
EP945: It's a heat dome outside and it's a bald dome inside! Bryan takes his legs out for a ride and everyone is curious how those yam-yams got so silky smooth!
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Narrator/Announcer
Evening.
Brian Green
Buyer's remorse. Buy a new car. I'll be moving in. Let's get started.
Chrissy Hoadley
Sorry, I think there's been a mistake. I bought it from Carvana.
Rachel
You what?
Chrissy Hoadley
Yeah. Great price. I even have seven days to love it or return it.
Brian Green
So there's no.
Chrissy Hoadley
No, no buyer's remorse. More like buyers rejoice.
Brian Green
I guess I'll let myself out. Congratulations. I mean it.
Chrissy Hoadley
Buyers rejoice. Buy your car today on Carvana.
Brian Green
Limitations and exclusions may apply. See our seven day return policy@carvana.com you
Narrator/Announcer
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Commercial Voice 1
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Chrissy Hoadley
the day meeting like a boss.
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Narrator/Announcer
On this episode of the Commercial Break,
Brian Green
my legs were full of hair. My legs specifically, like a few little chest hairs, but my legs specifically sprouted a fucking, you know, chia pet worth of hair overnight basically. And then I was the only kid, this is third or fourth grade, I was the only kid that had any kind of body hair anywhere on my body. And during gym I was so like self conscious about it because I looked all over the place and I saw everyone else was bare chested and bald. And here's Brian, you know, carrying around. Look, I look like fucking Chewbacca. And I wasn't good at sports. So it was like a double, it was like a double whammy on it. It just didn't make me feel comfortable. So I've always had a little bit of a hang up about body. Ha. The next episode of the Commercial Break starts now. Welcome back to the commercial Break I'm Brian Green. This is my dear friend and the co host of this show, Chris and Joy Hoadley. And I am Brian Green with a big old set of earphones on my head. Look, I look like a idiot.
Chrissy Hoadley
Best to you, Brian.
Brian Green
Best to you. The best view out there in the podcast universe. Thank you. Me and my cans. I got my cans and my yams. My yams and my cans are out today. I refuse to do it. In the history of the commercial break, name one time when I've ever walked into this studio with shorts on.
Chrissy Hoadley
I know. I was noticing.
Brian Green
Never happened. I have a no Brian's legs policy. Policy. No showing my skinny white boy legs that are usually very hairy. But I've trimmed up my hair, my. My leg hair for the show.
Chrissy Hoadley
Oh, okay.
Brian Green
Chrissy. I do a whole. There's a whole thing that goes on in my bathroom. You don't even want to know.
Chrissy Hoadley
No, I don't.
Brian Green
Y. We have a vacuum that's full of my hair from head to toe. My hair. Just my hair. I suck. I vacuum it all up. My kids are.
Chrissy Hoadley
Is this your hair vacuum?
Brian Green
It's my hair vacuum. That's all it is. It's the hair vacuum. It stays in the bathroom. And every time I shave my head, I vacuum up the hair. I've learned over the years this is a science, Chrissy. I've got it down.
Chrissy Hoadley
Yes. I knew your head shaving was a science, but I did not realize you were including your legs now.
Brian Green
Body hair, leg hair, chest hair, the whole nine yards. You don't want to see what's going on down there. No one wants to see that. And then my brothers make fun of me.
Chrissy Hoadley
Is this like a flobe?
Brian Green
It kind of is, yes. It kind of is. It kind of is a leg flow be. I have to get a stand and, like, put. I have to shave my legs like a woman shaves her leg.
Chrissy Hoadley
I did not know this.
Brian Green
But with a trimmer. You didn't know this?
Chrissy Hoadley
No.
Brian Green
Do you think my legs look normally like this?
Chrissy Hoadley
Look? I didn't know.
Brian Green
Does that look normal?
Chrissy Hoadley
I've just never. You've never mentioned shaving your legs before?
Brian Green
No, but you've seen me enough in my life to know that my legs are generally just full of hair. But, you know, over the last probably seven years, I've taken to trimming my. I just can't take it. I can't take it anymore.
Chrissy Hoadley
All right, well, it looks good. It looks good.
Brian Green
Thank you very much.
Chrissy Hoadley
Your yams are looking good. Your yams in your Cans.
Brian Green
My brother pointed out. My brother Patrick was over. I don't know. This is probably like three summers ago when I started doing this. I started doing it like seven years ago. But like three or four summers ago, Patrick comes over and we're all at the pool and we're hanging out, and him and his.
Chrissy Hoadley
Now I can't stop looking at her legs.
Brian Green
You're like, what's going on?
Chrissy Hoadley
I'm studying.
Brian Green
They look good, right?
Chrissy Hoadley
They do look good.
Brian Green
They did a good job.
Chrissy Hoadley
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Brian Green
I try not to make it look too ridiculous.
Chrissy Hoadley
Right? There's still hair.
Brian Green
There's still hair.
Chrissy Hoadley
Yes.
Brian Green
It's just trimmed as if like a trimmer had gone over. It's not a natural length. It doesn't look like natural hair.
Chrissy Hoadley
What did Patrick point out?
Brian Green
So Patrick is with his then girlfriend and they are just laughing over in the corner of the pool. And so I. I get out of the pool and I'm walking up to them, and then Patrick goes, hey, Bri. And I had. I told no one this until right now. The only people who knew about this were some close advisors and my own family. And. And Thatcher goes, hey, Bri, did you trim your legs? And I go, no. What are you talking about? And he goes, yes, you did. And I go, he called you. I go, no, I didn't. And he pointed out that I had trimmed my legs starting right here, so there was like 2 inch long hair on my ankles. He was like, dude, you gotta get it all the way, bro. You gotta go all the way.
Chrissy Hoadley
All the way?
Brian Green
Yeah. You gotta be in for a penny, in for a pound on the leg trimming. I said, okay, all right, I get it.
