A Tantra Master!

Summary

Podcast Episode Summary: "A Tantra Master!"

Release Date: May 16, 2025

Introduction

In this episode of The Commercial Break, titled "A Tantra Master!", hosts Bryan Green and Krissy Hoadley delve into a compelling discussion surrounding the recent resentencing of the Menendez brothers. Balancing serious discourse with their signature humor, the duo also navigates through their popular "Ask TCB Sex Edition," providing listeners with both insightful commentary and lighthearted banter.

---

Main Discussion: The Menendez Brothers Resentencing

Timestamp: [06:11]

Bryan Green initiates the episode by expressing a personal preference for eye contact over physical appearance during intimate moments. This segues into a profound discussion about the Menendez brothers, Eric and Lyle, who were recently resentenced from life without parole to 50 years to life. Green articulates the complexities of their case, emphasizing the alleged severe abuse they endured at the hands of their father.

Notable Quote:

Bryan Green [06:11]: "As a guy who is like basically a tantra master."

The conversation traces back to the original 1989 murders, highlighting how the Menendez brothers claimed they acted out of desperation to escape ongoing mental and sexual abuse. Green and co-host Astrid dissect the legal proceedings, noting that the initial trial resulted in a hung jury while the second concluded with their guilty verdict and life sentences. They critique the judicial system's handling of extenuating circumstances, questioning whether the abuse defense warranted a more lenient sentence.

Notable Quote:

Astrid [12:39]: "Well, one of them did. I think the older one. Is that Lyle?"

The hosts discuss the impact of media portrayals, particularly referencing the FX series American Crime Story: The Menendez Brothers. They debate the balance between factual representation and creative liberties taken by dramatizers like Ryan Murphy, pondering how these narratives influence public perception and legal outcomes.

Notable Quote:

Brian Green [09:07]: "There is no fucking originality in Hollywood."

The conversation evolves into a broader commentary on the nature of rehabilitation and parole eligibility. Green expresses mixed feelings about the resentencing, contemplating whether the brothers deserve a chance at parole after three decades of incarceration. He underscores the importance of acknowledging psychological trauma while also considering societal safety and justice.

Notable Quote:

Brian Green [20:18]: "Ey psyche of someone who has suffered that kind of abuse, your psyche does not stand one fucking iota of a chance."

Astrid adds depth to the discussion by reflecting on the potential for personal growth and remorse over the years, while Green remains skeptical about the likelihood of genuine transformation. They conclude that while legal systems may grant parole, public opinion remains divided on whether the Menendez brothers have truly paid their debt to society.

---

Ask TCB: Sex Edition

Timestamp: [31:46]

Shifting gears, Bryan and Astrid transition into their beloved "Ask TCB Sex Edition," where they address listener-submitted questions with their characteristic humor and candidness. This segment serves as both informative and entertaining, providing relatable scenarios and playful solutions.

Listener Questions and Host Responses:

1. Crocs During Sex

   • Question: "My boyfriend insists on wearing Crocs every time we have sex. Should I set him on fire or just learn to love the squeak?"
   • Response: Bryan humorously condemns the idea of wearing shoes in bed, equating it to being a "Disney adult" and suggesting that it warrants drastic relationship measures.
   • Quote:

     Bryan Green [33:38]: "You got to send this guy to get a divorce. Seek a divorce attorney."

2. Edible Body Paint Gone Wrong

   • Question: "We tried edible body paint but forgot our dog also sleeps in the bed. Now how do I get the raspberry glaze out of my golden retriever's fur?"
   • Response: Astrid and Bryan laugh off the mishap, offering practical advice to bathe the dog and highlighting the perils of involving pets in intimate moments.
   • Quote:

     Bryan Green [36:26]: "Stop drinking the poop water."

3. Excessive Eye Contact During Sex

   • Question: "My girlfriend says I make too much eye contact during sex, making me look like a serial killer. Should I wear sunglasses?"
   • Response: The hosts jest about the absurdity of the situation, suggesting over-the-top solutions like wearing sunglasses or adopting new moves to lighten the mood.
   • Quote:

     Brian Green [42:47]: "Anybody who wears sunglasses indoors, especially at night, I just get suspicious of instantly."

4. Vaginal Farts (Queefing) Concerns

   • Question: "When I'm getting ready to have an orgasm, I often have vaginal farts. Is there any way to stop doing that?"
   • Response: They playfully address the naturalness of bodily functions during sex, emphasizing that such occurrences are common and nothing to be overly concerned about.
   • Quote:

     Sue Johansson [63:03]: "Vaginal farts are wonderful things."

5. Using a Penis Pump

   • Question: "How can I effectively use a penis pump without losing altitude or dignity?"
   • Response: Bryan hilariously navigates the technicalities of using sex toys, mixing in playful jabs and encouragements to communicate openly with partners.
   • Quote:

     Brian Green [49:30]: "There's got to be another move in your playbook besides sexy ghost."

Throughout the segment, the hosts maintain a light-hearted atmosphere, encouraging listeners to embrace open communication and explore their desires without judgment.

---

Conclusion

"A Tantra Master!" masterfully balances deep, introspective discussions with playful, humorous interactions, embodying The Commercial Break's unique blend of comedy and candid conversation. Bryan Green and Krissy Hoadley showcase their chemistry and ability to tackle both serious and lighthearted topics, providing listeners with an engaging and multifaceted experience.

Notable Closing Remarks:

Bryan Green [71:54]: "Until next time, Chrissy and I will say we do say, and we must say goodbye."

---

Key Takeaways:

• The resentencing of the Menendez brothers sparks a nuanced debate on justice, rehabilitation, and the influence of media narratives.
• Open communication remains pivotal in intimate relationships, as highlighted in the "Ask TCB Sex Edition."
• The Commercial Break continues to offer a blend of serious discourse and comedic relief, solidifying its place as a go-to podcast for listeners seeking both depth and entertainment.

Transcript

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

This episode is sponsored in part by Mint Mobile. Summer is almost here and Mint Mobile has a hot take I fully support Forget the summer bod. This year it's all about the savings bod. We're talking skimpy wireless bills and fat wallets. With premium plans Starting at just 15 bucks a month, you can keep cool without sweating your phone bill. Look, I used to dread when my in laws come into town and I gotta get an extra line on my wireless bill. The overages, hidden fees, ridiculous monthly charges. It felt like I was paying luxury prices for MEH service. But when switching to Mint Mobile it was a total game changer. Same great coverage running on the nation's largest 5G network and the phone bill shrunk overnight. I'm saving a ton each month and the service has been rock solid. You get high speed data, unlimited talk and text, and you don't even have to change phones. Keep your current number and all your contacts. Mint Mobile makes it easy, so if you're tired of bloated bills, now's the time to switch. Get three months of premium wireless service for just 15 bucks a month this year. Skip breaking a sweat and breaking the bank. Get your summer savings and shop premium wireless [e-mail] tcb that's mintmobile.com tcb upfront payment of just $45 for three month five gig plan required. That's the equivalent of $15 per month new customer offer for the first three months only. Then full price plan options are available. Taxes and fees are extra. See Mint Mobile for details.

[Brian Green]

Foreign.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Are you buying a home in California? Yeah. It can feel like trying to solve a puzzle with a hundred missing pieces. I remember searching for my first home thinking how does anyone do this without losing their mind? I wish I could go back and tell myself that the first step you should take is to find a realtor. They make everything make sense. From pre approvals to paperwork, from offers to closing. It's someone that you can trust that'll walk you through it all. They'll answer all the questions, even ones you don't know to ask. And when things are feeling a little bit overwhelming, you can count on them to keep you grounded. That kind of steady support, you cannot get that from going it alone or guesswork. A Realtor knows the ins and outs of the California real estate market and helps turn what feels like impossible into done. Don't let what you don't know stop you from starting your next chapter. Find your [e-mail] that's Champions of home.

[Ricky the Lipsmith]

Oh, yeah. Fellow lovers, it's late night love on wshit. Ricky the Lipsmith just here with you playing those silkiest smooth tunes to get you in the mood. Got a special request from Janet who just called to tell me she is sitting in a hot tub with a little bubbly and thinking about making love that will Janet Knick knack paddy whack, give this dog a bone. Let me not delay. Let us play that tune you have been requesting. And you are not the only one. The brand new one rocking up the Crabapple charts right now from Lorenzo Velvet Delacroix. This one tickles me. Straight in the fickle box, if you know what I mean. Here's the song that's taking the Crabapple Township by storm with his version of I have a Cuckoo cuck crush on you. I'm gonna lay down this lather and I'll see you on the backside of.

