Check Yer Thermals

Summary

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The Commercial Break – “Check Yer Thermals”

April 5, 2024
Hosts: Bryan Green and Krissy Hoadley

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Episode Overview

In this lively episode of The Commercial Break, Bryan and Krissy bring their trademark chaotic banter to topics ranging from the unglamorous joys of “middle-of-the-road” podcasting to a hilarious review/recap of the TV show Mountain Monsters, specifically spotlighting the bumbling hunt for the legendary “Sheep Squatch.” With self-deprecating humor and sharp commentary, the hosts riff on pop culture, imposter syndrome, and the accidental comedy gold found in cryptid-hunting cable shows.

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Main Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Art of Being “Just Fine” – Embracing Mediocrity

• Cheesecake Factory as an Analogy
  • Bryan reads about the Cheesecake Factory being the highest-grossing chain.
  • Krissy and Bryan embrace being “fine” rather than “great” — likening themselves to the Cheesecake Factory of podcasts.
  • “Somebody’s got to be middle.” – Krissy (01:51)
  • Bryan argues there’s wisdom (and less drama) in staying “middle of the pack” rather than shooting for celebrity status.
  • They joke about fleeting fame and not wanting Conan-level attention or controversy.
  • “I don’t want to be at Smartless level or Conan level.” – Bryan (02:18)

2. Podcast Beginnings and Listener Perspective

• Bryan shares his initial excitement over early download numbers, thanks in part to a LinkedIn post by his mother-in-law that went viral in Venezuela. (09:09)
• Advice from friend Allison Hare:
  • “Just imagine you have 350 people in a bar and you’re talking directly to them … that would seem like a lot of people.” (09:56)
• Krissy and Bryan reflect on why “imposter syndrome” is a permanent companion for podcasters:
  • “It is difficult for me to put myself into a mindset where I believe that 350 people should be listening to me do anything, let alone try and be funny.” – Bryan (10:53)

3. Aspirations, Imposter Syndrome & Conan O’Brien

• Bryan dreams of being friends with Conan O’Brien, relating to his publicly self-deprecating persona and possible imposter syndrome. (06:41)
• “In my head when I’m listening to his show, we’re best friends.” – Bryan (07:11)
• Discusses the realities of podcast guest bookings — most big-name guests go on Conan or Smartless first, while TCB often gets the “what am I doing here?” vibe from some guests. (11:04)

4. Cold Plunges, Cryotherapy, and Athletic Trends

• After a tangent about their first podcast guest, Veer Das, Krissy and Bryan riff on the trend of cold therapy, cryo chambers, and who really benefits from them.
• Bryan dismisses cold therapy for “regular exercisers,” recognizing possible value only for high-performance athletes.
  • “The most exercise I get is rocking my daughter to sleep at night.” – Bryan (14:38)
• Light jabs at the faux-scientific claims behind “toughing it out” in ice baths for the average person.

5. Middle Age Realizations & Lost Alternative Careers

• Bryan muses about his nighttime ritual of watching Mr. D and fantasizing about becoming a teacher or space engineer, then quickly resigns himself:
  • “Those days are gone. I’m not going to be a teacher. No one’s giving me a teaching degree, especially not after [they listen to this podcast].” – Bryan (17:07)
• “Fork in the road” moments: Bryan chose podcasting over all other (potentially lucrative) paths. (17:58)
• Jokes about the lack of financial payoff in podcasting, poking fun at the modest returns for their “fame.” (18:04)

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Memorable Quotes & Moments

Self-Awareness About Fame and Podcasting

• “I don’t want anybody to know me, quite frankly.” – Krissy (02:36)
• “We are nowhere close to Conan O’Brien’s level … But I do sense my name carries some weight in this industry. And it’s usually… it’s a magnet — you know, the magnet has two sides? We’re on the side where it pushes people away.” – Bryan (05:44)

On Guest Bookings

• “There is no good reason for a guest to come on The Commercial Break. None. Zero. Just ask Neil Brennan. He’ll tell you.” – Bryan (06:27)

Embracing Mediocrity

• “If you stick in the middle of the pack, life is grand.” – Bryan (01:54)
• “Somebody’s got to be mediocre.” – Krissy (01:51)

Imposter Syndrome

• “Yeah, very much. Yeah. Very much so. I feel like imposter syndrome, it is a thing, and I have it. I don’t know that I’ll ever get rid of it.” – Bryan (06:41)

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The ‘Mountain Monsters’ Recap

(24:11-54:14)

The episode’s comedic high comes from Bryan and Krissy’s extended play-by-play of the Mountain Monsters TV show, specifically the “Sheep Squatch” hunt. They mock the low-budget tactics, overdramatic dialogue, and the lovable incompetence of the show’s cast:

• On “Sheep Squatch":

  • “It’s a combo of the Sasquatch and a sheep.” – Bryan (24:21)
  • “He’s got the body of a Sasquatch and a weird piranha mouth and goat horns.” – Krissy (26:00)

• Making Fun of Cheap TV Production:

  • The cast is always in “Boone County.”
  • “I’m so proud of our country. I read a lot of the comments … and people take it just as we do. It’s just comedy gold.” – Bryan (26:24)
  • They point out that no real photographic evidence is ever shown, despite an abundance of cameras and alleged close encounters.

• Favorite Play-by-Play Moments:

  • “They’re swinging their guns all over the place at each other … at a groundbreaking 1.2 miles per hour.” – Bryan (27:17)
  • “Cryptids … that’s what they’re called — these wild animals that don’t really exist, but people want to believe they do … when you go cryptid hunting, you split up. It gives the creature a better chance to eat you alive.” – Bryan (32:00)
  • “Can they see him? Because I can’t. They’re flashing up the thermal camera, which shows nothing. I don’t know what I’m looking at … just shows the woods.” – Bryan (40:29)
  • “Buck’s pants are all the way down around his thigh; his whole ass is sticking out as he's trying to shuffle down a hill.” – Bryan (43:19)
  • “I think I saw some dangling participle there, didn’t you?” – Bryan (51:54)

• On the Show’s Ongoing Lack of Evidence:

  • “I understand this has been going on for whatever, 12 seasons. And you’ve never once, that I know of, photographed or had any evidence that any of these things exist. … Just keep filming, just keep yelling.” – Bryan (49:47)

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Notable Segment Timestamps

• 01:00 | The “just fine” Cheesecake Factory analogy
• 06:41 | Bryan discusses imposter syndrome and his Conan O’Brien fantasy
• 09:09 | Bryan recounts early viral download numbers (thanks to LinkedIn and Venezuela)
• 14:15 | Riff on cold plunges/cryotherapy and who they are really for
• 17:07 | Bryan’s career and life “fork in the road” realizations
• 24:11 | Transition to the “Mountain Monsters” Sheep Squatch hunt mock-along
• 26:00 | Describing the bizarre “Sheep Squatch” composite beast
• 27:17 | Mocking the cast’s slow chase and camera crew antics
• 32:00 | The wisdom (?) of splitting up in cryptid-hunting
• 40:29 | Making fun of useless thermal camera footage
• 43:19 | “Buck’s” wardrobe malfunction and ensuing hilarity
• 49:47 | Lack of real evidence after a decade of Mountain Monsters
• 51:54 | The real “monster”: exposed boxers

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Episode Tone

• Playful, self-aware, and irreverent: The hosts take nothing — including themselves or podcasting — too seriously.
• Rich in inside jokes and chemistry: Decades of friendship evident in rapid-fire banter and quick-witted asides.
• Comedic deconstruction: Especially when riffing on Mountain Monsters, the lines between commentary, improv, and mock-audio play blur to hilarious effect.

