Best Of: Critter Crazy

Summary

The Commercial Break – Best Of: Critter Crazy

Release Date: October 11, 2024
Hosts: Bryan Green, Krissy Hoadley, Producer Christina

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Episode Overview

“Best Of: Critter Crazy” is a rollicking, improv-driven celebration of all things weird and wild in the animal kingdom, curated from fan-favorite moments in The Commercial Break’s chaotic history. Kicking off with producer Christina stepping in while Bryan and Krissy “slack off,” the episode spotlights the podcast’s unexpected (and contentious) relationship with possums—how they became running lore and lightning rods for listener passion. Alongside the possum saga, the hosts hilariously review bizarre pet psychic segments, question the logic of animal TV, riff on invasive spiders, and generally let their animal opinions spiral into the absurd.

The tone is raucous, irreverent, and self-aware, perfectly capturing the “Cheesecake Factory of comedy podcasts” energy: a little wild, a little random, always authentic.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

Possum Pandemonium: TCB’s Lore & Listener Drama

• The Possum Divide:
  Christina explains how possums became inextricable from the TCB brand. Despite being a podcast about…well, not possums, the hosts’ offhand animal opinions sparked a surprising level of listener heat and running gags.

  “Why do we need to talk about possums? Is this a podcast about possums? What is this bitch on? But here’s the thing: possums have somehow become a deep part of our lore.” – Christina (00:12)

• Listener Outrage & Classic Review:
  Joe Dombrowski, recent guest, brings up a scathing listener review about the hosts’ anti-possum banter.

  “It’s a one star. ‘I used to love your podcast until you talked bad about possums. They deserve to be on earth more than humans. Do your research before talking negative about species!’” – Joe/Caller (03:27)
  The TCB crew responds, both amused and exasperated, delightedly riffing on the bizarre depths of listener passion: “We laugh about it all the time. We’re like, you took the time to write that.” – Chrissy (03:51)

• Self-Awareness & Philosophy:
  Responding to critiques, Bryan and Chrissy double down on the show’s polarizing style:

  “Haters make me famous. That’s a Honey Boo Boo quote that I want tattooed to my ass.” – Bryan (04:37)
  “It’s not for everyone, but thanks for listening.” – Chrissy (05:04)
  The hosts cheerfully reiterate the show’s “not for everyone” mantra and embrace being divisive, especially to animal lovers.

Revisiting “The Possum Tape” (05:26–09:34)

• Bryan recounts his (in)famous animal empathy story, rehabilitating seagulls and squirrels—but draws the line at possums:

  “My goodwill stops at roaches and possums. You know what I’m saying? I don’t feel bad for you. I’m sorry. … You’re like little aliens crawling around this earth and I’m not sure you should be here.” – Bryan (07:46)

• Chrissy describes a bizarre post-episode encounter:

  “Right after that, there’s a baby possum in my yard. I had to take a picture of it and send it to Bryan. And Bryan goes, ‘See? Yeah, it does look like an alien.’” – Chrissy (09:09)

• A nugget of mercy is reserved for the young:

  “Baby possums…okay, we’re going to give a break to the baby possums. They didn’t choose to be here.” – Bryan (09:21)

The Opossum or Possum Pronunciation Debate (13:00–13:45)

• Emailers (and producers Astrid and Christina) weigh in on the “opossum” versus “possum” argument.

  “It can be said either way. Opossum or possum.” – Bryan (13:37)

Possums vs. Roaches: The Official TCB Animal Hierarchy

• Opossums and roaches officially get put in Bryan’s “no empathy” zone, with everyone forced to admit baby animals of any species are harder to hate.

  “Under one years old, possum good. Over one years old, possum bad. And I don’t care if you call it opossum or possum.” – Bryan (14:12)

Possum Facts: A Half-Hearted Attempt at Rehabilitation

• Christina and Bryan swap fun (and not-so-fun) facts about possums:

  • North America’s only marsupial
  • Eat pests, immune to some snake venom, and rarely get rabies due to low body temperature
  • Often misunderstood “trash management”

  Christina tries to redeem the species:

  “They’re basically nature’s pest control and trash management, which as we know, is an essential job.” – Christina (10:21) “Every time you come across a possum and you’re like, don’t touch it, that thing has rabies. Guess what? It’s actually only pretending to have rabies… It literally drools and growls and blows snot bubbles to pretend to be sick so that you don’t touch them. Who’s the real problem? Hmm? That’s right, it’s us.” – Christina (23:49)

  Bryan remains unmoved:

  “They’re ugly little alien creatures. And I’m not a fan. If you want to be a fan, be a fan.” – Bryan (21:51)

The Spider Apocalypse Detour (17:15–19:35)

• The team leaps from possums to spiders, especially the Japanese “joro spider,” an invasive, flying, hand-sized arachnid now in Georgia and soon—nightmarishly—in New York.

  “They have been known to make their own parachutes and fly from building to building. Not even kidding. Wow, that is a nightmare come alive.” – Bryan (18:54)

• Spiders at least, Bryan concedes, serve a valuable ecological function—except invasive species.

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Pet Psychic Madness: Sonya Fitzpatrick & Talking Birds (25:36–47:55)

• Bryan and Chrissy unearth a video featuring Sonya Fitzpatrick, an “animal communicator” and early Animal Planet host, who allegedly talks to birds.
• The group satirizes everything from the British accent’s inherent authority (“Anytime someone with an English accent says something, they’re— they’re trustworthy.” – Bryan, 27:09), to the idea of pet psychics preying on wealthy pet owners.

Bird Owner Anecdotes & Psychic Absurdities

• The bird’s owner relates a bizarre saga of eggs sitting around for years before suddenly hatching:

  “We had these eggs for years… and then all of a sudden they turned into dinosaurs. Little velociraptors.” – Astrid, mocking (31:53)

• Astrid and Bryan supply sardonic animal voiceovers, culminating in a soap-opera-twinged tale of parakeet loss and longing.

• The pet psychic claims birds grieve, want TVs, and have opinions about which cats they like.

  “He’s just looking at these stupid [movies]. You keep putting Madagascar on; the Lion King—yeah, I know how it ends. Can we take that miserable movie off?” – Astrid as the parakeet (36:46)

• Discussion about pampering pets with TV:

  “I’ve never once seen my dog watch TV. I know there are cats that watch TV, but they’re just tripping balls.” – Bryan (35:26) “My mom used to turn on the Animal Planet when she would leave the dogs… I think it made her feel better.” – Chrissy (35:39)

Final Thoughts on Pet Communication

• The hosts doubt the field but see its commercial appeal:

  “There’s probably a lot of rich white ladies who’d like to know what their poodles are saying.” – Bryan (41:53) “Dogs and cats and everybody likes me, but I’m not talking to them. At least not aloud, or pretend to know.” – Chrissy (41:24)

• Christina closes the segment with tongue-in-cheek encouragement for listener feedback and more stories, continuing the self-aware and inclusive TCB energy.

