A (2:02)

No.

B (2:02)

And others are soon to follow. It is believed. And let me explain why. Let me read the story to you. Okay.

A (2:08)

Yeah.

B (2:08)

Okay. On the heels of pornhub blocking access to Texas based users following the state's age verification law for adult content, other websites could soon follow pornhub's parent company, ILO A Y L O a lo. Yeah. Okay. Disabled services in Texas. On Thursday, after the 5th U.S. circuit Court of appeals ruled in favor of a law that requires them to verify that Users. Users are 18 years of age or older. Other sites may choose to do the same, particularly sites that are not necessarily for adult content. Texas Attorney General Ken Paxton is looking for somebody to make an example of. And I would suspect that other websites you wouldn't necessarily necessarily think of as porn sites should be worried. This guy Christopher Terry said. According to Terry X, Reddit and Tumblr could also be subject to the law since adult content is available on those platforms. So what happened is the Texas legislature passed a law, also known as HR 1181, that basically says that it's the responsibility of the websites to verify the age of the user and not just in a way like, are you 18 or older? Yeah, of course, that's easy to get around. And so now what they have to do is they actually have to verify via state ID or driver's, take a picture with themselves. You know how you go to some, like, banking services and stuff like that, and they want to verify your. You're actually who you say you are by sending in your driver's license.

A (3:33)

Yeah.

B (3:33)

Now you've got to do that for porn.

A (3:35)

Okay.

B (3:36)

And in the state of Texas. And so now what they're. As I adjust the TV from falling off the wall. And now what they're saying is that other sites that are not necessarily porn sites, but do have adult content on occasion, like.

A (3:48)

Right.

B (3:48)

Like they said, Twitter and, and Tumblr and. And Reddit may have to follow suit because it's an enormous cost and an enormous lift to make sure that everyone is 18 that gets on your sites. Not to mention, it's just a pain in the ass. Like, right when I want to whack off, I want back off. Now. I don't want to wait for someone to verify that I'm 18 years old. Do you know what I'm saying?

A (4:07)

Yeah.

B (4:07)

I mean, think about this. Like, I am going to go other places to find my porn if someone is asking me to put up my driver's license. Not to mention, do I really want everybody knowing that I'm into, you know, ass cheating or, you know, gerbil porn. I don't want anybody to know that. I want my porn as private as possible, and I don't want my driver's license attached to that pornography.

A (4:31)

Yeah.

B (4:31)

Now, lucky for me, I'm at the age where I don't. I was born at a time when the Sears catalog was about the best porn you were going to find if you were 18 under 18 or not.

A (4:41)

Yeah.

B (4:41)

And so, you know, for me, I'm not like a super duper, like, porn movie kind of guy. I never really have been.

A (4:48)

Yeah.

B (4:49)

Because I think just during my formative years, it wasn't available to me. It wasn't readily available. Like, you didn't. I couldn't bring in a VHS into that. Where in the. Would I get it anyway? Right. So how was I going to get porn into the house? I wasn't going to get born into the house. So you just looked at what was available. Right. The Sears Catt catalog bra section. Oh, my God.

A (5:08)

Victoria's Secret.

B (5:09)

When that started coming, that was like a dream come true. A wet dream come true. Because in my. My mom was not into Victoria's Secret, so she would throw the catalogs away. Even though they were peppering them all over the place, she would throw them away. But I always knew when the Victoria's Secret catalog was in house and in the garbage. And I don't care if there was dog on that. I would clean it off and I would run it upstairs and I would hide it under my mattress. Now that I'm a father, I'm like. That's the like. Of course it's under the mattress. I used to put everything under the mattress. Weed, lighters, cigarettes, everything. Yeah. Small animals. I mean, I did every. I literally hit him. A rat under my bed one time for like three months. Yes. Until my dad found out. I went to the. Listen. What? I don't know what this has to do with Texas pornhub, but I'm going to tell you the story anyway. I had. When I was like 15, 16 years old, I started running around with a couple of young ladies that I will never forget. There's a big influence on my life at that time. And these young ladies were hippie to the core. They were like Deadhead hippies. I mean, however Deadhead you can be at 15 years old, I think what they really were was interested in the lifestyle, the ethos, all that other stuff.

A (6:27)

Yeah, that makes sense.

B (6:28)

Yeah. I don't think they ever went to a Dead concert in their life, but I think they were interested in. In the lifestyle. And so style, they were tape swapping. And I kind of fell for one of these girls. And then so these two specific young ladies that I was hanging out with all the time, so I ended up going to like a fish show or something with them. My first fish show. Right. And it was like I was literally, no pun intended, a fish out of water. Here I am, Big Doc Martens. Stupid hoop fucking jeans, you know, God damn chain on my belt. I'm walking around and everybody else is the opposite of what I am. I'm like a go to the Jane's Addiction kind of concert kind of guy. Not go to the Go to the fish show. But because I liked these two girls, I wanted to see what the scene was all about.

A (7:09)

Of course.

B (7:10)

And what I saw in that parking lot surprised me and made me happy. Drugs readily available. But I was, like, so scared of everything that was going on. I was, like, nervous to be in this environment because I didn't know how to act. I didn't know what to do. I didn't know the verbiage. I didn't know the lingo. It was my first time. Hoadly, you always remember your first.

A (7:26)

That's right.

B (7:26)

And what I do remember is that there were some people that had. Because they couldn't take dog. You know, dogs are expensive. Cats you can't have on the fish show. I mean, what are you gonna do with a cat? You know, it's like, I don't know. The cats do their own thing. So some people had dogs, but a lot of people had exotic pets. One of the things that I saw, like, I don't. I'm gonna guess. I don't really know.

A (7:47)

I didn't even know that was a thing. I've seen the dogs, of course, but.

