A Goth Girl Summer of Love

Summary

Episode Summary: A Goth Girl Summer of Love

In the episode titled "A Goth Girl Summer of Love" from The Commercial Break podcast, hosts Bryan and Chrissy delve into Bryan's tumultuous experiences with goth girls during a memorable summer. The episode blends humor, personal anecdotes, and candid reflections, offering listeners an engaging glimpse into Bryan's past relationships and the broader implications of subcultural affiliations.

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1. Transition from Interest to Disinterest in Goth Girls

Bryan opens the discussion by sharing his initial attraction to goth girls and how his experiences led to a sudden change in perception. He states:

"I was into goth girls until I dated goth girls, and then I was no longer into goth girls." [02:22]

This shift underscores the complexities of genuine interest versus superficial attraction, setting the stage for the ensuing narrative.

2. The Deflowering Incident

At the heart of the episode is Bryan's first sexual encounter with a goth girl, which took an unexpected and unsettling turn. He recounts:

"One of them bit me and drew blood, and I found that to be kind of disturbing." [06:22]

This incident not only altered his view on goth relationships but also became a pivotal moment affecting his subsequent interactions and emotional state.

3. Family Dynamics and Consequences

The repercussions of the biting incident extend beyond personal discomfort, impacting Bryan's familial relationships. He shares humorous yet relatable stories about being grounded and navigating the complexities of family drama. Bryan reflects:

"I think we can take it almost a day. But by the next morning, one of us comes to our senses and is like, wait, listen. We're in this together." [05:48]

These moments highlight the enduring bonds and conflicts within family structures, especially when compounded by personal mistakes.

4. Reflections on Subcultures and Personal Preferences

Bryan and Chrissy engage in a thoughtful discussion about the authenticity of subcultures. Bryan muses:

"Maybe the goth thing is not a put on. It's like we actually believe it." [32:12]

This reflection invites listeners to consider the depth of commitment individuals have to their chosen subcultures and how these affiliations influence personal identities and relationships.

5. Personal Anecdotes and Side Stories

Interspersed with the main narrative are lighthearted conversations about favorite seasons and personal habits. For instance, Bryan expresses his love for summer and the Fourth of July:

"Fourth of July marks the beginning of the summer... It's a romantic time for me." [11:20]

Meanwhile, Chrissy shares her preference for cooler weather, adding a relatable dimension to their dynamic.

6. Broader Social Commentary

Towards the episode's conclusion, Bryan touches on serious societal issues, specifically the silence surrounding institutionalized sexual abuse in celebrity circles. He remarks:

"Everyone's being quiet about this. And now there are attorneys who are calling." [50:55]

This commentary broadens the episode's scope, connecting personal experiences with larger cultural and ethical concerns.

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Notable Quotes:

• Bryan Green [02:22]: "I was into goth girls until I dated goth girls, and then I was no longer into goth girls."

• Bryan Green [06:22]: "One of them bit me and drew blood, and I found that to be kind of disturbing."

• Bryan Green [32:12]: "Maybe the goth thing is not a put on. It's like we actually believe it."

• Bryan Green [50:55]: "Everyone's being quiet about this. And now there are attorneys who are calling."

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Conclusion

"A Goth Girl Summer of Love" offers a blend of humor, introspection, and social commentary, making it a compelling episode for both regular listeners and newcomers. Bryan's candid storytelling, coupled with Chrissy's engaging interactions, creates a rich narrative that explores the nuances of personal relationships within the framework of subcultural identities. As the hosts prepare for the upcoming "12 Days of TCB" series, this episode stands out as a testament to their ability to intertwine personal anecdotes with broader societal themes effectively.

Transcript

[Brian Green]

This episode of the Commercial break is sponsored by Ring. The holidays are almost here and between traveling, hosting family and finding the perfect gift, it's such an exciting, busy and yes, sometimes stressful time. Ring helps you stay connected to the home for all the merry moments. Even when you're on the go with Ring, you've got the whole home covered. Their video doorbells alert you when gifts arrive and you can even chat with the delivery people to let them know where to leave the packages. The indoor cam. It's a game changer, so easy to set up, you can use it to check in on your pets when you're and with two way talk, you can even talk to them. Plus, if you want some privacy, you can just flip the manual cover to turn off the camera and microphone. Wherever the holidays take you, Ring makes sure that you're always home for the holidays. So head to Ring.com to find the latest deals on Ring, video doorbells, cams and alarm kits. Ring makes the perfect gift for everyone on your list. And thanks to Ring for being a sponsor of the commercial break. This episode is brought to you by Progressive Insurance. Whether you love true crime or comedy, celebrity interviews or news, you call the shots on what's in your podcast queue. And guess what? Now you can call them on your auto insurance too. With the name youe Price Tool from Progressive, it works just the way it sounds. You tell Progressive how much you want to pay for car insurance and they'll show you coverage options that fit your budget. Get your quote [e-mail] to join the over 28 million drivers who trust Progressive Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and affiliates. Price and coverage match limited by state law. Hey Chrissy. Best to you.

[Christina]

Best to you Brian.

[Brian Green]

Best to you out there in the podcast universe. It's the holiday season and a lot of times podcasts like ourselves will take off. But not us, Chrissy. We have bills to pay and miles to feed. So we are going to be producing brand new episodes of the commercial break this entire holiday season and I thought it was important to let our audience know. Jingle, jingle all the way home. Jingle jangle your dingle dangles. Stick with the commercial break and stay tuned for the 12 days of TCB. Our first ever 12 days of TCB. That's right, December 13th through Christmas Day. Brand new episodes every day.

[Christina]

Maybe in the olden times we would have been in some sort of traveling freak show. Him being the sideshow, me being the bloke in the top hat, getting the money, making sure he's watered fed. But I take down the curtain and he does his job for a few hours, gets the punters in, but it works. It really works.

[Brian Green]

On this episode of the commercial break, I was into goth girls until I dated goth girls and then I was no longer into goth girls.

[Christina]

That's okay. I'll pass.

[Brian Green]

No, they were. They were lovely. But one of them bit me in drew blood and I found that to be kind of disturbing.

[Christina]

I'm sorry, Drew blood? You're just going to say one of them bit me in drew blood and not tell me the entire story? And what's wrong with you?

[Brian Green]

The very first time I ever had sex and I. You want me to tell this story? I don't know if I've ever told this story.

[Christina]

I am absolutely desperate to hear.

[Brian Green]

We'll find out how Brian was deflowered. Let's take a break. I'll tell it. I'll tell the pop your cherry story. The next episode of the commercial break starts now. Oh, yeah. Cats and kittens, welcome back to the commercial break. I'm Brian Green. This is our producer, dear friend of the show, and very temporary co host, Christina. Best to you, Christina.

[Christina]

Best to you, Brian.

[Brian Green]

Best to you out there in the podcast universe. Thanks for joining us. We had a regularly scheduled guest, but they have ghosted us. So we are just here in the studio dicking around and thought, why not? Let's do it anyway. So thank you for being here, Christina. I really appreciate it on this very rainy day here in Atlanta. I do love a good rainy day.

[Christina]

Lovely, lovely rain.

[Brian Green]

Good rainy day. You know, I was at the dentist this morning and everybody was complaining about the rain. Oh, the weather sucks. First of all, like, talking about the weather is the lowest form of conversation.

[Christina]

That's why we do it here so much.

[Brian Green]

Well, we also have, you know, it's 30,000 hours to produce every fucking month here. But. But I. I find the opposite. I say I like a good chilly, wet day in fall in Atlanta because we, you know, first of all, we need the rain. Second of all, there's something about waking up to a rainy day that makes me feel good.

[Christina]

It's so nice.

[Brian Green]

That's physiological, isn't it? Isn't there, like a reason? Gotta be. Is it like that has anything to do with the negative ions and the positive ions? Sure, something like that.

[Christina]

I was going, psychology.

[Brian Green]

Oh, okay. There you go. That's it.

[Christina]

Rain outside means I'm safe inside.

[Brian Green]

Well, that's one thing too. Yes. Well, you were. You were in water for the first nine months of your life, so maybe there's something about being encased in rain that makes us feel good. Taking it all back to Mom. Look at me.

[Christina]

Women and women first.

[Brian Green]

Sigmund Freud. Sigmund Freud. So thanks for joining us. How have you been? How are things? The audience wants to know.

[Christina]

I'm good. I am chilling. My sister has moved back from Costa Rica, so unfortunately, I don't live alone anymore.

[Brian Green]

Oh, you have your sisters living with you now?

[Christina]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Brian Green]

Oh, drama drop.

