Dear Glen, Bryan Is Sorry!

Summary

Podcast Summary: "Dear Glen, Bryan Is Sorry!"

The Commercial Break
Hosts: Bryan Green & Krissy Hoadley
Date: July 25, 2024

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Episode Overview

In this episode, Bryan and Krissy dive into their signature blend of improv-comedy and candid storytelling, tackling everything from awkward family conversations to their thoughts on pop culture phenomena like the new "Twisters" film and "Fifty Shades of Grey." The main through-line involves Bryan’s humorous but sincere apology to Glen Powell after his previous on-air rant questioning the necessity of a "Twister" sequel, which has generated listener and industry feedback. Real-life anecdotes about Bryan’s family and Astrid’s guilty pleasures provide plenty of comic relief.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Show Banter & Listener Feedback (00:00–02:30)

• The episode opens with a light-hearted riff on social media personas, hospitality work woes, and playful appreciation for their production team, particularly Christina.
  • Memorable exchange:
    • Chrissy: “Shout out to Christina.”
    • Christina (the producer): “Yeah.” (01:55)
• The hosts read a recent listener review and acknowledge support after an illness.

2. Bryan’s Hippie Side and Restaurant Stories (02:36–08:00)

• Bryan shares stories from his "hippie" era and the restaurant days, including the hassle of rolling silverware and dodging side work.
• Tells the tale of “Petey the Pigeon” and his “militant hippie” defense of the bird:
  • Quote:
    • Bryan: “I got in this kid's face… I’m going to fucking kill you. I’m going to fucking stab you.” (08:00)
  • Leads to his ex-wife's nickname for him: “the militant hippie.”

3. The Art of Bad Advice & “Holding Space” (09:00–12:00)

• Bryan admits to often giving noncommittal advice:
  • Quote: “I’m holding space for that.” (09:23)
• He shares a story where telling a friend to “hold space” during in-law conflicts nearly caused a divorce, illustrating the absurdity and passive aggression of pop-psych lingo.
  • In a heated family argument: “For like an hour, all my friend would say was, ‘holding space for that’… Her husband… didn’t come back for, like, four days.” (11:03)

4. Mom Calls & Family Chaos (12:13–18:44)

• Bryan recounts the chaos of managing kids and business while being on the receiving end of his mom’s frequent, often irrelevant calls—complete with a live reenactment.
  • Quote:
    • Mom: “I managed to find Real Housewives of New Jersey."
    • Bryan: “OK, mom, that's great… Can I please call you back?” (14:10–14:19)
• Discusses generational disconnect and the challenge of family obligations.
• Notable anecdote: The infamous “prescription to my glasses” quarrel with his mom, which culminates in Bryan hanging up on her at the grocery store. (17:18–18:45)

5. The "Twisters" Movie Rant Re-visited & Glen Powell Apology (22:32–28:27)

• Bryan addresses blowback from his earlier “Twisters” rant and his skepticism about the film’s necessity:
  • Quote:
    • “I think there are some movies that just don't need a part two… Couldn't we have spent that $158 million… on three really good noir films?” (24:52–25:09)
• He discusses why Glen Powell, as Hollywood’s “it boy,” is unlikely to appear on smaller podcasts, but launches into a self-deprecating olive branch:
  • Quote:
    • “I want to say to Daisy Edgar-Jones and Glen Powell… I hope you come on the show… when you’re on the way down—because we are, and it doesn’t feel good.” (26:03–26:34)

6. Real Tornado Experiences vs. Hollywood Twisters (28:54–38:41)

• Both hosts recall living through multiple tornado scares in Atlanta and Chicago, comparing real-life trauma/anxiety to the spectacle of disaster movies.
  • Quote:
    • Bryan: “I have never felt more physically vulnerable in my entire life. …We put a blanket over our heads—it was like we were three years old.” (33:13)
• The discussion includes amusing touches about local weathermen (Glenn Burns) and the eerie calm before a tornado:
  • “No birds… no dogs… It was like someone put a pea green filter on the world.” (36:51)

7. Relationship Dynamics & Astrid’s Guilty Pleasure (40:25–49:41)

• Publicly teases Astrid’s (his wife’s) regular viewing and re-reading of “Fifty Shades of Grey”—including the new version from Christian Grey’s perspective.
• Bryan’s gentle ribbing and “ammunition” for future marital banter:
  • Quote:
    • “Because I’ll be goddamned if Astrid doesn’t walk in, half the time see me watching something stupid… I’m always like defending myself. …I am never ever going to not have ammunition again…” (48:11–48:34)
• Krissy admits her preference for mystery and rock’n’roll biographies instead of romance, sparking further banter about “self-care” and different escapist media.

8. Trashy Romance Novels & Jail Library Tales (50:14–52:49)

• Brief digression on jail libraries, where Bryan describes being forced to read trashy romance novels because nothing else was available:
  • Quote:
    • “His member swole with attention and her nipples stood up like two flag poles and drool came off his… his manliness. …His pre-shower.” (52:14–52:24)

9. Outro & Callbacks (53:13–end)

• The episode draws to a close with playful callbacks to earlier stories (Petey the Pigeon, creams for everything, pre-shower jokes), a bit of fake steamy romance-language parody, and a reminder to listeners to connect online or at upcoming live shows.

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Notable Quotes & Moments with Timestamps

• “Holding space for that.” — Bryan, discussing pop psych jargon and bad advice (09:23)
• “You never leave in anger. You shouldn’t do that. You don’t abandon someone when things get tough.” — Bryan, on relationship fights (11:58)
• “I have never felt more physically vulnerable in my entire life.” — Bryan, recalling tornado fear (33:13)
• “I want to say to Daisy Edgar-Jones and Glen Powell… I hope you come on the show… when you’re on the way down—because we are, and it doesn’t feel good.” (26:03–26:34)
• “I know what Astrid’s really doing. Little self care. …Hey, why not?” — Bryan, on romance novels and fantasy (49:41)
• "His member swole with attention and her nipples stood up like two flag poles..." — Bryan, parodying jailhouse romance novels (52:14)

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Important Segment Timestamps

• 00:00–02:30: Opening banter & producer appreciation
• 02:36–08:00: Restaurant stories & Petey the Pigeon
• 09:00–12:00: Bad advice & "holding space" gag
• 12:13–18:44: Mom calls & family chaos
• 22:32–28:27: Twisters movie, Glen Powell apology
• 28:54–38:41: Tornado stories & genuine fear
• 40:25–49:41: Astrid, "Fifty Shades," relationship ribbing
• 50:14–52:49: Trash romance novels in jail
• 53:13–end: Closing banter, callbacks, live shows plug

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Tone and Style

The episode is chaotic, fast-paced, and full of spontaneous detours—vintage The Commercial Break. Bryan’s blend of self-deprecation and irreverent affection for his family and friends keeps the banter both relatable and laugh-out-loud funny. Krissy’s dry asides and patient ribbing provide a grounding counterpoint. Even the apologies are layered with comedic humility.

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For New Listeners

This episode is a classic example of The Commercial Break’s style: expect unpredictable stories, inside jokes, and affectionate mockery of each other and the world at large. The hosts turn everyday frustrations—and even their own mistakes—into moments of relatable comedy. For fans of unfiltered, improvisational comedic conversation, this is a great entry point.

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Transcript

[Chrissy]

Where are all the beautiful five foot song women that stays up late scrolling on the TikTok? She's a nurse, has more than one piercing a sleeve tap Traded her yeti cup for an old Stanley but now she needs an olla Overthinks everything.

[Brian Green]

Work.

[Chrissy]

Sleep and comes home Then repeats like where you at, baby?

