Hit 'Em With The Helicopter

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Commercial Break – "Hit 'Em With The Helicopter" (January 9, 2025)

---

Main Theme & Episode Purpose

In this delightfully chaotic episode, hosts Bryan Green and Kristin Joy Hoadley (Chrissy) – with their signature irreverent banter – dive headlong into the world of unconventional dating shows, focusing primarily on the UK’s infamous “Naked Attraction.” Before and during their glorious foray into full-frontal TV, they riff on celebrity crushes (Keanu Reeves in particular), pop culture oddities, reality TV drama, and, as always, share their hilariously unfiltered takes on the absurdity of modern life and media.

Their mission? To make listeners laugh, cringe, and feel like they’re part of an R-rated, anything-goes group chat. This episode is especially NSFW, thanks to the descriptive play-by-play of “Naked Attraction” and the hosts’ unflinching commentary about all things body-related.

---

Episode Breakdown & Key Discussion Points

1. Opening Banter – Keanu Reeves Praise & Hollywood Age Gaps

• 00:00–06:20
  • Bryan starts by lamenting his “dry January” but pivots to effusive praise for Keanu Reeves: “He’s honestly maybe one of the few good humans left on this earth.” (00:58)
  • The panel marvels at Keanu’s age-appropriate relationship with Alexandra Grant, a rarity in Hollywood. “He’s 60 and his girlfriend’s in her 50s. It’s... they look lovely together.” (04:14)
  • The ridiculous age gaps and dating habits of other celebrities (especially Leonardo DiCaprio and Jeff Bezos) are called out: “He changes girlfriends like I change toilet paper rolls.” (05:29)
  • Notable quote:

    “Keanu seems like a guy who cracked the Matrix – honestly went into the Matrix, came out, and understands... how to do the right thing in most circumstances.” — Bryan (01:22)

2. The Ones Who Missed Out: Alternate Casting in Classic Movies

• 06:20–11:45
  • Discussion on how Will Smith was almost cast as Neo in “The Matrix” and Matt Damon turned down “Avatar,” missing out on $250 million.
  • Reflections on iconic action stars and surprising casting choices, “That’s another one where you would’ve said, ‘how is Matt Damon going to be a super action star?’ But he ended up being one.” — Bryan (09:29)
  • Quick tangent on ageing action stars like Jackie Chan.

3. Brianna Chickenfry & Podcast Drama

• 12:09–16:41
  • They dissect influencer/podcaster drama, namely the BFF breakup between Brianna Chickenfry and co-host Grace, and the PR circuit that follows.
  • Commentary on tabloid culture, betrayal, and the pitfalls of micro-fame:

    “When you get famous... your friends want to talk shit... They want to sell it to a trade rag—they have pictures of you in their phone that they want to give to certain magazines for money.” — Bryan (15:30)

  • Both hosts express gratitude that their “Clear Channel days” occurred before the iPhone era and ubiquitous digital photography.

4. Naked Attraction: In-Depth (and NSFW) Review

• 18:47–61:56 (core of the episode)
  • The duo screens and riffs live on the naked dating show, “Naked Attraction,” delivering improvised commentary.
  • Premise explained: Contestants pick dates based solely on naked bodies, with screens rising to reveal more bit by bit.
    “One contestant... stands in the middle of five boxes... they slowly pull up the screen... revealing a naked person behind it... Only the genitalia, that’s what they base their decision on.” — Bryan (20:32)
  • The hosts react, aghast and amused, particularly at the excessive number of penises on display:

    “That’s the first time since the high school locker room that I’ve said those words.” — Bryan (30:34)

  • Ongoing, explicit commentary on body parts, grooming, tattoos, and British slang for genitalia.

    “Clunge. That’s the most disgusting word for a vagina I’ve ever heard.” — Bryan (22:01)

  • Memorable reactions to “party tricks” (the titular "helicopter") and the logistics of filming the show.
  • Observation of the contestants' confidence and self-acceptance:

    “I do love that these people seem generally very confident.” — Bryan (56:36)

  • Humorous cultural comparisons about sexual education between Europe and the US.
  • The climax: Jessica picks between two finalists and the newly clothed (but formerly nude) pair go on a somewhat awkward but good-spirited date.

5. Notable Quotes & Moments (with Timestamps)

• “If Leonardo DiCaprio’s girlfriends turn 26, they’re out the door.” (05:10)
• “Do you know what I call sex on legs? They're bangers, aren’t they?” — Bryan riffing on British slang (23:42)
• “Some are grabbing. Some are swinging on their own. Can I ask a question? Is this what goes on at a male strip club? Do they helicopter?” — Bryan, during the infamous segment (37:07)
• “I feel physically ill.” — Bryan, after the penis ‘helicoptering’ segment (37:33)

6. Self-Deprecating Callbacks & Meta Comedy

• Running gags about Bryan’s own “small penis,” “Clear Channel days,” and the limits of the show’s taste.
• They joke about how editing this episode for YouTube could traumatize their video editor and possibly lose them followers:

  “You may or may not find this episode on YouTube... Just so I don’t gross out half the episode... If I haven’t already.” — Bryan (61:58)

• Bryan signs off musing about Keanu Reeves’ genitals, tongue-in-cheek: “Now I’m wondering. Circumcised or uncircumcised? I bet he’s uncircumcised. I don’t know why. It’s just a feeling that I have in my go.” (62:07)

---

Important Segments & Timestamps

• Keanu Reeves admiration & age-appropriate relationship: 00:58–06:20
• Hollywood casting what-ifs (Matrix, Avatar, Bourne): 06:21–11:45
• Podcast drama (Brianna Chickenfry): 12:09–16:41
• Discussion on tabloid culture & micro fame: 15:30–16:41
• Intro & Review of “Naked Attraction”: 18:47–61:56
  • Premise explained: 20:32–21:12
  • Hosts' shock & explicit commentary: 22:00–38:22
  • Jessica’s decision and aftermath: 45:30–61:56
• Closing banter – exhaustion & existential podcast dread: 61:56–End

---

Tone & Language

• Casual, chaotic, and loaded with explicit humor and sexual innuendo.
• The hosts deliver genuine reactions, blending quick-witted observations with gleeful immaturity.
• Strong British slang, R-rated banter, and self-aware jabs at their own show’s appeal (“Our network must be so proud... Do you think you could reduce the amount of times you say clunge in an episode?” — Bryan (62:18)).

---

For New Listeners / Takeaways

• This episode is a quintessential TCB rollercoaster: pop culture tangents, raw sexual comedy, and a no-holds-barred look at the bizarre edges of reality TV.
• At its core is a camaraderie born of 20+ years of friendship–Bryan and Chrissy’s dynamic makes even the most cringe-inducing subject matter feel like a raucous group hang.
• Warning: If you’re squeamish about nudity or frank sexual content, you might want to skip this one. Otherwise, get ready to laugh (and wince) as they tackle dating shows with their pants down.

---

Find more:

• thecommercialbreakpodcast.com
• Instagram: @hecommercialbreak
• TikTok: @CBpodcast
• YouTube: youtube.com/thecommercialbreak

Final words:

“I take a dick and keep on making.” — Bryan (64:21), perfectly summing up the ethos of TCB and this episode’s irrepressible spirit.

Transcript

[Brian Green]

Yeah.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Do you have a dry.

[Brian Green]

I'm doing dry January.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Sad.

[Brian Green]

That's very sad. I would love a dry, sauvy B Sauvignon Blanc. Yeah, I do have a nice and dry. Yeah, yeah, we'll do a bottle. A bottle.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Right.

[Brian Green]

For the dry January 1st. Thank you so much. On this episode of the commercial break. That is fascinating. It really is fascinating. And like we mentioned yesterday in the show, there is there. These are not supermodels around the show. Obviously there are some good looking human beings, but by and large, this is like a, just a. These are regular people.

[Christina]

A jeweler.

[Brian Green]

A jeweler, a chef, your neighbor, the girl at the gas station, that guy with a small penis. The next episode of the commercial break starts now. I get asked, oh, yeah. Cats and kittens, welcome back to the commercial break. I'm Brian Green. This is the voice of reason in the room, Kristen Joy Hoadley. Best to you, Chrissy.

[Christina]

Best to you, Brian.

[Brian Green]

Best to you. Out there in the podcast universe, can I say that I am very proud of Keanu Reeves? It seems Keanu Reeves can do no wrong and he's honestly maybe one of the few good humans left on this earth. And that includes me. Like, I'm not one of the good humans on earth. I'm saying of all the humans on earth, Keanu seems like one of the good humans.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

He does.

