#GapLife

Summary

The Commercial Break – Episode: #GapLife (August 15, 2024)

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Main Theme / Purpose

This episode of The Commercial Break, hosted by Bryan Green and Krissy Hoadley, is a hilarious, unfiltered conversation that weaves through topics like the absurdity of modern “gap years” (or as Bryan calls it, "gap life"), the wild world of college dorm makeovers, Olympic memories, TikTok algorithms, and Bryan’s misadventures with wellness hacks and neighborly kindness gone awry. With its signature blend of improvisational comedy, pop culture tangents, and strong best-friend chemistry, #GapLife delivers a chaotic but charming exploration of how adults get swept up (and left out) in today’s youth trends and internet oddities.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Olympic Nostalgia and Social Media Gaps

[01:09-02:30]

• Bryan laments the end of the Olympics, missing the viral athletes (“bring back that breakdancing girl” and the “big dick pole vaulter”).
• Social media’s shift from fun Olympic content to partisan topics like Trump and Elon Musk.
• They riff on viral offers made to athletes and the rise of AI-generated personalities.
• Memorable Quote:
  “If AI could recreate his penis on my penis, then I’d do it in a heartbeat.” - Bryan [02:09]

2. AI Girls and Instagram Surrealities

[03:05-04:01]

• Bryan confesses he followed an AI model account for a year before realizing she wasn’t real.
• Krissy mentions “energy readings” and the trend of online “spiritual” influencers, comparing it to reality TV personalities.

3. Bryan's Biohack Adventure: The Shakti Mat (“Bed of Nails”)

[04:08-15:33]

• Bryan tells an extended story about visiting his friend Rafa, who’s obsessed with health “biohacks.”
• Rafa introduces him to the Shakti mat, which acts like a “bed of nails.” Hilarious play-by-play of Bryan, shirtless and apprehensive, trying the mat.
• Physical sensations: intense pain, eventual calm, then euphoria and floatiness after 10+ minutes.
• Amusing moment when Rafa’s dog Suki jumps on Bryan mid-biohack, adding to the chaos.
• Both hosts debate whether this wellness hack is legit or just a distraction.
• Memorable Quote: “What is this, a contraction or a Shakti mat?” - Bryan [08:43]
• Notable Segment:
  Bryan’s Shakti mat testimonial: minute-by-minute physical and emotional reactions [08:43-12:13].

4. Dorm and Locker Makeovers: “Gap Life” Observations

[26:16-29:45]

• Transition to college move-in season—Bryan is stunned at dorm room transformations (custom cabinetry, shiplap, luxury mattresses, designer décor, $30k budgets).
• Krissy shares her experience with her kid’s dorm: “mattress topper, TV, new sheets,” but nothing extreme.
• Locker decorating culture is also lampooned, with parents decking out cubbies with Target goods, sometimes bordering on “interior design for kids.”
• Memorable Quote: “Now you can drink. So get out of our dorms—legally, anyway.” - Bryan [27:51]
• Bryan coins #GapLife for those whose “gap years” become decades of avoiding adult responsibility.

5. The Algorithm Is “Broken” (and Perfect): TikTok/Instagram Deep Dives

[35:54-42:47]

• Bryan marvels at his social media feed, now serving up bizarre, low-view content, exercise oddities, and “unwell” internet personalities.
• Discussion about an eccentric gym influencer, whom Bryan believes is unintentionally a comedic genius.
• Memorable Quote: “Some of the funniest and truest things I said on this show: None of them are well… and all of the ones that are not well are on TikTok.” - Bryan [36:45]
• Krissy and Bryan dissect the appeal of these internet micro-celebrities, with vivid play-by-play of workout “fail” videos.

6. Idina Menzel's Orlando Concert Flop and Stage Recovery

[20:07-23:25]

• Bryan recounts a viral moment: “Let It Go” singer Idina Menzel repeatedly flubbing the high note at a live show but owning it with humor and having the audience step in.
• Comparison with Corey Feldman’s self-aware (or not) career.
• Memorable Quote: “How professional is it to just seize the moment… and say, ‘You do it!’” - Bryan [22:17]

7. The “Wrong Card” Fiasco: Neighborly Kindness Gone Awkward

[47:37-55:24]

• Bryan relays a cringeworthy incident: accidentally handing the next-door neighbor his own romantic anniversary card (from Astrid), intended for their daughter heading off to college.
• Extended riff on the potential implications (if the neighbor’s wife reads the card, if the daughter reads it alone, etc.), plus Bryan’s relief that the note wasn’t explicitly raunchy.
• Memorable Quote: “When you penetrated… man.” - Krissy, satirizing what the card could have said [53:02]

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Bryan on AI Penis Deepfakes:
  “That’s what we need, a deep dick fake of Bryan Green. That’s all the world needs.” [02:24]

• Bryan on Shakti Mat Pain:
  “Minute number three, you jump up because now your body's really alive… is this a contraction or a Shakti mat?” [08:43]

• Bryan on Dorm Room Overkill:
  “They’re installing cabinetry and closets, and I saw one that someone built like a 7x7 shower. I swear to God.” [27:19]

• Bryan on Social Media:
  “My algorithm is on fluke right now. I am being served up zero views, zero shares content. I’ve perfected the TikTok algorithm.” [35:54]

• On Idina Menzel’s Orlando Show:
  “She does it a third time. Can't do it. Does it a fourth time. Can't do it. Does it a fifth time. Cannot do it. All the while making jokes…” [22:17]

• On Viral Gym Influencer:
  “He is taking this heavy, you know, the big, heavy weightlifter… and he's rolling them over his shoulder behind his back, but it keeps falling, and he keeps falling. He's doing this for six and a half minutes. I just could not stop laughing.” [38:44-39:33]

• Bryan’s Cautionary Card Tale:
  "Thank God astronomer didn’t write anything super sexually explicit… Remember when I penetrated you... Here's a picture of our love jollies meeting..." [52:12-53:03]

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• 00:00-01:09 – Opening banter / Olympics nostalgia
• 04:08-15:25 – Biohacking, Shakti Mat adventure
• 20:07-23:25 – Idina Menzel’s “Let It Go” concert flop
• 26:16-29:29 – Freshman dorm decor / #GapLife
• 35:54-42:47 – Social media algorithm deep-dive, gym influencer stories
• 47:37-55:24 – “Wrong card” neighbor story, ending with family reflections

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Overall Tone & Style

The tone is delightfully chaotic and irreverent, jam-packed with self-aware commentary, sharp improvisation, and ingenious tangents. Bryan’s and Krissy’s comedic chemistry shines, blending personal stories, pop culture, and a shared sense of “WTF” at the world’s current absurdities—especially the youthful trends they observe from a tongue-in-cheek, outsider vantage point.

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For New Listeners

This episode is a prime showcase for The Commercial Break’s trademark humor: conversational, loose, and relatable. You’ll get wry stories about adulthood, failed wellness trends, nostalgia for simpler school days, and the pleasures (and perils) of being just fine with a “gap life.” It’s all about laughing at life’s weird moments—and maybe dreading your kid’s next locker makeover.

Transcript

[Announcer]

One thing you can count on me for is to not suffer in silence. If I'm feeling any sort of way, it could be just off kilter.

