Boomerangs, Uvoo & Cougars Too!

Fri Jul 26 2024

Bryan & Krissy discuss all things cougars....what else can we say? LINKS: Send us show ideas, comments, questions or concerns by texting us 212.433.3TCB text or leave us a voicemail @TheCommercialBreak on Instagram Watch TCB on YouTube www.tcbpodcast.com Forr Live Show info, video, audio, stickers and all the other goods Hosts Bryan Green & Krissy Hoadley Producer: Christina A. Producer: Gustavo B. Download & Listen on the Audacy app To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Transcript

Unknown Spiritual Advisor (0:00)

Are you getting attacked by incubus and succubus spirits in the night? They're demonic spirits that come to defile you in the night. How do you get rid of them? Put up a hedge of protection around your bedroom, get out your anointing oil and anoint your bed. And I bind every incubus and succubus demon from attacking me, my spouse in the night.

Brian Green (0:26)

On this episode of the commercial break.

Commercial Voice (0:30)

You take a little bit of information and some bad hair styling and a frock or two plus boomerangs, and you throw it into the pot. Wadam private calling oovoo.

Brian Green (0:42)

Oovoo.

Kristen Joy Hoadley (0:43)

Brought to you by oovoo.

Commercial Voice (0:45)

Brought to you by oovoo. They'll never know who's calling oovu with oovoo.

Brian Green (0:52)

The next episode of the commercial break starts now. The 30 of the morning. Oh, yeah. Cats and kittens, welcome back to the commercial break. I'm Brian Green is the burner to my bishop, Kristen Joy Hoadley. Best of you, Chris.

Kristen Joy Hoadley (1:08)

Best you, Brian, if you pick up.

Brian Green (1:09)

That one, you're really a listener of the show. Best of you out there in the podcast universe. Thanks for joining us.

Kristen Joy Hoadley (1:14)

I don't know if I picked it up.

Brian Green (1:16)

Burner to my bishop. Think about it. I'm not going to give it away. You'll have to work for this one.

Kristen Joy Hoadley (1:20)

Okay?

Brian Green (1:20)

You'll figure it out. You'll figure it out. Burner to my bishop. Think about it. Think about the show. Okay, Burning one down. No, no, I'll tell you all fair. I'll tell you during the commercial break. I want everyone to work, work for it. And if you figure it out, text me, let me know. I'll send you a. I don't know. I'll send you some of my. I'll send you some of my bath water. I'll send you some of my leg wash water. It might take me a while to get there, but because I don't really wash my legs all that much. Okay. Fans of the show will know that you. Last season and the season three and season four, we talked about a friend of mine that we referred to colloquially as marlin. Marlin. Marlin is to disguise his identity.

Summary

The Commercial Break Podcast

Episode: Boomerangs, Oovoo & Cougars Too!
Date: July 26, 2024
Hosts: Brian Green & Krissy Hoadley

Episode Overview

This episode of The Commercial Break dives deep into the world of "cougars"—older women who date or pursue younger men—with the hosts’ signature blend of irreverent banter, off-the-rails improvisation, and tongue-in-cheek pop culture commentary. After a comedic update on a fan-favorite personal story, Bryan and Krissy dissect dated cougar dating infomercials, react to self-appointed “cougar experts” on YouTube, and roast the culture surrounding cougar life, from awkward advice to drunken solo videos. All of this is peppered with memorable moments, biting one-liners, and meta-commentary about 2000s internet, social trends, and their own long-running inside jokes.

Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. Marlin & The Sugar Mama Saga Update

[02:00 - 06:00]

Fans have long awaited updates on Marlin, Bryan’s “fish of a friend,” and his relationship with an older, wealthy "cougar" he met on a sugar mama dating site.
The relationship fizzled—politics and possible age-related cognitive issues led to the breakup.
- “Marlin and Sugar Mama did not survive the drama… She maybe got senile. It sounds like it maybe got, like, a little weird in the head.” — Bryan [03:40]
- The hosts joke about sidestepping politics to keep family peace.
Recap of Marlin’s wild ride: orgies in Jamaica, private jets, jealousy-fueled blow-ups, and international drama.
Bryan: “If you find someone more interesting to date, maybe we’ll talk about it. Otherwise, you’re dead to me.” [05:57]

2. MILF Manor, Cougar Stereotypes & TV Trends

[06:30 - 09:30]

Discussion on pop culture’s fascination with shows like MILF Manor and conventions of “cougar” dating.
- Bryan: “I thought MILF Manor would be two episodes then buried. I was wrong.” [07:01]
- The show’s absurd premise (older women, their sons, later their ex-husbands/dads) draws both horror and fascination.
Double standards: Female “cougars” vs. male older/younger dynamics.
- Both hosts share personal anecdotes about dating across age lines.

