Bandit For President

Summary

The Commercial Break – Episode Summary

Podcast: The Commercial Break
Hosts: Bryan Green & Krissy Hoadley
Episode: Bandit For President
Date: April 24, 2024

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Episode Overview

In this episode, Bryan and Krissy riff on cultural phenomena, social media absurdities, and modern-day parenting woes—anchored by a heartfelt, often hilarious deep dive into the unexpected universal impact of the Australian children’s cartoon Bluey. The title “Bandit For President” references the iconic Bluey character (the father), who the hosts half-jokingly propose as an ideal leader. The episode spirals from comedic commentary on wholesome family TV into a broader critique of social media one-upmanship, all with The Commercial Break’s signature blend of irreverent banter and gentle chaos.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Bluey Obsession & Its Emotional Impact

• Bryan breaks his silence on Bluey
  • Bryan shares his deep admiration for the Australian kids show Bluey, admitting it has brought him to tears multiple times.
    • “You must watch the show Bluey. Bluey is an amazing cartoon… it has taken the world by storm and with good goddamn reason.” (01:18)
• Universal relatability and storytelling
  • The show, though written for children, deeply resonates with adults, especially parents. Bryan admires how the program captures childlike imagination while teaching genuine, poignant lessons—embracing sensitive subjects like death, friendship, and change.
    • “What Bluey really gets so wonderfully correct is that they do it from the eyes of the children a lot of times… the lessons are real.” (04:39)
• Emotional anecdotes
  • Bryan describes a personally moving episode involving Bluey befriending a French-speaking dog at a campground, highlighting the show’s gentle handling of goodbyes and fleeting connections.
    • “Bluey’s sad, cries, walks around the campgrounds and then they show this beautiful scene at the end where Bluey sits by the tree that they planted. As the tree grows, so does Bluey.… I wept. I was reading this book to my child and I couldn’t get through it.” (06:15–08:38)

2. The Cultural Moment of the Bluey Finale

• Popularity explosion & adult fans
  • The hosts marvel at Bluey’s meteoric rise, citing it as “the second most streamed television show in history” and noting the fervor around its season finale—a rare double-length, 28-minute episode.
    • “Bandit is like, it doesn’t matter what’s going on, Bandit is always up for some playtime… I think we all wish we had a dad exactly like Bandit.” (11:21)
• Speculation about the show’s future
  • Bryan recaps fan theories that the latest season finale was a “soft ending,” discussing the creator’s hesitation to continue stretching honest stories as his own child (the show’s inspiration) grows older.
  • Krissy jokes about writing in Bandit for President, leading to episode’s title.
    • “If Bandit was for… I’m going to write in Bandit for President. That’s what I’m going to do this time.” (13:32)

3. Parenting, Cultural Shifts, and the Internet

• Navigating modern parenting
  • The hosts discuss generational shifts in parenting, especially related to TV choices (true crime vs Bluey), technology, and “the talk” about sex.
    • “My children are entirely too young to even start thinking about that, but… I just don’t even know where to start. This is the kind of stuff that keeps me up at night.” (22:13)
• Instagram’s ‘nipple rule’ loophole
  • The show lampoons bizarre social media trends, notably “hot girls breastfeeding dolls” to bypass censorship.
    • “The hot to trot Instagram trend of the day is hot girls breastfeeding dolls. Breastfeeding fake dolls so that they can show their nipples on the camera.” (20:37)
• Concerns about social media & kids
  • Bryan underscores anxiety about his daughters and the pressures of social media, recounting a transformation from “drooling over bikinis” to worried dad railing against revealing swimwear in public and online.
    • “I was such a different man before I had daughters… my perspective changed… Now I scan for appropriate clothing.” (27:35)

4. Old Money vs. New Money & Social Media One-Upmanship

• Facebook as a performative wasteland
  • Venting about Facebook’s algorithm and culture, Bryan rails against “AI-generated bullshit” and “humble bragging” by acquaintances showcasing wealth, surgeries, and curated lifestyles.
    • “Every other post that they served me up was some AI bullshit… Facebook is just trash now. It’s just trash.” (38:58–39:25)
• Nuances between “old money” and “new money”
  • Bryan shares wisdom from his former mother-in-law: “new money shows and old money grows”—contrasting social climbing through posts and authenticity.
    • “My former mother-in-law used to say… new money shows and old money grows. That’s what she used to say.” (41:47)
• The exhausting arms race for image
  • The podcast laughs at acquaintances who over-share achievements, wealth, and family help (#amazingmaid, #nanny), viewing it as desperate, exhausting, and ultimately empty.
    • “[Posting] #amazingnanny, #amazingmaid. That is the most degrading, superfluous bullshit I’ve ever seen coming from one of my friends.” (48:23)

5. Miscellaneous Comedy – Tangents, Anecdotes, and Observations

• Suburban oddities
  • Bryan describes surreal observations from suburbia, like a woman in a convertible at the pool wearing a fur coat over a bikini, sporting outlandish eyebrows and lashes (34:09–35:41).
• Promotion of longform comedy
  • Shout-out for comedian Kyle Kinane’s special “Dirt Nap”, celebrating storytellers in comedy and referencing Chris Rock’s narrative prowess (15:51–16:27).
• Calls for listener participation
  • The hosts encourage listeners to text, call, or be guests on future episodes, teasing upcoming wild stories and maintaining their connection with fans (52:04–53:12).

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Bryan on Bluey’s emotion:
  • “I am going to admit… Bluey has brought me to tears on many occasions because sometimes the lessons are so heartfelt and story told so beautifully… you can’t help but just, like, break down like a little child.” (05:15)
• On Bandit as role model:
  • “If you could be one-tenth the parent that Bandit or Chili were… you are a superhero.” (10:17)
• Bryan on social media one-upmanship:
  • “The people that I know that [still use Facebook] are the people I least want to hear from… they just can’t wait to tell you how incredibly rich they are with all their fucking bullshit.” (39:25–43:09)
• On modern parenting:
  • “All of a sudden, I’m concerned. I’m no longer drooling over the hot bikinis. I’m trying to cover them up. I'm like, running around at the hotel pool like, put some clothes on!” (29:00)
• Krissy on perspective:
  • “You'll get… it’s a hard bit of jumping off the ledge, but then once you do it, you’re kind of like, okay, well…” (29:41)
• Bryan’s summary advice:
  • “If you don’t like Matt Rife, you can lick your fucking paws and watch Bluey.” (17:04)

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Important Segment Timestamps

• 01:18 – Bryan introduces Bluey and his Bluey fandom
• 06:15–08:38 – Emotional breakdown over the “campground” Bluey episode
• 09:33–11:47 – Bluey season finale; speculation on the show’s future
• 13:32–13:46 – “Bandit for President” campaign joke
• 20:37–21:25 – The “Instagram nipple rule” and breastfeeding doll trend
• 22:13–27:35 – Discussing “the talk,” sex education, and shifting parental roles
• 29:00–35:41 – Parental anxiety, daughters, public attire; suburbia’s characters
• 38:58–39:25 – Facebook pivots to AI; generational platform complaints
• 41:47 – “New money shows and old money grows”
• 48:23 – “#amazingnanny, #amazingmaid” humblebrag rant
• 52:04–53:12 – Listener call-in and promo for upcoming participatory episodes

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Episode Tone & Style

This episode is a quintessential Commercial Break: warm but snarky, self-deprecating, and affectionate toward its subjects—even as it lampoons them. The banter is loose and semi-structured, with Bryan’s animated rants offset by Krissy’s dry, good-humored asides. The conversation ranges from sincere to absurd, grounded by honest nostalgia and modern social criticism.

