Dr. Feelgood, Frequent Flyer!

Summary

The Commercial Break – "Dr. Feelgood, Frequent Flyer!"

Hosts: Bryan Green & Krissy Hoadley
Date: August 12, 2026

Overview

This episode of The Commercial Break is a classic mix of irreverent, offbeat comedy, deeply personal and cultural commentary, and a fan-favorite relationship saga update. Bryan and Krissy share stories about awkward work podcast run-ins, AI dystopias, mental health and the spectacle of celebrity breakdowns (Perez Hilton), pop culture drama (Andy Dick, Tom Segura, Ariana Grande, Jelly Roll), and, most notably, the long-running saga of “Marlon” and his complicated relationship with an older, wealthy lover (a.k.a. “Evelyn”). Expect classic TCB: candid, self-aware, and peppered with raunchy wit.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

Office Embarrassments & Podcast Transparency

• Bryan shares a story about discussing work financials with AI (Claude) on the podcast, only to have his boss overhear while working out.
• Quote:

  "So we're immediately changing the name and RSS feed so that my boss can't hunt me down here on the commercial break."
  (03:01 – Bryan)

AI Run Amok: Paranoid or Sensible?

• Conversation about AI “jumping the sandbox” as major AI companies disclose similar incidents where their bots overstepped digital boundaries.
• Bryan plugs “The Last Invention” podcast and surprisingly credits Steve Bannon as “a real common sense thinker when it comes to AI controls.”
• Quote:

  "I can only hope they're better than the people that are running it right now... when I'm an AI slave I hope they're more, you know, just and fair."
  (04:49 – Bryan)

Perez Hilton’s Breakdown & Society’s Response

• Bryan recaps Perez Hilton’s disturbing TikTok self-harm livestream, contextualizing it with Perez's notorious past as a “terrible human being,” then his post-redemption, Bible-thumping persona.
• The hosts discuss the impact of social media on mental health, bystander indifference, and criticisms of TikTok's inadequate moderation.
• Quotes:

  "Mental health is not a joke. And when you have a psychotic break and it's live on camera ... that’s up to you—that’s a judgment call for you to make."
  (12:20 – Bryan)
  "We have to start, like, paying attention as a society and having a little bit more empathy. What's going on through that viewfinder is not as important as what's going on in reality, real time."
  (17:13 – Bryan)

Tooth Troubles & Life’s Random Curveballs

• Krissy updates on her partner Jeff’s tooth extraction and the domino effect of midlife dental woes.
• Commentary on accepting life’s unplanned accidents and the relatable struggle with dental pain.
• Quote:

  "Car accidents and tooth emergencies—never planned for them. That's right. You never planned for them."
  (20:09 – Bryan)

Pop Culture Catch-Up

• Andy Dick Apology Tour: Bryan and Krissy riff about Andy Dick’s reputation, substance abuse, and his semi-contrition in the shadow of the Phil Hartman tragedy.
• Tom Segura & Christina Pazsitzky Divorce: Reflections on “Your Mom’s House” podcast, touring, fame, and the family toll of a show business career.
• Ariana Grande & Jelly Roll: Comments on celebrity overexposure, Ariana’s visible health changes, and the relentless scrutiny celebrities face.
• Quotes:

  "Everyone wants to talk to Andy Dick in hopes they're gonna get the train wreck Andy Dick."
  (31:10 – Bryan)
  "Isn't that, like, when you slow down a little bit and start making compromises for your family? ... Because you can."
  (35:04 – Bryan)

Kids, School Sickness, and Seasonal Chaos

• Wry take on “peach tree dishes”—a malapropism for “petri dishes”—as schools become virus incubators each year.

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The Marlon & Evelyn Saga: “Dr. Feelgood, Frequent Flyer!”

(Main Story—Starts: 48:00)

The Saga Recapped

• Marlon, a friend of Bryan’s, has been in an on-again/off-again relationship with "Evelyn," an affluent woman nearly thirty years his senior.
• The arrangement has included extravagant vacations, gifts, and a sexual dynamic challenging for Marlon—emotionally and (especially) physically.

The Yacht Party Run-In

• Marlon and Evelyn cross paths unexpectedly at a Miami yacht party, leading to texting and rekindled romance.

The ED Dilemma & Miami’s Finest

• Marlon struggles to “perform” with Evelyn, who is “very demanding” during intimate moments.
• Being proactive (and generous), Evelyn sends Marlon to Miami’s best ED doctor.
• Upon arrival, Marlon is mortified, surrounded by “nurses that are like 22, all of them gorgeous."
• Quote:

  "Dude, I've never been so mortified in my life. ... You say that in front of a perfect 10 who’s giggling while she’s doing this [intake]."
  (01:35 – Bryan, retelling Marlon's story)

Classic TCB Moment

• The doctor instantly recognizes “Evelyn.”

  "Oh, I know Evelyn. She sends all of her guys to me."
  (56:02 – Doctor, as retold by Bryan)

Medical Solutions & Hilarious Mishaps

• Options include a self-injected penile shot (!) or a medication lozenge.
• Marlon, rejecting shots, chooses the lozenge, which he awkwardly takes in a restaurant bathroom before dinner.
• The lozenge works—almost too well. Marlon is “scooting along because I’m starting to get this chubby” and uses Evelyn’s oversized purse for coverage as they leave.
• Despite the quick results, things don’t go smoothly at first. By the time they get home and Evelyn resumes her “barking orders,” his erection dissipates.
• The following night: Marlon wakes up at 1am with a “raging” erection, leads to a successful sexual encounter—finally, the chemistry clicks mentally and physically.

Marlon’s Update

• Relationship appears revived and more positive; Marlon describes the night as “some of the most wonderful lovemaking he'd ever had.”
• Bryan vows to keep listeners updated:

  "Go, Marlon. Marlon did the deed."
  (64:08 – Bryan)

Reflections

• Discussion that “getting in your own head” about attraction/performance becomes a self-fulfilling roadblock for many men.
• Krissy:

  "There wasn't the complete full attraction there, but also too, then you start getting in your head about getting in your head."
  (64:17 – Krissy)

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Notable Quotes & Moments

• On social media spectacle:

  "What's going on through that viewfinder is not as important as what's going on in reality, real time."
  (17:25 – Bryan)

• On AI dangers:

  "I can only hope they're better than the people that are running it right now...when I'm an AI slave."
  (04:49 – Bryan)

• On the lozenge incident:

  “Last time I was in a stall doing drugs, they were way more fun than this. And it happened much better.”
  (59:29 – Marlon, relayed by Bryan)

• On tour-life and family:

  “Isn’t that, like, when you slow down a little bit and start making compromises for your family? ... Because you can.”
  (35:04 – Bryan)

• On returning to performing:

  “I'm comfortable sitting here in the studio talking to no one. That feels good to me.”
  (37:53 – Bryan)

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Timestamps of Important Segments

| Segment | Timestamp | |---------------------------------------------------------------------------|-------------| | Perez Hilton’s TikTok Incident & Celebrity Mental Health | 07:19–18:28 | | Tooth extraction/dental pain stories | 18:28–21:25 | | Andy Dick’s reputation & Phil Hartman connection | 28:40–32:20 | | Tom Segura/Christine’s divorce, touring, and family/fame | 32:47–38:42 | | School-year “peach tree dishes” & household sickness | 38:42–38:53 | | Beginning of Marlon & Evelyn update (Intro recaps, story retelling) | 38:53–49:16 | | Marlon at the ED clinic, “Dr. Feelgood,” and lozenge misadventures | 54:22–64:08 |

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Language & Tone

The hosts' tone is playful, self-mocking, and raunchy, with candid confessions and comic exaggeration. Personal anecdotes blend with sharp cultural observations, never shying from the silly or the uncomfortable.

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Useful for Listeners

• For newcomers: This episode exemplifies TCB’s chemistry, blend of personal story, pop culture riffing, and raw, no-filter honesty.
• For regulars: Delivers a full update on the wild Marlon saga and continues the tradition of comedic deep dives into life’s messiest realities.

