He's Got That Good Good Wood

Summary

Episode Overview

Episode Title: He's Got That Good Good Wood
Podcast: The Commercial Break
Hosts: Bryan Green, Krissy Hoadley (plus Chris and Christina)
Date: August 21, 2024

This episode of The Commercial Break is classic improv-comedy chaos, mixing the hosts’ trademark irreverence and self-deprecation with a whirlwind of pop culture commentary, personal anecdotes, and off-the-cuff tangents. The main theme orbits around Bryan’s comically over-detailed doctor’s visit (including a “morning wood” conversation), but the conversation spirals through everything from contemporary space disasters and ancient monuments, to celebrity addiction tragedies and tort-happy Americans. True to the show’s description, the humor is twisted, goofy, and pleasingly unstructured, giving listeners the feeling of hanging out with hilarious lifelong friends.

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Detailed Breakdown & Key Segments

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1. Live Show Antics and Internal Banter

[00:50–05:44]

• The hosts banter about upcoming live shows in Orlando and Dania Beach, joking about planning, low expectations, and ticket scams.
  • “How low do we go? … We’re in the crawl space of my house!” – Bryan [02:59]
  • Playful discussion of past landscapers (Juan, now Jose), and the loss of Juan to a $50 travel fee.
  • “Listen, gas prices are high. … They’re not $0.05 anymore like they were in the Trump presidency.” – Bryan [01:48]
• They clarify that the live show isn’t just a regular podcast taping.
  • “Think of this as Broadway... Then the live show is the red-light district.” – Bryan [04:11]
  • “We’re gonna be selling dildos and anal lube 3000.” – Chris [04:25]
• Tickets are available at the official venues; don’t get scammed online.

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2. Absurd News Discussed: Boeing’s Astronaut Fiasco

[06:01–18:39]

• The group riffs on real news: Boeing's astronauts stuck in space due to persistent spacecraft issues.
  • “Boeing couldn’t make a tin can to hold fucking Diet Sprite in, let alone a spacecraft.” – Bryan [06:14]
• Tons of jokes about leaking, both mechanical and biological:
  • “‘Leaking’ is not a good word. You don’t associate ‘leaking’ with something good, right?” – Bryan [08:09]
  • "Leaking in any sense... you just don't want to leak." – Chris [08:30]
• Baby shower gone wrong: Astrid texts Bryan mid-shower about what to do after a baby poops; ensuing debate about plumbing and the “fart trap” in showers (and what NOT to do with baby waste).
• The Boeing narrative invites genuine concern and ridicule about space travel’s dangers, and the show pokes fun at NASA’s PR spin.
  • “You are stuck in a fucking sardine can flying at the speed of seven sounds around Earth…” – Bryan [10:37]
• Comparison to the Titanic sub disaster: Would the quick death be preferable to slowly awaiting rescue?
• “They're gonna have to call that Elon... That's what they're gonna do!” – Bryan [11:51]
• Fascination with underpublicized space YouTube channels that predicted the months-long astronaut delay.

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3. Red Bull Space Balloon & Spinning Out of Control

[13:20–17:17]

• The hosts recall the infamous Red Bull space jump, where an astronaut nearly passed out spinning at the edge of the atmosphere.
  • Hilarious reenactment of Russian astronaut and Southern comms officer:
  • “Gregory, you’re breaking up a little… Everything looks fine from down here. Go ahead and jump.” – Bryan as comms officer [14:44]
  • “Out of control, Gregari! Oh, dear God, Gregari...” – Chrissy as comms officer [15:46]
• The comedy continues as they debate why NASA doesn’t just “send a balloon up there” to rescue the astronauts.

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4. Stonehenge, Ancient Tech, and Pyramid Conspiracies

[23:14–29:04]

• New research: Stonehenge’s ‘altar stone’ may originate from Scotland, not Wales, implying it was dragged 500 miles pre-wheel.
  • Satirical confusion about geology (“Call me and let me know what that means!” – Bryan [24:29])
• Krissy riffs on the pop-culture version of Stonehenge (a la Spinal Tap).
• Segue into pyramid construction conspiracies, Tesla’s “sonic inducers,” and potential ancient tech that’s been lost.
  • “If we went away tomorrow, in 5,000 years, there would be nothing left…” – Bryan [28:18]
  • The group remains open to aliens as the pyramid builders.
  • “We are stardust, technically, right?” – Bryan [29:05]

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5. Bryan’s Uncomfortably Honest Physical

[29:04–41:48]

• Bryan details his vein issues during a blood draw, culminating in a “gusher” scene and a nurse with a sense of humor.
  • “You may not be able to find a vein in your arm, but when you do, it’s a gusher!” – Nurse, recounted by Bryan [34:36]
• He describes getting a new doctor; dislikes those who rush appointments; prefers thoroughness.
• The centerpiece: Bryan’s testosterone (“T”) check and the surprisingly casual discussion of “morning wood.”
  • “Tell me about your morning wood.” – Doctor, recounted by Bryan [36:41]
  • “Is that the technical term?” – Bryan [37:02]
  • “Morning wood sounds better.” — Doctor [37:11]
  • “She’s like, and your woods are fully … rigid and hard and standing up straight?” [37:43]
  • “Okay, can we drop the wood? Can we go back to ‘erection’?” – Bryan [37:50]
  • “I think I got that good, good, you know, juju going... Good, good wood in the morning.” – Bryan [38:55]
  • Doctor: “Almost everyone who has low T has those two symptoms. It’s very rare that someone has low T and strong morning wood.” [39:20]
• Discussion of “random wood” versus morning wood, and the social hazards thereof.

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6. Tort Lawsuits & ‘Ambulance Chasers’

[42:53–47:44]

• They mock a live news ticker: a lawsuit against Disney, where a widower claims Disney auto-agreed to terms of service on his deceased wife’s behalf.
  • “I don’t know that that’s a reason to sue… Some tort reform would be good." – Bryan [44:57]
• Broader riffs on American lawsuit culture:
  • "There are good reasons to sue, but any reason under the sun is not a good reason." – Bryan [45:12]
  • Examples: Suing Taco Bell over cheese, Madonna over concert lateness.

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7. Celebrity Drug Tragedy: Matthew Perry & Ketamine

[47:44–54:32]

• Shift to a serious news story: Dr. and assistant charged for illegally providing Matthew Perry with enough ketamine for “general anesthesia.”
  • “He had enough ketamine at his… in his blood… that general anesthesia would be the level…” – Bryan [48:19]
  • “They texted: I wonder how much this moron will pay.” – Bryan [51:18]
• Sobering reflection: Recreational use of drugs like ketamine is outright dangerous; the “veil is thin.”
  • “Do what you’re gonna do... But just be aware, the drug game ain’t what it used to be.” – Bryan [51:44]
  • “I won’t help you kill yourself. That’s just not gonna happen.” – Bryan [54:05]
• Sidebar on wealthy celebrities and risks (Michael Jackson).