[Brian Green]

On this episode of the commercial break. And I want to say to Daisy, Edgar Jones and Glen Powell and all the people who are in Twisters, I love you and you're welcome to come on the show. I'm saying this, I have to say this because of Astrid. I love you and I hope you come on the show. And when Astrid cuts this clip up of my apology to Glenn Powell, then I hope you will entertain the idea of coming on the commercial break long into your career when you're on the way down, because we are and it doesn't feel good. When you're ready. We're here for you. We're here for you. The next episode of the commercial break starts now. Yeah, boy. Oh, yeah. Cats and kittens. Welcome back to the commercial break. I'm Brian Green. This is the bands to my Harris, Kristen Joy Hoadley. Best to you, Chris.

[Chrissy]

Best to you, Brian.

[Brian Green]

Best to you out there in the podcast universe. Thanks for joining us on a. I don't know what seems like never ending episodes of the commercial break. At least we're always in here doing them.

[Chrissy]

It seems like people are listening, that's all.

[Brian Green]

I hope the people are listening. Are you out there?

[Chrissy]

I think people are out there. I just saw a review earlier today that said, glad you're done with the sickness and I hope you guys never stop. And great job with the production team too.

[Brian Green]

Oh, look at that.

[Chrissy]

Shout out to Christina.

[Brian Green]

Shout out to the Christina.

[Christina]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

The Christina kiss ass train continues. Everyone loving their Christina. So I love it.

[Chrissy]

So do we.

[Brian Green]

So we made the right choice not firing her. I had, I had no choice. I, you know, I. She's such a great producer. We've had her for so long. How could I, you know, now life without her seemed much more laborious, so I decided to keep her around anyway. Lots of people writing in about Christina saying how much they love her and thank you for the kind words. We certainly do appreciate it.

[Chrissy]

We see them. We see you.

[Brian Green]

We see you. I see you.

[Christina]

I see you.

[Brian Green]

I'm holding space for them.

[Chrissy]

I love doing the look emoji too. Whenever I. Yes, yes. I love that.

[Brian Green]

Remember I told you that, like for there's a period. I mean, there is the period of my life that's still going on where I'm kind of a hippie. If you knew me in real life, if you didn't know the Brian Green on the commercial break, this is where I get to be, you know, crotchety old man Brian. But in my real life, I'm kind of in a hippie. That's what. That's what I am. Just kind of a hippie. And so far, you've attended a few.

[Chrissy]

Parties in the woods?

[Brian Green]

I have attended many parties in the woods. I have done my fair share of hallucinogenics. I have done my fair share of therapy. I have worn my fair share of kilts and skirts and feather boas and all kind of. And as my ex wife used to call me, I'm the militant hippie, so. The militant hippie. Yeah. There was one time, a guy that I was working with, we had this when I worked at the restaurant where I had met my ex wife. It's a big restaurant. Big, like steakhouse type restaurant in this beautiful.

[Chrissy]

Is that the.

[Brian Green]

On the block? Yes. It was a poor. It was. I would say opav. And some guy goes, it's a Paul. And I was like, oh, don't get fucking fussy with me, dude. Okay? Give me a good tip. Then you call it whatever you want. I'll call it whatever you want. I'll call it Opla Blob. I don't care. I don't give a shot. And so it was like this huge restaurant, and then it had this huge patio. And there was a guy that worked there. He was like a really young guy. He was like 19. And I probably was, I don't know, 27, 28 at the time. And he. We were cleaning the outside of the patio, this huge patio, tables and stuff, all the tables, sweeping, putting the tablecloths on, you know, all the. That. The never ending you do when you work at a restaurant that you don't get paid for and.

[Chrissy]

Rolling silverware. Time to roll.

[Brian Green]

Oh, my God. Roll silverware. Which took you an extra hour. Roll silver.

[Chrissy]

You're cut, you're cut.

[Brian Green]

You're cut.

[Chrissy]

But go. Roll.

[Brian Green]

Can I be cut? Was. I was the. Can I be cut Guy. I was always, can I be cut? Can I be cut? Yeah. And they'd be like, you got. No, you know, it's John's turn to. You got to close up. And I'd be like. And then I go to John and I'd be like, hey, John, I. I got a leaky penis. Can I. He's like, dude, you had a leaky penis two weeks ago. You got to try a new one. I mean. I mean, my grandpa has a leaky penis. Can I please be cut? And it was always. Because it was lunch, and I hated lunch, and I didn't want anything to do with it, and I just wanted to go home. And let's be honest about it was lunch or dinner. I just wanted to get cut and go home. I wanted to make the. I wanted to be in on the action for an hour and out. But then you had to roll silverware. So then I'll pay you ten bucks to roll silverware.

[Chrissy]

I remember rolling so much silverware.

[Brian Green]

I didn't. Because I would just pay people to do it for me. I'd be like, I paid five bucks or all my silverware. We do like, 50 of them. 50 rolled silvers a day. Took forever. I actually didn't mind rolling silver in the back.

[Chrissy]

Yeah. Watching TV or, you know, the cooks would usually slide me some food.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. What do they call that? You have to do your. Do your checklist. You do your checklist. You know, you do your. Check your. Your punch list or whatever. Punch.

[Chrissy]

Side work.

[Brian Green]

Side work. That's it. Side work. Fill ramekins with butter. Cut lemons. Yes. Salt and pepper shakers. Ketchup. You know, a one.

[Chrissy]

Marry them.

[Brian Green]

Yes. Did you marry your. Did you marry your ketchups? I don't know. Did I? The. It's a steakhouse. Why are we marrying ketchups anyway? We used to put them in ramekins. Did you. Your ketchup, ramekins? No. Okay. What are you gonna do, Fire me? Of course you're not. You don't have anybody else to work here. I was such an. When it came to side work, I hated side work. I even forgot work. I still hate work.

[Chrissy]

No, you just wanted to breathe in and deliver food and make money.

[Brian Green]

I want. I thought. I just thought I was. I thought I was 007. Waiter, bald head just flaunting through the extraordinaire. I'll be your waiter tonight. Look how sexy I really am. Meanwhile, my shirt is all stained and wrinkled. I just float through the restaurant like, you know, imagining people were looking at me going, wow, I wish I had that waiter. I'm Brian with a Y. I'm Brian with a Y.

[Chrissy]

And I will be your waiter.

[Brian Green]

Good afternoo, Brian with a Y. And I'll be away. Do you have any. Do you have any daughters or wives of appropriate age? I always thought that every hot girl at the table was always into Me, I was like. I just was.

[Chrissy]

You flirted?

[Brian Green]

I flirted. Of course I.

[Chrissy]

Of course.

[Brian Green]

Of course I did. I didn't care what they look like. I flirted because I knew that was a key to a good tip, first of all. And second of all, I just felt I had that cachet. I felt that I was that guy that. And never worked. I never once dated anybody that sat at my table. Never. I never even got a phone number. Never happened. When I was a bartender, that was a different story. Because when I was a bartender, oh, yeah. I was a little bit more angry because it was actual work to be done. You. You couldn't. You didn't. Like, as a waiter, you could scoot off for a few seconds and kind of do your own thing, maybe get a smoke break. As a bartender, you had to work. If there are people in the bar, they're going to ask for drinks. You had to work. So I was a little bit more angry as a bartender, and I wasn't really looking for flirting. What I wanted was just to get, you know, get done, like, serve drinks, get drunk, do my thing, get to the Tasty Teener, and get to the Tasty Tea part of the night. Yeah. Anyway, so we're cleaning this big patio outside, like, doing side work, you know, pre work, whatever it is, shift work. And we're doing the shift work. And there was this pigeon. This one pigeon. And this pigeon visited the restaurant every day for, like a year. Petey the Pigeon, or whatever we call them. Petey the Pigeon. And people would, you know, they would. He would come up and eat the French fries that got that fell, or the bread or whatever. He wasn't too bothersome to the people. But no one really liked the fact that there was a pigeon hanging around them. It's very common in Europe to have pigeons, like, on your head when you're eating. Like you. We went to this restaurant in Spain. There were pigeons eating with us. They had silverware. The waiter poured him a cup of water. It was really weird. Straight. But here in America, you shoo him off or whatever. And so we shoot Petey off when he got bothersome, but generally didn't really hurt anybody. And there weren't too many other pigeons around. I felt like Petey was just one of one. He was a lonely pigeon. And this guy, this little kid, like, hated Petey. I mean, he hated the pigeon. He hated it. And so we're doing the shift work, and he had the broom, and he went and tried to hit Petey with the broom, and he's like, I'm going to kill that fucking pigeon. You know, it's such an annoyance. Kill that pigeon. And Chrissy, I got in this kid's face, like immediately I was in this kid's face, like, are you doing. I'm going to fucking kill you. I'm going to fucking stab you. And that's when my wife, my future wife goes, you're such a militant hippie. Like, you're all about love and peace. But then when somebody threatens to do something, you're like, in their face. I go, there are things that will not stand peace at all prices. Not how I work.