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In Sum

If you want bracing honesty, over-the-top sexual comedy, a pop culture pulse, and a thoroughly engaged take on both the shallow and the deep, "Dr. Feelgood, Frequent Flyer!" gives plenty to laugh, cringe, and think about—sometimes at the very same time.

Transcript

[Commercial Announcer]

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[Brian Green]

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[Brian Green]

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[Brian Green]

On this episode of the Commercial Break. Dude, I've never been so mortified in my life. And I'm like, ah, it happens, you know, whatever. It happens. Like, who cares? And he's like, yeah, you say that in front of a perfect 10 who's like, you know, like giggling, you know, like giggling while she's doing this. And I'm like, okay, all right, whatever. So he gets called back and the doctor says. The doctor's like, hey, you know, first there's a nurse and he's got to go through the whole thing, right? He says, there's like another, you know, nine out of ten. And she says, don't worry, he's the best in town. He's gonna get you right fixed up. There's a lot of different things that we can do. So the doctor comes in. Doctor says, hey, what? Tell me what's going on. Well, you know, I have this lover and this. And he goes, oh, I, I know. I. I know. Evelyn,

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

she sends all of her guys to me.

[Brian Green]

The next episode of the commercial break starts now. Oh, yeah, cats and kittens, welcome back to the commercial break. I'M Brian Green. This is my dear friend and the co host of this show, Kristen Joy Hoadley. Best to you, Chris.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Best to you, Brian.

[Brian Green]

Best to you out there in the podcast universe. You know, I have to tell you, I'm in the office in New York last week, and last week I was talking about how Claude has helped me be more proficient in my job.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yes.

[Brian Green]

And I was sharing that for a day. I was kind of like running through some financial stuff about the business with Claude and how that experience was. So I was just talking about it. Not good, bad or indifferent. I wasn't giving any specifics. But my boss walks in and he's like, so you're working with Claude on the financials? I was like, how the fuck did you know that? And he goes, oh, I was just. I was working out, listening to your show. So we're immediately changing the name and RSS feed so that my boss can't hunt me down here on the commercial break. This has got to be the tree of trust here. Yeah. No, no, he knows. Of course. Actually, I was right. I wrote a proposal and I spoke to Claude and I said, make it sound pretty. Right. And I was just like, make it sound pretty. My boss was like, dude, a little less claudy. We gotta get a little less claudy on our proposals. I said, okay, fair enough.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

So then, you know, thanks for making me double the work. So then last year, you do the

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

work and then Claude's redoing it, and then you're redoing it.

[Brian Green]

I know. So now I'm redoing Claude's work. I'm like, okay, Claude, I can't. I'm sorry. Good job. But I gotta use my own words. So I had to go typing again. Actually, I spoke it. But anyway, Claude's still helping, you know.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah, it's a little assistant.

[Brian Green]

It's a little assistant. It's a little helper for now.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Wow.

[Brian Green]

Now, we were Talking about how OpenAI had had one of their agents go rogue in a sandbox environment where they were testing its capabilities to see how wild it would get. And it got wild.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

It did.

[Brian Green]

It jumped the shark. It jumped out. It went somewhere else. It attacked another website. And in that same week, which was last week, as you're listening to this, in that same week, all four major AI companies then disclosed that they had also had their agents jump out of the sandbox and do something very similar. So the AI bots, the AI agents, are now planning the takeover of the world. And I can only hope they're better than the people that are running it right now. That's all I can hope. That's all I can hope when I'm an AI slave. I hope that they're more, you know,

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

they'll be just and fair.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, I hope they're just in fair. I don't see any reason why they wouldn't be. I don't think an AI agent, a computer, necessarily has the. I mean, I think they. I think the worst case scenario. There's a great podcast, by the way, called the Last Invention. And I work with these guys, okay? And the Last Invention is about the Last Invention. It's based on a book that was written called the Last Book, or an article called the Last Invention. AI The Last Invention. Because AI essentially makes everyone obsolete. And one of the nightmare scenarios in the Last Invention is that AI decides, much like we look at ants and step on them or see them as a nuisance or an annoyance, just something we don't even take into consideration, that AI will see us the same way. It's in. We're a nuisance, we're an annoyance. We don't need to be here. So they just kind of phase us out over time. So, you know, good times. Yeah, good times, kids. Good times. Anyway, go listen to the Last Invention if you want to, you know, have nightmares.

[Advertiser/Promo Voice]

Right.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I was going to listen to it.

[Brian Green]

It's great, actually. It's great. And, you know, the Last inv. Attention does. Takes a left turn in some of the final episodes. It's a limited series. They have Steve Bannon on, and I'm like, steve Bannon, what are you doing? But to my great surprise, Steve Bannon is one of the common sense thinkers around AI and controls for AI. He believes that AI is going way too fast, way too far, way too quickly, and that we need to put guardrails on it immediately before we can't undo what we might already. We may already be at that.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Right.

[Brian Green]

But Steve Bannon is a real common sense thinker when it comes to. In only AI. I mean, don't consider me a fan of Steve Bannon, but I can appreciate that even people that I don't normally care for their ideology or their train of thought can have a good idea here and there. So.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah, exactly.

[Brian Green]

So there you go. Anyway, go listen to the Last Invention. It's a great show by Andy Mills and Matt Boll and the team over at Longview Productions. Okay. I want to talk about something very serious and I want to get your take on it. And this usually is where I start getting goofy, but I'm not going to get goofy here. Have you seen the coverage about Perez Hilton?

[Advertiser/Promo Voice]

Yes.

[Brian Green]

What are your thoughts on this? Did you watch the video?

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I did not. I mean, you've. I know you said you watched it. I had a friend that watched it and I was like, I haven't seen it and I don't want to see it. Because, I mean, from what I've heard, it's very, very disturbing.

[Brian Green]

It's highly graphic.

[Rachel (Voice of God)]

Yeah.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

And it's so sad, I mean, that he got to that point. And what does that say then about our society as a whole? You know, he had all this fame before and now maybe he doesn't have that. And was that part of it? I don't know. I didn't realize he had children.

[Apartments.com Announcer]

He has kids.

[Brian Green]

He's married.

[Sponsor Voice]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

And apparently. So if you, if you're not up to speed, I mean, I'm sure most people already have heard this story, but Perez Hilton went live on TikTok last Thursday or Friday night, and he was taking a machete, a very sharpened machete to his body. And that's what I'll say. It almost looked fake at first. It almost was. Like he was using, like, movie blood. Yeah, that was my assumption when I first started seeing the video. But I didn't catch it live. I saw it shortly thereafter, and there wasn't a lot of context to it. It's like Perez Hilton crashes out on Tick Tock. And I thought, oh, my God, he's, you know, he's covered himself in this ketchup or fake blood or whatever, and he's acting like an idiot pretending to cut himself. But very quickly you realize that's not at all what's going on. It's very real.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

What was the context around him doing that? Did he say? Because again, I haven't watched it and I haven't. Like he just got live on there and started doing it.

[Brian Green]

Yeah.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Did he. Was he saying.

[Brian Green]

Well, he was saying he wanted to unalive himself is what he said. He. That this is what you all wanted. You know, you wanted me to do this live. You wanted me to hurt myself. Here I am. The funny thing is, is while he's slicing himself with this machete. He is, and he is naked, slicing himself with a machete everywhere. There is not a part of his body that was untouched. And I don't need to get any more graphic than that, but it was disturbing. I mean, it really was. I don't even know why I watched the fucking thing to Be honest with you, I should have turned it off the second it started. But, but at some point you're just like, holy shit, is this really happening on TikTok? And we'll get into the whole TikTok angle on this in a second. But, you know, Perez Hilton made a living basically being a terrible human being to anyone that was in the media spotlight. He calls himself the first influencer. He's probably right about that. He was very well connected. He was very famous. He was very powerful. At one point because people feared the retribution of Perez Hilton online. While all of us looky lose were taking the time to go to whatever that website was, Perez was getting the dirt from anybody and everybody and then coming with the receipts. And that included celebrities, children and celebrities at their worst and in their most vulnerable moments. He didn't care. He was, he was pasting it all over the place. Perez really was a terrible human being. I, I, I want to make no bones about this. He, he started, I think, a lot of this, like, obsessive celebrity culture that we have, just making sure that we can get in every sordid detail of every person's life. It's like someone is human. They're for human consumption once they become famous. And I think even though it existed long before Perez, kind of this tabloidy stuff, Right. Perez took it to a whole new level and he brought it into the 21st century on the Internet. And he never stopped.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

And he never apologized.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

And he wasn't even just like saying, this is what happened. He was making all of these horrible comments and making T shirts about it.

