Hoadley's House of EVOO

Summary

The Commercial Break — “Hoadley’s House of EVOO” (Feb 8, 2024)

Episode Overview

In this rollicking episode, Bryan Green and Krissy Hoadley return with another improv-fueled, off-the-rails chat blending absurd humor, wild stories, and their signature camaraderie. They riff on the eccentricities of neighborhood apps, recent headline-grabbing meltdowns, etiquette disasters, aging father figures, and, in true TCB style, go deep into awkward but hilarious personal anecdotes — from airplane hell to jizz-in-a-cup logistics. Expect plenty of irreverence and a running joke about Jeff, EVOO, and a household on the brink of culinary kink.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Neighborhood App Shenanigans

• Nextdoor App Comedy:
  • Bryan reads out loud real posts from Nextdoor, highlighting the triviality and oversharing:
    • “Her garage won't come down. Somebody needs to come help.” (01:26)
    • “I just wanted to update everybody that my dog had hip surgery and is doing well.” (01:35)
    • After a post seeking an electrician for a dead fridge, it turned out: “The plug had fallen out.”
    • Both hosts mock the drama:
      • “Cancel the electrician. Don't need them asap.” (02:23)
  • Take: The Nextdoor app needs to be stopped; it attracts the Facebook crowd — older folks oversharing trivial mishaps.

2. Big Tech & Social Media Under Fire

• Mark Zuckerberg’s Congressional Apology:
  • Bryan recaps the hearing where bereaved parents confronted tech CEOs over social harms. He described Josh Hawley grilling Zuckerberg and forcing him to apologize to affected parents:
    • “In this weird moment, Mark Zuckerberg turns around, stands up and starts talking to the parents. ... All lip service because all they care about is money.” (04:47)
    • Krissy: “They don't give a shoe.” (05:23)
  • Nostalgic Facebook Rant:
    • Bryan: “Let's kill Facebook right now. Let's just do it. Who cares about it? No one cares about it.” (05:27)
    • Krissy admits checking Facebook “just to kind of check in,” but agrees it skews old. (05:53)
    • Both joke about the generational divide on platforms.

3. Word of the Day Spin

• Continuing a Podcast Running Gag:
  • Krissy's word: “Edify.”
  • Bryan: “To edify. Okay. To edify. Means to aggrandize or to put on a podium?”
  • Krissy: “It means to instruct. Or improve morally or intellectually.” (07:19)
  • Bryan: “Someone that does not have nothing to do with a commercial break. That particular word.” (07:26)
  • More medieval/restaurant puns: “That's a great name for a restaurant, Bonhomi. It is, isn't it, Bon homie.” (08:17)

4. Airplane & Disney World Madness

• Frontier Airlines Mayhem:

  • Story of a woman flashing, urinating (or almost) in the aisle, and cursing on a flight.
  • Bryan: “She pulled down her pants and underwear as she squatted to urinate in the aisle.” (10:38)
  • Krissy: “What is a fine like that run you these days for showing your anus?” (11:12)
  • Gross-out humor and social commentary on “do not fly lists” and public decency.

• Theme Park Bathroom Disasters:

  • Reference to viral videos — people pooping in Disney lines, parenting fails, etc.
  • Bryan: “If your kid has to go to the bathroom, them's the break.”
  • “No one wants to see that unless it’s Dua Lipa.” (15:05–15:23)

• Airplane Etiquette & Annoyances:

  • Who you get seated next to, gross behaviors (nail clipping, shoe removal).
  • Bryan: “I sat next to a guy one time, he was clipping his fucking nails, Chrissy.” (18:30)

5. Marlon the Sugar Baby Saga

• Ongoing podcast storyline: catching up on Marlon, who had a chaotic relationship with his sugar mama and who’s possibly being monitored by her via the podcast.
  • Krissy: “For those of you that don't know Marlon, we've been following Marlon for a couple years now. He had signed up for sugar sugarmama.com.” (22:49)
  • Bryan: “She was talking to Marlon through the podcast because she knew that was the only way she was going to get through to him.” (23:48)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Old White Guy Entitlement at Disney:

  • Bryan’s rant about the Hilton Head exec at Disney:
    • “He's just an asshole to everybody around him. Yaks, entitled. He probably drives like, you know, a bright yellow Maserati with rims on it or something like that.” (29:09)
    • “He goes into full white man angry mode, right? ... The jackhole who considers himself God on earth then decides to slap the hostess three separate times in the head.” (32:30)
    • “That’s a ass clown move.” (44:16)