Chrissy Hoadley
Point taken.
Brian Green
Yeah. Astrid thinks I'm ridiculous. She's like, you're just ridiculous. What are you doing? But you have to understand from my point of view that being blessed with hair all over your body, except for your head, is not like, it's not the best thing in the world. And I can appreciate a little chest hair. And I can appreciate it. Yeah, dude, listen. And I can appreciate.
Chrissy Hoadley
Snuggle in and.
Brian Green
Oh, you do you like to get in there. Chef's got a little. A little blanket of chest hair.
Chrissy Hoadley
Well, you know the smell that we've talked about with your.
Brian Green
I do like the way Jeff's.
Chrissy Hoadley
The way that your person.
Brian Green
Yes.
Chrissy Hoadley
You know that you're attracted to the pheromones. Whatever. Yes, I. I can really smell it.
Brian Green
Yeah, I can appreciate that. Yeah, there's that pheromones, I'm sure play a part of it and get, you know, you got that like natural body oil that gets on the hair. But when I was fourth or fifth grade, I just woke up one day to like all these leg hairs just flying all over the place.
Chrissy Hoadley
Oh yeah, your hormones kicked in.
Brian Green
My hormones kicked in. And then within a month and I was. My legs were full of hair. My legs specifically, like a few little chest hairs. But my legs specifically sprouted a fucking, you know, chia pet worth of hair overnight basically. And then I was the only kid, this is third or fourth grade, I was the only kid that had any kind of body hair anywhere on my body. And, and it during gym, I was so like self conscious about it because I looked all over the place and I saw everyone else was bare chested and bald. And here's Brian, you know, carrying around. Look, I look like Chewbacca. And I wasn't good at sports. So it was like a double. It was like a double whammy on it. It just didn't make me feel comfortable. So I've always had a little bit of a hang up about body hair. Okay, I recognize it. I understand it's going on in my head, but also it's such a. I just hate it. I don't like the feel of body hair. I don't like the way that it looks. I don't like the way people like that. Yeah, so I didn't go 100 all in shaving your legs like some people, like some guys do.
Chrissy Hoadley
I'm not gonna go get the shaving of the chest. I. Yeah, no, I'm not gonna do it double and.
Brian Green
Yeah, yeah, well, I trim my chest hair, but I have to do it a little bit longer.
Chrissy Hoadley
You can't go all the way to the skin.
Brian Green
No, no, I still have some chest hair, but I can't go trim it like my legs because Astrid says it's bothersome. Like when we are, you know, romantically on the three times that we've had sex, it doesn't feel good to her.
Chrissy Hoadley
Right. Because it's kind of stubbly.
Brian Green
It's kind of stubbly. It's like a woman who shaves her private parts, you know, all the way down. And which I have never been a fan of, by the way. I'm not up for bald anythings, you know, because it just doesn't look natural to me. It looks a little creepy, if I'm being honest. And I've dated plenty of women who've gone for that look. And fine, that's your personal body. It's your own I'm shaving my leg here. I got no room to talk. But for me it just doesn't, it doesn't look or feel natural. But then if it's just one day off, if you're one day off from the shave, then it starts getting a little. You get a little grind going on, right? It's like sandpaper. You start a fire down there between my long hair, between my big bush and your no bush. We're going to start a campfire over here. Start a campfire out in the back in the bush. I'm watching little singles on, okay?
Chrissy Hoadley
I've seen it. It's popped up on my hbo.
Brian Green
You gotta watch this show. You've got to watch this show, Chrissy. First of all, it's manufactured. It's clear that like they're giving these people plot points to move, to move the plot along, but I'm okay with that. It's all reality TV is like that. There's nothing under the sun that's. That's different there.
Chrissy Hoadley
Yeah.
Brian Green
And, and, and so I think a lot of this is like manufactured drama. But that's okay with me because something about the little people having that kind of drama makes it more engrossing than if it was just like, you know, like the fucking people in the Hamptons or whatever. The Real Housewives summer house.
Chrissy Hoadley
I'm on a summer house kick right now.
Brian Green
I put it on my, I put it on my list. Okay, I'm gonna give it a try.
Chrissy Hoadley
Yeah.
Commercial Voice 1
Yeah.
Chrissy Hoadley
I was, I didn't think that I wanted to watch it. I was like, you know, whatever. It's been around for like 10 years.
Brian Green
I had no idea.
Chrissy Hoadley
I know. And well, I knew, but I just was like, eh, I don't want to see them. Ten years ago I was not in the mood. Now I am. And I like, and I really love it all. There's a big scandal that just happened.
Brian Green
There's scandals all over the place. What about that? Is that, is that tied in any way to the vanderpump rules?
Chrissy Hoadley
No, and I didn't. I never got into vanderpump rules.
Brian Green
Well, you know that, that guy, what's his name?
Chrissy Hoadley
Sandoval.
Brian Green
Sandoval. Tommy Sandoval. Sandovilli. Sandovali. Tommy Sandovali is like he, him and his father in law got into a fistfight and he threw his father in law into like a backyard fire.
Chrissy Hoadley
Oh God.
Brian Green
It's insane. It's quite insane.
Commercial Voice 1
Right?
Brian Green
But apparently Sandoval was in the right here, not in the wrong. But I don't know. I just saw a video about it on tmz. But then that Vanderpump Rules lady just opened a fucking hotel in Las Vegas.
Chrissy Hoadley
Yeah. Yeah.
Brian Green
That's insane.
Chrissy Hoadley
I know. She's big time.
Commercial Voice 1
Wow.
Brian Green
Who fucking want. Do we really care that much about the like the Vanderpump?
Chrissy Hoadley
She came from that restaurant. Restaurant world. Anyways, she and her husband Ken, they moved over from England and they were big into restaurants there and then started the bunch of them in la.
