The Commercial Break – "Cruising For a Cavity Search!"
Released: July 23, 2025
Hosts: Bryan Green & Krissy Hoadley
Episode Theme:
Bryan and Krissy riff on the weirdness of cruises, getting arrested over weed, cruise ship shenanigans, Love Island drama, podcast booking politics, true crime tangents, and wild stories about customs, travel, and listener gifts.
Episode Overview
This episode is a classic TCB blend of chaotic, offbeat banter as Bryan and Krissy consider launching a TCB cruise, swap hilarious and harrowing cruise stories (including Bryan’s infamous “cavity search”), unpack reality TV drama and influencer weirdness, and respond to both listeners' crafts and bizarre postal encounters. The duo's signature, self-aware humor and fondness for conversational tangents shine through, creating an episode that feels like eavesdropping on two (slightly unhinged) best friends.
Key Discussion Points & Memorable Moments
1. Listener Rant Song & Show Self-Awareness
- [00:01] Kicks off with a tongue-in-cheek, musical "review" trashing TCB ("TCB is terrible. This show is fucking bad. I'd like to punch Brian in the mouth.")
- Tone: Irreverent and self-deprecating, setting the mood for “just FINE” podcasting.
2. TCB Cruise Plans & The Realities of Cruising ([02:05]–[10:47])
Cruise Deals and Skepticism
- Bryan and Krissy discuss the sudden, shockingly cheap cruise prices found by Krissy’s travel-agent friend:
- "14 day cruises for $600 for the cabin. The cabin." (Bryan, [03:53])
- Inclusion of food, drink, shore excursions, and specialty dining.
Cruise Addicts, Retirement Cruises, and Big Thinking
- Bryan riffs on people who live on cruise ships, floating retirement homes, and why mega-concepts like “The Line” never materialize.
- "There are four year cruises, 10 year cruises, there are lifetime cruises where you just pay every month like rent, like $2,000 a month." (Bryan, [05:31])
Port Dynamics & Tourist Traps
- The hosts poke fun at cruise tourism:
- "Any major ports... there are entire ecosystems of people that want to separate you from your euros or wherever it is, your rupees... It's the same T shirts at every port. They buy them from the same Chinese company. It's the same fake jewelry and Fendi bags." (Bryan, [07:53])
Missing the Boat – Cruise Ship Departures
- Amusing account of cruise passengers missing the boat ("nudniks"):
- “The horn is honking for an hour... at the first horn, there’s like five, 10 people running up to the ship. It’s quite a bit of people, actually... And then the ten minute warning... then you got another three or four stragglers.” (Bryan, [13:59])
- "There's usually a representative of some sort, like a port authority... people are clapping, they're cheering, they're waving goodbye." (Bryan, [15:30])
- Krissy wonders if you can buy your way back onto a ship in motion: "Yeah, you can't meet back up?" ([15:41])
Bryan: "No, no, no, no. Big no. No, you can't, you can't jump onto a moving cruise. That's for pirates and the Coast Guard." ([15:49])
Tracking Cruise Ships For Fun
- Bryan discusses tracking cruise ships and planes for fun (and his kid’s obsession with Disney Cruise ships).
- "I have an app called Marine Traffic on my phone because of course I do track. Yeah, I track, I like to track the planes." ([17:09])
3. Cruise Ship Weed Mishap (Bryan’s "Cavity Search" Story) ([20:12]–[27:53])
Buying Weed in Jamaica — Comedy of Errors
- Bryan describes buying weed in Jamaica through a convoluted tent system:
- "He opens up the wicker basket and he pulls out a bud this big. It's like 2ft tall. And I'm like, oh, no, no, no. I was thinking like a little bit." ([22:24])
Accidental Trafficking & Cruise Ship Announcement
- Cruise Purser warns over the intercom:
- "We all know what happens in Jamaica. Little ganja make you gotcha... Now... it's 1,000% illegal to have marijuana on your person. So I just go ahead right now and take care of that. You could throw it over the side of the boat, you flush it down the toilet..." ([24:16])
The Infamous Cavity Search
- Bryan’s shorts, still carrying weed scent, prompt a sniffer dog and a thorough customs search:
- "And then it sat down in front of me. Yes. And it gave me the paw. And I was like, oh, that's cute... 30 minutes later, I was getting an anal cavity search by a U.S. customs officer." ([26:05]–[26:24])
- “Most humiliating thing I’ve ever been through.” (Bryan, [27:41])
Krissy: "You’ve completely turned me off from cruises again." ([27:53])
4. Listener Gift: Crocheted Plushies ([29:24]–[31:48])
- A fan, Jenny, sends in intricate crocheted stuffed items: Lady Peesalot, Sir Poopsalot (with corn), an F-bomb, and the Chill Pill.
- Krissy: “They’re super cute.” ([30:58])
- Bryan: “They are lovely. They are adorable. My children have been playing with them all day, asking exactly what they are...” ([30:36])
- Listener call-out: Jenny is open to making more for fellow listeners; fans encouraged to text for details.
5. Postal Weirdness: Leaky Bag at the Post Office ([31:50]–[33:30])
- Bryan tells of a Jamaican woman mailing a mysterious, leaking bag.
- Krissy: "You should never be mailing anything you don’t know what’s inside of it for someone else." ([33:30])
- Reminisces about "Locked Up Abroad" anxiety and mock fear of becoming an unwitting mule.