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Recap for Non-Listeners

This episode is a quintessential Commercial Break experience: deliciously meandering, ping-ponging from cultural references and podcasting realities to their signature comedic MST3K-style takedown of the Mountain Monsters TV show. If you have ever wondered what it’s like inside the headspace of self-deprecating, “middle of the road” podcasters surviving on a mix of chaos, community, and infectious laughter — or just want to hear grown adults marvel at “Sheep Squatch” — this is your invitation.

Transcript

[Brian Green]

They also studied the way gay and straight people talk. Hi. Nice to meet you. I ride a skateboard.

[Kristen Joy]

Sounds straight to me and is straight.

[Brian Green]

Hey there.

[Mountain Monsters Member]

I ride a scooter.

[Kristen Joy]

Gay.

[Brian Green]

On this episode of the Commercial break. Check your thermal.

[Kristen Joy]

Check your thermal underwear.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, no, they're good. I meant a little bing bang in my pants earlier from craft services, but I'm good. Anybody got any wet wipes? I got a delicate anus. Biodegradable, please. I don't want to hurt this Boone County. The next episode of the commercial break starts now. Oh, yeah. Guys and kittens, welcome back to the commercial break. I'm Brian Green. This is the one hit wonder, Kristen Joy. Holy. Best to you, Chris. Best to you out there in the podcast universe. Thanks for joining us. We certainly do appreciate it. I just read that Cheesecake Factory is the highest grossing restaurant chain in America. Yay. Maybe the world. What have I been missing? What did I miss when I went. See, what was I missing? I don't know.

[Kristen Joy]

Well, see, when you just stick to just fine.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, it's fine. Everything's fine. It's great. It's fine. I don't. It's not great. It's fine. It's fine. It's fine.

[Kristen Joy]

So we're sticking to. So maybe we're on that.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. I really do think that we might be the Cheesecake factory of comedy podcast or word. We're not offending anybody. The food is fine. The service is fine. You go in the restaurant, it looks fine. Everything's fine. It's just fine. Everything's fine. And yeah, I think. I think that's our lot in life, Chrissy, and that's okay.

[Kristen Joy]

Somebody's got to be middle.

[Brian Green]

Somebody's got to be middle. I. Someone's got to be mediocre. And I have always said this, and I don't think that there's an issue with this. And I don't say this lightly. I actually, this is a philosophy in life. If you stick in the middle of the pack, then, you know, life is grand. Is once you get up to the top or the bottom that things start getting a little shaky. I mean, look at this pea potty over here. What his name? Pete Diddy. He. He rose all the way to the top and now look at him. He's a hot mess.

[Kristen Joy]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

Guy can't keep his thing in his pants and everyone's suing him and the police are after him and sex trafficking and all that. I don't want to go to that level. No, I don't want to Be at smartless level or Conan level. I told our agency yesterday we were trying to get a. I don't think.

[Kristen Joy]

We'Re in danger of that.

[Brian Green]

No, no, no, no, no, no.

[Kristen Joy]

But it's good that we don't want it. Any want it anyway.

[Brian Green]

I don't want it. Yeah. Chrissy has always said because like, I got. I have been recognized a few times for the commercial break a few times. And I'm telling you that these people were probably mentally ill in some way. But, but anyway, so. So I was talking to Chrissy about this one time maybe a year ago, and I was like, yeah, I've gotten recognized a few times. You know, the show's doing well, you know, up on the charts, you know, And I said, what, What's. We were asking the question, when is famous? When do we hit famous? And Chrissy said to me off air, I don't want to be famous. I'm not looking for anybody to bother me anywhere. Like, I don't want anybody to know me, quite frankly. And I don't blame her. She might have to get a job eventually and she's just hoping she can ride in the middle of the commercial break is in the middle and Chrissy is in the middle of the middle. She is insulated. I say, good for you. That's a good strategy because I'm the asshole who keeps saying shit that's going to get me in trouble. Cheesecake Factory. Factory, the number one grossing restaurant chain.

[Kristen Joy]

There's something for everyone.

[Brian Green]

There is something for. It's a 272 page menu. So if you haven't been to a Cheesecake Factory, I don't know where you live.

[Kristen Joy]

Cheesecake.

[Brian Green]

I have to say they do.

[Kristen Joy]

I haven't been in years, but no.

[Brian Green]

I think, I think the last time.

[Kristen Joy]

I've been as recently as Kanye.

[Brian Green]

No, Kanye. Apparently setting up Cheesecake Factory every third day. Every third day.

[Kristen Joy]

When you find something you like, it's insane.

[Brian Green]

I was sharing with our agency. We were negotiating to get a. A special guest in on the commercial break. We were negotiating and I said, if you must, if you have to. If push comes to shove, feel free to drop my name. And our agents all laughed. It's like a big chain message. And they were all like, ha ha ha ha. And I said, and by my name, I mean Conan's name. Yeah. Say Conan loves them. But that's not true. Conan doesn't love us.

[Kristen Joy]

So did you see him on the recent Larry David?

[Brian Green]

God. Oh, curb your enthusiasm. No, I didn't, but I heard it was brilliant.

[Kristen Joy]

It's funny. It's really funny. He. There's like a whole system that you have to go to actually say hello to Conan. I got to be approved by another friend in order for Larry to talk to him. It's a funny bit.

[Brian Green]

We've done some business with Conan. Yeah. And I have talked to some people that work at the Conan show, and they could not be nicer. I mean, just the nicest group of human beings that I've spoken with, especially one young lady I just talked to. And they were just super pleasant as they can be. I feel like clearly we are no Conan o'. Brien. He has a storied career and a storied history. SNL writer, Simpsons writer, had one of the best late night television shows that ever existed. Conan was the shit for a long time. And. And he's done. He's been out on stage, like, I don't know, stand up necessarily, but he's done live shows. He's a musician now. He's got one of the top podcasts in the world for a long time. He said that top podcast, he gets all. Everybody swings through there. And so we are nowhere close to Conan o' Brien level. I don't want anyone to think we ever compare ourselves to Smart Liz, Conan, Theo, any of those guys, they're doing their own thing and they're doing great at it. But. But I will say this. I do sense. I do sense that my name does carry some weight in this industry. And it's usually, it's good to feel good about yourself, but I feel like it's a magnet. And I feel like, you know, the magnet has two sides, and right now we're on one side of the magnet where if you push another magnet toward, just pushes it away. You know what I'm saying? But we're working on swinging to the other one. Yes, it repels it. There is no good reason for a guest to come on the commercial break. None. Zero. None. Just ask Neil Brennan. He'll tell you. It's, you know, it's one of those things that I feel grateful for the position that we're in, but it makes me a little bit, like, skeeved out almost. A little bit like I'm here, I'm doing it, I'm putting one foot in front of the other.

[Kristen Joy]

Do you feel like you have imposter syndrome?

[Brian Green]

Yeah, very much. Yeah, very much so. I feel like imposter syndrome, it is a thing, and I have it. I don't know that I'll ever get rid of it. But what I wanted to circle back with on Con, I do see a sense, a bit of kinship in spirits. Not that I've ever talked to the guy, but kinship in spirits in the sense that I think he has imposter syndrome. I do. I feel like we're really close in my head. In my head when I'm listening to his show. We're best friends. Yeah. I just feel like if he knew I existed, that he might take a liking to me. If he wasn't as famous and talented as he was, that Conan and I would be fast friends.

[Kristen Joy]

I think. So, yeah.

[Brian Green]

It's hard not to have imposter syndrome, I think, a little bit when you just start a podcast and then all of a sudden 10 people are listening to you. You know, that's.

[Kristen Joy]

It's big numbers.

