Habeas Pump'em!

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Commercial Break – Episode "Habeas Pump'em!"

Release Date: April 29, 2025
Title: Habeas Pump'em!
Hosts: Bryan Green and Krissy Hoadley
Format: Improv-comedy, interview, and variety

---

Introduction

In the episode titled "Habeas Pump'em!", hosts Bryan Green and Krissy Hoadley dive deep into a mix of comedic banter, satirical commentary, and engaging conversations touching on faith, scandals, and personal anecdotes. True to their style, the duo balances humor with insightful discussions, creating an entertaining and thought-provoking listen.

Feature Segment: Pastor Pattycake and the Exorcism Craze

The episode kicks off with a segment featuring Deborah Flitzflats reporting on local events in Crabapple. She introduces Pastor Rockwell Pattycake, a self-proclaimed "certified Instagram exorcist," who has been stirring excitement in the community with his unconventional methods.

• Deborah Flitzflats [02:04]: "He's here to perform miracles on the locals, exorcise demons and grow his flock... one local woman who had been suffering from the demon itch has been reportedly cured after pastor Pattycake, quote, splashed his holy waters into my barren shores."

The segment humorously highlights Pastor Pattycake's blend of modern social media influence with traditional exorcism practices, culminating in a chaotic yet amusing portrayal of his infomercial-style book signing and his introduction of the "holy meme coin," Bitcake.

Discussion: The Death of the Pope and the Papal Conclave

Transitioning from local exorcisms to global religious affairs, Bryan and Krissy engage in a spirited discussion about the recent death of the Pope and the ensuing papal conclave. Their conversation oscillates between serious reflections on the Catholic Church's handling of sexual abuse scandals and satirical takes on religious traditions.

• Bryan Green [04:39]: "On this episode of The Commercial Break, if no pope is elected, chemicals are added to make it black. If a pope is elected, chemicals are added to make it white. Habeas pompum. We have a pope."

The hosts delve into the complexities of the Catholic Church's reputation, especially concerning the widespread sexual abuse cases. Bryan provides a candid critique of the Church's attempts at reform, emphasizing the persistent issues despite official apologies.

• Bryan Green [09:25]: "The Catholic Church has vast amounts of wealth. The wealthiest country in the world is... the Vatican. They own more real estate than any other entity in the world."

Krissy and Bryan also discuss the traditions of the papal conclave, expressing both fascination and frustration with its secrecy and the prolonged process of electing a new pope.

• Krissy Hoadley [16:22]: "They have up to four ballots per day... It’s one of the most mysterious club events in the world."

Their banter is interspersed with humorous remarks about the rituals surrounding the conclave, showcasing their trademark chaotic and unpolished charm.

Caller Segment: Sean from South Georgia Shares Wildlife Tales

In a lively caller segment, longtime listener Sean Morris from South Georgia joins the conversation to share his experiences in wildlife removal. Bryan and Chris (Joy) engage with Sean, who narrates tales of dealing with beavers, alligators, and other critters threatening local habitats.

• Sean Morris [50:14]: "I've got to carry a pistol... people have to understand I'm only removing two or three beavers and there's thousands in the swamps."

Sean's stories provide a grounded contrast to the earlier discussions, highlighting real-life challenges and adding depth to the episode's varied topics. His anecdotes about encounters with wildlife, such as alligators and water moccasins, bring a mix of tension and humor, engaging listeners with vivid storytelling.

• Sean Morris [57:43]: "I was sitting trapping, and I heard this little chirp... I saw a nest down in the bank with five baby alligators."

The hosts express their appreciation for Sean, acknowledging the bravery and dedication required in his line of work.

Conclusion: Looking Ahead and Engaging with Listeners

As the episode wraps up, Bryan and Krissy reflect on the diverse topics covered, from local miracles to global religious affairs and personal wildlife encounters. They encourage listeners to engage with the show through calls and texts, hinting at future episodes and special events.

• Bryan Green [63:04]: "12 hours of TCB May 31st... Stay tuned for more information brought to you by The Commercial Break."

The hosts maintain their signature blend of humor and sincerity, leaving listeners with a sense of community and anticipation for upcoming content.

Notable Quotes

• Bryan Green [04:39]: "Habeas pompum. We have a pope."
• Sean Morris [57:43]: "I saw a nest down in the bank with five baby alligators."
• Bryan Green [09:25]: "The Catholic Church has vast amounts of wealth... the Vatican owns more real estate than any other entity in the world."

---

Episode Highlights:

• Pastor Pattycake's Modern Exorcism Methods: A comedic take on blending traditional exorcism with social media influence.
• Critical Discussion on the Catholic Church: Honest conversations about the Church's handling of scandals and its global impact.
• Engaging Listener Stories: Sean Morris shares gripping and humorous experiences from wildlife removal in South Georgia.
• Interactive Elements: Encouragement for listeners to participate through calls and texts, fostering a sense of community.

Final Thoughts:

"Habeas Pump'em!" exemplifies The Commercial Break's ability to weave together humor, satire, and genuine discussion. Bryan and Krissy's dynamic interplay ensures a captivating listen, whether tackling serious topics or enjoying lighthearted storytelling. This episode is a quintessential example of why the podcast resonates with its audience, offering a unique blend of entertainment and relatability.

Transcript

[Brian Green]

This episode is sponsored by Discover. If there's one thing we've learned from the entertainment industry, it's just how easy it is to earn a reputation, even if it doesn't reflect who you really are. For example, everyone thinks that Discover is a card that isn't widely accepted, but in reality, it's accepted at 99% of places that take credit cards nationwide. Yeah, 99%. So maybe now you'll think twice before judging a book by its cover. Unless it's a celebrity cookbook. In that case, judge away. Based on the February 2024 Nelson Report. Learn more at discover dot slash credit card. This episode is sponsored in part by Liquid IV. I love a beach trip and I'm going on one. Can you hear in my voice just how excited I am to get out of this studio? That family beach trip is right around the corner and there will be no rest for the weary there either. We will be running around fun in the sun and I will be bringing along some Liquid IV to help get the most out of these old bones on warm beach days. Liquid IV helps me stay hydrated so I can take on the activities and feel better for longer. Liquid IV is easy to use, it's convenient and it tastes great and I'll certainly have some in my bag that I'm taking to the beach. There's true to fruit flavors to keep me hydrated. Flavors like lemon, lime or pina colada with their hydration multiplier. Or if I want to keep my beach body slim and trim, I'll use a sugar free flavor like raspberry lemonade, white peach or rainbow sherbet. It's got an optimized ratio of electrolytes, essential vitamins and clinically tested nutrients that turn ordinary water into extraordinary hydration. Get ready for the summer with extraordinary hydration from Liquid IV. Get 20 off your first order of Liquid IV when you go to LiquidIV.com and use the code COMMERCIAL at checkout. That's 20% off your first order with code COMMERCIAL@Liquid IV.com get that bathing suit out, pack a bag, throw in some Liquid IV and take on the summer with extraordinary hydration. Liquid IV.com and use the code commercial. Thanks to Liquid IV for being a sponsor of the commercial break.

[Deborah Flitzflats]

And welcome back to WSHIT's focus on community. I'm Deborah Flitzflats. I'll be taking you around town to show you what's going down. Excitement grows this week in Crabapple as pastor and certified Instagram exorcist Rockwell Pattycake visits The township. He's here to perform miracles on the locals, exorcise demons and grow his flock. And following on TikTok and YouTube. While pastor Pattycake does not have a home church of his own, he can be found on all his social handles at Pattycake Pattycake bakersman. One local woman who had been suffering from the demon itch has been reportedly cured after pastor Pattycake, quote, splashed his holy waters into my barren shores. Pastor Pattycake then went on to perform a miracle exorcism while visiting the local evangelical church located right here on southwest pebbles avenue. The living word of faith and baptismal charisma, fellowship of the new holy life, assembly of God, deeper bible and liturgy, Church of Luke. I had an opportunity to witness some of the service services. Here's what one of those exorcisms sounded like from inside the church.

[Brian Green]

A demon came with his penis and put it in my mouth. And.

[Chris Hoadley]

And then he tried.

[Brian Green]

He came again and he slept with me last week. And I. I told the pastor that I need deliverance again.

[Chris Hoadley]

And since then, my private part has been itching.

