Do the Tom Papa Polka!

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Commercial Break – "Do the Tom Papa Polka!"

Release Date: May 22, 2025

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Introduction

In the "Do the Tom Papa Polka!" episode of The Commercial Break, hosts Bryan Green and Krissy Hoadley delve into a vibrant blend of live comedy experiences and family adventures. This episode highlights their recent outing to a Tom Papa comedy show and a subsequent visit to the Atlanta Zoo, offering listeners an engaging mix of humor, personal anecdotes, and heartfelt moments.

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Live Comedy with Tom Papa

The episode opens with Bryan recounting their experience attending a Tom Papa stand-up show at the iconic Tabernacle venue. Bryan enthusiastically shares his admiration for Tom Papa's comedic prowess, describing the performance as one of the best he has ever witnessed.

Key Moments:

• Performance Excellence: Bryan praises Tom Papa, stating, "He was so fucking good. He was great with us here. He's been great with us both times we've spoken to him."
• Audience Interaction: Tom Papa's adept crowd work is highlighted, with Bryan noting, "He used the crowd interactions to further his one-hour. He playfully and beautifully intertwined this kind of back and forth with the audience."
• Memorable Jokes: One standout moment involved Tom joking about aging and relationships, which left Bryan in tears from laughter: "He was talking about his wife and how, you know, women, old. You know, women, as they get older, they end up doing a bunch of good in society, while men just turn into one big testicle, like one big ugly testicle."

Personal Reflections: Bryan shares his internal struggle about approaching Tom Papa after the show, reflecting his admiration and slight nervousness:

“[...] I felt like I was in this, you know, purgatory of go or don't go. [...] So I bailed on saying hello.”

He emphasizes the significance of the experience, urging listeners to attend Tom Papa's shows:

“You must, before you die on this earth, you must consume as much Tom Papa as possible. He was really fucking good.”

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Family Adventure at the Atlanta Zoo

Following their comedic escapade, Bryan and Krissy transition to their family outing at the Atlanta Zoo, providing a delightful contrast with stories of wildlife encounters and parenting moments.

Key Experiences:

• Encounter with Rhinos: Bryan describes the formidable black rhinoceroses:

  “They are dinosaurs is what they are. They literally are dinosaurs.”

  He humorously recounts his daughter's fascination with the rhinos' behaviors:

  “My daughter is like, daddy, water, water. Grossi's mud.”

• Elephant and Giraffe Feeding: The hosts narrate their interactions with elephants and giraffes, highlighting both the awe and the humorous fears associated with these majestic animals.

  Notable Interaction:

  “The giraffe's tongue is shaking. It's nervous, right? It's scared. So it grabs out of the older daughter's hand and I'm like, okay, time to move on.”

• Gorilla Observations: They observe a playful interaction between a baby gorilla and an adult, adding a touch of tenderness to their storytelling:

  “The baby gorilla was begging the mom, like, you know, tugging on the mom. And the mom was kind of pushing it away.”

• Unique Experiences: Bryan shares a memorable moment petting a hedgehog at a local play place, showcasing the lighter side of their zoo visit:

  “It was the cutest thing I have ever seen in my entire life. It was like Mr. Personality. It was like doing a little dance.”

Family Dynamics: Krissy and Bryan humorously depict their parenting challenges and the unpredictable nature of their daughters, bringing a relatable and endearing layer to the episode:

“You know, kids ruin everything. They ruin every moment. They just have a way of doing that.”

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Upcoming Event: TCB's Endless Day

As the episode progresses, Bryan and Krissy shift focus to promote their upcoming special event, "TCB's Endless Day," sponsored by Five Hour Energy.

Event Highlights:

• Date and Duration: Scheduled for May 31st, the event promises 12 episodes in a 24-hour period.
• Guest Lineup: Featuring an impressive roster of comedians and celebrities, including Tom Papa, Tig Notaro, Reggie Watts, and Ricky Lindholm.
• Interactive Elements: Listeners are encouraged to participate by calling or texting in, potentially becoming part of the live show.

Bryan elaborates on the preparation and excitement surrounding the event:

“We recorded Tom Papa the other day in preparation for the Endless Day. And during that conversation, it came up that Tom was going to be in Atlanta, and he generously offered to give us tickets.”

He further emphasizes the collaborative spirit of the event:

“We are recording the six celebrity interviews ahead of time so that we don't have trouble coordinating all of that on the day of. And then Chrissy and I will be doing six or seven hours worth of live recordings here inside of the studio and putting them out as soon as they're done.”

Event Promotion: The hosts urge listeners to join in the festivities:

“Set your alarms, kids. Set your alarms. Mark it on the calendar. Clear the schedule.”

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Conclusion

The "Do the Tom Papa Polka!" episode effectively weaves together Bryan and Krissy's professional endeavors with their personal lives, offering a comprehensive and entertaining narrative. Through their vivid storytelling and candid reflections, listeners are provided with an intimate glimpse into the hosts' world, enriched by humor, family warmth, and the anticipation of upcoming events.

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Notable Quotes:

• Bryan Green [03:03]: “If you’ve been thinking about building or upgrading your current website, now is the time.”
• Brian Green [05:15]: “It was amazing. I ran into our favorite person, Jackie Beans.”
• Brian Green [12:20]: “I’d die for one afternoon in the Top Chef Kitchen to, like, have them cook me something.”
• Brian Green [49:17]: “All you got to do is look in one of their eyes to understand that.”
• Bryan Green [59:19]: “This was genuinely one of my favorite comedy shows.”

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This episode of The Commercial Break encapsulates the essence of Bryan and Krissy's dynamic partnership, blending humor with heartfelt storytelling to create an engaging listening experience for both regular followers and newcomers alike.

Transcript

[Brian Green]

This episode is sponsored by Discover. If there's one thing we've learned from the entertainment industry, it's just how easy it is to earn a reputation, even if it doesn't reflect who you really are. For example, everyone thinks that Discover is.

[Chrissy Joy Hoadley]

A card that isn't widely accepted, but.

[Brian Green]

In reality, it's accepted at 99% of places that take credit cards nationwide. Yeah, 99%. So maybe now you'll think twice before judging a book by its cover.

[Chrissy Joy Hoadley]

Unless it's a celebrity cookbook.

[Brian Green]

In that case, judge away.

[Chrissy Joy Hoadley]

Based on the February 2024 Nelson Report.

[Brian Green]

Learn more at discover dot slash credit card.

[Chrissy Joy Hoadley]

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[Unknown]

Means you ain't gonna show. You look out your window tonight holding the string with a note that attached to my heart read how many times I saw you how in my silence I adored you and only in my dreams did that wall between us come. Oh my darling Knock three times on the ceiling if you want me.

Twice.

On the pipe if the answer is no. Whoa my Sweetness means you'll meet me in the hallway.

[Brian Green]

Whoa, whoa.

[Unknown]

Twice on the pipe means you ain't gonna show.

[Brian Green]

On this episode of the commercial break, I kind of darted in and out of the room for a second, having a conversation with myself as Astrid was like, what do you want to do? What do we. What do you want to do? I mean, are you gonna do it or you're not gonna do it? You can do it if you wanna do it. And I'm like, should I do it? I guess I should go second.

[Unknown]

Shit.

[Brian Green]

Is that kind of douchey move, like, hey, thanks for the free, you know, you know, hey, I just spent two hours. Well, now I got more. I need more of your time. I didn't know. And does he want to talk to me? Like, is he looking for Brian Green? Do you know what I'm saying? Like, is Tom Papa.

[Unknown]

Is Brian in the audience?