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Takeaway

“Bandit For President” blends gut-busting improv with real social commentary, using Bluey as a springboard for discussions on parenting, authenticity, and the wearying falseness of social media image-making. Whether dissecting cartoon dogs or influencer egos, Bryan and Krissy deliver both laughs and unexpectedly poignant insights: we’re all better off with a little more Bandit in our lives—and a little less humblebrag in our feeds.

Transcript

[Brian Green]

Couple of drinks and you putting your wiggly woggly in her suggly boogly, y' all hanking and spanking a few months goes by. Now she's calling and squalling. Next thing you know, you slaying and paying while she's still sliding and riding. So before you go licking and sticking or digging and diving, be sure you wrap your wiggly boogly in a rubbly doubly so one piece of that noo noo don't come back to bite you in your boo boo baby. On this episode of the commercial break, she's at the most expensive of restaurants, the most expensive hotels, flying in the firstest of classes. She's doing all this stuff, but she posts it with all of making like humble bragging. Right?

[Kristen Joy Hly]

Right.

[Brian Green]

So grateful for all my beautiful friends while she's drinking champagne and like her a private plane, you know, so grateful for all the wonderful people around me. You know, God is good. Look at what he does for your life. You know, I am blessed with beauty beyond skin deep. The next episode of the commercial break starts now. 2:30 in the morning. All y cats and kittens. Welcome back to the commercial break. I'm Brian Green. This is the bingo to my Bluey, Kristen Joy Hly. Best to you, Chris. Best to you and best to you out there in the podcast universe. Okay, let's talk about it because I have resisted for years talking about this. Well, I think I've mentioned it once or twice, but not in depth. And now we're just going to lay all the cards out on the table. As a guy who has 40 to 60 children and all of them small, I have to talk about Bluey because I think now it has broken the children lexicon and is now in the general, I don't know, mind think of humanity, especially here in the United States. If you are dead, living under a rock or taking a cold plunge, then you will not what I'm talking, not what I'm not know what I'm talking about. But otherwise, you must know that there's a show called Bluey and it is for children and it runs on Disney Junior and sometimes on Disney Channel. Check your local listings. And this show has taken the world by storm, Chrissy. It has taken the world by storm and with good goddamn reason. And now I'm going to share with you that I do not care if you are an adult or a child or an adult with a child or children. You must watch the show Bluey. Bluey is an amazing cartoon created by an Australian animator Yeah, it's been around.

[Kristen Joy Hly]

For a while, right?

[Brian Green]

It's been around for about five or six years, I think. But we're only on like season number four or five, something like that. And they're 10 minute episodes and they run back to back usually. So, you know, you get one and then commercial break and then the second one. And my children started watching this. My oldest child started watching this. Yeah. Five or six years ago when it came on. And I thought, oh, that's cute. It's. It's based on, let me tell you, the characters. The characters are Bingo and Bluey, the two girls that live with their parents in Australia. Bandit and Chili. They are Australian shepherds is what they are. Australian shepherd dogs.

[Kristen Joy Hly]

Dogs, okay.

[Brian Green]

And every creature in their world generally is a dog. Right. But they talk and all that other stuff. So Bluey is this young girl, I don't know really how old she is. I think she's like in the show, she grows as the show goes. So I think she's like 3, 4, 5, 6 and 7. And her younger sister and the world that they like, the world through their eyes and through the eyes of their very interactive parent parents, Bandit and Chili. So let me give you an example of an episode of Bluey. It's a rainy day outside. The girls are upset because they can't go to play outside or whatever. So Bandit decides, okay, let's make a fort. We'll make you guys a little fort.

[Kristen Joy Hly]

I used to love to do that when I was younger.

[Brian Green]

What child didn't? Right. And I think this is what Bluey gets so right. It's hyper realistic in the sense that if, you know, you can remember being this young, you can remember doing the things that, that these parents are doing for their children as a child. It's a. It's a snapshot of a moment in time. But what Bluey really gets so wonderfully correct is that they do it from the eyes of the children a lot of times. But the parents are, are pulled in, they're engrossed in it. So instead of having a fort with a couple of blankets on top, you know, with some toys inside, all of a sudden it becomes a mall or a huge house. And then they just kind of. They just kind of go into this world.

[Kristen Joy Hly]

The imagination.

[Brian Green]

The imagination. But the lessons that the parents and the children learn along the way are real. They are sometimes sensitive topics around death or friendship or caring for others, whatever it happens to be. They do it in a way that it's hard as a parent not to get engrossed in the lesson because the way that they're telling it, you remember it as a child and then you see it as an adult and you're like, holy shit.

[Kristen Joy Hly]

Makes her heart all warm. It does, but fuzzy.

[Brian Green]

I am going to admit, like, a lot of people are on Instagram right now. Bluey has brought me to tears on many occasions because sometimes the lessons are so heartfelt and. And story told so beautifully and so touchingly that you can't help but just like, break down like a little. Like a little child. It is reaching your inner child in a way that is entertaining to an adult. And I'm gonna share this with you now. I. I don't know. I think it was months back when we were, you know, when you were taking a break because you had family issues and everybody was going through things. I got a book for my kid based on a Bluey episode. And the episode was this. Bluey, the. The girl that the show is based on, goes to a campground, like, where they have a trailer, you know, and it's this. Everything is in Australia. The accents are Australian. So they're out in the outback somewhere, and they're in this camp. Campsite, and Bluey meets another dog, another child, essentially a friend, Jean Pierre.

[Kristen Joy Hly]

A little friend.

[Brian Green]

A little friend. Jean Pierre is French, and he doesn't speak a. Speak a lick of English, and Bluey doesn't speak a lick of French. But somehow, through the magic of imagination, play and friendship, the international language of play, they connect and they. They build a friendship over a couple of days. One of the things that they do when they're playing around the creeks and, you know, exploring through the. The trees and the outback and all this other stuff, they find a see tree and they plant the seed and they water it. They're pretending that they're doing something. And it's a very short little montage. And you catch this little scene of them planting the tree. And then a couple of days later, inside of the episode, Bluey wakes up to go outside and find Jean Luc or Jean Pierre or whatever his name is. And he's gone because he left. His vacation was over. But because he didn't speak the language, he didn't. He couldn't tell Bluey goodbye. Bluey didn't understand that he was saying, I'm leaving. Goodbye. And so when he woke up, he was. She was very upset. She was upset. And mom came and said a few very beautiful words and explained to Bluey that's this is how life is. Sometimes we have a short Period of time with people. Sometimes we have a longer period. I'm not going to get choked up just talking about it. Sometimes we have a longer period of time with people, but what really matters is that they'll always be right here in our heart and that moment in time will always stay with us. Right? And it'll grow and you'll grow because of your time with this person or this dog or whatever. Yeah. And so Bluey's sad cries, you know, walks around the campgrounds and then they show this beautiful scene at the end where Bluey sits by the tree that they planted. As the tree grows, so does Bluey. And the music behind it, it's. The music is so wonderful, Chrissy. I just wept. I was reading this book to my child and I couldn't get through it. I was crying and my kids like, why are you crying, Daddy? And I'm like, because it's so beautiful. And he's like, bluey. And I'm like, no, no, no, no, the whole lesson. And he's like, what's the lesson? And I'm like, you know the lesson, right, dude? And he's like, yeah, don't go to the campground because your people are going to leave you. Like, no, not really. But okay, that's true too. Never go camping parties in the woods. Always end up in tears. That's what. That's the last. The fuck.

