A Goth Girl Summer of Love

Summary

The Commercial Break

Episode: “A Goth Girl Summer of Love”

Date: November 26, 2024
Hosts: Bryan Green & Christina (special guest/producer)

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Episode Overview

This episode of The Commercial Break delivers its signature blend of improv comedy and offbeat banter, centering on Bryan’s legendary “goth girl” deflowering story and weaving in tangents about family drama, seasonal depression, reality TV as anthropology, a rat named Willie, and the darker corners of pop culture. The episode alternates between laughter at the chaos of youth and tongue-in-cheek cultural critique, all colored by Bryan’s willingness to over-share and Christina’s dry rejoinders. When their guest cancels last-minute, Bryan and Christina fill the time with hilarious, sometimes wild recollections and commentary.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Freak Shows, Chaotic Vibes, and Friendship ([00:00])

• The episode opens with a running joke about how the duo would have fit into a historical traveling freak show, poking fun at their podcast as a chaotic, “just FINE” variety act.
• Bryan sets the tone: “It’s less about structure and more about the raw, relatable banter between two people who’ve known each other for decades.”

2. Seasonal Preferences & Mood ([01:16–13:25])

• Rainy Weather as Comfort: Bryan and Christina debate the merits of rainy days in Atlanta, linking it to psychological comfort (“That’s rain outside. Means I’m safe inside.” — Christina, [02:15]).
• Christina shares that her sister has returned from Costa Rica and moved in; sibling drama is minimal, but plenty of bickering occurs.
• Seasonal Depression: Christina dislikes summer, feeling it exacerbates depression and ruins her favorite activities like running. She prefers winter and fall, loving “cozy” dark afternoons and YouTube winter ambience channels (“Make my house 55 degrees. You might be an undercover goth girl.” – Bryan, [13:29]).
• Bryan, in contrast, thrives in the heat and relishes long summer days, associating major life/romantic milestones with the 4th of July.

3. Goth Girls and Popping the Cherry: Bryan’s “Deflowering” Story ([15:25–32:30])

• Bryan’s Attraction to Goth Girls: He explains that as a teen, he was attracted to goth girls… until he actually dated one.
• The Legendary Story:
  • Bryan (15) meets “Eve,” a mysterious goth girl (the sister of his straight-edge friend “Sam”) at a McDonald’s job.
  • They meet at a party, sneak off, make out, and exchange numbers.
  • Later, at a 4th of July party, with fireworks outside and inside, Bryan loses his virginity to Eve.
    • The encounter is awkward, neither achieving orgasm, and abruptly ends when Eve bites Bryan’s shoulder so hard it draws blood (“She bit my shoulder so hard it drew blood—and it drew down my boner.” — Bryan, [24:12]).
    • Christina: “It’s crazy to start mixing pain and pleasure at 15.” ([26:38])
  • Eve becomes obsessive; when Bryan pulls away, she falsely claims to be pregnant, resulting in weeks of anxiety and grounding by his dad.
    • The truth comes out via Eve’s sister, and an infamous late-night store run for a pregnancy test at Waffle House.
  • Memorable quote: “I was grounded for two fucking summers. Even though it wasn’t true.” — Bryan, [31:28]
  • The story becomes a tongue-in-cheek coming-of-age parable, referenced as the reason he likes the 4th of July: “Fireworks outside; fireworks inside my pants.” — Bryan, [56:11]

4. On Fetishes, Biting, and Awkward First Times ([24:28–27:31])

• Christina recounts reading vampire/werewolf romance smut, noting how the biting fetish is central in some circles.
• Bryan discusses how personal sexual preferences sometimes (unfortunately) start with formative experiences, but biting isn’t for him.
• Both hosts reflect on how commonplace it is to have strange, awkward, or traumatic first-time stories: “It’s some version of painful and torturous for everybody.” — Bryan, [23:02]

5. Broccoli Cheese Soup, Panera Bread, and Keto Diets ([13:49–15:19])

• A brief ode to Panera’s broccoli cheese soup triggers soup season nostalgia.
• Bryan confesses his keto struggle: “It’s not sustainable in any way, shape or form. Your body needs some kind of carbs.” ([15:11–15:19])

6. Rats, Regrets, and Adolescent Rebellion ([32:12–34:03])

• Bryan reveals he once had a pet rat, Willie, who attended stoner parties and shows with him.
• After parental protests, he releases Willie, provoking guilt and nostalgia.
  • “He’d nibble on my ear, just a little love nibble... He knew not to draw blood.” — Bryan, [33:25–33:34]
• Christina and Bryan riff on how chaotic their youth was: “I probably would have said to my kid, you cannot have a rat living in this house.” — Bryan, [35:03]

7. The Dark Side of Celebrity Parties & P. Diddy Allegations ([41:11–46:42])

• The hosts pivot to discuss the latest P. Diddy sexual abuse and misconduct allegations, private investigators tracking down witnesses, and Hollywood’s culture of silence.
• Bryan is both bemused and appalled: “This really does lend some credibility to the outskirts of some of these crazier conspiracy theories.” ([41:17])
• Christina is disturbed by the video of Diddy’s violence: “It’s stomach turning. There’s no other way to put it.” ([43:46])
• Quick riff about baby oil as both vintage lube and (dangerously) as a tanning aid in the 80s.

8. Monarchy, Royals, and British Exasperation ([47:54–54:33])

• Christina, whose parents are Scottish and English, gives her perspective on the decline of the monarchy’s popularity among younger generations.
• She and Bryan agree that monarchy is outdated (“Absolutely. 100%” — Christina, [49:35]), but older relatives hold onto pro-royal views.
• The segment includes pointed jokes about Prince Andrew, the Queen, and UK taxpayers bankrolling the royals.

9. Closing Antics, Listener Love, and Producer Woes ([56:24–End])

• Christina jokes about being “trapped in the studio closet” recording liners.
• Bryan and Christina tease the upcoming “12 days of TCB” holiday event.
• Calls to follow on social media and for listeners to engage with their trademark irreverence: “You couldn’t escape if you tried.” — Christina, [57:05]
• Bryan signs off, recasting his 4th of July loss-of-virginity as the stuff of legend.

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Notable Quotes & Timestamps

• On the show’s unpolished chaos:
  "In the olden times, we would have been in some sort of traveling freak show." — Bryan, [00:00]

• On internet rabbit holes:
  "As soon as I hit the search bar, it’s all bikinis all the time." — Bryan, [04:48]

• On soup season:
  "Bread bowls are for car bloating." — Christina, [14:52]

• On goth ex-girlfriends:
  "I was into goth girls until I dated goth girls, and then I was no longer into goth girls." — Bryan, [16:05]

• On losing his virginity:
  "She bit my shoulder so hard it drew blood – and it drew down my boner... It was over." — Bryan, [24:12]

• On first times:
  "I haven’t met anybody whose lose-your-virginity story is like, ‘absolutely spectacular, best sex of my life’ … It’s some version of painful and torturous for everybody." — Bryan, [23:01]

• On fate, blaming the 4th of July:
  "Maybe that’s why Bryan enjoys 4th of July so much. It’s his deflowering time of year." — Christina, [16:55]

• On dodging a pregnancy scare:
  "I was grounded for two fucking summers. Even though it wasn’t true." — Bryan, [31:28]

• On animal companions:
  "He knew not to draw blood. He was just giving me a little love kiss. That was your first true love, Willie." — Christina & Bryan, [33:28–33:36]

• On British monarchy:
  "Do you think that the royals in general is an outdated concept that needs to be phased out?" — Bryan
  "Absolutely. Yeah, 100%." — Christina, [49:33–49:35]

• On podcast existential crisis:
  "No one is as disliked on this show as I am… I’m the loudest man mouth." — Bryan, [40:33–40:42]

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• Sibling drama & seasons – [01:16–13:25]
• Panera soup, keto, goth fashion – [13:26–15:25]
• Goth girl deflowering story – [15:25–32:30]
• Pain/pleasure, biting fetishes – [24:28–27:31]
• Wild adolescence, Willie the rat – [32:12–34:03]
• Diddy, Hollywood, abuse allegations – [41:11–46:42]
• British royals, UK culture – [47:54–54:33]
• Wrap-up, producer antics, holiday promos – [56:24–End]

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Tone & Style

True to “The Cheesecake Factory of Comedy Podcasts,” the episode is sprawling and hilarious, refracting personal history through irreverent, sometimes crude comedy. Bryan’s over-the-top storytelling and Christina’s dry, down-to-earth reactions combine for a blend of nostalgia, dark humor, and self-deprecation.