[Brian Green]

Yeah, is Brian in the audience? Well, that's the ultimate dream, is that I was on this podcast, the commercial break. Yeah. Here, let me pull it up on the big screen right now and we'll get everybody to follow. That's like the dream. The next episode of the commercial break starts now.

[Chrissy Joy Hoadley]

Oh, yeah. Cats and kittens, welcome back to the commercial break. I'm Brian Green. This is my dear friend and the co host of this show, Chrissy Joy Hoadley. Best to you, Chrissy.

[Unknown]

Best to you, Brian.

[Chrissy Joy Hoadley]

Best to you out there in the podcast universe. Thanks for joining us.

[Brian Green]

Just a few moments away, Chrissy, from the TCB's Endless Day, sponsored by Five Hour Energy, in which we put out 12 episodes in a 24 hour period and hope amongst hope that we don't ourselves end up in a mental institution.

[Unknown]

That's correct.

[Brian Green]

But I have a plan. I've got a plan. And if we stick to the plan, it's less likely that we'll go to the mental institution. So there you go. And it did offer you a hotel room.

[Chrissy Joy Hoadley]

You said no.

[Brian Green]

I thought, hey, Chrissy, why would you want to stay here? Why would you want to be subjected to all of this bullshit when you can just take a break from time to time and run over to a luxurious suite at the Hampton Inn?

[Unknown]

No, that was very sweet of you to think about me like that, but I'm just gonna power through. It's gonna be fine. I'm excited about it.

[Brian Green]

We're fine. We're fine.

[Chrissy Joy Hoadley]

Seven tops.

[Brian Green]

Seven hours of recording.

[Unknown]

I've been living out of a suitcase for the past month.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, no, I get that you don't Want to do it anymore. You just don't want to do it. I do get that. I do understand that. That's gotta be. How was the barbecue fest?

[Unknown]

It was amazing. I ran into our favorite person, Jackie Beans.

[Brian Green]

Jackie Beans. Jackie Beans.

[Unknown]

I sent him the song and he loved it.

[Brian Green]

I sure did loved it.

[Unknown]

Everybody around us loved it.

[Brian Green]

Of all the songs I've created now, which is like 102, Jackie Beans has got to be the most glowing of the songs, because I don't say a bad word about Jackie Beans.

[Unknown]

Yes. And he is, in fact, a legend amongst many others as well.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, of course. I can see why. I mean, he follows around a pretty mysterious and cool dude himself. Right. Doesn't follow him around. They work together.

[Unknown]

Yes.

[Brian Green]

And so he works with this guy who is legendary in and of himself in so many different ways. And he lives a life that not many people live with. You know, airplanes and Jackie Beans. You know, I mean, there's just, like, a lot of things that that kind of life can afford you. Hard earned. Well earned, but still, nonetheless, that's a life. And then you. So I think, like, by default, you're already a legend, but then to be such a cool human being.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

You move up into some kind of upper echelon. Yeah. Like some stratospheric, universal cool dude status.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

And I just wish I had more Jackie Beans in my life.

[Unknown]

We all do. I've got his direct number now.

[Brian Green]

I wish I had an airplane, quite frankly. I wish I had an airplane that I could sell and take the money and use it for something good, like, you know, school for my children or food for the house or something like that. What was the best barbecue you tasted?

[Unknown]

Oh, God, it was all good.

[Brian Green]

It can't have all been good.

[Unknown]

Well, yeah. I mean. Cause, okay, so there were, like, 75 teams that were competing, but you're not tasting all of their stuff.

[Brian Green]

Okay.

[Unknown]

So Jeff and the team, they have a couple of, like, really major, you know, barbecue superstars from around the world that come in and cook. It's called Live Fire.

[Brian Green]

Okay.

[Unknown]

So they come in and cook and do the sampling and all of that. So Al Fragoni was this one guy who's. Yeah, he's big. Melissa Cookston was there. She's on the Netflix Barbecue Showdown show. She's a judge.

[Brian Green]

Okay.

[Unknown]

She's like seven time world champion. Anyways, they have these fantastic barbecue masters that come in and cook, and so they do a lot of sampling.

[Brian Green]

So they have pit masters, essentially, that come in and they do the cook and then of those 75 teams, not everybody enters the contest. Is that right?

[Unknown]

No, no. So all 75 teams are entering the contest. You don't see the public isn't sampling their stuff, only they get judged.

[Chrissy Joy Hoadley]

Oh, okay.

[Unknown]

So what Jeff and the team does, they have these other people who come in. They're not competing.

[Brian Green]

They're just feeding the public.

[Unknown]

They've won multiple awards around the world.

[Brian Green]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

So, yeah, they're just feeding the public. Cooking and feeding the public.

[Brian Green]

Okay, gotcha. I would think that as a part of that whole organization, you might, like, be one of the judges or something, you know? Yes. You like. Why wouldn't you jump in?

[Unknown]

Well, I mean, I like barbecue, but it's not my profession.

[Brian Green]

I mean, I just imagine like a Top Chef situation. Or you're like the guest judge or something. You know, Chrissy Hoadley from the commercial break.

[Unknown]

I'll put the bug in Jeff's ear.

[Brian Green]

That's what I'd do. I'd angle to be the judge. I'd wanna be judging food, and harshly too. I'd wanna be like, this is too salty. I don't. What is this? A salt lick? Is this for a horse? I'm not sure. I mean, I've been watching way too much Top Chef. I think. I think I need to slow down. You've been on a Top Chef three months. For three months. I've gone from season nine to season 22 in three months. And I just love that show. I think it is a brilliantly. It is the classiest reality show in television history. My opinion. No doubt about it. And it's so well done that even if you don't know shit from this guy's coming from a guy who eats cream and cereal. It's not like I have super taste buds and I don't know half the terms that they're using, but I'm. I feel like I'm a food expert. After watching an episode.

[Unknown]

I bet you've picked up some tips and tricks.

[Brian Green]

Sure. I don't. I think. I don't. I don't. These people seem to have extraordinarily refined palates. It's like the acidity cuts through the saltiness and the fat melts with the, you know, the yams and the yams and the. And the clams and the bad. But.

[Unknown]

And there's a science to it all.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. And I'm like, can I get an extra piece of American cheese on my cheeseburger? I don't have that kind of palate. I just don't but, you know, yeah, there is a science to it, and people seem to have very refined palates and they can taste things inside of other things. I could never do that. I'm not one to be able to pick out things on top of things, but I just love the show.

[Unknown]

It is a fantastic reason it's been around for so long.

[Brian Green]

I could see this show going on forever, quite frankly, just swapping out judges. I mean, when Tom leaves, if Tom leaves, that'll be a big hit to the show. I mean, a big knock to the show. But I also thought that about Padma. And the new hostess is pretty good in and of herself. I still miss Padma, but not as much. Like, I think had someone else been in that slot, I wouldn't have missed it. So, in case you don't know, in Top Chef, Padme Lakshmi was the host along with Tom Colicchio for 20 or 19 of the first 20 seasons. Padma actually was not a judge for one of the seasons, but. And then she decided to bow out after season 20, and now they have a new hostess. And Tom is like, a very celebrated chef. He's like one of the world's best chefs. He's a very celebrated chef, and everyone wants to impress him. The thing that makes Top Chef different is that unlike American Idol or any of these other shows where you get good and you get bad, but none of them are particularly accomplished. They're all just people off the street. I mean, some of them have, like, you know, followings on social media, or maybe they've made a record here or a record there, but none of them have achieved any kind of. They're amateurs, but that's a good way to put it. They're amateurs. And so you get terrible, terrible people singing, and you get wonderful, wonderful people singing. It's a roll of the dice. And they focus on that terrible as a big part of the first. Whatever, you know, five episodes of the season. Top Chef made the smart call from the beginning that we are not going to take any amateur. This is not an amateur cooking competition. We want the best of the best. And even though the first few seasons, because it was new, I don't think they got the best of the best. I think they got up and coming chefs, but they were still very talented. Well, now it's just like these are James Beard Award winners. You know, they work at three star Michelin restaurants. These are like superstar chefs that are walking in the door cooking this kind of food. And all I can say is, I would die for one afternoon in the Top Chef Kitchen to, like, have them cook me something. And I still don't think I would be able to taste the yams through the clams. I don't think so. But I. I think I could say, well, that tastes good. Or that doesn't taste good. They use a lot of bones and oxtail and chicken gizzards and guinea fowl and stuff like that.

