Cruising For a Cavity Search!

Summary

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The Commercial Break – "Cruising For a Cavity Search!"

Released: July 23, 2025
Hosts: Bryan Green & Krissy Hoadley
Episode Theme:
Bryan and Krissy riff on the weirdness of cruises, getting arrested over weed, cruise ship shenanigans, Love Island drama, podcast booking politics, true crime tangents, and wild stories about customs, travel, and listener gifts.

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Episode Overview

This episode is a classic TCB blend of chaotic, offbeat banter as Bryan and Krissy consider launching a TCB cruise, swap hilarious and harrowing cruise stories (including Bryan’s infamous “cavity search”), unpack reality TV drama and influencer weirdness, and respond to both listeners' crafts and bizarre postal encounters. The duo's signature, self-aware humor and fondness for conversational tangents shine through, creating an episode that feels like eavesdropping on two (slightly unhinged) best friends.

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Key Discussion Points & Memorable Moments

1. Listener Rant Song & Show Self-Awareness

• [00:01] Kicks off with a tongue-in-cheek, musical "review" trashing TCB ("TCB is terrible. This show is fucking bad. I'd like to punch Brian in the mouth.")
• Tone: Irreverent and self-deprecating, setting the mood for “just FINE” podcasting.

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2. TCB Cruise Plans & The Realities of Cruising ([02:05]–[10:47])

Cruise Deals and Skepticism

• Bryan and Krissy discuss the sudden, shockingly cheap cruise prices found by Krissy’s travel-agent friend:
  • "14 day cruises for $600 for the cabin. The cabin." (Bryan, [03:53])
  • Inclusion of food, drink, shore excursions, and specialty dining.

Cruise Addicts, Retirement Cruises, and Big Thinking

• Bryan riffs on people who live on cruise ships, floating retirement homes, and why mega-concepts like “The Line” never materialize.
• "There are four year cruises, 10 year cruises, there are lifetime cruises where you just pay every month like rent, like $2,000 a month." (Bryan, [05:31])

Port Dynamics & Tourist Traps

• The hosts poke fun at cruise tourism:
  • "Any major ports... there are entire ecosystems of people that want to separate you from your euros or wherever it is, your rupees... It's the same T shirts at every port. They buy them from the same Chinese company. It's the same fake jewelry and Fendi bags." (Bryan, [07:53])

Missing the Boat – Cruise Ship Departures

• Amusing account of cruise passengers missing the boat ("nudniks"):
  • “The horn is honking for an hour... at the first horn, there’s like five, 10 people running up to the ship. It’s quite a bit of people, actually... And then the ten minute warning... then you got another three or four stragglers.” (Bryan, [13:59])
• "There's usually a representative of some sort, like a port authority... people are clapping, they're cheering, they're waving goodbye." (Bryan, [15:30])
• Krissy wonders if you can buy your way back onto a ship in motion: "Yeah, you can't meet back up?" ([15:41])
  Bryan: "No, no, no, no. Big no. No, you can't, you can't jump onto a moving cruise. That's for pirates and the Coast Guard." ([15:49])

Tracking Cruise Ships For Fun

• Bryan discusses tracking cruise ships and planes for fun (and his kid’s obsession with Disney Cruise ships).
• "I have an app called Marine Traffic on my phone because of course I do track. Yeah, I track, I like to track the planes." ([17:09])

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3. Cruise Ship Weed Mishap (Bryan’s "Cavity Search" Story) ([20:12]–[27:53])

Buying Weed in Jamaica — Comedy of Errors

• Bryan describes buying weed in Jamaica through a convoluted tent system:
  • "He opens up the wicker basket and he pulls out a bud this big. It's like 2ft tall. And I'm like, oh, no, no, no. I was thinking like a little bit." ([22:24])

Accidental Trafficking & Cruise Ship Announcement

• Cruise Purser warns over the intercom:
  • "We all know what happens in Jamaica. Little ganja make you gotcha... Now... it's 1,000% illegal to have marijuana on your person. So I just go ahead right now and take care of that. You could throw it over the side of the boat, you flush it down the toilet..." ([24:16])

The Infamous Cavity Search

• Bryan’s shorts, still carrying weed scent, prompt a sniffer dog and a thorough customs search:
  • "And then it sat down in front of me. Yes. And it gave me the paw. And I was like, oh, that's cute... 30 minutes later, I was getting an anal cavity search by a U.S. customs officer." ([26:05]–[26:24])
• “Most humiliating thing I’ve ever been through.” (Bryan, [27:41])

Krissy: "You’ve completely turned me off from cruises again." ([27:53])

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4. Listener Gift: Crocheted Plushies ([29:24]–[31:48])

• A fan, Jenny, sends in intricate crocheted stuffed items: Lady Peesalot, Sir Poopsalot (with corn), an F-bomb, and the Chill Pill.
• Krissy: “They’re super cute.” ([30:58])
• Bryan: “They are lovely. They are adorable. My children have been playing with them all day, asking exactly what they are...” ([30:36])
• Listener call-out: Jenny is open to making more for fellow listeners; fans encouraged to text for details.

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5. Postal Weirdness: Leaky Bag at the Post Office ([31:50]–[33:30])

• Bryan tells of a Jamaican woman mailing a mysterious, leaking bag.
  • Krissy: "You should never be mailing anything you don’t know what’s inside of it for someone else." ([33:30])
• Reminisces about "Locked Up Abroad" anxiety and mock fear of becoming an unwitting mule.

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6. Trafficking Takedowns & Domestic Travel With Weed ([35:05]–[43:43])

Influencer Arrested: 50lbs of Weed to Brazil

• They discuss the Atlanta airport arrest of a supposed influencer, Vance Randolph, with massive quantities of weed products en route to Brazil.
  • “...had every inch of your bag with marijuana.” ([37:44])
• “You have to be a real fucking numb nuts to not even try and hide the fact that you got 50 pounds of marijuana in a bag that can only fit 50 pounds of stuff.” (Bryan, [39:57])
• Krissy notes, “I don’t recall having seen hashish being available in those dispensaries.” ([41:17])

Hashish Memories & Airport Security

• Bryan and Krissy recall hashish, opium, and how TSA is (supposedly) indifferent to weed gummies but cares about bombs and weapons.

• "Weed, gummies or... your rattler with two extra Xanax... That's not something we care about. It's just not. We're never going to care about that. That's not our directive." (Bryan, [43:04])

• Krissy: “I was taking a candle on a trip one time and they took out my candle and it was... It alerted something.” ([43:43])

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7. Podcast Guest Booking Drama: Love Island & Call Her Daddy ([47:44]–[57:22])

Love Island’s Off-Screen “Bullying” Fallout

• Social media drama erupts; the show airs disclaimers about bullying due to fan backlash.
• "The producers... felt it necessary to put a disclaimer... please don't bully. We don't like bullying..." (Bryan, [48:50])

Booking Moves: Huda vs. Amaya Papaya

• Breakdown of how the Call Her Daddy podcast (Alex Cooper) swapped its interview slot from Huda (a fan favorite) to winner Amaya, causing fan outrage.
• "This is just the nature of podcast casting... There's probably a whole PR machine with Alex..." (Bryan, [54:21])
• "If it's a choice with an agent between Conan O'Brien and the Commercial Break... they're going to Conan O'Brien." (Bryan, [55:36])

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8. True Crime Detour: Epstein Files & Conspiracies ([57:27]–[61:35])

• Krissy and Bryan riff on the ongoing muddle and cover-ups around the Jeffrey Epstein investigation, files, and possible pardons, with the take that all high-profile admin parties are culpable.
• "I think Epstein was probably an apex predator of epic proportions. And I think there's a lot of people who probably played that game with him... He was the only one that was doing things with those young girls. Fuck that. That's not believable." (Bryan, [60:00])
• Calls out the tendency for political blame-shifting and the absurdity of conspiracy thinking: “If what is available is going to re-victimize people, then I think you do have to be careful...” (Bryan, [61:37])

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9. Final Tangents, Wrap-Up, and Social Plugs ([62:26]–[end])

• Promises of more wild TCB topics to come, references to tracking All-Star game planes, and thank-yous to Jenny for the gifts.
• Encouragement to follow on Instagram and get a free sticker from the website.