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For New Listeners

If you’re new to The Commercial Break, this episode exemplifies the show’s core appeal: unpredictability, shameless over-sharing, and a no-holds-barred look at the absurdities of life, love, pop culture, and the deep weirdness of growing up.

Transcript

[A]

Maybe in the olden times we would.

[B]

Have been in some sort of traveling freak show.

[A]

Him being the sideshow, me being the bloke in the top hat, getting the money, making sure he's watered fed. But I take down the curtain and he does his job for a few hours, gets the punters in.

[B]

But it works.

[A]

It really works.

[B]

On this episode of the commercial break, I was into goth girls until I dated goth girls and then I was no longer into goth girls.

[A]

That's okay, I'll pass.

[B]

No, they were lovely, but one of them bit me and drew blood and I found that to be kind of disturbing.

[A]

I'm sorry, you're just gonna say one of them bit me in Drew blood and not tell me the entire story and what's wrong with you?

[B]

The very first time I ever had sex and I. You want me to tell this story? I don't know if I've ever told this story.

[A]

I am absolutely desperate to hear.

[B]

We'll find out how Brian was deflowered. Let's take a break. I'll tell it. I'll tell the Poppy Cherry story. The next episode of the commercial break starts. Oh, yeah. Cats and kittens, welcome back to the commercial break. I'm Brian Green. This is our producer, dear friend of the show, and very temporary co host, Christina. Best to you, Christina.

[A]

Best to you, Brian.

[B]

Best to you out there in the podcast universe. Thanks for joining us. We had a regularly scheduled guest, but they have ghosted us. So we are just here in the studio dicking around and thought, why not? Let's do it anyway. So thank you for being here, Christina. I really appreciate it on this very rainy day here in Atlanta. I do love a good rainy day, though.

[A]

Lovely, lovely rain.

[B]

Good rainy day. You know, I was at the dentist this morning and everybody was complaining about the rain. Oh, the weather sucks. First of all, like, talking about the weather is the lowest form of conversation.

[A]

That's why we do it here so much.

[B]

I know. Well, we also have, you know, it's 30,000 hours to produce every fucking month here. But. But I, I find the opposite. I say I like a good chilly, wet day in fall in Atlanta because we, you know, first of all, we need the rain. Second of all, there's something about waking up to a rainy day that makes me feel good.

[A]

It's so nice.

[B]

That's physiological, isn't it? Isn't there? Like, gotta be. It's like having to do with the negative ions and the positive ions. Sure, something like that.

[A]

I was going psychology.

[B]

Oh, okay. There you Go.

[A]

That's rain outside. Means I'm safe inside.

[B]

Well, that's one thing, too. Yes, well, you were. You were in water for the first nine months of your life, so maybe there's something about being encased in rain that makes us feel good. Taking it all back to Mom. Look at me.

[A]

Women and women first.

[B]

Sigmund Freud. So, thanks for joining us. How have you been? How are things? The audience wants to know.

[A]

I'm good. I'm chilling. My sister has moved back from Costa Rica, so unfortunately, I don't live alone anymore.

[B]

Oh, you have your sisters living with you now?

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

Oh, drama drop.

[A]

It's good. It's been fun.

[B]

How is it the two ladies in the house competing for. I don't know, what you girls.

[A]

Attention. You know, starting some drama with about nothing. We just.

[B]

Do you and your sister fight a lot?

[A]

No, not really. Not real. Bicker, bicker. Yeah.

[B]

Okay. There's a lot of bickering that goes on. Yeah. Like, one of you is giving the other one a cold shoulder for no reason whatsoever. We don't call it out because I.

[A]

Think that that's kind of fudged up.

[B]

Well, it is, but that's how. I mean, it's kind of fucked up, but if you go into most households in the United States, there's some shithead that's causing trouble for everybody for no reason whatsoever.

[A]

No. We are the kind of people who, like, yell. Like, we get into a fight, we yell at each other, and then we both storm off, and then we immediately.

[B]

Start talking again, and then 15 minutes later, it's not even.

[A]

It's like five minutes, and I'm like, I just sent you a TikTok. Go watch it.

[B]

Yeah. You know, Astrid and I can't fight for more than five minutes either.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I think we can take it almost a day. But by the next morning, one of us comes to our senses and is like, listen, we're in this together. We're literally in the trenches together. We're the only ones who know what it's like. We can't be mad at each other for too long. It's usually about some silly shit. Like last night, I think we. I think we were arguing about microphone stance. It was probably something else altogether, but I think it was about microphone stance probably. I thought I was getting the cold shoulder because of microphone stands. She's probably like, you're an asshole.

[A]

In general. She's like, I hate the way you handle conflict, Brian.

[B]

I saw your Instagram algorithm.

[A]

More girls in bikinis.

[B]

Oh, girls in bikinis. That's my thing. Girls in the perv. I know. Hey, what can I do?

[A]

I can't.

[B]

I'm a boy. What can I say? I can't help it. Well, here's the thing. Pervert. Yes, they. I've said this story. I swear to God it's true. Someone started the Instagram for me when I had simple fm, and that guy was a true horn dog of epic proportions.

[A]

And so he started it off.

[B]

He started it off on that.

[A]

So it's really easy for you to get sucked down the perfect rabbit hole.

[B]

Absolutely. As soon as I hit the search bar, it's all bikinis all the time. And it just gets worse and worse every month. It seems like we're going more and more unclothed.

[A]

Mine's all, like, scraping off, like, scalp psoriasis.

[B]

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

[A]

Oh, so satisfying to watch.

[B]

Okay, all right, all right, all right. Please. Honestly, it makes my sick really. So Poppy Lou. Poppy La. Who? Poppy Leo. Let me say that correctly. Poppy Layout, who is a wonderful actress. And you're gonna hear she's coming up. Like, her interview is coming up. But it's no secret here that we record some of these interviews way ahead of time, as referenced by sometimes when we're talking about something six weeks old on an interview. But anyway, she's got a new special coming out on Netflix, and she came in, and then her and Chrissy went down the Pimple Popper road where all they were doing for, like, 10 minutes was talking about Pimple Popper as I turned green and almost had to leave the studio. Can't take it. Not interested.

[A]

You can get me.

[B]

You can give me a fucking arm chopped off and I will. Like, if someone got into a car accident tomorrow and that someone was, like, literally half decapitated, I could get in there and do what I needed to do. Yeah, blood doesn't bother. Bother me at all. Yeah, blood bones. I mean, doesn't bother me in emergency situations.

[A]

Blood bones.

[B]

Blood bones. Whatever. I like it.

[A]

Muscles even better if they're leaky.

[B]

Femoral arteries spewing everywhere. I could take it. I got it. No problem. But you give me a pimple popping situation, and it just makes me disgusted.

[A]

That's so sad for you.

[B]

I'm gonna. I'm gonna repeat this story when I. When we talk to Poppy Liao. But who cares? No one needs to know. They probably don't even remember. They won't remember six weeks from now. What I said now. I met the girl who brought pimple popper to television at a conference. Yes. When I went to dinner with Mark Cuban, this girl was in the room. And I walked into this private room and there was like, I don't know, 12, 20 of us, something milling around waiting for Mark Cuban and these other dignitaries to show. Dignitaries to show up. And there's this girl at the bar and I'm just kind of standing at the bar, I don't know anybody in the room. And we strike up a conversation and she. We're talking about television. That's what she does. She works in television and she works for the TLC network. And I'm like, super exciting. I know, it's fate. I love it. 90 Day Fiance. You guys are great. There's no more Learning Channel, but TLC was a good movie. It's like kfc. It's no longer chicken, but we're learning about relationships. That's right.