[Unknown]

All parts of the animal.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, that part. I'm, you know, I could pass on that part, but if they made it taste good, maybe.

[Unknown]

I had oxtail in Jamaica.

[Brian Green]

I've had oxtail.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

It's not my favorite thing in the world.

[Unknown]

No, it's not my favorite, but it was good.

[Brian Green]

No, it was okay. It wasn't my favorite thing in the world. But if, like, in a pinch, if you. If you put a menu in front of me and you said, like, onion salad. Onion salad. If you said, like, onion salad, live baby octopus or oxtail, I'd eat the oxtail, no doubt about it. If you said beefheart or oxtail, I'd go for the oxtail. If you said foul or what do they call that?

[Unknown]

Foul.

[Brian Green]

There's a part of the chicken that is not typically used, and they. Awful. The awful. That's what they call it. There's a part of the chicken that's not used. It's like the insides, the intestines, the guts, the weird parts. And they call it offal, the chicken offal. And I was watching Top Chef a couple of weeks ago, whatever season it was, and there were a couple of chefs that were using the offal to cook like, a down home southern meal. And I was like, why would you ever want to put chicken intestines in anything that you put in your. I mean, that's just. To me, that's beyond the pale. But, you know, hey, listen, these are accomplished chefs, and they can do wonderful things. They can work magic with just a few simple ingredients. Chrissy. And so, as a part of our relationship with your husband, I think we. You specifically. But maybe I can make it if I can find a babysitter. We should be judges on the next barbecue.

[Unknown]

Smoke slam.

[Brian Green]

Smoke slam. I think that only makes sense.

[Unknown]

Or let me talk to Jeff about it.

[Brian Green]

Do they give away awards?

[Unknown]

Yes.

[Brian Green]

What is the award for, like, the best?

[Unknown]

Well, I mean, they give away money, and then they give away an actual award.

[Brian Green]

What is the cash that's given for?

[Unknown]

Well, total, it's the most in the world. It's 250,000.

[Brian Green]

$250,000.

[Unknown]

But the grand. Grand champion or whatever gets 50. But yeah, it's broken up by different categories and things and whatever.

[Brian Green]

Well, holy shit. $50,000.

[Unknown]

$50,000.

[Brian Green]

Wow. That is an incredible amount of cash for cooking some pig. Do you know what I'm saying? Wow. I'm in the wrong business. I am in the wrong business.

[Unknown]

You need to get a smoker and go on the road.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, I'm just.

[Unknown]

People do that. I mean, the people that do these competitions a lot, I mean, they travel around doing it.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, yeah. I mean, I had. There's a guy that was married to a stepsister of mine at one point and he likened himself one of these, you know, pit master dudes. The barbecue was always terrible, but, you know, we, we smiled and ate it.

[Unknown]

Humored him.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, we humored him. He. But he. That's what he wanted to do. He wanted to take a bunch of the money that she had earned because she was working and he wasn't. That she had earned to buy a trailer and a hitch and go around and he was going to be the next, you know, smasmic, fantasmic barbecue guy. And no one had the heart to tell him it's kind of like American Idol. No one had the heart to tell him that. You probably shouldn't do that. Luckily, they divorced before he spent their money on some barbecue hitch in a wagon. I'll never forget, like, we all. It was Thanksgiving and my dad and my stepmom had slaved over a turkey and so we were all going to. Oh, no, it wasn't. It was turkey or was a ham. I can't remember. In any case, it was something they had slaved over.

[Unknown]

It was.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, yeah. It was memorable. They had slaved over it and everybody. And they said to everybody, we're cooking.

[Chrissy Joy Hoadley]

We got it.

[Brian Green]

No problem. Everything's on the table. Don't bring anything. Bring yourselves, you know, an invitation to Thanksgiving dinner. Yeah, of course. And that's how it goes, right? Some people cook whatever. Anyway, so before I got there, there was a big. To do a dust up, if you will, because this guy who likened himself, you know, spasmic, fantasmic, the next barbecue pit mast, he brought an entire like barbecued pig or whatever it was. He brought it over after they had slaved to make Thanksgiving dinner. He brought it over like thinking that everybody would like his better than they. Like they're like some. Just a douchey move of just use trying to steal the show, so to speak. Yeah, I thought it was rather. To me, it was rather rude. I was, I thought to myself that's not the right thing to do. If you want to bring your own barbecue, you should. You should communicate that you want to bring your own barbecue. I mean, unless you have some kind of, like, food allergy or something like that, like, I can't eat that food, so I'm bringing my own food. There's absolutely no reason to do that. And anyway, he brought it over and we didn't get. Ended up tasting it, but that was all to our. We all were excited about that because we didn't like his food anyway. It was just not all that good. Hey, guess what I did this weekend.

[Unknown]

What did you do?

[Brian Green]

I went to go see Tom Papa.

[Unknown]

Oh, our friend Tom.

[Brian Green]

And I went to the zoo.

[Unknown]

Oh.

[Brian Green]

Oh. You were down near me and I went to the zoo, and yeah, you weren't there. And I did a daddy daughter date where I got to see some reptiles and animals up close and touch them. It was a very interesting weekend for me. I mean, amongst a million other things that I was doing, that was one of the things that I got to.

[Unknown]

Do with my dad. That was good highlights.

[Chrissy Joy Hoadley]

I agree with you.

[Brian Green]

I'll share them with you when we get back.

[Rachel]

Okay. You're probably wondering why I, Rachel, have taken over the voice duties at tcb. It's pretty simple. Astrid asked me to shut Brian up, even for a minute. Well, lovely Astrid, your wish is my command. Do you want to help Astrid, too? You know you do. Leave a message for her or me or Chrissy at 212-4333, TCB. That's 212-433-3822. You can be on the show, too. Just call and say something, anything. Or text us and we'll text you right back. Promise. Then head over to tcbpodcast.com and get your free sticker. It's your constitutional right to a sticker, and we must abide. You get the point? Follow us on Instagram at the commercial break and watch all the episodes on [e-mail] TheCommercialBreak Best to you and Astrid, especially Astrid.

[Chrissy Joy Hoadley]

This episode is brought to you by Squarespace. Squarespace is the all in one website platform designed to help you stand out and and succeed online. Whether you're launching your first site or leveling up your business, Squarespace has everything you need. You can claim your domain, showcase your work with a beautiful professional website, and even get paid all in one place. Four versions of the commercial break website have been designed and built using Squarespace. And one of my favorite things about Squarespace is how easy it makes offering services. You can set up a sleek customized website that not only attracts clients, but also streamlines your workflow. You can schedule appointments, send on brand invoices, and even handle online payments. But we must talk about design because let's be honest, first impressions matter. With Squarespace's cutting edge design tools, you do not need to be a web designer to make something stunning. Their blueprint AI helps generate a custom website in minutes, or you can choose from their award winning templates and easily tweak them to match your brand. It's drag and drop simple, but the results are look like you hired a professional. So if you've been thinking about building or upgrading your current website, now is the time. Head to squarespace.com commercial for a free trial and when you're ready to launch, you can use the code commercial to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. That's squarespace.com commercial and use the code commercial when you're ready to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Squarespace has long been a sponsor of the commercial break and we endorse it because we it it helps entrepreneurs, content creators, small businesses and large businesses alike develop and design an online brand that is beautiful and functional. Squarespace.com commercial and use the code commercial and thank you to Squarespace for being a continuing sponsor of the commercial break.