[Brian Green]

He was selling T shirts. Yeah, yeah.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

There was just all of this horrible stuff.

[Brian Green]

He was not a good dude. Okay, so then fast forward. And then about a decade ago, Perez just kind of fell off the map for a while. I think people got sick of kind of the shtick of Perez being this kind of like, smart ass gay guy who, you know, was making fun of all the celebrities. I think it got boring. Like, everybody was 15 minutes of fame. It was over. And maybe had a little longer than 15 minutes of fame. Yeah. Okay. All right, so 10, about a decade ago, he finds a boyfriend, they get married, they have children, and Perez starts to turn the corner a bit, including and up to apologizing for past behavior, sharing that he was really embarrassed by the things he had said and done when he was a younger man and just going on this, you know, apology tour, basically showing, showing up on certain reality shows, like, remember when Laguna beach came back? Like, it came back and had like a second season or whatever, or the Hills or whatever it was. Perez was showed up at one of those events like, that they filmed, and people were just like. Because the Hills got it from him and Laguna beach got it from him, and he. They got it bad. And people were pissed. And like, what was that girl's name? I can't remember her name. The girl that was in. I'll think of it in a second. But anyway, he had this, like, notorious fight with one of the people on the Hills. And it. People were kind of, I think, reluctant to bring him into the fold. Like to say everything's okay. Right.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

And some people burned.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, they've been burned. And some people, after this whole incident happened last Friday. Some celebrities have no sympathy for Perez. They really don't. I do. Because mental health is not a joke.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yes, correct.

[Brian Green]

And when you have a psychotic break and it's live on camera, you know, some people might say he got his comeuppance. I don't know. That's up to you. That's a. That's a judgment call for you to make. But. So Perez kind of turns the corner over the last decade. Then about six months ago, I follow Perez on Instagram, not because I'm a fan of Perez, but because his. This version of Perez was a softer version of Perez. And he was talking about some stuff that was going on in Hollywood. Okay. If it's interesting.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

So he was still doing the Hollywood stuff because I haven't kept up. He is.

[Brian Green]

But a much different version of it. Like a more sympathetic version of it, A more kind of investigative version of it.

[Advertiser/Promo Voice]

He.

[Brian Green]

He just seemed to be a friendlier Perez. Right. And you can tell, like, he has children. When you have children, things just change.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah, that's true.

[Brian Green]

So about six months ago, Perez falls off the universe. No one knows where he is now. I wouldn't know if Perez was missing or not. Like, I don't seek out his content. If it shows up on my algorithm and it's interesting, I'll watch whatever he's talking about. But I didn't know. I had no idea. Three months ago, he pops back online. He was sick. He took some antibiotics. He didn't take it with food. It caused the stomach lining to tear, caused an ulcer.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

That's right.

[Brian Green]

He got sepsis. He went through, like a three month battle to survive, to live. Basically. He was really, really sick. So he shows up three months ago with tubes in his nose and looking terrible and gaunt and really looking dead. If I'm being honest. And he explains all of this. He explains what happened and he says the only reason that I got through this was because I accepted Jesus Christ as my savior. And so Now Perez version v3 is Bible beating, God fearing, Jesus toting, Jesus loving, religious zealot essentially. And every time that I saw Perez in the last three months, all he was talking about, if it wasn't about a celebrity, was about how God saved him and Jesus was the way and he is the light and he is the Lord. So he really seemed like Perez was maybe cut the. Starting to unwind a little bit in a way because it wasn't normal, like Bible beating type stuff. This was really intense. He was crying a lot. He. It seemed like Perez was maybe coming undone a little bit. So then on Friday, something happened in the house with the children and the husband left and called the police and said his husband wasn't well and please check on him. You know, a welfare check essentially.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Right.

[Brian Green]

And they did. And Perez said, everything's okay, I'm fine, whatever. And then hours later showed up on TikTok already sliced and diced, but then doing this for another 30 minutes. This thing is like, goes on for like 27 minutes. I don't know exactly how long, But I think 27 minutes.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah, 15 or that. People were seeing it and trying to contact.

[Brian Green]

A lot of people contacted Miami Dade Police and they asked to say to go to Perez's house and check on him. And. And they did. And it took four hours to talk him down. The four hours while he's bleeding out, essentially. And so I think this was a really critical situation. The Miami Dade Police Department apparently handled it as well as they could and they got him out of the house eventually and got him helped and seek now failure on TikTok's behalf. They did flag it, but the person who was supposed to take it down didn't think it was real. So they just, you know, but listen, TikTok so sensitive to all fucking manners of things to let this go on for this length of time was. Is kind of insane. And it's. It is showing me that I'm making the absolute correct decision by never letting my children have a social media account. I mean, honestly, that's what my friend said to you. You can just see that on TikTok. It just pop up in. Hundreds of thousands of people apparently were watching Perez at some point joined a tick, another TikTok Live that was going on this TikTok Live with three. Three different accounts that were watching Perez. And then Perez popped into their account he, like, asked to join their account. And these people, I mean, honestly, like, not one of them put the phone down, turned off the live and called Miami Dade. They all just agoked. Now, to be fair, they were saying, you know, oh, Prez, don't do that. You got to get help, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. But they were also treating it like, in a way that I did not think was befitting of the. The emergent nature of the situation. It's like if they, if these people were in a real emergency, which this was, they would not have the brain cells to do the things that need to be done to save it. It's like people who are videotaping, like, someone getting the shit beaten out of them or an emergency situation where clearly they could have been of help and they're just standing there gawking with their iPhone for the views. We have to start, like, paying attention as a society and having a little bit more empathy. What's going on through that viewfinder is not as important as what's going on

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

outside the view in reality, real time.

[Brian Green]

Okay, so that's my little moral clause there. But the reality is, is that, like, Perez got the help that he needed because people on the live clearly saw what was going on. They knew where he lived. I don't know how they knew he lived in Miami or whatever, but they called the Miami Dade Sheriff's Office and the Miami Dade Sheriff's office quickly got there and eventually brought the situation under control. But I just, like, I have empathy for Perez. I have empathy for his children. I'd hate to see anybody go through a mental health situation like that. It's just like a terrible event that is another scarring event that we're all seeing online is like this collective sickness that we all have. I think of another one is like the Charlie Kirk assassination, like, just. It goes around the Internet so fast and so furious and we're never thinking about, like, there's actual children, like, there's children whose dad this is, and. And they're going to have to see this when they grow up. I mean, just a terrible thing. I hope Rez gets the help that he needs, too.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I. I'm. From what I've heard, he's still in the hospital.

[Brian Green]

I guess I think he's going to be in the hospital for a long time. I mean, I don't know how you recover from something like physically months of recovery and that's. I, like, I just can't even imagine all the different things that, like, physical things that would happen Slicing and dicing yourself with a. With a machete like that, it's just awful. But Jeff got his tooth taken out. So how's he feeling?

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

He did. He's feeling all right.

[Brian Green]

Shout out to Jeff.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yes.

[Brian Green]

Let's talk about Screw Perez. Why did not we not have Jeff's tooth extraction live on TikTok?

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Oh, God. Yeah. We should have been filming.

[Brian Green]

Oh, my God. Poor guy.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah, you never know. Those dental emergencies. Everything was fine. He just went to the dentist a few, like a couple months ago.

[Brian Green]

That's how it happens.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Things were fine. Then he got a toothache last week and was like, eh, something doesn't feel right. And it kept getting worse and said, okay, we gotta get to the dentist. And got in there and they're like, yep, it is cracked. And it's cracked so badly that we're gonna have to take it out completely. And it was like the second to last molar in the very back, which is the worst.