[Chrissy]

Oh, you saved Petey, though.

[Brian Green]

So I'm like, I'm like this kind of like his hippie. And there was a time in my life when I would just say the following words to a lot of people because I didn't have good advice for them. Like, advice is advice is what it's worth. It's. You're not paying anything for it. Most of your friends have bad advice, but you, you know, sometimes you accept it and sometimes you. Actually, I never. Do you accept anybody's advice? I don't know. Sometimes I do on occasion. Yeah.

[Chrissy]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

But it's a rare occasion. And there are just few people who I would trust with their advice. Like, I trust you with the advice, sure. Astrid, Raphael, some of my brothers, like, you know what I'm saying? Like, I would trust their advice. But, you know, I just learned that advice is really, who fucking cares? When someone's coming to you with a crisis, you don't give them all the answers because you're standing on the outside. You can't possibly understand. So I used to say this. I'm holding space for that. I'm holding space for that. I'm just, I'm holding space for that. And I gave that advice to a friend one time. I gave advice to say no advice. Just when you're in the middle of a heated discussion, just say, I'm holding space. If you don't agree, disagree with them. Don't start a fight. Just be like, I'm holding space for what you're saying. And I almost caused the divorce one time because this friend of mine, I gave her this advice. She was having problems with her in laws and the in law, the mother in law was living with them and she had all the answers for how my friend should parent her child.

[Chrissy]

Right.

[Brian Green]

And it caused constant stress and constant drama. And there was arguments all over the place about this mother in law sticking her nose probably where it shouldn't have been, because no one wants to be told how to parent, and everyone parents differently. And when you have kids or if you have kids, or even if you don't have kids, you'll understand this. And so I said, just tell her. Rather than get a fight with her, rather than cause all the stress and drama, just say, I'm holding space for what you're saying. Right? Yeah, say that. I'm just. But she took it too far. Like, apparently one time she kind of.

[Chrissy]

Just means like, I hear you.

[Brian Green]

I hear you.

[Chrissy]

And I'm gonna put it, yes, I hear you.

[Brian Green]

But I'm not really listening, right?

[Chrissy]

I hear you. I'm not gonna do what.

[Brian Green]

That's right.

[Chrissy]

I heard you.

[Brian Green]

It's a fuck you. It's essentially what it is. But it's a very benevolent way to say fudge you. Right? It's like, I'm holding space for you. Well, apparently one time it got really heated about whether she should tell the kid to clean up the room or whatever was going on. And for like an hour, all my friend would say was, holding space for that. And her husband, who was a total fucking nerd, he got so upset that she wouldn't respond with anything except for holding space. She turned into a petulant child. She was. Was like, I'm holding space for that. I'm holding space for that. I'm holding space for that. Her husband, like, walked out the door with the mom and didn't come back for, like, four days.

[Chrissy]

Well, that was a win.

[Brian Green]

I agree. I told her, I said, take it. You got that's great marriage advice right there. Turn into a pencil and child. Never leave it. Never leave an anger. That's my. That's the next piece of advice I gave her is I said, well, he's an idiot, because you never leave an anger. You shouldn't do that. You don't abandon someone when things get tough.

[Chrissy]

Yes.

[Brian Green]

You go to the other room, you tell them you need a break. You okay, if it's agreed upon, I need a break. I'm going down to take. I'm going down to the river to take a walk or whatever. If it's agreed upon or it's understood, whatever. You don't just, like, not say anything and walk out the door. It's the worst kind of thing that you can do.

[Chrissy]

It's like hanging up on somebody.

[Brian Green]

It really is. Which I do all the time.

[Chrissy]

You do?

[Brian Green]

No, no. I did hang up on my mom a couple weeks ago, though.

[Chrissy]

Oh, no.

[Brian Green]

My mom is like, we're gonna have her back on the show, but she's still in this like period of time.

[Chrissy]

Wait, is it because I guess you're about to tell the story, but is it, was it because you were angry or was it because you just. It was the talking going on that you, you had to go?

[Brian Green]

No. Well, first of all, my mom doesn't know how to let people go. Like she gets a great example yesterday. It's. My mom will call. Oh my God, look at that. My mom is literally calling us right now. Okay, I'm not gonna answer, but because I don't have it hooked up to the machine. But we do need to have her back on. We are going to have her back on, but she's in the process of moving and when she settles, we'll, we'll figure that out. So she calls yesterday and it's chaos like that. I told you this. The hours between 5 and 7 in this house are absolutely crazy hours. Insanity. It's the crazy hours. And the closer it gets to bedtime, the crazier it gets. Everybody's talking at you at one time. You're trying to pay attention so you can give everybody a little bit of your, you know, your time. It's insane. She calls incessantly until I answer. And here, here, here's okay. Ready? Hey, mom. Hi, Brian.

[Mom]

What you doing? Is that.

[Brian Green]

I'm not gonna say my kids names, but let's just use pretend names.

[Mom]

Is that John in the background?

[Brian Green]

No, mom, it, everyone's kind of crazy.

[Mom]

Is that Laura?

[Brian Green]

No, mom, it's everybody. They're all like yelling at me and.

[Mom]

Saying, hi, Mara, it's your grandma Kiki.

[Brian Green]

Mom, mom, mom, they can't hear you. It's not on speakerphone.

[Mom]

Hi, John. I got you a cute little treat when you come to see me next time.

[Brian Green]

Mama. Ma, Ma, Ma, Ma, ma. They can't hear you, Mom. They're not on speakerphone. I don't have time for that right now. What's wrong? You've called me six times in a row. What's wrong?

[Mom]

Well, I just wanted to tell you some really good news.

[Brian Green]

What's that, Mom?

[Mom]

I managed to find Real Housewives of New Jersey.

[Brian Green]

Okay, like in real life or are you having a hallucination? What's going on?

[Mom]

No, on the tv, I managed to find episodes of Real Housewives of New Jersey.

[Brian Green]

Okay, mom, that's great. Like I, I, that's fantastic. I'm so glad that you found something that you like and come. Can I please call you back?

[Mom]

Oh, of course. I know you're very busy.

[Brian Green]

But one more thing, one more thing, one more thing.

[Mom]

How's the show going?

[Brian Green]

Okay, Mom, I don't have time to tell you about all the show. The show's going great. Chrissy's fine. Everything's great. We're doing really good, making money. Everything's going. Everything's going. That's great.

[Mom]

That's great. Okay, okay. One more thing before you leave. Before you leave. Is Astrid mad at me? Because I texted her seven times and she hasn't responded to me.

[Brian Green]

Mom, I don't know. Ask Astrid. Oh, okay.

[Mom]

Okay. You know what your brother said to.

[Brian Green]

Me the other day? Mom, I gotta go. I gotta go. Please, Mom, I gotta go.

[Mom]

Okay, well, it was just. I was remembering grandma and it made me very sad and I wanted.

[Brian Green]

Okay, Mom, I gotta go.

[Chrissy]

Yes.