[Brian Green]

Yes, look at demo. Look, look. Oral sex. Oral sex. Demo. You see? Oral sex. Look, Oral sex. Look, look, look, look.

[Chris Hoadley]

You.

[Brian Green]

You. Oral sex. You. Oral sex. Let the sperm of that man out. Out, out, you demo.

[Deborah Flitzflats]

Pastor Pattycake then went on to sign copies of his new book for a small donation fee and gave worshipers an exclusive opportunity to buy his new holy meme, coin bitcake. Pastor pattycake explained that all those who walk with the lord can get a little closer to God by buying and holding bitcake for as long as possible. When asked how one might get closer to the lord by buying bitcake, the pastor went on to explain that this allows him to fly on his own personal jet, putting him closer to the heavens where he can more clearly talk to God. He explained that the restrooms on public flights are an unholy mess and that the food served is often not worthy of a man of God. I'm not sure how all those who attend church will take that explanation, but it made perfect sense to this reporter. We'll have lots more community news when we return from this commercial break.

[Brian Green]

On this episode of the commercial break, if no pope is elected, chemicals are added to make it black. If a pope is elected, chemicals are added to make it white. Habeas pompum. We have a pope. Habeas pompum. Pompum pompum. The outcome.

[Joy Hoadley]

Conclave.

[Brian Green]

In the conclave. We're pumping them in the conclave. That's what we're doing. That's my.

[Joy Hoadley]

We're children.

[Brian Green]

My. I know. We're three. Pump them in the conclave. Drop the papers. Drop the pum pum. The next episode of the commercial break starts now. Oh, yeah. Cats and kittens, welcome back to the the commercial break. I'm Brian Green. This is my dear friend and the co host of this show, Chris and Joy Hoadley. Best to you, Chris.

[Joy Hoadley]

Best to you, Brian.

[Brian Green]

Best to you out there in the podcast universe. Thanks for joining us. You know, we haven't talked a lot about since it happened. It's the death of the Pope.

[Joy Hoadley]

That's right.

[Brian Green]

Which happened, you know, probably a week ago as we're talking about it now, as you're listening to it now.

[Joy Hoadley]

Yeah, I thought he was on the upswing because, you know, he was sick. He was in the hospital, he got out.

[Brian Green]

He was on the upswing because he decided to meet with J.D.

[Joy Hoadley]

Bay.

[Brian Green]

I mean, of all the people. But listen, the Pope is, that's what the Pope's job. The Pope's job is to take all comers as a reformed Irish Catholic. Right. And if you listen to this show, then you know that, you know, the organized religion is not my favorite thing in the world because I, I just think it's gone off the rails a little bit. Not all religions, not all churches, not all things. I'm not putting everybody, not throwing the baby out with the bathwater, but, you know, in general, the new version of Jesus that a lot of Christians subscribe to, AI Jesus. AI Jesus. What I am.

[Joy Hoadley]

How's that going, by the way?

[Brian Green]

It's going great. I've got a private jet. I'm AI Jesus. I've got an AI jet. And I shit on migrants. And I love rich people. AI Jesus. Do you think Jesus would have been poor if he could have been? No. The new version of Jesus that people, that some people are subscribing to, especially some of these, like evangelicals, and it's just Pentecostal. It's insane. It's insane. It's insane that, you know. Anyway, I don't want to get into it. I don't want to make it political.

[Joy Hoadley]

We could go on and on.

[Brian Green]

We could go on and on. And I do go on and on. If you listen to the beginning of the show, there's enough satire in those bits for a whole episode. But the Pope has, traditionally, at least since Pope John Paul, I think, has tried to play the role of peacemaker and world delegate, ambassador to the world world, so to speak. The Catholic Church certainly has A trail of bloody tears behind it. But there are. But some popes, I think have done some good. Pope John Paul II was the pope when I was a kid, and he was revered.

[Joy Hoadley]

I mean, I'm not Catholic and didn't grow up Catholic or knowing even a lot about the Catholic religion. But I do remember him. And he was a long. Around for a long time.

[Brian Green]

Long time. I think. I think for like 40 years or something. I don't know for. I don't know for sure. But I do remember that, like, in my grandma's house, there was a picture of the Pope. And my family was not particularly religious, went to church. Yeah. But it wasn't like we were sitting and we had the priests. My grandma would have the priests over for dinner all the time, and they smoked cigarettes and got drunk. I mean, that's just what priests in Chicago did back then, Irish Catholic priests. But there was a picture of the pope on the wall, of Pope John Paul on the wall, and that's how revered he was. He was seen as a real peacemaker, a real gentle giant. So to spe, you know, this pope was known as an everyman pope. He was kind of. He did not live in the papal palace. He lived in an apartment still in the Vatican. I mean, it wasn't like the guy was, you know, slumming it, but he was living in a very small apartment outside of the papal palace. He felt like that kept him more connected and grounded to the people that he was serving. He was known as. As a person who changed dogma. Almost all the cardinals who are in place now were handpicked by that. By that last pope. But the pope had just passed away, and he was seen as a real change from Pope Benedict, who was kind of more of a dogmatic man, and he was more the pomp and circumstance kind of guy. Towed the line. And Pope Benedict was one of the few that retired before. Yeah, that was like a weird thing, right, that he would actually decide to go.

[Joy Hoadley]

Scandal happening.

[Brian Green]

A lot of scandal. Well, I mean, say the word Catholic Church. And there's one thing that comes to everybody in the United States mind, especially in America, probably in England, maybe in Ireland. The thing that comes to mind is the crazy and incredible vast amounts of sexual abuse that went on in the church, including to members of my family. So I know this story very well. I'm affected by it. Not me personally, not what it didn't happen to me, to be clear. But it was. It was terrible and it was pervasive. And it went on for a Very long time. So this Pope pushed back against that. He made kind of an apology. Ish about all of it. He took no shit. He didn't want to hear about it. It needed to be changed. They weren't now gonna take priests who were accused of terrible sexual abuses and scoot them from one parish to the next parish. Right.

[Joy Hoadley]

Because that's what was happening right there, was moving them around.

[Brian Green]

That's what they did.

[Joy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

You know, my father and I, we got into the movie Conclave.

[Joy Hoadley]

Oh, yeah. So you saw it?

[Brian Green]

I did not see it, but my father and I. I think I mentioned this. We got into a disagreement about the movie Conclave because he said that Conclave, the movie. He kind of gave away the ending, which sucked. But he. We were talking about Conclave, the Academy Awards, and he said that he felt that the leftist media was pushing this, like, homosexual agenda through the movie Conclave, basically, and that he didn't believe that, blah, blah, that the ending was unrealistic. And what. And I said, dad, you didn't. You don't think that the Catholic Church and the Pope would like, you know, cover up some homosexual tendencies amongst priests or cardinals? And then my dad said something that kind of like. I don't know, it almost negated his argument, so to speak, when he said, for years and years and years, the Catholic Church was a place where homosexuals went to hide. That's what you did when. Because the Church did not condone. Still does not condone homosexuality in any way, shape or form. And people who had homosexual tendencies went to church. They became priests. That's what they did. Because they wanted to atone for their sins and push them down. The Catholic Church is. There's a lot of guilt in being a Catholic. It's just the way that. It's the way the Catholic Church stays in power. My opinion. That's how it goes. Right. If you are born with sin and you're always sinning and you're a sinner and you have to repent in front of these other, you know, people who have a direct connection to God or whatever, they have the power to wipe it all. I don't know. It's all about hokey pokey bullshit, if you ask me. And so, yes, I think that was true, is that the Catholic Church and especially priests who probably had knew that they were homosexuals, decided to go into priesthood because they felt like that would be their service to the Lord for the sin that they were, the sins that they were carrying. But like any sexual predilection, you if it's. If it's just burning inside of you and there's no outlet. I'm not giving excuse here, but holy shit, you know, secrets have to be kept. Things get done in silence and in the dark. And then people become targets and victims and people become victims and don't say anything because God will smite you. And all this other that went on. God, it's crazy. Yeah, I know it's like it. And I'm glad that I was never affected by any of that, quite frankly, because I was an altar boy. The altar boys were the first targets because they were the closest to the priests and spent time with the priests alone and defrocking and fracking and holy shit, you know, deboning. I don't even know what the fuck went on. Deboning. And, and it. And it was bad and it was pervasive and it went on in almost like every single archdiocese in the United States of America. The Catholic Church has spent billions and billions of dollars trying to cover it up. Then billions of billions of dol. Paying people back, you know, paying people restitution. And it just keeps coming, scandal after scandal, you know, people still suing the Catholic Church to this day. This Pope said no more. We're not hiding this anymore. If they do it, you go to the law enforcement. That's what you do. Let them handle it. It's for them to deal with. And you know, it's another little washing of the hands there. But at least it was a step in the right direction where Pope Benedict, I think, just kind of kept the COVID up going, right? There were noted sexual abusers who just kept scooting from one place to the other until they were retired to the priestly home in the sky or some. Some fucking villa in Italy or some shit like that. I mean, the Catholic Church has vast amounts of wealth. Vast amounts of wealth. The wealthiest country in the world is. It's not the United States of America. It's the fucking Vatican. That's what it is. They own more real estate than any other entity in the world. Big real estate dollars, right? And all the. I went to the Vatican faster than I did.

