Ding Dong! Welcome to The Villages..

Summary

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Podcast Summary: The Commercial Break

Episode Title: Ding Dong! Welcome to The Villages..
Air Date: August 7, 2025
Hosts: Bryan Green & Krissy Hoadley
Theme: An irreverent, off-the-cuff comedic exploration of America’s largest retirement community—The Villages, Florida. Bryan and Krissy riff on pop culture, classic TV, wild internet rumors, and speculate absurdly about their own future there (drugs, loofah codes, golf cart drama, and all).

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Episode Overview

Bryan and Krissy dig into the myths, allure, and notorious urban legends surrounding The Villages, an enormous 55+ retirement paradise in Florida. Using their signature brand of chaotic, deeply unserious banter, they roam through tales of retirement wildness: swinging scenes, golf cart pileups, coded loofah signals, and an imagined future of narcotic escapism. Along the way, they detour into TV nostalgia (Fargo, Alien, Breaking Bad, King of the Hill), personal stories, and sharply observational comedy about aging, love, and the irresistible draw of Florida weirdness.

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Main Discussion Points & Insights

1. TV, Movies, and Aging: Nostalgic Riffs

• [02:11] Bryan opens with mock news about Ice Cube’s disastrous “War of the Worlds” remake and raves about Hulu’s new series “Alien,” led by the guy who rebooted Fargo.
• Fargo gets passionate praise as “one of the greatest movies ever made,” with Bryan insisting:

  “I will fight you if you disagree… You feel the cold, you feel the Midwest, you feel the desperation.” (04:11 Bryan)

• They reminisce about “King of the Hill,” whose revival gets them excited; they share Mike Judge trivia and mourn Boomhaeur’s voice actor.
• Spiraling, they extoll the brilliance of “Breaking Bad” and “Better Call Saul,” digging into antiheroes and why we root for monsters like Heisenberg.

2. Marriage, Gifts & Kids: "Romance" in Real Life

• [17:38] Bryan and Krissy exchange thanks for anniversary wishes from listeners. Bryan details his heartfelt (if nerdy) AI-generated song and the tale of the infamous “forever rose” gift—a flub that led to comic spousal negotiation.

• “What do you want me to do with this? Carry it around?” (Astrid, paraphrased by Bryan, 19:20)

• Their humor grounds into relatable chaos: potty training mishaps, kids’ pranks, lost romance while raising a family.

3. The Villages: Lore, Legends & Reality

• [24:05] The hosts dig into the lore of The Villages, Florida—painting it as both utopian and a den of debauchery.
• Unique trivia:
  • 57 square miles, ~150,000 residents
  • Over 100 golf courses, numerous “town squares,” restaurants, and activities “every hour of every day.”
• They unpack rumors (with both skepticism and hope) of rampant STDs, swinging culture, “loofah code” on golf carts (different loofah colors signal sexual openness—urban legend or true?).

Notable Quote

“Instead of pineapples … it’s loofahs. You put colored loofah on your golf cart… different colors mean different things: blue is like ‘I just watch’, green is ‘go for it, I’m ready’, yellow is—you know—we like to pee…”
— Bryan (28:25)

4. Watching a 55+ YouTube Channel (React/Mock Interludes)

• [31:05–54:20] The hosts play/recap a young YouTuber’s interviews from The Villages (“Explore55Plus”), pausing for color commentary:
  • Residents interviewed sound happy, but always manage to complain (“All I’ve heard is bitching about handicap spots,” Bryan, 35:13)
  • Golf carts are central—pride and peril of the place

    “If you want to have some fun, go to YouTube… golf cart accidents at The Villages… It is really funny.” (32:25 Bryan)

  • Social scene is lively, but the “loofah lore” remains full of denials, half-confirmations, and urban myth status.
  • They speculate endlessly on which residents are “in the lifestyle,” and mock the delicate way the YouTuber tiptoes around off-color topics.
• Midsection is rich in quick-witted shade: on the food, on “drunk grandmas,” on why old people have “no taste buds anyway,” and the nature of retirement hedonism.

Memorable Exchange

Bryan: “You don’t wear a gold chain like that unless you’ve been to a few strip clubs on Tuesday night.”
Krissy: “Plus, she’s buying dinner tonight.”
Bryan: “Did you just grab his dick?” (38:20–38:35)

5. Speculative Future & “Responsible” Escapism

• Bryan and Krissy riff on their own hypothetical retirement:
  • Intentionally wild plans (narcotics, swinging, golf cart dealing), all played for darkly comic effect.
  • Reflection on drugs & old age:

    “Get your shit together in your late twenties… then when you retire, just hit it as fucking hard as you can!” (Bryan, 55:03)

• They joke about setting up a delivery service for narcotics via golf cart, inspired by a real “cab driver” drug dealer from Bryan’s past.

6. On Aging, Death, and Rebellion

• In classic dark-comedy mode, Bryan imagines his own obituary:

  “Bryan Green, former mediocre comedy podcaster… dies of crack overdose in the Villages, Florida at age 88. Byline: no one cares.” (56:15)

• They touch on the unappreciated freedom—and absurdity—of old age: taking risks, doing what you want, going out with a bang.

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Notable Quotes & Moments with Timestamps

• Bryan on Fargo:

  “It’s so visceral… You feel it in your bones. That movie makes me anxious. Like when he’s fudging the numbers! We’ve all had that sense of desperation about some bullshit in our lives.” (04:08)

• Krissy on Steve Buscemi:

  “Just put him in anything and he’s fantastic.” (05:19)

• On 'loofah code' & rumors:

  “There’s a key somewhere. … it goes around in an email chain.” (29:13, Bryan)

• Classic groaner:

  “Yellow is… we like golden showers.” (28:51, Krissy)

• On retirement community criticisms:

  “How did this guy manage to get into a conversation for three minutes and already everyone’s complained about everything?” (35:09, Bryan)

• Bryan, after a resident grabs himself:

  “Did you just grab his dick? … Plus, she’s buying dinner. Ding dong! He just rang the bell. Ding dong!” (38:31–38:36)

• On plans for their own Villages adventure:

  “I want to be the Heisenberg of The Villages. … We already heard it, there’s a market. We can have a little delivery service in the golf cart.” (57:14, 58:06–58:10, Bryan)

• On intergenerational regret:

  “I’m not gonna get to enjoy this 55+ community because my kids will be 5+ when I’m 55+.” (63:19, Bryan)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• [02:11–09:24] – TV & movie hot takes, return of King of the Hill/Fargo/Alien digression
• [17:38–21:43] – Anniversary thank-yous, “forever rose,” personal marriage bits
• [24:05–30:28] – The Villages profile, urban legends, loofahs, STDs, the “coded” golf cart life
• [31:05–54:54] – “Explore55Plus” YouTube recap, host reactions and mockery
• [55:03–59:51] – Responsible drug and party advice, aging philosophy, Bryan’s imagined demise
• [63:19–end] – Realizations about retirement age, sad truths about making it to The Villages

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Final Thoughts & Tone

Liberally laced with absurd tangents, Bryan and Krissy deliver the show in their signature self-deprecating, candid, and irreverent style. Their relationship with the audience is warm and inclusive, encouraging listeners to both laugh at and reflect on life’s wilder sociocultural corners. This episode is an engaging, slightly unhinged romp through nostalgia, urban legend, and the bizarre appeal of Florida retirement.

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For Listeners New & Old

Whether you’re contemplating your own escape to The Villages or just want an unfiltered look at suburban legend and midlife madness, this episode highlights why The Commercial Break has its “Cheesecake Factory of comedy” reputation—vast, unpredictable, and a whole lot of fun.

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Transcript

[A]

Today, Else I'm sure you had it before, but.

[B]

You now.

[A]

On this episode of the commercial break, more question. This is, this is. Are the rumors true? Oh, I have no idea. We, I have read about your loofah situation. Ah, see a little bit of anecdotal confirmation there, Chrissy. But other than that, I have no idea. We're too cute for that. Yeah, I got too cute of a bride for 32 years anyway, man. So hell with it.

