An Ode To Astrid

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Commercial Break Episode: An Ode To Astrid
Release Date: August 6, 2025

---

Introduction to the Episode

In this heartfelt and humor-infused episode of The Commercial Break, hosts Bryan Green and Krissy Hoadley navigate through a mix of personal anecdotes, merchandise promotions, and intense discussions on current events. The episode elegantly balances comedic elements with genuine emotional moments, particularly focusing on Bryan's relationship with his wife, Astrid.

---

Merchandise Launch and Promotion

[05:45 - 08:32]
Bryan and Krissy excitedly announce the launch of their new merchandise line, detailing various items such as university sweaters, hoodies, T-shirts, and hats. They humorously discuss the challenges and anticipation surrounding the merch drop scheduled for Friday, August 8th, emphasizing the limited-time availability and exclusive offers.

Notable Quotes:

• Bryan Green ([05:45]): "Our merch is here. It's being sold on a website this Friday."
• Krissy Hoadley ([06:49]): "I'm sporting the piggy fronting scene."
• Bryan Green ([08:00]): "Shoptcbpodcast.com you know the drill. I'm not gonna beat you over the head with it."

Personal Reflections: An Ode to Astrid

[12:34 - 20:00]
Bryan takes a deep dive into his personal life, celebrating his nine-year marriage to Astrid. He shares touching stories about their journey together, highlighting the serendipitous nature of their meeting and the profound impact Astrid has had on his life.

Notable Quotes:

• Bryan Green ([12:34]): "Nine years we've been married already. It's like nine and a half years we've been married."
• Bryan Green ([16:41]): "Astrid, happy anniversary. Nine years we have been married."
• Bryan Green ([17:04]): "She is the total package. There is no doubt about it."

Health Scares: Blue's Diagnosis

[26:27 - 48:04]
The conversation shifts to a more serious tone as Bryan recounts the health challenges faced by their dog, Blue. He details Blue's battle with Autohemorrhagic Diarrhea Syndrome (AHDS), describing the frantic efforts to care for her and the emotional toll it took on the family.

Notable Quotes:

• Bryan Green ([31:00]): "She's like an autistic dog. She's not interacting with other autistic dogs."
• Bryan Green ([34:19]): "This autohemorrhagic diarrhea syndrome... it happens in some breeds of dog."
• Bryan Green ([38:36]): "Nature even has a sutily solution to premature birth. That's amazing to me."

Political Rant and Social Commentary

[51:15 - 71:03]
In a passionate segment, Bryan delves into his concerns about societal issues, touching upon topics like political corruption, the prison system, and the influence of powerful individuals. He expresses frustration with current events, drawing parallels to historical events and urging listeners to speak out against injustices.

Notable Quotes:

• Bryan Green ([63:22]): "It's Gestapo bullshit. And if you aren't scared of it... you are part of the problem."
• Bryan Green ([66:31]): "If you have the balls to just throw people in the back of a van and disappear them, you should show your face."
• Bryan Green ([69:00]): "They have been thrown in the trunks of cars and taken to jail after jail, moved around so lawyers can't find them. It's crazy."

Upcoming Events and Final Remarks

[72:53 - 75:03]
The hosts wrap up the episode by reiterating the details of their merchandise drop and introducing upcoming events like the Rally LA Live stream. They maintain their signature blend of humor and sincerity as they encourage listeners to engage with their content and support their endeavors.

Notable Quotes:

• Bryan Green ([72:53]): "So, shop tcbpodcast.com this Friday. Rally LA Friday."
• Krissy Hoadley ([73:32]): "Sell your car the convenient way to Carvana. Pickup times may vary and fees may apply."
• Bryan Green ([75:00]): "Shop tcbpodcast.com this Friday. You know, follow us on Instagram."

---

Conclusion

An Ode To Astrid stands out as a multifaceted episode that encapsulates the essence of The Commercial Break: a perfect blend of comedy, personal storytelling, and candid discussions on pressing societal issues. Bryan and Krissy's chemistry shines through as they navigate both the lighter and more serious moments, offering listeners an engaging and authentic experience.

---

Listener Recommendations:

• Visit shoptcbpodcast.com for exclusive merchandise.
• Follow The Commercial Break on Instagram for updates on live streams and future events.
• Tune in next week for more shenanigans and insightful conversations.

Transcript

[Rosetta Stone Advertiser]

Planning a trip this year, imagine how much richer your travel experience could be if you could speak the local language. Whether you're traveling abroad, planning a staycation, or just shaking up your routine, what better time to dive into a new language? With Rosetta Stone, you'll gain the confidence to have real conversations and create deeper connections wherever you go. Rosetta Stone is the trusted leader in language learning for over 30 years. Their immersive, intuitive method helps you naturally absorb and retain your new language on desktop or mobile, whenever and wherever it fits your summer schedule. With 30 years of experience, millions of users, and 25 languages to choose from, Rosetta Stone is the go to tool for real language growth. Don't wait. Unlock your language learning potential now. Listeners of this podcast can grab Rosetta Stone's lifetime membership for 50% off. That's unlimited access to 25 language courses for life. Visit RosettaStone.com RS10 to get started and claim your 50% off today. Don't miss out. Go to Rosetta Stone.com RS10 and start learning today.

[Amazon Prime Advertiser]

You know, there are a lot of passions. Some days it's sports. Other days it's cooking or music, or just diving into a great documentary. The thing is, whatever you're into, it's on Prime. Amazon prime isn't just about fast delivery though. Getting stuff the same day is pretty great. But it turns out it's so much more Prime. Video, Amazon music, the whole range of services. It's like a hub for all kinds of curiosity. Prime helps people stay connected to what matters and keeps the journey of exploration going. Whether it's watching something inspiring or listening to a new artist, or getting gear delivered fast to chase a new hobby, prime makes it easier to dive in. So yeah, whatever you're into, it's on Prime. From streaming to shopping, it's on Prime. Visit Amazon.comprime to get more out of whatever sparks interest. Amazon.comprime.

[WSHIT News Anchor]

And welcome back to WSHIT's Morning News. It's news you can use while you sweat out the booze. A fast moving news day in craftsmanship Apple yesterday as the township PTA held an emergency meeting to irate parents of Crabapple Middle School. All of this started when rumors began to spread on social media regarding a large, furry human shaped kitty cat that had been installing litter boxes meant for pee pee poo poo in the middle of middle school restrooms. Then early in the day yesterday, an emergency school board meeting was called in order to address the rumors. Members of the local gloopy political party demanded all litter boxes be removed from local schools and that any furry human shaped kitty cat be removed from the school, thrown in the back of an unmarked vehicle and disappeared to a for profit work camp. While the rumors of a furry human kitty cat installing litter boxes inside of the school could not be independently confirmed by wshit, we must agree with the pure speculation in order to receive additional government funding. However, some members of the school board did push back on those rumors. Here's an exchange that happened during that emergency PTA meeting.

[Brian Green]

Can you name a school where it has been confirmed that students are using litter boxes? Well, what we do with this bill is we prevent that from from happening. But what we don't take out. What? Can you name a school where it has been confirmed that students are using litter boxes? This was at the top of your press release. This was mentioned when you introduced this bill. Created quite a stir. So I'm asking, can you name a school where it's been confirmed that there are litter boxes being provided to students for this purpose? No, I cannot stand.

[WSHIT News Anchor]

In further news regarding this almost news, the mayor of Crabapple has now deployed 300 militarized masked armed men to roam the halls of the middle school looking for the pretend furry human shaped kitty cat. The mayor said in a statement that all furry human shaped kitty cats will be eliminated under his watch and further said, we have the best middle schools. Everybody talks about our middle schools. We're making the middle schools fantastic. Again, for the record, this reporter does not disagree and I would like to further congratulate the mayor on scoring a negative two in his most recent round of golf. Winning the club championship for the 37th year in a row, a negative two. Unbelievable accomplishment, sir. We'll be back after this commercial break. On this episode of the commercial break.

[Brian Green]

There'S the old line. It's cliche, it's trite, but it's one of the best lines ever written in song, history or book. And it says, you make me want to be a better man. That's Jack Nicholson. And is this as good as it gets? And I think anybody who's had that kind of relationship will understand that line. Man or woman will understand that line when you find the right person.

[Chris Hoadley]

So true.

[Brian Green]

And I hope it happens for you out there.

[Chris Hoadley]

It's happened for me.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, Listen, I was 67 years old when I met Astrid, so 67. And I was 82 when I started having children. So it's still Charlie Chaplin. Yeah. I am the Charlie Chaplin podcast. Charlie Chaplin had kids at 100.

[WSHIT News Anchor]

The next episode of the Commercial break starts now.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. Cats and kittens, welcome back to the commercial break. I'm Brian Green. This is my dear friend and the co host of this show, Chris and Joy Hoadley. Best to you, Chris.

[Chris Hoadley]

Best to you, Brian.

[Brian Green]

Best to you out there in the podcast universe. How the hell are you? Thanks for joining us. We appreciate it. We are sitting here in our new.