[Joy Hoadley]

I've been twice. Yeah, it's amazing.

[Brian Green]

It is dripping in gold.

[Joy Hoadley]

Well, yeah, the art, all of the arts and all of the. Yeah, it's crazy.

[Brian Green]

One crazy square foot on One wall of St. Peter's Basilica is worth more than any of us will make combined. Elon Musk is like paubre compared to the wealth that the Catholic Church has just at the Vatican that's it. It's amazing. It's immense. But millions and millions and millions of people across the world look to the Pope for their.

[Joy Hoadley]

Yes, he just delivered the Easter.

[Brian Green]

He was there. He said happy Easter, but he did not give the eulogy. The eulogy.

[Joy Hoadley]

God.

[Brian Green]

Sorry about that little slip of the tongue, Rya. He said happy Easter, but the last words, apparently, were to his personal medical assistant. When he said, thank you for taking me on a ride around the square. They put him in the Popemobile. He wanted to go on a ride around the square and talk to the. See the people because he was a man of the people. So this guy, you know, really kind of a man of the people. And you can see why people are sad that. That he's gone. And now the great debate starts. The Conclave.

[Joy Hoadley]

Yes, it does.

[Brian Green]

Which we went through the last one. I went through the. We saw the one for Pope Benedict. We went through the last one that I think took some time. Actually. I think it took a couple weeks or something like that. And the puff of smoke and the. I don't know if they ring their balls or their bells or whatever. I don't know what goes on.

[Joy Hoadley]

Well, everybody gets shut in, and then they don't do the smoke until a new Pope has been decided. You've really got to watch comedy.

[Brian Green]

Isn't it like white smoke until it's. And then black smoke indicates that it's a Pope, or is it black smoke and then white smoke indicates. Oh, right, yeah, yeah. Black smoke and then white smoke indicates that it. That they've decided on a new Pope.

[Joy Hoadley]

I think that's like, they take a.

[Brian Green]

Different color smoke, they take a vote, and if the. If they haven't decided, if there isn't a majority, then they puff a black smoke, and then if they did, then it's a puff of white smoke or something along those lines. That conclave, way more than Augusta national, is probably the most mysterious club event in the world. And Augusta national is pretty fucking secretive. Like, I'm talking about the place where they hold the Masters. But this is like thousands of years of tradition and weirdness and strangeness and odd things happening in the closed doors where no one's allowed unless you're a cardinal. And I. What I wouldn't give to just like, I think, 20, 25, it's time we stream this on Twitch. Do you know what I'm saying? I really do. Let's see what goes on. Let's see how they talk about. Let's see all the little intricacies of all of this, you know, thousands of years of tradition and dogma and whatever the hell goes on back there.

[Joy Hoadley]

Watch the movie.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, I do want to watch a.

[Joy Hoadley]

True representation of what happens now. Yeah. The end is different. I don't know.

[Chris Hoadley]

You'll.

[Joy Hoadley]

I'm very interested to see what you think. I don't think there's any kind of homosexual thing being pushed at all.

[Brian Green]

This is my dad being my dad. This is my dad watching too much of something. You know, I don't know.

[Joy Hoadley]

There's a twist in the end, for sure. But.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, he says that twist is like, whatever. You know, it's. My dad's a good guy. He's just like, sometimes.

[Joy Hoadley]

Oh, I know. It happens to the best.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. We're all getting old.

[Joy Hoadley]

Elderly.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. You know, I saw Patton Oswald say something very interesting. Patton Oswald said, I don't harp on cancel culture. He's. And I don't jump in on it. And I'll tell you why is because all of us, if we live long enough, will eventually say something that'll come back and bite us in the ass for cancel culture. And it. And it's true. Right? You grow up and the things are a certain way, and then they change, but you don't change as quick as it might change, or you don't change at all. And then all of a sudden, you're the bad guy. I just. That's just the way it was back then. It's like when. When we were talking to Meredith from the office, right. And we were sharing that, you know, teasing is something that we all grew up doing and getting. We all teased each other. That's how it worked. And if you lived with more than one sibling, then you knew that teasing was just a way of communication. But now it's like, you know, you're arrested for teasing. It's like. It's a little bit. It's a little bit on the strange side.

[Joy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

But this conclave will be interesting. And how the Church chooses to move and what direction they choose to move.

[Joy Hoadley]

Is always more towards the progressive side. Again, because speaking of, like, homosexual talk with the Church, I think didn't this. The current Pope that decided. He's came out and said it was okay gay marriage was okay?

[Brian Green]

He didn't say that. He said that under certain circumstances. And I'm sorry. I don't mean to sound like, harsh at you, but.

[Joy Hoadley]

No, you're the expert.

[Brian Green]

I don't know if I'm an expert, but I do. I did. I do keep, like, a little, you know, I Hear something about the Pope, and because of my upbringing, it's like perked my ears up a little bit.

[Joy Hoadley]

He was more sympathetic.

[Brian Green]

He was more sympathetic. And what he said was, in certain circumstances, gay couples can be blessed in the Catholic Church in certain circumstances. What those circumstances were, I don't.

[Chris Hoadley]

Are.

[Brian Green]

I don't know. And I don't know why it has to be circumstances. Maybe they both have to be Catholic or practicing Catholic or whatever. There's a lot of rules around getting married and getting divorced and all that other.

[Joy Hoadley]

It's.

[Brian Green]

Quite frankly, it's a little ridiculous. It's a little ridiculous because if you take the teachings of Jesus on its face value.

[Joy Hoadley]

Yes.

[Brian Green]

Let's not go with, you know, if you touch the penis of a goat, then you have to chop your arm off. And all this other crazy Bible dogma that a lot of people get into. If you just take it at face value, take what Jesus said at face value. Do unto others.

[Joy Hoadley]

That's the.

[Brian Green]

That's it.

[Joy Hoadley]

First rule that.

[Brian Green]

The first and last rule follow that you're good. Good.

[Joy Hoadley]

You're good, right?

[Brian Green]

Yeah. If you do unto others as you would do to yourself, as you would.

[Joy Hoadley]

Wish other people would do, to be treated.

[Brian Green]

That's. And you treat other people like that in any circumst. Yeah, any person. Right. Colorblind, cash blind, whatever. Murderers, rapers, robbists, lepers and all, like, take all comers. That's it. Treat them the way you want to be treated and lest ye be judged. That's it. It's like, it's really pretty easy. It's very hard to do in real life, but it's pretty easy. So if you take all the other dogma out of it, what a blessing to have that teaching as a human being. What a blessing to have that guidance as a human being. But if you take all of the dogma and you start really reading the Bible and taking it as if it's a fucking menu at Cheesecake Factory and you're supposed to follow every rule and word and menu item is supposed to be on the plate, then you're a nut. Nik. I don't know what else to say. It's 2,000 years ago that some of these things were written. It doesn't. It's not applicable. It's not applicable to what's happening in 2025, nor should it be. It's just the way that it is. Humanity has changed. We all grew up.

[Joy Hoadley]

And so now I'm thinking about that show the Pope. Sorry, I've drifted off the new Pope. The one that was Young Pope. The Young Pope.

[Brian Green]

The Young Pope.

[Joy Hoadley]

I want to see that now. Were you the one that was telling.

[Brian Green]

Me it was so good? The Young Pope.

[Joy Hoadley]

Okay.

[Brian Green]

What a great fucking fantastic show.

[Joy Hoadley]

Oh, is it multiple seasons or was it four seasons?

[Brian Green]

I think.