[C]

So hell with the loofah.

[A]

Yeah, like you've never strayed. Come on, dude, you don't wear a gold chain like that unless you've been to a few strip clubs on Tuesday night.

[C]

Well, plus she's buying dinner tonight.

[A]

Did he just grab his dick?

[B]

He did.

[A]

He just grabbed his dick. Plus she's buying dinner. Ding dong. He just rang the bell. Ding dong.

[C]

The next episode of the commercial break starts now.

[A]

Oh, yeah. Cats and kittens, welcome back to the commercial break. I'm Brian Green. This is my dear friend and the co host of this show, Chris Joy Hoadley. Best to you, Chris.

[B]

Best to you, Brian.

[A]

Best to you out there in the podcast universe. How the hell are you? Thanks for joining. I was just reading that Ice Cube's new rendition of War of the Worlds, the movie everybody's been waiting for, has a zero on rotten tomatoes. A 000, as they say in Spanish, en espanole, estero, et cetera.

[B]

That's bad.

[A]

Who knew? Who knew that Ice Cube's acting career would take such a terrible turn? Wasn't in. No, that was the other one.

[B]

He was on Friday.

[A]

He was in Friday. He was good in Friday.

[B]

That was great.

[A]

Friday's a class.

[B]

It is a classic.

[A]

Yeah, but War of the Worlds, it doesn't look too good. I watched the trailer a couple weeks ago and I was like, what in the what in the is this? What in the trashy movie ass is this?

[B]

I haven't even seen the trailer.

[A]

This might be a future TCB minus if I'm being honest. Because it's real.

[B]

It's gonna go straight to TCP minus.

[A]

Straight to TCB minus. Matter of fact, Ice, give me a call, we'll make a deal right now. I'll give you half of whatever revenue we make on the show. 0.0. However, what does look good is the new aliens that is on Hulu. So I think it's Josh. No, not Josh Howley. He's a guy who works in the Senate.

[B]

I think that did get good reviews.

[A]

It got incredible reviews. I went down a rabbit Hole last night of trailers and special screenings and all this other shit and that. It's a 12 part series. I think it's 12 parts. And he did Fargo. He brought Fargo back to fx.

[B]

Oh, I loved that show.

[A]

All of those seasons are every single one of them. Every single. We know. Really all redeemable, if not great, for sure. Like, well worth watching.

[B]

I loved watching those. I'm sad they're not continuing. They should just keep continuing them.

[A]

I totally agree with you. And to. To bring back such a. Like, to touch a movie like Fargo, at first, I thought was sacrilege, because Fargo is one of the greatest movies ever made. And I will fight you if you disagree. I will argue with you until we're all blue in the face about Fargo being one of the best movies ever. You feel it in your bones. You feel the cold, you feel the Midwest. You feel the desperation. You feel the. Just everything about that movie. It's so visceral.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I love it.

[B]

Definitely my top 10.

[A]

Give me Fargo to make me anxious. Every time I watch that movie, I get anxious. Like when he gets caught, like, with the, like, mate, fudging the numbers. I'm like, we've all had that sense of desperation about some bullshit in our life. And don't lie to me that you haven't. It may not have been, you know, $500,000 worth of, you know, VIN numbers disappearing, but it was something, you know, you. I don't know what it was, but some. So all of us have felt that sense of desperation, and that's why that movie is so great, is because while it's an exaggerated version of what probably has we've all felt in our lives. We've all felt it in our lives. I just love it. Every bit about it. And, hey, listen, Jose Feliciano is in the movie. Wow. Who wants a comment tonight?

[B]

That's right. I just love Steve Buscemi, too.

[A]

Steve Buscemi is. He's a guy. Steve Buscemi is a guy.

[B]

He is in. You just put him in anything, and he's fantastic.

[A]

Yes. Let me see here. Just give me one second. Fargo. This song gets me every time. Not like I love it, but it's a song that just gets. Oh, here we go. There we go. All right, let's see if I can play it. Let's see if my kids are. Oh, no, that's not it. Oh, yeah, that's it. Oh, wait. Oh, this is Chuck Manioni.

[B]

He just died.

[A]

Oh, this is a great segue. This is a great segue. Chrissy.

[B]

He just died because I. This is the same song that I'm always. Like, what theme song is that from? Like, what TV show theme song is that from? And I looked it up and it said, that is one of the best examples of a song that is not actually a theme song.

[A]

What do they call that effect? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Mandela effect.

[B]

Yeah, I think it's the Mandela, but.

[A]

Yeah, it is. It's the Mandela effect. Yeah, we've talked about it on the show. Oh, what a great song. All right, so here. First of all, I had to play that in band in high school. Yes, we did. We had a guitarist and a French hornist, like a French horn player. That was really spectacular. And they went to town on this song. And the band leader of the kid with the French horn, dude, this lady. This girl was so fantastic. Wish I could remember her name. I was shouted out right now. She. I was kind of in love with the French horn player. Not because I loved the French. I love the way she worked the French horn. I love the sound that came out of it. I love the way she held her body proud and loud, and she just rocked it. And they did that. We. The band leader, Bryant. Bryant pointed out the only two people in the entire fucking band that could play anything worth a shit and said, you two are gonna do a song. And they picked Chuck Mangione's song. And I'll tell you what, I loved that saxophone. I probably. If you gave me a saxophone, I could probably still play it right now because it was one of my favorite things we ever did because we didn't do a lot. That was fantastic. The guy was into all kind of shitty music. But anyway, Chuck Mangione also played a big role in a little show in the 90s and 2000s called King of the.

[B]

Yes, he did.

[A]

King of the Hill.

[B]

When I was researching him, I figured that out.

[A]

Let us not shit on King of the Hill as one of the best cartoon television shows ever created by the brilliant. The gentleman who created Beavis and Butthead. Yeah, Mike Judge. And Mike Judge got an order to bring King of the Hill back. They've been asking him for a long time, and he ended the show. I think it's about 10 years ago, the show.

[B]

Yeah, it's been around, or it's been.

[A]

Off for a while, but he finally decided everywhere. Yeah, it's still everywhere. I love it. It's. It's like Bluey. It's ridiculous. It's a cartoon. Why are we watching it? And then there's life lessons all throughout it. And it's also fudgeing. Hilarious. And so King of the Hill is back. I think in a couple of days. It's coming back. It's got 12 episodes. I'm really excited. Boom, Howard died. Like, the guy who played Boom Howard died earlier this year and like, some freak gun accident or something was like, shot to death or some shit. But boom, Howard is back for this season. He managed to complete his lines. So I'm super excited to see King of the Hill and it's going to be on Hulu. So Hulu's got two things coming. Alien and King of the Hill. And I'm ready for all of it. Can't wait. Finally the kids are back in school. They're going to go to bed a little bit earlier.

[B]

Thank the Lord.

[A]

Thank the Lord. Thank the Lord. Thank Jesus up in heaven.

[B]

Thank the Lord.

[A]

Thank Jesus up in heaven, Chrissy. Because I can't take any more of it. I mean, sometimes they go to camps and that's good. They'll be gone for a couple hours in the day, but they haven't been in camps for these last couple of weeks, and I just can't.

[B]

Well, 30 children is a lot to have at the house.

[A]

You walked. We're potty training. Our last. And she just. She put a pile of her dolls down on the floor and then popped a squat and peed all over them. Because that's the kind of attitude. That's the kind of rock and roll fucking attitude this kid has. You know her and this is.

[B]

I know her and I love her.

[A]

This tracks. This tracks.

[B]

That's hilarious. Why wait?

[A]

I don't know, Chrissy. I don't know.

[B]

She felt comfortable with the dolls, I think. Or. Or she wanted to get rid of the dogs.

[A]

No, I think it is because she knows it'll get a rise. And she is all about a good prank. She's all about a good prank. Whether she's throwing dog food around the house or, you know, I don't know. What did she do the other day? She. Oh, one of the kids came up with, like, a plastic baseball bat and they were just like, swinging it around and it hit me right near the potatoes. And I was like, oh, dude, watch it. Don't get it. Don't get near anybody's potatoes. You don't want to hit this area on anybody. It's really sensitive.

