The Commercial Break – Best Of: Critter Crazy

Release Date: October 11, 2024
Hosts: Bryan Green, Krissy Hoadley, Producer Christina

Episode Overview

“Best Of: Critter Crazy” is a rollicking, improv-driven celebration of all things weird and wild in the animal kingdom, curated from fan-favorite moments in The Commercial Break’s chaotic history. Kicking off with producer Christina stepping in while Bryan and Krissy “slack off,” the episode spotlights the podcast’s unexpected (and contentious) relationship with possums—how they became running lore and lightning rods for listener passion. Alongside the possum saga, the hosts hilariously review bizarre pet psychic segments, question the logic of animal TV, riff on invasive spiders, and generally let their animal opinions spiral into the absurd.

The tone is raucous, irreverent, and self-aware, perfectly capturing the “Cheesecake Factory of comedy podcasts” energy: a little wild, a little random, always authentic.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

Possum Pandemonium: TCB’s Lore & Listener Drama

• The Possum Divide:
  Christina explains how possums became inextricable from the TCB brand. Despite being a podcast about…well, not possums, the hosts’ offhand animal opinions sparked a surprising level of listener heat and running gags.

  “Why do we need to talk about possums? Is this a podcast about possums? What is this bitch on? But here’s the thing: possums have somehow become a deep part of our lore.” – Christina (00:12)

• Listener Outrage & Classic Review:
  Joe Dombrowski, recent guest, brings up a scathing listener review about the hosts’ anti-possum banter.

  “It’s a one star. ‘I used to love your podcast until you talked bad about possums. They deserve to be on earth more than humans. Do your research before talking negative about species!’” – Joe/Caller (03:27)
  The TCB crew responds, both amused and exasperated, delightedly riffing on the bizarre depths of listener passion: “We laugh about it all the time. We’re like, you took the time to write that.” – Chrissy (03:51)

• Self-Awareness & Philosophy:
  Responding to critiques, Bryan and Chrissy double down on the show’s polarizing style:

  “Haters make me famous. That’s a Honey Boo Boo quote that I want tattooed to my ass.” – Bryan (04:37)
  “It’s not for everyone, but thanks for listening.” – Chrissy (05:04)
  The hosts cheerfully reiterate the show’s “not for everyone” mantra and embrace being divisive, especially to animal lovers.

Revisiting “The Possum Tape” (05:26–09:34)

• Bryan recounts his (in)famous animal empathy story, rehabilitating seagulls and squirrels—but draws the line at possums:

  “My goodwill stops at roaches and possums. You know what I’m saying? I don’t feel bad for you. I’m sorry. … You’re like little aliens crawling around this earth and I’m not sure you should be here.” – Bryan (07:46)

• Chrissy describes a bizarre post-episode encounter:

  “Right after that, there’s a baby possum in my yard. I had to take a picture of it and send it to Bryan. And Bryan goes, ‘See? Yeah, it does look like an alien.’” – Chrissy (09:09)

• A nugget of mercy is reserved for the young:

  “Baby possums…okay, we’re going to give a break to the baby possums. They didn’t choose to be here.” – Bryan (09:21)

The Opossum or Possum Pronunciation Debate (13:00–13:45)

• Emailers (and producers Astrid and Christina) weigh in on the “opossum” versus “possum” argument.

  “It can be said either way. Opossum or possum.” – Bryan (13:37)

Possums vs. Roaches: The Official TCB Animal Hierarchy

• Opossums and roaches officially get put in Bryan’s “no empathy” zone, with everyone forced to admit baby animals of any species are harder to hate.

  “Under one years old, possum good. Over one years old, possum bad. And I don’t care if you call it opossum or possum.” – Bryan (14:12)

Possum Facts: A Half-Hearted Attempt at Rehabilitation

• Christina and Bryan swap fun (and not-so-fun) facts about possums:

  • North America’s only marsupial
  • Eat pests, immune to some snake venom, and rarely get rabies due to low body temperature
  • Often misunderstood “trash management”

  Christina tries to redeem the species:

  “They’re basically nature’s pest control and trash management, which as we know, is an essential job.” – Christina (10:21) “Every time you come across a possum and you’re like, don’t touch it, that thing has rabies. Guess what? It’s actually only pretending to have rabies… It literally drools and growls and blows snot bubbles to pretend to be sick so that you don’t touch them. Who’s the real problem? Hmm? That’s right, it’s us.” – Christina (23:49)

  Bryan remains unmoved:

  “They’re ugly little alien creatures. And I’m not a fan. If you want to be a fan, be a fan.” – Bryan (21:51)

The Spider Apocalypse Detour (17:15–19:35)

• The team leaps from possums to spiders, especially the Japanese “joro spider,” an invasive, flying, hand-sized arachnid now in Georgia and soon—nightmarishly—in New York.

  “They have been known to make their own parachutes and fly from building to building. Not even kidding. Wow, that is a nightmare come alive.” – Bryan (18:54)

• Spiders at least, Bryan concedes, serve a valuable ecological function—except invasive species.