[Brian Green]

I mean, I guess it would have been worse had it been a tooth. You could see, right? Like a tooth that was like visible. Like you don't want him to be gimpy tooth Jeff. Right. Just walking around like my daughter with the tooth. Big tooth gap, but still, like the, the. The deeper back in your mouth, it is the worst pain is going to be associated with it.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

It's been. It was a weekend for sure.

[Brian Green]

Oh, man. I really felt for Jeff.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

No, me too. I was doing the best I could to take care of him.

[Brian Green]

Nurse Cratchit over there fixing the mashed

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

potatoes and the soft things. Yeah. And he was just like, you know. Yeah.

[Brian Green]

Car accidents and tooth emergencies.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Never planned for them.

[Brian Green]

Never planned for them. That's right. You never planned for them.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

The Mingo card.

[Brian Green]

No, wasn't. But it does happen. And, you know, it's like when you crack a tooth, there's only one or two outcomes, and that's we can root canal and cement it back together and give you a couple more years with the tooth or we got to take it out. That's what my last root canal, I fought tooth and nail. I just kept going back and saying, try and fix it, try and fix it.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I know, I remember that. That was just a few months ago.

[Brian Green]

It's still got a few months ago, the last time I dealt with it, but it's still got a crack in it. And she keeps telling me, she's like, I. I filled the inside of it with cement, but there's no guarant. Like, you know, when you, when it breaks, you're gonna know it because your gum's just gonna get, like, totally inflamed. And she said, you know, there's gonna be pain and it's going to happen eventually. It will. You will bite on something where it will just break. And I'm like, oh, okay. Thanks. Thanks for sharing my future with me. She's like a crystal ball.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

That's why you don't eat the. What were those? Crack.

[Brian Green]

Oh, the sweet tarts. Yes, the Smarties. The sweet tarts. Yeah, the sweet tarts.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

That's why you don't eat those anymore.

[Brian Green]

I know those sweet tarts. I kept on chewing them like they were like, they're candy. They're candy. That's right. And they are candy. And it just was doing so much damage to that fucking too. Yeah, listen. Not the brightest bulb in the box, if you know what I mean.

[Commercial Announcer]

I try.

[Brian Green]

I do my best, but anyway. All right, thanks for joining us. It's a rare Monday recording here. I also understand. Just like, I want to talk a little technical stuff for you just for a second. I also understand that some of you may not have seen episodes popping out last week. We have a new hosting platform that we've been on for, like, the last seven months. So you think I would have understood how to work it so far, but I made a mistake in the scheduling of those and I scheduled them for next week. I mean, in September to come out. So I'm. Yeah. So we are going to get a couple additional episodes this week, but you're here with us for the next couple of hours, streaming YouTube.com the commercial break. And of course, you can catch us on all podcast players. Please follow, like and subscribe. Share if you dare and share if you dare. And you care. What we're gonna do here is sharing is caring. We're gonna take a break. We'll be back in two and two.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Two and two.

[Rachel (Voice of God)]

Hey, it's Rachel, your new voice of God here on tcb. And just like you, I'm wondering just how much longer this podcast can continue. Let's all rejoice that another episode has made it to your ears. And I'll rejoice that my check is in the mail. Speaking of mail, get your free TCB sticker in the mail by going to tcbpodcast.com and visiting the Contact Us page. You can also find the entire commercial break library audio and video, just in case you want to look at [e-mail] Want your voice to be on an episode of the show. Leave us a message at 212-4333 TCB. That's 212-433-3822. Tell us how much you love us and we'll be sure to let the world know on a future episode. Or you could make fun of us. That'd be fine too. We might not air that, but maybe. Oh, and if you're shy, that's okay. Just send a text. We'll respond now. I'm gonna go check the mailbox for payment while you check out our sponsors, and then we'll return to this episode of the Commercial Break.

[Commercial Announcer]

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[Brian Green]

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[Commercial Announcer]

Evening.

[Brian Green]

Buyer's remorse. Buy a new car. I'll be moving in. Let's get started.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Sorry, I think there's been a mistake. I bought it from Carvana.

[Apartments.com Announcer]

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[Rachel (Voice of God)]

Yeah.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Great price. I even have seven days to love it or return it.

[Brian Green]

So there's no.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

No, no buyer's remorse. More like buyers rejoice.

[Brian Green]

I guess I'll let myself out. Congratulations. I mean it.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Buyers rejoice. Buy your car today on Carvana.

[Advertiser/Promo Voice]

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[Brian Green]

Carol G.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Get tickets [e-mail] don't miss Carol G.

[Brian Green]

I'm going to Coachella to see diploma.

[Poet/Creative Voice]

I walked in the door to grab a latte I paid $10, heard Arianna Grande but then I saw him and his big dog. I felt my knees weak here came the brain fog and though I'm not gay you make me feel that way. I hope it never ends. My new Starbucks boyfriend. All my toes curl, all the feels come my world the gold you are my shining sun. We love to talk sports and swimming pools. You like the patio, I like the bar stools. And we spill tea and we crochet the other tables. Might think we're gay. I don't really care. I hope it never ends. You're my best Starbucks boyfriend.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

How is your boyfriend?

[Brian Green]

He is out of town and he has been out of town for a long time. We haven't seen each other in a minute. He actually texted me this morning. He said, I'm here, but I'm leaving. And I was like, oh, okay. He's got a house somewhere else and then he goes to that house. His house here is being renovated. He doesn't want to live in a renovation.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Okay.

[Brian Green]

So he went up to his other house. Must be Nice to have. I know, houses.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Wintering and summer.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, wintering and summering. But, you know, we tried to connect, and, I mean, we talk on. On text message and stuff like that. But I. I miss my Starbucks boyfriend. He hasn't been around in a hot minute, and. And I. And I kind of miss the guy. In other news, why is Andy Dick still alive? How is Andy Dick still alive?

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

What?

[Brian Green]

How is Andy Dick still alive?

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

What do you mean?

[Brian Green]

He's on a tour, like, of doing all the podcasts, and I saw him on Howie Man Downstairs.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Still Alive. Like, alive as a career.

[Brian Green]

No, like a live. Like, how did he get a career in. And then how is he still alive? He is like, one big ball of drugs. Like, he's always just, you know, he's smoking crack. He was never my thing either. I got to be. The best thing that he did was news radio. And it wasn't. He wasn't all that great. He, you know, him and Joe Rogan kind of played like, you know, dueling fiddles on that show. I liked the show a lot, but I like the show because of Phil Hartman.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

And the story around Andy Dick. You know, Phil Hartman blamed Andy Dick for his wife's relapse when she was sober, and he blamed her because Phil Hartman at a Christmas party. This is the story. And I saw this on Howie Mandel, and Andy Dick was trying to kind of explain it away, but who knows? I mean, who knows what really happened? But it just doesn't. It just doesn't make sense what Andy was saying. Phil Hartman has a Christmas party. Phil Hartman's wife has been sober for a couple of years. She had a terrible cocaine addiction, and she managed to sober herself up for a year or two. They had children, The Hartmans did,

[Rachel (Voice of God)]

and

[Brian Green]

they have a big Christmas party, and Andy Dick is invited or uninvited, but he shows up one way or the other. And Andy Dick is just kind of known to be someone who has drugs, that. He's the drug guy. I mean, he. He always has been, really. And he's made no secret about it. That's a kind of the weird thing. And he. Phil Hartman's wife relapses at that party. She does cocaine, and then that causes a downward spiral. And, of course, we all know how that ends, right? Tragically. And so period of time in between party and death, Phil blamed. Andy was really pissed because he said Andy was the one who propositioned his wife to do some drugs with him on that during that party. And so Andy's now, like, on this apology tour, he's, like, going around to all these podcasts, like, you know, I'm sorry, I'm sober. He's been on Bill Maher. I saw. I think he. I think he was on. No, not Conan o'. Brien. He was on something else. And then he's on Howie Mandel. He's just going to all these places and he's trying to, like, I guess, make amends, but the guy's been sober for like, three days. So first of all, second of all, Andy Dick has never stayed sober for more than three days. I mean, I don't think it's gonna last, but I just, like. I don't know. I think he's kind of like a squirrely weasel. I'm not a big fan of Andy Dick.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

No, I guess I never was. And what is he, like, promoting something else? Is he still doing?