[A]

It's this anthropology about the worst relationship. Anthropology, Okay, I get it.

[B]

Listen, I'm not arguing.

[A]

That's what I say reality TV is. And like, it's an anthropological study and that's why I'm watching it.

[B]

You might be right about this.

[A]

I think I am.

[B]

In a thousand years when we're all dead, gone, buried and under nuclear ash, someone in outer space is going to come here and they're going to find reality television and they're going to know exactly what we were up to. We were marrying people from other countries. Why there were other countries or borders. They're not going to have any clue. But then there was some process we had to go through where we acted really shitty to each other for 90 days ritual. Yes. So I. So then we get on the TLC thing and I said, you know what, though? I got to be honest. You got to get that fucking pimple popper show off the air. It's disgusting, it's gross, I can't stand it. It's. I mean, I went off for a good minute solid 60 second Brian rant thinking he was being smart to some TLC executive. And she was just looking at me and she goes, you know what? Couldn't agree with you more, but I'm the one who brought it to.

[A]

Oh my God.

[B]

Open mouth, insert foot there you. Well, I've never been one to. I'm not the James Bond type. I'm more of the Austin Powers, I like the Chevy Chase type. I stumble into a room, make a bunch of noise, stumble into a room. So everybody's excited about the new. Oh, by the way, it's Thanksgiving week. As you're listening to this. Hello, welcome. And I hope you're having a wonderful Thanksgiving week. I would like to think that most people have some time off during the Thanksgiving week.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Thanksgiving week is one of my favorite weeks of the entire year. Fourth of July, Thanksgiving and Christmas Eve.

[A]

Fourth of July.

[B]

Fourth of July. Don't ask me why. I don't know why. Because.

[A]

Okay, sorry. I've got to wipe the look of disdain and shock off of my face.

[B]

No, no, no. For the reasons you think. It's the. It's the clear summer marking point. We're in summer.

[A]

Yeah. Okay.

[B]

My favorite time of the year.

[A]

Summer's your favorite season?

[B]

Season, for sure. Summer's my favorite. I love a look at my face.

[A]

Sorry, I'm. Yeah. He's so tan that I'm completely blown out in this.

[B]

I know you do. We needed to change that light for you.

[A]

I think I'm gonna have to start fake tanning before I come here.

[B]

Yeah, you might.

[A]

I think I will.

[B]

Well, I got it. We got a group discount. It's part of the perks of working for the commercial.

[A]

Yeah, you can.

[B]

Yeah. And then you can get a. Then you can get a group discount on the radiation that I'm putting on my face currently. A little bit of laser spots. Yeah. Seriously. So Fourth of July, like, marks the beginning of the summer. Not the beginning, but, like, now we're in summer now. Here it is. It tends to be a festive time of year when the fireworks are going off and, you know, you're in the pool and you're having fun. And for me, personally, I have always had, like, the. The four serious relationships that I've had in my life. It all really took hold and blossomed during that time of year. Interesting. So I think upon it fondly. And that's just. That's just me. Right. So I just. I don't know. It's like a romantic time for me. Has nothing to do with the United States of America, because, quite frankly, next year, I think it's just gonna be guns instead of fire. But no, it's not. But, you know, hey, we're here until January 20th at least. Let's savor the flavor. Let us savor the flavor.

[A]

Yeah. But summer is my least favorite season.

[B]

Why? Because it's hot.

[A]

Yeah. I can't handle the heat. I am like you Melt. I'm weak. I need the cold. I love winter in Georgia, and I love fall, and I love early spring.

[B]

Yeah. And I know a lot of people that are like, like if you. Would you rather take a vacation in the mountains than in the beach? And on the beach.

[A]

I think it really depends on my mood.

[B]

Okay. But fair enough.

[A]

But I just generally prefer cooler weather. Like I am so not built for the heat. Like I get angrier, I get more depressed. Like it makes. It gets so in my head. Like I have opposite seasonal affective disorder like mine. I'm like, I can't go outside. I hate it there. I'm like, it ruins my favorite sports. Running. It's too hot to do anything. It ruins everything for me. Everything.

[B]

Look at you. White people problems.

[A]

I know.

[B]

It ruins everything.

[A]

I was my most depressed this year in the summer.

[B]

Oh, well, listen. Okay, that's a thing. Yeah, that's you. That's a thing. But you are also come from direct. That's cold weather descendants.

[A]

That's true.

[B]

And so do I. Really From Chicago. But in like one half a generation I turned into like a sun baby overnight. I just, I'll never go back to Chicago and live one of those winters again because I didn't like it. And I mean I remember being just fine with it. But I was a kid and so now I've grown up into an adult in very hot weather living in Georgia and I've just taken to it.

[A]

Well, you. You are thriving in it.

[B]

I am thriving. And I love when it's light out till 9:30 at night. I like that. I can't stand.

[A]

It's nice.

[B]

Do you like when it gets dark at 4:30?

[A]

I do.

[B]

You do. Okay. Well, you're just a weird.

[A]

What's funny is like when. Well, it's cozy. I get my YouTube ambiance. I'm reading my books.

[B]

What YouTube ambiance are you right.

[A]

Right now I'm really into like snowy cabin with a fire and like Christmas tree.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

And I like put that on and you hear like the wind outside. It's like wait.

[B]

YouTube ambiance for those of you that don't know are just these endless videos that play a certain like montage of whatever. Yeah, you a log, snow, eclipse, Christmas time.

[A]

Get like a fireplace. You can get like a rainy lake. You can get like. That's a good one. There's like this good rainy like fall lake, all the leaves and it's misty. Just sets the vibes.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Sets some good vibes. And I love my.

[B]

So for you it's coming home and getting to do that earlier than you normally would. It's relaxation and there's some parity between what's happening outside and what's happening inside, you're like, I got the mood. And if I step outside, there's a little chill in the air. Like today it's raining. It's kind of like, dark and dreary.

[A]

I'm like, windows open. Make my house 55 degrees.

[B]

You might be an undercover goth girl if I'm just saying, I'm not sure. Goth girl. Have you ever tried goth? It's not for everyone, but it could work for you. Good. We were at Panera the other day. You know, by the way, Panera has the best broccoli cheese soup.

[A]

God. I know.

[B]

Ever tasted.

[A]

It's some good.

[B]

They have rewritten the book on broccoli cheese soup. Now, I worked at Chili's, and one of my favorite things was when they had broccoli cheese soup. It was like, Wednesdays or some shit like that. They. They did it right? Chili's did. And. But it came in a bag, and you had to pour water in it.

[A]

I'm sorry.

[B]

In a bag. It came in a bag, like a big bag. You cut it open, you pour it in the little heater, and then you poured, like, two. Two full containers of water in there. I'm just a lot like. I'm sure, like, Panera does it. Yeah.

[A]

I was gonna say, like, that Campbell's, like, condensed cream of mushroom soup.

[B]

Yes. You know, but that's. It's soup. Right? So. Okay, I get it. I'm not, like, particularly grossed out by that. That sounds like soup in general is made. It's a thick base with some water in it. Right.

[A]

And it's soup season. Another reason to love fall slash winter.

[B]

Right. And it was just a little chill in the air. We were up in the mountains with my dad. A little chill in the air. We go to Panera. I have a couple pieces of bread and that broccoli cheese soup. And I love it. But anyway, that's not the point of the story. The point of the story is Panera's lovely. That's not the point. The story. Bread bowls. Bread bowls are for winter too.

[A]

Yeah. Red Bulls are for car bloating.

[B]

Oh, my God. And I'm on that keto diet right now. So I'm giving myself one day a week to just blow it. So I actually gave myself one weekend a week to blow it up. I was eating whatever I want. Oh, my God. I went crazy. That's a problem when you're on the keto or the, like, the carnivore diet.

