Benevolent King Zan

Summary

The Commercial Break: "Benevolent King Zan"

Podcast Hosts: Bryan Green & Krissy Hoadley
Date: October 4, 2024
Main Theme:
A whirlwind comedic journey through ruined pools, natural disasters, festival lineups, the latest celebrity scandals, and the uniquely awkward wisdom of pickup artist "godfather" Zan Perrion—whose 21 Convention appearance becomes the episode’s meta centerpiece to roast and riff on.

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Episode Overview

Bryan, Krissy, and recurring guest Joy bring their signature chaotic banter to bear on the absurdities of life—parenting gripes, weather calamities, celebrity implosions, and the bizarre world of internet "alpha males." The episode's main event is a play-by-play (and takedown) of Zan Perrion's 21 Convention speech, which fails to deliver on its "benevolent patriarch" premise, providing instead a meandering legacy lecture to an empty room. The hosts' irreverent asides, singing, and roasting fill the gaps, making for an episode that’s simultaneously a comedy of errors and a sharp satire of self-help masculinity.

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Key Discussion Points & Segments

1. On Parenting and Sibling Dynamics

• Timestamp 00:00–01:00
  • Bryan rails against the myth that having multiple kids means built-in playmates:
    • "You can't just have one kid. Every only child I've ever known is weird. ...They don't play together. They don't even like each other. They're enemies. The closest they come to playing together is body slamming each other on the nugget sofas. Okay, It's a fight club in here. Just have one and know some peace in your life." (Bryan, 00:00)

2. Festival Plugs and Aging Out of Partying

• Timestamp 02:36–03:55
  • Plug for Mempho Festival: Jack White, The Roots, Trey Anastasio, Goose.
  • Bryan on outgrowing the wild side of jam-band shows:
    • "I love Fish...but when I turned, like, 40, I was like, I don't know that heroin and balloons are my thing anymore. Plus, I have 30 children." (Bryan, 03:49)

3. Storm Devastation in the Carolinas/Appalachia

• Timestamp 04:03–07:17
  • Personal accounts of the hurricane’s aftermath, missing loved ones, and the loss of familiar places.
  • Bryan reflects on friends in affected valleys and the sad surrealism:
    • "[Asheville's] complete devastation...the mountains often dissipate any really intense weather like that...but that. That was not true. When you get 29 inches of rain in 70 hours, there's nothing you can do." (Bryan, 06:48)
  • Shoutout to Elon Musk’s Starlink for disaster connectivity, despite Bryan’s distaste for Musk.

4. Celebrity Scandal: P. Diddy in Hotter Water

• Timestamp 08:21–11:11
  • The hosts riff incredulously about the mounting lawsuits and lurid allegations.
  • "Someone is shopping a pornographic video of P. Diddy with a more famous person involved...this story keeps getting more and more terrible." (Bryan, 08:25)
  • Satirical aside likening needing a defense to requiring Atticus Finch or F. Lee Bailey.
  • Absurd sidebar: The confusion of Ted Bundy’s court escape with Charles Manson, leading to mock history lessons.

5. Homeownership Hell: The Pool from the Black Lagoon

• Timestamp 12:20–19:39
  • Pool disaster stories post-storm, battling algae, frogs, chemical overload, and getting fleeced by repair guys.
  • Bryan’s phone conversation with the pool guy escalates into double entendre:
    • "You gotta, you tickle it. A little this way, tickle his balls this way, and then tickle its balls that way." (Chrissy & Bryan, 16:31-16:37)
  • "I've already spent $4,000 on chemicals...I'm just too OCD to look out there and see that green pool. ...It's perfect pH balance for the frogs." (Bryan, 17:23)

6. Commercial Break Satire & Mini-Announcements

• Timestamp 20:03–23:00
  • Canceled Florida shows get addressed.
  • Meta-jokes about "tours" and the nature of podcasting schedules.

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Main Event: Zan Perrion at the 21 Convention

7. Setting the Scene

• Timestamp 23:27–25:12
  • Introduction of Zan as “godfather of the manosphere” and seduction guru—immediately lampooned by the hosts:
    • "If the, you know, elite alumni of the 21 Convention is Zaun, the guy who couldn't sell any books...you're really scraping the bottom." (Bryan, 24:02)

8. Zan’s Meandering Keynote: Lost in Legacy

• Timestamp 27:05–54:10 (interspersed with hosts' reactions)
  • Opening with Zero Prep:
    • "I have no PowerPoint...I don't even have a speech. I'm just going to riff on a few things I think I'm thinking about and I'm curious about." (Zan, 27:32–28:48)
  • Empty Room:
    • The hosts roast the sparse (“three people”) audience and awkward flag display.
  • ‘Benevolent Patriarch’ Frame:
    • "You have the patriarch, the benevolent patriarch, which is a beautiful concept." (Zan, 31:31)
    • Bryan interjects: "Of this conference is the, Daddy, I need pussy badly..." (Bryan, 31:05)
  • Rocking Chair Wisdom:
    • "I'm shifting into a kind of a different phase...now I have a study...I got a rocking chair. I can't think without it. I do all my zoom calls in a rocking chair." (Zan, 42:34)
    • Hosts erupt:
      • "Bring me my phone so I may ring Barbara back and get thy pussy for the evening, Barbara. ...This computer is trash. Have it burned with my bolos." (Chrissy, 41:12, 41:50, 42:40)
  • Playing at Profundity:
    • Zan mulls: "What exists because of you?...which is the concept of legacy." (Zan, 33:42–34:18)
    • Hosts point out how little actionable advice is delivered, repeatedly calling out the lack of content.

9. Zan’s Musings on Fatherhood and Love

• Timestamp 35:43–50:10
  • Long tangent about his daughter and being her father; calling her before every speech.
  • Claims his key message is about “the beloved”—nebulous platitude over practical advice:
    • “Look upon each other as your beloved, which we're starving for in this modern world.” (Zan, 53:46)

10. Hosts’ Satirical Reactions Throughout

• Relentless parody of Zan’s Old-Testament diction:
  • “Blessings upon you, young son. It's gonna be okay. You're going to have a rocking chair someday.” (Chrissy, 45:08)
  • “This is thy beloved with whom I am well pleased and satisfied. In the groin illustration. I shall now jism all over my beloved.” (Chrissy, 52:45)
• Summing up Zan’s arc: promises of pick-up tactics devolving into legacy rambling and rocking chair imagery, with no practical advice for the audience who “paid $3,000” to hear about how to get girls.

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Notable Quotes & Moments

• On Pickup Gurus:

  • “If he's the godfather of the seduction community, then you don't have much to hang your hat on…” (Bryan, 25:01)

• On Disasters:

  • “It was just a haymaker...now people are missing...towns are washed out. Asheville may never be the same again.” (Bryan, 04:49–06:04)

• On Aging Out of Party Culture:

  • “I love Fish...but when I turned, like, 40, I was like, I don't know that heroin and balloons are my thing anymore.” (Bryan, 03:49)

• On the 21 Convention Attendance:

  • “There is literally three people. They are so far apart from each other. What's going on?” (Bryan, 30:44)

• On Zan’s Narrative Style:

  • “I have nothing prepared. I’m just gonna jizz on you. And hopefully it makes sense.” (Chrissy, 43:23)

• On Pool Maintenance Double Entendres:

  • “You tickle his balls this way, and then tickle its balls that way. …And then rub the shaft a little. ...and get it to jizz.” (Chrissy & Bryan, 16:31-16:37)

• On Takeaway from Zan’s ‘Wisdom’:

  • “We're an hour in. We've heard nothing substantive.” (Chrissy, 53:57)

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Memorable Moments & Running Gags

• Bryan’s “Green Pool and Frogs” Saga – Recurring source for metaphors and exasperation.
• “Benevolent King of Pussy” Medieval Improv – Chrissy repeatedly riffs in Old English, lampooning Zan’s pseudo-wisdom.
• Rocking Chair and Bolo Tie Bits – The hosts take every opportunity to joke about sartorial and lifestyle choices as evidence of midlife self-delusion.
• Meta-Podcast Satire – The show doubles back to poke fun at its own lack of structure and the nature of making fun of “self-help” conferences.