[Joy Hoadley]

Okay, I'm going to.

[Brian Green]

I think it's three or seasons. I watched it during the pandemic, right when we were starting this show. I was getting into the new pope and it was ending its run, but I had started from the beginning. What a fucking fantastic, stylized. Certainly don't watch it. If you, like, are really into the dogma of the pope and cath and catechism. You're not going to be a big new the Young Pope fan. But what a fantastic show. Played to the tee and really shows you what would happen if there was a young Pope. A young Pope, but a young pope.

[Joy Hoadley]

Who is also in now times.

[Brian Green]

Or was it in now times.

[Joy Hoadley]

Okay.

[Brian Green]

But who is also cunning and conniving. You know, he's a little bit of a. Like a. An anti hero, so to speak. Right? And there's a lot of sex in the movie. In it. And because a lot of temptation. Listen, that's the other thing about the fucking priests and the pope and the cardinals and all that other stuff. Do you really need to be celibate? Is that really a thing you have to do? I mean, haven't we gotten out? Gotten. Can we grow up a little bit and just understand there's so many other religions that don't adhere to this one dumb rule that I think causes a lot of fucking drama, if I'm being honest. Let a priest shake it out every once in a while. 21 EPMs. Let him go. Just let him go.

[Joy Hoadley]

For health reasons, if nothing else.

[Brian Green]

Yes, for health reasons, if for nothing else. For health reasons, for sanity, for mental health, for just. For the betterment of man in general. For the betterment of the church in general. Let the priests get married and fornicate. Who fucking cares? Some people even believe that Jesus was not celibate. As a matter of fact, the last temptation of Christ is they're coming out with the last temptation of Christ too. I'm not sure we need one, but now they have two, which is about just that. That there is some historical backing to believe that Jesus, in fact, was in love, did have sex, was a man of the. He was a man. He was a man. You know what I'm saying? No sheep balls here. This guy was going at it. And listen, I don't know. Who knows what do I. I'm not Jesus. I wasn't around then. But I can tell you this. If we got rid of that one dumb rule, if the Catholics got rid of that, what's the reason?

[Joy Hoadley]

You marry God or something?

[Brian Green]

Yeah, you marry God. You know, Mary was a virgin, you're a virgin. We're all virgins. It's like your vow to God that there's only one you'll lust after, and that's the who. Fucking honestly. Come on.

[Deborah Flitzflats]

Really?

[Brian Green]

They're not gods. They're just men and people. And while we're at it, let a few women get the fucking frog. Yes, let's do that. Yes. Yeah, I guarantee we wouldn't have so many shenanigans going on if women were in charge. I'm not saying it would have all gone away because there's women who, you know, have predilections too. But I'm just saying, you know, it would have been a whole different situation. I think we could get some women to slap some of those guys around. You know what I'm saying?

[Joy Hoadley]

Episcopal. Aren't that. Isn't that very close to Catholic or something?

[Brian Green]

Well, Episcopals are Christians. Christian Christianity, Big umbrella.

[Joy Hoadley]

No, I know.

[Brian Green]

Believe in Christ. And then there's a billion different fucking versions of that right up to and including Mormons, which.

[Joy Hoadley]

Okay, anyway, maybe we should switch from this topic.

[Brian Green]

No, I love it. I like talking about this. I think it's great. I think it's an interesting conversation. But listen again. But whatever you choose to do, that's on you.

[Joy Hoadley]

Yes, you do. You.

[Brian Green]

You do. You. All right, let's take a break. We'll be back.

[Rachel]

Why don't you text us and we can text back and then you can text us and reply, then so on. It's a fun little game I've been playing, and I think you'll be great at it. 212-4333, TCB. That's 212-433-3822. You could leave a message, too. If you do, maybe you'll end up being the voice of the show.

[Brian Green]

But.

[Rachel]

But be warned, the pay is not great. You could go to the website and drop us an email. Also tcbpodcast.com and while you're there, you can get a free sticker. Who doesn't want a free sticker? Just go to the contact us button and ask for one. Follow us on Insta at the commercial break and watch the [e-mail] the commercial break. Now I'm gonna go back to that texting game. You wanna play? Come on. Bye.

[Brian Green]

This episode is sponsored by one of our favorites, Squarespace. I was having a conversation with my brother Patrick the other day about all of the challenges and hurdles that come with being an entrepreneur. Making revenue is just one of many things you have to deal with when you're starting or scaling a business. So when I find a tool that helps me knock down multiple bullet points on the to do list of entrepreneurship, I get excited to share. And that's why Squarespace is a tool that we use ourselves. Squarespace is an all in one website platform designed to help you stand out and succeed online. Whether you're just going into business for yourself or you're scaling a business you've had for a while, Squarespace gives you all the tools you need to claim your domain, showcase your offerings and get paid. Squarespace allows you to have cutting edge design even if you're not a designer with their blueprint AI and you get SEO tools. Search engine optimization is not something on the wish list anymore. It's a must. Squarespace has integrated search engine optimization tools to help you get noticed when people are searching for your product or service online. And of course, once you get those customers, you're going to need to nurture that relationship over time. Squarespace email campaigns gives you all the tools you need to engage with your client, promote your services and grow your revenue. Head to squarespace.com commercial for a free trial and when you're ready to launch, use the offer code commercial to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. We use Squarespace. We love Squarespace. We endorse Squarespace, and we thank Squarespace for being a sponsor of the commercial break. Hey all you cats and kittens out there in the podcast universe, I want to tell you about Rule breakers with Soraya. It's a new podcast from our partners at Odyssey that celebrates the rebels, the risk takers, and the ones who make their own way. It's these people who audition often change the lives of the people around them and the world at large. And while in the moment it may be hard to see the forest through the trees, those rule breakers often define what it means to be a success. Each week, former wrestling superstar Saraya sits down with the boldest voices in sports, entertainment and beyond to talk about breaking barriers, defying expectations, and rewriting the rules. They're talking about it all the fights, the failures, and the moments that changed everything. You can follow and listen to Rule breakers with Saraya on the free Odyssey app or wherever you get your podcast and here, here. To the rule breakers for keeping life interesting.

[Chris Hoadley]

I've been counted out, dismissed, passed over, told I'd never be a golfer with just one arm. But the only thing that feels better than proving people wrong is out driving them. I'm 14 year old golfer Tommy Morrissey and I want to be remembered for.

[Brian Green]

My ability as a champion partner of the Masters. Bank of America supports everyone determined to find out what's possible in golf and in life. What would you like the power to do? Bank of America bank of America NA Member FDIC Copyright 2025 bank of America Corporation. All rights reserved. Yeah, I mean if you go like, if you do the, like the. CNN has, CNN has a great, like.

[Joy Hoadley]

Ooh, I have to watch that.

[Brian Green]

They have a whole series on the popes, right? And so. And on Sirius XM they have a CNN Originals channel.

[Joy Hoadley]

Yeah, yeah, CNN Originals.

[Brian Green]

All they do is just run the audio from those originals and they do the popes and yeah, those pope going to put that.

[Joy Hoadley]

My notes.

[Brian Green]

They were having kids.

[Joy Hoadley]

They were, yeah, they were babies.

[Brian Green]

They were running alcohol. I mean these guys were doing everything. Yeah, they're just people that said. All right, so the Conclave explained by chat GPT not the movie Conclave is private confidential meeting. Most famously it is termed for the papal conclave where cardinals of the Roman Catholic Church gather to elect a new pope who's involved. Only cardinals under the age of 80 are allowed to vote. The number of electors is capped at 120. When it happens after a pope dies or resigns, such as Pope Benedict, there's a mourning period and then the cardinals meet in Rome, specifically at this Sistine Chapel. Not a bad place to spend a couple of weeks if you ask me. That Sistine Chapel is beautiful. No matter how you feel about religion, it's gorgeous.

[Joy Hoadley]

Some of those popes too are in the Vatican, buried under there. Jeff and I went down in there and saw their tombs.

[Brian Green]

Yes, I did too. It's like wild. Yeah, it is wild. And the cat. The papal library. The Vatican library.

[Joy Hoadley]

Yeah, yeah, that's a big one.

[Brian Green]

Is in. It's like down 200ft underground. It's like nuclear proof.

[Joy Hoadley]

Yes.