[Unknown]

I'm Emma Greed and I've spent the last 20 years building, running and investing in some incredible businesses. I've co founded a multi billion dollar unicorn and had my hand in several other companies that have generated hundreds and of millions of dollars. The more success I've had, the more people started coming to me with questions. How do you start a business? How do you raise money? How do I bounce back from failure? So it got me thinking. Why not just ask the people I aspire to the most? How did they actually do what they do? I'm so incredibly lucky to know some of the smartest minds out there and now I'm bringing their insights along with mine, unfiltered directly to you. On my new podcast, Aspire with Emma Greed, I'll dive into the big questions that everyone wants to know about success in business and in life. Through weekly conversations, you'll get the tangible tools, the real no BS stories, and undeniable little hacks that actually help you level up, listen to and follow Aspire with Emma Greed and Odyssey Podcast available now wherever you get your podcasts.

[Chrissy Joy Hoadley]

This episode is sponsored in part by 5 Hour Energy Cinco Domingo. Okay you know, you like to get all your facts from the commercial break.

[Brian Green]

So here's some facts you may or may not know. I am hot. I am attractive.

[Chrissy Joy Hoadley]

I am a super spicy human being. And hot people like hot foods according to the charts and graphs in an article I once read sometime.

[Brian Green]

You get the point.

[Chrissy Joy Hoadley]

I didn't make up the rules, I just read about them. And I happen to fit inside of the data points that say that hot.

[Brian Green]

People like hot food.

[Chrissy Joy Hoadley]

That's why I was excited to try Spicy Cinco de Mango, the new flavor from the makers of Five Hour Energy. It's sweet, it's spicy. It's a tad unhinged and sweet. Spicy and unhinged is what my wife.

[Brian Green]

Might say about me.

[Chrissy Joy Hoadley]

You get the kick of hot chili flavor and then, bam, Mango sweetness swoops in like a saucy little twist. It's basically the drama your taste buds deserve. Hot people like hot foods and apparently hot energy shots, too. So if you think you're hot, and I know you do, prove it. Take the heat with Five Hour Energy's Spicy Cinco de Mango and their spicy hot sauce.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, they went all in.

[Chrissy Joy Hoadley]

Life's too short for bland. Spice it up this Cinco de Mayo. Get energized. Get spicy. 5 hour energy. Spicy Cinco de Mango is only available online for a limited time. Head to 5hourenergy.com to order yours today. That's 5hourenergy.com and thanks to Five Hour Energy for being a sponsor of the commercial break.

[Brian Green]

So excuse me. I don't know if. I don't know if something's coming up. Like I'm getting something right in time for the TCB's endless day. Or what's going on here.

[Unknown]

No, I've been saying the same thing, too. I think there's some kind of allergy.

[Brian Green]

I don't know what it is, but I'm not feeling 100. I'm not feeling 100%, in case you can't even hear it in my voice. I'm sure you can, but I'm not feeling 100%. Stress will do that to you, by the way. Stress will wear you down.

[Unknown]

Yes, it will.

[Brian Green]

Tom Papa.

[Unknown]

Yes.

[Brian Green]

Invited us.

[Unknown]

Friday was Tom Papa.

[Brian Green]

Just in case you don't know. TCB's endless day, which is on Saturday the 31st, sponsored by Five Hour Energy. Much thanks to Five Hour Energy. Because if they weren't involved, we might have canceled it a long time ago. We might just not show up. But. So we are recording the six celebrity interviews ahead of time so that we don't have trouble coordinating all of that on the day of. And then Chrissy and I will be doing six or seven hours worth of live recordings here inside of the studio and putting them out as soon as they're done. So that's like the minutia of how this is all going to go down. But. So we recorded Tom Papa the other day in preparation for the. For the Endless Day. And during that conversation, it came up that Tom was going to be in Atlanta, and he generously offered to give us tickets. So Chrissy couldn't go because she was going to be at Smoke Slam. But, you know, it's just like when Ari did this to us, when Ari was like, hey, I'll get you tickets. Don't worry about it. Just hit me up. And I was like, directly texting with Ari. That made me a little bit nervous because, you know when you have a friend and you're like, hey, can you get an extra ticket to the Pearl Jam show? That's one thing. But when you're texting Pearl Jam, hey, can I have an extra ticket to your Pearl Jam show? That's a whole different thing altogether. It just feels like you're taking money out of their pocket, first of all. And second of all, you're not sure where the line is. So for Ari, I was like, yeah, Can I get 30 tickets? Can I get 30 tickets? Everybody and their mother wants to go. But he was very generous, too. Now, luckily this time, I just decided, let's cut all the mustard. If Astrid can go with me, why don't I just ask Astrid to come with me? And it would just make it like a date night type of thing.

[Unknown]

I love that.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. And so we reached out to Tom. Almost as soon as the interview was done, we reached out to his people, and he and his people generously were like, yes, of course. You know, go to the box office and go get some tickets. So he also was at the tabernacle, just like Ari. Tom's first time at the tabernacle. Big room, seats, like, I think 2000, you know, 1800, 2000, something like that. It's a big room to see comedy in. It's a big venue in general. It's an old fucking church. I mean, it's a weird venue. Beautiful, but it's a weird venue, and it's a weird space to hold comedy. And Martin Luther King spoke inside of the tabernacle at some point. Oh, my gosh, someone's dying inside of my house, in case you didn't Know, it's summer, so you'll be hearing my children. Kids are out. You'll be hearing my children for the next three months. Congratulations to you. You're the winner. So Astrid and I, you know, we grab the. Put the. Grab a babysitter, head on down to the tabernacle. The crowd was interesting. There were, like children in the crowd. And I don't say like children, like, you know, 6 or 7 year olds, let's say 13 to 18 year olds. There were children looked like they were with their parents. And then there were lots of what I would say, older parents. It seemed like older couples that were in the crowd. So kind of, you know, Tom's not a spring chicken. I don't know how old he is, but he's older than I am.

[Unknown]

And, you know, he's got some experience.

[Brian Green]

He's got some experience. He's been there. And it seems like a lot of people in the crowd had been there, had had some experience also. So this was a very interesting mix for a comedy crowd. This is just interesting. We're trying to do an episode of the commercial break. While my entire house says, no, no, you can't do an episode of the commercial break.

[Unknown]

Be quiet. What's that?

[Brian Green]

Yeah, what's that? Silence. What? We would not make good monks in this house. So we show up at the venue, tickets are awaiting us, and we sat down to watch Tom. And Tom did something very smart, I think, for the crowd. And the reason why I point out the age of the crowd is not to, like, knock Tom's crowd. He almost sold out. I think the tabernacle, which is a great accomplishment. But the crowd was older. Right. I'm not talking like 60s, 70s. I'm talking like 40s, 50s, clearly. Right. What he did that was smart, is that the ticket said showtime. 7:30. 7:31. The opening act comes on. The opening act knocks out 15 quick minutes. I forgot the name of the opening act. Knocks out 15 quick minutes. And without missing a beat, Tom is right on the stage directly after. By 7:45, Tom is on stage making notes that it's already late for most of the people in the crowd that, you know, we should have started this at 5 if the traffic was okay, you know, next time I'll come to your house. Yeah, Chrissy, I have to tell you what, I'm not going to repeat his jokes. He's just too good at what he does. Tom Papa is a master of his craft.