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• Parenting/Only Children (00:00–01:00)
• Mempho Festival Plug (02:36–03:55)
• Storm Devastation (04:03–07:17)
• P Diddy / Celebrity Scandal (08:21–11:11)
• Pool Disaster, Professional Help (12:20–19:39)
• Canceled Shows / Announcements (20:03–23:00)
• Intro to Zan & 21 Convention (23:27–25:12)
• Zan’s Non-Speech & Hosts’ Roast (27:05–54:10, with continuous interjections)
• Zan’s “Beloved” Message (53:32–54:10)

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Summary

"Benevolent King Zan" is a prime example of The Commercial Break’s irreverent, no-holds-barred riffing on the absurdities of modern living and the cottage industry of self-styled internet gurus. Bryan, Krissy, and Joy masterfully blend genuine concern for real-world troubles with their trademark lampoonery—whether dunking on their own domestic chaos or the bloviating solemnity of the manosphere’s would-be patriarchs. Their savage, comedic commentary makes even the slowest “self-help” speech become a case study in satire, ensuring laughs and quotable moments for anyone who feels (mercifully) left out of the world of alpha-male conferences, green pools, and rocking chair philosophies.

Transcript

[Brian]

You can't just have one kid. Every only child I've ever known is weird. They're weird. I'll take a weirdo. I'll take a little weirdo. Give me a little weirdo instead. I got three kids that somehow all have the exact same villain origin story. Oh, you can't have one kid. They're not gonna have anybody to play with. They don't play together. They don't play together. They don't even like each other. They're enemies. The closest they come to playing together is body slamming each other on the nugget sofas. Okay, It's a fight club in here. Just have one and know some peace in your life.

On this episode of the commercial break.

[Chrissy]

Bring me my phone so I may ring up thy. Hello, Barbara, are you available tonight? It's on benevolent king of pussy. Barbara, are you there? Barbara? Thank you. This phone doesn't work. Bring me another phone so I may ring Barbara back and get thy pussy for the evening, Barbara.

[Brian]

The next episode of the commercial break starts now.

[Zan Perrion]

Yeah, boy.

[Chrissy]

Oh, yeah.

[Brian]

Cats and kittens, welcome back to the commercial break.

[Chrissy]

I'm Brian Green.

[Brian]

This is the fans of my walls, Chris and Joy Hoadley. Best of you, Chris. I made you the nicer one. Yeah. As we're recording the VP Deb last night, I. I'm over it. I'm officially over all of it.

[Joy]

I know.

[Brian]

Get me to the voting booth. Let me do my duty as an American citizen and let's. And let world War III begin.

[Chrissy]

Oh, hey.

[Brian]

And let world war III begin.

[Chrissy]

That's it.

[Brian]

That's all I gotta say.

[Joy]

I know. I'm so over Ted. Text to do that.

[Brian]

Last night I was like, what a nightmare all around us. Just a nightmare. I mean, it really is pretty. It's a tense time for the entire world. Thank God you got the commercial break because quite frankly, we can't talk about serious stuff because we will get all the facts wrong. I'll become a disinformation machine immediately. And I don't want to do that. It's turned on TCB minus, which is going to be the name of our tour when we get back on the. Let's say back on the road when we actually get on the road.

[Joy]

Right.

[Chrissy]

Oh, lord.

[Brian]

We are here in the TCB studios for you. This may be a couple days later because we're about to take a whole shitload of time off. But we'll keep the fresh episodes coming.

[Chrissy]

As long as we can. I guess as long as we can.

[Brian]

There might be a Few Best of Us in there. And, you know, listen, I know it's not your favorite to hear a rerun, but for some people, that might be the first time they ever hear it.

[Joy]

Exactly.

[Brian]

Because they might be new to the show, wondering what all the kerfuffle is about. So just bear with us through the month of October. We'll all get through it together, I promise. Chrissy's gonna go down and do Mempho. So I actually think this is gonna. This will be airing, I think, the day before or the day that Mempho starts on Friday.

[Joy]

Yes.

[Brian]

Okay. So this will air the day of Mempho. So there you go. If you're in the Memphis area or you want to travel to the Memphis area, if you're close, then go ahead and get your [e-mail] Great lineup. Jack White. And Jack White is also. I'm sorry, I forgot. Yeah.

[Announcer]

The Roots.

[Brian]

Wow.

[Joy]

Trey, Anastasia, Goose.

[Brian]

Okay. I imagine a Goose and Trey, some stage time together is possible.

[Joy]

They're playing on different nights.

[Brian]

I still say that's possible.

[Joy]

Yes, it could definitely.

[Brian]

I think it's happened once before, if I'm not mistaken. Yeah, I think I saw that on somewhere on the Fish page or something like that. I follow the Fish page, although, you know, I find some. Some of it. I love Fish. I think Fish is a great band. I really do. I love them. And I've been to a lot. A lot of live shows, but when I turned, like, 40, I was like.

[Chrissy]

Well, I don't know that heroin and.

[Brian]

Balloons are my thing anymore.

[Joy]

Plus, you got 30 kids.

[Brian]

Plus I have 30 children. That's right. I started having 30 children right about when I turned 40. But anyway, so there you go. Mempho Fest.com.

[Joy]

It'S starting today, which. God damn.

[Brian]

Let's go to the parade of terribles that's going on right now.

[Joy]

First of all, last weekend. Yeah, this. Well, I guess it would be two weekends before now.

[Chrissy]

Yeah.

[Brian]

Two weekends before now.

[Joy]

Yeah.

[Brian]

We haven't talked about it.

[Joy]

Horrible storm. Horrible storm. People up in the Asheville area and the Carolinas really got it.

[Brian]

It is unfolding. I think, in real time for everybody. That North Carolina is a complete disaster zone. The entire state, eastern Tennessee, northern South Carolina. I have family that live there in, like, that Clemson area. Yeah, they avoided the worst of it, but it still was not great. Greenville got hit. Augusta, Georgia got hit. Anywhere south and east of I75.

[Joy]

If you know, it was just a huge storm. It went so much area.

[Brian]

It was just a haymaker That's. That's what it was. And now people are missing and people are dead and livelihoods are gone and complete towns are washed out. Asheville may never be the same again. And I like Asheville, Astrid. And I's very first. I say our second date was in Asheville, and I love it. It's. It's a beautiful town. I spent a lot of time in eastern Tennessee and that Asheville area in the Blue Ridge Mountains and that blue. Riding up and down that Blue Ridge Highway. Yeah. And I'm just so sad about all of it because. And I have so many friends that, that live up there, have lived up there, have friends up there. You know, the whole party in the woods scene. There's a lot of people in. Up in those Blue Ridge Mountains, in Chimney Rock and Asheville and all those areas up there, and it's complete devastation. Actually, you know, this isn't funny at all, but one of our friends on Facebook for days was like, my daughter and her boyfriend, for what reason, I don't understand, because that wasn't told in the story, but let's assume that it was. They were there on an extended stay, were in an Airbnb in Chimney Rock, and they could not get a hold of them for days, making pleas on Facebook and Instagram and people were, you know, call this guy. This person might be able to trek up the hill. This dude is in the area, you know, this girl.

[Joy]

They haven't had power, cell service, any of that.

[Brian]

Yeah, none of it. And, and. And so finally a helicopter was. They put like a GoFundMe page together that get a helicopter up there. And somebody here in Atlantis said, I'll fly the helicopter. I'll. I'll. And. And they were found. But that's the, like, the level of devastation is that you can't make a phone call. You don't have any water, you don't have any power. Your house might complete, might be completely gone. I have friends, yeah, I have friends that own a campground. They're gone. Every bit of it is gone. It's a huge campground sitting near a creek, a fucking creek. And everything is gone. Everything. The creek rose to, like, it was like a quarter mile wide at one point. It's insane. And Asheville is one of those places where you think, well, I mean, let's be honest.

[Joy]

The mountains.