[Brian Green]

He's constantly doing the right thing. He's constantly taking care of those around him, stopping and taking pictures and giving, you know, showing up at charity events and giving the children what they want. And he just seems like a really good dude, like a guy who cracked the Matrix, like honestly went into the Matrix, came out, understands how to do it, how to be a good human being, how to do the right thing in most circumstances, how to say the right things, how to be honest and organic in almost every situation.

[Christina]

He had an excellent adventure.

[Brian Green]

He had an excellent adventure. I mean, if you, all the actors, if you would have gone back to 1988 and all the actors, you could have said they're going to end up being one of the most famous, well loved, well known actors ever in the history of cinema. Keanu Reeves would be the last person you would have picked. Bill and Ted's excellent adventure was the worst acting in the history of cinema. Maybe not the worst, but pretty close to the worst acting in the history of cinema. Even though we all loved the movie.

[Christina]

Oh, yeah, that's a sign.

[Brian Green]

It did not age well. And as an adult, you can clearly see how ridiculous that movie is and how Terrible those two are at acting. Keanu Reeves does like it was. I just would have never imagined that he would be the guy we all love and adore. I mean, he's lovable even in Bill and Ted's excellent adventure, but he's. I just wouldn't have imagined him being this guy that he. This man that he's turned into that he's quite amazing in every way that I.

[Christina]

It seems like it.

[Brian Green]

I don't read a bad fucking thing about the guy. I know he's always out there kissing the. Shaking hands and kissing babies, Making love to the camera. Looking good, acting. Well, what happened? How do we get whatever Keanu has and man, that skin. Can we talk about that skin? Amazing. He's beautiful. He's a beautiful man. I love him. I have a man crush on Keanu Reeves.

[Guest or Co-host (possibly Grace or another regular)]

Join the club. We all love Keanu.

[Brian Green]

Yes, she's gay pan. And she loves Keanu.

[Guest or Co-host (possibly Grace or another regular)]

Gapan.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, gapan. She's gay pan. Christina's gay pan. And she loves. See, she only loves people for the right reasons.

[Guest or Co-host (possibly Grace or another regular)]

John is my perfect little prince. Yes, he's my little prince. I love him.

[Brian Green]

She would go straight for dad.

[Guest or Co-host (possibly Grace or another regular)]

You're damn right I would.

[Brian Green]

Hey, listen, I would hit you over the head with a pan with a gapan if you said you weren't. All right, so let me explain why this has been solidified in my mind forever and ever. For the first time that I can remember, I saw a picture of Keanu with his girlfriend.

[Christina]

Uh huh.

[Brian Green]

And his girlfriend is age appropriate.

[Christina]

Oh yeah.

[Brian Green]

How is this even possible?

[Christina]

I've been with her for a long time.

[Brian Green]

How is this possible? How did Keanu Reeves get an age appropriate girlfriend? It's unbelievable to me. Are they married?

[Jessica]

I think they.

[Brian Green]

I think it said girlfriend, but I could be wrong.

[Christina]

I thought that maybe they got married, but they were to get. They've been together for a long time.

[Brian Green]

Oh, have they? This is the first picture I've ever seen of Keanu and his girlfriend. They were on a red carpet somewhere and she is perfectly age appropriate. He's in his 50s. 50s. She's in her 50s. It's. They look lovely together. She's a beautiful woman.

[Guest or Co-host (possibly Grace or another regular)]

He's 60.

[Brian Green]

He's 60? Yeah. He's 60.

[Jessica]

Yeah.

[Guest or Co-host (possibly Grace or another regular)]

And he. I don't think he's married.

[Brian Green]

You, Keanu, you're 60 and you look like that. God damn. Not a bit of. I mean, maybe a little Botox here and there, but there can't be a bit of plastic surgery on that guy. He just looks Great. He looks great. And his girlfriend is beautiful. And she's in her 50s.

[Guest or Co-host (possibly Grace or another regular)]

Got to be in her 51, I think.

[Brian Green]

51. Perfectly age appropriate.

[Guest or Co-host (possibly Grace or another regular)]

She's an artist.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. She's got gray hair.

[Guest or Co-host (possibly Grace or another regular)]

Alexandra Grant.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. Alexander Grant. Wow. Wow. I mean, if you molded someone in a PR machine, I mean, nine years age appropriate, but nine years at 60 is perfect.

[Guest or Co-host (possibly Grace or another regular)]

I think that's perfectly 60, it's fine. At 20, it's not.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. Bezos is dating someone who's like 32 and he's 76 years. I mean, just let's not get into that. Yeah. Let's not even get into the. The disparity in age between most Hollywood actors and their girlfriends. Look at Leonardo DiCaprio. As soon as they turn 26 years old, they're out the door.

[Christina]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

He changes girlfriends like I change toilet paper rolls. I mean, the guy. And no knock against Leonardo. Like, I don't think he's doing anything illegal.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

No.

[Brian Green]

And that's just the way he rolls. He seems to have a type. And the type is young models. Right. That's it. And they don't seem to be complaining. You don't ever hear these ladies coming out and saying he was abusive or anything like that. But it's clear that Leonardo is a Coxman. He's like a Warren Beatty of our time. He's just dating young, beautiful women all the time. To see the. Keanu Reeves is dating someone in their 50s when he's 60. And so incredibly good looking, so incredibly handsome, so incredibly rich, Just so well put together. Makes me believe that Keanu is actually. Is a good person. Substance for the right reasons. The substance. That's the substance that I want. That's the guy that I want.

[Christina]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

I mean, what else can we say about. I mean, what's your favorite Keanu Reeves role?

[Christina]

Oh, I mean, you gotta love the Matrix. I love Point Break, too.

[Brian Green]

Point Break's pretty good. Point Break is pretty good. Point Break is the break, in my opinion, for Keanu. It's like where he went from kind of jokey, goofy, yuck it up, slapstick kind of comedian to, okay, he can maybe take on a semi serious role, but the Matrix clearly makes him a star. Do you know who was supposed to play the guy in the Matrix? Neo. Do you know, Take a guess.

[Christina]

Was it like another actor of that time?

[Brian Green]

Will Smith.

[Christina]

Will Smith.

[Brian Green]

Will Smith was. Was originally intended for the role of Neo in the movies the Matri Happens. He did not. Something about. He did not feel like he wanted to work. He didn't want to do that. Like on a neoscience fiction or something like that.

[Jessica]

Okay.

[Christina]

He's also doing a million other show or movies at that point.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, he was. So he turned down the roles. I'm sure that he's kicking himself in the Pauls that he didn't take on those roles. But you couldn't see anybody else in the role.

[Christina]

No, not now.

[Brian Green]

I mean, that kind of dumb Gashaw, awestruck seriousness about Keanu Reeves. Yeah. And the way that he took on the role physically, it just makes it so impressive in every way that I just don't imagine anybody else was in that role. I mean, that's got to be the hard part about being a really well known actor or actress in Hollywood. You get offered all of these parts and then you have to turn some down or you don't get some. It doesn't work out for whatever reason. You know, it's not working on your timeline. And then you see somebody else who embodies the role and makes an iconic movie out of it. That's got to make you feel in some way not. I don't know about jealous, but some kind of disappointment's got to run.

[Christina]

I miss out on.

[Brian Green]

What did I miss out on? I think it was Matt Damon. I believe Matt Damon was off, if I'm not mistaken, was offered the role in the Avatar movies and he turned it down. But he had been offered not only the Avatar movies, but he had been offered of the gross of the movie. And Matt Damon has said before, you will never meet an actor who has turned down more money than I have. I mean, can you check that if it's Matt Damon, turn down which role?

[Guest or Co-host (possibly Grace or another regular)]

He would have made $250 million by accepting a role in Avatar.

[Brian Green]

Oh, my God.

[Guest or Co-host (possibly Grace or another regular)]

Couldn't betray his Jason Bourne family.

[Christina]

Oh, yeah, he was in all those.

[Brian Green]

Hold up, hold up. But he couldn't leave Jason Bourne. Yeah, read this a little bit.

[Guest or Co-host (possibly Grace or another regular)]

Okay. Matt Damon's decision to turn down James Cameron's 2009 space epic Avatar, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, remains one of the more infamous casting what ifs of recent blockbuster history. He turned down the film despite an offer that included receiving 10% of the box office back end, which would have meant a $250 million payday for him.

[Brian Green]

Holy shit. Holy shit.

[Christina]

I think he's doing okay, though.

[Brian Green]

No, I don't mean Matt Damon's not hurting. I think for those Bourne movies, he probably made $250 million. Those mo so good. That's another one where you And I know there are. There are other actors who have been in the Bourne series. Like that guy who got chopped up by the snowplow. What was his name? Jeremy Renner.