[Brian Green]

Listen, ask 10 people to stand in your bedroom. You know, like some people at first listen to this. Yeah. Alison one time was like. It was way in the beginning of the podcast. Allison Hare, great friend of ours, she's got a podcast also. Late learner. Go check it out. So Alison Hair, great supporter of the show, great friend of the show. And she's part of the reason why I actually started the show, right? Because she had started podcasting long before we did, and she decided to sell a course on how to start a podcast, getting the title, doing the names, you know, how do you hook it up, how do you. Which hosting platform to use, which microphones you use, and all that stuff. And a lot of that knowledge, technical knowledge, I already had. I was doing it poorly at many other places. I had a job. But, you know, I think Astrid had been encouraging me to do this for a while. We had already gone through the commercial break, the actual real estate version of the show. And so it was right before the pandemic, like December before the pandemic. And Allison puts out this Facebook post, and Astrid goes, you need to sign up for this right now. Just sign up for it, because it'll give you the. The courage, the push that you need to actually do this. So Alison said to me one time, couple months into the show, and we've got like 350 downloads per episode, which for some people is for us at the time was huge. But I also recognized that that was not like a huge accomplishment. Right. 350 downloads per episode. Wasn't like it wasn't going to. Wasn't going to make us rich. Little did I know that 10 times that much wouldn't make us rich either. But, you know, we got to start somewhere. So she says, imagine chasing that high. We're still. Yeah, it's like heroin. You never get back to that original high. The best day of my life as a podcaster was the day I woke up and I saw that we went. This is like week number two. We went from 12 downloads on our first episode to like 120 downloads. I was so fucking excited until I learned all of that traffic came from Venezuela. Because my mother in law, not understanding exactly the nature of the show, put it on her LinkedIn where she has like 60 million people. She made a LinkedIn post and then all of a sudden all these people from Venezuela are downloading us. And I'm sure it's, it's probably caused her a lot of trouble in life, but I'm sure that post has been taken down.

[Kristen Joy]

We listen to your son in law's podcast.

[Brian Green]

While we don't speak English, we're pretty sure it's bad. You don't need to speak English to know this show is shitty. So Allison says to me, brian, just imagine that you have 350 people, like at a bar or a club or in your house and you're talking directly to him. You're doing like comedy for them. She goes, that would seem like a lot of people. You would feel like that was a lot of people. And she's goddamn right about that. That feels like a lot of people. So no matter how many listeners we have, and that's not neither here nor there, it's not here nor there, because we don't have any. But whether you're here there, it's. It is difficult for me to put myself into a mindset where I believe that 350 people should be listening to me do anything, let alone try and be funny. So, you know, it's just one of those things. So when I hear Conan, he's kind of self deprecating, a little bit like we are. He can't be self deprecating. I think to myself that we're, we're in such the same mental headspace, Conan and I, and if only Larry David and Tom Cruise would stop by our podcast, then maybe we could be in the same financial space as Conan also. Conan, share some of your guests. What are you doing? You always get.

[Kristen Joy]

I think we are sharing.

[Brian Green]

Oh, we do. Oh, we do. We share a lot of guests, that's for sure. But I promise you this much, Conan gets there first.

[Kristen Joy]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Brian Green]

They're like. Because can you imagine, just imagine the little bit of success that we've had on this show. And imagine someone picks up the phone and says, book John Conan. You would freak the out. You would be like, holy. You know, I don't know how many Downloads he has.20 million a month or whatever. Oh, my God, Conan. That's crazy. We're gonna go on Conan. That's insane.

[Kristen Joy]

Yeah, Then the next day, commercial break.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. Then the next day, commercial. And they're like, do I have to. Am I contractually obligated to do this? Who. Yeah, I think we've had a few guests on who are. Yeah, what's that? The commercial break? You want me to do an ad for a podcast? What's going on over there? And I know, I know for a fact that a few of our guests have listened probably moments before they're supposed to be on the show, and they're like, fucking, I gotta do more research before I agree to these things.

[Kristen Joy]

Right.

[Brian Green]

And most people have been just wonderful about it. They've been like, well, it's shitty, but I. I guess it's, you know, I.

[Kristen Joy]

Think most people are having fun. Yeah, we're, you know, we're doing what you and I do. And then we're doing it with a guest.

[Brian Green]

And then we're doing it with a guest. Yeah, yeah. Just ask Veer Das how it all. Well, Bastard.

[Kristen Joy]

He was our first.

[Brian Green]

You always got to remember your first. He won't, but we will. He probably went to. He probably took a cold plunge right after that to forget everything.

[Kristen Joy]

I like the cold plunge thing.

[Brian Green]

The cold plunge.

[Kristen Joy]

Those places too, that are like the cryotherapy.

[Brian Green]

Cryotherapy?

[Kristen Joy]

Yeah. Where you go in like the frozen. Do you go in like. It's like a tanning bed, but cold.

[Brian Green]

It's tanning bed, but it's cold, but it's tanning bed. But they are literally spraying you with minus 20 degree air, like misting you. You remember when I told you I went to Spain and we were staying at that hotel and they had that nice spa where they had the, you know, the water spa. They had one of those cryo machines in there. But it wasn't like a official cryo machine. It was like a kind of a half cryo machine, meaning it would. You did it but to yourself. So you just kind of pulled the door closed. It wasn't as cold as the real cryo machines. But I will tell you what, I just walked by the cryo machine and I was. I. Thanks anyway. Fuck that. Yeah.

[Mountain Monsters Member]

Brr.

[Brian Green]

Let me go look at those strange boobs again. I don't like That I just don't like cold air. It's not interesting to me. And I don't until someone comes to me and says, this is it. This cold air, this cold water, these cold plunges are doing this to your body in a positive way. Until someone proves that to me scientifically, I don't want to chase that particular methodology. Yeah.

[Kristen Joy]

Well, we were talking with someone too, where they had tried it and they said, look, you know, I'm just a regular exerciser. Like, I think there might be some legit benefits to high performance athletes.

[Brian Green]

I agree with you.

[Kristen Joy]

You know, that go. That are running. I mean, think about how football, especially football players.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. The bruising and the beating up and the, you know.

[Kristen Joy]

Yeah, exactly. Or I'm thinking about socce or football, as they call it.

[Brian Green]

Football, football, soccer, football.

[Kristen Joy]

To where you're just. I mean, your muscles are just working, working, working. So overheated. And I think there might be a benefit there. But I don't think just for us.

[Brian Green]

No. And I mean, like when you get a bruise or a sprain or something. But that's your thing. Yeah. No, I'm not saying don't do it. Listen, anything that we review on this show, fine and dandy. As long as you're not hurting anybody else, fine. As long as you're not like storming the capitol or something, I don't give a shit what you do. But at the end of the day, this cold therapy just doesn't seem beneficial to a guy like me who. The most exercise I get, literally, is rocking my daughter to sleep at night. That's in an occasional run. I don't need to sit in a ice bath for an hour. But if you're like a pro athlete and your body's taking a toll like the guys who do the Tour de France, I could. Tour de France. Do you see how I said this? Said it correctly? Just letting everybody know that the Tour de France. What happened to my mouth? It just stopped. It was like I fell off there. See, Just like Conan. That's comedy gold right there. How do you get better than that? Tour de France. The Tour de France. And then you are riding up a mountain at, you know, 30 miles per.

[Kristen Joy]

Hour, pushing your body just muscles.

[Brian Green]

I can see how getting in an ice bath at the end of the night, while probably still uncomfortable, you're probably. You're almost certainly used to it. You've been doing it for a while. But what would the trainers do anyway? They would put ice packs on your legs. Exactly. And just sit there for an hour. Get in the tub and do it. But I am not a high performance athlete. I am not a high performance anything. I am not a high performance anything. Nor am I interested in being a high performance anything.

[Kristen Joy]

That's the theme, the theme of the podcast.

