, it's fucking bufo. I'm gonna smoke the frog, smoke the toad with bufo. Come to my spiritual bufo retreat in a tent in the cloud forest. For $3,600 a day, you'll be served three meals a day, three smoothies. Three smoothies that I make from local produce. I steal bananas and mangoes every day, all day. Fresh bananas and mangoes. But we'll be smoking bufo till we can't see straight. It's a mind altering, life changing experience. Wear a miniskirt.

[B]

Right. Bikini top.

[A]

Yeah, wear a bikini. The sexier the better. I'm all horny when I'm bufo'd, out when I'm boofed. I love to watch girls in bikinis. Oh, me tits look great.

[B]

Can I touch them with like a little Buddha statue?

[A]

Yes. Part of your spiritual journey is to show me your tits. Let's smoke some bufo. Yeah, that's. That's how it is. But it's like there's coastlines that are littered with these empty projects that never went anywhere because, you know, these Americans go down there and they go, oh, yeah, simple. You know, I do what I do there and I just do it here and I do it for cheaper and I do it better. And who doesn't want to live on the beach? But there's a difference. And that is you're in fucking Costa Rica. It's not like the. There's in some cases lack of skilled labor on these kind of building techniques. Like, you know, you want to build a big commercial, a condominium building on a beach. There's a lot to be considered if you want it to be safe and functioning. And there's a lot of. There's a lack of knowledge about that in some cases, you know, this is like these are, this is where the real world starts to come into play. Labor, materials, it's all more expensive, harder to get.

[B]

Yeah. And then you got to go through the permit process of all the stuff.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

And that's different than it is here.

[A]

So yeah, there. If there is a permit process. But that's part of the problem too is that you're kind of, you got to figure that all that stuff out. Like, you know, it took Raphael and his father in law three and a half years to build two houses. Three and a half years to build 2 houses. Why? Because they decide they wanted a, a particular tile or whatever. They went into it thinking they were going to build these beautiful American houses here on this mountain. And what happened was they ended up having to build beautiful Costa Rican style houses with Costa Rican materials because it's just not the same. And so, but you know, it's. Listen, listen. Bad real estate developers are a dime a dozen. I'm one of them. So there you go. I did the same thing here too.

[B]

That's takes one to know.

[A]

There you go. Lack of skilled labor was my middle name. Hey, there's Brian. Lack of skilled labor. Green. That's get him involved. I'm such an idiot. Oh my God. And I totally forgot what I was going to talk about. There was something I started off this segment with but now I cannot remember.

[B]

Yeah, now I derailed the Costa Rica.

[A]

Oh, you got to talk about Facebook and the Disney adults. All right, let's take a short break. We got two episodes today, by the way. We're going to be back on later on probably. Well, it's 2:30 now, so there you go. Probably about 3:00. We're going to be back on. We're going to join Allison Hare for her big seventh year anniversary. Allison. And of course one of the people that was instrumental in getting the commercial break on its feet.

[B]

So yeah, good friend, a good kick

[A]

in the pants so that I could get out there and do it. So let's take a break. We'll wrap this episode up and we'll come back if you're on the stream right now and we'll be joined by Alison Hare or we're joining Allison here. Not sure how that, I'm not sure how we're going to frame that.

[B]

Like, like all commercial break episodes. We're flying by the sea.

[A]

We're going to figure it out as we go along. All right, we'll be back.

[C]

Let me do something Brian has never done.

[A]

Be brief.

[C]

Follow us on Instagram at the Commercial break, text or call us 212-4333, tcb. That's 212-433-3822. Visit our website, tcbpodcast.com for all the audio, video, and your free sticker. Then watch all the [e-mail] thecommercialbreak and finally share the show. It's the best gift you could give a few aging podcasters. See, Brian, that really wasn't that difficult, now, was it? You're welcome.

[A]

Okay, so I am trolling around on Facebook, and I was. You know, I belong to some of these Disney groups that are on Facebook, and I belong to them for a long time. And trust me, there is a. There are a fair share of morons in those groups, no doubt about it. And there's a fair share of people that I think are way too sick of fantish about Disney. And this is coming from someone who really likes Disney. And then there are people like me who really like Disney. But we understand it's a company. These are toys and theme parks, and these are not real life. Like, you know, you can relive your childhood, you can have fun in the moment, but it's very unlikely that, you know, you can like. Disney is not a. It's not an ideology.

[B]

Holy grail.

[A]

Yeah, it's not an ideology. Okay. It's a. It's a company that makes movies for children mainly, and. And is good at entertaining people. That's what it does. But there are a lot of people that are so into this, like, way over.

[B]

I can only imagine.