[Christina]

It's good. It's been fun.

[Brian Green]

Oh, is it the two ladies in the house.

[Christina]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

Competing for. I don't know, what you.

[Christina]

Girl attention. Not free. You know, starting some drama with about nothing. We just.

[Brian Green]

Do you and your sister fight a lot?

[Christina]

No, not really. Not real fighter bicker. Yeah.

[Brian Green]

Okay. There's a lot of bickering that goes on.

[Christina]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

Like one of you is giving the other one a cold shoulder for no reason whatsoever.

[Christina]

We don't do that.

[Brian Green]

Call it out.

[Christina]

Because I think that that's kind of up.

[Brian Green]

Well, it is, but that's how. I mean, it's kind of fucked up, but if you go into most households in the United States, there's some shithead that's causing trouble for everybody for no reason whatsoever.

[Christina]

No. We are the kind of people who, like, yell. Like, we get into a fight, we yell at each other, and then we both storm off, and then we immediately.

[Brian Green]

Start talking again, and then 15 minutes.

[Christina]

Later, it's not even. It's like five minutes, and I'm like, I just sent you a TikTok. Go watch it.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. You know, asserted. I can't fight for more than five minutes either.

[Christina]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

I think we can take it almost a day. But by the next morning, one of us comes to our senses and is like, wait, listen. We're in this together. We're literally in the trenches together. We're the only ones who know what it's like. We can't be mad at each other for too long. It's usually about some silly shit. Like last night, I think we were. I think we were arguing about microphone stands. It was probably something else altogether, but I think it was about microphone stance, probably. I thought I was getting the cold shoulder because of microphone stands. She's probably like, you're an asshole.

[Christina]

In general, she's like, I hate the way you handle conflict.

[Brian Green]

Brian, I saw your Instagram algorithm.

[Christina]

More girls in bikinis.

[Brian Green]

Oh, girls and bikinis. That's my thing. Girls and bikinis. I know. Hey, what can I do? I can't. I'm a boy. What can I say?

[Christina]

I can't help it.

[Brian Green]

Well, here's the thing.

[Christina]

Pervert.

[Brian Green]

Yes, they. Sir, I've said this story. I swear to God it's true. Someone started the Instagram for me when I had Simcoe fm. And that guy was a true horn dog of epic proportions.

[Christina]

And so he started it off.

[Brian Green]

He started it off on that.

[Christina]

So it's really easy for you to get sucked down the purple rabbit hole.

[Brian Green]

Absolutely. As soon as I hit the search bar, it's all bikinis all the the time, and it just gets worse and worse. Every month. It seems like we're going more and more on unclothed.

[Christina]

Mine's all, like, scraping off, like, scalp psoriasis.

[Brian Green]

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

[Christina]

So satisfying to watch.

[Brian Green]

Okay, all right, all right, all right. Please. Honestly, it makes my sick really. So. Poppy Lou Papi le Poppy Leo. Let me say that correctly. Poppy Leo, who is a wonderful actress. And you're going to hear she's coming up. Like, her interview is coming up. But it's no secret here that we record some of these interviews way ahead of time, as referenced by sometimes when we're talking about something six weeks old on an interview. But anyway, she's got a new special coming out on Netflix, and she came in, and then her and Chrissy went down the Pimple Popper road, where all they were doing for, like, 10 minutes was talking about Pimple Popper as I turned green and almost had to leave the studio. Can't take it. Not interested.

[Christina]

You can get me.

[Brian Green]

You can give me me a arm chopped off, and I will. Like, if someone got into a car accident tomorrow and that someone was, like, literally half decapitated, I could get in there and do what I needed to do.

[Christina]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

Blood doesn't bother me at all. Blood, Bones. I mean, does it bother me in emergency situations?

[Christina]

Blood, Bones.

[Brian Green]

Blood Bones. Whatever. I like it.

[Christina]

Muscles even better if they're leaky.

[Brian Green]

Femoral arteries spearing everywhere. I could take it. I got it. No problem. But you give me a pimple popping situation, and it just makes me disgusted.

[Christina]

That's so sad for you.

[Brian Green]

I'm gonna. I'm gonna repeat this story when I. When we talk to Poppy Leo, but who cares? No one needs to know. They probably don't even remember. They won't remember six weeks from now. What I said now. I met the girl who brought Pimple Popper to television at a conference. Yes. When I went to dinner with Mark Cuban, this girl was in the room, and I was. We walked into. I walked into this private room. And there was like, I don't know, 12, 20 of us, something milling around, waiting for Mark Cuban and dignitaries to show. Dignitaries to show up. And there's this girl at the bar. And I'm just kind of standing at the bar. I don't know anybody in the room. And we strike up a conversation and she. We're talking about television. That's what she does. She works in television and she works for the TLC network. And I'm like, super exciting. I know, it's fate. I love it. 90 Day Fiance. You guys are great. There's no more Learning Channel, but TLC was a good move. It's like kfc. It's no longer chicken, but we're learning about relationships. That's right.

[Christina]

It's this anthropology about the worst relationship.

[Brian Green]

Relationship.

[Christina]

It's anthropology.

[Brian Green]

Okay, I get it. Listen, I'm not arguing.

[Christina]

That's what I say reality TV is. I'm like, it's an anthropological study and that's why I'm watching it.

[Brian Green]

You might be right about this.

[Christina]

I think I am.

[Brian Green]

In a thousand years when we're all dead, gone, buried and under nuclear ash, someone in outer space is going to come here and they're going to find reality television and they're going to know exactly what we were up to. We were marrying people from other countries. Why there were other countries or borders. They're not going to have any clue. But then there was some process we had to go through where we acted really shitty toward each other for 90 days.

[Christina]

Ritual.

[Brian Green]

Yes. So I. So then we get on this TLC thing and I said, you know what, though? I gotta be honest. You gotta get that fucking pimple popper show off the air. It's disgusting, it's gross, I can't stand it. It's. I mean, I went off for a good minute, solid 60 second Brian rant thinking he was being smart to some TLC executive. And she was just looking at me and she goes, you know what? Couldn't agree with you more, but I'm the one who brought it to television.

[Christina]

Oh, my God.

[Brian Green]

Open mouth inside, insert foot. There you go. Well, I've never been one to. I'm not the James Bond type. I'm more of the Austin Powers. I like the Chevy Chase type. I stumble into a room, make a bunch of noise, stumble into a room. So everybody's excited about the new. Oh, by the way, it's Thanksgiving week. As you're listening to this. Hello, welcome, and I hope you're having a wonderful Thanksgiving week. I would like to think that most people have some time off during the Thanksgiving week. Yeah, Thanksgiving week is one of my favorite weeks of the entire year. Fourth of July, Thanksgiving and Christmas.

[Christina]

July.

[Brian Green]

Fourth of July. Don't ask me why. I don't know why. Because.

[Christina]

Okay, sorry. I'm. I've got. I've got to wipe the look of disdain and shock off of my face.

[Brian Green]

For the reasons you think. It's the. It's the clear summer marking point. We're in summer.

[Christina]

Okay.

[Brian Green]

My favorite time of the year.

[Christina]

Summer's your favorite season.

[Brian Green]

Season, for sure. Summer's my favorite. I love a look at my face.

[Christina]

Sorry, I'm. Yeah. He's so tan. And I'm completely blown out in this.

[Brian Green]

I know.

[Christina]

Camera.

[Brian Green]

You do? We needed to change that light for you.

[Christina]

I think I'm going to have to start fake tanning before I come here.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, you might.

[Christina]

I think I will.

[Brian Green]

Well, I got. We got a group discount. It's part of the perks of working for the commercial. Right?

[Christina]

Yeah, you can.

[Brian Green]

And then you can get a. Then you can get a group discount on the radiation that I'm putting on my face currently for all spots. Yeah. Seriously. So Fourth of July, like, marks the beginning of the summer. Not the beginning, but, like, now. We're in summer now. Here it is. It tends to be a festive time of year when the fireworks are going off and, you know, you're in the pool and you're having fun. And for me, personally, I have always had, like, the four serious relationships that I've had in my life. It all really took hold and blossomed during that time of year. So I think upon it fondly. And that's just. That's just me. Right. So I just. I don't know. It's like a romantic time for me. Has nothing to do with the United States of America because quite frankly, next year I think it's just going to be guns instead of fireworks. No, it's not. But, you know, hey, we're here until January 20th. At least. Let's savor the flavor. Let us savor the flavor.

[Christina]

Yeah. But summer is my least favorite season.

[Brian Green]

Why? Because it's hot.