Pet Psychic Madness: Sonya Fitzpatrick & Talking Birds (25:36–47:55)

• Bryan and Chrissy unearth a video featuring Sonya Fitzpatrick, an “animal communicator” and early Animal Planet host, who allegedly talks to birds.
• The group satirizes everything from the British accent’s inherent authority (“Anytime someone with an English accent says something, they’re— they’re trustworthy.” – Bryan, 27:09), to the idea of pet psychics preying on wealthy pet owners.

Bird Owner Anecdotes & Psychic Absurdities

• The bird’s owner relates a bizarre saga of eggs sitting around for years before suddenly hatching:

  “We had these eggs for years… and then all of a sudden they turned into dinosaurs. Little velociraptors.” – Astrid, mocking (31:53)

• Astrid and Bryan supply sardonic animal voiceovers, culminating in a soap-opera-twinged tale of parakeet loss and longing.

• The pet psychic claims birds grieve, want TVs, and have opinions about which cats they like.

  “He’s just looking at these stupid [movies]. You keep putting Madagascar on; the Lion King—yeah, I know how it ends. Can we take that miserable movie off?” – Astrid as the parakeet (36:46)

• Discussion about pampering pets with TV:

  “I’ve never once seen my dog watch TV. I know there are cats that watch TV, but they’re just tripping balls.” – Bryan (35:26) “My mom used to turn on the Animal Planet when she would leave the dogs… I think it made her feel better.” – Chrissy (35:39)

Final Thoughts on Pet Communication

• The hosts doubt the field but see its commercial appeal:

  “There’s probably a lot of rich white ladies who’d like to know what their poodles are saying.” – Bryan (41:53) “Dogs and cats and everybody likes me, but I’m not talking to them. At least not aloud, or pretend to know.” – Chrissy (41:24)

• Christina closes the segment with tongue-in-cheek encouragement for listener feedback and more stories, continuing the self-aware and inclusive TCB energy.

Notable Quotes & Moments (With Timestamps)

• Possum Outrage
  “It’s a one star. ‘I used to love your podcast until you talked bad about possums. They deserve to be on earth more than humans.” – Joe/Caller, (03:27)

• TCB’s Mission Statement
  “Haters make me famous. That’s a Honey Boo Boo quote that I want tattooed to my ass.” – Bryan, (04:37)
  “It’s not for everyone, but thanks for listening.” – Chrissy, (05:04)

• Bryan’s Animal Empathy Limits
  “My goodwill stops at roaches and possums. You know what I’m saying?” – Bryan, (07:46)
  “They’re like little aliens crawling around this earth and I’m not sure you should be here.” – Bryan, (07:54)

• Possum Mercy
  “Baby possums…okay, we’re going to give a break to the baby possums. They didn’t choose to be here.” – Bryan, (09:21)

• Possum Facts Redemption Attempt
  “They’re basically nature’s pest control and trash management, which as we know, is an essential job.” – Christina, (10:21)

• Possum as Hill to Die On
  “Are we that terrible? I realize we are not like the cream of the crop comedy podcast… but possums, we… can’t be better than possums.” – Bryan & Astrid, (23:00–23:12)

• Pet Psychic Skepticism
  “Anytime someone with an English accent says something, they’re trustworthy. They are reliable sources of information.” – Bryan, (27:09)
  “There’s probably a lot of rich white ladies who’d like to know what their poodles are saying.” – Bryan, (41:53)

Key Timestamps for Segment Navigation

• Opening Possum Lore Explained: 00:12–01:49
• Listener Review & Haters Make Me Famous: 03:19–04:53
• Possum Tape Excerpt: 05:26–09:34
• Possum in Chrissy’s Yard & More Listener Feedback: 09:35–10:50
• Possum Facts by Christina: 10:21–11:58
• Possum/Opossum Pronunciation Debate: 13:00–13:45
• Spiders & Joro Spider Tangent: 17:15–19:35
• Possum Facts, Venom Immunity, Final Arguments: 20:19–23:16
• Pet Psychic Video Review: 25:36–47:55
• Pet TV, Animal Opinions, Skepticism: 34:00–41:53
• Closing Listener Encouragement: 48:15–End

Tone & Takeaway

The episode is quintessential TCB—loose, sharp-witted, and gleefully self-parodying, thriving on unpredictability and the real-life reactions it elicits. The hosts’ banter reflects real friendship, unvarnished opinions, and underlines the show’s ethos: comedy is subjective, animals are weird, and sometimes your comedy podcast destiny is to become “the possum-hating podcast”—and be totally fine with it.

For more:

• Voice your possum stance by connecting with the TCB crew at tcbpodcast.com
• Text or call: 212-433-TCB

“It’s not for everyone, but thanks for listening.” — Chrissy (05:04)
Possums, haters, and random critters: all welcome (up to a point).