[Brian Green]

0.1%. You're gonna know about it on this episode of the commercial break. I wish I could go to frat parties and hang out and go to cool concerts and do cool things on campus without all the book stuff or, you know, be taking tests and like that. But I, I do.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

A lot of kids do that their freshman year.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, of course. That's freshman year. Four. Yeah, that's. Year is never a bad thing. Right. Unless you're like me and you just. The gap year becomes a gap. Four decades.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

Gap life.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, Gap life. Gap life. The next episode of the commercial break starts now. Oh, yeah. King kittens. Welcome back to the commercial break. I'm Brian Green. This is the blue to my bingo, Kristen Joy Ho. Best to you, Kristen. Best to you, Brian. Best to you out there on the podcast, you, universe. Thanks for joining us. I appreciate it. I'm already missing the Olympics. I know I'm already missing the Olympics.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

Everybody I've talked to says the same thing.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, because I used to, like, pop open my social media and then I would see all the funny Olympic stuff. Now I pop open my social media and Elon and Trump are talking and I'm like, can we bring back that breakdancing girl? Reagan. Where's Ray Gun? Where's Ray Gun when you. Oh, yeah, Big dick guy. Big dick pole vaulter. Where's big pole guy?

[Kristen Joy Ho]

I wonder if he's going to take up the. The offer for, for him to. What was it, $250,000?

[Brian Green]

Yeah, 250 grand to show his schlong for an hour on some CD ass website. Hey, I'd do it. Why not? What do you got to be embarrassed about? No, they said you don't have to get like, they just said you got to show it for a period of time. Like show it for at least 15 minutes of the hour or something like that.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

Show it.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, Very specific. Deal. Yeah, just show it and then read all the treacherously dumb comments that come in telling you to do stuff like stick a hot needle in your penis.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

Turns.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

Oh, God.

[Brian Green]

No, I probably wouldn't do it. No, I'd do it. Not with this penis I wouldn't. But with his penis I would. If I could borrow his penis. If AI could recreate his penis on my penis, then I do it in a heartbeat. Of course, with my luck, the AI would stop working at some point and.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

Be like, oh, Brian. Deep fake.

[Brian Green]

Oh, a deep dick fake. That's what we need. A deep dick fake of Brian Green. That's all the world needs. As if it isn't confusing.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

I want us, Claude, to do that.

[Brian Green]

Claude?

[Kristen Joy Ho]

Yes. It's an AI Assistant.

[Brian Green]

Flawed. It's such horseshit. It's such horseshit. I mean, the deep fake stuff is not funny, but, you know. Yeah, but it's not even particularly good. Like, even when you see photos that have. It's just clear that it's AI Because AI can't quite get it right. I mean, it'll eventually get it right, but it can't quite get it right. So it's. You're still able to determine? Of course. I did follow on Instagram that girl one time for a year, until I realized she was a. And it said right on the profile, AI.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

You're checking in on her?

[Brian Green]

Yeah, I was checking in.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

What was she doing? Was she going all over the world and.

[Brian Green]

She was going over all. All over the world for the first six months, and then for the second six months, she was. It was like she was playing, like, strip travel, like, every time. She ended up in a new space.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

Follow your dreams.

[Brian Green]

Follow your dreams. Here's my labia.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

Speaking of. So I think I. I think that the Love and Light girl has a sister, and she is on that show that I was watching, the Love off the Grid.

[Brian Green]

Wait, Love and Light girl has a sister? Love off the Grid.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

She had a sister?

[Brian Green]

Okay.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

If she does have a sister, anyways, Very much like her.

[Brian Green]

Oh, really?

[Kristen Joy Ho]

Yes.

[Brian Green]

Oh, I got to check it out now. I was hoping to, you know, stay out of Love and Light Girl for a while, because the last couple of videos I've seen of hers are just, like, snooze vests. They're not really all that interesting. They're not even. They're not even on, like, not on purpose funny. They're just kind of like snooze fest.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

Well, and this girl does. She has a. A very successful online business where she does, you know, energy work.

[Brian Green]

Energy readings. I do energy readings. Speaking of energy readings. So I go over to Rafa's house today, you know, going over.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

Hey, Rafa.

[Brian Green]

Hey, Rafa. Going over to visit my friend. We already said this one.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

I know, we'll say it again.

[Brian Green]

I go. I go over to Rafa's house to just check in. He's like. I tell him yesterday, I said, hey, listen, I'm just snoozing in the afternoons. Like, I'm trying to keep my eyes awake after we get done with these shows, but I can't. It's really difficult. It's almost as if someone's given me a narcotic. It really is. That somatic response is so heavy. And I said, it sucks. I mean, not that I was ever particularly wakey bakey, but I, you know.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

And I like that afternoon crash.

[Brian Green]

That afternoon crash. And it's terrible and I hate it. And I know it probably has something to do with the coffee I'm drinking or the terrible food that I'm eating or what a cream and cereal, whatever, but I said to myself, I was just sharing this with him, and he's like, oh, I got the biohack of all biohacks, bro.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

Yes, he does.

[Brian Green]

And I'm like, listen, I love my brother Raphael. I. There's like, we're certainly. We're maybe even married in some other life, and we're just like karmatically twisted up together and we're never gonna leave each other. But he does have a biohack every third day. Like there's a new biohack. There's something new. He's one of those guys to his credit, always trying something new, always trying to figure it out. To my discredit, I'm, you know, always doing the same thing, Never want to be bothered. But you know, when he starts talking about biohacks, I get extra sleepy. I'm like, okay, Raphael, I got you. I got extra sleepy now I'm just extra sleepy. But he says, listen, you got to do yourself a favor. Drop the kid off at school, get your ass over to my house. And then I'm going to give you this super amino acid shake with a double shot of mushrooms. Not the kind of mushrooms you're thinking about, but just like regular mushrooms. And then, then you're gonna try my shock D mat. And I'm like, your shock D mat? What is that? It's basically a bed of nails.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

And I'm like, that's one way to win.

[Brian Green]

That sounds refreshing. Let me take a dip in a bed of nails. What are you talking about, dude? And he's like, it's just Matt. That replicates the bed of nails. It's not really nails, but it's like nails, but it'll feel like nails. And I'm like, okay, I'm not. I don't know what. I got a bad back as it is, and I can go laying down on a bed of nails on purpose at 8:50 in the morning. So I get up there, I go, it's Hugs and kisses. Hey, how you doing? And it's been a minute since we've seen each other face to face. And so when I walk into the kitchen, Chelsea greets me, his wife greets me, and in the. At the door. And then we walk into the kitchen, and then Rafa is literally on the floor on this mat, and he's, like, zoned out, and he's like, oh, hey, brother. And Chelsea's like, do you want me to help you up? Because he's on this shock D mat, and he's like, no, no, no. Let me do it myself this time. And I'm like, if you have to be helped up from this mat, I'm not sure that's, like, the kind of bioh I'm looking for. I already need to be helped up in the mornings. You know what I'm saying? So he gets up, gingerly gets up, and then he turns around to put his shirt on because his shirt's off. He turns around to put his shirt on, and there are literally thousands of little pinpoints in his back. His back is bright red. I mean, bright red. Like, it hurts so bad to look at it now. I don't know, you know, if I want to even, like, touch to the thing, let alone lay on it. But he convinces me, and I, okay, I'm gay.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

Did you have to get naked?