[Brian Green]

And you can't get in. I mean certain historians and researchers and stuff like that can get in, but you have to be blessed to get in. And if you get in there, all eyes are on you because you're not touching anything they don't want you to touch. You're not looking anywhere they don't want you to look. And you certainly ain't taking Nothing. Home. This isn't a place where you check out the books. You got to go there. Some people spend their entire lives looking through that library just to do research on one particular subject. I love old libraries because they keep books from, like, the Egyptian times.

[Joy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

They have, like, papyrus, right? They have, like, writing on papyrus.

[Joy Hoadley]

That's stuff from all over the world.

[Brian Green]

From all over the world. And you think they have 33 P's original songwriting.

[Joy Hoadley]

One can only hope.

[Brian Green]

One can only imagine. I mean, the Congress, the Library of Congress written on my Papyrus 33P or.

[Joy Hoadley]

On the back of a Dick Tracy poster.

[Brian Green]

Somebody signed up. The word conclave comes from the Latin term conclave, which means with a key. That's why it's secret. The cardinals are locked in and cut off from the outside world. No phones, no contact at all. No exceptions. Secrecy is strictly enforced. They even sweep for electronic bugs daily. Jeez. Wow. I mean, but that Italian press is.

[Joy Hoadley]

Really known to be pretty sneaky.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, they're hounds. Yeah. And it's all about the Vatican. I mean, it's in Italy, so it's in Rome, So it's all about. Well, I mean, technically, it's his own country, but you get it. The voting process. The voting is done by secret ballot. The candidate must receive two thirds majority to be elected. There are up to four ballots per day. Two in the morning, two in the afternoon. The smoke signals. After each round of voting, the ballots are burned. If no pope is elected, chemicals are added to make it black. If a pope is elected, chemicals are added to make it white. Habeas pompum. We have a pope. Habeas pompum. Pompom.

[Joy Hoadley]

Pomp Em the outcome in the cumclave.

[Brian Green]

In the cumclave. We're pompin. Em in the cumclave. That's what we're doing. That's my.

[Joy Hoadley]

We're children.

[Brian Green]

My. I know. We're three Dads. Pump them in the cockpit. Drop the papers. Drop the pom pom.

[Joy Hoadley]

Drop the black spot.

[Brian Green]

Drop the black spot. We have a new pop. Hey. Me is pompom. And people really do get excited about this. I mean, people go crazy. There's old ladies who are gonna be sitting out in front of that Sistine Chapel for the entirety of that conclave. And it could take months. You'd never know. I mean, I think when Benedict was elected, if I remember correctly, it was like, two months we were waiting for that. New.

[Joy Hoadley]

Was it.

[Brian Green]

I think so. I think it was a really long time we were waiting for that, for that announcement.

[Joy Hoadley]

I feel like when my sister and I went to Italy, there was something going on.

[Brian Green]

Then you went during the conclave.

[Joy Hoadley]

Well, I don't think it had. Maybe it had just happened. There was a buzz about it.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, there's always something going on at that Vatican. It's always crowded. We. I mean, yeah, we bought like the fast pass or whatever. We bought that fast pass.

[Joy Hoadley]

Well, we did too. With like a tour guide.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, we did. Yeah.

[Joy Hoadley]

Small group.

[Brian Green]

We just said, hey, listen. Well, we went on the website and it's like, you know, wait in line, $5 and then only six.

[Joy Hoadley]

But it's a long line. I was glad I got the fast.

[Brian Green]

Oh, me too. That line was huge. Yeah, but you can go like they have private tour groups and those tour groups.

[Joy Hoadley]

That's what I did with Jeff and Kelly and I did it. We just did it on our own.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, you just get in the group and then you leave the group once you get in there, which is what we did. We just kind of left the group. Who cares? No one cares. And they say you gotta stick in the group together, going in the door. And then if you choose to go off on your own, then just keep your badge on you.

[Joy Hoadley]

But they have interesting information. They give you.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, they do. I mean, listen, it's a full blown museum. That's a part of how the. The Vatican makes its money.

[Joy Hoadley]

The map room was really cool. That map, that map hallway. They've got all those maps, those old maps from all over the years. What you thought the world.

[Brian Green]

The nine hundreds.

[Joy Hoadley]

Yes.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. When map making started, I mean, it's really. If you, if you ever get a chance to go to Rome, first of all, it's as if you're at Epcot, but it's all real. It's really quite intense to go to Rome for the first time because everything is older than Jesus himself.

[Joy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

And a lot of it's ruins.

[Joy Hoadley]

There's a lot of ruins.

[Brian Green]

There's ruins right in the middle of the middle of the city.

[Joy Hoadley]

You can just walk by them.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, you're touching a wall and it's from the Roman Empire and the Colosseum. All the stuff just popping out of the, out of the wall, it just pops out of the ground. It's like, oh, shit, that's a column from the Coliseum. It's all intense, it's all great. And then you go into the Vatican and it's just crazy. It's not big. It's not. It's like a small, very small town, but it is highly guarded, very dense. There's you can see cardinals just walking around, nuns, priests. I mean, it's just like, it's so busy at any given time. And once you get inside of the Vatican, once you get inside of the building where, if you're going to the Papal Museum or wherever you're going, once you get inside, it's crazy that you are surrounded by more money than you will ever be, surrounded by more money than Fort Knox 10, 10 times. And you know it, because maps from the year 702 don't exactly pop up everywhere. You know what I'm saying? But the Catholic Church has kept it. It's. It would be immensely sad if anything ever happened to that treasure trove of history. But then again, it's like it's an embarrassment of riches in a lot of ways, because this one religion controls all of this history. It's all there. It's all being controlled by the Catholic Church. And what they choose to do with it so far is mostly transparent. I know they have a lot of secrets, but it's mostly transparent. And you can go see it. And I think that's doing a great service to the. To the world, is that you can go see these things and people can study them and historians can look at them. What I really want to get to the bottom of and the things that really interest me are around the story of Jesus, him, the Noah's Ark, the Ark of the Covenant, Jesus, the Shroud of Turin, stuff like that. Like, all that really interests me. Me too, because I want to know if any of it is. Is real. You know, they say that the last. The last cup of Christ. The cup of Christ, the chalice of Christ, right? The cup that he drank out of in the Last Supper is in a church in Valencia, Spain. And you can go to this church and for a donation, you can walk and see the last chalice of Christ, right? The cup that Christ supposedly drank out of at the Last Supper. And while I'm not a particularly religious person, the weight of the moment, the weight of staring at it is pretty intense even. It's probably not true. The last cup of Christ is certainly not sitting at a church, a public church in Valencia, Spain. That's not true. But just the thought that it might be is pretty interesting. And when you look at it, you're like, wow, did. Did a guy named Jesus Christ really touch that? And then you see all these other artifacts when you walk in the Sistine Chapel or you walk into the Papal Museum or whatever it is, it's intense. The weight of it is intense. If you have any interest in history, then you know just how heavy the gravitas that some of these artifacts really hold. It's like walking into the Louvre and seeing King Tut, you know, it's like, holy shit. Yeah.

[Joy Hoadley]

Speaking of, I love all the pyramid stuff. That's even before.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, that's alien type shit. Yeah, that's Joe Rogan alien type shit. That's really intense. Yeah. When you go to the Louvre is another one where it is a literal graveyard of wealth. It is immensely big, it is immensely deep, it is immensely full of riches and art that you will never in a million lifetimes get to see the Louvre. When Astrid and I went to the Louvre, we've been a couple times. When we went to the Louvre for the first time. The Louvre, if you don't mind, Chrissy. We went to the Louvre for the first time. I thought, no pro. Let's go for the day. Let's get there at 8 o'clock in the morning when awake. When it. And we'll have lunch there because they got a couple restaurants and we'll have lunch there and we'll just do it. We'll go see everything there is to see. We'll walk through it real quick. Holy shit.

[Joy Hoadley]

Right?

[Brian Green]

You can't get through one wing of the Louvre in a day. You can't get through it in a week. Not one wing. And there's like seven wings of the Louvre. It's crazy how much art and artifacts and crazy stuff they have at the Louvre. Same with the Vatican. So, you know, listen, the conclave is on and we'll see what happens. I'm really excited to conclave on. I know I'm going to be reading all the Italian, you know, paparazzi rags in English. I'm excited. I'm gonna be translating Chappie. Last time there was like, some drama. There was some, like, papal boy was sleeping with one of the cardinals. I remember it was a whole thing. Yeah, they caught him coming out of an apart. Like the Italian press caught this, like, you know, altar boy coming out of one of the cardinal's rooms. And it was scandal and he had to apologize for his misgivings. I'd like to think it's just a party when they close the doors, you know what I'm saying? They turn on.