[Lorenzo Velvet Delacroix]

The matter I saw you in Then the VIP bottle service in Hennessy. My heart went crazy, it skipped a beat. I thought that you could be with me. I walk over to you, we lock eyes. You're my wife and I realize you're with my friend and it's no surprise Watching you two makes my flag rise. I have a cut, cut crush on you. I have a cut cut cr. Hide in the closet, let you do what you do. I have a cut cut crush on you. So baby grab your phone, start to swipe we need to spend some time getting it right. I don't want you to be alone tonight. I want you to cheat without a fight. When you're in the bed with my favorite guy I hide myself and try not cry. I love you lady but I won't lie. My therapist even wonders why. I have a cut cut crush on you. I have a cut, cut cr. I hide in the closet, let you do what you do. I have a cut, cut crush on you. Grab a man and let's paint the town. I'll stay in the corner and watch it all go down. I promise not to make make a sound While you and neighbor ground and pound. It's so lovely to be your man. I can't do what the other guys can but when you're happy I feel grand. He can be your lion, I'll be your lamb. I have a cut, cut crush on you. I have a cut, cut crush on you. I hide in the closet, let you do what you do. I have a cut, cut crush on you. I have a cut, cut crush on you. I hide in the closet, let you.

[Astrid]

Do.

[Lorenzo Velvet Delacroix]

I have a cut, cut crush on you?

[Brian Green]

I love to watch it get screw.

[Lorenzo Velvet Delacroix]

I have a cut cut crush on you. I just love watching dudes. I have a cut on you. Feel free to get loose. I have a cut cut crush on you.

[Brian Green]

On this episode of the commercial break. I'd rather you looking at my eyes than my body. If I'm being honest about it. I'd rather you look at my eyes and my body because I, you know, everybody has some part of their body that they don't like and mine is from the chin down. Now, I agree with eye contact, but I think you should use it sparingly. And I like it totally sparingly, but use it in moments to show connection and compassion. It's like a communication right now as a guy who is like basically a tantra master.

[Astrid]

Well, I mean, you have been to quite a few retreats.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

I have been to quite a few retreats.

[Brian Green]

Prostate massage lab. The next episode of the commercial break starts now. 2:30 in the morning.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Oh, yeah.

[Brian Green]

Cats and kittens, welcome back to the commercial break. I'm Brian Green.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

This is my dear friend and the co host of this show, Chris Joy Hoadley.

[Brian Green]

Best to you, Bestie Bryant and best to you out there in the podcast universe. Thanks for joining us. I see. Certainly do appreciate it. The Menendez brothers have now been resentenced to 50 to life instead of life without parole. Yep, I just read that. And that's a big deal because that means that there is a likelihood that at least in their lifetimes they will see the other side of a jail cell. And I don't know what to make of it.

[Astrid]

Well, they've served 30 or 35.

[Brian Green]

30.

[Astrid]

30 years.

[Brian Green]

30 years.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

No, 35, you're right.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, 30. Well, the murder happened in 1989. I think their second, by the time they got to their second trial, it was like five years later. But I don't think they were out in bail. I think they went to jail pretty quickly after it happened, like a couple months after it happened. But the Menendez brothers, who were just the subject of a great FX show, American Crime Story. The Menendez brothers. That was a fantastic television. Did you watch it?

[Astrid]

I did, yeah.

[Brian Green]

Fantastic television.

[Astrid]

And then there was a second one, too.

[Brian Green]

It was like a documentary about that recently, too.

[Astrid]

Like one thing comes out on one channel and then another does. That's what they do a different way.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

There is no fucking originality in Hollywood.

[Brian Green]

I am telling you, is that everybody has to copycat other people. But by the way, this has been happening in Hollywood for a very long time. Like, airplane comes out and then they put out the disaster movie. You know what I'm saying? Like, yeah, they're always chasing the good idea. And it's not unusual for someone to run around town with a script that someone likes. They pass on it, somebody else picks it up. And then to get another writer to come in and do a story that's very similar, it's a. It's a shitty, shitty business. Everyone's ripping off the commercial break, too. Look at all the other mediocre comedy podcasts out there. So the Menendez brothers. In case you have your head in a hole.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

The Menendez.

[Brian Green]

And go watch American Crime Story. The. The Menendez brothers. Because it's a fantastic television show on its own merits, but it does take a lot of creative liberties.

[Astrid]

Yes, it's a Ryan Murphy creation.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, it's a Ryan Murphy creation. And he's not known to stick to the script all the time. But it's generally loosely based. I mean, pretty. Let's put it this way. I would say it's like 70%. He intended to try and make it. He intended to try and make it as real as he wanted to. So the Menendez brothers were these two brothers, an older, an older and a younger. Come on, what else would there be?

[Astrid]

Brian Stark, Elmstrong.

[Brian Green]

Oh, I'm in one of those moods. I'm overly verbose today. Too much coffee. The two brothers, Eric and Lyle, lived in a household with Kitty and what was whatever his name was. The older. The guy. The father was the guy who signed Menudo.

[Astrid]

Yes.

[Brian Green]

The very famous Mexican boy band that became like a super crazy pop sensation in the 80s. Now they're even a little bit before my time. Like, I don't think.

[Astrid]

Me too.

[Brian Green]

I don't think I would have been interested in the.

[Astrid]

Was a part of it Ricky Martin. Ricky Martin, Yeah.

[Brian Green]

It was like this group, like this nebulous group of Mexican boys, and they would, like, switching it out. It was like a Nickelodeon show where all of a sudden your favorite boy had hair on his testicles. So the next boy would come in, you know what I'm saying? They would switch in and out. His voice would change and they'd kick him out and they'd bring in the new soprano singer, the new Michael Jackson. But a few famous people came out of there and. And this is relevant to the story. So the story goes that they live this life of opulence and riches in Hollywood. However, the father was known to be an extreme hard Ass.

[Astrid]

Yes.

[Brian Green]

And he really pushed those boys to the extreme in whatever they did. And when they got in trouble, all hell and fire would rain down on them, including physical abuse and according to.

[Astrid]

Them, mental and sexual.

[Brian Green]

Mental and sexual abuse. Now, this was a big bone of contention, pun intended, at the trial, because some people believe. They made up the story last minute because there wasn't a ton of evidence, and because Kitty was dead, she could not come to the boy's defense and share that she had been witnessing this, the entirety of their relationship. In other words, it was hidden. It was in secret.

[Astrid]

Several family members.

[Brian Green]

Several family members said that they suspected.

[Astrid]

And saw weird things.

[Brian Green]

Suspected. Saw weird things. And that the boys at one time said something to them long before the murders happened. So one night, the boys just had enough. They felt like their lives were in danger, like they were going to get abused again. Something had happened. The father was off. And they felt like they were not only about to be maybe physically assaulted or sexually assaulted again. They couldn't take the abuse, but they also felt like he had cut them out of the will. And that drove them to kind of this point of madness. And they walked in with a shotgun and they murdered their parents in cold blood. While they were. While the parents were watching tv, they then went on an enormous shopping spree, living at. High on the hog in the Hollywood Hotel.

[Astrid]

Well, one of them did. I think the older one. Is that Lyle?

[Brian Green]

Eric.

[Astrid]

That's Eric. Okay. He did. Which I saw that, like, that's how he.

[Brian Green]

No, Lyle, you're right. I think it's Lyle. Lyle or Eric. One of the two. Yes, the older one.

[Astrid]

Yeah, that. That. That turned out to be wearing a toupee, too.

[Brian Green]

He was wearing a toupee the whole time, to the. To. To the surprise of a nation, when he showed up one day without that.

[Astrid]

To say, I guess his. You know, in stressful situations, he went shopping, which I guess some people do. And then the younger brother actually went to, like, another country and played tennis.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, he tried to become a professional tennis player. And he was living out in, I think, Italy or France or one of those places. But they also then decided that because of this, they needed to go. They had been going to a family therapist, and they decided they needed to go to the therapist and talk about this. Or the younger one. And when the younger one went to talk to the therapist, the therapist serendipitously. Or. Excuse me, serreptitiously. Not serendipitously, Brian. That means whatever. Anyway, you get it. Recorded them and recorded their Confessions, recorded the younger one's confession that he had, that they had murdered their father. Then the older brother came in and then all of a sudden this guy, this kind of like hack psychiatrist.

[Astrid]

Yes, he was a total affair with the secretary. And she was part, she was involved.

[Brian Green]

And then there was like blackmail involved. It was thing. I mean, everybody was trying to get at the money basically at the end of the day. And they got arrested because now there was evidence that clearly pointed. There was always evidence appointed to them. They had bought the gun, they had bought all kind of shit. There was, they had receipts in the back of the car for the gun that was used. I mean, it was like a whole shit show. They didn't plan it out all that well. And their defense was basically, hey, we were abused. And we felt, we feared for our lives. And everybody else in the world was like, well, then why'd you go on a multi million dollar shopping spree and tried to get into the will and tried to make sure that everything came your direction as far as the cash and the assets were concerned. So they went to jail. That's bottom line. They went to jail. First trial, hung jury, second trial, guilty. They went to jail for life. Life without parole. That was the sentence.

