A Tantra Master!

Fri May 16 2025

EP #749: Bryan & Krissy take sex related "Ask TCB" and, us usual, give terrible advice. But at least the listener can take comfort in the knowledge that Bryan went to a tantra seminar...two times! TCBits Music: WSHIT Late Night Love Show Spins "Cuck Cuck Crush On You" Watch EP #749 on YouTube! Text us or leave us a voicemail: +1 (212) 433-3TCB FOLLOW US: Instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@thecommercialbreak⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Youtube: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠youtube.com/thecommercialbreak⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ TikTok: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@tcbpodcast⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Website: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.tcbpodcast.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ CREDITS: Hosts: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Bryan Green⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ &⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Krissy Hoadley⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Executive Producer: Bryan Green Producer: Astrid B. Green Voice Over: Rachel McGrath TCBits / TCBits Music: Written, Voiced and Produced by Bryan Green To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adch...

Transcript

Ricky the Lipsmith (0:07)

Oh, yeah. Fellow lovers, it's late night love on wshit. Ricky the Lipsmith just here with you playing those silkiest smooth tunes to get you in the mood. Got a special request from Janet, who just called to tell me she is sitting in a hot tub with a little bubbly and thinking about making lovely. Well, Janet, Knick knack paddy whack. Give this bone. Let me not delay. Let us play that tune you have been requesting. And you are not the only one. The brand new one rocking up the Crabapple charts right now from Lorenzo Velvet Delacroix. This one tickles me. Straight in the fickle box, if you know what I mean. Here's the song that's taking the Crabapple Township by storm with his version of I have a cuck cuckoo crush on you. I'm gonna lay down this lather and I'll see you on the backside of the matter.

Lorenzo Velvet Delacroix (1:03)

I saw you in there in the VIP bottle service in Hennessy. My heart went crazy, it skipped a beat. I thought that you could be with me. I walk over to you, we lock eyes. You're my wife and I realize you're with my friend and it's no surprise. Watching you two makes my flag rise.

Song Vocals / Chorus (1:23)

I have a cut, cut crush on you. I have a cut, cut crush on you. I hide in and let you do what you do. I have a cut, cut crush on you.

Lorenzo Velvet Delacroix (1:35)

So baby, grab your phone, start to swipe. We need to spend some time getting it right. I don't want you to be alone tonight. I want you to cheat without a fight. When you're in the bed with my favorite guy. I hide myself and try not cry. I love you lady but I won't lie. My therapist even wonders why.

Song Vocals / Chorus (1:55)

I have a cut, cut crush on you. I have a cut, cut crush on you. I hide closet, let you do what you do. I have a cut, cut crush on you.

Lorenzo Velvet Delacroix (2:20)

Grab a man and let's paint the town. I'll stay in the corner and watch it all go down. I promise not to make a sound while you a neighbor, ground and pound. It's so lovely to be your do what the other guys can. But when you're happy I feel grand. He can be your lion, I'll be your lamb.

Song Vocals / Chorus (2:39)

I have a cut, cut crush on you. I have a cut, cut crush on you. I hide in the closet, let you do what you do. I have a cut, cut crush on you. I have a cut, cut crush on you. I hide in the closet, let you do what you do. I have a cut cut crush on you. I love to watch. I have a cut, cut crush on you. I just love watching dudes. I have a cut, cut crush on you. Feel free to get loose. I have a cut, cut crush on you.

Summary

The Commercial Break – "A Tantra Master!" (May 16, 2025)

Hosts: Bryan Green and Krissy Hoadley
Podcast Type: Improv-comedy, variety, sex & pop culture commentary
Episode Theme:
This episode mixes TCB’s signature offbeat banter with a deep pop-culture dive into the Menendez brothers case, a tongue-in-cheek “Ask TCB: Sex Edition” segment, and a nostalgic look at legendary sex educator Sue Johanson. The hosts riff on everything from prison sentencing reform and the psychology of eye contact during sex to the perils of Crocs in bed and the wonders of vaginal farts.

Main Topics & Key Discussions

1. The Menendez Brothers: Justice, Abuse, and Pop Culture

[05:11–23:41]

Background Recap:
Bryan outlines the Menendez case: two brothers convicted of murdering their wealthy parents, citing years of physical, mental, and sexual abuse by their father (who managed the boy band Menudo).

“The Menendez brothers... lived this life of opulence... but the father was known to be an extreme hard ass.”
— Bryan [08:49]
Media & Trial Coverage:
Multiple TV dramatizations (e.g., Ryan Murphy’s “American Crime Story”) reignited public debate; Bryan and Krissy discuss factual liberties in Hollywood recreations.
Trial & Sentencing Insight:
- First trial ended in a hung jury; the second found them guilty.
- Abuse claims were largely barred from defense testimony.
- Recent developments: resentenced from “life without parole” to “50 to life,” making them newly eligible for parole after 30+ years.
“If the parole board… finds that there is some genuine remorse and growth… then I think you’ve paid your debt to society.”
— Bryan [18:08]
Psychology of Trauma:
Bryan links childhood trauma to later psychological struggle:

“Your psyche does not stand one fucking iota of a chance. You are dunzy.”
— Bryan [16:07]

2. Religion, Hell, and Internet Riffs

[21:47–24:03]

Dogma & Hellfire:
Bryan describes seeing contrasting preachers on Instagram—one seeking to free Christians from “fear-based” beliefs around hell, another aggressively deconstructing Christianity.

