All Aboard The Failure Bus!

Fri Mar 15 2024

Bryan & Krissy discuss listener feedback, the road to 500, TCB therapy, exploding kombucha, bacon pickle McMuffins, the 16 hour hotel "day" and The Notebook Treaties are reviewed! TCB DISCORD : Join the after show chat! LINKS: Send us show ideas, comments, questions or concerns by texting us 212.433.3TCB text or leave us a voicemail Watch TCB on YouTube Watch for Live Show info at www.tcbpodcast.com Hosts Bryan Green & Krissy Hoadley Producer: Christina A. Producer: Gustavo B. To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Transcript

A (0:00)

I want to speak to those of you who are lactose intolerant. I have had so many of you asking me, kathy, would you please do a prayer for lactose intolerance? So in the name of Jesus, I come against lactose intolerance right now. In Jesus name, I speak and decree that your digestive system receives and processes dairy properly. In the name of Jesus Christ. No bloating, no diarrhea, no upset stomach. In the name of Jesus.

B (0:35)

On this episode of the commercial break, 90% of podcasts don't make it to episode number five. Hoping that that would also be us, but look at us now. Just got dragged through.

C (0:50)

It's been a while.

B (0:51)

I feel like I'm hanging on to the success bus by the back, and it's just bouncing me along the road like tin cans. Yeah. Like dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink. You're gonna get there soon. Next. It's been five years. The next episode of the commercial break starts now. Yeah, boy. Oh, yeah. Cats and kittens. Welcome back to the commercial break. I'm Brian Green. This is the Batwoman to my Robin Thick, Kristen Joy Hoadley. Best to you, Kristen.

C (1:25)

Best to you, Brian.

B (1:26)

Best to you out there in the podcast universe. Interesting reaction to our holy water. Our Peter pop off breakdown the other day.

C (1:36)

Yeah.

B (1:37)

Yes. We had an interesting reaction. Someone actually wrote in a story about their uncle who used to like their elderly uncle who used to idolize Peter Popov. He would, like, drive thousands of miles to see him in person. He would watch every special. He would tape the infomercials. He fully believed in the holy water, that the holy water was going to cure him. I guarantee that holy water came from the tap of a Peter Popoff assistant, but that's neither here nor there. And she explains the story. I'm gonna kind of prep. I'm gonna just, like, not preface it, but I'm gonna shorten it up a little.

C (2:10)

Abbreviate.

B (2:11)

I'm gonna abbreviate it. Thank you, Chris. She says that her uncle came down with. Got diagnosed with prostate cancer.

C (2:20)

Yeah.

B (2:20)

At one point. And the prostate cancer was not a very serious form of prostate cancer. The type of prostate cancer that a lot of men will just live with. Right. And so he got the holy water before he went to the doctors, you know, before he went to an actual oncologist or a prostate specialist or anything like that. He got the holy water and told the family at a function that he was using the holy water and sprinkling it all over his DD canters on a nightly basis, praying to the Lord that Peter Popoff's magic spring water would indeed cure him of his cancer. And that after years of not seeing a doctor, he went back to the doctor and the doctor said, the prostate cancer has not progressed. You are in the category of men who live often with prostate cancer for their entire lives, especially elderly men. And we just don't do anything about it because it's not that aggressive. And it can be a rather. I don't. It's not actually benign, but it can be a benign form of cancer. Well, he now, for the rest of his life, swore up and down that the magic holy water was doing it. So he believed in it so much that he would call repeatedly and repeatedly and repeatedly and make donations so he could get magic spring water, she says, to the point where Peter Popoff sent a gallon or their Peter Popoff Enterprises sent a gallon of the magic spring water to her uncle. And then one Thanksgiving, he. They caught him sprinkling it on the turkey.

Summary

The Commercial Break – All Aboard The Failure Bus!