[Astrid]

This was right around the time as the O.J.

[Brian Green]

Correct.

[Astrid]

Yeah. Trial.

[Brian Green]

It was the O.J.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Simpson trial.

[Astrid]

And they had just let him off.

[Brian Green]

So then homie wasn't playing that.

[Astrid]

Right.

[Brian Green]

The judge didn't allow in half the evidence. He wanted to quicken up the trial. He did not want a media circus. He let the prosecutors run ripshot on any defense. He didn't allow the sexual abuse defense, actually. He said there was not evidence. And that wasn't, that wasn't a viable defense for murdering somebody. And so until this movie came out that Ryan Murphy did, the Menendez brothers were under the jail without a key. They were never getting out of jail because no one gave a shit about what happened to the Menendez brothers. It's been 30 years. They've gotten married, they've become, you know, they've graduated multiple degrees and caught. I mean, they, they were going to spend the rest of their life in jail. There was no doubt about it. And I don't even think they were trying to get out of jail, to be honest. They just kind of like were resigned to the fate that they murdered their parents. And that was it. And only until, I mean, not until Ryan Murphy came out with this crazy kind of very dramatized series did anyone take a look back and go, wait, holy, these kids were Aped from the time that they were children by the father, who then manipulated them mentally, physically, emotionally and sexually. And no one thought that maybe that would drive them to a point of madness. And Kitty, the mother, never once stood up for them, never once got in the way, never once put herself in front of the father to defend her children or to help them from harm. I think that's the greatest crime of all, to be honest. I mean, they're all crimes, but I think one of the. An equally as terrible crime is the mother never saying a word, never getting in the middle of it. That, to me, is a crime in and of itself punishable by life in prison. If you see a child being harmed or any. Any person, any vulnerable person being harmed in that manner, you gotta speak up, you gotta do something. You can't just sit there because your Mercedes Benz needs an oil change and you don't know how you're gonna pay for it. Yeah, that's. There's plenty of mothers out there, and fathers to that, for that matter, who have walked out on those kind of relationships. To save the children. To save the children. Anyway, I don't want to get on my high horse. Listen, here's the point. Menendez brothers got resentenced not from. Not from life without parole, but from 50 to life. 50 to life with a chance of parole. So that means that on June 13, they're going to go in front of the parole board for the first time when before there was zero chance they would ever get in front of a parole board. A lot of people think they should spend all their lives in jail. A lot of people think that they've served their time. It's kind of a question of, you know, it's not even a question of legality now. It's a question in as far as opinions are concerned, about how you feel about that defense. Does that warrant murder? Does that warrant a murder? I don't know, because I haven't been there. But I can only imagine that kind of torture would drive me to madness.

[Astrid]

I agree.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. And so, you know, Eric and Lyle, listen.

[Astrid]

Well, I mean, especially too, when that's like, you know, when you've grown up, like you're developing brain.

[Brian Green]

Yeah.

[Astrid]

That's all you know. Yeah. I can see how you wouldn't even know to go. Who's gonna believe me, you know, to like, go to the police or something. Cause it was supposedly happening since a young age.

[Brian Green]

Young, like. But pre puberty. Right. And the older one first and then the younger one, and to be completely like, and who knows if this is true or this is not true. There are no eyewitnesses to this except for the two brothers. But apparently the older brother did on multiple times come to the defense of the younger brother, telling the father, if you touch him again, I'm gonna kill you. Like, I'm gonna kill you. And that is what precipitated the murder. They all, they got into a tizzy one night, believing that the abuse was gonna happen again or worse. And the older brother convinced the younger brother, it's, this is the time we gotta do it now. Like, this is, we gotta go do this. At least according to books and movies and Ryan Murphy's series, right? And who knows if that's actually true. As someone who is close to someone who suffered that kind of abuse as a child, the psyche knows no chance after that kind of abuse. Your psyche does not stand one fucking iota of a chance. You are dunzy. That's it. It doesn't matter if you get therapy for the rest of your life. You are inextricably tied to that kind of abuse and pain. And you can live a normal life. Maybe, you know, I don't know. But it will always be there. It will be omnipresent. It's like, you know, it's like anything in life, anything super traumatic that happens when your brain is developing or even after your brain is developing. You. You know guys who go to war as full grown adults, right, and they come back and they're changed in a way that they cannot, that can never be undone. Or Katy Perry, when she goes to space and she's changed in a way that cannot be undone. God, she's like, her career has been changed in a way that cannot be undone.

[Astrid]

Looking good on that front.

[Brian Green]

Anyway, I thought it was interesting enough to talk about because, you know, after the. I was alive, young but alive, when the Menendez brothers trial happened. The first one was, was on air and I remember that my mom was kind of obsessed a little bit.

[Astrid]

Oh, everybody was captivated. The country, everybody was. Then, then parents were scared that kids were gonna kill them. Yes, it was a whole thing.

[Brian Green]

It was mania. It was mania. It was like right after devil worshiping mania came the Menendez brothers mania. Yeah. And then hair metal mania and then grunge mania. Everyone was gonna be Kurt Cobain and off themselves. And, you know, it was like, there's a lot of mania with parents. And now as a parent, I can understand. I have like labuboo mania, you know what I'm saying? I'm in Labubu mania. That's what I'm doing. And listen, I. My personal belief is 30 years is a long time to spend in prison. It's a long time to think about what you've done. And if the parole board, in their infinite wisdom, and I'm sure they're really good at this, finds that there is some genuine remorse and growth and learning from this, then you, I think you've paid your debt to society. There are lots of people who murder people who get out of jail. Lots and lots and lots of lots. Lots of people who get out of jail after murdering people, shooting someone, whatever it is. And so I think if you find that these extenuating circumstances warrant. If you find that there is credible evidence to warrant the circuit, the defense, that they in fact were abused to the point of mania, to the, to the driven to the point of murder, and you feel that they have paid their debt to society, then they should have a chance to live a life on the outside. And here's the thing.

[Astrid]

I mean, that's another 20 years. They're still going to be in jail.

[Brian Green]

Well, no, they, no, they'll get, they'll get parole now because you only serve that 30. So you start. So the way that the California state or the penitentiary system works is that they are now eligible for parole at. With that 50 to life. Right.

[Astrid]

But they haven't served 50.

[Brian Green]

They haven't served 50, but they'll get paroled for the last 20.

[Astrid]

Oh, okay.

[Brian Green]

And then if they reoffend, they would go back for the 20. Right. That's how the parole system got it. It's complicated, but I read about it and a lot, because the prison systems have this weird system where you, you get this, but you can serve that. That's why.

[Astrid]

Right. And eligible for parole.

[Brian Green]

Eligible for parole. And that doesn't mean you're going to get. It just means you go in front of the parole board. A lot of people, I think, don't get it the first time. You know, it's like the fourth time or fifth time. And I think you can only go up for parole maybe like once every three years or something like that. So it's a really long wait. If you don't get it, it's a, it's a really long wait. But listen, they get out and here's the thing, they're now in their 50s, maybe 60s, I don't know, 50s or 60s, or they're going to be in their 50s or 60s. Here's the thing, those boys get out of Jail. They're not going to want for a fucking thing. They're going to go right back into the lap of luxury because they're going to have every book, TV and movie offer available to them forever and ever. Amen. Those guys are going to be. Those guys are going to be doing the podcast, like the commercial break for the rest of their lives and getting paid.

[Astrid]

Yeah, everybody's going to want to talk.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. They're going to do a TED Talk. I just see it all going down right now. You know, it's like that. Who's. The other girl? Killed her mom and now she's out and. Yeah, yeah.

[Astrid]

With the prox by proxy or what?

[Brian Green]

Munchausen by proxy. Munchausen. Proxy. I know it's a very serious thing, but it is the weirdest name to give a syndrome that's so serious. Do you know what I'm saying? Munchausen by proxy. Munchausen by proxy.

[Astrid]

Oh, God.

[Brian Green]

Oh, we're going to hell.

[Astrid]

Oh, no.

[Brian Green]

We're going to hell. Chrissy and I are going to hell. But we already know that, so that's okay. We've. Yeah. I was speaking of hell, watching a very interesting preacher on Instagram who's running around talking to Christians about how the concept of hell, the fact that they were taught. When they were taught about Jesus and the hell concept came along with it, they were, like, kind of doomed to a life of fear, regret, sin, constant apology, like, essentially just like tearing at their own psyches.

[Astrid]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

Right. As very young age. And he's on a mission to free Christianity from this kind of original sin where you're going to hell if you don't repent kind of thing that, you know, Christ loves everybody, and Christ taught us to love everybody. And you can. Doesn't matter if you walk in into a booth and kneel and Do50 Hail Marys, everything's gonna be cool.