[Brian Green]

It's gone. Those days are gone. Any chance that I had. Sometimes I'll watch tv. Like I'm watching this show right now, that my nighttime show right now is a Canadian comedy show called Mr. D starring Jerry D. He's a. He's a famous Canadian comic. And it's. To me, it is so funny. It's like my third time watching this series. There's like eight seasons of it and I just, I love it. I usually fall asleep within the first seven minutes, but that's no indication of how the comedy is. The comedy's really good. But I'm watching this Jerry D. And it's all about teachers, right? A comedy show about teachers. And I sometimes think to myself, I would have been a good teacher. But as I get older, I'm starting to realize those days are gone. I'm not going to be a teacher. No one, no one's giving me a teaching degree. No one's going to agree to have me in there. Especially not after the commercial break.

[Kristen Joy]

I was going to say, yeah, but.

[Brian Green]

Then I think to myself, like, yeah, you know, I'm watching at night.

[Kristen Joy]

You have a ton of kids just. That's a classroom.

[Brian Green]

This is true. You know, I am a teacher.

[Kristen Joy]

You are their teacher.

[Brian Green]

I teach them nothing. But it's. I am a teacher. I just try and keep them from killing themselves. But then I'm also watching all these science and engineering videos. I like to watch those in the shower at night. Yeah. Where, you know, the space engineering of the space shuttle or how space X gets the rockets so big or whatever. And I'm watching these, but I watch the complicated versions where they actually break down and do like, you know, equations and stuff like that. I don't understand a fucking word of it. But I think to myself sometimes in that shower, I'm like, I could have been a good fucking space engineer. If I had any organization or follow through skills, I could have been good at that. Yeah. But then I remind myself, you're done, Brian. This is it. This is it. One last shot of glory.

[Kristen Joy]

There's a fork in the road. You took the podcast, you took the one away from engineering.

[Brian Green]

If you're looking for a get rich quick scheme, kids podcasting is not it. I will tell you that right here, right now.

[Kristen Joy]

Blue agrees.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, Blue agrees. Well, Blue making her 506th appearance on the commercial break, in case anyone's wondering. Luckily, she's mostly stayed out of the interviews lately, because I locked her in a closet. We have this lady who helps us around the house. She's lovely. I love her. Her name is Noemi, and she's been with our family since before the children were. And so she helps with the kids, and she helps with the house just a couple days a week. And Blue and her have really bonded in a lot of ways. But I know that Blue is extra irritating right now because even she is getting a little. Is irritated. Yeah, she's like, shut up. And that's just not like her. She's just. That's not her in her personality. But when we were getting ready for an interview earlier, she was like, do you want me to look blue in the closet? And I was like, yes. Yes, I do. And the three children that are currently at home, if you would do that for me, too. Awesome.

[Kristen Joy]

Everybody.

[Brian Green]

Everybody in the closet. Daddy's gotta work. Daddy. Oh, yeah. Or they just walk in and scream my name. Dad. Yeah, I'm trying to make money. You kids have clothes. I realize that you're. You know, the boys are wearing, the girls hand me downs. And the girls are wearing, the boys hand me downs. I'm sorry, kids. Podcasting didn't work out how I intended, but don't let that stop me. I'm dumb enough to believe we'll continue forever. All right, now, this is what I want to do. I know that last episode, we had a Mountain Monsters Mothman. It was requested by our friend Caden, one of the listeners of the show.

[Kristen Joy]

And it was really funny.

[Brian Green]

It was really funny. And I had a second part to it. What I didn't realize in that second part was that it was paywalled, and I do not want to get on the bad side of a company who sometimes sends us guests and generally probably could copyright the show. So I don't want to do that. I'm not going to do the second part of the Mothman, but I found something just as good from the Mountain Monsters, so I don't want to let anybody down. I'm gonna do a second Mountain Monsters for you today. What do you think about that, Chrissy?

[Kristen Joy]

I think so.

[Brian Green]

Right here, right now. 1.999 plus shipping and handling.

[Announcer]

Out.

[Kristen Joy]

Sir voice.

[Brian Green]

Now go into the announcer voice and get into that commercial. Okay, let's do this. Let's take a break, and then we'll be back.

[Announcer]

Well, thank the baby Jesus Brian took a breath. And now I will use this opportunity to let you know that we've got a brand new phone number. That's right, it. And you can text us anytime you want or you can call and leave us a voicemail and we might just use your message on the show once Brian gets through all the messages he missed last year, of course. Anyway, you can also find and DM us on Instagram at the commercial break and on TikTok CB podcast. And of course, all of our audio and video is easily found on tcbpodcast.com now I'm going to thank G one more time that we have sponsors. So thank G. And here they are.

[Brian Green]

This episode is sponsored in part by Prize Picks. Okay, now a sporting season has come around that I actually enjoy. The MLB is back, baby. And I'm sitting here on Easter weekend and I am playing some games on Prize Picks. And let me tell you how easy this is. I picked Joe Boyle, a pitcher from Oakland, to throw more than 6.5 strikeouts. And I got Aaron Judge, you know, Aaron Judge hitting a home run on tonight's games. And that's it. It's that easy. You pick over, you pick under, you pick more, you pick less. It's just you against the numbers. Prize Pick is America's number one fantasy sports platform where you do not have to be an expert on any of the sports because you're playing against the stats. And while I'm playing Boyle and Judge tonight, I will be playing my boys from Atlanta later on this week. And now, because Prize Picks loves the commercial break listeners and you happen to be a commercial break listener, you can go to prizepix.com tcb and then use the promo code tcb for your first deposit match of up to $100. That's prizepix.com tcm and make sure to use the code tcb for a first deposit match of up to $100. Now, you'll have to excuse me as I go watch the Oakland game and I'll follow up with you next week and let you know what happens. Prizepix.com SLTCB use that code TCB to get up to $100 on a first match deposit. Thanks, Prize Picks, for being a sponsor of the commercial rig. Oh my God. Before we get into Mountain Monsters, you know, I'm so excited to see the Pop Tart story starring Jerry Seinfeld. Don't ask me why. I am Melissa McCarthy and I didn't.

[Kristen Joy]

Even know this was a thing.

[Brian Green]

It's a movie. It's Coming out on Netflix May 3rd. And it's about the story about. Oh, about how pop tarts got started. About the guy who started pop tarts, which. I've seen documentaries on this, and it's very fascinating. I want to give it away here, But I'm sure that Jerry Seinfeld. When is Jerry Seinfeld ever starred in a movie Besides the b movie, which was critically panned at the time? Like, everybody disliked. All the critics disliked it. My kids are not one of those critics Because I've seen that movie a hundred times and actually think it's all right. But. But Jerry Seinfeld in a netflix movie. That's a big deal. I think that's a big deal. All right. Last episode, we did mountain monsters. Some of our favorite guys on earth Are those mountain monster guys. Huckleberry 3, Huckleberry 4, and Trapper John, who I didn't even know was a guy on the show until yesterday.

[Kristen Joy]

Well, what about Willie, too?

[Brian Green]

Oh, yeah, that's right. Don't. Free willy. There he is. The rat that I let go years ago. He did just fine. Now he's living in the backwoods Of Kentucky. Spotting. Yeah. West Virginia. I'm pretty sure this is all filmed at the exact same place. Yeah, I'm pretty sure. And it's probably not West Virginia. It's definitely Kentucky. I don't know. Who knows? Anyway, so here's what I did. I found us another one. Without further ado, I'm strolling on the.

[Kristen Joy]

Internet as you do.

[Brian Green]

As I do like to do. And here the mountain monsters are not chasing sasquatch. They're chasing sheep squatch.

[Kristen Joy]

Oh, sheep Squatch.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, It's a combo of the sasquatch and a sheep.

[Kristen Joy]

The legend of the sheep squad.

[Brian Green]

The legend of the sheep squads. That's what I was afraid of when I spend the nights out in the woods. Not the camp counselors, not the boy scout guys, not my priest. But that's sheep squatch. Always running around the woods ramming people.

[Kristen Joy]

It's huge. I'm assuming it's big.