[A]

Sustainable.

[B]

It's. It's not sustainable in Any way, shape or form.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Your body needs some kind of carbs.

[A]

You need carbs for your brain to function.

[B]

That's it.

[A]

Yeah, Sorry.

[B]

Those are the rules. Yes. As a calcium filled brain knows you.

[A]

Need something, you need something.

[B]

So there's this girl. When we're pulling out of the Panera, there's this girl. Full goth gear. Full goth gear. Black tight shirt, choker, black skirt, black tights. Shit. Kicker boots.

[A]

Love it.

[B]

All the bracelets you could possibly have. Dark eyeliner, hair slicked back, you know, walking down the street with her hello, black hello kitty bag. You know, talking on the phone.

[A]

Love that.

[B]

Great. It's a look. It's a thing, Right?

[A]

That's cute.

[B]

And Astrid was making fun of me. She's like, that's. What are you into? That's what you're into, you fucking creep. That's what you're into. Yeah, you're fucking creep.

[A]

And I'm like, no, that's so funny.

[B]

When I was in my late teens, when I was in my mid to late teens, that would have been a thing. But it was a thing. It came and it went. I was into goth girls until I dated goth girls, and then I was no longer into goth girls.

[A]

You're like, that's okay, I'll pass.

[B]

No, they were lovely, but one of them bit me and drew blood, and I found that to be kind of disturbing.

[A]

I'm sorry, you're just gonna say one of them bit me in drew blood and not tell me the entire story? What's wrong with you?

[B]

The very first time I ever had sex and I. You want me to tell this story? I don't know if I've ever told this.

[A]

I am absolutely desperate to hear.

[B]

We'll. We'll find out how Brian was deflowered. Let's take a break. I'll tell it. I'll tell the pop your cherry story. And guess what? When did it happen? On 4th of July. There you go. Maybe that's why Brian enjoys 4th of July so much.

[A]

It's his deflowering time of year.

[B]

It reminds him of the last time he got laid. It's my virgin anniversary. Who doesn't remember that? All right, we'll take a break and we'll be back.

[A]

In case you guys were wondering, I am currently trapped in the closet in the studio being forced to record liner after liner, and I never get to leave. So help me by following us on Instagram at the commercial break and on TikTokCBpodcast and go to our website, tcbpodcast.com for more information about Brian and Chrissy and access to our massive catalog of video and audio episodes. Now, please text us at 212-4333, TCB. And tell Brian and Chrissy to let me out of the closet.

[B]

Oh, God. Okay, so. All right. So now that I think about it, this May. You're right. This Fourth of July thing may have all started.

[A]

It's all going back to one thing.

[B]

So it all goes back to Brian losing his virginity.

[A]

Pervert behavior.

[B]

Way pervert behavior. Well, I mean, listen, they say that your predilections and your sexual preferences are.

[A]

Formed early when you're just little.

[B]

A little tiny little tyke. Right. Prepubescent or something. Or as you're getting into your. What do they call that? You're a tween. You're in between.

[A]

I don't know.

[B]

I don't know either. I don't want to talk about it because then I sound like P. Diddy. Like, I don't want some people to have, like, retrospective videos he was talking about. I know, because every video of Diddy now is him being a pervert.

[A]

Well, he is a pervert.

[B]

Well, he is a pervert. There's no doubt about that. But now every video can be taken in, like, 70 different contexts, and you're like, wow. Even when some of them are a little bit of a stretch. You know what I'm saying?

[A]

Yeah. But you're like, still, I know what's going on in that brain.

[B]

That guy is prolific. That he is unbelievable. Too bad our guest didn't show up today because I wanted to ask him if he had ever been to a Diddy party. I suspect he might have been, but maybe we'll get around to it.

[A]

Drama drop.

[B]

Drama drop. So the year was. I don't know when the year was. I was young, and I think it was 15 years old. The summer of being 15 years old. And I worked at that McDonald's and I worked with a girl, and that girl was a year older than I was. She was 16 years old, but she had sister that had just turned 15. So I was 15, about to turn 16. This girl was 4, had 15, just turned 15 years old.

[A]

Very Sound of Music.

[B]

I love very sound. Very P. Diddy. Very P. Diddy. And we went to a. I went to her house one time. The. My friend who worked at the McDonald's. Let's call her. Let's call her Sam. My friend Sam. I went to her house. Her parents were out of town and they had a babysitter, was Paying no attention to them whatsoever, like some adult that was supposed to be there, that wasn't. And so we were all hanging out on the back porch. We were smoking weed. This girl Sam was straight edge. You know what straight Edge is?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Okay. Straight edge. No drink, no drugs, no cigarettes, no nothing. We were all smoking cigarettes, smoking pot. Some of us were drinking. By that time, I was probably dropping lsd. I mean, I was like a really advanced.

[A]

And I say teenager.

[B]

Yes. I was dumber than the rest of my friends. Yeah, for good reason. Because I was so fucked up I couldn't process information. And for the very first time ever, I met her sister. Let's call her Eve. So Sam and Eve. I met this girl Eve at this time, and she was this dark, mysterious goth girl. She was like the opposite of her sister. She was into vampires and Morrissey and, and all kind of witches and Wiccans and all kind of stuff.

[A]

Can't wait for her to find out about Twilight.

[B]

I know. I. I wish I had stuck with it long enough to figure out, but I didn't because it turns into quite the show. But I met her at this. This one night we're all hanging out over at Sam's house. And I was instantly like. There was something about that goth vibe that got me super charged up. Mysterious, mysterious vibe. And I found a way to sneak up to her bedroom. She's going to show me her bedroom. She's going to show me something. Her Ouija board or something, I'm not sure. But I found a way up there. And we quickly made out and dispersed. Right. Quickly made out. But I knew that her sister was going to be way pissed because her sister didn't like her younger sister. You know, she was like straight edge. And her sister was like kind of off the tracks and, you know, much different than she was. And so I made out with her quickly. And then we dispersed. But we exchanged phone numbers. I had my own private phone in my room. An actual landline. Advanced like this is having your own BlackBerry at 14 years old. I had my own phone because.

[A]

Fancy.

[B]

Yeah, because my dad didn't. I was taken up all the time talking to girls till three in the morning, so taking up all the family phone time. Brian was. So the two weeks later was 4th of July and another one of my friends was having a party at his house because his parents were out of town, but they just left him alone. He was 16 years old. They just left him there. And this happened often. This was that guy, that kid whose parents just went out of town.

[A]

And there's always one.

[B]

There's always one. And surprisingly, he never burned the house down. But man, was there a lot of chicanery going on in that house. Well, this girl would call me often and I said, hey, listen, there's this party going on and oh, by the way, Sam had now left to go do a study overseas in France. So while the cat's away, the mice.

[A]

Will play opportunity was there.

[B]

I was being a little shithead and I was like, well, your sister's not here. I'm sure she wouldn't mind if I invited you to this little get together we're having. And in one of the most just. I'm sure everyone's lose your virginity story is either awkward, traumatic, for whatever reason, or maybe I don't. I haven't met anybody who's lose your virginity story is like absolutely spectacular. Like, they were like, oh my God, it was amazing. I did. Best sex of my life. I never expected it to be so wonderful.

[A]

That's crazy.

[B]

It's some version of painful and torturous for everybody. And mine was no different. We. We went up. So everyone is there.

[A]

Fourth of July party.

[B]

Yeah, in this. This house was on the lake and the lake had fireworks. And so the fireworks were going off inside, Brian was going off, fires going on off outside, Brian was going off inside. And we just had this weird, awkward sex. Right? That's just what it was. It was just weird. It was awkward. I didn't know what to do with it. I don't think she had much more experience than I did, though. I don't think she was a virgin at the time. I think she didn't know what much what to do with it either. But we managed figure it out, fit it in. I don't think either of us had an orgasm and called it a day. Right? I bought my cherry. That was it. I was the first probably amongst my group to do that. But I wasn't the type to brag. At least not that night. I wasn't the first to brag. I wasn't the type to brag, actually. I don't think I did much bragging. But here's what happened that makes the story much. Oh, and during intercourse, she bit my shoulder right here, like in between the neck and the shoulder. So hard that it took. It drew blood and it drew down my boner. It was like it instantly killed the night. It was. It. It was over. This is crazy. It was. But she was like all into like vampire shit. And I think she just took the Role playing a little too far.