B (7:50)

I saw people with birds. I saw some people with snakes. Of course, there's always that one idiot in the crowd that's got a python wrapped around his neck, you know, always like, choking him just a little bit, and he's like. And it's like, no, dude, I don't. I've never seen anybody all twisted up on acid. And now you want me to hold your python? No. And by the way, it's killing you. Oh, it's fine. It's friendly. Your snake is friendly, really. But what I did see more than any of the other exotic animals was rats. There were a lot of people that had pet rats, and they would sit on their shoulder and, you know, they would have them in their hand and they'd be playing with them. It was a thing. Like a thing for a minute there back in the mid to late 90s, whenever I was that age. So Brian, in an effort to be cool with all the rest of the kids, thought, hey, listen, a rat. How much? How hard could that be? So I go to the pet store with one of these young ladies, and I pick out a rat, and his name is Willie. Willie the Rat. Right. Okay. So now I got Willie the rat, and I put him in my bed. I get a little box. I put all the little fluffy stuff in there. I give him a little bit of food and a little bit of water, and I slide it under my bed. And I'm living upstairs on the same level as my father, alone, because Kevin's down in the basement. Well, this rat went unnoticed, probably. I mean, maybe it wasn't three months. Maybe it was like a month, month and a half. But this rat, it would just. I just put the top on the. On the box. And the thing was awesome. Never bit through, never chewed or anything. And then when I got home, I'd take him out. He'd run around me. Yeah. I'd play around with him. He'd run around. And then, you know, when I went to the shows or hung out with people, I would, you know, bring Willie, and Willie would just.

A (9:20)

There you go. You were fitting in.

B (9:21)

He would literally sit on my shoulder. Loved him. Loved Willie the rat. He was awesome. Then one day I come home and Willie's gone. And I'm like, where. What the fuck? Where's the box? Oh, shit. Dad knows.

A (9:37)

Yeah.

B (9:38)

So I make that long walk down this very long hallway to the other end of the house where my dad's office is. And I know. And I know. I know exactly what's gonna happen. Of course, my dad is not. Like, everyone's scared of their dad at some point, you know, the dad's gonna. And dad. My dad was like that. Like, you had to go into his office. He wanted you to sit in the chair. He wanted to tell you what's what. And so I was like, oh, shit. What am I gonna say about the fucking rat? Right? And so I walk in, and there on the desk is the box with the rat top on. And I come in, and it's like, my dad's just waiting for me. He's like, well, two things. There is no such thing as a pet. Rat number two will not live in this house. How long have you had this? And I was like, oh, a couple days. Bullshit. And I said, dad, it's just been a couple days. Your brother told me you've had it for a month and a half. Kevin and I had a little friendly rivalry. Rivalry going on when we were kids. And I said, dad, but I got the rat. I've had it. Like, it's my friend now. My pet. It's my thing. I've been taking care of it. He's like, fuck. We've had a dog for 12 years, and you've yet to once pay attention to it. And now you got a pet rat. It is your best friend. And I said, dad is not hurting anything. Look at it. It's just sitting in the box. It's not doing anything, you know? And I go look at it. And I went to go take the top off, and my dad slammed the top down, and he goes, I don't want to see it. I don't want to hear it. I don't want to look at it. It's got diseases. It carries. You got. Motherfucker. God damn. Get it out of the house. And I'm like, dad, please don't make me. Don't make me give away. Free Willy.

A (11:23)

Free Willy.

B (11:24)

Free Willy. Don't. Free Willy. Dad, don't. Free Willy, please. He's my friend. This house is a mess. I need some friends. So, unbelievably, my dad agrees to the following stipulations. This is like a negotiation going on back and forth right between us. And I finally say, what if I keep him in the garage? Because the garage is attached to the house, and it's got this cat, it's got these large closets on the back of the thing. And the closets are big and they're deep. And I said, what if I make a little space for Willie in one of the closets that we don't use? And he says, you clean out the entire garage. You organize the cabinets, you cut the grass, and you clean the floor of the garage. And then we'll talk about putting Willie in the garage. So I did it over the weekend. I did it, and then I said, can I please keep Willie in the garage? And he said, if that rat gets out, if that rat causes trouble, if anybody in this house gets sick, I don't care from what. It's because of Willie. And Willie is going, and I don't care what you do with Willie, but he's not staying here. Well, it didn't last long because Willie, who had done nothing but sit in that box for a month and a half until I got it out and took it on, you know, took it to widespread panic shows with me, decided that my. It was cold outside, and my mom was smoking a cigarette out in the garage like sometimes we would do because it was warm in the garage. She was smoking cigarettes in the garage, and someone had cracked the little. Little closet door open just a little bit. And Willie was hanging out with my mom. And my mom didn't like that. She did not like the rat. And God bless her. I mean, yeah, she. She had a lot to deal with at that time. And a rat was probably not good for her psyche. Right? But that rat was, like, apparently tried to come and, like, hang out with my mom. It was probably just trying to get warm. It was like. Yeah, my mom screams and yells, you know, whatever.

A (13:17)

Did she know Willie was in there?

B (13:19)

I don't know, because my mom may have been at the hospital. I don't remember how that all went down. It's. You know, I don't know if she.

A (13:25)

Was, like, totally surprised.

B (13:27)

No, I think she probably.

A (13:28)

There was an inkling.

B (13:29)

Yeah, I think she probably knew, but I think at this surprised her in a way that, you know, you don't.

A (13:34)

Want to be surprised.

B (13:35)

Yeah. I mean, think about it. For me, too. Even though I had a pet rat, I do not want to see them in my house. Right. You know, now that I'm so much older, I'm like, the. Was I thinking, I'll never let my kids have a rat? That's crazy. So, first of all, rats aren't supposed to be domesticated.

A (13:49)

Yeah.

B (13:49)

This is like an albino rat with the pink eyes. Right? And so it was really pretty soft and warm. But it did have that weird tail. And that weird tail I could never get over. Yeah, I could never get over the tail. Like, I always loved Willie, but I hated his tail. I was like. And I didn't even know it was a he. I have no idea. I don't even know. No one knew. It wasn't, you know, jizzing all over the place. So I figured it was trying to hump my leg or anything. So I come home, big drama at the house. You know, my dad. My. No, my dad's like, that's it. Game over. Done. We tried it. It didn't work. Sorry. You gotta let it go. Your mom can't handle it. I never liked it in the first place. There's no reason for a rat to be in our garage. Not a domesticated rat. It's just. He goes, I pay the exterminator's money to keep these things out of my house. And now you have brought one in. What am I going to do when the exterminator shows up? Like, just tell him, just don't kill that one rat.

