The Commercial Break – "Heart To Hell!"
Episode Date: May 15, 2024
Hosts: Bryan Green and Kristen Joy Hoadley

Episode Overview

This episode of The Commercial Break hilariously tackles everything from the debate on how often we should be washing our legs, to unexpected tales of public preaching against the band Heart, to a deep dive into Netflix’s support of comedy and the phenomenon of celebrity roasts. Bryan and Krissy keep the spirit improvisational and irreverent, riffing on pop culture, bathroom routines, and the anxieties of performing live. Listeners are treated to a mix of observational comedy, personal anecdotes, and the show’s signature banter.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. A Major Shower Debate: Do You Need to Wash Your Legs?

(00:52–11:23)

• Bryan triumphantly announces that he was right about not needing to scrub your legs every shower – recent articles cite doctors who say the soap run-off does the job.

  • “I am saying I clean every part of my body like a true champ… But the legs…” – Bryan (05:23)
  • Both hosts admit to not washing legs every day, sharing TMI bathroom regimes and joking about the social pressures of hygiene.
  • Krissy: “That’s why I love a bidet. I don’t know why they’re not more of a thing here.” (06:06)
  • Bryan: “If I got into a car accident and one of the springs in my seat got stuck in my ass, I want the emergency workers…to go, this is bad…but man, does it smell good down there.” (05:23)

• Pedicures and Pumice Stones:
  The discussion veers into self-care. Bryan, initially hesitant, now pumices daily after his wife introduced him, leading to awkward but funny pedicure stories where his efforts disappointed his nail technician.

2. Live Show Anxiety & Planning

(11:38–15:57)

• The hosts discuss plans for live shows in Florida, Charlotte, Nashville, and Atlanta, joking about their lack of fame and the fear of hostile crowds.
  • Bryan: “They’re going to show up to some unsuspecting club looking to see actual comedy, and they’re going to end up with us two yuckles and yakkals over here…” (13:20)
• Both admit to performance panic and come up with comedic solutions: performing behind a curtain, in disguise, or as just shadows.
  • Krissy: “I think I’m gonna wear sunglasses and act like no one’s there.” (15:02)
  • Bryan: “…behind the curtain…they can shine a light…so you can see our shadows…” (15:13)

3. Netflix Is a Joke Festival & The State of Comedy

(18:33–25:13)

• Riffing on Netflix’s support of comedy via specials and the “Netflix Is a Joke” festival.
  • Bryan applauds Netflix for investing big in comedy and hosting countless great comics (“…Ted Sarandos and Netflix are supporting comedy in the way that they are. And what a fucking lineup.” – 20:22)
  • The success of John Mulaney’s hybrid live show, and Netflix’s focus on live streaming, get a positive nod.
  • Joke about the Commercial Break hosting Netflix’s 2025 festival from behind a curtain: “2025. Netflix is a joke hosted by the commercial.” (22:47)
  • “You and I, behind a big white sheet. Let’s say Hollywood Bowl…” (22:56)

4. Roast of Tom Brady: Humor & Boundaries

(25:13–34:24)

• The hosts dissect the Tom Brady roast, discussing the ethics and discomfort of targeting non-comedians or families.
  • They comment on jokes made about Kim Kardashian and Giselle, pondering the emotional toll: “I wonder how Kim Kardashian feels after she kind of walks into that room and gets busted up like that.” – Bryan (27:15)
  • Both agree roasts can get “mean-spirited,” especially when kids/family are involved:
    “I like to leave the kids out of things.” – Krissy (30:13)
• They also riff on the Robert Kraft spa scandal, finding humor in the ridiculousness of going to obviously shady places when one could afford much more private options.

5. Weird Real-World Encounters: "Heart To Hell"

(41:05–48:13)

• Bryan recounts visiting Charlotte and encountering a street preacher with a “Jesus Against Heart” sign, ranting about the band Heart as Satanic messengers.
  • “He was explaining that at one time, Heart—the two women in Heart—were angels, and they fell from the heavens down to earth to bring the satanic music of Heart to the masses…” (44:05)
  • The preacher’s relentless focus on Heart is juxtaposed with the reality that their audience likely isn’t leading society astray (“the average age of a Heart listener is 97” – Bryan, 45:48).
  • Memorable moment: a passerby enthusiastically agrees, “Yeah, man, yeah. Satan be fucking with all of us.” (47:29)

6. Reverend Rivalry & Scene-setting in Charlotte

(49:08–51:09)

• Noting Charlotte’s abundance of public proselytizers—and that unlike other cities, crowds were actually listening.
  • Bryan’s explanation to his curious children: “Banking. It’s adult stuff. You’re not gonna be interested…”

7. Rock Legends & The Power of Retired Bands

(51:09–51:55)

• Bryan and Krissy observe that senior acts like Heart and the Eagles can still fill stadiums, musing that the aging demographic may be the perfect concert audience—lots of expendable income.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On selective showering:
  • “I want you to know that I just read an article…a doctor says you don’t need to wash extra. Take extra care on your legs because the soap running down your legs and the abrasiveness of the water will do.” – Bryan (03:02)
• On pre-show anxiety:
  • “The entire crowd is just going to be against us… I need to share the fear.” – Bryan (14:27)
• On celebrity roasts and sensitivity:
  • “If I can give it, I have to be able to take it. I am a sensitive little baby and I often cry at comments on the Internet, but at the end of the day, I know that if I’m throwing darts, I have to be able to have darts thrown.” – Bryan (25:59)
• On the Charlotte preacher:
  • “He was explaining that at one time, Heart…were angels, and they fell from the heavens down to earth to bring the satanic music of Heart to the masses…” – Bryan (44:05)
  • “I don’t think there’s any fear that the Heart listeners are gonna stand up and cause destruction in this world. They’ve got knee problems. They can’t even run fast.” – Bryan (46:10)

Important Timestamps

• [00:52] Deep dive into the “do you wash your legs?” debate
• [05:23] Hilarious, graphic hygiene instructions for Bryan’s kids
• [07:41] The discovery of the pumice stone and pedicure misadventures
• [13:20] Live show planning and comedic self-effacement
• [20:22] Applause for Netflix’s support of comedians and live comedy
• [22:47] Dreaming up The Commercial Break as hosts for Netflix’s comedy festival
• [25:13] Tom Brady roast discussion; boundaries and mean-spirited jokes
• [27:15] The Kardashian effect: Can celebrities take the heat?
• [31:12] Revisiting Robert Kraft’s infamous massage parlor scandal
• [41:05] Bryan’s Charlotte trip leads to an encounter with a Heart-obsessed street preacher
• [44:05] The preacher’s sermon on Heart’s ‘fallen angels’
• [47:29] Street validation: “Satan be fucking with all of us.”
• [51:09] Heart and the aging stadium-filler demographic
• [51:55] Closing banter and show wrap-up

Tone and Style

True to their “Cheesecake Factory of comedy podcast” reputation, Bryan and Krissy serve nonstop, off-the-cuff, self-deprecating banter and running gags, jumping gleefully between topics. The episode is raw, playful, and occasionally raunchy—anchored by a long-running friendship and buoyant willingness to poke fun at themselves, each other, and the absurdities of pop culture.

For New Listeners

This episode is an ideal primer for the show’s style, combining real-world stories with unserious but thoughtful social commentary. Whether you want cringe-worthy hygiene confessions, industry-insider comedy observations, or just an unfiltered take on a city’s weirdest preacher, “Heart To Hell!” delivers a sampling of everything the podcast loves best.

Best to you in the podcast universe!