[Astrid]

Exactly.

[Brian Green]

And I liked that.

[Astrid]

Me, too.

[Brian Green]

I liked that. I still don't believe in the dogma of religion, but I did like that vibe. I was like, hey, that's pretty cool. I like that guy. Meanwhile, he was in a backyard with, like, five people in picnic chairs. He was not preaching. He was not preaching to a huge crowd, but it's okay. I think that had like 12 views. But, hey, he had less views than the commercial break. And when you do that, you're really on the right direction. You're really headed somewhere. In other words. I don't think the idea's taken off quite yet. No.

[Astrid]

But hey, if it reaches. Reaches a Few people.

[Brian Green]

If it reaches one or two, and. But then, meanwhile, then I flip two. Two screens later, and there's, like, this girl who was in an evangelical church, like, all her life, and she's on a mission to just tear it down. She's like, this is bullshit. It's a cold. Da, da, da, da, da, yada, yada, yada. And I was like, oh, okay, now she was firing brimstone in the opposite direction.

[Astrid]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

Like, really going at it. And then. Well, I mean, I don't want to talk about all my Instagram reels. And then 5:30, I think I'm gonna be that guy. I think that was my future self sitting in that activity.

[Astrid]

I saw a funny one last night. I'll show you during the break, but that's pretty funny.

[Brian Green]

Okay, please, please, please do. I would like to see that. All right, let's take a break. I have lots to get to. It's only midweek, and there's so much to do. It's gonna spill over into next week. I've got Ask TCB Sex Edition. I saved all the sex questions.

[Astrid]

I was wondering.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, so I've got five or six of those, and then I'd like to take a look back if we have time. If we don't roll into tomorrow, Sue Johansen, one of the original television sex educators. A lot of people think of Dr. Ruth as the original, but the Canadian, Sue Johansen was an infomercial sex educator back in the 90s, and I remember her. And I got some video of her. I think you're gonna like this. I'm gonna throw it back. You're gonna know exactly who I'm talking about the second that you see her. All right, let's take a break. We'll be back.

[Rachel]

Okay. You're probably wondering why I, Rachel, have taken over the voice duties at tcb. It's pretty simple. Astrid asked me to shut Brian up, even for a minute. Well, lovely Astrid, your wish is my command. Do you want to help Astrid, too? You know you do. Leave a message for her or me or Chrissy at 212-4333. TCB. That's 212-433-3822. You can be on the show, too. Just call and say something, anything. Or text us, and we'll text you right back. Promise. Then head over to tcbpodcast.com and get your free sticker. It's your constitutional right to a sticker, and we must abide. You get the point?

[Brian Green]

Point.

[Rachel]

Follow us on Instagram at the commercial break. And watch all the episodes on [e-mail] thecommercial break. Best to you and Astrid, especially Astrid.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

This episode is sponsored in part by Liquid iv. I love a beach trip and I'm going on one. Can you hear in my voice just how excited I am to get out of this studio? That family beach trip is right around the corner and there will be no restaurant for the weary there either. We will be running around fun in the sun and I will be bringing along some Liquid IV to help get the most out of these old bones on warm beach days. Liquid IV helps me stay hydrated so I can take on the activities and feel better for longer. Liquid IV is easy to use, it's convenient and it tastes great and I'll certainly have some in my bag that I'm taking to the beach. There's true to fruit flavors to keep me hydrated. Flavors like lemon, lime or pina colada with their hydration multiplier. Or if I want to keep my beach body slim and trim, I'll use a sugar free flavor like raspberry lemonade, white peach or rainbow sherbet. It's got an optimized ratio of electrolytes, essential vitamins and clinically tested nutrients that turn ordinary water into extraordinary hydration. Get ready for the summer with extraordinary hydration from Liquid IV. Get 20% off your first order of Liquid IV when you go to Liquid IV.com and use the code COMMERCIAL at checkout. That's 20% off your first order with code COMMERCIAL@Liquid IV.com get that bathing suit out, pack a bag, throw in some Liquid IV and take on the summer with extraordinary hydration. Liquidiv.com and use the code commercial. Thanks to Liquid IV for being a sponsor of the commercial break.

[Emma Greed]

I'm Emma Greed and I've spent the last 20 years building, running and investing in some incredible businesses. I've co founded a multi billion dollar unicorn and had my hand in several other companies that have generated hundreds and hundreds of millions of dollars. The more success I've had, the more people started coming to me with questions. How do you start a business? How do you raise money? How do I bounce back from failure? So it got me thinking. Why not just ask the people I aspire to the most? How did they actually do what they do? I'm so incredibly lucky to know some of the smartest minds out there and now I'm bringing their insights along with mine unfiltered directly to you on my new podcast Aspire with Emma Greed. I'll dive into the Big questions. Everyone wants to know about success in business and in life. Through weekly conversations, you'll get the tangible tools, the real no BS stories, and undeniable little hacks that actually help you level up. Listen to and follow Aspire with Emma Greed and Odyssey Podcast. Available now wherever you get your podcasts.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

This episode is sponsored by Discover. If there's one thing we've learned from the entertainment industry, it's just how easy.

[Brian Green]

It is to earn a reputation, even.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

If it doesn't reflect who you really are. For example, everyone thinks that Discover is a card that that isn't widely accepted, but in reality, it's accepted at 99 of places that take credit cards nationwide.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, 99. So maybe now you'll think twice before.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Judging a book by its cover. Unless it's a celebrity cookbook.

[Brian Green]

In that case, judge away.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Based on the February 2024 Nelson Report.

[Brian Green]

Learn more at discover.com credit card. All right, it's been a long time. I'm coming to start this segment. It's been a long time coming since we've done an ask tcb. And I want to thank all the faithful listeners who have written in over the years.

[Astrid]

Years. I was about to say these might be a couple years old.

[Brian Green]

Sorry, so sorry. But I just want you to know, best to you. Yes, best to you.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Best to you.

[Astrid]

You got to send. That's a great one.

[Brian Green]

It is a great one. We gotta go out and, and record in downtown, if you know what I'm talking about. Anyway, we'll talk about that later. All right. Okay, so we'd like to do some Ask tcb. Sex style. Sexual style. Here it goes. Turn off the. Turn off the. If you're listening to this in the car with your kids, I've said this many times before and I'll say it again, you're an idiot. But, but definitely turn off this one. That's for sure. All right, so I'm taking the names out of this because while some. I know some of the people's names, I didn't get specific permission to ask them, so. And I shortened some of these up just to just so we could pop it along. Chrissy, ready?

[Astrid]

I'm ready.

[Brian Green]

Okay, this one is from Sacramento, California. Chrissy. It says, my boyfriend insists on wearing Crocs every time we have sex.

[Astrid]

What?

[Brian Green]

He's only got one pair. They're bright yellow. He says it gives him traction and that traction gives him confidence. I say it gives me the ick and a foot shaped bruise on my thigh. Should I set him on fire? Or just learn to love the squeak. Well, that's strange. I mean, it is. My kids love to wear Crocs, but I think adults who wear Crocs have problems. That's my opinion.

[Astrid]

Yeah. Certainly not during sex.

[Brian Green]

You know what the number one sign of a Disney adult is?

[Astrid]

Crocs.

[Brian Green]

Crocs, that's it. Crocs. And I just won't go down. My wife keeps trying to convince. Every summer, nine summers running, my wife has tried to convince me to get a pair of Crocs, saying they're wonderful, they feel good. I've even tried them on in stores in Spain.

[Astrid]

I have too. But I can't get myself.

[Brian Green]

I just can't bring myself. I cannot bring myself.

[Astrid]

Can't do it either.

[Brian Green]

Listen, I'm a Sandals kind of guy.

[Astrid]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

And I've learned even to temper that just a little bit. So if I'm going to a place where I know it's not going to be extremely clean, like when I go to Europe, I don't wear. Usually I don't wear sandals, first of all, because people think. People know.

[Astrid]

Yes, that's a sure sign.

[Brian Green]

You're like a fucking lighthouse in a storm. If you wear sandals in Europe, you are flip flops. Flip flops. You are a dumb American. That's right. You are a dumb American. You look like a dumb American. Why are you wearing flip flops now? Last couple summers, I've noticed that more Europeans are wearing flip flops than I've ever seen before.

[Astrid]

Beautiful leather ones.

[Brian Green]

They're gorgeous. Yeah, beautiful leather ones. That's right. $3,000 flip flops, right? Yeah. But still, when you're walking the streets of Paris, the last thing you want is open toed shoes. It's just one of those things you don't. There's just different sanitary conditions in different places. It's not a dirty place. Paris isn't by any stretch of the imagination. But when you bring those Crocs into bed, when you're bringing the crocs into bed, you've taken Disney adult into a whole new realm. And I would tell you immediately, get a divorce. Seek a divorce attorney. There's no reason Sacramento to be living in this kind of shame and filth. Not to mention, I don't want people wearing shoes in bed.