Brian Green
I went to one of them in la. Remember I saw Sam Thomas.
Chrissy Hoadley
Did you get a Sir? Did you get a Sir?
Brian Green
Yeah, I went to sir, but then one time on a business trip we went to sir, and then there was all the, you know, people were the whole scene. But then we went to that famous Italian restaurant over in WeHo and I saw Tommy Sandoval.
Chrissy Hoadley
Okay.
Brian Green
Sitting there with his cowboy hat on, remember? Yeah. I can't remember the name of the one in weho either, but weho, listen to me sound like I like I live there. I'm weho, soho, noho.
Chrissy Hoadley
It's all. It's all got the abbreviations now. I noticed when I was out in Denver, I was in Lido. Oh, lodo.
Brian Green
Yeah, I live in Eco.
Chrissy Hoadley
Lower downtown.
Brian Green
Yeah, we should start making names for art for like where you live. I'm in Rojo, right near Eho. Eco. Yeah, I'm over by Eco. I'm just a little south of Eco, right? Yeah. But unfortunately the neighborhoods here aren't as cool as they are. And I do give it to. I give do give New York to this where I. At least where I am, I.
Commercial Voice 2
Let me.
Brian Green
I'll tell you what, this is going to be a little bit of a shorter episode. So glad that you joined us today. YouTube.com the commercial break. You can follow us on YouTube and then you'll be notified about when we go live. We've been having a lot of fun doing the streams. Everyone's been in the chat. Welcome you to board. We're moving into the holiday weekend. Thank you very much for having us. I just remind you one time, probably forever and ever. Amen. I'll remind this to you. I'm going to put a link in the show notes to a foundation that is sending money, food and aids aid aid directly down to Venezuela, exactly where it's needed. Their organization who not only has a lot of people on the ground in the United States, but they are Venezuelans. So they have many people helping in Venezuela. And I can assure you, I can assure you that the aid and support is getting to the Venezuelans. Not being stolen. It's not being sucked up by the government. Yes. And I did a lot of. As someone, I say this and it's going to sound ridiculous, but as someone who's got a little bit of a following on Instagram, I did my homework before I. Before I shared a link.
Chrissy Hoadley
No, Brian got it wrong.
Brian Green
No, no.
Chrissy Hoadley
But you didn't want to get this wrong.
Brian Green
Got this time I got it right. I promise you. All right, so I'll put a link in the show notes if you can. If you do, if you will help those Venezuelans.
Chrissy Hoadley
Will it ever end today?
Brian Green
Today. It ends today in the show notes. All right, we're going to take a break. We'll be right back.
Rachel
Hey, it's Rachel, your new voice of God here on tcb. And just like you, I'm wondering just how much longer this podcast continue. Let's all rejoice that another episode has made it to your ears. And I'll rejoice that my check is in the mail. Speaking of mail, get your free TCB sticker in the mail by going to tcbpodcast.com and visiting the contact us page. You can also find the entire commercial break library audio and video, just in case you want to look at chrissy@tcbpodcast.com Want your voice to be on an episode of the show? Leave us a message at 212-4333, TCB. That's 212-433-3822. Tell us how much you love us and we'll be sure to let the world know on a future episode. Or you could make fun of us. That'd be fine, too. We might not air that, but maybe. Oh, and if you're shy, that's okay. Just send a text. We'll respond. Now. I'm gonna go check the mailbox for payment while you check out our sponsors. And then we'll return to this episode of the commercial break.
Brian Green
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Brian Green
Hey, Google, when's my next meeting?
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Brian Green
And when you're the mom.
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Chrissy Hoadley
I wanted to do like a kick.
Brian Green
Yeah, I know. That's Exactly. It's got that 80s white snake vibe.
Chrissy Hoadley
It does.
Brian Green
Remember White Snake? Yeah, White Snake.
Chrissy Hoadley
Yes.
Brian Green
There's a couple of White Snake, White Lion. There was a couple of like, whites in those 80s hair bands.
Chrissy Hoadley
Yeah.
Brian Green
So I will, I will say this about, about New York. Like, there are some very cool neighborhoods and very close proximity. What I didn't realize is I've been staying at this hotel. I talked about the hotel. It's a beautiful hotel. It's not, it's not the Ritz, but it's not the Roach Motel.
Chrissy Hoadley
Well, at least it's not the one, the other one that you were in.
Brian Green
The roaches are walking over your feet. Yeah. Oh, my God. Chrissy.
Chrissy Hoadley
What was it the Disco Hostel or something called it.
Brian Green
It's a disco hostile. It's thumping techno music playing downstairs with all these weird, like, German.
Chrissy Hoadley
Yeah.
Brian Green
Videos with, like, guys with, like, whips. It was like, drop the beat. These guys were like whipping women. And I was like, what in the fuck? All these, like. But they were like TVs. You would buy at Best Buy if you needed to fill a hotel lobby with cheap tv, right? And then there was like mirrored ceilings. It was just like a weird vibe altogether, which I didn't mind. I was into. I thought, hey, okay, it's the S and M, you know, it's the S and M hotel. If the room.
Chrissy Hoadley
Well, I was going to say the stain on the floor.
Brian Green
No, no, no, no, no, no. And they cut out the dead body, right? And then tried to, like, exactly match it. Cut the stain out. I think I probably could have let it go. But once a roach curls over your foot, it's game over. No, I don't care. What would it, it could have been the Ritz. I would have gone somewhere else.
Chrissy Hoadley
Well, another, well, you know what I just thought about too? What's the update on the guy across the way?
Brian Green
The guy? Oh, the guy across the way. Oh, do you mean the dude who's
Chrissy Hoadley
like, who you thought was looking at you?