3. Deconstructing CougarInternational.com—A Relic of Early Internet Dating

[11:00 - 22:39]

Bryan introduces a defunct site’s vintage commercial, complete with bad lighting, wall boomerangs, and monotone testimonials.
- “She’s reading a script. She’s looking down and then back up…” — Bryan [11:39]
- “Nothing like a boomerang to spice up your wall…” — Bryan [13:51]
“Cougar” member Crystal describes why she prefers younger men: modernity, looks, fitness, flexibility, and “not being a slave in the kitchen and the bedroom.”
- Quote: “Some older men expect women to be slaves in the kitchen and the bedroom… Angels in public and prostitutes in private.” — Crystal [14:34]
- Hosts riff on the stereotypes, laugh at the presentation, and draw parallels to SNL skits.
Key “features” of Cougar International: video chat with Oovoo, “private calling” (really just using star 67), and “hundreds of members” globally.
- “You mean star six seven? Is that what you mean?” — Bryan [20:26]
Linda, another member, boasts about being “well maintained” at 49, offering style and beauty advice.
Commercial wraps with cringe-inducing lines (“Happy hunting!”), and Bryan laments the golden age of absurd web startups.
- “God damn, where did all the good websites go?” — Bryan [22:39]

4. Reacting to Modern ‘Cougar Coach’ Content: Advice for Younger Guys

[24:08 - 33:00]

The duo watches YouTuber “Karen Lee Potter,” who shares how she met her younger boyfriend and dispenses tips for men who want to date cougars.
- Opening line: “Can I get you a drink?” is okay—confidence is key, but arrogance is a turn-off.
- No cliches or pickup lines—like, “Is your last name Campbell? Because you are good.” [27:19]
  - Bryan and Krissy are incredulous and mock the outdated references: “23 year old remembers Campbell soup?” — Bryan [27:48]
- Don’t brag about sexual prowess or money; show it instead (cue Bryan’s sarcasm).
- Emphasis on eye contact, making her feel special, and giving flirty, but not sleazy, compliments (i.e., “You have bedroom eyes”).
- Bryan: “What are bedroom eyes? … I’m not looking at your boobs. By the way, have you seen my 12 inch cock?” [31:42]
Playful roasting of the editing style and old-fashioned advice, and speculation about Karen Lee’s career.

5. The Drunk Cougar Video (Karen Lee ‘Unleashed’)

[34:40 - 47:41]

The hosts watch and mock a chaotic self-filmed video of Karen Lee getting “drunk” (possibly after 2 shots of Tito’s and diet root beer), dancing, reminiscing about sorority days, and drunk-dialing her kids.
- She shouts out her sorority via shot glass (Delta Phi Epsilon), and talks about meeting “Tito” of Tito’s Vodka in Florida.
- Bryan is confounded that she’s only had two drinks: “She’s only on shot number two! Chrissy.” [44:01]
- Karen’s ramblings: receiving attention when drunk, what music makes her dance, lamenting not getting invited to Facebook events, nostalgia for sorority and college days, attempting to contact old flings, and dropping trivia (Ben Franklin was into cougars?).
- “This is the musings of an old drunk white lady…” — Bryan [42:30]
- Krissy: “Well girl, you got your own party going on.” [42:27]
Heavy riffing on her background music, video editing, glassware (who has a 40-year-old shot glass?!) and general trainwreck quality.
- “This is you and me like 10 years ago.” — Bryan to Krissy [46:26]

6. Running Jokes & Noteworthy Banter

Inside jokes: Oovoo, Private Call, boomerangs, Star 67, “Burner to my bishop,” and celebrities like Frankie B.
Meta moments:
- Bryan teases fans: “If you figure it out, text me. I’ll send you some of my leg wash water… might take a while, ‘cause I don’t really wash my legs that much.” [01:20]
- Faux-commercial voice-overs lampooning the dated infomercials (“Brought to you by Oovoo!” [21:16]).

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

On cougar dating double standards:
- “Cougars sometimes get outsized attention when guys are dating younger girls all the time. But fair play, let’s also talk about cougars.” — Bryan [09:39]
On advice for younger men:
- “You have to walk up with confidence and not arrogance either. Walking up and telling a girl that you’ve got a really large penis is not going to cut the mustard. Who says that?” — Karen Lee Potter [29:46]
- “This information is not at all useful if I’m being honest with you.” — Bryan [29:08]
On CougarInternational.com’s perks:
- “I like that it’s a real family feel to this site.” — Crystal [21:44]
- “Not what I’m looking for in a dating website. I like that most of my family’s in there trolling around.” — Bryan [21:53]
On the "drunk cougar" video:
- “This is the most train wreck of a video we have ever watched. This is incredible. I love it.” — Bryan [40:04]
- “I love when you see like 50 somethings or 60 somethings and they’ve got their old, you know, PI Fi gear on.” — Bryan [37:33]
- “I hate when children go to liberal states. Fuck those lib tars off.” — Bryan (mocking Karen Lee) [44:07]
By the end:
- “Karen Lee Potter, you are our new favorite friend on The Commercial Break. We need to explore more of her.” — Krissy [48:03]

Suggested Listening Timestamps for Key Segments

Intro/Marlin Update: [02:00–06:00]
MILF Manor discussion / TV & Culture: [06:30–09:30]
CougarInternational.com Infomercial Roast: [11:00–22:39]
Modern Cougar Advice YouTube Reaction: [24:08–33:00]
Drunk Cougar Chaos: [34:40–47:41]
Show closes with banter and signoffs: [48:03–end]

Tone & Style

The episode is high-energy, relentlessly sarcastic, and self-aware. The humor thrives on cringey cultural artifacts and the interplay between Bryan’s sharp, absurdist riffing and Krissy’s easygoing, roll-with-the-punches retorts. Content is given just enough context for listeners to follow even if they miss the video references, and inside jokes are signposted but not belabored for new listeners.

In Summary

For fans old and new, this episode offers a quintessential Commercial Break experience: wild story updates, satirical cultural commentary, and the unraveling of internet oddities—all punctuated by Bryan and Krissy’s unfiltered, affectionate roasting. Whether you’re in search of outdated cougar dating advice, vintage internet fails, or just wish to hang out with two hilarious best friends, this is essential listening—boomerangs and Oovoo included.