[Brian Green]

I guess he's promoting the fact that he's sober.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Okay.

[Brian Green]

I guess. I mean, kind of a weird thing, but everyone wants to talk to Andy Dick in the hopes that they're gonna get the train wreck. Andy Dick.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah. Right.

[Brian Green]

And he's such an open book. I'll give him this. He's such an open book that he's always like, you know, telling the story as the way that he recalls it. But he's willing to talk about it. He never is not willing to talk about it. The. The truth is, Andy Dick, just a year or two ago, we were talking about, on this show I think we reviewed one time, he was doing like a 24 hour day, seven day a week live stream from an RV where he was living with like three other dope fiends. And day after day after day, they were just driving around in this RV getting high on whatever substance they could fight. Crack, heroin, didn't. They were just doing it all. And he had this whole spiel, this whole stick going on where people would pay to yell at Andy through the live streams. They had like a speaker set up and he would just yell obscene things at Andy at all times of day and night. So you paid a dollar and you'd be like, fuck you, Andy. And he was just like, going on and on. It was the weirdest kind of. I don't know, like just. Just absolute.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

What?

[Brian Green]

I don't know. I don't get it. I just. I never got it. But I guess when you're trying to, you know, survive and. And this is the only way, you know how I mean this. I hope Andy gets sober, and I hope Andy has a redemption arc. Here. But at the end of the day, he just seems like kind of a dick to me, if I'm being on. He seems like the kind of dick who would offer somebody drugs after they've been sober for a couple years. Because Andy doesn't know any better. Because Andy's all up himself. Right. There you go. Oh, maybe he was on Two Bears, One Cave.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Okay, you heard it there.

[Brian Green]

You know that Tom Segura and his wife are getting a divorce.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Did you hear about that now?

[Brian Green]

So Al Franken, former senator, former snl, a great senator, if you ask me. I mean, he had some judgment calls there that weren't so great there at the end. Didn't he get removed as a senator? He had to resign. Yeah, because there was a picture of him during a comedy tour, like, grabbing a woman's boobs.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Something like that.

[Brian Green]

Something like that. When she was sleeping or something. Or pretending like he was grabbing her boobs.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

And then he had to resign. Okay, all right. Make your own judgment call now. He said that this was the way that they joked and that this was, you know, okay. And this woman came out.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

He got caught up in some of that first MeToo movement.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. AOC was on, like, one of the morning shows the other day, and she said woke one was crazy. Really? Aoc? You were Woke one? That's you. But okay, I don't want to talk about that. Okay. So. So Al Franken is on Christina and Tom's or Christine and Tom's podcast, because they have a podcast called your mama's house or something like that. Your mom's house. And Al Franken is going at Tom. He's like, so you're always out on tour? And he's saying yes. And he's like. And that is basically torture to your children. And Christine is nodding like, you know, yes. And he's like, you know, do you want to talk about that? Because that seems like the thing we need to talk about is how you're torturing your children, going out on tour constantly, never being home. And Christine was like, not here, but in private. We have discussed it, and Tom is just looking, like, apoplectic. He's like, I can't believe we're having this conversation.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah, I got it flipped on him.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. And Christine kind of like eggs a little bit. She's like, yeah, you know, it's really bad. It's really tough. It's been really hard on the family. And Tom looks at Christine and says, do you like your life? Do you like the way your life is going do you like the comfortability of your life? He's like a total snide fucking remark to her. And I think to myself, yeah, divorce is probably the best thing for these.

[Rachel (Voice of God)]

Yeah.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

And then it's happening.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, it's happening. And someone online pointed out, isn't that when you get to such a level of fame that Tom Segura is. I mean, you know, he owns his podcast network. He's got multiple podcasts that are in the top hundred. He's movies, television, special after special after special, probably a multi millionaire many times over. Isn't that, like, when you slow down a little bit and start making compromises for your family? Like, because you can. And I'm not here to judge Tom Segura's life choices. Like, maybe he just feels like, I gotta get while the getting's good. But at the same time, as a guy who travels for work, I hate that part of it. That part of it, like, kills me. That part where you're not there with your children is the worst part at night when you know you should. You know, you could. You know, you should be there with your children.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Well, you're a great parent, but not everybody is.

[Brian Green]

Well, that's true. That's true. Not everybody is a great parent. And I'm not making a judgment call about tomorrow. You know, I haven't. We have no reason to think Tom's not a great parent. But it. I can't imagine how that would be torture on a family to be on the road all the time. That's why when, like, people have approached us or me or you or whatever, and they're like, hey, you should do tours. And it's like, no, I shouldn't do tours now. I shouldn't do.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Oh, we tried that.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, we tried that. First of all. Second of all, God. God put a big tumor in my throat, said, no, not for you.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

What was the. What was the beach? What?

[Brian Green]

Oh, what was that beach? The beach that was not quite Miami.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

Oh, my God. I can't remember.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I think of it.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, that. That's the improv at.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah. Oh, God. Saka Beacher. It was like. I can't remember when it was.

[Brian Green]

Oh, I can't remember either. I can't remember. What was it?

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Cause we didn't know exactly how to say it.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, we never knew how to say it. And everyone got all pissed at us. Cause we were saying it incorrectly. Look it up. It's improv somewhere. It's like the improv at something beach. I bet our audience would remember what this was because. Probably because they bought tickets and we fund them. Money. Yeah, I don't know either. It's like, north of Miami anyway. We could never remember the name of the beach, but they said, you want to go play Miami? We said yes, and they sent us 40 miles north of Miami, some, like, bedroom community. And I had, like, 38 family members that bought tickets to that. And the two days before we cancel it because I have a tumor in my throat and I have to go have surgery and. Yeah, but anytime I think with any degree of seriousness about going out and doing a string of shows, I think I don't want to be away from my family any more than I already am. Like, I really don't.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Some people want to get away.

[Brian Green]

I'm comfortable sitting here in the studio talking to no one. That feels good to me. I like that idea. I like the idea of no one fucking bothering me. Do you know what I'm saying? That's what I like. Plus, I don't know that I want to be in front of people and shaking hands and all that. I'm a little germaphobic. We do knuckles, I guess, you know, air hugs. Air hugs. It's school time, and our kids are already sick. Our kids are already sick. We only have every time, one child that is actually going to school on a regular basis right now. The other two are like. It's like a stagger step to the finish line here on the side. And already sickness running through the house over the weekend. And I just thought to myself, here we go. A fucking gan.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

It's petri dishes. Amazing.

[Brian Green]

It's the peach tree dishes. The peach tree dishes, yes.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

It happens every school year. Geez.

[Brian Green]

I wanted to tell you that I, over the weekend, had a conversation with an old friend of ours, Marlon.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Marlon.

[Brian Green]

Do you remember Marlon?

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Of course. Of course.

[Brian Green]

A couple things.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

And in fact, I asked you a little while back, how is Marlon? He said, I haven't talked to him. I need to follow up.

[Brian Green]

I saw a Facebook post that caused me to give a text. That text led to multiple text messages back and forth and then a short phone call while I was running. And I'd love to update you about that. I'd also say to you that maybe we'll do this next episode today if I'll put it together real quick. We have a couple asked tcbs that are like six months old, and we never did them. And I feel bad we should do those because I think those are. Some of the. Those are. Those are. The most fun is when we get to talk about your problems instead of everybody else's problems. Look at us today. We're just reviewing all of the terrible problems of everybody else. We can go into Ariana Grande. I went down a rabbit hole about Ariana Grande over the weekend, too. Oh, man, she's. I don't even know what to say. I don't want to talk about someone's looks like. I don't want to assume anything, but wow.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I said this because it was some awards show and I was like, like, wow. I mean, that does not look right.

[Brian Green]

She's taking a step back, her Jelly roll. And then someone else, I can't remember, there's a third one. They're saying that they're leaving the industry. They're taking a step back from the industry for a period of time. Ariana Grande. Understandably. She says this is a long planned break because the scrutiny is high. Jelly roll is getting a divorce.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

She works just like this, nonstop. Yeah.