[Brian]

It's the mountains and it's a bunch of hippies up there, like, trying to save the planet. I mean, and it's just one of those places. You would never think that that kind of devastation would come to. First of all, because the mountains often dissipate any really intense weather like that. And second of all, because the elevation. But that. That was not true. When you get 29 inches of rain in 70 hours, there's nothing you can do. And you're in the mountains with all those creeks and rivers and the water just keeps coming down the mountain, there's nothing you can do. So my heart goes out to all of those folks.

[Joy]

Absolutely.

[Brian]

And I just. If there's anything that we can do. I don't even know you probably even hearing this. You're probably gonna have Internet. Well, they have Starlink. Listen, I don't care for Elon Musk. I've made my views clear here. I don't care for him. But I do have to say that that Starlink has become a godsend to a lot of people. And so I. I don't care what his politics are right now. I would say that that is a. That that has been a small ray of sunshine in the Elon Musk story, is that he has done some good in this particular situation by providing free star length to anybody up in that area so that at least they can get a text message to family members or somebody saying, hey, I'm alive, or I need food or come get me, or whatever it is. And so our love goes out to those people who are affected just right up the hill from us. And if there's anything, you can certainly reach out and we'll try our best. Or if you need us to say something or. I don't know, you have some gofundme you want us to announce? We will be happy to do that. So just reach out to us. 212-4333. TCB around and. And then going down the list of terribles Be fucking Diddy. This story keeps on getting more and.

[Joy]

More terrible as if it were just at the tip of the iceberg.

[Brian]

Someone is shopping a pornographic video of P. Diddy with a more famous person involved, quote, unquote. A more famous person than P. Diddy. A more famous.

[Joy]

How I saw that.

[Brian]

Holy. Whoa. Who not? I'll tell you who not P. Diddy right now. That guy is insane trouble.

[Joy]

Ah, yeah, he should be. I mean, he should be held accountable for every bit of it.

[Zan Perrion]

Yeah.

[Brian]

Oh, yeah. Don't ever get out of jail. I mean, just. It's rot. It. Just go ahead. And if I. If I was him and half of this stuff was true. Yeah. I would honestly go to the government and I say, I'm I want to make my amends. I know I'm never going anywhere. Do me a favor and at least don't put me in solitary confinement for the rest of my life. And I will do what I need to do. I'll pay the victims.

[Event Host]

I'll.

[Brian]

I'll spill the beans, whatever. I mean, he's in a tough situation, but he has apparently hurt a lot of people, and now they are coming for their pound of flesh, and that is crazy. Including children. I mean, that's just insane. That is kind of. You know, I don't believe in conspiracy.

[Chrissy]

Theories, but you hear this shit and you're like, well, you know, I don't know.

[Brian]

You know about these elites and, you know, these big sex rings and all that. And then you go to yourself, wow, you know, this was. This is big. 120 new accusers supposedly filing lawsuits, 120 in the next couple of days, which is just insane. And now the federal government has at least alluded to the fact that many of these victims who are going to sue P. Diddy are also coming forward to talk to the government. And so he will never get out of jail if half of this stuff is true. I don't think. I mean, unless he's got, like, a really fantastic. This guy needs. Atticus Finch is who he needs, basically, to defend him. I mean, obviously, this is.

[Joy]

I don't think Atticus Finch would defend him.

[Brian]

No, no, I don't think so. But you know what I'm saying. Yeah, he needs F. Lee Bailey or somebody like that. Remember F. Lee Bailey? I do. The guy from the O.J. trial. And then what else did he do? Didn't he. Wasn't he part of the. Was he involved in the Manson case? In some ways.

[Joy]

Shape or form, I think so.

[Brian]

Didn't he, like, prosecute? Oh, no, that was. Or was that Giuliani? Well, no, Giuliani did the Mob. I think it was that Flea Bailey that at one point prosecuted Manson. And Manson jumped out the back of the court window. Like, he went to go to the.

[Chrissy]

Bathroom and he jumped out of the court window.

[Brian]

He's gone for, like, three months. No one could find him.

[Chrissy]

You didn't know that part of the story? Yeah.

[Brian]

Which. Oh, no, not Manson. I'm sorry. Ted Bundy.

[Chrissy]

Ted Bundy, yeah.

[Brian]

Ted Bundy was at court one time, and he, like, said, can I go to the bathroom? And they were like, sure. And he was such a. They. He. He was like such an apparently nice guy that everyone was like, yeah, no problem. He's like, I'll be right back.

[Chrissy]

Jumped out the window and fled for like three months.

[Joy]

Oh my God.

[Chrissy]

It was insane.

[Brian]

So, yeah. So this P. Diddy story just keeps on getting curiouser and curiouser and I can't stop reading about it. I'm like, oh my God. And then all these pictures of him with these celebrities look worse and worse. The more that you see it, the more that you look into it, it looks worse and worse. It's like my pool right now and every day I wake up and it looks a little bit more murky.

[Chrissy]

You know what I'm saying?

[Joy]

Chrissy, do you put a cover on it?

[Brian]

No, I can't put a cover on it.

[Joy]

Yeah, huge.

[Brian]

Well, it's also very dangerous to put a cover on it. Yeah, it's. It's dangerous. It's huge. And then you just. You open it up to a big problem that then you have to fix because you can keep the pool running even with a cover on it, but it's. You can't put any chemicals in it, you can't clean it. You can't do any of that stuff.

[Joy]

I don't know the ins and outs of all this.

[Brian]

So you can close the pool. I think. I think you. I don't know because I'm not really good at this actually. But I believe you just shock the shit out of it and just make the chlorine levels super high for the winter, I believe. And then you try and manage it that back down when you're going swimming. But also the pool's huge. It would take a lot of COVID to cover it. And third of all, it's just dangerous. Like if someone falls in, if a dog. The dog walks on it. And then it's just a whole nightmare. I mean, they have safety.

[Joy]

Plus. I'm thinking about what you would uncover when you uncovered it.

[Brian]

Oh my God. A frog pond like it is right now. There were three fucking frights of the. It was fine until the storm came. And the storm here was nothing. It was a spritz. I mean, it rained a lot. And there was some trouble downtown with some, you know, some of the creeks and rivers and stuff like that. But I think for the most part we got out unscathed. People who got flooded here had their house on stilts because it's been flooding there for a long time. I mean, most of them anyway. I don't want to minimize the damage, but you get what I'm saying is that it wasn't necessarily unexpected that those areas would flood because they're in flood plains. We did not get it. Like Asheville got it say that. But after it rained, you know, I had it all fucking fixed. And then after it rained day after day, I would look out there and I'd go, is that. Is it turning? I'm colorblind too.

[Chrissy]

So I'm like, is that.

[Brian]

I got a little twinge of.

[Chrissy]

Is that a little. Is that a little greenish?

[Brian]

A little murky. And this morning I woke up and it was a straight up frog pond. So two days ago it was green. Like everything was green. Algae all over the side of the walls. And I'm like, what the fuck? What happened? And I go in there and. And Gustavo was here. And I'm out.

[Chrissy]

Gustavo. Gustavo.

[Brian]

I go out there and I start, you know, cleaning up some of the leaves and stuff. And then I'm trying to get some of the algae off the side of the walls. And every time that I go down to pick up another pile of leaves off the bottom of the. The pool, another frog jumps out. And I'm like, what the is going on? And I mean, jumps out. I mean, like, jumps off the bottom of the pool and. And is now swimming in the pool. So me and Gustavo and the frogs don't know how to get out of the pool. Once they're in there, they don't know how to get out of the pool. So me and Gustavo are playing frog rescue. Throwing the frogs out, like, you know, trying to like, scoop them up with our hand and throw them out of the pool.

[Chrissy]

And they just bounce back in. It's a whole thing going on.

[Joy]

I noticed a bunch.

[Brian]

I had.

[Joy]

I saw a huge grasshopper on my fence the other day. And then also too, like just yesterday running around town, there were these grasshoppers all over the place.

[Chrissy]

Yeah.

[Brian]

You know, probably be because they. The storm. Yeah. When the storm comes and it soaks the ground, the ants get, you know, the ants, their mounds get disturbed and roaches fall off the trees. I know. It's like a whole thing. Yeah. When there comes a lot of rain in Chicago, where I used to live, you know, it used to happen when it rained a lot is the earthworms would come out in bundles. I mean, they would just all be like. And it was. If you went after a storm and you went into your, like, backyard, nice green grass, all you see is just earthworms crawling out of it. It was kind of creepy. Yeah. I never, like. I love the rain, but I never wanted to go in my grass right after a storm because the earthworms creep me out. And then Forget about it. My grandpa took me fishing. The one time my grandpa took me fishing. I'm like, I'm not touching that shit.