A (14:44)

That specific one is okay.

B (14:45)

Do you have anything that won't kill that one rat? So I said, well, dad, what am I going to do with it? He's like, I don't care what you do with it. Give it to one of Your friends. He goes, he's a rat. He'll be fine in the sewers. So 15 years old, middle of the night. So he gave me until the next morning to get rid of the rat. Right. And this is. I don't know, it was like 6 o' clock at night. So I couldn't find anyone that would take the rat. Of course no one's gonna take the rat. Cause it's a dumb idea in the first place. No one else's parents want a fucking rat either. No one wants a rat. Why did I buy it? I actually paid money for that rat. Most people pay money to keep their rats out. I paid money to keep the rat in.

A (15:20)

Yeah, I guess you would have those for snakes, right? You would buy them for snakes?

B (15:25)

Yeah, you could buy them for snakes. And then there were hippies, that.

A (15:28)

Right, and then.

B (15:30)

Yeah, exactly. So, yeah, never surprising, there's never been an interaction between the snake guy and the rat guy at the fish show, actually. So. 15 years old. Have my Walkman. I'm listening to some, you know, sad song, probably black, from Pearl Jam. I know someday will be a beautiful ride I know someday of life but why, why, why can't you be be in my garage? Do do do do do do do I'm walking down the street Listening to the sad music. Midnight. But it's gotta. Well, I mean, it's the middle of the night. Because I'm trying. I've been desperately phoning people, trying to get them to take my rat from me. And I'll come back on occasion to visit it. Rat adoption Services I'm sure I'm looking through the yellow Pages to find a rat rescue. I did everything that I could to save Free to. To Not Free Willy. But eventually I just knew the time was up and I was gonna get in big trouble if that rat was still there. So I went down to. Toward the end of the street where there was a ravine. And then I let Freedom Willie go. And I'll never forget, he just kind of stood there like this on his back legs and was like this, Chrissy, I wept like a baby. Like a baby. Oh, I wept like a baby. But I was like, go on. Yeah, go on. And he was like. He was like, I don't know what to do if I'm not in a garage, in a box. Just put it back in the box. So I let him go. He eventually scurried off. And I guess he knew that, you know, our time was up together. And that made me very sad. And it is really sad. And you know what else is sad? Texas doesn't have porn anymore. I had this whole thing I wanted to talk about. Now I'm sad about Willie. It was sad. I do remember it was starting.

A (17:20)

A little interaction before he runs off.

B (17:22)

Oh, I got my walkman on. I'm just. I was just. I remember I just cried, emotional. I walked like a quarter of a mile to do this. And so I had to walk back. And I'll never forget a little chilly outside. And I had a jacket on. And I was just so devastated that Willie had to go. But, you know, hopefully he lived a long life. He probably got eaten the very next day. Yeah. Or other rats. More experience. Hey, come over here, little ratty. Come join a little ratty family. What do you think? Oh, excuse me while I gnaw on your back leg. And Willie was probably like, where's Brian?

A (18:02)

Where's my papa?

B (18:04)

Where's my daddy? My daddy's coming back for me real soon. Yeah, sure he is, kid. How do you think the rest of us got down here? Oh, poor Willie. I hope he did live a wonderful.

A (18:18)

Yeah, you can choose to think.

B (18:19)

But listen, the rats, like, I have to. I have to imagine that he figured at least. That he figured it out for at least a week or two. I'd like to think.

A (18:26)

Yes, you know, we'll think that it's.

B (18:28)

A tough, tough, tough world. It is a cruel world. Oh, I. I hope he got a job and found a wife and made himself and he got happy. I hope he had a little rat family and everyone survived.

A (18:44)

I hope so, too. We can just think that.

B (18:46)

Yeah. Here's to Willie.

A (18:48)

Cheers to Willie.

B (18:49)

Cheers to Willie.

A (18:50)

This episode is dedicated to Willie.

B (18:51)

This episode is sponsored and dedicated to my old friend Willie. Speaking of sponsored by. Let's take a short break and we'll come back with more.

C (19:03)

What? Oh, hi, It's Christina again, here to remind you to go to tcbpodcast.com for all things audio, video, and TCBDO. Give us a follow on Instagram hecommercial break and on TikTok TCB podcast. And guess what? We have a new phone number. I know what you're thinking, but I promise this is the last TCB phone number you will ever have to remember. So call us and leave us a voicemail or text us at 212-4333, TCB. Once more for the people in the back. That's 212-4333, TCB. Oh, and check out our YouTube channel at YouTube.com thecommercialbreak. That's all for now. Let's listen to our sponsors and get back to the show.

B (19:53)

All right. And we're back.

A (19:54)

Oh, wiped. I just wiped Brian's tears, actually.

B (19:59)

I just did. Tugging my heartstrings a little bit.

A (20:01)

Yeah.

B (20:01)

But I did. There was nothing else to do. I mean, I just didn't know what to do. There really isn't a rat rescue, I don't think.

A (20:06)

No, I don't think so either.

B (20:07)

I think they're pretty much looked at as rodents that need to be disposed of. I mean, in New York, they have a terrible problem.

A (20:13)

Yes, they do.

B (20:14)

And in New Orleans, do you remember those videos back when Covid first hit and there were lockdowns. I don't know if you ever saw this, but there. People were taking videos out on the streets of New Orleans, like Bourbon street empty. Right, right. But the rats were in the hundreds, all over the place.

A (20:28)

Wow.

B (20:28)

Yeah. Just scurrying across the streets, living as if no human had ever been there. I know, it's really. It's really scurvy. It like, skeeves you out. And we have the river here, too, so we've got lots of rats. Rats are. Are a problem. And so normally you would look to get rid of them, not to take them into your home. So I understood my dad's. Now, many years later, I'm like, what the was I thinking about that? I was trying to fit in.

A (20:52)

You found a little friend.

B (20:54)

I found a little friend and, well, never had any kind of sexual interaction with those two ladies. They ended up being good friends of mine. And that is the moral of the story. Give up the rat, the lady. That's the moral of the story. How's that?

A (21:10)

I like it.

B (21:11)

But back to pornhub. I mean, what do you think about this? Listen.