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Memorable Quotes & Standout Moments

• Bryan: “We’re in the crawl space of my house!” [02:59]
• Chris (on live show): “We’re going to be selling dildos and anal lube 3000.” [04:25]
• On space travel: “You are stuck in a fucking sardine can flying at the speed of seven sounds around Earth and at any moment a little space dust could just blow up the whole thing.” – Bryan [10:37]
• On leaking: “You don’t walk down the street and go, I’m leaking.” – Bryan [08:18]
• On ‘morning wood’: “Tell me about your morning wood.” – Doctor (as recounted by Bryan) [36:41]
• On Stonehenge: “If you don’t know what Stonehenge is, turn off the show. Because then you’re even dumber than I am.” – Bryan [23:25]
• On the nurse/blood draw: “You may not be able to find a vein in your arm, but when you do, it’s a gusher!” – Nurse, via Bryan [34:36]
• On enabling addiction: “If you want to kill yourself, fine, but I won’t help you kill yourself.” – Bryan [54:05]

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Notable Timestamps

• 00:50 – Live show planning & ticket scams
• 06:14 – Boeing astronauts stuck in space
• 08:06 – Leaking jokes & shower drain advice
• 13:20 – Red Bull space balloon, “Gregari” skit
• 23:14 – Stonehenge origins & ancient conspiracies
• 29:15 – Bryan’s physical and epic blood draw
• 36:41 – The infamous “morning wood” doctor exchange
• 42:53 – Disney lawsuit mockery & American tort culture
• 47:44 – Matthew Perry’s ketamine tragedy
• 54:05 – Sober closing thoughts on enabling and addiction

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Summary & Listener Takeaways

This episode packs in a wild blend of gallows humor, juvenile banter, and topical absurdity. You'll learn more than you ever wanted to know about morning erections, discover the pitfalls of live show planning and American lawsuit culture, and hear the hosts riff on space disasters, ancient aliens, and celebrity tragedy. The blend of laughter and bizarre stories is a trademark of the show’s unique appeal.

If you listen for:

• Relatable, unfiltered friendship comedy
• Quick pivots from 7th grade humor to unexpectedly earnest takes
• Irreverent takes on news and science with a pop culture twist
• Classic improv games and comedic tangents

…this episode delivers in full. And yes, you’ll never hear “morning wood” the same way again.

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Next Up:
Tickets for TCB live are on sale for September shows in Florida (Dania Beach and Orlando). Official links are in the show notes—don’t get scammed!
For more, follow @thecommercialbreak on IG, @tcbpodcast on TikTok, or text/call the show at 212-433-3822.

Transcript

[Brian Green]

If you could say something to Janelle right now, what would it be? That we miss you and we're looking for you. And Steffi P. From biology is pregnant. Oh, my God.

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

On this episode of the commercial break, almost everyone who has low T has those two symptoms. She's like, it's very rare that someone has low T. And strong morning wood. And strong wood. Wood, Right. Just regular wood.

[Chris]

Any time of the day would.

[Brian Green]

Just wood. And I go, oh, okay. All right. So good. So I probably don't have, you know, I got strong wood. Good, good. I got good, good wood. So I guess I'm good. The next episode of the commercial break starts now.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

30 in the morning. Oh, yeah.

[Brian Green]

Cats and kittens, welcome back to the commercial break.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

I'm Brian Green.

[Brian Green]

This is my dear friend and the.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Co host of this show, Chris and Joy Hoadley.

[Brian Green]

Best of you, Chris.

[Chris]

Best of you, Brian.

[Brian Green]

Best you out there in the podcast. I. I'm getting so excited about our live shows. I don't know about you, but I'm getting very excited about our live shows.

[Chris]

And we've been talking about it.

[Brian Green]

We have one good idea from Asrid, and now I think we can just build an entire two hours off of it.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Yes.

[Chris]

We've got. We've got blue.

[Brian Green]

Surprises. Chrissy surprises.

[Chris]

We've got blue. And the landscaper.

[Brian Green]

I wish I could get the landscaper to come down. Oh, that would be awesome. But I have a new Landscap team. It's not the same landscaping team anymore. I had to get rid of Juan.

[Chris]

Well, now I have Jose.

[Brian Green]

Oh, okay.

[Chris]

At our place.

[Brian Green]

Well, at least we're not recording when Jose's around.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Exactly.

[Brian Green]

I did. I had to get rid of. I didn't get rid of Juan. Juan moved his office location because he had more business in another part of town and he wanted to charge me a $50 traveling fee. And I'm like, no, I can't. I'm sorry, but I love you. We've been lit together a long time, but that's just a little silly. It doesn't even cost me $50 per me to double the fee. That's kind of silly, but I do understand. Listen, gas prices are. Are high. They're not a $05 anymore like they were in the Trump presidency.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Did you hear that?

[Chris]

What?

[Brian Green]

Not that. Never mind.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

No, he said the other night, I can't keep. Everyone forgets about a $27 gas when I have it.

[Brian Green]

It's like, what, $27? I think it was a $27 when I started Driving. Yeah, I think that's what it was. Like a dollar 27. And my dad was bitching. But I am excited about the two shows coming up. I think we have a lot of good ideas. Here's a question, though, that I think is a legitimate question. How long do we go? Because I thought.

[Chris]

How low do we go?

[Brian Green]

How long do we go? Yeah. No, how low do we go? It's $30.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

I mean.

[Chris]

No, I meant how low? Level of the bar set.

[Brian Green]

Oh, no, I know that. Please, what are you talking about? We're in the basement. We're in the crawl space of my house. Listen, it costs Juan more money in gas than it will cost you to get to one of these shows.

[Chris]

That's right.

[Brian Green]

Traveling fee from Lawn is more expensive.

[Chris]

How long do we go? Yeah, how long do we go? As long as it takes.

[Brian Green]

Well, that's a good answer. Only I'm. I'm not sure you know, how we do. I know how we do.

[Chris]

How we do.

[Brian Green]

Well, I know how we do sometimes.

[Chris]

Go off on rants about this, that, and the other. So we might. We might do that. But we are going to have some kind of a little out.

[Brian Green]

No, I think that would. No, we'll hit the. We'll hit the. We'll hit some notes. But at the end of the day, like, how. Where do we cap it? I said two hours is what I thought. Two hours.

[Chris]

Yes.

[Brian Green]

Because if it goes much longer than that, I don't think anybody's gonna be left in the audience. I'm sure we're gonna start losing people. Minute number five. I think we'll get through the introductions, and then people will start, you know, filtering out.

[Chris]

Yeah. And just so everybody knows, too, it's not gonna be a live show of us just recording a podcast. No, no, no, because people have asked that to me, like, oh, you're doing a live show. You're just doing a live.

[Brian Green]

No.

[Chris]

Recording.

[Brian Green]

No.

[Chris]

This is a podcast.

[Brian Green]

It's a show. And you will come and it will be something completely different. Not completely different, but it will be something. It's not that we're sitting.

[Chris]

Its own thing.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, it's its own thing. It's a separate thing. It's its own thing. Think of it as, this is Broadway. Then think of the live show as, like, the red light district of your favorite town. We're going to be selling dildos and.

[Chris]

Anal Lube and 3000 is definitely why, Brian.

[Brian Green]

But we're excited and I hope you come. Orlando on the 25th. Dania Point. Dania Beach. Improv on the 24th, at the Bone on the 25th, and at Dana Point on the 24th. And we're super excited. And the tickets are available? Actually, they'll be available on the website when this comes out. They'll be available on the website. You can also find them in all of our show notes over the last couple of days episodes. You can also find them on the websites of the Funy Bone Orlando and Dania Points.

[Chris]

Make sure you're going direct to these venues.

[Brian Green]

Yes. Don't be ripped off. I don't be convinced to pay 200.

[Chris]

Yeah. I mistakenly Googled, you know, Funny Bone Orlando. Something pulled up. I thought that was it. You know, I clicked on it, and I was alarmed we weren't on there.

[Brian Green]

Well, that's because no one wants to scam our tickets. What demand is there?

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Like, what are they gonna get?

[Brian Green]

They're gonna end up paying.

[Chris]

The scammers just left us.

[Brian Green]

Yes. It's funny because on the Funny Bone website, they had, like, a calendar somewhere. Yeah. That we can't. That I couldn't find, but Astrid showed Jimmy and it said, special event under ours. And I'm like, oh, it's special. All right.

[Chris]

Yes.