[Brian Green]

It never ends. It never ends. And I get it. You're lonely. You're. You're. You want to talk to your kids. Of course I'd want to talk to my kids. I want to talk to my kids too. Of course they want to talk to me now, but in 10 years from now, let's see how much they really want to talk to me, right? But it's like, I got to go. I got to go, Mommy. I think. I think some people in my life and I love them to death and with the best of intentions. This is not because they're not like, well meaning. It's because they don't have the perspective that I do. That when you have so many children and so many things going on like a lot of us do, it is not really easy to find a half an hour to have a leisurely conversation. You should have seen me this morning. I'm on a business phone call and I am walking from room to room, closing the door behind me to get a little bit of peace and quiet because the kids are following me around and Astrid is opening the door behind me. I gotta get something in here. So I move to the next room, close the door. I gotta get something in here. I move to the next room and I close the door. Every time I open the door, someone's screaming at me, the dog's barking. It's like he just can't get like a minute alone. So do I have time to answer to listen about the Real Housewives Jersey? I do not. But I'm really glad you found it. But I do not.

[Chrissy]

Now can you please holding space for that?

[Brian Green]

I was holding space for that. Thank you, Chrissy. Thank you.

[Chrissy]

So it doesn't even have to be somebody that's lonely because we know somebody, Jeff and I know somebody that also is an assessment talker where you're trying to get off the phone.

[Brian Green]

Yeah.

[Chrissy]

And they're just like, yeah, but anyways. And at this point, he just doesn't even acknowledge.

[Brian Green]

Answer the phone.

[Chrissy]

He doesn't even acknowledge that you're trying to get off the phone.

[Brian Green]

Oh, really?

[Chrissy]

He's like, huh? But anyway, so. But what about this? Let me tell you about this.

[Brian Green]

Isn't it like, it's the worst? Yeah, it's the worst. So back to the hang up thing. I'm like, two or three, four weeks ago, whatever it is. And my mom and I almost never argue. I mean, we get into little disagreements and we have our moments like everybody does. But I love my mom and she loves me. And, you know, it's a mother son relationship. There's times when things are great and times when things are a little more stressful. I'm at the grocery store and my mom starts texting me, what did you do with the prescription to my glasses? What? I'm like. So I respond back, I'm like, what? And she goes, I need the prescription to my glasses. And I'm like, I don't have the. Why would I have the prescription to your. Under what circumstances would I have the prescription to your glasses? And so then I pick up the phone and I call her. I'm walking around the grocery store, hey, mom, what are you talking about?

[Mom]

I need the prescription to my glasses.

[Brian Green]

Okay, well, I have nothing to do with your eyes or your glasses. And I don't know where your prescriptions are. What do I look like, pharmacy? Like, I don't have the prescription to your glasses. And she's like, brian, you told me you had the prescription to my glass. Why would I say that, Mom? Why would I be. Why in the world would I have the prescription to your glasses? And this goes on and on until she's getting really indignant about it. She's like, fine, just pretend like you don't have the prescription to my glasses. And I'm like, just pretend. I'm not pretending. I don't know where your prescription. Mom, do you know how many fucking children I have? I don't even have the prescription to their glasses or my glasses. How am I gonna have the prescription to your glasses? And she just goes on and on and on. And I was just like, you know what? Click, hang up. I got. I gotta check out of the grocery store. I'm not interested in figuring out who has the prescription to your glasses. I'm on fire today.

[Chrissy]

You are.

[Brian Green]

I get riled up when I think about it. So, like, I give it a day, I let it breathe. And, you know, she texts me like a couple hours later. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to, you know, I didn't mean to make you upset. Like, I just wanted to know where my prescription to my glasses are. To which then she says at the bottom of the text message, do you know where my.

[Chrissy]

Do you know where it is, by the way?

[Brian Green]

I know.

[Chrissy]

So call the eye doctor.

[Brian Green]

I know. That's what I said. So a couple days pass. A day passes and I pick up the phone and I say, hey, Mom, I'm really sorry, by the way. I don't hang up on people. It's not like a habit that I have. It was just I couldn't take it at that moment. You know, I'm trying to get juggle.

[Chrissy]

A bunch of things.

[Brian Green]

Trying to get milk for the kids and, you know, KY, jelly and all this other cream. Yeah, cream. I got cream. Creams for my stomach and creams for my skin and eye cream. And now I'm into cream. Cream for my cereal. I've got all kind of creeps. And cream for my dick. My dick cream. I gotta get everything. Cream for my ass pain. I got cream for my ass.

[Chrissy]

There is a cream for everything.

[Brian Green]

There is a cream for everything. So I say, hey, mom, listen, I'm really sorry that hung up on you. And she.

[Mom]

I know. It's okay, honey. I know I got mad. I just, you know, I, I, I'm sorry. I just thought you had my prescription in my glasses. Do you know where it is, by the way?

[Brian Green]

I'm like, oh, my God, mom, you never let it fucking go. I was like, mom, you gotta understand, I don't have the prescription to your glasses. You've known me better. You know me more than anybody else has ever known me because I've been with you since day one. Can you answer the following question? Would Brian be the guy who knows where anything is? Anything, right? I literally had someone chasing me out of the Starbucks today. One of the people that works there. So nice. They're chasing me out of there because in my, you know, Brian floats in and, you know, it's Cheers. All of a sudden, Brian, I breeze in and tell everybody, hello, and how's your day? How's your wife? How's your kid? How's the house coming? You know, did you pass that class? You do that test? Oh, I love you. Great. Fantastic. Love, you know, smile on my face. Men love. Women love you. Men want to be you. Ryan Green. I'm shooting my charm gun at you. I walk in, I walk out. I leave my wallet. Someone's running out of there. They're like, hey, you might want this. And I'm like, thanks. Thanks. I owe you.

[Mom]

Ding.

[Brian Green]

I wink at them. Ding. As I float off into the distance. Oh, did you walk there? I did.

[Chrissy]

Okay. You haven't had any more close calls, have you?

[Brian Green]

No, I didn't, actually. You know, I took that same route today. First time since I got hit by route. Route, route.

[Chrissy]

I don't know.

[Brian Green]

What is it? Is it route, Route. I think you can say it both ways, don't you?

[Chrissy]

You can.

[Brian Green]

Okay.

[Chrissy]

But I mean, there's the song Route 66.

[Brian Green]

Route 66. And then get your kicks. Get your kicks on Route 66. Different podcast. I have a friend who has a podcast up that probably would be pertinent to. I'll tell you more about that later.

[Chrissy]

But, yeah, normally I do say route.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. So I took that same route. Route, route, route, route, route. I took the same router. Router. And I really paid attention this time. I was like, okay, anybody coming out of the gas station? Anyone out of this?

[Chrissy]

Yeah, you're on high.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, I had a little ptsd, actually, when I was crossing the street. I was like, man, I should have called, you know, Morgan. And Morgan.

[Chrissy]

I know I should have called Morgan, Morgan.

[Brian Green]

But I didn't. Anytime Brian has a chance to make money, he finds a way not to.

[Chrissy]

You buy high, sell low.

[Brian Green]

That's right. That's the Brian Green Method Real estate Bank. The tried and true method. Being a success. And anything that you do, work hard, get paid less. That's where you go. Work harder, paid lesser. All right, let's take a break, and then, yeah, we'll come back, I promise.

[Christina]

What's up, haters? Now, let's get down to business. If you've got something to say, say it to our faces. And by that I mean text us or call us at 212-4333, TCB. That's 212-433-3822. You can and should also find us on Instagram at the commercial break and on TikTok @TCB podcast. Unless you want to fight me, in which case, don't. And if you're just desperate to see our shining faces in person, keep your ears peeled for ticketing information about TCB Live. As always, don't forget that you can find everything you could possibly need to find on our beautiful website, tcbpodcast.com.

[Brian Green]

Bye. A lot of pushback about my Twisters rant the other day.

[Chrissy]

Oh, yeah. And it just looked like blockbuster numbers at the.