[B]

Don't go hurt.

[A]

And I turn around and my daughter's coming full bore right at me. And I was like, ah, why did you do that? And she Was like, just had a shitty, eat shit grin on her face because she loves to get her eyes.

[B]

Oh, you've got your hand.

[A]

Oh, she's a boomhauer. That's what she is. She's a little boom. She's Stitch in real life form. She's Stitch. That's what she is. So anyway, yeah, Ice Cube getting no love. Alien getting all the love. King of the Hill already has a lot of actors.

[B]

What did you say about a 12 part series?

[A]

Alien is a new series.

[B]

Oh, it's a series.

[A]

It's a series.

[B]

Got it.

[A]

Like, you know Alien, the classic movie.

[B]

Right?

[A]

Aliens, the classic movie. Then they had like Alien, Prometheus and Alien. I didn't see the most recent too, but Alien, the movie is like a work of art.

[B]

Oh, it is.

[A]

I don't like horror movies.

[B]

It is so scary.

[A]

So, so scary. It's dark, it's dreary, it's scary. It, it's. You feel so isolated. Like you feel claustrophobic when you watch that movie. And that's the intent. And I love it. And I'm not a horror movie kind of guy. I could skip it all day long. But Alien is a great movie.

[B]

Oh, it is.

[A]

And so the same guy who brought and two.

[B]

I remember being really good too.

[A]

Aliens with an S. Okay. Yes. That was. That's when the little thing was pregnant and it had like two heads come out of it. Disney used to have this ride, the Great Movie Ride. Anybody who's been to Disney World, when it was called MGM or I guess Hollywood Studios for a time, they had this great movie ride. You'd get in this big thing, like, carried like 50 people. Yeah. And then it would just drive around this big studio and the studio was divided into certain scenes of famous movies.

[B]

That's fun.

[A]

So, like Singing in the Rain, Indiana Jones, like a bunch of different stuff, but one of the scenes was Aliens. And so you'd go into this part, the doors would close, you'd be in this dark room, alarms going off, you know, smoke, red lights, all this other stuff. And then all of a sudden, out of the ceiling, ceiling would come that thing right at you, like, oh, my.

[B]

God, I would love that.

[A]

Oh, it was the first time it happened. It was terrifying because you don't expect it. And here it comes right out of the ceiling.

[B]

Anyway, I love stuff like that.

[A]

Great movie. But the same guy who did the Fargo reboot on television is also doing the Alien.

[B]

Well, then I'm. I'm in. I'm going to trust it because those Fargo shows were great.

[A]

It's gotten great reviews for. From people who have already seen some of the episodes. And. Yeah, I'll bite. Why not? Sure. I don't see it. There's not another Fargo this year. At least I don't think there is. So I'll buy. I don't know. Is that coming back for a fifth season?

[B]

No, the last one with Jon Hamm was the last one.

[A]

That's something. All good things come to it.

[B]

I know, but they should bring it back.

[A]

When are they going to bring back Heisenberg and get some more Breaking Bad episodes? This guy. It's got to happen at some point.

[B]

I know, right? Well, they came out with the movie.

[A]

I know.

[B]

And that was pretty good.

[A]

I liked it. I liked it. Didn't love it.

[B]

And then there was the Better Call Saul.

[A]

Better Call Saul was so good. Is as good as Breaking Bad. My personal opinion. As good as Breaking Bad. I loved. I almost looked forward to Better Call Saul more than I looked forward to a Breaking Bad episode. And I think the reason why is. And I watched Breaking Bad from the very first episode.

[B]

I wasn't watching it with you.

[A]

No.

[B]

Jeff and I ended up getting Come coming to it later and.

[A]

Oh, really?

[B]

Of course, then we were obsessed with it.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. You get six episodes in and you. How can you not watch the 7th and the 8th and every other one after that? It's so everyone. Every episode, a piece of art. So well done. The storyline just. It always was plausible. I mean, listen, none of it was actually plausible, but it always connected. The loose ends were tied up in some way, shape or form. There were never any dangling participles, which I fucking hate in a series like that. And so many of those, you know, prestige TV series are guilty of. But Breaking Bad, I watched from the very first episode because I loved Bryan Cranston from Malcolm in the Middle.

[B]

You did. You were a big Malcolm the Middle.

[A]

Fan, which is another fucking fantastic show. And Bryan Cranston shows off his chops in that show. He is a comedic genius. He uses his body and his face and his mouth and his words in ways that are just brilliant, in my opinion. Go watch Malcolm in the Middle if you want to have a fun time. But then, so I was like, oh, I'll bite. I like Bryan Cranston. Is this a comedy? What is this? And it was far from a comedy. But he is funny in the show at times. But to watch that transformation, however I was. That was unfolding, just, you know, unfolding. And we didn't really know what it would become. I know I was obsessed. I know I loved it. But I didn't understand the totality of Breaking Bad and what it would become, what Bryan Cranston would become as Heisenberg. This. Yeah. You were rooting from her for him at first. Then you were questioning why you were rooting for him then. He was a total lunatic, but you still managed to root for him. And then he was like the worst person on earth, but you were praying that he was alive and that he would be freed from the. That he wouldn't suffer any consequences. It's like you became obsessed with this absolutely evil person with very little morals or values, but you wanted to root for him. And that's why I think Jesse became a necessity in that show, because he relieved that moral valve a little bit.

[B]

That's true.

[A]

You felt like somebody in this craziness has some redeeming value. And that's why Jesse, I think, became such a critical role. And what. He was very good in that role. He. You could feel empathetic for him. Where at the end, the Bryan Cranston role of Heisenberg, Walt. It was kind of like, is there any redeeming value about. You kill people, you murder people, you blow people up. You don't care who gets in your way. You just want money. That's it. That's all you want. Anyway, I didn't. I didn't realize what it would become then. When I watch Better Call Saul, I understand within the first season that this is already super fucking fantastic. And they're going so far back. It's like starting at the beginning with, like, petty crimes and little shits that Saul would do. You knew where it was going.

[B]

And his partner, too, on that show.

[A]

Kim.

[B]

Kim, she was so good. I loved her ponytail.

[A]

She was good.

[B]

She really was.

[A]

She was good. What a beautiful woman, too. I mean, just like, really gorgeous. Such a great actress. The two of them played off. Off each other so well. Anyway, I didn't mean this to turn into a diatribe about Breaking Bad. King of the Hill. Fargo. Fargo, yeah. All the shows that you've already watched. Sorry. Sorry about that. What I really wanted to say at the beginning of all this was thank you, everyone who wrote in and gave kind words to Astrid and I's anniversary.

[B]

Yes, yes.

[A]

Very lovely of you. Some people have asked, what are you going to do? Well, we've already celebrated a little bit, but we're going to go have a dinner. You know, when you have three kids, it's really hard to get away for too much time. But we have some help, so we're going to go have a dinner at a restaurant we wanted to see. What did you get each other? Was a question I got like, what is the 9th year anniversary surprise? Well, Astrid wrote some beautiful words to me, and I took over the last couple of months have taken my AI band. Yes. Chat 33P. And I have programmed it 33B. I. I programmed it meticulously to make a song for Astrid. But you won't hear it here, but it was a song that I made for.

[B]

That is very sweet.

[A]

Yeah. And I sent it to her.

[B]

You guys are so romantic.

[A]

We can be. We can be. Not every day when you have kids, life is not romantic.

[B]

It's just like the rose that you got her in the glass or whatever.

[A]

Oh, I got her. Yeah, I got her a glass rose, and one of my kids broke that. She was like, oh, that's a thing. I. I go, I'm gonna get her a forever rose. It's so lovely. Look at that. I spent I don't know how many hundreds of dollars on it. This forever Rose. Gold dipped in gold stays forever that way. Blooming and beautiful and all this. And I gave it to her for, like, our first anniversary. I was like, here you go. Ta da. Ta da. I put it on the. I remember. I put it up on the mantel with, like, a little car. And she was like, what's this? And I go, it's a forever rose. What does it do? And it stays like that forever. And she's like, is that actual gold? And I was like, yeah, it's dipped in gold. And she was like, wow, how much did that cost? And I was like, what does it matter? Why does it matter? And she's like, well, it's great, but what are we gonna do with the forever rose? What do you want me to do with this? Carry it around? I don't know.

