
EP941: Bryan is constantly confused by the captain announcements on the plane! Maybe they could take some of that cash they ae making to buy a new intercom system!
Loading summary
Brian Green
On this episode of the commercial break.
Captain (Delta Pilot)
This is captain again. I'm gonna turn the seatbelt sign off. I'm allow you to go ahead and use the bathroom as long as you use it quickly. Let's keep ourselves strapped in. Otherwise we're currently number 57 for takeoff. So I think we there's a couple extra minutes built in here. But currently clear skies in Atlanta. 85 degrees when we get there. We're at gate key. We'll have your baggage at seven. We're going to let the crew is going to take good care of you back there. Just sit back, relax. We'll have you back to Atlanta just as soon as we can. I'll keep you updated when I get an update. Okay, thanks.
Brian Green
The next episode of the commercial break starts now. Oh, yeah. Cats and kittens, welcome back to the commercial break. I'm Brian Green. This is my dear friend and the co host of this show, Chris and Joy Hoadley. Best you, Chris. Best of you out there in the podcast universe. How the hell are you? I'm just gonna take that earphone out. It's with my head. Oh, can you hear you now?
Chris Hoadley
Hello?
Brian Green
No, I liked it better when I couldn't hear you. Best of you.
Chris Hoadley
Chris had me on mute.
Brian Green
I had you on mute. Well, you're in my left ear, so I had to mute you so you can. I can't hear me. I wanted the stereo. I want to not be able to hear you in stereo. How's that? See, if I put this back in and it makes a little bit of difference. Eh, whatever. Who cares? It's just a lot of bass coming through my left ear so it sounds like I'm nasally or not clear. Whatever. No one cares. Welcome to the commercial break.
Chris Hoadley
Welcome, welcome, welcome.
Brian Green
How is everybody? We're building an ark over here. I'm shocking and aweing the pool and we're building an ark in the backyard getting ready for tropical storm Arthur, which is currently closing down the city.
Chris Hoadley
Right.
Brian Green
I feel like this is a snowstorm with rain. Do you know what I'm saying?
Rachel
Exactly.
Chris Hoadley
Now everything's shutting down. Yeah, it's closing early.
Brian Green
Yeah, it's all bullshit. I was thinking about this yesterday or this morning when I got these, all these, you know, weather warnings and notifications, I thought to myself that no one does drama no better than the weather people. Do you know what I'm saying? They're always telling you how bad it's going to be and 5 plus inches of rain and trees down and, you know, travel disrupted and it Never ever happens. Never, not once. It never happens. We had like six snowstorm warnings this last winter, and not one time did. Well, one time we got some snow, some people got some snow. That didn't include me or anybody I know. So, yeah, you weather people. Accuweather my ass back. You weather is more like it. You weather. You weather is what it is. It's gonna.
Chris Hoadley
With my pool, I was gonna say. How is the pool?
Brian Green
The pool's great, man. I did it.
Chris Hoadley
Okay, you did do it.
Brian Green
Yes, I did it. And I ruined my children's eyesight for life in the process. Last I. Anybody who's been tuned into the commercial break knows that this is just basically turned into a saga about my pool for the last two months. And I finally licked it. I licked the algae, scraping and brushing and pool robot super bloom or something. I had a mustard bloom in there. Yeah. Which is about as lovely as it sounds. It goes. It went from green to yellow. And that's the stuff that like really sticks on. There's like this greenish yellow. It can really get nasty. And it got nasty and it was soon as we got back from Spain. I looked when the sun came up, I looked and I said, oh, I'm in trouble. And I must have dumped 40 gallons, 40 gallons of shock in there. Excuse me, 40 cups, 40 pounds of shock into that pool, Chrissy. Day after day, hour after hour. I was doing it every four hours. And I had the new vacuum that was a powo robot that was doing the work. And then I have to scrub the side of the walls to scrape off the dead algae. So it. So the chlorine process. Geez, man.
Chris Hoadley
But now that you've done it, I mean, we were talking before, like, you know, how do people know how to do pool? What, is there a school somewhere? Whatever. You could now do some online training courses.
Brian Green
The funny thing is, is that Lance, the Starbucks boyfriend?
Chris Hoadley
Yes.
Brian Green
His daughter has a new house, they have a pool. They woke up one morning, it was the same color as my pool. And the pool guys kept telling him, oh, it's a metal stain. The water is metal stained. And I'm like, nah, that's not metal stain. You gotta shock the pool. Go to the pool store and buy 50 pounds of shock and just pour it in there. Whatever ails you. Chlorine crystallized bleach. That's what it is. You know what they're doing to that reflection pool up in Washington D.C. they're pouring bleach in there. That's chlorine. That's what it is. They're trying to do the same thing I did. So if Trump's, you know, best bull guy ever, bitcoin is up there pouring bleach in their pool, I can pour bleach in my pool. That's what happened. I bleached the shit out of it, and it was awesome. Like, last Friday night, I couldn't see the stains anymore. I think I had scraped off 99.9% of the dead algae. There's a few little spots. If you look really hard, you can see some green. And I'm like, that's it. I did it. I licked it. I tested the water. The chlorine was. You know, it's the color strips. Do you know what I'm saying? You dip it in there. So purple is like the highest level of chlorine in your pool, right? It goes from basically white to. To purple. And pink is where it should be. Somewhere between pink and really light purple. Mine was dark purple. 10 plus. I don't know, 10 parts per million. Whatever the fuck that means. So Saturday morning, woke up, tested the pool again. Still a lot of chlorine in there. Still way more purple than you would.
Chris Hoadley
What do you do to counteract the chlorine?
Brian Green
You got to raise the ph. You got to. You got to put stabilizer in it. I don't know. Something like that. But I don't bother with that part. I just go one way. I don't want anything living in my pool. I'm not looking to increase the ph in my pool. This is not a vagina. I just want it to be clear. You know what I'm saying?
Chris Hoadley
Yeah, but you want your children to be able to swim in it.
Brian Green
Well, I did let them swim in it. And then that night, all. All of them, Ah, daddy, Miami daddy. They're in the shower. They're like, oh, my God. They were fine in the pool, but as soon as I got out of the pool, they're like, on the floor, like, ah. So then I'm like, we gotta put Visine. Let's put Visine. And everyone's like, no, no drops. And I'm like, their eyes open. They're screaming for mercy. They're like, no, that's a joke.
Anonymous Critic
No.
Brian Green
Every three hours, I'm putting Visine. And I'm like, I'm being a good dad. Look at me. I'm washing their eyes. I'm making sure they feel good. And then I asked Chad. I'm like, hey, Chad, how many times should I put Visine in my child's Eye for chlorine poisoning. And Chad goes, do not put Visine for chlorine poisoning. It makes it worse. And I was like, well, dad of the year. My kids were waking up in the middle of the night, I need water. Like guzzling water, burning eyes. Their hair is all blonde and stringy. No, it was all. I poisoned them basically.
Chris Hoadley
Yeah.
Brian Green
No, ideally said in the public pools, they probably that you get the exact same chlorine level. Like they really highly chlorinate hotel pools. Public pools. Chad told me that's where I'm learning how to do the pool. Pool school with Chad. Chad told me. It said, hey, listen, you know, unless you're like swimming in chlorine, like in a bucket of chlorine, you know, you're gonna be okay. It's like, you know, your body can handle it, it's just not, you're not supposed to be exposed to it for long periods of time. What it did say was what chat did say? Did you put sunscreen on the children and of course I did. I'm a good dad. I put lots of sunscreen. Lots and lots of sunscreen. Did you put face sunscreen on the children? And I was like, what's the difference, Chad? Chad goes, well, if you're using a, like an adult body based sunscreen. Sunscreen, yeah. And putting it on the children's face, it's likely that the chlorine is burning off the, the sunscreen and then the sunscreen is causing the irritation. Right.
Chris Hoadley
And yeah, getting sunscreen in the eye is very painful.
Brian Green
No? Yeah, it is because it's. It sticks to your body for 7 to 12 hours. It sticks in your eyeballs for 7 to 12 hours. So I just threw my children in a highly chlorinated water and said, and, and even six days later, when I went out and tested this morning, it's still on the purple and like the corn hasn't quite burned off yet. So I threw some more shock in there. Okay, here we go.
Chris Hoadley
Just to be extra sure.
Brian Green
I just want to be extra sure that I don't get that mustard bloom again. It's really bad. Plus I have a tree at the end of the pool and the tree is now leaning to one side and it's. But it's, it's leaning away from the pool because its roots are going underneath the concrete and, and it's probably like hitting the wall of the gunite of the pool and it can't go anywhere. So it's the, the feelers are going out the other direction, the roots. So the Tree is starting to lean away from the pool, but the branches are hanging over the pool. These huge branches that are way too high.
Chris Hoadley
That's a big tree.