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Notable Quotes

• On cruise ship deals:
  “14 day cruises for $600 for the cabin... and food included, and drink included, all. And a shore excursion.”
  — Bryan Green & Chrissy Hoadley ([03:53]–[04:13])

• On missing the cruise ship:
  “There’s 15, 20 nudniks running on the ship... And then... people getting impatient for the light to turn so they can do the crosswalk and they're waving.”
  — Bryan Green ([13:59])

• On getting cavity searched:
  “30 minutes later, I was getting an anal cavity search by a U.S. customs officer. You think I’m joking. I’m not.”
  — Bryan Green ([26:24])

• On weed busts:
  "You have to be a real fucking numb nuts to not even try and hide the fact that you got 50 pounds of marijuana in a bag that can only fit 50 pounds of stuff."
  — Bryan Green ([39:57])

• On podcast guest politics:
  “If it's a choice with an agent between Conan O'Brien and the Commercial Break... they're going to Conan O'Brien.”
  — Bryan Green ([55:36])

• On conspiracy thinking:
  “It's in my nature. So be careful what you wish for because this is what happens. That guy will turn on anybody. And by the way, there's a lot of politicians like this, right, left and center.”
  — Bryan Green ([59:03])

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Timestamps for Major Segments

• 00:01 – Listener roast song/parody
• 02:05–10:47 – Cruise deals and cruise culture deep-dive
• 13:51–15:41 – Stories of people missing cruise ship departures; ship tracking
• 20:12–27:53 – Bryan’s hilarious weed-in-Jamaica to cavity-search misadventure
• 29:24–31:48 – Listener’s crocheted TCB plushie gifts
• 31:50–33:30 – Leaky bag/post office tale and “Locked Up Abroad” anxiety
• 35:05–43:43 – Influencer weed bust, hashish reminiscing, and TSA’s real priorities
• 47:44–55:39 – Love Island drama, podcast guest moves, Call Her Daddy breakdown
• 57:27–61:35 – Epstein files, political blame, and the folly of grand conspiracies

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Summary for the Uninitiated

In this episode, Bryan and Krissy bring their irreverent, discursive style to a heady stew of topics—from dreaming of launching a (probably poorly planned) TCB cruise, to surviving customs cavity searches after Jamaican weed mishaps, to dissecting reality TV hysteria and podcasting’s cut-throat guest wars. Along the way, they salute creative fans, lampoon tourist traps, swap tales of influencer idiocy, get briefly serious about true crime coverups, and keep the jokes coming. If you want to understand why listeners feel like they’re hanging with friends who might accidentally get you arrested overseas, this episode is a near-perfect example—equal parts travel nightmare, pop culture circus, and self-effacing comedy.

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Transcript

[Rachel]

Just a guy who rants. Not funny at all. The co host is asleep. She's pretty dark. Why? People like the show? Why are they on the charts? What's the fuck are you talking about? I showed it off as soon as dad. TCV is terrible. This show is fucking bad. I'd like to punch Brian in the mouth. This podcast is kinda sad. Is this what we think is funny? Now how do I turn it off? My ears are saying, ow. Stop laughing at yourself. Are these two making sense? At least I didn't pay. I am deaf. In my defense, PCB is terrible. That is being kind. Both the hosts are idiots. They left the funny behind. What is this show about? It's offensive to my soul. Brian is a hack. These two aren't funny and so old. Why all the hype? How did this get made so many episodes, none of which are great. TCB is terrible. Worst show you could do. TCB is terrible. Worst to to you.

[Brian Green]

Foreign. The dog's nose was so sensitive that it had smelled the weed. Days after it had been in my shorts because I hadn't washed my shorts or anything like that. And then they went on to explain as they were taking every single thing out of my luggage and shaking it down and having the dog sniff through it, they went on to explain that this does happen pretty often, but that is just part of their job. And I said, okay. No, it's okay. Let's, you know, I gotta get going. Okay, see you later. And he said, one more thing. One more. You wouldn't have any, like, you wouldn't like, stuff anything in your side. And I'm like, like, my ass. And he was like, yeah, you wouldn't do that, would you? And I'm like, no, I wouldn't do that. He's like, do you mind if I take a look? The next episode of the commercial break starts now. Oh, yeah. Cats and kittens, welcome back to the commerc break. I'm Brian Green. This is a dear friend of mine and the co host of this show, Chris and Joy Hoadley. Best to you, Chris, Best to me, Brian, and best to you out there in the podcast universe. How the hell are you? Thank you for joining us. We are considering a cruise, a TCB cruise. We'd like to know if you'd like to join us. We didn't talk to the cruise line about it, but we're pretty sure they're going to be okay. If one or two of our listeners show up onto the cruise with us. Chrissy's got a friend who's like a travel agent for many years.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Yes.

[Brian Green]

And this morning Chrissy says, I don't like cruises. I mean she has always stated on this show and otherwise, I don't like cruises. Not interested, not gonna go. And then all of a sudden she gets a pricing list for this crazy deal that's going on for like 30, 40 cruises. And the prices are outrageously low.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

They really are.

[Brian Green]

And I'm like, this has gotta be a joke. But it's coming from a reputable source. Norwegian Cruise Lines. Very good. This is not a, this is not a sponsorship here. I have nothing to do with Norwegian CR lines and I know how much an actual cruise costs because I've been on a few of them. This is insane. Like 14 day cruises for $600 for the cabin. The cabin.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Entire cabin. And food included. And drink included all. And a shore excursion.

[Brian Green]

Shore excursions and specialty dining, which are the, the really nice restaurants they usually have in the cruise ships. That almost definitely mean you have to break out your American Express or what? Or in my case, your chime credit card to Diners Club. Your Diners Club, your prepaid Visa from Walmart. Yeah, yeah, you have to break that out because the specialty dining is where they make extra money. That's just it. And certainly the excursions are part of that too. So this is like hard to believe. And we're thinking to ourselves, why don't we go and do some commercial break episodes from a nine day Mediterranean cruise. Now the catch is. Because there's always a catch. The catch is, yes, they are dirt cheap, but you have to find a way to get yourself to the port. And the port is in Barcelona. This one that we're looking, looking at Barcelona, Rome, Reykjavik, somewhere. That's pretty far flung. Even the ones here domestically are out of Seattle, which is not exactly a hop, skip and a jump away from Atlanta. But regardless, that is pricing. You can live with 600 just. There are just. Listen, there are many cruisers who will tell you, like hardcore cruisers.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

And there are many.

[Brian Green]

And there are many. Yes, there are whole.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Some people that go live on a cruise ship.

[Brian Green]

There's retirement cruise ships.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

There are four year cruises, 10 year cruises, there are lifetime cruises where you just pay every month like rent, like $2,000 a month. And then you just live on the cruise ship and wherever the cruise ship goes, you go on all the dead legs on all the renovation legs on all that. You just live or you get off the ship and they put you up in a hotel where they renovate the boat or Whatever. I've seen videos about.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

And it's fascinating. I know, and I love the idea. There was an idea floated around for a long time about a FLO retirement home, the world's largest cruise ship. Essentially, it would just float around the oceans and then it would have smaller boats taking people in because it was too big to even dock anywhere. They got some money together for this. There were investment firms involved. But it fell apart like a lot of these big engineering projects do, because you actually couldn't make that. You actually could not make a floating island like that, it turns out. But it was an idea. And I loved the. The big thinking makes me excited. Like when you look at the UAE and they're putting together, you know, we're gonna. We're gonna Disney World. Only 70 times bigger than Disney World actually is with ports and flying airplanes and roller coasters that are 10 miles long. I get excited about that stuff. I'm like, good for you. Big thinking. But it never comes. Didn't we talk about the line?

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Yes, we did. Because I sent that article to you and you're like, yeah, that's not.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, that's not happening. Yeah. And it didn't happen, by the way. They got like 10 miles of it dug and they started pouring the foundation. And even by, like, modest standards of what people thought actually might come of this, most people are going, this is a joke. This is never gonna happen. 10 miles long. Anyway, this cruise, you. You get there. The thing is, you could spend that 600 and do what hardcore cruisers tell you to do, which is, yes, it's nice to go see the sights and sounds, but a cruise ship is best when everybody else is off of it.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

True, I can.

[Brian Green]

You can get the great, the best service you can do shopping and dining, sit by the pool, get a nice chair on the top of the deck, go talk to other cruisers. It's just like a nice time to be on the cruise ship when no one else is there. Now defeats the purpose a little bit for me, and I'm a little too claustrophobic to be on the ship. The entire, like, even the big ship that I've been on, I want to get outside the ship.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Point of, like, going to all these amazing places if you're not going to get off and go see them.