[Brian Green]

I took my shirt off, which I'm sure is exactly what Chelsea wanted to see at 8:15 in the morning. A strange man in a strange man, but, you know, a very familiar man with his shirt off. That's not what I was looking for this morning, but okay, Brian, go for it. So I take my shirt off, and then he's telling me how to get on this mat where I should position my body, and I slowly start to lay down. But it's kind of one of those things, like jumping into a cold pool, which he does, by the way, also. He's like a cold plunge kind of guy, right? He's been taking cold showers for years now. And I'm like, dude, I get in a cold shower for one minute, and I'm done for the year. I'm like, that was cold. Please don't let my hot water go out, because I don't know that I'll survive. I'm like, 40 minutes in a hot shower kind of guy. That's what I am. He's like, no, Two minutes in a cold shower. That's all you need. And I'm like, oh, fuck. How do you even get clean in two minutes?

[Kristen Joy Ho]

He does not wash his legs?

[Brian Green]

No, he definitely doesn't wash his legs. So I start to, like, roll my back. You know, I. I sit down on my butt, and I start to roll my back on this. And the AM the pain level goes to 11 immediately. Because they really are like nails. They are. They are razor sharp. And I just roll my back down. Then I just kind of plop down on it because it hurts so bad. The first part hurts so bad that I'm like, it just get into it. So I kind of plop down on the mat, and he wants me to put it where my head goes on it too. I don't have any fucking hair, and so it's going right into the skin on the back of my head.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

Your scalp?

[Brian Green]

Yeah. And that part was very uncomfortable. Like, it hurt like a son of a bitch. So now he's, like, walking me through this whole experience, right? He's like, okay, a bunch of people tried this. Don't worry about it. You can make it a minute. You're doing good. You get in two minutes, you start to feel the pain will start to go away. A minute number three is going to be intense pain. And I'm like, this is an intense pain. Minute number three, I got to wait through three minutes to get more pain. What is this, a contraction or a shakti mat? I don't know what's going on here, but minute number four, it'll all start to melt away, and then you're gonna feel like a heat. Like a real heat sensation. And that's when the magic is happening. And I'm like, I'm pretty sure when your body is in pain, 11 out of 10, and it feels hot, that means you've been, like, bitten by a rattlesnake or something. That doesn't mean you're about to feel better. But, you know, he's convinced me that, you know, this is going to happen. And as if. As if he was inside my body. That's exactly what happened. Minute number one, completely uncomfortable. You want to jump out of your skin. Minute number two, a little bit better, but not great. Like, you're. You're go down to a nine. Minute number three, you jump up because now your body's really alive. There's a bunch of blood back there. The nerves are firing off. Minute number four, you start to numb out, and then you get this really hot sensation. And that hot sensation feels good, probably because you've been in intense pain for the last three and a half fucking minutes. And now your body's like, fudge. It let's just shut down all the receptors.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

Yeah, yeah. The pain receptors in your brain are like, nope, overload.

[Brian Green]

Oh, my God. And so. But then, Chrissy, we get to minute number seven. And now I'm feeling something that I really don't remember feeling before. It's not a narcotic feeling. It's not like I'm on drugs, but it is a wave of calm and. And. And. But in energy also. And now my eyes are starting to close and my arms are feeling floaty, and I'm like, wow, okay. And he's like, dude, just get it. If you can get to 10, just get to 10. You don't think we're going to get to 10 at the first time, but get to 10 if you can get to 10. I sail past 10. I'm into 12, 13. And I'm like, I don't want to get up. I want to, like, take a nap here. This is incredible. This feels really great. So I shocked he morning it. And then he's like, okay, you know, and then he's like, okay. Now at some point, I'm like, okay, I actually have things to do today, so I can't lay on the shock d mat all day making myself bleed. And so I said, can you help me up? Because I don't want to do this on my own. And so he helps me up. The nerves fire off again. There's another wave of pain, and then it goes away very quickly. Now you can feel that some. You know, you've been laying on this bed of nails. So he's like, all right, now it's time for the amino acid drink. You know? He's like, slam it. I'm like, I don't want to slam it. One of my three. I'm not gonna slam it. Yeah, shoot it. But it's a whole cup. It's like, you know, 14 ounces. So I drink it as fast as I feel comfortable doing it. 8:30 in the morning. And so I drink it, and then we just kind of wander around the house. He's showing me some stuff they did with the house or whatever. And Chrissy, like, I felt great. I felt. I was like, this is amazing. Something worked. Rafa has given me so many biohack tips. Some of them I've tried, and some of them I've just left by the wayside, like the cold plunge and all that. He was like, no, it's not for me. I'm telling you right now, it's completely uncomfortable. I'm not interested. I don't care if after six minutes, you feel better, I don't want to be in cold water for six minutes. But I'm telling you what, after all of the biohacks and all of the parties in the woods and all the whatevers and whatevers, he finally found something that I think, for me, personally, works. And I want one of those shock demons.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

Well, the real test is going to be here this afternoon, coming up soon.

[Brian Green]

Oh, no. I'm already feeling tired. I don't think. I don't think it. I'm saying it worked in that moment. You know what I'm saying? I think I need the shock. I think I need another round of the shock.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

Well, maybe that's what you do in the afternoon when you're feeling tired. That's when you jump on it.

[Brian Green]

He was telling me.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

And then all of your 30 kids will come.

[Brian Green]

Jump. Oh, my God. That was the thing. See, the funny thing about Rafa and Chelsea is we've known each other for so long, and they used to live in Costa Rica. When they moved back here to Atlanta, they had that dog, man, that dog. I swear to God, I was about to talk about a dog. And Blue's already jealous. They got a little puppy, like, one afternoon. We were all like, me.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

And I remember that little puppy, me.

[Brian Green]

And his family, like, wandering through some festive, like, afternoon festival in Duluth or somewhere. And this lady was selling dogs, like, selling Maltese dogs. So you had, like, five of them in this little cage. And she was like, oh, I'll give you one for $3,000 or whatever it was. And so they ended up picking one. They ended up picking a dog and grabbing it. They named that dog Suki. And so. But then they had to go back to Costa Rica at times for extended trips, like, week two, three, whatever. So I would either stay at the house. I was single at the time, very single. Nowhere close to being, you know, with anybody. And so they would ask it. They would just say, we're leaving. And I'd be like, oh, I'll watch Suki. So I would stay at their house. Come over to my house. Suki is adorable. A little Maltese, little fluff ball. And so Suki and I really bonded when she was a puppy. Puppy. And I loved her. And then I spent many years, we worked together, and I would go over to the house almost on a daily basis, and Suki would always be there. And Suki was my. Suki is my buddy. I was on that shock D mat. And when I came in the house, when I first got to the house, Suki was so excited to see me. Hadn't seen me in a year. She was, like, whimpering. She was, like, flipping all around, jumping on me, you know, licking my hand. And so spend some time petting her. And then I, I, I, I get on that Shakti mat in about seven minutes in. All of the sudden, you could hear Rafa going, no. And I look up, and Suki's like, mid air just coming for my gut. And I'm like, ah, it hurts so bad. It hurts so bad. I was like, ah, laughing talk or having dogs on your belly. Not a good idea. If you're on the Shakti mat.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

Yeah. Maybe do that in private.

[Brian Green]

No. Yeah. If I'm gonna be on that Shakti mat, it is definitely gonna be with that door locked. For sure. That biohacked worked. I like that. I'm giving that Shakti mat a shot.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

I might have, like, a brand. I might have to try it.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, I think they're like, you know, 40 to $80, depending on what, like, configuration you get. And they have different types of them where you can get one with a lot of needles in them or a lot of these. I don't know what they call them, but they're little round things that have sharp edges coming out of them. It's like, almost like it looks like a gear with sharp edges coming out. Get like, the light medium or heavy, and the heavy one apparently has one, like, every millimeter. And then the medium one has a more spaced out, and then the light one has a more spaced out. So anyway, whatever configuration you get, I'm gonna give a shout out to Shakti, man. I've only tried it once, but it made me feel wonderful. Maybe it was just I got to forget for 15 minutes about my life.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

That's what it is.