Brian Green
And everything is falling into the pool. I can't tell you the amount of ants, bugs, spiders, leaves. And the problem is, is that when it gets into the pool and it starts to decompose, that's exactly what causes an algae bloom. It's raising the pH. It's organic material, so I don't know.
Chris Hoadley
So I thought there was that skimmer.
Brian Green
Yeah. I called the tree guy and I said, hey, what do you think we just kind of take this down? Don't let the city people know. And he said, hey, man, no problem. I don't know nothing. Take it down for you.
Chris Hoadley
What about just removing the branches?
Brian Green
Yeah, I'm gonna trim it up is what I'm gonna do. I'm trim it up. And then in winter, if it's still continuing to lean, and it will be continuing to lean, I might have to take it down because it's a huge tree, and if it goes down, somebody could get hurt. And that could be the house that I live in with my children in that bedroom. So, unfortunately, the twin trees. I kept one of them. One of them was really leaning over the house, and I had to take it down years ago. And now I kept this one, but it has grown into a monster tree. The only thing that makes me sad about this, honestly sad about this, is I think there's, like, There's a whole ecosystem going on in that tree. There are squirrels. There are squirrel nests. I think there's a hawk nest up in the top of that tree. And I hate to take it down, but I'm not. But I won't do it now. I'll do it during the winter, and that way, at least it's not like. And that the nest is not in active use. The squirrels are. What do squirrels do? Do they hibernate? Where do they go for the winter? I mean, I see them out there. Yeah. What do they do? How do you keep warm fur? Yeah, I guess. What do they do when it rains? You never see the squirrels out there when it rains. Where did they go? Oh, yeah, they just hide somewhere.
Chris Hoadley
Like in the trees?
Brian Green
Yeah. Or under the house or something. Yeah. Probably in my gutter. It's probably where they go because I hear them little. I like squirrels, though. I mean, I saved a squirrel. I'm a squirrel. I'm a squirrel emergency technician. If you ever have a problem with the squirrel, just didn't you Say, two squirrels.
Chris Hoadley
What was the one when you and Astrid were at the beach?
Brian Green
No, that was a bird. That was a seagull. Yeah, that was a seagull that was covered in some kind of weird toxic substance that they use on the submarines down there.
Chris Hoadley
That's right.
Brian Green
And it just washed up on shore, and it did not look good. It's a neurotoxin. And we went to a bird sanctuary, and the bird was not looking good when we put it into a box that the people at the club where we were at the beach club we were at gave us a box. We put the bird in the box we call the bird sanctuary. And they're like, yeah, it's 30 miles down the coast and we're not open today, so leave it in the bird box outside. Like they had a box deposit. Yeah, like a deposit box with other birds in it. Like other people had dropped birds off.
Chris Hoadley
Wow.
Brian Green
I told this story so many years ago, but, yeah, Astrid and I get in the car and we had like an suv and we put the bird in the back and we closed the box. But as we started to drive, we could hear a little fluttering back there. So I said, hey, let's. Let's pull over. Just put it in front with us, and that way you can hold the box down.
Captain (Delta Pilot)
Right.
Brian Green
So we're driving 30 miles down the coast. It's a beautiful drive, by the way. You know, two lane road on the coast. Beautiful. Down there in Amelia island toward to Jacksonville. Beautiful drive. Only the bird, who was not doing so well when we picked it up, suddenly did well and started to fly around the car. And Astrid was losing her.
Chris Hoadley
I would have been too.
Brian Green
Well, I was losing my shit also, to be fair. But that bird started flying around the car. And I'm driving like 70 miles per hour down the road. Astrid's screaming. The bird is like, oh, God. So we had to pull over and knock it over the head and get it to come. I had to put it back in the box and be like, shut up. Sit down.
Chris Hoadley
I'm trying to save you.
Brian Green
Yeah, shut up. We got. And we put it in the bird box. And I texted the lady and I said, hey, the bird's in the bird box. She said, yep, we'll get there. And I said, okay. What? And I go, can you keep me updated? She goes, it probably isn't looking good. And I was like, is that because you won't be back till Monday to take care of the bird? Which, I mean, I can't fault the lady. She owns a bird sanctuary. She's already doing her part. Like, you know, she gotta take a day off.
Chris Hoadley
She takes that day off.
Captain (Delta Pilot)
Yeah.
Brian Green
But I said, hey, you know, keep me posted on the bird. And she goes, yeah, we've had a lot of these birds and that not, Not. Not many of them make it. The only thing that I can do is just give it some fluids to flush the neurotoxin out. And there's a medicine that I can give it that hopefully, if it's not too far gone, we can recover. She goes, but, you know, nine out of 10 of these birds don't make it. They just die. And I was like, that sucks, man. It's some weird soap that they're. You. She said, it's some weird soap that they use to clean the submarines when they're in base. And she's like, we have petitioned the government. We have been talking to the Navy. We're trying to get them to stop using this particular soap because it's so bad for the birds. And she goes. And then it washes miles and miles up, up or down the stream. And I was like, that's kind of fucked up.
Chris Hoadley
It is.
Brian Green
I mean, listen, I know you need to keep the submarines clean and everything. You don't want any barnacles. Barnacles on the subs. That slows them down and, you know, can have problems when you're trying to, you know, nuke Iran or whatever. But at the end of the day, like, if you're going to kill a bunch of shit to then try and have a submarine that helps you defend the universe from killing a bunch of shit, then I don't know. Are we now canceling out any good you're doing? Can't you use, like, dawn dish soap? Isn't that stuff that they, like, go take that stuff to oil slicks and shit?
Chris Hoadley
I think so. I've seen commercials for that.
Brian Green
We've all seen the commercial.
Chris Hoadley
Yeah. Where they're cleaning the little bird.
Brian Green
Yeah, it's a great commercial. If your bird gets stuck in an oil slick because of the Exxon Valdez, dawn was right there to help you out. So why can't we just throw a little dish soap on those submarines?
Chris Hoadley
I know.
Brian Green
I got a pool scrubber. I'll go out there with you. We'll scrub that algae right off that son of a bitch. Don't you worry. Brian's got a solution to almost every problem. At least he thinks he does.
Chris Hoadley
Right? So there you go. It may not be the correct.
Brian Green
Why don't we throw some. Let's Shock the submarine. Let's do that. We'll put some pool shock on it. Chlorine, scrub it. Yeah, get my pool robot to go up and down it. We're all good. We'll figure it out. We'll save some birds together. You, me, and the Navy. In the Navy. We'll be having some fun in the Navy. Yeah. The Navy was kind of gay from the beginning, huh? Like, with all that. I mean, I don't care, but I'm just saying, like, you know, it's just like in the Navy. In the Navy.
Chris Hoadley
In the Navy. He was.
Brian Green
Popeye was in the Navy. Yeah, Popeye was a world war. World War I sailor. And I've actually known some guys in the Navy. And tough dude, that's you. When you go out on a ship like that for months on end and you have no communication and, you know, like, you think about these people who have been deployed out in the Strait of Harmouth or out in the Gulf and. Or even the Mediterranean, and, you know, they go on an aircraft carrier or the 15 ships that accompany an aircraft carrier. You're talking about tens of thousands of people out there living day to day, day and night, no break, no rest.
Chris Hoadley
On that ship.
Brian Green
On that ship. Hundreds and hundreds of people, sometimes thousands, in those big aircraft carriers at the crew mass. Yeah, the crew mess hall. That's like feeding 24 hours a day. I mean, we have all seen the YouTube videos about how people are a lot better than we are about others. Actual heroes in the world, Right? We've seen it. We've all seen it. And then you think about, you know, oh, well, you're on your tour and you're doing your thing and you've been out for six months and you're ready to come home and spend a month at the house with kids and the family or just take a break, whatever your situation is. And then, you know, Donald Trump picks up the phone, Venezuela. And then you're out for another three months. And then, you know, you know, bitcoin. And then you're out for another six months. You're doing a year or 18 months without any R and R. It's fucked up. And then to do it all for nothing is the worst part about all of it. To do it all for fucking nothing. I mean, Republican, Democrat, everyone in the middle, I think we can all agree this was one of the most pointless exercises in military history. And 15 people lost their lives doing it. And that's just counting the Americans that died, not the other people on the other side. So, anyway, I don't want to get off on a rant here, but I, I. My day job, along with the commercial break, is to be around journalists all day long who are, you know, affiliated with both parties, center right, center left. And all of them were universally like. When the. Yeah. When the text was released about the memorandum, all of them were like, wow, so much worse than we even could have imagined that we even thought. And that one guy said, I understand why they didn't want to release this. This is just bullshit where this is a surrender on behalf of the United States and it's for nothing. Everything's same, same status quo, except 15 more people are dead and hundreds or thousands on the other side. So whatever, congratulations. But, you know, that's not the fault of the people who are bravely out there, you know, serving on behalf of the United States. It's the fault of people who are unbravely using the United States military for personal gain and agendas. It's fucked up, but at least we got the reflection pool done.
Rachel
Yeah.