[Chris Hoadley]

At our new merch.

[Brian Green]

In our new duds. We we glowed up. Check out the fit. As the kids would say, check out the f bit. Our merch is here. It's being sold on a website this Friday. I know this is not coming out on Friday, so settle down. Not quite yet, but very soon you will be able to buy our merch. Shoptcbpodcast.com is where you can find that. 3am on Friday. For those who like to get an early start on your Black Friday TCB shopping, you can start at 3am Eastern Time. 3am I thought it was 3pm so midnight. Why is going. What is flying around in there? Three notes. It's midnight West coast time. 3:00am East coast time is when the website will go live. I'm gonna say that. And it's not gonna go live until like six in the afternoon because that's how it goes. But I do like the merch. I will say I am impressed.

[Chris Hoadley]

I'm sporting the piggy friend scene.

[Brian Green]

I've got the university sweater on the commercial break. University sweater. It looks good, feels good. I've been wearing it for, I'm not gonna say how many days I've been wearing it for, but I still smell fresh. I take three showers a day. It's okay. Y wear the sweater. Plus I got a T shirt on under it so it protects me. I got a layer there. I got a layer of protection. I have rules around my clothing and when I can wear and when I can't socks. As long as I don't wear them for more than a couple hours, I can wear them again the next day. But two days is the max. Two days is the max. And if I wear them for the whole day, they got to go in the basket.

[Chris Hoadley]

They have to.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. Anyway, shop tcb podcast. Com.

[Chris Hoadley]

Both of our bombas on too.

[Brian Green]

Oh, yeah, look at those bombas. You know, I will say this. Oh, are you playing footsie with me? Watch out. Hey, Jeff.

[WSHIT News Anchor]

My tasty teeters.

[Brian Green]

I'm gonna put my tasty toes on your tasty toes. We're touching teas. Touching teas.

[Chris Hoadley]

Touching toes.

[Brian Green]

I do, I do share with the audience that, you know, this Is this is good March. I like it. I'm into it.

[Chris Hoadley]

Me too.

[Brian Green]

So shoptcbpodcast.com you know the drill. I'm not gonna beat you over the head with it. Shop tcbpodcast.com shoptcb podcast.com shoptcbpodcast.com and now and only now for 19.99 plus 19.99 shipping and handling, you get a free exclusive limited time TCB embroidered sticker with every single purchase. It's not really embroidered, but it looks embroidered. TCB sticker. We got stickers. We're gonna throw em in. Look at that. I know, we're doing it right.

[Chris Hoadley]

It's so exciting.

[Brian Green]

It only took us six years to get to this point.

[Chris Hoadley]

I was sticking around in a drawer yesterday and I found a couple stickers. One was the Frankie, look at my body.

[Brian Green]

Look at my body.

[Chris Hoadley]

And the. And the piggy.

[Brian Green]

Piggy fronting.

[Chris Hoadley]

Look at your face on the Teresa Caputo hair.

[Brian Green]

One of my daughters thinks that's the funniest thing in the world. And my other daughter thinks that's the scariest thing in the world. We've got them on the refrigerator. So when people come over, they know what a moron I just. How poor we are. Oh, that's what he does for a living, piggy fronting. Chrissy and I just went to Starbucks, which I don't. We've only been, I think twice the entire together. The entire time that we've been here. We've only been twice. But I. As soon as we walked in the door, I then realized we're wearing the merch and I'm like, shit. I know some people there know about the commercial, Brian.

[Chris Hoadley]

Right, well, they certainly all know you because as soon as I walked in, Brian, every. There were five. There were five and five very lovely employees there. And they all knew.

[Brian Green]

Stories are true. Stories are true.

[Chris Hoadley]

It was amazing.

[Brian Green]

Yeah.

[Chris Hoadley]

And then they thought they were. I was your wife.

[Brian Green]

One of them thought correct. Yeah. One of them who's not been there as long as. As others. But she's been there, I don't know, like six, nine months, something like that. She goes, is this your wife? Which is a good question.

[Chris Hoadley]

Yes.

[Brian Green]

For someone, you know, if I would have been presumptuous had we not knowing each other so well. But I think that is kind of presumptuous. Anyway, what if I. What if you were like my mistress? I know you would blown the deal right there. What if I had never told you? But then again, I would be a real. To bring you into that Starbucks, if you were my mistress. Because people do know my wife up there. They know my Starbucks boyfriend, they know my kids.

[Chris Hoadley]

And then they said to me when we were leaving, bye, best friends.

[Brian Green]

Bye, best friend. I could.

[Chris Hoadley]

So cute.

[Brian Green]

I could see the two managers talking on the headset too, and looking at us. So I think they were, oh, that's the girl. That's the girl he does the podcast with. Yeah. And then their cooking their own merch walking in the door. What if we went around like door to door salespeople with a box of merch. We went up to Starbucks, ding dong. I know we had a bunch of family members in town over the weekend, but family members in town over the weekend and the merch showed up while they were here and everyone was like, I want it. How do I get it? And I think they were hoping that I would say, oh, I'll get you some.

[Chris Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

And what I said was, shop tcb podcast.com. the freebie here. You don't get a free ride just because you know me. What are you talking about? Yeah, but they all were impressed by the Merchant and so. And I know you have a friend who's, who's already trying. Oh my God, he's already on the website.

[Chris Hoadley]

Shout out to my dear, dear friend up in Nashville, Brian Thomas. Bt.

[Brian Green]

Bt. Bt. What up, bt?

[Chris Hoadley]

He's a newly minted super fan. I sent you. I forwarded the tags that he sent me. He's been, he looks like he's really into it.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, someone get him checked by a psychiatrist immediately. Yeah, he said he listened to 165 episodes in the. I don't know how long, what period of time. Yeah, but he's like, I'm all caught up now. And I'm, it's, it's nice to like meet you guys where you're finally doing new.

[Chris Hoadley]

Exactly. And he was already trying to buy the merch.

[Brian Green]

What was, what was amazing about that? That text message you sent me is it said, I started at episode 665. I've listened to 165 and I'm now just catching up with you guys. And I'm like, he started at 665.

[Chris Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

What an accomplishment.

[Chris Hoadley]

We are like six months or so, if I think about it.

[Brian Green]

160 episodes in six months. Well, I guess that's four episodes a week or something like that. I don't know. I can't do math. No, I can't.

[Chris Hoadley]

I'm not even trying.

[Brian Green]

I'm not even going to. Yeah, Leave that to the account. The accountants can't do math either apparently. But yeah, really excited about the merch. Go get it. We would appreciate it. Any support that you can offer would be fantastic. The merch is great looking and it's our first merch drop. So these will get better as we go along.

[Chris Hoadley]

Yeah, no one else has done this before either.

[Brian Green]

That is the most amazing thing for.

[Chris Hoadley]

The is like Frankie's the first to salon suite.

[Brian Green]

He's the first of the salon suites. We have this promo reel we're going to shoot out where I share that we looked and no one, no other podcast has done merch yet. How they have not figured this out I don't know. But we are the first. It was our idea. Merch drop is a thing that we're going to do. We're going to coin that term merch drop when you look at Wikipedia and when you Google merch drop, Wikipedia is going to come up with an article on Chrissy and I's face on founders. Founders of the merch drop. Inventors of merch drop. Yeah, everybody does it but you know, just part and parcel when you and the thing is is that this is the best time ever in history to do merch drops because people now more than ever want to rock their personality. Right. They want people to know just how mentally ill they are by putting commercial break materials on their body. And yeah you here's my thing. Here's what I say. This the university sweater, really good looking. The hoodie awesome. The T shirt, a great like summer breezy spring T shirt to wear with the cool colors on it. The hat is awesome. The trucker hat is awesome. I love it.

[Chris Hoadley]

I can't wait to see that.

[Brian Green]

But I dare you to buy the piggy fronting T shirt and wear that to like a PTA meeting. Pick up your kids from school and videotape the reaction. And here's the advice into the Starbucks. I know and no one said a word. I think we're so also used to seeing graphic tees that we don't really look anymore but wear it to an event where and see if you get noticed and if you do videotape it. And here is my charge to the audience once you so here's and let me give you a little insight into what happens to the pre order window is 8 to the 22nd. You pre order it then it ships like a week or two later. So you'll get it essentially like two weeks after you buy it because you order it then they run it. It's like run after you order it. So it's all fresh right out of the oven. Yes. You know those Krispy Kreme signs that come on when they're making hot donuts? The Krispy Kreme sign is on. The TCB sign is on when you're ordering it. And then they freshly make it and they send it to you. And once you get that merch, you must put it on. You must take a picture or a video and you must tag us in it on social media and we will repost it on our social media. That's. That's the deal. Because I want to see everybody in their. In their tcb. Now, I know I'm setting myself up for disappointment here because we're going to.

[Chris Hoadley]

Have like one person we know, bt.