[Christina]

Jeremy Renner.

[Brian Green]

Jeremy Renner took a turn in the Bourne movies, but I don't think he was. J. Was. You know, he wasn't Jason Bourne. He was like another, like, offshoot of the Bourne Identity. All right, we're back from a break. My daughter had to prance in here and do a little twirl for us. I think Jeremy Renner played an offshoot of one of the Bourne Identities. But largely, I think Matt Damon is known as the Bourne guy. And he is. So that's another one of those iconic movie roles. Right. Don't imagine anybody else. And that's another guy. You would say, how is Matt Damon going to be, like a super action star? But he ended up being a super action star. The reason why those two movies are so intensely good. Matrix and the Bourne Identities is the way that they filmed fight scenes were completely revolutionary. And I think to anybody, even people who don't like action films, it's so pleasing. Now I say pleasing, but it's so. It's eye candy to watch the way. Yeah, it's so intense. When I watched the first Bourne movie, I had never seen anything like it. I was like, wow, that's.

[Christina]

They are really good.

[Brian Green]

Speaking of the way they fight film scenes, whatever happened. They film fight scenes the way they film fight scenes. Whatever happened to the. The guy who was. Do you remember the dude who was in the Will Smith movies, The Chinese guy who would. Jackie Chan. What happened to Jackie Chan? Did he, like, age out of the movies?

[Christina]

I think he's still around, but maybe he just made enough money. Christina's gonna.

[Brian Green]

He's probably straight to DVD at this point, I would imagine. How old is Jackie Chan?

[Guest or Co-host (possibly Grace or another regular)]

He's 70.

[Brian Green]

Oh, well, then that answers that question. You can't do that shit for too long.

[Guest or Co-host (possibly Grace or another regular)]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

Was the last in big movie. He was in Rush Hour.

[Guest or Co-host (possibly Grace or another regular)]

Right on in 2023.

[Brian Green]

Well, right on in 2023. He was in an. Actually, hang on.

[Guest or Co-host (possibly Grace or another regular)]

Karate Kid Legends, 2025.

[Brian Green]

Oh, okay.

[Christina]

Oh, we all saw another Karate Kid.

[Guest or Co-host (possibly Grace or another regular)]

Still moving and grooving.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, we all saw Karate Kid still moving and grooving. Yeah, that's. Anyway, I just. Right back to Keanu Reeves. I mean, I have to say, Keanu Reeves is such a stud. And I would have that guy on this show. It would be the honor of my lifetime to sit and talk to Keanu Reeves, but because he is a good guy. He's never going to come on the commercial break.

[Christina]

I think this is true.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. He must have a fantastic PR firm agent that really guides him in the right ways because you don't see him on these weird, you know, offshoot podcast. You don't catch Keanu Reeves on Theo Vaughn. You know what I'm saying?

[Christina]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

Speaking of Theo Vaughn, drama drop on the Brianna Chicken Fry situation.

[Christina]

She wore a revenge dress on the golden to the Golden Globes.

[Brian Green]

Oh, she did.

[Christina]

And I do have to say, why.

[Brian Green]

Is Brianna Chicken Fry at the.

[Christina]

I don't know, but she was with her host guy.

[Brian Green]

She. Oh, what's his name?

[Christina]

Or John.

[Brian Green]

No, no, no, no. The guy. Now I can't remember. The guy who owns Barstool Sports. What's his name?

[Guest or Co-host (possibly Grace or another regular)]

Dave Portnoy.

[Brian Green]

Dave Portnoy. Was she with Dave Portnoy? Is that who she was with?

[Christina]

She was with somebody else. That's her. I don't know. She was with somebody else, I think.

[Guest or Co-host (possibly Grace or another regular)]

But she puts on a busty display.

[Brian Green]

That's what I'm saying.

[Christina]

That was the revenge dress.

[Brian Green]

Okay, so do you remember when I told you that Brianna Chicken Fry and her. The co host of her. Of her podcast, is that Dave?

[Jessica]

No.

[Brian Green]

Well, it is now that she's on Barstool Sports podcast. But then she had another podcast, Brianna Chicken Fry and whatever her name. I was so into this for a minute and then I decided you had enough. And then I decided I had enough Chicken Fry. I was kind of like, well, all right, there's enough chicken fry. So Brianna and her and her co host of that very popular podcast, they split up. The co host went and announced that she was going to then be on the call her daddy network, her own podcast. And then she showed up on Theo Vaughn and made mention of why the two of them had split up. I don't know about why, but what she said was, we're going through a rough spot. And I would imagine that as best friends, everybody goes through a rough spot and someday we'll make up. She took a very politician's view toward this whole situation. So I think that we can officially say, at least for right now, that the Chicken Fry drama may not yield any more drama drops anytime soon. And we have to wonder just how long the Chicken Fry Persona stays in the lexicon. Have you, Christina, have you heard the new podcast?

[Guest or Co-host (possibly Grace or another regular)]

No, no, sorry.

[Brian Green]

Well, once again, the commercial break is the place to find all the hip information. We don't even know her name. Sorry, what was her name? Grace Grace. Grace, Brianna and Grace. That's right. And so. But I mean, I wish all the best to Grace. I hope that that podcast does really well for. I can't imagine that you get on the Call Her Daddy network and your podcast doesn't do well. Yeah, yeah, she's.

[Guest or Co-host (possibly Grace or another regular)]

Now I'm just Googling Grace at Grace o' Malley Barstool.

[Brian Green]

Grace o' Malley on Barstool Sports. She left Bar stool. She left the Brianna Chicken Fry podcast that she had. They were best friends since childhood. They split up and now she's on Theo Vaughn doing kind of the publicity tour, I would imagine is what's going on. And she's not saying much about why the split up, but she is saying, you know, hey, listen, I believe that we'll. We'll smooth it all over. And that's true. Like, listen, friends, family member, we all get into little tussles and disagreements when it's so very public. It's got to be hard. It's got to sting. It's got to be tough to wake up every morning and read about yourself in every trade, you know, every fucking pop star pop rag that there is that you and Chicken Fry are in some. And I would imagine that a lot of these tabloids put words in your mouth also. They say things that aren't true. Friends of friends. That's. Listen, I had my little taste of fame with the Venezuelan democracy drop thing, and there are no tabloids at all that are looking for me. But I do have to say this is that instantaneously, like when you get a thousand comments on a reel, people start making assumptions real quick about who you are based on 30 seconds that they see. I can only imagine what it's like to have that times a million. And then your friends want to sell your information. That's got to be the part that becomes really isolating when you get famous. So true is that now you know who to trust. You don't know who to trust. Your friends want to talk shit. They want to sell it to a trade rag. They have pictures of you in their phone that they want to give to, you know, certain magazines for money. And, you know, let's be real about it. Like if I was famous and you were famous, and then someone came to one of our friends and said, I'll give you $100,000 for photos from the birthday party a couple weeks ago. That would be really hard to turn down, wouldn't it?

[Christina]

Yeah, there's probably a lot of incriminating stuff out there about us.

[Brian Green]

If tabloids Were looking to pay anybody for pictures of me. I'm just gonna say it right now. Do not be surprised about what may come out of Brian Green. It's gonna be a shit show. Chrissy cooks naked, for God's sakes.

[Christina]

There's gonna be back from our Clear Channel days.

[Brian Green]

Thank God. Thank God. Blackberries were all the rage and really bad at taking photographs, if they did at all. Thank God. Thank God. The iPhone was, like, relatively new. Not a lot of people. You kind of had to be rich to have an iPhone, so not a lot of people had iPhones. Taking pictures with your phone was a chore. It was a big project and only. And it was in, like, you know, four pixels, so, you know, it was all blurry. You couldn't see anything. But if there were pictures, if there are pictures from Chrissy and I's Clear Channel days that we are not aware of right now, I certainly give anybody permission to sell them. God bless you. They're yours. But I'm letting the audience know ahead of time, and I'm putting this on celluloid on the RSS feed forever and ever to live. Do not be surprised about any piece of information that comes out about me. It's probably true. And. And my penis is small, so those two things you should know right out the gate. All right. Okay, I'm just finished.

[Christina]

All right, I'll watch that.

[Brian Green]

I'm gonna say it before I spray it. There you go. All right. Speaking of Brian's penis.