Brian Green
And the UFC of that. Did you see that? The UFC event. So let me not watch it. Okay? This was idiocracy.
Chris Hoadley
Yeah.
Anonymous Critic
Oh.
Chris Hoadley
Oh, it's full blown idiocracy. The movie has come to life.
Brian Green
It's.
Chris Hoadley
It's happening in front of our eyes.
Brian Green
Yes.
Chris Hoadley
Yeah.
Brian Green
It is one big fucking grift of the dumbest occasion. Now, I'm going to take a little bit of. Of a stance here that I think maybe some people won't expect. The UFC event on the front lawn is bothersome to me, but it's not. I don't think the worst part of all of this. I think the worst part of all of this is the grift that's associated with, like, Donald Trump posting on the official White House account about a betting app that he is invested in. He's doing commercials from the White House is essentially what's going on. That's the worst part. This is the. What. What scares me the most is not the UFC event in and of itself. What scares me the most is that this is the direction that at least 30% of the people who live in this country think is. Is okay.
Chris Hoadley
Right.
Brian Green
Not the UFC event, that we're doing white commercials from the White House that were, you know, allowing fighters to get dressed in the Lincoln Bedroom and, you know, get ready to have blood sport. So I was flying on Sunday night.
Chris Hoadley
Yes.
Brian Green
And. Or Sunday afternoon. And then, you know, I'm on Delta. I'm on the Delta app, and it's like, free 24 hours of Paramount plus where the UFC was. Because I was going to refuse. I don't. I'm not paying for Paramount plus I canceled my subscription.
Chris Hoadley
Yeah.
Brian Green
And I'm certainly not giving any money to Dana White in the ufc. That's just not going to happen. UFC is not necessarily my thing anyway, but I. If a fight is on, like, free TV on occasion, I'll watch it. And I was watching early UFC fights way back when it was really a blood sport. Like, when it just had come on the scene, 1, 2, 3, you know, hoist Gracie and all this other stuff.
Chris Hoadley
Right, right.
Brian Green
So I got this access for 24 hours. So I. So I. I connected my Delta app and I said, okay, all right, let me see what all of this is all about. And it was just the shit show that you would have expected. It was insane to me to watch all this stuff go down in the White House. The part outside the White House. Okay. They built a stadium and a bunch of people and 80,000 people showed up to watch that on the, like, the ellipse, whatever they call that. 80,000. You can. You can talk about Donald Trump's crowd size numbers being small or big or not there or whatever, but there was no doubt there were almost a hundred thousand people there watching that fight behind the actual stage. And it's just weird to watch a blood sport happen on the White House front lawn. It really was really strange. And of course, Trump was asleep the whole time and, you know, asleep the whole time. And poor Nate Bargazzi.
Chris Hoadley
Yeah, he's been outed.
Brian Green
Nate. So, buddy, if you would have gone to a Nate show, I think what. I think what a lot of people liked about Nate is that he was a political.
Chris Hoadley
Right.
Brian Green
He was like this weird. You know, like every once in a while you meet somebody and they. You believe that they truly are asexual. Like, there are people who are asexual, but you meet somebody and you think that they are truly asexual. Like, there is nothing that in. They don't talk about it. You don't think they have it. They've never seen. With a boyfriend or a girlfriend. Like, they're just. Okay, they're there.
Chris Hoadley
Yeah.
Brian Green
That's what she liked about Nate Bargazzi. He was just there. There's sometimes comedians, like, Zoltan is one of those guys. I think if you watched him long enough, you could probably guess which side he would vote for. But he never talks about politics. I never heard him talk about politics. Or if he does talk about politics,
Chris Hoadley
he has to be that way to get the most audience, right?
Brian Green
Well, I mean, depends on what kind of comedy you're doing, right? There's George Carlin type of comedy where you poke fun at the political universe and you're very pointed. But Carlin was truly a centrist. Like he did. He didn't care. He would make fun of Republican or Democrat. But you know, to show up at the UFC event when you are the best selling live comic maybe in a generation, he is selling out like the Georgia Dome.
Chris Hoadley
No, I know his crowd. Talk about crowd sizes. Yeah, yeah.
Brian Green
You just alienated, you know, 50% or more of the crowd just because you ass. I mean, and Nate has PR people. We know Nate's people, like, they know this. It's not like he didn't. He could have watched it at home. Yeah, yeah. And then he took a picture with a bunch of people. So not only did he know it, he probably knew, understood that people were gonna figure out that he was there. What really surprised me about this whole UFC thing and I didn't watch the whole thing. I didn't watch it minute by minute. I had it on my phone and I was watching new little people related show on tlc, which I'm really excited about. I want to tell everybody about that. Yes. If there's a little people show on tlc, you better believe that Brian's tuning in. I love it, I love it. I'm all about it. I'm obsessed with little people. The Big World, 7 Little Johnston's and now little singles or I think that's what it's called, little singles. I think that's what it's called. I gotta tell you, Chrissy, this is some of the most entertaining television I've seen in a long time anyway, so, you know, I was not tuned into the whole thing. But. But when they started pan like, you know, they do the celebrity roundup in those things in between fights, they had a hard time finding a celebrity because they were pointing out like, who's the guy, the comedian that went up. Tony. Kill Tony guy.
Chris Hoadley
The Kill Tony.
Brian Green
Kill Tony.
Chris Hoadley
I read a horrible review about his special. I mean, it just said, you know, yeah, he's got like the off color jokes that still are cringy, but also that the special itself is just like, like rambling and not good.
Brian Green
Did you expect that? Kill Tony goes up and judges other comics, but I've never seen a good set from Kill Tony himself.
Chris Hoadley
I never really knew who he was,
Brian Green
but yeah, I don't know. But, you know, cheers to him for having such A successful live podcast. I. I wish that we could even have half that success. Right. It's on Netflix, and, you know, they sell out Madison Square Garden. So I'm not begrudging his. His success, but his talent is another thing altogether. Yeah, like, you know, Howard Stern's a good radio disc jockey. I don't think he could do an hour and a half of stand up.
Chris Hoadley
Right. I agree.
Brian Green
I think because he works around comics, people assume he is a comic. And I'm not sure that the Kill Tony guy is. You know, I'm not sure that that's. That's his thing. I don't know. But maybe it is. Anyway, it was a hard time finding a celebrity. I didn't see any in the audience. I wonder why they didn't pan to Nate. I don't know. Maybe they had to deal with him. I won't show you. But they kept showing Trump, and half the time he was like, no.
Chris Hoadley
And then there's like, also, like, a monster energy drink, like, sponsored ad right next to him.
Brian Green
Yeah, it's all these. The whole thing is just surreal. It honestly is surreal. We're there. It's the. We're late stage democracy, kids. And that's just the way that it is. But anyway, at least we got that thing. In any case, I will say I celebrate the end of conflict because it's never a good. And we don't need any more people dying over the silliness of one or two human beings. And you notice JD Vance is now out there on his apology tour. He's already running for president and distancing himself from Trump. This is gonna be interesting to watch over the next two years, kids. If Trump makes it to the next two years. Vance is gathering ye. Gather. What did he say? Gather ye rosebuds. He's gathering ye rosebuds.
Chris Hoadley
He just came out with that book, too.
Brian Green
Yeah, about being Catholic.
Chris Hoadley
Ye God. Give me a break.
Brian Green
Give me a break. Talk to the Pope about it. All right, we'll take a break. When we get back, I'm going to tell you about some television that I'm watching. I got a great story to tell about the wedding. I'm Shoeless Joe Jackson at the wedding, and I'll tell you. I'll tell you all about it. Oh, look, there's some people in the. Okay, let's go. Let's go to the chat real quick before we take a break. We'll just say hi to some people before we go.
Chris Hoadley
Hello.
Brian Green
Hey, everybody. How you doing? All right, I like the deal. Some Mercedes houses. I like the deal. That woman is still around. She was there 15 years ago. I don't know. What? Who is there?
Chris Hoadley
I don't know. Start from the top.
Brian Green
Yeah, okay. I'm starting from the top. I just don't understand. Yeah, that's soap. Here's someone talking about The. Soap contains PFSAs compounds. And I don't understand a fucking word that you just said, but I agree. Pfsa. Stop all that stuff.
Chris Hoadley
Forever chemicals.
Brian Green
What's that?
Chris Hoadley
Aren't they the forever chemicals?
Brian Green
They are the forever. Oh, the forever chemicals. There you go. All right. $2,000 per taxpayer for the Iran war, then. Plus the inflation, it's terrible. Agreed with you. And we got nothing out of it. Not a fucking thing. No agreement on anything. And we're giving them $300 billion to rebuild what, their arsenal of weapons. And then Trump was like, like, well, if Saudi Arabia has weapons and Iran should have weapons, I'm sure Saudi Arabia loved to hear that, Trump, that, you know, you're now putting them on par. They're now a superpower. Congratulations, you did it. Back to the Future, Biff Tannen for
Captain (Delta Pilot)
Back to the Future.