[Brian Green]

We know BT will do it. That's right. And I think Jenny will do it, probably Sean will do it. There's going to be a number of people who do do it. But anyway, I'm super proud of it and I hope you guys buy and all that other stuff.

[Chris Hoadley]

Exciting.

[Brian Green]

So as we round out this first segment, I just want to share this real quick. 10 years ago, I. 10 years ago in March, a fateful night at one of my best friends dying father's last evenings on this earth at a big dinner, a serendipitous moment happened indeed when I was introduced to Astrid, my wife. And what a roller coaster for the last 10 years it has been. Up and down, thick and thin, this fucking podcast, which has nearly killed us on multiple occasions. 30 plus children, I don't even know how many are out there right now. Many adventures, many misadventures. Money, no money, almost bankrupt, barely getting by. Cars breaking down. Yeah, cars, no cars. Missing children, tough labors. Disney, Disney's many Disney adventures. And so many ups and downs later, I am proud to say that I am happily married to the best partner that I could imagine for my own self.

[Chris Hoadley]

I second that.

[Brian Green]

Yes. And I know that everyone around me agrees with that because she jerked a knot in my tail and I think I was headed in that direction anyway, but she sped it up and probably made me better than I could have ever been on my own. And she continues to do that on a daily basis. And Astrid, happy anniversary. Nine years we have been married, actually.

[Chris Hoadley]

Anniversary.

[Brian Green]

Nine years we've been married already. It's like nine and a half years we've been married. But our actual, like, party wedding, which is the one we celebrate, was nine years ago today.

[Chris Hoadley]

Yes, I was there.

[Brian Green]

Yeah.

[Chris Hoadley]

To partake in the festivity.

[Brian Green]

It Was a hell of a. Hell of a party.

[Chris Hoadley]

Beautiful, beautiful wedding.

[Brian Green]

She did a great job. Astrid. I had nothing to do with it. I didn't.

[Chris Hoadley]

That's how it was.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, that's how. That's why it was beautiful. It's because I had nothing to do with it, but it was a hell of a party. And I could not have imagined in that moment how important this relationship and this woman would be to me as a human being. It's just there's the old line. It's cliche, it's trite, but it's one of the best lines ever written in song history or book. And it says, you make me want to be a better man. That's Jack Nicholson. And is this as good as it gets? And I think anybody who's had that kind of relationship will understand that line. Man or woman will understand that line when you find the right person.

[Chris Hoadley]

So true.

[Brian Green]

And I hope it happens for you out there.

[Chris Hoadley]

It's happened for me.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. With Jeff. Listen, I was 67 years old when I met Astrid, so. 67. And I was 82 when I started having children, so it's still called.

[Chris Hoadley]

You're the Charlie Chaplin.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, I am the Charlie Chaplin podcast. Charlie Chaplin had kids at 100. Yeah. I'm the Alec Baldwin of podcasting. An amazing woman and without whom none of this would be here today without Astrid poking, prodding, support, and constant irritation. If you're talking of my talking. None of this would be here today. It just wouldn't. Because I loved the idea of getting on a microphone, but had no. And I didn't even have any concept, clue, or inkling, no motivation to get out there and do. It's not no motivation. I just wasn't even thinking about it. I was happy in my little commercial real estate world. And thank God that Astrid turned me in a different direction. And sometimes the universe just speaks to you through weird circumstances, and sometimes the universe speaks to you through other people. And the universe is constantly speaking to me through Astrid. So I love you. Thank you for all you have done for me, for us, for everybody around you. You are a constant. You are a constant, and that is important. You are selfless and you are wonderful, and you are whip smart, and you are absolutely gorgeous. And I'm sorry about all the children.

[Chris Hoadley]

She's all the things.

[Brian Green]

Sorry about all the things.

[Chris Hoadley]

She's the total package.

[Brian Green]

She is the total package. There is no doubt about it.

[Chris Hoadley]

And I couldn't be happier that you also met Astrid and moved forward.

[Brian Green]

Yes.

[Chris Hoadley]

And your intuition to move Forward with her.

[Brian Green]

I gotta be honest. I have to talk about ups and.

[Chris Hoadley]

Downs and relationships, you and I being friends for 20 years of seeing it with both of us.

[Brian Green]

We've seen it with both of us. And it was many rocky roads. And a lot of this same stuff could be said about Jeff also. And you'll get to your time when it's your anniversary. Listen, a lot of this stuff could be said about Jeff and your relationship passed too. But I had a really rocky five years there with one person in particular, but a couple different people also. And I just never felt. When Astrid and I met, it was as if a hook. As if I was a fish and a hook had been caught in my mouth and I was being pulled toward the shore and nothing was stopped. Like, I never looked back. Almost from the first moment, I never looked back. I never had an intuition to look back. I never even thought about looking back. And that, I think, is what, like true love is. When you meet your soulmate, when you meet your partner, there is no doubt. Almost from the beginning, there is no doubt. And nothing stops it. Not plane flights, not thousands of miles or tens of thousands of miles. You find a way to get it done. Not distance, not heartache, not pain, not broken. I mean, you figure it out. You just figure it out. You don't have to be. I don't have to be rich to be my girl. It all just kind of comes. Came together. And there's no other way to say it, except it was serendipitous. And that is a word that we used many times at the beginning of our relationship, that this was serendipitous. That was serendipity. And it certainly has proven to be. So please stick with me. I'll be dead in a few years, and you'll be able to move on with your life and find that pool boy you've been so desperately looking for and that convertible.

[Chris Hoadley]

Beep, beep.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. Once I'm gone, the drain on resources will be out of here. No more studio equipment. You can just live off the teat of the commercial break and your own abilities. So I love you. Hopefully I'll have said half of what I said to you in person, but thank you very much. I love you very much, Astrid. We are gonna take a break, and when we come back, we've got more shenanigans. I gotta give you an update on Blue.

[Chris Hoadley]

Oh, my God, there's so much we gotta talk about.

[Brian Green]

The staph infection that's been running around my house for three weeks. That's crazy. I mean, I never imagined when I have children that I'd be paying the doctor's office electric bill month after month after month. But man, has it happened. I swear to God. All right, so listen to this liner where we irritate you more about merch.

[Chris Hoadley]

Is it Pork Chop day?

[Brian Green]

Well, no, it's not. You're going to hear Pork Chop Day, but actually what they're going to hear is a merch liner. So listen more about the merch. Take a pen, write it down, stamp it to your forehead, get it tattooed on your ass. Buy our Merch on Friday Shop TCP podcast.com Hey, I know you're expecting Rachel, but I wanted to drop in and let you know about two very special events you should think about maybe possibly putting on your calendar. Friday, August 8th Chrissy and I will be watching Rally LA live while we stream and break it all down. Rally LA Live is a drug lord movie starring Eric Roberts and our favorite preacher, the venerable Pastor Kenneth Copeland. I don't even know if what we are doing is legal, but I know it'll be fun. Stay tuned to our Instagram page for more details. Then on that same Friday, August 8th through the 22nd of August, we'll be dropping our very first merch line. That pre order window only stays open for two weeks, so you'll need to go to shoptcbpodcast.com that's shoptcbpodcast.com to pre order some very good looking merch. We're super excited about it. It's limited time, it's exclusive. Once it's gone, it's gone. And like a late night infomercial, if you pre order merch in that two week window, we're going to give you an exclusive, exclusive TCB sticker with every single purchase. So follow us on Instagram at the commercial break. Pay attention to the website tcbpodcast.com text us if you want a more personal touch. 212-4333, tcb and [e-mail] thecommercial break so that when we start streaming you get notified. And last but not least, make sure to grab your merch. August 8th through the 22nd. Shoptcbpodcast.com let's pay some bills and we'll be back to this episode of the Commercial Break. This episode is brought to you by Squarespace. I'm out on our little break. I'm over at the local coffee shop and I'm talking to one of the people behind the counter and they say, I want to start my own podcast. To which I reply, you already have more listeners than we do. But their question to me was, what do I need in order to launch a podcast? Three things. A microphone, an idea, and a website. And our good friends at Squarespace, they have the all in one website platform designed to help you stand out and succeed online. Whether you're creating content, selling something, offering a service, or just want to keep people informed about your comings and goings, you can build your website, grow your brand, and get paid all in one place. And if a website is a building block of a business, what's the building blocks of the website? Two things in my opinion. Number one, design. You gotta have a good looking design. And Squarespace has a collection of cutting edge design tools that anyone can use to build a website that fits your brand perfectly. Number two, building block. You have to be found. As I've often said about podcasting, if you want to be heard, you have to get found. No different out there on the world Wide web. And search engine optimization is the key to doing that. While some companies and services may charge thousands or tens of thousands of dollars for search engine optimization, it's included with every single website on Squarespace. And the great news about all of this is you do not have to be some designer, programmer, search engine optimization expert. Squarespace is designed to help me build a and if I can do it, you can do it. I'm really not all that smart. Go to squarespace.com commercial to save 10 off your purchase of a website or domain using the code commercial and start building your business or grow the one that you have or refresh that multi billion dollar conglomerate. Squarespace.com commercial and when you're ready to launch, make sure to use the code commercial and thank you to Squarespace for always being a sponsor of the commercial break.