[Christina]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

We talked yesterday about Naked Attraction, the show that has taken the world by. The dating show that took the world by storm during the pandemic when Max decided they were going to put it on their platform. This is a show that comes out of the BBC. The BBC or Channel 4 or something out there and over there in the UK. And it is a show that. Show that really takes the idea of eye candy to, you know, kind of dating someone for what they look like to the next level as they show. It's a blind date show where they move the screen from your feet to your head one inch at a time. Showing.

[Christina]

Revealing.

[Brian Green]

Revealing.

[Christina]

Well, it's just the legs and then it goes.

[Brian Green]

It's the kneecaps. It's the penis, it's the tits. Yeah. Yes. And it shows everything in high definition 4K glory. Unlike. Unlike those BlackBerry pictures. It's gonna show everything in 4K. And Chrissy and I are gonna look at some penises when we get back.

[Guest or Co-host (possibly Grace or another regular)]

If you were wondering, obviously you were. Yes, we did finally surpass 5,000 followers. But now here we are, thirsty for more. So follow us. We are hecommercial break on Instagram and CBpodcast on TikTok. And we'd love you the most if you liked our videos and subscribe to our channel on [e-mail] thecommercialbreak. And if social media isn't for you, just go to our website, tcbpodcast.com because everything we have ever done lives right there. Now let's take a listen to our sponsors and then we'll get back to the show.

[Brian Green]

Christina, right on those liners. Look at you. Good for you. You're timely on those liners. I like that. We're just listening to Christina's liner, which is when she breaks into the show and talks about where you can find us and stuff like that said 5,000 followers. We did just reach 5,000 followers. Five years. 5,000 followers. I think that means at least a thousand people a year have, like, from here. I believe it. I can feel it. We're going to ride that Venezuelan wave to infamy. All right, so yesterday we were talking about the show Naked Attraction. I mentioned that I really would like to review another one of those episodes. I managed to find one on YouTube. So we'll take a look at it. There's no other explanation. I don't need to give you any other explanation except for this. Naked Attraction is exactly what it sounds like. One contestant. Male, female, sometimes it's gay, straight, trans. They come out and they stand in the middle of five boxes. Those boxes are screens, like light boxes. And they will slowly pull up the screen on that light box, revealing a naked person behind it and the person in the middle. The person who's looking for a blind date needs to decide based only on the genitalia.

[Christina]

Yeah, they go straight up to the pelvis.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, they go straight up to the goods. And so let's take. Let's take a look.

[Christina]

Entertaining host.

[Brian Green]

Oh, the host is lovely. I love her. She's great.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

In a time where your online profile defines who, how, and where you date, we strip away the likes and the swipes, leaving only the.

[Brian Green]

Only the penises to be seen. Truth. Imagine if Tinder just had pictures of penises up there. Imagine if you had to swipe right or left based on a. A look of a penis. No one would ever date anybody. The birth rate in this country would go down.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

We have a more instinctive way to find love.

[Brian Green]

But do you. But do you really?

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Can picking a partner based solely on natural beauty.

[Brian Green]

Okay.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Help you find the One.

[Brian Green]

Wow. This is the first time I have seen a vagina.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeehaw.

[Brian Green]

Whoa. Okay, that's a reveal right there. Have you seen that episode?

[Guest or Co-host (possibly Grace or another regular)]

He was weird. I was like, well, I'm not surprised.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

This is the first time you've seen.

[Brian Green]

A vagina, sir.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

We like to start where a good date ends.

[Brian Green]

Time to see some poon poon. Time to see some poo poo. Okay, that is. Is that what you're calling poon poon? Maybe. He said. You know the worst word I've heard from for vagina is in that show the In Betweeners, when they call it clunge. Clunge.

[Christina]

I've never heard that before.

[Brian Green]

That's the most disgusting word for a vagina I've ever heard.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Tonight, here we go. A window cleaner and a jeweler let it all hang out for their potential soulmates.

[Brian Green]

Come on. I'm sorry. There's just. How do you go to a male strip club and just watch a wiener wangling around? It seems so strange to me. There's something so inherently beautiful about a woman's. Oh, look at that. I just stopped right perfect at the right place. A guy holding his cock.

[Guest or Co-host (possibly Grace or another regular)]

I just need to point out for everyone, just so you guys know, the screen is really close to my face, and I just need to report this to H.R.

[Brian Green]

Good luck with that. There is no H.R. here, Astrid. Oh, Brian's putting the pause button to use. Look at that.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Oh, God.

[Brian Green]

What is that?

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Lick the lizard.

[Brian Green]

Well, I'm looking for the dick that I want to suck for the first time, I want to point out. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Okay, let me find a time where I can pause. It does not include a penis. All right, there we go. I just want to point out that the female body, in my opinion, is so inherently beautiful. It's just a lovely and delicious. I know that's my personal preference, but the male body, it seems like the penis is just an afterthought in some ways, you know what I'm saying? Like an extra piece of skin that no one knew what to do with. Just throw it on there. It's so weird and ugly. Oh, I had 17. You. I've only got six now.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I've never had a tit wank before. We know it's what's on the inside that counts. He can make his move. Oh, my God. But you've got to like what's on the outside first. You know what I call sex on legs?

[Brian Green]

They're bangers, aren't they?

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

So you're the queen of the blimey. It's time to try dating in reverse. This is Naked Attraction.

[Brian Green]

Did anyone ever stop to think if this was really a good idea? Like if this really was a good idea?

[Christina]

Obviously they're on season seven.

[Brian Green]

Well, they're on. The ratings must be through the roof.

[Christina]

It's like, it's so outrageous.

[Brian Green]

It's. It's like a train wreck. You can't stop watching. You know that what you're seeing just shouldn't be on television, but it is. And so it's fat. It's fascinating. It really is fascinating. And like we mentioned yesterday in the show, there is there. These are not supermodels around the show. Obviously there are some good looking human beings on there, but by and large, this is like a. Just a. These are regular people. A jeweler, a jeweler, a chef, your neighbor, the girl at the gas station, that guy with a small penis.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Welcome to Naked Attraction, the show where we like to do it with the lights on. Inside each of these six pots, I've lined up a naked singleton. Only one of them will be picked to go on a date. But who's doing the choosing, by the way?

[Brian Green]

Who is the host? Is she like some kind of sexologist or something? Is she a body expert? She seems to talk in a way where she understands what's going on with the body. And when does the host get naked? Has the host ever been naked? Anna Richardson, Is that her name?

[Christina]

She's like, hell, no, I'm not doing naked.

[Guest or Co-host (possibly Grace or another regular)]

Doesn't seem like there's much on her. Oh, she. Hold up. Someone has been replaced at some point in time. Oh, no, this is her, though.

[Brian Green]

Okay, that's her.

[Guest or Co-host (possibly Grace or another regular)]

She's just done a lot of hosting. She did a sex education show.

[Brian Green]

Oh, okay. And you know that back over in Europe they have done some sex education shows which we have also talked about here on the show, which we. Which I have also watched. Like they did one in Denmark. They did one, I can't remember, maybe in Canada. In Australia, they have done some sex education shows geared toward teenagers that are incredibly graphic, that show actual penetration, how it's supposed to work, how you do it in an effort, how to put on a condom, how to use a condom in action, in an effort to educate the public. Here in the United States, you go to church and you know, they pretend like sex doesn't happen between anybody but two married people. It's kind of crazy, but I think they're taking the right approach over there.

[Christina]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

Because the only. Yeah, the only way you're going to do it is just like the only right way to teach someone about sex. To teach a young person about sex, in my opinion, is to tell them the good, the bad and the ugly and to show them that sex is not a porn movie. Although I'd like to think sex is a porn movie. I am physically unable to hold Astrid up against a shower wall for 30 to 40 minutes. I'm physically unable to do anything for 30 to 40 minutes.

[Jessica]

I'M JESSICA. I'm 28 years old and I'm from Surrey.

[Brian Green]

She's a child education specialist on naked.

[Christina]

Why not get in front of a national or worldwide audience?

[Brian Green]

In America, you're fired. She's canceled instantly. In England, she's celebrated.

[Jessica]

I love life is a total shambles. I've been on about 50 dates and all of them, quite frankly, were a disaster. I've been lied to, I've been catfished. I've been ghosted. I've been cheated on.

[Christina]

Yeah, you're not getting catfished on this one.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, no, there's no catfishing going on here. You're gonna figure it out real quick.

[Jessica]

I'm the girl on the sofa with a glass of red wine singing all by myself.

[Christina]

That's from Bridget Jones.

[Brian Green]

Is that from Bridget Jones? Yeah.

[Jessica]

And I'm the real life Bridget Jones.

[Brian Green]

Oh, look at you, Chrissy.

[Jessica]

I love some of my favorites.