[B]

You should have gotten, like, a thing that you can stick on the dashboard of the car.

[A]

One of those suction cups for the forever Rose so she can take it around. Yeah. She's like, have you ever heard of Carolina Herrera? Because I'm not saying it's bad. I'm just not saying it's good. I'm not telling you you shouldn't have got it. But I'm also not saying you should have got it. I don't want to see him ungrateful.

[B]

I've never heard of Carolyn.

[A]

I don't want to seem ungrateful, but I also don't want to seem grateful. So I'm just going to let you know, I would have preferred a vacuum, if I'm being honest. So, you know, hey, listen, you have hits, you have misses. What are you going to do? Yeah, I thought I was being romantic. Meanwhile, I literally ordered it at a stand in the middle of a mall. Had to come pick it up. I'm not even kidding.

[B]

I remember those things.

[A]

Yeah, that's where I got the idea. And they had, like, one sample. One. And you had to order it because it was so much money that, you know, they don't have inventory at those places. They don't even have money. I think they give those things away for free, those little stands. I don't think you need any money. I think you can just show up with shit and start selling.

[B]

I think you could. At one particular place I'm thinking about.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. 10 places you could think. Yeah. Even Lennox Mall. All those stores are going out of business. That's insane. I have a feeling we're in for a rough financial ride over the next three years. I really do. I think this is. I. Well, I don't want. Anyway, Whatever cares. Yeah, you're welcome. You're welcome. To Astro.

[B]

You're a sweetheart, and she's a sweetheart, and I love the two of you. We're all sweethearts.

[A]

We're all sweethearts. Everyone's a sweetheart.

[B]

And I'm so happy you two found each other.

[A]

Thank you very much. And thank you to the audience for. For texting in. I appreciate you being invested in our. In our love. When we get a divorce, you're on my team. Just remember that you come with me. All right, let's take a break. We'll be back. Hey there, cats and kittens. It's Rachel. I have a terrible cold, but Brian wanted me to pass along the message that tcb's exclusive merch drop happens Friday, August 8th through the 22nd. You can pre order your limited edition commercial break hat, hoodie, university sweater, or T shirts and get an exclusive TCB sticker free with every purchase. Go to shoptcbpodcast.com Friday, August 8th through the 22nd to pre order your merch, because when the window closes, it closes for good. So mark it on your calendars. Friday, August 8th through the 22nd. Shop tcb podcast.com Now I'm gonna go take some DayQuil and feed Axel more pork chops. Best to you. One of the ongoing jokes that all of us have here at the household, including Chrissy, is that Astrid, someday Chrissy and I will Retire to the villages while Astrid continues to live her young life out in a manner befitting of a queen. While Chrissy and I continue to do episodes of the commercial break bringing in that hog money that we've been bringing for so long. Remember, we're not part of that 3%, Prof. G. Said we're part of the 5%, the ones who are barely hanging on sliver. Yeah, I'd rather be in like the 10% and just have a day job or be in the 3% and make $20 million a year like Prof. G, but it's not happening. So one of the, the visions that Chrissy and I had after we heard about the villages was that we would be down in the villages in One of the 30 different neighborhoods they have their 152 golf courses, Margaritaville. And we'd be down there hanging out, living out our best lives by staying intoxicated on narcotics as much as possible, like apparently a lot of people are. Now, I realize a lot of this is conjecture and that it's probably mostly not true, but I have been hearing things on the Internet over the last couple of weeks, months, I think, because I was down in Florida, they were serving me up village villages content. I have a, an uncle in law. Just like an addendum to the story. I have an uncle in law who owns property on abutting one of the villages. And for years and years and years the sons of the man who started the villages have been pitching him, trying to get that, trying to get that land. And he's been doing improvements and building roads and all this other stuff. I think he's, he's going to come to a price and it's. He's going to be fabulously wealthy because they just keep on buying up land down there, keep on buying it up.

[B]

There's more demand.

[A]

Yes. They own 57 square miles of Central Florida. 57 square miles. That's how big the villages is. Last check it was over 150,000 residents. It's 55 plus according to Kathleen Madigan, whose mother lives down there. If you are not 55 plus, you cannot stay the night on the property. You can visit, but you cannot stay the night on the property.

[B]

Stay the night.

[A]

Kathleen Madigan has a joke about it. She says, I wonder if that's just what my mom's telling me. I didn't read any of that anywhere and I've been through a lot of villages material.

[B]

Yeah, my Dad's in a 55 plus community and that's not hard. And they come Kick you out.

[A]

Yeah. My room is a 55 plus community. I should have a rule about that because I sleep a lot easier. But one of the thing, it is 55 plus though. You do have to own property down there. You have to be 55 plus. They have a hundred and some odd golf courses. A lot of them are a hundred plus golf courses. I think it's 138. And a number of those golf courses are 27 holes. So I mean, but it's 57 square miles. They have the room for it. Right. Lakes, they have different neighborhoods, they have hospitals, they have grocery stores, they have restaurants. Its own little city, even though Hooters is currently in bankruptcy. And the one up in the corner where, near where I live, has seen its better days. I mean, oh my God, I wouldn't eat in there if you paid me to. I ate in there when I first moved here because I actually do like the chicken wings. It was nasty back then. And I don't think it's ever seen. I don't think it's seen a dish rag since. I don't know. But I'm just saying it looks terrible. It looks terrible. Still open. They just opened their first Hooters. And the line to get into the Hooters at the Villages was insane. If I could live another life, if I could be another person, I would be a waitress at the Hooters in the Villages.

[B]

I don't think so.

[A]

With pads on. With knee pads and elbow pads and.

[B]

Head pads real fast.

[A]

Oh, I can only imagine how much shit those girls must take. Old white men.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Drunk, drugged out. They have activities every hour of every day somewhere on the property. I think, according to some people, 24 hours a day, some activity. Yoga, stargazing, whatever. Dancing. Lots and lots of dancing from the videos I've seen. But one of the things that alarmed me, that alarmed me the most is, you know, in America there is a real problem of STDs going around the 55 + community because apparently they are because of Viagra and other supplements that allow men mainly to have continued sex well into their 80s or 90s. Get a hard on. Or a half heart at least. I'm just thinking of that old dude with a half heart.

[B]

Yeah, I'm trying.

[A]

Not in a towel. On it, hanging on it like cars. Brooks. They're having sex and they're doing it unprotected. And they're doing it unprotected. And they're spreading around syphilis and herpes and chlamydia and all this other stuff, the swingers community apparently in the villages is alive, well and kicking.

[B]

Oh, I can imagine.

[A]

And instead of pineapples, while they do still use the traditional pineapples in some way, shape or form.

[B]

Traditional.

[A]

It's loofahs. Loofahs, yes. You put colored loofah on your golf cart because, by the way, like the little mesh ones. Yes, the little mesh ones, yes. And different colors mean different things. Like blue is like, I'm. I just watch. Green is. Go for it. I'm ready. I'm ready to take you right now. Yellow is, you know, we're cautiously.

[B]

We like to pee.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

We like golden showers.

[A]

Yes. Yellow is I have bladder incontinence, so I may directly or indirectly pee on you. Red is, I don't know, can't get it up. But I'm still here for the action. I don't know. There's a bunch of different.

[B]

There's a key somewhere.

[A]

There's a key somewhere. I guess it goes around in an email chain. Yeah. Now lots of people online. There's also. There's a whole ecosystem of like 55 and over, bloggers and podcasters who do, you know, villages content. Like serious villages, like villages news. The villages news, crab apples, wshit. And some of them will say, no, I haven't seen any evidence of that. But then there's plenty of people who do have evidence of it. Video evidence of people putting. Hanging these loofahs. And so I came across this channel. This guy is far from 55 plus. He's probably not even 35.