Brian Green
Who was looking at me? The guy, he's still, he still stares out that window. I, I, I don't know if he's looking at me. Listen, every room in the hotel has a balcony, right? And there's that half window, half fog window, half regular window. And the big curtain you can slide across. So as I said, mentioned in a previous episode, I didn't know that you could actually see into the rooms because you don't think about that if you don't live in New York. If you don't live in New York, then you don't think that there are 7,000 other people that are facing you at any given time. Now I've taken to window staring over there too. You know, I'm all about it. We have, like, binoculars on the top of my office roof. And I'm always, like, looking in on other people's roofs. We're up on, like, the 13th floor, so we can see a lot of roofs. It's so much fun. Roof watching is fun.
Chrissy Hoadley
Oh, yeah, Roof watching in New York.
Brian Green
I didn't put the binoculars there. Just FYI, they were there already. So other people are doing this too, so. But yeah, there's this one guy and he just, like, hangs out in the wind. He's like, you know, stare on his bed just, you know, just staring out.
Narrator/Announcer
Hey.
Brian Green
So sometimes I give him a show. You know what?
Chrissy Hoadley
Why not?
Brian Green
I'm at a certain. I'm a man of a certain age. What do I got the shaved legs. With the shaved legs. I'm in the shower with my electric razor and my sock to cover up my long foot hair. Oh, my God. We have a friend, and he's got tow hair, like the long toe hairs.
Chrissy Hoadley
Now, I can't get down with that.
Brian Green
I just. I had to say it one time. I had to say, you know, this guy go, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. I don't mind you being a dirty hippie, but what I do care about is staring at your toe.
Chrissy Hoadley
Yes, right.
Brian Green
He's the kind of guy.
Chrissy Hoadley
No, no to to toe.
Rachel
Yeah.
Brian Green
No, no to to toe. That's right. No, no, in weho. No, no to toto. We ho. No, no toto. So, yeah, I got. I. You know, there's a guy, he's. He's in an adjacent building, and he. His bed is just right there, and he just likes to stare out the window. I'm sure he's. He's probably just watching tv and I'm making a big.
Chrissy Hoadley
He probably is. The TV is probably, like right above where this window.
Brian Green
Yeah, no, you can see the tv. No, the TV is in the corner. It's like in the corner of the window. Right. But you. It's hard to tell whether or not he's staring out the window or at the tv. Whatever. I mean, at this point, we're all friends, right? Exactly. So I didn't realize that where I am staying, you know, Little Italy, Chinatown, all these different villages that they have. The village, like all these places that they have have. Are really close. I'm like in the center of all of them. All I needed to do was take a left down the street. I always take a right on. It's. It's that, you know, New York is like that. So I took a left the other day. The Germany soccer game is on. Oh, yeah, it was a Germany. And that was a good game. Bosnia Herzegovina.
Chrissy Hoadley
I think so.
Brian Green
No, no, no. We just put. The US Just played Bosnia. It was Germany and Belgium, I think. Was it, I don't know, Paraguay. Paraguay, okay. Paraguay. That's right. Wait, I'm gonna get this wrong and everyone's gonna be upset at me.
Chrissy Hoadley
Yeah, we were watching on the way. On the plane.
Brian Green
It was on Monday night, right? Yeah, that's right. Germany. That's right. It was Germany and Paraguay. You're right about that. So that game was on. I take a left down the street. I'm like, I gotta find something besides a fucking cheeseburger and pizza to eat in New York. Because that's all I'm consuming is cheeseburgers and pizza in New York. Because it's so good.
Chrissy Hoadley
It's so good and convenient.
Brian Green
It's easy. I know it. It's on my way one place or the other. Like, I'm just getting the lay of the land. New York's a big city. Obviously it's. Luckily it's in blocks and you have Google Maps. Like that's the other thing too, is you have Google maps. You're never going to get lost. But you also have to, you know, I don't want to get too far off the beaten path. Also. I take a left down this street and all of the sudden I'm on. I can't. I can't think of the name of the street, but all of a sudden I'm on this street and I'm walking and I'm walking and I'm walking three blocks and I crest a little hill and there it is. The across hanging sign, across the buildings. Little Italy.
Chrissy Hoadley
Oh, nice.
Brian Green
And it is four blocks, five blocks of restaurants, shops and parties.
Chrissy Hoadley
I would be in heaven.
Brian Green
Oh, Chrissy, it was amazing. It was right as it was just about to get dark, you know, like the. It was dusk, so these big lights were coming on, stringing those lights across the thing. You can walk in the middle of the street. Even people do drive in the street. You can walk in the middle of the street.
Narrator/Announcer
Street.
Brian Green
And every restaurant has. Patio, has tables out on the sidewalk.
Chrissy Hoadley
Love it.
Brian Green
Every grocers.
Chrissy Hoadley
Yeah, I love those little specialty Italian specialty stores.
Brian Green
Yes. There's also a lot of shitty, like souvenir stores too. But okay, it's part of the flavor, right? Yeah. But every single restaurant and bar had the TV with the game on. And so as that game is going on, as every goal is scored, as the shootout is going on, the whole of Little Italy is just going fucking banana. There's a lot of Germans that, that are sitting there at those Italian restaurants. It was a vibe and I was all about it. I thought to myself, this is amazing. I've been here for like 13 weeks now, and I didn't know that Little Italy is literally behind the hotel. So I'm about to become an Italian.
Chrissy Hoadley
I'm.
Brian Green
I'm taking my New Yorkdom to a different level. I will now be a tourist. Italian Because I'll go to Little Italy and I'm just gonna start hanging out at those restaurants.
Chrissy Hoadley
Oh, good.
Brian Green
This also smells like heaven down there. I mean, fucking. Hey, I had some. What do you call that? The pasta with the eggs, the carbonara.
Chrissy Hoadley
Oh, carbonara and bolognese, which is so
Brian Green
much better than pizza and cheeseburgers. Carbonara, right? Hundred pounds, right?