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Notable Quotes & Moments (With Timestamps)

• Possum Outrage
  “It’s a one star. ‘I used to love your podcast until you talked bad about possums. They deserve to be on earth more than humans.” – Joe/Caller, (03:27)

• TCB’s Mission Statement
  “Haters make me famous. That’s a Honey Boo Boo quote that I want tattooed to my ass.” – Bryan, (04:37)
  “It’s not for everyone, but thanks for listening.” – Chrissy, (05:04)

• Bryan’s Animal Empathy Limits
  “My goodwill stops at roaches and possums. You know what I’m saying?” – Bryan, (07:46)
  “They’re like little aliens crawling around this earth and I’m not sure you should be here.” – Bryan, (07:54)

• Possum Mercy
  “Baby possums…okay, we’re going to give a break to the baby possums. They didn’t choose to be here.” – Bryan, (09:21)

• Possum Facts Redemption Attempt
  “They’re basically nature’s pest control and trash management, which as we know, is an essential job.” – Christina, (10:21)

• Possum as Hill to Die On
  “Are we that terrible? I realize we are not like the cream of the crop comedy podcast… but possums, we… can’t be better than possums.” – Bryan & Astrid, (23:00–23:12)

• Pet Psychic Skepticism
  “Anytime someone with an English accent says something, they’re trustworthy. They are reliable sources of information.” – Bryan, (27:09)
  “There’s probably a lot of rich white ladies who’d like to know what their poodles are saying.” – Bryan, (41:53)

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Key Timestamps for Segment Navigation

• Opening Possum Lore Explained: 00:12–01:49
• Listener Review & Haters Make Me Famous: 03:19–04:53
• Possum Tape Excerpt: 05:26–09:34
• Possum in Chrissy’s Yard & More Listener Feedback: 09:35–10:50
• Possum Facts by Christina: 10:21–11:58
• Possum/Opossum Pronunciation Debate: 13:00–13:45
• Spiders & Joro Spider Tangent: 17:15–19:35
• Possum Facts, Venom Immunity, Final Arguments: 20:19–23:16
• Pet Psychic Video Review: 25:36–47:55
• Pet TV, Animal Opinions, Skepticism: 34:00–41:53
• Closing Listener Encouragement: 48:15–End

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Tone & Takeaway

The episode is quintessential TCB—loose, sharp-witted, and gleefully self-parodying, thriving on unpredictability and the real-life reactions it elicits. The hosts’ banter reflects real friendship, unvarnished opinions, and underlines the show’s ethos: comedy is subjective, animals are weird, and sometimes your comedy podcast destiny is to become “the possum-hating podcast”—and be totally fine with it.

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For more:

• Voice your possum stance by connecting with the TCB crew at tcbpodcast.com
• Text or call: 212-433-TCB

“It’s not for everyone, but thanks for listening.” — Chrissy (05:04)
Possums, haters, and random critters: all welcome (up to a point).

Transcript

[Chrissy]

Remember when the boys made us watch.

[Brian Green]

That movie about the gay guys on the mountain?

[Chrissy]

Lord of the Rings?

[Christina]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

On this episode of the commercial break.

[Christina]

Hi, podcast universe. It's Christina. If you've never heard my voice before, I am the producer of the commercial break. And sometimes when Brian and Chrissy are slacking off, they ask me to jump in and guide you through the tumultuous days without them. So let's get to it. We need to talk about possums. If you're new to tcp, you're probably thinking, what the hell? Why do we need to talk about possums? Is this a podcast about possums? What is this bitch on? But here's the thing. Possums have somehow become a deep part of our lore. So I thought I'd catch you up to speed on just exactly how we got here. So here's Brian and Chrissy talking about possums.

[Brian Green]

The next episode of the commercial break starts now. Oh, yeah. Cats and kittens, welcome back to the commercial break. I'm Brian Green. This is the opossum to my opossum, Kristen Joy Oatley. Best to you, Chrissy Bestie.

[Chrissy]

Brian.

[Brian Green]

Best to you out there in the podcast universe. Yes, yes, yes. They're aliens. And we know there's been a lot. There's a long, deep divide amongst the commercial rig listeners right now about opossum or opossum. And then whether or not. Yeah. Or just possum or whether or not we even have possums on this earth. I want to settle everybody down. I'm not looking to divide the country any more than it's already divided. We got enough troubles to worry about. We're not going to go apeshit over possums. But I do want to thank one of our listeners. Caitlin is a great listener, been listening for a long time, communicates with us frequently. She found the episode where we are talking about possums, and I've got that.

[Chrissy]

Tape to roll too long ago either.

[Brian Green]

No, it was less than a month ago. It was a month and a couple days ago.

[Chrissy]

We talk so much on this show that we.

[Brian Green]

We don't even remember. I don't remember that just a month ago we had had this whole conversation about possums. I thought for sure it was years ago. I was like, oh, she must have gone deep in the ca. Found me saying something about possums that she wasn't happy about.

[Chrissy]

But no, just like 10 episodes ago.

[Brian Green]

N. Yeah, it was like seven days ago.

[Astrid]

I mean, it's crazy that we couldn't remember that.

[Brian Green]

It's so insane.

[Astrid]

We are old, Chrissy. We are old.

[Chrissy]

Okay, again, I think we just talk so much. We do that we can't remember. It just flows.

[Brian Green]

What are you going to do? We're at that point in life where.

[Astrid]

There'S only so much information we can.

[Brian Green]

Stuff in our brains. We're at the point in our life where four days a week is even too much for us, and we're the ones creating it. I'm sure a lot of listeners would agree. Shut Brian up is basically the sentiment on the Apple reviews right now.

[Astrid]

Okay, okay.

[Brian Green]

You're not gonna. Not everyone's gonna be happy.

[Chrissy]

It's not for everyone.

[Brian Green]

But those of you that don't know Joe Dombrowski was our guest last week, go take a listen to that episode. Joe was great, but Joe, at the end, he apparently did his homework on the commercial, because at the end, he said, before I let you guys go, I have one more thing for you. I was reading your reviews and I found one, and I'd like to let you know.

[Christina]

All right, just real quick. I'm going to play that segment from Joe Dombrowski's episode.

[Caller/Listener]

You guys, this. I found this comment on this was a review that somebody left for y' all and I. This is exactly what I'm talking about.

[Chrissy]

Oh, good.

[Caller/Listener]

Exactly what I'm talking about. It's a one star. I used to love your podcast until you talked bad about possums. They deserve to be on the earth more than humans. They have existed for more than 70 million years. Do your research before talking negative about species. Took the time. Someone took the time to write that.

[Chrissy]

We laugh about it all the time. We're like, you took the time to write that.

[Caller/Listener]

Okay, possum lover 44.

[Astrid]

Just go.

[Caller/Listener]

Go back down your possum Rabbit hole on YouTube and don't watch this podcast anymore.

[Julie]

Yeah. Thanks for watching.

[Brian Green]

Thanks.

[Julie]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

Like, it's not for you.

[Astrid]

It's not for you.

[Brian Green]

Keep walking like. But.

[Caller/Listener]

And also you, too, possums and Sarah McLaughlin.

[Brian Green]

Animal abusers.

[Chrissy]

I love that you brought that up.

[Astrid]

You want to know what?

[Brian Green]

Did you.

[Astrid]

Had you read that before? No, we didn't, but we love reading.

[Brian Green]

Love reading the comments, too. We do, yeah. Because you know what? The haters are probably listening to more hours of our show than the people who don't like haters. Make me famous. That's a Honey Boo Boo quote that.

[Caller/Listener]

I want tattooed to my ass.