[Brian Green]

You know your lonely single women movie?

[Jessica]

A pair of buns in the oven would be nice to find a man that can beat the batter. My friends and my sister would love me to meet someone.

[Brian Green]

Do you fringe and your sister also think it was a fantastic idea to have you go show your clunge.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

No.

[Jessica]

Oh, here we go. I like a little bit of a perv. I might have a little bit of a gawp. This little face isn't so innocent. I want to meet a man naked.

[Brian Green]

Can I. Can I just share? Just like when you call the doctor's office and every single one of those messages says our options have recently changed. Everyone says the same thing when it comes to their sex. I'm a little bit of a pervasive. Everyone says that because you don't want to be known as the guy or the girl who just says, yeah, I like missionary style. Do you know what I'm saying? It's such a cliche thing to say.

[Christina]

Well, also, I don't think you'd be on here.

[Brian Green]

What's that?

[Christina]

Oh, I don't think you'd be on here.

[Brian Green]

No. You gotta have a certain kind of screw loose to get on this television show.

[Jessica]

I need to open up my life and let a man in.

[Christina]

Okay, let's get to the goods.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, let's get to the penises, please.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Gorgeous girl next door like you still single. Come on.

[Jessica]

I just meet idiots. And Bridget Jones.

[Brian Green]

Can I also say, just like the doctor's. Just like the doctor's office message whenever. Anybody who has a trouble dating life is always blaming everybody else for the trouble dating life. Do you know what I'm saying?

[Christina]

That's true.

[Brian Green]

Just throwing that out there prettily.

[Jessica]

A Samantha Jones.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

So why choose a date naked?

[Jessica]

I love being naked. I'm really comfortable in my own skin a little bit. Try before you buy. I think as well.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

So fair enough. Okay, now, in front of you, you have got six colored pods inside each.

[Brian Green]

She's like a kid in a candy store. She's so ready for the penises.

[Christina]

I mean, I would be nervous.

[Brian Green]

I. I wouldn't be there. It would be tough for me to do this naked unless it was for charity. And that reason, then I would do it right.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Each of them has an attribute that you have said you find attractive. We're going to reveal them to you bit by bit. All you've got to do is whittle them down from six to one, just using naked attraction alone.

[Jessica]

Okay.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Are you ready?

[Brian Green]

This is insane when you think about it. I know we've kind of. We've seen a few of these, so it, you know, we know what's coming. But this, when you think about this premise, it is just generally insanity.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

The guy. Yes. Can we please reveal the bottom half of the bodies?

[Brian Green]

Oh, straight to the dicks. So they pulled up the box, they pulled up the screens all the way to, like, their belly button area. So now we've got six penises in front of us. That's first time since the high school locker room that I've said those words. I mean, that is. They are largely uncircumcised. Am I right about that? There is like five uncircumcised men and one circumcised man.

[Guest or Co-host (possibly Grace or another regular)]

I thought there were like four uncircumcised.

[Brian Green]

That's what I said, uncircumcised.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I thought you.

[Guest or Co-host (possibly Grace or another regular)]

Sorry. I thought it said other way.

[Jessica]

I'm gonna go look at blue first. I think.

[Christina]

Oh, my God.

[Brian Green]

A bit of a wiggle. This is what we do for work. This is what we do for work. A wiggle. Give me a wiggle size.

[Jessica]

I don't like anything that's too big.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Okay.

[Jessica]

Once I did Anal.

[Brian Green]

Oh, my God.

[Christina]

So close.

[Brian Green]

Oh, my God. It's so close. It's so close. We should have done the women. We should have done the women. I'm an equal. We did a woman last time, so I'm equal opportunity. All right.

[Jessica]

And he went straight in and spit me.

[Brian Green]

Oh. Oh, Jesus.

[Christina]

What is happening?

[Brian Green]

What happened? Where did we go with this? Oh, my God. Is it time for a break yet? Can we fast forward to the women?

[Jessica]

All right.

[Brian Green]

Okay, okay. I'll give you a second here. I think we're gonna take a break. We're gonna do we need a break. No, not yet. Christina's gotta get herself together. It shook me to the core. That is insane what she just said. Split me. She spl me right up the middle. That's an intense thing to think about. So let's do this. Let's take a break, and then when we get back, we'll see if we can muddle through the rest of this episode. Now we know what we're working with with this lady, so she's not afraid of anything.

[Jessica]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

And with the men. That's true. And by the way, not a good looking penis in the bunch. Just throwing that out there. All right, we'll be back.

[Guest or Co-host (possibly Grace or another regular)]

One of my New Year's resolutions is to hear more of other people's drama. So help a girl out and tell us your drama at 212-433-3822. You can text it or if it's extra juicy, leave us a voicemail with the full story. And don't forget to follow us on Instagram hecommercialbreak and on TikTok CBpodcast and watch our video [e-mail] thecommercialbreak. But also, you can find everything I just mentioned and more on our website, tcbpodcast.com okay, let's listen to our sponsors and send us your drama.

[Brian Green]

Well, we did get to 5,000 followers, but I'm wondering how many of those followers we're going to lose after this episode. All right, we're watching Naked Attraction. You know it. Because you. You didn't just jump into the middle of this episode. Okay, let's just continue, I guess. Here we go. Yeah.

[Jessica]

Framed. I had to go to the hospital.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

What did they do?

[Jessica]

They had to glue me slightly back together.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

They glued.

[Brian Green]

Oh, that is. My God.

[Christina]

She's back. Looking for more, but just not too big.

[Brian Green]

Not too big. So we're keeping the small penises in mind here. Well, I volunteer.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Right. So moving on.

[Jessica]

Green quite like a circumcised Willy. Yeah.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

You know, there's something. Can I just share this? There's something that's weird I find about other. About penises in general. A lot of them seem discolored. Do you know what I'm saying? Like, they're different color than the actual skin of the body. And I understand why that is. It's a different type of skin and it's, you know, works in different ways and has different blood flow. But I don't know, I find it really disconcerting when I see, like, a pale white man with almost a black penis. Do you know what I'm saying? Interesting.

[Jessica]

Sometimes it looks a little bit tidier.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Jessica]

If you expect me to be tidy, I expect you to be tidy.

[Brian Green]

I expect you to mutilate yourself. If I'm gonna get mutilated.

[Jessica]

Okay.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Across to orange.

[Brian Green]

Yeah.

[Jessica]

Got quite strong legs. I don't like someone who's got two bigger legs because I like to be on top. Yeah.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

So you can't have legs that are too.

[Jessica]

No, because then my hip goes sometimes and get a bit cramped.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Your hips go as well?

[Brian Green]

Yeah. This girl's a mess. I mean, I guess we have to remember that this girl did choose to come on Date Naked Attraction. And Brian still can't get the name of the show right.

[Jessica]

Dating Naked Red. Not a bad size. Peanut.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah. Oh, his legs.

[Christina]

He's got, like a tattoo type thing.

[Brian Green]

Ugly penis. Man, these are ugly. I'm sorry, I just gotta say this out loud. Yeah. It's all very. I understand that circumcision in some ways is mutilation, but I think that generally she's right. It looks tidier. It looks neat. Maybe that's just what I'm used to. I don't know.

[Christina]

Why do you have one tattoo right.

[Brian Green]

Up there and it's faded and it's a tattoo of a penis, isn't it?

[Guest or Co-host (possibly Grace or another regular)]

No, it looks like a cartoon character. But I think it looks like he's in the process of getting it removed.

[Brian Green]

Okay, that's good. And the little star there, that's cute.

[Christina]

He just didn't make it by the time he was gonna be on national tv.

[Brian Green]

Ye.

[Guest or Co-host (possibly Grace or another regular)]

He tried.

[Brian Green]

He tried. It took longer than he thought. He tried.

[Jessica]

Yeah.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

What about yellow?

[Jessica]

It's nice. It's a nice size. It's a good size.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yes.

[Jessica]

It's like Cinderella's shoe, you know?

[Christina]

Hi.

[Brian Green]

Pink.

[Jessica]

He's got good balls. Quite solid.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Solid.

[Brian Green]

He's got good balls instead of good bones. Oh, my God. This show is wrong in every way.

[Christina]

I know.

[Jessica]

Helicopter. Because I think that's really funny, fellas.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Thumbs up if you're up for a proper helicopter. All right, here we go.

[Christina]

Here we go.

[Brian Green]

Oh, my God.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Okay.

[Christina]

Some are doing it better than others.

[Brian Green]

Some are grabbing. Some are swinging on their own. Can I ask a question? Is this what goes on at a male strip club? Do they helicopter?