[Christina]

Yeah. I can't handle the heat. I am like, you melt. I'm weak. I need the cold. I love winter in Georgia and I love fall, and I love early spring.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. And I know a lot of people that are like. Like, if you. Would you rather take a vacation in the mountains than in the beach?

[Christina]

I think it really depends on my mood.

[Brian Green]

Okay. But fair Enough.

[Christina]

But I just generally prefer cooler weather. Like I am so not built for the heat. Like, I get angrier, I get more depressed. Like it makes. It gets so in my head. Like I have opposite seasonal affective disorder. Like mine's in the summer. I'm like, I can't go outside. I hate it there. I'm like, it ruins my favorite sports. Running. It's too hot to do anything.

[Brian Green]

It does ruin running.

[Christina]

It ruins everything for me. Everything.

[Brian Green]

Look at you. White people problems.

[Christina]

I know.

[Brian Green]

It ruins everything.

[Christina]

I was my most depressed this year in the summer.

[Brian Green]

Oh, well, listen, okay, that's a thing. That's you. That's a thing. But you are also come from direct cold weather descendants.

[Christina]

That's true.

[Brian Green]

And so do I. Really From Chicago. But in like one half a generation I turned into like a sunbaby overnight. I just. I'll never go back to Chicago and live one of those winters again because I didn't like it. And I mean, I remember being just fine with it. But I was a kid and so now I've grown up into an adult in very hot weather, living in Georgia. And I've just taken to it. Well, you are thriving and I am thriving. And I love when it's light out till 9:30 at night. I like that. I can't stand.

[Christina]

It's nice.

[Brian Green]

Do you like when it gets dark at 4:30?

[Christina]

I do.

[Brian Green]

You do. Okay. Well, you're just a weird.

[Christina]

What's funny is like when. Well, it's cozy. I get my YouTube ambiance. I'm reading my books.

[Brian Green]

What YouTube ambiance are you Right.

[Christina]

Right now I'm really into like snowy cabin with a fire and like Christmas tree.

[Brian Green]

Okay.

[Christina]

And I like put that on and you hear like the wind outside.

[Brian Green]

It's like, wait, YouTube ambiance, for those of you that don't know are just these endless videos that play a certain like montage of whatever. Yeah, you, a log, snow, eclipse, Christmas time.

[Christina]

Get like a fireplace. You can get like a rainy lake. You can get like. That's a good one. There's like this good rainy like fall lake. All the leaves and it's mine. Misty just sets the vibes.

[Brian Green]

Yeah.

[Christina]

Sets some good vibes. And I love my.

[Brian Green]

So for you it's coming home and getting to do that earlier than you normally would. It's relaxation and there's some parody between what's happening outside and what's happening inside. You're like, I got the mood and if I step outside there's a little chill in the air. Like today it's raining. It's kind of, like, dark and dreary.

[Christina]

I'm like, windows open. Make my house 55 degrees.

[Brian Green]

You might be an undercover goth girl, if I'm just saying. An undercover goth cover goth girl. Have you ever tried goth? It's not for everyone, but it could work for you. Good. We were at Panera the other day. You know, by the way, Panera has the best broccoli cheese soup. God.

[Christina]

I know.

[Brian Green]

Ever tasted.

[Christina]

It's some good.

[Brian Green]

They've rewritten the book on broccoli cheese soup now. I worked at Chili's. One of my favorite things was when they had broccoli cheese soup. It was like, Wednesdays or some like that. They. They did it right? Chili's did, and. But it came in a bag, and you had to pour water in it.

[Christina]

I'm sorry. In a bag.

[Brian Green]

In a bag. It came in a bag, like a big bag. You cut it open, you pour it in the little heater, and then you poured, like, two. Two full containers of water in there. I was a lot like. I'm sure, like, Panera does it.

[Christina]

Yeah, I was gonna say, like, that Campbell's, like, condensed cream of mushroom soup.

[Brian Green]

Yes. You know, but listen, that's. It's soup. Right? So. Okay, I get it. I'm not, like, particularly grossed out by that. That's how soup in general is made. It's a thick base with some water in it. Right.

[Christina]

And it's soup season. Another reason to love falls last winter.

[Brian Green]

Right. And it was just a little chill in the air. We were up in the mountains with my dad. A little chill in the air. We go to Panera. I have a couple pieces of bread and that broccoli cheese soup. And I love it. But anyway, that's not the point of the story. The point of the story is Panera's lovely. That's not the point of the story.

[Christina]

Bread bowls.

[Brian Green]

The story. Bread bowls. Bread bowls are for winter, too.

[Christina]

Yeah. Red bowls are for carb loading.

[Brian Green]

Oh, my God. And I'm on that keto diet right now. So I'm giving myself one day a week to just blow it. So I actually gave myself one weekend a week to blow it up.

[Christina]

I was eating whatever I wanted.

[Brian Green]

Oh, my God. I went crazy. That's a problem when you're on the keto or the, like, the carnivore diet.

[Christina]

Sustainable.

[Brian Green]

It's not sustainable in any way, shape, or form. Your body needs some kind of carbs.

[Christina]

You need carbs for your brain to function.

[Brian Green]

That's it.

[Christina]

Yeah, sorry. Those are the rules.

[Brian Green]

Yes. As a calcium filled brain knows you.

[Christina]

Need some things to function. Yeah, we need something.

[Brian Green]

So there's this girl. When we're pulling out of the Panera, there's this girl. Full goth gear. Full goth gear. Black tight shirt, choker, black skirt, black tights. Shit. Kicker boots.

[Christina]

Love it.

[Brian Green]

All the bracelets you could possibly have. Dark eyeliner, hair slicked back, you know, walking down the street with her hello, black hello kitty bag, you know, talking on the phone. Great. It's a look. It's a thing. Right?

[Christina]

That's cute.

[Brian Green]

And Astrid was making fun of me. She's like, that's. What are you into? That's what you're into, you fucking creep.

[Christina]

That's what you're into, you fucking creep.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, you fucking creep. And I'm like, no, that's so funny. When I was in my late teens, when I was in my mid to late teens, that would have been a thing. But it was a thing. It came and it went. I was into goth girls until I dated goth girls, and then I was no longer into goth girls.

[Christina]

You're like, that's okay. I'll pass.

[Brian Green]

No, they were lovely, but one of them bit me and drew blood, and I found that to be kind of disturbed. Disturbing?

[Christina]

I'm sorry, you're just gonna say one of them bit me in drew blood and not tell me the entire story? What's wrong with you?

[Brian Green]

The very first time I ever had sex and I. You want me to tell this story? I don't know if I've ever told this story.

[Christina]

I am absolutely desperate to hear. We'll.

[Brian Green]

We'll find out how Brian was deflowered. Let's take a break. I'll tell it. I'll tell the pop your cherry story, and guess what? When did it happen? On 4th of July. There you go. Maybe that's why Brian enjoys 4th of July so much.

[Christina]

It's his deflowering time.

[Brian Green]

It reminds him of the last time he got laid. It's my. It's my virgin anniversary. Who doesn't remember that? All right, we'll take a break and we'll be back.

[Christina]

In case you guys were wondering, I am currently trapped in the closet in the studio being forced to record liner after liner, and I never get to leave. So help me by following us on Instagram at the commercial break and on TikTok CBP podcast, and go to our website, tcbpodcast.com for more information about Brian and Chrissy and access to our massive catalog of video and audio episodes. Now Please text us at 212-4333, TCB and tell Brian and Chrissy to let me out of the closet.

[Brian Green]

This episode is sponsored in part by Klarna. Well, Halloween is over and you know what that means. It's time to gorge yourself on candy and start searching for that perfect gift to give those you care about or yourself. And in this household, that means buying gifts for the 12 to 18 children we've got running around. And while the season is festive and we always love giving gifts, paying attention to our finances always gets a little bit more attention this time of year. Astrid and I have used Klarna as our everyday smarter spending partner. Klarna allows you to split a purchase up into four interest free payments. So choose Klarna and your favorite retailers or shop [e-mail] Klarna really has helped us be a little bit smarter about our shopping for the holiday seasons. So head over to Klarna.com to see their offerings and make Klarna your smarter spending partner for the holiday season. California Resident Loans made or arranged pursuant to a California Finance Law License NMLS number 1353190 Klarna balance account required. Klarna may get a commission. Limitations, terms and conditions do apply.

[Christina]

I'm Jenna Fisher. And I'm Angela Kinsey. We are best friends and together we have the podcast Office Ladies where we rewatched every single episode of the Office with insane behind the scenes stories, hilarious guests and lots of laughs.

[Brian Green]

Guess who's sitting next to me?