[Brian Green]

If you're a hardcore cruiser, you've already done it.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

You just, oh, okay.

[Brian Green]

And, you know, the gig on a cruise is any place, being on the cruise ship, any place that has big cruise ships that come in any. Any major ports, New Orleans, Tampa, you know, the Space Coast. Any of that? Any of that. When they go down to their destinations, the Bahamas, Mexico, even in Europe, there are entire ecosystems of people that want to separate you from your euros or wherever it is, your rupees or wherever you happen to go. I like that name. I just like the thought of a rupee. They want to separate you from that. And they are master salespeople. Yes. It's the same T shirts at every port. They buy them from the same Chinese company. It's the same fake jewelry and Fendi bags.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

You're turning me off again on cruises.

[Brian Green]

So when you do a cruise, like we did when we went to Europe, only because we already understood, you got to get away from the pack. Right. If you go to Rome, like you can't actually pull up to Rome in an ocean. It doesn't work like that because Rome is actually in. Surrounded by land. Yeah. But you can get pretty close and then you take an hour long train ride there. Well, you can buy the tickets from the cruise ship and you can go on their little thing and then you're going to be hustled onto a bus where some dude is going to try and sell you an additional package to take a tour and see the sights. And you have three hours in Rome. So you can do this and you could do that and stupid earpiece. And everyone's going to be following this red flag and everyone's talking or you can just beat a path of your own. So that's what we did.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

That's what we like to do.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. We grabbed a cab, we went to a local train station, we just beat the buses there. We found tickets. The train was sold out. So a lot of people got screwed. We got on the train, we went to Rome, we ignored all of the tour packages and we just went and did what we wanted to do and that. It was, it was lovely. It was enjoyable. And we did that in most of the ports.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Yeah. See, I don't like to have a schedule. I like to have city that I'm gonna be in and the hotel and know that for how many days. And then there's a couple things that are maybe on my list, but I may just decide when I get there. I want to hang out in a cafe all day and drink wine and people watch.

[Brian Green]

That's what we did. We found our favorite restaurant in Rome and we went there once and then again twice. So we went for lunch and then we went again for an early dinner. We went twice to the same restaurant in one cruise day To Rome. And listen, we all loved it. We were okay with that. The reality is, like, anything in life, usually going against what everybody else is doing will. Will present some problems and some opportunities. And you're either that kind of person or you're not. There's plenty of people who like to just go with the flow. Like go where everybody else is going and do the thing they want to have planned for. Yeah, they want to be.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

I want to decide.

[Brian Green]

I want to decide. But There are entire YouTube channels dedicated to the people like us who miss the cruise ship.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

That probably would be.

[Brian Green]

And those are great fun. It's great fun to watch people lose their place on the cruise ship, leave the cruise.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Who knows you.

[Brian Green]

Some of these people are such fucking nudniks. I mean, the haunt. The horn is honking for an hour. We went to Mallorca.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

On a cruise. On the cruise. On one of the cruises we took, we went to Mallorca. Astrid and I had been there before. We knew about Mallorca. So we knew.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

It's supposed to be beautiful.

[Brian Green]

Mallorca. Forget about it. Yeah, in Mallorca. Like, the actual Mallorca. The city of Mallorca on Mallorca is like, the least interesting part of Mallorca. Go off the beaten path in Mallorca. It's so gorgeous. It's heaven. It's heaven. I would live there in a heartbeat. So we. The cruise ship pulls up with 12 other cruise ships. Literally, there's like a million cruise ships. You know, there's like. I don't say 12. There's five huge cruise ships parked.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

I've seen those ports.

[Brian Green]

Everybody's getting off. Everybody's walking across the street to the cathedral, getting on their buses, going up into the town, getting cheap gold, you know, doing all this crazy crap. And we go and we beat a path of our own. And then we get back. It's a short. It's a short cruise window. Meaning because of weather, we only had, like four or five hours. Got adjusted. It was supposed to be 12. It ended up being four or five. Whatever. Cool. We went. We get back an hour before the cruise ship is supposed to take off. Because we know in our heads, because we've seen the YouTube fucking videos that you should not even try and play that game. And by the way, the cruise ships usually leave within 30 minutes of each other. Everybody has the same. They're all following each other around the Mediterranean. They're following each other for safety. They're following each other because that's where the good weather is. And they're following each other because that's by maritime law. That's where they're supposed to go. You can literally look outside of your cruise, a cruise ship at night in the Mediterranean and see the cruise ship behind you and the cruise ship in front of you. Yes. And the ones on the side of you, the ones going this way, there are shipping lanes. So you see them, they're not, like, stacked on top of each other, but just like, sometimes you look outside an airplane window and you see an airplane like, 10 miles off in the distance, flying over the Atlantic, because you all are flying on the same lanes, you're going in the same weather direction, whatever it is. I don't know. I'm not a maritime law expert. I just know what I saw, what my app was telling me. Okay, all right, so here's the point. Get on the ship. Then you hear the horn. 30 minutes to go. 10 minutes to go. 5 minutes to go. Yeah, boy, you better get your ass on that ship. You know what I'm talking about? And then eventually, 5, 30, time to leave. And guess what? Those ropes are coming up, and they don't give a shit. And they know if people are off the ship or on the ship, and they don't give a shit.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Yeah, you gotta. You can't hold up now for a couple people.

[Brian Green]

Captain has that ultimate decision. But usually five, ten minutes. I've seen videos.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Emergency.

[Brian Green]

Of course, if there's something wrong or somebody's, you know, in a medical emergency or. Or there's a legitimate reason why you should be holding the entirety of everybody else's vacation up because you're. But we saw. I could see out my balcony. Oh, yes. Many people running. You get it at the first horn. You know, at the first horn, there's like five, 10, you know, people running up to the ship. It's. It's. It's quite a bit of people, actually. Oh, Yep. There's. There's 15, 20 nude nicks running on the ship. And then the. The ten minute warning. Oh, then you got. Then you got another three or four stragglers. You know, they're running with all their backpack and everything, and they're dragging their kids by their collar. Let's. And then you get the five minute warning. And that's when the fun really begins. Because that's when you can see from the cathedral across the street, you can see people getting impatient for the light to turn so they can do the crosswalk and they're waving. You know me. I know me. Oh, and I watched It, I watched it happen.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

I watched how many people got left.

[Brian Green]

I don't know because I didn't see anybody getting left at the terminal. But I saw people just make it, right? I mean, they were pulling up, they were pulling up the gantry and people had just gotten on board. And so, you know, it, it. But there are lots of videos and I mean lots of videos where people don't make it. And the cruise ship is literally pulling away at what looks like one mile.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Per hour and they're just like standing there at the dock.

[Brian Green]

There's usually a representative of some sort, like a port authority, you know, but sometimes it's just them on the dock going like this and people are clapping, they're cheering, they're waving goodbye.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Is there any way that you would be able to like, you know, quickly pay someone and just get you over there on the boat? Yeah, you can't meet back up.

[Brian Green]

No, no, no, no. Big no. No, you can't, you can't jump onto a moving cruise. That's for pirates and the Coast Guard. I mean, I'm sure they do have a, they have a door, right. And they probably have a lot like.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

In the next port.

[Brian Green]

That is likely what you would do on a long, on a long cruise. That's likely what you would do.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

You'd have to figure out a way to get to that next port.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, like if you were in Rome and they said, hey, the next port of call is Sicily or something like that. Yeah, you, I guess you could take a train or find a quick airplane to go there because all your, all your bags are on the right. And that's likely what you would do. But if it was a short cruise, like a four day Caribbean, they would.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Let you back on in like the next.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, sure, absolutely. Yeah. As long as you had your identification and your cruise id like usually you get a bracelet. You know, it's one of those kind that's not coming off until you actually cut it off. Yeah, a bracelet or you have a key card or whatever. As long as you're the person that was on the cruise, you'll get back on the cruise. But the captain, ultimately the cat, it's a captain's ship and he is probably judged on whether or not he gets someplace on time. Now here's the crazy part about all this. If you look at like I have an app called Marine Traffic on my phone because of course I do track. Yeah, I track, I like to track the planes.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

You're tracking the ship?