[Astrid]

Right.

[Brian Green]

I just don't.

[Astrid]

Yeah, like, fine, maybe the. Maybe you don't even. You don't have to take them off in the house. But I mean, no, you can't go into the bed.

[Brian Green]

You cannot go into the bed with shoes on.

[Astrid]

No.

[Brian Green]

Do you remember that first season, second season of Love is Blind, and there was a dude. And the second they got to the honeymoon jam suite or whatever it was down in Mexico, the guy jumps on the bed, shoes and all.

[Astrid]

Oh, yeah.

[Brian Green]

And I thought, this is it. You're done. This guy is no good. He's trash. He. This marriage isn't going to work out. And I was right about that. People who think it's okay to wear shoes in bed have mental issues. Yeah, mental issues.

[Astrid]

No, no. No. Shoes on the bed or around the bed.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. I mean, ask my children. I don't freak out a lot on my kids, but I will freak out if they're wearing shoes on the bed. I will freak out. Yeah, it's gross. You just went standing your pee pee poo poo, and now you're bringing your pee pee poo poo into my bed. I already have your pee pee poo poo in the bed. Tell this guy to get out of your life. Is he your husband? Did he say his boyfriend? Okay, that's easy. No. You don't get lawyers involved. Get out. Get out now.

[Astrid]

It's a yellow flag, if you will.

[Brian Green]

It's a big yellow. Yeah. And then yellow. What are we doing? He's got a fetish. There's a fetish. A yellow croc fetish or something. I don't know what it is, but. All right. Our friend in Tulsa asks. My wife and I tried to spice things up with a little edible body paint.

[Astrid]

Ooh.

[Brian Green]

But we forgot that our dog also sleeps in the bed. Things got sticky and a threesome started.

[Astrid]

No.

[Brian Green]

Now how do I get the raspberry glaze out of my golden retriever's fur? As the second. And I. My wife the second. My wife and I took it to the shower. We found our dog in the bed licking up all the fluids. This is a problem with animals. Yeah, it's the problem with having animals and sex. They stare at you, they growl at you, they make weird noises at you. I've had a cat attack my penis before. It happened. Cat attacked my penis. Now, luckily, I had a sheet on, but it attacked my hard penis. It did. It was scary. And I'm allergic to cats.

[Astrid]

Yes.

[Brian Green]

So it was double scary for me. I thought, I'm gonna die with an erection, and I don't even know that. I barely know this girl's name. Listen, this is the pro. This is the problem with animals. They get awful curious when you're procreating.

[Astrid]

Well, not only that, but they'll eat their Own throw up and poop.

[Brian Green]

Blue is doing it for two nights a couple weeks ago.

[Astrid]

You know, they'll eat anything.

[Brian Green]

They'll eat anything. Yeah, I think you're. I think the dog's gonna survive. Like, give it a bath. It's gonna be okay. But I just have the general rule of thumb, and that is if you know you're gonna screw, if you know you're gonna do it, close the door. Close the door. Get the animals out of the room because they are curious. They do not know. They do not understand. They oftentimes think you're hurting the other owner. I dated this girl, and she had, like, a bully. Like a bully sex. And the dog was friendly to a point. Right. It was, like, not the most friendly dog. I usually have pretty good vibe with dogs, except for Blue. I usually have, like, a pretty good vibe with dogs. You know, generally, they like me. I like them. Yeah. You know, most dogs can sense a good person from a bad.

[Astrid]

Animals and babies can.

[Brian Green]

Animals and kids. That's right. And so I'm dating this girl. Not for a long time, but I know the dog. I've seen two or three times. Seen him and then the first, like, spend the night at her house. We were drunk. We roll in the door. You know, we're on the couch, we're up against the wall. We're whatever. And that dog, at some point during the act, decided that I was hurting her. And he was baring his teeth and almost ready to bite. I mean, like. And it scared the shit out of me to the point where all action stopped immediately. I lost it immediately. I was like, oh, no, no. I. You gotta get that dog out. You. Like, there's.

[Astrid]

Of course.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, yeah. And that. That. And we broke up.

[Astrid]

Yeah. I was gonna say that didn't last.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. Because it sounded like I was making an excuse as to why I was losing my erection. But, you know, I think she thought, well, guy can't keep it up. You know what I'm saying? But I just thought, I don't want to get my dick bit off.

[Astrid]

That's not sexy.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, I don't want to get my dick bit off. Listen, I think I told this story during the pandemic, right when we started the show. There was a bartender that I had known down in Atlanta, and somehow we became Facebook friends at some point along the line, but not a girl that I was, like, regularly communicating with.

[Astrid]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

And one. You know, she was posting all this stuff, and then one day she. One day I noticed that she had posted an image of her in a mirror, and she had a big bandage over the side of her head, but she didn't say anything. And she said how, like, you know, it was like one of those things, this is how my day is going, or this is how my week went or whatever.

[Astrid]

I hate that. It's like when people check in at the hospital, say nothing about it, Tell.

[Brian Green]

Me what the fuck is going on. Yeah, I K y n, d, Y, N d y. And the girl who uses this phrase the most on my Instagram, who I actually have gotten away from even looking at because I just don't care.

[Astrid]

I know more.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, but the other week, there was a post, and it was like, I K y n d Y, K N Y D Y, C, Y, D. First of all, this girl always posts selfies of her in bathrooms and bathrooms where other people are behind her, other women are behind her. What in the fuck is that? Why are you taking selfies of yourself in bathrooms? Why. Why do that? And it's not like the people are posing. They're taking a shit. They're coming to or from taking a shit. It's not cool. It doesn't, it doesn't make any sense. No one wants to be in your bathroom, cell. But it's always like, she's always posing. You know, this is the thing in a restaurant, bathroom. Restaurants, airports, random clubs, bars. I mean, anywhere. Her own bath. It doesn't matter. Every bath. Anyway, she posts this thing and it says, I K, Y D N K Y. And it's a picture of her at the airport. And I'm like, it's an airport. Is that what we're guessing? And then the next, next. And then the next photo, it's a picture of the, the plane, you know, out a window. A plane in the sky and clouds. Okay. Why indicate the diy? And I'm like, you're on a plane. Let me, let me guess. And then the next one, another airport. If you know, you know.

[Astrid]

It really bothers you.

[Brian Green]

I, I, you're so awesome. Congratulations. Yeah, listen, take the dog, put it outside. First of all, give it a bath. The raspberry shit will come out. I mean, this is pretty easy math right here, right? Dog gets dirty, you give it a bath or you send it somewhere, as.

[Astrid]

Long as there's no, like, medical issue with what the dog ate.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, I think raspberries are okay.

[Astrid]

Yeah, it's the chocolate, I think is bad for dogs.

[Brian Green]

Chocolate is milk. Chocolate specifically is bad for dogs. As is. As are blueberries, things with skins on them. I hear Are not. Are not great, but I don't know why. Is it blueberries or is it raspberries? I can't remember. Anyway, it's one of those things. Check with your local authorities. Kenny says. Kenny gave me permission to use his name. Kenny says. My girlfriend says I make too much eye contact during sex. Like I'm being too intense. I thought I was showing passion, but she says I look like a serial killer trying to read her mind. I'm considering sunglasses. I can't help it. It's just what I want to do.

[Astrid]

Sunglasses?

[Brian Green]

Yeah, sunglasses, Cool. That will make you look like less of a serial kill. Anybody who wears sunglasses indoors, especially at night, I just get suspicious of instantaneously. Well, yeah, I know you do.

[Astrid]

Yeah, I like my sunglasses.

[Brian Green]

I know.

[Astrid]

But I would say this is a personal preference because I know a girl who really likes the eye contact. And I like eye contact too. Now, I mean, yeah, too intense might be, you know, it might make you self conscious, I guess, but, you know, just communicate.

[Brian Green]

I'd rather you looking at my eyes than my body, if I'm being honest about it. Whether you look at my eyes, at my body. Because, you know, everybody has some part of their body that they don't like. And mine is from the chin down. Now, I agree with eye contact, but I think you should use it sparingly. And I'm not like totally sparingly, but use it in moments to show connection and compassion. It's like a communication. Right now, as a guy who is like basically a tantra master.

[Astrid]

Well, I mean, you have been to quite a few retreats.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

I have been to quite a few retreats.

[Brian Green]

Prostate massage at all.

[Astrid]

You've got some books.