[Brian Green]

That's it. But also our tagline for many. I mean, there's. We're 550 episodes into this, almost 700 hours of this show. And you know what our Tagline for about 100 hours of this was? It's not for everyone. It's not.

[Chrissy]

And that came. That came from me talking to, like a family member at Thanksgiving. And they were like, we listen to your podcast. And that was.

[Brian Green]

They said nothing else. Yeah.

[Astrid]

I was like, well, yeah, just dropped off.

[Chrissy]

Not for everyone, but thanks for listening.

[Caller/Listener]

Yeah, I tell that to people all the time.

[Brian Green]

But I could. Not for the life of me, Chrissy. Or I could now.

[Chrissy]

We were like, when did we talk about possums?

[Brian Green]

I have no idea. I had no idea. Well, it turns out just a week ago is when we talked about possums. And so I actually have that tape. I've pulled it. Do you want to hear it?

[Chrissy]

Yes.

[Brian Green]

Okay. This is from the episode the Kids Are Not. All right. I don't particularly remember what we were talking about.

[Chrissy]

I don't either.

[Brian Green]

But I actually think I. Since I listened to it. I do recall us having this conversation about me saving a seagull. Yes. A baby seagull or a young seagull at the beach because it had gotten some kind of cleaning solution for the submarine base that was down the street. It got some kind of cleaning solution on it that was toxic to this poor bird. And we took a 40 minute drive to go drop it off in the middle of the swamp in Florida. And that bird got loose in the car and started flying everywhere. So that's where we're picking up on the conversation now. What I'm about to play to you.

[Chrissy]

Somehow it segued into possums.

[Brian Green]

Sounds exactly like the commercial break. Somehow we couldn't keep our train of thought. Sounds like us. That tracks. That math is math.

[Chrissy]

I remember that.

[Brian Green]

Yes. That math is mapping. If someone says ADHD podcast and the commercial break in the same sentence resonates.

[Christina]

Yes.

[Brian Green]

It tickles me in my warm spot. You know what I'm saying? Okay, so here we go. I'm going to play this for you. This is not Chrissy and I talking live. Know that probably about the next minute. This is actually from that episode the Kids are Not. All right, here you go. This is what I said. This is what got this person so upset. And by the way, this person, well, I'm not going to name because, you know, we don't need to start some big, you know, doxing war or anything. But I'm just going to share that if you want to come on air and talk to me about this, I'D be happy to have that conversation.

[Chrissy]

We would love that.

[Brian Green]

I'm open minded. I'm still not going to like possums at the end of it, but that doesn't. We don't have to hate each other because of it. Okay, ready? Here we go. Here's the. Here's the bit of tape. So it, you know, like, I have this empathy for animals, and when I see something that looks helpless, says Brian right before he says, possums shouldn't be on earth. Pert. I want to help it. I nurtured a squirrel once back to health. Like, I want to help it, but I can't take all of them in and then just leave them there indefinitely. It's. It's insane to me. I have a friend who's got basically an animal hospital going on in their house any given time. There's snakes and reptiles and, you know, squirrels and possums. And this is true. I do have a friend. And on the other day on Facebook, when I looked at her Facebook page, she had a bird of some sort. Like a brown bird, like a. Like a regular bird, you know, just a bird. The brown bird you see outside, the brown. The brown thrasher. And the bird was chasing a cat around the house, pecking it.

[Astrid]

It was so crazy.

[Chrissy]

Oh, that's funny.

[Brian Green]

Okay, back to the tape. Raccoons are all running around everywhere. Every time I see a Facebook page, there's another fucking weird animal in their hands. The other day, they're like, petting a possum. I'm like, what are you doing? I think it's full of disease and nastiness. Like, my goodwill stops at roaches and possums. You know what I'm saying? I don't feel bad for you. I'm sorry. I just don't. Because you're kind of weird. You're like little aliens crawling around this earth and I'm not sure you should be here. So I don't know if my empathy extends that far. If you're a dog or a cat or a cute little bird, those things I want to know.

[Chrissy]

I mean, I'll swerve to miss it.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, of course you swerve to miss it.

[Astrid]

It took me like five seconds.

[Chrissy]

Yeah, you thought about that?

[Astrid]

I was like, yeah.

[Brian Green]

Okay, first of all, you realize that I got to do Chrissy and I got to do six hours of talking a week, right? So, yeah, My opinion on possums is just based on my initial reaction. I'm trying to tell a story that turns out improv. Yeah, we're improv. So I'm improving my opinion on. On possums. But I do agree with myself.

[Chrissy]

I do agree with myself. That's good. You staying firm?

[Astrid]

Yeah, I don't think I said all that. Well, the weird.

[Chrissy]

The weird, weird, weird part about all of this, and we probably need to put a pin in the whole possum sit situation. We've talked about it so much.

[Brian Green]

No, I'm keeping this going.

[Chrissy]

Weird part was that right after that, there's a baby possum in my yard.

[Brian Green]

I know that is.

[Chrissy]

Kind of never seen that before. And I had to take a picture of it and send it to Brian. And Brian goes, see? Yeah, it does look like an alien.

[Brian Green]

It does look like an alien. It's got that long, weird tail. It's got those beady little eyes.

[Christina]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

But we agreed yesterday last week on the show that babies baby possums. Okay, we're going to give a. We're going to give a break to the baby possums. They didn't choose to be here. They didn't choose to be possums.

[Chrissy]

What if you're a possum in your next life now, so.

[Brian Green]

Oh, I know. I'm gonna be a possum in my next life. A possum or. I don't know, a possum or a. I'm not gonna say it. All right, so there's your.

[Chrissy]

Thank you, Caitlin, for helping us jog our memory.

[Brian Green]

That's right. Let's wrap this argument up with. Brian's not a huge fan of possums, but I would swerve to miss it if I saw it running across the street. I know it serves a purpose here on Earth and. But my opinion doesn't change. I still think they look like aliens and, you know, they're a little bit strange and roaches and possums. I just not. I just don't care for them. So whoever made the comment, whatever your name is, whoever made that. That post, I welcome you onto the show. We can talk about this like adults, or at least you can talk about it like an adult, and I'll continue to be a child about it. And, yeah, possum haters unite. Here we are at the commercial break.

[Christina]

All right, there you go. So that is how TCB came to be known as the Possum hating podcast. But as for me, myself, and I. I need to record straight. That's right. I am a possum lover. I think they're cute. Sue me. And also, they're honestly really cool. They're North America's only marsupial, which puts them in the same category as kangaroos. And yes, that means their babies are called joeys and they carry them in a pouch, which just kills me. It is so cute. And they're basically nature's pest control and trash management, which as we know, is an essential job. So I'm just saying keep an open mind when it comes to possums. Well, now that that's all been said, we are going to take a quick break and then we will get back to Brian talking more shit about possums. Are you lonely? Depressed? Listless? Feeling silly? Call TCB at 212-4333, TCB to get advice on your most difficult life circumstances. That advice will probably be bad, but that's okay. Call today. It's only $79.99 plus shipping and handling for Ask TCB Advice Services. That's 212-433-3822. Now that I have your attention, you should know that you can also follow us on Instagram hecommercial break and on TikTok CBpodcast. If you want to request our latest sticker, head to tcbpodcast.com, click contact and select sticker request from the drop down menu. And don't forget, you owe me $79.99 plus shipping and handling.