[Chrissy]

Don't get that shit away from me. Stop being a big baby.

[Brian]

I was in World War II. So I just, I don't, just don't know what to do with that pool anymore. I called professional help, you know, but of course it's $10,000 to clean your pool when it's that. When it looks like that is $10,000. So I'm talking to the pool guy, the Bubba from the pool company, Bubba's Cool Pool company. Cuz they're also all very busy. So I had to call 30 different pool companies until someone called me back. And the guy calls me this morning, he's like, yeah, I'll be out there tomorrow. So you sent me a couple pictures of your pool, man, that pool's out of whack. And I go, yes, it is. And he goes, how long did it take you get that green? And I go well, about a week.

[Chrissy]

About a week.

[Brian]

And I said a week?

[Chrissy]

And he goes, a week? And I go, a week?

[Brian]

And he goes, man, you've been, you've been messing with those chemicals in ways I don't understand.

[Joy]

If it got green, all your hard work of going works thousands of dollars worth thousand dollars. And back your back issues.

[Brian]

Jesus Christ. Back issues. The calcium running through my brain. So I'm like, so I'm like, yeah, but you can help me, right? And he's like, well, I'm going to tell you something. And I know this is true because I've heard other pool companies say it to me. He goes, well, I'm going to tell you something now, brother. I, I do great job cleaning the pool. I come out every week and I, I, I'd be happy to do that, but you need a green to clean service, which I do, but it's very expensive. This would be about $400 every time I come out. Could take me four times to get it right. And I was like, four, four. Sixteen hundred dollars to clean my pool, to make the water clear. I've already spent $4,000 on chemicals it's not doing. And he's like, that's the problem is you gotta, you gotta, you tickle it.

[Chrissy]

A little this way, tickle his balls this way, and then tickle its balls that way.

[Brian]

And then rub the shaft a little.

[Chrissy]

Bit and get it to jizz.

[Brian]

And I'm like, okay, I get it. Yeah, 104. He goes, I take that pool water up to the pool place, get them to test it. And then what you need to do is get some green to clean. It's about $58 a bottle. Get you about 10 bottles of that. And then you need about. He got this is what he said. You need about 40 pounds of shock. And I'm like, 40 pounds of shock? No, I put 40 pounds of salt in there. Well, I know I put 200,000 pounds.

[Chrissy]

Of salt in there. So many bags of salt.

[Brian]

So I'm like, really? And he's like, yeah, just go there. They'll tell you how to use it and everything. And you got the whole thing, and you got to do it. He goes, but you're going to save yourself probably about 7, $800 on me. He goes, because I'm just going to do the same thing. And I was like, okay, all right. Well, I appreciate you being honest at this point.

[Joy]

Are you just like it? I'll deal with it.

[Brian]

Honestly. Yeah, honestly, with all the drama that's going on. But I can't stand. I'm just too OCD to look out there and see that green pool. I got the pool and my. Like, you open these two big, huge windows in my bedroom, and all you can see is that green pool with the frog swimming in it. And I swear to God, they're swimming in it. It's like a field day for them. They love it. It's Perfect. It's perfect pH balance for the frogs. They're eating the algae off the walls and having a field day. So I go. I go up to the pool place again, you know, and they're looking at me like, dude, you've been in here like six times with your pool water, trying to get this right. And I'm like, it just. I don't know what's going on. So this guy.

[Joy]

Well, the storm, too.

[Brian]

Yeah.

[Joy]

Because you said your pool was overflowing.

[Brian]

It was overflowing. And it was overflowing for hours. And that, you know, you can put all the salt you want in a pool. If you keep on refreshing it with fresh water, it's going to get.

[Joy]

Exactly.

[Brian]

And then you put leaves in it. And that's, you know, organic matter. So it's just like having people swim in it. That's also organic matter. That's why you have to put chlorine in it occasionally to get the organic matter to die. Skin cells and hair and all that other stuff. Anywho.

[Chrissy]

So I say I go, hey, listen.

[Brian]

To get your children to die, you.

[Chrissy]

Got to throw a bunch of chemicals in there. So anyway, I say, hey, here's my pool water.

[Brian]

Guy goes, all right, well, it says the same thing. You need green to clean. And a bunch of shock. Like a box of shock. 12 bags. And I'm like, okay, all right, just what's the damage, doc?

[Chrissy]

And he's like, about 460.

[Brian]

Okay, all right, whatever. Let's just get this. I don't have 460. I'm putting on discovered card is going to cut me off pretty soon. So I'm like, okay, let me just swipe it there. I'm. No, I have a Discover card. I probably owe $70,000 and it's. I only buy stuff at the pool store. The Discover card. At least I'm getting cash back. Thanks.

[Joy]

Exactly.

[Brian]

So I guess I get all this green to clean stuff and I'm out there with the broom dusting up all the algae. Chrissy, that pool is a hot fudgeing mess. And if this doesn't work, if this doesn't work, I am going to pay the guy the $1600. I don't know. We're going to have to do 16 episodes fucking additional episodes of this show. Yeah, but to pay for it. But I swear to God, because I.

[Chrissy]

Can'T deal with it anymore. I don't know what I did.

[Brian]

I don't know what happened. Maybe some of the pool equipment's broken or something. Maybe that's the part that thought about.

[Joy]

God, you're going to drive yourself crazy.

[Brian]

Oh, well, I'm just going to let Bubba deal with it. I'm just gonna be like, Bubba.

[Joy]

I think that's probably.

[Brian]

I don't care what it costs anymore. I don't give a. I'm one guys that when I'm in over my head, I like to pay people to fix the problem. Do you know what I'm saying? I'm not one of those trying to fix it myself. I'm not that smart. Go to the professional. Yeah, I quit taxes. Right?

[Chrissy]

Don't. But don't.

[Brian]

Get the guy who's half retired and 79 years old. Get the people who are actively involved in actually doing tax.

[Chrissy]

A little lesson from Chrissy and Brian.

[Brian]

To you out there.

[Joy]

Psa.

[Brian]

A little PSA for you. Speaking of psa, I have. So since we're going to take some time off, I found a video. Remember Zaun? The guy, Zaun, the. The pois that we did. Who? He was like the most depressing in.

[Joy]

Turkey or something or. Where was he?

[Brian]

He was in Switzerland or Sweden or Amsterdam or something.

[Joy]

And he had it was like Algeria or.

[Brian]

Oh yeah, maybe it was maybe Turkmenistan or something for Uzbekistan, one of those countries over there. He was living there. And Romania. Romania, yeah. Yes. He had a whole apartment full of books that he never sold. He was going to give them away for free. He's like, worst mistake I ever made. Spent 10 years writing this book and didn't sell one copy. Anyway, Zaun actually has given a more recent, had a more recent appearance at the 21 Convention, which we just love because the mining content there is like easy. Just pick any video and go through it. So our ridiculous, our favorite Zaun is back and we'll go through it. But I think this might be a good one and maybe this is a multi episode one for, for you and the folks out for you, the one listening and the other folks in your car listening people in your office or at your warehouse.

[Joy]

Thank you, listener.

[Brian]

Yeah, thank you listener. And we'll go through it and we'll see how everything goes. But maybe we'll, we'll go all the way through his little presentation, see what he's got to say about his brand new book, 10 Ways to Be an Alpha Male.

[Joy]

I wonder if he like did it all, researched it during the pandemic.

[Chrissy]

Oh yeah.

[Brian]

Well, I mean, he's such a great author. His last book did such huge numbers. Why not? All right, we'll be back.

[Announcer]

Call me, beep me if you want to reach me at 212-4333, TCV if you have any comments, questions, compliments or content ideas. That's 212-433-3822. You can also find us on the [e-mail] which is where all of our audio and video lives. So check it out. And then while you're at it, you can follow us on Instagram at the commercial break and on TikTok @TCV podcast. That's all for now. So let's have a listen to our sponsors and get back to the show.