[Brian Green]

And then the great Leslie Liao will be at the Funny Bone the night before us or the night after us. Oh, okay.

[Chris]

After. Yeah.

[Brian Green]

I was gonna ask her if she wanted to come hang out with us for a few minutes on stage, but she's gonna be somewhere else the night that we're doing it. And I don't even think Leslie would remember who we were. Like, hey, Les.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Hey, Liz.

[Brian Green]

You want to come hang out with us? Hey, Yesterday we were talking. Or on Friday, we were talking about the news, guys. I thought we'd go over a few headlines recently in the. In the news and see if we can make tops, tails, or ends of it. Yeah.

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

Okay. If you heard, one of the things that's been in the news lately are these poor fucking astronauts who are stuck in space because Boeing couldn't make a tin can to hold fucking Diet Sprite in, let alone a spacecraft. It's fucking underlying.

[Chris]

I know. I guess Boeing's saying it's safe, but there's some questions. So they're not going to take a chance.

[Brian Green]

Right. Do you think that the spacecraft will explode?

[Chris]

I don't know. And apparently that's the question. And so they're not sending them back.

[Brian Green]

Is that the question? Or are there additional questions that we should or should not be asking of Bowie?

[Chris]

Yes, ask more questions of Boeing.

[Brian Green]

Thank you for Your clarity, I think questions do remain. We'll stay on that story and get.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Back to you later. There he is.

[Brian Green]

There he is.

[Chris]

He's on it.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

He's on the TV now.

[Brian Green]

He's on.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

It's not his time to be on.

[Brian Green]

Oh, no. Please don't tell me they're expanding his coverage. Going off. I'm going off script. We're making fun of a particular news broadcaster who is so disjointed in his. Oh, anyway, yeah. So this is a really crazy story to me, actually, to put all the jokes aside, this is a really insane story. They send these two astronauts up in the brand new Boeing space vehicle. Manned space vehicle. They've tested this thing multiple times. They had problems with it five years ago when they were first supposed to go up. They had problems with it again two years ago when they started testing it without human beings in it. And they had a problem with it almost a year ago. They also delayed the flight multiple times because of more problems, mainly leaking. I just don't think you want anything.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Leaking when you go up into space.

[Chris]

Don't.

[Brian Green]

That's like, I. I don't think you should be leaking anything.

[Chris]

I don't want.

[Brian Green]

Leaking is not a good word. You don't associate leaking with something good. Right.

[Chris]

That's so true.

[Brian Green]

You don't walk down the street and go, I'm leaking.

[Chris]

Best to you.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Best to you.

[Brian Green]

Hey, bro, cool leaking going on. Hey, bro, you got the best leaking.

[Chris]

Leaking in any sense.

[Brian Green]

Does it?

[Chris]

You don't want to leak.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

We do leaking better than anyone else.

[Chris]

You don't want to leak a secret.

[Brian Green]

That's right.

[Chris]

Leak fluids.

[Brian Green]

You don't want to leak anything. Yeah. You don't leak poo. Poo. You don't leak anything.

[Chris]

Especially.

[Brian Green]

Astrid was giving the baby a shower the other day, and the baby put some hot mustard on that shower. She texts me and she's like, what do I do if the baby pooped in the shower? And I'm like, anything, but put it down the drain. Anything.

[Chris]

What?

[Chrissy Hoadley]

She pooped in the shower?

[Chris]

No, I know that's a baby, but, like, you don't. You wouldn't just wash it down the drain.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

No.

[Brian Green]

You don't put it down the shower drain because the shower drain has something called. I forget what they call it. Gas trap, shit trap, something like that. Fart trap. I don't know what it's called, but it's meant to, like, catch things so that you don't get, like, big bulky stuff going down. And so also that it doesn't cause these weird like air pockets that they can stink, like build up methane and stuff like that. You're not supposed to put.

[Chris]

Oh, okay, well, I don't want to get too graphic here. But you're saying it was solid? I thought it was new. Not solid new.

[Brian Green]

It was a hot dump, like right there in the middle of the shower.

[Chris]

Okay, then, yeah, you gotta get it.

[Brian Green]

Oh my God. I was like, oh, thank God I'm not.

[Chris]

Not there.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. Because I would throw up. It would be puke on top of the poop. But so these two go up and they're supposed to be there for 10 days. They've now been there for closer to 90, I think. And by some estimations I had heard they were hoping to get them back by the end of the year. And Chrissy says they may be had. They may be in there through. Through the.

[Chris]

I heard through spring maybe.

[Brian Green]

What in the world could possibly be going on? And if you're one of those two people now those. Not that I've heard, those two people, the astronauts have not yet given some kind of press conference or press avail. Like they haven't really talked to the press. I'm sure they're talking to somebody, but.

[Chris]

Oh ye.

[Brian Green]

I haven't heard them give their personal opinions on this. But the people at NASA keep saying, oh, they're lucky to be up there a couple extra days. They've got experiments to do and there's plenty of food and water and you get a great view.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

You're stuck in a tin can flying.

[Chris]

Around Earth, says NASA's PR team.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, you are stuck in a fucking sardine can flying at the speed of seven sounds around Earth and at any moment a little space dust could just blow up the whole thing. I do not want to be in space. I never want to be in space. But I certainly don't want to be stuck in space. No, I would rather be stuck in Sing Sing than space. Because that seems insane too.

[Chris]

I guess they have training on this, but. Yeah. How could you not have a freak out?

[Brian Green]

You must, you must be freaking out. You must be like, just think about that. It'd be like if. Remember that whole submarine thing? Like how the submarine and the Titanic thing. I would almost rather have been on that thing and got a lickety split death then be stuck up there wondering exactly how in the am I going to get back to that?

[Chris]

I feel like this is a movie.

[Brian Green]

It is a movie. Yeah, there's a documentary coming about this for sure. And the fact that NASA and Boeing keep Claiming that there's nothing wrong makes it that much more twisted to me. They should just say, we really don't know what the fuck is going on. And therefore we're not going to put our astronauts in danger. And when we figure it the fuck out, we will do. Or when we can get a spacecraft up there safely. You know, they're going to have to call that Elon Fucking.

[Chris]

Yeah, that's what.

[Brian Green]

That's what they're going to do.

[Chris]

I read that.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, but Elon can't. It's not like you can just like. All right, yeah, let me. I'll grab my. I'll grab the extra set of keys.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

And pick you up in an hour.

[Chris]

Right.

[Brian Green]

It's like, takes a year to get those things ready.

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

And then you have to make sure that you have the procedures available to do it and that no one gets hurt and safe. This is fucking space travel. It's not easy in the first place. And I. Every time I hear about this story increasingly, I actually heard about this when they delayed it for the second time. I saw a YouTube video and there was a guy and he does like this daily space update. And it's like not a very well trafficked YouTube channel. It's probably got like 13 views or something. But he seems rather intelligent about the whole thing. And he said at that time, there are leaks on this vehicle. And how do they fix those leaks? They can't. They don't have the equipment to do spacewalks. They probably wouldn't be able to do anything about it even if they were out there. They don't have equipment to fix that type of stuff, you know, internal, external, whatever it is. There's only so much that they can do here on Earth to fix it, to test it, to do all that. And he was like, I anticipate this is going to be a much bigger problem than they're saying right now. It's the second delay. He goes, I wouldn't be surprised if it gets delayed for months. And I thought to myself, there's no way they're going to delay for months. Like, clearly somebody's going to be up there picking them up or something. Like, call Space Uber. Didn't Elon fly a car out there one time? Can't we just swing that thing back around?

[Chris]

Exactly. Didn't Red Bull. Can't Red Bull go Red Bull thing. That went up above the.