[Joy Hoadley]

Bring out the good wine.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. They turn on some Bruno Mars and they get dancing. I mean, come on.

[Joy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

All of those guys, they say they don't let people over 80 vote, but so then, therefore, it's between 75 and 80 that you vote because all those guys are so old. Yeah, probably the bathrooms there must get a workout because they're probably. I got some pee. That's probably why it takes so long to pick a pope. Everyone's got a pee every five minutes. Might be they're all old. I'd like them to see them pick a pope of a different race. That's what I'd like to see. Then we know that real progress is being made. And there's always. Listen, there's a lot of Catholic people in Africa. Like, a lot of Catholic people in Africa. And so far, all over the world. No black popes. What?

[Joy Hoadley]

All over the world.

[Brian Green]

All over the world. Oh, yeah, it's huge. It's like Muslim and then Catholic, isn't it? Something like that. Muslim, Catholic. What are the. Let's. Let's ask. Chat GPT. What are the biggest religions in the. Oh, Hinduism, I think, is another big one. What are the largest religions in the world? I love Chat GPT. Just. I'm just getting.

[Joy Hoadley]

I turned you on.

[Brian Green]

Personal assistant.

[Joy Hoadley]

I got you going with it, Chris.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. Christianity. Well, okay, so. But what about Catholics? Okay, Christianity is the biggest. 2.4 billion. Islam, 1.9. Hinduism, 1.2. Buddhism, 500 million. Sikh, Judaism. Traditional religions. Oh, like Chinese folk religion and stuff like that. Yeah. So I imagine of Christianity, a good chunk of those people have to be Catholic. That's my. That's my guess. I know. Not all Catholic, but I would guess more than half are Catholic.

[Joy Hoadley]

Throughout the world. Yeah.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, throughout the world. But the African continent has a lot of Catholics. And so you'd like to see them represent. That's what I think would represent true, like, visual progress is if we had a black pope and there's a couple of cardinals in there who are. I hear from my connections in the Italian paparazzi that are up for it, so.

[Joy Hoadley]

Okay.

[Brian Green]

I don't know. Anyway, tell us how you feel about the papal conclave. We're just, you know, just shooting the shit. I thought it was something interesting to talk about because I find.

[Joy Hoadley]

Oh, well, yeah, we could talk about it.

[Brian Green]

You couldn't pull me into a church. But when the papal conclave comes along, and they don't happen very often.

[Joy Hoadley]

No.

[Brian Green]

So enjoy it while it's here, kids, because the next pope's probably gonna die.

[Joy Hoadley]

We should have a pope party.

[Brian Green]

We should have a pope party. Who's bringing the blow?

[Joy Hoadley]

One set of white smoke. White powder.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. Finger dip. Finger dip. All right, I see some people are calling on this hotline here. Let's see if we can get one.

[Joy Hoadley]

Okay. All right, let's do it.

[Brian Green]

Be back.

[Rachel]

Okay. You're probably wondering why I, Rachel, have taken over the voice duties at tcb. It's pretty simple. Astrid asked me to shut Brian up up even for a minute. Well, lovely Astrid, your wish is my command. Do you want to help Astrid, too? You know you do. Leave a message for her or me or Chrissy at 212-4333, TCB. That's 212-433-3822. You can be on the show, too. Just call and say something, anything. Or text us and we'll text you right back. Promise. Then head over to tcbpodcast.com and get your free sticker. It's your constitutional right to a sticker, and we must abide. You get the point? Follow us on Instagram at the commercial break and watch all the episodes on [e-mail] TheCommercialBreak. Best to you and Astrid. Especially Astrid.

[Tommy Morrissey]

Whether you're traveling, advancing your career, or just love learning, speaking a new language can create incredible opportunities. Rosetta Stone makes it easier and more immersive than ever. Rosetta Stone helps you absorb a language the way you learned your first through real world context and conversation. No memorization, just practical skills you can use right away. For 30 years, they've been the trusted experts in language learning, helping millions of people get the chance to learn different languages. Rosetta Stone immerses you in the language from day one. No English translations, so you truly learn to think, speak and listen in that new language. Don't wait. Unlock your language learning potential.

[Brian Green]

Now.

[Tommy Morrissey]

Listeners of this podcast can grab Rosetta Stone's lifetime membership for 50% off. That's unlimited access to 25 language courses for life. Visit RosettaStone.com RS10 to get started and claim your 50% off today. Don't miss out. Go to RosettaStone.com RS10 and start learning today.

[Paige Desorbo]

As a parent, you want to give your child every opportunity to succeed. But let's be honest. Sometimes homework questions leave us stumped or we wish they had it a bit more challenging when they're ahead in class. That's where IXL learning can help. IXL is an online learning program that supports kids from Pre K to 12th grade in math, language arts, science and social studies. It's designed to help kids truly master topics while keeping learning fun and engaging. Whether your child is catching up, staying on track, or aiming to get ahead, IXL offers personalized learning to meet their needs. Plus, it saves you Time and money. No more searching for multiple tutors or programs. IXL is like having everything you need in one place. The best part, it's backed by research. Kids using IXL consistently score higher on tests. And it works for all kids, no matter their grade or learning style. IXL is used in 96 of the top 100 school districts in the U.S. so, you know, it's the real deal. Make an impact on your child's learning. Get IXL now. And listeners of this podcast can get an exclusive 20% off IXL membership when they sign up today at ixlearning.com audio. Visit ixllearning.com audio to get the most effective learning program out there at the best price.

[Brian Green]

All right, so for a long time, we have wanted to have callers call into the show, but we have not been able to technically get it to work. Chrissy. Because, you know, that's just how I roll. Yes, I love doing it, but I asked some people to call in today specifically. And I see the phone is ringing specific. I, I know this guy who's calling in. So let's pick up the phone here. Name is Sean. Sean is a longtime listener of the show. So let's pick up the phone. We'll talk to.

[Joy Hoadley]

Long time, first time.

[Brian Green]

Long. First time, long time, long time, first time. Sean Morris. There he is right now. Hey, buddy, how are you?

[Chris Hoadley]

Hey, Brian and Chrissy. How y'all doing? Sean, thank you. That's a pleasure. I'm glad to be on the show.

[Brian Green]

Well, we are happy to have you. We're glad to have a listener call Celebrities today, kids. It's only regular. Well, celebrity in his own right.

[Joy Hoadley]

Yeah, that's right.

[Brian Green]

But so Sean has been, has been texting in for a long time and I put the siren call out to have some people call in. I'm glad that you, you called in. Sean. Sean, real quick. You live down in South Georgia, is that correct?

[Chris Hoadley]

Yeah, I grew up in Douglas, Georgia, and I live in. Currently live in the Brunswick, Georgia on the coast. But I grew up in Dare. I mean, Douglas, Georgia. And you've mentioned Valdosta, Georgia a couple of times, Brian.

[Brian Green]

Yeah.

[Chris Hoadley]

And a little, a little fun fact. I didn't know if you knew this Doc Holliday. The famous Doc Holliday was. Grew up in Valdosta, Georgia. Did you know that?

[Brian Green]

No, I had no idea that Doc Holliday was from Valdosta.

[Chris Hoadley]

Look it up. It's a fact.

[Brian Green]

Oh, Doc Holliday was played by Val Kilmer. Val Kilmer, Valdosta. Yeah.

[Chris Hoadley]

Val Kilmer. Yeah, I love, I love Val Kilmer camera, but yeah, yeah, absolutely.

[Brian Green]

I.

[Chris Hoadley]

Look, that's one of my favorite all time TV movies, Sean.

[Joy Hoadley]

You and me both. I. I love Tombstone. That is like one of my favorite.

[Brian Green]

Movies of all time.

[Chris Hoadley]

Yeah, I'll be your huckleberry.

[Joy Hoadley]

I'll be your huckleberry. Yeah.