[Brian Green]

Yeah, I'm tracking everybody. I'M Chad GPT. AI Big Brother.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

I just need to share my location with you at this point.

[Brian Green]

Hey, listen, some people do, and I don't know, Raphael does. And I said, dude, I woke up one morning and Rafa's like bouncing around Venice. And I'm like, what are you doing? I go, why are you sharing your location? He goes, oh, I must have done it for the Pearl Jam concert. And I said, oh, I see you're in Venice. He goes, yeah, I'm here for a week. I go, okay, I just thought I'd let you know you're sharing your location with me. He's like, it's good that somebody knows where I am. It makes me feel better. He goes, I'm keeping it on and he still has it on. Sometimes I check on him. I'm just like, what's Rafa up to? But yes, you know, I track those ships sometimes. And one of the things one of my kids loves to do is he wants to know where the Disney cruises are at all times. There's like five or six of them. We like to look and see what location they're at. What you'll notice is the Castaway Cay, which is their private island, which a lot of their cruises go to from Florida. You know, you go spend a day on Castaway Cay, which is a beautiful manufactured, but beautiful place.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

That's what you were saying, was that the one with like the rides and stuff?

[Brian Green]

Stuff. There's no rides, but they have like out in the middle of the ocean, like waist deep. They have an entire water park out there. So you can go the water park? Yeah. And you do water slides into the ocean. It's really quite cool, actually. Yeah, that's what my. But one of my kid got stung by a jellyfish and that wasn't so cool. But anyway, whatever. So it's a beautiful island with more white sand beaches than you've ever seen in your entire life. All these chairs, you just go, you grab a chair, you sit there, you get a cock one, whatever. But you can watch these ships. And the thing is, they say, okay, we're going to go to Castaway Cay for the day, and then we're going to have a sale day where we're sailing back to where or the next location or wherever. The Caribbean's not that big. A ship can get from point A to point B probably four or five hours. But then in the middle of the night, they just turn the engines off or they start swimming in a circle, right? And that same thing happens in the Mediterranean a lot. I noticed on a lot of these cruises, it doesn't take them an entire night to get over to the next place, but they'll just spin around for a little while.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Anchor?

[Brian Green]

Yeah, not anchor, but they'll float out there or they'll turn the engines off. They'll keep themselves in a certain direction, but they're going half a mile per hour. Right. And they're just kind of going out there. So a captain's really being a dick at 5:30 when he says, well, 5:30, 5:30, 1. Got to roll them up. You got plenty of time. I mean, it's not like you. You need, you know, if I don't get out by 5:30, I'm not going to be there by 5:30 in the morning the next day. No, but they stick to. I understand. You got a timeline. You got a timeline. You got to stick to it. I get it. And can we really inconvenience everybody? Everybody else wants to watch us sail away and be out in the ocean in the Mediterranean for two nudniks who spend a little extra time buying fake gold at the Moroccan, the Mallorcan, you know, gold factory or whatever it is. Yeah. And by the way, there's one in every port, so you're gonna be just fine. Go to Grand Bahama, pull up to that one. No, it's a bizarre.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

No, I do not. I have no interest.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, that's the thing is that, you know, in Jamaica, too, like, we went to Ocho Rios. It's the same thing. It's the same thing. When you get off the ship in Ocho Rios as it is, when you get off in the Grand Bahama as it is, when you get off wherever. And all the Caribbean ports, they're all the same. They're selling the same. Different people, but they're selling the same shit. You got to get a little beat off the. Get off. Yeah, we beat off. Beat off. Brian. Beat off the beat. Beat off the beaten track over there by the wacking tree. You got to go buy some weed from a Jamaican guy.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Yeah, that's a given.

[Brian Green]

That's a given.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

But, yeah, we had a driver. We'd already. We already knew him. He'd been recommended. He was a friend of a friend.

[Brian Green]

Did he get you weed and.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Brian Green]

Did he have weed with him? Yeah, it was like in the cab. Yeah, yeah, he was like.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

He was ready. Here it is. But yeah, once we got on the road, he had the beers and the weed for us. We were ready to go.

[Brian Green]

Yeah.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

We went over to Negril.

[Brian Green]

Lovely. Absolutely. Love. Didn't take me but 15 minutes to get myself in weed trouble in Jamaica.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

You got in trouble?

[Brian Green]

I got in a lot of trouble because I tried to give the guy $20 for, like, this much bud, and he ended up giving me an entire bud this big. Yeah. A stalk, a tree. He wanted to sell me the entire plant. That's right.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Didn't you have to go, like, in the back room of some tent?

[Brian Green]

Yeah. Imagine just, like, tents, like festival tents. You know, like temporary festival tents. A line of them. Imagine Shakedown street at a fish show or Grateful Dead show, or W. Per show. But imagine this goes on. It's in the Jamaican forest. So it's near these. What, these very famous waterfalls in Ocho Rios. And so there's trees over. It's just like a. Kind of a darkened place, but there's hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of tourists going in and out of these little temporary tents, buying knickknacks and trinkets. And so I go into one tent, and I don't know the first thing to ask, so I'm like, hey, you know, I'm doing this whole number. Yeah. And the guy's sitting behind the counter, he's looking at me, and he's like, you got a problem, man? You okay, man? And I'm like, hey, you know. Yeah. And he's like, you want some marijuana? And I'm like, this is Jamaica, man.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Yeah. It's not illegal.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. He goes, come on, brother. Come on. I take care of you. And then we go back into another tent that's behind that tent, into a third tent that's behind that tent. Now we're, like, in the. In the. I don't know. We're in the factory of the tents or something. We're back in the storage area, the bowels of the tent where they keep all the trinkets they got from China that they're going to sell you. Right. Boxes of them. And he. He opens up this, like, wicker basket, and I'm like. He's like. He's like, what you want, man? And I go, I don't know. 30? And he's like, 30? And I go, dollars. $30. Okay. I got you, brother. And he goes, you got something to put this in? And I. I take a cellophane off my cigarette pack, and I go like this. And he's like, you're going to need something bigger, brother. And I'm like, it's all I got. And he's like, we'll figure it out. He opens up the wicker basket and he pulls out a bud this big. It's like 2ft tall. And I'm like, oh, no, no, no. I was thinking like a little bit. This is a little bit, man. This is a little bit. What do you want? You said 30. I thought you wanted the basket. I look in the basket. It's just filled with bud. I mean, just. I'm like, oh, shit. By the way, I don't smoke weed. This wasn't for me. I didn't smoke weed at the time. I swear to God. It was not for me. Was not for me. So I. I managed to negotiate paying more for much less, you know. Well, here, let me give you 60. Can you cut it in half for me? I mean, I was such an idiot. I do that, put it in the cellophane, put it in my swimming suit. We go to the waterfalls. Or I put in my pants. Shorts. I take off my shorts, I put it in the locker room, put my swimming suit on, go to the falls, get out, put, you know, everything in a bag. We're still wearing our swimming suits. Put everything in a bag, get back on the ship. Three nights later, three days later, three nights later, purser comes on the. The cruise. Purser.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Okay.

[Brian Green]

On the tv, it just pops on. It's weird like that. That's how it happens on a cruise ship. Just pops on. Hey, it's Dave, your purser, and I'm so glad you joined us on your Carnival cruise. Didn't you have a good time? Weren't we all excited about Jamaica? So much fun. Now we all know what happens in Jamaica. Little ganja make you gotcha. You know what I'm saying? Little crazy, little crazy Jane, little Mary Jane. Wacky weed, Wacky wee. Wacky tobacco, as they call it. Now, when we're in international waters, there's certain laws we apply and don't apply to. Of course, it's not legal to have marijuana on our. On our boat, but sometimes people do make the mistake of bringing it back on the boat. I'm going to tell you now. Now, we're gonna be in American waters in less than six hours, and it's 1,000% illegal to have marijuana on your person. So I just go ahead right now and take care of that. You could throw it over the side of the boat, you flush it down the toilet, or do whatever you gotta do with it. And I'm like, oh, okay. Thanks, Dave. Thanks for the heads up.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

Because of the entire cellophane pack worth of Bud that we had. We still had the entire cellophane pack worth of bud left.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

A lot of it.