[Brian Green]

I do, Yeah. I watched that for 16 fucking straight hours in a. And the guy was like spinning out of control. And they were.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

That old guy who was like, yes.

[Brian Green]

The guy who's supposed to, you know, the comms director. I don't know if any of you remember this. This back in 2010, 9, 10, a guy took a Red Bull space balloon up. He was in, like, a space capsule. They put a balloon on top of it, and he flew to the edge of space. And then he opened up the door and he jumped out with a parachute on his back. But he was like, full spacesuit. Now, it took him about nine hours to get up to where he was going. So they covered every minute of it on, like, the Red Bull channel. I don't. ESPN or whatever. ESPN 7 or whatever it was until he got close to the edge of space. And then, like, a bunch of people were carrying it. He gets out. He's. He's Russian, I think, or something. So this is all you can hear.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

It's really high. I just peed myself. Okay, I guess I'll jump.

[Brian Green]

That's what went on for, like, 15 minutes. But there was a guy on the other side, like an old guy with a southern accent.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

And he's like, gregory, Gregory, can you hear me? Gregory, you're breaking up a little. Everything looks fine from down here. You've got all the meters right on the green. Go ahead and jump. I said jump. I spread it over the middle and I said, I can't breathe. We can hear you, Gregory. We can hear you. But there's something wrong, Gary, with your communications. Don't worry about that. Just jump.

[Brian Green]

And then he jumps.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

He did.

[Brian Green]

And then there's like a telescope, like, down in Earth, where you can barely see him. He looks like, literally like a dot, and it's a shaky camera. And in this dot in the middle of the camera that you're trying to look at. But as he gets closer, you can start to see that he is spinning out of fucking control at, like 100 rpms per minute. He's just spinning, spinning. It's hilarious, actually. It looks so funny because it was like, is that a mannequin or a human?

[Chrissy Hoadley]

And he's like, can you hear me? Oh, dear God's out of control. Gregari, try and settle yourself down. You're spinning out of control, Gregari. Out of control. I know you're out of control, Gagari. Try and calm yourself. I just made a poo poo. It's okay. Gregaria just slowed down. Gregaria. Oh, dear God. Gregaria.

[Christina]

Yeah.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Gregarious himself. Oh, God, the guy was. He was so emotional.

[Brian Green]

Yeah.

[Chris]

And they did not do another stunt like that. If you've noticed.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

No, because Gregari was dying in mid flight and they didn't know how to handle it. The old guy was just like, oh, God. Gregarious. Oh, my heart been still. Poor thing. Gary Gregari, your children are here. Try and make it for your children. It's like, what do you do? You're 16 miles above earth, spinning out of control. I would have had puke in my.

[Brian Green]

Helmet and shit in my drawers.

[Chris]

Oh, God, oh, God, all the things.

[Brian Green]

And I just always thought, why doesn't.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Gary just pull the cord now?

[Brian Green]

What is he waiting for?

[Chris]

It might have, like, burst it.

[Brian Green]

I know. Well, she might have burst it. There's no oxygen up there. I don't know. But that would.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

My first instinct would have been, hit the cord.

[Brian Green]

I probably would have died.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

But, yeah, why don't they send one of those balloons up there to get those too?

[Brian Green]

It worked out great the first time.

[Chris]

Maybe there's been progressive progressions.

[Brian Green]

Oh, I'm sure there has. I'm sure there has. But this is just like, this seems so. This is like a nightmare. It's nightmare fuel for me to be stuck in space in a tin can. And I realize they're on the iss and the ISS is like, you know, it's not tiny anymore. There's lots of space up there. They have plenty of food and water. They can send. They can send supplies on an unmanned ship. Like, they're going to be okay, I think. But if. If I'm them and NASA keeps saying, oh, it's great that they're up there for a couple extra years.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Unplanned, Unplanned.

[Brian Green]

Their family's all into it. They love it. Yeah. But if I'm one of these people's family members, I'm like, get them the fuck off that space station. I don't care how you do it, but you've got to do it because I don't want. I don't know. I don't know how anybody sleeps. Anybody connected to this sleeps right now. And maybe they're not. Maybe I'm just. Maybe they're saying these, the PR people are saying these things so they don't freak everybody out. Right. They're trying to keep some kind of calm. Sure. But a little bit of honesty injected into the situation might be helpful if you just said, hey, we didn't expect this shit to go wrong, but you made a deal with Boeing. It's not like Boeing's got the most stellar reputation. Over the last five years, they've had like six planes fly out of the sky. Doors fall off, engines explode, you know, gas tanks that are, don't hold.

[Chris]

That's a whole other thing, you know, that I was listening to something and they were talking about how like the Boeing executive that was the whistleblower, about how things were about, remember he died mysteriously.

[Brian Green]

Mysteriously.

[Chris]

And there's been a lot of weirdness that's happened around all of that.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. And you know, I don't know if this is true or not. This is Internet, so I don't want to spread any misinformation. This may or may not be true, but according to a video that I saw, that particular person who supposedly committed suicide had told somebody, if I die, it wasn't by my own hands.

[Chris]

I guess I heard the same thing.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. And so when you make a statement like that and then the authorities declare it suicide pretty quickly after it happens, it's like, I'm not a conspiracy theorist, but I, I'm not. I don't think it's a conspiracy. If he went around telling people if I die, it's not by my own hand, and then he dies by his own hand. Yeah. That's like. Seems a little fish. It not seems a little fishy. It is pretty fishy. And I think they need to investigate that. You know, it's hard for me to wrap my head around that Boeing would literally do harm to somebody because they were already in trouble in the first place. It's not like this guy was going to make it any worse or better. He was just telling the truth. And when you have an environment like that, especially when you're making airplanes, I mean, there are, if you go on some of these flight booking sites, some of these travel sites right now, you can click a button when you book your, your flight. When you're looking for flights, you can click a button that will take the 7, the new 737s out of the option.

[Chris]

Really?

[Brian Green]

Yes. That's how terrible Boeing's reputation is and how terrible these airplanes are. I mean, they made a fucking function on those airplanes where it's, it's like an anti stall thing. Best of intentions, Right? It's anti stall. So if you get into a certain position, the plane puts the nose down because you need air speed. If you're stalling, if the, if you're going up in this direction but the plane doesn't have enough thrust to get you up, then the, then the plane stalls. How do you correct that? You have to get more speed so you put the nose down, then that's what you're taught. That's what you're taught when you first start flying. When they practice stalls, put your nose down, gain airspeed, then pull the plane back up. But what they did was they put this program, this computer program in there that was supposed to intelligently detect that stalling was about to happen and put the nose down. But it malfunctioned, and it malfunctioned to fatal consequences. On at least two flights and then many other flights, pilots didn't understand what to do. Why didn't they understand what to do? Because Boeing, when they rolled out the new 737, in order to save themselves money, decided that the pilots don't need training on that particular function. It's not that big of a deal. So they save themselves money because they don't have to retrain all these pilots. And it makes it more attractive to the airlines because they don't have to take their pilots and put them in hours long training, you know, facilities. And so Boeing just straight up killed people for extra profit. And that's fucking insane.

[Chris]

Yeah, I know.

[Brian Green]

God, yeah. Thank God we probably can't kill anybody here at the commercial break.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

I mean, thank God, but I don't know.

[Brian Green]

We probably kill people's ears all the time.

[Chris]

I was gonna say maybe people, like.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Drive off the road, you can't take it anymore. Four episodes is way too much. I don't know.

[Chris]

I can't keep up with all the downloads.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

I can't keep up with all the downloads. Gregari. Gregari. Press pause. Gregari. Unfollow.

[Brian Green]

Gregari.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

All right, let's.

[Brian Green]

Let's take a break. Give everybody's ears a day. We'll be back.