[Brian Green]

Speaking of Joe Dombrowski, Joe was a great guest. We got a lot of feedback on the Joe Dombrowski interview.

[Chrissy]

Lots and lots of feedback.

[Brian Green]

Really loved him, especially his calling us out on the possum and when.

[Chrissy]

And then, and then I sent you.

[Brian Green]

The picture and then a possum showed up at Chrissy's house. I know, it's unbelievable.

[Chrissy]

Little baby. It was a baby. We were sitting outside enjoying a beverage in the evening and all of a sudden, out of the corner of my eye, I see a little baby possum, you know what, running over. And then it just stood there and it was scared.

[Brian Green]

It's hard to dislike a baby anything.

[Chrissy]

I know.

[Brian Green]

You know what I'm saying.

[Chrissy]

And I was like, first of all, this is weird because we just had a whole talk about possums. And I've never seen a possum at my house before out in the yard. And I think it had gotten lost maybe from its family, which I felt bad about. But what am I gonna do?

[Brian Green]

Well, it's probably dad is like sitting out in the middle of the road somewhere with a tire mark on it. I mean, those things, they just don't get out of the way. I I think. Are those one of the animals that get like, like deer in the headlight type thing?

[Chrissy]

I think so.

[Brian Green]

I think so too. Yeah, they came. They're blind or something. But the possum drama continues here at the commercial break because we got someone that wrote in that said, you're saying it wrong. It's opossum. It's opossum. Opossum.

[Chrissy]

Okay, but.

[Brian Green]

And so Astrid said, you're saying it wrong because we even say it opossum, like in the English translation of opossum is. Or opossum is opossum, not possum. And so I said, no, that can't be true. I've been writing it possum my entire life. Yeah, it's been possum mind. So when did it turn into opossum? Like opossum? No, you don't sound like I'm calling it. I'm saying it's a possum. So, in fact, Astrid was correct and I was correct. It can be said either way. Opossum or possum.

[Chrissy]

Either way.

[Brian Green]

Either way. Either way. Still don't like possums. Opossums or possums. Still don't like them. So my mind is not ventures.

[Chrissy]

I like the baby. I felt bad for the baby.

[Brian Green]

Well, it's really hard to dislike, right? A baby anything. A baby anything, let alone a baby possum. Do you know what I'm saying?

[Christina]

Yes.

[Brian Green]

So the drama continues. Commercial break is in fact, possum haters. And so Joe united.

[Chrissy]

Except for babies.

[Brian Green]

Except for babies. Okay. Baby possums get a. After they turn one. I hate them. But before one, they're fine. I'll leave them alone.

[Chrissy]

Small babies good.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, small baby good.

[Chrissy]

Big ones now.

[Brian Green]

That's right. Pee pee, poo poo in the diaper look good. It's just like kids or dogs. Puppies don't stay puppies forever. They eventually turn into dogs. You know what I'm saying?

[Chrissy]

Right.

[Brian Green]

They're cute as a button until they start chewing your legs off your ten thousand dollar furniture. Then you hate them.

[Chrissy]

Case in point, blue.

[Brian Green]

Case in point, blue. I wish blue was chewing on the furniture. That would be the. I would. I would accept that as a good alternative to what's actually going on in this house. Blue. Blue. Man, oh man. I don't know. I'm not gonna get into it. I'm not gonna do the 3,000th story about Blue. Yeah, Waking the baby up on my feet. Whatever. Anyway, so, okay, under one years old, possum good. Over one years old, possum bad. And I don't care if you call it opossum or possum. And I know that there's one particular person out there who really dislikes our stance on possums, but I'm sorry to say they are weird, strange animals who really skeeve me out. They're like roaches. Do you find roaches to be friendly? Are you a roach lover? No one is a lover. It's a roach lover.

[Astrid]

No, no one.

[Brian Green]

You want to know why? Because they're weird, disgusting animals. They crawl around your walls. Yeah. Really fast. They skeeve you out. They're like, in the middle of the night, they're crawling against walls.

[Astrid]

It's the same thing that possums do. The same thing.

[Brian Green]

They're in your trash. They're walking around walls. They crawl out at night, they're under your porch. You never know where they are until they show up at Chrissy's house to have a drink with her and Jeff. Okay, just. Let's all agree possums are. I'm not saying kill them. I'm just saying, you know, I don't know what I'm saying. What I'm saying is I don't like them.

[Astrid]

That's what I say.

[Chrissy]

And that's okay.

[Brian Green]

And that's okay.

[Chrissy]

Yes.

[Brian Green]

And neither does Joe. For the record, I think Joe's on our side about this one.

[Chrissy]

He seemed to be.

[Brian Green]

Or at the very least, he's on the side of shitty Internet commenters leaving dumb reviews. But I think this person actually wrote a long email to us once, and Astrid was trying to find it. I don't know if we've been successful in that. We haven't, because I would have it if we had. But she swears up and down, and I remember her telling me this, that someone had written in and given this long soliloquy on possums and why we should take a second look at our opinion on possums. Now, I put a call out to the audience earlier this week asking them to. If you can find that clip of us, I buy you coffee for a week. I said, still stands. I haven't had anybody.

[Chrissy]

No one's taking you up on it?

[Brian Green]

No, because no one's listening. So.

[Christina]

Just.

[Chrissy]

We're just talking each other.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. But if you do know, if you remember, if you can find the clip of me talking about opossums or possums and my stance on them originally on the show, I'm not talking about when Joe told us about this review, then I'll Buy you coffee for a week. Whatever your favorite coffee shop is. I'll. I'll send you a gift card to it. But I'm just.

[Chrissy]

I. I'm not sure what their attributes are, and I'm sure there. They have some, but I'm not quite sure because, you know, like, if you have a spider that can be good for the bugs or, you know, a cat running around outside can be good for the rodents.

[Brian Green]

Let me. Let me tell you about spiders. I don't like spiders either.

[Chrissy]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

But I will deal with them under certain circumstances because I understand that they are eating the creatures that I really don't want. There are, like, house spiders that will eat roaches and flies and gnats and stuff that you don't actually want in your house. So they're a necessary evil as far as I'm concerned right now.

[Chrissy]

Speaking of spiders, though, have you ever seen one of those? That's the. It's got all the different colors on it.

[Brian Green]

They're the Japanese, and they do this.

[Chrissy]

I remember seeing this one that was in between two bushes at my grandfather's house, and it had this elaborate web, and it was beautiful. I didn't want to mess with. Looked like it was doing its work, and it was gorgeous.

[Brian Green]

Are you talking about this spider? The joro spider?

[Chrissy]

Maybe. I just remember it being black and it had yellow, like, bright yellow.

[Brian Green]

This is it.

[Christina]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

It's called the joro spider. It's from Japan. It originally was found here in Georgia. They think because of the port of Savannah, it got brought over on shipping containers. It's an invasive species, and it's made its way up the east coast, and they are now flying. The joro spider can be 4 to 5 inches in diameter.

[Chrissy]

It's big.

[Brian Green]

It's huge. Like maybe the size of my hand. I have seen a number of them on. On corners, in. On the outside of my house. And the pest control guy was like, invasive species. I'm gonna kill it. Sometimes I leave spiders alone, but I'm gonna kill these because they're invasive species and they'll eat all the other spiders or whatever they do.