[Kristen Joy Hly]

See, he knew the real lesson, Chrissy.

[Brian Green]

I wept like a child. Then I saw the actual episode that it was based on it. I actually told my therapist.

[Kristen Joy Hly]

Sweet. Cute show. I know my nephews used to watch it too, and it was very sweet.

[Brian Green]

So why is everybody talking about Bluey now?

[Kristen Joy Hly]

It's all over my news feed.

[Brian Green]

So why is the Instagram TikTok everyone, by the way? I just learned and I, and I want to make sure that I'm saying this correctly, but Bluey is the second most streamed television show in history. In history. With like billions of minutes streamed. So that Disney plus they got a real incentive to keep this going. But why everybody is talking about it now over the last couple of weeks is because Bluey came back with new episodes and the season finale was a 28 minute episode. Which first of all is unlike any other Bluey episode because they're all 10 minutes long. But. Right.

[Kristen Joy Hly]

It's like the Sopranos.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, it's like the Sopranos. Yes. And everyone's getting upset because they think it's ending because Bluey, in this episode, there's a wedding or something like that. And then I actually haven't seen the whole episode. I've just watched bits and pieces while I've been, you know, with my kids watching it. But there is a. The final scene or the final storyline is that Bluey and the family are going to move from this magical house that has been the bait, like the home base for all of this wonderfulness throughout the years. And Bandit's gonna sell the house. They're going to move, you know, whatever. And the kids are really getting upset. So in the end, Spoiler alert. In the end, spoiler alert.

[Kristen Joy Hly]

On a channel. I was gonna watch it.

[Brian Green]

Okay. Spoiler alert. They don't end up moving. But a lot of people suspect that this is the creator's way of. Of soft finaleing the show. And he has explained that he has a daughter and that that daughter has been the basis for all of these episodes, largely his interactions with his daughter. And if you could be one tenth the parent that Bandit or Chili were to their kids, you are a superhero. Because Bandit is like, it doesn't matter what's going on. Bandit is always up for some playtime. And. And I just love it. I think it's just. I wish, you know, I think we all wish we had a dad exactly like Bandit. So people think that the creator and he said out loud, I don't know how much longer I can tell these stories because they come from a place of honesty and transparency into my own. Into my own parenting and my own childhood. But as my children age out of the Bluey age, what do I do next? Do I grow with them? Does Bluey grow with them or. He's afraid, essentially, I think, of jumping the shark. He's afraid of just keep on doing it till it dies. Right until he pounds it in the ground. I think. I think just like the Sopranos, he wants to go out on top. And you can hardly blame the guy. I mean, this little Australian show that no one even cared the two shits about all of a sudden became this super rock star hit, and everyone's talking about it. I can understand that there's a lot of pressure, and he doesn't want to repeat himself and he doesn't want to make the stories, like, dumber and dumbed down and. And so, you know, how many.

[Kristen Joy Hly]

Content.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, content. Exactly. He doesn't want to be like the commercial break and beat it into the ground with four epis episodes every three minutes. Yeah. So I, you know, I'm just really taken with this show, and I'm seeing all this stuff on Instagram and tick tock about Bluey. And it's not the children that are talking about it, it's the adults. They're having watch parties, they're crying together, they're going to their therapist over it. I mean, it's insane. I don't think I've ever seen a show, especially not a children's show, affect the general populate population like this. It's really quite amazing. And I encourage you. I guess the point of my whole rant here is not rant, it's just sharing how beautiful this show is. I guess my point in discussing this is that it doesn't matter if you have children or not. You should be watching Bluey from the beginning. Episode number one, there's like, I don't know, 70, 80, 90 episodes now. You should. They're 10 minutes long. Can you spare 10 minutes a day? Can you spare 10 minutes a day to become a better human being by watching a show about Australian German shepherds in the outback teaching their children a little love?

[Kristen Joy Hly]

Yeah, it probably would be the, you know, serial killer murder show I was watching yesterday.

[Brian Green]

Yes, Chrissy.

[Kristen Joy Hly]

So I'll turn that on instead.

[Brian Green]

As Neil Brennan said, women make such great television choices as they're going to bed. I know all the true crime. I mean, I should be one to talk. I'm. I'm like searching out BBC comedies. I'm now like back in the 80s watching dumb comedies, but I should probably be watching more Bluey.

[Kristen Joy Hly]

Yeah, there you go.

[Brian Green]

I encourage. Do. Do you. You watch it with. With the boys?

[Kristen Joy Hly]

Yes, I have watched it before. It's super cute.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, I don't think it's super cute. I think it's super important, Chrissy. It's super important is what it is. It's a show whose time has come.

[Kristen Joy Hly]

All right.

[Brian Green]

We all need a little Bandit in our life. That's what I have to say. Yeah, I think we need to get that Bandit and, you know, I Bandit for president that. Hey, if Bandit was for. I'm going to write in Bandit for President. That's what I'm going to do this time.

[Kristen Joy Hly]

Yeah, that's a good choice.

[Brian Green]

Should I start a campaign? We should start a campaign. Bandit for President. Because if Bandit was our president, I think things would be a lot better. Yeah, he just seems like a better. I don't know, he seems like he'd be better at making decision decisions and some of the other choices that we have. I was watching this guy on Instagram and he's like, what did he say? He's like, comes on, you know, he's laying on a couch. He's like, cheers streaming down his face. You Bluey? And I was like, oh, I gotta watch this. And he explains. He turns the camera around. He's all these moving boxes. And he explains that his family is going through the exact same thing that Bluey and his family were going through also, which is to sell their home a move. And he's. He's like. I felt so awesome about the storyline when the show started because I thought this is a great way to have the children make a soft landing around the fact we have to move from their childhood home. But at the end, the last seven minutes, as they decide they're just not going to move, he's like, do they not understand? I know. That's one of the scenes is like, Blue, he's trying to pull the for sale sign up. So, I mean, Chrissy, like, the guy is like, he's crying. He's explaining that it took two and a half hours to put the children to bed because they couldn't understand why they could just not move either. Like, how could they? Why can't they pull the for sale sign out of the front yard and not move? And the guy's like, does Bluey or Ban. Does Bandit not understand finances or reality or job or, you know, I'm like, it's a cartoon, dude. I know it's a cartoon. I mean, there's a lesson there too. Not everything is a story, you know, not everything is a fairy tale. Not actually. Most things are not a fairy tale. Just when you think everything's okay is when things blow up. That's how it goes. Just ask the guys and girls from the commercial break. We'll let you know. Speaking of storytellers, I wanted to share this with you. I read an excellent article. I think it's still [e-mail] Vulture reviewed Kyle Kinane's latest special, which 800 pound gorilla channel on YouTube.