[Christina]

Okay, you guys, I have an idea. Why don't we take a break? Gotcha. This is the break, and you already know when you hear my sexy voice, it's time to whip your phone out and follow us on Instagram or skip the ads at the commercial break and on TikTok@TCVpodcast. And of course, you know, if you want to get involved, you can always give us a call or text us at 21243. That is 212-433-3822. And guess what? I finally have information on TCB Live. So the links are in the show notes. But let me tell you right now, you can come see us at Dania beach improv on Tuesday, September 24, or at the Funny Bone Orlando on Wednesday, September 25. It's gonna be fab. So go buy your tickets and we'll see you in Florida.

[Brian Green]

Did you hear that? They might. They may now understand how Stonehenge came together.

[Chris]

I didn't see that, how it came together, but I thought about a fingerprint that was from Scotland.

[Brian Green]

Here, let me read. From Scotland. Let me, let me read this. So you know what Stonehenge is. And if you don't know what Stonehenge is, turn off the show. Because then you're even dumber than I am. I mean, honestly, you're even dumber than I. If you don't know what Stonehenge is in real life, then you clearly saw it on, what's that movie, Spinal Tap.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

All right, Stonehenge. It's a life size replication of Stonehenge. No, it's not. It was literally smaller than the small person on stage.

[Brian Green]

So the wonder of the world isn't done living up to its name. Roughly 5,000 years after making an initial appearance on a patch of English grassland, Stonehenge has plenty of secrets left to spill. Surprising new research says prehistoric. The prehistoric spite the prehistoric site is abuzz over a new report saying that the altar stone, one of the most mysterious pieces of the monument, according to the Washington Post, may have been dragged 500 miles or so over land from far away Scotland. If true, the finding release with 95% certainty by the scientists at Curtin University in Australia. Is this the same university where that. Where Reagan does the studies on break dancing? Okay, just checking. So. Oh, I lost my place here. Sorry. Challenges a century's worth of geological study that supposed whales to be the point of origin. Using tiny, long ago secured fragments of the stone which cannot be further tampered with for any reason. Due to Stonehenge's status as a World Heritage site, the researchers were able to determine that the work of Neolithic art was made in old red sandstone. This type of stone is found in Scotland's northeast area, stretching from the north of Inverness through the Orkney Islands. Considering the wheel had yet to be invented, the feat of prehistoric long haul transport demonstrates a high level of societal organization with an intra Britain transport during the Neolithic period, whatever that means. Call me and let me know. The trip may have taken over a decade to accomplish. Next up, figuring out how or where the stone came from in Scotland and why and why it would be there. Yeah, yeah. Unbelievable. All this stuff I just said I wasn't a conspiracy theorist. Now here I go. All this stuff like, you know, the theories about the pyramids, which I've seen a couple of really good ones. Right, really good theories. I've also seen some theories that the Egyptians were not slaves. In fact, they were people who were like celebrating. They wanted to do this. This was part of their, their, you know, culture and their artistic vision that they wanted to put these. Because, you know, a lot of people say that this, that Egyptian slaves and some people say. Some people are now saying, no, they didn't. They were really happy. I don't know how they determine that.

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

They found a journal.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Best day ever. Carried 40, 000 tons on my back.

[Chris]

Yeah. Well, did you see too, the thing about the pyramids with the. They thought that were just these tunnels with really could have been for water. And that's how they were able to actually do a lot of the building of it was through hydroelectric.

[Brian Green]

Yes. Tesla thought that the. Tesla had a theory that the pyramids were sonic inducers that would make electricity in the air, which he had been trying to do. He had been trying to send electricity over. You know, everything has, everything has electrical charges. Right. And his was. He tried and I think succeeded in some of his experiments to prove that you could literally capture electricity in the air. Right. Or send it across long distances through the air. And so he thought that it was like it was a tuning fork essentially that would send energy that could be, you know, then made into electricity. And that they had figured it out. And then he had this whole drawing about how, how he did it. And so then Stonehenge is another one of these weird, fascinating things that was supposedly happened before people had the tools to do it. I mean, they didn't even have the wheel yet, for God's sakes. What's that? I carried it on my morning boner.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Pushed it all the way.

[Chris]

Morning wood?

[Brian Green]

Yeah, my morning wood. And so this is really fascinating to me to think that before the wheel, they figured out how to drag something so fucking incredibly heavy 500 or more miles. I mean, how do you do that? I mean.

[Chris]

Well, that's what I'll do. That's maybe water somehow.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, you know, you might be right. Maybe water. Maybe they. It just all leads back to a theory that I know that a lot of people are into and I don't know that I'm into it, but I give, I, I lend my open mind to the idea that if we went away tomorrow, in 5,000 years, there would be nothing left. There would be like plutonium and some, you know, really hardcore plastics maybe. Right. But basically everything would be ground down to sand and we would be so many feet under the earth that you'd have to dig for a long time to get to anything. Resembling human existence. So if we went. So if people supposedly who are that old, Right. Maybe they had technology not similar, not the same, but technology that was way more advanced than we could have ever imagined.

[Chris]

We just don't understand.

[Brian Green]

It's just gone. Yeah, it's just gone. It's buried so far. Or it's just turned into dust and we don't know.

[Chris]

There you go.

[Brian Green]

And so I'm open to the idea. I'm also open to the idea that aliens made the pyramid.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Yes, I'm also open to the idea.

[Brian Green]

That we are aliens. I mean, we are stardust, technically, right? Yeah, I guess that's true. We're stardust. So speaking of us being aliens, I went for my physical today, Chrissy.

[Chris]

Oh, you did? Good for you. Good job.

[Brian Green]

Yearly check.

[Chris]

Everybody should do that.

[Brian Green]

That's right. I am a tuning fark as they put their hand in my ass and make sure that my prostate is good. No, they don't do that anymore. Actually, they don't do that anymore. But I don't know if I've told you this, and maybe I have. I have a problem. Whenever a phlebotomist, a nurse, a nurse's assistant attack, goes to get blood out of me, and that is that I don't have veins that are easily get or gettable at all. So anytime that someone has to stick me with a needle to get blood, it is an ordeal. It always is an ordeal. Only the best of the best can get out of a vein in my arm. I've had them put in my hands. I've had people talk about putting them. My legs and my neck, in my foot, my neck. Listen to this. I go for a physical. I know, like, yeah, just like blood, like just flying out of my neck, right? There's. There's like 17 arteries up there. Like, you know, it's. It's insane. I go for a physical like six years ago, and I got. I've got to get blood drawn, right? So the lady at the doctor's office can't do it. It. She cannot find a vein. So she says, please do me a favor, drink a bunch of water, come back first thing in the morning tomorrow. And I said, okay. And so I come back and she's like, still can't do it. Sorry, you're gonna have to go to an actual phlebotomist at the hospital, right? Or the medical center, whatever it is. So I go to the medical center. There's a rather new young lady that's there, and she is trying to take my Blood. And for the. She is digging around my arm, digging around my arm with a very large. Digging, digging, digging. She's sticking it in and she's moving it around, and then she's going out, and then she's coming back in, and then she's digging it around. I still have a scar from it right here. And so eventually, she's getting so frustrated and I'm getting so irritated, and I'm not fussy at her. I understand. This is. This is a challenge. And she says, listen, I. I don't know, I might have to go into your neck. And I'm like, going through my neck? What is this, train spotting? You're gonna go into my neck? You might as well stick a needle in my dick. I mean, what are you talking about?

