The Commercial Break – “Best Of John Anthony” (July 5, 2024)

Overview

This episode of The Commercial Break is a “Best Of” deep dive into John Anthony, an infamous self-proclaimed pickup artist (PUA) and YouTube personality. Hosts Bryan Green and Krissy Hoadley, known for their irreverent, improvisational comedy, revisit John Anthony’s “How To Pick Up Strippers” video and provide their trademark comedic breakdown. Through sarcasm and biting commentary, Bryan and Krissy deconstruct John Anthony's “14-point checklist” for “successfully picking up strippers,” exposing the bizarre, contradictory, and ethically questionable nature of his advice—while offering plenty of laughs and memorable moments.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Who Is John Anthony & Why Are We Here? (00:30–04:18)

• Context: John Anthony (“John Anthony Lifestyle”) is a recurring joke and “nemesis” for the TCB crew—a PUA based in Brazil, famous for his dubious dating advice and outlandish YouTube presence.
• Hosts' Take: They lampoon his methods and persona, with Bryan pointing out the “irony” of John mocking other PUAs with the same “bullshit” he himself peddles.
• Quote:
  • Bryan: “He’s a real douchebag. He’s got a video that I could not ignore… how to bed a stripper… He says it’s scientifically proven—because he proved it.” (21:00)

2. John Anthony’s 14-Point “Stripper Game” Checklist (05:46–55:52)

A. “Stay Out of the Customer Frame” (09:41–12:31)

• Don’t act like a paying customer—act like “industry.”
• Bryan: “You’re beta. You’re a loser. Your dick is small. …Or you stay out of that frame.” (10:27)

B. “Cement Yourself As Industry” (12:40–14:52)

• Tell strippers you’re a DJ in “electronic music”; this allegedly signals insider status.
• Hosts ridicule the logic: “Welcome to Chili’s… I DJ electronic music.” (15:18)
• Contradictions abound—being ‘industry’ supposedly helps, but no details are given.

C. “Tell a Canned Story, Claim Pre-selection” (16:02–18:54)

• Claim to have dated strippers before—they’re “down to earth” and your “favorite.”
• Chrissy: “He just said they were crazy!” (16:27)
• This is meant to “social proof” you, though hosts mock the concept:
  • Bryan: “Hot strippers, just only hot strippers!” (16:59)

D. “Don’t Be Starstruck, Don’t Give Attention/Compliments” (22:48–24:13)

• Don’t express excitement or shower strippers with compliments.
• Bryan: “God forbid you tell them they’re attractive… God forbid you do anything a normal human would do.” (23:50)

E. “Lead the Conversation, Break Their Scripts” (24:17–26:58)

• Supposedly, you break a dancer’s ‘work script’ by being dismissive (“Who gives a fuck anyway?”).
• Hosts are incredulous at the advice to be rude:
  • Bryan: “That is the single worst piece of advice I have ever heard.” (26:58)

F. “Don’t Flatly Refuse a Dance—Be Ambiguous” (28:59–30:53)

• Never say you won’t get a private dance; keep things ambiguous to “buy more time.”
• Chrissy: “You have to not pretend like you’re a customer… and then tell them that you will do a dance, just not right now.” (29:37)

G. “Set Sexual Frames, But Not Creepily” (31:24–32:29)

• Make innuendos, but don’t “grovel.”
• The hosts invent exaggerated pickup lines—“Can I lick your butthole? …Oh, I don’t want to anyway.” (31:41)

H. “Act Normal, Don’t Be Intimidated” (32:53–34:09)

• Don’t be “starstruck by a 9 or 9.5 naked or in her underwear”; act like it’s “no big deal.”
• Bryan: “You’re asking people to be inhuman, and… lie all the time for no purpose.” (34:09)

I. “Invite Her to a Barbecue/Party—Get the Number (Discreetly)” (34:42–37:41)

• Casually suggest a social event (like a barbecue) to get her number, supposedly written secretly “on receipt paper.”
• Hosts lampoon the logistics:
  • Bryan: “Go find a pen and paper… Get out your phones! Take a picture of that. Google what’s going on down there…” (36:02)

J. “Fake a Reason For Being at the Club” (38:28–41:09)

• Claim you’re there for a friend’s birthday, not for the dancers.
• Contradicts previous tips about liking strippers.