A (21:17)

Yeah. I don't know, because it's. There's. It's a little bit of a double edge. I see. Because it is just readily available. Any kid of any age is able to get on pornhub or X or Tumblr or wherever, you know, and be able to see that. So I. I see. Wanting to keep your child from looking at that.

B (21:36)

Yeah. As long as possible.

A (21:39)

On another hand, I mean, kids are.

B (21:42)

Going to do what kids are going to do.

A (21:43)

Find it somewhere. Yeah. And it's trying to. It just, I think, could lead to more problems.

B (21:49)

And I think there's like routers and VPNs and stuff where you can figure it out. Right. It's. So it's not like making it totally inaccessible. It's just making it a little bit harder to get at here. Here. I was telling Chrissy this yesterday. I go to sleep. So there's like, we have a million children, and so, like, these million children, some of them sleep in the room with us. We co. Sleep. And I don't give a what you say. I. We. This is a choice that we made during the pandemic, and I'm glad that we did. And, you know, they'll get in their own rooms anyway. That's not the point of the story. The point of the story is we keep two beds in the bedroom. One up high, one. One on the actual. The actual bed. On an actual bed frame. Right. On a bed frame. And then we have one bigger mattress that sits on the floor for the kids. But on occasion, you know, kids are kids, and you get mixed up. And so sometimes I end up sleeping on the floor with one of the kids if they get bothered. So the other night, I'm sleeping with one of the kids, and I'm watching a television program as I go to sleep.

A (22:40)

On your phone?

B (22:41)

On my phone. With my phone pillow. I got my phone pillow.

A (22:44)

The phone.

B (22:44)

Yes, my phone pillow. If you don't know what this is, Google it. It's gonna change your life. So I've got my phone pillow propping up my. My phone as like a big movie screen if you hold it right next to your face, right? And so I'm watching whatever stupid, silly comedy show that I'm watching as I go to sleep. And then I wake up in the middle of the night, I turn the phone off, I put it right next to me. I wake up the next morning. I'm having my morning press conference.

A (23:09)

Well, you had cleaned off to all of your apps.

B (23:12)

Oh, yeah. I clean off all of my apps. I take them all away. So at the end of the night, just to conserve energy, I. I swipe them up and make sure that all the apps are closed. So the only thing that I have open is Amazon. At that time, I go to my morning press conference, and which is when I poop and drink my coffee. And the kids come in and talk to me. How they do that, I don't know. It's so disgusting. I don't want to be with anybody while they poop. But the kids don't seem to mind. Except for occasionally one of my daughters would be like, daddy, that really smells very bad. And I'm like, what would you want, kid? It's coming out of my ass. Yours doesn't smell so great either. I changed Yours for two years. Payback's a honey. I don't know what to tell you. So there's a point to this story. So. So one of the other children comes in and he says, hey, dad, do you want to go see this Disney cartoon on Saturday with me at the movie theater? And I'm like, when is Luca playing at the movie theater? It's four and a half years old. I don't think he's at the movie theater, son. He goes, no, It's Saturday at 5:10. And I'm like, Saturday at 5:10? How the fuck do you know that? I'm like, how do you know that? And he's like, I saw it. And I go, where'd you see it? On Fandango. And I'm like, fandango? How did you get to Fandango? And he's like, on your phone. And I was like, you wait, I have my phone in my hand. How did you see Fandango on my phone? He's like, this morning when you were sleeping, I went on Fandango and looked for a movie we could go watch. And I'm like, holy shit. So then I open my phone and I do that little pop up to see all of the windows that are open. There are 16 windows open. Internet Explorer, Disney Plus, Amazon, Netflix. He was on my phone, I'm guessing for an hour because the kid. And I, I pop it, I pop up those apps and guess what's there? Fandango. I click it. Movie Saturday, Luca, 5, 10pm at the local movie theater. At the local movie theater. He knew which movie theater to search. Wow. This kid is not six years old yet. And that is what is going. This is insane to me. Oh yeah, the next step is boobs. That's the next step because the kids are going to start talking about it. You know, my mom has boobs. Your mom has boobs. This kid has a vagina. Penis, whatever. That's what happens. And so the next thing he's going to start typing into those search bars are boobs, penis, vagina, whatever.

A (25:18)

Things that, yeah, he's hearing about.

B (25:20)

And what's going to come up is a slew of hardcore pornography based on my browsing history. Right?

A (25:29)

Yeah.

B (25:30)

Always do it in private, kids always do it in private. So I am facing this real time. I am facing these consequences of phone births essentially in real time. So part of me believes that there does need to be some kind of control over access to sexually related material, especially when they're so young. Right. And part of me believes that this is a fool's errand altogether. Right. You're putting a lot of extra expense on these companies who obviously provide a service that people do want. Pornhub is one of the most popular websites in the world. And that's not going to change anytime soon. People like their porn every state, every. If you are a human being over the age of 18, you know what Pornhub is, you've probably been on it for a lot of different reasons.

A (26:23)

Yes.

B (26:24)

And so this feels like a double edged sword to me. But, but I, you know, I guess I have to believe that maybe the phone companies should make it harder for kids to access. Like make it easier for parents to put on blocks on certain types of sites that might have imagery. Like on Google now they have a safe setting and it's always in default on the safe setting. You actually have to click on a button in order to turn on explicit images.

A (26:47)

Oh, that's interesting. Yeah, I didn't even know that.

B (26:50)

Don't ask me how I know that. And so, so, you know, this feels to me like a fool's errand. And this merges into another story that I was reading about, which is that people who are having children now are not allowing their children to be on phones and iPads.

A (27:07)

Yeah.

B (27:08)

At all. So this, I think the title of the story was kids born today will not be an iPad iPhone generation. Because a lot of people in their 20s and 30s are saying to themselves, this ruined my life. I'm not going to let it ruin my child's life. Right. And I think that's a really interesting choice to make. Now let's see what happens when they actually have children. Let's see what happens when they actually have children. Because Astrid and I were like that also. We were like, no, no social media, no apps, no iPhones. They're gonna be kids. They're gonna play, they're gonna do the yard, they're gonna have dandelions in their.

A (27:46)

Hair, little flower children.