[Brian Green]

All of it. Yeah. I think we. I think someone took one hit of it and threw up and spent the rest of the day in strong. It was strong. And so I threw it out. That's what I did. I put it down. I put it down the toilet like. Like he said. I threw the cellophane away, put it down the toilet. Next day, get to the port, going up the very tall escalator to go from where the. Where you get off the boat. And then you got to go up the escalator into customs. And as I'm riding up the escalator, I see that there are two officers standing with a very beautiful German shepherd. And I think that German shepherd is my friend. I talk to the dogs. I'm a dog whisperer. I like that dog. Look at how cute that dog is.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

They say, don't talk to or talk or pet.

[Brian Green]

Oh, I went right up to it. I went right up to it.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

I'm a dog lover, too, but I.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, but it didn't take me. I didn't have to get halfway to it because it came to me. And then it sat down in front of me. Yes. And it gave me the paw. And I was like, oh, that's cute.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Which is the signal that these dogs.

[Brian Green]

Yes. 30 minutes later, I was getting an anal cavity search by a U.S. customs officer. You think I'm joking. I'm not. I was. To which my brand new wife thought was hilarious. I did not think it was so funny at the time, but, you know, it happens. Anyway.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

You took one for the team.

[Brian Green]

I did. I took one for the team. It took like, I. And I was. I never lied to them. I told them, you know, they. When they asked the question, I told them, yes, in Jamaica, I had some weed. Right. And they eventually got to the bottom of the dog's nose was. I was wearing the same pants I had put the cellophane of weed in. And the dog's nose was so sensitive that it had smelled the weed days after it had been in my shorts because I hadn't washed my shorts or anything like that. And then they went on to explain as they were taking every single thing out of my luggage and shaking it down and having the dog sniff through it. They went on to explain that this does happen pretty often, but that is just part of their job. And I said, okay. No, it's okay. Let's. You know, I gotta get going. Okay, see you later. And he said, one more thing. One more. You wouldn't have any, like, you wouldn't, like, stuff anything inside. And I'm like, like, my ass. And he was like, yeah, you wouldn't do that, would you? And I'm like, no, I wouldn't do that. He's like, you mind if I take a look? We'll go here. There's a private bathroom over here. So it's like two guy officers.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Spread them.

[Brian Green]

Yes. And I pull down my pants and I'm like, spreading my ass cheeks. And he's got a flashlight. He's like looking at the underside of my carriage. Most humiliating thing I've ever been through.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Oh, God. Cruises. You've completely turned off from them again.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. So anyway, if you want to join us for an anal cavity search and a cruise through the Mediterranean, we'll keep you posted on that.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

We'll bring the gloves.

[Brian Green]

That's right. All right. We got more to talk about, including why we have a bunch of stuffed animals here in the studio. We'll talk about that when we get back. You'll make this rather snappy, won't you? I have some very heavy thinking to do before 10 o'. Clock.

[Rachel (voice duties takeover)]

Hi, cats and kittens. Rachel here. Do you ever get the urge to speak endlessly into the void like Brian? Well, I've got just the place for you to do that. 212-4333. TCB. That's 212-433-3822. Feel free to call and yell all you want. Tell Brian I need a raise. Compliment Chrissy's innate ability to put up with all his shenanigans or tell us a little story. The juicier the better. By the way, we'd love to hear your. Your voice, because Lord knows we're done listening to ourselves. Also, give us a follow on your favorite socials at the commercial break on Insta TCB podcast on TikTok. And for those of you who like to watch. Oh, that came out wrong. We put all the episodes out on video, YouTube.com the commercial break, and tcbpodcast.com for all the info on the show. Your free sticker, or just to see how pretty we look. Okay, I gotta go now. I've got a date with my dog. No, seriously, Axel needs food. Today is pork chop day.

[Brian Green]

All right? Like three weeks ago. Well, maybe it's longer than that at this point. We got a message from one of our fans named Jen. It's a van listener. Sorry, I'm getting a little too sick of fantasy even for My own taste. We got a text message from a listener who asked for our PO Box so she could send us something. And I didn't know exactly what it was, but I. She started to explain that it was something that she was crocheting, I guess, is the way that you would put that. Knitting, crocheting. How would you say that?

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

And so eventually we checked the P.O. box because, you know, it's a P.O. box. You don't check it every day. It's not like it's right outside your house. So. But eventually we got to the PO Box and I wanted a chance to just share with the other listeners that Jenny, doll face as she is, has made us four separate crocheted stuff.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Beautifully crocheted.

[Brian Green]

Beautifully crocheted stuffed things. I don't know which. They're not animals. One is Lady Peesalot, which is in the shape of a pee drop. Yellow pee yellow with a smiley face on it. One is sir poops a lot, which is a brown poop with corn in it.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

There is corn.

[Brian Green]

One has a big F on it. F bomb. I'm imagining that's what that is. The F bomb.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Yeah, as a bomb.

[Brian Green]

And then the chill pillow, a nice lovely blue color. The chill pill it is. They are lovely. They are adorable. My children have been playing with them all day, asking exactly what they are. I told some of them what they are, but then the other ones, I just said, they're just fun. Have fun with them. So they've been throwing them around the house.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

They're super cute. Thanks, Jenny.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, you can see them on YouTube.com the commercial break. Maybe I'll make a post about it. No promises there because social media is not my strong suit. So no post there. But if you, if, if you would like your. I imagine that this is one of the things that one of the messages she would like us to convey. And I'm happy to do this. If you yourself would like one of these or something similar, text me 212-433-TCB and I will give you the information so that you can get a hold of her and maybe you can get your very own set of little plushies. Little stuffies, little crocheted stuffies. They. They are very adorable and very soft. I had to put them in the dryer because. Because she kindly alerted me that she has a home that might have cats in it. And since I'm deathly allergic to cats, it was nice of her to do that to go ahead and let me know that I might die when I take Them out.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Here you go.

[Brian Green]

Going to the post office to get that stuff is an experience because the box was too big to fit into the actual P.O. box. So I had to go and, you know, wait the line. Yeah. I do have to say the guy behind the counter was very, very efficient. But the lady in front of me seemed to be a Jamaican lady, if I'm. If I'm not mistaken, Jamaican lady. And she had a bag. And that bag, I could see, was leaking something. It was, like, gooey, right? And she kept, like, wiping the goo off, like, with her hand on the table. And I was like, oh, oh. And it had, like, a funky smell to it that I couldn't quite figure out. Like, was it food? Was it a essential oil? Was it something along those lines? So she gets up to the. The thing, and the guy grabs the bag and he's weighing it. And then he says to her, ma', am, there's something coming out of this. And she says, oh, no, no, no, no. It just. It fell in some stuff I had at the house, and it. You know, that's what it was. And he goes, okay. So he gets. He grabs a paper towel, he wipes it off. He starts fooling with the bag to put a sticker on and all this other stuff. And then. Then he. He holds it up, and it's, like, dripping this goo. And he's like, I think this is actually coming from the inside of the bag. Do you mind me asking what's inside?

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Right.

[Brian Green]

And she goes, well, I don't know. And he goes, you don't know what's inside the bag? And she goes, no, I'm mailing it for someone else. And he says, well, I think I'm gonna have to. Yeah. She goes. He goes, I think I'm gonna have to decline to mail this because. And then he points to the wall, no liquids, no liquids that are open. Open container liquids, nothing. That's what? Wet? And he says, you know, I can't take anything that's wet. Like, it's just not. It's against the rules. And she got very upset.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

This is a general rule. You should never be mailing anything that you don't know what's inside of it for someone else.

[Brian Green]

I think that's like, rule number one.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

I think so.

[Brian Green]

I mean, you know, I used to watch this Locked Up Abroad. Remember that? It was a thing for a while. I'm sure it's still on, but it was a thing for a while. It gave me great anxiety, but I did like to watch it. And I don't know why, it gave me great anxiety, but because I travel abroad sometimes I always feel like could be victim to this because I could easily see myself being at a bar one day and some guy is like, hey, I want to send you to Mallorca. And I'd be like, wow, Mallorca, all expenses paid. Because I like you, Brian. You're the kind of guy I like. And I show up there and I'm in some like five star hotel and then I got locked in a room with somebody, right, who's like you. You're not getting home unless you take this back. But when you do get home and you take this bag and you get to the other side of customs, I'll give you an extra $20,000. I could easily see myself falling for that. I'm dumb like that. But you know the one thing, like when I listen when I go to the airport and I hear them say, you know, please make sure you have packed your own bags. Do not take luggage for anyone else. I think to myself, really? Is anybody. Has anybody fallen for that lately?