6. Trafficking Takedowns & Domestic Travel With Weed ([35:05]–[43:43])
Influencer Arrested: 50lbs of Weed to Brazil
- They discuss the Atlanta airport arrest of a supposed influencer, Vance Randolph, with massive quantities of weed products en route to Brazil.
- “...had every inch of your bag with marijuana.” ([37:44])
- “You have to be a real fucking numb nuts to not even try and hide the fact that you got 50 pounds of marijuana in a bag that can only fit 50 pounds of stuff.” (Bryan, [39:57])
- Krissy notes, “I don’t recall having seen hashish being available in those dispensaries.” ([41:17])
Hashish Memories & Airport Security
-
Bryan and Krissy recall hashish, opium, and how TSA is (supposedly) indifferent to weed gummies but cares about bombs and weapons.
-
"Weed, gummies or... your rattler with two extra Xanax... That's not something we care about. It's just not. We're never going to care about that. That's not our directive." (Bryan, [43:04])
-
Krissy: “I was taking a candle on a trip one time and they took out my candle and it was... It alerted something.” ([43:43])
7. Podcast Guest Booking Drama: Love Island & Call Her Daddy ([47:44]–[57:22])
Love Island’s Off-Screen “Bullying” Fallout
- Social media drama erupts; the show airs disclaimers about bullying due to fan backlash.
- "The producers... felt it necessary to put a disclaimer... please don't bully. We don't like bullying..." (Bryan, [48:50])
Booking Moves: Huda vs. Amaya Papaya
- Breakdown of how the Call Her Daddy podcast (Alex Cooper) swapped its interview slot from Huda (a fan favorite) to winner Amaya, causing fan outrage.
- "This is just the nature of podcast casting... There's probably a whole PR machine with Alex..." (Bryan, [54:21])
- "If it's a choice with an agent between Conan O'Brien and the Commercial Break... they're going to Conan O'Brien." (Bryan, [55:36])
8. True Crime Detour: Epstein Files & Conspiracies ([57:27]–[61:35])
- Krissy and Bryan riff on the ongoing muddle and cover-ups around the Jeffrey Epstein investigation, files, and possible pardons, with the take that all high-profile admin parties are culpable.
- "I think Epstein was probably an apex predator of epic proportions. And I think there's a lot of people who probably played that game with him... He was the only one that was doing things with those young girls. Fuck that. That's not believable." (Bryan, [60:00])
- Calls out the tendency for political blame-shifting and the absurdity of conspiracy thinking: “If what is available is going to re-victimize people, then I think you do have to be careful...” (Bryan, [61:37])
9. Final Tangents, Wrap-Up, and Social Plugs ([62:26]–[end])
- Promises of more wild TCB topics to come, references to tracking All-Star game planes, and thank-yous to Jenny for the gifts.
- Encouragement to follow on Instagram and get a free sticker from the website.
Notable Quotes
-
On cruise ship deals:
“14 day cruises for $600 for the cabin... and food included, and drink included, all. And a shore excursion.”
— Bryan Green & Chrissy Hoadley ([03:53]–[04:13]) -
On missing the cruise ship:
“There’s 15, 20 nudniks running on the ship... And then... people getting impatient for the light to turn so they can do the crosswalk and they're waving.”
— Bryan Green ([13:59]) -
On getting cavity searched:
“30 minutes later, I was getting an anal cavity search by a U.S. customs officer. You think I’m joking. I’m not.”
— Bryan Green ([26:24]) -
On weed busts:
"You have to be a real fucking numb nuts to not even try and hide the fact that you got 50 pounds of marijuana in a bag that can only fit 50 pounds of stuff."
— Bryan Green ([39:57]) -
On podcast guest politics:
“If it's a choice with an agent between Conan O'Brien and the Commercial Break... they're going to Conan O'Brien.”
— Bryan Green ([55:36]) -
On conspiracy thinking:
“It's in my nature. So be careful what you wish for because this is what happens. That guy will turn on anybody. And by the way, there's a lot of politicians like this, right, left and center.”
— Bryan Green ([59:03])
Timestamps for Major Segments
- 00:01 – Listener roast song/parody
- 02:05–10:47 – Cruise deals and cruise culture deep-dive
- 13:51–15:41 – Stories of people missing cruise ship departures; ship tracking
- 20:12–27:53 – Bryan’s hilarious weed-in-Jamaica to cavity-search misadventure
- 29:24–31:48 – Listener’s crocheted TCB plushie gifts
- 31:50–33:30 – Leaky bag/post office tale and “Locked Up Abroad” anxiety
- 35:05–43:43 – Influencer weed bust, hashish reminiscing, and TSA’s real priorities
- 47:44–55:39 – Love Island drama, podcast guest moves, Call Her Daddy breakdown
- 57:27–61:35 – Epstein files, political blame, and the folly of grand conspiracies
Summary for the Uninitiated
In this episode, Bryan and Krissy bring their irreverent, discursive style to a heady stew of topics—from dreaming of launching a (probably poorly planned) TCB cruise, to surviving customs cavity searches after Jamaican weed mishaps, to dissecting reality TV hysteria and podcasting’s cut-throat guest wars. Along the way, they salute creative fans, lampoon tourist traps, swap tales of influencer idiocy, get briefly serious about true crime coverups, and keep the jokes coming. If you want to understand why listeners feel like they’re hanging with friends who might accidentally get you arrested overseas, this episode is a near-perfect example—equal parts travel nightmare, pop culture circus, and self-effacing comedy.