[Kristen Joy Hly]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

Called Dirt Nap. They reviewed it and, man, did they give it like an excellent review. And one of the things they shared is long live the long joke. Right? Yes. So, and I kind of summarize that by saying long live the storyteller. Because the storyteller, who can really get into it and do it correctly are some of the funniest people out there. Chris Rock was a storyteller, you know, some of these comedians. And if you go watch his special, you'll see that he's really good at weaving a tail. It takes all kind of, you know, turn, twists and turns. He ends up Back at a, a punch line. But he's so good at that. He's so good at just like taking, you know, 20 minutes and, and weaving something together. And I appreciate it.

[Kristen Joy Hly]

I enjoyed getting to know him at least for an hour.

[Brian Green]

Did you text him?

[Kristen Joy Hly]

I did not text him yet. No. Did not. But you got a text that you thought was from him, but it was from his name.

[Brian Green]

I was like, look at that. So Kyle canane.com is where you can get tickets to his shows. I encourage you to go watch the special dirt nap on 800 pound gorilla, the YouTube channel. There's a lot of great other comedians that have done 800 pound gorillas.

[Kristen Joy Hly]

Yeah, I didn't really know about that.

[Brian Green]

I saw that Matt Rife did one. Not that I don't know the first thing about Matt Rife, do you? No. I don't know. Everyone's all, you love him or hate him apparently. But I know why.

[Kristen Joy Hly]

Why do people love him or hate him?

[Brian Green]

Well, I think the girls love him because he's got good looks. I think the guys didn't really get into it. And he's. Till, I mean, I don't know. Who knows? There's a lot of stories out there about Matt R. I don't know. I don't want to pretend that I know. I don't know. He's a handsome guy and, you know, then there's other people that are saying he's not talented. People just like him because he's good looking. But I think he's been doing this for, even though he's young, I think he's been doing it for most of his, like, mature life, you know, and some people didn't like his Netflix special. But you know what? I don't give a shit. Some people don't, you know, watch Bluey. That's what I have to say. Just go back to Bluey. If you don't like Matt Rife, you can lick your fucking paws and watch Bluey. Bluey Bingo. Bandit Chili. Remember that because when the aliens come down 50,000 years from now, we have long since perished and they're digging around the sand trying to find, you know, remnants of what our world was like in 2024, which I'm sure is the last year we're going to be here in 2024. I hope what they don't find is, you know, my 600 pound life, even though I like that show too. I hope what they do find is Bluey. That's all I got to say. And they can go, these people were Compassionate and kind, and they loved each other and they taught their children lessons instead of, you know. Another Big Mac, please.

[Kristen Joy Hly]

Right. I like it.

[Brian Green]

What are you gonna do?

[Kristen Joy Hly]

Yeah. Bluey. Long live Bluey. I hope it doesn't end.

[Brian Green]

I think he's got one more season. Like, one more season in him. And that's selfishly. I say one more season, but I mean, after 70, 80, 90 episode, what are we on 550 after 70, 80, 90 episodes? Maybe he should hang it up. Maybe we should take a lesson. Maybe that's the lesson for us from Bluey.

[Kristen Joy Hly]

That would be the less.

[Brian Green]

Yes, absolutely. All right, let's do this. Let's take a break and we'll be back with less cartoon talk. How's that?

[Kristen Joy Hly]

Okay.

[Brian Green]

All right, we'll be back.

[Producer/Host Assistant]

I know you're already on your phone, so pull up Instagram and follow us at the commercial break and then follow us on TikTok@TCB podcast. Done.

[Brian Green]

Perfect.

[Producer/Host Assistant]

Thank you. Since you're at the ready, why not text us hello@212? Or if you've got some drama in your life, a little fun story or anything, really. We're desperate for content. Call and leave us a message at 212-4333, TCV. And don't forget to check out TCVpodcast.com because that's got it all. Speaking of having it all, let's listen to our fabulous sponsors and get back to the commercial break.

[Brian Green]

Do you remember, I mean, you know, you remember this, The Instagram nipple rule?

[Kristen Joy Hly]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

Okay.

[Kristen Joy Hly]

Yes, I saw something about this.

[Brian Green]

We've talked about this many, many times. The Instagram nipple rule, which is basically, you cannot. Women cannot expose their nipples in any kind of. In any kind of way. Really. I mean, I think they have some exceptions for art and stuff like that, but for the main. For the most part, you can't expose your nipples in any way. They need to be covered in some way, shape or form, I believe is the rule. So a lot of people on Instagram, Women on Instagram will cover them with sheer tops or pieces of plastic or stuff that clearly doesn't hide the nipple whatsoever. But I have now been served up something on my personal Instagram account that just blew me away. They have. They have a breastfeeding rule. You can show breastfeeding.

[Kristen Joy Hly]

Oh.

[Brian Green]

So now the hot to trot Instagram trend of the day is hot girls breastfeeding dolls. Breastfeeding fake dolls so that they can show their nipples on the camera. So there are very beautiful women. Clearly not. Clearly not real babies. I mean, I don't know if they're mothers or not, but clearly not real children putting plastic dolls to their bosoms and then, you know, pulling their tops down, which I thought was just an ingenious way to get around this. I mean, you know, I looked at one of these accounts. She's got, like, 357,000 followers, and the account does. And it's like pro breastfeeding at Pro Breastfeeding, and it's all just Instagram models topless with fake dolls to their boobs.

[Kristen Joy Hly]

So confused how people have time for this.

[Brian Green]

Well, you know, it got 357,000 followers. You're probably making some change on this, but it's just all leading back to an only. Only Fans breastfeeding page, where I'm sure the kind of breastfeeding that mothers do not want to watch is going on. Yeah, in there. But, I mean, wow. Sex drives everything on the Internet, of course. Drives all evolution in so many different ways, whether that be technology, emotionally, spiritually, physically. Sex. I mean, I guess it makes sense when you think about it. Sex is the purpose. You know, it is one of the things.

[Kristen Joy Hly]

How life happens.

[Brian Green]

You think? Teach me. Would you be embarrassed to give your kids? Have you ever had to give any children that have been in your orbit, like the talk?

[Kristen Joy Hly]

No.

[Brian Green]

No. Lucky you. That's the one thing I'm afraid of. I'm like, I just don't even know where to start. You know what I'm saying? I mean, my children are entirely too young to even start thinking about that. But it's like, you know, I just don't even know where to start. This is the kind of stuff that keeps me up at night.

[Kristen Joy Hly]

Yeah. So they're going to get a lot of it from outside. Yeah, from outside the house. But I think you need to. Just.

[Brian Green]

From Daddy's browsing history.

[Kristen Joy Hly]

Yeah, exactly. They certainly already know how to work your phone.

[Brian Green]

Oh, yeah.

[Kristen Joy Hly]

And your computer. So, yeah, they're gonna figure out some stuff on their own. I think the. The best way to do it, which is like, kind of what my mom did, which was like, if you have any questions, please come to me and I'll tell you the truth.

[Brian Green]

Okay.

[Kristen Joy Hly]

And so. Yeah.

[Brian Green]

Did you have questions?

[Producer/Host Assistant]

I did.

[Brian Green]

Did you ask her?

[Kristen Joy Hly]

I did.

[Brian Green]

Did she tell you the truth?

[Kristen Joy Hly]

She did.

[Brian Green]

Well, like the unvarnished truth.

[Kristen Joy Hly]

Yeah. I mean, you know, back to. And I know dating myself, but, you know, pre Internet, it was magazines. There's a lot of magazines. A lot of, like, Cosmo and stuff like that. And so you kind of pick up on stuff there too, but. Yeah, I mean, I guess now with Internet, the kids are gonna just. You can just Google it.