Date: March 15, 2024
Hosts: Bryan Green & Krissy Hoadley

Episode Overview

In this characteristically chaotic and irreverent episode of The Commercial Break, Bryan and Krissy reflect on the “failure bus” most podcasts board before hitting five episodes, contrasting that with their own improbable approach to their 500th episode. The episode swerves through personal anecdotes, strange food combinations, bodily misadventures, and a rundown of their ever-growing list of “treaties” (pet peeves and demands for a better society). The duo also shares thoughts on podcasting as therapy, pop culture, odd beverages, and the injustices of hotel check-out times—all while delivering their signature blend of tangential, offbeat comedy.

Main Themes & Highlights

1. Podcasting Longevity and Therapy

Reflecting on Podcast Survival:
- Bryan notes that “90% of podcasts don't make it to episode number five” ([00:35]), yet here The Commercial Break is “coming up on our 500th show” ([10:47]).
- Their journey has been a "wild ride," providing relief and purpose during personal and world upheavals, especially during the pandemic.
- “It gave me some sense of purpose and drive and motivation.” – Bryan ([12:13])
Podcast as Therapy:
- They acknowledge listeners who credit TCB with offering "a break… from the stress and pain and, you know, life drama" ([14:02]).
- Bryan: “I do think in some strange way, the commercial break has been therapy for both of us.” ([13:59])

2. Listener Emails & Absurd Anecdotes

The Peter Popoff Holy Water Story: ([01:26]–[04:13])
- A listener wrote about her uncle’s fervent belief in televangelist Peter Popoff's "magic spring water," including sprinkling it on Thanksgiving turkey.
- Quote:
  - “It does seem pretty specific that your crazy uncle was sprinkling magic holy water on top of the Thanksgiving.” – Bryan ([03:57])
  - “I've had some Thanksgiving turkey that—I wish I had magic spring water to make it moist.” – Bryan ([04:12])
Fast Food and Bacon Obsession: ([05:06]–[07:11])
- Bryan recalls his secret McMuffin creation: “pickled bacon English muffin sandwiches.”
  - “Pickle bacon McMuffin. That’s what it was... I got a bunch of people hooked on it.” – Bryan ([06:44])
- Krissy offers to make homemade sourdough English muffins, sparking a tangent on bread-making and a callback to their Tom Papa interview.

3. Milestone Reflections & Running Jokes

Approaching 500 Episodes: ([10:47]–[11:58])
- Bryan jokes about being "dragged through" years of podcasting and feeling like he’s “hanging on to the success bus by the back, and it's just bouncing me along the road like tin cans.” ([15:12])
- Krissy: “It's just a milestone.” ([11:09])
Self-Deprecating Humor:
- On their own “mediocrity”:
  - “You can listen to this show and do the same thing. You'll learn nothing, but you'll lose nothing.” – Bryan ([14:30])
  - “We're not taking anything away. We're just not adding anything to your life.” – Bryan ([14:29])

4. Food & Drink Oddities

Kombucha and Dangerous Drinks: ([19:37]–[25:28])
- Discussion of kombucha’s risks (exploding bottles) and distaste for "tea fungus."
- Memories of Mr. Wizard and childhood science disasters.
  - “If kombucha should officially be classified as a weapon if it’s exploding like that.” – Bryan ([25:21])
Worst Things Tasted: ([26:28]–[32:49])
- Krissy: “Zambuca… I do not like licorice, so at all.” ([26:43])
- Bryan recounts drinking “liquid charcoal” after alcohol poisoning as the nastiest thing ever ingested, and using ipecac as a child to fake sickness for a day off school.
Childhood Sick Days:
- “Price is Right… General Hospital, it was going to be a day for you. You just knew it.” – Bryan ([30:15])

5. Hotel Check-Out Rant

Time vs. Money: ([37:40]–[41:56])
- Bryan rails against hotels charging for full days but granting only 16 hours, wishing for “make your own bed” discounts for more time.
- “I want a 24 hour hotel room stay… It’s causing me a lot of agenda when I’m traveling that I can’t stay a full 24 hours in any particular room.” – Bryan ([47:17])
Travel Annoyances:
- Complaints about early flights due to hotel check-out, the “Great Hotel Scam Treaty,” and missing rooms at check-in even after prescribed availability.