[Chrissy]

All right, two house clean.

[Brian]

Two pool cleaning items before we get on to get the show on the road here. Number one, you should have received refunds if you bought tickets to any of either of our Florida shows. If you have not, please contact the venue and let them know. And then if you have like extra, extra trouble, then you can of course reach out to us. 212-4333, TCB. And additionally, we will be announcing new dates very shortly, so keep that in mind. And it looks like we'll be adding some dates too, so we'll call it a tour. Just like that guy on my Facebook calls his the tour when he goes to the open mic nights. So there you go. All right. Zahn is at the 21 conference. I think this is about a year ago. The last 21 conference there has been. Because of course they didn't continue in 2020 though.

[Joy]

There was a shakeup.

[Brian]

There's a big shakeup. Big financial trouble over at 21 Conference.

[Joy]

Yeah, the. The leader.

[Brian]

Yeah. Apparently the Motel 6 that they were doing it at was owed some money and they couldn't get it going again. So there you go. But here's the. The Premier Men's Conference 21 Convention. And here's our old buddy Zaun. He's going to give a presentation. We'll listen through it.

[Joy]

Conference of the century.

[Event Host]

Welcome back to the 21 Convention. 2022 of Orlando, Florida, celebrating 16 years of 21 Studios and the 21 Convention.

[Brian]

Oh, it says 2022, but then the video says 2023. So I don't know, maybe I'm wrong.

[Event Host]

Live events being held at 21 Summit, Super Duper Triple event and our next.

[Brian]

Super Duper triple event.

[Joy]

I think that's the leader. The guy that's talking right now. Is it the guy that sank the.

[Brian]

Whole, that sank the whole men's conference business in Central Florida?

[Zan Perrion]

Yeah.

[Event Host]

Speaker is actually an alumni returning speaker to the 21 convention. First speaking in 2007.

[Brian]

I mean he's. If you're not. If, if the, the, you know, elite alumni of the 21 Convention is Zaun, the guy who couldn't sell any books. You're really scraping the bottom, struggling. Yeah.

[Event Host]

Scene at our event in Miami, Florida and again at our 10 year anniversary in 2017. He's a returning speaker from those events. He's also the founder and the of ours, Amarata and the.

[Brian]

Well, this guy, which in Romania is just a huge hit with all the. One time we did that mail order brides.

[Joy]

Oh yeah. I was thinking about that thing for days after we listen.

[Brian]

We got so many people that contacted us, including my father. My father listened to that episode. He was like, oh, does that really happen? I said, yeah, I think a couple of your sons could use.

[Event Host]

Through the alabaster girl. I think above and beyond that though, he is a legend in the manosphere. He's a godfather of the manosphere. More specifically.

[Brian]

Come on. Zahn's a godfather of a manosphere. Which manosphere is he godfather of? I don't see any fiefdom. Okay, I'll let it go by the way I do.

[Chrissy]

Let me.

[Brian]

Let me go off on this for a minute. I started watching that Aaron Hernandez. Remember Aaron Hernandez?

[Joy]

I do, and I've almost. I've almost watched that a couple times, but.

[Brian]

Get on it.

[Joy]

Get on it. Okay.

[Brian]

It's another cheesy, campy, you know, retelling of events, but there's 10 episodes. They've only released four of the episodes, and I haven't watched the fourth one yet because it just came out this morning. But I do have to say I'm. I'm invested in this story now, and Aaron Hernandez was apparently closeted, and that may have led to his. To some of his troubles. And, you know, I got. Yeah, P. P. Diddy and Aaron Hernandez. You just be who you are. Everything would have turned out okay.

[Event Host]

Godfather of the seduction community that you guys probably have heard about through all the fame and the media.

[Brian]

Dude, this guy has Zahn coming up, has the greasiest hair. I mean, listen, I don't care what you look like, and I don't want to make fun of your looks, but if he's the godfather of the seduction community, then you don't have much to hang your hat on, because it's like Zaun Mystery, that guy who's now the head of Trump Bitcoin University or whatever.

[Chrissy]

And fucking Adam the Liar Lions.

[Brian]

Really?

[Zan Perrion]

Yeah.

[Event Host]

Picked up over many decades. There's a true godfather of that.

[Brian]

He's old school.

[Event Host]

I mean, this guy's been around even longer than me, and I found it in 2005 when I was still very young.

[Brian]

I grew up. Wow, this guy's a ball of excitement, isn't he? It's hard to believe that this conference went belly up.

[Chrissy]

That guy's got big dick energy.

[Event Host]

Watching this guy. Very inspired by him when I was very young, as a teenager. So I'm very proud to have him not only at our events, but back at them again for his third time. So without further ado, please let me welcome Zan Perrion to the stage.

[Zan Perrion]

Okay.

[Brian]

Okay. All right. Now let me get into it, because I've got other things.

[Joy]

Why do they have those flags?

[Brian]

Yeah, they have. You know why they have those flags? Don't ask that.

[Joy]

That is the one of the. Is that that one on the right? Is that the.

[Brian]

This is the state of Florida flag. Yeah. Flying the Ron DeSantis flag for all people to see. And right next to the American flag and the MAGA hat.

[Zan Perrion]

We go get my water.

[Brian]

Yeah, I remember this guy likes to drink a lot of water. So we get into it.

[Zan Perrion]

I have no PowerPoint for you guys.

[Joy]

Does that have no PowerPoint?

[Brian]

Yeah. Well, that's exciting. Thanks.

[Chrissy]

Thanks for already making me go to sleep.

[Brian]

My parathyroid is now shutting down for the rest of the afternoon.

[Zan Perrion]

I don't even have a speech. Oh.

[Chrissy]

Oh, well, great. Yes. It's jumping with no parachute.

[Brian]

I like his style. Well, of course, there's nobody in the audience anyway.

[Chrissy]

Did you hear how many people were clapping? Do you prepare for this? I wouldn't. I just feel like, listen, I've been to a lot of podcast conferences and I know what kind of crowd is.

[Brian]

Going to show up. And after a while, you just stop worrying about it. You're like, well, I know what I know and I'll say some things and people will go, oh, wow, exciting.

[Chrissy]

Here's my advice to all new podcasters. Just press record. I'm so inspired by what you said. Yeah, I was inspired by that too, at first. Now I'm inspired by cold hard cash.

[Zan Perrion]

I've been talking for 20 years on stage, as Anthony was saying, for 20 years around the world, and. And I just. I thought, what am I going to talk about here? It's been a couple years, because coronavirus, that I did talk, but it's like I have nothing that I have to earnestly say to you. You're gonna. You're gonna like this. So I'm just gonna.

[Brian]

This is the exact same thing he said at his last 2017 conference. Besides the coronavirus thing. He said, I. I'm not. No speech prepared.

[Zan Perrion]

Riff on a few things I think I'm thinking about and I'm curious about.

[Joy]

Oh, please.

[Zan Perrion]

Riff that I love.

[Brian]

He looks like an overweight Jack White. Jack White forgot to go to the orthodontist.

[Chrissy]

You know what I'm saying?

[Zan Perrion]

And interesting. Like Anthony was saying that I've been doing this for a long time, 20 years. And there's something changing in me after all these years. A new phase, I guess.

[Chrissy]

A new flower.

[Brian]

I'm 58 years old, blooming in my genitalia. 58 years old. Doesn't work like it used to. What's up?

[Chrissy]

About the bolo tie?

[Joy]

So that's it. That is a bowler. I thought it was a necklace, but it is a bolo.

[Brian]

It's a bolong low. Yeah, it's hung low, I gotta say. A couple weeks ago, my. My youngest, the youngest of the brood, Patrick, my brother, texted me and it was like, I don't know, 8:30 on a Saturday night or something. And he says, hey, Brian, whatever. Do you remember your bolo phase?

[Chrissy]

And I was like, what the are you talking about? And he goes from, like, fourth grade to, like, ninth grade. You were into bolos. Do you remember that?

[Brian]

And I was like, I do remember that. Actually, I think it was more like third grade, so 12th grade.