[Brian Green]

Yes. I will tell you, and I've said this to other people, one of the most intense exercises that you can do with anybody, any human being, but one that you have some kind of history with someone in a relationship or a friend, a family member, especially one that you love, that you like, not, that is not your blood relative, is to communicate with the eyes, literally a staring contest. But you have to do it for a period of time. 5 minutes, 10 minutes, 15 minutes. A lot of the retreats that I have been. To start off this way with a perfect stranger or maybe someone I haven't known that well. And I can promise you, I know this sounds hokey pokey, but it is. And it might be, but it's true. Not a dry eye in the house. Stare at someone in their eyes for 15 or 20 minutes and you will start to see Yourself in their eyes. There's a communication going on there that is, like, universal. It's like some weird energy being pushed back and forth, and you start swimming kind of in your own humanness. So when you're having sex, right. I don't know that. That it's time for that kind of communication. Unless you're ready to go there, like, at a super deep level. And maybe that's why what she's feeling is, like, this intense vibe coming at. And maybe what she would like is something a little bit more playful and fun.

[Astrid]

Just switch positions.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

That's it.

[Brian Green]

I was about to say the same. I said, so my. Yeah, so get pegged. Yeah, yeah. So get pegged and then. Then put a mirror in front of you and stare at yourself.

[Astrid]

That's a great idea.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. Hey, listen, pegging is a thing. Guys are into it. I've actually seen a lot of guys admitting to this on the social medias. I don't know why they're. Why they're so hep on pegging now. Like, it's becoming a trendy thing to talk about, but there's a lot of conversation about and around pegging. Actually, if you're into pegging or your husband's into pegging, or you're like, it's a pegging is a thing. Text us. 212-4333. TCB. I'd like to talk about this further. I've never been pegged. It's.

[Astrid]

You know, what's another prostate?

[Brian Green]

There's. I've had fingers involved, and I just didn't it. For me, it wasn't my favorite thing in the world, but again, I'm like, tight as a.

[Astrid]

Maybe you didn't give it a chance.

[Brian Green]

I'm tight as a caboose. It's like every time I go in there to the get the prostate, like, you know, ring the bell, and the guy's like, okay, loosen up. And I'm like, that's as loose as it's gonna get, dude. He's like, everything okay? He's stressed out. Yeah, I'm stressed out. You got a finger in my ass, bro. So not my thing. But I find it. I find it to be very cool that guys are out there talking about it and saying that, hey, this is my thing. I'm into it because. Because of the Tantra retreat. I understand that it could be a very pleasurable thing and that there's a lot of guys who are now into it. So get pegged, stare at yourself, problem solved. Thank you, tcb. Thank you. Thank you very much.

[Astrid]

You just love playing that.

[Brian Green]

I do. I think it's such a catchy song. I really do. This is our friend in Wichita. I recently discovered that I loved being spanked. My husband recently discovered he's bad at spanking. Like, he claps, but not spanks. And sometimes he even says things while he's spanking. One night he yelled, bravo. Bravo. Bravo. Is he Italian? Bravo. How do I explain that this is not improv night? The night at the local comedy shop? And that I want something more 50 shades of gray than Red Lobster? That's a good one, actually.

[Astrid]

Watch fifty Shades of Gray.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Watch Fifty Shades of Gray them.

[Brian Green]

That's it. That's what you gotta do. You gotta teach him. You gotta be instructive. There's one thing that I've learned from all my time of being a man, it's that you have to be instructive. Because guys, we just. Sometimes we just don't get it.

[Astrid]

Women like it, too. Women like to know what's working and what's not working for the other partner. Even as I was speaking with our friend Rachel this morning. Even house cleaners need to be told what to do in bed.

[H]

Wow.

[Brian Green]

What's going on over at Rachel's house? That's kinky. I like that. I like the thought of someone coming in to dust Rachel's computer. All of a sudden, they're on the floor now.

[Astrid]

But if something's amiss, tell the other person what's wrong.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, okay. Yes, of course people need communication. You're right about this. It's like, instruction is not a bad thing. And I say to my kids a lot, you can say anything to anybody. It's about how you say it. And so be instructive, be kind, be gentle. Or do a little show and tell. Here's how you do it. Turn the other cheek, so to speak.

[Astrid]

Exactly.

[Brian Green]

And give him a smack or two.

[Astrid]

This is how I like it.

[Brian Green]

This is how I like it. That's right. Okay, that was an easy one.

[Astrid]

Yeah, that's a solid one.

[Brian Green]

I mean, come on. That's communication. Which, by the way, 90% of these things are communication. Hey, dog, get out. Hey. Take those fucking Crocs off or you're not getting laid again. Hey, I want to get pegged so I can stare at myself. Okay, Hoboken. Every time I try and initiate sex, I do what I call the sensual hover. Her. I float over her like a sexy ghost.

[Astrid]

I love it. It's called the sensual hover.

[Brian Green]

But she's starting to she told me one night I look like I'm a sexy ghost. Ooh. Like Nico just floating around.

[Astrid]

Yeah, you have, like, the hand motions, too.

[Brian Green]

I think I know what he's talking about. He, like, you know, she's on the bed, and he rolls over, but he puts his hands up like this, and he kind of crawls up and down her body. Okay, but she said I look like I'm auditioning for Cirque du Soleil. How do I land this plane without losing altitude or dignity? Yeah, bro, I don't know. You got to send us a video on this one because I'm not sure how you're sexy ghosting her, but I think she's about to sexy ghost you. Yeah, why not? This is not working for her. So try something else. There's got to be another move in your playbook besides sexy ghost. I mean, Sexy ghost. O. I see him coming in with a sheet.

[Astrid]

I know. Me too. I'm picturing, like, the hand.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. Like, moving over her. Ooh. Yeah, Dude, I don't know. Sexy ghost. Never heard of that one. But it's not working for her, obviously, if she's making fun of it. Where there's smoke, there's fire. And if she's making fun of it, it's clearly not turning her on. Yeah, if they're laughing, 90% of the time, it's at you, not with you. Especially during sex. So my advice is, you got to find a new move. You know? Talk to your bros. Initiation. Yeah, talk to your bros. Find some good moves that you can use. Put some other stuff in your tool bag. Just like anybody in life. Not only women, but men, too. We all like a little variety. Variety is the spice of life. No one likes the same thing.

[Astrid]

Start with a kiss.

[Brian Green]

There's a novel idea. Yeah, Start with a really nice purse, and then work your way forward. Do you know what I'm saying? You know, tickle her mind and her senses, and then, you know, it'll all come to. Take her out for a nice dinner, have a good conversation, ply her with a glass of wine, get home, throw her against the door, tell her how much you love her and how sexy she looks tonight. And then take your. Her bra off with your teeth. Okay, I'm getting way too descriptive here. I can't give you all the action, but you know how to do it. You've seen it before in movies. You know how it goes. We'll be back. Thanks for writing it in. We'll be back after these messages.

[Rachel]

Why don't you text us and we can text back and then you can text us and reply, then so on. It's a fun little game I've been playing and I think you'll be great at it. 212-4333, TCB. That's 212-433-3822. You could leave a message too it. If you do, maybe you'll end up being the voice of the show. But be warned, the pay is not great. You could go to the website and drop us an email. Also tcbpodcast.com and while you're there you can get a free sticker. Who doesn't want a free sticker? Just go to the contact us button and ask for one. Follow us on Insta at the commercial break and watch the [e-mail] the commercial break. Now I'm gonna go back to that texting game you want to play. Come on. Bye.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

This episode is brought to you by Squarespace. Squarespace is the all in one website platform designed to help you stand out and succeed online. Whether you're launching your first site or leveling up your business, Squarespace has everything you need. You can claim your domain, showcase your work with a beautiful professional website, and even get paid all in one place Place. Four versions of the Commercial Break website have been designed and built using Squarespace and one of my favorite things about Squarespace is how easy it makes offering services. You can set up a sleek, customized website that not only attracts clients, but also streamlines your workflow. You can schedule appointments, send on brand invoices, and even handle online payments. But we must talk about design because let's be honest, first impressions matter. With Squarespace's cutting edge design tools, you do not need to be a web designer to make something stunning. Their blueprint AI helps generate a custom website in minutes, or you can choose from their award winning templates and easily tweak them to match your brand. It's drag and drop simple, but the results look like you hired a professional. So if you've been thinking about building or upgrading your current website, now is the time. Head to squarespace.com for a free trial and when you're ready to launch, you can use the code commercial to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. That's squarespace.com commercial and use the code commercial when you're ready to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Squarespace has long been a sponsor of the commercial break and we endorse it because we use it. It helps entrepreneurs, content creators, small businesses and large businesses alike develop and design an online brand that is Beautiful and functional. Squarespace.com Commercial and use the code commercial.