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Yeah, yeah.

[Brian Green]

Like, I see the locked up abroad, but I'm pretty sure those people were complicit or at least understood what was going on at some point or another.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

But, right, they were in on it.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. Like, who doesn't pack their. I don't pack my own bags, but I trust my wife.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Yeah, you don't pack your own bag.

[Brian Green]

I trust my wife.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Right.

[Brian Green]

Like that's just rule number one. You got to know what's inside of your luggage. Like these people that get stopped and they have a gun with a bunch of bullets and the. And like, oh, I forgot, I forgot. You Forgot you had a 9 millimeter loaded. 9 millimeter in your suitcase. Like, I don't know if that's what you do for a living. Maybe. I guess if you're just so used to having a loaded 9 millimeter in your luggage, I suppose it's so dumb. I. I was reading about. This is an interesting segue. Something I did want to talk about was on my list. There's an influencer, supposed influencer. I looked at his Instagram. He had like 12,000 followers. So still more than the commercial break. Right, but if he's an influencer at 12,000, then we must be an influencer at 9.75 or something like that.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

We'll consider ourselves.

[Brian Green]

We'll consider ourselves tastemakers, if you will. Taste makers. I like that. Tastemaker. Two years after something. Be popular. Brian says, hey, did you hear about this. Yeah. So this dude, this influence, probably 20 something and he. Two days ago, as we're recording this, two days ago, got arrested in the Atlanta airport with £30 pounds of weed gummies. Oh, liquid THC, hashish, oil. Oil and actual green marijuana, like plants.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

He was loading up.

[Brian Green]

He loaded it up and he was going to. I don't know where he was going to.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Like out of the country.

[Brian Green]

He was going out of the country.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Oh, out of the.

[Brian Green]

God. He was going out of the country. He is such, I mean, honestly, like a real dipshit. Hold on one second.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Yeah, I mean it's one thing to go to Colorado and you come back with some gummies, but that's a lot for one, one and for two, you, you don't risk taking stuff out of the country or back into the country.

[Brian Green]

So I'm on the, I'm on a Reddit about this. A passenger arrested after Police allegedly discovered $3 million in drugs. It's never $3 million. It's $3 million if you sold it all individually. You know what I'm saying? Street price. Yeah. Okay, here's what you need to know. Traveler was arrested in Atlanta after officials found nearly $3 million worth of marijuana in his luggage. The 22 year old was un. En route to San Sao Paulo, Brazil, allegedly carrying over 50 pounds of narcotics earlier this year.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

That's like the limit for your bag.

[Brian Green]

That is. You had every inch of your bag with marijuana.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Yeah, I guess he just had one full bag.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. What was this guy's name? I'm trying to figure out the guy's name. Vance Randolph, a 22 year old en route to Sao Paulo was placed in custody after officials elected alleged they discovered drugs in his suitcase. Following the rest, Randolph was transported to Clayton county facing marijuana trafficking charges.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Yeah, that's definitely trafficking for sure.

[Brian Green]

From the search they found. Oh, excuse me. 12 pounds of THC wax, 34 pounds of hashish. 34 pounds of hashish, 4.6 pounds of marijuana and 1.2 pounds of pasty marijuana. Pasty marijuana? I've heard of a lot of kind of marijuana, but pasty, what's up with that? Why you got to be.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

It's in all four.

[Brian Green]

Why is it got to be a race thing? Tasty marijuana. Yeah. So Randolph is a supposed influencer online.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

It says. Suppose it.

[Brian Green]

It says supposed. Yeah. This is after police discovered early this year a 40 year old suspect attempted to board a fire flight to Atlanta when he was found to have 400 grams of cocaine taped to the underside of his wig. I love it. I love it. It's a genius. Yeah. I saw the pictures of this guy, by the way, earlier this year. The wig, he looked like Teresa Caputa. It was like unnaturally lifted off his head.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Yeah, that coke.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. Not to mention it's probably seeping into your brain and you're all sweaty. It's like sliding off your head. I would be so stressed out. So stressed out. I may or may not have one time been in Vegas. I may or may not have one time had edibles. I bought edibles. I told you this story. And I was like calling people for advice on what to do, and they were like, put it in your pocket.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Yeah, yeah.

[Brian Green]

They were like, whatever, dude. No one cares.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

No.

[Brian Green]

And I cared. I was so stressed out.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Small amount.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. I mean, we're talking like a package of them. I wasn't even. But he's like, put it in your whatever. And I was like, oh, okay. So, you know, I was reading this Reddit thing about this guy Vance Randolph, and he's not really an influencer, but he claims to be. He shows up showing off all of his, you know, fancy cars, and now we know how he got all that money. But, dude, you have to be a real fucking numb nuts to not even try and hide the fact that you got 50 pounds of marijuana in a bag that can only fit 50 pounds of stuff. Like, you're not trying to put anything else in there with it. Like, how about just carry the 34 pounds of hashisho, first of all. Second of all, you're going to Sao Paulo, Brazil. You don't think they have marijuana in Sao Paulo, Brazil? Of course they do now because it's legal here in some places. Do we have better weed? Maybe. I don't know. Maybe the good stuff comes from California and this dude just loaded up on it. But that's a lot of trips to the, the, to the weed, to the dispensary. Yeah, you can't buy £34, not at once. I think it's like a pound or a day.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

I think they monitor. I mean, they take your id. They do.

[Brian Green]

Oh, yeah. They take pictures of your id.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Yeah, There's a whole process.

[Brian Green]

They know how much you're buying and they know when you're buying it. And there's probably a system just like prescription drugs where if you buy too much in a certain amount of time, they, they decline you service. They say, sorry, you're. You've reached your limit. 34 pounds of pasty marijuana a month.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Mr. Green, I don't I don't recall having seen hashish being available in those dispensaries.

[Brian Green]

Never. No, that's concentrated marijuana. That's highly concentrated marijuana. I've smoked hash. That's a whole different animal right there. You better be ready to go to a different universe. Yeah. Night night. Opium. I used to like, we. There used to be, there used to be a guy that I knew. This is like way back when I was a teenager, late teens, there was a guy that I, I knew who had a connection for opium.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Yeah, I know. I remember seeing some friends, like not friends, but people that I was around.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, it was around. It was like making its way around for a couple of years there. You could just like get opiums relatively cheap. It was like $5 for a little ball of opium and we'd throw it on a bad, you know, bad, you know, cheap shitty weed. We throw it on there and we'd go fucking night night. Well, one time my friend concocted hashish and opium together and we would, we put it in a bowl and we smoked it. I was gone for three days. I honestly was in a different fucking universe. I didn't know what to think or do for a long time. I was crippled by this experience. Crippled by it because it was just too much. My body said it didn't know which way to go. I mean, it knew which way to go. Down. Shut down, Brian. Power down, Brian. But I'm in this Reddit post about this Vance Rather, Radolph Randolph, and people are talking about carrying marijuana on planes, domestically, like back and forth, you know, like weed gummies and stuff like that. And the universal answer, even from supposed people who worked at airport security, like TSA officers that are on this Reddit post, supposedly we don't give a shit.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Yeah, it's not looking for that.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, it's not legal. But that's not what we're looking for, right? If you have a pound of cocaine and we find out, we're going to tell the local police and they make a decision about what to do. Our job is to find stuff that's dangerous to carry on the planet. Bombs, weapons, whatever, weed, gummies or you know, your, your rattler with two extra Xanax in it. That's not something we care about. It's just not. We're never going to care about that. That's not our directive. And we're actually told it's none of our, that's not our business. Right. There's a gun or a knife or electronics that look suspicious. That is the Type of thing that we're going after, you know, they fucking swab a.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

And candles. I was taking a candle on a trip one time and they took out my candle and it was. It alerted something.

[Brian Green]

Oh, really? It alerted something?

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Yeah. You know, I get. You're sitting there waiting for your bag to go through the scanner and it came around the other side. Come over, step over here.

[Brian Green]

And a crystal meth and that. Yeah.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

It was my candle.

[Brian Green]

I was going on.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

They just checked for it. They didn't take it though.

[Brian Green]

Well, that's good. But I could see why they wouldn't want something that could burn on the plant. Oh, they swabbed it. Yeah, I've gotten alerted. I've gotten swabbed a number of times. I was going out at Ireland one time and we check in, we check our bags and then I get like this stamp on my ticket and the girl writes something on it like a 66217 or something like that. And she goes, you're going to be scratching screened additionally, so please make extra time to get.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

I've heard about that. The, the number thing that they do for extra screening.