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

And so finally they got a more experienced phlebotomist who came in and was like, no, we ain't doing no next today. That ain't happening, honey. No. She's like, let's do this a different way. And they finally. I think they put it in my hand or something like that. So I go in today and super sweet nurse and she's like, do you want the blood drawn before or after you see the doctor? Let me know, know. And I said, well, listen, let's just go ahead and get it out of the way because it's highly. It's highly unlikely you'll find a vein the first time, and we will need to do this again, right? And so she says, honey, I don't play that game. I don't play hide and seek with your veins. If I can't find it, you're going to drink a bunch of water, you'll come back tomorrow, or I'll be here all day. You can come back later or whatever. And I'm like, okay, good. And so she puts a pillow under my arm. She asked me to straighten my arm, make a fish, put ties, that goddamn heroin thing around my, you know, veins. And. And then she's feeling around, feeling around, feeling around. She's like, okay, I think I see one. It's tiny. So let me get a smaller needle. She puts it on. She goes, they'll take a little longer for the blood to come out, but if we get a good vein, then we should have good flow. And I'm just thinking to myself, oh, okay, good flow, good blood. It's just all kind of crazy. She sticks that needle in so slowly, it burns so much. She sticks it in so slowly. And then she's pulling it, pushing it, pulling it, pushing it trying to get it to like have a good stream. Like she's trying to find the vein, get the, the. Get the thing in there. And so finally like, so now we're working together, right? She's holding my arm, she's got both hands like this. She's got that, you know, the little, like the little vials, right? And they have a little rubber thing on top of them. And then you stick it into the topper and then it pulls the blood out or gives the. That's where the blood goes. So I'm helping her with my free hand, like put the stopper in there so that she can like keep it where it is. She's like. Cuz I think I got it. I think I got it. You can see the blood running through the tube. She, I pop that thing on there and Chrissy, it's as if it. It's literally as if I had drank 12 beers and I hadn't pissed in two days.

[Chris]

Oh wow. It was like gushing out.

[Brian Green]

It's gushing out. I mean like rides all over the inside of the bottle. It's filling so fast.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

You're like, take it out, check it out, take it out.

[Brian Green]

And I'm.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

She's like, quick, get the other one before we lose it.

[Brian Green]

Take it out, take it out, take it out. Oh my God.

[Chris]

She found it.

[Brian Green]

She found it. Six huge b. Like the bigger vials then three little vials. She had taken like a pint of blood for me. Pint, Pint. I don't know how much it was, but it had to have been a lot.

[Chris]

It was a lot.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, because I kept putting them on the table for her, like putting her in the carrier for her. And I was like, that's a lot of blood. Blood is really red. I mean, it's really, really red. So she, so she finally gets to the last one and then she does this whole thing somehow, some way. When she goes to take the last thing out, the tube disconnects from the, the tube disconnects from the end of.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

This little bottle and there's spitting everywhere.

[Brian Green]

It's on the floor, it's on the pillow, it's on her hands. And I'm like, oh my God, poor lady. I said, listen, you know, she goes, listen, first of all, I'm not splitting my paycheck with you just because you helped me. She goes, I gotta pay bills, pills. She's like, second of all, she goes, you may not be able to find a vein in your arm, but when you do, it's a gusher she's like, you got gushers. And I was like, a.

[Chris]

Well, you went down deep.

[Brian Green]

That's right. So doctor comes in. You know, she's. It's a new doctor to me. My old doctor moved off to a different practice, a different place. And I really liked him because he was really thorough. And I hate doctors that come in. They assess you immediately. They're like, yep, you have the flu. Here, take this box fight or, yep, you know, yeah, you had a heart attack, but it'll be all right, buddy. And pat you on the back and send you on your way. You know, it's like, I want somebody who's got a little bit more depth to them. Like, they're going to try and get to the bottom of it. Don't just medicate me. Let's figure out what's going on, run some tests or do some things or whatever. So this new doctor is wonderful. She's lovely. She's, you know, going through all the checklists, asking about my history, anything that's wrong, whatever.

[Chris]

Your balls.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, squeezing my balls. But, you know, know, you know, she's. Yeah. Anyway, so. So she goes, well, you're of a certain age, so, you know, we're gonna do your prostate, of course. Do you want to get. I can order it. Do you want to get your testosterone checked? And I said, yeah, I do. I said, I want to get my tea checked. Why not? Yes. Because I have had friends. I had friends in their 30s who got their T checked because they were feeling a certain kind of way or not feeling a certain kind of way and they needed some extra tea. You know what I'm saying? Now, I don't know if I do hormone replacement therapy, but whatever, you know, get my tea check.

[Chris]

Let's see what's happening.

[Brian Green]

Let's see what the deal is. Am I. Am I sweet spot or. You know, Because I've been telling Chrissy, like, there's been some afternoons the last couple months, I can't keep my eyes open, but I also do have three very small children.

[Chris]

Exactly.

[Brian Green]

There's a lot going on, and I don't really like. I. And I would be honest about this, but it's not necessarily. It's not my libido. Like, I'm also not 21. I'm not running around, like, jizzing all.

[Chris]

Over ever pumping couches.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. I'm not couches anymore. I don't think there's any couches out there, at least in the last decade, that have to worry about me. And. But I'm Also not like some other folks I've spoken to having issues with libido or erections or anything like that. And so she starts asking me these series of questions, and she's like, so, tell me about your morning wood. And I was like, tell me about your morning wood. Is that what a doctor says?

[Chris]

Is that the technical term?

[Brian Green]

Is that what a female doctor, probably a decade younger than I do, Is.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

That how you approach it?

[Brian Green]

That's. That's what I asked her. I go, morning wood?

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Is that a technical term?

[Brian Green]

Is that in the book? And she goes, no, but you know what I mean. She goes, I could say erection, but we all know what it is. And she's like, I don't know. Erection sounds. Morning wood sounds better. I'm like, I'm not really sure coming from a doctor if morning wood or erection sounds better. Actually, I think I would prefer erection, if you don't mind. Let's get clinical in here, doc.

[Chris]

Okay.

[Brian Green]

And she's like, so, how's your morning erections? You know, how's your morning woods doing? And I'm like, you know, I get morning woods. I got my morning woods. I like it. It feels good. It's hard. You know, I don't get it every morning like I used to, but I'm a couple times a week, I got that morning wood. And she's like, good, good. That's a good sign. And she's like, and your woods are fully, like, rigid and hard and standing up straight. And I'm like, okay, can we. Can we drop. Then at that point, I go, can we drop the wood? Can we go back to the erection?

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Because I think I like that better.

[Brian Green]

Because now I feel like you're trying to get like. Trying to replicate us having a beer. Like bugs having a beer. How's your wood? Yeah? And I said, and I don't ever think I've had a conversation about the woods, right? So. So she says, okay, well, how's your. How's your erections? They're rigid, they're hard, They're.

[Chris]

I take white Brian 3000.

[Brian Green]

That's what I said. I said, well, if you're asking, I.

[Ad Voice]

Don'T do any white Ryan 3000. The special dream to make you hard and get you horny.

[Chris]

Oh, yeah.

[Ad Voice]

Your wife's gonna be begging for mercy when you put this dream right on your ball sack. May cause irritation, possibly death. Maybe have three eyeballs. Your children may die. Don't worry about it. Why ride these housing on tpr? You'll be nailing in drywall.

[Chris]

Nice.

[Brian Green]

Thank you.

[Ad Voice]

You'll be potato pipe in your car when ry br 3000.

[Brian Green]

And I was like, hey, listen, yeah, I, I think, I think I'm good. Like, you know, I think I'm good. I think I got that good, good, you know, juju going, I got that good, good wood in the morning. Good, good, good, good. Wood in the morning. And she says, good. Well, let me tell you something. I really think that if you had low T, those two things would be problematic. And she goes, because that's the number one sign of low T. And almost everyone who has low T has those two symptoms. She's like, it's very rare that someone has low T and strong morning wood. And strong wood, wood. Right. Just regular wood.