Chrissy Hoadley
Exactly. It's got the cream and.
Brian Green
Yes, exactly.
Chrissy Hoadley
It's so delicious.
Brian Green
It is so delicious. So I just had the best time walking around. I mean, I wasn't there for long. Maybe spend an hour just kind of walking around. But that Little Italy, man, I'll tell you what. And then I moved over to Chinatown. Like, Little Italy and Chinatown are kind of connected. It's like, you move one street and you're. You're. But here's the thing about Chinatown. Astrid was like, go get some food in Chinatown.
Chrissy Hoadley
Yeah.
Brian Green
And I said, yeah, but it's. It looks like, really authentic, if you know what I mean.
Chrissy Hoadley
And you've had that.
Brian Green
And I don't. I've had that experience in San Francisco. Yeah. But that was Japanese food. That was sushi, nonetheless. But I don't. Some of those flavors are not my favorite. And they do have things. They're. They have very exotic foods. China is a huge place. They got to feed a billion people. They will eat a lot of different stuff. We talked to Ari Shafir about this.
Chrissy Hoadley
Yes.
Brian Green
Like, the guy. The guy was almost ordered dog, right? And. And legitimately it was dog. It was, like, on the menu. And so I just want to be careful that I, like, don't walk in somewhere, you know? And I mean, of course I can just look in the menu and order something, but. But, you know, I don't know. I just want to be, like, a little bit. I'm a little bit picky when it comes to.
Chrissy Hoadley
You can't go wrong with, like, a fried rice.
Brian Green
Love a good fried rice. Love a good dim sum or lo mein. Dim sum.
Chrissy Hoadley
Dim sum.
Brian Green
Dim sum. Ding dong. Dim sum. But I just got very excited at the thought that I was, like, in the middle of the action, and I didn't. The Bowery is right down the street from me. I thought, well, I could go to a show and be the oldest guy there. I could go to the show and be the old shitter.
Chrissy Hoadley
You should go check out some music while you're up there.
Brian Green
I should go check out some music?
Chrissy Hoadley
Yeah, why not?
Brian Green
The worst part about being in. In New York a couple days a week is the nighttime. Like, when I'M busy and everything's. And I'm rusting and I'm running around and I'm rushing around, all of that. Okay, fine. It's all good. The part that gets bothersome is that is when you get back to the hotel at 7 or 8 at night, you're not quite tired, you need something to eat, and there's. There's no one that, like. I don't. I can't just pick up the phone and call something.
Chrissy Hoadley
Right. I understand.
Brian Green
I know a few people, you know, but who Really? I could ask the guy across the way. Maybe that's what I'm gonna do.
Chrissy Hoadley
Put up a little sign.
Brian Green
I'm gonna get a flashlight and I'm gonna start doing Morris Code to him.
Chrissy Hoadley
Would you like to go get a beer?
Brian Green
Dinner, question mark. Right. Freshly shaved. Freshly shaved. Legs right here for the taking. Oh, they're sexified. Look at those things.
Chrissy Hoadley
Oh, yeah.
Brian Green
But I want to get back to something two segments ago. Go. Little Singles. So I'm watching Singles.
Chrissy Hoadley
Yes.
Brian Green
I'm watching the show. Manufactured Drama. They got a bunch of characters on the show. All of them are characters. You know, obviously they got personality. That's why they have a show. But they're gonna throw a birthday party for one of the girls. One of the girls, I would say she would be the, like, most attractive woman universally understood. Like, everybody in the bill, in the. In the house that they're renting also knows this. She's the most attractive girl.
Commercial Voice 1
Yeah.
Rachel
Yes.
Chrissy Hoadley
Okay.
Brian Green
But she has spent her life sheltered from other little people. She only has. She only sees other little people when she goes to these LP conventions. So she has not lived the life of a little person necessarily. She's lived the life of an average sized person because that's who she's always around. So she's never been to a grocery store by herself. She's never had the. And like, these other little people are like teaching her the way they're taking to a grocery store, teaching her how to climb up, you know?
Chrissy Hoadley
Right. That's.
Brian Green
So all these things, we take it for granted.
Chrissy Hoadley
Yeah. Interesting.
Brian Green
It is interesting. But it's her birthday and they're gonna throw her a birthday party. Right. And I. This is what I want to say. So they. They're doing all these cutaways about getting ready for the birthday party. And every one of them to a key on the cutaway is like, little people just do it different. We just party harder than everybody. We just know how to do it.
Chrissy Hoadley
I love it.
Brian Green
And I thought to myself, if There is a trope in reality TV or a trope in life. If you ask somebody, you know, how do you party? They're all going to say the same fucking thing. We party the hardest. We just do it different. Things are just different. Who's going to say anything different? Chrissy, you and I spent 20 years of our life in a haze. The things we did, the things we didn't do, the things we probably should have done, but we didn't do.
Chrissy Hoadley
Right? Right.
Brian Green
Because we were physically unable. We did a lot like drive a straight line. Like those. We partied hard. I can appreciate the sentiment that you think for some reason you have some special way of partying, but anybody who has been through a bit of a bender can say the same thing. We. You party hard. Partying hard is universal. It does. Little people don't corner the market on that. Nor do any other reality television shows. You hear it so much, you know, oh, yeah, we're gonna have a party tonight. We just do it different. We do bangers different. Okay, maybe, maybe.
Chrissy Hoadley
Well, did you see the party?
Brian Green
Some of it, of course. You know the cliffhanger for next week's party? They got half the party. There's like two of these little people are making out in the kitchen and one guy's got a thong on. He's running around with his ding dong hanging out. I mean, maybe they do party different. I don't know. I mean, I don't know.
Chrissy Hoadley
I don't know. It sounds like summer house too.