[Brian Green]

And I said, oh, okay, any reasoning behind that? And she goes, I can't explain anything additional. Just make sure you make extra time. She was like really scary about it. And I was like, I looked at Astrid and I'm like, oh shit, what did I pay my light bill? I mean, what's going on here? And I did get pulled over for a lot of additional screening. Like they were swabbing my feed and you know, checking my ID and stuff like. Like that. But then I googled it and you know, there's a lot of conjecture online, you know, that means you're on some list or your name is similar to somebody else's or they're looking supposed to be random though.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Right.

[Brian Green]

But there were a lot of like, yeah, there were a lot of like attorneys who deal with immigration law and travel law who just said it can be random or it can be for a purpose. But the number that they put on there is different for every country and it's not always ways congruent with the reasoning. In other words, you could get a 226-7-7 and it could just be random. Or you get a 226-7 and it means they're looking for you. Yeah, it's a code. But if you're even allowed to get the ticket in the first place, it's likely you're not in too much trouble. Right? I mean, if they give you the ticket, that you know, they're not gonna. They're not playing hide and go seek with you, right? Let's see if he shows up, and then we'll arrest.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

So I felt better about that. But it did take me an extra, like, 10 minutes, 15 minutes to get through. And I never figured out why. I never really understood. I don't us too much of a Jamaican weed. It's my Jamaican weed. Or it's all the posts I'm making about Venezuela. One of the two. One thing's for sure, never going to Venezuela. At least not in this current administration. So. All right, let's take a break. We'll be back.

[Rachel (voice duties takeover)]

Okay. You're probably wondering why I, Rachel, have taken over the voice duties at tcb. It's pretty simple. Astrid asked me to shut Brian up, even for a minute. Well, lovely Astrid, your wish is my command demand. Do you want to help Astrid, too? You know you do. Leave a message for her or me or Chrissy at 212-4333, TCB. That's 212-433-3822. You can be on the show, too. Just call and say something, anything. Or text us, and we'll text you right back. Promise. Then head over to tcbpodcast.com and get your free sticker. It's your constitutional right to assume sticker, and we must abide. You get the point? Follow us on Instagram at the commercial break and watch all the episodes on [e-mail] the commercial break. Best to you and Astrid. Especially Astrid.

[Brian Green]

It's way old. What's that?

[Chrissy Hoadley]

I thought you said you sent him to her.

[Brian Green]

I did. Oh, yeah, I did. She. I just need to follow up. I need to ask again, but that's okay. Listen, hey, we're. We're talking about Rachel and. And actually, somebody has texted us now. Now they're on to it. They're like, how many days are going to be pork chop? Because by my count, the last 36. I was like, hey, listen, Axel's a spoiled dog. He is the best. Yeah, for sure. I wanted to talk a little bit about Love Island. Love island is not a show that I have kept up with or watched.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Me either, but my stepdaughter does.

[Brian Green]

Okay, tell me what she said.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

No, she's. She loves it. She's addicted to it, but she just needs to watch it every night because, you know, somebody gets voted off or the crazy things.

[Brian Green]

It's like five nights a week, isn't it?

[Chrissy Hoadley]

I think so.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, I think so, too. I don't really know, and we should be better about this because people. They have asked us if we'll accept people from Love Island. You have to be, like, on call to take them. Like, the next day.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

I told. I told her this, and she said she would help me. She would help us if we did get somebody.

[Brian Green]

Okay, listen, she wants to give us the rundown or come on and ask the questions. I don't know. But this year, it seems like it's reached a fevered pitch online and offline. And I think from my understanding, from my reading of the situation, there's a couple of different reasons. Apparently there were three girls, one of them Saria Papaya or Anaya Papaya or something. They call her Something Papaya, I guess, right? And a banana. I'm not sure. There's one of these girls who everybody really liked. And then she got into, like, kind of a clique and started bullying some of the other girls or one of the other girls about a relationship or something.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Oh, no.

[Brian Green]

And it turned very ugly, and it turned ugly online, and it turned ugly in the show. And it turned so ugly that the producers of the show felt it necessary during the second half of the season, which is over now, by. By the way, the second half of the season, they felt it necessary to put a disclaimer at the beginning of the show saying, please don't bully. Please don't bully. We don't like bullying. The cast doesn't like bullying, and you probably don't like bullying either. So let's keep it out of the conversation. And so I started. Oh, the print. Someone's printing something in the middle of my show. Thank you.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

It's Daniel.

[Brian Green]

Thank you. Hi. But I am. It is Daniel. It's for sure Daniel.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

This happened last time.

[Brian Green]

This happens every time he comes. Yeah, he just starts printing stuff while we're. The printer is, like, right next to the studio equipment. So if you hear that, I'm sorry, I apologize. They felt so strongly that this was getting out of control that they felt it necessary to address it, which is strange in and of itself. It tells you what a connection they have to the audience. But if you go and you start looking at some of the social media posts about Love island, you can see that this has clearly gotten out of control. One of the reasons why I think this has gotten out of control. Let me see if I can. I did a little research on this with Chat GPT earlier. You and Chatty, me and Chad. Good. I rail against it on air. I use it all the time off air. So Love island season seven. Oh, okay, here. Love Island's drama spills off screen. Okay. And here. Yeah, here's the other thing that I wanted to say is that that Call Her Daddy has now gotten involved.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Oh, really? Alex.

[Brian Green]

Alex.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

She's kind of a dating show I saw that's coming out.

[Brian Green]

Oh, she is. Call Her Daddy, huh? Wow. Alex Cooper. She has really? And did you know that Call Her Daddy was a show with two hosts?

[Chrissy Hoadley]

At first I did not.

[Brian Green]

And the second host was dropped from the show. Left the show. Dropped from the show or whatever. Now that girl has her own show show and she is spilling some tea regarding all of this. I don't know. I'm not going to listen. I like call. I like Alex. I think Alex has done a wonderful job. A rising tide floats all boats. And by any stretch of the imagination, she has raised the level of consciousness about podcasting 10x. And just like Rogan did, just like Serial did, just like a lot of other pods, Smartless, like a lot of other podcasters that are doing great things in the space, expanding the reach and the audience that's available to us now, unfortunately they don't actually come to us, but that's okay. We'll take it. Huda Mustafa was reportedly dropped from the call heard from Call Her Daddy's podcast in favor of Love Island Season 7 Winder Season 7 Winners Amaya Papaya and Brian sparking fans backlash online line. Despite not winning, many believe Huda deserves the spotlight for her raw journey and impact on the season. Love Island Season 7 may have ended with love and confetti, but the post villa drama is proving to be just as intense. While winners Amaya, Papaya and Brian took home the $100,000 prize and fan favorite pairs like Nick and Alondrio left on a high note. All eyes have now turned into what's happening off camera. Camera. The islanders are slowly returning to their regular lives, doing interviews, hopping on podcasts and reflecting on their time inside the villa. But fans of Huda were shocked to learn she may have been swapped from last minute from Alex Cooper's Call Her Daddy podcast in favor of Amaya Huda. According to a viral TikTok posted, Huda was originally scheduled for an exclusive interview with Call Her Daddy. The Tiktoker claims an insider revealed that Alex had locked in Huda for her first sit down. But once the finale air and the winners were crowned, plans changed. Allegedly, Alex Cooper made a switch, trading Huda's exclusivity rights in favor of Amaya and Brian, likely seeing More potential in having the winning couple on the show. The same tiktoker claimed that interview rights were passed to podcaster and former Bachelor star Nick Viall, who will now host her first official post show interview. The last minute nature of the swap has sparked outrage from fans who feel Huda, despite not winning, winning the deserved platform, despite not winning, deserve the platform more than Amaya. All right, well, congrats to Nick Vile on the big get. Nick, of course, has made his own way in the world by really living in that reality show vibe. He gets all of the hot guests to come on his show. I know Nick. I know. That's all I'll say. I know Nick and I say congratulations to all his success too. Listen, this is just the nature of podcast casting. I don't think Alex did anything necessarily wrong and I'm sure it wasn't 100% her call. Like. And what do I mean by that? What I mean by that is there's probably a whole PR machine with Alex. Producers, talent, bookers, agents and agencies that negotiate these kind of conversations. And the Love island winner was probably negotiated long before the season started. Started Call Her Daddy probably had that.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

That they would get the winner.