B (27:49)

You know what they're on. They're buying movie tickets.

A (27:55)

Yes. Well, it does have a use of the iPads. And those types of things do have a use especially too. If you're trying to get something done, you're out somewhere. Yes.

B (28:04)

You're trying to get anything done.

A (28:06)

Yeah, it's. They are useful.

B (28:08)

We used to, for probably like three months, we used to bring an iPad with us if we went out to a restaurant. Right. And not like a nice restaurant. You don't take kids to really nice restaurants, but, you know, like the family restaurant and be like, okay, let's bring the iPad in case this one melts down. We just, you know, pop on a Disney cartoon or whatever, you know, and it works. And it works like a charm. I know. Yeah. It's all of a sudden, they're all like. They just get that. That glazed look in their eye, and they just stare at the iPad. But we cut that out. And so we. We really made the choice that like. Like the decision you have to learn how to be out in public on your own and be. Act appropriately. And so we're going to do that. And let me tell you, that's a very difficult choice to make, because taking children out to a restaurant is no easy feat, especially when you have 20 of them. It's not easy.

A (28:57)

Right.

B (28:58)

And I would love to break out that iPad at times of distress. But now we just take whichever child or whichever children are having a moment. We take them, we exit them from the restaurant or to the restroom, and we let them have their moment, and.

A (29:12)

Then we bring them back. Yeah. Or even having, like, specific technology time.

B (29:16)

Yeah.

A (29:16)

You know, where it's. It's certain types. Parts of the day.

B (29:20)

Yeah. So one of my kids really likes to play games, like puzzles and games. And Wheel of Fortune is a fun one. Right. So we have an app on the. On my phone. Wheel of Fortune app. And we'll play Wheel of Fortune, then Scrabble. Like, Scrabble is another thing that we'd like to play. So we play Scrabble or, you know, match game or whatever it is. And so we let them play that 15, 30 minutes, maybe. Maybe 45 minutes on a particular day. And on the weekends, we give them a little. It's a little bit more loosey goosey on the weekends. Okay. Let's watch a movie or whatever. Whatever. But maybe that's what I need to start doing with my own pornhub time is I need to dedicate three to four minutes every day for my pornhub time.

A (29:59)

Yeah, exactly. Did you schedule it?

B (30:00)

And you. You don't go on pornhub a lot. Do you go on pornhub a lot?

A (30:04)

No.

B (30:04)

Okay. All right. So if you ever go on pornhub, you'll find that there's a trend happening with pornhub that I've noticed, and that trend is the clips are getting shorter and shorter. They used to put, like, whole porn movies on there. Right. Okay. Two hours long porn movies with plots and stuff.

A (30:21)

Yeah.

B (30:21)

Now it's just money shot, money shot, money shot, money shot. That's it. That's all it is little workup. Money shot. Done. And I know why this is, is because our attention spans are short dead. And we have no interest in watching the plot in a good porn movie, which I object to. I like a good plot in a porn.

A (30:38)

A good plot leading up to it.

B (30:40)

That's right. I want to see Mrs. Crotchett get. You know her. I want to see Mrs. Crotchet do her.

A (30:47)

Cable the delivery man come to the door.

B (30:49)

Knock, knock, knock. Who is it? It's cable guy. Oh, excuse me. I just got out of the bathroom and I have a robe that I forgot my belt, two of my boobs are showing. I'm so sorry. This guy. I'm just here to fix your cables. I'll be right over here plugging in your TV. Oh, Mr. Cable Guy. I like those kind of movies. Yeah, if I'm gonna watch a porn movie, I. I want plot, I want characters, plot development. I don't want to see money shot. You know what I'm saying? Where did these two come from? How would they end up in this? Right? How did they end up on this balcony in the middle of Miami having sex in front of strangers or on the yacht? Yes.

A (31:31)

Didn't you actually see it?

B (31:32)

I saw a porn movie being filmed on a yacht in Miami in view of hundreds of other boats. I have video of it.

A (31:41)

It.

B (31:41)

It is insane. There was. We went for 4th of July. That was the time that my son spilled grape juice all over one of my uncle in laws. I guess is what you would refer to him as one of my uncle in law's brand new yacht. I'm not saying a boat, I'm saying a yacht. That's what it is, it's a yacht. All white carpet, all white walls. The kind of white walls that like, you know, they're like pleather or something, right? They're porch. Yeah. So my son, the first thing we do is we get on there and you know, he's. He's given us this speech, you know, hey guys, stay away from the motors. You know, don't touch the wheel. You know, just like general boat safety. Right. You know, here are the, you know, things in case we drowned or whatever. He's doing all this whole, whole nine yards. Lifeboats, life jackets. And my kid, one of my kids has got a grape juice in his hand, one of those grape juice boxes. And he goes walking down the stairs, squeezes the grape juice box. Box. Because he falls and red grape juice all over the walls and the carpet. I am freaking the out because I could not get it up off the carpet. I'm like, exactly. I'm scrambling. And this is what my uncle in law says, God bless his soul. He says, oh, don't worry about it. We're gonna get that replaced. And I'm like, in your brand new yacht, you're gonna get brand new carpet replaced? Come on, man.

A (33:03)

That was nice of him.

B (33:04)

It was so nice of him. So either he was lying and hates my guts to this day, or.

A (33:09)

Well, you haven't been invited back, have you?

B (33:11)

I haven't been disinvited back. He hasn't said you can't come back. Nobody hasn't exactly extended the invitation. I don't know. We'll be down there in a couple months. I'll talk to him. I'll say, hey, listen, let me eventually pay for portion of that. That carpet replacement. If you had to get. How much is the carpet replacement? You know, you'd probably be like $40,000. And I'll be like, and how much is that per square inch?

A (33:37)

What about just this?

B (33:38)

Could I do some calculations? Yeah. What about if I go cut out that stain on the wall size? Yeah. And I'll get a sample and just tape it up there. Just brand new. I go into the carpet store and I'm like, do you have carpet that looks like this? And they're like, nope, but we got carpet that's about three shades darker. I'll take it. A sample of it. Didn't we review one time cheapskates that went, yes, and picked carpet samples up, like three carpet samples, and then taped them together on their floor?