[Brian Green]

You can just Google it. Yeah, I think the Cosmo used to.

[Kristen Joy Hly]

Have those articles, like a browsing history of our child one time that said, what is morning wood? Because they'd heard it from school, from some boys at school. School or something, you know. So, yeah, you can just Google things now.

[Brian Green]

The kids will know the good old morning.

[Kristen Joy Hly]

So you don't have to have a talk.

[Brian Green]

Actually, yeah, maybe I don't. I mean, I could just do what my parents did and put down some extraordinarily clinical book on sex. Science book on, like, some medical journal about sex, because that's what they did. And I remember I was in the.

[Kristen Joy Hly]

I think I was probably like, into your room or.

[Brian Green]

No, we were sitting at the kitchen table.

[Kristen Joy Hly]

Kitchen table.

[Brian Green]

I know. It was so weird. Oh, God, it was so weird. I think. Here's what happened. I'm piecing this together because honestly, I think I was a little too young to remember every detail of this. I don't think I even had, you know, all my memory facilities available to me. So I'm guessing this was seven, eight, nine years old. They used to get National Geographic, the magazine, and then they had these encyclopedias. We had like two different versions of encyclopedia.

[Kristen Joy Hly]

Yeah, we did, too.

[Brian Green]

And I started searching out, like, you know, the National Geographic, they would go out, you know, to Africa or wherever and be with the tribes. And the tribes were naked. Right. I mean, the women had no tops on. And sometimes the men, you know, were not wearing any kind of cloth or. Or nothing. Yes, they just had their penises out like that. And I think I started seeking out the pictures of the women that were topless.

[Kristen Joy Hly]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

And then I think my dad or my mom may have caught me, like, looking at the word breasts in the encyclopedia where they had real pictures of boobs. And so I got very excited about that. Probably physically and mentally about. Excited about that. And I believe I started asking some questions like, where do babies come from?

[Kristen Joy Hly]

How do they get made?

[Brian Green]

Yeah. And so my mom and dad, in their infinite wisdom, decided it was time to sit an eight year old down, which is probably the appropriate time to start having a conversation. But at that time, I just remember it was weird. And Kevin and I were sitting at the kitchen table. And I will never forget, my dad had, like, a book. And, like, my mom opened it up, she's like, you remember how you talk about baby? Oh. And it might have to she might have been pregnant with my, with one of my brothers too.

[Kristen Joy Hly]

There you go.

[Brian Green]

I'm very baby. And a penis in the vagina. And there's semen goes up here and the tubulars over here. I was like.

[Kristen Joy Hly]

Whoa.

[Brian Green]

I know. And, and, and also I think, and I don't know this, but I think at that age you start to kind of like become physically aware of what's going on. Yeah, right. You're not masturbating. You can't jizz, but you can like, you know, rub up against a door or something. Yeah, you can rub up against a door frame. It feels good, right? And so I think that's what happened. But I just never forget, like this weird conversation that I don't remember all the details of. But there was flipping through books and.

[Kristen Joy Hly]

There were medical journal.

[Brian Green]

It was a medical journal. And there were like pictures of, you know, weird looking penises and very hairy vaginas. And I was, I got scared. I was just scared. I was like, ah, that's. I think that's where the, I think that's where all the being scared of pussy came from, quite frankly.

[Kristen Joy Hly]

Right.

[Brian Green]

And you know, if I only had my dune popcorn doocy that I could have played with back then. But they didn't have popcorn doocys back then, that dune version. But I just, you know, I, I get nervous about having this, this conversation. And so that's why I had to follow a couple of these breastfeeding pages. So I can save it. Yeah, I gotta teach the kids when they get older, I gotta say, hey, kids, check out these tits. That is some breastfeeding right there, kids. That is some breastfeeding. That's how mom grew you right there, babies.

[Kristen Joy Hly]

Hey, daughter, don't do that.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, on Instagram, the daughter, she got to be careful. Yeah.

[Kristen Joy Hly]

Yeah, you're in for a treat.

[Brian Green]

No, I'm not that. Yeah, I'm pretty sure I'm in for payback is what I'm in for. I'm in for karma is what I mean for you.

[Kristen Joy Hly]

Just, you can't do anything to pass a certain point and it's just like, well, you're gonna have to be out there doing that thing. I remember getting so upset the first time I saw one of ours. You know, the stepdaughter with a very risque outfit on Instagram or it was a bikini. Oh, you know, like one of those.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, like one of those super thin bikinis. All.

[Kristen Joy Hly]

They're all wearing them and yeah, we're getting very upset. But then you just have to kind of roll with it.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. I just. I was such a different man before I had daughters. I mean, not that I was, like, you know, drooling over every breast I saw. I drooled over most breasts I saw. Not all of them, but the. My. I guess my perspective changed, as I guess it would with anybody, but my perspective changed. It used to be that Astor and I would go visit this beach often. There's a beach that we like to go to very often. Right. And we go there repeatedly. And then there's a big hotel there, and you can go to the pool if you're in this neighborhood. And so we used to go to this hotel, and before even I met Astrid. But go to this hotel and, you know, there would be the, you know, women running around in various bikinis and. And some of them younger, in their, you know, late teens. 19, 20, 21, 22. And you'd look and you'd go, oh, that's a. That's a good looking woman right there. And now I scan for appropriate clothing. I'm like, oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Where is your parents? Put your ass cheeks back behind cloth, please. And Astrid goes, you're such an old man. You are such an old man. This is what the girls are wearing these days. And I'm like, you tell me that one of my daughters comes and she's wearing that at the pool, and you're going to be okay with it. And she's like, I'm going to have to be okay.

[Kristen Joy Hly]

You have to.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. And she goes, by the way, I grew up in Venezuela, right? They're wearing this at, like, age 3.

[Kristen Joy Hly]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

She's like, it's just not a big deal. Yeah. She's like, brian, you've been to Spain a million times. Like, no one wears anything there. And it's just. You shouldn't be so ashamed.

[Kristen Joy Hly]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

I said, listen, my catholic guilt is now coming back to haunt me Because I don't have any interest in my daughter showing her ass cheeks to anyone, Period. End of sentence. And I'm talking about the weather more, and I'm worrying more about what bathing suits my kids are gonna be wearing. That's where I'm at in life. That's all of a sudden where I showed up. I woke up one day. All of a sudden, I'm concerned. I'm no longer drooling over the hot bikinis. I'm trying to cover them up. I'm, like, running around with a hotel pool, like, put some clothes on. You're setting a bad example for everybody around here. What are you doing? Is this any. That kind of establishment? But that's. But it is what it is.

[Kristen Joy Hly]

It is what it is.

[Brian Green]

It is what it is.

[Kristen Joy Hly]

You'll get. You'll. It's a hard bit of a, you know, jumping off of the ledge, but then once you do it, you're kind.

[Brian Green]

Of like, okay, well, I know where we're at. I know if I create a storm.

[Kristen Joy Hly]

Yes.

[Brian Green]

That I'm just gonna suck them into the storm and it's gonna make them be more determined to do whatever the fuck they want to do. And I had this conversation, should be.

[Kristen Joy Hly]

More concerned really, about the predators that are online that are, you know.

[Brian Green]

Oh, yeah.

[Kristen Joy Hly]

Going after.