[Chrissy]

But yes, I remember, like, your bolo.

[Brian]

And he's like, do you have any.

[Chrissy]

Pictures of you in a bolo? And I'm like, I'm sure I do somewhere, but I went through a bolo phase.

[Brian]

It was all I was. I thought it was the coolest thing ever. But now I realize the error of my ways.

[Chrissy]

And by 58, I would hope that Zahn would also. But maybe in Romania, bolos are cool, you know?

[Joy]

Yeah, well, it's hung low, too. Kind of styled differently.

[Chrissy]

Slow and low. Bolo.

[Zan Perrion]

Be 60 in a year and a half or year.

[Chrissy]

Look at the crowd. They're doing a crowd shot for the.

[Brian]

First time ever in a 21 convention.

[Joy]

Three people.

[Brian]

There is literally three people. They are so far apart from each other. What's going on? I guess that's what you do is when you don't have anybody, you space them out.

[Joy]

Yeah, Here.

[Zan Perrion]

So. And I'm thinking, you know, there's guys out there who are looking to me as a father figure, which is interesting. And, you know, part of the theme.

[Brian]

Of this conference is the, Daddy, I need pussy badly.

[Chrissy]

I smell a little funky and I eat Taco Bell. Oh, Daddy, I need some vulva. I'm watching too much Netflix and I'm going through hell. I need sticking in some hot chucha.

[Zan Perrion]

You have the patriarch, the benevolent patriarch, which is a beautiful concept.

[Brian]

Oh, you're a benevolent patriarch.

[Chrissy]

Oh, that's what you are. Have you ever been.

[Brian]

Have you ever had a girlfriend?

[Joy]

Well, that's what I'm thinking. Yeah.

[Chrissy]

Where's the hot chicks around Zah, Right?

[Brian]

I mean, she's obviously not going to come up on stage with him. We don't know that part the of of his life. But if I'm not mistaken, that's a wedding. Is that a wet. No, that's a pink.

[Joy]

Pinky.

[Chrissy]

The bolo and the pinky ring at 60 takes balls.

[Brian]

Takes balls to do that.

[Zan Perrion]

And. And I'm. I'm shifting into a kind of a different phase where I'm thinking I'm gonna. I don't.

[Brian]

Shifting into a low T phase.

[Chrissy]

I'm kind of winding things down a little bit.

[Brian]

By the way, this is awful fancy camera work. It is, it is. They got, like, the sliding camera panning zoo Crowd shots of all three people for three people. This is ballsy. In a very small hotel conference room.

[Zan Perrion]

Well, as much as I used to, I don't talk as much as I used to, but I sure believe in a good message that I'm going to try and share a little bit with you, and I hope you get it. You know, I'll just throw.

[Brian]

There is literally like a crowd. Wow.

[Zan Perrion]

Some ideas in the air and let it land on you, on your shoulders and see if it's. See if it resonates.

[Chrissy]

I'm gonna jizz on you. I'm gonna see how far I can shoot a load. How do you feel about it?

[Joy]

Let it land on you. Let it settle in.

[Brian]

If it just starts, like burning through their clothes.

[Zan Perrion]

With your. With you and your experience. Talking about this.

[Brian]

What's up with the long T shirt covering his. Long, tight T shirt covering his butt. Like, this is a style. He's got a style going on. And I'm not saying it's good or bad because God forbid that, you know, I wear a T shirt on every episode of the commercial break and usually the same T shirt. So God forbid I say something about somebody else's style, but this is a. This is out there, but maybe in Romania, this is where it's at, you know? Yeah.

[Joy]

Maybe.

[Zan Perrion]

Of the patriarch. My. My concept that I. That I. That I'm thinking these days is what exists. This. This phrase. What exists because of you. What exists because of you.

[Chrissy]

What exists because of me.

[Joy]

What exists because of you.

[Brian]

A statue I made out of Happy Meal boxes.

[Joy]

He's throwing out the wisdom.

[Brian]

A super computer I built by myself. Pikachu cards everywhere.

[Zan Perrion]

Which is the concept of legacy. What does that look like?

[Brian]

These guys didn't come to hear about legacy. These guys did not come here to.

[Joy]

Hear about tips on how to pick up chicks.

[Brian]

Now you aren't, you know, Titmon chan, no one gives a.

[Joy]

About your.

[Chrissy]

You're not a shogun, dude.

[Brian]

I mean, honestly, let's be honest about it.

[Zan Perrion]

A living legacy, not something after your dad necessary. But what are you creating in this world? What do you have to look forward to? I think the worst deficit in the hearts of men and women is when they don't have anything to look forward to. Nothing that they're yearning toward.

[Brian]

Did these guys come to hear a speech about their legacy or are they trying to get laid? I mean, the few people that are there look. The guys look rather young, normally showing the back of their heads. I can understand why that is because no one has Agreed to be on tape.

[Chrissy]

It's kind of like, you know, you.

[Brian]

Never show the jury or the victims in a courtroom.

[Chrissy]

You know what I'm saying? But at the end of the day.

[Brian]

Like, these guys didn't come to hear this, Z. They want to hear about the, like, how you get girls.

[Joy]

Yes.

[Brian]

How you've been so successful. What made you the patriot, the benevolent patriarch of the seduction community.

[Zan Perrion]

And I think about my. What, you know, what exists because of me.

[Brian]

Dandruff, that's what.

[Chrissy]

Because of you.

[Zan Perrion]

I have a daughter I talked about in the patriarch side yesterday, and I'm very close.

[Brian]

Yeah.

[Joy]

She must be proud that what you've.

[Brian]

Created in this world is a bunch of zombie like pickup artists that run around being in sincere and inauthentic about who they are and what their intentions.

[Zan Perrion]

Are, but private about this, because she's my. She's my darling. She's the.

[Brian]

She's embarrassed of you, really.

[Zan Perrion]

Of the Valley. To me. And I adore her and I love her. And I was early 20s when she's in her 30s now. I was in my early 20s when she was born, and I didn't know how to be a dad. I was a single guy chasing girls.

[Joy]

So I went to Romania, bused off.

[Chrissy]

To Romania, and I wrote a couple books. They're still in my apartment in Romania.

[Brian]

The books, not the girls.

[Chrissy]

But, you know, she's been awful proud of me for the last three or four days that I've been speaking with her.

[Brian]

She asked me to keep her name.

[Zan Perrion]

Out of it over two, three times a week. And I didn't know how to be a dad, so I just played. She'd paint my toenails and we'd dance to Madonna. And I loved her every minute of every day to the point where all these years that I've been speaking, nobody knows this, but for 20 years that I'm public speaking, including today, every time before I go on stage all over the world, from South Africa to Panama to Stockholm, I always call her because as soon as I hear her voice, I'm good. There is nothing what that can attack me when I hear her voice.

[Joy]

He's been calling her for the past 20 years before he steps on stage.

[Chrissy]

Yeah.

[Brian]

Okay. All right. I do have to say, as a dad of. Of females, I do have to say this resonates a little bit, like there is something specific about a father daughter relationship and a father son relationship. They're. They're equal and different at the same time. But there is something that is special about this Relationship, So I'm following him a little bit, but I find it hard.

[Joy]

I mean, if I was her, though, I would rather have him in instead of.

[Brian]

Yeah. Instead of calling me from Stockholm where I'm about to talk to guys about how to get.

[Announcer]

Yeah.

[Brian]

Also, it's. It's a little bit rich to be giving this particular speech when you're at the 21 convention, which is all about the manosphere, quote unquote.

[Zan Perrion]

You might have some naysayers. Well, you say that women are. Blah, blah, and you did it. I can live with that because I have her, and I believe in women because of her.

[Brian]

You just don't believe that they have the. Their will.

[Joy]

Yeah. That they're very intelligent.

[Zan Perrion]

Yeah.

[Brian]

You don't believe they're very intelligent, that they have their own will. You believe that they're. They're creatures of mathematical habit, and you can manipulate. You can manipulate that if you can just break the code.

[Zan Perrion]

I believe in the kindness and gentleness and grace of the female spirit because of what I see in my daughter. I'm good.

[Brian]

No, Good for you.

[Joy]

Well, thank you.