[Brian Green]

I know about the pain. That's right.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

Hey, whatever works, works. Now, I want you to try it when you feel tired.

[Brian Green]

Oh, my God. And, yeah, I'm going to try when I feel tired and see if, A, it puts me to sleep, or B, it wakes me back up. One of the two. I'm stuck to do it with my shirt on. That would probably feel better. What if I put, like, a pad on top of it and then I do it and then I fall asleep, and Astro's like, what are you doing?

[Kristen Joy Ho]

And I'm like, I'm on my Shakti time.

[Brian Green]

Shakti Shakti. You know, I'm a son of a bitch without my Shakti Shakti. I'm up to two hours. Hun be back in A minute. Oh, what if I just record myself saying oh and just loop it and then, oh, oh, Astro walks by and she's like, oh, yeah, the sound. Oh, he's on the shock dmat. Don't. Don't bother him. He's on the shock D, man. Meanwhile, I'm in here on like, you know, one of those mattresses you get in the mail. Like.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

Yeah, afternoon naps help as well.

[Brian Green]

Oh, my God, that's exactly right. I wish I was afforded afternoon naps sometimes. Sometimes it happens.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

A nap is. I been a big nap fan for a long time. My mom was a napper. My whole family's napper, not my dad, but my whole family were nappers. And I love a good nap. And I just need it for like 20, 30 minutes. That's it.

[Brian Green]

Yes. But it takes me about 20 or 30 minutes to get my brain in a position where it's nap time. Sometimes. Sometimes I'm so tired I just go in and I'm done. Right. But a lot of times it's like I got to spin out some of the. That's in my head. Especially like after we do a show or something. I'm always like, you know, rewinding the show. And so it takes a little bit, but let me tell you. Oh, it is it. Those, like 20 minute power naps. You know, Einstein only napped.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

Only napped.

[Brian Green]

He only napped.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

Y.

[Brian Green]

And I guess with a brain like that, you can't waste too much time if you're going to be blessed with that brain. I guess you don't want to waste too much time. But let me tell you a funny thing about this, about visiting Rafa and Chelsea. So Suki is running around like a mad woman. Then eventually she calms down and she's laying under this table that they have that. This right next to me on the Shakti mat. And at one point after I get up and I'm drinking this thing, she goes like that. And Chelsea's like, oh, Suki, stop it. And she looks at me and she goes, she's getting old. I think she's getting senile. She barked once and I. And I go, oh, what do you mean? Like, how old is she? She's 12, 13 years. Yeah, about 12, 13 years. And I go, but she just barked once. And she's like, I know, so annoying. Sorry, sorry about that. I apologize. And I'm like, you're fucking sorry about what? I go, that happens three times a second at my house. What are you talking about? It just made me realize how Miserable. All that barking is Suki. You should be ashamed of yourself. Yeah. Settle down to the crate for you for the rest of the day. How dare you talk out of turn. Meanwhile, I got perm. I got earplugs I wear around the house. Try and dry out the noise. Oh, my God. It did make me realize just how the situation is with Blue. Just how up it is. It did. It gave me a little bit of perspective. All right, I got lots of to talk about. It's going to be a fun episode. Stay tuned. We'll be right back. Thank you.

[Announcer]

Oh, my God, Christina, you're an icon and a legend. That's my impression of you when I tell you that you can officially get tickets to come see us in Florida. We'll be at Daniel Beach Improv on September 24th and the Funny Bone Orlando on September 25th. And both of those links are already in the show notes. So come see us and giggle your way into our little hearts. If you can't make it to Florida to win our love, don't worry. We're easy. All it takes is to follow us on Instagram at the commercial break and on TikTokCBpodcast. Or you can text us at 212-4333, TCB. And check out our website, tcbpodcast.com for all of our audio, video, content, and any sneaky links we.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

Brian just jumped on the shakti mat.

[Brian Green]

I just jumped on my shakti because I got a terrible headache while we were talking. I have to. I saw this real. You know that girl Adina Menzel?

[Kristen Joy Ho]

Yes.

[Brian Green]

The girl who sang Let it Go.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

Yes.

[Brian Green]

That song. That will never be out of any parents head for the rest of their lives.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

Right.

[Brian Green]

I mean, one of my daughters and I have daughters behind her, but the daughter, I mean, she just loves that song. Anytime we have on Spotify and it's her turn to play, it's nine times out of 10, it's let it Go. Right. Which is a beautiful song. It's a lovely song, you know, but when you've heard it for the seven millionth time, it's a little much. But this lady, Adina Menzel, who I know everybody knows has got a beautiful voice. She was in high school. Was she in High School Musical or what was that show?

[Kristen Joy Ho]

Now, I didn't watch Glee.

[Brian Green]

Was she in Glee?

[Kristen Joy Ho]

Maybe.

[Brian Green]

I think maybe she. I might be completely wrong about this. I don't want to be completely wrong about this. She's a lovely singer. Anyway, I saw a video where she goes down to Orlando Yeah, you look it up while I talk. I saw a video where she goes down to Orlando and does a live show. Because she goes out and she does. She tours because she's got this beautiful voice. And of course you're down in Orlando. You're in the land of Disney.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

Close to the Bone.

[Brian Green]

Close to the bone. I don't think she was at the bone. There's about 30,000 people there. But she might have been. She might be the shy. Who knows? Maybe she's playing the bone. She could be opening for us at the Bone after this performance I saw. So she is doing a performance of Let It Go down in Orlando where all the magic happens, where Let it go, you know, you get it. And she goes to hit that high note, right? You know? Yeah, whatever.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

The one.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, the one. You know, the one in the song. I'm not even trying to replicate it. No, it's like my headache worse. And she goes to hit it and she fails miserably. I mean, she's so off note. She's so out of tune. It's terrible. It sounds horrible. So then the video cuts. It's this. An audience member that's taking this video. The video cuts and she goes, I don't normally do this, but okay, Orlando, I'm going to take it from the top. We're going to try this again, right? She does it again. She fails miserably the second time. She's so off key. She's out. She just can't hit the note. Her voice is not going there. And this is like a professionally trained singer. She's, you know, she. You would think they practice this a few times in rehearsal. Yeah.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

I'm looking at her. Her list here, and I can't hurt her. It's very, very long.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, she's a Wicked. That's what she was in Wicked. Okay. The original version of Wicked on Broadway. Okay. So she does it a third time. Can't do it. Does it a fourth time. Can't do it. Does it a fifth time. Cannot do it. All the while making jokes. And so finally she's like, listen, it's a hard song to sing and it's really hard to sing live. But no one is being. No one's upset. They're kind of laughing at this point, right? And she's like, you do it. How about you do it? Right? And so they. The band plays Let It Go and the audience hits it dead on. I mean, like, however many people are there. It looked like an arena to me. So let's say 12 or 13,000 people, they hit it. And I mean, they hit it well. It was like, oh, wow. Some singers in that audience, they hit it well. But then she just kind of laughs it off. Off. How professional is it to just, like, seize the moment where you're obviously, your instrument is your voice and your voice is not doing great? Compare that with, like, Corey Feldman. Yeah.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

Who just like, we still don't know if he is the joke. He knows he's the joke.