[A]

So now there's a group of people who have decided that there is a way. There is a place there called Fort Wilderness Resort. It's one of the very first resorts that were on the Disney World property. There were three of them. The Contemporary, the Polynesian, and then Fort Wilderness. Fort Wilderness originally, which is a campground. That's literally what it was.

[B]

Really.

[A]

Yes. They had tents, a few log cabins, and you could bring your camper there and you could stay.

[B]

I didn't even realize that I stayed at the Polynesian.

[A]

Yeah, the Polynesian's one of the first. The contemporary and the Polynesian were the first two to open with the park. Right. And then as it expanded, now they have, like, 27 hotels across the property. But. But the Fort Wilderness is a cool place. I've stayed there before. I stayed there when I was a young kid. We rented one of the log cabins. I liked it. It's in the woods. It's like a true, like, campground. That's what it is. But over the years, Middle Florida. Yeah, exactly. But hey, you're on Disney property, right? I mean, so you're not. You can take a boat still to the Magic Kingdom. Like. Yeah, it's not that far off from all the action actually. It's pretty close to the action, actually. So there are this group of people now who have, are of the mindset that for short periods of time, 30, 60, 90 days, that you can rent a, a trailer or camper or you have your own and you can get it parked in the Disney Fort Wilderness and that you can live on the Disney property for about as much as it would take to say, rent a nice apartment or condo in downtown Atlanta. Right. Three to three, $4,000 a month. And you get hooked up to water and you get hooked up to TV and you get hooked up to electricity and you just stay there and that's it. You're living. You live at Disney. Disney. Now there are ways you can live at Disney. There's Celebration Florida that is technically on the Disney property where they have homes and they opened that years ago and there are these big beautiful homes there. There's another gated community that sits near the Four Seasons, that's on the Disney property that has really expensive homes, like 12, 20, 30 million dollar homes. But you can rent some of those. But you know, I don't know whether, who knows how can you afford that, right? So now there's these people that are just going there, they're parking their camper and they're staying for 30, 60, 90 days. Great. Wonderful. Good for you. So I'm watching a few of these and I'm like, okay, this, this is interesting. Let, let me see how this all plays out. Yeah, you know, it's like day nine of living at Disney, day 30 of living at Disney. I find a lady that I think whose personality is tolerable. She's got three children like I do. Right. She's obnoxiously Disney. But I can get over that. I just want to see what the

[B]

minutia the day to day.

[A]

Yeah. What do you do? You go to the pool, you go to the parks, you go. Where do you eat? How do you. Grocery store.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So her, their friends let them borrow a camper and their story was they have a month between houses. They're selling their house in Savannah, Florida. They're gonna, they're gonna buy a house in Celebration Florida. Okay. They're going to live the true dream. They're gonna live there permanently. But we're going to live on the Disney property. Temporarily in this camper. So they borrow their friend's camper. They pull it up. I guess Disney has to, like, put it in the space and hook it up and all this other stuff. So they hook it up, and Disney will also come in and do your, like, they'll, you know, turn down service and all that in your camper. Right? I guess that's how it works. That's what. That's what they're saying. So I'm like, wow, cool. You know, let me. Let me follow a couple of these days. I followed the first day. The family is tolerable. They're a little obnoxious, but they're tolerable. They go to the parks, they have some fun. The kids are excited. The kids are young. They have a nice camper that they're living in, you know, one of these nice expanded campers that have all the accoutrements. I'm like, wow, cool. They turn on the tv, there's a little welcome to Disney World, you know, with all, here's the calendar, here's the events, blah, blah. And I'm like, yeah, that's cool. All right. Okay. All right. I'm into this video. And then it flips to the next video, and he's like, day four of living at Disney. And I'm like, okay, cool. And watch them. They go to the park, and then she sits down and she's like, I want to give you an idea of what it's really like to live at Disney. I want to pull back the curtains and just make level set. For anybody that's just joining me or for anybody who thinks that I'm putting together videos that are a little too Disney friendly, I want to let you know that we do not put Disney first. Disney is not first in our lives. This is something that we like, and it's something that we enjoy. But all glory goes to Jesus Christ in heaven on. On high. And God our savior is the one who told me to come down to Disney. I asked him one night. I asked him, dear Lord, bless my family. Bless my family. And he whispered to me, let Jesus be your guide. And Jesus is one and Mickey is two. And. And I was like, what the fuck just happened on this video? She went from talking about going to living at Disney World property to proselytizing about Jesus and Chrissy, it just got crazier and crazier from there. I think that living on the Disney property has fully baked her brain.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. I can't take it. I can't take these. I don't care if you're Christian. If you're Christian, congratulations. If you're a good person, I'd love you for it. If you believe in Jesus Christ, he seems like a pretty cool dude if he was to have existed. And I don't know, and you don't either, but it seems pretty cool. But these Christian nationalists who start tying everything into politics and proselytizing to everybody, no matter what it is, drive me crazy. By day number nine, they were wearing their full MAGA gear with one of the T shirts, said, Jesus chose Trump. And I'm like, oh, God. All I wanted. All I wanted was a Disney video about fucking Disney.