[Christina]

Steve.

[Brian Green]

In the studio.

[Christina]

Every Wednesday we'll be sharing e even more exclusive stories from the Office and our friendship with brand new guests and we'll be digging into our mailbag to answer your questions and comments. So join us for Brand new Office Ladies 6.0 episodes every Wednesday. Plus on Mondays we are taking a second drink. You can revisit all the Office Ladies rewatch episodes every Monday with new bonus tidbits before every episode. Well, we can't wait to see you there. Follow and listen to Office Ladies on the free Odyssey app and wherever you get your podcasts.

[Brian Green]

This episode is sponsored in part by Live Nation. Alright, you're a fan of the commercial break, so I know you're a fan of comedy. And good news for you, some of the best comedians in the world are touring right now. In my humble opinion, the best way to see comedy is to see it live. It's that energy in the room. It's the infectious laughter. It's the sense that someone is doing A high wire act right in front of your face, and at any moment, the train can come off the tracks. And that is always just as entertaining as when your favorite comedian sets the room on fire. Nasser and I have become big fans of watching live comedy. Never once have we walked out of a comedy show regretting the $300 we're about to pay the teenage babysitter to obsessively text her boyfriend and doomscroll on Instagram. Never once. Let me punch up a few of the comedians I know are on tour right now. There's the ever lovely Sarah Silverman, hilarious Brian Regan, Chelsea Handler, who I kind of have a crush on, Sarah Milliken, Kevin Hart, the always funny Atsuko Okatsuka, and the literal man of the hour, Sebastian Maniscalco. If that guy doesn't give you a tickle, you just don't own a funny bum. There are all kind of live shows, there are all kind of venues, and there are all flavors of comedy. So head over to livenation.comcomedy to get your tickets today. That's livenation.comcomedy. times are tough. The entire world's stressed out. You deserve it. Go see some live comedy. Livenation.com comedy and thanks to Live Nation for being a sponsor of another kind of comedy show. Vil. Commercial break. Oh, God. Okay, so. All right. So now that I think about it, this May. You're right, this Fourth of July thing may have all started.

[Christina]

It's all going back to one thing.

[Brian Green]

So it all goes back to Brian Lewis and his virginity.

[Christina]

Pervert behavior.

[Brian Green]

Way pervert behavior. Well, I mean, listen, they say that your predilections and your sexual preferences are.

[Christina]

Formed early, when you're just little.

[Brian Green]

A little tiny little tyke. Right. Prepubescent or something. Or as you're getting into your. What do they call that? Your tween. You're in between. I don't know either. I don't want to talk about it because then I sound like P. Diddy. Like, I don't want some people to have like, retrospective videos. Like, he was talking about Brian Green. I know, because every video of Diddy now is him being a pervert.

[Christina]

Well, he is a pervert.

[Brian Green]

Well, he is a pervert. There's no doubt about that. But now every video can be taken in like 70 different contexts, and you're like, wow, even when some of them are a little bit of a stretch, you know what I'm saying?

[Christina]

But, yeah, but you're like, still, what's going on in that brain?

[Brian Green]

That guy is prolific that he is unbelievable. Too bad our guest didn't show up today because I wanted to ask him if he had ever been to a Diddy party. I suspect he might have been, but maybe we'll get around to it.

[Christina]

Drama drop.

[Brian Green]

Drama drop. So the year was. I don't know when the year was. I was young and I think it was 15 years old. The summer of being 15 years old. And I worked at that McDonald's and I worked with a girl, and that girl was a year older than I was. She was 16 years old, but she had a sister that had just turned 15. So I was 15, about to turn 16. This girl was 4, had 15, just turned 15 years old.

[Christina]

Very Sound of Music. I love it.

[Brian Green]

Very sound. Very P. Diddy. Very P. Diddy. And we went to a. I went to her house one time. The. My friend who worked at the McDonald's. Let's call her. Let's call her Sam. My friend Sam. I went to her house. Her parents were out of town and they had a babysitter, was paying no attention to them whatsoever. Like some adult that was supposed to be there that wasn't. And so we were all hanging out on the back porch. We were smoking weed. This girl Sam was straight edge. You know what straight Edge is?

[Christina]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

Okay. Straight edge edge. No drink, no drugs, no cigarettes, no nothing. We were all smoking cigarettes, smoking pot. Some of us were drinking. By that time, I was probably dropping lsd. I mean, I was like, really advanced.

[Christina]

And I said, teenager, Yes.

[Brian Green]

I was dumber than the rest of my friends. Yeah, for good reason. Because I was so up, I couldn't process information. And for the very first time ever, I met her sister. Let's call her Eve. So Sam and Eve. I met this girl Eve at this. This time, and she was this dark, mysterious goth girl. She was like the opposite of her sister. She was into vampires and Morrissey and all kind of witches and Wiccans and all kind of stuff.

[Christina]

Can't wait for her to find out about Twilight.

[Brian Green]

I know. I. I wish I had stuck with it long enough to figure out, but I didn't because it turns into quite the show. But I met her at this. This one night. We were all hanging out over at Sam's house. And I was instantly like, there was something about that goth vibe that got me supercharged up. Mysterious, mysterious vibe. And I found a way to sneak up to her bedroom. She's going to show me her bedroom. She's going to show me some. Her fucking Ouija board or something. I'm not sure, but I found a way up there and we quickly made out and dispersed. Right? Completely made out. But I knew that her sister was going to be way pissed because her sister didn't like her younger sister. You know, she was like straight edge and her sister was like kind of off the tracks and you know, much different than she was. And so I made out with her quickly and then we dispersed. But we exchanged phone numbers. I had my own private phone in my room. An actual landline. Advanced like this is having your own BlackBerry at 14 years old. I had my own phone because it's fancy. Yeah. Because my dad didn't. I was taken up all the time talking to girls till three in the morning. So taking up all the family phone time. Brian was. So the two weeks later was 4th of July and another one of my friends was having a party at his house cuz his parents were out of town, but they just left him alone. He was 16 years old, they just left him there. And this happened often. This was that guy, that kid whose parents just went out of town and there's always one, there's always one. And surprisingly he never burned the house down. But man, was there a lot of chicanery going on in that house.

[Christina]

Sure.

[Brian Green]

Well, this girl would call me often and I said hey listen, there's this party going on and oh by the way, Sam had now left to go do a study overseas in France. So while the cat's away, the mice.

[Christina]

Will play opportunity was there. Yes.

[Brian Green]

I was being a little shithead and I was like, well your sister's not here. I'm sure she wouldn't mind if I invited you to this little get together we're having. And in one of the most. I'm sure everyone's lose your virginity story is either awkward, traumatic, for whatever reason or maybe I don't. I haven't met anybody whose lose your virginity story is like absolutely spectacular. Like they were like oh my God. It was amazing. I did. Best sex of my life. I never expected it to be so wonderful.

[Christina]

That's crazy.

[Brian Green]

It's some version of painful and torturous for everybody. And mine was no different. We, we went up. So everyone is there.

[Christina]

Fourth of July party.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. In this, this house was on the lake and the lake had fireworks and so the fireworks were going off inside, Brian was going off, the fires going off outside, Brian was going off inside. And we just had this weird awkward sex. Right. That's just what it was. It was just weird. It was awkward. I didn't know what to do with it. I don't think she had much more experience than I did, though. I don't think she was a virgin at the time. I think she didn't know what much what to do with it either. But we managed figure it out, fit it in. I don't think either of us had an orgasm and called it a day. Right? I popped my cherry. That was it. I was the first probably amongst my group to do that. But I wasn't the type to brag. At least not that night. I wasn't the first to brag. I wasn't the type to brag, actually. I don't think I did much bragging. But here's what happened that makes the story much. Oh, and during intercourse, she bit my shoulder right here. Like, the. Like, in between the neck and the shoulder. So hard that it took. It drew blood, and it drew down my boner. It was like. It instantly killed the night. It was. It. It was over.

[Christina]

This is crazy.

[Brian Green]

It was. But she was, like, all into, like, vampire, and I think she just took the role playing a little too far.

[Christina]

What. You know what's. What's crazy is I read. I was in a romance book club earlier this year, okay. And we read some vampire werewolf smut, and I was absolutely horrified by it because I had never read smut that smutty before.

[Brian Green]

Smutty smut, huh?

[Christina]

There was, like, a big plot point. Is the biting?

[Brian Green]

Yes.

[Christina]

And they were like, like, it's got to do with, like, your mate. And, like, when you bite them and you, like, leave the scar or, like, the mark. Like, even though they can heal, it's like, oh, they leave the scar and that means that you're mine. Or, like, you have to scratch them too or something. I don't know. It was crazy.