[B]

I don't imagine a manager. I used to have a newspaper I worked for.

[A]

Oh, really? Maybe that's your old newspaper manager. Maybe he's down doing villages. Hey, Lance. Anyway, he's down in the villages. He has a channel called 55 and over on YouTube. I guess he's a young guy doing content for people that are 55 and over. You know, I can see the. I can see the angle there. He seems to be down at the villages a lot and there's a lot of people who go down to the villages, like younger folks who go down to the villages to hang out on a Friday or Saturday night. Why? I don't know, but I guess the good drugs are there. I'm not really sure.

[B]

There's that.

[A]

There's that. So he's got a video. Are the rumors True? Is basically the title of the video. He's going to go around, talk to some people about some of the rumors that fly around the community. I Thought we would watch it because we got to know where we're getting ourselves involved.

[B]

We do.

[A]

I don't. I need to know what color loofah we're gonna put on our golf cart. Well, I'm gonna put on my golf. We're gonna have separate golf carts.

[B]

Yeah, we'll have separate ones.

[A]

I'll probably be.

[B]

I'll decorate mine differently.

[A]

Yeah, I'll probably be like a rainbow. And that way just know that I'm up for anything. I'm all about it. I'm cautious.

[B]

Just invite me.

[A]

Yes, just tell me. All right, let's take a listen to this.

[C]

We're in the Villages today, Brownwood Square. And we haven't done this video in a while. We're gonna ask people. Worst part about the villages. Best part of the Villages. We're gonna ask people.

[B]

His microphone says road.

[A]

It's road. It's a Roadcaster microphone. Explore55Plus. I'm sorry, that's Explore55Plus.com. I'll give him a shout out. Explore55Plus on YouTube.

[C]

Are the rumors true? Let's go have a couple drinks. Gotta get lubed up for this one. Because it is not an easy thing to go around and just asking people.

[A]

No pun intended.

[B]

I think there was.

[A]

Are they a couple? Maybe. Maybe they're a couple. Maybe he's dating somebody that lives in the Villages.

[B]

I don't know. He's a young, good looking guy.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Huh.

[A]

And wearing a Hawaiian shirt.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I could see how a guy would be into this. An older lady. A sexy older lady living at the Villages. Drive your golf cart around all day, play golf courses, live off Social Security for the next couple years while they're still around kind of stuff.

[C]

So we're gonna grab a beer and she's kind of hungry, so maybe an appetizer.

[A]

And then I think they are a couple. I think I'm getting that vibe. I don't know, the way that they're acting with each other.

[C]

It is Florida rolling on this interview. Let's do it.

[A]

Whoa. Those girls aren't 55 years old. No.

[C]

All right, all right, all right. What's your name first?

[B]

Megan. Batman.

[A]

You can tell just by the way. By the way he's talking to a lady in a golf cart all the way. They. That's the thing down in the Villages, you have to. Yeah, of course. Just like Peachtree City, everybody has a golf cart. And if you want to have some fun online one day, go to YouTube and do villages golf cart accidents and watch all the accidents on videotape of people just drunk, just driving into each other. One guy hits another guy head on. And an old dude just flies out of the golf cart, maybe 10 or 15ft. He's okay, but it is really funny.

[B]

Insurance industry down there for sure.

[A]

And I bet that there is one golf cart salespeople that salesperson that has racking it up a huge McMansion because of this Megan Begman. Ban, ban, ban, ban, ban, ban. Oh, she's sitting on the golf cart and she's like leaned over in a way that only an old drunk lady does.

[C]

All right, well, what's your favorite part about the Villages?

[A]

I'm happier. You seem happy.

[B]

Yes, she does.

[A]

You seem miserable. Awesome. Yep.

[B]

People are nice.

[A]

Some idiots, but there are more people that are nice.

[B]

Yeah, well, it's better than being at home.

[C]

Yeah, it's. It's a very cool lifestyle.

[A]

What's.

[C]

Why don't you like the. The cars after four, I say take up the room.

[A]

You gotta wait for them to leave and people don't move. Yeah.

[C]

Like forever.

[A]

This is exactly what I would imagine the Villages would be. An old lady drunk on a golf cart, bitching about everything. She found a way to complain about her retirement in beautiful central Florida in basically the Disney World. For people over 55 years old. This, by the way, this place is immaculately clean. Beautiful. It's a. It's. It's made up by Disney engineers. I have to imagine park behind the buildings. Why they gotta park here? There's more golf carts and cars now. Look at them. Look all the way from the end. There's more golf carts. So rumor has it you have golf cart jams.

[C]

I'm here 10 years. What do you love about it? Well, I like the activity. I like this music, restaurants. People most of the time are very nice.

[A]

What I don't like, I like hiding in the closet and watching my wife get pounded from behind. I'm here 10 years. I'm here 10 years every night. That's right. Flavor. Save it. Sniff it. Scratch and sniff.

[C]

Is people parking in handicap spots that's not supposed to. And then you get people that park right in the blue spots and nobody.

[A]

Can go up the ring. How did this guy manage to get into a conversation for three minutes and already everyone's complained about everything?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

He's asking you what's nice about the Villages and you're talking about the handicapped spots. Everyone in the Village is this handicap.

[C]

So there's a lot of that going on. And they just don't care, you know? But otherwise, I mean, it's a beautiful place and they're not cheap on stuff. When they do something, they do it top notch.

[A]

Yeah, that I gotta get.

[B]

The woman in the background's like she can barely hold herself up.

[A]

One more GT Mommy. Someone took her golf cart keys away. That's why she sitting there. And by the way, did you notice it's just a row of golf carts?

[B]

Oh yeah.

[A]

And she's at the end and she's just slouched in a down. I mean she's really just like slouching the way only a drunk lady, a drunk person would. And then there's two dudes just grab their lawn chairs. Yeah, just grab their lawn chairs to sit next to the.

[B]

And they're like in some kind of parking lot. Obviously that's where the cars and golf carts are parking.

[A]

Yeah, he's bitching about people parking in the handicap spot. Meanwhile, he's taking up an entire spot with his chair. Oh, the blue fin Gr. This looks good, Chrissy. Yeah, put this on the list of places we got to check out. So. So what we're doing primarily is we're going to do the reverse snowbird bird situation.

[C]

When I initially came down here, I.

[A]

Thought, oh man, you know, but when I just came down here I thought, ah, I'm still 20 year olds. What? I don't belong down here. Look at my hair. I paid a lot for this, this. Ah, but now, now I found just as much here as I did anywhere else. So I'm good. Look at my dentures.

[C]

I love it, brother.

[A]

I mean you got 106 pools, right? You got kicking weather.

[C]

Hey, I highly recommend this place, man.

[A]

It is easy going. It really is. This is going to be me walking around with sunglasses.

[B]

Oh yeah. A little gold chain.

[A]

Trying to make.

[B]

You'll have a little shell.

[A]

Yeah, I'm gonna have a little. Yeah, a little conch shell.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

A hemp necklace. It smells. It's growing mold. Staphylococcus. I'll be getting scarlet fever. It's probably where I got scarlet fever is from my hemp necklace. Trying to make cool with the kids. Hey brother, weather's kicking. Weather's kicking. It's Florida. It's miserable.

[C]

I like one. I like the. I like this summer bird instead of the snowbird because it gets busy. This is almost the time to be down here.

[A]

You don't need a reservation, bro. Right, right, bro. Who is that? Looks like Guy Fieri's long lost uncle. Yeah, he does look like Guy Fieri. Doesn't he imagine he has crazy blonde hair coming out of a headband and he's Guy Fieri. More question. This is, this is. Are the rumors true? Oh, I have no idea. We. I have read about your loofah situation. See a little bit of anecdotal confirmation there, Chrissy. But other than that I have no idea.

[B]

We're just new for that.

[A]

Yeah, I got, I got too cute of a bride for 32 years anyway, man. So hell with it.

[C]

So hell with the loofah.