[Lena Dunham]

Hello, it's Lena Dunham. I host a podcast called the C Word with my dearest friend and historian of bad behavior, Alyssa Bennett.

[Rosetta Stone Advertiser]

What is up?

[Lena Dunham]

It's a chat show about women whose society is called Crazy.

[Rosetta Stone Advertiser]

We're going to be rediscovering the stories of women's society dismissed by calling them.

[Brian Green]

Mad, sad or just plain bad.

[Lena Dunham]

Listen to and follow the C Word with Lena Dunham and Alyssa Bennett. Available now.

[Chris Hoadley]

Wherever you get your podcasts.

[Alltrails Advertiser]

Out here we feel things. The sore calves that lead to epic views, the cool waterfall mist during a hot hike, and the breeze that hits just right at the summit. But hey, don't just listen to us, except experience it for yourself. Alltrails makes it Easy to discover the best of the outdoors. With more than 450,000 trails around the world. Points of interest along the trail and offline maps. For always on navigation. Download the free app today and find your next outdoor adventure.

[Brian Green]

Okay, first, let's give you an update on Blue, because many people texted. Thank you so much to everyone out there who texted. Marianne and Jenny and Sean and all the. All the regulars who texted and said, you know, much love to you, and thinking about Blue, you can't hear her right now, but I'm sure you hear her before the end of the episode. Blue had. We don't know what happened, really. It's called. Yeah, it's called auto hemorrhagic diarrhea syndrome, A, H, D, S. And apparently it happens in some breeds of dog. And what happens is. What happened was. What happened was we went out of town, we went to Naples. We told you that. And then we put the dog somewhere because I'm not taking the dog down to Naples. I need a break from Blue, too. Everyone needs a break. We all need a vacation. And I take her to one of the. I know. I take her to one of those huge boarding facilities where they have to play in the pool and a spa and a Jacuzzi for the dogs, and they have TVs in the corner. You know, all that whole fucking shit that you don't need for a dog, but you think you need for a dog. And I take her there, and they usually, nine times out of 10, take really good care of her, and it's clean, and that's all I care about. I just want her warm. And she is such a fucking brat. And she thinks she's a human being. So she does not play with the other dogs. She sits on the lap of the people who work there. And they tell me this. They're like, oh, she spent the day in the office with us. And I'm like, well, why wasn't she out playing with the other dogs? Well, she won't go out and play with the other dogs because she's a bitch, and she won't do that.

[Chris Hoadley]

Oh, my God. That's classic.

[Brian Green]

She literally thinks she's a human being. And apparently this is also a syndrome that happens with some breeds of dogs. They think they're human and they don't know how to interact with their dogs. She just. I don't know. She's like an autistic dog. She's not interact with other autistic dogs. I don't know what's going on. So we take her there and I pick her up. When I pick her up, I notice that she's got diarrhea. Right. Watery stool. And how do I notice that? Because she doesn't go outside to shit. She's a human being. She's going to use it. She's going to go shit inside the house. Only she can't sit on the toilet. So she does that on wherever she wants to. That's also the small breed syndrome. Well, at 10 years old or 11 years old, however old she is, this is not unusual. That when there's changes in diet and location that sometimes their tummies get upset. She's also, in case anybody hasn't noticed, the world's most anxious thing. Thing. She needs psychiatric help.

[Chris Hoadley]

Which you tried.

[Brian Green]

I. I tried. They couldn't help breathe even. They couldn't help. She's very anxious. So I just take this as part and parcel of what happens if she stays somewhere else for a long period of time. She gets nervous. They tell us she doesn't eat as much food. You know, she wants to be around the humans. Okay, I get it. She's scared. She's lonely. I'm sorry. But that's also part of the deal you make with the dogs sometimes. It's like, you know, I'm gonna have to put you at a boarding facility every once in a blue moon because I can't live my entire life at this house, never leaving because I can't take a dog with me. Anyway, whatever. Two nights later, after we got back, so she seemed to be fine. It seemed to be okay. But two nights later, I'm standing in the kitchen and my daughter says, dad, blues food is in the hallway. And I'm like, blues food is in the hallway. What are you talking about? I thought one of my daughters had taken Blue's food, as she often does, and starts throwing it around the house. She throws it at the dog. They're best friends. They're like. How do I explain this? Who are like two really mischievous characters in. In life. Oh, there she is right now. Who's two really mischievous characters?

[Chris Hoadley]

They're Thelma and Louise.

[Brian Green]

Thelma and Louise. They're the Thelma and Louise of dogs and humans. They run after each other, they cause trouble, they make messes. And they are like thick as thieves, these two. And my youngest daughter. So I just thought that was what it was when I turned the corner. What it is is puke with full dog food and a full kibble in it. So she has not digested any of the food. Okay, Weird. But whatever. You have a dog, you've seen it all.

[Chris Hoadley]

Sure.

[Brian Green]

And I have a million things going on, so I don't really pay attention to it. I look at Blue. She looks okay. She's walking, running around, barking as usual. As the night starts to crest, as we all start to get to bed and go to sleep, I go take a shower. When I come out of the shower, I can smell shit. And I'm like, where? Oh, God, Blue. God damn it, Blue. If there are three words that Brian uses more than any other words and it's not best to you, it's God damn it, blue. I. Blue. God damn it, Blue. Astrid actually asked me to cut it out because the kids.

[Chris Hoadley]

She's starting to.

[Brian Green]

Kids are starting to. They don't say God damn it, but they're like, God, blue. God, blue. I get it, all right? So I'm running around the house trying to figure out where my nose smells the shit. I open one of the bathroom doors and on the floor is vomit and watery shit. But it is not normal. It is full of blood. Normal, like watery blood. Like blood blood. Clumpy blood. Like, almost like blood clots. It's. I know. I'm sorry I'm being so descriptive. I hope you're not eating. And that's. That's all I'll say. And that went on for the next two hours. So now it's like midnight, 12:30. And finally we get her to calm down a little bit. We take the water up, we take the food up. No more. No more. She can't possibly have anything else in her body. Hopefully this. Something irritated her stomach. She'll go to sleep. She's laying down. And then Astrid texts me. I'm in the studio. Astrid texts me about 30 minutes later. And she's like, more blood. And I'm like, oh, no. And now it's all over the hallway. It's everywhere. And I'm like, oh, shit. So I call the vet, I grab Blue, we clean her up, I grab her, we throw. I throw her in the car. Call the vet on the way there. And the vet's like, yeah, you need to bring her in. And so we brought her in. And that's. This is what they diagnosed her with, this auto hemorrhagic diarrhea syndrome. Here's a weird thing that you can share more about, Chrissy. I go to a vet that's near a very famous or a very well known open air mall, I would guess a live work play community here called Avalon. It's, you know, close Ish. To my house. It's the only 24 hour vet that's close. That's like within 15, 20 minutes of my house. I go, it's in a strip mall. It's newish. And when you walk in the door, there's a waiting area like every other doctor's office. But then there's two huge doors that swing open, like, almost like warehouse doors that swing open. They're wide open. I have to press a buzzer to get in the actual front door. I press a buzzer, nurse comes and meets me, opens the door, takes me through the two doors that are open. And now I am in a huge room. I would say like the size of half a soccer. Half a soccer field.

[Chris Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

And there are couches on the outside. There are a few rooms on the outside of this square room. But then there are like operating tables, desks where doctors are sitting, and all along the wall are crates, incubators, anything. All kind of medical machinery. X ray machines, MRI machines, what I imagine. MRI machines. And so now they're like, okay, bring the dog back here. And now we're on a table, like an examination table in the middle of this huge room. It's not in an actual, like, room.

[Chris Hoadley]

Not your own room?

[Brian Green]

Not my own room.

[Chris Hoadley]

Yeah. It's a large room.

[Brian Green]

It's a huge room. It's like a shared conference space. And my dog is getting a thermometer up her ass in this room. It is. All I can see in the crates is one small puppy who's like standing up, you know, interested in what's going on. And there's nobody. There's no other patients that are in there except for me, but there's some nurses, a couple doctors, looks like a tech or two. And I'm like, this is weird. Like, can you just bring me back here? Because I'm the only one.

[Chris Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

Or shouldn't I be up front waiting? So they go through the examination. Doctor comes and takes a look at her, says, I suspect it's this, this hds, but we got to do a few tests. We need some X rays. I want to make sure she didn't have anything stuck in her stomach, lodged in her throat, trying to come out her butt, whatever, because that is common, too. And I said, oh, okay. And she goes, so why don't we just give me a few minutes. I'm going to write all this up. We're going to give her some fluids or give her something, and then we're going to take her back to the X ray machine and I'm like, okay. So I imagine I'm going to go up front and wait.

[Chris Hoadley]

Sure.