[Caller/Listener]

I don't know.

[Brian Green]

They're poisonous, and they can, like, you know, they eat bugs and stuff like that, but they can also kill the spiders that you really need. Okay, so piggybacking on the possum thing, spiders serve a purpose. Except for the joro spider.

[Chrissy]

Except for the invasive.

[Brian Green]

Except for the invasive ones, they.

[Chrissy]

They serve a purpose in Japan.

[Brian Green]

They serve a purpose in Japan, but they are out of their own Element when they're here in the United States. And so now New York is. Is waiting for what they're calling spider apocalypse. Because they do very well in cities. They breed fast, they lay hundreds of eggs at a time, and they can make parachutes. They actually like tall buildings. And they have been known to make their own parachutes and fly from building to building. Not even kidding. Wow, that is a nightmare. Come alive.

[Chrissy]

Spider apocalypse.

[Brian Green]

Spider apocalypse. I am not interested in spiders that build parachutes. Anything that is better at building things than I am, that is not a human being is pretty much on my. On my shit list. Do you know what I'm saying?

[Chrissy]

Right. We're just interested in watching Frankie B. Go down.

[Brian Green]

Yes.

[Chrissy]

Not. Not. Not.

[Brian Green]

Oh, God. Well, I love to see.

[Chrissy]

Well, no, we. It's at the beginning of his new intro.

[Brian Green]

He jumps out of the plane.

[Chrissy]

He's doing parasailing, and he just lands on the beach.

[Astrid]

He's so crazy.

[Brian Green]

He. I'll give you. Remind me in the next segment to tell you about Frankie B. And why I think our listeners may be poking the bear a little bit too much. I'm going to implore my. Our listeners to calm down a little bit on Frankie B. But. Okay, so let's talk about the opossum a little bit. The Virginia possum is the only species found in the United States and Canada. It is awfully often simply referred to as an opossum. And in North America, it is commonly referred to as.

[Christina]

On.

[Chrissy]

On the spelling. Is there.

[Brian Green]

Oh, possum.

[Chrissy]

Oh, okay, okay. But you can spell it either way.

[Brian Green]

Yes, it's simply referred to in North America mostly as a possum.

[Christina]

Not.

[Brian Green]

Oh, possum. Okay, so listen, they have definitely been. They are 20 million years old. They come from their.

[Chrissy]

That's 20 million years. The review said. Yes, they're very old. Got it. Check.

[Brian Green]

They probably came from the Amazon region. Their diet consists of rodents, birds, eggs, frogs, plants, fruits and grain. In other words, they eat anything that they see. They're like goats, Right? Some species may eat the skeletal remains of rodents and roadkill. Oh, God. In captivity, they will also eat dog food, cat food, and human food waste. So this is what they do. They are immune to the venom of rattlesnakes and pit vipers and regularly prey upon these snakes. Okay, all right, all right. Okay. Well, I guess you're doing something good out there.

[Astrid]

All right, all right. 1.0 possum.

[Brian Green]

10 points, Brian. Okay, still beating you on this one. Some authors have suggested this adaptation. Oh, wait, hold on. One Second, similar adaptations are seen in other small predatory animals such as mongooses and hedgehogs. Opossums, vipers have been suggested as an evolutionary arms race. Some authors have suggested this adaptation originally rose as a defense mechanism to allowing a rare reversal of evolutionary arms race where the former prey has become the predator. In other words, they defended themselves. The fer de lance, one of the most venomous snakes. Oh, that has nothing. Oh, no, there's nothing to do with opossums. That's what can kill them. So they're found everywhere. North, central South America, as far north as Canada. And, you know, they eat trash. That's what they do. Look, Miranda's messing with a opossum right now. My daughter's just losing it right now. She's got an earache. She's poor things, miserable. I just don't. I'm just not. I don't see my mind getting changed on a pot on opossums or opossums anytime soon. No matter how you say it, I just don't know what purpose they serve in my trash can. Do you know what I'm saying right now? I'm not going to kill them. I want to be clear. If I haven't yet put Blue down, I'm not going to go out of my way for opossum. They bother me a lot less than Blue does, but they do. Telling you right now they're ugly little alien creatures. And I'm not a fan. If you want to be a fan, be a fan. But what drives me crazy about this one review, what really drives me crazy is, seriously, are you going to choose possums over the commercial break?

[Astrid]

Are we bad?

[Brian Green]

Are we that terrible? I mean, I realize we are not like the cream of the crop comedy podcast. I realize we are not like best in Class comedy podcast, but possums, we.

[Astrid]

Can'T be better than possums.

[Chrissy]

We hit a nerve.

[Brian Green]

Oh, Chrissy, we are so. I don't even know.

[Astrid]

Why are we bothering?

[Brian Green]

Why do we bother? Why don't we put so much effort into this thing? And then. And then I say one thing about possums that everybody's running. Imagine I was talking about politics.

[Chrissy]

Oh, we're not going there.

[Brian Green]

New. Thank you. All right, let's take a break. I'm gonna diagnose my daughter. Okay, what's going on? And then we'll be back.

[Christina]

Call me. Beat me. If you want to reach me at 212-4333, TCB if you have any comments, questions, compliments, or content ideas, that's 212-433-3822. You can also find us on the [e-mail] which is where all of our audio and video lives. So check it out. And then while you're at it, you can follow us on Instagram at the commercial break and on TikTok at TCVpodcast. That's all for now. So let's have a listen to our sponsors and get back to the show. Okay, I promise you that concludes our possum hating segment for today. And I will take this opportunity to present you with a couple more fun facts about possums. I just can't help myself. Sorry, Brian. First, they have a very low body temperature, which lends to them having a natural resistance to viruses like rabies. Cause their body temperature literally can't support it. So every time you come across a possum and you're like, don't touch it, that thing has rabies. Guess what? It's actually only pretending to have rabies. It literally drools and growls and blows snot bubbles to pretend to be sick so that you don't touch them. Who's the real problem? Hmm? That's right, it's us. And you know what? Drooling, growling, and pretending to be sick so that you don't touch them is a normal thing to do when you're out at the bars. It's fine. I'm fine. Also, some species of opossum are naturally resistant to snake venom and many poisons, which is just really cool and also could be super beneficial for humans in the future if we cared to study our possums. So that's all I'm saying. That's all I gotta say about possums. But since we're on a critter type beat today, I think we should dive deep back into the archives to listen to this lovely little segment I found where Brian and Chrissy review a pet psychic video featuring birds. I love it. Slay queen, slay boots down. Tweet, tweet.

[Brian Green]

Chrissy, I was trolling on the Internet.

[Astrid]

As you do, as I like to.

[Brian Green]

Do, as I'm bound to do. Here's what made me think of this. I was, when I was in the metaverse, they had. And like some people had animals, they had little doggies.

[Astrid]

It's your little dog too. And I thought it to be very.

[Brian Green]

Interesting, but a little bit a little off putting. I don't know, I don't know why. I just thought it's not creepy enough that we're all pretending to be something and we're not.

[Christina]

Right.

[Brian Green]

But then you got a dog to play along too. And it made me remember that a long time ago. God, it's been so many episodes now. I don't even. How many episodes have we done in this stupid show? I don't know.