[Brian Green]

They're. They're. Those kids are not going to have social media.

[Kristen Joy Hly]

That's the thing that we. Yeah, yeah.

[Brian Green]

Ever. Ever.

[Kristen Joy Hly]

That's the thing we had to talk to our girls about, was like, okay, you're posting these pictures, but what. Look at these reactions. Look at these. What some of these comments are. And you have to be careful.

[Brian Green]

Absolutely.

[Kristen Joy Hly]

Of all of the people and you know that are out there and especially people you don't know.

[Brian Green]

I am currently building a basement where I can lock my children down there. And I'm going to let the. I'm going to let them all out at age 35. And whatever they choose to do is. At that point is there's death or 35 if I die, cool. If you turn 35. Cool. You guys can be out in the world and then you can have a social media account. But otherwise, hell to the no. And then to put these pictures up there, that, I mean, just. It's just insane to me. It's really insane to me.

[Kristen Joy Hly]

And you've got a little time.

[Brian Green]

Time. I don't have much time, Chrissy. It feels like it's slipping away slowly. It's like bluey. I'm phasing out. I'm phasing out of the. Oh, that's sweet. Into the. Get the. Avert your eyes. Avert your eyes, young man. What are you doing? It's my daughter. I know I'm gonna be that dad. I know I'm gonna be that dad that comes in and caught, you know, has a stir and not because, you know, I feel like I'm extra overprotective. I want to be extra overprotective of my daughters. I don't want to be. I don't want to be a helicopter parent, but I just like, life moves so fast.

[Kristen Joy Hly]

It's hard not to be in some.

[Brian Green]

Sense, it's hard not to be. What can we do? What can we do to save our children from string bikinis? How do we. How do we do this? How do we do this?

[Kristen Joy Hly]

I don't think we can.

[Brian Green]

I gotta start putting pictures around the house. We gotta start exposing them to like full one piece bathing suits with the little like tennis skirts around it, you know?

[Kristen Joy Hly]

Right, the ones from the 50s.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. You know, like a running jacket. Like that's a good August Florida sun kind of look for you.

[Kristen Joy Hly]

I know. I look back sometimes on those pictures. You could see of the bathing suits from those eras and how they were so scandalous for them and I mean, they're not at all scandalous. Not at all.

[Brian Green]

I see dudes.

[Kristen Joy Hly]

You can see her knee.

[Brian Green]

I know. Oh my God. Look out. It's a knee. Put your knee nipples away. I go to Publix and I see people more scantily clad at Publix at 8 o' clock at night than you ever would in a picture from the 50s or 60s. It's insane. It's insane. You should have seen we were taking the kids to swimming the other day. And we come out of swimming and there is a convertible parked right out front in the handicap space with no handicap sticker. One of these lovely tops down. And there's a lady in there and she has these huge sunglasses on. She has got. Her hair is multi colored and it's frizzed out probably three and a half feet over her head. This lady's probably in her 60s by the way. Frizzed out. She, you can see she has these. I don't even know what to call them, like feathers taped to her eyebrows. Do you know what I'm talking about? Like some people like they do these little wispy things on their eyebrows. Oh, they're like little white wisps. And you can see, she takes off her sunglasses and you can see the. The. Yeah, it's the craziest thing. It's like attached to their eyebrows and it's just these little fake eyelashes. No. Oh, she had those too. And they were a mile out of her head. And then she had this clown makeup on and she had a big fur coat. It's 82 degrees in Atlanta right now. She had a fur coat on. The most ridiculous multicolored look like it was spray painted fur coat. And she is sitting out there and there is some music playing in her car. And I just was like, what in the good fuck is going on? It's Tuesday afternoon. Where Are you going? Where are you coming from? Is probably the better question. What is going on with people these days?

[Kristen Joy Hly]

Your Publix is quite the place. Because we've talked about some other things.

[Brian Green]

No, this was swimming class.

[Kristen Joy Hly]

Oh, this was swimming. Swimming class.

[Brian Green]

But it's right across the street from a Publix. So there you go. I think people are going crazy in the suburbs. I think that's what it is. I think people go crazy in the suburbs, like Kyle said. Like, you know, he said I had no problem adjusting, but he'll go crazy. He'll be like me someday. Let's just be sitting here talking about the weather and crazy people you see at Publix. But then she stood up and what she had on under was like a. Like a bikini. That's the best way to explain it. She had a bikini.

[Kristen Joy Hly]

Is she taking swimming lessons?

[Brian Green]

I don't know. I'm pretty sure she would drown. Because if all those eyelashes just pull her straight down into the pool. I mean, she had these huge eyelashes on. Huge. It was crazy.

[Kristen Joy Hly]

She had a bikini on under a fur coat. She had a bikini with this woman.

[Brian Green]

Let me see if I can give you an example of eyebrow.

[Kristen Joy Hly]

I wonder if that's somebody's like crazy aunt that came to pick him up from swim class.

[Brian Green]

I think that's what it was. I think you're right about that. Right. I think it was like a family member of a family member. Eyebrows, extensions, crazy. Let me see if I can even start describe. Like try and give you a picture of what this looked like.

[Kristen Joy Hly]

Wispy white. I haven't. I have not seen that.

[Brian Green]

Okay, so this is what her eyebrows look like. Those like the crazy. That's what the eye. Excuse me, Eyelashes look like.

[Kristen Joy Hly]

Oh, well, yeah, I've seen those plenty.

[Brian Green]

Those are insane. Why would you do that? The kind of curl up. Yeah. And. Oh, here's a good example. But they were stuck to her eyebrows. Do you see that? They were like on her eyebrows. It's really. But it was like they were all white. And I thought to myself, what are you doing on a Tuesday afternoon that you have to be dressed like that in a bikini with a full fur coat, sandals on, hair all multicolored and frizzed out. And I. I want to. I either want to arrest the woman or find out where she lives so I can party with her. One of the two.

[Kristen Joy Hly]

This is very intriguing to me, but.

[Brian Green]

If the 60 year olds are dressing like this, what chance do I have with my children? What chance do I have? None.

[Kristen Joy Hly]

Just let it go none.

[Brian Green]

Let it go, let it go, let it go. Oh, don't get me started on that one. Yeah, don't get me started on that one.

[Kristen Joy Hly]

I won't.

[Brian Green]

All right, so let's take a quick break and then I want to talk to you about one more thing.

[Kristen Joy Hly]

Okay?

[Brian Green]

All right, we'll be back.

[Producer/Host Assistant]

Well, thank the baby Jesus. Brian took a breath. And now I will use this opportunity to let you know that we've got a brand new phone number. That's right. It's 212-4333, TCB. And you can text us anytime you want or you can call and leave us a voicemail and we might just use your message on the show once Brian gets through all the messages he missed last year, of course. Anyway, you can also find and DM us on Instagram at the commercial break and on TikTok, CBpodcast. And of course, all of our audio and video is easily found on tcbpodcast.com Now, I'm going to thank G one more time that we have sponsors. So thank G. And here they are.

[Kristen Joy Hly]

Our fog machine.

[Brian Green]

The fog machine in the background. Do you. Have you been on Facebook lately?

[Kristen Joy Hly]

Lately as in the past year?

[Brian Green]

I was thinking more like the past two weeks. No, I don't blame you. I was on Facebook the other day, just.