[Unknown]

Yes, he is.

[Brian Green]

And he had the crowd working. He had the crowd worked up in A way that I have rarely seen Chris Rock, Tom Papa, two people who worked the crowd. And I don't mean like crowd work. Yes, he did some of that crowd interaction. He used some people in the audience in his act. He asked them what they did, he asked them why they were there. He asked them if they were married. And then he used that to bounce his. You could see his own material. He used those crowd interactions to further his one hour. Right. So he playfully and beautifully intertwined this kind of back and forth with the audience and got us worked up into such a tizzy that I was crying. Like, ugly crying, laughing.

[Unknown]

I love that at Tom.

[Brian Green]

For, like, 15 minutes, he went on one string of jokes, one string, one story, and I just was bawling. It was so fucking funny. He was talking about his wife and how, you know, women, old. You know, women, as they get older, they end up doing a bunch of good in society, while men just turn into one big testicle, like one big ugly testicle, and their ears still grow and you get hair in the wrong places. I mean, he knocked it out of the fucking park. And I've never heard so much laughter in my entire life. And I don't say this because he gave me free tickets. I would have been complimentary.

[Unknown]

His style, too, you know, it's the jokes and. His style, yes, I love it.

[Brian Green]

His style is to. His style is almost commercial breakage. It's to cut away to something else and then come back to the thing. Now, we don't always come back to the thing, but cut away. Come back to the thing. Move over here. Come back to the thing.

[Unknown]

And he's pretty deadpan, too.

[Brian Green]

He actually, I think he was. He's deadpan when he's with us in a conversation, but he was much more animated than I expected him to be. If you get a chance to go.

[Unknown]

See Tom Papa, well, and his specials that are out, they're hilarious.

[Brian Green]

Do it all. Do all the Tom Papa you can. Everybody needs a little more Tom Papa in his life. He jabbed at, you know, Musk and Trump, but he didn't take it. You know, he knew the crowd, he didn't take it too far. And at the end, he just basically said, don't be cruel. Do whatever you want to believe, whatever you want to. Just don't be cruel. Right. And I thought that that was a beautiful sentiment to which everybody kind of rose in applause. Right. That was a good one. Go do all the Tom Papa that you can. You must, before you die on this earth, you must consume as much Tom Papa as possible. He was really fucking good. He was great with us here. He's been great with us both times we've spoken to him. He was fantastic. And then afterwards he took the time to sit and sign every person who wanted to book. T shirt, ticket stub, whatever it is that they brought. He went downstairs in the tabernacle and he stood there and meet and greet, and met and greeted everybody who wanted to. No surcharge, nothing. I mean, you could buy, you know, merch if you wanted to, I suppose. But did you say hello? No, I didn't because I didn't have time for all that. Plus I just said hello to Tom, do you know what I'm saying? Like, do I want to be the guy who takes up five minutes of Tom's time when there's plenty of people who've never said hello to him before? And I have said it was like this dance in my head. As a matter of fact, I kind of darted in and out of the room for a second having a conversation with myself as Astrid was like, what do you want to do? What do you want to do? I mean, are you gonna do it or you're not gonna do it? You can do it if you wanna do it. And I'm like, should I do it? I guess I should go second. Shit, is that kind of douchey move like hey, thanks for the free, you know. You know, hey, I just spent two hours, but now I got more. I need more of your time. I didn't know. And does he want to talk to me? Like, is he looking for Brian Greene? Do you know what I'm saying? Like, is Tom Papa?

[Unknown]

Is Brian in the audience?

[Brian Green]

Yeah, is Brian in the audience? Well, that's the ultimate dream, is that. I was on this podcast, the commercial break. Yeah, here, let me pull it up on the big screen right now and we'll get everybody to follow. That's like the dream, right? But you know, we're not there yet or we may never be there. We'll probably never be there. But like, is Tom Papa. Am I enriching Tom Papa's life in any way by going to say hello? No. Why? Because I just said hello to you last night. Like I don't need to say hello to you. You know, it's one of those things.

[Unknown]

Fair point.

[Brian Green]

So I bailed on the saying hello. And Tom, if you're listening, it's not cause I don't love you. It's cuz really I'm neurotic and I didn't know what the fuck to do. I felt like, I felt like I was in this, you know, purgatory of go or don't go.

[Unknown]

Yeah, should, I shouldn't.

[Brian Green]

And in all circumstances when I'm in that purgatory, I end up going. Cause that's the right thing. Because I'm too afraid to make the other choice. But that. One of the best nights of comedy I have ever enjoyed live was with Tom Poppa. And I've seen some really good comedy, as you can imagine. We do go see. We do see quite a bit of live comedy. Have seen quite a bit of live comedy. And we certainly watch a lot of live comedy comedy given the nature of the commercial break. And Tom Papa is up there, no doubt with Chris Rock. No doubt about it. But that makes sense because they're all kind of in the same circle. Like, you know, Rock and Seinfeld and Tom Papa, they're all friends. I mean, they all do these things together. So anyway, Tom Papa, great. Go see him if you get a chance.

[Unknown]

I love it.

[Brian Green]

If he's within 100 miles of you got to make the effort to go. And the tickets, even though we got a pair of tickets, I was still willing to pay for them. They only 31, 32, $33. It wasn't like that's affordable for Tom Papa. I felt like that was good. I mean, unless you want to sit right in front where you're clearly going to get picked on by Tom. Those are like $150, you know, those people pay $150 for the privilege of being made fun of by Tom, you know what I'm saying? One poor couple just got it.

[Unknown]

Some people really like that.

[Brian Green]

Some people. Some people, I think relish in the opportunity to be called out. They want that moment because they'll never have it. They don't have a commercial break, like, you know, that's their moment. But it's a double edged sword because there was one couple in the crowd and Tom was asking them what if they had dogs? To which they said, yes, we have three. What kind of dogs are there? Oh, well, we have a schnitzel doodle, you know. Oh, okay, A schnitzel doodle. Yeah, I have one of those small little shithead dogs, you know, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Tom goes on a rant about his dogs, you know, oh, what is the other dog? It's a. It's a shit fiend or something. We call him a shit fiend. It's a mix between a shih tzu and a fiendle doodle. And he's like a shit fiend. And he looks at the guy and he goes, this is with a lady talking with a couple. And he goes, I bet you didn't walk around at the beginning of your life, like in your 20s saying to yourself, when I get older, what I really want is a shit fiend running around my house. And then he asked them what time they got up up today. He asked one guy, the other side, what time did you get up today? You know, I got up early. What time is early? 7 o' clock. You know, to which people were like, oh, that's, you know, that's kind of early. Not early. He's like, yeah, that's early. That's early. That's. Seven o' clock's early. You know, if you don't have kids, that's early. He goes back to the couple, what time did you two get up with your shit fiends? You know, 10 o' clock. And everyone was like, oh, you know, that's not early. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. He goes, you got up at 10 o' clock, what do you do? And she goes, we own businesses. He goes, oh, you own businesses. How many businesses do you own? 2. Oh, congratulations on the two businesses. So I guess you don't have to open the shop til noon.

[Unknown]

Yeah, you don't have to run them.

[Brian Green]

You don't have to open the shop till noon. And she goes, we pay other people to do that. That's what we pay other people for. And everybody in the crowd is like. And Tom goes, I think some of them are here tonight. I just couldn't help myself. I was like ugly laughing. I thought it was so funny. They got their balls buste. He did a great job. Anyway, I loved Tom Papa. And then the. Then we went to the zoo.