[Brian]

Give me a lot of.

[Zan Perrion]

A lot of relaxation and comfort.

[Brian]

Yeah.

[Joy]

Believe that.

[Brian]

What in the. Does this have to do with anything? These guys are probably like, I paid a thousand dollars, $3,000 for this.

[Joy]

Yeah.

[Zan Perrion]

I. I don't feel the need to try to try convince you of something, you know, because of your daughter. And I also believe in men. I. I'm here for a good message for you guys, because the world is broken. Society is in anarchy. There's no good messages, save one.

[Joy]

Oh.

[Brian]

Oh.

[Chrissy]

And I, Zon, benevolent patriarch, I'm here to deliver it.

[Joy]

Godfather Zahn.

[Chrissy]

Godfather Zahn.

[Brian]

I'm here to deliver it kindly, with my benevolent hand. Let's hear that message after we take a break.

[Chrissy]

You knew it was coming.

[Brian]

You started laughing because you knew it was coming. All right, we'll be back.

[Announcer]

Look, I only just started following the commercial break on Instagram, too, and that's on me. But you need to follow us at the commercial break on Instagram and CBpodcast on TikTok. I know that you are not sick of hearing that, and you never will be. Right. Something else you're definitely not sick of hearing is our phone number, 212-4333, TCB. So text. Text us or call us, but be nice to me, because I'm a highly sensitive person, and I just can't take the fame. If you want to be nice to me on another platform, you can go to our website, tcpodcast.com and actually you can just watch videos of Brian and Chrissy and listen to them all day long. And I know that that will be the best day of your life. Now let's listen to someone who's actually very, very nice to me and that's our sponsors. And let's get back to the show.

[Brian]

We're laughing at Christina's liners.

[Joy]

We love them.

[Brian]

Yeah, okay, back was on. He's gonna give us the. He says there's no good messages in the world save one. And he's about to deliver it.

[Zan Perrion]

What exists because of you is the. Is the thought and the process I've been sitting in, you know, that's the message. I'm shifting into a phase where I'm sitting in my. In my study. I have a study. My man cave.

[Chrissy]

Oh, you have a study.

[Joy]

Leather bound.

[Chrissy]

Yes, with a leather bound book that are mine. And a throne. Bring me the phone so I may ring my daughter and tell her how I get pussy. She's 30, she can deal with it now.

[Zan Perrion]

Mania. And I sit there in my rocking chair. I got a rocking chair.

[Brian]

Yeah, we were right. There you go.

[Zan Perrion]

I love it. When I was a kid, I used to sit and dream and I would read like, you know, fiction books as a kid, Tarzan books and stuff. And I would sit in a rocking chair.

[Chrissy]

Bring me my phone so I may ring up thy.

[Brian]

Hello?

[Chrissy]

Barbara, are you available tonight? It's on. Benevolent king of pussy. Barbara, are you there? Barbara, this phone doesn't work. Bring me another phone so I may ring Barbara back and get thy pussy for the evening. Barbara, it's me, Zahn from another phone. The benevolent king of what? Barbara? Barbara, this phone is also trash. Bring me my computer so I may text. Barbara. What? Blocked. This computer is trash. Have it burned with my bolos.

[Zan Perrion]

And all the years I've been traveling and speaking and wandering around the earth in different places, I didn't have a rocking chair.

[Brian]

What?

[Chrissy]

I thought we were going to talk about the one good message on earth. Talking about rocking chairs.

[Joy]

All the years.

[Chrissy]

All the years I've been walking on earth, I've never. I've never had a rocking chair. But now I solve the problem.

[Joy]

Since I study, I could see him.

[Chrissy]

At like an Aldi in Romania. Where is thy rocking chair? Barbara, bring me my rocking chair.

[Brian]

Sure.

[Zan Perrion]

Randomly bought one. And I realized what I've been missing all these years. I can't think without it. I do all my zoom calls in a rocking chair. Yeah. Okay, guys, let's go.

[Joy]

I bet people love that on your zoom calls.

[Chrissy]

You know what's coming to mind at.

[Brian]

This part in the presentation?

[Chrissy]

The beginning of the presentation where he said, I have nothing prepared. I'm just gonna jizz on you. And hopefully it makes sense.

[Brian]

That's what's coming to mind.

[Chrissy]

If I was in this room, I would be out Ski Gobowski.

[Brian]

I'd be like, this is not what I paid for.

[Zan Perrion]

So I'm sitting in. I'm shifting into this. I'm shifting into a real patriarch type of phase. I can feel it.

[Chrissy]

I can feel it. I can feel it in my prostate. I'm getting up to urinate much more frequently than I did before. But thank God I have my rocking chair. It's got wheels. Bring me to the urinal so I may piss again. And where's Barbara?

[Zan Perrion]

Something to share. Gather around. And what would I say to my young self? My young self who was so lost and lonely and so alone.

[Brian]

Why is he patting his face like that?

[Joy]

I don't know.

[Chrissy]

I would say, take care of your skin. Moist your eyes.

[Joy]

Less. Less cologne.

[Chrissy]

Yes, less cologne.

[Joy]

Less cologne to the end.

[Chrissy]

More shurikens.

[Zan Perrion]

What would I say to that to him now, knowing what I know now? Incredible.

[Chrissy]

Incredible. I'm incredible. Did you hear that?

[Joy]

He is drawing this out.

[Brian]

He is not giving us any digestible information having to do with anything.

[Chrissy]

I mean, I was willing to take.

[Brian]

I was willing to accept the fact we were going to go in a different direction and maybe not do so pick up artisty type bullshit.

[Chrissy]

But now we are lost in space completely. And Will Robbins is not there to save us.

[Zan Perrion]

I would say blessings upon you, my son. It's gonna be okay because I believe that's gonna be okay. And I know it's gonna be okay because I've seen it.

[Chrissy]

I am a young pope in my mind. Blessings upon you, young son. It's gonna be okay. You're going to have a rocking chair someday.

[Joy]

And a study.

[Chrissy]

And a study. And copies of books that I signed for.

[Brian]

No one.

[Zan Perrion]

A lot of things.

[Chrissy]

Where was I?

[Joy]

And I'm done.

[Chrissy]

This is so good.

[Zan Perrion]

I have a beautiful girl in Romania that I'm been with for 10 years.

[Brian]

Wow.

[Chrissy]

10 years, Barbara.

[Zan Perrion]

Long term relationship. I showed some of you guys the text I got from her yesterday, right?

[Chrissy]

It showed her vulva. It was from 10 years ago. I have been in a relationship with Barbara. It's a pretty one sided relationship. She sent me some nudes 10 years ago and I've been texting back ever since. Mornings tidbit.

[Zan Perrion]

10 years. And it's got the, the, the, the height and the depth of devotion and admiration and love. And I tell you it's not fair to me that I have a daughter of that beauty and a girl of that beauty and other guys do not. That's not fair.

[Chrissy]

It's not fair. So I'm willing to sell them to you right here, right now. Highest bidder ebay style auction popcorn bidding.

[Brian]

Who's it?

[Zan Perrion]

It should be for all. So my mission just is to give you some concepts and ideas that you can have it too because it's for you, it's available to you. And that's not what the message you hear from this modern society. You know, we hear that from the modern world.

[Brian]

Oh, the messages. Your 30 year old daughter and your 10 year old relationship in Romania are available to all guys.

[Chrissy]

That's the positive message you want to send. Tell me how 19, 1999 plus 1999.

[Brian]

Shipping and handling Romanian chick plus 30.

[Chrissy]

Year old daughter needs nothing from you anymore.

[Zan Perrion]

But I'm a real believer in it, you know, Me too. I was telling a story yesterday last.

[Brian]

Why do I feel like he's always telling a story?

[Joy]

Somebody, no matter where he is, he's definitely doing that.

[Chrissy]

Why do I feel like this is.

[Brian]

The kind of guy I would avoid at the bar? I'd like walk into the bar and I go, zon's here, let's go over here. And as soon as he starts walking toward. Talk to me, talk to me. Pretend like we're in an intense conversation. Hey Zahn. Hey, good to see you. But listen, we're chit and chatting something up, really important. Give me like three hours and I'll be gone from the bar. But if I hope we see each.