[Brian Green]

And thank you to Squarespace for being.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

A continuing sponsor of the commercial break. This episode is sponsored in part by Liquid iv. I love a beach trip and I'm going on one. Can you hear in my voice just how excited I am to get out of this studio? That family beach trip is right around the corner and there will be no rain rest for the weary there either. We will be running around fun in the sun and I will be bringing along some Liquid IV to help get the most out of these old bones on warm beach days. Liquid IV helps me stay hydrated so I can take on the activities and feel better for longer. Liquid IV is easy to use, it's convenient and it tastes great. And I'll certainly have some in my bag that I'm taking to the beach. There's true to fruit flavors to keep me hydrated. Flavors like lemon, lime or pina Nicolada with their hydration multiplier. Or if I want to keep my beach body slim and trim, I'll use a sugar free flavor like raspberry lemonade, white peach or rainbow sherbert. It's got an optimized ratio of electrolytes, essential vitamins and clinically tested nutrients that turn ordinary water into extraordinary hydration. Get ready for the summer with extraordinary hydration from Liquid IV. Get 20% off your first order of Liquid IV when you go to Liquid IV.com and use the code COMMERCIAL at checkout. That's 20% off your first order with code commercial at liquid. Get that bathing suit out, pack a bag, throw in some Liquid IV and take on the summer with extraordinary hydration. Liquid IV.com and use the code COMMERCIAL. Thanks to Liquid IV for being a sponsor of the commercial break.

[Brian Green]

All right, speaking of sex, Chrissy, you remember this as soon as I, as soon as I press play on this. Sue Johansson was a Canadian sex expert and she was an older woman at the time when she started coming on air and I believe she started coming on air through like infomercials late at night. They would play like in between Girls Gone Wild, you know, pitch videos essentially. And everybody who was alive at that time remembers the Girls Gone Wild infomercials that would endlessly play at night showing.

[Astrid]

There's a whole documentary about that.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, that's. That. That was crazy. I wonder whatever happened to that guy. He went to jail for a little while, didn't he?

[Astrid]

He's in Mexico. He is like, you can't come back into the U.S. uS.

[Brian Green]

Oh, that's right.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

Joe Francis. Yeah. Because it was like revenge porn. He was. Anyway, I don't want to get into that. That's a different story for a different time. But this lady. I remember being a young man and learning things about sex that I thought I would never learn from anybody through the conversations that this woman was having. Quite frank, quite literal, quite graphic, quite descriptive. And she did it in a way that was. You were kind of interested in what she had to say. She seemed like your grandmother. Like, Dr. Ruth was also this way, but Dr. Ruth was funny because she had a funny accent. She was a tiny woman of a woman. She was just like three foot three, you know? I mean, she was tiny. She looked like a fragile doll. Right? And she was funny. She was frank, but she was funny. But this lady had a more, I don't know, like, punchy way, clinical and punchy way of saying it. What made you believe she actually knew what she was talking about? Her name's Sue Johansson. I got a. It's hard to find these old infomercials of hers, but I managed to find a couple. And here's a. This is a clip of one of them, but take a listen. I think you'll remember who she is. My wife. And I think you're the coolest lady ever.

[Astrid]

Oh, yeah, I remember her.

[Brian Green]

Okay, you remember her. You can see her. Go to YouTube.com thecommercialbridge and we'll see if.

[Astrid]

Yeah, she's got short hair, glasses, and. Yeah, yeah.

[Brian Green]

Thank you.

[Astrid]

My mother and I both love your show.

[H]

Isn't that cute? You watch it together.

[Astrid]

Oh, I definitely love her.

[Brian Green]

This is. Thank you so much for making yourself available to all of us here in the States. This is just the intro to this, by the way.

[Astrid]

Was she doing. Oh, okay. This looks like it's just a talk show, but was she doing, like, a radio thing, too?

[Brian Green]

She also did a radio thing for a while, yes, but I remember her from tv. I'm not sure it played here in Atlanta, but it was called Talk Sex with Sue Jones Johansson, who's on for many years, maybe a decade plus. This might be toward the end of.

[Astrid]

The run, but I think a lot of people might have learned things from.

[Brian Green]

Oh, I think a lot of people will remember Sue Johansson.

[H]

Welcome to Talk Sex. I'm your host, Sue Johansson, and my mission in life is to promote sex education to dispel myths and misconceptions so you can enjoy being the sexual human being that you were born to be.

[Brian Green]

I love it. I love it.

[Astrid]

Me, too. I'm so. For this.

[Brian Green]

How straightforward. We need somebody like this. That's not Dr. Fucking Drew. You know what I'm saying?

[Astrid]

Or a pornhub.

[Brian Green]

Or a pornhub. We need a lady who gives it to you straight, tells you that life is not a porn movie. Most people don't have sex for hours at a time. You know, in a shower, holding one leg up against the wall, flipping somebody around their penis with 70 other girls in the room watching. It just doesn't happen that way. Yeah, most. Most sex is clunky, funny, smelly, interesting, fun, adventurous, scary. I can think of other adjectives. Do we have any other adjectives? Okay, let's listen to Sue. She's the expert.

[Astrid]

A quick question. I don't know how true this is, but I was told by someone who's dating a dentist.

[H]

Yes.

[Astrid]

That the dentist told him that if she looks into the back of the throat of her female patient, that she can tell whether or not they have oral sex and particularly if they swallow a lot. Is that true?

[Brian Green]

If you should, you can see the look on Sue Johansen's face right now. She's like, the dentist is a perv. Go to a different dentist.

[Astrid]

There'S going.

[H]

To be an awful lot of people in an awful lot of trouble. If that's true.

[Astrid]

A girlfriend or warning is having sex.

[Brian Green]

Sex in a hot tub is a good idea or not?

[H]

Not.

[Astrid]

No.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. Nope, nope. She gets it. We say the same thing. I think we are the Sue Johansson we might be of the 25th year, of the 21st century. No.

[H]

No sex in a hot tub. Okay? Now, the hot tub has got chlorine in it, hasn't it? Absolutely got chlorine in it. I know that. And so you're having sex under the water, right? You're thrusting penis in vagina. You are forcing water into her vagina.

[Brian Green]

Ooh, Ooh.

[H]

That's right. It's got chlorine in it. You wonder why her vagina gets sore. Raw, red, irritated. And then they're worried that there's a possibility that the water will go up through her cervix, through her uterus, and into her fallopian tubes, and then drip into her abdomen. And there is some kind of.

[Brian Green]

Oh, yeah. He's like, oh, I didn't call for that kind of advice.

[Astrid]

Say yes or no.

[Brian Green]

Okay. I can think of another reason, too. It's just not a great lubricant. Water is not a good Lubricant concern.

[H]

That that might cause endometriosis.

[Astrid]

I just called to ask when my girlfriend and I have sex either with a dildo or with her fingers.

[H]

Yeah.

[Astrid]

When I am getting ready to have an orgasm, I often have like vaginal farts or queefs. And I was wondering, is there any way to stop doing that?

[Brian Green]

No. Why?

[Astrid]

It's air.

[Brian Green]

She is the best. This is the best. Where else? It's certainly not here on the commercial break because I giggled. Where else could you get a straight faced answer to a question like this? But this girl is concerned. She says, I'm making noises down there. It's uncomfortable. Is it part of the situation and can I help it? And sue says, no, why would you want to? Like I said, it's messy and smelly and weird and loud and whatever.

[H]

Vaginal farts are wonderful things.

[Brian Green]

I need that as a clip. I need that as a clip. An audio clip. That's awesome. Good for you, Sue.

[H]

It's something we can do. Guys can't do it. And ours don't stink. Theirs do.

[Astrid]

Ooh, I guess it's embarrassing.

[H]

Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no. You just let fly.

[Astrid]

Go, Sue.

[Brian Green]

Those are two clips I'm cutting.

[H]

Using condoms for bum sex.

[Rachel]

No.

[H]

Lisa, Lisa, think.

[Astrid]

Yes.

[H]

He is putting his penis in your rectum, right?

[Astrid]

Uh huh.

[H]

Uh huh. That rectum has feces in there. Feces are loaded with bacteria.

[Brian Green]

I keep trying to tell my kids this and I say, hey, listen, you're.

[Astrid]

Telling them about this.

[Brian Green]

No, no, no, no, no. My kids, they want to take a bath, but they're at the age when they need to take a shower, right? And I keep saying, you're sitting in your own butt wall and poop has bacteria. You don't want that poopy bacteria all over your bodies. Stop drinking the poop water. And then they want to put it in their mouth. They want to drink the poop water. And I'm like, stop drinking the poop water.

[H]

He's going to pick up some of that bacteria on his penis, right? And then he's going to have intercourse with you. Vaginal intercourse. And he hasn't washed his penis and he wasn't using a condom. You're going to get the infection.

[Astrid]

Hmm.

[H]

I'm not worried about him. I'm worried about you.

[Brian Green]

Wow. I love this lady. It's so funny, she passed away a couple years ago.