[Guest or Co-host (possibly Grace or another regular)]

Worst day of my life.

[Brian Green]

I know, sorry.

[Guest or Co-host (possibly Grace or another regular)]

Christina turns out fully gay.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, it turns out Christina is automatically gay. Turns out she didn't like penises in the first place. And she certainly doesn't like them now.

[Christina]

I'm not even Keanu.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

No.

[Christina]

Okay.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Screw you, Kiana.

[Brian Green]

I feel physically ill. Oh, this I do, too. That makes sense.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

At least there's that.

[Guest or Co-host (possibly Grace or another regular)]

At least there's that.

[Christina]

Maybe we can get it to where they go up one more level.

[Brian Green]

Can we just go up one more? Can we go to their chest now?

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

That is excellent.

[Christina]

She's got to get rid of somebody.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Much as that was utterly hilarious.

[Jessica]

Yeah.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

One of them has to go.

[Christina]

Oh.

[Brian Green]

He'S like, let's get rid of four of them. How's that? Can we get rid of four of them now? The guy with the tattoo has got to go. Oh, God.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Red.

[Christina]

Red is out.

[Brian Green]

Red is out. See you later. That dick didn't qualify. Oh, this guy was a tattoo.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Oh, fair enough.

[Jessica]

I could be completely wrong, Jessica.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

You were saying?

[Brian Green]

He's a redhead.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

He's 34, and he's a finance manager from Sheffield. Nothing like.

[Christina]

Nothing like your client's seeing this. He's a finance manager.

[Brian Green]

Hey, can you move a million pounds into my wealth? Holy shit. I just saw your penis on national television. Did you just helicopter your penis? Did you just helicopter your penis, Ben? Oh, well, I am a bit sure. So, you know.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Thank you very much indeed. See you later.

[Christina]

They just have to walk completely naked.

[Brian Green]

I know. They have to do the perp walk.

[Christina]

Yeah.

[Guest or Co-host (possibly Grace or another regular)]

When they do the butt, zoom in.

[Brian Green]

I know.

[Guest or Co-host (possibly Grace or another regular)]

It's so sad.

[Brian Green]

It is. It is. White guys, and they get to a certain age. Most white guys, when they don't get to a certain age, we just have a butt problem. The butt problem is it's not a good look. It's not. Black men have, you know, they got those beautiful, you know, strong asses. White guys, we go in, they go out. It's bad. It's just bad. Still got few moves in the pack. Yeah. To be fair to this guy, he doesn't look much better clothed than he.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Bye. You've got five lovely men remaining. This is where you get to see the middle part of the body?

[Brian Green]

Yeah. Let's focus on something else for a second.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Please.

[Brian Green]

Go up. Oh, okay. Lots of tattoos? Yeah. Yeah. Big nipples. Small nipples. Big bellies. Small bellies. Hairy.

[Christina]

Not hairy.

[Brian Green]

Not hairy. Oh, wow. Wow. Oh, my God. One guy has a picture of a baby reindeer logo right on his chest. That's crazy.

[Christina]

That was like full chest and torso.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, that was a big tattoo. Why would you get a reindeer tattooed on your chest?

[Christina]

Or a deer, I guess. I don't know. Maybe he'll explain.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, I hope so.

[Jessica]

Orange.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Wow. Do you like his chest?

[Jessica]

Yes. He's got that nice little V line.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

He's definitely got the V line going on, hasn't he?

[Christina]

Yeah, he has the victory V. The.

[Brian Green]

Victory V. Victory is for vagina. V is for victory in your vagina.

[Jessica]

Go to yellow.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

So you're liking sort of abs or a dad bodge?

[Jessica]

I don't mind a little bit of a dad bodge. I'm not a gym fanatic. Like, I want it to be an even balance. Like when someone looks at me, that.

[Brian Green]

Guy'S got a picture of a cartoon. A tattoo of a cartoon shark on his back.

[Christina]

Yeah, it's a shark.

[Brian Green]

What? What are some people thinking when they get tattooed?

[Jessica]

Honestly, what hunts you still? And vice versa.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

When it comes to choosing a partner, Most women will choose flab over abs. In a recent.

[Brian Green]

Well, that is good to know.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

For me, 74 of women in the UK felt self conscious about their bodies and don't want to compete with a finely chiseled hunk. We prefer a dad bod to a radbod.

[Brian Green]

I'm gonna guess that 74% of women say they prefer a dad bod. But if a chiseled hot guy walked in the door and then Brian walked in the door, I think I'd lose every time.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Then the Aussies, who celebrate with an annual dad bod competition involving a fitness test, a catwalk and a burger scoffing race bombs are.

[Christina]

What's the burger scarf?

[Brian Green]

I don't know. What's this? What's a scoff? I guess that's eating. Okay.

[Jessica]

Have a good bud.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

He looks like a swimmer.

[Jessica]

Yeah. Do you swim? No. No.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Do you play sport? Yes.

[Jessica]

You play basketball?

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

No. Rowing.

[Christina]

Rowing.

[Brian Green]

Rowing.

[Christina]

Part of the crew.

[Brian Green]

Oh, there you go.

[Christina]

Yeah.

[Jessica]

Let's speak to pink.

[Christina]

That is a good exercise dance about him.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

You're talking about the arms. Is there any other reason why you like a. A boy with strong arms?

[Jessica]

Well, I like to bake.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Okay.

[Brian Green]

What does this girl look like?

[Christina]

I think I like to bake.

[Brian Green]

First of all. Second of all, this guy's got the kind of body I can relate to. He's soft in the middle.

[Christina]

You've got strong arms.

[Jessica]

It means you've got strong whisk.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Shall we see what these guys are made of when it comes to their wrist whisk action?

[Jessica]

Yes, ladies.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Okay, so the boys are standing there with a bowl of cream and a whisk. So we need to check out.

[Brian Green]

Oh, my God.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Whisk action and your strong arms. Whisk it.

[Jessica]

Whip it.

[Brian Green]

What does this have to do with dating? All these dating shows, they have stunts and they're so stupid. It's like 90 Day Fiance. The last resort, when they send him out to row and grab a basketball, how's that gonna make your relationship stronger? Yeah.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Green, That's a disappointing action. Blue, he's turned it to butt suck at speed of light. Okay, fellas, can you just turn your cream towards us, please? Orange, good. Green.

[Jessica]

Oh, okay.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Pink's good as well.

[Brian Green]

Yeah.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Who stood out for you? Blue?

[Jessica]

He just got really into it.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Well done, fellas. Thank you very much indeed. You've got five lovely men. One of them has to go. Who's it gonna be?

[Brian Green]

I don't think we needed to whip butter to make a decision about who we like. You're making a decision based solely on their body. That's it. I say raise the curtain to chin level. Give them a couple minutes to think about it. Pick two, ask him a couple questions, get on with life.

[Jessica]

Let's say. Pink.

[Christina]

Pink.

[Brian Green]

Pink's gone. See you later, Pink.

[Jessica]

It's the hairy chest. Does a little bit. Remember my dad and I heard, yeah.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

You are saying goodbye.

[Brian Green]

Oh, God. If that reminds me of your dad, I probably remind you of your Grandpa.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

He is 32. He's a rail plant engineer from Blackpool.

[Jessica]

Oh, you've got such a lovely food.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Oh, Jessica, why haven't got.

[Brian Green]

For a girl who remind me of my mom's soul. Fair enough. Way to take it in. Strike. Yeah, yeah. There's the but the butt shot, it's the best. But I don't think she was really my type. Yeah, I mean, that's the other thing. Like when some of these people make it through to the end and they finally see the person that they're gonna date, you gotta imagine a lot of these people go, oh, not for me.

[Christina]

Yeah.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Coming up, Jessica bears all. Before choosing who to date, I'm gonna go with. And a brand new singleton gets to pick a partner based on naked attraction.

[Christina]

This is so crazy.

[Brian Green]

This is. This is so insane. This is like. I mean, honestly, this is probably my 20th episode of Naked Attraction, including a marathon that in Ireland. And if we're really being. If I'm really just, like, baring it all. No pun intended. It doesn't get any less shocking anytime that I see it.

[Christina]

Every time.

[Brian Green]

Yes, Every time. Oh, my God. Even. And even though I prefer the female form, like, that's what I'm sexually attracted to. Even with the women. It's so clinical and weird. And close up, sometimes it can be disconcerting.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Client support specialist Jessica whittled six men down to.

[Brian Green]

I thought it was child support specialist.

[Guest or Co-host (possibly Grace or another regular)]

Does make a difference.