[Brian Green]

I have known a lot of women who are not a lot, but, like, probably four, maybe five who have this biting fetish to get bitten or to bite or both. And I don't know how I run into these ladies, but I am not okay with it. Like, I don't mind a little nibble, but a real blood. But drawing blood, Christina. It was so hard. And it's in that shoulder area where some people who get massaged there are, like, know. And so she drew blood. And then here is the part that, like, okay, fine. We had sex. She bit me. It was kind of over. We awkwardly strangle through the night, then drop her back. We drop her back off at home, and then she's, like, repeatedly calling me and calling me and calling me And I just, like, I don't. For some reason it wasn't there. Like I. I didn't want to have a relationship. Right.

[Christina]

You just got. Got bitten.

[Brian Green]

I just got bitten.

[Christina]

I don't think you would want a relationship.

[Brian Green]

Yes. And it hurt. Now there's a big purple mark with like, you know, two bite marks in my skin that drew blood. And now I'm realizing that maybe the goth thing is not a put on. It's like we actually believe it. Right. It's not a style, it's a thing. Like we're into it. We're witches, we're Wiccans, we're putting spells on people. Wish. Which, fine, cool. Do your thing. Just don't put your spell on me. I'm not interested.

[Christina]

Be on the same page as your sexual partner.

[Brian Green]

Right, exactly. And. And at that time, I don't even know what preferences I have because I'm just getting started.

[Christina]

I know it's crazy to like start mixing pain and pleasure at 15.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. Well, I know a lot of people who did that too. Right. For various different reasons.

[Christina]

That hurts me inside.

[Brian Green]

For me, pain is not pleasure. I am not interested in whipping. I'm not interested in receiving or giving.

[Christina]

I'm not interested in whipping.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. I'm too bunch of a pussy. I mean, I know their way to put it, but.

[Christina]

Well, it's always just like, I just don't want to hurt you. I don't want you to hurt me.

[Brian Green]

Please.

[Christina]

I just want everyone to have a nice time.

[Brian Green]

That's the point of saying.

[Christina]

And there's nothing wrong with that.

[Brian Green]

No.

[Christina]

I did get bitten once on my arm. I just remembered while you were talking.

[Brian Green]

About it, like during a. Yes, during action.

[Christina]

Yeah. And I got. I had a big bruise from it.

[Brian Green]

Yeah.

[Christina]

And I had like some stuff to film like the next few days. And it was there and like obvious. And I was like, Jesus Christ, that's.

[Brian Green]

That's not attractive.

[Christina]

It didn't go anywhere.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, this didn't go anywhere either. But after a couple weeks of just kind of like putting it off. And also I was working and I went to school after, like putting it off and then slowly not answering phone calls. Like it was getting a little obsessive, all the calling and stuff. And her sister's coming back into town and I knew the. Was going to hit the fan. I knew it. I was going to have to say something or her sister was going to say something. And, and I, and I actually valued the friendship. I, I was a little worried if I actually valued the friendship I wouldn't have had sex with her sister, but you know. Yeah, I thought I did anyway. I was trying to be valiant in the moment, you know, you were just young. I was horny.

[Christina]

What are you gonna do?

[Brian Green]

Are you gonna have sex with a woman?

[Christina]

Stupid things.

[Brian Green]

Of course she claimed to be pregnant and claimed to be. So after claimed, claimed three weeks into this, you know, calling and like all this obsessiveness, I answered the phone one time and because she had left a message crying, you need to call me back immediately, there's an emergency. And when I called back she said she was pregnant and I immediately hung up the phone. After like an hour long phone call where we both cried and I ran to my father and I told him that I got her pregnant. And shit hit the ever loving fan, I'm sure. And so my dad was like, your life's over, this is it. Congratulations. You're a fucking dumbass. I always knew you were.

[Christina]

Now it's, now it's proven.

[Brian Green]

Now there's going to be DNA running around proving how dumb you are. Like, you know, you're really fucked.

[Christina]

Your dumb, no shade, no tea, but you're stupid.

[Brian Green]

That's right, you're going to have to work overtime is all over.

[Christina]

Blah, blah, this McDonald's job. You better become the store manager.

[Brian Green]

That's right. That's what shit he was saying? You're going to be a store manager at McDonald's because this kid is going to take over your life and you're not going to know what to do. Congratulations patients.

[Christina]

Oh gosh, that's so stressful.

[Brian Green]

I know. Only to find out a couple of weeks there was like my dad was. Wanted to call this girl's dad and I kept putting it off, putting it off, putting it off because I thought this dad, this other dad was going to kick the out of me. He probably was going to. And I kept like telling my dad, no, no, no, just hold on, hold on, hold on. And a couple of days, weeks, something like that later, the sister came back from Paris, had been back for a day or two and she came to my house. I was now grounded. I could not leave porch. But my dad allowed friends to come to the front porch to say hello for 15, 20 minutes. And I had this like whole heart to heart with Sam and I was like, listen, you know, I'm sorry I was a bit of an. I slept with your sister while you were gone. We had sex and this girl hit me. I mean she just hit.

[Christina]

Did she?

[Brian Green]

Oh yeah, she cocked back and she.

[Christina]

Hit Me like full punch or slap.

[Brian Green]

Open handed Slap. And it hurt? Yes, it hurt. Not as much as the bite, but it still hurts. So now I've been bitten twice.

[Christina]

Essentially that's women supporting women.

[Brian Green]

And she says. And I. And I said, you know. And I don't know if she's told you yet, but you know she's pregnant. And then it was like, what are you talking about? And I'm like, she's pregnant. And she's like no, she's not pregnant. And I what? And she goes, she's not pregnant. And I was like, she is pregnant. She told me she's pregnant. She said she took tests. She said she. I told my dad. And she like, she's not pregnant. I have a tr. We share a trash can in the bathroom. I know she's not pregnant. And I was like, oh, what? Really? And she's like, there's no way she's pregnant. We share like we're on the same cycle. She's not pregnant. She. There's no way she's pregnant. And I was like, what? And this inner. This ended with me like in some late night steal someone's dad's car. Not steal it, but take someone's dad's car to go pick her up at 3:30 in the morning to go to a Kroger at 24 hour Kroger to get a pregnancy test. To then go to a Waffle House and pee on the pregnancy test to prove that this girl was in fact not pregnant. And I was grounded for two summers.

[Christina]

Two summers.

[Brian Green]

Two summers.

[Christina]

Even though it wasn't true.

[Brian Green]

Even though it wasn't true. Damn, Dad, I was grounded. Yes, my dad said you're a up. Anyway, I don't care.

[Christina]

Two summers feels like a lot. One summer I get.

[Brian Green]

I think he was pissed because I was just like a general. And then I was generally being by sleeping with people, you know, like I.

[Christina]

Lost my virgin house. You know?

[Brian Green]

Yes. The fuck Willie Free Willy. That really didn't last long.

[Christina]

I feel so bad for him.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, you know, I do feel bad for Willie, but. Yeah, I feel bad for Willie because I was the Dum Dum who knew, right? Well, listen, let's say this about Willie. It was better than dying in a pet store.

[Christina]

That is so true.

[Brian Green]

Or with a snake eating or.

[Christina]

Well, yeah, I don't know.

[Brian Green]

You don't know?

[Christina]

I don't know. Well, I'm just thinking he must have been so scared. He'd never been out there.

[Brian Green]

I know he'd never been out in the wild.

[Christina]

Makes Me, so sad.

[Brian Green]

I know it would. I. I just.

[Christina]

Because he probably got killed just so fast and he was probably so scared.

[Brian Green]

It was. There was a.

[Christina]

But I don't think his life was good at all in any way. No offense.

[Brian Green]

Why I had him. He was with me all the time.

[Christina]

I thought he was like in a box in the garage.

[Brian Green]

He was in a box in the garage during the night time. But when I would go out, he would come out.

[Christina]

Maybe he was having fun.

[Brian Green]

We had like. We went to fish shows to get like. We had our moments, me and Willie. We were like a thing, right? And even when he was in the box in the garage, on occasion I would sneak him up into the bedroom and I'd let him sleep, like under the covers with me. He'd like curl up and sleep. And my dad didn't know. Sorry, dad. I'm sorry, dad.

[Christina]

So funny. I do know someone who has pet rats and they love them there.

[Brian Green]

He was a perfectly lovely creature. He would sit on my shoulder. I would. I remember going to like, get togethers with him, like little parties right where everyone was getting high and smoking bones. And Willie would just be hanging out on my shoulder and he'd come up and he'd like, nibble on my ear, you know, just like give me a little love nibble. That's cute. He loved me. And there was.