[A]

You know what's crazy is I read. I was in a romance book club earlier this year, okay. And we read some vampire werewolf smut, and I was absolutely horrified by it because I had never read smut that smutty before.

[B]

Smutty smut, huh?

[A]

There was, like, a big plot point. Is the biting?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

And they were like. Like, it's got to do with, like, your mate. And, like, when you bite them and you, like, leave the scar or, like, the mark, like, even though they can heal, it's like, oh, they leave the scar and that means that you're mine. Or, like, you have to scratch them too, or something. I don't know. It was crazy.

[B]

I have known a lot of women who are not a lot, but, like, probably four, maybe five who have this biting fetish to get bitten or to bite or both. And I don't know how I run into these ladies, but I am not okay with it. I don't mind a little nibble, but a real draw. You're drawing blood, Christina. It was so hard. And it's in that shoulder area where some people who get massaged there are like, you know, and so she drew blood. And then here is the part that, like, okay, fine, we had sex. She bit me. It was kind of over. We awkwardly strangled through the night, then drop her back. We drop her back off at home, and then she's, like, repeatedly calling me and calling me and calling me, and I just, like, I don't. For some reason, it wasn't there. Like, I didn't want to have a relationship. Right.

[A]

You just got. Got bitten.

[B]

I just got bitten.

[A]

I don't think you would want a relationship.

[B]

Yes. And it hurt. Now there's a big purple mark with, like, you know, two bite marks in my skin that drew blood. And now I'm realizing that maybe the goth thing is not a put on. It's like, we actually believe it. Right. It's not a style. It's a thing. Like, we're into it. We're witches. We're Wiccans. We're putting spells on people. Witches. Fine. Cool. Do your thing. Just don't put your spell on me.

[A]

I'm not be on the same page as your sexual partner.

[B]

Right, Exactly. And. And at that time, I don't even know what preferences I have, because I'm just getting started.

[A]

It's crazy to, like, start mixing pain and pleasure.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

At 15.

[B]

Yeah. Well, I know a lot of people who did that too. Right. For various different reasons.

[A]

That hurts me Inside.

[B]

For me, pain is not pleasure. I am not interested in whipping. I'm not interested in receiving or giving.

[A]

Interested in whipping.

[B]

Yeah, I'm too bunch of a pussy. I mean, I know the way to put it, but. Well, it's always just like.

[A]

I just don't want to hurt you. I don't want you to hurt me.

[B]

Please.

[A]

I just want everyone to have a nice time.

[B]

That's the point of sex.

[A]

There's nothing wrong with that.

[B]

No.

[A]

I did get bitten once on my arm. I just remembered while you were talking.

[B]

About it like during a. Yes, during action.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I got, I had a big bruise from it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I had like some stuff to film like the next next few days. And it was there and like obvious.

[B]

And I was like, Jesus Christ, that's, that's not attractive.

[A]

It didn't go anywhere.

[B]

Yeah, this didn't go anywhere either. But after a couple weeks of just kind of like putting it off. And also I was working and I went to school after like putting it off and then slowly not answering phone calls. Like it was getting a little obsessive, all the calling and stuff and her sister's coming back into town and I knew the was going to hit the fan. I knew it. I was going to have to say something or her sister was going to say something and, and, and I, and I actually valued the friendship. I, I was a little worried if I actually valued the friendship I wouldn't have had sex with her sister. But you know. Yeah, I thought I did. Anyway. I was trying to be valiant in the moment, you know, you were just young. I was horny.

[A]

What are you gonna do?

[B]

Are you gonna have sex?

[A]

Stupid things.

[B]

Of course she claimed to be pregnant and claimed to be so effort. Claimed, claimed. Three weeks into this, you know, calling and like all this obsessiveness. I answered the phone one time because she had left a message crying, you need to call me back immediately, there's an emergency. And when I called back she said she was pregnant and I immediately hung up the phone after like an hour long phone call where we both cried and I ran to my father and I told him that I got her pregnant and shit. Hit the ever loving fan, I'm sure. And so, so my dad was like, your life's over, this is it. Congratulations. You're a fucking dumbass. I always knew you were. Now it's, now it's proven. Now there's gonna be DNA running around proving how dumb you are. Like, you know, you're really fuck yourself.

[A]

No shade, no Tea. But you're stupid.

[B]

That's right. You're gonna have to work overtime is.

[A]

All over this McDonald's job. You better become the store manager.

[B]

That's right. That's what shit he was saying? You're gonna be a store manager of McDonald's because this kid is gonna take over your life and you're not gonna know what to do. Congratulations.

[A]

Oh, gosh, that's so stressful.

[B]

I know. Only to find out a couple of weeks there was like my dad was. Wanted to call this girl's dad. And I kept putting it off, putting it off, putting it off because I thought this dad, this other dad was going to kick the shit out of me. He probably was going to. And I kept like telling my dad, no, no, just hold on, hold on, hold on. And a couple of days, weeks, something like that later, the sister came back from Paris, had been back for a day or two. And she came to my house. I was now grounded. I could not leave the porch. But my dad allowed friends to come to the front porch to say hello for 15, 20 minutes. And I had this like whole heart to heart with Sam. And I was like, listen, you know, I'm sorry I was a bit of an. I slept with your sister while you were gone. We had sex and this girl hit me. I mean, she just hit.

[A]

Did she?

[B]

Oh yeah. She cocked back and she hit me.

[A]

Like full punch or slap?

[B]

Open handed? Slap. And it hurt? Yes, it hurt. Not as much as the bite, but it still hurt. So now I've been bitten twice. Essentially.

[A]

That's women supporting women.

[B]

And she says. And I, and I said, you know, and I don't know if she's told you yet, but you know she's pregnant. And then it was like, what are you talking about? And I'm like, she's pregnant. And she's like, no, she's not pregnant. And what? And she goes, she's not pregnant. And I was like, she is pregnant. She told me she's pregnant. She said she took tests. She said she. I told my dad and she like, she's not pregnant. I have a tr. We share a trash can in the bathroom. I know she's not pregnant. And I was like, oh, what? Really? And she's like, there's no way she's pregnant. We share like we're on the same cycle. She's not pregnant.

[A]

She's.

[B]

There's no way she's pregnant. And I was like, what? And this entered, this ended with me like in some late night steal someone's dad's car. Not steal it, but take someone's dad's car to go pick her up at 3:30 in the morning to go to a Kroger at 24 hour Kroger to get a pregnancy test. To then go to a. A Waffle House and pee on the pregnancy test to prove that this girl was in fact not pregnant. And I was grounded for two fucking summers.

[A]

Two summers.

[B]

Two summers.

[A]

Even though it wasn't true.

[B]

Even though it wasn't true.

[A]

Damn, Dad.

[B]

I was grounded. Yes, my dad said you're a fuck up. Anyway, I don't care.

[A]

Two summers feels like a lot. One summer I get.

[B]

I think he was pissed because I was just like a general shithead.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And then I was generally being shitheady by sleeping with people. You know, like I lost my virginity.

[A]

Brought a rat in the house, you know.

[B]

Yes, the Free willy. Free Willy that Lily didn't last long.

[A]

I feel so bad for him. Yeah.

[B]

You know, I do feel bad for Willie, but. Yeah, I feel bad for Willie because I was the dumb, dumb who knew, right? Well, listen, let's say this about Willie. It was better than dying in a pet store.

[A]

That is so true.

[B]

Or with a snake eating or.

[A]

Well, yeah, I don't know.

[B]

You don't know?

[A]

I don't know. Well, I'm just thinking he must have been so scared. He'd never been out there.