“I liked that vibe… Still don’t believe in the dogma, but I liked that.”
— Bryan [22:46]

3. Ask TCB: Sex Edition—Listener Questions with Unfiltered Advice

[26:33–46:51]

A. Crocs During Sex

Question: Boyfriend insists on wearing bright yellow Crocs for “traction.”
Advice: Bryan and Krissy reject Crocs-in-bed as a red flag bordering on grounds for divorce.

“When you bring those Crocs into bed, you’ve taken Disney adult into a whole new realm.”
— Bryan [28:28]

B. Edible Body Paint Disaster (with Dog)

Question: Listener’s dog licked up “raspberry glaze” from the aftermath.
Advice: Close the door before sex with pets; give the dog a bath.

“This is the problem with animals. They get awful curious when you’re procreating.”
— Bryan [32:04]

C. Eye Contact—Too Intense?

Question: Girlfriend says too much eye contact during sex is “serial killer” vibes.
Bryan’s Take:
- Eye contact is good, but “use it sparingly… to show connection and compassion.”
“Now, as a guy who is basically a tantra master—”
— Bryan [38:03]
- Eye contact exercises at tantra retreats are “not a dry eye in the house” after 15 minutes, but sex might not call for that intensity.

D. Pegging & Prostate Play

Subtopic: Pegging enters the conversation; Bryan invites listeners to share experiences.

“Get pegged, stare at yourself, problem solved. Thank you, TCB!”
— Bryan [40:20]

E. Spanking—Bravo?

Question: Listener loves spanking but husband claps and yells “Bravo!” instead.
Advice: Clear communication and gentle instruction—maybe watch Fifty Shades of Grey together.

“You gotta teach them. You gotta be instructive. Because guys, sometimes we just don’t get it.”
— Bryan [42:50]

F. The Sensual Hover / Sexy Ghost

Question: Listener initiates sex by “hovering…like a sexy ghost”; wife says it’s more Cirque du Soleil.
Advice: If your moves make her laugh “at you, not with you,” it’s time for a new playbook.

“I think she’s about to sexy ghost you.”
— Bryan [44:33]

4. Sex Education Flashback: The Legacy of Sue Johanson

[47:41–60:32]

Intro to Sue Johanson:
- Legendary Canadian sex educator (“Talk Sex with Sue Johanson”) known for frank, clinical advice.
- Bryan and Krissy reminisce about learning things from her infomercials.
Standout Clip Highlights:
- Mythbusting: “Dentists can see if you swallow a lot from your throat?” Sue: “An awful lot of people in an awful lot of trouble if that’s true.” [51:46]
- No Sex in Hot Tubs:
  
  “You are forcing water into her vagina… it’s got chlorine in it... You wonder why her vagina gets sore…” — Sue Johanson [52:17]
- Queefing is OK!:
  
  “Vaginal farts are wonderful things! … Guys can’t do it, and ours don’t stink. Theirs do.” — Sue Johanson [54:06]
- Condoms for Anal & Hygiene:
  
  “That rectum has feces in there. Feces are loaded with bacteria… I’m not worried about him. I’m worried about you.” [55:25]
- Novelty Sex Toys:
  - Demonstrates “vibrating turbo suction tongue” and a sex toy with a camera that “puts your genitals on TV.”
  “Thank God it’s in black and white now.”
  — Sue Johanson [58:41]
Sue’s Legacy:
Warm tribute to Johanson, who passed at 93:

“She was brave. She was incredible.”
— Bryan & Krissy [60:19]

Notable Quotes

On Crocs in Bed:

“My kids love to wear Crocs, but I think adults who wear Crocs have problems. That’s my opinion.” — Bryan [27:44]
On Trauma:

“After that kind of abuse… Your psyche does not stand one fucking iota of a chance.” — Bryan [16:07]
On Sue Johanson’s Approach:

“We need somebody like this who gives it to you straight, tells you life is not a porn movie…most sex is clunky, funny, smelly, interesting, fun, adventurous, scary.” — Bryan [50:48]
On Communication in Sex:

“You can say anything to anybody, it’s about how you say it.” — Bryan [43:34]
On Pegging Trend:

“If you’re into pegging or your husband’s into pegging… text us… I’d like to talk about this further.” — Bryan [40:20]

Timestamps for Key Segments

Menendez Brothers Deep Dive: [05:11–24:03]
Ask TCB Sex Edition Q&A: [26:33–46:51]
- Crocs & Sex [27:04–30:40]
- Dogs in Bed [30:42–34:01]
- Eye Contact [37:36–38:43]
- Pegging [40:09–41:53]
- Spanking [42:03–43:58]
- Sensual Hover [44:01–46:09]
Sue Johanson / Sex Education Retrospective: [47:41–60:32]

Memorable Moments

Musical Comedy Opener:
The episode opens with a tongue-in-cheek love song, “I have a cut, cut cuckoo crush on you,” parodying late-night radio dedications—a signature Comedy Break bit.
Sue Johanson’s “Vibrating Turbo Suction Tongue”:
Bryan and Krissy crack up as Sue demonstrates retro sex gadgets, highlighting how mainstream sex education once was (and should be!).
Bryan’s “Tantra Master” Revelation:
Bryan joking about his “retreats, prostate massage at all” when discussing intimacy—recurring TCB self-effacing humor.

Overall Vibe & Tone

Irreverent, improvisational, empathetic, and joyfully NSFW. Both hosts balance real talk (on trauma, sex, and self-awareness) with constant playful ribbing, tangents, and over-the-top analogies. The episode delivers a blend of sex-positive education, cultural nostalgia, and “just fine” anti-expert wisdom.

Recommended For:
Anyone who likes their sex advice with a side of sarcasm and ‘90s pop culture, or who wants a reminder that communication, humor, and exploration are all vital to both relationships and personal growth.

Best To You!