[Christina]

He knew not to draw blood.

[Brian Green]

He knew not to draw blood. He was just giving me a little love kiss.

[Christina]

That was your first true love?

[Brian Green]

Willie was my first true love. I gotta be honest. That was. I just. Now that I'm thinking back on it, you're making me feel terrible, but.

[Christina]

Sorry.

[Brian Green]

I know. But there was. There was nothing I could do. There was no.

[Christina]

No one would take him at that point in time.

[Brian Green]

I knew one guy that owned a snake, but I wasn't going to do that to Willie. I was going to let. I was going to give Willie a chance. Go, dude, you. You got it in you. It's in your DNA. Go find a rat nest and be part of the community.

[Christina]

Maybe you did. We can think that.

[Brian Green]

I like to think that. I. I walked up that street that rainy night crying because it was a terrible moment in Brian history when my dad was like, fine. And listen, I know everyone's. I. We got comments on this. When I told the story that my. What an. Your dad was to do this to you. You got to think about this. You have four children. A rather stressful home environment at the time, which I won't get all into, but it was really stressful at that time for the whole family due to sickness. And you got one kid running around smoking pot, taking acid, sleeping with girls, maybe getting people pregnant. Pregnant. And all of a sudden he brings a rat home to live in your house with your four other children. It was not like. I probably would have been pissed, too. Yeah, probably would have said to my kid, you most definitely cannot have a rat living in this house. Your mother is going to kill you, and I don't want it. I don't want to wake up one morning to find that rat on my pillow. No way. And to his little bit of credit, to my dad's little bit of credit, he didn't make me give it away immediately.

[Christina]

That's true. He gave you a train.

[Brian Green]

He said, if that rat gets out, it's going in. Willie found a way. Willie found a way. Good old Willie.

[Christina]

I think of you all the time, Willie.

[Brian Green]

But maybe that was just Willie's way of saying, I really need to get out of here.

[Christina]

Brian. Please stop taking me to parties.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, I really don't want to be any part of this. I heard what your dad said, and I'd rather take my chances in the sewer.

[Christina]

This is a narrative I didn't ask to be a part of.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, listen, your dope smoking friends aren't as cool as you think they are. All right, If I have to hear Dark side of the Moon one more time. Poor Willie. Do you think he was getting high from all that contact smoke?

[Christina]

Maybe.

[Brian Green]

I don't know. We had a dog, too. We got a dog. And my brother. My twin brother. Adopted, like, my twin brother became like the dog's person. Right. Even though we all love the dog. His name was Jordan. My twin brother became his person. And my basement, as I've mentioned many times, was a den of iniquities. It really was. It was like all kind of craziness going on down there.

[Christina]

Basement.

[Brian Green]

I know basements that. When you're a teenager, basements. Where is that? You know, it's where the parents just pretend.

[Christina]

That all just get out of here.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, they're studying down there.

[Christina]

As long as they're not talking.

[Brian Green]

My dad used to be like, who's burning incense down there? And I'd be like, I don't know, but I'm ripping 10 foot bongs. Dad. I got a gravity bong I made on my own. Dad, that's not incense.

[Christina]

Buddy made it out of a Gatorade bottle.

[Brian Green]

Yes. Used to take milk jugs. We had all kind of shit we were doing. Pep old Pepsi bottles. But that dog became like Kevin's buddy. They were always like, you know, the dog lived down in the basement, basically. Best dog ever. Little Maltese. Never once did I hear that dog bark. I mean, maybe once or twice I heard the dog bark, but not like blue. Like a very quiet dog loving dog would just sit there, you'd pet him, he'd love it. And I just like to. I have to think that that dog was stoned 24 hours a day. And that's why it was so chill.

[Christina]

Could be me.

[Brian Green]

But he was with us for every party, every. I'm sure he accidentally ate mushrooms on a couple of occasions. Like that dog. Oh, Jordan.

[Christina]

Oh, I was poor little Jordan.

[Brian Green]

So Jordan got very old. He, he was like 12 years old. And Kevin had him. He's living in an apartment. And Kevin went, I think he got a condo or something like went to go live at a condo. And they didn't allow animals. And Kevin was, was like so distraught over this. And my dad couldn't take the dog and no one else in the family was able to take the dog. I wasn't able to take the dog at the time, but my dad had a friend at the office and the friend at the office said, I've got a couple of older Malteses. If Kevin really needs somewhere to put the dog, I will be happy to take the dog. I'll care for it.

[Christina]

Okay.

[Brian Green]

I'll. I'll make sure that goes to the vet, clean, fed all that stuff. I love my Malteses. And so that dog went and lived there. And to our knowledge, that dog might still be alive. I don't think it's alive today. That dog might still be alive today because we checked in on the dog. Like, you know, Kevin would check out infrequently. But then, I don't know, maybe it was like a decade ago. And the dog would have been 20 years old. 19, 20 years old at the time. I say, hey, dad, whatever happened to Jordan is like Jordan. So he goes, you know what? I think he still might be like kicking with, you know, old Betty Lou. And I'm like, wow, 19, 20 years old. I don't think it was really 19, 20 years old, but you know what I'm saying, Like she. It was old and all that did dog did for half its life would just sit around and get high with us.

[Christina]

Oh my God.

[Brian Green]

So I don't know if Willie would have fared well sober in this, in the streets of Atlanta, but I'd like to think so. Christina?

[Christina]

Yeah, maybe.

[Brian Green]

Thanks for making me feel bad. I'm going to go to sleep, my face melting off my bones and crying over over Willie. Well, there you what ambiance do I.

[Christina]

Need to cure that Christina Christmas rat? Ambiance Christmas rat.

[Brian Green]

Ben, the two of us need look no more. All right, we'll be back.

[Christina]

Have you been missing something from your life? Of course you have. You listened to the commercial break and what you've been missing is me, right? No. Damn. Well, if what you're missing is a little giggle, you should follow us on Instagram hecommercial break and on TikTok CVP podcast because you know we're posting clips, we're being silly. You'll get a little laugh out of it, I promise. If what you're missing is communication, text us or call us and leave us a voicemail at 212-433-3822 and someone will respond. Definitely. Unless you're being creepy or mean, in which case we won't. And lastly, if what you're missing is a jaunt through the Internet, check out our [e-mail] and explore to your heart's desire. And those are really all the ways I can help you. So maybe you're missing something from our sponsors. Let's find out.

[Brian Green]

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[Christina]

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[Brian Green]

Is it weird to hear yourself on the liners and then be here also talking on the show?

[Christina]

Yes.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. Okay. Just checking.

[Christina]

Yeah, it's weird.

[Brian Green]

I wanted to see if it was weird for me. I know that jh, I'm like, stop.

[Christina]

No one even likes you.

[Brian Green]

Thousand hours into this show and I still hate hearing my own voice. People like you. We have a lot of people that like you. And listen, there are your detractors. There are detractors too.

[Christina]

You know, I love my haters.

[Brian Green]

Yes. But I. But I think no one is as disliked on this show as I.

[Christina]

And that's fair enough. You have the most content to not like you for, you know, I know.

[Brian Green]

I'm the loudest mouth, so I'm the most opinionated. And so if, you know, easiest to hate. Yeah, of course. And whatever comes with the territory. I am just reading. Reading that they are. Lawyers are sending private investigators to influencers houses to find out to grill them about what they know about celebrities and P. Diddy parties. Oh, this is getting way heated. Have you been keeping up with all this?

[Christina]

Not really, no.

[Brian Green]

So here, let me catch you up to speed.

[Christina]

Okay.

[Brian Green]

Because, you know, I'm fascinated by this story.

[Christina]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

Because I think if true, true. Then there's a lot of answering to be done by a lot of people. Right?

[Christina]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

And some of those. And then there may be a lot of victims being people that we know are famous.

[Christina]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

Right. Who may have got caught up in this. And this really does lend some credibility to the outskirts of some of these more crazy conspiracy theories. Lends a little bit of credibility in this sense that there are people in Hollywood, in the Hollywood types and the famous types who are hiding kind of like institutionalized assault and Sexual abuse for sure, because it makes them more famous or because if they get involved, they can be more famous. This lends a little bit of credibility. And is Diddy the top? I don't know. I don't. I'm not a conspiracy theory guy. You know that if you listen to the show. I actually. I actually abhor most conspiracy theories, quote, unquote, because they tend to have zero evidence of being true. And people just go wildly off the rails with it. There's like no facts whatsoever, but they swear to God it's true because they want to be the one in the know. It's. It really is a little pipsqueaks wanting to be. Have their moment in the sun, for sure. But this one, I've never doubted that there is institutionalized sexual abuse going on in many different corners of the world. And some of that happens to be pedophiliac because that is a fetish that unfortunately is in the human genesis genome for whatever reason. Right. The Roman days. So. So this story fascinates me because I want to know. Not that. Not necessarily that P. Diddy was the guy who was like the ringleader of some of these. Some of this activity, but that there are so many people in his orbit that none of them have said a word. None of them. That, to me, is really suspicious.