Brian Green
One of the girls is an exotic dancer and she's like a 1i. So this is like crazy. So it's. It's not actually that crazy for a reality show, but they're inviting, like these random little people to the house. Every episode there's a couple of new little people that come to the house just for an event or a thing. And they all seem to know each other from these little people conventions in some way, shape or form. So the attractive. I'm calling her the attractive one. Right. Just to give you an idea. The attract or no. Oh, no. Excuse me. The. They're all attractive in their own way. Honestly, they're. They're like. They're all attractive in their own way. Yeah, but the one who is the exotic dancer, they say, oh, we're inviting Andy over. And the exotic cut away to the exotic. The girl does the exotic dancing and she says, or the burlesque dancing. Excuse me, I should. I should name it correctly. Burlesque is different than exotic. But she goes, yeah, I know. Andy I met him at a little people's convention when I was 17 years old. I made out with him, and then for three years, he told everybody that I was sleeping with him, that we were having sex, but. But I only kiss the guy, right? So I'm a little uncomfortable. He's coming over.
Chrissy Hoadley
Yeah, fair enough.
Brian Green
So apparently this is like a big deal. This whole thing is like a big deal.
Chrissy Hoadley
Andy.
Rachel
Andy.
Brian Green
Fucking Andy. And Andy looks like an asshole, if I'm being honest. He just looks like an asshole. He looks like the kind of guy who would spread rumors about somebody. So I was sitting at dinner, right? But, you know, they're all sitting at dinner, and right before the big party starts and they're having a nice dinner and they're playing Never have I ever. It's like, you know, never have I ever given a blow job on my knees. You know, for little people, I guess that's a thing, you know, That's a thing. You just stand up and give a blowjob and then. Never have I ever made out somebody at this table, right? And so just a couple people raise their glasses. Andy doesn't, but the girl does. And then she gets fired up. She's like, you and I actually made out. And he's like, did we
Chrissy Hoadley
wait? But he was the one spreading the room.
Brian Green
He was the one spreading the room. So I'm like, you fucking cock knocker. Like, how can you. That's. You're such an asshole.
Chrissy Hoadley
Yeah.
Brian Green
You fucking made out with somebody. It's not like it was 20 years ago. It was like seven years ago, six years ago. You know exactly who you make out with.
Commercial Voice 1
With.
Brian Green
And you always remember. I was just thinking about this the other day. I was going backwards in my mind about some stuff.
Chrissy Hoadley
Yeah.
Brian Green
And I was like, what was the name of that girl? Do you know what I'm saying? And there's like four or five of them. What was the name of that?
Chrissy Hoadley
Same.
Brian Green
Yeah, yeah. I remember one night I lived in an apartment complex with my mother, right? My mother lived in an apartment complex. After we got divorced with my dad, I lived in this apartment complex. Huge apartment complex, Sandy Springs.
Chrissy Hoadley
Oh, yeah.
Brian Green
So one night, and I worked at a bar that was on Roswell Road, right in front of the complex. So it was like I could just walk through the woods and be back at my house. So I'm bartending one night. This is the same time I. I had met these Jess and Jess on the Bare Naked Ladies door. But I was still living with my mother. So living on the couch in My mother's, you know, one bedroom apartment. It's. It's about as sexy as it sounds. So one night I, you know, there's a girl that keeps coming up to the bar with her friends. And then one night we get to talking and she says, oh, I live in the same neighborhood as you do. And I. Okay. And then. But we close down the bar, she's still there, and her and I are just, you know, flirting with each other. And I got a bag full of whatever I have, and I'm like, hey, you know, I'm either gonna go back to my mom's couch or I'm gonna go back to your apartment. And we went back to her apartment. And then I told her that I had an expertise in tantric massaging.
Chrissy Hoadley
Nice. Oh, you pulled out the tantric.
Brian Green
I did, I did. And so this is why I was thinking about it the other night. I'm like, what a douchebag thing to say. Honestly, Brian, What a douchebag thing to say. Even if that was true, which it likely was not. Even if that was true. Is that something you say? But then again, we were so fucked up. I mean, but I just remember those words coming out of my mouth. Mouth and instantly wanting to eat myself alive. Like, retract those words. And she's like, oh, really? Then, you know, let's do it. Took off her shirt and then whatever. And the next morning, like, you know, 7am she gets up and she's like, I have to go to work. And I'm like, oh, okay. And she's like, so you have to leave.
Chrissy Hoadley
Yeah, you gotta go.
Brian Green
And I never saw her at the bar again. Never. I called her a couple times. She never answered the phone. So I don't know. I don't think I was the expert in tantric massage. I think it's the bottom line of the story. I really don't.
Chrissy Hoadley
Not yet.
Brian Green
Hey, listen, you know, when you're a young man, you're just trying to sort your wild oats, right?
Chrissy Hoadley
Yeah. You're just trying to throw out the seeds.
Brian Green
Yeah. So we see what grows. I hope nothing grew out of the wild seeds. Let's put it that way, right? She had my phone number. She could have called me, but she never did. I remember one time I saw. That's like a year and a half later, I saw her at a gas station. And as like, like a qt. So I walked in, she was at the other end of the gas station getting a drink or something. It was like 9 o' clock at night. And I was like, oh, hey. And she was like, hi. And then left.
Chrissy Hoadley
Bye. Bye.
Brian Green
Bye. See you later. All right, we're gonna take a break. We'll be back.
Rachel
Let me do something Brian has never done. Be brief. Follow us on Instagram at the commercial break. Text or call us 212-4333, tcb. That's 212-433-3822. Visit our website tcbpodcast.com for all the audio, video, and your free sticker. Then watch all the videos@YouTube.com thecommercialbreak and finally share the show. It's the best gift you could give a few aging podcasters. See, Brian, that really wasn't that difficult, now, was it? You're welcome.
Brian Green
Queen Carvania stood haloed by the morning sun. An army hung on her every word.