A (34:06)

So weird.

B (34:07)

That's what I'm gonna do with my uncle's boat.

A (34:09)

That's where you saw the porn also being made.

B (34:11)

Yeah. So. So we're on this boat, we go out. It's like, you know, fourth of July weekend. We go out into the middle of this cove in Miami where everybody else and their mother is parking their boat. It's so crowded in there. I mean, there are hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of hundreds of boats. And I'm standing on the top of the. The yacht and I'm just like hanging out. There's no one else up there with me. And then I'm watching this.

A (34:32)

I'm picturing you in like the power stance.

B (34:35)

Yes, Power stance. Just serving the string bikinis. Yes.

A (34:41)

Binoculars.

B (34:42)

Oh, zooming in on my phone. Zoom in. 10x. Yep, that's a nipple. I can see it. I love it.

A (34:56)

I bet you see a lot of Miami.

B (34:57)

Oh, my God. You don't. Not as much as you See, in Spain, listen, Miami is tame compared to Spain.

A (35:02)

Really?

B (35:02)

Well, in the sense that there you can, you are allowed to go topless in Miami. It's a law. Like you don't.

A (35:08)

Maybe in Spain.

B (35:09)

No, in Miami, oh yeah, you can go topless on the beach. I've seen lots of that. But in Spain, it is such a culture of like they don't actually do it to do it that so many people do it that you can't go to a beach in Spain and throw a rock without hitting four tits and maybe a dick. I mean, it's just like people go full on naked sometimes, right?

A (35:30)

They got to get the sun.

B (35:31)

Hey, but listen, I would do, I would do it if I didn't think I was going to scare the children. And that's my main concern. So I'm standing up on the top of this boat and then all I, I'm watching this one. Boat, Boat. This yacht. As it's, I don't know, a foot, two football fields away. I'm watching. It's kind of like meandering its way through the crowd. And I'm noticing on top that there is lighting fixtures. Like they've got those like ring lights and you know, those foil things where they direct the sunlight and all that. And I'm like, oh, they must be shooting an Insta or something like that. You know, it's really right. There must be an influencer on this. A huge yacht. Huge yacht. And I'm like, oh, they must be doing like an influencer or an Insta or something. Must be somebody famous on there or something. And as they start to meander closer, I can see that there are like five, six, seven ladies surrounding this one guy who is sitting on a chair. And they're all like, you know, dancing. One girl's on his knee, her knees close to the guy. And then I realize that almost all of the girls are naked except for two of them that have like string super string bikinis on, right? And this is just like, I can't really focus and see like nipples and vagina, but I cannot see clothes. Clothing. And as they get closer and closer, I'm like, holy. They're. They're filming a porn movie. That guy is getting head. That guy is getting hit. And there's two guys running around with these little cameras.

A (36:54)

Yeah, you know, it was probably, probably went up on PornHub, right?

B (36:58)

It's got to be on PornHub. I know. It's got to be on Pornhub. So I see this. I am so in awe That I can't alert anybody else because first of.

A (37:06)

All, there's a poor.

B (37:07)

There's a poor being made. Yeah. So what do I do? I film it with my camera zooming in. I'm trying to get the action. I'm like, oh my God, this is crazy. I can't believe that I'm seeing this. And it's, it's kind of a blur really, but you can see the gist of it. I'll find the video, I'll show it to you.

A (37:26)

Yeah, I'm interested to see it.

B (37:27)

But I didn't want to alert anybody because I didn't want my uncle to move the boat. I was getting a good, I was getting a good view. I was like, well, I can't really whack off here, but I guess I can take it all in. I can do that later. Do that later. That's right. It was like one of the most insane things I've ever seen in my life with my naked eyes.

A (37:45)

Oh, God, that's crazy.

B (37:47)

You know, I don't. But that's, that's probably another one of these movies where it's just money shot, money shot, money shot. I want to see. Where did these people come from? How did they get on the boat? Who invited them on the boat? You know, what do they do in their normal day lives? I need a little character development if I'm going to get into it. Yeah, maybe it's my age, maybe the character development makes it all make sense to me. But when I see someone, you know, tits down, ass up, just, you know, getting pounded by some, you know, 15 foot long dong and I'm like, like. And they're like, oh, yeah. And that's it. You just go into the movie and the guy's like, yeah, I agree. That slapping noise. Or maybe he's like spanking his penis on her vagina. It's like, wake up, wake up. What is that move? Who does that? Who does that in real life? Who smacks the penis on the vagina? Who does that? Seems offensive to me. I'm sorry. Ding dong. Wake up, wake up. It's time to get entered. Wake up, wake up. The dumbest porn move I've ever seen. But every porn movie it happens. Or maybe I'm just doing something wrong.

A (38:47)

Well, maybe. I don't know.

B (38:49)

I don't know. But I'll tell you what, we have a.

A (38:53)

There's something for everyone.

B (38:55)

There is something for everyone. And just a little, a little clue. We don't like to forecast a lot on this show. Because we never know what's going to happen or not going to happen. But we have a guest coming in next week, I think, and he has one of the funniest bits on sex I have ever heard. I hope he'll just share a little bit.

A (39:12)

Right? That's right, yes.

B (39:13)

I don't want to say his name in case something falls through and then everyone's like, what happened? He's really funny. How to try. He's one of the best comics out there today and I can't wait. So you just have to stay tuned until whichever week I decide to air that. Air that. But when you do hear that, I hope he gives up the. The goose on that one particular bit. All right, we'll stay away from the porn talk from. For the rest of the commercials. Then we'll be back.

C (39:40)

Well, thank the baby Jesus. Brian took a breath. And now I will use this opportunity to let you know that we've got a brand new phone number. That's right. It's 212-4333, TCB. And you can text us anytime you want or you can call and leave us a voicemail and we might just use your message on the show once Brian gets through all the messages he missed last year. Of course. Anyway, you can also find and DM us on your Instagram at the commercial break and on TikTok at TCB podcast. And of course, all of our audio and video is easily found on tcb podcast.com now I'm going to thank G one more time that we have sponsors. So thank G. And here they are.