[Brian Green]

I don't.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

Doing the joke. Or if he's on the joke.

[Brian Green]

I know this episode has not aired yet. Like, as we're saying this, this episode has not aired yet. But we had a debate with one of our celebrity guests who will be coming up very shortly. She did an interview with Corey Feld. She knew him. They grew up in the same. They were in the same kind of acting circles. And I. She interviewed him recently, and I said, is he in on the joke or is he not in on the joke? And she goes, well, listen to the interview that I did and you'll figure it out. But I think he knows, right? He must, because he's not dumb. He reads the comments. He sees the things he does. You know, he's not dumb. The question is, does he mistakenly still believe that he's got the talent or does he just keep going, riding the wave. Riding the wave. Either or is not wrong.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

He's on tour with Smash.

[Brian Green]

He's on tour with Limp Bizkit, Smash Mouth.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

We just saw Smash Mouth.

[Brian Green]

Sorry. Smash Mouth is six feet under.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

Sorry.

[Brian Green]

That guy died. Well, another great gone. Kurt Cobain, Jimi Hendrix, Janice Joplin, Sinead o', Connor, Prince, the guy from Smash Mouth. I don't mean to make fun.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

That's who Corey's on tour with.

[Brian Green]

Oh, yeah. He's on tour with the remaining members of Smash Mouth, which I think pretty much were. The one guy from Smash Mouth. Anybody can name, first of all, the singer from Smash Mouth. Second of all, any of the other members of Smash Mouth. It's like, does anybody know the Blowfish? You know who Hootie is, But does anybody know the Blowfish? Yeah.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

Darius Rucker.

[Brian Green]

No, I know, but who's the Blowfish?

[Kristen Joy Ho]

Oh, right. Cause he was Hooty.

[Brian Green]

Who are the Blowfish? I actually don't think he was Hootie. I think he said one time, I'm not Hooty. And I was about to say, that's a. I don't know. I don't know about that name. Where did you go to School, Ole miss. Got it. 104. Speaking of old Miss. Anyway, Corey Feldman. I got, I'm building a Corey Feldman breakdown of all of these appearances that he's doing. And what gets me every time is that every concert he does does what he calls a shred, where he does a guitar solo for like three and a half minutes. It is obvious to anyone that has ever picked up a guitar with any kind of like musicality whatsoever that this is not a shred. This is him just plucking the strings while his fingers go up and down like, like a three year old, right? And so that makes me think he must be pranking us all. Like one of these days he's gonna come out and he's gonna, I don't know, he's gonna be like, like, I, I don't know, he's, he's gonna put out like a Wu Tang album or something. He's the missing member of Wu Tang. I don't know.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

I hope so.

[Brian Green]

Speaking of old miss, it is officially rush season. Yes, it is rush and dorm season. And man, do I love it. I'm here for it. I'm here for it because I can't believe how spoiled these children have become. They, I, I, I don't. Listen, I get it. You want to make your room as comfortable as possible. You want to make sure that it's got all the trimmings and accoutrements that you might be used to. But some of these room makeovers are donkey. They go nuts. This isn't like when in, at my age. And even though I never had a dorm room because I never really went to college, even though I never had a dorm room, I went to dorm rooms, lots of them. And they tended to be just like IKEA pieces of front, like beds that were there. IKEA pieces of furniture that were clearly Bob Marley posters. That's it. A black light, maybe, maybe a glow poster somewhere, right? If you were a female, then maybe you just dialed it up a little bit more. You had like some, I don't know, some furry pens sticking out of a cup. That was nice or something like that.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

Furry pillow.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, furry pillow. But now they got like, you know, flat screen TVs, they got thousand dollar mattresses, they got, you know, headboards that cost more than my house. They installing cabinetry and closets. And I saw one that someone built like a, you know, an ensuite. They basically built like a 7 by 7 shower. I swear to God, Chrissy, it's insane. And you're only there typically for One year, maybe two. But I don't think they let you go much past soft career, do they, in the dorms? Not most colleges, because they got a new crew coming in. They got.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

Exactly.

[Brian Green]

You got to go find your own place. Now we got you. You got to find play place to stay. Now you can drink. So get out of our dorms legally, anyway. But these things are crazy. And I'm just like. Because I. Last year, I got all into Bama Rush. Now I'm getting served all this content, these transformations of these rooms, and it's just insane. They must spend 10,000, 20,000, $30,000 through it.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

How much did you spend on it?

[Kristen Joy Ho]

I mean.

[Brian Green]

I mean, tell me, like, an actual dollar amount.

[Announcer]

Yeah.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

I mean, we didn't go too crazy, but. Yeah, when we did, like, the mattress topper and the, you know, the new sheets, bedstreads that we did do, the tv, but that was because we had an extra tv, and so we gave that over. You do want to do some shelving, that kind of thing. However, we did pass some rooms that people were going like, the parents are there all day long. You know, hooking up, setting up, building, whatever, completely transforming these places.

[Brian Green]

And here's the problem. And it's not because I'm angry with you. I don't. You know, I wish that I could live the. The life that you're living. I really do. I wish I had less responsibility, less bills, and more dorm nights. Like, I mean, that's just the truth. Right. I wish I could go to frat parties and hang out and go to cool concerts and do cool things on campus without all the book stuff or, you know, be taking tests and like that. But I. I do.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

A lot of kids do that their freshman year.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, of course. That's fresh. Freshman year, four. Yeah. That's why a gap year is never a bad thing. Right. Right. Unless you're like me and you just. The gap here becomes a gap. Four decades.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

Gap life.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, gap life. Gap life.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

We need to start.

[Brian Green]

That's gap life. Hashtag gap life. Hashtag gap decade or two. Astrid, make that a sticker. Write that down. No, don't write it down. Write it somewhere.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

I'll write it in the notebook.

[Brian Green]

Write it in the notebook so you remember that. Gap life. Okay, so if you have a gap life like I do, then you're. Then you. Yeah, I'm a little bit jealous of all the, you know, wonderful plushings that you have in your fucking shit. But here's why I'm really upset, because now I Got a kid that's going to big school and big school means lockers. Right. And I don't mean like he's in a, like high school or something like that. I mean he's just in a school but they give him a cubby and then when they get to a certain grade then they give them a locker. Right. So in two years he's going to have a locker. Right now he has a cubby. Cubby. But there are already parents who are taking cues from this trend of decking out everything in thousand dollar cocoa Chanel leather.

[Announcer]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

Having a, you know, espresso machine and a bullet a ninja in your cubby so that you get your daily nutrients. I mean, I swear to God, like, you know, they have Japanese vending machines in some of these Venju them a shock demat when you're taking need a nap. It's crazy. So there are now parents that I've been seeing do this for these lockers with the children. I don't mind like some, you know, I don't know, some old Christmas wrapping paper you have. That looks cool. Put that around the thing and dangle a little cute little disco ball. Cool. But when you're literally like put installing chargers and cabinetry and all this target has a whole section for, for locker decorations. What? What do you know? My guitar. You know what my locker looked like? It looked like the locker of a kid who was about to drop out of high school. That's what it looked like.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

I had a shelf. That was it.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. I had, I didn't, I didn't have anything. I didn't buy anything for it. I literally put my book bag down. I threw my, I had one of those big lockers in high school.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

And I would just throw my books on top of top, throw my book back down on the bottom. There were one time I went to school. I think it was my freshman year. I went to school and I found a grilled cheese sandwich from day one. On the last day cleaning that up.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

I was just like in the bag.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. In a brown paper bag, all greased out and all that. By the way, Velveeta cheese lasts a year. Yeah.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

Okay.