[Brian Green]

And the lady puts down, like, a fresh, like, towel or something down on one of these couches, and she's like, you can wait right here. And I'm like, in. In this room, in the operating room, what happens if, like, God forbid, like, a tragically crazy case comes in the door? I do not want to see mangled animals. Like, I just don't. I can't handle that.

[Chris Hoadley]

That's the thing.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. I don't want to see that. I didn't say that to them, but I was thinking it. So I'm, like, praying to myself, please don't let this happen. Plus, Blue is a bitch. Like, she sees another animal, she's going after it. And now I just got to hold Blue in the middle of this operating room while you guys write something up. And we're all going to watch as weird things happen. Please don't let any bad cases come in the door. No dogs, hit by cars. None of that shit. And I sat there. Luckily, it did not. But what was weird is there was an incubator off to the right, like, this big tube, like, thing. And I'm just sitting there, like, watching my phone, trying not to. I'm listening to the conversations that are happening. You can hear everything they're saying and they're talking about. It's really strange. But, okay, whatever. I'm watching the phone. I'm keeping Blue, you know, calm down. And this nurse comes over, and she opens up the incubator, and she takes out a cat. A cat that is no bigger than the size of my hand. A tiny, tiny kitten. Wow.

[Chris Hoadley]

I had a little one like that one time.

[Brian Green]

I know. And she is feeding it with a medicine dropper. Yeah. And then she takes a warm towel and she's rubbing its private parts, and she's like, come on, pee for me. You gotta pee for me. Let's go pee. Pee. And the cat is like. Every time she rubs it, the cat is like. And I'm like, jesus, you have to coax it to pee. Are you talking to it? Maybe it's shy. Why are you. Why do you need it to pee? It doesn't pee on its own. I'm really curious about this. I'm like, why is she rubbing it and then asking it to pee? So anyway, so Blue goes through all of this stuff. Only one other animal came in during this entire time. And they actually took that animal back to a private room because I think it was a bad Case.

[Chris Hoadley]

Okay.

[Brian Green]

And so they took it to one of the rooms on the side. Okay. So we get all wrapped up. They give her a bunch of, like, 58 different medications. Nothing stuck in her. Just give her this stuff. Okay. So as I'm leaving, I asked this nurse who was talking, like, doing the thing with the cat. I go, hey, I heard you asking the cat to pee. Do you. Are you trying to, like, coax it to urinate? And she's like, I'm mimicking its mother, licking its private parts. It's a way that they induce it to urinate so that they don't get stopped up. Like, especially kittens that are prematurely born.

[Chris Hoadley]

Which this one is.

[Brian Green]

It's one of the natural ways that mother would get it. And I was like, that's fascinating.

[Chris Hoadley]

Yes.

[Brian Green]

You know, hey, lick your vajayjay. Get it to pee. Nature is amazing. It's amazing.

[Chris Hoadley]

Nature is amazing.

[Brian Green]

Nature even has a situ. It even has a solution to pre. You know, to premature birth. That's amazing. It's amazing to me. Okay.

[Chris Hoadley]

And the only reason, when you tell me all this, you know, the only reason I even knew about the same emergency vet hospital, is because I had been listening to another podcast of Heather McMahon's, and she lives in the area, and she had a similar situation. She had to go to this vet, and she's talking about how you're all of a sudden invested in the other ones that are coming in.

[Brian Green]

You're investing.

[Chris Hoadley]

Is Brownie going to make it? Please let Brownie make it. Like, I think there was a turtle, a poor turtle that came in all kinds of different things.

[Brian Green]

Yeah.

[Chris Hoadley]

So I had heard of this not a week before you were telling me about this.

[Brian Green]

Yes.

[Chris Hoadley]

It's a crazy situation.

[Brian Green]

Heather McMahon was at this same hospital. Because, listen, I've been to a lot of animal hospitals. I've never seen anyone like this. Never. It's unique to this. To this company. And apparently they have a number of these throughout the country, but only one here in the city of Atlanta, so. And I know for a fact that Heather also lives close to this place. Why? Because I've seen her before driving her car around. I saw her one time at a Target or a Whole Foods or something. I saw her walking around. But this is very unique. I'm not sure I like it, but I agree with you. I'm invested. I was invested in the little kitten. The kitten. I was invested in the cat that came in. I was invested in the puppy. I learned later that the puppy was the doctor's puppy. Just hanging out for the night. So I thought that poor little puppy had something wrong with it. But then they took it out and started petting it and playing with it. And they were talking. She was talking about it. It was her own dog. And I was like, okay, there's a parakeet somewhere in the back.

[Chris Hoadley]

Wow.

[Brian Green]

That had a broken foot. And they were taking care of the parakeet. It was amazing. They did all the blood work right in front of me. They were like spinning it up and looking at the X rays and it was all amazing. But I wouldn't want to be there for any extended period of time seeing really bad situations. That for me is like a nightmare. My kids are getting to the age now where they look at those commercials of the dogs. You know, the commercial that everyone hates. You know, Sarah McLaughlin, dogs right now are dead because of you.

[Chris Hoadley]

I know. It's so awful. I got to a point I had to turn it.

[Brian Green]

I turn it.

[Chris Hoadley]

Yeah, but the kids.

[Brian Green]

But they play them on like Disney and Nick. Now they're three and a half minute commercials.

[Chris Hoadley]

They're so long.

[Brian Green]

Why can't they just be 30 seconds? I donate to the ASPCA. I'm okay with that. But don't make it three. Don't make me suffer for three minutes. Well, now my kids are asking, why doesn't that dog have food? Why does that cat look sick? And then the Scottish right ones or the St. Jude ones, forget about it. They're all asking all the questions now that I just don't have answers to. Except for the world is not sometimes the prettiest place. I mean, the, you know, bad things or things that are tough to happen. Right. But that Sarah Glum, can we change it? Everyone's made fun of it at this point. We know it's been going on for.

[Chris Hoadley]

God, what I would think, like 20 years.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, forever. Okay, so speaking of children, we're at. Right before we go to Naples, about a week and a half before we go to Naples, one of my daughters gets a spot like on her belly. And we think it is a bug bite. So we're like, you know, treat it with a little of that topical bug bite so it doesn't itch so much. He's itching it. And that spot quickly spreads into a whole body infection. Like.

[Chris Hoadley]

Yeah, I thought you were gonna say like chickenpox.

[Brian Green]

But we. That's. Well, that's what we thought. Day two. But by day three, we had identified that it was not. It was a skin staph infection that is highly Contagious that children get. And they pass it around like wildfires. Like, it's streptococcus, essentially, is what it is, but it's of the skin. That streptococcus makes you sick in seven different ways. You can have strep of the ass, you can have strep of the penis. It's really weird. Why is strep all over our body?

[Chris Hoadley]

I know. Oh, my God. Strep throat. Oh, it's so painful. So painful.

[Brian Green]

Almost killed me. Almost killed me, actually. And that right when Astrid and I met, right when we had met, why, how I knew Astrid was the one for me, she took care of me for five days. Well, I had a case of scarlet fever, but I didn't know it. I had strep that turned into scarlet fever. And I had no idea that it was happening. And she took care of me. Not only she take care of me, she wouldn't let me go home. I was in North Carolina at her aunt's house, and she happened to be in town one of the first times she was in town. And she took care of me for five straight days. And I was sick as I have ever.

[Chris Hoadley]

Scarlet fever.

[Brian Green]

Scarlet fever.

[Chris Hoadley]

What's that? What's that?

[Brian Green]

What's that? It's when you get a red rash on your penis. We called it the fever of scarlet because it seems anybody who was with a scarlet had the fever of the penis. Don't get a penis fever. Your penis gets all hot and red. It turns a hue of scarlet. Yeah, it was strep. It wasn't getting better. I was running a really high fever. But, you know, me being a man, I was like, oh, it's just cold. I'll get over it. But I started to get like, really? I couldn't swallow. So I knew it was strep, that strep throat. But, you know, I'm just a dumb, dumb boy. And I was like, I'll get over it. And smoking cigarettes, right? Yeah, and smoking cigarettes. But actually, by day number three, I couldn't smoke a cigarette because it was hurt. It hurt so bad. So, you know, this went on for three, five days. Then Astrid, I had to go because I had to come back to Atlanta and Astrid had to go back to, at the time, Switzerland. Venezuelan. And so I drove from North Carolina back to Atlanta. And I was swigging hydrogen peroxide.

[Chris Hoadley]

I remember me about that when you.

[Brian Green]

Was the only thing that would. Hydrogen peroxide. It was the only thing that would give me relief.

[Chris Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

So I was swigging it Gargling it, spitting it out the window every five miles. And it was. I just couldn't get it to calm down. Came home, I got there in the evening, went to sleep, woke up, had a fever of, like, 103.6. And I called my mom, and I was. I couldn't talk either. And I was like. And she was like, hospital, now. Call the ambulance if you need to go to the hospital. I went to the hospital, and they were. I. I've never been seen so fast in my life. Actually, one nurse.

[Chris Hoadley]

He's got the scarlet fever.