B (40:24)

And we're back. I, you know, I've been watching this guy on Instagram for a while and I think we've talked about him, remember? Okay, hold on one second and I'll play this. Do you remember when you and I did the episode about anal sunning? The sunning of the. The perineum, the undercarriage. Right. There were guys out there, they were sunning under their balls. They thought that the sun helped them energize their penis chakra or whatever it is. So there is a specific human being out there. He was in this video facilitated. His name is not Will Blunder. I think is what his. Hold on one second. Let me. I just want to make sure I get this right. Anyway, so this guy is on. I, I'll tell you in a second. So this guy is on Instagram and he has been talking about doing mutual masturbation sessions with other guys and how that energizes the whole room. Do you Know what I'm talking about? Have you seen this dude?

A (41:28)

I think I have.

B (41:29)

I think he's was just. I want, I desperately wanted to get him onto the podcast, but it didn't happen or it hadn't yet happened. And then he went on another famous podcast, comedy podcast. And I don't want to steal their bit. Right. I don't want to steal their thunder. Not that I would steal their thunder. Who am I? But I didn't want to steal their bit, right? But this guy has been talking about like mutual masturbation, other guys fondling other guys balls while you're whacking off to get their energy into your energy. And the way that he talks about this, Chrissy, is just so hilarious. Hold on one second. And is it convincing? No, not in the least. I'm not even sure he's convinced that this is actually the right thing.

A (42:12)

But he's, he's already played in the flag. He's got to just go down.

B (42:16)

That's it. Yeah. When you start to get a little viral. Yeah. You know, they say there's riches and niches. This guy has got a niche and it's very interesting. He is not. Will Blunderfield is the guy's name. So let me play you a little bit of one of the clips that. Here we go. Hold on one second. I want to play you one of the clips that he's got. This is crazy. Wait for this. Here we go. Oh, wait, I gotta turn it on. Chrissy, wait till you hear this. I know we're a hot mess. Just leave us alone.

D (42:54)

Designed to have. Most men, that is, are designed to have a romantic relationship with a female, with somebody with milk pistols and a beautiful good smelling rug. That being said, many, many, many men, I would venture to say all men do respond erotically to males as well, but it's more of like a broy kind of thing. We call it erotic platonic comfort. And the only way that that's going to happen in a high vibrational way in this matrix is through cultivating a safe bro bonding container. And that's why me and my colleagues like me and Chris and JP and lion and Logan and Lions George and Greece, Matt over in the uk over the years I've gotten to cl, Mick, you know, I've gotten to collaborate with all these epic dudes with beautiful hummus cannons and beautiful potent dragon pearls.

A (43:53)

What?

D (43:53)

And it's just so important to create these bro bonding containers because the matrix does not want you to transmute your gay panic into erotic platonic comfort. Because then it would drop all the competition, it would drop all the comparison on the back of that. And we all do just step into more manhood together. So if you want to step into more manhood and break free of the Matrix, drop Andrew Ch. And follow me.

B (44:17)

Okay. I agree with the drop Andrew chain thing, but not the. This guy puts on videos like this all the time where he is like trying to convince you that mutual masturbation and being sexual with men is not actually mean you're attracted to men. That means you're just like you're doing the thing. Yeah, it's an energy thing. That's what you're supposed to do. Now listen, listen. I have ventured into some pretty strange spaces when it comes to sex. I, I did, you know, tantra, yoga, studying for a while. And there is some of this that goes on there, meaning that there are some gentlemen who, who believe in this kind of thing. Right. And I'm not saying that it's not true and I'm not saying it may not work for you. To each their own and clear. Will Blunderfield here, just, he's out there flying the flag for everybody and getting a lot of attention for it. And what you have to do is you have to pay to go to be a part of a zoom. Of course you do a zoom where everybody is whacking off at the same time. Cameras on your penises.

A (45:19)

What? You do it on a zoom. I thought that this was in person. Some people do it container.

B (45:25)

Yeah, well, listen, the container, I lost.

A (45:27)

Him a little way in about what was the dragon pearl.

B (45:30)

The dragon pearls are come like pearls, right? And the hummus cannon is your dick. He uses all these words so he doesn't get banned by Instagram, so he uses all these weird Milk Milk pistols your boobs. Right, Okay, I get it. I'm following you. But he is out there really pressing this very hard and he has. I. If I understand his reels correctly, he has an actual seminar that you can attend on a zoom call. And there are some people that do it together right in the physical room. But then you can zoom in through zoom. You know, just channel in through zoom and whack off off camera right on your. Your hummus cannon. And then, then you guys whack off together in this energetic ceremony where everyone is just being a bro. Right? We're all just being broy about it and whacking off. I am not convinced that this is the right way to go ahead and yet. But you know, the more I listen to the guy the more I'm like.

A (46:26)

Well, maybe I want to drop.

B (46:28)

Yeah, now I see how people get stuck in cults. Because I'm like, well, I'm not. I don't like whacking off with other guys. Never tried it. But. But Will is pretty convincing about this. I don't know. Maybe if I get on a zoom call, you know, who is that guy who got fired from CNN for whacking off during a zoom call?

A (46:47)

Yeah.

B (46:47)

I can't remember his name. Jeffrey Tubin.

A (46:50)

Yeah.

B (46:51)

Tubin's tube. Yeah, this is right up Tuban's Alley. Yeah. Just get in there to lube and tube. And that's what I used to call him. Lubin Tubing. Did you ever see when he made his comeback? They. He was interviewed when he came back on cnn.

A (47:04)

No, I think I missed that, but I heard about.

B (47:07)

Was really one of the most uncomfortable things I've ever seen in my entire life. He had to explain why he did this and what happened.

A (47:13)

It was so weird. I mean, he was in the middle of a freaking segment I have on cnn.

B (47:19)

He was in the middle of like, yeah, they were like, yeah. Oh, no, they had a break. Yeah, they were like.

A (47:24)

They were in the middle of talking about some legal thing that was happening.

B (47:28)

They were with other CNN anchors charting out what they were going to say and what they were going to do if Trump won, if Trump lost, if he had legal. Like, they were. They were doing, like, kind of a war room thing.

A (47:40)

Yeah.