[Kristen Joy Hly]

Although I heard all the kids go to it for the marketplace now, that.

[Brian Green]

Must be the only thing still available on Facebook worth a shit because I went on that fucking Facebook for the first time in probably two, three, four weeks. I don't know how long. I don't check it very often because I just don't get a shit. We have a commercial break Facebook page. I think it's got even less followers than our TikTok. It's got like seven. We haven't made a post there since 20, 24 years. We haven't made a post there. And I don't intend to make any additional posts because Facebook is really like. It's. It's like the old people's social media at this point. And I'm just not that old yet. Even though I. I claim to be so old. I'm really not that old. But I will share that when I went on there, they updated it, upgraded it. I'm not sure what they're doing with it, but, Chrissy, almost every other post that they served me up was some AI bullshit. AI generated bullshit. Some person that I don't follow. Some magazine, you know, online magazine or they use Facebook as their online magazine or whatever links to Articles, this, all that it is just trash. Everything is AI generated. And so it's my belief, and I don't know this to be the case, but it's my belief that Facebook is now using AI really pushing out a lot of content to AI to make.

[Kristen Joy Hly]

I just listened to a thing this morning about it.

[Brian Green]

Oh, really?

[Kristen Joy Hly]

Yeah, a little Apple News audio.

[Brian Green]

Okay. What did they say?

[Kristen Joy Hly]

Yeah, they said Zuckerberg is. He was all in on the metaverse.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. That failed like a fart in church.

[Kristen Joy Hly]

Yeah. So. And now he's all in on AI.

[Brian Green]

Well, I bet he is all.

[Kristen Joy Hly]

And he had just created like a little small team to kind of look at it, you know, and now all of a sudden, it's everywhere. And so he wants to be in on it too. So this is his big focus.

[Brian Green]

Well, okay, thanks, Mark. Let's dig our heels into yet another corner of. Of technology that's going to destroy the world. Because Facebook is just trash now. It's just trash. And I don't know too many people who still use it, and the people who still do use it, God bless you. I'm. I'm, you know, good. But the people that I know that still use it are the people I least want to hear from. They're the people that only post on Facebook about all the wonderful awesome they are and how shitty you should feel that they have all these beautiful things and take all these wonderful trips and these, you know, their families are perfect and all this stuff. Right. There's not a lot of. Yeah. Then you hear they're getting divorced. Well, I think they're getting divorced because only people who are getting divorced post shit like this, trying to make it seem like their life is better than it actually is. There's one woman on my Facebook I know. I've known this girl since I was 13, 14, 15 years old, something like that. Fifteen years old, I guess, because I had started working in the McDonald's. And so I met her through a web of friends at McDonald's. And when I knew her, she was a very innocent. She was like, I don't. I don't want to use the word prude, because I don't think that's. I don't think that's like the right word I want to use.

[Kristen Joy Hly]

She wasn't more straight laced.

[Brian Green]

She was very straight laced. Very straight laced. No smoking cigarettes, no drinking, no alcohol, no, you know, no drugs, no nothing like that. But at 15 years old, I guess that's how you're supposed to be. I just happen to be a Lot worse. But she was also very sweet, very humble. Like you would have believed that this person would have grown up just to blossom into a beautiful, self aware human being. That's the vibe that I got back then. I saw her a decade later. I still got that vibe from her recently. Probably say about six or seven years ago, I saw her at like a mall and I, I met her husband who was a nice guy, and I was like, oh, good for her. You know, things. She, she deserves this. She deserves the beautiful family. Like, she's always been a really nice person until we connected on Facebook. And when we connected on Facebook, I was appalled at actually what I saw. I was like, this is, this is, this is the same woman that I, that I known all these years. Yeah, this is the same girl. She is a real housewife of Atlanta. And when I say real housewife Atlanta, I mean a real housewife of Atlanta.

[Kristen Joy Hly]

Okay?

[Brian Green]

She lives in the ritziest neighborhood, she drives the ritziest car, she goes to the ritziest places. She has the most, she has friends with the most amount of cosmetic surgery. She, it's like total new money trash. That's all it is. And every single nouveau riche, so. Right. Chrissy, as, as my former mother in law used to say, there is a considerable difference between new money and old money, Brian. And the sooner you learn to tell the difference, the better off you're going to be like, oh, okay. She used to say, new money shows and old money grows. Yeah, that's what she used to say. Okay, so when I look at these posts that she's making, she's at the most expensive restaurants, the most expensive hotels, flying in the first of classes, she's doing all the stuff she posts it with, all of making, like, humble bragging. Right?

[Kristen Joy Hly]

Right.

[Brian Green]

So grateful for all my beautiful friends while she's drinking champagne in like her a private plane, you know, so grateful for all the wonderful people around me, you know, God is good. Look at what he does for your life. You know, I am blessed with beauty beyond skin deep. Yet this is your fourth fucking botox session this week at the most expensive cosmetic surgery place in Atlanta.

[Kristen Joy Hly]

And so many of them, so many.

[Brian Green]

Thinking to myself, what hole in your fucking soul? Maybe you should have been taking LSD with me because look how I turned out. I'm a poor podcaster, but at least I don't try and hide it. At least I'm not trying to cover it up, right? I'm pretty transparent. I am a poor podcaster without a dime to my name. And I have a tough life in all ways, just like you. I'm exactly like you, listener. I'm exactly like you. I talk to these people on these, on this phone sometimes, you know, sometimes Astrid answers or other people answers, or sometimes I answer. I'll pick it up and I'll. I'll read through and I'll go up to say something. I am just like every one of those people, just trying to make a buck. Just trying to get through life. Just trying.

[Kristen Joy Hly]

Doing the best we can.

[Brian Green]

Just doing the best you can. Trying to be a good person. On occasion, when it happened, when I'm feeling in the mood, you know what I'm saying? Like, I'm just doing my best. But these fucking yahoos out there on this fucking Facebook, the people who are still left, at least in my circle of friends, they just can't wait to tell you how incredibly rich they are with all their fucking bullshit. And it drives me up a wall. I hate look because I hate look because I just want to remember just how terrible of a person that is. So when they're in bankruptcy court, I can remind them of all the bullshit that they were posting on Facebook not but two years ago.

[Kristen Joy Hly]

Yeah, it's kind of a slippery slope, right? I mean, once you start, you kind of have to keep that up. And if something bad happens, then you've gotta. Then show that too. Or I guess just go dark.

[Brian Green]

No, you go dark. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because I've had friends that have done this.

[Kristen Joy Hly]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

You know, they humble, brag their way to, you know, I'm the real estate fortune and fame. And then it's like they're gone for 10 years. Just got out of Sing Sing, doing well.

[Kristen Joy Hly]

Grateful.

[Brian Green]

Grateful Rikers Island. Hashtag grateful.

[Kristen Joy Hly]

I know, and it seems exhausting to me. I mean, I, you know, I like, I enjoy seeing kind of people's lives of the kids and the milestones and maybe grandma turning 90, something like that. But, you know. Yeah. For all of the other stuff, I don't care. I really don't care that you went to that restaurant. Great.

[Brian Green]

Yeah.

[Kristen Joy Hly]

Good for you.

[Brian Green]

You know, the more that this girl posts, the less her husband, who, by the way, I'd say, like, I don't want to be this guy, but I'm going to be this guy. Because it's a commercial break and who gives a fuck? No one's listening anyway. He's like a four and she's probably an eight, right?

