The Commercial Break — Bryan's Squirrel Saga
Podcast: The Commercial Break
Hosts: Bryan Green & Krissy Hoadley
Episode Release: September 27, 2024
Episode Overview
In this hilariously chaotic episode of The Commercial Break, Bryan Green narrates his unexpected journey from nearly disposing of a seemingly dying baby squirrel to orchestrating an elaborate rescue mission. Amidst the looming threat of a hurricane and ongoing personal health struggles, Bryan’s “Squirrel Saga” becomes a wild centerpiece, filled with frantic Googling, family drama, a dash to PetSmart, and a heartwarming handoff to an actual wildlife rehabilitator. The episode fuses classic TCB banter about pop culture, podcasting fame, and messy real life with a uniquely Bryan twist — real empathy and chaos over a tiny, resilient rodent.
Key Discussion Points & Insights
1. TCB Updates & Hurricane Banter
[00:58–03:13]
- The hosts joke about hunkering down for an unlikely Atlanta hurricane.
- Bryan gives show updates, health status (forthcoming neck surgery for hyperparathyroidism), and addresses rescheduling of live shows:
“Everybody to a last has just been wonderful and understanding about the shows... Chrissy and I are working hard to reschedule those shows in 2025...” — Bryan [02:58]
- Self-deprecating humor about podcasting as a career:
“This podcasting ain’t working out. Follow in Gustavo's footsteps. He’s an engineer.” — Bryan [02:33]
2. Pop Culture Tangents & Podcasting Fame
[05:41–14:39]
- Discusses celebrity podcasts and explosive podcast contracts, referencing Travis Kelce & the “Lucky Charms box” phenomenon.
“They got like $162 million to do that podcast... That podcast went number one overnight.” — Bryan [06:11]
- Jokes about their podcast being more fit for Grape Nuts than Wheaties due to mediocrity:
"Our podcast isn't very good. So please buy a box of Grape Nuts." — Bryan [08:49]
- Tangents about cereal mascots, pop-culture crossovers, and “branding” for their show.
- They riff on “going viral” — referencing the "Hawk Tuah girl" and the podcast-to-reality-TV pipeline:
“Just because you get on a microphone does not necessarily mean you’re going to be good at it. I mean, look at you and I.” — Bryan [15:03]
- Discuss the PR machine and “getting exclusives” from celebrity guests, and frustrations when those exclusives are embargoed.
3. Bryan’s Squirrel Saga: A Backyard Rescue Epic
[24:43–55:26]
a. The Discovery
[24:43–29:06]
- Bryan finds a baby squirrel, apparently dying outside during a storm. Family debates ensue: do they put it out of its misery, let nature take its course, or attempt a rescue?
- Comedic indecision about how to handle the situation:
“First thing I think is, let me get a plastic bag. I’ll throw it back behind the fence so my neighbor can deal with it.” — Bryan [26:24]
b. From Indifference to Empathy
[29:06–32:16]
- The squirrel is still alive — Bryan Googles everything from “how to nurse a squirrel back to health” to appropriate food.
"I did see an Instagram reel once how a lady rescued a squirrel by feeding it from her tit... I don't have a tit, but I could figure something out." — Bryan [29:36]
- Trying nuts, then realizing only special formula will do, Bryan escalates the rescue — rushing to PetSmart amid the storm.
c. The Rescue Escalates
[36:40–41:36]
- Purchases puppy formula, baby animal bottles, bedding — recounts trauma-dumping at PetSmart to disinterested employees.
"I’m trauma dumping on this lady — I’ve got a baby squirrel...she's like, aisle 7." — Bryan [38:41]
- Frantic family and adorable toddler in tow, Bryan spends hundreds of dollars and risks running late in the rain.
d. At-Home Animal Care Chaos
[42:23–47:34]
- Back home: bottle feeding, attempts at hydration, daughter trying to hug the squirrel, concern about mites.
- Naming the squirrel “Peaches” cements Bryan’s attachment. He describes a quickly escalating plan for overnight care, dreams of a squirrel pet, and the tension with his wife about bringing “Peaches” indoors.
“If you name it, you can’t kill it, right? So we decide on the name Peaches. Peaches the squirrel.” — Bryan [35:46]
e. The Search for Expertise & The Hand-Off
[48:46–54:08]
- After frantic Googling, Bryan finds a true wildlife rehabber an hour away, text-bombs her with videos and updates:
“I give her every beat by beat text, three videos, because of course I’m taking videos during this whole thing. Maybe I’ll pull one up. It was cute.” — Bryan [48:55]
- Drives the squirrel through the rain; emotional handoff to the squirrel lady, who confirms Peaches suffered head trauma but should recover. She promises updates for the kids:
“She goes, the squirrel has head trauma. It needs steroids, pain medication, and warm, you know, needs to be loved a little bit.” — Bryan [48:50]
f. Resolution & Reflection
[54:08–55:26]
- Peaches the squirrel is safe, with updates and photos confirming she's thriving:
"Yes. That pictures were gotten this morning and the squirrel is now with other squirrel babies...flourishing." — Bryan [54:02]
- Bryan milks his good deed for comedic absolution:
“Now, when I do stupid shit, like cancel shows last minute, act like an idiot… I don’t want any more flak because I saved that one squirrel.” — Bryan [54:10]
Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments
- “I got a couple kids, they can jump in my seat if something should happen. I got a whole succession plan.” — Bryan [05:41]
- “There's one or two reasons why you're coming on The Commercial Break. You're either on your way up or on your way down.” — Bryan [17:44]
- “I saved the squirrel. So now when I do stupid shit… I don’t want any more flak because I saved that one squirrel.” — Bryan [54:10]
- “If you name it, you can’t kill it, right? So we decide on the name Peaches. Peaches the squirrel.” — Bryan [35:46]
- “You want me to do a squirrel bath? No, I’m not doing a squirrel bath.” — Bryan [47:34]
- “I'm not a squirrel expert, but I will be happy to tell everybody — yes, that pictures were gotten this morning and the squirrel is now with other squirrel babies.” — Bryan [54:00]
Key Timestamps
- 00:58–03:13 — Show & hurricane updates, rescheduled live shows
- 05:41–14:39 — Podcasting fame/rankings, cereal mascots, viral interview gripes
- 24:43–29:06 — Discovery of the dying squirrel
- 29:06–32:16 — Googling “how to rescue a squirrel”, empathy blooms
- 36:40–41:36 — Bryan’s mad dash for rescue supplies
- 42:23–47:34 — First aid, feeding, and the existential debate over squirrel domestication
- 48:46–54:08 — Finding the specialist & delivering Peaches
- 54:08–55:26 — Resolution, good deed gloating, and show wrap-up
Episode Tone & Takeaway
Irreverent yet sincere, both Bryan and Krissy lean on their signature blend of self-aware absurdity and friendly ribbing. The story is equal parts rescue drama and comedic meltdown, with Bryan letting listeners into his “chaotic but relatable” home life as he stumbles through earnest animal care. The saga — both funny and surprisingly heartfelt — is a reminder that behind the podcast’s sarcastic sheen are two friends genuinely trying (and often failing) at life, and inadvertently making great comedy in the process.
For listeners: This episode offers a wild ride of unpredictable storytelling, classic TCB banter, and a genuinely heartwarming conclusion — all with plenty of laughs and a big dash of Bryan’s self-deprecating empathy. Peaches the squirrel, wherever you are, we’re all rooting for you.