[Brian Green]

Okay, you two take it on the road. Sean. Sean texts in and, you know, Sean follows the show very closely. And for that I am ultimately appreciative. And I tell Sean all the time and like I tell a lot of people. Listen, this can be kind of a lonely venture. You sit here. It's not lonely in the sense that Chrissy and I are here, but it's lonely in the sense that, you know, you don't get instant feedback. It's not like we're on a stage with people, but we have a lot of people that do text in frequently. And Sean is top three, no doubt about it. And Sean has on occasion sent me videos or pictures of you trapping, removing wild animals from South Georgia. Now let me paint a picture for the people who don't know south Georgia is on is. We're talking about like the coastal area areas, what they would call low country lowlands, where it's like swamp.

[Chris Hoadley]

Yeah, low country. Low country.

[Brian Green]

Some dangerous ass water. Some brackish, salty, fresh water. Yeah. Where it's like the tide goes in, the tide comes out and there's all kind of critters. Critters. I imagine possums are in there too. Because possums show up. Oh, yeah.

[Chris Hoadley]

I know you love. I love, I know you love possum.

[Brian Green]

I hate them.

[Joy Hoadley]

John, we're good with the babies.

[Brian Green]

What, what, what? When you're doing this nuisance, trapping. What is when you're waist deep in water?

[Joy Hoadley]

Because you're licensed.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. Because you're licensed to do this. How do you go about. Like, who calls you the, the homeowner or the government?

[Chris Hoadley]

Yeah, I've had several. I've had several homeowner calls. But most, you know. Well, a lot of, you know, hunting clubs that, deer clubs, they have, you know that they've got thousands, 2,000 acres. And I started out with the coyotes and they're killing the baby. Baby deer and that, that was kind of for free, but. And I, I just, I did it, but I didn't, you know, I didn't really enjoy it because it was just taking my time up and. But, you know, I had a big gigantic corporation company call me with the beaver. The beavers. And they're Clogging up pipes and they're flooding roads, timber companies and they're flooding the roads, washing the roads out. They're destroying like 50, 60 acres of woodland with damming up the pipes in the culverts. And that's where I do that kind of on the side other work. And people, you know, I've got a lot of hate mail, a lot of hate stuff on Facebook because, but people have to understand I'm only removing two or three beavers and there's thousands of beavers in the swamps. But these two or three beavers are, you know, flooding roads out and destroying, you know, hundreds of acres of a camber.

[Brian Green]

Listen to this, listen to this. My dad lives on a lake and on that lake, you know, it's, it's a man made lake, so it's part of the Duke Energy man made lake thing up in North Carolina. And they had a couple of beavers that nested near their, their wet slip, right their, their dock right at the back of their house. And those beavers were chewing up wires, they were chewing up communication wires. They were taking down trees and putting them like on the dock, like they were fall the dock. I mean these guys were like doing a lot of damage. Now listen, the beavers were there first. Okay, I got that. But they had to have the beavers removed and replaced somewhere else because those beavers were causing like real damage to the property. And as cute as they might, you know, seem, they, they were just, they were just a nuisance. So. And if they're like causing real problems, I can see why you'd want to remove them and replace them somewhere else. When, when you get in the wastewater. What are you, are you, you taking traps or are you trying to find, do you ever trap snakes?

[Joy Hoadley]

Well, do you call them?

[Chris Hoadley]

Oh, oh, oh my God.

[Joy Hoadley]

Is there a beaver?

[Chris Hoadley]

I've got so many stores. And you're right, Brian, I mean, I mean about, I've got so many friends that a beaver, a couple of beavers can cost $25,000. Oh sure, upon, upon down upon dam has to be rebuilt. But beavers are cute and they're very smart and they're the nature's engineers. I mean they build dams and they're very intelligent and I respect all wildlife. I do, I do. But there's certain circumstances where you have to remove a certain colony or whatever because they're just wreaking havoc and. But yeah, you're right. But. Oh, going to the fact of me going in the water. Oh, Brian and Chris. Oh my God. I Encounter alligators frequently. I encounter water moccasins. Now, alligators really don't scare me as much as the water moccasins. Yeah, I'm waiting waist deep in the water through vines and weeds and what are you wearing?

[Brian Green]

You're wearing like waiters.

[Joy Hoadley]

I'm a waiter.

[Chris Hoadley]

Okay, Waiter, Chest waiter. Waiters. And I'm wearing chest waiters. And I, by law, I have to carry a pistol. I, I, by law you have to.

[Brian Green]

Carry a pistol because it protects you against the alligators and the jaguars or whatever.

[Chris Hoadley]

Well, yeah, there's, there's many reasons, but, but I mean, people maybe hate me for that, but. No, I gotta, I got some stories about up some Facebook post and women getting mad at me, and I can address that.

[Joy Hoadley]

Haters gonna hate.

[Brian Green]

And listen, I want to say this to the audience. I want to say this to the audience in defense of, of Sean a little bit and others like him. You all life is precious. And I, I don't disagree. I don't disagree with that. Exactly. Exactly.

[Chris Hoadley]

Respect wildlife. I respect every animal. I respect deer, hogs, alligator. I respect all wildlife.

[Brian Green]

But, but hold on, hold on one second.

[Chris Hoadley]

It's like, and like, people like, well, you, you eat chicken, you raise chickens, and you kill chickens to eat. I mean, like, I'm like, well, where do you get chicken? Well, I get it from the freezer section in the grocery store. I'm like, where do you think that. Chicken.

[Joy Hoadley]

Exactly.

[Brian Green]

Yes. And the reality is, is that if we're gonna, if we're gonna co. Mingle, if we're gonna cohabitate, there are things that we have to do to keep each other safe. And sometimes those things include removing or replacing or rehabilitating some types of animals so that they don't get in the way of something more dangerous or cause something more dangerous. Now let me ask you this. Why are you not afraid of alligators?

[Chris Hoadley]

Well, alligators in the wild are pretty much basically scared humans. The dangerous alligators are the ones that are fed from docks in subdivisions.

[Brian Green]

Yeah.

[Chris Hoadley]

Because they're not afraid of people. And those are the Danish. Now, I encounter alligators in the wild all the time, and they are afraid of humans and they will leave. Now, I will tell you one story. There's one type of alligator that I'm scared of in the wild. That's a mama with babies.

[Joy Hoadley]

Right, right.

[Brian Green]

That's any, any wild animal.

[Joy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Chris Hoadley]

I was, I was doing a trapping, I was doing a beaver nuisance job and I had to, I had to walk down this steep bank and walked around this dam. I'm in the water, like waist deep with my waders on. And I set some traps for beavers because they were clogging up the pipe and flooding the road in the woods. And then I heard this specific grunt. And I know what that grunt sounds like. I can mimic it. I can call. I know how to call alligator. I can, I can call alligators up to me.

[Brian Green]

Wow.

[Chris Hoadley]

Specific baby grunt. I mean, it's a specific sound. And I. I was in the water and I was sitting, trapping, and I was in. I was wasting. And I heard this. This little chirp.

[Brian Green]

This.

[Chris Hoadley]

It's like a chirp. And it was baby alligators. And I'm like, oh, yeah. And I'm like 50ft away and I'm in the water. And I eased my way out and I walked down the little road and I saw a nest down in the bank. And there was like five little baby alligators in the nest.

[Joy Hoadley]

Whoa.

[Chris Hoadley]

And. And I've already got traps out there in that water, and I had to check them every day. And the next day, I parked my truck way down the road. I walked, and I saw the mama. 8ft 9ft long. Mama.

[Brian Green]

That's crazy.

[Chris Hoadley]

50Ft from where I was waiting in the water and had my beaver traps. And I'm like, no, no.

[Brian Green]

Let me.

[Joy Hoadley]

Check back another day.

[Chris Hoadley]

Traps out of there. And I left that spot. I'm like, nothing. And I didn't. I mean, I. I really could have, you know, killed the mama and, you know, I don't want to do that.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. What is. Do you find that there's like. I know that this is going on in Florida, especially in south Florida where they have, you know, vast amounts of swamp land down there, but does it happen in Georgia that you have pythons, tame pythons?

[Chris Hoadley]

We don't have pythons in Georgia, but that are. I mean, I've worked down in south Florida, but, you know, we don't have pop ons in south Georgia. We have a lot of water moccasins and a lot of alligators and rattlesnakes, and I'm in that. I'm in that every day when I'm trapping beavers. I've been walking through the woods and I'm. I've encountered. I mean, God, I hope you're getting paid well. Well, I mean, I. Chrissy, I, I did. I mean, it was. It was decent money. I mean, it really was.