[Chrissy]

I think we're in the two.

[Brian Green]

So many episodes ago, we highlighted a pet psychic. Do you remember?

[Chrissy]

Yes, I do.

[Brian Green]

I went. It just. It just made me think of the pet psychic. And I wanted to go back and I wanted to take a little run at the pet psychic. I really wanted to take a look and see if we could find another pet psychic. That was interesting.

[Chrissy]

Okay.

[Brian Green]

So who I found was Sonia Fitzpatrick.

[Chrissy]

Okay.

[Brian Green]

Apparently one of the early host or hostesses on Animal Planet.

[Chrissy]

Oh, yeah.

[Brian Green]

And she had a show about her being able to talk to animals.

[Chrissy]

Just like, kind of remember this?

[Brian Green]

Who's that guy who used to talk to animals? Doctor. Dr. Doolittle. Yeah, she's like the Dr. Doolittle.

[Chrissy]

Okay.

[Brian Green]

Of Animal Planet. Take a listen.

[Helen]

Just lost in the streets next to.

[Julie]

Yeah, let's see. Let's see what happened to him before she found him and how he got lost.

[Chrissy]

Just having an English accent just lends.

[Brian Green]

Authority to anytime someone with an English act. That's why I'm always watching these stupid shows. Anytime someone with an English accent says something, they're. They're. They're trustworthy. They are reliable sources of information. You don't figure the British are. Are prone to fits of fancy, you know what I'm saying?

[Christina]

I agree.

[Astrid]

Like, I don't know Teresa Caputo with her, you know, South Jersey accent. I disbelieve anything she says from the moment her mouth is open.

[Brian Green]

This lady takes me a while to disbelieve her.

[Chrissy]

Speaking of. Hold on real quick. Speaking of English people and sex, going back to our topic previously, there's a show on Netflix called the Sec. How to Build a Sex Room. It's fantastic.

[Brian Green]

Oh, my God.

[Chrissy]

This English woman that narrates. Or is the designer of these. And it's so good.

[Brian Green]

I have heard.

[Chrissy]

We binged it this weekend. It was so fun.

[Brian Green]

I have heard of this and I'm gonna get on it.

[Chrissy]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

To report back to the listeners on my thoughts on that and remind me. And later on this week, we'll get into the morning show, which I started.

[Chrissy]

Watching the morning show.

[Brian Green]

I've watched that favorite Jen anist, you.

[Astrid]

Know, she looks so good.

[Chrissy]

She does.

[Brian Green]

She looks so good. How's she 70? She looks great. I say 70. She's like my age. She's like.

[Astrid]

She's in her 50s.

[Brian Green]

She looks so good for. For 50. Just a. Anyway, let's listen.

[Chrissy]

Tons of money and good doctors.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. Well, there's definitely some work being done. And, like, now that it's in 4K and 3D and whatever the hell, you know, she looks good.

[Chrissy]

She's got good doctors.

[Brian Green]

Great.

[Chrissy]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

And this is a good show. It is. So here we find ourselves with Susan Fitzpatrick showing up at what is clearly Sonya Fitzpatrick, what is clearly a very expensive home.

[Chrissy]

Yes.

[Brian Green]

And I want to know, why is it all the wimp.

[Astrid]

Why is it all the women with.

[Brian Green]

A lot of money that find that.

[Astrid]

They want to talk to their animals?

[Brian Green]

Isn't this a trope?

[Astrid]

That's probably true.

[Chrissy]

Yeah, I think so.

[Brian Green]

Like, I don't know. I. I don't know. Do you ever want to talk to your animal in this manner?

[Chrissy]

No.

[Brian Green]

No. Hello, Holly.

[Helen]

His name's Holly.

[Astrid]

Because Courtney, Holly is a parakeet.

[Brian Green]

I just want.

[Astrid]

As if it does. As if you don't hear enough from this bird.

[Helen]

If he was a girl or a.

[Julie]

Boy, then nobody knows. You get so many people that have birds and then they don't even know what they are.

[Astrid]

And then so many people that have birds refuse to stick their pinky in the little asshole to figure out what that has a little bird penis in that. It's a crime against humanity.

[Julie]

Holly. What's that? He said, what's that? It's a little tiny dog. Is it a cat? No, it's not a cat, Holly. It's a little dog.

[Chrissy]

Is she talking to the parrot? Like the parrot's asking questions, having a conversation with the bird. Is that a cat? No, that's not a cat.

[Astrid]

Is that a dolphin? Is that one of those bird eating dolphins I keep reading about in the newspaper? No, it's a cat and a dog. It's stupid.

[Chrissy]

That's crazy.

[Julie]

He's pretty. He says he's pretty. Oh, he'd love to, Aunt Helen, because we're in here. I know.

[Astrid]

Listen, Sonya, it's me, Petey the parakeet. Do me a favor. It's been a long time since I've gotten any action. I'm stuck here in this cage and this crazy woman thinks it's okay to just open up the blinds and everything's gonna be fine. I want some action. Is that a dog or a cat or a dolphin? It's pretty hot. It's really pretty. That's not what I said. I said she's a smoke show.

[Julie]

Tell her that loves it because we're in here.

[Helen]

Well, he used to have. He had a friend, and then we didn't know who was who, boy or girl.

[Chrissy]

And.

[Julie]

Yeah, grieving.

[Helen]

They had eggs. And then for years, the eggs never hatched. And then one day, my daughter's years, they came. The egg hatched. So they had a baby.

[Astrid]

Oh, wow.

[Chrissy]

That's not the way it works.

[Brian Green]

Hey, girl, it's me, Carl. That's not the way science works.

[Astrid]

I just wanted you to know you actually can't have a baby stuck.

[Chrissy]

In.

[Astrid]

Indefinite osmosis or whatever you call it. I just thought I'd call you.

[Brian Green]

I'm gonna let you know. You sound like a real. Sound like a real dumb, dumb right now, lady.

[Chrissy]

We had these eggs for years.

[Astrid]

We had these eggs for decades, and then all of a sudden, they turned into dinosaurs. Little velociraptors. We had a T. Rex running around the backyard. I thought to myself, I thought they were parakeets. I thought it was a female. Oh, I guess the men do.

[Brian Green]

The boys lay the eggs in the.

[Astrid]

In the parakeet world.

[Brian Green]

Because she said, he had the eggs.

[Astrid]

He laid the eggs.

[Chrissy]

I don't know.

[Christina]

I don't know.

[Brian Green]

I don't know if my parakeets. And then.

[Helen]

Then that little family lived for probably 10 years, and then one day the baby died and the mama died.

[Julie]

Yeah, he's still grieving from it, and he wants to know when you're getting him another birthday.

[Chrissy]

That is wild. That is a wild story. In just one day.

[Astrid]

I thought the most interesting thing about this video was what's her name?

[Julie]

Sonia.

[Astrid]

Sonia, the bird whisperer.

[Chrissy]

Yeah. And no, the moms are the ones with the eggs. I've seen enough Planet Earth.

[Brian Green]

Okay? And they can't just, like, have eggs and then years later they hatch, right?

[Astrid]

That's not a thing.

[Chrissy]

I mean, the bird. You had bird. You had eggs up on your. Your door.

[Brian Green]

I had eggs.