[Brian Green]

He's got the pa. He's got the penis fever, I guess. Penis fever. Venus fever, Room seven. Penis fever. Brian Green. Penis fever. Yeah.

[Chris Hoadley]

Penis fever on aisle nine.

[Brian Green]

Penis fever. Cleanup is scarlet.

[Chris Hoadley]

Different than yellow. Isn't there, like, a yellow fever?

[Brian Green]

There is yellow fever. That's the. That's the Danang fever. Yeah, that's the dung fever. Yeah, you don't want that. You don't want the dung fever. You don't want that.

[Chris Hoadley]

Is that from, like, the Amazon, like.

[Brian Green]

Depths of the Africa or something? Yeah, that's a. One of the 75, 000 different things that can kill you in the Amazon or Africa. Yeah. So I went back, and then they found that I had a abscess in my throat, and they had to do surgery on my throat while my mouth was open because they couldn't stick a breathing tube down me to. To do surgery. So it was. I'll never forget it. But anyway, I recovered quickly. After they gave me, like, you know, 75, 000 milligrams of morphine, I finally got a little bit of relief and spent some time in the hospital, and then I recovered anyway.

[Chris Hoadley]

Your body was like drugs.

[Brian Green]

I know. Oh, God. Dude, I tell you what. I've never been so happy to get morphine in my body, and I've been happy to get morphine in my body a lot, but that was, like, I actually needed it. And it relieved this incredible pain that I was feeling. And once he cut. But the abscess, within hours, I was already feeling like a new person anyway. So my kids get this. This thing, and it starts going, like. It goes. Moves from one child to the next child to the third child. And that's what caused me to go down to the urgent care a couple of different times while we were in Naples is because these kids, we just couldn't keep it under control. They gave us this medicine, this topical medicine. We kept putting it on all these spots, and they kept on popping up and they would pop up in, like, hours. It'd be like one, the next, the next, next, the next. It came on so quickly and I was like. But I. Everywhere I read and the doctors, they all said, don't worry. It's just the children that get this. Typically, adults never get this, right? Blah, blah, blah. I am the one who has been designated because it doesn't make sense for all of us to be touching open wounds. I have gloves on, by the way, but I'm putting all the creams on the wounds and doing all this stuff. And one of my kids got it, like, super duper. Bad private parts, face back, everything. I'm putting it all over, guys.

[Chris Hoadley]

Wow.

[Brian Green]

Putting it all over. Putting it all over. This has been going on now for four weeks around the house, right? And what we think we got it licked with the last kid. I wake up today, I got it. I got it. It's unbelievable. I have it on my arms and I'm like. But I'm not waiting. Not one day. I'm going to the fucking doctor tomorrow morning. Yeah. Because now I got it. And I'm sure it's because I'm a broken human being. And then my body doesn't work. Right. The adults don't get it, but I got it. But I'm also sure it's because I've been touching it for weeks on end. Probably the strep. Finally said, hey, what about that guy?

[Chris Hoadley]

Right? Let's move to that.

[Brian Green]

I think we can move to that guy. Yeah, what about that? He's had strep before. Let's get over there. Scarlet fever, round two. Here we go. This has been. When you have kids, no one tells you how much time you're going to be spending at the doctor. It's a fuckload of time. It really is. It's too much to handle. I swear to God. We've been keeping the lights on at that pediatrician for years and probably for years to come. And I don't know what it is. It's maybe because of the amount of children I have or because you. Every parent has this. Knows this. My Starbucks boyfriend the other day, I had to leave a little bit early because I had to take one of the kids to the doc and. Or somewhere related to medical something. And I say, I got to go, you know? He said, I've never met someone that goes to the doctor as much. Never. And I said, how many kids did you have? One. And I said, that's why. Yeah. One. You had one? I have 12. I have 12. And they're all sick at the same time with different things. So you have to go to multiple different doctors for the same, you know, in the same pile of people. It's unbelievable. Anyway, blue is fine. The kids will survive. I'm next. So I'm sure I'll, you know, there'll be a best of running later this week because I have scarlet fever again or something. Some shit's gonna happen. All right, let's listen to us cook some more merch and then we'll be back. We'll be back after this.

[WSHIT News Anchor]

Hey there, cats and kittens. It's Rachel. I have a terrible cold, but Brian wanted me to pass along the message that tcb's exclusive merch drop happens. Friday, August 8th through the 22nd. You can pre order your limited edition commercial break, hat, hoodie, university sweater or T shirts and get an exclusive T shirt TCB sticker free with every purchase. Go to shoptcbpodcast.com Friday, August 8th through the 22nd to pre order your merch because when the window closes, it closes for good. So mark it on your calendars. Friday, August 8th through the 22nd. Shop tcb podcast.com Now I'm gonna go take some DayQuil and feed Axel more pork chops. Best to you.

[Chris Hoadley]

Get smoother, brighter skin instantly. In one easy step, Dermalogica's daily microfoliant gives you the smooth, glowy skin you want without damaging your skin barrier. This gentle exfoliating powder activates with water to smooth out rough texture and brighten skin. It's powerful enough to deliver results, yet gentle enough to use every single day, even on sensitive skin. See the results for yourself. Visit dermalogica.com and use code smooth at cart for an exclusive free gift with $65 purchase.

[Lena Dunham]

Ready to level up? Chumba Casino is your playbook to fun. It's free to play with no purchase necessary. Enjoy hundreds of online social games like blackjack, slots and solitaire anytime, anywhere. With fresh releases every week. Whether you are at home or on the go, let Chumba Casino bring the excitement to you. Plus, get free daily login bonuses and a free welcome bonus. Join now for your chance to redeem some serious prizes. Play Chumba Casino today. No purchase necessary. VGW Group void board prohibited by law 21 + TNC supply.

[Brian Green]

Okay, all right. I was listening to Prof. G. You know Prof. G is. Yeah, Prof. G. Professor Galloway.

[Chris Hoadley]

And if you don't know, prints him a lot.

[Brian Green]

What's that like?

[Chris Hoadley]

Yeah, Rumi or what? Who's the the philosopher Ram Dass?

[Brian Green]

Ram Dass. There's a very popular reel going around where I reference Ram Dass. Some people have corrected me. I'm like, I didn't do it verbatim. I said it kind of. People get so upset.

[WSHIT News Anchor]

They're like, this is not exactly what he said.

[Brian Green]

And then they quote it. And I'm like, it's the exact same thing.

[Chris Hoadley]

It's the essence.

[Brian Green]

Yes. Do you think I have the book sitting right next to me? Do you think we have references on the commercial break?

[Chris Hoadley]

I think that's exactly right.

[Brian Green]

No. Do I have to put a bibliography together for my fucking book report? Dumb butts. Where to? God, people are crazy. By the way, the Instagram is. Is doing lovely lately, so thank you very much, everyone. Just jump on there and we'll. We're going to do more stuff.

[Chris Hoadley]

Yes, we are. We're aware of it now.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, we're aware. We're aware that we actually have to do stuff besides the actual show in order to make it live and breathe. So two things on that line. Number one, on Friday, we're going to be doing Rally LA Live stream. Will follow our Instagram for the exact timing of that. We're figuring that all out right now, but if you want to jump on the streaming. But really, we're also then going to rebroadcast those episodes over the weekend. So we're going to watch the Rally LA live in its entirety on Chrissy's 1992 DVD player attached to the TV. How we're going to do that, I don't know. I got to. I got to go buy more wires. Probably. Probably.

[Chris Hoadley]

I could bring up my bag of cords.

[Brian Green]

If you got a bag of cords, bring them up. Okay. Bring them up tomorrow and we'll figure that out. And then we'll be rebroadcasting those episodes Saturday, Sunday, and maybe Monday, depending on how long it goes. So stay tuned to Rally LA Live. Chrissy and I break it all down.

[Chris Hoadley]

Rally. Let's. Let's tell people exactly what Rally Live is, because it kind of sounds like we're going to be in la. Okay?

[Brian Green]

We're not going to be anywhere with a truck. This is not a radio hit or whatever you call it. A radio promo. We.

[Chris Hoadley]

A remote.

[Brian Green]

A remote. That's right. A radio remote. No, that's my next brilliant idea. Stay tuned to do a remote from a boat. A remote on a boat. That's what we should call it. DCB's remote on a boat.

[Chris Hoadley]

Remote on a boat. I like it.

[Brian Green]

Remember that, Brian. Remote on a boat.

[Chris Hoadley]

Remote on a notebook.