[Brian Green]

I know. Leave it to Brian to be wrong. I mean, I'm right about some things, but I'm wrong about most things. You know, it's just a story of my life. But, you know, last Friday I went on this big rant about how I didn't think we needed another Twister movie. It was just my personal opinion and it was. It was forceful and I did a whole bit on it. And I don't care what you think. I still think the same thing. I think there are some movies that just don't need a part two. I think there are some movies that we can just, like, leave alone. Okay, it had its moment and go away. But my wife was one of the people who pushed back on us. Our booking agency was one of the people who pushed back on us. Had a whole call with them this morning and they're like, listen, funny take. But, you know, we're trying to get some of those people to come on the show. So maybe that's not the best thing. I'm like, listen, Glenn Powell's never coming on the show. Glen Powell is never coming on the commercial break. And let me explain to you why Glenn Powell is the it boy. He. It's is White Boy Summer with Glenn Powell right now. He is the it boy. He's going to be named People magazine Sexiest Person Alive. He's going to be named Times Person, you know, Happy Actor of the Year, whatever the fuck that he's going. He is. He is a PR jugan right now. And someone was explaining to me, someone inside the business was explaining to me, he's not. He's not gettable. It's really difficult to get him anywhere. Like, you can't book the guy anywhere. He's not doing anything. A ton of press like some other people might be.

[Chrissy]

He's just doing time.

[Brian Green]

He's doing time? Yeah. He's posing shirtless for Time.

[Chrissy]

And people.

[Brian Green]

And people. Then maybe Jimmy Kimmel, but he's certain. And Blue. Yeah, Blue got excited about Glenn Powell, too. Everyone's excited. I said, here's the reason why Glenn Powell's never gonna come, at least not now. He's not going to come on the commercial break or even entertain the idea of coming on anything like the commercial break. And the reason is, is because when you're that hot, when you're that famous, it's like a Taylor Swift. Right. When you're that hot and you're that famous, you have a gravity of your own. And you are not going to it up by being on some shithouse show. You know, number 17 on the comedy podcast charts. It's just not going to happen.

[Chrissy]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

You don't need it. And there's only downside. That's it. There's downside. Brian's going to say something stupid and make the whole situation worse. Everyone's going to have eyes. It's good for us because everyone will have eyes on Glenn Powell on our show, but it's bad for him because everybody will have eyes on Glenn Powell on the commercial break. But I'm not knocking Glen Powell. It's it. That's not the knock. The knock is not the people who made the movie. They made the movie, I'm sure, with all intention of it being fantastic and really hoping they put the best product out there. What I'm saying is, couldn't we have spent that $158 million that we made on, like, three really good, like, noir films or, like, independent indie films or something like that? Yeah, we had.

[Chrissy]

I like that idea more to follow.

[Brian Green]

On this, but we had Gina Gershon came in and. And we had such a lovely time with Gina.

[Chrissy]

She's amazing.

[Brian Green]

She's like a super. I mean, Gina's awesome. You. If you don't know Gina, you know Gina Gershon, just Google her. You'll. You'll know exactly who she is. But we had her in, and, you know, she was explaining that, like, sometimes you do the movies because that's what's handed to you. Like, that's what you need to do. You have to do that movie to make a paycheck. You have to do that movie to stay creative. You have to do that movie to get engaged. And you probably never do a film that you dislike the script 100%, but you're gonna do a movie. Sometimes it's not just about the creativity. It's about other factors in life. And, of course, you understand that. You're a working actor. So I'm not knocking Glen Powell. And I want to say to Daisy, Edgar Jones and Glen Powell and all the people who are in Twisters, I love you, and you're welcome to come on the show. I'm saying this. I have to say this because of Astrid, I love you, and I hope you come on the show. And when Astrid cuts this CL of my apology to Glen Powell, then I hope you will entertain the idea of coming on the Commercial break. Long into your career when you're on the way down, because we are and it doesn't feel good. And when, when, when you're ready, we're here for you, Glenn. We're here for you.

[Chrissy]

We are. We will be here for you because we'll be here doing these shows in perpetuate. Perpetuate.

[Brian Green]

I told one of our agencies this.

[Chrissy]

Morning, I said that, right?

[Brian Green]

Perpetuity. Perpetuity in perpetuatuity will be. But Petcha Chuggity, we'll be here.

[Chrissy]

Perpetuity in perpetuity.

[Brian Green]

We'll be here. I told one of our agencies, I said, hey, listen, if I'm here at episode number, I'm never leaving the show. If I'm here at episode number 5,000, I'll probably be ready to do 5,001. If we get to episode 5,000, how old do you think we. What would that be, like 10 years from now?

[Chrissy]

No, that's next year.

[Christina]

Probably.

[Chrissy]

At the rate we're going.

[Brian Green]

Probably.

[Chrissy]

It feels like it's next year, Glenn.

[Brian Green]

After you get named. Yeah, after you get named, you know, best penis in the world, you come on this show, we'll be happy to talk all about it. You too, Daisy. I'm here for you. I'm here for you. Everybody pushed back, everyone said, and then Astro goes, cuts an Instagram clip about it. I'm like, well, then push it out to the world. Why not? Why not get another 5,000 eyeballs on it after I've already said something really stupid. And then of course I have, like, there's people in my orbit who. In people in our orbit who like got like the. They went and they got a sneak pre peek or preview, you know, in an attempt to get some publicity out there for the movie of Twisters. Of Twisters. They get invited and they're like, you know, best movie ever. Really loved everybody. It was so incredible. It was so awesome. Yeah, there's a lot of people that are saying that it's quite a good movie.

[Chrissy]

Well, I mean, with all the special effects that they can do now, the movies are. Those types of movies are incredible. Incredible visually. I mean, they really are. That's a lot of work that goes into them.

[Brian Green]

I can appreciate that.

[Chrissy]

We need it.

[Brian Green]

No, I don't think we need it either. Now that we have it. I guess I'll watch it when it comes out on like, you know, whatever, Amazon or Netflix. But yeah, I know, I don't disagree with you. And apparently they use like real footage of real tornadoes, which I don't know, I don't feel about that, but. Okay. Because there's probably people who got hurt and damaged and stuff like that. In a real. If you've been in a tornado, then you'll know it's no.

[Chrissy]

It is no joke. Remember that one came. That came through downtown Atlanta.

[Brian Green]

Chrissy. I. We had a close call 2007 in Chicago when I was a child. And then in 2000, and then another close call in north of Atlanta when I was in my teens. And then another extraordinarily close call in 2007 when that tornado ripped through downtown Atlanta and I was less than a mile as the crow flies from that. Yeah, living.

[Chrissy]

It was so scary.

[Brian Green]

Living really close to that. And then 2013, my brother Patrick and I were at his house north of Atlanta, and it was just him and I and his wife at the time was out doing something, and we were watching something. We were drinking beers and watching something. And then we both got alerts on our phone. Thunderstorm warning, you know, heading your direction or whatever. Okay, all right, whatever. And then we get another warning, you know, thunder. Extreme thunderstorm warning or whatever. You know, seek shelter if possible. You know, stay indoors, whatever. And then we got the tornado watch. And then we got the tornado warning.

[Chrissy]

I remember this.

[Brian Green]

Okay, so now.

[Chrissy]

Yeah, I was calling you.

[Brian Green]

I remember you were calling.

[Chrissy]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

Yes, you were calling me and I was.

[Chrissy]

We were watching the. The weather report. I mean, Glenn Burns.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, good old Glenn. Glenn, he's like a wax figurine or something. I love Glenford.

[Chrissy]

Well, he's got his. He's got his assistant now that really kind of steps in and does the heavy work. But Glenn.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, Glenn, he's trusted. He's like that guy you trust. Yeah. Okay. If he says he's the face. Yeah, if he's the face. I think they prop him up like Biden. Well, no more. But they did prop him up like Biden. But he looks like he's, you know, it looks like He's a hard 55, but he's probably a hard 79 or something.

[Chrissy]

I think so.

[Brian Green]

He's been since I was a kid.

[Chrissy]

Oh, yeah, me too.