[Chrissy]

They hatched.

[Astrid]

They hatched. But maybe that's because the snake was coming after him.

[Brian Green]

Ah, yeah.

[Christina]

Yeah.

[Chrissy]

That's strange.

[Julie]

Yeah, like his mate.

[Helen]

Oh, look, I think he likes the.

[Julie]

He loves it because we're so. He's so happy we're here. He gets very lonely. He said.

[Chrissy]

You were right.

[Brian Green]

He gets very lonely.

[Astrid]

He said. He said he just wants a companion. He says he does not like looking at your face daily. He'd like to take a walk every.

[Brian Green]

Once in a while.

[Astrid]

He wonders why you treat that dog better than you treat him. I'm just asking for him.

[Helen]

We have a TV for him. Right here.

[Julie]

See? Yes.

[Helen]

So they have a tv. He's a tv. And movies. And when we. When his little family was alive, they would all sit up on that little note and they watch. They'd get real excited. So we tried.

[Chrissy]

Little family was still.

[Astrid]

Before the great bird murder of 1998. Everything was swimming. We'd sit around, eat popcorn. They would watch Michael Bay Transformer movies. Everybody was happy. We would literally Netflix and chill. But then the birdlings that hatched after 10 years of sitting in an egg, they just fell over one day dead.

[Brian Green]

Maybe they were never alive.

[Chrissy]

Maybe they were.

[Astrid]

Maybe.

[Chrissy]

Maybe somehow the egg cracked open.

[Brian Green]

Cracked open.

[Chrissy]

It was just.

[Brian Green]

There was like a bird. I don't want to get into all the.

[Astrid]

Yeah, I want to get into all the details. I don't want to scare away the children. I always get weirded out by people who put TVs.

[Brian Green]

Like, we. There's this pet place. Pet. Yeah, you know, palace or whatever it's called that we used to take the dogs to.

[Christina]

Right.

[Brian Green]

And for $25, you get them a run, which is just basically a box where they. Not a box, but a. Like a cornered off area.

[Helen]

Yes.

[Chrissy]

They can.

[Brian Green]

Whatever. 10 by 10. And they can. They can run. And then they get let out and they have playtime with other dogs.

[Chrissy]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

But for $175,000 a night, you can get them.

[Astrid]

They have a bed and they get a ice cream treat at the end of the night.

[Christina]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

It's a room. Each room has a TV in it playing 24 hours a day.

[Chrissy]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

I don't understand. I've never once seen my dog watch tv. I know there are cats that. That watch tv.

[Christina]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

But they're just tripping balls.

[Chrissy]

Yeah. My mom used to turn on the Animal Planet when she would leave the dogs.

[Brian Green]

I can understand the noise.

[Chrissy]

Makes human feel better.

[Brian Green]

Makes the human feel better. That's it. My grandma used to leave the radio on.

[Julie]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

Every time she would leave the house. And she said that's because if anyone ever tried to break into the house.

[Chrissy]

Right.

[Brian Green]

They'd think somebody was home. Yeah. I think it made her feel better.

[Chrissy]

Exactly.

[Helen]

Like Madagascar and Lion King.

[Julie]

Thrilled. He knows what's going on, Helen. He knows what? He knows he's very important. He's telling me.

[Brian Green]

Helen, Helen, Helen. He knows exactly what's going on. He knows he's being filmed for Animal Planet. He wants to know if we're gonna sign a waiver or a collaboration agreement. Helen. Helen.

[Chrissy]

He looks no different than when they first walked in there.

[Astrid]

He has no clue.

[Julie]

Of course, you, you have a great way with animals, Helen. But he really would like a mate. And he would like more people coming in to visit him.

[Brian Green]

He would really like to mate. I told you.

[Chrissy]

You did.

[Brian Green]

I told you. Petey the parrot is. Is over it. He's like, dude, in the wild, I was getting laid three, four times a season.

[Chrissy]

Exactly.

[Brian Green]

I'm just looking at these stupid. You keep putting Madagascar on the Lion King.

[Astrid]

Yeah, I know it. I know how it ends. And the Lion King. Everybody dies. Can we take that miserable movie off?

[Julie]

And he likes it when the music's playing. He's feeling so much better. He's just asking, how long will it be?

[Brian Green]

Probably not much longer now.

[Astrid]

Your suffering will end soon, dear.

[Chrissy]

How long will it be until he gets a mate? Is that the question?

[Astrid]

I don't know. This lady doesn't know either.

[Brian Green]

She's made an entire living ripping off.

[Astrid]

Rich white ladies of their money because they think she's Mrs. Fitz Doolittle or whatever.

[Brian Green]

She could come in and start talking to the parakeet. The reality is no one could talk.

[Astrid]

To a parakeet like that.

[Brian Green]

The parakeet has a human brain. How is that possible? Yeah, you know, they, they crucified Disney for this. They said, stop making the animals. Stop humanizing the animals. Because, you know, a deer doesn't talk. The deer doesn't have friendships. Like, you know, humans have friendships. Right?

[Astrid]

But apparently it's okay for Susie Mitts, Dick's little here to say anything she wants about the parrot. This poor parrot's just like, get me.

[Brian Green]

Out of the cage.

[Chrissy]

I know. Give me some fresh air.

[Helen]

Well, like, if you're really serious that he needs a friend, I'll go to petsmart today and get him.

[Chrissy]

Go right now.

[Astrid]

Oh, yeah, Go right to the world's.

[Brian Green]

The world's most fantastic breeding place, Petsmart.

[Astrid]

And go get him a three dollar parakeet that's gonna die tomorrow.

[Julie]

Oh, you get something that either looks close to him and his. His mate.

[Helen]

His mate was yellow.

[Julie]

Yes.

[Helen]

I could go find a yellow cockatiel. Is he excited about.

[Chrissy]

Oh, he's a cockatoo.

[Christina]

He's preening.

[Julie]

He's preening.

[Helen]

Oh, my God, he's acting.

[Julie]

Look, he's looking at the camera. Look, he's looking. He knows yet.

[Brian Green]

Look, look, he's looking at the camera.

[Astrid]

Both eyeballs are wide open as they have been. He can see. Little Beedy can see. Was he blind before?

[Christina]

No.

[Astrid]

Well, he can see. What a wonderful thing we're witnessing.

[Julie]

Yes. Oh, Helen, that's making him feel better.

[Helen]

Okay, well, I'm off to petsmart.

[Chrissy]

Okay.

[Helen]

We go there all the time anyway.

[Astrid]

Why do I feel like. Why do I feel like this is all well placed product placement? Well, we're off to Petsmart. We go there all the time. For $3.99, it's a buy one, get one free on birdseed this this week, you know, and while I'm there, I'll get a brand new dog leash for Bonesy here.

[Brian Green]

Did you know that petsmart has the world's largest pet.

[Astrid]

Leash selection?

[Christina]

Yes.

[Chrissy]

That's a good idea.

[Brian Green]

Oh, my God.

[Astrid]

This is a horrible, horrible show. Yeah.

[Julie]

But he loves. He likes his room. He likes the quiet. He's asking, where's the cat? There was one cat he didn't like. Oh, there was one cat he didn't like at all.

[Astrid]

That what I said, I'm asking you to free me into the wild. Take me back to Costa Rica where I belong. Yes. You dumb women. Don't go to petsmart and put another one of my brothers in a cage like this. All this all back to Costa Rica.