Chrissy Hoadley
My champions, I have sold my chariot on Carvana.
Brian Green
Twas a lovely suv, an inexplicably queenly offer. They're even coming to the castle to collect it. Tonight we faced an offer you can feast on. Sell your car today on Carvana. Pickup fees may apply. Yeah, I mean, I think everybody. So anyway, the guy says, you know, oh, I don't. You know, did we. And he's like, yes, we did. And.
Chrissy Hoadley
But that's all we did.
Brian Green
Yeah, but that's all we did. And. And. And he was kind of, like, aloof about the whole thing. And so I. I look forward to next week and we'll see if we get more into it. But don't be that guy.
Rachel
Guy.
Brian Green
Don't be that guy. No, just don't. This little singles man, they got. I think they got a hit on their hands. They were like, replaying it all the time in between, you know, in between new episodes. They're replaying it.
Chrissy Hoadley
Okay, I'll check it out.
Brian Green
They gotta find something to replace that 90 Day Fiance. Even though I would say 90 Day Fiance is. It's this up. This season is pretty, pretty good.
Chrissy Hoadley
You said that, but I can't delve back into it quite yet.
Brian Green
Chrissy, let me tell you, there's a
Chrissy Hoadley
British guy because I know I'll get sucked in.
Brian Green
You're going to get sucked in. There's a British guy who has come over to be with the OCD girl who wants to check under the bed all the time.
Chrissy Hoadley
Right?
Brian Green
But she also has OCD when she drinks. She has to make out with people, right? Or so she says. So they have this whole come to Jesus, right? You know, I don't.
Chrissy Hoadley
Please.
Brian Green
You're not respecting our relationship. You Know. And she says, I know. I. I'm sorry. You know? Yes. And he's like, you know, I think that it's something about a code word. Like, Galapagos is going to be the code word. If we say that, it means you're getting out of control and you can't do it. Well, she's throwing him, like, a welcome to America party. And she invites all of her friends, which happen to be guys. They're at a bar. The second they get in there, she starts drinking. And they have. There's one of these guys is a guy that she made out with in front of her British boyfriend when they were in Europe together. Like, it was a whole drama scene scene. And the British guy, the guy she's marrying, the fiance, is really upset at this guy. He's really upset, his fiance. But the guy who she made out with, this third party, he. He comes over and he's like, maya, Copa, I'm sorry I disrespected you. I apologize. Can we start fresh? And he said. The British guy took it like a British guy. He said, yeah, I accept your apology. I don't know how interested I am being friends with you, but this can't happen anymore. You can't disrespect my relationship. Not. But. But three minutes later, no. She is over in the corner with this guy trying to get her tongue down his throat.
Chrissy Hoadley
No.
Brian Green
And anybody. She is just running around the bar trying to put her tongue down anybody's throat. It's like, what kind of OCD is that?
Chrissy Hoadley
Isn't usually.
Brian Green
Aren't you afraid of germs when you have ocd? Yes, but this girl is the opposite. She needs everybody's saliva down her throat. It doesn't make any sense to me.
Chrissy Hoadley
Yeah, I. I've never seen that before.
Brian Green
It's wild. You got to get into a. I'm just like, this. This one is. Is wild. And then they have the one in the castle, too, with all the old couples. Couples just. Did you know that Jenny. You know Jenny and Samit? No, the older American woman who's with the younger Indian guy. And they. She moved, and they, like, live with his parents, and they, like, started a coffee shop in India or something. Yeah, she has als.
Chrissy Hoadley
Oh, no.
Brian Green
So she's like. Like, you can tell. She's like. Her speech is very slow and slurred. That's sad.
Chrissy Hoadley
That is. I'm sorry to hear that.
Brian Green
Don't let that be my fate. That's the one thing that, like, that scares the shit out of me. If I'm being honest. Honest to have one of those, like, you know, diseases where you could have trouble swallowing. But these shows, like, TLC has got to find the new 90 Day Fiance. They have to find it because they. I think they understand that. They, you know, they're jumping the shark. Where's Big Ed? Where's the. Where's Big Ed? Where did he go? He's no longer that guy.
Chrissy Hoadley
Kind of played out.
Brian Green
Yeah.
Rachel
Yeah.
Brian Green
Listen, you could do a whole. You could do a whole year worth of Big Ed, and I'm all about it. He's a fucking cock knocker, that guy.
Chrissy Hoadley
Yeah. The last I saw him was on that whatever. Last resort with the girl.
Brian Green
Yeah, that's. And I think he tried to, like, I think he tried to go to another network and get a show, and it didn't work out. And so now, like, he's got. He's banned from Beyonce. He tried to take it elsewhere. They were like, ah, no, no, thanks. We'll show you.
Chrissy Hoadley
Right.
Brian Green
Okay, cool. No problem. Go off back to obscurity. You go.
Chrissy Hoadley
Yeah, yeah.
Brian Green
But I will say, let's get on good tv. I will say that Widow's Bay lived up to every bit of the hype.
Chrissy Hoadley
Yeah.
Brian Green
The finale was excellent. And I thought, to my get.
Chrissy Hoadley
Leaves it open for the second season.
Brian Green
Oh, no, no, it definitely leaves it open for a second season. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, there's. Season two is coming for sure. I don't. I haven't heard that. Read that officially, but clearly it. There's so many strings that have not been tied up yet that they can get right back into. I mean, I don't know. Many times you can have the island attack you. Do you know what I'm saying? Like, there's only so many mythologies.
Chrissy Hoadley
Yeah. I think they might have to get. Get off the island.
Brian Green
Yeah, get off the island. Or there's got to be some new twist. Well, there is a twist, and we'll figure out how that plays out, I think, in season number two. But you can see Apple is, like, scrambling to catch up with all the hype because now, like, when it first came out, I. I heard two people talking about it.