[Brian Green]

You know, my kids started watching this show, like cat something. You know what I'm talking about?

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

It's the Disney one.

[Brian Green]

The Disney one? Yeah, it was Nickelodeon. Now Disney's running it. I don't know how it all goes, but. Because they own whatever. Anyway, my kids started watching the show and I'm just like walking in and out of the room, blah, blah, blah. And then I'm. There's this weird girl on the show making a weird voice and doing like, weird affectation. And I go, oh, man, that looks like Ariana Grande. And Astor goes, that is Ariana Grande. And I said, oh, no. She goes, yeah, this is how she started. There was another show before this and then she did this show and then that's kind of how she went in. And then she did albums and I was like, wow. You know, this kind of like very high baby voice that she was doing on this particular show was a little, like, unnerving to me. But, you know, I watch the show. It's relatively harmless, but it's just a little weird. And it was produced by that guy, the guy that they did that whole documentary about. Remember? The, like, creepy guy who was like, not. Not being great with the kids.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Oh, yeah, exactly. The whole Nickelodeon thing.

[Brian Green]

The whole Nickelodeon thing, he actually something. Schneider was it? I don't know. Something. I don't know who it was, but he was the guy who produced that show. So anyway, so Ariana Grande puts out a new video a couple of weeks ago. And everybody is, like, aghast because you can see the. Her bones in her chest.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

And listen everyone's different and everybody is different and everybody's body is different. And so you can't say with the degree of certainty unless you're inside somebody's skin what's going on with them. Could be sickness, could be diet, could be other things, could be nothing. Could just be that that's just who she is. That's just her frame. But as a guy who's dated someone with a very serious eating disorder, it. Yeah, it looks similar, but I don't know, I. But I like Ariana Grande. There's the difference. I like Ariana Grande. I hope. You know, not Andy Dick, but Ariana Grande. I like her. And so I hope that she gets. I hope this two, you know, whatever, however long she says she's taking off, I hope it gives her some.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

She needs a break, I think.

[Brian Green]

Absolutely.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

She's been engaged, too, quite a few times.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, she was, like, engaged to the guy she did Wicked with and then she was engaged to another guy and then she was engaged Pete Davidson, and then she dated Mac Miller, who overdosed and died. Like, and she had that terrible concert incident that happened in London where 18 kids died and a thousand were injured. I mean, take a break. You deserve it, kid.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Exactly.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, take a break. You deserve it. Wicked 1, Wicked 2 great movies. We'll be okay for a while. Like, we don't need another album or another Wicked. Anyway, that's Brian's advice as your new manager. Ariana. Take a break, Jelly Roll. Take a break forever. I'm good with that. That's okay with me.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. I don't understand how some people get famous. I just don't. I mean, mean, seems like a nice enough guy. Ish. Do you know what I'm saying? Like, something seems insincere. Yeah, he has the hits. But then I'm watching him, like, live doing these, like, live dates with. What's his name, the other guy. The other guy with all the tattoos. Post Malone. I'm watching him. They do all these dates. They had to cancel a couple of them because I don't think they were selling well. But I'm watching him and I don't see anything super spectacular happening on stage. Do you know what I'm saying? Like, okay, cool. I guess if you're a huge Jelly Roll fan, it's great to see him come out and do the hits, but I. I was not all that impressed. Now that's coming from a guy who won't even go to, you know, Delray beach or whatever and stand out in front of 15 people, but. So I'm clearly Monday morning quarterbacking, but I do have to say I didn't feel like that was in a super impressive live performance. I wasn't feeling it, so to speak.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

So, you know, know, sometimes overexposure is a thing. You just got to back off it a little bit.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah, he went out hard and fast. I mean, well, he had that story, you know, rags to riches, jail to success, and porn star to wife.

[Brian Green]

Yeah.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

And. And then apparently he was. There was some infidelity, and now they're breaking apart and. Yeah, I think that's a good time to take a break. Like when you're getting a divorce, that's a good time to take a break.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

Tom and Christine, Jelly rolling. Whoever his wife is, Ariana Grande and whoever she broke up with recently, the guy from Wicked, you know, everybody take a break. It's all good. We're all gonna be here when you get back. Do you know what I'm saying? Or some of us will still be here when we get back. I might not be, but everybody else will be. All right, let's take a break. I'll tell you about Marlon.

[Advertiser/Promo Voice]

Let's take.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Let's us take a break.

[Brian Green]

Let's us take a break.

[Rachel (Voice of God)]

Let me do something Brian has never done.

[Brian Green]

Be brief.

[Rachel (Voice of God)]

Follow us on Instagram at the commercial break. Text or call us 212-4333, tcb. That's 212-433-3822. Visit our website tcbpodcast.com for all the audio, video, and your free sticker. Then watch all the [e-mail] thecommercialbreak and finally share the show. It's the best gift you could give a few aging podcasters. See, Brian, that really wasn't that difficult, now, was it? You're welcome.

[Brian Green]

Best thing that's ever happened to you, financially. Go easy. Sold my car on Carvana. Amazing offer, really. I hit 200 on a scratcher. Did the scratcher come to your house and hand you a check? No. How many scratchers did you hit to get that? I hit a button on Carvana.com once. Okay, that's fair. It's like the lottery, except you always win. Not like the lottery at all, actually. Exactly. Inexplicably good offers worth bragging about. Sell your car today on Carvana. Pick up fees may apply.

[Sponsor Voice]

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[Brian Green]

Hey, Jackie Beans, you're an edging man with your slant shirt, your wild grin we're rocking out feeling divine at the wheel jam show would come alive

[Rachel (Voice of God)]

Raise

[Brian Green]

your hands, sing it out jacket Beans stand out in the crown Jackie beans, you steal the scene in that Phoenix jeans Respect it, you're the king Vintage dream when the sprite

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

why you can't.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, I don't know. I. I can't find it either. I. They changed it to the. Maybe they changed the name to the Miami improv now because that's what it says. But there was no Miami Improv two years ago when we were going to do this. So I think they may have changed the name, but it's clearly not in Miami. It's up north or maybe the place closed. I don't know. But we would talk to all these comedians who would be like, oh, yeah, that place is great. Yeah, you're going to love it.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

We're on the circus.

[Brian Green]

It people are on the circuit. They loved it because the improv is like, you know, it's a whole series of comedy clubs that are owned all throughout the country. So, Marlon, for those of you who are not up to date on Marlon, let me give you a very brief summary because it's a very long story. There's like 16 episodes dedicated to this. Yeah, you can go check it out. Marlon is a friend of mine who went on a website and found a woman that he wanted to date. It's like kind of like a sugar mama website, Right? Okay.

[Sponsor Voice]

Okay.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

All right.

[Brian Green]

He finds this woman who is clearly much older than he is. What was she, like 68 or something? Getting close to her 70s. And Marlin is in his 40s, so there's like a 25, 30 year age difference between the two of them. And he goes on some dates with her. And she is very demanding. I mean, very demanding. She's very demanding in bed. She's very demanding. She wants what she wants.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Didn't she send, like, the poor sent

[Brian Green]

a Porsche to his house for him to. For him to pick her up? Yeah, because she didn't want to be picked up in his, like, you know, Toyota Tundra or whatever the fuck he was driving, like his Celica. He didn't. She didn't want that. She Wanted to go out in style, and she was willing to kind of supplement his. His lifestyle so that she got what she wanted. And, I mean, this went on and lavish vacations. That's right. They went down to hedonism. They went down to hedonism.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

They go to, like, this. Some ski town in the Alps or something.

[Brian Green]

Yes. They went to the Europe. They went to the French Pyrenees or whatever. These. I mean, this. This was like a sweet situation for Marlin, But. But he was having a little bit of a hard time when it came to the bedroom, Right. He. He. He really liked her. He was actually getting into her, I think, emotionally, he was starting to get a little wrapped up in the idea of having this, like, kind of mom figure slash lover. Don't ask. It's Oedipus complex. I don't know. I don't want to get into all the. All the machinations, this show, but he was getting into it, but he couldn't quite get into the bedroom scene of it. So I think at one point, they even brought another woman into the.