[Christina]

It's suspicious because it's like, okay, you're obviously, if you're. If you're not saying anything, is it because you. There's information on you.

[Brian Green]

Is it because to be found? Yeah, there's information to be. For you to be found. You are afraid of Diddy in some way, shape or form, which it seems like now there might be good reason to be afraid of Diddy because apparently he's tried to have people killed and blown up cars and had people assaulted and all this other stuff.

[Christina]

I mean, the domestic violence alone.

[Brian Green]

Oh, yes. That was a horrific video of him dragging that girl down the hallway.

[Christina]

I saw that against my will.

[Brian Green]

Yeah.

[Christina]

But I was like, holy mother of God.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, it's stomach turning. There's no other way to put it.

[Christina]

Yeah, it's sickening.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, it's. It's. Again. Listen, my dad may have told me to throw Willie in the sewer, but one thing my dad taught me is respect for the female form. Like, boys don't hit girl. It never happens. There's never a reason where it's okay. Yeah, never. Unless someone's trying to murder you. It's just not something you do. My dad is like, that's old. I know. That's old school, like, you know, chivalry type. But that's just the way I was raised. And I believe it to my core. And I will teach it to my sons and, and I will teach my daughters that anyone who goes in that direction is never for you. That you walk in the opposite, direct. You deserve way more than that. Always and forever, no matter who, no matter what you're into. But here's the thing. Everyone's being quiet about this. And now there are attorneys who are calling. There are attorneys who are calling on behalf of celebrities, victims who have come forward and victims who have not come forward. People who were just at the parties and may have been part of the sex and you know, like random human beings who showed up at Diddy parties and ended up at some weird freak off. And they're calling them and offering to pay them off in advance, not to talk about these celebrations. Celebrities. Now there's no word on who they are, but you can only imagine. Yeah, so now I'm reading that private investigators are going to influencers houses, influencers who have been talking about this Diddy story for a long time. Some of them before this even happened because they know from celebrities about these freak offs and these private investigators are banging down their doors trying to figure out what they know. Is that for Diddy? Is that for the, the victim? Victims? I don't know.

[Christina]

Yeah, that's the question. Whose are the private investigators for?

[Brian Green]

I would imagine probably for the victims, right? That they're probably out there on behalf of the victims trying to get like, like find evidence that corroborates what they're saying. Because it's not a perfect justice, but there is some type of justice in getting money, right? There is some type of justice. It, it, money doesn't like they say, money doesn't make you happy, but it sure doesn't make you sad. And like there's something about it, you know, And Diddy's got a lot of money and so, you know, he was spending it all in lube apparently, but.

[Christina]

He'S got, Jesus Christ, a lot of baby oil. Christina, it's not even. I don't, I can't look at baby oil ever again.

[Brian Green]

No, I know. Like it makes baby oil unusable for the rest of us. I mean, first of all, there's much better lubes than baby oil about it. And I'm sure you could have at.

[Christina]

Least chosen a good one.

[Brian Green]

I know something water based. It tastes like peach or something. Yeah. Something is not going to make you sick the next day.

[Christina]

Literally Give you a yeast infection or something. Who knows?

[Brian Green]

Baby oil, that's old school. Baby oil is like late 80s, early 90s. You know that.

[Christina]

That's how you know he was a pervert. The baby oil.

[Brian Green]

Yes, he was. Remember when he said someone said, oh, well, he would go to Costco and buy the baby oil. And then the attorney was like, costco doesn't even sell baby oil. Oh, that's a great defense. Costco doesn't sell baby oil. Do you know, like, off on a different topic. Did you know that when I was a kid, my mother and maybe, I don't know, you grew up in a different. Your parents grew up in a different country. So, yeah, this didn't happen, but my mother used to put baby oil on her body as a sun tanning lotion.

[Christina]

Oh, yeah.

[Brian Green]

As a sun tanning lotion.

[Christina]

That's crazy.

[Brian Green]

Is that not insane?

[Christina]

That is so dangerous.

[Brian Green]

To magnify the sun, they would put baby oil. It's like little tiny, tiny little, you know, that's wild magnifying glasses. Like, you know, little molecules that they would just like rub it. They would pour it all over themselves. I still remember the feel of it. Like, my mom would pick me up when I was a kid. Like, I still remember the feel of it and the smell of it. That baby oil. Everybody in that Chicago, greater Chicagoland area was just baby oiling it up and sitting themselves out in the back and tanning up.

[Christina]

Yeah, My parents didn't see the sun until, you know, they moved to Atlanta.

[Brian Green]

Atlanta, yeah. Because you grew up.

[Christina]

I grew up in Atlanta.

[Brian Green]

But you were born, Were you born?

[Christina]

I was born in Atlanta.

[Brian Green]

Oh, I thought you were born out of the country.

[Christina]

No, my parents are both from. Well, my mom's from Scotland and my dad's from England.

[Brian Green]

Okay, so explain to us, is Scotland still part of England or are they thinking about tearing away?

[Christina]

First of all, Scotland is not part of England.

[Brian Green]

England. I'm sorry. Okay. Sorry.

[Christina]

Yeah. They're still part of the United Kingdom.

[Brian Green]

They're still part of the United Kingdom.

[Christina]

I mean, they talk about independence, but personally I don't think it's a good idea. And my family's very pro staying in the uk, but who knows?

[Brian Green]

Are they pro monarchy?

[Christina]

Ah.

[Brian Green]

You know, or does it even really matter?

[Christina]

I'm kind of anti monarchy, but I think my parents are like pro, like or like pro the royals. I think it's just part of their generation. Yeah, they're all just like much more connected to like the idea of the royal family. Whereas, like me and my sisters are like, what the.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, okay.

[Christina]

We're like. They're old scammers.

[Brian Green]

Oh, definitely. They own like a tenth of the land of England or something.

[Christina]

Oh, no. It's weird. I'm just like, this just doesn't make sense to, like, someone who grew up in America. I'm just like, what the fuck is this?

[Brian Green]

Yeah. Why do the. Why do the royals own billions and billions of dollars worth of real estate that's just given to them every year?

[Christina]

I know.

[Brian Green]

Isn't it, like, sometimes when someone dies and they own an estate, like, it goes to the King's fund for whatever reason or some shit like that? Probably because you're the closest that I'm ever going to get to, like, a real person from Scotland.

[Christina]

Yeah, I guess.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. Isn't it? Do you think that the royals in general is an outdated concept that needs to be phased out?

[Christina]

Absolutely.

[Brian Green]

Okay.

[Christina]

Yeah. 100%.

[Brian Green]

And do you agree with me on this? When the Queen and Diana Prince. That kind of. The golden years of tabloid queendom and Diana and all that, that was kind of like the last kicking hurrah for the royals. And it's really kind of a show now after the Queen, I guess, like.

[Christina]

When Kate first sort of came on the scene and like those years of her being deeply involved, there was a. A lot of, like, positive tabloid stuff. But then with, like, all the Megan Marle stuff, it just became a massive show because it's just like, the British media in general is extremely mean and horrifying. And so it's. I don't know, I think things just, like, took such a turn and I think my generation is like, can you guys just not, you know, we're just like, what the hell is this? You mean, like, we just didn't sign up for everyone to be, like, horribly mean to these randos in power, like, but also just, like, get them out of power. We just don't. Like, why are. Why is all of our money going towards them? And, like, this isn't like a serfdom.

[Brian Green]

No.

[Christina]

You know, it's so weird.

[Brian Green]

It's really weird how it's set up because in some sense it's just ministerial. Like, it's not even. You give money to them. Yeah, to keep them all, you know, posh in the castles.

[Christina]

It's like, why do we pay their salaries? You know?

[Brian Green]

I don't know.

[Christina]

It's weird.

[Brian Green]

Is it with the Prime Minister every.

[Christina]

Third week or something is like pr.

[Brian Green]

Yeah.

[Christina]

They're just like, going around, like, visiting hospitals and stuff.

[Brian Green]

They visit Hospitals and they open up.