Brian Green
How many audience members were bussed in from that? A lot of people were saying that there was a whole, you know, thing about the military being told that they needed to sign up and be fit. Oh, yeah, yeah, there was a whole thing, but. But I will tell you that the 80, 000 people who were in the Ellipse seem to be just UFC fans in general. I don't know if people were bused in for that. I'm sure maybe some people took a bus there, but there was no doubt there was a large crowd there. Oh, how the Bargazis fall. Yeah. Disappointing. I just went and saw him live a couple months ago, maybe a year ago, and I thoroughly enjoyed the two hours that he was on stage. Hour and a half that he was on stage. He killed it. And not a word about anything. He didn't get even come close to political. And I think that's why, you know, you looked in the audience. It was a good slice of Atlanta, for sure. On the whiter side, actually. But when I think about it. But, you know, it's Nate Bargazzi.
Chris Hoadley
Yes.
Brian Green
Yeah. And then. Have you seen his new movie, the trailer for his new movie? No, you haven't. Exactly. There you go. All right. Okay, so let's take a break. Keep on chatting in the chat room. Good to see everybody. Thank you very much. Cheers to Jenny. Maybe I don't see Jenny in there. But hopefully Jenny.
Chris Hoadley
Yeah. Surgery went well.
Brian Green
Surgery went well. All right, give us a minute. You know, we got to do stuff. It's nothing. We're not here just for you. We'll be back.
Rachel
Let me do something Brian has never done. Be brief. Follow us on Instagram at the commercial break. Text or call us 212-4333, tcb. That's 212-433-3822. Visit our website tcbpodcast.com for all the audio, video, and your free sticker. Then watch all the videos@YouTube.com thecommercialbreak and finally share the show. It's the best gift you could give a few aging podcasters. See, Brian? That really wasn't that difficult, Mal, was it? You're welcome.
Anonymous Critic
Just a guy who rants. Not funny at all. A co host is a sleep. She's pretty dark. People like the show. Why are they on the charts? What's the fuck they talking about? I should have a su. This d. TV is terrible. This show is bad. I'd like to punch Ryan's mouth. This podcast is kind of sad. Is this what we think is funny now how do I turn it off? My ears are saying, ow. Stop laughing at yourself. Are these two making sense? At least I didn't pay him deaf. In my defense, PCB is terrible. That is being kind. Both the hosts are idiots. They left the funny behind.
Brian Green
All right. Love it. Love that song. Good job, girls. Good job, girls. What is this show about? This is sad.
Chris Hoadley
That was great.
Brian Green
Oh, that was great. I have to. I should update the song with the new bad reviews. Like, I've seen some new bad reviews. I should update the song with new bad reviews. They're all over the podcast apps. I mean, all we have to do is. All I have to do is just tell Chat to go read the podcast ads. Podcast reviews and. Yeah, comments. And there you go. I just read a terrible article. Saw. Saw a video actually, of a. You know, yesterday I was in New York. I'm not really close to Central park, like south down in soho. But yesterday, at some point in the day, I was on the rooftop working and I heard there's sirens all day, all night.
Captain (Delta Pilot)
Sure.
Brian Green
But I heard a mass amount, like a lot. A lot of sirens. All kind of helicopters flying everywhere. And yesterday there was like a horse and carriage. One of the. One of the horses went nuts and just started running. And it had passengers in the back.
Chris Hoadley
Oh, my God.
Brian Green
And it threw the guy who was, you know, the. Whatever you call the ring driver.
Rachel
Yeah.
Brian Green
The Ringmaster. The Horse Slayer. I don't know what you call him. And the horse just went. It just started running into Central Park. Excuse me. And it killed somebody. And that's really sad. Somebody in the back? Yeah. Listen, I think those things are so cruel. Like, stop.
Chris Hoadley
I don't like them either.
Brian Green
No, they're running on, like, pavement. Like, they're not supposed to be on the pavement. And Central park is a little different because they have, like, sandy paths, but at places. But come on. Stop it. It's 20, 26. Get yourself a Tesla or a Waymu or something like that, right?
Chris Hoadley
Yeah.
Brian Green
I don't think I'm driving a Waymu, even though I don't want to go to Waymo. They have Waymus in Atlanta now. Did you know that?
Chris Hoadley
Of course. I've been in one.
Brian Green
A Waymu in Atlanta?
Chris Hoadley
Yeah.
Brian Green
You went in a Waymu?
Chris Hoadley
I did. Jeff and I went in one.
Captain (Delta Pilot)
Huh.
Chris Hoadley
Yeah.
Brian Green
Interesting.
Chris Hoadley
Yeah, it was. It was interesting.
Brian Green
I think that's cruel, too. I mean, does that Waymu have any choice in driving? No, it does not. We went to Zoltan and we saw a Waymu stuck at a traffic light. It did not know what to do. It was totally confused. That Peachtree and Spring, like, intersection. It was just like.
Chris Hoadley
Yeah. There's stuff all over Instagram about where they get.
Brian Green
Yeah.
Chris Hoadley
You know, a bunch of them.
Brian Green
Oh, people were taking a video, and there were people in the back of the car, and they didn't know what to do. And it was like, get out. Just get out. I think they were going to the Zoltan show, too. And, like, we were right across the street, and we just kept. I just. I was, like, standing there for a second, waiting for the stoplight, and I was like, just get out. What are you doing? You know, the guy was like, I
Captain (Delta Pilot)
don't know what to happen.
Brian Green
What are you gonna do? Reason with the car?
Chris Hoadley
Well, you can contact a live person when you're in there.
Brian Green
Oh, you can?
Chris Hoadley
Yeah.
Brian Green
Oh, there's someone on deck. Someone on board? Yeah. Where are they? They're in San Francisco.
Chris Hoadley
San Francisco?
Captain (Delta Pilot)
Yeah.
Brian Green
What a. What a nightmare.
Chris Hoadley
I pass them all the time. They're all over downtown.
Brian Green
I just don't love the idea that, like, I mean, I know they probably drive better than humans on the average. Right. But it only works if everyone's ev. You're only going to solve the problem of deaths via vehicle and dangerous activities via vehicle if everyone is on board with AI driving everyone. Right. That's the only way. Autonomous driving. Because if One. There's one idiot out there driving. I mean, I drove home from the airport last night, 2:15 in the morning.
Chris Hoadley
Yeah.
Brian Green
And I'm telling you what, the way that people drive downtown Atlanta is absolutely insane.
Chris Hoadley
You have to be so defensive.
Brian Green
Yes. And the less traffic there is, the worse it is. Why?
Chris Hoadley
That's true. Because they can go faster.
Brian Green
Yeah, because there's fucking morons going 115 miles per hour on the highway. And Atlanta is unlike any other city in the world in that blind people literally drew the map. Blind people, they were like, oh, one eye closed to see what we can do. Captain, there's a left turn in our highway in our major thoroughfare, i75. It is one of the largest highways in the country. It's like 22 lanes at one point. It's huge. 11 on each side. And in that 11 lanes, there is a left hand turn that no one, even people who have been living here their entire lives know how to navigate. And the more open it is, the worse it is because people just go. I mean, they go so fast. And then you're taking a left hand turn, literally. Is that a 90 degree, 90 degree turn on a highway that's got 65 mile per hours on? It's 65 miles per hour. It's insane. And if you've ever been to Atlanta, you know, we didn't do the best job of like identifying streets and highways. It's all over the place. Sometimes you exit left, sometimes you exit right. Sometimes there's street signs, you know, that accurately mark where you're going. And a lot of times there's not. It's like driving. It's like driving on LSD is what it is. That's what I liken it to.
Chris Hoadley
I know. There was even. I was driving Rachel home from. She had surgery, you know, a couple weeks ago, and I was driving her home from that and there was a, you know, the yellow sign where it says, you know, exit, Exit only.
Brian Green
Yeah.
Chris Hoadley
Like on the, you know, the big green one that has the street. It was just in the. It was supposed to be pointing to a lane, but it was pointing to the middle. Like where the lines were.
Brian Green
Yeah, good. Exit only.
Chris Hoadley
Which kind lane is?
Brian Green
Yeah, kind of ish. You pick, you choose.
Chris Hoadley
Yeah.
Brian Green
What's your call? It's like a choose your own adventure with the street signs around here is what we.
Chris Hoadley
And then one street is named one thing and then it just changes to another name.
Rachel
Yeah.
Brian Green
Peachtree street turns into Lafayette street turns into Dearborn. No one knows this. Yeah, no one Knows Astor. When she first moved here, she said, it's amazing. You can get anywhere in town. Like Brian. You can get anywhere in town just on back streets, back roads. And I said yes, because when you live in a city like this, you need to learn how to survive. And survival means getting the. The off the main roads. Because people drive like absolute in this town. If you grew up driving in Atlanta, you literally.
Chris Hoadley
You get a crash course.