[B]

I know he'd never been out in the wild.

[A]

Makes me so sad.

[B]

I know it would. I. I just.

[A]

Because he probably got killed just so fast and he was probably so scared.

[B]

It was. There was a.

[A]

But I don't think his life was good at all in any way. No offense.

[B]

Why I had him. He was with me all the time.

[A]

I thought he was like in a box in the garage.

[B]

He was in a box in the garage during the nighttime. But when I would go out, he.

[A]

Would come out with me. Okay, so maybe he was having fun.

[B]

We had like. Like we went to fish shows together. Like we had our moments, me and Willie. We were like a thing. Right. And even when he was in the box in the garage, on occasion I would sneak him up into the bedroom and I'd let him sleep like under the covers with me. He'd like curl up and sleep. And my dad didn't know. Sorry, dad. I'm sorry, dad.

[A]

So funny. I do know someone who has pet rats. And they love them.

[B]

They're. He was a perfectly lovely creature. He would sit on my shoulder. I. I remember going to like get togethers with him. Like little Parties, right where everyone was getting high and smoking bong Willie and Willie would just be hanging out on my shoulder and he'd come up and he'd like, nibble on my ear, you know, just like give me a little love nibble.

[A]

He loved me.

[B]

And there was.

[A]

He knew not to draw blood.

[B]

He knew not to draw blood. He was just giving me a little love kiss.

[A]

That was your first true love, Willie.

[B]

Was my first true love. I gotta be honest. That was. I just. Now that I'm thinking back on it, you're making me feel terrible, but.

[A]

Sorry.

[B]

I know, but there was. There was nothing I could do. There was no other.

[A]

No one would take him at that point in time.

[B]

I knew one guy that owned a snake. But I wasn't going to do that to Willie. I was going to let. I was going to give Willie a chance. Go, dude, you. You got it in you. It's in your DNA. Go find a rat nest and be part of the community.

[A]

Did we can think that.

[B]

I like to think that. I. I walked up that street that rainy night crying because it was a terrible moment in Brian history when my dad was like, fine. And listen, I know everyone's. We got comments on this. When I told the story that what an asshole your dad was to do this to you. You got to think about this. You have four children. A rather stressful home environment at the time, which I won't get all into, but it was really stressful at that time for the whole family due to sickness. And you got one fucking kid running around smoking pot, taking acid, sleeping with girls, maybe getting people pregnant. And all of a sudden he brings a rat home to live in your house with your four other children. It was not like. I probably would have been pissed too. I probably would have said to my kid, you most definitely cannot have a rat living in this house. Your mother is going to kill you. And I don't want it. I don't want to wake up one morning to find that rat on my pillow. No way. And to his little bit of credit, to my dad's little bit of credit, he didn't make me give it away immediately.

[A]

That's true. He gave you a trust.

[B]

He said, if that rat gets out, it's going in. Willie found a way. Willie found a way. Good old Willie.

[A]

I think of you all the time, Willie.

[B]

But maybe that was just Willie's way of saying, I really need to get out of here, Brian.

[A]

Please stop taking me to parties.

[B]

Yeah, I really don't want to be any part of this I heard what your dad said, and I'd rather take my chances in the sewer.

[A]

This is a narrative I didn't ask to be a part of.

[B]

Yeah, listen, your dope smoking friends aren't as cool as you think they are. All right, if I have to hear Dark side of the Moon one more time. Poor Willie. Do you think he was getting high from all that contact smoke?

[A]

Maybe.

[B]

I don't know. We had a dog, too. We got a dog. And my brother. My twin brother. Adopted, like, my twin brother became like the dog's person. Right. Even though we all love the dog. His name was Jordan. My twin brother became his person. And my basement, as I've mentioned many times, is a den of iniquities. It really was. It was like all kind of craziness going on down there.

[A]

Basements.

[B]

I know basements that. When you're a teenager, basements. Where is that? You know, it's where the parents just pretend that.

[A]

Just get out of here.

[B]

Yeah. They're studying down there.

[A]

As long as they're not talking.

[B]

Dad used to be like, who's burning incense down there? I'd be like, I don't know, but I'm ripping 10 foot bongs. Dad. I got a gravity bong I made on my own. Dad, that's not incense.

[A]

Buddy made it out of a Gatorade bottle.

[B]

Yes. Used to take milk jugs. We had all kind of. We were doing peps. Oh, old Pepsi bottles. But that dog became like Kevin's Buddy. They were always like, you know, the dog lived down in the basement, basically. Best dog ever. Little Maltese. Never once did I hear that dog bark. I mean, maybe once or twice I heard the dog bark, but not like blue. Like a very quiet, dog loving dog would just sit there. You'd pet him. He'd love it. And I just like to. I have to think that that dog was stoned 24 hours a day. And that's why it was so chill.

[A]

Could be.

[B]

But he was with us for every party. Every. I'm sure he accidentally ate mushrooms on a couple of occasions. Oh, Jordan.

[A]

Oh, poor little Jordan.

[B]

So Jordan got very old. He was like 12 years old. And Kevin had him. He's living in an apartment. And Kevin went. I think he got a condo or something. Like went to go live at a condo. And they didn't allow animals. And Kevin was. Was like, so distraught over this.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And my dad couldn't take the dog. And no one else in the family was able to take the dog. I wasn't able to take the dog at the time. But my dad had a friend at the office, and the friend at the office said, I've got a couple of older Malteses. If Kevin really needs somewhere to put the dog, I will be happy to take the dog. I'll care for it.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

I'll. I'll make sure that goes to the vet, clean, fed all that stuff. I love my Malteses. And so that dog went and lived there, and. And to our knowledge, that dog might still be alive. I don't think it's alive today. That dog might still be alive today because we checked in on the dog. Like, you know, Kevin would check out infrequently, but then, I don't know, maybe it was, like, a decade ago, and the dog would have been 20 years old. 19, 20 years old at the time. I said, hey, dad, whatever happened to Jordan is like, Jordan? He goes, you know what? I think he still might be, like, kicking with, you know, old Betty Lou. And I'm like, wow, 19, 20 years old. Old. I don't think it was really 19, 20 years old, but you know what I'm saying? Like, she. It was old. And all that did dog did for half its life would just sit around and get high with us.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[B]

So I don't know if Willie would have fared well sober in this in the streets of Atlanta, but I'd like to think so. Christina? Yeah, maybe. Thanks for making me feel bad. I'm gonna go to sleep, my face melting off my bones and.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Crying over. Over Willie. Well, there you. What ambiance do I need to cure that, Christina?

[A]

Christmas rat. Ambiance.

[B]

Christmas rat. Ben, the two of us need look no more. All right, we'll be back.

[A]

Have you been missing something from your life? Of course you have. You listened to the commercial break, and what you've been missing is missing me, right? No. Damn. Well, if what you're missing is a little giggle, you should follow us on Instagram at the commercial break and on TikTokCV podcast, because, you know, we're posting clips, we're being silly. You'll get a little laugh out of it, I promise. If what you're missing is communication, text us or call us and leave us a voicemail at 212-433-3822 and 6. Someone will respond, definitely. Unless you're being creepy or mean, in which case, we won't. And lastly, if what you're missing is a jaunt through the Internet, check out our [e-mail] and explore to Your heart's desire. And those are really all the ways I can help you. So maybe you're missing something from our sponsors. Let's find out.

[B]

Is it weird to hear yourself on the liners and then be here also talking on the show?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Yeah. Okay. Just checking.

[A]

Yeah, it's weird.

[B]

I wanted to see if it was weird for you. Is it weird for me? I know I'm like, stop.

[A]

No one even likes you.

[B]

A thousand hours into this show and I still hate hearing my own voice. People like you. We have a lot of people that like you. And listen, there are your Detroit. There are detractors too.

[A]

You know, I love my haters.

[B]

Yes. But I. But I think no one is as disliked on this show as I am.

[A]

And that's fair enough. You have the most content to not like you for.