[A]

Yeah, like you've never strayed. Come on, dude. You don't wear a gold chain like that unless you've been to a few strip clubs on Tuesday night.

[C]

Well, plus she's buying dinner tonight.

[A]

Did you just grab his dick? He did. He just grabbed his dick. Plus she's buying dinner. Ding dong.

[B]

A little adjustment.

[A]

He just rang the bell. Ding dong. That was so funny. I wish every time I grabbed my dick I just. That noise would come out.

[B]

Have it quickly on your phone.

[A]

I know. Look at that. Look at that.

[B]

That is sprawling.

[A]

That's a. There's an aerial shot of the villages. It's amazing. It's amazing. It's a European village. That's what it is. Yeah.

[B]

Looks like they're. They're going around and interviewing people in some kind of little square.

[A]

Town square. I, I read that they have like 22 different town squares.

[B]

Got to.

[A]

Yeah, you got to dissipate that traffic. You can't have just one look at these golf carts. That's an eighty thousand dollar golf cart probably. It's for those of you that don't know it is fashioned. It's a golf cart, but it's fashioned after an old Rolls Royce and so it looks like a mini rollsroy. It's crazy.

[C]

What's, what's your guys names first?

[A]

What's your guises? Guises is not a word. Can we stop that? Nancy and Dennis.

[C]

Great to meet you, Nancy and Dennis. All right, so best part about the.

[A]

Villages, a variety of activities. I mean you could do things from. You can fuck on a Tuesday, you can fuck on a Wednesday. You can get it from behind, from the front. It's very a of. It's just a smorgasbord of activities. Morning until late at night every day and do something different. It's very good. How long have you guys lived here? About two months. It's two months.

[B]

Well, they're not in the lifestyle yet.

[A]

Not yet.

[C]

Lived up to everything so far for the two months.

[A]

Exactly. Yeah, definitely. I would add to that the restaurants, the Restaurants here are fantastic. It's hard to find a bad one. Yeah, you don't have taste buds at that age. You don't know. Old people don't have great. You know what I'm saying? Do you know what I'm saying?

[B]

I guess. I mean, does your taste goes as you get older? No.

[A]

None of your taste goes. By the way, Astrid and I read something that the flora and fauna inside of your gut and inside of your mouth changes completely every seven years.

[B]

Seven years? Yeah.

[A]

And so people get different tastes for different things over time, which you might like when you're younger. And I can totally agree with this. Listen, cream and cereal. About every seven years, I almost die of calcium overdose from cream and cereal. But I just. My experience eating in with the older folks in my own life, and I'm not even talking about 55 plus, let's say in your 70s, is that they don't like the. The food doesn't have to particularly taste good. And then they say, oh, this is so delicious. And I think to myself, are you tasting the same thing that I am? Because this is not anything close to what I would consider delicious. Anyway, whatever. That's a different conversation. I'll talk about it off air, Chrissy.

[C]

And you can ride your golf cart to them. And there's tons of options.

[A]

There's so much here. It's a matter of what do you want to do or. Or not. Do you just. You can sit and relax or go do everything you want. And different variations of things like tennis and then there's paddle. Paddle ball, pickleball.

[C]

How's the weather been in the. The summer heat?

[A]

Get to the rumors about the loofahs.

[B]

We need to know more about the loofahs.

[A]

Well, we know it's heat. It was interesting.

[B]

They don't look like loofah people. I'm just saying, you know, what does.

[A]

A loofah person look like? I've seen them in all different flavors and forms.

[B]

Yeah, they just look a little like prim and proper and nice.

[A]

Listen, when I went to the sex party, I'm telling you, while the majority of them were young chiropractors, there was a couple guys that look like this mainly hanging out in the corner with their microphoenis. Yeah, yeah. And then it was me, you know, just a looker. I had a. I had a yellow. I would have had a yellow.

[B]

Like it's a Maybe.

[A]

No, just like, just here to observe. Just here to observe. Maybe later online at the best things of Florida and the worst things of Florida. The heat was in both categories.

[C]

It was interesting.

[A]

But yeah, it's. It's summertime. So what? It's hot. I'm a regular character, so it's great.

[C]

Thank you, guys. Have a good one.

[A]

Appreciate it. See, he. They want to ask the questions, but they're not asking the questions. Yeah, you just got to go do it. But I can understand you're at the Villages. This is your girlfriend. You don't want to get kicked out. You don't want to be that guy who's known for asking like, you don't want to be the Howard Stern of the Villages. You know what I'm saying?

[B]

Or do you?

[A]

Or do I would.

[B]

Yeah, why not?

[A]

Why do I care if I own the property? What can they do? I guess they kick you out. I guess the HOA there has got.

[B]

To be a son of a bitch on point.

[A]

I have read that it is like iron fisted hoa and it is still owned and run and managed and developed by the sons of the same guy who had this idea in the first place.

[B]

You got to keep your eye on that. I don't know all these people.

[A]

Yeah, I don't see what's to lose here, living in a situation like this, if I'm being honest. You go down, it is warm weather besides the crazy hot weather. You live in a place where there's a lot of people your own age. There's a lot of activities. It keeps you young and fresh and keep, keep going. And so far we've seen just as many young people as we have older folks. So you're down there, it's just like you're living in a regular place. Only at night. It's mostly people your age up, you know, living. Yeah, living and living and dying. There's probably a lot of ambulances running around, but okay. Do you do golf cart ambulances? Are the rumors true? Do they have golf cart or. By the way, I laugh and like in a decade, this is where I'm staying. All right, let's take a break. We'll be back. You make this rather snappy, won't you? I have some very heavy thinking to do before 10 o'. Clock.

[D]

Hi, cats and kittens. Rachel here. Do you ever get the urge to speak endlessly into the void like Brian? Well, I've got just the place for you to do that. 212-433-38. That's 212-433-3822. Feel free to call and yell all you want. Tell Brian I need a raise. Compliment, Chrissy's. Innate ability to put up with all his shenanigans or tell us a little story. The juicier the better. By the way, we'd love to hear your voice because Lord knows we're done listening to ourselves. Also, give us a follow on your favorite socials. He commercial break on Insta, TCB, podcast on TikTok. And for those of you who like to watch. Oh, that came out wrong. We put all the episodes out on video, YouTube.com thecommercial break and tcbpodcast.com for all the info on the show, your free sticker, or just to see how pretty we look. Okay, I gotta go now. I've got a date with my dog. No, seriously, Axel needs food. Today is pork chop day.

[A]

Yeah. Chrissy and I are wondering what the relationship is between these two. And I suspect there's a relationship going on here just because at the beginning of the video, they were really handsy with each other. And I don't. I don't know, they weren't kissing each other, but they were still kind of handsy in a way that I don't.

[B]

Think that's how mom and I just noticed a hug. But.

[A]

Okay, let's keep it. Let's keep going. Maybe we'll get more clues. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. All right, here's the next couple that they're gonna.

[B]

Let's put a pin in it.

[A]

Let's put a pin in it. There's a lot of synergy around here. Let's put a pin in it. We'll circle back after this meeting. Let's take this offline. Chrissy, you take this offline. If I hear that phrase one more time, I hope I never hear that. Yeah, walk with me. Let's take this offline. Let's set up a separate meet for this conversation. Let's not. How about an email?

[B]

Oh, there's the Barnstorm theater.

[A]

Yeah. Oh, I want you to notice something very interesting about this. This look behind the barn. Do you see that they have a big wall that is painted to appear as if. Yeah. That is for what they call forced perspective. And that is something that Disney does.

[B]

Really?

[A]

Yeah. They make it look like the utility buildings and all the other stuff are part of the landscape by tricking your eye. And that's very interesting. So it is Disney esque, in a way, I guess.

[C]

Nice to meet you guys.

[A]

So.

[C]

So Greg actually doesn't live in the villages. Lives nearby and kind of enjoys coming over, but doesn't necessarily want to live full time.

[A]

Yeah, I mean, it's Exactly. Yeah. You're putting words in my mouth and beer in my mouth. So I'll talk to you a little bit longer.

[B]

Yeah, he doesn't want to pay for it.