6. The TCB List of Treaties ([43:41]–[46:49])

Krissy reads from an extensive list of podcast-originated “treaties”—tongue-in-cheek proposals for a better world:
- Sidewalk Treaty, Febreze Treaty, Yellow Light Treaty, Cologne Treaty, Date Night Treaty, Three-Button Shirt Treaty, Gate Treaty, Toilet Paper Replacement Treaty, Airplane Gate Treaty, Doggy Bag Treaty, No Shoes on Bed Treaty, Dingleberry Treaty (origins forgotten), Gym Noise Treaty, Influencer Vacation Shots Treaty, and the newly-minted Hotel Room 24 Hour Stay Treaty.
Memorable exchange:
- “Basically, just a list of grievances. We should read this at Festivus.” – Krissy ([46:55])

7. Miscellaneous Highlights

Pop Culture Briefs:
- Recent interview with Tom Papa was a listener favorite.
- Veer Das and the rigors of comedian touring.
- Quick takes on “Love is Blind” and “Married At First Sight.”
Podcast Community:
- Listener Kaden calls back memories of being “ghosted” over Phantom of the Opera CDs on a date ([16:07]).

Notable Quotes & Moments (with Timestamps)

“I feel like I'm hanging on to the success bus by the back, and it's just bouncing me along the road like tin cans… It's been five years.” – Bryan ([15:12])
“We're not taking anything away. We're just not adding anything to your life.” – Bryan ([14:29])
“Pickle bacon McMuffin. That's what it was. And it was delicious… I'm sure there's still plaque in my arteries.” – Bryan ([06:44])
“I do think in some strange way, the commercial break has been therapy for both of us.” – Bryan ([13:59])
“If kombucha should officially be classified as a weapon if it’s exploding like that.” – Bryan ([25:21])
“I want a 24 hour hotel room stay… I’m realizing it’s causing me a lot of agenda when I’m traveling that I can’t stay a full 24 hours.” – Bryan ([47:17])
“Basically, just a list of grievances. We should read this at Festivus.” – Krissy ([46:55])

Timestamps for Key Segments

[00:35] – Podcast longevity stats and joking about hoping they'd fail early
[01:26] – Listener story: Peter Popoff Holy Water on Thanksgiving dinner
[05:06] – Bacon pickle McMuffin origin story
[10:47] – Approaching episode 500, reflections on podcasting
[13:59] – The show as therapy for hosts and listeners alike
[19:37] – Kombucha explosions and food tangents
[26:28] – Nastiest things ever consumed (Zambuca & liquid charcoal stories)
[37:40] – Bryan’s hotel check-out rant and demand for 24-hour stays
[43:41] – The official TCB Treaties list
[49:33] – Reality TV recap (Love is Blind/Married at First Sight)
[51:11] – Wrapping up, TCB contact info, and affection between hosts

Tone & Style

The episode is joyfully meandering, driven by Bryan and Krissy's easy chemistry, self-deprecating humor, and a penchant for riffing uninhibitedly on mundane grievances and pop culture oddities. The jokes fly fast, tangents abound, and regular callbacks to inside gags and previous episodes keep the energy accessible for returning listeners and amusing for new ones—who quickly learn this is a space where "mediocrity" is the joke, and the point.

For First-Time Listeners

This episode is a prime snapshot of The Commercial Break experience: two longtime friends riffing on life's little (and big) absurdities, poking fun at themselves and everything else, while building a compendium of petty treaties that capture what’s both irritating and hilarious about modern life. If you’re seeking a polished, topic-driven show—this isn’t it. If you want to feel like you’re eavesdropping on the best booth at the world’s weirdest diner, hop on the failure bus and enjoy the ride.