[Brian Green]

Oh, it's gotta be.

[Kristen Joy]

It has horns.

[Brian Green]

Oh, you don't know how big it is. And yes, it does have horns. When it gets excited, it gets horns. All right, let's take a look and see. We're on the final night of the hunt. According to there's a full moon. There's a full. Of course there's always a full moon. It's b roll footage they got. They gotta make some kind of explanation as to why it's so Very bright. Everywhere they go.

[Kristen Joy]

Full moon.

[Brian Green]

Yeah.

[Mountain Monsters Member]

There it was again. There it was again. There it is again.

[Brian Green]

There it is again. There it is again. Yeah. Guys, listen. I'm over here and I got my dick stuck in a pussy willow. I'm trying to get it out. It's making a knocking sound. Don't mind me.

[Mountain Monsters Member]

He's raining the tree. We're in Boone county and we're hunting sheep squats.

[Kristen Joy]

He said that with a straight face.

[Brian Green]

They're always in Boone County. Boone county is the same county every state. It's Boone County. Poor Boone County. They got the worst reputation. Look at this.

[Kristen Joy]

Oh my God. They put up a picture of the sheep. Squatch.

[Brian Green]

And it is.

[Kristen Joy]

Got the body of a sasquatch. Sasquatch. And a weird piranha mouth.

[Brian Green]

And a dog face. And then goat horns. I don't even think that's a sheep. I think It's a goat.

[Mountain Monsters Member]

Six and a half, seven foot tall. Weighs over 600 pounds.

[Brian Green]

He's got a rat tail.

[Kristen Joy]

Oh my God.

[Brian Green]

What the is going on? These guys are going a little too crazy.

[Kristen Joy]

They're just making up anything.

[Brian Green]

Of course they are. And by the way, I'm so proud to announce. I'm so proud of our country. I'm so proud of us as a United States of America. That I will read a lot of the comments below. Some of these videos on YouTube. And people take it just as we do. It's just comedy. Go to them.

[Mountain Monsters Member]

And has a huge set of horns like a ram. Look. He just ran off. He just ran off.

[Brian Green]

Damn it. Damn it.

[Kristen Joy]

He got away. This huge. 600 pounds.

[Brian Green]

God damn it. I'm gonna go chase this thousand pound piranha mouth dog face. Scott Squatch with horns that could kill me by myself. Y' all stay here. I don't think that's running more than.

[Kristen Joy]

It is just leaping over a log.

[Brian Green]

Moving your feet in place. What is he doing? What do you get?

[Mountain Monsters Member]

I can't see. Holy cow. Looks at right there.

[Brian Green]

Guys. How do you expect to catch anything at a groundbreaking 1.2 miles per hour? They're just. They're swinging their guns all over the place at each other. Yo. Holy. Right there.

[Mountain Monsters Member]

That tree he was laying up against. He was just right here. He was just here.

[Brian Green]

He was just here two and a half feet from us. Because we didn't run anywhere. We literally stumbled two feet. He was right there. Imagine we could have actually had a camera take a picture of this creature so that we could be the most famous people on earth.

[Kristen Joy]

They got away Too quick.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, they always do. Chrissy. Oh, guys, I'm sorry. It scared me.

[Mountain Monsters Member]

Look at that. He tore up Jack, didn't he? That sheep squash just attack this tree. He just tore a bark up.

[Brian Green]

Then the thing and almost fell over. Then I ran and then he fell and then I came down. God damn. Here, let me make my sheep calling noises.

[Kristen Joy]

That was good.

[Brian Green]

This is bad news. I'm telling you what.

[Mountain Monsters Member]

Dug a big old hole in the ground where he slung against that thing and just tore out north right towards that track. Keep going to the left. I don't think the work.

[Kristen Joy]

You said he's the worst.

[Brian Green]

I know, Phil. I'd have earmuffs if I worked with that guy. And I'm a guy who screams for a living.

[Mountain Monsters Member]

Keep an eye on your left up there, Trapper. Okay. Careful there, Willy. You fall off that son of. We never get you out of here. I can see the brush.

[Brian Green]

There's a tree that has fallen over what is clearly a three and a half inch ravine. Yeah. And they're saying, don't, don't fall off. We'll never get you out of there. Well, because. Mainly because the rest of you are £380 out there towards right straight in.

[Mountain Monsters Member]

Front of me, about 75 yards. Just. I can hear him. Back up and come around. Come up here with us. That log's gonna lead you to no place.

[Brian Green]

I love how these guys, they're so sweet with each other. Don't get yourself stuck on a log that's fallen down that'll lead no place. Well, I'm pretty sure anywhere you go in this scenario leads you to no place.

[Kristen Joy]

Yeah.

[Mountain Monsters Member]

Across the ravine. Bounce back through there. I see his eye.

[Brian Green]

Right there.

[Mountain Monsters Member]

Right there.

[Brian Green]

Right out there.

[Mountain Monsters Member]

About 60, 70 yards. He's moving up to the left.

[Kristen Joy]

I see his eye, guys.

[Brian Green]

That's me. I see his eye.

[Kristen Joy]

That's it though.

[Brian Green]

Just his eye. Yeah. From 75 yards away. He sees his eye, guys, that's me. Don't shoot. Don't shoot.

[Mountain Monsters Member]

Ah, there he goes. He's going exactly in the right direction. We want him to though. Trapper, go ahead. Hey, we just caught him.

[Brian Green]

Trapper MD CBS needs a new episode by True Story.

[Kristen Joy]

Go ahead.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, Trapper M.D.

[Mountain Monsters Member]

He'S over here hitting up against the trees. Got Lee's kicked back. He's right between us on the trail. We just seen him over here. Seen his eyes go up this ridgeline?

[Brian Green]

No, I'm perfectly relaxed in this situation. I'm just going to be sitting on the ground. Buck the guy who's closest to the sheep man. Sheep squatch. Sheep foot, whatever it is. Sheep foot, the guy who's closest to the sheep foot. He's sitting on the ground, just relaxed as he can be. Don't worry about me, guys. I'm good.

[Mountain Monsters Member]

Listen, isn't that.

[Brian Green]

The sound editors on this are just awesome.

[Kristen Joy]

I know they are.

[Mountain Monsters Member]

Hearing that buck. Yeah, I'm hearing a trapper. We need to join back up. Are you close to the log pile? Yeah, we're pretty close to it. We'll meet you at the log pile.

[Brian Green]

Are you close to the dumping pile?

[Kristen Joy]

Meet me at the log pile.

[Brian Green]

Meet me at the log pile. You mean the hole in the ground where we take our shits or the actual log pile? No, the stinkies.

[Mountain Monsters Member]

Let's go. I just heard the sheep squats roar. That thing was loud. It echoed all the way up this holler. It's incredible.

[Brian Green]

Over here.

[Mountain Monsters Member]

Over here. Right here.

[Brian Green]

Wow. The action in this is like. It's crazy. They're all moving at a glacial pace, just swinging their guns wildly around.

[Kristen Joy]

I think they also just met up with the other. There was one team and then another team and then they missed them though.

[Brian Green]

You've never hunted for Cryptids, but if you had hunted for Cryptids, you know, that's how it goes. Cryptids, that's what they're called these. These wild animals that don't really exist, but people want to believe that they do. They're called Cryptid.

[Kristen Joy]

I didn't know that.

[Brian Green]

And so let me share with you that when you go Cryptid hunting, you know like a 3,000 pound, seven and a half foot tall thing with fangs and muscles.

[Kristen Joy]

At night.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, at night, under the full moon. You know what you do? You split up. It gives this creature a better chance to eat you alive.

[Mountain Monsters Member]

Slog pile. We heard him. We heard him. We've seen him too. We gotta keep pushing him north, right towards the trap. Let's move. Right through there now.