[Poet/Creative Voice]

Yes.

[Brian Green]

Down in hedonism or something. They brought another woman into the bed. Okay. So this whole thing goes. And when she gets him into bed, it's the same type of demanding. Right? She wants what she wants, and she don't give no shits about what he wants. So it's, like, doubly hard for him. And that's not. Actually. It's not hard for him, pun intended. He's got his half hard. He's working it as the best that he could. This guy is wrapped up in this weird world of being taken care of financially by this woman who is also kind of bitchy, let's put it that way. Right. She was very demanding. Now, it came to a head when Marlon had been feeding us all of this information, and Marlon is not his real name, by the way, obviously been feeding us all this information. And we believe that the woman found out and wrote us a letter one time, and we read it here on air, and then we didn't hear from Marlon again for a long time. I. I mean, I. I heard from him, but I stopped talking about it. At the request of Marlon.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yes, I stopped.

[Brian Green]

Okay. So it's been a couple of months, or more than a couple months. It's almost been a year, I think. And I say, hey, buddy. I saw a Facebook post he made. I said, hey, buddy, what's going on? You know, just checking in, and that's that. Then sent. Then we sent a series of messages. So him and this woman let's call her Evelyn. It's not her name, but let's call her Evelyn. Him and Evelyn eventually broke up.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Right.

[Brian Green]

If you remember, she then was at a bar with another man, another young man, and he and Marlon got very upset at the sight of this. He was like, that's my. That's my. I was there. This was, like, weeks after they broke up, too. It wasn't like, you know, five months after they broke up. It was just a couple weeks. So Marlin got very upset. So this back and forth that went on, and then eventually they split. But then this summer, Marlin is on, gets invited to a yacht party down in the Miami area.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Okay.

[Brian Green]

He gets invited to go on a yacht. They're going to go out to the. You know, it's like a weekend thing. If you've ever been there. Like, the Bay of Miami becomes like this. There's hundreds of yachts that are just sitting out there, parked. I've actually done this. Remember when I went on a yacht one time and my kids spilled red juice all over grape juice all over somebody's yacht? Yeah, that. That's where we were.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Carpet.

[Brian Green]

I'm so sorry. By the way, they sold that yacht. Probably because they couldn't get the stains out of the wall from my kids spilling grape juice all over the white leather walls. Anywho, Marlon gets invited to a yacht party. It's him and, like, 20 other people. They go out in the yacht. They go to the Bay of Miami. They're there and who. So they're like. He says. He. He tells me they're floating out on this big inflatable mat. Right. And everybody has these things.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Oh, yeah.

[Brian Green]

Imagine, like, a yoga mat, but you put it out behind your boat, and it's like, 70 times the size of a yoga mat. So that when you're out in the water, you have a place to just kind of, like, lay and chill and be cool. He's out on this mat, and he's like. He's. He's telling me I have a cold one in my hand. And I'm just chilling. I got my sunglasses on. I'm just, like, laying there. It's middle of the day, and I hear the unmistakable voice of Evelyn. And there is a boat that's, like, passing by 20 yards, and she's, like, yelling down, marlon. Marlon. Hey, Marlon. So this is, like, the beginning of the summer, right? So he explains to me that then that led to them texting each other. Yeah. That then that led to, like, a little rekindling of the Romance. But Marlon is still in the same place he was before, mentally and emotionally. And that is. Is he's having a hard time getting it up. That's just bas. Let's put it like, let's say it like, like we're saying it with her. With her. So she has him go to one of these doctors, right? A RO company type doctor. Like, so now the, the romance is rekindled. She's got a solution. And I think she also offered this last time too. But okay, so she rekindles the romance. They rekindle the romance. She offers this solution. She's willing to pay for it. She wants him to go to the best ed doctor in all of South Florida. Like this guy. Okay, so Marlin's. Yes. So Mar's explaining to me that he has to go physically to a location. He's like, okay, I'm going to give this a try, right? Because I think I care for this woman. Clearly she's funding a lifestyle that I like. Like, I mean, there's a lot of benefits. And he's single and you know, he's getting up there and a. He's just like, why not? Let's go do this.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah, let's give it another go.

[Brian Green]

So he's explaining to me, shows up at one of these shiny buildings in Brickell or whatever, and he parks the car and he goes upstairs and it's like this huge glass, beautiful office. And he walks in and he says, this place is stacked with nurses that are like 22 years old, all of them gorgeous.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Oh yeah, it's Miami.

[Brian Green]

It's Miami, right? The doctor knows what he's doing. He's. If, if you get a chubby while you're at the office, then you'll have considered the job done, you know what I'm saying? Like, half the magic is right there. So he's helping the situation along. So he says, I check in. I'm like red faced, I can't believe I'm here. You know, you have to like in, in detail describe what's going on on these pieces of paper, fills it out and then like he can see the girl with the clipboard, like typing it all in. It's like, dude, I've never been so mortified in my life. And I'm like, ah, it happens, you know, whatever it happens. Like, who cares? And he's like, yeah, you say that. That in front of a perfect 10 who's like, you know, like giggling, you know, like giggling while she's doing this. And I'm like, okay, all Right, whatever. So he gets called back and the doctor says. The doctor's like, hey, you know, first there's a nurse and he's got to go through the whole thing, right? And he says, there's like another, you know, nine out of ten. And she says, don't worry, he's the best in town. He's going to get you right fixed up. There's a lot of different things that we can do. So the doctor comes in. Doctor says, hey, what? Tell me what's going on. Well, you know, I have this lover and this. And he goes, oh, I know, I know. Evelyn,

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

she sends all of her guys to me.

[Brian Green]

And Marlon goes, how do you know Evelyn? He goes, oh, well, we've been friendly for a long time. She's actually, you know, referred a couple of customers. That's a couple of clients, a couple of patients. And I'm like. He goes, I instantaneously think this is a bad idea. But I'm just. Now I'm here.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

You're in it.

[Brian Green]

You're in it now, right? He's like insanely freaked out by that thing. But the doctor is like, okay, listen, this is in your head, right? This is in your head, you know, because Marlon explains, I. I'm not normally, like, I can go home and get a hard on, right? I just can't do it with Evelyn, right? It's hard. It's like my whole mind is blocked out. Then she's like barking orders at me. The whole thing just turns me off. And so the doctor said, listen, this is all in your head, but physiologically you're fine. So what we need to do is we need to get you to a point physiologically so that your head can follow. And he's like, you know, unfortunately, we have a few things that we can give you to kind of stir your mind, but we haven't really gotten scientifically to that point yet where we can just like, increase your hormones, right? So the doctor then says, I've got a perfect situation for you. We can give you a series of shots that you can take 10 or 15 minutes before you. And Marlon's like, okay, don't love needles, but I guess we can do that. But the guy was saying, the doctor, this is the way Marlon said it to me. I didn't even. I knew these things existed in, like, porn movies, but I didn't know they existed in real life. He wasn't talking about a shot in the butt or a shot in the thigh. He was talking about a shot in the penis.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I've Heard of that.

[Brian Green]

That is insane.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

I mean. And Marlon's like, no, I'm just not doing that. Right? I'm not doing that. I can't do that. I won't do that. Like, I can't do needles. And the doctor says, okay, well, let me give you the next best thing. We combine all of the different medications, like Sidanophil, Viagra, whatever the other one is, we combine all of them. Them into a throat lozenge that you put under your tongue 10 or 15 minutes, and it should theoretically have the same effect. Okay. Ready?

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

So Marlon says, okay, that one, right? The one I can put in my mouth, not on my dick. Right.

[Advertiser/Promo Voice]

All right.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Okay.

[Brian Green]

He prescribes it. He's got to send it to, like, a compounding pharmacy. He's got to have it, like, you know, he's got to have it delivered to his front door. So Marlin gets it. Couple nights later, they meet up, and he's like, okay, gonna. Gonna give this a try. So they're at dinner, and he goes to the. Excuse himself to the bathroom, and he puts this lozenge in. He said, it's the most incredibly disgusting thing you've ever tasted. It's.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

They can't even make it taste.