Brian Green
Yeah, a crash course, literally. And you fall into one of three categories. I'm scared. So I drive very slow. So that I don't. So I don't overcorrect, Make a mistake.
Chris Hoadley
Yeah.
Brian Green
Or it's just a scary place to drive.
Chris Hoadley
Is also a hazard on the road.
Brian Green
Absolutely. You'll run into people going 115 miles per hour in the far right lane. And there'll be someone going 36 miles per hour in the far left lane. And they won't move. And then when you pass them, you can see. You can see the fear in their eyes.
Chris Hoadley
They just like flinging the steering wheel.
Brian Green
Yes. Because they don't know. They don't know what to do. They're paralyzed. Their foot is on the gas just a little bit. And they're just hoping no one hits them. Right. They figure if they go slow, no one can hit them. That they're the little protective bubble and they do it in the left hand lane. There's number two. Is you are a fucking moron. You decide with less than a quarter of a mile to go, going 96 miles per hour that this is your exit.
Chris Hoadley
Yeah.
Brian Green
You need to all of a sudden
Chris Hoadley
get all the way over. I've witnessed many people that have passed the exit but then still back up. Still get crossed. Like over. Yeah.
Brian Green
And they back up. It's the most dangerous shit in the world. Go to the next exit, turn around, be a human being. And then there's the third kind of driver. You're a Brian. You know how to drive aggressively. You understand how to defend yourself. You always looking around you to see what's coming next.
Chris Hoadley
You always have to be aware.
Brian Green
Yes. But you're also going 150.
Chris Hoadley
You're also going too fast.
Brian Green
I was driving so fast home last night, but there was.
Chris Hoadley
You were ready to get home.
Brian Green
Oh, yeah, I was. But there were like four guys going way faster than me. So I figured. Well, you know, I figured that police math that we all did, you can't
Chris Hoadley
get that another ticket.
Brian Green
Our insurance just raised a hundred and nineteen dollars.
Chris Hoadley
A month.
Brian Green
A month. Astrid is so pissed.
Chris Hoadley
Yeah.
Brian Green
She does not want to have anything to do with me anymore at any time. I drive says, I don't know, slow down. And I'm like, I'm not going that fast. I'm going 30 over, 30 over. But that guy's going 60 over. So, you know, I'm doing police math in my head, right? I figure if that guy's going faster than I am, they're going to get him. But I tried that on my first ticket and it didn't work. There was a guy going faster than me. But the officer said, said, yeah, but I got you. Yeah, but I called you over. Yeah, yeah, last night was weird because, listen, I just have no luck on this laguardia to Atlanta leg. I know it sounds like it's terrible and, you know, usually fly home on Tuesday nights. This was a Wednesday night. And I knew that there was weather coming in, so I already kind of worked in like a 15, 20 minute delay. But I also knew we were gonna get out before the weather came. So I figured if we can get out out. It was originally 8:30. I figured if we get out before 9:30, we're unlikely to have major.
Chris Hoadley
Yes.
Brian Green
Right. And so when I got to the gate time to board, 7:50, whatever. You know, delay, 15, 20 minutes. Okay, then delay. And that people are still coming off when the boarding time is. So I'm like, okay, well, we're not getting there, you know, so finally we get on the plane about, let's call it 9:30, 9:40. 9:30, 9:40. It takes an extra long. Something happened on the flight before that was coming in. It was coming in. They had to, you know, tape someone up or something because the flight attendants were still talking about it. Some people at the gate had seen somebody being yanked off or something because the flight attendants were answering a lot of questions about it. The flight attendants were great. They're always great at Delta, you know, they're always great at.
Captain (Delta Pilot)
Right.
Brian Green
But then I opened my little app. I got the best app. I'm. I'm going to share it with the audience here. It's called atc.
Chris Hoadley
I need to get that app.
Brian Green
I want you to watch this just, just for a second. And, and guys, at home, you can open up your app, your ATC app if you want to, if you want to play along at home here for a second, watch. Now I'm going to go to LaGuardia. Watch.
Chris Hoadley
Huh?
Brian Green
Watch this. Hold on. Stick with me. Give it a minute. Oh, this is ground main. Let's go to tower main. Okay, here we go. It'll show you the plane that they're talking to. It'll focus in on the plane that they're talking to. Zooms in, zooms in, and then it zooms back out. And then when the. And then when they talk to another plane, it'll focus in on that plane. So you can really. If you're like a flight junkie, if you like to watch airplanes like I do.
Chris Hoadley
Is it live air radio?
Brian Green
It's just called atc. It's yellow. It's a yellow.
Chris Hoadley
Yeah. Live air traffic.
Brian Green
Yep, it's that one. And it's like 67 a year or something. But it is just fascinating. So I've been playing with this. This just came out. I've been playing with it for a couple of weeks, I think. So I'm watching it last night as we're on the plane. I got stuck in the middle seat because I got a. I got a window seat. But then they upgraded the plane to a larger plane and they put me in the middle seat. That I deserve better. I fly every week. But anyway, so I'm stuck between these.
Chris Hoadley
Don't you know who I am?
Brian Green
Don't you know who I am?
Chris Hoadley
Don't you know who I think I am?
Brian Green
Don't you know who I think you think I am? Don't you think I know who you think I am?
Chris Hoadley
Go in your Delta app and put in your prep. There's preferences for that stuff.
Brian Green
There is, yes. What?
Chris Hoadley
Yes.
Brian Green
Well, they should tell me stuff like that. I'm an important person. When Brian Greene steps onto a plane, people go, sir, Sir. When I show up with my tasty teeners out and I said, bring me a Sprite and an extra small Biscoff cookie for my tastings. And I rub it up against my scrotal area.
Rachel
Yeah.
Brian Green
They go. It's Brian from the commercial break. So I'm sitting next to two ladies. The one lady and I are almost right next to each other in line, and actually she was right behind me. So we both get in. I get in the middle seat.
Captain (Delta Pilot)
Perfectly.
Brian Green
Lovely lady. She's looking for a plug. She can't find it. Plug it in into mine. No problem. I'm just trying to be a nice guy.
Chris Hoadley
Of course.
Brian Green
Right. And then you don't know what to do with your arms when you're in the middle seat.
Chris Hoadley
Well, the middle seat gets the arms.
Brian Green
That's what I think.
Chris Hoadley
That's the rule.
Anonymous Critic
Right.
Brian Green
But apparently no one I sit next to believes that I'm usually sitting in the window seat. So usually it's this guy.
Chris Hoadley
Yeah.
Brian Green
You know, he's got his arm on my lap, and I'm like, come on. I sat next to this Indian guy on the way there, and. And there was. Listen, I. I cannot tell you. This boy was so big. He was like, chest, belly, the whole thing. And he literally was like this.
Chris Hoadley
He just sprawled.
Brian Green
He had his arm in my chest. Right. And. And he. I'm not gonna say it. I'm not gonna say it, because I'm gonna be a nice guy. I'm gonna be a nice, polite human being.
Chris Hoadley
Take it.
Brian Green
I just took it. That's what I did. I took it. I said, he's got the middle seat.
Captain (Delta Pilot)
Okay.
Brian Green
You know, at least I got the window. I can go like this. But still, he's, like, rubbing my. And then falls asleep. And his arm. His hand is. And I'm, like, picking him up by his. By his, like, collar, like, by the. The sleeve. I'm like, dink, you know? And it falls back over. This happened three times. But this is on the way there, on the way back. So now I'm sitting in the middle seat and then some. The last person on the plane. The last person on the plane. I thought we had an empty seat next to us. I thought, me and this lady are gonna have a wonderful ride together, because I'm gonna jump over here, and we're gonna have this middle seat. We can just put our.
Chris Hoadley
You know, I had an empty middle seat. Recent flight I took. It was the only empty seat on the whole flight. It was nice.
Brian Green
And when you have an empty middle seat, you split the chair.
Chris Hoadley
Yes.
Brian Green
Yeah. I'll take the right side, you take the left side. We'll put our stuff there.
Chris Hoadley
Right? Right.
Brian Green
We'll be partners in this whole thing.
Chris Hoadley
Correct.
Brian Green
We have been blessed by God. Pennies from heaven. Let's be nice to each other. But five minutes after every other person on the plane had sat down, some lady comes scrambling in with four separate bags, a huge bag of food, you know, all disheveled. She's got hair down to here. And she comes sitting in. She waggles her ass right in front of me and sits down, and she's flipping her hair all over the place,
Chris Hoadley
and she's trying to get settled in. Oh, God.
Brian Green
So I open my ATC app, and all I see is a line of airplanes squiggling around the. Around the airport. And I thought to myself, what's going on? But because I am a pilot at one time tried to be right, I understood after just a few minutes of listening that runways were Closed. And there was only one opening, and they were pushing 10. What does that mean? They were landing and taking off on the same Runway, just tight as they could at LaGuardia. Yeah, LaGuardia. One mile final. Somebody's taking off. Somebody lands. One mile final. Somebody land. I mean, this guy who was doing the tower that last night. He was on it. He was doing it. But when we backed away from the gate and then, oh, first of all, they couldn't start the engines again. I think I told you they had this problem.