[Julie]

And he said that sometimes when the girls come home, they come and see him. And who sleeps in here?

[Helen]

Courtney.

[Julie]

He loves that when she's here because he said she come to him and she talks to him and he loves that.

[Astrid]

Close up shot of the bird looking proud. Finally, someone to speak on my behalf. I've been saying this all along. Now some crazy lady with too much lipstick comes in the door and all of a sudden you listen to her. I thought we were friends. Why do I think Mrs. Fitzpatrick found this talent as a lonely teenager?

[Christina]

Nature.

[Astrid]

You know what I'm saying?

[Chrissy]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

Like she just started having conversations with the animals. Either that or she watched too many Disney movies.

[Chrissy]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

She felt like, well, I could do that just as good. Yeah.

[Chrissy]

Or maybe, you know, animals liked her. Like animals like me, too. It's very strange. Dogs and cats and everybody likes me, but I'm not talking to them.

[Brian Green]

No. At least not allowed pretend to know.

[Chrissy]

What they're saying to me.

[Brian Green]

I just. I don't get it. I. I don't get it.

[Chrissy]

I know.

[Brian Green]

And I don't think this is more of like a. Even though she calls herself a psychic, she's less of a psychic and more of like a. Translator. Interpreter. Yeah.

[Chrissy]

Communicator.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. Which I think is probably in high demand if you think about it. Yes. There's probably a lot of rich white ladies who'd like to know what their.

[Chrissy]

Poodles Are saying, yeah, past.

[Julie]

Oh, he likes you. He says you look after him. And he said you talk to him. And he said. He says you talk to him all the time. And sometimes you make a little song. Yeah, he loves.

[Chrissy]

Is that you?

[Astrid]

I had no idea. I didn't do that. What was that? That was Little Petey.

[Julie]

Sometimes you make a little song. It says you make a lovely little song.

[Astrid]

That was early Animal Planet going, sorry, guys, we're on a limited budget.

[Julie]

And he says, tell her thank you. Thank you for being so kind. And sometimes you sit on the bed and talk to him. And he said, I love that. And he said, keep coming to see him. But he said.

[Astrid]

And he said, when's that evil woman.

[Brian Green]

Gonna pay you more money, right?

[Chrissy]

She's like, the house, later.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, this is like. I don't know that that's true, but this appears to be a lady that works at the property. Maybe a Filipino lady or some Asian descent.

[Chrissy]

And she takes care of the bird.

[Brian Green]

She takes care of the bird. Yeah.

[Julie]

Like to have another mate. And he'd love a baby. And he loved it because you put the TV on for him. And don't go out without putting it on. He just told me. Don't forget.

[Chrissy]

He just told me. He loves.

[Astrid]

Make sense. He turns on that goddamn tv. What does he think I am? Who likes to sit in a dark room all night? What is this? It's torture.

[Julie]

He said you look after him. He wants you to go closer.

[Astrid]

He wants to bite your little face off. He wants to peck your eyeball out for not putting the TV on a day.

[Julie]

I want you to go closer. Oh, I can still feel his sadness.

[Chrissy]

I buried his wife and the baby. I buried his wife.

[Brian Green]

I buried his wife and the baby. This whole town is cuckoo.

[Astrid]

What's going on? I buried his wife and the baby. Did they have a ceremony?

[Brian Green]

Is there a certificate?

[Astrid]

Who's got a ring on whose finger? What the.

[Chrissy]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

This is strange.

[Chrissy]

That's. It's taken it to another level.

[Julie]

I still feel the sadness came over. And then when you said it telepathically, you were putting out images, and that made him sad. So I'm telling you, we'll see the same one day.

[Astrid]

Could you see his little bird tears? This is bordering on. This is bordering on foolishness.

[Chrissy]

Yes, it really is.

[Julie]

Feel better? I'm going to tell him that he can feel and sense them around him, but he doesn't understand why he can't see them. So I'm going to tell him that when we get out of our Physical body. We are in energy and we don't have the physical body. But when he feels and senses his. His wife and his baby, she's there in a different. Different way. And they're always around.

[Chrissy]

Did you get that, Petey? I told you what happened.

[Astrid]

What in a good are you talking about? I know what death is. I'm an animal, not a. I've seen death in the jungle. I saw the Petsmart. People came and wiped us all out.

[Christina]

This.

[Astrid]

This lady's given a philosophy glass. I know a parakeet.

[Julie]

Same as they are. And he'll be with them. He'd like that. He said he'd like that. I just feel so much like sadness. But you helped him a lot, darling. And he wants me to say thank you to him. And he loves it when you come up.

[Chrissy]

My pleasure.

[Astrid]

She keeps making a humming sound. Crazy white ladies talking to the animals. It's time to go back home.

[Julie]

He wants you to put his name in it. And can you sing?

[Chrissy]

Okay, I'm gonna sing a little song.

[Julie]

Julie can sing your beautiful song.

[Chrissy]

What song do I need to sing for him?

[Julie]

You go.

[Chrissy]

No pressure. You're on camera.

[Brian Green]

No pressure.

[Astrid]

Animal Planets ratings basically live and die with this song right here. We got three more weeks worth of running with a cash. If you don't sing this song, well, it's all going down the tube, lady.

[Chrissy]

Let us be gone from this moment, man. You are the one.

[Christina]

Right.

[Chrissy]

From this moment on. He loves that.

[Julie]

He did nothing different.

[Astrid]

He did nothing. He kept staring at this crazy lady and talking to him. Oh, man. Oh, Chrissy.

[Chrissy]

I could do this.

[Brian Green]

I could do this. This. This could be mine.

[Chrissy]

Yeah, I think we should start it.

[Astrid]

Blue's saying he wants to. She wants to take another on my floor. Blue's saying she likes watching me run around like a chicken with my head cut off. Every time she barks. Nico's saying, please put me out of my misery, man. Whoever you are saying, am I dead yet? I can't tell.

[Chrissy]

Please tell me.

[Julie]

Such a pretty voice. Julie.

[Chrissy]

He loves music.

[Julie]

Yeah, he does.

[Chrissy]

I bet he does like music. Everybody does.

[Brian Green]

Everybody likes music.

[Christina]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. Who doesn't like music? You know, there's people that say that they don't like music. You know, I'm not a music person. How are you not a music person?

[Chrissy]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

I don't get it.

[Chrissy]

It's in everything.

[Brian Green]

And how are you not an animal person? People who are not animal people scare me. If you say you're not an animal person, you scare the shit out of me.

[Christina]

All right. That is everything I have for you today. I hope you enjoyed this episode. If you didn't, well, just keep that to yourself. And if you did, you should text us and tell us about it at 212-433-TCB. You can also call and leave us a voicemail. Ask us a little ask TCB and maybe we'll answer it on the show in four months. You just never know. Could be great. Also you can, you can go to our website tcvpodcast.com that's where all of our audio and video lives and you can just have yourself a time scrolling through there. I know I do. Aside from that, you can follow us on Instagram hecommercial break and on TikTok cvpodcast and that is basically everything I have for you. So I'll talk to you next week. But we also have some other special exciting, exciting, fantastic episodes in the can for you. So I'll talk to you then. Bye.