[Brian Green]

Every city has that guy. Every city has those couple weathermen that a girl or ladies that you're like, oh, wow. I trust them in emergency situations. You turn them on.

[Chrissy]

Yes.

[Brian Green]

So we're sitting there, the warnings come in, the warnings come in, the warnings come in. And then finally we flip on Glenn. And Glenn's like, you know, this tornado coming down this path. If you're in this area in 3, 5, 10 minutes. Get. You know, they have.

[Chrissy]

Zoom into the street.

[Brian Green]

They zoom into the street level, and then they show you, like, you know, they have all those complicated models and breakdowns. And then Glenn's getting all excited because of the. Is red here and it's green here. That definitely means there's something going on, you know. And AccuWeather5044 is telling us that, you know, hail is going directly through the ground. Get out of the way or whatever. They have those crazy complicated models. I don't understand them, but I just trust. I just listen for. Do I need to get a Down somewhere or not?

[Chrissy]

Yeah, get in the bathtub.

[Brian Green]

And so I remember smoking cigarettes at the time, and Patrick lived in a townhouse. And so we were up on the second, almost third story was where the balcony was out back of the kitchen. So Patrick and I go out in the balcony back there to see if we can see something. I don't know what we're looking for.

[Chrissy]

But it's the twister.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, the twister. It's dark. We cannot see much. And you. But you're so high up and on a hill in this neighborhood that you can kind of see the horizon. And so we're out there smoking cigarettes. We hear the TV on in the. In the other room. We can hear what's going on. Danger.

[Chrissy]

Danger. Danger.

[Brian Green]

You're a fucking moron. Get out. Get out of the way. You know, I always look at those fucking twister videos. Like, people are videotaping them right until they get to their front door. And I'm like, what a. But then faced with the same thing. I'm standing on a balcony on the third. I'm standing on a wood balcony on the third floor somewhere. So we look and we start looking toward the horizon. And again, pitch black. And now it's cloudy. It's nighttime and cloudy. And we can see as the transformers are popping. Whoa. And as the transformers pop, you can see the tornado. And Patrick and I, as soon as we could understand what was going. And this is miles away, but as soon as we could understand exactly what we were looking at, it like, took a minute for us to kind of figure it out. There was no question about it. There was a funnel in the sky. It's coming down on the ground.

[Chrissy]

Patrick. That's scary.

[Brian Green]

I have never felt more physically vulnerable in my entire life. He had a basement. We went down in the basement. We flipped over a couch. We were. We put a blanket over our heads. It was like we were three years old again. And we were making a fort, right? We had a flash, one flashlight. And I was literally texting people telling them I love them. I think I was texting.

[Chrissy]

Yes, yes.

[Brian Green]

I was like, I love you if I don't see you again.

[Chrissy]

I know. We were.

[Brian Green]

Yes. I was so scared shitless. I mean, absolutely shitless. And it wasn't my first close, close call with the tornado, but it felt the scariest because I saw it. I knew what it was coming. When the 2000 tornado, when 2007 tornado came around, I actually could see. You could see the sky like turning. It was really strange. It was like a weird gather.

[Chrissy]

There's that like, like eerie calm too. Kind of like right before it turns.

[Brian Green]

Like a weird green color. My dad used to say he was like, you know, one of these guys who fashioned himself like a weather and emergency expert. Let me give you an example. We were kids in Chicago. We had a buy, like, I don't know what you call split level house.

[Chrissy]

Split level, yeah.

[Brian Green]

And one side of the house was a garage with a room on top of it. It's just a very stock small house. They had a two car garage and we had a. I lived in the.

[Chrissy]

Same type of house and had a station.

[Brian Green]

And had a station wagon. Station wagon where the back fell down. Yeah, the gate came down. You could sit on it. Station wagon where you could sit backwards. Did you have one of those? Yes. Okay. All right.

[Chrissy]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

Okay, everybody, if you, if you know, you know, if you know, you know.

[Chrissy]

That'S the way to say it.

[Brian Green]

But I'm telling you this time, I'm telling you what's going on. Okay. A station wagon where the. Almost like a truck bed, it comes down. Right. And so you could sit on it. So when weather got bad in Chicago, or it was, you know, there was a bad thunderstorm or whatever. My dad was not the kind of guy who would keep us in the house. He was the kind of guy who would pull the station wagon into the garage, pop open the, the back bed, we would sit on it, and he would have a police and weather scanner and he would scan the police for the action.

[Chrissy]

Yeah. For the news.

[Brian Green]

And my dad was all about it. Like he wanted, I think he, I think he really wanted to be like a storm chaser. He wanted to figure out where the tornado was and get it right. And so that's the kind of environment I grew up on. My dad used to say little things like, here's how you know how far a lightning strike is away from you. One, one thousand.

[Chrissy]

Exactly. The Thunder.

[Brian Green]

Here's. Here's what to look for when a storm is serious. Low clouds that start to turn dark, then green. Right. That means there's ice in the sky or whatever, like hail or whatever it was. So there was like all this combination of things to. To look for, and when you see.

[Chrissy]

It, you and Patrick totally ignored it.

[Brian Green]

Well, it was dark outside, but me and Patrick totally ignored any warning whatsoever. I mean, literally, the guy on TV is telling you, if you're in Patrick's house. Right. Get in the basement, get down. Yes. He was literally talking to us. He's like, if you're on this street in this house, you should be downstairs. Yes. By the way, the tornado never. It just never manufactured itself near us anyway. But. But it was a really scary couple of minutes. And you could hear. They say it sounds like a train. It's true. Because in the 2007 tornado that came really close to us, like within a mile, you. It did sound like a train. It sounded. The wind started to sound like a train. But the weird was. The weird thing was right as the warning started coming out, it was a weird green color. Like the whole neighborhood was green. It was like a. I don't know how to explain it. It's like someone put like a pea green filter on the world, and it was dead calm.

[Chrissy]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

No birds.

[Chrissy]

That calm is weird.

[Brian Green]

No dogs.

[Chrissy]

Eerie.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. Nothing. Nada. It was really, really strange. So anyway, if you're in the tornado area, then, you know, get out.

[Chrissy]

Maybe that's why you didn't. You weren't so keen on another twisters movie was because you. Maybe, you know, you.

[Brian Green]

You don't have.

[Chrissy]

Good. You don't have.

[Brian Green]

I've lived it.

[Chrissy]

Called it.

[Brian Green]

I lived it. I called it. As soon as the tornado warning came out, I said, there's gonna be a tornado, which actually means there's a tornado on the ground. But I knew it. I could feel it in my gutter. I could feel it right in my scrundle sack.

[Chrissy]

That's right.

[Brian Green]

As soon as the sky turned pea green and started twisting around itself, I said, that probably is not going to turn out great for somebody. Let me go stand outside with a golf club above my head, figure out. Yeah, umbrella. Oh, have you been. Besides the 2007 one, have you been through.

[Chrissy]

No, that was the closest one that I. Well, and that one that you're talking about from 2013, too. But I wasn't up north.

[Brian Green]

Yeah.

[Chrissy]

Yeah. I was closer to downtown.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, that was a nasty one.

[Chrissy]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

You know, the crazy part is is that you can drive through. Like, if you go up some of the major highways in Atlanta where that particular set of tornadoes, there's like four tornadoes that touched down on that particular night. Night. If you drive through some parts of north Atlanta on those major highways, you can see there are. There's like, you know, a quarter of a mile swath of trees. You'll see forest, forest, forest, forest, forest. Quarter mile swath of trees just gone. It's like it's empty. They're all turned over. Still to this day, we're talking about many years later. I mean, there's some growth, but still to this day, you can see where that tornado cut a path. It's a terribly destructive force. And so if Glen Powell wants to come on and talk about it, my wife would like that. Are you into Glenn Powell?

[Chrissy]

Sure.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. Okay. All right.

[Chrissy]

I don't dislike him.