Chris Hoadley
Yeah.
Brian Green
So they had to bring the. The jumper cables or whatever they did.
Chris Hoadley
That's always nice.
Brian Green
It always feels good when the guy says, now we're unable to start the engines. But don't worry, no big deal. We're going to bring out of our card and jump the. We're going to give it a jump. Give it a jump. It's an airplane. Shouldn't it start? It's got a bunch of fuel, and it shouldn't just be able to start on its own, but nope. So we get jumped. That's 15 minutes. Now we back out of the gate. And we're just sitting there by the gate, and I'm watching all this go down, and I can see there are at least 50 planes waiting to take off on this same thing. We get in line in. The pilot.
Captain (Delta Pilot)
You know, the pilot from the flight deck. This is Catherine. Glad to have you here on the Delta Point. Just got word from atc. Just a few planes in front of us, so we're gonna get in line here. That's gonna be a few minutes. Everyone can just sit back and relax. We'll get you to Atlanta just as soon as we can. We'll try and make up some of this time in the air.
Brian Green
You're gonna try and make up some of the time in the air? What do you mean?
Chris Hoadley
I always say that.
Brian Green
Yeah, they always say that.
Captain (Delta Pilot)
What does that mean?
Brian Green
You're gonna. Is there a shortcut?
Chris Hoadley
Yeah.
Brian Green
You gonna take a shortcut?
Chris Hoadley
Catch the wind?
Brian Green
Yeah. Are you gonna take the back streets? What are you gonna do? How are we gonna get there? Right. Okay, you're gonna push it. I understand. You're gonna go like, five extra knots per hour, but, you know, listen, when they say it's 2 hours and 25 minutes, what it really is is an hour and 45 minutes. It's gate to gate. They're building in the time. Gate to gate, they want to be on time. So then eventually we pull up, and then he goes, you know, 20 minutes
Captain (Delta Pilot)
later, this captain Again, I'm gonna go ahead and turn the seatbelt sign off. I'm allowing to go ahead and use the bathroom as long as we use it quickly. Let's keep ourselves strapped in. Otherwise, we're currently number 57 for takeoff. So I think we just a couple extra minutes built in here. But currently clear skies in Atlanta. 85 degrees. When we get there, we're going to be at Gate T. We'll have your baggage at seven. We're going to let. The crew is going to take good care of you back there. Just sit back, relax. We'll have you back to Atlanta just as soon as we can. I'll keep you updated when I get an update. Okay, thanks.
Brian Green
So now everyone's like, yeah. So the lady next to me opens the little tray and she pulls it out, and I'm like, please don't be something smelly and bad. Please don't be something smelly and bad.
Rachel
Please.
Chris Hoadley
See where the food was coming from?
Brian Green
It didn't say. It was like a, you know, an unmarked bag. An unmarked bag?
Chris Hoadley
Food.
Brian Green
Yeah. It's like a Kohl's bag, but there's food in it, so you know that it didn't come from a human source. And she opens it up, and I don't. It was a burrito of some sort of. And there were sauces. Not a sauce, sauces. So she's like, the smell coming off of this thing. Oh, no, it smelled like lamb and putrid feta cheese is what it smelled like. Chrissy. I was literally like this, right? And I look over at the lady next to me, and she's like. She, like, gives me this smile, like we're both dealing with it.
Chris Hoadley
Yeah.
Brian Green
And then the stewardesses come by. The flight attendants come by, and they got this big, big, huge bottle of water, and they're like, okay, anybody need a glass of water? I'm gonna hand out the cups, and I'll come by and I'll pour some in there.
Chris Hoadley
Yeah.
Brian Green
You know, if we got to get to the bathroom, let's get there quickly. Get there quickly. Well, then I noticed they're starting to, like, a line backing up at the bathroom in the front. There's one fucking moron who decided to use the bathroom quickly meant take a hot shit in the bathroom for an hour. So we're like, now another hour into it, and we're literally inching our way, snaking our way around the taxiways. And I can. I'm keep on watching that ATC app, and I can just see it's Just we're not going anywhere quick. It's not, it's not happening.
Captain (Delta Pilot)
From the flight deck. Discussing again. Really appreciate our patience tonight. Just got an update from the tower. Currently number 37 in line and they're down to one Runway here. Not really sure why that is, but been talking to tower and our company and we're gonna get you there just as safely and quickly as we can. ETA into Atlanta now 1:26am but we'll try and make up some time in the ground. Winds are southwesterly, got some eyes, cirrus clouds. We're probably gonna climb up to 26,000. Keep it nice and smooth. Hoping to give you a smooth ride tonight down in Atlanta. 87 degrees, clear skies. Looks like it's gonna be a wonderful night for a flight. Gonna go over the Blue Ridge Mountains. We'll get a chance to get some clear air at about 12,000 as we head into Atlanta. Expect a quick flight tonight. It's me and co captain Peter here up here tonight and thanks for sticking with us. We're gonna update you here shortly. So everyone just get to the bathroom, get back to your seats. Okay? All right. Flight attendants, please. Unprepare for takeoff.
Chris Hoadley
Unprepared, please.
Captain (Delta Pilot)
Do you prepare? Thanks very much.
Brian Green
So I'm like, oh my God. So it took us an hour to get 20 planes, right, which makes sense. Three minutes. Landing, takeoff, landing, takeoff, landing, takeoff. So I knew it's gonna be at least another hour. So then another hour. So now we're getting close to. I don't know what time it is. It was whatever God awful time at midnight. It's all God awful time. It is. And then, you know, I could see us getting closer. Now it looks like we're like number four.
Captain (Delta Pilot)
And then from the flight, from the flight. Got a company plane in front of us, has an engine problem. So we're waiting for, waiting for ground crew to come out and take a look at that. And then hopefully we're gonna be number four or five for takeoff. Probably another 20 or 30 minutes here, folks. Really appreciate your patience. Appreciate you flying with Delta. Currently 87 degrees in Atlanta, winds to the southwest.
Brian Green
And I'm like, I don't give a about the weather in Atlanta. I want to get to Atlanta.
Chris Hoadley
I know, I don't care.
Brian Green
It sounds great in Atlanta. Can we be there? Can we drive around the plane? You're gonna tell and then, yeah, you can't go off the Runway. You can't go off the Runway. It's a billion dollar plane and you can't Take it off the, on the grass a little bit. Come on. When I was flying, I took it on the grass all the time. That's. That's where I tended to land, on the grass. So finally we take off. And to be fair, I was watching that ATC app. He was. We were trucking, we were going 500. We were just passing planes for like, higher than, you know, the higher you go, the faster.
Chris Hoadley
Right.
Brian Green
Because there's less resistance. Right. So you can go faster. So that's why pilots like to fly high, is because they can get up there and go. But I'm telling you what, Chrissy, like, we were just like passing planes and I was like, oh, he really is making up the time.
Chris Hoadley
Yeah.
Brian Green
The time I got home and got my head into bed, it was well past two in the morning. It was, it was just a fucking clusterfuck. I have no luck with that. And listen, I know the pilots, they're a bunch of like the typically dry human beings, you know, the personality. You have to have a real type A personality to be a pilot because there's a lot of stuff to pay attention to. Yeah. You want to, you got to be precise.
Chris Hoadley
Yeah.
Brian Green
When they tell you to turn in a certain direction, you can't go. Is that kind of left? Yeah. Kind of east or kind of west. You can't fly willy nilly. It's not like driving down on 85 here in Atlanta. You have to pay real close attention to what they're telling you. You get instructed on what to do and you have to pay attention. But at the same time, like, only you listen to that ATC and you hear pilots that have wonderful, you know, those throw in little things here and there that are funny. You know, it's kind of talking to the tower or whatever. Now they have this thing where they go, see ya. Say winds out of right 1 3, Delta 444, you know, clear for takeoff. And then it goes, you know, one, winds out of the right, three, four, four, take off on Runway one three. See ya. It's like they have this thing where they just say, see you back and forth. It's kind of cute. It's cute that the planes, the pilots are having fun. Why don't they show any of that personality when they're talking to the people in the back?
Chris Hoadley
I know somebody said airlines need to hire Brian just for the cabin announcements.
Brian Green
I agree, 100%. 100%. And if we're spending a billion dollars on an airplane, can we get a professional microphone? Can we get something right it's clear. Yeah, it's clear. I sound clear. I spent $70 on this. Why can't we get this in the airplane? I don't understand a fucking word they're saying half the time.
Chris Hoadley
I know. I think they're talking too close to the microphone.
Brian Green
Well, they have them in their. They have them on their mouth. They're like those mouth microphones.
Chris Hoadley
Okay, so it's too close to the mouth.