[Brian Green]

Yes, correct that. I want the exclusive deal with who? Whoever wins. And of course Love island to be an idiot not to give it to her. This was probably booked long in advance. It probably had nothing to do with anything. But people thought Huda should win. So everybody thought Huda was going to go sit in that chair. But when she didn't win. And Amaya Papaya, who people have kind of railed against, against. This is the same girl who I said went from like 10,000 followers to a million and a half followers in a very short order. And people were questioning whether or not that could even be possible. I think it probably can, actually.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

That show's very popular.

[Brian Green]

Very popular. But Nick Viles knows slouch himself and he'll do a good job with Huda. And this makes all the sense in the world. It'd be like, let's take Conan o' Brien in the commercial break. Okay. Just like. And you know, I know we knock ourselves a lot here. We're very self effacing because honestly, we don't believe in our own success and we have imposter syndrome to the X degree. Yeah. But let's say Conan o' Brien and call and the commercial break, we will get same. Some of the same guests. But if it's a choice with an agent between Conan o' Brien and the commercial break.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

They're going to Conan o'. Brien.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Yes.

[Brian Green]

Conversely, right, Is if you have a hit show and you're agreeing to send your people to a show, right, you're going to send the winner to Conan o'. Brien. You're going to send the other folks to the commercial break. That's just the way that it is. And it's probably pre negotiated long before the winner is ever announced. So I say all this to say that Alex should get a little bit of a break here because the winner is the winner for a reason. They won the contest. It's time for them to get their spotlight too. Regardless of whether you like them or not, Alex wants the winner on her show and that's what she negotiated. If Huda was such a hot item, maybe Alex could have gotten her too. But Huda probably said, I want my own show, I want to do my own. I don't want to play second fiddle to Amaya Papaya again. I, I lost to her and now I want to go on second on Call Her Daddy. No, I'll go to Nick File show, which is also extremely popular. So I think this is just kind of the way the world works. I don't think there's anything nefarious going on here. Even though you'd look in those social media comments and you would think that there's a grand conspiracy against Huda and for a Maya Papaya. Just don't think it works like that. That's my own personal opinion. I'm just sharing like a little bit. I'm breaking down the fourth wall a little bit here on the commercial break because, you know, we also get these kind of like when they said, do you want to have a Maya Papaya? And Brian on. I said, I just don't think it's right for the show. I don't think those million. Not a good fit. I don't think. I don't think those millions of new listeners. I don't think I want. Yeah, I don't want them. I don't want them anymore. Just like Trump saying, I don't want the Epstein people anymore. I don't want them. I don't want them anymore. Do you read that one? I mean, this is getting wild.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

It really is wild. It is. There's a big hubbub.

[Brian Green]

Reminds me of an old.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

There's minutes missing from the tape and they were gonna release it and then they didn't. I, I'm, I'm waiting to see what happens in the end before I really.

[Brian Green]

Me too. And I have never, you Know me, I'm like not an anti conspiracy theorist, but I tend to believe what I see, what I hear to be true, what I under what I feel is true based on my own research and what's available. And I think Epstein was probably an apex predator of epic proportions. And I think there's a lot of people who probably played that game with him. I don't know if there's a list necessarily, but I bet there's lots of evidence of people who would have been on the list. And it seems really weird that this was the, like this is the thing we run on and now all of a sudden forget about it. It was a Democratic. It was the Dems, it was Obama, Russia, Russia, Russia. It was Obama, Russia, Russia, Russia. Listen, it reminds me of the old ancient proverb about the snake about the boy who became friends with a snake. Every day they would play with the snake and the snake would play with him and they would have fun together. Little snakey and little baby boy running around the jungles and having fun. Little like a snake and a boy do sometime. And then one after afternoon, the boy got a little too close to the snake and the snake bit him. And as the boy laid there dying, he said, what happened? Why did you bite me? I'm dying. I thought we were friends. And the snake said, I am a snake.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

It's in my nature.

[Brian Green]

It's in my nature. So be careful what you wish for because this is what happens. That guy will turn on anybody. And by the way, there's a lot of politicians like this, right, left and center. Yeah. But there's just one with the loudest mouth. So anyway, I know that some people don't like it when we talk politics. I just find it really fat. Not even not funny. Not. I'm not, I'm not joyful about it because there is a like an apex predator involved here. And I think the fact that he is the only one, whoever is going to get in trouble for this and that Ghislaine Maxwell or whatever her name is, who will probably get out of jail by the way, probably will not spend the 20 years that she, she got in prison because she will probably cut a deal or be pardoned, mark my words on that one. After people go to sleep on this, the reality is Epstein hung out with a lot of people.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Yeah, a lot of high profile rich people.

[Brian Green]

Prince Andrew, Bill Clinton, Alan Dershowitz, Donald Trump. Lots of people in Hollywood. Hollywood. So he, Epstein was the only one that was hanging out with those young girls. He was the only One that was doing things with those young girls. Fuck that. That's not believable. It's not a believable story. And they're trying to sell it as if we're all a bunch of, you know, fucking sycophants for not buying the bullshit. All of the administrations who have helped to cover this up, by the way, not just the Trump administration, but we must point out that the Trump administration that put him in jail, it's the Trump administration where he died, quote, unquote, by unaliving himself. And it's the Trump administration who now has the files or whatever information is available and won't let it out of the bag. I'm not saying this is like we need to spend the every waking moment of our governmental day paying attention to this, but there are a lot of people who would like to know, would like to see some people be held responsible for. For this. And now we're just gonna all go away because it was the Democrats. The Democrats.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Yeah. Just forget about it.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. Okay. Anyway, that's all I'm ever going to say about Jeffrey Epstein, but I just. I just wanted you to know that I am aware I'm not a dum dum. And probably by the time this thing airs, there will be seven other developments in this.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

I know something happens every day. Yeah.

[Brian Green]

If it sounds like I'm like, a little bit behind the times, it's because we may or may not be on vacation and I may or may not be recording this a little bit ahead of time as we do. You heard it here last, folks.

[Rachel (voice duties takeover)]

That's.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

We gotta stick to that.

[Brian Green]

Yeah.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Consistency is key.

[Brian Green]

Yes. Anyway, all that said, if. If what is available is going to re. Victimize people, then I think you do have to be careful. And I think you also have to be careful that you don't release some, like, innocuous list of people who ever did business, were on a plane, hung out with, and those people automatically become guilty by association. So I think there does need to be a daft touch. But now that now they're understanding, you can't just scream at the top of your lungs on a podcast that everything's a conspiracy. Then you get in charge and you realize, oh, maybe not everything's a conspiracy because I'm a snake. It's in my nature. All right. 212-4333. TCB 212 43333. TCB.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

From cruises to snakes.

[Brian Green]

From cruises, snakes to the Epstein Files. Love island of Maya Papaya. We're doing it all. Love Island. Call her daddy. Your vial files. We know our here at the commercial break. Cocaine in your suitcase. We know about all of it. I'm watching all of you. I'm tracking your airplanes in your cruise ship.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

You are?

[Brian Green]

I am. I was watching all the All Star planes coming into pdk. It was fun.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Oh, yeah. Nationals won. It's great.

[Brian Green]

That's right. I thought it was on Saturday. Then all of a sudden was on last night.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

No.

[Brian Green]

So I was wrong.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Kind of ramped stuff up over the weekend.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, yeah. It was like the weekend and stuff. Anyway, that was last week. So again, right on top of it last week. As you're listening to this all right at the commercial break on Instagram, help us get to 10,000 because I think if we're not there already, we could be there in just the next day or two. You can help us at the commercial break. Do it. YouTube.com the commercial break for all the episodes on video the same day they air here on the audio. It's available to you. Go watch all of our guest episodes. You can check out our little plushies from Jenny. One big more. One more big thank you to Jenny for taking the time to send us these lovely gifts. You too can send us lovely gifts. Text us. I'll give you our P.O. box. Tcpodcast.com the audio, the video and your free sticker all available right there on the URL. Okay, Chrissy, that's all I can do for now.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

I think so.

[Brian Green]

I'll tell you that I love you. Best to you. Best to you out there in the podcast universe. Merch drop coming soon. Until next time we will see say we do say and we must say goodbye. Sam.