[Brian Green]

No, don't do that, because then it'll never happen. So Rally LA is part two of a series of movies that were written, partially written, directed by a guy named Rick Reyna and stars Kenny Copeland, the preacher who blew away the coronavirus. You know, the Shamalama ding dong guy. Our very first episode, at least the one you can hear, the very first episode. And he stars in this movie about a drug, like a cartel kingpin who uses the word of the Lord to slay his enemies on the streets. You can only imagine how ridiculous this is. It is ridiculous. And the fact that Kenny Copeland even agreed to be within 10ft of this movie says everything you need to know about Kenny Copeland. He doesn't want to be a preacher. He wants to be a movie star. He's an actor. He acts up on the pulpit and in movies and on television shows that we have found that are equally as ridiculous. Like the reformed bank robber that goes around the Wild west and teaches children about the Bible through jail cell doors. I don't know. It's all fucking. So we are going to watch this movie and I haven't watched much of it, but I will tell you because I want it like a fresh perspective. But I will tell you right now, this is comedy gold. It's so poorly acted, so poorly written, so poorly directed that there's nothing else that I can say except you must listen or watch this movie with us in its entirety. We'll try and put it on YouTube, but of course, you know, I'll probably get copyrighted. But it's so ridiculous and so far flung that no streaming service will put it on there.

[Chris Hoadley]

We had to buy a dvd.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, we had to buy a. A used dvd. They don't even make them new anymore. I used. And it was just. They just put it out in like 2023. It's not like it was 50 years ago. They had this. It's like I'm trying to find a Disney classic that's been in the vault or something like that. This is a fucking brand new movie that they can't even get a streaming services will literally, they would stream if we gave Hulu the commercial break. Maybe not Hulu. If we gave Pluto the commercial break and said we could sell advertising into it, they would give us a channel on Pluto. Pluto. That's how desperate they are for content. Not desperate. That's just the name of the game. That's what they do. Kenny Copeland, venerable preacher, and Eric Roberts, that guy who acts. Not gonna call him an actor. But the guy who acts they can't even find someone to take this movie and put it on an ott, a streaming platform like Pluto or Freevy or whatever. It's crazy. So we're gonna watch it because I bought it. It. I spent $22 on it. Please help me pay it back by watching it with us.

[Chris Hoadley]

I dusted off the DVD player. Literally. Dusted off.

[Brian Green]

Yes, she brought a DVD player from 2006 so that we can watch this. Anyway, that's going to be Friday. We're really excited. Same day as the merch drop. Coincidence? Probably not. So there you go. Think about that one. All right. Okay. Prof. G. He. I listen to Prof. G. I love Prof. G. I think he's great. If you don't know Professor Galloway, you should listen to him. He is probably the most pragmatic man I have ever listened to in my entire life.

[Chris Hoadley]

You love pragmatism?

[Brian Green]

I do. It's my religion. I'm a pragmatic pragmatist. I'm a father, a son, a brother, a pragmatic pragmatist. I've been a fry cook.

[Chris Hoadley]

That was. That was the original intro for the commercial break.

[Brian Green]

Commercial break V1. V1. Prof. G was talking about podcast, and the question was, do you make 20? Someone had reported that he made 20 plus million dollars a year on his podcast.

[Chris Hoadley]

Wow.

[Brian Green]

He's got three of them, and they all broadcast on the same RSS feed. And so he went on and, as he always does, very honestly and earnestly broke it all down on how he, in fact, makes more than $20 million a year on just his one RSS feed. And I was like, holy, that's incredible shit. Yeah. But when you have 20 million people that listen to you, it's. It, like, I think it ups the game. It ups the game, yeah. When people actually tune into your podcast, there's an opportunity to make money. But he was just sharing what. How this world has exploded and how it's its own ecosystem now. But he also shared that only the top, you know, 3 or 4% of podcasters actually make a living doing this. But those top 3 or 4%, they. They can do very well for themselves. I'd like to share with Prof. G, if I might retort for one second, as a guy who's worked in the podcast business and as a podcaster, that There is this 5th percent that we sit in, which is where, yeah, we almost make enough money to make a little living with a little bit of.

[Chris Hoadley]

Help from loan sharks, credit cards, and credit card Debt.

[Brian Green]

We have some listeners who pay attention to us, and we don't have three podcasts, but we broadcast four days a week. So it's kind of like having three podcasts and no episode is the same from. From episode to episode. No, I think you can give us that. At least we're bringing out fresh material. It may all be boring to everybody, but at least it's fre. But I will say that there is this middle ground there. Not the 3%, and I don't even think it's 3%. Prof. I think it's 1%, and I'm calling you Prof. I know it's Prof. But whatever. Who cares? Whatever. Come on, we're friends. Galloway, right? You and me.

[Chris Hoadley]

We're friends.

[Brian Green]

Scott, come on, buddy. You and me? I thought we were friends. Why not? What happened? There's 1% that make the kind of money that you're making, and I am very happy to hear it because I think you deserve it. You're.

[Chris Hoadley]

You're.

[Brian Green]

You really have a fresh voice out there and a sea of shitty copycats. Then there's this 2 or 3% who are middle ground. They probably have more traffic than we do. They probably make. But they most definitely make more money than we do. But they have this. They have ecosystems that live and breathe, and they make, you know, a fairly decent living doing this. And then there is that 4 or 5%, which is the commercial break where we make money doing it. But it all goes to debt service.

[Chris Hoadley]

Yes. Loan repayment.

[Brian Green]

I guess I'll say this, I just wanted to give, like, a little further clarity to anyone that might have heard that and thinks for some reason that we might be making $20 million. I don't think anybody who listens to the show thinks we make $20 million. You should know we do not. But that kind of money can be made. And now there's all these podcasters out there that are fabulously wealthy. A lot of them clickbait chasing. They're rage baiting, essentially. And, and this brings up an interesting conversation that I will touch on. And I don't give a shit if you want to hear me talk about it or not. If you don't, like when I talk about, like, kind of like just touch on the word politics or anything having to do with politics, turn it off now and tune back in tomorrow. There's this whole ecosystem of podcasters who cucked to politics during the last election cycle. They absolutely sucked. Sucked the living dick out of one particular party because that's where the money was. And that's where they went. And if you think it's for any other reason, there might be a few that are ideologically aligned, like the actual ideologue, like the Charlie Kirks of the world and those people. But then there are podcasters just like Chrissy and I, who jumped on the bandwagon because they saw that's where the audience was. They saw that's where the rage was. And they saw that's where the clicks were. And they saw that's where the money was. And then they went there. And now they regret it. And they are changing their mind left and right. They've drawn a line in the sand. Everybody's turning back. There's part of me that doesn't care how you got there. At least you're there. And then there's part of me that says you were part of the problem. You're part of the reason why we are where we are right now in a fucking land of Gustavo tactics and craziness. And then part of me believes that it doesn't really matter at this point. At least we're. At least we've changed our minds now. Now. And I encourage those podcasters, any of them that happen to listen to the show or get word of it. I encourage you to continue to use your voice to speak out against which you see is clearly bullshit. This is crazy. We have people who are put donning masks and throwing people away. They're disappearing them like the Irish Troubles. They can't be found. They don't know where they are. They won't tell you. They don't say their names. They don't belong to a particular organization. They're just showing up, rol. Rolling up and throwing people into vans and then, see you later. Hope things work out. There's a whole private prison system that's making money off of this. No one seems to be leading the charge. Everyone. No one seems to know who's in charge or what's going on. No one even seems to know who these people are. This is Gestapo bullshit. And if you aren't scared of it because you think that someone who broke a pretty simple law of jumping an imaginary line in the sand, that this is okay for this to happen, you are part of the problem. I don't believe people should get away with breaking the law either. But there are degrees of criminality. Some of these people, if they've done horrible things, do need to go to prison. And we should spend our time, money, energy and effort looking for those people.

[Chris Hoadley]

Yes.

[Brian Green]

Not the people who are working at the fucking McDonald's, cutting a lawn, working as a law clerk, getting an education. That is crazy business. And it is out of control. And no one seems to be able to stop it or get answers. Doesn't that scare you? Read your history books. This has happened before. It's not going to happen. It is happening. And everyone who has a voice should speak of up and do it now. Because that's the only way that these tiny brained human beings that are leading this are going to understand is if people say I don't like it and I won't follow you down the fucking rabbit hole. Because all they care about is the clicks. All they care about is the money. All they care about is the power. And if people don't follow them down the rabbit hole, they have none the of of it. And they will change. Change their ways. He doesn't care. He doesn't give a shit. He just wants to be popular. That's it. That's all he cares about is feeding his own ego. We gotta speak up and do it now. Specifically. I think about so many different things, but specifically about this. It's fucking scary. Watch the tv. It's scary. And it's not happening to some murderer, rape, a robber, rapist. Maybe some of those people are getting caught up in the this. It's happening to children, to mothers, to fathers who have done nothing wrong, who have paid their taxes, who made a mistake. And now they should be given the opportunity to either leave and do it the right way or sit in front of a judge and figure out how they do it the right way. But they shouldn't be thrown into the back of a van by maskless, faceless thugs who don't even. Who. Who don't even give a. Throw them in the back of a van and then disappear the them. It is insane and it is exactly what happened. Exactly what happened not too long ago. A little thing called Nazi Germany. It's fucked up.

[Chris Hoadley]

Yeah. To me. I mean this is even more important than any Epstein file.