[Zan Perrion]

Other again soon and a half ago, my niece contacted me and said, uncle John, my first name is Jonathan, my middle name is Ann. So my family calls me John. Okay, John.

[Joy]

Wait, Jonathan Zan.

[Brian]

Jon Zahn.

[Chrissy]

Jon Zahn. Your name is John Zahn Johnson. Ah, Johnson. So what Barbara calls you?

[Zan Perrion]

So she said uncle John, Ever since I was a little girl, she was getting married. Ever since I was a little girl, I always dreamed about that you were going to be the one to marry us. I'm like, what?

[Brian]

What?

[Chrissy]

We're getting married? This isn't Alabama.

[Brian]

No, I'm kidding. Alabama jokes are passe.

[Chrissy]

This isn't Romania.

[Zan Perrion]

I had no clue. She never mentioned this. I'm like, I can't marry you. I'm not, I'm not a reverend. Well, you go online, you get ordained. I'm like, okay, so I went online and got ordained. I'm Reverend.

[Chrissy]

Reverend Johnson here.

[Joy]

Blessings.

[Chrissy]

Blessings upon you. Blessings upon you, child.

[Joy]

That's where the blessings came in.

[Zan Perrion]

Of course. Jonathan Zan Perion.

[Brian]

Laugh here.

[Zan Perrion]

And I got ordained and I flew to Michigan a year and a half ago in the middle of COVID And I thought, okay, it's going to be a small eight person Covid wedding, right? Nope. It was a big giant thing on the lake with swans and unicorns.

[Chrissy]

They were swans and unicorns. What's going on in Romania?

[Joy]

No, Michigan.

[Chrissy]

Oh, Michigan.

[Joy]

Michigan.

[Brian]

Oh.

[Joy]

Where everybody was defying any kind of order.

[Brian]

Just been made legal in Michigan over, like, the last five years, I think. John Zahn. That's not like Sean John, is it? Is it? John's on holding things.

[Zan Perrion]

And it was a giant like you see in the movies with the gazebo and everything, like. And I was nervous. I was nervous to talk at her wedding. Only had to talk for 15 minutes or so. And I've done a lot of public speaking and I did not get nervous. I was nervous there because I don't know why.

[Brian]

Because you're not talking about how to get pussy in front of a bunch.

[Joy]

Of guys you're actually marrying.

[Brian]

You got to be a human being for 15 minutes.

[Zan Perrion]

I just really wanted to give a good message for her, you know, my niece. And I'll tell you what my message was, because this is, to me, the essence of a loving, long term, beautiful relationship that goes as long as it needs to go, that's available to you.

[Brian]

As long as it needs to go. Not sure that's how marriage works. As long as it needs to go.

[Chrissy]

Till death do us part or as long as I need to.

[Zan Perrion]

Tiny little secrets I tell you I know a lot. I know a lot Devotion. How do you. This is what I said to them. I'm marrying them. They're here and here. The people are, you know, eight bridesmaids and aides.

[Joy]

I thought I was the marriage.

[Chrissy]

Did you bring a slideshow? Can we break out the slides? Because it might be more entertaining than this. I'm not sure, but this is crazy. He has gone from, I don't know, I don't even know where he started. He's gone from I have nothing prepared to I'm becoming.

[Brian]

I'm the benevolent patriarch of the seduction community to I got a rocking chair and a daughter to you two can.

[Chrissy]

Have it to I was getting married.

[Brian]

To Let me paint the picture where there's unicorns and swans on a lake.

[Zan Perrion]

In Michigan and This is what I said because I really believe it. I said you and you gaze.

[Chrissy]

Gaze over here. Gays.

[Brian]

I know what he means. Gays, like, look into each other. Yeah.

[Zan Perrion]

This is your beloved. That's a word we don't use anymore. We use. We use my significant other, my partner. Date night. Work on a relationship. We use these phrases that are what?

[Brian]

I don't think date night and beloved are interchangeable. Yeah.

[Joy]

Significant other, significant other.

[Brian]

Day, night. Yeah.

[Chrissy]

This is my date night.

[Joy]

This is actually called my date night.

[Brian]

My date night. Nice to meet you. Hi, I'm Brian, and this is my date night. Sounds like a prostitute or something. What is he talking about?

[Chrissy]

He's lost the plot, and there's, like, 40 minutes left to go. What's he gonna talk about next?

[Zan Perrion]

Soul killing. And we don't have the concept of the beloved. This is my beloved in whom I am well pleased.

[Joy]

I'm well pleased.

[Chrissy]

I think you're just upset we're not.

[Brian]

Talking in Old English anymore.

[Chrissy]

I know. This is thy beloved with whom I am well pleased and satisfied. In the groin Illustration. I shall now jism all over my beloved.

[Zan Perrion]

And if you have that, if you look at your significant other as your.

[Joy]

Beloved, they're like, yeah, but how do we get the first step? How do we meet girls?

[Brian]

He's like, how do I get out.

[Chrissy]

Of my basement and into a room where my beloved might be? How do I do that? Because I'm not entirely sure. And that's why I paid $3,000 to be here.

[Zan Perrion]

He's already. It already has a magic and a mystique. Because that's your beloved. It's a biblical word. We don't use it anymore.

[Brian]

Oh, my God. Where is he going with this?

[Zan Perrion]

So look upon each other as your beloved, which we're starving for in this modern world.

[Brian]

Okay. All right, listen.

[Chrissy]

We're an hour in. We've heard nothing substantive.

[Brian]

Yeah, I'm getting a theme with all these quads. If they just talk in circles, then you. Then they can charge money and talk slowly. Yeah, talk slowly. That's right. Well, you got to think it through. You don't want to sound like a total idiot all the time. I mean, listen, it's good to know.

[Joy]

That on his journey.

[Brian]

I'm sure that John Zon has been on his journey, quote unquote.

[Joy]

And now he's in his rocking chair face.

[Chrissy]

And listen, I mean, you know, I'm.

[Brian]

Sure the people that know Jean's on are. They think he's perfectly lovely guy, and he probably is a Perfectly lovely guy, but he's espousing some ridiculous notions and we're just going through and listening to him espouse nothing. Actually, not a thing. Haven't heard a thing from him.

[Chrissy]

No.

[Brian]

Except bolo. Yeah. Or is bolo. That's right. When's that thing gonna pop on, on it. Do like a 3D.

[Joy]

Like tighten it up.

[Brian]

Yeah.

[Joy]

You know, and get down to business.

[Brian]

Yeah, it needs to be up here. But he's wearing a T shirt. Like a Jack White T shirt.

[Joy]

Yeah.

[Chrissy]

All right, well, we'll get, we'll get.

[Brian]

Back to this pile of nothing tomorrow. No, next week. Sorry, Next week. I want to thank very much for Kelsey Cook coming in this week. What a lovely human being. I really enjoyed our conversation with Kelsey Cook. Check her out, she's up and coming and she can kick your ass in foosball if that's how it's said. Foosball. So check her out. I think it's KelseyCook.com. check out on the socials. I think she's doing some live shows. She's got a special out there and we enjoyed it. We hope she comes back. Okay. TCBpodcast.com More information about the show. All the audio, all the video. So right there, from one location, you have to go to no man's other website. Right here at this website. You can also get your free TCB sticker by going to the contact us button, hitting the drop down menu. I want my sticker. Give us your address and we'll send you one. No muss, no fuss. You don't even have to listen to us talk. Well, you had to listen to us talk to get to this point. You get what I'm saying? 212-433-3. TCB 212-433-3822 dial us up. Questions, comments, concerns, content, ideas. We're taking them all at that phone number. Add the commercial break on Instagram, TCB podcast on tick tock and YouTube.com the commercial break for all of our interviews and selected episodes. Okay, Chrissy, that's all I can do for right now.

[Joy]

I think so.

[Brian]

But I love you.

[Joy]

I love you.

[Brian]

Best to you.

[Chrissy]

Best to you.

[Brian]

And best you out there in the podcast universe. Until next time. Chrissy. And I always say, we do say and. And we must say goodbye.

[Chrissy]

Ed, I have it.