[Kristen Joy]

Oh, they've got a trap.

[Brian Green]

Form a line. Everybody point your gun at the guy next to you. Let's form a line and we'll walk slowly until one of us dies accidentally.

[Mountain Monsters Member]

The team just met up. We're gonna keep pushing north on this deer trail right up where Mason had his encounter with the sheep squads.

[Brian Green]

What's up? A. That's. They got a map on there. They're showing you where they are. And that's a. Not a map. It's just a.

[Kristen Joy]

Arrows.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, just arrows pointing northerly direction.

[Mountain Monsters Member]

That feeder's just right over the hill right there. There he is. Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go.

[Brian Green]

Run slower than you were running before. Go, go, go, go. God damn, dude.

[Mountain Monsters Member]

Is that the feeder A? Check your thermal, Jeff.

[Brian Green]

Check your thermal. Check your thermal.

[Kristen Joy]

Your thermal underwear.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, no, they're good. I made a little bing bang in my pants earlier from craft services, but I'm good. Anybody got any wet wipes? I got a delicate anus. Biodegradable. Please. I don't want to hurt this Boone County.

[Mountain Monsters Member]

He's moving fast, guys. Yeah. Down the hill. Straight down the hill. Come on, Bill. Straight over the hill.

[Brian Green]

I know. They're just going so slow. They're trying to chase a 7,000pound creature that's seven and a half feet tall. And they could not be moving slower. It's like they're running in place. They're doing the backwoods shuffle. They're just shuffling their feet along the.

[Mountain Monsters Member]

Ground right here with this deer stand. Something smacked it and took off down the hill. What do you got?

[Brian Green]

Well, I. I found it. Unfortunately. Huckleberry number three is gone. He's dead. But I did find him. And then he ran away. And as hard as I ran, I just couldn't catch up with him. I was right there.

[Mountain Monsters Member]

I can't see nothing.

[Brian Green]

Right in there. Wasn't.

[Mountain Monsters Member]

We got to get to the side. Besides Huckleberry. He's moving too fast.

[Kristen Joy]

We got to get the.

[Brian Green]

What? We gotta get the size of Buckleberry.

[Kristen Joy]

He's moving too fast, Chop.

[Brian Green]

Yup, he's moving too fast. Or maybe you're moving too slow. Maybe half your problem on this stupid show is that you guys just don't know how to run. It's just crawling, basically.

[Mountain Monsters Member]

What's the new Trevor? We gotta get the side. Besides to push him north. Huckleberry and I'll take one of you guys. Take the other one.

[Brian Green]

I mean, there has got to be a more scientific way of doing this. This, don't you think? Like, shouldn't you have a chopper up above? Like, with.

[Kristen Joy]

Like a drone?

[Brian Green]

Yeah, like a drone. A couple scientists who are ready to draw blood or something. Like, there's got to be a better way to go about capturing the sheep squad.

[Kristen Joy]

I mean, it's just their process. Brian. Don't knock it.

[Brian Green]

I don't knock it. I've made a good living off their process. But I'm just sharing with you that it's kind of silly the way they go about this. They just stand in a circle, swing their guns around and yell at each other. Essentially, it.

[Mountain Monsters Member]

Let's Go.

[Brian Green]

Let's go. Let's go.

[Mountain Monsters Member]

Let's go, let's go.

[Brian Green]

Move out.

[Mountain Monsters Member]

Let's go. The sheep, Squatch is way too fast for us to keep up with him on foot. We need to jump in the side.

[Kristen Joy]

Besides the pushing point during this creature.

[Brian Green]

I know. He's just dancing.

[Kristen Joy]

Oh, my God.

[Mountain Monsters Member]

Over here.

[Brian Green]

Over here. Over here. Come on, Buck.

[Mountain Monsters Member]

Run down that hill. Whoops. Scott, you missed me. I'm behind the tree. Red rover, Red rover.

[Brian Green]

Marco. Marco.

[Mountain Monsters Member]

Oh, these mountain monsters. I love scared of them. Let me scramble up this tree real quick.

[Brian Green]

So much fun.

[Mountain Monsters Member]

Hey, guys, if you do catch me, I'm just going to eat you. But let's have some fun with it.

[Brian Green]

For a while, huh?

[Mountain Monsters Member]

Here. I'm going to run at a normal human pace, and you guys will be a mile behind me in about five minutes. Come get me.

Let's go.

[Brian Green]

Come on, gravel. Go, go, go, go, go.

[Mountain Monsters Member]

Let's go, Will. Let's go, Willie. Let's go, Willie.

[Brian Green]

Up.

[Mountain Monsters Member]

Where are you guys going?

[Brian Green]

Go, go, go.

[Mountain Monsters Member]

Where? I'm right here. You don't need to get to a golf cart. You just walk to me, and then. And then I'll eat you. Oh, here come my horns. I'll be right back.

Let's go.

Let's go.

Stay right on him, Tyler. Stay right on him.

[Kristen Joy]

Stay right on him.

[Brian Green]

Listen to the crazy noises in the background. He's back on the ground. Boy.

[Mountain Monsters Member]

Am I scaring you yet? Here, wait. Let me make little tapping noises.

[Brian Green]

Oh, over here.

[Mountain Monsters Member]

Oh, you missed me. Hey, you want to play a game of tag? You tag my mouth, and I'll chop off your arms. What do you think?

[Brian Green]

No.

[Mountain Monsters Member]

All right.

[Kristen Joy]

There's about one eye.

[Mountain Monsters Member]

Yeah, I got one eye. Even with my one eye and dislocated shoulder and my bad hip, I'm still faster than book.

[Kristen Joy]

Damn.

[Mountain Monsters Member]

Run, you bastard, run. Yeah.

[Brian Green]

Like they're on a horse. Yeah. Get him. John deere. Tractor. Lawnmower. All right, let's take a break. And we're gonna be back with madmans. We gotta. We gotta figure out what happens here. Chrissy. I'm excited now. I feel like there's a good shot we're gonna see a picture.

[Kristen Joy]

So this time, I think so.

[Brian Green]

This time they're gonna get their man.

[Kristen Joy]

Billy's gonna get it.

[Brian Green]

He's gonna get it. All right, we'll be back.

[Announcer]

I know you're already on your phone, so pull up instagram and follow us us at the commercial break. And then follow us on TikTok at TCB podcast. Done. Perfect. Thank you. Since you're at the ready, why not text us hello at 212-4333, TCB. Or if you've got some drama in your life, a little fun story or anything really. We're desperate for content. Call and leave us a message at 212-4333, TCV. And don't forget to check out tcdpodcast.com because cuz that's got it all. Speaking of having it all, let's listen to our fabulous sponsors and get back to the commercial break.

[Brian Green]

All right, let's get back into it because I. I'm feeling they're on. Hot on the trail.

[Kristen Joy]

They are.

[Mountain Monsters Member]

Lay the leather to her buck the game going our way. Stay with him, driver.

[Kristen Joy]

Snail biting.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. By the way, they're traveling 32 miles per hour in this cart. What I would stay up with him. Is he running down the same trail?

[Kristen Joy]

I mean, honestly, he's running fast.

[Mountain Monsters Member]

Oh, there's lots of woods here. But what I'm gonna do is I'm gonna run down the road so you got this kick because you guys can see me clearly. Is that cool? Is that good? You think you can catch up with me? Come on, let's do it.

Man, this is rough. This is rough. Go, go, go.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. Doesn't look rough to me.

[Kristen Joy]

It looks like a road.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, you're gliding down a road in a. A John Deere tractor.

[Mountain Monsters Member]

It's rough in here too. Ain't got no choice now.

[Brian Green]

He's an arm.

[Mountain Monsters Member]

We're gonna get him. We're gonna get him.

[Brian Green]

Oh yeah. We're gonna get him. We're gonna get him. We're gonna get him. They can't. Can they see him? Because I can.