[Kristen Joy Hly]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

And so he's like, like, looks like. Yeah, he's like a little squeaky kind of dorky dude, but he works in science. He's like some kind of scientist or something, you know, that's like, he just looks like a scientist, right? And I'm sure he makes great money doing that. And I think, by the way, I think she does. I think she is a successful businesswoman herself also. At least that's what she says on her Facebook page. You know, top of class. And the MLM I'm currently working in, I guess. I don't know. But the. The more. It seems like this started right after I saw her at the mall. Like, I was looking at a few of her posts when we first connected on Facebook, and I thought, oh, there's a cute picture of her and her kids. Oh, there they are at the park. Always with her husband. Always a family picture, you know, oh, Judy's going to this college or whatever the. Whatever the deal was. The more she humble brags, the less her husband is in any of those photos. Like, her husband has not appeared in a photo in. When I was looking the other day in probably six months. Her husband hasn't appeared in a photograph.

[Kristen Joy Hly]

Yeah, he's like, stop.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, he makes one appearance like two weeks ago. And it's like she's standing around these women who I don't even know how she got in the picture because their lips are so big. But I swear to God, I know these Buckhead Betty sometimes, man, but she squeezes herself in between lips and tits, and it's like, so grateful for the beautiful friends I have. They're so amazing. Their hearts are so big. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. You know, shout out to my hubby for watching the kids. It's like that, right? And I'm like, oh, my God, what the is going on in that household Now? I'm actually want to put cameras more in her household than I do in yours because I want to see what kind of misery they're all actually living.

[Kristen Joy Hly]

You never know what's going on behind closed doors.

[Brian Green]

Oh, there's this. There's this one post. There's like two ladies in her kitchen cooking, and she's standing with a glass of champagne. And that's like one of her friends. And then you see one of the kids that's behind them, and it's like, you know, so grateful for these ladies making it all happen at the house, you know, and it's like Maria and, you know, Annabelle. And then it was hashtag amazing nanny, hashtag amazing maid. And I'm like, what the fuck would you Ever post that for? Why in God's great world in the universe would you ever say hashtag nanny, hashtag maid? Why did you need to do that? To make sure that everybody else knew that those were not actually your friends. Your friends wouldn't be makeupless cooking behind a, you know, fifty thousand dollar sub zero wolf Viking range.

[Kristen Joy Hly]

Right.

[Brian Green]

God forbid. What you're putting that for is to let everybody know how much money you have to spend on hired help. Whatever. Fine. Hire the help. Cool. I don't care. You don't have to humble brag about it by putting hashtag amazing made. That is the most degrading, superfluous bullshit I've ever seen coming from one of my friends. I swear to God. And I don't even know that I call her a friend anymore now I'm like, she's so out of touch. I don't get it. I don't get it. Yeah, but can I borrow a hundred.

[Kristen Joy Hly]

Thousand dollars thing to do? You know you have to one up each other and she's probably her. Her Facebook group. Everybody's doing it.

[Brian Green]

Yeah.

[Kristen Joy Hly]

You know.

[Brian Green]

Well, yeah, that's the thing is that you got to keep up with the Joneses once you get in that rat race in that circle. My wife and I were just talking.

[Kristen Joy Hly]

That just seems exhausting to me.

[Brian Green]

I know we are not the Joneses kind of people because we've taping our Honda together just to get it over to the school. But.

[Kristen Joy Hly]

No, Jeff and I like to have what we like and are happy for other people.

[Brian Green]

But I'm happy. I'm happy if you have the private jet and the nice cars and your flight of fancy hotels. I have also done those things on occasion. I don't post about it because I just feel that's really insidious almost. It's like why am I going to make other people feel bad? And why do other people need to know that I'm staying at a 500 a night hotel, $600 or whatever it Right. I don't need to do that. I'm here to enjoy this moment that I have saved for. You know, thank God on earth some sponsor decided to pay us kind of thing.

[Kristen Joy Hly]

Yeah. To Jamaica and posted nothing.

[Brian Green]

I know. Why would you. For what? For what? You talk about it on the show. It's funny on the show and then move on.

[Kristen Joy Hly]

Exactly. I have my own pictures. We took a ton of pictures. Yeah, but I don't need to post them.

[Brian Green]

No, they're for you.

[Kristen Joy Hly]

Yes, they are for Jeff and I.

[Brian Green]

You so you can remember the good and our family. That's right. So I can humble brag them. My family. That's what's important is that you're better than your family. It's not, it's not about people on Facebook. It's about your family.

[Kristen Joy Hly]

It could be true.

[Brian Green]

It could be true. I was sharing that, you know, we have some friends. It's like, you know, they came into some money and all of a sudden things got different. They were all crunchy and granola until they showed up with some money and now it's like all the free people. Yeah. Oh, I feel you though.

[Kristen Joy Hly]

I'm glad that you're not like that too.

[Brian Green]

Oh, I think we wouldn't be friends.

[Kristen Joy Hly]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

If you started posting about your in a five star vacation in Jamaica. I probably would have jumped off the roof while I'm here cutting lawns for extra money. No more one What?

[Kristen Joy Hly]

No more.

[Brian Green]

No more Juan. Speaking of Juan, he doesn't up show up in two weeks. I don't know what happened to him.

[Kristen Joy Hly]

He scared him.

[Brian Green]

I probably did. Come back, Juan, come back. I texted him yesterday, he didn't respond. He's probably listening to the show. Not a show that. Here's your 12 to 3. Come back, Juan. I didn't mean it. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Oh well, you know, I'm not too hum. I'm not too big to cut my own lawn, let's put it that way. I do however, need a lawnmower. So if someone's got one, I buy something next door. Yeah. Or I'll be out there with nail scissors, nail trimmers like. All right, well, hey, listen, guess what? We want to have you on the show starting in June. We're gonna have callers calling in. We've already set some up.

[Kristen Joy Hly]

Loves this.

[Brian Green]

I'm so excited about this one story is quite amazing. I don't even know how we're gonna do this but I mean I don't even know why we're bringing this onto the commercial break but it's. If what they've written is what they're going to talk about then I think that if you.

[Kristen Joy Hly]

This is the one that you told me about.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, it's quite the amazing story. Yeah. Actually I think that'll be late may we'll release that episode so they're going to come in here. But if you want to be on the commercial break, we would love to talk to you quite questions, comments, concerns, ask for our advice, you know, beat us up, talk about all the wonderful things you have in life, all your cosmetic surgery and your private planes. Love to hear it. 212-433-3TCB 2124-3828-2212-4333-822 text us or leave us a voicemail. Let us know you want to be on the show and someone will get back to you on how to do that. That also we'd love it if you would go to the website tcbpodcast.com all the audio, all the video. Get your sticker at the contact us button. Give us your address. We'll send you a sticker at the commercial break on Instagram and YouTube.com the commercial break. All right, Chrissy, that's all I can do.

[Kristen Joy Hly]

I think so.

[Brian Green]

But I love you.

[Kristen Joy Hly]

I love you.

[Brian Green]

Best to you.

[Kristen Joy Hly]

Best to you and best to you.

[Brian Green]

Out there in the podcast universe. Until next time. Chrissy and I always, always say, we do say and we must say fly private if you can.

[Kristen Joy Hly]

Good.

[Brian Green]

Goodbye. Why are you so radical.