[Unknown]

Oh my God. I mean, I can't even believe it. The one weekend that I'm away. Well, not the one, because I've been away.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, you're away every weekend. What are you talking about?

[Unknown]

But the weekend that I'm away, you come downtown where I am. You venture down two days in a row.

[Brian Green]

We do. We did what we did. Well, technically it was the same day, but anyway, it. They have this program through the library which now is being cut because of course it is.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

Where you go there and you check out a certain amount of books. You get access to a number of free tickets for things around town. The zoo, the aquarium, the science museum, Six Flags, Whitewater.

[Unknown]

That's so nice.

[Brian Green]

And if it's a. It's a bo. It's one single ticket that allows up to five, four, five people to go into whatever you're doing. But it has to be available, and you have to be able to go physically get it off the shelf. And so as you can imagine, it's in high demand. They only have, like, one or two of these per thing per place that you can go. We've done this a lot. And Astrid is good because you can check online and see if it's there. See if it's not there. We live, like, a block away from the library. So Astro to, like, get in the car in her underwear and run down there.

[Unknown]

Yes.

[Brian Green]

You know, so she did for the zoo. Because they, of course, are cutting that program. That's all I gotta say. They're cutting that program, which is a beautiful, wonderful program. And Six Flags Whitewater. Okay, I get it. Go pay for your own. But going to the zoo, it's like a cool thing to do with your children. Not everybody can afford it, including us. So we. So we got the. We got the zoo thing. And that's why we decided to go down there, is because we had it. It was available. We had some help. Gustavo was in town. So we get down to this zoo, but we only have two and a half hours because another one of my children is in school. We need to pick them up. We only have two and a half hours. So it's a really quick run through the zoo, right? We're gonna hit this animal, hit that animal and do this animal and whatever. So one of my girls is like. What's that girl's name? Binky Irwin. Is it Binky Irwin? What's her name?

[Unknown]

Binky Irwin.

[Brian Green]

Binky Irwin. Bindi Irwin. Oh, is it Bindi? I think it's Bindi Irwin.

[Unknown]

Yeah. The Irwin kids.

[Brian Green]

Yes. She's an Irwin kid. She loves anything about animals. It doesn't matter what animal it is. She loves everything about animals. She loves looking at them, seeing them, watching them, anything. Okay. But the other kid is at the age where she's not entirely sure she loves our dog and will ride it, try and ride it around the house. But everything else could be scary or it could not be scary. It's that age. That's the age that they're at. And they're forming their ideas and opinions about the world around them. And so we get to the zoo, and I'm not sure what's gonna go on. And it starts off good because you meet. You start easy at the Atlanta Zoo. You go to flamingos. Flamingos.

[Unknown]

It starts off the flamingos. It's a good zoo.

[Brian Green]

It's a great zoo. It's a great zoo. Is it the best zoo? No. Is it the biggest zoo? Not by any stretch of the imagination, but it's well kept and it's a nice zoo. And they got a nice little mix of animals. You start off easy with the flamingos. Flamingo. Nothing scary about that. They're flamingos. Well, we're there with the flamingos and you can feed them, right? And so we get the food and we throw it and you know, okay, everything's good. You know, I like flamingo and. Okay, great. You like flamingo? Wonderful. Let's go. It's animal bite. Animal bite me. Bite me, daddy. Animal bite me. No, animal's not gonna bite you. They're back behind the wall. Don't worry about it. Next thing you see black rhinoces, black rhinoceroses, rhino rses, the rhino rhino. The rhinos, the black rhinos, which are hunking huge, stinky fucking animals. They're dinosaurs is what they are. They literally are dinosaurs.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

And there's like four of them standing out there doing whatever they're doing, eating food mainly. And my daughter, who I'm holding in my arms, is kind of like, daddy, bite. Daddy bite. Big daddy. Big grande daddy. Big grand. Yeah, yeah, grande. Okay, listen, it's not gonna bite you. You see that, that thing right there? It's. It's keeping them back and us out. Like, it's not. We're not going in. You're not going in. They're not coming out. Out. Don't worry about it. Okay, so we turned the corner to go get a better look at the rhinos. Like another spot where you can get a look at the rhinos. You can look down on them. They're in a mud pile. It's a very warm day and there's a big mud pile. Big, sloppy, wet mud pile. And they're rolling around.

[Unknown]

Yeah, yeah. It keeps them cool.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. And cleans them off and keeps the bugs away and whatever. Whatever the fuck nature is doing, it's doing. But, man, is there a smell. I mean, of course it's the zoo.

[Unknown]

You know the zoo smell.

[Brian Green]

You know the zoo smell. Yeah. Everyone's been to the zoo. You've seen, you've smelled the zoo, the zoo smell. Well, these rhinos, these two rhinos just twisting and turning in the. In the mud. And it's fascinating because you never get to see this. And now I'm seeing it like Five feet in front of me. And I'm like, wow, those things are big. I can't believe they can do that. That's great. That's wonderful. And my. My daughter is finally, like, calming down to the idea that they're there, we're here, nothing's gonna happen at all. And she goes, daddy, water, water. Grossi's mud. And I'm like, yeah, they pour some water in there. They make mud for the. That's how they do it. They probably take a hose and they put it in there. And my other daughter, who has many more words, she's like, oh, they take a hose. And I'm like, yeah, they probably take a fire hose and, you know, splash it down every morning to get it. That's how they get that mud there. And the two rhinos stand up, they back their butts up to the fence, and they unload a literal fire hose of pee. And it goes on. Not for seconds, for minutes. This pee is just flooding out of both of them at the same time.

[Unknown]

They had to go.

[Brian Green]

They had to go. And they were going, well, my daughter's screaming, pee, pee, poo, poo. The other daughter is like, I think that's how they make the mud, Daddy. And now I'm thinking to myself, that is how they make the mud. Actually, that's pretty smart. This is how they make the mud. My daughter's like, grossy, pee, pee, poo, poo. And I'm like, ah, it's part of nature. And then one of them shits, and I'm like, oh, my God. This is not like the. This is not like the Walt Disney movies. This is not a. This is not all that slappy happy shit. This is disgusting. Chrissy, it was insane. The amount of pee and poop that was just flying out of these rhinoceroses. And my poor daughter. So I'm like, okay, time to move on. Giddy up, let's go. Let's move on to the next one. One. Which are elephants. Elephants and giraffes. And elephants and giraffes at the Atlanta Zoo are a special thing because they have what's called no barrier. What do you call them? Exhibits. No barrier exhibits. Which is a little bit misleading because there are barriers, but they're like a string, an electrified wire. Like four of them, from 15ft high to all the way to the ground. Just four slinky little wires. But they're electrified, so those elephants aren't going anywhere. And the giraffes, I don't think anybody's afraid of the Giraffes. Like what are the giraffes going to do? You know what I'm saying? They don't want them to get out, but they can stick their head right down in and grab you with their tongue.

[Unknown]

Oh yeah, you can do the feeding. You can do the feeding of the giraffes. I forgot about that.

[Brian Green]

And we did do the feeding and I got some pictures and it went about exactly as how you would have expected. Let's talk about that when we get back.

[Rachel]

Why don't you text us and we can text back and then you can text us in reply, then so on. It's a fun little game I've been playing and I think you'll be great at it. 212-4333, TCB. That's 212-433-3822. You could leave a message too. If you do, maybe you'll end up being the voice of the show. But be warned, the pay is not great. You could go to the website and drop us an email. Also tcbpodcast.com and while you're there, you can get a free sticker. Who doesn't want a free sticker? Sure, just go to the contact us button and ask for one. Follow us on insta hecommercial break and watch the [e-mail] thecommercialbreak Now I'm gonna go back to that texting game you wanna play. Come on. Bye.