Brian Green
Yeah, well, it's the pilot. It's fine for when you're talking to atc, you want to make sure, you know it's loud. You want to make sure you're. It's in your mouth, basically, so you can't get all that extra noise. But when you're talking on the intercom that's got 50 different, you know, broken, popped, and they have the volume up to 30, it's like, come on, guys. It's, you know, come on. I don't know, can I tune in via Bluetooth or something? And I hate it that if you're watching something, it's like while they're talking as an announcement in progress. I don't care. I've heard it before. Let's be real about it. If the plane goes down, it doesn't matter if there's a flotation device under me. I'm not floating anywhere. I'm dead as a doornail. Airline accidents typically don't have survivors, but the good news is, is airlines typically don't have accidents.
Chris Hoadley
True.
Brian Green
So there you go. At least not. Not here in the United States. It doesn't happen very often. All right, let's take a break and then I'll get back to. I'll actually talk announcements. What's that? I'll get back to announcements about television shows that I was watching in my four hour delay.
Chris Hoadley
Oh, good. Yes. Little singles.
Brian Green
Little singles. All right. I don't think that's what it's called, but I like. I like that it's. I like that I made up that name. I think it should be called Little Fingers. All right, we'll be back in a minute. Stay. Stay with us.
Captain (Delta Pilot)
Thanks.
Rachel
Okay. You're probably wondering why I, Rachel, have taken over the voice duties at tcb. It's pretty simple. Astrid asked me to shut Brian up, even for a minute. Well, lovely Astrid, your wish is my command. Do you want to help Astrid, too? Do you know you do. Leave a message for her or me or Chrissy at 212-4333 TCB. That's 212-433-3882. 2. You can be on the show, too. Just call and say something, anything. Or text us, and we'll text you right back. Promise. Then head over to tcbpodcast.com and get your free sticker. It's your constitutional right to a sticker. And we must abide. You get the point. Follow us on Instagram at the commercial break and watch all the episodes on video@YouTube.com thecommercial break. Best to you and Astrid. Especially Astrid.
Brian Green
Best to you. Best to you. Best to you. Best to you. All right, so new Little people show on tlc. If you haven't caught it, you must catch up on the premiere episode of Little Singles. I was right. That's what it's called, Little Singles.
Chris Hoadley
Oh, you were right.
Rachel
Right.
Brian Green
Yes.
Chris Hoadley
They're single and they're little.
Brian Green
They're single and they're little, and they're ready to mingle. Yeah. I would have called it singlets, but. Okay, you call it Little Singles. Cool. Right? They're single, they're ready to mingle. Is five lifelong friends or five friends, a friendship group? Three have been lifelong friends. Two are just kind of like the outsiders. And they're. Com. They're. They've rented a huge house and put a bunch of cameras in there in Palm Springs, California, and they all head on out there to have fun in the sun.
Anonymous Critic
Done.
Brian Green
And get into all kind of shenanigans. And this is just fascinating to me. You know, I don't know what it is about little people, but I really enjoy watching about their lives. Even the most mundane of things seem fascinating to me.
Chris Hoadley
You've always felt that way.
Brian Green
I've always felt that way. I don't know. I have a special place in my heart for little people. I don't know. I. I knew I. I had. There was one in my neighborhood. Grow. A little person. Growing up in my neighborhood, when I. And I always, always was friendly with them. And listen, I don't know, maybe it's just like a weird obsession that I have with watching little people, but ever since that Little People Big World show came on, I like.
Chris Hoadley
Apparently other people like it too, because these shows are.
Brian Green
They keep coming. Yeah, they keep coming for a while. They got Jay and Pamela. Now, who was. What was that girl's name? That. With the little person that. But she had a different kind of condition where she, like, aged backwards.
Chris Hoadley
Oh, yeah.
Brian Green
Remember that? What happened to her?
Chris Hoadley
There was.
Brian Green
I can't believe there wasn't a season three of that that, like, you would have thought that it would be endlessly fascinating to watch the creeps that wanted to date her while she was just trying to find love, you know what I'm saying? She looked 7. She was like 37 years old. That was. That was an interesting show. But this one is like. This is prime for all the drama you're going to love because this is Love island, essentially, but with little people is what it is. And there's already drama. There's like two.
Chris Hoadley
Are they dating in the house?
Captain (Delta Pilot)
Yeah.
Brian Green
There's like two that are secretly dating when they come in. There's. They call themselves the Three Amigos. There's like three. A girl and two guys, and they all live all across the country. But two of them have started dating, have been hooking up. And then you throw in the hot girl who comes in. Right. The hot little person who comes in and the guy shakes things up. Shake. And she shakes things up. Because no one knows the other two are dating because they're keeping it a secret from their third friend because they don't want to break up the friend group. And. And so now he's hitting on her.
Anonymous Critic
Her.
Brian Green
The. The hot girl. The hot girl's hitting on him. And the third, the girl who he's supposed to be with is like all pissed off.
Chris Hoadley
Yeah.
Brian Green
And so she calls one of her hot guy friends to come in and be the ringer to date the hot girl. This is all. It's. I love it. I'm all about it. They're drinking, they're swimming around in the pool. They're climbing on store shelves, grabbing stuff from the top. I just. I think this is fascinating. You gotta watch that one.
Chris Hoadley
Yeah.
Brian Green
I saw the first episode and I'm like, I'm hooked. Give me the season three and four of this. I like, I want to go the distance on this one.
Captain (Delta Pilot)
Want.
Brian Green
Because also, if the personalities weren't entertaining, then it wouldn't be entertaining. Of course.
Chris Hoadley
No. You have to have entertainment.
Brian Green
Yes. And like I've said about the Seven Little Johnston's great show. Love the Seven Little Johnsons. I have any of them on the show any day of the week. I love all of them. I think they're all great. But it's very formulaic. There's no breakout personality, star of the Seven Little Johnstons together as a unit. They're entertaining.
Chris Hoadley
How long is that show been on?
Brian Green
They're like on the ninth season.
Captain (Delta Pilot)
Wow.
Brian Green
Isn't that crazy?
Chris Hoadley
Yeah. Just to have that many years of your life.
Brian Green
Yeah. And then my big fat fabulous life is coming back. That Whitney is coming back. You know, I don't know. Not everyone's bag to take GLP1s. But she's been fighting this fight for a long time. You'd think that maybe she would. She would think about GLP ones, but then does she have the show if she does, right?
Chris Hoadley
Probably not.
Brian Green
I don't know. Good question. I kind of tuned out of Whitney because I think she's letting. She has become famous and she's allowing that fame to get to her head a little bit. She seems a little bit spoiled and obnoxious, if I'm being honest with you. So that for that reason only, I'm kind of like, not for me. And I. It's 90 Day Fiance, by the way. Back on point. Really back on point.
Chris Hoadley
Don't tell me.
Brian Green
Back on top. Let me tell you the newest season of 90 Day Fiance. They have some great couples. Great couples that are just scared to
Chris Hoadley
let myself go there again.
Brian Green
Chrissy, it's show all over again. I love it. No more boredom. Let's get back into it. Let's get the craziest people on earth.
Chris Hoadley
Where are they from?
Brian Green
Where are they coming from? Oh, I don't know. Kazakhstan, India, Iran, you know, Colombia, you know, the usual roundups. But all of them are crazy. Every one of them are crazy. And so I just love it. One of the girls has ocd. Obsessive compulsive disorder. She's like, basically homeless and this guy comes from England and she. One of her obsessions, or obsessive compulsive disorder is when she drinks, she has to make out with anybody she sees. She has to literally what guys for proper.
Chris Hoadley
She's the one bringing him.
Brian Green
Yes. And she tells him, like right off the bat. And she has a problem. Like, she doesn't filter. There's no filter. So when he gets there, he's 19 hour flight, whatever, however long he's been on there. They're driving home and she's like, you see stink? And he's like, excuse me? And she goes, you stink, like in your mouth and your body. It. It all stinks. Like you're really smelly.
Captain (Delta Pilot)
Great.
Brian Green
It's awesome. I love it. He makes her check like they're checking out of a hotel and she makes him check under the bed like 50 times to make sure nothing's there. And you can just see him just seething. He's like, I checked. And she's like, but did you really check? And she's. He's like, I checked. She said, can you check again for me? Can you take the flashlight out and check again. It's like, what do you leave under a hotel bed?
Chris Hoadley
Who puts stuff rolled under there?
Brian Green
Could have. I understand. Check once.
Chris Hoadley
Yeah, check once.
Brian Green
Check twice. Check three times. If you want to be nice, but you don't have to check 50 times. I love it. But where 90 Day Fiance really is getting it right is 90 Day Fiance forever after. Whatever the fuck they call that. They're at an English manor and all your last resort. Last resort.
Anonymous Critic
Yeah.
Chris Hoadley
Yeah.
Brian Green
Oh, my God.
Captain (Delta Pilot)
God.