[Brian Green]

He's nice looking guy. Yeah, yeah, he's a nice looking guy. It's easy to understand why he's easy to look at, because I. I even like him. Even I am turned on by Glenn Powell. I found it funny. I was like, I caught ast. I'm gonna tell this. Let me take a break, and then I want to tell a story about Astrid. And she's gonna love it. Trust me. This is gonna really go down well for me because she asked me not to go here, but I'm gonna go here anyway. Yeah, I think she was joking. We'll find out. I'll follow up on that if we're not in the same studio. And then the next episode, you'll know whether or not. Let's take a break and then I'll talk about Astrid. Hi.

[Christina]

No, you're not dreaming. And yes, this is a new promo. See, I made you wait, and now look how happy you are. I know, I know you're smiling. Anyway, since we're here, why don't you just hop on over to Instagram and give us a follow at the commercial break? Seriously, Please. It's getting hard for me to listen to Brian and Chrissy beg. So just follow us on Instagram. Again, that's at the commercial break break. You can also follow us on TikTok@TCB podcast. And of course, you know where to go for all things TCB. That is tcbpodcast.com, baby. And of course, you can always text us or call us and leave us a voicemail at 212-4333, TCB. Yep, that phone number is no longer new, but it is still around. And that's a win. 2, 1, 2, 4, 3, 3, 3. TCB. Love you. Bye.

[Brian Green]

All right. I know when people love. I love it when I talk about astronaut on the show. And I know she loves it because.

[Chrissy]

Yeah, she loves it.

[Brian Green]

Okay, here we go. Ready?

[Chrissy]

Are you sure you want to do this?

[Brian Green]

I'm a little trepidatious, but I think she'll take it in good fun. I love you, honey. Just know that. And I'm committed to you for life. And I wear this ring with pride. And you're the best thing that ever happened to me. And please don't leave me. But we desperately need the money, the listeners. So maybe it's like a week ago, and I come in from the studio. I'm doing some work while Christina takes a vacation. So I come in, or I was planning for Christina to take a vacation, so I was doing some work. So I. I come in the bedroom to whatever, get something. And I noticed that astrid is watching 50 Shades of Gray, which is one of her favorite series of movies. It's like her guilty pleasure, right? She'll. And she'll readily admit this. It's her guilty pleasure. I have seen every 50 shades of gray with Astrid in the movie theater because that's the kind of guy I am.

[Chrissy]

Yeah, that's a good guy.

[Brian Green]

I love my wife, and I will do anything for her. And if she asks me, I will go. Jonas Brothers. Saw it, did it. Taylor Swift on it, went there. Stupid love movie that's only out for one day because, quite frankly, it wouldn't last. Two in the movie theater showed up, bought the tickets, sat front row. Okay. That's the kind of dude I am. I don't care. She loves it. I love it. We're all into it, but we do have a good laugh about it, because if you've ever seen 50 Shades of Gray, yes. Dakota Johnson is stunningly beautiful and super sexy. And that other guy, what's his name? Kieran. I don't even know his name, but he's. He's not the world's best actor in this, but he's there, and so is Dakota. They're there, and I think they would even say they're there. They showed up. They did it. It wasn't. They got paid a lot of money. Right? 50 Shades of Gray is a very funny movie if you look at it for what it is. Oh, Chrissy, it is hilarious. Like, in one scene, what is the guy's name? Okay, I want to get this right for Astrid. So hold on one second. Fifty Shades of Gray Christian Grey. Okay, so Christian Gray and Anastasia. So. And what's the guy's name? Jamie Dornan plays Christian Gray in this movie. Christian Gray. In one of the movies. I laughed out loud in the movie theater and there were. It was packed. There was not a seat empty in the movie theater. It was Valentine's Day and I was one of only six. Chrissy. I was one of only six other men in the movie theater. And I'm sure that I was the only heterosexual man in the entire group. I'm sure of it. I'm positive. Which is fine. I don't care. I'm gonna go. I was proud to go with my wife. I love. Great. We're having a date night and it's Valentine's Day and she's doing. We're doing something she loves. But I could not stop giggling because the movie is so incredibly terrible. Well, I guess this takes out Dakota Johnson for the commercial break, huh? Sorry, agency. So in one part in the movie. Let me explain. Have you ever seen the movies?

[Chrissy]

No, I have not.

[Brian Green]

Let me explain. In one part of the movie least, the Christian Gray is, because he's a billionaire, is taking a helicopter ride. He is piloting the helicopter for some.

[Chrissy]

Strange reason because that's what billionaires do.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. Yes. He's got to negotiate some life or death deal in the mountains of the Swiss Alps or something.

[Chrissy]

Yes.

[Brian Green]

You know, or. But they live in New York. But he's flying through the Swiss Alps.

[Chrissy]

No, no, no, no. I am.

[Brian Green]

No, no, no, no, no. I'm a pilot. I fly everything. I know everything. I know Jiu Jitsu. I'm a black belt. I'm the world's smartest, sexiest and expensive man. I know. I'll give you anything you want. The whole premise is just silly and I know the books are extremely popular and I understand it's fantasy and I know a lot of people love them. I'd never read them. And I'm just sharing my, my Brian's perspective on this. So he's flying, piloting this helicopter. No one's heard from him in a while. And then in the movie, there is the fakest, craziest crash of the helicopter you have ever seen. But the next scene is Christian's mother, Christian's mother's friend Anastasia, other people who love Christian, they're all in this, you know, penthouse apartment that he owns. Where is Christian? We just heard about the accident. What has happened? And the elevator dings and he walks through with like a boo boo on his head. Like Trump with A big white. Like a big white bandage on his ear. And he walks through, and everyone's like, christian, we hadn't heard from you. What happened? And he's like, I got a boo boo. It was the dumbest thing I've ever. No explanation. No explanation whatsoever. It's just. Move on. Helicopter accident. He survived move on.

[Chrissy]

Well, of course he did.

[Brian Green]

It's the craziest thing. He offers her billions of dollars to be indentured to her for life. Sign a contract, sex contract, and all this other stuff. And guess what? She refuses on principle. Yeah, right. Okay. It's. It's just. Some of it is. But it's fantasy, and it's, you know, that's what it is. And I have my own, you know, versions of, you know, if Dakota Johnson walks into. I sign a sex contract.

[Chrissy]

Well, TLC is your guilty pleasure.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, TLC is my guilty pleasure. And that's just as dumb as anything you've seen in the movie. So I can't. I'm not throwing stones. But I walk in and astrid is watching 50 Shades of Gray for the, like, 200th time I've seen it. And so I'm laughing at her. I'm like, oh, my God, Astrid, what are you doing? And she's like, it's my favorite movie. It's like one of those things you gotta. You know, you gotta watch it when it comes on. And I'm like, okay, all right, gotcha. And so then for the next, like, five nights in a row, whenever I go into the room and I'm here in the studio and I go into the room, Astrid's got, like, the covers over her head, but I can see the phone on the light of her phone. And I'm like. I see that she's reading something, but I'm, like, trying to get a sneak peek. I'm like, huh? What's this guy? What are you doing over there?

[Chrissy]

She's got the covers of her head.

[Brian Green]

Like. Like, kind of buried in the COVID Like, pillows all around her, like, you know, like, cuddled up to a book or whatever. And so last night, I walk in the room and Astrid is again, like, laying on the bed. Like, you know, covers. I. I think she's sleeping, but then I notice, like, a little peak of light. And I. I walk over there and I'm like. Like, are you. What kind of smut are you reading over there? But she can't hear me because, of course, it's a wind tunnel in my house after 7pm so I'm like, what in the world is going on over there. Astro, what are you doing? And so she, you know, so it's going to. And I go into the bathroom and she starts texting me. Like I'm two feet away and she's texting and she's like, did you ask me what I was reading? And I said, yeah, what kind of smut are you reading? Is what I asked, what kind of smut are you reading? And she said, Sundays, I'm reading 5050 Shades of Gray, but this time it's from Christian Gray's perspective.

[Chrissy]

Oh.