[B]

She wrote you in?

[A]

She wrote me in. She had me four videos in. And then she bait and switched. I could have even just flipped to the next video when she started proselytizing about how Jesus spoke to her about Disney World or whatever. I flipped to the next video, and they're walking through with their MAGA gear, you know, proud to wear the colors for Christ. It's like, oh, my God. Really? Really? Can you not use a brain cell in your head? Honestly, I thought Disney said no to that. I thought they said no political gear inside of the. Or inside of theater.

[B]

Yeah, I thought that. I read about that. Yeah.

[A]

No MAGA hats, no Biden? No. None of that.

[B]

At the campground.

[A]

Yeah. Well, I guess at the campground, you get away with it. I guess the campground, they're like, if we say no to that, we're not getting anybody to show up at the campground.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Unbelievable. So I'm like, this lady. So then I'm flipping around, flipping around, flipping around, another video comes up. Same situation.

[B]

Really, right?

[A]

Not same exact situation, but these people are gonna stay. They found a deal on a room deal on a family suite or whatever. They're gonna stay at Disney for 30 days too. I swear to Christ that I get another two videos in, and I'm getting more of the same schlock. And I'm like, this must be, like a coordinated effort, right?

[B]

Kind of seems like it.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So I'm out. I'm like, later. See you later. By the third, by. By like the third time I catch one of these videos about someone spending an immense amount of time with Disney. This person was spending three weeks with his wife, and he had organized MAGA for Christ that Loves Disney organization. And they all met in the park when were wearing their MAGA gear. It was like 200 of them wearing their MAGA gear. And I was like, guys, it's not a religion. It's not a religion. It's a pool cleaning company. That's. It's a pool cleaning company. That's what it is. A fucking pool cleaning company. God damn it. Oh. All right, let us get to Allison. I know it was a short episode, but, you know, come on. Do you want me to keep talking about this? I don't want to keep talking about it.

[B]

I'm glad you told me what not to do.

[A]

Don't watch those videos. Yeah, yeah. You see somebody living at Disney, skip it. Yeah, because there's some kind of cult going on down there. I mean, I'm not saying everybody who has this, you know, fantasy. Listen, there's plenty of Disney adults that are just, like, a little too crazy about Disney, and there's no religion involved in their videos. You can watch them all day long. But I don't know, I guess I got fed this, like, subculture.

[B]

Maybe it was the algorithm.

[A]

I think it was. I think it was.

[B]

Damn algorithm.

[A]

Fuck, man. Yeah, I mean, you don't even have to subscribe or follow anyone anymore. It's just the algorithm knows best.

[B]

Well, if you view something then and spend any amount of time, then it knows to feed you more of that.

[A]

So it's quite amazing, actually. Actual actuary. Actually, it's quite amazing.

[B]

In the estuary.

[A]

In the estuary, I'm sure. In a swimming pool. America flag. All right, so if you're listening on the podcast version, probably manana, you'll hear this episode with Alison Hare from Culture Changers as she celebrates seven years of being a podcaster. Yes, we're happy to celebrate with her by going on her show. And she. She coming on. Our show is co showing. We're co showing this. We're real estate agents now. We're doing a co show. Yeah. And then we'll be back. You know, we'll be back. Don't worry about us.

[B]

Tomorrow.

[A]

I think we'll be back tomorrow on the stream.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

If you're listening on the podcast, we're not doing live streaming shows for a minute because Christy and I. Because I am on vacation watching Gustavo get married. And so I'll tell you all about that. I'm sure I'll have lots to talk about.

[B]

I can't wait to hear about that.

[A]

Lots of videos, lots of audios. I'll bring back all I can. If you're on the stream, join us tomorrow. About this time. Frankie B. And Mountain Monster. That's how we're going to close out the week. We're going back old school at the commercial break on Instagram, tcb, podcast.com audio, video and your sticker. And please watch us on YouTube.com the commercial break. Okay, Chrissy, that's all I can do for right now.

[B]

I think. So.

[A]

I'll say that I love you and I love you best you best you out there in the podcast universe. Join us in 10 minutes with Alison Hair. Until next time we'll say do, say and we must say goodbye. We all prefer things a certain way, like groceries. If you want groceries just how you like them, you gotta try Instacart.

[C]

They have a new preference picker that

[A]

lets you pick how ripe or unripe you want your bananas.

[C]

Shoppers can see your preferences upfront, helping guide their choices. Because when it comes to groceries, the details matter.

[A]

Instacart get groceries just how you like. It.