[A]

Yeah. I mean, I love it here. I love what there is to do in the music, but all the golf.

[C]

Carts and all of that. I kind of like my quiet time.

[A]

Yeah. Now I come over here for the cuckolding. I come over here with my wife and watch her get pounded.

[C]

Absolutely. Like we get feedback from a lot of people and some people love that. And then other people think like, ah, it's a little bit overwhelming. So it's not uncommon to. To feel that way too, you know?

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

I've looked, you know, in here for four years.

[A]

Thought it's where I wanted to be. But I don't know, the newness wore off.

[C]

Off, you know, and I really thought about it and then she lives here full time. What do you love about it? Hate about it?

[A]

I love it because there's always something to do.

[B]

Oh, she looks saucy.

[A]

She looks like the kind of girl that gets you in trouble on any night of the week. Yes. I just picked up golf.

[B]

I really am surprised on how much.

[A]

I like it, but you really have to want to do things. But I'm getting used to it. I'm still on the fence a little bit. Yes.

[B]

You can just walk around and drink there.

[A]

Yeah, listen, why not? I think it's kind of like its own little world down there. I don't think anybody really cares if you're drinking and driving. There's got to be police officers that come onto the property. Obviously there's no place in the United States of America where a police officer can't come. Except for Indian reservations, but still, I mean, you know, it doesn't look like there's much worry by any of these people just drinking in the golf cart, hanging out here full time. But it's.

[D]

It's really something else.

[C]

Thank you, guys.

[A]

What about the loofahs? Enjoy the song. Enjoy the song. Enjoy.

[B]

This is that Margaritaville again?

[A]

Yeah, of course it is. This is a stream of hits. I'm telling you. It's going to be Pearl Jam, Alice in Chains, Cranberries when we get up there. Okay, we have enough of the rolling. Let's move on to another song. Honestly, can we pick another song? Introduce them first? So we got waved over by these folks because they recognize us from our channel. Yes, these are celebrities.

[B]

We know them.

[A]

We feel like. Like we know them cuz they've been in our living room, Texas. Oh, look at them. Yeah, I feel like they know. I feel like we know them because they've been in our living room on my Only Fans channel. Only fans. Old White Pete. They're. They're famous in Texas.

[B]

They're famous in Texas.

[C]

So you guys are staying in the Village, Texas now?

[A]

This is in Florida, but they live in Texas.

[C]

You've rented a house and you're kind of scoping the area out so far. What are your thoughts?

[B]

We love it.

[A]

We love it.

[B]

We love it.

[A]

We love it too much.

[B]

Yeah, we love it. Everything is just so nice, so clean.

[A]

Everybody's so friendly. You get drunk on a Tuesday afternoon.

[C]

Is there anything that.

[A]

By the way, this is probably 9:30am on a Wednesday.

[B]

Oh, yeah, definitely.

[C]

People thought like, ah, I don't know about that.

[A]

Like you didn't like. Not so sure about the crowds. We're not so sure that the amenities that they have that are more than.

[C]

Others are worth the price for the crowds.

[A]

When we were here before, it was.

[C]

Fallish, getting in toward the winter, and.

[A]

It was already starting to get crowded. Why don't you pick an area that's louder when you do these interviews, little background music would help this video out.

[B]

Well, it seems like that music's playing really loud no matter where they go.

[A]

Oh, geez, am I old? Because I'm like, this is obnoxious and it's too crowded.

[B]

That's the main thing. Everything else we love.

[A]

So you guys looked anywhere else in central Florida or.

[B]

Well, well, I think we're going to look at On Top of the World and maybe the villages at Citrus Hills, maybe.

[A]

Yeah, you guys toodle around and enjoy yourselves. Don't overthink. Toodle around. Put a loofah. Put a loofah in the window. Take your micro penis out tonight. Cause I'm gone. Gone in the closet. Take a listen to my wife. Yeah.

[C]

Pleasure to meet you guys.

[B]

All right, the next one might have better be talking about.

[A]

Yeah, there better be something about a loofah here. The. The. The conversation about the. Completely, completely misleading. Completely misleading. That's my wife calling me. But we're gonna get on.

[C]

You were ocala, but you've decided the villages. Why the villages over Ocala?

[B]

I like that it's all 55 plus, so. And I liked On Top of the World, but I felt like it was just not as active as the villages. I just did a lot of research, and I've been watching some videos, and I really liked the villages, so I brought them with me. And we're doing.

[A]

Whoa. Holy shit.

[B]

Okay with me.

[A]

Older lady, well put together, looking nice as everybody in this video has, by the way. Not a ton of diversity down at the Villages, I've noticed is. Haven't seen a person, a black person anywhere in these videos in the background or anything. But I'm. I'm sure they're there. I just don't see it, But I will say so. He pans over to the side to show the people that the ladies that she's with. With it is three lovely young ladies that could not be. None of them older than 25 years old. Yeah.

[B]

The visit together.

[A]

Yes. Yes. Well, the fun part is this way you can experience it. And you're waiting two years to retire, so it's the perfect time to start and learn.

[B]

I really love the golf carts. This is truly a golf cart community. And I'm learning how to drive the golf cart.

[A]

She's learning.

[B]

I'm learning.

[A]

I'm learning where to start the loofah. You're learning how to drive a golf cart? You never driven a car. Yeah, it's actually easier than a car. There's no stick, no windshield wipers. I mean, some of the fancy ones do. It is pedal. Right. And brake. Pedal and brake.

[B]

I scared them a little bit, but I am learning. But there have been some not so friendly people. But there have been some very friendly people as well.

[A]

That's what you get when you get a bunch of.

[B]

Well, a ton of people.

[A]

Yeah, you get a ton of people. You're always gonna have an asshole in the crowd. And then, you know, listen, when you get older, I think some people get more irritable. Not me. Look at me. I'm aging gracefully. Go on the golf carts. Because sometimes they're in a hurry to get places. They know where they're going. And you're just retired, wanting to enjoy yourself, learning how to drive that.

[B]

Yes.

[C]

They're probably from Jersey, too.

[A]

There's so many communities and activities.

[B]

And just from our first little tour alone that we had, it was.

[A]

It was really, really.

[B]

She's the daughter. And then.

[A]

Yeah, I gotta imagine they're either all daughters or friends. But I haven't heard nothing about a loofah. And that's what I want to hear about. And I imagine that all the people with loofahs are probably somewhere else. What I read also is that there are clubs, like, there are swingers clubs, and that you can get involved in those clubs. And then the loofahs indicate something regarding the clubs, and that this kind of got out because, you know, some Lucy Lips people in the clubs were talking about why they put loofahs on their cars. Drunk. Drunk for sure. Everybody down there so far seems drunk. But that's okay.

[B]

I mean, totally.

[A]

I want to repeat what I've said.

[B]

I'm just saying it was a drunk person who let loose. Of course, the info, it was. Yeah, it was her.

[A]

I want to share our philosophy, and we've had this for a long time, since way at the beginning of the show when we learned that there were grandmas in Eastern Europe and Yugoslavia that were gacking lines down at every party. I think it makes sense to explore safely and responsibly when you're young, when it comes to chemicals and alcohol and all that, Right. Then put yourself together in your late twenties. Get your shit together, be a responsible human, responsible adult. Have kids, get married, do whatever you want to do in that period of time. Then when you get to retirement age, not 55, 65, 70 years old, just hit it as fucking hard as you can. Gack those lines. Smack that smack. Smoke that crack. Get it out, wild out. Because, let's be honest, there's a reason why people do drugs, and it's not because it doesn't feel good. It's because it does feel good. Well, then. Then there comes addiction. Then it doesn't feel good. But. But who cares after. After 75, really? I mean, honestly, am I going to care? No. If I go? That's how I go.

[B]

Yeah, I guess so.