[B]

You know, I know I'm the loudest man mouth, so I'm the most opinionated. And so if you easiest to hate. Yeah, of course. And whatever comes with the territory. I am just reading that they are lawyers are sending private investigators to influencers houses to find out to grill them about what they know about celebrities and P. Diddy parties. Oh, this is getting way heated. Have you been keeping up with all this?

[A]

Not really, no. Know.

[B]

So let me catch you up to speed.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Because you know, I'm fascinated by this story.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Because I think if true, then there's a lot of answering to be done by a lot of people. Right?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And some of those. And then there may be a lot of victims being people that we know are famous.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Right. Who may have got caught up in this. And this really does lend some credibility to the outskirts of some of these more crazy conspiracy theories. Lends a little bit of credibility in this sense that there are people in Hollywood, in the Hollywood types and the famous types who are hiding kind of like institutionalized assault and sexual abuse for sure. Because it makes them more famous or because if they get involved, they can be more famous. This lends a little bit of credibility. And is Diddy the top? I don't know. I don't. I'm not a conspiracy theory guy. You know that if you listen to the show. Show. I actually. I actually abhor most conspiracy theories, quote, unquote. Because they tend to have zero evidence of being true. And people just go wildly off the rails with it. There's like no facts whatsoever, but they swear to God it's true because they want to be the one in the know. It's. It really is a little pip squeaks wanting to be. Have their moment in the sun, for sure. But this one, one, I've never doubted that there is institutionalized sexual abuse going on in many different corners of the world. And some of that happens to be pedophilia because that is a fetish that unfortunately is in the human genome for whatever reason. Right. The Roman days. So. So this story fascinates me because I want to know, not that. Not necessarily that P. Diddy was the guy who was like, the ringleader of some of these. Some of this activity, but that there are so many people in his orbit that none of them have said a word. None of them. That, to me, is really suspicious.

[A]

It's suspicious because it's like, okay, you're obviously. If you're. If you're not saying anything, is it because you. There's information on you.

[B]

Is it because. Yeah, there's information to be. For you to be found. You are afraid of Diddy in some way, shape or form, which it seems like now there might be good reason to be afraid of Diddy because apparently he's tried to have people killed and blown up cars and had people assaulted and this other stuff.

[A]

I mean, the domestic violence alone.

[B]

Oh, yeah, that was a horrific video of him dragging that girl down the hallway.

[A]

I saw that against my will.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But I was like, holy mother of God.

[B]

Yeah, it's stomach turning. There's no other way to put it.

[A]

Yeah, it's sickening.

[B]

Yeah, it's. It's.

[A]

Again.

[B]

Listen, my dad may have told me to throw Willie in the sewer, but one thing my dad taught me is respect for the female form. Like, boys don't hit girl. It never happens. Happens. There's never a reason where it's okay. Never. Unless someone's trying to murder you. It's just not something you do. My dad is like, that's old. I know. That's old school, like, you know, chivalry type. But that's just the way I was raised. And I believe it to my core. And I will teach it to my sons and. And I will teach my daughters that anyone who goes in that direction is never for you. That you walk in the opposite, direct. You deserve way more than that. Always and forever, no matter who, no matter what you're into. But here's the thing. Everyone's being quiet about this. And now there are attorneys who are calling. There are attorneys who are calling on behalf of celebrities, victims who have come forward and victims who have not come forward. People who were just at the parties and may have been part of the sex and, you know, like random human beings who showed up at Diddy parties and ended up at some weird freak off. And they're calling them and offering to pay them off in advance, not to talk about these celebrities. Now there's no word on who they are, but you can only imagine. Yeah, so now I'm reading that private investigators are going to influencers houses, influencers who have been talking about this Diddy story for a long time. Some of them before this even happened, because they know from celebrities about these freak offs. And these private investigators are banging down their doors trying to figure out. Out what they know. Is that for Diddy? Is that for the, the victims? I don't know.

[A]

Yeah, that's the question. Whose are the private investigators for?

[B]

I would imagine probably for the victims, right? That they're probably out there on behalf of the victims trying to get like, like find evidence that corroborates what they're saying. Because it's not a perfect justice. But there is some type of justice. And getting money, right? There is some type of justice. It, it, money doesn't like they say money doesn't make you happy, but it sure doesn't make you sad. And like there's something about it, you know, And Diddy's got a lot of money. And so, you know, he was spending it all on lube apparently, but.

[A]

Jesus Christ, a lot of baby oil, Christina, it's not even. I don't, I can't look at baby oil ever again.

[B]

No, I know. Like, it makes baby oil unusable for the rest of us. I mean, first of all, there's much better lubes than baby oil about it.

[A]

And I could have at least chosen a good one. I know something water based.

[B]

It tastes like peach or something. Yeah, something is not gonna make you sick the next day.

[A]

Literally give you a yeast infection or something. Who knows?

[B]

Baby oil, that's old school. Baby oil is like late 80s, early 90s, you know, that's how, you know.

[A]

He was a pervert, the baby oil.

[B]

Yes, he was. Remember when he said someone said, oh, well, he would go to Costco and buy the baby oil. And then the attorney was like, costco doesn't even sell baby oil. Oh, that's a great defect. Costco doesn't sell baby oil. Do you know, like, off on a different topic. Did you know that when I was a kid, my mother and maybe, I don't know if you grew up in a different, your parents grew up in a different country, so maybe this didn't happen, but my mother used to Put baby oil on her body as a sun tanning lotion.

[A]

Oh, yeah. Huh?

[B]

As a sun tanning lotion.

[A]

That's crazy.

[B]

Is that not insane?

[A]

That is so dangerous.

[B]

To magnify the sun, they would put baby oil. It's like little tiny, little, you know, that's wild. Magnifying glasses. Like, you know, little molecules that they would just, like, rub it. They would pour it all over themselves. I still remember the feel of it. Like, my mom would pick me up when I was a kid. Like, I still remember the feel of it and the smell of it. That baby. Everybody in that Chicago, greater Chicagoland area was just baby oiling it up and sitting themselves out in the back and tanning up.

[A]

Yeah. My parents didn't see the sun until, you know, they moved to Atlanta. Atlanta.

[B]

Yeah. Because you grew up.

[A]

I grew up in Atlanta. But.

[B]

But you were born. Were you born.

[A]

I was born in Atlanta.

[B]

Oh, yeah. You were born out of the country?

[A]

No, my parents are both from. Well, my mom's from Scotland and my dad's from England.

[B]

Okay, so explain to us, is Scotland still part of England or are they thinking about tearing away?

[A]

First of all, Scotland is not part of England.

[B]

I'm sorry. Okay, Sorry. Yeah.

[A]

They're still part of the United Kingdom.

[B]

They're still part of the United Kingdom.

[A]

I mean, they talk about independence, but personally, I don't think it's a good idea. And my family's very pro staying in the uk, but who knows?

[B]

Are they pro monarchy, you know, or does it even really matter?

[A]

I'm kind of anti monarchy, but I think my parents are, like, pro. Like, or, like, pro. The royals, I think it's just part of their generation. Yeah, they're all just, like, much more connected to, like, the idea of the royal family. Whereas, like, me and my sisters are like, what the. Okay, we're like. They're all scammers.

[B]

Oh, definitely. They own like a tenth of the land of England or something.

[A]

No, it's weird. I'm just like. This just doesn't make sense to, like, someone who grew up in America. I'm just like, what the fuck is this?

[B]

Yeah, why do the. Why do the royals own billions and billions of dollars worth of real estate that's just given to them every year? And I know, isn't it, like, sometimes when someone dies and they own an estate, like, it goes to the King's fund for whatever reason or some shit like that? Probably because you're the closest that I'm ever going to get to, like, a real person from Scotland?

[A]

Yeah, I guess.

[B]

Yeah. Is it? Do you think that the royals in general is an outdated concept that needs to be phased out?

[A]

Absolutely.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Yeah, 100%.