[Kristen Joy]

I know that they're flashing up the thermal camera. Thermal camera which shows nothing. I. I don't know what I'm looking at.

[Brian Green]

Just shows the woods. That's it. I guess the woods are red hot. Ton on the screen. Rough. Damn.

[Mountain Monsters Member]

He can go through this quick. Can't. Oh, damn Boone County. Well, if it was easy, we wouldn't be down.

[Brian Green]

God damn Boone County. God damn Boone County. Boone county is where you're making your bread and butter, kid. You're always in Boone County. Damn Boone County.

[Kristen Joy]

They've all got guns too. And nobody can, like, you know, just point, point, shoot.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, yeah, point and shoot. If you're. If he's close enough to see, he's close enough to shoot. Get a dart gun. I mean, wouldn't that be the wise thing here? Get a dart gun, fill it with some good stuff and just shoot him in the neck. I've seen it in movies. Ace Ventura, Pet detective.

[Mountain Monsters Member]

No, stay with him. He's going right there. He's still headed that way. We're on his ass.

[Brian Green]

They keep showing these. Yeah, on his ass.

[Mountain Monsters Member]

Don't threaten me with a good time. Get up in this ass. Yeah, it's lonely out here for a sea squatch. I'm just letting you know there's not a lot of females. Not a single female she Squatch in bird town. So if you guys want to take at it, I'll just bend over, let you ram me for a few minutes, then basically mutilate you with my teeth. How's that?

Oh, that's steep down. He's right here. He's right here.

[Brian Green]

This is worse than 50 shades of gray.

[Kristen Joy]

Did they just crash into a tree?

[Brian Green]

They just crashed into something. Yeah, but they can't. They like. It was so bad. It was just. You could tell. No one crashed. It was just a camera shaking. This is the worst. I mean, it's the best comedy, but it's the worst non fiction show on television. It's clearly fiction.

[Mountain Monsters Member]

Huckleberry just hit something.

[Brian Green]

We gotta get down.

[Announcer]

All right.

[Mountain Monsters Member]

Sound like a grenade went off.

[Brian Green]

Well, we. We got to take time to talk.

[Mountain Monsters Member]

To the camera real quick.

[Brian Green]

And we're gonna go rescue our friends.

[Kristen Joy]

I'm gonna do an interview real quick. We're gonna go down there and help them.

[Brian Green]

We're gonna take the next 30 to 35 minutes to do this cutaway. And we're gonna certainly find out whether our friends are dead or not.

[Kristen Joy]

It sounded like a grenade.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. I'm actually in a hurry. Guys. Can I get a sandwich from craft services? Sounded like a grenade.

[Mountain Monsters Member]

Go get down there now. What the hell? Trevor Huckleberg.

[Brian Green]

Buck. Buck.

[Kristen Joy]

Buck tried to get down the hill.

[Brian Green]

Buck's gonna kill himself. On this show. They gotta have a stunt double for Buck was like weighs 180 pounds. Just. Just switch it out. Because Buck's pants are all the way down around his. Around his thigh. His whole ass is sticking out as he's trying to shuffle down a hill. Buck Trevor. Buck Trevor.

[Mountain Monsters Member]

Uncle Barry.

[Kristen Joy]

Oh, he's sliding just on his butt. They're all sliding down their butt.

[Announcer]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

That's probably the best idea. That size.

[Kristen Joy]

Probably faster.

[Brian Green]

Probably faster. If you would just roll down like. What was her name in the Willy Wonka movie? Veruca Salt.

[Mountain Monsters Member]

Yeah. You okay, Huck?

[Brian Green]

Oh. Boom. Down goes Buck. Down goes Buck.

[Kristen Joy]

Just tripping all over themselves.

[Brian Green]

The medic cost on this production must be huge because everyone's always falling or hurting themselves.

[Kristen Joy]

Remember that one time when it was a huckleberry that fell into the freezing water?

[Brian Green]

Yes. He. Well, the. The water was coming down on him.

[Kristen Joy]

There was. That was a different one.

[Brian Green]

Oh, no, yeah, you're right. It was like our first ever mountain monsters. And he fell into a creek and it was freezing.

[Mountain Monsters Member]

We just seen you hit something.

[Brian Green]

Well, we hit a goddamn tree. We hit a goddamn buck. And don't worry, the golf cart is completely unscathed, but we are profusely bleeding everywhere. Look. Chill.

[Mountain Monsters Member]

Breathe. Damn, Trapper. All right. Huckleberry, you all right? They're discombobulated.

[Brian Green]

They're all discombobulated. I think these guys might need medical attention right now. But we're in Boone County. Walmart is the closest doctor they got.

[Mountain Monsters Member]

Their cage rattle went that way. He went that way.

[Brian Green]

Go, go, go. Leave me alone. Leave them alone.

[Kristen Joy]

There's like broken glass everywhere.

[Brian Green]

Their hair is all discombobulated. Yeah. They can't talk. They're like in some state of confusion. And then one of. One of the guys who's been in the accident says he went that way, and everyone just starts running away. Don't worry about him. He'll be fine. Go.

[Kristen Joy]

Go up the hill.

[Brian Green]

That's a good.

[Mountain Monsters Member]

I think that it got mad. It got irritated and it turned. Instead of going to the trap, it went ahead and it just attacked them. Come on.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, I'm sure that's exactly what happened. There were cameras on that cart, too. There are literally cameras attached all over that cart. And they didn't catch one shot of being attacked.

[Kristen Joy]

No.

[Brian Green]

Come on. Damn.

[Mountain Monsters Member]

He'll just go wham. You all right, Uncle Barry? Look like you're about to puke. Well, I swallowed my damn tobacco.

[Kristen Joy]

That will make you puke, from what I've heard.

[Brian Green]

Oh, yeah, I've done it. It's when I was in high school and I tried chew right actual chewing tobacco. That's the nastiest in the world. And you better be goddamn close that throat. Don't swallow one bit of it because it's not going to go down easy. Yeah, it's gross.

[Mountain Monsters Member]

Light over there. Yeah. All right. After I got down there and checked on Trapper. Man.

[Brian Green]

God, his eyes look like he's been doing acid for a month. It's crazy. He's got all pupils, no eye.

[Mountain Monsters Member]

Wild Bill got over there, picked up on his trail. Let's not lose him. I can't see.

[Brian Green]

Nuts.

[Mountain Monsters Member]

And where nothing went, he has to be wounded. I don't see how any world something.

[Brian Green]

Will get through here.

[Mountain Monsters Member]

Good Lord.

[Brian Green]

He has to be wounded. Your friends just got into a terrible accident with the Sheepsquatch. The windshield is broken. They're discombobulated. Only no one got wounded. Do you think the Sheepsquatch left in the same way to lose his trail?

[Mountain Monsters Member]

We took right up all pastor running through there, that thing going through that thick.

[Brian Green]

We took about dancing up on the side. We went down to the thing, and I got to the saw bug and I went over there down the sting. I didn't see a damn thing.

[Mountain Monsters Member]

Thick brush we couldn't even remotely keep.

[Brian Green]

You know, it would be fun to go on YouTube, watch one of these videos and put on the closed caption that the AI does and see what.

[Kristen Joy]

He comes up with.

[Brian Green]

Right.

[Mountain Monsters Member]

Right on out of Dodge. It left the patch. We couldn't even keep up with it. Sam, I don't see nothing. Look at this.

[Brian Green]

What a man.

[Mountain Monsters Member]

You can see the round part of his horn where his horn was right here.

[Kristen Joy]

Wait a minute, Wait a minute.

[Brian Green]

This thing is 7ft tall, 800 pounds, and he's showing a circle where he thinks the horn went through. It's the size of a dime. It's the size of a dime. Are you sure you're not just dealing with, like, a really irritated roach? Because this doesn't seem like a thing that big would make such a small dent. Yeah.