[Brian Green]

I, I what, what I don't care for is that now I have to keep up with the Joneses.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

You do something, you're going to have to.

[Brian Green]

I'm the, I don't know, install a transformer in there or something. Yeah. And I'm not one of those dads. I mean luckily Astrid's here, but I'm not One of those dads. I'm not like, cutesy like that. Hey, son. They're going to put, you know, I don't know.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

Wait. I have a solution. I just thought of this. All you have to do is time Daniel's visit. I, I. You can wick up, wick up. Whip up something real quick.

[Brian Green]

True, true. If we rely on Daniel, it might be Jack Daniels and antique guns, But Astrid will do something cutesy. Especially when the girls start going to school and they get their lockers. Yeah, it's going to be a whole different thing then. I mean, it's just like you're renting a. It's like you're renting a room at the school and it's called your locker and you can do whatever you want with it. It is literally insane. I mean, to be fair, the school that my son is going to, it's rather tame. It's not that crazy. But I'm thinking to myself, like, you have to hire an interior decorator for these lockers. Now. That's what you have. Yeah.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

You know, those are the Cubbies getting decked out too.

[Brian Green]

No, the Cubbies don't get decked out. Now you can put a little sticker like, you know, they can come off like a little magnet sticker or whatever. Whatever they call. Yeah, a little decal on their name.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

We should bring in 21 EPM sticker.

[Brian Green]

Oh, yeah, the kids are gonna love that. Wait till the parents find out who his daddy is. Best to you. 21 ePms. What does that mean? Electrical pulses per minute. We have a show. The commercial break is a show about electronic signs. You know those commercial signs you see outside? Commercial signs? Don't even bother listening. No one does. Haven't made an episode in two hours. Haven't made a new episode in seven minutes. Why would you. It's stale as soon as it goes out the door.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

21 EPMs.

[Brian Green]

Oh, yes. That's a, that's a classic. I would never.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

Or the one, the terrific Teresa Caputo one with your face.

[Brian Green]

Oh, yeah, yeah. With my face on it. You know, that's good.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

Poor kid.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, poor kid.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

That's my daddy.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. Kids are gonna start putting them on their backpacks. Look at this idiot. That's my daddy. Your daddy is an old Jewish woman from New Jersey with a beard. That's kind of weird.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

I'm victoring it back.

[Brian Green]

Yes. You know those old, those Bama girls, they, they. I, I'm not even kidding. I'm sure that some of these people hired interior decorators to Help them out. They must have. I don't think any. Everybody is Joanna Gaines. I saw one with Shiplap on the goddamn. I was like, shiplap? They put ship lap up. That's a thing. You could put Shiplap on dorm room walls. No way. Yeah, but you know the Bama Rush girls, they hire those consultants to help them get in and I sure hope they do a Bama Rush too. I mean, but I. I can't imagine anybody would volunteer to be a part of that after. After Bama rush 1. I can't imagine anybody would volunteer to be in a Netflix documentary about that. But it is so fascinating. You know, I saw is Heather McMahon.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

Oh, yeah, love her.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. She put together a reel where there was old pictures of her at Old miss and she. It was something about, you know, one time there was a legend and that legend existed on your campus. And for one night only, she will be coming back. And please bring Blue down there with her and leave her there. You know what you can get for your dorm room? A little Yorkie. Her name is Blue. Chibi. Hey, listen, don't worry. None of the frat guys will with you. This guy, this girl right here, she'll keep them way away. However, you may get kicked out after two days.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

Yeah, noise complaint.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. This girl is no Suki sue, that's for sure. Yep, yep, yep, yep. But go on the reels and check out the check out. I'm waiting for the Rush material to start coming out. I'm sure that my algorithm will find it. My algorithm is on fluke right now. It is so fantastic. I am being served up zero views, zero hearts, zero shares kind of content on a regular basis. And I have perfected the Instagram and TikTok algorithm. Perfected. I love this to the point where it, you know, there's a lot of people on this earth and not all of them are well. And some of them, Possibly one of the funniest and truest things I said on this show.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

None of them are well. Not. Some of them are not well.

[Brian Green]

You know, like, you know, like famous musicians will say, I don't know how. I don't know how I played that solo. Like, God just came down and filled my hand. God just filled my mouth. There are a lot of people those are. Some of them are not well. And all of the ones that are not well are on TikTok.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

Okay?

[Brian Green]

And Instagram. And now they have found my inbox. Yes. It is fucking insane. Chrissy. I. There's this guy and I. He's got one reel that's probably got. I don't know, that's. I think it was. Last time I saw it, it was at like 7,000, 8,000 views. Which, listen, is way better than the commercial break has ever done. So I'm not here to throw stones, but he's got one. So he had one, like, almost semi. A little bit viral for him, probably very viral. And he. He videotapes himself in the gym all the time. Now the gym looks like a big apartment building gym, but there's always people in the gym. There's always somebody in the gym with him, you know, so it's a. It's got to be a big building. And the way that this guy. This guy always has some kind of like,'80s serial T shirt on, but not like those trendy ones you get at wherever Spencer's Gifts or something like that. We're talking actual serial T shirts from the 1980s. These. When he could fit in them. And his gut is just hanging out like this. He's got these big horn rim glasses. I mean, it's obvious that the guy. Something is not well. Something is not well with the guy, but I don't know if he realizes that he is creating some of the greatest Instagram content I have ever seen. The other day, he takes. And he'll always put the name of the exercise that he's doing, which is. It's just made up. Like, I mean, it's not real. The other day it was bar shoulder rolls. And I'm like, okay, bar shoulder rolls. Like, you know, you roll.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

Yeah, yeah.

[Brian Green]

You take the bar, you put some weights on it, you do some shoulder rolls, right.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

Strengthen up your. Whatever that muscle is.

[Brian Green]

He is taking this heavy, you know, the big, heavy weightlifter. Empty bars.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

And he's rolling them over his shoulder behind his back, but it keeps falling, and he keeps falling. He's doing this for like six and a half minutes. And I just could not stop laughing. I was like, oh, my God, this guy is brilliant. And then he comes up to the camera and he'll be like, do it yourself. Like what? Do it yourself. He says some kind of like, halfway inspirational kind of mode. Do yourself. Okay, buddy. Someone's gonna get hurt. And there's always someone in the background, like, looking at him for a second, but then they just kind of move on, which makes me believe that he's such a regular at this institution that they're not even bothered by his presence anymore. They just know he's Bob.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

Bob.

[Brian Green]

The other day, he had two Big dumb dumbbells. And I'm gonna say there was like maybe £40 on each. And. And. And he said. He said floor rolls. And I was like, floor rolls? What are those? Like, I was thinking, like, you go, like, you try and do a. Like a push up, but then you roll out with £40 and you roll back in with it. So you're really working your pecs, right? No, he takes his leg and he rolls and he takes his other leg and he pushes it across another three feet. He keeps on doing it over and over again. He's kicking the dumbbells across the floor. Floor rolls, floor rolls. And then, you know, try it at home. Do it yourself. Try it at home.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

Wow.

[Brian Green]

Good in shape. I'm gonna see if I can find this guy. Oh, my God, he's brilliant. Okay, let's take a break and then we'll be back.