Chrissy Hoadley
No, I didn't either. I could just. All I did was see it on. On. On Apple.
Brian Green
Yeah.
Chrissy Hoadley
Like, pull up. And I was like, you know that guy Matthew Reese?
Brian Green
Matthew Reese is so good.
Chrissy Hoadley
I want to watch that show. And I waited for it to build up a little bit, and as soon as I started watching it, then all of a sudden everybody was talking about it.
Brian Green
It's all over the world. Yeah, it's on the. It's on my Delta app. It's on my.
Chrissy Hoadley
Yeah, it's really good. So is my Friends and Neighbors with Jon Hamm.
Brian Green
Yeah, I just wasn't. No, I love John Ham. I really do. I mean, Mad Men was, like, one of the best television shows ever created.
Chrissy Hoadley
He's funny.
Brian Green
He is.
Chrissy Hoadley
He's, like, really funny.
Brian Green
He's funny. Did you know that he had, like, a drinking problem and he sobered up? Did you know that? No.
Chrissy Hoadley
Good for him.
Brian Green
Yeah, I heard it on Howard Stern. I didn't know that. And. But anyway, I just don't know. Like, the premise of the show is what, he stole a bunch of money and now he's.
Chrissy Hoadley
Oh, so you haven't even seen it?
Brian Green
I haven't seen it.
Chrissy Hoadley
Oh, no. Well, give it a shot.
Brian Green
Okay.
Chrissy Hoadley
Watch the first episode.
Brian Green
I hate when stuff gets meme ified to death and then I get irritated by it. Now I don't want to watch it. Like the. The where he's in the club and he's like, I don't know, he must be on ecstasy or something. And he's like, you know,
Chrissy Hoadley
that was like a tiny, tiny bar.
Brian Green
I know. It's a tiny, tiny part that I've seen on every Instagram now.
Chrissy Hoadley
No, it's got an Amanda Pete. I love her, too. And she plays the ex wife.
Brian Green
Love me some Amanda Pete. She's so good, man. I'll tell you what, in that. What is that movie with Bruce Willis that she did.
Chrissy Hoadley
Yes, yes, yes. Oh, God.
Brian Green
Shit. I cannot remember it, but she is topless in that movie.
Chrissy Hoadley
Yeah.
Brian Green
Those are the most beautiful breasts I've ever seen in my entire life.
Chrissy Hoadley
She's fantastic. You know she's married to the Game of Thrones.
Brian Green
I did know that.
Chrissy Hoadley
Yeah.
Brian Green
I did know that. Yes. Fine.
Chrissy Hoadley
Off.
Brian Green
Yeah. All right. Short episode. I know. Give us 15 minutes, maybe 20 tops. We're going to be back for a second, shorter episode. YouTube.com thecommercial break. You can go there, you can follow us. You can have all the fun in the world right there at YouTube. Next episode, if we have a few minutes, I have a Zon Perignon and Mystery together doing a zoom phone call. It's a high water model mark for douchery. It's a high water mark for the douchery, but it is really interesting. So maybe we'll get into that next episode. Hope everyone has a wonderful Fourth of July vacation. We love you. We mean it. We'll be back next week. For more episodes. Not going anywhere next week, actually, Chrissy. So we gotta talk about that.
Rachel
Yeah.
Brian Green
What are we gonna do?
Chrissy Hoadley
We'll actually be here.
Brian Green
Yeah. There we go. We might actually get all new episodes of the commercial. Right? All right, so let me wrap it up there. I will say that's all I can do for now.
Chrissy Hoadley
I think so.
Brian Green
But I will tell you that I love you.
Chrissy Hoadley
And I love you.
Brian Green
I will say best to you, best to you out there in the podcast universe. Until next time, Chrissy. And I will say we do say, and we must say goodbye.
Episode Title: Cans Out, Yams Out!
Date: July 2, 2026
Hosts: Bryan Green & Krissy Hoadley
Podcast: The Commercial Break
On this lively episode of The Commercial Break, Bryan and Krissy dive into the amusing routine of male body hair maintenance, personal quirks about self-image, and New York hotel adventures. The pair riff on reality TV—especially “Little Singles,” “90 Day Fiance,” and “Widow’s Bay”—delivering playful banter, snarky takes, and tales from both their youth and current lives. The episode feels like an open door to their quirky, improvised friendship, peppered with genuine insecurities, unapologetic comedy, and plenty of TV pop culture.
Leg Hair Origin Story
"I was the only kid that had any kind of body hair anywhere on my body... I look like fucking Chewbacca." (01:41)
Grooming Routine and Family Roastings
"There’s a whole thing that goes on in my bathroom. You don’t even want to know." (03:22)
"Dude, you gotta get it all the way, bro. You gotta go all the way." (06:02)
Philosophy on Body Hair
Little Singles
“Anybody who has been through a bit of a bender can say the same thing. Partying hard is universal.” (28:41)
"I mean, maybe they do party different, I don't know... One guy's got a thong on, he's running around with his ding dong hanging out." (30:09)
Other Reality Faves
"It's like, what kind of OCD is that? Isn't usually... aren't you afraid of germs when you have ocd? Yes, but this girl is the opposite." (38:54)
Scripted TV
"My Friends and Neighbors with Jon Hamm... I love John Ham. I really do. I mean, Mad Men was, like, one of the best television shows ever created." (41:53, 42:02)
Bryan’s Hotel Chronicles
Solo Living & Urban Adventures
Body Image & Comedy
Reality TV Life Lessons
Bryan’s Young Adult Antics
NYC Revelations
“Cans Out, Yams Out!” is a perfect slice of The Commercial Break’s signature chaos: half confessional, half ridiculous, with heartfelt threads about body image tangled in the wacky everyday. For seasoned listeners and new arrivals alike, it’s a revealing, raucous, and surprisingly relatable escape.
Best To You, Out There In the Podcast Universe!