Brian Green
This Shekinah and what I just. They have a great group of people. They're all. Their relationships are all in a hot mess. They're all screaming and yelling at each other. They're living in this English manner together and they're having sex classes and pulling out dildos. I love it. I'm back on the train. I'm back on the train. For a minute there I was like, ah, it's too much. But you know, 90 Day Fiance is reinventing itself in a way that I like. Now I also understand they're all becoming, you know, personalities in and of themselves.
Chris Hoadley
Yeah.
Brian Green
But it seems like most of the personalities haven't had like mainstream Hollywood success or even non mainstream Hollywood success. Yeah. What they have had is. Is really nice. Only fans career says most of those girls. Not most of them. Some of those girls and some of the guys, to be fair, have turned to onlyfans. Okay, so that's the trashy tv. Let me tell you about good tv. I am watching. Have you seen Widow's Bay? Yes, on Apple tv.
Chris Hoadley
So good.
Brian Green
Omg.
Chris Hoadley
I have not watched the finale yet. It just came out right. Yesterday.
Brian Green
I don't know know because I'm only on episode number five or six.
Chris Hoadley
Oh, yeah, it's so good.
Brian Green
Widows Bay is the weirdest show.
Chris Hoadley
It's like a comedy drama. Scary, scary drama.
Brian Green
Yeah, it's all of the things. Yes, it's all of the things. And I am absolutely fascinated by this show. I actually did not love the first episode, but I was like, it's gotten so many good reviews. Okay, just go for the second episode.
Chris Hoadley
I love that main actor who would.
Brian Green
The Reese. Chris Reese. No, Michael. Matthew Reese.
Chris Hoadley
Matthew Reese.
Captain (Delta Pilot)
Matthew Reese.
Chris Hoadley
Yeah.
Brian Green
He. One of my favorite shows. The Americans. The Americans on fx. God damn. Is that like a perfect show? It's just a perfect television show. It's like Breaking Bad. Breaking Bad. The Americans. Perfect television. And now a third one, Widows Bay. He's been some of the best television.
Chris Hoadley
He. Yeah, when I saw he was in it, that hooked me. And yeah, it's It's a really good show.
Brian Green
Done, done so good. I, I just, I love everything about it. I love Matthew Reese's like comedic skills, his timing and his ability to be very serious. And, and, and he's just so good at the show. And then who's. It's not Rip Torn, but who's the guy who plays the old. I wish it was Rip Torn but it's not Rip Torn. Who is it? The guy who plays the older guy. He was in Barry.
Chris Hoadley
Oh yeah.
Brian Green
He was like the, the guy. You know they were hitmen and he was Barry.
Chris Hoadley
That's right. Yeah, that's right.
Brian Green
He was. I put two and two together. Just like episode number four. I finally went, oh, Barry. That's where he's from. Yes, is Barry. Widow's Bay is so good. You gotta watch.
Chris Hoadley
It's got the guy in it that we, we interviewed. Dude, the tall red haired guy.
Brian Green
Oh yeah. I cannot remember his name. Yeah, I don't know. But he was great. We had fun with him.
Chris Hoadley
Yeah, he's.
Brian Green
Let's see.
Chris Hoadley
He's having a moment.
Brian Green
He is. Well, he told us he had just filmed an Apple show but he couldn't tell us what the Apple show was.
Chris Hoadley
He's also in. He was also in Pluribus.
Brian Green
That's right.
Chris Hoadley
For one episode.
Brian Green
That is Jeff Hiller.
Chris Hoadley
Jeff.
Brian Green
Jeff Hiller. And Steven Root is the guy from Ben. Barry. Steven Root. So it's Matthew. Stephen Ripton Root, Katie o'. Flynn. Tim Baltz is also in the show who we have interviewed. Also remember Tim Balls. Tim Balls for our friend from Chicago. Yeah, yeah. Wow. You know, I watch a lot of TV and I'm like, oh, I interviewed him. Oh yeah. Isn't that weird?
Chris Hoadley
That's a weird sensation about that too. Yeah.
Brian Green
It's like, wow, I talked to him. Not that they would ever remember us, but Zoltan's gonna come back on the show, by the way.
Chris Hoadley
Oh, great.
Brian Green
Yeah. When? I don't know, but I'm just letting you know at some point in some time in the future Zoltan will be back. But I guess we can talk about it. He is just so lovely, Chrissy. I, I think of. I think Zoltan was probably one of my favorites in the beginning. I mean from the start. But now that I've seen him do his thing, I'm.
Chris Hoadley
He's still up there. He retained.
Brian Green
I'm a little starstruck if I'm going to be honest. Yep. All right. Okay.
Chris Hoadley
Happy birthday to somebody.
Brian Green
Oh, whose birthday?
Chris Hoadley
To me.
Brian Green
Oh, Jenny. Happy Birthday. Wait, is Jenny is not Jenna. Jenna had surgery or Jenny had surgery?
Chris Hoadley
It's not that.
Brian Green
No, I. I get confused sometimes, guys. Cuz your names are not like actual names obviously on your username.
Chris Hoadley
Yeah, yeah.
Brian Green
Slap that Bass is not the actual guy's name. But anyway, thanks everybody for. For jumping in. Chrissy and I are gonna do another show. So what I have to do is I just have to turn it off and then I turn it back on. So pay attention and we'll do another show. Give us 10 or 15 minutes, we'll get into it again. Yeah.
Chris Hoadley
And then we'll have stories from the wedding.
Brian Green
I have a few stories from the wedding. I forgot my Shoeless Joe Jackson. I didn't forget. I just didn't get to it. My Shoeless Joe Jackson. You know how I like to drone on. Yes. She changed her name. Same thing person told you. All right. How was the surgery? Everything okay? All right, we'll figure it out.
Chris Hoadley
Yes.
Brian Green
And yes, the airlines do need to hire me. That's right. But somebody has hired me to be a voice. A voice actor. I. I'll share more about that. As the. As the. Did you.
Chris Hoadley
You got the job.
Brian Green
Got the job.
Chris Hoadley
Wow. We do need to hear about this.
Brian Green
Okay, we do. But let me do it first. Yeah, yeah. So I don't it up. Let me do it first. And then, you know, surprisingly, to everybody's surprise. Yes. And I'll share more about that when it comes up. Jen, Jenny's doing great.
Rachel
Great.
Brian Green
Good news. Okay, glad to hear. I was thinking about you over the weekend actually. Slap that base is laughing. All right, guys, stick with us. We'll be back. More fun and shenanigans. More wedding stories.
Rachel
More.
Brian Green
Probably more talking about the pool. I'll go back there and I want
Chris Hoadley
to go look at it.
Brian Green
Yeah.
Chris Hoadley
Another break.
Brian Green
Pulled the frog out of there this morning. Anytime it rains, the frogs go in there and that drives me fucking crazy. I hate pulling frogs out of there.
Chris Hoadley
You mean out of the Little Catcher thing?
Brian Green
No, this time it's just in the middle of the pool. It looked like it was dead and then I grabbed it. I think it was just taking a nap and I woke it up. All right. YouTube.com frog they commercial break for all the live shows, all the videos. You know how to do it. You can stream there. You can also stream us on Twitch and at the commercial break on Instagram.
Captain (Delta Pilot)
Okay.
Brian Green
I guess that's all I can do for right this second.
Chris Hoadley
Christine, I think so bad.
Brian Green
I tell you that I love you
Chris Hoadley
and I love you.
Brian Green
Best to you. Best you out there in the podcast universe.
Captain (Delta Pilot)
Until next time. Bye. Ste.
Brian Green
5:30.
Release Date: June 18, 2026
Hosts: Bryan Green & Krissy Hoadley
In this episode of The Commercial Break, Bryan and Krissy dive into a comedic yet exasperated retelling of Bryan's most recent, nightmare-inducing Delta flight home from LaGuardia to Atlanta. The show meanders from pool-maintenance sagas, modern airline woes, and reflections on the absurd state of pop culture (including a raucous take on the White House-hosted UFC event), to reality TV breakdowns and critiques of Atlanta’s chaotic roadways. Amidst the chaos, the duo banter about their own podcast reviews, carriages gone rogue in New York, and what truly qualifies as “late-stage democracy.”
Timestamps: 01:48 – 11:15
Timestamps: 09:26 – 11:15
Timestamps: 14:24 – 26:11
Timestamps: 22:49 – 26:11, 56:39 – 66:49
Timestamps: 31:40 – 55:37
Horse-Drawn Carriages/Misadventures (31:40): Discussing a fatal carriage mishap in Central Park, the hosts argue such attractions are outdated and inhumane.
Atlanta Driving Woes (33:04 – 40:13):
The Flight From Hell (40:30 – 55:37):
ATC App Geekery: Bryan enthusiastically plugs a live air traffic control app as “fascinating” for flight nerds.
Middle Seat Politics: The true rules of armrests, and the quirks of random seatmates.
Timestamps: 29:49 – 31:05; 66:49 – end
Best To You! (Until next time…)