[Chrissy Joy Hoadley]

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[Brian Green]

Yeah.

[Chrissy Joy Hoadley]

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[Brian Green]

Tell myself that the first step you.

[Chrissy Joy Hoadley]

Should take is to find a realtor. They make everything make sense. From pre approvals to paperwork, from offers to closing. It's someone that you can trust that'll walk you through it all. They'll answer all the questions, even ones you don't know to ask. And when things are feeling a little bit overwhelming, you can count on them to keep you grounded. That kind of steady support, you cannot get that from going it alone or guesswork. A realtor knows the ins and outs of the California real estate market and helps turn what feels like impossible into done. Don't let what you don't know stop you from starting your next chapter. Find your [e-mail] that's championsofhome.com.

[Unknown]

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[Brian Green]

So we turned the corner. We're back. So we turned the corner. Some. Some guy wrote in and he was like. And by the way, do you remember Will the Champ? Of course, Will the Champ, longtime listener. Not sure that he listens anymore. I think he had. I think he went through something.

[Unknown]

And anyway, we wish actually this weekend at Smokeslam, because they had an eating contest.

[Brian Green]

They had an eating contest. And he was a professional eater. That's what he did. Some of you might remember if you've been listening. I mean, I don't think we've talked to Will since season three.

[Unknown]

Yeah, it's been a minute.

[Brian Green]

It's been almost two years. But he's a great guy, big fan of the show, wrote us a couple songs, helped us out with some stuff. He was a good guy. And I. I believe. I'm not going to get into it. Whatever. Anyway, I think he went through something. I think he's okay, but I think he had to take a break, so. But anyway, Will the Champ. What was I going to say about Will the Champ? Oh, Will the Champ would say to us, why do you cut off the buy at the end?

[Unknown]

Oh, yeah.

[Brian Green]

He's like, I hate it, I hate it, I hate it, I hate it. Meanwhile, there's lots of people who have said it's kind of a signature of the show. I don't know why I cut off the buy at the beginning. I think I did it on accident and then it just kind of stuck. Right? But some people say when I'm coming back from break, it sounds like we're just picking up the conversation midway. And I went back. I don't think so. But anyway, we're back. Here we are. So I turned the corner and we go up to the elephants and the. I don't know what. I guess we went at the right time of the day because all the animals are active except for the lions, of course. They're never active. You never see the lions doing anything. The lions are always lazy assholes just sitting There you can never get a good. And they're always like. You can see their tail, like, flapping.

[Unknown]

Yeah, you can. Like, you're always having to kind of strain to see them.

[Brian Green]

And there's 30 people straining to see the one tail that you can see. Don't go for the lions. That's basically what I'm saying. Okay, so we turn the corner. The elephants are active. They are walking around, looks like they had some food. You know, they're playing with their trunks. They are right up against the fence. One of them is this big male, right? And he starts sticking his trunk in between the no barrier fence and sniffing my daughter.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

And he's staring at her. I can see he's staring at her. Her. You can see sentient life in an elephant's eyeballs.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

It is communicating with you. It knows you're alive. It knows it's alive. It probably has opinions on politics and baseball. That thing is. It's unbelievable. Elephants are unbelievable creatures.

[Chrissy Joy Hoadley]

And all you got to do is.

[Brian Green]

Look in one of their eyes to understand that. Look them in the eye. And if you have the unbelievable experience of having them look back at you in the eye, it's quite human. It's like you feel like you're looking at another human being, but it's not looking at me because I'm an asshole and there's no saving me. It's all over for me. It's looking at my daughter and it's sniffing her, like it's taking its trunk and sniffing her. And I'm like, oh, my God, what a wonderful moment that my daughter is having. And she looks at me and you know what? She says, daddy, I need a knack. I need a knack. And I go, no, no, no, the elephant, the elephant. And she goes, I don't care about elephant. I need a knack. These are the things that you realize when you're a parent. All these poignant moments that you see in movies and you read about and there's a funny Facebook story. It's all bullshit. It's all made up. Because kids ruin everything. They ruin every moment. They just have a way of doing that. They don't think like we do. They don't think it's poignant. They don't think it's interesting. She's barely has hair on her head and can speak a full sentence, let alone understand that that elephant might be sentient. If that had happened to me, I'd probably be crying at my age. Do you know what I'm saying?

[Unknown]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. For sure.

[Brian Green]

Oh, my God. So, okay, so it's snack time. Let's get a snack. And then we roll them. We have this like, wagon. We roll them up, the elephants. My older daughter is like, I wanna fe the giraffe. Because it's giraffe feeding time. We just happen to get there at the right time. It's like four bucks. And you get a couple pieces of lettuce and you hand it to the giraffe who will stick its neck down and it's incredibly long tongue and grab it.

[Unknown]

Yeah, those tongues are long.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, they're very long. They're long and they're strong. How do I know this? It took a serious satellite radio out of my car one time. I know it. So. But no hard feelings with the giraffes. I don't have anything against the giraffe community. I just want to go give my daughter a little special experience. And so I'm like, Astrid's like, well, why don't you go and you can go with the girls. And I'm like, let's not waste. This one's not. You know, she's not going to want to do this. I mean, you know, she doesn't understand. She doesn't even really want to be that close to. I go, do you want to feed the giraffe? Yes. Are you sure you want to feed the giraffe? Yes. You're not going to be scared? No. You're okay with that thing coming right at your head? Yes. I'm like, okay, let's go up and at em. Everybody in. So we go. We pay for a couple of feedings. My older daughter goes with Gustavo. It's a beautiful moment. She feeds the giraffe. By the way, the giraffe's head and tongue are shaking. The giraffe is just as nervous of us as we are of it.

[Unknown]

Okay.

[Brian Green]

And I'm not really that nervous about a giraffe. Doesn't even have teeth. What's it gonna do? You know what I'm saying? Like, I mean, I guess it could bite you. You. But I guess it could if it wanted to do some damage with its tongue. But I'm not that threatened by a giraffe. Just doesn't feel threatening to me. Yeah, but you can see its tongue is shaking. It's nervous, right? It's scared. So it grabs out of the older daughter's hand. Okay. I'm standing, I'm holding my younger daughter. And I'm like, okay, you ready? We're going to do this. We're Going to hand that piece of lettuce up to that giraffe. Are you okay to do this? Yes. Are you sure? Yes. Yep. That's her new word. Yep.

[Unknown]

Yep.

[Brian Green]

She's like, yep. And I'm like, you're not scared? Nope. And I'm like, okay, here we go. We walk up, the guy hands us the piece of lettuce. She puts it in her hand, she hands it to me. And I was like, no, you feed it to them. And she's like, no. And I was like, you don't want to feed the giraffe? And she's like, no. And I go, is it okay if I feed the giraffe? No, no. And I'm like, well, now I got this piece of lettuce in my hand. I gotta feed the giraffe. So I walk up to the giraffe to give it the piece of lettuce daughter in my other arm. And here's my daughter. The giraffe's tongue is going like this because now she's making this noise and the giraffe doesn't know what to make of it. Meanwhile, I'm in the middle of the two of them with a piece of lettuce here. And the giraffe, like, wraps its tongue around my hand. It's like, ah. And then the guy goes, you want to try again? And I'm like, I don't, you know, I don't think so. My daughter grabs the piece of lettuce out of his hand and I'm like, you want to feed him? Yep. And I'm like, okay, feed him. Nope. And hands it to me. And I'm like, what are you doing? What are we doing here? Meanwhile, Astrid's yelling, take a picture. Take a picture. Turn so I can take a picture. And I'm like, take a picture. I'm just trying to get my arm not pulled off by a giraffe. I'm in the middle of a fight between the daughter and Gerard the giraffe here. I don't know what to do. What do you want me to do? It's my daughter. I hand the giraffe the food. And then you can have a moment. You can just kind of line up next to the giraffe and take a picture. Well, we sure did get a picture. We got a picture of one of my daughters going.