K. “Get a Lap Dance Only After Number-Closing” (43:07–44:31)

• Only pay for a private dance if you’ve already exchanged numbers and established logistics; do it “out of guilt.”
• Bryan: “Make sure you don’t spend too much money on that woman you want to be your next girlfriend, God forbid.” (44:13)

L. “Leave After the Lap Dance—Don’t Stick Around” (45:02–47:01)

• Don’t wait in the club while she works—leave immediately after.

M. “Don’t Be Afraid To Approach or Merge Sets” (47:19–49:47)

• Approach dancers sitting alone or “play them off each other.”
• Bryan: “Antithetical to everything… before it. All twelve points, and then the optional three points.” (47:28)

N. “Don’t Hit on Every Dancer, Just the Hottest 1–3” (52:44–54:31)

• Only get a few numbers, don’t “collect from every single girl.”
• Bryan mocks: “Just walk into a gas station, get three or four winning lotto tickets, then get out.” (54:03)

O. “Sometimes They’ll Meet You Out Back”—Closing in Various Countries (55:13–57:26)

• John claims that, sometimes, strippers in the US or abroad will meet outside after their shifts.
• Hosts note cultural/legal differences and doubt John’s stories.

3. The TCB Verdict on John Anthony (Throughout, esp. 58:51–59:23)

• The hosts unanimously agree the advice is unhelpful, unethical, and borderline absurd.
• Bryan: “Anyone struggling to find a date… John Anthony has none of the answers you’re looking for. This was complete shite.” (59:23)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On John Anthony’s “Industry” Talk:
  Bryan: “So I saw a video the other day … the title of the video should tell you all you need to know: How to pick up strippers. … This is something I might know a little bit about.” (03:49)

• On Blue Man Group Imagery:
  Bryan: “What if I paint myself like a Blue Man Group guy?” (11:16) Chrissy: “John Anthony said this would work.” (11:21)

• On Pickup Lines:
  Bryan (sarcastically): “That ass looks pretty cray cray… Can I lick your butthole? … I don’t want to anyway.” (31:54, 32:19)

• On Contradictions:
  Chrissy: “He’s going to say ‘I don’t usually come here’… but wait, you’ve dated many strippers before!” (28:07)

• On “Pen and Paper” Phone Numbers:
  Bryan: “Go find a pen and paper. It’s such an antiquated tool that not even the managers will realize what’s going on.” (36:02)

• On Odds of Success:
  Bryan: “One in a thousand actually attracts a woman who will give you her phone number and be real with you. … But John’s saying you can do it with two or three at the same time.” (52:44)

• The Final Takeaway:
  Bryan: “Anyone out there… John Anthony has none of the answers you’re looking for. … I promise you, we’ll give you better advice. Here’s my first advice: Don’t look for a girlfriend at a strip club.” (59:23)

Key Timestamps

• [00:30] — Producer Christina introduces “Best of John Anthony” theme.
• [05:46] — John Anthony’s “How to Pick Up Strippers” 14-point checklist starts.
• [21:00] — Recap of earlier tips; hosts clarify why John Anthony’s advice is nonsense.
• [26:45] — “Who gives a fuck?” tip; hosts lampoon rudeness as strategy.
• [31:24] — “Set sexual frames” tip turns into improvised pickup lines.
• [34:42] — The barbecue/party pretext reappears: “bring her to the old barbecue.”
• [52:44] — John’s advice to go for “one to three” numbers per night.
• [55:13] — “Meet out back” conclusion; hosts note logistical and cultural reality.
• [59:23] — Bryan and Chrissy’s definitive verdict on John Anthony’s advice.

Host Tone & Podcast Vibe

• Language/Tone: Sarcastic, irreverent, unfiltered, heavily tongue-in-cheek.
• Approach: Intentionally “chaotic” banter, offbeat asides, and comedic rants.
• Perspective: The hosts delight in poking holes in internet “experts” while making listeners feel like they’re in on the joke.

Summary for New Listeners

This episode is a perfect showcase of The Commercial Break’s comedic deconstruction of internet absurdity. Bryan and Krissy, with an assist from Producer Christina, systematically lampoon John Anthony’s so-called “science” of pickup artistry, especially as it pertains to strip clubs. Each “point” in the checklist is met with incredulity, jokes, and explicit warnings that this is not the path to meaningful connection. The episode is entertaining throughout, full of sharp, quotable moments, and offers a strong dose of real talk (“Don’t look for a girlfriend at a strip club!”). Even if you’ve never heard of John Anthony, you’ll leave with your sides hurting—and your skepticism sharpened.