[Announcer]

You already know who it is, Christina, here to keep you actually informed. Un. We know, Brian. I've got certified, verified factual information about our Florida shows. So listen up. We are coming to Danya beach improv on Tuesday, September 24, and the Funny Bone in Orlando on Wednesday, September 25. And links to those tickets are in the show notes, so go get them. In other completely new and interesting news, you should follow us on Instagram at the commercial break and on TikTok@TCB podcast, podcast. And of course, go to our website, tcbpodcast.com for all of our audio and video content. And finally, if you want to tell Brian and Chrissy that I am a pretty, pretty princess or that you hate me, text us or leave us a voicemail at 212-4333, TCB. That's 212-433-382.

[Brian Green]

Two. I was not kidding.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

You're right.

[Brian Green]

Not kidding.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

You're right.

[Brian Green]

Oh, this one says barbell flow. Let me turn off the music here. So I'm not. Okay, his name is. I don't want to say his name. Yeah, okay, here. Pistol squat. He's sitting in a chair that kicking up his leg. Ready? Watch out.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

That looks like he's wearing pajama pants.

[Brian Green]

He is wearing pajama pants and he's got a teenage mute. He's just said fuck. He sat down and said fuck.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

Yeah, you can tell he's filming it too from, like, the floor. Just do a regular pisted.

[Brian Green]

This has got 58 likes. Okay, look here. He puts Noah. Noah Lyle. That guy doing the. Oh, no, this is the hurdle guy. He does. Oh, here. He's about to do some Floor rolls.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

Oh, my God.

[Brian Green]

Olympics. Fitness accountability is what he. Fitness accountability. Look at this, look at this. He's got one on his leg. Oh, my God. He has tied a barbell to his leg and he's trying to lift it up onto his foot. Oh, my God. This is awesome. Oh, you'll forever be a hero. Oh, God damn. Chrissy. My. My algorithm is just so important to me. I don't know what I'd do without it. I have. I have crafted that thing over years and years and years.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

Yes, you have.

[Brian Green]

It's no longer when you hit the search button, do you see all girl micro bikinis with moose knuckles. It's no longer that. Now you get a good mix of a lot of things. You'll still get an occasional micro bikini, but I've tried to wean those down.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

You know, AI girls.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, it's just the. That's right. It's just the AI girls that you follow forever and ever. Oh, my gosh. I wanted to talk about this funny thing that happened to me the other day. What is going on? Is there an actual earthquake or is.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

That just one in LA?

[Brian Green]

15 children running up and down the hallway at the exact same time?

[Announcer]

Yes.

[Brian Green]

Oh my God. I ran into my bathroom the other day. I had been taking this. I know this is gonna sound dumb the second that I say it, but okay, I'm gonna say it. I'll just tell you what it is. Every. Jeez, Every time that my in laws come into town, they bring me medication from Venezuela. The medication is they bring it like, they'll bring amoxicillin, they'll bring penic. Because you can buy it right off the store shelves there. So they just buy it and they say, oh, here, if you need it. I mean, I prefer to get a prescription, but okay, I can see under certain circumstances, there has been an occasion where someone has been sick with like, you can clearly see like an ear infection, like stuff draining out of your ear. Okay. Give them some. Start them on amoxicillin while we wait for two days to get to the doctor or whatever so they're not in so much pain. But then they also bring this stuff. And I'm not going to name it by name, but let's call it Covid. Kobe. It's Kay. And they bring this Kobe. And it is a non narcotic muscle relaxant with ibuprofen mixed in.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

Sounds good.

[Brian Green]

So they brought it to me one time knowing that I was having a. A back issue and I won't take narcotic pain Medication or anything like that. So they bring it to me and they say, you can get this over the counter there. It's really good. A lot of people swear by it, whatever. So I take it. Lo and behold, I have a good night's sleep. I wake up the next day, I feel a little bit better. So then every time they come now, they bring me four or five boxes, pieces of this stuff. And so you know that I've been having a lot of trouble with my back and my hip lately. And I won't take like narcotic muscle relaxers. Just. I'm just. Not because I'm against it, but because I'm so old, it affects me. It feels like a bad hangover for four days if I take one flexer reel. So I'm like, let me take some Kobe. So, right? So I take Kobe and I take it every night for like two weeks because my. I'm really hurting. But I know that it helps me sleep a little bit better because it relaxes my muscles in my trunk, which is, you know, my trunk, my big dick, my big pole vaulting dick, my AI, my aik. So I'm running down the hallway with the kids the other day. Running, running, running, running, running up and down, up and down, up and down. And I shouldn't be doing that in the first place, but okay, I have kids. I can't stop living life. And I step into my bathroom and it feels like I'm falling on a. Like a roller coaster. Like one of those free fall roller coasters. For at least a good three seconds. It feels like the floor is falling, like I'm dropping. Like the floor is falling out from under me. And I'm like, whoa. And then for the next hour, I am so twisted up. I feel like I'm on a boat. Like, it's like literally rocking back and forth. And I am so discombobulated. For the next hour, I don't really tell Asteroid because I don't really know what's going on. I'm always not telling Astro and then ending up in the hospital. So way too late, right? The doctor will be like, well, why didn't you come two hours ago? Well, I don't know. I thought the heart attack had already happened. I thought the worst of the heart attack was over. So it was the weirdest sensation. So then I go googling this call bay. I'm like, okay, I never really googled to see what this is all about. I mean, I did, but I did a cursory just to make sure it Wasn't like something super dangerous. And then it's like, may affect your DNA. May cause your DNA to change. And I'm like, what DNA? Never take it for more than three days in a row. You know, it's all these, like, black box warnings. And I'm like, holy. You can buy this over the counter in Venezuela. Yes, you can. And it's got all these warnings. And one of them is that taking it for too long may indeed cause you to get all twirled up in your head like it might cause this weird sensation. And I was like, oh, that's good. So I had to stop taking that, too. So now I don't have any. Now I just have ibuprofen that. Okay, so here's a funny or whatever.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

Bed. Yeah.

[Brian Green]

In my shakti. Ah, he must be doing his shakti. Meanwhile, I'm in here blowing rails. Whoa. Shucking.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

That'll help your tiredness.

[Brian Green]

Oh, yeah, yeah, that's good. I'm afraid to take Flexeril, but blowing rails, that's good. I've had enough flex ril to kill a horse in my life. Okay. That's not the story that I wanted to tell you, though. The other day, we went out to town. Our lovely, lovely neighbors. The. The neighbor lottery that we hit with the people that live.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

You really did.

[Brian Green]

Unbelievable. And now we're all good friends, and we love each other and we do anything for each other. They're the kind of people that I would absolutely trust to come in my home and open my safe and get something out of it for me. You know what I'm saying? That that's that kind of neighbor relationship. It's almost friends. Like, only we call each other before we come over because it's 20, 24, and no one just really just comes over and opens the door anymore. So. So while we were gone, they did a few things for us. We had a few packages show up we didn't expect. We had some mail that was whatever. You know, the things take the trash cans back into the house or whatever. And so they have always done super nice stuff for us. Like, they bring presents for the kids, Christmas. They remember birthdays. They do super duper sweet stuff that I, quite frankly, I don't expect girlfriends to do for me after a while. Like, after a while, I'm like, if you remember my birthday, that's a plus. Us. But they do it. They're so kind and generous and thoughtful. So for once in my miserable, selfish life, I'm like, astrid, we need to do something nice.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

Because they have been so good to us, and we can't let this one slide. We got to make sure we do something. We do it quickly. I don't know what in the hell is going on outside, but it sounds bad. It sounds like someone's running out of the house because there's a fire. I don't know if you can hear it on the microphone. I'm probably sure you can. Anyway, so I say, hey, we gotta just do something. Just something little. All right, well, so they have, like, extreme food allergies in the family. And so we can't, like. We thought about crumble cookies. Now that doesn't work. Blah, blah, blah. So what we settle on is a nice pie, like dessert from a bakery and a card. And their daughter is getting ready to go off to college to live in a dorm also. So we say, why don't we give the dessert to say thank you? But then also. Also think about this. What must be a tough moment for everybody involved, a transition moment for everybody involved. And give her some cash, a little bit of cash, so that she. Or a gift card so she can go and get something nice for herself.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

That's sweet.