[Brian Green]

It really does. Okay. I'm sorry. Jessica.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Attraction alone. She can only choose one man to go on that.

[Brian Green]

She's gonna go with the uncircumcised guy because that's what she prefers.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

So who will she lose next?

[Brian Green]

Oh, wow.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Before we crack on.

[Jessica]

Yeah.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Just remind us, why are you here?

[Brian Green]

I'm desperate. I'm desperate for. I'm desperate for a wank.

[Jessica]

Bridget Jones.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Okay.

[Jessica]

And we need to bring out the Samantha Jones in me again.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Oh, crikey. Is the world ready?

[Brian Green]

Yes.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

In this next round, okay, you get to see the boys faces.

[Brian Green]

Here we go.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Can we please see the boys faces?

[Brian Green]

Okay.

[Christina]

They're all very different.

[Brian Green]

Very different. Generally the same age, but all very different. I'd say they're all in their 30s. Probably all a relatively handsome gentleman. Honestly. Start with the face it. Pull it the other way down. I think that's what you do. And because the face is gonna be the thing that really ties this all together, Right? You're not gonna date someone just based on their penis.

[Christina]

Right? And now it's the whole package.

[Jessica]

Yellow looks a bit cheeky.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

He is very. Come on, man.

[Jessica]

He is. He looks like he's got kind eyes. I've got a bit of a flutter there.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

You've got a flutter. When it comes to sexual attraction, a woman's vagina sometimes engages before her brain does. An increased flow of blood to the genital.

[Brian Green]

Never has that ever happened to me.

[Jessica]

Me.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Results in that tingling sensation known as a fanny flutter. According to a recent study, some professions are considered more sexually attractive than others and likely to generate this fluttery feeling down below top of the tingles. With one fifth of the votes were the medical, legal and teaching professions.

[Brian Green]

Where's the podcaster fall in that? Where does podcaster fall? Probably way down on the list.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Workers were voted bottom. Barely a flutter.

[Jessica]

Orange. Oh, you have a lovely smile, handsome boy. There's A little something about him.

[Christina]

Gigantic deer.

[Brian Green]

Except for the gigantic, weird tattoo on your chest.

[Jessica]

I like his hair, actually. Is that blonde all over? Yeah, it is.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

You're not a natural blonde, are you? No. And then finally, we've got Groovy.

[Brian Green]

I think the weirdest part about this is they can't say anything, so they're not responding.

[Christina]

They're just nodding.

[Brian Green]

Right.

[Jessica]

He's got a really kind face.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Green. Could you manage an older lady? You've seen the boys. You've seen their faces.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, the guy, the green guy looks really young.

[Christina]

Yeah.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

One of them has to go.

[Christina]

He was the rower who's gonna be.

[Brian Green]

Oh, she's gonna say green.

[Christina]

You said green?

[Brian Green]

Yeah. I think she thinks he's too young.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Have you seen his body? I know.

[Jessica]

You just look a bit innocent for me. I feel like I might eat you alive.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Well, Jessica, the man that you could have eaten alive is called Milan. He is 22. He's a philosophy student. Student from Lincoln, but originally from Germany.

[Brian Green]

Oh, my God. He's like every girl's wet dream. He's a philosophy student with a gray body and a big dick.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Say hello.

[Jessica]

You look like a bit of a Prince Charming.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

But you'd ruin him, wouldn't you?

[Jessica]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

Guess we'll never find out. Oh. Oh, wow. Snappy with a comeback. She was under the impression that I was a bit innocent. I would argue that she's probably mistaken. I guess if I looked like that, I'd show my dick, too.

[Christina]

Yeah.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

In this next round, you get to hear them speak. Now, Jessica, I've heard that you have a party trick, and I believe that you can replicate the sound of a party trick.

[Christina]

What do you think our video editor is going to think of this episode?

[Brian Green]

I am just. You know, this is crazy that you're asking this, because I was just thinking maybe I'm not going to ask this episode to be caught up on video. This may be one of the few episodes of the commercial break moving forward that you don't see on video for a number of different reasons. Mainly HBO is going to block it anyway. They're going to copyright claim this for sure, because that's what they do. They're really protective over their content. And then I can argue that it's fair use and they will eventually let me show the video. But I'm worried that our video editor. I don't know him very well yet. Right. And I'm worried that asking him to look at a bunch of dicks for an hour, it's going to get me in some kind of trouble?

[Jessica]

Yeah.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Shall we have it?

[Christina]

What was that?

[Brian Green]

That's not a party trick. That's just you being crazy. That's just you scaring off all the boys.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

When did you discover that you had this spectacular talent?

[Jessica]

From a very young age. I love dinosaurs.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Well, let's find out how the boys are going to impress you. We would like you to make a noise from the animal kingdom. Tell us what that animal is.

[Christina]

The one guy has to do it here.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, of course.

[Jessica]

Let's go with Blue.

[Brian Green]

Oh my God. He just did monkey noises and a monkey bounce.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

What do you think of the voice?

[Jessica]

Are you northern? Slightly, yeah.

[Brian Green]

Warrington.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

He's from Warrington.

[Jessica]

Oh, okay. I'm gonna go for orange.

[Brian Green]

Lion. Someone. An animal. That was a lion. Has he never heard a lion? What kind of lion noise is that? You have a deer tattooed on your chest. You should be able to make animal noises, dude.

[Jessica]

Okay, I have a deeper voice.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Where's he from?

[Brian Green]

I'm from Suffolk.

[Jessica]

Suffolk?

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Oh, lovely. What about yellow?

[Brian Green]

What does that have to do with anything? Christina, can you clue us in on that? Why Suffolk? Why is everyone all excited about Suffolk? Is that like a fancy pond neighborhood?

[Guest or Co-host (possibly Grace or another regular)]

Maybe.

[Brian Green]

Maybe I don't have a noise cuz I am the animal. Amazing.

[Jessica]

What accent have you got?

[Brian Green]

From near Leeds.

[Jessica]

Near Leeds.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

He's a Yorkshire lad.

[Jessica]

Yorkshire lad.

[Brian Green]

He's the kind of guy that needs to borrow a little rent money. You know what I'm saying?

[Jessica]

He's very good.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Okay, it's decision time.

[Brian Green]

Oh, here we go. Who do you think she's gonna say goodbye to? Blue.

[Jessica]

I'm gonna say goodbye to Blue.

[Christina]

Yeah, you were right.

[Brian Green]

Uh huh. I've never seen this episode before, by the way.

[Jessica]

I can't work him out and it's bugging me.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Jessica, we are saying goodbye.

[Brian Green]

She doesn't like the way he looks. And he does have two trolls tattooed. Like two mystical dungeons and dragon trolls tattooed on his chest. Let's be honest about it. If you're gonna pick a dude, you know, most people probably would anyway, Whatever.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

And he is a chef from Warrington. Hence that incredible whisk action. What type of chef are you then?

[Brian Green]

I'm a dessert chef.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

That's why your cream was excellent. You're on the wrong show. Should have been on Bake Off.

[Brian Green]

Keep baking and keep walking so we can get a hot shot of your ass. Baker Jess isn't getting any of my cream today. All right, all right, let's move on.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

You've seen them with their kit off. You've heard what they've got to say next time you see them. Yeah, you'll be in the nod. We'll see you shortly.

[Brian Green]

Oh, God, here we go.

[Christina]

Now go get nude.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. Now go disrobe. You think anybody helps them backstage? How do you think all that works out? Is it like a PA standing there just watching you get naked, kid? Does someone powder your puff? Do you know what I'm saying?

[Jessica]

Maybe.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Christina]

Maybe.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. Do they like. If you're.

[Christina]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

If you're a little sweaty, do they like doll you off or you're a little oily?

[Christina]

Everybody else is about to.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Two year old highway maintenance foreman Bradley and 30 year old wind.

[Brian Green]

I sure hope one of my daughters walks in on me doing this episode, Charlie.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

But she can only choose one guy to go on that day to find out if there's chemistry when the clothes go on.

[Christina]

Well, she picked two, Bradley.

[Brian Green]

Oh, that's true, she did.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Charlie, you've made it to the final two. Congratulations, gentlemen.

[Brian Green]

Cheers.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

The last time.

[Jessica]

Cheers.

[Brian Green]

Cheers.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

It was with her clothes on. You ready to see her naked?

[Jessica]

Absolutely.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

That's why I'm here. Okay, Jessica, come out, show the boys.

[Christina]

I don't think they keep that studio really warm.

[Brian Green]

Oh, yeah, they got to. You know what I'm saying? You wouldn't want to be like most television studios, just like this studio, we keep it cool because the lights heated up real quick. But there you probably let it. Let it. Yeah, you got to.