[Chris]

Any time of the day would Just wood.

[Brian Green]

And I go, oh, okay, all right. So good. So I probably don't have, you know, I got strong wood. Good, good. I got good, good wood. So I guess I'm good on the low T. Right? And she goes, 99 of the time. You're good on the low teeth, but I'll test it anyway.

[Chris]

Yeah, might as well.

[Brian Green]

So I'll let you know. Follow up on my wood. Wood. I'll follow up on my wood.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

I'll let you know how I'm doing.

[Chris]

I can't wait to hear the follow up morning wood.

[Brian Green]

I just was taken aback when she said that. I was like, morning wood.

[Chris]

Okay, I know. I think I've told you before that that's when our kids were younger that we happened to see the phone search and that they had asked, what is morning wood?

[Brian Green]

Oh, really?

[Chris]

Like in middle school or something. We were like, oh, they're hearing about morning wood.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, it's an unavoidable. It's one of those unavoidable things. Morning wood is slightly irritating, but I would say that it's not, it's like not the worst thing in the world. Because usually anybody who would notice your morning wood is someone that you would want to notice your morning wood. Right. Like, you know, big strong man with his morning, big, strong morning wood. And morning wood really, 90% of the time has less to do with being horny. And it can have to do with being horny, but it less has to do with being horny and more having to do with having to pee. Right. It's just really, you have to pee, your bladder starts filling up and then, you know, I don't know what happens. And blood goes down there and then you get that big. A big morning what? So, yeah, I mean, listen, being A guy is relatively easy. You know, we don't bleed anywhere. We don't have menopause. We don't have to be pregnant or anything like that. You don't have tender breasts or any of that other shit. But we do have morning wood. So we have morning wood. And then there's a period of life where you just have, like, random wood. And random wood is the worst because when you get random wood, it can be taken in really the wrong way, you know, especially like at a doctor's office or a massage parlor or.

[Chris]

Or as you're going down the rope in the gym.

[Brian Green]

Oh, yes, I told you that story.

[Chris]

I did want to tell you. That's all I'm saying.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

I was like, no, no, I'm good. I'll stay up here.

[Chris]

I can't come down.

[Brian Green]

I can't come down.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

It won't go down. I can't come down. There's no down. It's only up in the good news department. I don't have low teeth.

[Brian Green]

All right, let's take a break.

[Chris]

Okay.

[Christina]

You already know who it is. Christina, here to keep you actually informed. Unlike some people we know, Brian. I've got certified, verified, factual information about our Florida shows. So listen up up. We are coming to Dana beach improv on Tuesday, September 24, and the Funny Bone in Orlando on Wednesday, September 25. And links to those tickets are in the show notes, so go get them. In other completely new and interesting news, you should follow us on Instagram at the commercial break and on TikTok CB podcast. And of course, go to our website, tcbpodcast.com for all of our audio and video content. Content. And finally, if you want to tell Brian and Chrissy that I am a pretty, pretty princess or that you hate me, text us or leave us a voicemail at 212-4333, TCB. That's 212-433-3822.

[Chris]

Bye.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, that's funny. I saw that, too. There's a lawsuit. I mean, this just goes to show. And this is really shitty because it's a tough situation. And I. And I can understand that there's a lot of grief and grieving going on here, here. But Chrissy and I are seeing, like, a ticker on the bottom of a news channel, and it says, Disney lawsuit over Disney plus subscription. And the lawsuit is that a man claims that Disney signed on behalf of his wife or consented to the Disney plus terms of service even after she had passed, after she had died. Made. So now he's suing Disney for like millions of dollars because, you know, he claims that they tried to represent that his wife was alive when she wasn't.

[Chris]

And for the subscription number.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, no, like, like they updated their terms of service on his wife. On. They had, his wife had an account. They updated the terms of service and then the terms of service were clicked that I agreed the terms of service even though his wife wasn't alive. They're claiming, he's claiming that they did that on her behalf. Like, they just auto like populated that and even though she was dead. And listen, I understand you're grieving and you want to lash out and. But this just looks like it might be a paycheck play for, you know, I'm confused.

[Chris]

They, the wife died but had the Disney plus subscription, which cost like what, 14.99amonth? Yeah, yeah. And then they. It auto renewed or it got.

[Brian Green]

They updated their terms. I think, I think I just heard about this this morning. They updated their terms. They updated their Terms of service by which you have to read through. Click. I agree and continue.

[Chris]

And everybody always reads through all of those.

[Brian Green]

Absolutely. Terms of Service is great reading. I mean, you know, when you're having a, I don't know, when you're on a, like date night Friday night, you said, hey, babe, let's go to, you know, I don't know, Tin Tin down the street, get our favorite sushi, and then go home and read Terms of Service.

[Chris]

Pour a nice ball.

[Brian Green]

Disney plus updated their terms of service. Let's get some Y Brian 3000, get some subscription wood, some tos wood. But the poor guy is claiming that Disney agreed on her behalf even though she was dead. And that's tough. You know, she passed and they're, they were rather young. That's tough. But I don't know that that's a reason to sue. And that's part, I think. Part of what, in my opinion, part of what this country could use is some tort reform because there are good reasons to sue somebody, but any reason under the sun is not a good reason to sue somebody. And that is currently how the law is. You can literally sue anybod for any reason. And that seems a little silly. It jams up the court systems, makes sure that we're constantly churning out more lawyers. And not that lawyer is not a. I think it's a noble profession in a lot of ways. But then there's not a. There's some lawyers like any profession, like the commercial break where there's just idiots involved. Right. You know, and so I just don't know about this one. It feels like a Poyers of podcasting, where the ambulance chasers of podcasting. I'm sure a lot of people would agree. Oh my gosh. Remind me to tell you something off air about the ambulance chasers of podcast. Okay, okay. So anyway, it just seems like are you really, you're gonna sue Disney for a large amount of money because somebody updated terms of service and it got clicked somehow. Like, is that that nefarious? Is that a glitch? Is that Disney just trying to get 14.99 out of your poor passed away wife? I mean, I don't know, but that.

[Chris]

The thing is, have to follow the story closely.

[Brian Green]

I think there's two kinds of people on this earth when it comes to the law. There are people who see a legitimate wrong and use the court system to figure it out. That could include. Include monetary damages. And then there are people who are looking for something wrong, anything wrong, so that they can sue somebody. It was like that guy, remember there was the dude who was sued Taco Bell because they Taco Bell didn't put the kind of cheese that they showed on the commercial inside of the Nacho Grande or some.

[Chris]

Yeah, yeah.

[Brian Green]

I mean, come on, really? Honestly? Or you sue Madonna for a million dollars for being late to her concert. Concert. You knew she was going to be late to her concert. It's literally all people talk about when they go to a Madonna concert. Now I can understand that. Being late, you know, you get your money back. Like if she's four hours late, get your money back for the ticket and maybe some babysitting cash. But suing for millions of dollars, that seems just like you're just trying to find a payday, right? And maybe, I don't know, maybe that's a legitimate reason. Here's what I'll tell you is not very funny at all is this Matthew Perry situation.

[Chris]

Yeah, that's tough. I mean, I can't even believe what you told me earlier because I just read the headline that they had charged the doctor and the assistant.