[Brian Green]

And I was like, wait, hold on. What, what do you mean from Christian Gray's perspective? And she goes, well, the first one was from Anastasia's perspective and now this newer version is from Christian Grey's perspective. And I'm just, you know, I'm loving it. And I'm like, okay, I have ammunition for the rest of my fucking life. First of all, I get it. I am. You look at me, I know you married me. And you probably found some value in that at the time.

[Mom]

I said I did until I didn't. I said I do until I don't.

[Brian Green]

I know that there's some kind of value there. But I also understand I'm not a billionaire.

[Chrissy]

Not yet.

[Brian Green]

Not yet. I'm not a billionaire. I'm not, you know, I get all the things that I'm not and I get this fantasy fills all that in for you and it's a 2D version, but whatever. And you know, I get all that, but I have ammunition for the rest of my life because I'll be God damned if Assert doesn't walk in half the time, see me watching something stupid and is like, what are you, what trash is this? You know, little people on top of a house, you know, seven Little Johnston's My Big Fat Fabulous Life, you know, £400 and walking or whatever the it is that I'm, that I'm watching, you know, and I'm like, I'm always like defending myself. I'm like, hey, it's, you know, it's something to be on in the background. I'm always minimizing. This is something. I don't know. It was on when I got turned on the tv.

[Chrissy]

Well, there, although there are those shows that you watch to have something on in the background where you don't really have to pay attention to it, but you know what's happening, you know, keep it up and up.

[Brian Green]

You get it, right?

[Chrissy]

And I do.

[Brian Green]

And this is one of those things. Like now I've kind of Drifted away from the TLC a little bit. Now I'm like watching back to Prestige tv. I'm watching a British show called Brassic right now, which is fantastic if you get a chance to watch it. But anyway, so I just, I thought to myself in the shower, I'm like, I am never, ever going to not have ammunition again for Astrid whenever she asks me what I'm watching. Because I'm going to be like, you literally read the same book twice from two different perspectives in the book. I mean, if there's. The silliest thing I've ever heard is to put two different perspectives together. Do you see Harry Potter from like, you know, Mordor's perspective? No, of course you don't. Why? Because. Because I don't know. Because that's not a thing that things do. They're writing books from different people's perspectives. It's an interesting. It's an interesting take on it.

[Chrissy]

Yes.

[Brian Green]

But I know what Astrid's really doing. Little self care. Self care of the moon.

[Chrissy]

That's right.

[Brian Green]

Hey, why not? Listen, whatever.

[Chrissy]

Yeah. No, I mean, it is, it's. It's kind of like an escapism.

[Brian Green]

Do you do your. Like, I know this is such like a. Probably like a. I don't know, Christina would call it like a misogynistic thing to say. But like, I do think that women that you get into those, like, romance novel, like a good book, you dig into it and you. You cuddle up and you fantasize in your head. Do you do that? Do you have, like, romance novels that you read?

[Chrissy]

I've never really been the romance route. Mine's more like mystery and suspense.

[Brian Green]

Oh, mystery.

[Chrissy]

And also biographies about, you know, all the sex, drugs, rock and roll from the 60s and 70s.

[Brian Green]

Nothing like whacking off to a good Led Zeppelin. Sex. Next story. And I put the shark right in a.

[Chrissy]

I didn't say it was wacky, doctor.

[Brian Green]

No, I'm kidding. I'm just joking.

[Chrissy]

That's. That's my reading of choice.

[Brian Green]

That's your reading of choice? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've never gotten into it either. I. I mean, obviously I'm. This not my target. I'm not the target market. I do remember, however, I will say this. When I spent the. When I. When I had the unfortunate opportunity to spend a couple of days in the county correctional facility, they had like the book cart that came around.

[Chrissy]

Oh, yeah.

[Brian Green]

But none of it was good. It was all trash. I actually read one good book about like, Indian boy who was growing up and like, it was an amazing novel. Like, it was an amazing. Okay, I can't remember. I wish I could remember the name of it. I'd read it again. But it kept me company for at least a couple days. It kept me company. But they all. A lot of those books were like trashy romance novels with like the hunky guy on the front and the girl with breast almost hanging out. Yes, yes, exactly. And we'd all comment to ourselves, like, what the fuck? And I guess they didn't want to, like, you know, give us stuff that would incite violence. I wanted like, stuff that would be more soft and loving. So one time, the book I got finished with, the book that I was like, that I liked and you know, I was like, oh, let me find another book. But on the cart was only like ten trashy romance novels. That was it. That was all that was on the cart. Everything else was out. Somebody else was reading it. And so I took one of those trashy romance novels. I could not get 30 pages into that. And I was like, you know, know. And his members swole with attention and her nipples stood up like two flag poles and drool came off his, you know, his mandinus. It was like, what? And his. His what? What was the. I used to say this all the time. His pre shower started and she. And she took it in her. Yeah, and she took it on her tongue like the gift that it was his pre shower.

[Chrissy]

Oh, my God.

[Brian Green]

They find the most interesting ways to talk about sex. It was awesome.

[Chrissy]

They do. Those are funny.

[Brian Green]

You know what I'd like? I'd like to. If the listeners are fans of romance novels and you have any of those passages that you find particularly funny, let me know. I would definitely like to read a couple of those on the show. If you remember, we did like, oh, well, the dolphin sex or something.

[Chrissy]

The dragon sex.

[Brian Green]

Oh, yeah, the dragon sex. That was hot. Even I was getting turned off, baby. Fizzles and snizzles for shizzles. All right, another episode in the books. We're keeping them a little short this week so we can make sure that we keep Chrissy and for the rest of the week because it's a long week for us and so I don't want to burn you out. I just don't.

[Chrissy]

I'm good. I just have a stubborn cough.

[Brian Green]

What's that?

[Chrissy]

I said I'm good. I just have this stubborn cough.

[Brian Green]

I know, but if we keep you talking like for long periods of time, it's going to make your voice kind of rumble.

[Chrissy]

Gravely like Miley.

[Brian Green]

Yes. You're. You're pre shower. You're gravity. Pre shower. He showed me his swelling member, his lengthy locks, and then he took off in a helicopter. Lengthy locks wrapped around my love hole.

[Chrissy]

Skin on skin.

[Brian Green]

Skin on skin. It's all good. Whatever you're into. I see you, Astrid. Don't you ever make fun of me about TLC again. This is my morning shot across the valve. I'm gonna go out and directly apologize to her for anything she might or might not hear on the commercial break over the next couple of days.

[Chrissy]

Yes, probably a good idea.

[Brian Green]

Self preservation, that's what that is. All right. TCBpodcast.com that's where you go. You find out more information about the show. You watch all the video, listen to all the audio. It's all right there. From one location. TCB podcast.com you can also get your free sticker. Hit the contact us button, drop down menu. I want my free sticker. Send us your address and away it will go. You can also contact us there. You want to leave us a message or say something, but you can do that. Please do. We'd love it if you would text us. 212-4333, TCB. 212-4333 TCB. Questions, comments, concerns, content, ideas. You're gonna come to one of our live shows. We'd love to hear it all. Let us know. Send us a message, voicemail or text message and we will respond. I do promise.

[Chrissy]

Or Petey the pigeon.

[Brian Green]

Or Petey the Pigeon? Do you have a Petey the Pigeon? Have you found Petey the pigeon? Pigeon be. The pigeon went away, by the way. And I still think that kid killed him. But that's my personal opinion. At the commercial break on on Tick Tock, add the commercial break on Instagram, TCV podcast on tick tock and YouTube.com the commercial break for all of our guest interviews and selected clips. Okay, Chrissy. I guess that's all I can do for today.

[Chrissy]

I think so.

[Brian Green]

But I love you.

[Chrissy]

I love you, you.

[Brian Green]

Best to you. Best to you and best to you out there in the podcast universe. Until next time. Chrissy and I always say. We do say. And we must say goodbye. I gotta get some cocaine. That'll be crazy.