[Mountain Monsters Member]

Wow. I think a son of a rammed us. I'll tell you exactly what happened. Please do get a choice between the trap and me. He actually turned to fight. He rammed that damn big head and horns right into the front of the side beside.

[Brian Green]

Okay, where is the picture? Where is the photographic evidence? You're with a fucking camera crew. Mic'd up, cameras everywhere, lights in action, all the whole nine yards. Where is the picture?

[Kristen Joy]

It just. It's elusive.

[Brian Green]

I know.

[Mountain Monsters Member]

Meanwhile, Bill picked right up on his tracks. It's real thick in there. We made it out about 300 yards. We just couldn't keep up with the trail. I mean, he just prattled around, like, right out of Dodge. I mean, plum out of Dodge.

[Brian Green]

Plum out of. Dad, when's the last time you heard someone say plum out of anything? That's like from a movie in the 60s where they just, like, stereotype southerners. Well, I'm plumb out of cheesecake, honey. I'm plum out of cobbler.

[Kristen Joy]

Plum out of Dodge.

[Brian Green]

We are plum out of plums today.

[Mountain Monsters Member]

Slow him down none. I mean, he must be one tough Hombre.

[Brian Green]

You're assuming he's Mexican. That's pretty racist there, buddy. Hombre.

[Mountain Monsters Member]

This critter is big. He's agile and he.

[Brian Green]

He's mean.

[Kristen Joy]

Very agile.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, he's very agile. He's. You guys, he's right there. But you can't catch up with him. He's everywhere. But you can't get a photograph of him. He's dancing all over the place, but no one seems to shoot him. It's just. I mean, come on, guys. Yeah, I understand this has been going on for whatever, 12 seasons. And you've never once in that I know of, photographed or had any evidence that any of these things exist. Like hard evidence. Except for, you know, tree markings and a dent and some guy got, you know, I got a scat. But you don't take that to a scientist or doctor or NASA or somebody who can test that shit. What you do is you just.

[Kristen Joy]

Just keep filming.

[Brian Green]

Just keep yelling.

[Mountain Monsters Member]

He tore up Jack, didn't he?

[Brian Green]

Roar.

[Mountain Monsters Member]

The sheepsquatch roar is just as bizarre as the creature itself. We heard that thing and it just shook the whole hauler. Listen, listen.

[Brian Green]

The whole hauler. Get down to the holler. Get down to the creek, boys. Get that down to the creek.

[Mountain Monsters Member]

It's a killer and it's dangerous and it's to be feared.

[Brian Green]

But it didn't kill us, nor did it try to eat us or anything of the sort.

[Mountain Monsters Member]

This thing turned and challenged us and attacked us. He took his horn and run it right through the windshield right at him.

[Brian Green]

He took a huge dime and threw it at us.

[Mountain Monsters Member]

This thing is dangerous. This windshield ain't.

[Kristen Joy]

That's why this crack team of monster hunters that are all like approaching 70.

[Brian Green]

Probably.

[Kristen Joy]

Yeah, except for Huck and Buck.

[Brian Green]

He's body probably is 70, but his age is probably less. And they'll just find a new huckleberry. When this one ages out, they'll just get a new huckleberry. A similar age. I think each huckleberry lasts about a season.

[Mountain Monsters Member]

What happened? I come running over that hill and I busted the cross. Pull him out of my bridges.

[Kristen Joy]

Oh, he did.

[Brian Green]

Oh, whoa.

[Kristen Joy]

Pants are ripped.

[Brian Green]

What?

[Kristen Joy]

I didn't want to see that.

[Brian Green]

No, I didn't either. I think I saw some dangling part of there, didn't you? So Buck's pants ripped because he's a big boy. And at some point, going down that hill where they got into the car accident, he slid down on his butt because the walking wasn't doing it for him. And then even while sliding, he still managed to tumble down. His pants are ripped open in the front down one leg. And they just showed a shot where you can see his white boxers and his dangling partisan pimples.

[Mountain Monsters Member]

I mean, it's a good thing I have on my long underwear. You ought to be seeing more than what you bargained for. Don't make me laugh at her.

[Brian Green]

This is the funny part of the show. Oh, that's funny.

[Kristen Joy]

Oh, forget about that old.

[Brian Green]

Forget about that old sheep squash.

[Kristen Joy]

We're fine.

[Brian Green]

Let's look at my balls. Let's look at the real monster in this situation. My mammoth cock.

[Mountain Monsters Member]

Yes, sir, Sheep squatch has to be hurt. I think we were to take it easy, huckleberry. I bet that son of a bitch is dinged up worse than I am. I bet he's up there someplace Pulling trapper out of his ass. You all right there, buddy? Yeah, all right.

[Brian Green]

He's up there somewhere Pulling trapper out of his ass.

[Kristen Joy]

That even mean?

[Brian Green]

I don't know.

[Kristen Joy]

But also, did he. Is he now able to just jump?

[Brian Green]

Yes.

[Kristen Joy]

Up there.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, he's up there. Scampered up the tree like a bear.

[Mountain Monsters Member]

Take care of him, buck. I got him. The sheep squash may not be in our trap, But I know for sure he's in boom town.

[Brian Green]

Well, killing bastard once again said we don't get proof, but we get comedy. There you go. Oh, man, I love a good mountain monsters. Thanks, kaden. Thanks for reminding us. Yeah, gave me a little extra push. I needed to get back to the mountain monsters.

[Kristen Joy]

It's a good one.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. Now we'll put them away for a couple months and then we'll be back. Okay. We can't do too much. I don't want this to turn into season number two or three. Repeat. Every episode is a mountain monster. Oh, man. So much fun. I just love it. They can't just. They can't catch a break. They can't get one of those on video.

[Kristen Joy]

No, it's Billy's fault, though, really.

[Brian Green]

Billy's fault. It's always been Billy's fault. That's who I blame. Billy and huckleberry. Those two are engineering manufacturing this drama behind the scenes, and everybody else thinks it's real. I'm on to you, huckleberry. Number four. I'm on to you. Oh, man. Hey, listen, you know what? I'd also. I'd like to be on to. I'd like you to be onto the commercial break. We are plum out of people to talk to Here in this neck of the holler. So we need you to come on the commercial break. Don't you want to? Don't you need to? Wouldn't you like to? You can dial in on the phone. We'll disguise your voice if necessary. If that really is necessary, we can do that. All you have to do is let us know you want to be on the show by Contacting us at 212-433-3TCB 212-433-3822. Text us, let us know what you want to be on the show. Give us a little synopsis of what you'd like to discuss. The question you have, the advice you need. Someone will contact you and let you know when we record and how to get on the show. We'll schedule it. We'll actually put it on a calendar. We will.

[Kristen Joy]

We have a shared calendar.

[Brian Green]

We do. Look at that. We're getting fancy around here, so hit us up there. Also, comments, questions, concerns, content, ideas. We will take them all at that phone number, voicemail or text message. TCBpodcast.com is another way you can get a hold of us. You can go there, watch all the video, listen to all the audio, find out more about the show, our sponsors, our guests. You can also get your free TCB bumper sticker. All you got to do is hit the contact contact us button, drop down menu. I want my free sticker. Give us your address and we will send it away. I think we're in the process of creating the new one. So at the commercial break on Instagram, TCB podcast, on tick tock and YouTube.com the commercial break. Thanks, Dr. Phil. You're welcome, Brad. All right, Chrissy, that's all I can do for today.

[Kristen Joy]

I think so.

[Brian Green]

But I'll tell you that I love you. I love you. I'll say best teachers, best to you. Best to you out there in the podcast universe. Until next time. We always say, we do say and we must say good goodbye. It.

[Mountain Monsters Member]

Back on the ground.