[A]

Brian Green, former mediocre comedy podcaster with over 7200 episodes, dies of crack overdose in the Villages in Florida at age 88. Yeah, byline, no one cares. At age 88, after a long bout with heroin addiction, after a long string of arrests for heroin addiction, crystal meth, Crystal meth production in heroin addiction. I'm gonna become Heisenberg. Irredeemable in my old age. Just a miserable son of a bit. Yeah. I want to be the Heisenberg of the Villages. I think this is what makes sense for me. Listen, I'm not encouraging anybody to do drugs. I actually take it very seriously. Addiction's a terrible thing. It's a terrible thing. Ru kills people. It's terrible. But there is something seemingly.

[B]

There's something appealing saying it.

[A]

It.

[B]

When you're old and just go and. And getting it.

[A]

It's not. It's not a. Nothing seems appealing about that at this point in my life, because I have other human beings that I'm responsible for, and I'd like to clear headedly take care of those people and make sure that I interact with them in a loving way, in a meaningful way way that there's some purpose to what I'm doing with them, some motivation and some drive that doesn't come from Vicodin, do you know what I'm saying?

[B]

But yeah, you got lessons to teach and. Yeah, things human beings to, to grow.

[A]

Exactly. But when they get older.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And they're able to start to understand what I'm saying on the commercial break and they really get embarrassed of me and eventually flee from the state to get away from me. What else is there except for drugs? And if there's a market, maybe that's a way where we can make some money.

[B]

Exactly.

[A]

Listen, we've already heard it.

[B]

We can have a little delivery service in the golf cart.

[A]

Oh, you know they have it. You know they have it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

D. Yeah. D. Remember that cab driver? He's probably down in the villages. I had a cab driver, older guy, he was well over 55 when I met him. And I met him one night. Night because my, because, because I met him one night and I. Yeah, well no, I thought, I thought that's what we were doing was just getting a cab. Little did I know that the person that we were in the cab with knew the cab driver and there was a whole transaction that went down. Yeah, I knew the guy for 10 years. I never once saw his face. I saw his sunglasses in the rear view mirror. He'd. He had a bunch of newspapers. He'd dig around the newspapers. He'd give it to you, whatever you needed. He was a literal whole foods of narcotics. And whatever you needed, you'd call him up, he'd swing on by as fast as he could get there and he'd give you a lift if you needed one. That was it.

[B]

There's a market for it.

[A]

Really, really nice guy. His name is Bobby. Bobby. Bobby the cab driver. And I always have wondered, whatever happened to Bobby the cab driver? Did he get busted? Did he go to jail? Is he still driving that cab around?

[B]

He's down in the villages.

[A]

I'm gonna call him later. Yeah, now it's gotten for my anniversary. Hey Bobby, you got some ecstasy in Viagra I can bar? He's down to villages and he's got a little taxi cab and a golf cart and he's driving around with all those damn newspapers everywhere. He had newspapers from 1972. That dude hoarded newspapers in front seat of his cab. It was like his friend the newspapers. But he Knew exactly where. Where it was based on. He would dig in the newspapers and they pull out whatever 10 Vicodin, cocaine, whatever you needed, so. So if there's an opportunity to make some money while I'm in the throes of addiction.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

In my retirement community, I think we have the best of all worlds. It's win, win, win. I continue to be an idiot. I, you know, quicken up my own demise. And I give people what they're looking for, they're going to buy it from somebody.

[B]

I mean, that's how Walter got started, really. Where he got the cancer diagnosis.

[A]

That's right. Yeah, he got the cancer diagnosis. He said, if I'm gonna die, I'm gonna leave my family with money. Yeah. A very, in my opinion, very noble.

[B]

Cause in the beginning.

[A]

I mean, there is no honor amongst thieves. But at the end of the day, it felt like a noble cause.

[B]

The problem was he did it too early in life.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Till late.

[A]

He had. He had to wait till late. Even though I think he was. I don't know how old he was in that show, but he was like in his.

[B]

His 40s.

[A]

Oh, he was. Did you see that. That thing that I posted the other day about the TV characters? The people who played the famous TV characters that are all. Not all of them, but some of them are much younger than we are now.

[B]

Oh, yes, yes, I know. Isn't that crazy?

[A]

Makes me so sad. And then I Wonder, how is Mr. Roper 42 years old in three's company? That guy looked 90.

[B]

He did.

[A]

He looked 90.

[B]

Well, there were two, weren't there?

[A]

The first Mr. Roper, Don Knotts.

[B]

Don Knotts was old.

[A]

He was. Yeah, yeah, I think. I don't really know.

[B]

I mean, he was in black and white movies. He was in the freaking Andy Griffiths Show.

[A]

He was in the Andy Griffiths Show.

[B]

He was. Barney.

[A]

I think Andy Griffith was black and white by choice. I think they did have color TV back then. I just. I don't know either. Yeah. And then he was. Yeah. Andy Griffith. If you grew up in Atlanta and you knew that the Andy Griffith show was on repeat for four hours a day on that damn TNT or whatever.

[B]

Well, there was always Nickelodeon, too, that would replay those.

[A]

Nick at night. Yeah, yeah, Nick at night. Okay. Anyway, listen, the Villages, we didn't get to the bottom of anything.

[B]

We're going to need to do some more investigating.

[A]

We had one question. I say F minus on the interviewing here. It's just like that review of something that we did one time. Remember? We did A review of the Swingers resort?

[B]

Yeah, it was the boat, the crew, the boat.

[A]

Yeah. Swingers reviews are just in general bad. We need a good swingers reviewer. I don't know the world, so I don't think I'd be the greatest. But if you want to bring me down to the villages 55 plus and over or whatever the channel's name is, I'll ask the tough question. You can drink the beer. How's that? We'll make that deal. I'm gonna ask these girls. All right. Hey, hey. The 20 somethings. Hey, are you into swinging? Anyway. Okay. Happy anniversary, Astrid. Oh, what's that? What am I doing? I can't take a break. We've already done the show.

[B]

Happy anniversary.

[A]

Happy anniversary, Astrid. You have this to look forward to in one short decade from now. Maybe a little longer, but not too much. Not too much past that. We're going down to the Villages, babe. Actually, I think about it, my kids won't even be out of elementary school. What am I talking about? I'll be at the villages when I'm 90. Oh, I'm not gonna get to enjoy this 55 plus community because my kids will be 5 plus when I turn 55 plus. Oh.

[B]

Well, that pushes you later to get there. Which was what I was saying. Yeah, that's true.

[A]

Happen. Yeah, that's true. I don't have to live there for a while before I go into the throws of addiction. I just go, bam, bam, bam, bam. Move down, buy a crystal meth pipe the very next day.

[B]

Get yourself set up.

[A]

Myself set up? I'm just gonna walk into one of the squares and be like, who's got Matt? I just see a bunch of old people, like, raising their heads with a quizzical look and then five or six hands going up. Doesn't seem like anyone gives a shit down there.

[B]

No, no. Each to their own down there.

[A]

Each their own. All right, if you're listening to this on the day that it was released, then you will know because we, we have, well, constantly reminded you that our merch goes on sale tomorrow, Friday, August 8th, through the 22nd. That's a two week window. You pre order it, then it gets made, it gets sent, shipped off to you. Free sticker with every single purchase. Hats, T shirts, university sweaters, hoodies. We're super excited about this and we know that a lot of you are too. So, you know, hey, listen, if you can support the show and you want to rock the merch, please do. And if not, that's okay too. You know, I, I don't want to sound too pitchy but we're excited about.

[B]

It so yeah, we're just excited. We said, hey, if nobody else buys.

[A]

It, we'll buy it, we'll buy it.

[B]

Yeah, we want to just, we'll give.

[A]

It away to other people, people who don't listen to the show.

[B]

We'll finance it.

[A]

Yeah, we'll finance it. That's all right. Going out to the villages and hand out somewhere. That's right. Shop tcbpodcast.com that's shop tc tcbpodcast.com Friday, August 8th go buy your merch 212-4333 tcb 212-433-822 at the commercial break on Instagram. Okay, Chrissy, that's all I can do for now. I think so I'll tell you that I love you.

[B]

I love you.

[A]

Best to you. Best to you out there in the podcast universe. Until next time Chrissy and I will say, we do say and we must say good. Sa.