[Christina]

You have to.

[Brian Green]

You want the penises to be shown in the best light and the tits and everything else.

[Jessica]

Okay.

[Brian Green]

Where do they get all the licensing rights? Like here in America you can't play these songs because the licensing rights. But the BBC and the Channel 4 and all that, they always seem to have the good music.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Check out those buns. Incredible boobs. Are they natural?

[Jessica]

Yes.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Amazing. Beautiful figure. What do you like about your body?

[Jessica]

I love my boobs. I like that I'm quite womanly shaped.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

She's got big boobs, curves. You're a woman. Okay. Fantastic.

[Brian Green]

I do love that she's. That these, these people seem generally very confident.

[Christina]

Confident?

[Brian Green]

Yeah. I mean, you have to be to go on national television and show your ass and draw.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Okay. Two beautiful specimens.

[Jessica]

Yes.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Charlie, what are you making of Jessica's body?

[Brian Green]

Gorgeous. Actually love big boobs. I love a fringe as well.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Oh, do you? And how about you, Bradley?

[Brian Green]

I'm more of a bum person than a good person. Yeah.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Okay. Spin round, spin round.

[Brian Green]

I had a good look when she looked around before. He's missing a tooth. Did you See that? Did anybody else see that he's missing.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

A front tooth revolver.

[Brian Green]

Very nice. Yeah, nice and neat.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Okay, now this time you're picking the man you want to go on a date with.

[Jessica]

Okay.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Bradley or Charlie.

[Brian Green]

She's gonna go with Charlie.

[Christina]

I think so too.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Both gorgeous.

[Brian Green]

Even though the disconcerting disconcerting deer tattoo that's all across most of his body.

[Christina]

Intriguing though. Yeah, maybe wouldn't get to the bottom of it.

[Brian Green]

She likes him. She's attracted to him. Yeah. He looks like Bradley Cooper actually I think a little bit.

[Christina]

He does have a Bradley Cooper is look.

[Jessica]

Bradley.

[Brian Green]

Oh she went with the toothless wonder.

[Jessica]

A bit cheeky.

[Christina]

Oh she keeps talking about him being cheeky.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

How are you feeling about that bit guy? Actually you thought you were going to get in there.

[Brian Green]

I thought I was.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Well do you know what? You can't have your cake and eat it so Charlie, thank you very much indeed.

[Brian Green]

Thank you.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Goodbye. Now here.

[Brian Green]

Yeah this is not you know like some dating shows you give them a hug on the way out the door like the bachelor. This is not a place where it's appropriate to give a hug pretty girl and I like freedom but just wasn't to be was it? He's really disappointed. Wow.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Bradley meet Jessica. Jessica meet Bradley.

[Christina]

Hi feeling hi nice to meet you.

[Brian Green]

Bye. Sorry about my half hard I've been staring at your munge being p girl.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Is Bradley gonna get to see your naughty side He I'll let you oh see each other the kit is gonna be back on. Please have an amazing date and I can't wait to hear how they this one goes.

[Brian Green]

Yeah well I think they show the date we'll watch this not not the whole date like just a snippet.

[Jessica]

I like this so when Bradley said I had a really nice bum as well I was like oh okay have still got a jlo.

[Christina]

Now they do show the or they meet Drop your drink globe.

[Jessica]

Hello.

[Brian Green]

Right.

[Jessica]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

Yeah Dress is nice.

[Jessica]

First impressions. Bradley's dressed really well.

[Brian Green]

Yeah he dressed very smartly. I like that a usual type but.

[Jessica]

He does look really good.

[Brian Green]

She's good looking obviously very bubbly and I think we're onto a winner.

[Jessica]

Am I your usual type?

[Brian Green]

Yeah, I like dark hair obviously you've got a beautiful pair of boobs but it's not. Yeah it's got to be weird. Do you see someone naked and then you're going out and meeting someone them for the first time?

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah first.

[Jessica]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

I'm of the bums ma'. Am.

[Jessica]

I feel like Samantha Jones is coming Out. I think the flirtatious side of. Is coming out a little bit more. I feel like Bridget is slowly going.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Back in her box.

[Jessica]

What's the silliest thing you've ever done when you.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, I get naked. I think it would be get naked on national television.

[Christina]

Should I get naked?

[Jessica]

Do you like being naked? Yeah, I'm the same.

[Christina]

Well, again, you would.

[Jessica]

I have to.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. I mean, you have to be.

[Jessica]

I meant, I think we're vibing on that sense.

[Christina]

We both like to be naked.

[Jessica]

You have got good arms.

[Brian Green]

I go to the gym quite a lot.

[Jessica]

Whereas I bait and I just eat.

[Brian Green]

I just put an order in.

[Jessica]

What do you want, favorite?

[Christina]

I need subtitles.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, me too. Like, this guy's got a really thick British accent. This is like. What do they call it? A Hackney accent? Is that Hackney, Christina? Is that what they call it?

[Guest or Co-host (possibly Grace or another regular)]

Didn't he say it was. What did he say he was Northern? I can't remember.

[Brian Green]

Something like that. What's Hackney Southern?

[Jessica]

I don't know.

[Brian Green]

Okay. You know, I fully expect that you're gonna know stuff about the United Kingdom.

[Guest or Co-host (possibly Grace or another regular)]

I know some things, so I couldn't. I couldn't really hear it.

[Christina]

I fully expect you would know things.

[Brian Green]

I do off of Britain. I always am checking with Christina because I figure, like, she's actually from the country. But then, you know, I gotta remember she. You moved here when we were at three.

[Guest or Co-host (possibly Grace or another regular)]

I've lived here forever.

[Brian Green]

Okay. That means you get to see me again as well. I fancy Jessica. Yeah. I want to come on date. If I didn't fancy it, do you.

[Jessica]

Think you'd like to see?

[Christina]

I like saying fancy.

[Brian Green]

Yeah.

[Christina]

I like fancy that person.

[Brian Green]

Yeah.

[Jessica]

I'm so rubbish.

[Brian Green]

She's drunk.

[Jessica]

I think the date's gone really well. He wants to exchange numbers. So we shall just see Cheers.

[Brian Green]

Which we'll see. What are you talking about? You saw each other naked. You had a good time on the date. What are you going to do? I mean, what's there left to do but get in bed and feel around? That's it. All right. We've taken this episode way too long. I should have cut it off when the penises came into view, but all.

[Christina]

Right, we all got our dose of some penis.

[Brian Green]

Well, now I'm gonna have to give Christina a quarterly bonus. All right. You may or may not find this episode on YouTube. That's no joke. I think maybe we'll leave this one in. In the video can. Just so I don't gross out half the episode. Half the. The audience. If I haven't already. Well, thanks to all those Venezuelans who joined us on our YouTube. Nice having you. And have a. We'll see you on the next Venezuelan reel. All right. Well, that's how the cookie crumbles. There you go. Wonder what Piet Keanu's penis looks like now. Now I'm wondering. Circumcised or uncircumcised? I bet he's uncircumcised. I don't know why. It's just a feeling that I have in my go. All right, listen, season number six is well underway. I think we're finally building some steam. Can't believe we did. Oh, my God, Our network must be so proud. I can't wait for my next network meeting with the executives. So do you think you could reduce the amount of times you say clunge in an episode? Sure, no problem. TCBpodcast.com that's where you find more information about the show. All the audio, all the video right there from one location. TCBpodcast.com Also, you can get your free TCB swag, like a TCB sticker. And I've got some other stuff, too I'm giving away. I've got some extra T shirts, some old mempho stickers, TCB mempho stickers that I'll be giving away. So if you'd like one of those things, just hit us up on the website. Go to the contact us button. It says, I want my free sticker. Give us your address, tell us you want a sticker or T shirt or whatever, and I'll try and send one to you just as soon as possible at the commercial break on Instagram, TCB podcast on Tik Tok, and of course, YouTube.com the commercial break for most episodes up there on the video feed. Also, we'd love it if you would dial us up. We'd love to hear those text messages. I've been texting with a lot of people over the break, and I really enjoyed it. 212-4333. TCB. That's 212-433-3822. You can leave us a voicemail or a text message. We'll get back to you just as soon as we can. Okay, Chrissy, I guess that's all I can do for today.

[Christina]

I think that's more than enough.

[Brian Green]

All right. But I'll tell you that I love you.

[Christina]

I love you.

[Brian Green]

Best years. Best you out there in the podcast universe. Until next time, Chrissy. Christina and I must say, we will say, and we do say goodbye. I take a dick and keep on making.