[Christina]

Like super ignorant because we really don't know. But I don't know.

[Brian Green]

After watching the Queen.

[Christina]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

All of the seasons, I know a little bit more than I did.

[Christina]

Oh, you mean not the crown. The crown.

[Brian Green]

The Queen. I've seen the Queen too. That was a good movie.

[Christina]

I was like talking about watching the Queen for four seasons. I was like, she is dead. I don't know if you know that.

[Brian Green]

I had no interest in that.

[Christina]

None.

[Brian Green]

What's, you know, except for the passing princess die thing that happened, you know. But I was very young when, when all that went down. But that crown filled me in on a lot of stuff and I found it to be a fascinating watch. And you really find out that, you know, their jobs really are. There's, first of all, there's a million of them.

[Christina]

Yeah, right.

[Brian Green]

They're all over the place. And they all got different, these different titles and half of them do nothing.

[Christina]

And there's a known pedophile in their ranks, Prince Andrew.

[Brian Green]

That is true. And that is a really tough pill to swallow. And now I hear he won't leave the castle that he's been giving because.

[Christina]

He'S a creepy pervert.

[Brian Green]

Yes. And Charles tried to take the castle away from him. He said, no, I'm not leaving. So rather than fight with him, Charles is like, whatever other I got cancer. I can't argue with you. And so he took all his staff away and then Prince Andrew hired his own staff. It's just so weird.

[Christina]

So weird. And it's like, why are like as a country, obviously I'm not part of it. I am a citizen, but I am not a resident.

[Brian Green]

Right.

[Christina]

Like, why are we as a country, like paying for this pedophile to like continue living under a roof that are taxes provided?

[Brian Green]

Yeah, I know it's crazy.

[Christina]

But then again, you look at America and you're like, well, this place is too.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. This place is up too full of. Yes. And well, I mean everywhere is full of pedo.

[Christina]

Like, you know, it's just, it's just sad and scary.

[Brian Green]

It's sad and it's scary. There has to be. I, I mean, I don't know.

[Christina]

And the Internet has made it worse.

[Brian Green]

I think 50,000 times worse and 50,000 times worse. Because if that is in you, if that little seed of sickness is in you, it just, it pours gasoline on the fire. There's. I, I, I mean, I don't, we.

[Christina]

Don'T need to get into it.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. Because then this, this, we just don't need Demonetized. Someday I'd like to talk about it because I have a very interesting question that I would love to pose. I'm not going to pose it here, but I love a very interesting question about this that I would love to pose. And one day, when we make enough money and I can afford to demonetize one episode, I'll talk about it. But it's just, it, it's a terrible, terrible thing. And it's pervasive and it's like, it's, it's everywhere. I mean, you know, poor Justin Bieber, that's all I got to say.

[Christina]

I know.

[Brian Green]

I love you, buddy. I, I mean, I'm not a big fan of Justin Bieber's like music or anything like that, but now I'm looking at Justin in a whole different way. I'm like, was he just like part of that whole weird thing going on? Anyway, I hope that William, I think William's your best shot of like bringing some stability to this whole royal thing.

[Christina]

Well, I guess he'll be around for long, so.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, well, I don't know.

[Christina]

I don't think the royals will ever give up their power.

[Brian Green]

No, they won't, because that's just bread in them. That's all they know. That's all they ever know. They're not.

[Christina]

And even if they go, I personally loved seeing Harry leave the royal family.

[Brian Green]

That's great.

[Christina]

My parents hate him and my grandchildren.

[Brian Green]

Really?

[Christina]

Yeah. They're like, oh, Harry and Meghan Markle are horrendous. Like, it's, it's so weird to me because they're just like pro royal, I guess. I don't know. They're like, he betrayed his country, blah, blah, blah, blah. Which is like, you know, a viewpoint. It's a viewpoint.

[Brian Green]

It's a thing.

[Christina]

It's not mine.

[Brian Green]

No, it's not mine either.

[Christina]

Yeah, it's just strange. But I also think it's like a symptom of where they grew up, when they grew up.

[Brian Green]

And you know, I think that Harry, that was some self preservation for him and his relationship. And Harry was known as a bit of a wild child anyway. It was never going to be the king and say, good for him, good for him. It's not like the guy's hurting. He's got like four Netflix shows that were not interesting. But at least they're out there doing their thing. They're making a living. And I read that some people like don't want to invite him to party. Like they have to invite him parties, but they're Like, I don't really want to invite AR parties, but that's so shitty. Like, the poor kid, he was just born into it. His mom died. Give him a break. I mean, can we all just have a little bit of sympathy for the kids? It's all about the kids for the kids. Do it for the kids. I'm doing it for the kids.

[Christina]

Oh, my God.

[Brian Green]

All right, well, thanks for joining me. I really appreciate it. Sorry it didn't work out like we had intended, but you know what? Whatever. I don't care.

[Christina]

Yeah, well, thanks for having me.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. Like I said, I get. Sometimes we get ghosted by these celebrities. I'm sure there's a good reason and we'll figure it out, but then sometimes there's not a good reason.

[Christina]

Or there's not.

[Brian Green]

There's not. And then we don't forget. Figure it out. And then I'm left to conjecture. Yeah, they hate us. They don't like the commercial. It's a conspiracy against the commercial break. Diddy told him not to come on the show.

[Christina]

Did he?

[Brian Green]

Oh, God. Yeah, you never know. You never know what's in somebody's head. But like I said, the first time you. It's like sex the first time, it's painful, it hurts, and, yeah, you hope it never happens again. But then by the third time, you're like, ah, whatever, I'll do it again.

[Christina]

My God, I love the Fourth of July.

[Brian Green]

I love the Fourth of July. Fireworks outside. Fireworks inside my pants. All right.

[Christina]

Killing time.

[Brian Green]

Just killing time. To the queue. 12 days of TCB coming up. December 13th through the 25th. You have to edit them.

[Christina]

Yeah, I know I have to do them.

[Brian Green]

Well, we all have to do them.

[Christina]

I suppose it means I have to work weekends.

[Brian Green]

Aw, poor you. An extra hour of work. So, yeah. So join us for the 12 days of TCB, December 13th through the 25th. Brand new episodes all through the holiday. No break for us or you. Congratulations to you, Thanksgiving week. I hope you have a great week. Take off some time, travel safely. All that good jazz. You can listen. We'll be here for you. We're going to be right here in your ear the entire time.

[Christina]

Couldn't escape if you try.

[Brian Green]

The winner is really you, the listener. Tcbpodcast.com More information about the show. All the audio, all the video right there at one location. You get your free sticker by hitting the contact us button. Drop down menu. I want my free sticker. Give us your address away. It will go at the commercial break on Instagram t.tcb podcast on tick tock and YouTube.com the commercial break soon. For full all the episodes and also on Spotify video go check it out. 212-4333 TCB 212-433-3822 all right Christina, thank you so much for joining us. I really appreciate it. Much love to you and your family for this Thanksgiving holiday. Best to you.

[Christina]

Best to you.

[Brian Green]

Best to you out there on the podcast universe. Until next time, Christina and I do say we will say and we must say goodbye. Today's podcast is sponsored by Midi Health. At any given time, 61% of adult women say they want to lose weight. But for many, that's easier said than done. If you've had trouble losing weight, don't lose hope. Midi Health uses a deep understanding of women's hormones and a combination of weight loss medications to create a customized plan for each user. Midi Health can help you achieve more effective and sustainable weight loss by addressing hormone imbalances. Midi can also prescribe proven weight loss medications that help you experience reduced appetite and increased feelings of fullness. When paired with hormone optimization, you're not just managing your weight, you're also supporting your body's natural processes, which means you can overcome those weight loss plateaus that in the past have been so difficult to move beyond.

[Christina]

So if you're ready to combine the power of hormones with the power of.

[Brian Green]

Weight loss medications, visit. Join MIDI.com today. Discover how this innovative approach can lead you to lasting success. That's Join m I d I.com want to shop Walmart black Friday deals first Walmart plus members get early access to our hottest deals. Join now and get 50% off a one year annual membership. Shop Black Friday Friday deals first with Walmart plus see [e-mail] we all need a moment to really breathe, so here's your chance to take a deep breath in. Now give a nice long exhale and repeat another 10 or this healthy suggestion is brought to you by Regents Blue Cross Blue Shield of Oregon. Together, we Health have no family to celebrate Christmas with this year. The commercial break is live the entire holiday season to make you even more miserable than you currently are. So put your Christmas pajamas on, gather around the Christmas tree and listen to brand new episodes of the Commercial Break.