B (47:41)

With like, 50 other anchors and producers and all that other stuff. They go to take a break, and Lubin Tubin leaves on his camera and starts yakking it. And everyone's like, tubing, Tubing. Press mute. Dude, you gotta. You gotta turn your camera off, bro. Oh, no. Oh, Lubin Tubin. And he just had dragon pearls all over the place. Look at that. Oh, my God.

A (48:03)

I mean, that really has to be one of the most embarrassing things.

B (48:06)

I have whacked off a lot of different places. Yeah. But I will tell you right now, a zoom call is not. Ever been one of.

A (48:13)

Yes.

B (48:16)

Internal meeting. Whatever it was, if there's another person on another camera, as soon as I turn on zoom, I lose my boner. You know what I'm saying? It's like a. It's like a default reaction. I'm not getting a boner during a zoom phone call. I never have, never will, because I just inherently, like, in my brain. It's like beaten into my brain. You can't whack off during a zoom phone call. It doesn't work like that. But I do wonder how much that has happened over time. I mean, you got to imagine over the pandemic. Lubin Tubin is not the only one who got caught whacking off looking at porn or whatever. And so lube and tubing is like perfect for this because it's a zoom call made to whack off to everybody. Yeah, just go ahead and gnarl your nuts while you're on that zoom phone call.

A (49:01)

I wonder, is he part, is this part of the 21 convention?

B (49:05)

Oh, God, no, he's not. Yeah, I think he's a little, I think, believe it or not, I actually think that Will Blunderfield makes a lot more sense than any of the guys at the 21 convention. That's saying a lot. That's saying a lot.

A (49:21)

Well, maybe they need, they need him then.

B (49:24)

Oh, God. Yeah. I think this could really breathe some life back into the 21 convention. Attention. Who needs women when you can all just stand around and fondle each other's balls and whack off again? I'm not saying it's not for you. Maybe Will Blunderfield is a hundred percent correct. Yeah, I'm just not convinced. And I, I, despite my musings and jokes that I will be, I don't think I'm ever going to be convinced to get on a zoom call and whack off. That's going to make me feel better. Energetically. I'm gonna feel shy. I don't want to whack off in front of other guys. That seems so bad. It's like, what? Really? I mean, if I was into guys, then maybe it would be a thing that I was into. Like, I mean, okay, I may have never whacked off on a zoom call, but I probably have done it on FaceTime. FaceTime's a different story. It's a little more loosey goosey on Facebook. But that's for a different reason. I had a long distance relationship with my wife, okay? So I don't want you judging me here. I, I, I had to do what I had to do.

A (50:18)

Judgment. This is judgment free zone.

B (50:19)

This is a judgment free zone. We don't judge anybody. We judge everybody.

A (50:23)

Right?

B (50:24)

We don't choose who we judge. We judge everybody.

A (50:29)

No one saved.

B (50:30)

Yeah, I bet I know what Frankie B. Would say about, about Will Blunderfield's idea.

A (50:35)

Frankie.

B (50:38)

What in the gay is going on over there?

A (50:44)

Yeah.

B (50:44)

Oh, Frankie's a good one. He knows what it is. Well, anyway you want to, if you're interested in this type of thing.

A (50:50)

And you've done this before.

B (50:51)

Oh, if you've done this before you come on the show, please tell. No judgment. I'm telling you, I have been to tantra seminars that are 10 times stranger than what Will Blunderfield is saying. Live prostate massage classes. That's all I got to say. Yeah. All the looks and smells and sensations that you'd ever want right there, right in front of you. I was. I must have front center. I was like that rat when I was letting him go, I was like, what, Daddy? I bet you were. Oh, I was. I was so confused. I left. I had to go.

A (51:28)

It's not for everyone.

B (51:29)

It's not for everyone. No, it's not. I mean, they announced it at the beginning of the seminar, which was four days long, and I thought they were just like. Like, I thought I was gonna get.

A (51:38)

Talk about it.

B (51:39)

A book or something. You know what I'm saying? I didn't think I was gonna actually get live training right there. What's good for the goose is always not always good for the gander. That's all I got to say. But best you will Blunderfield. You keep doing your thing. Dude doesn't seem to be hurting anybody. No. Yeah, he makes a lot more sense of Frankie B. That's for sure.

A (52:00)

He does, actually.

B (52:02)

What he just said, there actually had a beginning, a middle, and an end.

A (52:05)

Right.

B (52:05)

And it was a cohesive thought. That's. That's about as far as I'm going to take it.

A (52:09)

I'm going to have to look this up.

B (52:10)

Yeah, you do. Hey, listen, we want you to be on the commercial break. We're so excited about this new segment that we're going to do, and we want you to be a part of it. All you got to do is dial us up. 212-4333. TCB. That's 212-433-3822. For those of you that can't spell. And we want you to come on, ask for our advice, tell us a funny story, get some questions. We'll get the load out out. In any kind of pop culture. Anything you want to talk about, we'd be happy probably to discuss here on the show. It's not only celebrities we want in, Chrissy. It's the regular folks. Because we are regular.

A (52:45)

Definitely.

B (52:45)

We're actually two steps below regular.

A (52:47)

We are.

B (52:49)

So dial that number up, text us, let us know that you want to be on the show. You got a story to tell. That'd be a good one, too. Texas. Let us know you want to be on the show and someone will get back to you and let you know when and where where and how to get on the show. Also questions, comments, concerns, content, ideas. Ask Brian's mom. Ask TCB all that you can text to 212-4333TCB. You can also go to tcbpodcast.com get your free piggy fronting sticker, hit the contact us button, drop us your your physical address. We'll send you a sticker. You can also see all the video, you can listen to all the audio and more information about the show@t tcbpodcast.com so go ahead, don't be shy. Go to that website. We spent a lot of time on it. Yes, we do make this one thing that has a return on investment. Please add the commercial break on Instagram, TCB podcast on Tick tock and as Mr. Dr. Phil would say, YouTube.com the commercial break. All right, Chrissy, I guess that's all I can do for now.

A (53:48)

I think so.

B (53:49)

But I'll tell you that I love.

A (53:50)

You and I love you.

B (53:51)

I'll say best to you, you, best to you and best you out there in the podcast universe. Until next time. Chrissy and I always say, we do say and we must say goodbye, Sam.