[Unknown]

Terrified.

[Brian Green]

That's why the rest of us have a shit eating grin on our face. Never do the extras. The extras are always never worth it. It's never worth it. Just look at the giraffe. From afar. And I mean, listen. Is it a moment? Yeah, it's a moment. Is it, like, are you communicating or connecting with the giraffe? Not really. You handed a piece of lettuce.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

It grabs it with its incredibly long tongue, and then that's it. You take a picture with, you know. I don't know what the giraffe's name was, Bob. I'm not sure. I don't know. But the giraffe, sure. They are. Sure are fucking cute.

[Unknown]

They are. I love the giraffes.

[Brian Green]

We saw the gorillas. We went and saw the reptilians. The gorillas were having fun. They had a little baby gorilla.

[Unknown]

That's good that they were out, because sometimes they're not out.

[Brian Green]

They were kind of hiding in and out of, like, the shady places. But they had a baby gorilla. And the baby gorilla was, like, begging the mom, like, you know, tugging on the mom. And the mom was kind of pushing it away, like, I don't want this. And to the point where eventually the male gorilla started walking over. I think he wanted to get involved and lay down some discipline. And that baby gorilla ran as fast as it could and went and hid behind a tree. It was like, oh, here comes dad. Gustavo was doing the whole thing. Like, having the whole conversation, like, doing voices.

[Unknown]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I love that.

[Brian Green]

He's like, mommy, I want your tit. I'm hungry. The papa was like, no, those are my tits. And then the very next day, there was a little play place here in Atlanta that had this guy. Dr. Doolittle. Yeah, Dr. Dolittle, basically. Exactly. Dr. Doolittle Little, who has a house full of animals, brings those animals for part. He used to be a zoologist here in Atlanta, like at the zoo. And he brings those animals around for parties and shows and stuff. And then you can pet them and, you know, he hang out with them. He brought an array of animals. Like, I've never seen these all live at his house. A turtle that's probably getting close to 100 years old. Like, a huge turtle, a bearded dragon. A stick insect, like one that's that long that looks like a stick that was, like, crawling up his arm. Some of them you could touch, some of them you couldn't. Madagascar hissing cockroaches he brought. And I overcame a fear and I touched the hissing cockroach. By the way, the Madagascar hissing cockroach has is the cock. There are 4,500 different types of cockroaches. It's one that is the cleanest type of Cockroach, by the way, the dirtiest are the palmetto bugs that we get. The most amount of germs, most amount of dirt disease. Gross. Gross. Okay. But the. The. So it's me and my older daughter, one of my older daughters, and we're there and she's petting all the animals. She just loves it. Same daughter who was in love with the animals petting all the animals. She loves it. She. We're having so much fun. Daddy Daughter day. And then he brings out the coup de gr. A hedgehog. A hedgehog. This guy had a baby hedgehog. Three years old. Two. Three years old. Something like that. This thing was the cutest thing I have ever seen in my entire life. Feels exactly like you would think it would. It's not exactly, you know, you don't want to cuddle with it at night.

[Unknown]

Right, right.

[Brian Green]

But it is the cutest fucking thing. And this thing was like Mr. Personality. It was like doing a show for everybody. It's like doing a little dance. And you could pet him, and he's like. And I thought, this is the best thing ever. This guy. It's a house of horrors over there because he's breeding Madagascar roaches and stick figures and all kind of different shit. But, you know, hey, listen, he's doing something cool for the rest of us. He's letting us get close to these animals.

[Unknown]

Yes, he loves it.

[Brian Green]

Yes. He had a snake. He had a dragon. Like, not a. Like an iguana dragon. Not one of the dangerous kind, but that dragon. That. This thing was like, I don't know, three and a half feet long. It was big. He had frogs, he had toads. He had all kind of shit. And he would take it out, and if you could pet it, if it wasn't dangerous, then he'd let you pet it. It was awesome. And I'm like, this is great. We have a great day. We go in the play place, we play for a little while. As we're leaving, I see this guy is packing up. He is packing up in a 1998 Ford Explorer that has not one window on it. Not one window. Every single window in the Ford Explorer is busted out. Every one of them, including the windshield. It's like, what? Yes. There's no paint on it. It's like. It's got no paint on it. It's like an animal.

[Unknown]

Drive one car.

[Brian Green]

That's what I thought. I thought. I thought, if I'm convincing my wife to allow me to keep thousands of animals inside of our house, I'm probably also not gonna be also getting a convertible BMW. Do you know what I'm saying?

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

She's saying you find the shittiest fucking car you can and you put that car on blast because that's the only car you're ever gonna be allowed to have. Then you know what? Fair enough. Fair enough.

[Unknown]

Fair enough on that for sure.

[Brian Green]

It's a good weekend here at the Greenhouse.

[Unknown]

That sounds like it. Wow. All kinds of animals and some new experiences.

[Brian Green]

The whole shebang comedy thrown in there. Tom Boppa, he was so good, Chrissy. I just can't, I can't give him enough praise.

[Unknown]

I mean, he's a good one.

[Brian Green]

I mean, I know I tend to over laud our guests, but I gotta say, this was like genuinely one of my favorite comedy shows. I wish I could do it all over again. I wish I could have the same experience again. This one I'll remember for a long time. And I'll mainly remember because I was like crying. Crying bastard was looking over at me like I was a child. She was like, are you okay? I'm like, this is funny. She found it also to be very funny. But I think sometimes stuff gets lost in translation culturally. So I don't think she a hundred percent understood every single thing. Plus there are times when Tom can talk real fast. And so I think it just kind of some of the stuff flew by her. But you know what? Go see tomorrow, Tom Papa. Go see Tom papa. All right. TCB's endless day, sponsored by Five Hour Energy. Our good partners at Five Hour Energy is going to be on May 31st, starting at 10:00am in the morning. Set your, Set your alarms, kids. Set your alarms. Mark it on the calendar. Clear the schedule. Chrissy and I are going to be here for at least 12 hours that day, pumping out brand new content, celebrating five years of the commercial break. Over 750 episodes, 30 downloads. We've done it all, kids. What else, what else can we check off the list? I don't know. You tell me. I guess. 12 episodes in one day, that's what we can do. Tom Papa, Tig Notaro, Reggie Watts and others joining us, Ricky Lindholm. So many others will be joining us on that day. You can call in if you want. Want to. You want to talk to us? We'll need the help, we'll need content. So call in 212-4333. TCB 212-433-3822. Text us, tell us you want to be a part of the show and we'll communicate back how and when you can do that, when we'll be recording, when you can call in. It'll be a great day. We'll all join in the fun. Add the commercial break on Instagram, TCB podcast on tick tock and YouTube.com commercial break for every single episode the same day they air here on the audio feed. Also TCB podcast all the comings and goings, more about the endless day and your free sticker. Okay Chrissy, I guess that is. I guess that's all I can do for now.

[Unknown]

I think so.

[Brian Green]

I'll tell you that I love you.

[Unknown]

And I love you best to you.

[Brian Green]

And best you out there in the podcast universe. Until next time, Chrissy and I will say we do say and we must say goodbye.

[Unknown]

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[Brian Green]

Sam.