[B]

And do you agree with me on this? This when the Queen and Diana Prince, that kind of the golden years of tabloid queendom and Diana and all that, that was kind of like the last kick and hurrah for the royals. And it's really kind of a shit show now after the Queen, I guess.

[A]

Like, when Kate first sort of came on the scene and like those years of her being deeply involved, there was a lot of, like, positive tabloid stuff. But then with like all the Megan Markle stuff, it just became a massive mass show because it's just like the British media in general is extremely mean and horrifying. And so it's. I don't know, I think things just like, took such a turn and I think my generation is like, can you guys just not. Yeah, you know, we're just like, what the hell is this? You mean we just didn't sign up for everyone to be, like, horribly mean to these randos in power, like, but also just like, get them out of power. We just don't. Like, why are. Why is all of our money going towards them? And, like, this isn't like a serfdom.

[B]

No.

[A]

You know, but weird.

[B]

It's really weird how it's set up because in some sense it's just ministerial. Like, it's not even. You give money to them. Yeah, to keep them all, you know, posh and the castles.

[A]

Like, why do we pay their salaries, you know?

[B]

I don't know. It's weird with the Prime Minister, all.

[A]

They'Re doing is, like, peeing.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

They're just like, going around, like, visiting hospitals and stuff.

[B]

They visit hospitals and they open hospitals.

[A]

This might come off, like, super ignorant because we really don't know, but I.

[B]

Don'T know, after watching the Queen all of the seasons, I know a little bit more than I did before.

[A]

Oh, you mean not the crown.

[B]

The crown. Not the Queen. I've seen the Queen too. That was a good movie.

[A]

I was like, who are you talking about? Watching the Queen for four seasons, I was like, she is dead.

[B]

I don't know if you know that. I had no interest in that. None was fun, you know, except for the passing princess die thing that happened, you know, But I was very young when. When all that went down. But that crown filled me in on a lot of stuff and I found it to be a fascinating watch. And you really find out that, you know, their Jobs really are. There's. First of all, there's a million of them. Yeah, right. They're all over the place. And they all got different. These different titles. And half of them do nothing.

[A]

And there's a known pedophile in their ranks, Prince Andrew.

[B]

That is true. And that is a really tough pill to swallow. And now I hear he won't leave the castle that he's been given was.

[A]

He's a creepy pervert.

[B]

Yes. And Charles tried to take the castle away from. He said, no, I'm not leaving. So rather than fight with him, Charles is like, whatever, I got cancer. I can't argue with you. And so he took all his staff away, and then Prince Andrew hired his own staff. It's just so weird.

[A]

So weird. And it's like, why are, like, as a country, obviously I'm not part of it. I am a citizen, but I am not a resident.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Like, why are we, as a country, like, paying for this pedophile to, like, continue living under a roof that our taxes provided?

[B]

Yeah, I know it's crazy.

[A]

But then again, you look at America. America, and you're like, well, this place is too.

[B]

Yeah, this place is up too. Yes. Well, I mean, everywhere is full of Peter. Like, you know.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It's just.

[A]

It's just sad and scary.

[B]

It's sad and it's scary. There has to be. I mean, I don't know.

[A]

And the Internet has made it worse.

[B]

I think 50,000 times worse and 50,000 times worse. Because if that is in you, if that little seed of sickness is in you, it just, it pours gasoline on the fire. There's. I, I, I mean, I don't.

[A]

We don't need to get into it. Yeah. Because then this, this we just don't even talk about.

[B]

This episode will be demonetized someday. I'd like to talk about it because I have a very interesting question that I would love to pose. I'm not going to pose it here, but I love a very interesting question about this that I would love to pose. And one day, when we make enough money and I can afford to demonetize one episode, I'll talk about it. But you, it's just, it, it's a terrible, terrible thing. And it's pervasive, and it's like, it's, it's everywhere. I mean, you know, poor Justin Bieber. That's all I gotta say.

[A]

I know.

[B]

I love you, buddy. I mean, I'm not a big fan of Justin Bieber's, like, music or anything like that, but Now I'm looking at Justin in a whole different way. I'm like, was he just like part of that whole weird thing going on? Anyway, I hope that William. I think William's your best shot of, like, bringing some stability to this whole royal thing.

[A]

Well, I guess he'll be around for long, so.

[B]

Yeah, well, I don'.

[A]

No, I don't think the royals will ever give up their power.

[B]

No, they won't, because that's just bred in them. That's all they know. That's all they ever know. They're not. And even if they go.

[A]

I personally loved seeing Harry leave the royal family.

[B]

That's great.

[A]

My parents hate him and my grandmother.

[B]

Really?

[A]

Yeah. They're like, oh, Harry and Meghan Markle are horrendous. Like, it's. It's so weird to me because they're just like pro royal, I guess. I don't know. They're like, he betrayed his country, blah, blah, blah, blah. Which is like, you know, of viewpoint. Yes, it's a viewpoint.

[B]

It's a thing.

[A]

It's not mine.

[B]

No, it's not mine either.

[A]

Yeah. It's just strange. But I also think it's like a symptom of where they grew up, when they grew up.

[B]

And, you know, I think that Harry, that was some self preservation for him in his relationship. And Harry was known as a bit of a wild child anyway. He was never going to be the king and say, good for him, good for him. It's not like the guy's hurting. He's got like four Netflix shows that were not interesting. But at least they're out there doing their thing. They're making a living. And I read that some people, like, don't want to invite him to party. Like they have to invite him parties, but they're like, I don't really want to invite Harry to parties, but that's so shitty. Like, the poor kid, he was just born into it. His mom died. Give him a break. I mean, can we all just have a little bit of sympathy for the kids? It's all about the kids, for the kids, doing it for the kids. I'm doing it for the kids. Oh, my God. All right, well, thanks for joining me. I really appreciate it. Sorry it didn't work out like we had intended, but you know what? Whatever. I don't care.

[A]

Yeah, well, thanks for having me.

[B]

Yeah, like I said, I get. Sometimes we get ghosted by these celebrities. I'm sure there's a good reason and we'll figure it out, but then sometimes there's not a good reason.

[A]

Or there's not.

[B]

There's not. And then we don't figure it out. And then I, I'm left to conjecture.

[A]

Yeah, that you.

[B]

They hate us. They don't like the commercial. It's a conspiracy against the commercial break. Diddy told him not to come on the show.

[A]

Did he?

[B]

Yeah. You never know. You never know what's in somebody's head. But like I said, the first time you, it's like sex the first time. It's painful, it hurts. And yeah, you hope it never happens again. But then by the third time, you're like, ah, whatever, I'll do it again.

[A]

You're like, God, I love the fourth of July.

[B]

I love the fourth of July. Fireworks outside. Fireworks inside my pants. All right.

[A]

Killing time.

[B]

Just killing time. To the queue. 12 days of TCB coming up December 13th through the 25th. You have to edit them.

[A]

Yeah, I know I have to do them.

[B]

Well, we all have to do them.

[A]

It means I have to work weekends.

[B]

A poor you an extra hour of work. So. Yeah. So join us for the 12 days of TCB December 13th through the 25th. Brand new episodes all through the holiday. No break for us or you. Congratulations to you Thanksgiving week. I hope you have a great week. Take off some time, travel safely, all that good jazz. You can listen. We'll be here for you. We're going to be right here in your ear the entire time.

[A]

Couldn't escape if you try.

[B]

The winner is really you, the listener. TCB podcast.com More information about the show. All the audio, all the video right there at one location. You get your free sticker by hitting the contact us button. Drop down menu. I want my free sticker. Give us your address away. It will go at the commercial break on Instagram TCB podcast on Tik Tok and YouTube.com thec commercial break soon for full all the episodes and also on Spotify video. Go check it out. 212-433-3TCB 212-433-3822 all right, Christina, thank you so much for joining us. I really appreciate it. Much love to you and your family for this Thanksgiving holiday. Best to you.

[A]

Best to you.

[B]

Best you out there on the podcast universe. Until next time, Christina and I do say we will say and we must say goodbye. Ra.