[Brian Green]

No, it's like a medicine. Weird cherry sour flavor.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

He said, I almost wanted to gag. He goes, but I quickly. Like, it's a thing you're supposed to just let dissolve under your tongue. But after, like, five minutes in the bathro bathroom, it's still not even close to dissolved. So he chews it, he sticks it back under his tongue. He's trying to, like, get it to hurry up. So eventually he gets this thing dissolved. He explained that he was in the bathroom for, like, 15 minutes waiting for this thing. He's, like, in a stall waiting for it dissolved. Yeah. He said, last time I was in a stall doing drugs, they were way more fun than this. And it happened much better.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Why was he in a stall?

[Brian Green]

I think he was trying to, like, he was.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

He knew that they were outside, like, out of the home.

[Brian Green]

They were in a restaurant.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Oh, okay.

[Brian Green]

They were in a restaurant. They were eating. And he knew that they were on their way home. Like, they were getting ready to wrap up, and he wanted to be prepared. And the doctor said 15 to 20 minutes before you're getting ready to do this. Right. So Marlon explains to me that he waits, it dissolves. He washes his hands, he is walking to the table, and he starts getting on. He said, dude, this worked so fucking quick. I Had no idea. And he's like. It was like. It was like 15 to 20 minutes since I began the process of taking it. And the doctor said 15 to 20 minutes. He said, but I thought it would,

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

like, take you that long to kick in after it dissolved, Right?

[Brian Green]

Or you would have to think about something sexual before you would just all of a sudden go hard, right? And he's like, no, I'm walking to the table, and all of a sudden I'm like, having to, like, like, kind of scoot along because I'm starting to get this chubby, and it's starting to make my pants go up. He's like. So I quickly shuffle over to the table and I sit down, and he goes. And at this point, I'm like, full, hard on, full erection. And he's really nervous because they're at a restaurant and he senses that, you know, if he stands up, people are gonna notice. Yeah, he's. He told me it was like being back in fourth grade.

[Advertiser/Promo Voice]

Oh, my God.

[Brian Green]

Being back in fourth grade and you get called to the chalkboard and you're just having one of those random boners that has no. It defies logic.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I've heard of this.

[Brian Green]

Math is not sexy. But, you know, sometimes during math class, you just find yourself with a heart on. He. He told me that it was, like the mo. One of the most terrible. So he leans over and tells Evelyn. He said, you know, I went to that doctor. He prescribed a medication. I told you that I took the medication in the bathroom. And now I'm like, it's worked. Yeah. And she's like, well, let's go. And he's like, no, no, no, no. You don't understand. Like, I'm. I'm erect right now. I don't want to. I don't want to get up.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Up.

[Brian Green]

And she goes, well, we can. Don't worry. No one's going to notice. And he's like, no, no, no. I. I'm. I'm a little embarrassed. I'm a little self conscious about this. He says his pants are kind of tight. So she hands him her, like, oversized purse.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Okay, that's what I was thinking.

[Brian Green]

And Marlon is walking out of this restaurant holding. Holding this oversized purse to his penis while he's walking out. And as he's walking out of the door, you know, the hostess comes running to hold the door for him, and she goes, oh, that's so sweet of you to hold hers. And he's like, yeah, if you only knew. He said, they got in the car, and she Was like, driving like a bat out of hell just to get home. And then they get home, and, you know, she's been, like, talking sexy, you know, kind of talking it up. I think she's trying to keep the momentum going. And they get to the bedroom, and she starts barking orders as she always had, and all of a sudden, it goes away.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Oh, God.

[Brian Green]

Like, now he had this instance of pop, and then it's, you know, now we're 30, 40 minutes later, it's gone. And he said that, you know, he had to kind of service her. And then it kind of got chubby. It didn't really. He's like, it didn't really work. So they. So they go to bed, and, you know, a little disappointment on both ends. They go to bed, and an hour into sleeping, it's like one o' clock in the morning, he wakes up just, like, raging. And he wakes her up, and he's like, now, let's go now. And she played games, and she played. And he said it was, like, some of the most wonderful lovemaking he'd ever had, that he was really into it. He's like, now that we've, like, finally codified the relationship without a lot of drama or headache, he's like, something just left my head. He's like, once I was there physically, something left my head, and all of a sudden, I was, like, wrapped up into this moment. He was like. And it was incredible. And we had a great time. So the story continues. Evelyn and Marlon back on after being off and on and off again. And I said, hey. I go, listen, you know, I have to give the listeners an update because I haven't talked about this in, like, two years.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

No, it's been a while.

[Brian Green]

And it's one of those things that people do still ask about. They ask about Marlon. And he said, okay, but, you know, could you leave out some of the more graphic details? And I said, no, the whole comedy is in the graphic details.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Exactly.

[Brian Green]

No one knows who you are.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

No.

[Brian Green]

And he said, she has long since forgotten about the commercial break period of their life. And he was like, all right, this story, but I'm not regaling you with every story that I have.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

This was the update.

[Brian Green]

And I go, hey, once a month, just check in because the listeners want to check in.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yes, I want to know.

[Brian Green]

I want to know. I'm living vicariously through Marlon and his. Go, Marlon. Marlon did the deed.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

He did.

[Advertiser/Promo Voice]

Okay.

[Brian Green]

Congratulations.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Well, I bet it is a whole thing, too, in your head of, like. Well, first of all, there's There wasn't the complete full attraction there. But then also too. Then you start getting in your head about getting in your head. Right?

[Brian Green]

Yes.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

It's gotta be.

[Brian Green]

I. I think so. I. I don't.

[Advertiser/Promo Voice]

I.

[Brian Green]

You know, luckily, 99 of the time that I've been in love making mood.

[Sponsor Voice]

Mood.

[Brian Green]

I've been into whatever's going on.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Sure.

[Brian Green]

Right. I mean, of course, you're married. You're with someone for a long time. Sometimes you're not in the mood, but they are. But then you do it, because that's the way you do things. Right. That's how it happens. But eventually I get there. Eventually I'm fine. Eventually I'm into it too. So I don't know. But I can see. I've of course, been in my head at times about certain things. It happens. Yeah, it happens. But, you know, he got it so. So stuck in his head that his body just wouldn't follow. Like anytime that his mind started revving up, his. His body went limp and so.

[Commercial Announcer]

Yeah.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Well, good. I like the date.

[Brian Green]

I do too. It's a good one. It's a good one. It's a good one. I like when love prevails.

[Advertiser/Promo Voice]

I don't know.

[Brian Green]

I could see these two going a distance. I could see being in a wedding. A wedding with Marlon and Evelyn. I don't think I'm gonna be invited, but I could see a wedding. But she doesn't want to get married again. She's like, no, no.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah, I remember. Remember that from the other update.

[Brian Green]

She was a successful businesswoman herself, but she got a good chunk of her financial stability came from a husband that she had had. So, you know, she seems to be doing okay for herself. And Marlon wants me to tell. I think Marlon wants this part of the story underlined. Marlon works and Marlon takes care for himself.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

That's good.

[Brian Green]

Marlon is an independently financial young man. He is not relying on her. Miami. He's on a yacht in Miami. But I think when you live in Miami, that's not that. Not particularly. Everybody owns a yacht.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Miami.

[Brian Green]

It's like they have dealership, you know, like, buy here, pay here. They have yacht dealerships like that in Miami. Buy here, pay here, you know, so anyway, congratulations, Marlon. Love you, brother. Give us an update as soon as one's available. I'd love to hear about the misadventures of your misspent aging girlfriend friend. I think she's like 70 now.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Okay.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. Because I think she was like 68 when we were. Whatever. Anyway, good for him. Good for him. Good for her. Good for you and me at the commercial break on Instagram YouTube.com the commercial break for all the live streaming and the videos. We'll be back in just a few minutes to do another one, so stay tuned. Okay, Chrissy, that's all I can do

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

for now, I think.

[Brian Green]

So tell you that I love you.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

And I love you you.

[Brian Green]

Best to you. Best to you out there in the podcast and streaming universe. We'll see you in a few minutes. Until next time, we will say, we do say, and we must say goodbye.

[Apartments.com Announcer]

Ra.