[Joy Hoadley]

Yeah, well, nobody wants to get out there and do that.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. I mean, when you do something no one else wants to do, I Mean.

[Chris Hoadley]

I consider myself pretty brave, but when it comes to getting in the water, I mean, I guess to tell you, the scariest thing to me is the water moccasins, they are mean and they are aggressive and they're everywhere. And do you have to psych yourself.

[Joy Hoadley]

Up before you get in the water with like a song or something?

[Brian Green]

Yeah, you can listen to some commercial break.

[Chris Hoadley]

Well, I was. I think I told bro. I think I told you, Brian. One time on a text, one time. You know, I used to work when I was a teenager. I worked for a pest control company. I used to crawl in houses to check for termites. And one time I crawled over a air conditioner vent and under the crawl space door, you know, there's little dope, there's little holes where you crawl under a house. And immediately when I crawled in on my belly, my hand touched this slimy thing and it was like a 4 foot, freshly shed snakeskin. And I'm like, I've got to crawl under this whole house to do my job. And I just touched this snake skin. I knew this snakes under this house somewhere.

[Brian Green]

Yeah.

[Chris Hoadley]

And I've been. I've gotten a crawl and. Oh, your favorite thing, Brian.

[Brian Green]

One.

[Chris Hoadley]

One time I was crawling on my. On my left elbow, just crawling and knocking on the side with a little hammer, checking for termites. And I got to the corner and face to face with a possum.

[Brian Green]

A possum. Oh, those things are mean as a.

[Chris Hoadley]

Snake with his mouth open in my face.

[Joy Hoadley]

Those beady eyes.

[Brian Green]

That is a nightmare to me. A nightmare to me. Oh, my God.

[Chris Hoadley]

You can't run. You can't stand up. You're crawling on your belly.

[Brian Green]

What did you do, just back out? Did you just back out?

[Chris Hoadley]

And I just went around the corner and just kept on going. I just said, boy.

[Brian Green]

Oh, my God, Sean, I could. Honestly, I could talk to you all day long. We're running low on time, but, Sean, listen, can we call you back another time? Will you give us more? Will you ingratiate us with more stories?

[Chris Hoadley]

Because I've got probably 12 or 15.

[Brian Green]

I know you do.

[Chris Hoadley]

Stories that y'all will laugh your ass off. So many, so many funny, funny, scary, scary, slash funny stories.

[Brian Green]

I do want to say that this. I do want to say this. Sean's been calling in. Ashen's been texting in for a very long time. And Sean, we love you, man. Thank you so much. We love you today.

[Chris Hoadley]

I love Brian and Christy. I love y'all, too. I listen to you every day. Thank you Ever. And I hate. I missed y'all last year. Brian, I'm glad you're doing better.

[Brian Green]

Thanks, buddy. Yeah, thanks so much. It means a lot going for that.

[Chris Hoadley]

Yep, yep, yep.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, it means a lot. All right, Sean from South Georgia. We will talk to him again soon. 212-4333. TCB. You can call in. You can be on the show, too. Text us and let us know you want to be on the show. Sean, we'll talk to you soon. Thanks, buddy.

[Joy Hoadley]

Thanks, Sean.

[Chris Hoadley]

Thank you so much. Thank you, Chrissy. I appreciate y'all so much.

[Brian Green]

Talk to you soon.

[Chris Hoadley]

Bye.

[Brian Green]

Sean from South Georgia. Look at that.

[Joy Hoadley]

Wow. We just scratched the surface.

[Brian Green]

Well, I have a feeling he can talk all day long. Yeah.

[Joy Hoadley]

Oh, my God. I can only imagine what he is seeing.

[Brian Green]

Wow.

[Joy Hoadley]

And done.

[Brian Green]

I don't even want. I mean, the possum story freaks me out. If I came face to face with a possum, I'd shit myself. That's what I do. I'd shit myself under a house. Under a house. Yeah. And I have to go under my house to change the air conditioning.

[Joy Hoadley]

I hate it.

[Brian Green]

I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it with every fiber in my being. But I got to be brave for my kids. I got to show them that I'm a man. I'm a man.

[Joy Hoadley]

You got to psych yourself up with a song.

[Brian Green]

I do have to psych. Luckily, I'm not dealing with water moccasins.

[Joy Hoadley]

Can't be wrong.

[Brian Green]

Two princes, Cleopatra's cat. That's what I'm doing. Cleopatra.

[Joy Hoadley]

Just play that and just pump yourself up.

[Brian Green]

Oh, my God. How funny is that? All right, Sean from South Georgia, big fan of the show. We're a big fan of his. Sean could talk. Sean could be a third member. Member of the show.

[Joy Hoadley]

He could.

[Brian Green]

If we need a break, we'll call.

[Joy Hoadley]

Exactly. One of us is sick.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, he's got some stories. We can talk to him. All right, well, I don't even want to say 12 hours of TCB there. We'll start with that. 12 hours of TCB May 31st. Saturday, May 31st, starting at 10am 12 straight episodes of the commercial break. A new one on the hour. We'll also be showing you behind the scenes recording stuff on YouTube and on Twitch. Stay tuned for more information brought to you by the commercial break. Covert creative, CTB and our good friends at Odyssey love us some Odyssey.

[Joy Hoadley]

Yes.

[Brian Green]

If you want to be on the show, as mentioned. 2, 1, 2, 4, 3, 3, 3. TCB. 2, 1, 2, 433-3822 questions, comments, concerns, content, ideas. You got any good stories you want to tell us? You have a question you want to ask us, let us know. You can dial up right here in the studio. We'll let you know when to call. Also, America's Next Top Mediocre Podcaster is on after the 12 hours of TCB. Let us know you want to be involved and we'll figure that out. TCB Podcast.com for all the information, all the audio and video right there at one location at the commercial break on Instagram, TCB podcast on TikTok and YouTube.com TheCommercialrine should have had Sean do that. Okay, Chrissy, that's all I can do.

[Joy Hoadley]

For today, I think.

[Brian Green]

So I'll tell you that I love.

[Joy Hoadley]

You and I love you.

[Brian Green]

Best to you and best to you out there in the podcast universe. Until next time, Chrissy and I will say we do say and we must say goodbye.

[Sean Morris]

You just realized your business needed to hire someone yesterday. How can you find amazing candidates fast? Easy. Just use Indeed Stop struggling to get your job posts seen on other job sites. Indeed's Sponsored Jobs help you stand out and hire fast. With Sponsored Jobs, your post jumps to the top of the page for your relevant candidates so you can reach the people you want faster and it makes a huge difference. According to Indeed data, sponsored jobs posted directly on Indeed have 45% more applications than non sponsored jobs. Plus with Indeed sponsored Jobs, there are no monthly subscriptions, no long term contracts, and you only pay for results. And listeners of this show will get a $75 sponsored job credit to get your jobs more [e-mail] listen just go to indeed.com listen right now and support our show by saying you heard about Indeed on this podcast. Indeed.com listen. Terms and conditions apply. Hiring Indeed is all you need.

[Paige Desorbo]

Hey, it's me, Paige desorbo and I'm so excited to share my new shoe collection at DSW you filled with my favorite styles and trends for spring. Because if you know me, you know I'm kind of obsessed with shoes. And by kind of obsessed, I mean head over heels. You're going to love these shoes. So snag super cute styles like cute flats, fun heels and cool sneakers from the Paige to Sorbo collection right now at your DSW store or dsw.com As a parent, you want to give your child every opportunity to succeed. But let's be honest, sometimes homework questions leave us stumped or we wish they had it a bit more challenging when they're ahead in class. That's where IXL learning can help IXL is an online learning program that supports kids from Pre K to 12th grade in math, language arts, science and social studies. It's designed to help kids truly master topics while keeping learning fun and engaging. Whether your child is catching up, staying on track, or aiming to get ahead, IXL offers personalized learning to meet their needs. Plus plus it saves you time and money. No more searching for multiple tutors or programs. IXL is like having everything you need in one place. The best part? It's backed by research. Kids using IXL consistently score higher on tests, and it works for all kids, no matter their grade or learning style. IXL is used in 96 of the top 100 school districts in the U.S. so you know it's the real deal. Make an impact on your child's learning. Get IXL now and listeners of this podcast can get an exclusive 20% off IXL membership when they sign up today at ixlearning.com audio visit ixllearning.com audio to get the most effective learning program out there at the best price.

[Joy Hoadley]

SA.