[Brian Green]

Well, that too. But you know what? Yeah, that's. That's what's getting all the attention. Right, because that's conspiracy theories went wild. And listen, I don't believe, I don't go down conspiracy rabbit theory, rabbit holes. But now I've seen enough evidence come out, right, that some shenanigan is going on with Jeffrey Epstein and that lady Jelaine Maxwell just got put in to.

[Chris Hoadley]

A not a low security prison, got.

[Brian Green]

Moved to a Margaritaville resort in Texas.

[Chris Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

It's insane. She is A child sex trafficker and she gets the kind of treatment that non violent white collar offenders lawyers get. That's against the law. First of all, someone bent the rules. Why is Trump's lawyer talking to that lady? Where are the Epstein files? Why are people redacting Trump's name from it? Why is Trump all of a sudden so eager to make this all go away? Why are the Clintons now being subpoenaed to talk about the Epstein files? Because they are trying to take the attention. And by the way, if Clinton is involved in any of this, he should go down too.

[Chris Hoadley]

Absolutely.

[Brian Green]

Absolutely. I don't give a. I don't give a. About Hillary or Bill. I don't give a. About anything. Anybody who's having sex with 13 year olds, I don't give a shit. Go to jail. See you later. And if that's, if that's, that's what it is, that's what it is. Democrat or Republican, I don't care. I don't give a shit about Democrats or Republicans. But if Trump is hiding all of this to protect himself or other people that he knows that are powerful and in powerful positions, he's. This is, this is not a conspiracy. This is the worst of the worst. First, they should redact the victim's names. They should put the files out there where the hard evidence is and denote where people are just friends with Epstein and people are involved with Epstein to make it clear to everybody that some people are just innocent bystanders who happen to know Epstein and they should release it and they should do it now. But that's not important because you know what's important? While you're watching the Epstein file. Bullshit. People are being thrown, being thrown in the trunks of cars and taken to jail after jail after jail, moved around so lawyers can't find them. It's crazy. It's crazy. This is not the United States of America. And it's going to continue and it's going to get worse because they just got $148 billion to make it worse. $148 billion to do what? To build huge prisons where they can disappear. Anybody and everybody, including your favorite podcast host that no longer agrees with, with them. Guarantee. That's next. Watch it. Watch it happen.

[WSHIT News Anchor]

Oh, Brian, you're being, you're being crazy.

[Brian Green]

You don't know what you're talking about. Did you think this was going to happen nine months ago? Did you think this was actually going to be the result of what Trump was saying was going to happen? Guarantee you did not. You did not predict this outcome, but everybody said it was going to happen, and here it is. It's already happened, man.

[Chris Hoadley]

Yeah, it's scary.

[Brian Green]

It makes me incense. It makes me incensed because I have children, family, relatives, people who. Who are legally here, who are citizens of the United States, but they have friends and family and friends and family and friends and family. And some of them are getting caught up in the bullshit. And it's insane, right? It's insane. Now, I don't know anybody that's been disappeared yet. No, but we know people in our community who have been disappeared. They have been right here where I live. Live. Not in this house, but in this community, taking people off the streets, People who contributed to my society and them. Them.

[Chris Hoadley]

Yeah, it's happening everywhere.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. And you don't have the balls to. To take your mask off. If you got the balls to just throw people in the back of a van and disappear them. You should show your face. We should know where you live. We should know who you are. We should know that you're in our community. We should be able to talk to you about it face to face. Mono. E. Mono. Know. That's the way it should be. I'm sorry. I just think. I just think that way. I'm speaking to you with my face uncovered. This is how I feel. So I'm sorry that some of you don't like it. Don't think I know what I'm talking about, but I actually think I do. And just think for a minute, Go to bed. Go to bed tonight and wonder if that was your children, your cousin, your uncle, your best friend. Because I guarantee in your life, you know somebody who may be subject to this kind of treatment. Treatment. And think about that person that you care about, having the same thing happen to them. Because it may. It's likely it will. We should all come together on this issue. I'm sorry, Chrissy.

[Chris Hoadley]

No, I completely agree.

[Brian Green]

And I just couldn't go one more day without saying something. And I don't care how the other podcasters got to this conclusion. Maybe the money isn't there anymore. It's not cool sentiment. They've decided they've come to some conscientious realization. I don't give a shit. Honestly. Just keep speaking out, and then we can deal with the fallout later. We can go back and say, you said this when, when, how, when, where. Later on. But to the Rogans and the Schultz and the Theo Vons of the world, just keep speaking out. Just keep doing it. All right. Okay. Guess what? People are probably sick. I'm sure everyone is tuned out by now. Did we just lose half our merch sales?

[Chris Hoadley]

I was going to say merch on Friday.

[Brian Green]

Merch on Friday. Rally LA Friday. But I do know a lot of you agree with me too, so there you go. I think so, yeah. I think the people who don't agree with me are the. Are the. Not the majority in our audience. But I will say that, you know, we've had quite a few people sometimes when I talk about this, they say, you know, I agree with you. And then we have a few that say, I don't know what I'm talking about. I don't know what there is to know about what I'm talking about.

[Chris Hoadley]

It's all the facts are out.

[Brian Green]

The facts are out there. No matter which news organization you listen to.

[Chris Hoadley]

Like our opinion.

[Brian Green]

No.

[Chris Hoadley]

That this is happening.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. And no matter which organization, news organization you get your news from, podcast, whatever, they're all pretty much in agreement. Some of them agree with it, most of them do not. But, you know, everyone pretty much agrees on the facts. Masked armed military thugs showing up in neighborhoods and stealing people, kidnapping people. That's it. Yeah, that's how it goes. Merch drop Friday. One, two, three. Be funny. All right. This Friday. Shop tcb podcast.com 3:00am the website will go up, go live. That's 3:00am Eastern time, midnight, west coast, the website goes live. Or at least that's what they've told us. So hang in there. If it doesn't go live at the exact minute, don't freak out and go away, please. Buy some merch. Buy it for your family, buy it for your friends. Tell a partner. Get your dog a sweater. I don't know. Do something. Buy one for blue partner. Yeah, buy one for your partner. Tell somebody. Shoptcvpodcast.com this Friday, Chrissy and I will be doing Rally LA Live. Go to Instagram at the commercial break. Follow us and on Thursday we'll let you know exactly what, what time and how to get there. YouTube, thank you. Fronting Rally LA Live. So you know, follow us on Instagram. Stay in tune YouTube.com the commercial break for all the episodes on video the same day they air here on the audio and 212-433-3822 212-4333 Questions, comments, concerns, contents, ideas, go to the website tcbpodcast.com we also have links to the merch sales on Friday. Okay, Chrissy, that's all I can do for now.

[Chris Hoadley]

I think so.

[Brian Green]

I'll tell you that I love you.

[Chris Hoadley]

And I love you.

[Brian Green]

Best to you. Best to you out there in the podcast universe. Until next time Chrissy and I will say we do say and we must say goodbye.

[Lena Dunham]

Ready to level up? Champa Casino is your playbook to fun. It's free to play with no purchase necessary. Enjoy hundreds of online social games like Black Friday, Slots and Solitaire anytime, anywhere with fresh releases every week. Whether you are at home or on the go. Let Chumba Casino bring the excitement to you. Plus get free daily login bonuses and a free welcome bonus. Join now for your chance to redeem some serious prizes. Play Chumba Casino today. No purchase necessary. VGW Group void board prohibited by law.

[Alltrails Advertiser]

21/Tncs apply summer's winding down and whether your kids are just soaking up the last few weeks or already asking when school starts starts, this is the perfect time to ease back into learning. If you're looking for a way to help your child catch up, stay sharp or get a head start this school year without the stress, IXL is the answer. IXL is an award winning online learning platform that helps kids truly understand what they're learning, whether they're brushing up on math or diving into social studies. It covers math, language arts, science and social studies from Pre K through 12th grade. With content that's engaging, personalized and yes, actually fun. It's the perfect tool to keep learning going without making it feel like school. Studies show kids who use IXL score higher on tests. This has been proven in almost every state. Make an impact on your child's learning. Get IXL now and listeners of this podcast can get an exclusive 20% off IXL membership when they sign up today at ixlearning.com audio visit ixllearning.com audio to get the most effective learning program out there at the best price.

[Chris Hoadley]

Thanks for selling your car to Carvana. Here's your check.

[Brian Green]

Whoa. When did I get here?

[Chris Hoadley]

What do you mean?

[Brian Green]

I swear it was just moments ago that I accepted a great offer from Carvana Online. I must have time traveled to the future.

[Chris Hoadley]

It was just moments ago. We do same day pickup. Here's your check for that great offer.

[Brian Green]

It is the future. It's.

[Chris Hoadley]

It's the present and just the convenience of Carvana. Sorry to blow your mind.

[Brian Green]

It's all good. Happens all the time.

[Chris Hoadley]

Sell your car the convenient way to Carvana. Pickup times may vary and fees may apply.

[Brian Green]

The 30 in the morning.