[Astrid]

I was wondering where if she was still around.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, she passed at like 93 years old or something like that. And I think that was back Having.

[Astrid]

Wonderful sex until the end. I'm sure.

[Brian Green]

I'm sure that was the. That's my other question. A legitimate question. Kind of goofy. I know there's a giggle out of this, but did Dr. Ruth and Sue Johansson, and maybe even Dr. Drew, do they have some of the best sex ever? Because they know everything there is to know about sex?

[Astrid]

I think so.

[Brian Green]

And they can get around a vagina or a penis?

[Astrid]

I think so.

[Brian Green]

I don't know.

[Astrid]

I have to imagine if I'm up.

[Brian Green]

There, hey, listen, if I'm having sex with Sue Johansson, I think I'm probably having some of the best sex of my life.

[Astrid]

Exactly.

[Brian Green]

Even at her advanced age in the villages. Ooh, hot stuff.

[Astrid]

Hot stuff.

[Brian Green]

Well, what was that? If this wasn't a hot stuff, what is hot stuff?

[H]

Time for the hot stuff.

[Astrid]

Bag. Oh, the bag.

[Brian Green]

The bag. I remember this.

[H]

It puts a whole new meaning to the expression. Desperation is the mother of invention. This is called the vibrating turbo suction tongue.

[Astrid]

Whoa.

[H]

You close the valve and you draw the air out. Okay. And now you've got a vacuum in there. And that'll give you an erection. So you drop the pump.

[Brian Green]

It's a penis pump out first.

[H]

And it's locked in. Locked there. Then you turn the vibrator on. Okay.

[Astrid]

I love that she's demonstrating this.

[Brian Green]

She's demonstrating a sex toy.

[H]

It's not vibrating and it is a strap on. Now people think she's.

[Brian Green]

This is going from clip to clip for those of you listening, by the way. It's not like this is one long clip.

[H]

That strap ons are kind of kinky key, but they have their uses. Don't ask anything with more than three buttons. I'm guaranteed to mess up. Well, you know what? They couldn't leave well enough alone. And what they've done is put a tiny camera into the end of the dildo. Oh, yes.

[Brian Green]

Whoa.

[H]

You heard right. A camera that hooks up to your tv.

[Astrid]

Oh, my God.

[Brian Green]

Oh, my God. Why would you. That's really. Yeah, I don't need to see all the way up there.

[Astrid]

Doctor's examination.

[Brian Green]

Listen, I. I did that during the birth. I did that during the birth.

[Astrid]

This didn't take off. No, because I do not see any of these.

[Brian Green]

Oh, I'm sure there's point of view wild. I'm sure there's point of view porn out there that has these kind of cameras, you know, But I. Yeah, you don't see this at the local sex shop.

[H]

Meaning to. I'm ready for my close up now, Mr. DeMille. Oh, here, let me show you. I'm going to use my hand for this one.

[Brian Green]

One.

[H]

And.

[Ricky the Lipsmith]

Whoa.

[Brian Green]

There.

[H]

And it comes up on the camera.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. Why would you want that?

[Astrid]

I don't think that's sexy.

[Brian Green]

No.

[H]

All I can say is, thank God it's in black and white now. She's working. Thanks a lot.

[Brian Green]

And I gotta be honest about this. Like, I think the inside of a body looks relatively the same no matter what part of the inside of the body you're looking at. Do you know what I'm saying? You see those surgery shows and stuff like that? It all looks. Looks like. It all looks like the inside of a body.

[Astrid]

I've seen the inside of, like, Jeff's sinuses, you know, because he had surgery. And, you know, I go to the doctor with them. They have to get up there with a little scope and. Yeah, it seems like it just.

[Brian Green]

It all looks the same.

[Astrid]

It looks the same.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. Unless you know what you're looking at. Unless you're Dr. Sue Johansen.

[H]

There's a head in there that is. And it called an exciter.

[I]

And it's called the.

[Astrid]

I mean, that's a very large thing. Does that look like your thing that you were using, Chrissy?

[Brian Green]

Swear to God, that looks like the thing that I bought to help me with after the vasectomy. And it was intimidating. It was intimidating. Well, listen, the inside of it is much smaller, but it's just a whole contraption. And I had no interest. None. Interest in putting that thing on my penis.

[H]

On the hibachi. Hot stuff of love. We are rating this a three briquette sex toy for guys who are not perceptually handicapped.

[Brian Green]

Perceptually. So that you can, like, teach everybody in the world.

[H]

I think there are people out there who think one of me is one too many.

[Astrid]

Yeah, she was great.

[Brian Green]

She was incredible.

[Astrid]

Really was great.

[Brian Green]

Dr. Sue Johansen. Here's to another. I'm sorry about that. I don't know what I was pressing there. Here's to Dr. Sue Johansen. May another one of you come along sooner rather than later.

[Astrid]

Best to Sue Johansson.

[Brian Green]

Best to Sue. Best to you. And best to Sue. Or worse to you. That's the funny song. That's the one I love.

[Astrid]

I do love that one, too.

[Brian Green]

All right, well, it's been a week of music and fun here on the ground. Commercial break. We've just. We've just done it all, Chrissy. I have made AI songs for everyone to enjoy. I'm sure that will continue long into the future. I Hope that's a new part of the commercial break. You have any ideas for songs or you're a musician and you're. You want to write a song for tcb, we'd be happy to take a listen to it, maybe play it on air. Yeah. So get in touch with us.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

212-4333.

[Brian Green]

TCB 21242. Questions, comments, concerns, content, ideas, we take them all right there. Also, in case you are sick of hearing it. May 31, the 12 hours. 5, 35, 31. May 31, the 12 hours of TCB. TCB's big birthday bash. Five years as a podcast, six seasons. Sponsored officially by Five Hour Energy.

[Astrid]

Thank you to Five Hours.

[Brian Green]

Thank you to Five Hour Energy. That's no joke. They have signed on as a sponsor. I think we, I think we said it so much they were like, well, we should probably pay them for all that free promotion. So the 12 hours of TCB, officially sponsored by Five Hour Energy and in collaboration with our partners at Odyssey, Covert Creative and ctb, the agency that helps.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Us book all these wonderful guests, Tom.

[Brian Green]

Papa, Tig Notaro, Reggie Watts, Michael Ian Black and more on May 30th. And lots of Chrissy and I. Lots and lots of Chrissy and I. Yes, lots of us. So tune in, call in, check in on Twitch or YouTube. We'll give you more information. Make sure sure you're following us at the commercial break on Instagram for all the deets the week of. Also YouTube.com the commercial break. Make sure you're following us there so you can watch it live when it happens. And tcb podcast.com all the jizz and jazz about Chrissy and I. Your free TCB sticker and you get a hold of us there, hot stuff. 30 vaginal farts. Okay, Chrissy, I love you.

[Astrid]

I love you.

[Brian Green]

Best to you and best you out.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

There in the podcast universe.

[Brian Green]

Until next time, Chrissy and I will say we do say, and we must say goodbye.

[I]

Whether you're jetting off to a new destination, leveling up at work, or simply feeding your curiosity, speaking a new language can change your life. And now Rosetta still makes it easier and more immersive than ever. With 30 years of expertise in 25 languages, from French and German to Japanese and Vietnamese, Rosetta Stone's Truaccent speech engine gives instant feedback on your pronunciation so you sound natural every time. And because there's no English translation, you start thinking in your new language right away. Rosetta Stone has lessons that fit your lifestyle on desktop or mobile. And Today you can get Rosetta Stone's lifetime membership for unlimited access to all 25 languages at 50% off. Don't wait, unlock your language learning potential. Now listeners of this podcast can grab Rosetta Stone's lifetime membership for 50% off. That's unlimited access to 25 language courses for life. Visit RosettaStone.com RS10 to get started and claim your 50% off today. Don't miss out. Go to RosettaStone.com RS10 and start learning today.

[Astrid]

I've never felt like this before. It's like you just get me. I feel like my true self with you. Does that sound crazy? And it doesn't hurt that you're gorgeous. Okay, that's it. I'm taking you home with me. I mean, you can't find shoes this good just anywhere. Find a shoe for every you from brands you love like Birkenstock, Nike, Adidas, and more at your DSW store or.

[Brian Green]

Dsw.Com if you're a parent or share a fridge with someone. Instacart is about to make grocery shopping so much easier because with family carts you can share a cart with your partner and each add the items you want want. Since between the two of you, odds are you'll both remember everything you need. And this way you'll never have to eat milkless cereal again. So minimize the stress of the weekly shop with family carts, download the Instacart app and get delivery in as fast as 30 minutes. Plus enjoy. Zero dollar delivery fees on your first three orders. Service fees apply for three orders in 14 days. Excludes restaurant sat ass.