[Brian Green]

Okay, so two doctors have been charged, Matthew Perry's live in assistant and someone referred to as the Ketamine Queen. They essentially have busted a large underground drug ring that catered in some cases to celebrities in Hollywood. Matthew Perry died from drowning. But what he really died from, like the underlying reason why he drowned is because he was. He had ketamine intoxication, severe ketamine intoxication. They said that he had enough ketamine at his. In his blood when he passed away, that, that general anesthesia would be the level of ketamine that he would have in his body. General fucking anesthesia. Like when they crack your heart open open for open heart surgery, that kind of level of general anesthesia that is, first of all, insane. Second of all, it's sad. And third of all, it's. And Chrissy and I were talking about there's some drugs that are recreational, there are some drugs that I just don't think should ever be recreational. And ketamine, I think comes as close as any of them. Ayahuasca, ibogaine, pcp. Like there's just some drugs that you shouldn't take recreationally even if you know what the you're doing. Yeah.

[Chris]

Just for like a spur of the moment, like let's party.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. Because the veil is thin with these drugs. It really is. And Matthew Perry, he, he had taken ketamine for a long time for therap. For therapy, therapeutic uses for that and.

[Chris]

Have very great results.

[Brian Green]

I told you that our friend who had the suicide disease, which is trigeminal. Trigeminal neuralgia.

[Chris]

Yes.

[Brian Green]

Which is the, the nerve that runs through your head, through your face, like along your jawline and into your eye sockets and all that. It gets, you get knocked around or something happens and there's pressure on that nerve and you get pain. And there are a lot of people who get this disease and they commit suicide because it's so bad. It's that bad. It's worse than, you know, cluster headaches or migraines. And it, and he had it. And one of the things that they prescribed him, and this was a decade plus ago, like when this was first becoming used in medical purposes. He got nasally injected like a nasal spray, ketamine. And it helped, it helped him, but it was, we're talking very small amounts that he would, you know, squirt up his nose. Matthew Perry had been under the care of a doctor doing this for therapy. But the therapist told him at some point, no more. You can only do this for a certain period of time. Plus I suspect that you're doing other drugs. I can't be narcotically treating you when I think you're using narcotic medications or drugs outside of this clinic. Because what the fuck am I going to do if you come in here one day high on a bunch of opiate pain medication and I give you a dose and then you die? Because the combination is, is, you know, there's a counter indication.

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

So he had been off the the doctor's care, ketamine, he had been off that for a couple of weeks and so he went looking for it somewhere else and he asked his assistant, according to these charges that came out very recently. So he asks his assistant for it. And his assistant goes to the street, finds the ketamine queen, who then calls a medic, who then calls a doctor. That doctor is illegally prescribing ketamine to get onto the streets. And that doctor texted back that medic, I wonder how much this moron will pay. I wonder how much this moron will pay.

[Chris]

That's awful.

[Brian Green]

That's the other reason why some drugs shouldn't be used recreationally. Because you don't know know where or who the you're getting them from at the end of the day. And if you think for a second they give a about your well being, they do not. Once that gets handed off, it's out of sight, out of mind. They don't care how it's used, they don't care when it's used.

[Chris]

I'm not here, they just want the money.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. I'm not here preaching. You shouldn't do drugs. I have done almost all of them. I mean, honestly, I've done more than my fair share. Do what you're going to do with yourself. But just, I mean, I just think that I should be aware. Aware. You should be aware. You know, people that I love should be aware that the drug game ain't quite what it's used to, what it used to be, first of all. And second of all, some of these drugs that people take recreationally, in my day, we never thought about them as recreational drugs. Never. I've done ketamine, I've been in a K hole. It's up, man. You'll be lucky to know your own name, let alone how to swim. I mean, that's like, it's a terrible, terrible thing. And while I don't believe in the war on drugs, in this particular case, I do think someone needs to be punished. Especially when they're texting things like, I wonder how much this.

[Chris]

Of course, yeah, now they're responsible.

[Brian Green]

You saw a big old, you know, train of money coming down the tracks and you were wondering how much you could get out of him. That's really insensitive and insane. And I hope that particular doctor, he's certainly getting his license taken away from him. But I hope he goes to jail. I really do.

[Chris]

I do too.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. And that assistant apparently avoided 15 years of jail sale by snitching on everyone Else.

[Chris]

Oh, cut a deal.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, he cut a deal. But you know, if he was getting Matthew Perry ketamine and some people have, have said publicly, some celebrity friends have said publicly that Matthew was not sober at the time of his death like he claimed he was being. He was sober, but they claimed he was not. Some people have claimed that he was not sober, that they had seen him in different states of intoxication, especially the last couple of weeks leading up to his death. Death. If you're his live in assistant and you know he's got a problem and then you're feeding that problem to make a couple extra bucks here or there, that's just wrongheaded. That's just wrongheaded. I. There's one thing that I have learned about addiction through my own struggles and my, and struggles with people that I love. I will not enable. I just won't. Like, if you want to kill yourself, if you want to kill yourself, fine, but I won't help you kill yourself. That's just not going to happen. Because, you know, if you're using, if you're taking a couple gummies here and there or you're, you know, blowing a couple rails over the weekend, you know, once, twice a year, whatever, dude. Cool. You're having a good time. If you've got a straight up problem and then you're coming to me and asking me to help you get it or give me money or whatever, no, I'll feed you a hot meal. I'll give you another episode of the commercial break because that's what everybody's looking for. I'll even give you free tickets to my live show.

[Chris]

Chicken Soup for the Soul.

[Brian Green]

Chicken soup for the soul. But I won't help you kill yourself yourself. But you know, that's just grandpa thinking and I'll be a grandpa soon, so. Girl, you'll be a grandma soon. On a downer. But I wanted to talk about it because I thought it was like so up that that was sad.

[Chris]

It is up.

[Brian Green]

So sad. Gone too soon. As many of the, as many celebrities are. And this is the reason why. It's because they get what the they want no matter what. That Michael Jackson was getting straight up juju juice into his arms like night after night after night. He was paying that doctor like $10,000 a day. Yeah, that's insane. But I guess he had the money to do it, huh? So now no one's ever also offered me $10,000 a day to help them get juju juice at the end of the night.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

I've Never been presented.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, I've never been presented with that challenge. So I say I wouldn't enable any. Anybody.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

But maybe just a couple months. Maybe just to pay off this amex.

[Chris]

Yeah, just to pay off a couple things.

[Brian Green]

That's right. All right. But just until I pay off the chase. I love it.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

I love you.

[Brian Green]

All right. Come to our live shows. The 24th at Dania Dania Beach Improv, 25th at the Bone in Orlando. We can't wait to see you. Tickets available by clicking the links in the show notes here. That'll take you straight to the website where you can buy tickets or you can go to the Funny Bone Orlando's website or the Dania Beach Improvs website and get the tickets there. Don't go nowhere else. Get your tickets here. What else? What else do I have to say? 212-433- TCU, TCB 212-433-822 questions, comments, concerns, content, ideas. We are taking them all. Send us a text message, leave us a voicemail. We'd be happy to hear from you. TCB podcast.com that's where you go. More information about the show tickets will be available on that website also, if you so please. You can also get your free sticker by hitting the contact us button. Drop down menu. I want my free sticker. Give us your address and we'll send you that sticker. Special stickers coming for those.

[Chris]

That's right.

[Brian Green]

For those who attend the shows and those who attend the shows only. Don't ask. You ain't getting none unless you show up at my front door, girl. Add the commercial break on Instagram, TCB podcast on Tick Tock. And if you would, if you could, if you don't mind, go to YouTube.com the commercial break, all the interviews and subscribers, selected episodes and clips. Okay, Chrissy. That's all I can do for today.

[Chris]

I think so.

[Brian Green]

I gotta go build my blood reserves back up.

[Chris]

I love you.

[Brian Green]

Best to you.

[Christina]

Best of you.

[Brian Green]

Best of you out there in the podcast universe. Until next time. Chrissy and I always say, we do say and we must say goodbye, Sam.