[Brian Green]

We thought about things we could get, but then some of them were just. Ended up being creepy and all this other stuff.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

Yeah, he second guess yourself completely out of it to a gift card.

[Brian Green]

That's right. So my beautiful wife and I just celebrated eight years of marriage.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

That's right.

[Brian Green]

Last year, week. And, you know, it's eight years of marriage. And Astrid and I are not like, big. We're not Valentine's Day people. Anniversaries, you know, you celebrate with a kiss, a hug, a touching memory, whatever. You don't.

[Announcer]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

You know, and sometimes we go on a trip, but that's now with kids. That's not that. We can't do that all the time. So I just. I'm sharing this moment because I want you to know that my wife and I exchanged some words and cards and stuff like that beautifully written card from Astronomy. Astrid. Anyway, so Astrid goes out to go see a movie the other day. The other night, Friday night. And I watch the kids. And it's 7:15, 7:30, pie sitting in the refrigerator, card sitting on the table. And I see the neighbors out there doing the lawn. You see where this is going? I'm out there doing the lawn. Okay. All right. So I can't wait. So my neighbor and his son, his teenage son, you know, I wave, wave on the back deck, and they come over and we're all chitting chatting, shooting the. Yeah, catching up, whatever. Big boy. School. Oh, yeah, he's going to new school. Oh, my God, you're already a junior in high school. Whatever. Okay. Blah, blah, blah. Yeah, good to see you. Yeah, we haven't seen him that much this summer. You have a good summer. Yeah. Thanks for doing all that stuff. Yeah, no problem. All right. Hey, before you leave, I got something for you. And I got something for your daughter. So I go, I run in, I grab the car card, I put it on top of the pie, I give it to him, my neighbor, and then they go inside. Within seven minutes, he says, I'm not sure, but I think I might have gotten the wrong card. And I was like. I look on the counter, and in a same similar envelope, but with the neighbor's daughter's name on it, is sitting on the kitchen table. And the other one just said nothing. It was blank. It was the same type of envelope, but it was blank. And I was like, oh, embarrassing moment to be. To be sure, but there wasn't anything too crazy in there. But it was like, you know, once a prince rode into town and found a lovely girl, and he took her off into the sunset to marry the. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, Whatever. It was lovely card given to me by Astrid. So I'm so embarrassed, but I'm like, okay, just a little blah, blah, blah, you know, whatever. Yeah. So he said, I'm gonna put it on the back deck. I said, no, I go run out there, I exchange cards. I said, sorry. And he kind of goes, yeah, okay, no problem. You know, runs back inside. And I run back inside in sight. And as I'm closing the door, I'm like, oh. He just. I just gave that card to him and told him it was for his daughter.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

Wait, it was Astrid's card?

[Brian Green]

It was Astrid's card to me. But it was like, it's. It was like it could have been from any lover to any lover. It was like, you know, I don't know. Once upon a time, there were star across lovers across the fence who loved each other but couldn't talk about the relationship because it was forbidden by the king. But then she finally ran off into the sunset and he chased her. Yes. Into the dorm room where they had spent entirely too much money on Etsy. And they lived out their days making children and telling the king, you. I was like, oh, my God. Oh, my God. Thank God it wasn't like, thank God astronomer write anything, like, super sexually explicit. Yeah, I know, right?

[Kristen Joy Ho]

When you penetrated, man.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. Remember when I penetrated you, and life was grand. We did it behind your parents back on the beach that one time. Great. Here's a picture of our love jollies meeting for the first time. Say hi to your dad. It wasn't anything like that, but I was like, oh, kidding me. It was a three page card, and the handwriting wasn't until the last page page. So she could have easily opened that and started reading it and been like, oh, hey, dad. I. I didn't know. Mr. Green, Mr. Our neighbor over there. Thank God my window's on the opposite side of the house, because I think Brian's loss is marbles. I swear to God. But you're finally 18. Ah, adulthood.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

Flower blooms.

[Brian Green]

Yes. Flower blooms. One. One is opening and one is shriveling. Yet somehow our love persists. Well, at least I don't believe it was taken that way. Give this pie to your daughter with this card. Send my regards. Tell her not to open it until you're long gone.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

Till she gets to the dorm.

[Brian Green]

I'm glad I didn't say some stupid shit like that, because that's totally my style. Give it to her. Tell her to open it when she's in her dorm. She'll know why. Alone. She'll know why. Yes. After you guys leave. Tell her she knows what to do with it. That she knows what to do. Tell her to call me if she needs that special code. If she needs the receipts. I got it.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

Yes, the neighbors. And now you're stalking.

[Brian Green]

Now I'm stalking their daughter. Thank God no one listens to. To this show that I know. No, they're such lovely people, and I really am, you know, grateful that we know them very well and they knew that it was just a mess up and that it said dear Brian and love Astor, and it didn't say, you know, exactly, dear this person. Love Brian.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

Now, you might have caused a fight, because now the wife may be like, let me see that.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, let me. What is that? Look at the way.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

Look at the way that he's telling her.

[Brian Green]

Yeah.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

Look how they look, how romantic they are.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. Or maybe he's like, wow, she never does that for me. Exactly. All I get is a request to cut the lawn again. Not anymore, buddy. You're almost free. You're almost an empty nut. I actually. I actually almost cried the other day because we were talking about his daughter leaving the house, and he was like, it's tough, man. This is tough. I got to be honest. I'm holding back the tears. And then I was thinking about how few Thousand days, years I have left, right?

[Kristen Joy Ho]

You're like, I want to be there.

[Brian Green]

I wish I was there. All right, you know where you wish you're going to be? At the Bone at the Bone down in Orlando on the 25th of September. On the 24th of September, we're going to be a Daniel Point. Daniel Be Beach Improv. Sorry, I keep messing that up. Dania Beach Improv. So you can go to the Funny Bone Orlando website. You go to the Dania Beach Improv website. You can get your tickets directly there. You can get them from a link on our website or a link on Instagram. Please only buy them from those three links for whatever reason that anybody would want to scam you out of commercial break tickets, I don't know, but it's apparently it's happening a lot. So be careful. Be mindful of where you buy them at and we'll see you there. 202-12-4333 TCB. That's 212-433-3822. Questions, comments, concerns, content, ideas. Let us know if you're going to be at those shows. We would love to meet you and say hello and all that good stuff. After the show is over, we'll be entirely too wrecked. Ahead of the show, we'll be getting wrecked. Add the commercial break on Instagram. Please follow us like and subscribe all that good stuff on our YouTube channel. YouTube.com the commercial break and the tick tock is alive at TCB podcast. Yeah, it's alive all right, Chrissy. I guess that's all I can do for today, so. But I'll tell you that I love you.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

I love you.

[Brian Green]

Best to you, best to you and best for you out there on the podcast universe. Until next time, Chrissy. And I must say, we will say, and we do say goodbye.