• EVOO & Kinky Domestic Comedy:

  • The running bit about Jeff, Krissy’s partner, their kitchen dynamics, and olive oil-based BDSM:
    • Bryan: “Chrissy's naked butt and Jeff's naked ass, and he's just over there twiddling his little figs and berries, extra virgin olive oil hot splashing on his nipples, and he's like, ow, ow, ow. And Chrissy's like, get back there and cook those eggs.” (00:12, reprised at 45:09)
    • Krissy: “I was smacking him. He was wearing his chaps. I was smacking him whenever he didn't ... have a camera, just one camera in the house, right? We can blur things out later on down the road.” (45:00)

• Bird Buddy & Domestic Life:

  • Krissy’s excitement over a birdfeeder camera:
    • “I'm enthralled with the birds.” (47:03)
    • Bryan: “I want the bird buddy. I want the ball buddy is what I want. Every time Jeff's berries come out, I want to take a picture and identify them.” (47:48)

• Vasectomy/Jizz Cup Antics:

  • Candid and hilarious conversation about Bryan’s upcoming sperm test:
    • Bryan: “How do I go through the lobby with that? I guess I'm gonna put under a coat or a trash bag or something.” (51:11)
    • “I want to go in there with a trench coat and then leave the trench coat.” (54:04)
    • “Do you think the US Post Office is like, oh, God damn it. Another jizz drop could be another.” (56:29)
    • Krissy: “We're not edifying anyone here. Talking about — That's right.” (58:08)

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• [00:12, 45:09] – EVOO/Household Comedy — Opening and callback to the evolving “House of EVOO”/kitchen kink gag.
• [01:26 – 02:23] – Nextdoor App Reading — Real posts and their comic riffs.
• [04:15 – 05:27] – Zuckerberg Congressional Apology — Politics and tech, with a characteristic TCB skeptical tone.
• [07:04 – 07:19] – Word of the Day: Edify.
• [08:45 – 13:38] – Airplane and Amusement Park Bathroom Disasters — News stories and personal takes.
• [22:44 – 23:48] – Marlon/Sugar Mama Recap.
• [29:08 – 34:26] – Disney World Hostess Assault Story — Satirical voices and extended bit about the drunk exec.
• [47:03 – 47:48] – Bird Buddy/”Ball Buddy” Segment — Birds, beards, and more household hilarity.
• [49:44 – 58:12] – Vasectomy/Jizz Cup Saga — Over-the-top discussion of the logistics and embarrassment.

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Tone & Style

• Unfiltered & Improvisational:
  The hosts freely veer from topic to topic, using raw language, quick pivots, and recurring gags.
• Self-Deprecating:
  They regularly joke at their own expense, including Bryan’s “I’m not a very likable human being” and barbs about the show’s “edifying” value.
• Comic Relatability:
  Everyday mishaps (parenting, air travel, body embarrassment) are milked for laughs and connected to broader cultural gripes.

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For New Listeners

This is TCB at its best: playful, edgy, and always finding the comic side of life’s absurdities — from tech hearings and airplane chaos to kitchen kink and jizz cups. While chaotic, the show’s through-line is the authentic friendship and mischievous chemistry of Bryan and Krissy.

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Memorable Closing:

• Krissy: “We're not edifying anyone here. Talking about — That's right.” (58:08)
• Bryan: “All right, Chrissy, that is definitely all I can do for today.” (60:08)

End on a cheerful note:

• Bryan: “I love you.”
• Krissy: “I love you.” (60:12)

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Listen for:

• The word of the day
• News stories that spiral into wild digressions
• Candid, cringe comedy about real-life bodily functions
• Recurring gags: Marlon’s sugar mama, Bryan’s “most tan = most stressed” life hack, Hoadley/Jeff EVOO bits
• Updates on fan favorite oddballs and TCB inside jokes

Skip for:

• Structure and polish. This is improv mayhem, through and through.

Transcript

[A]

Hamburger, Hamburger, Hamburger, Hamburger. Hamburger. Hamburger. Ham, ham.

[B]

I would like to buy a hamburger.

[A]

I would like to buy a hamburger. On this episode of the commercial break, just one camera in the house and we can blur things out later on down the road. But I just imagine, like, Chrissy's naked butt and Jeff's naked ass, and he's just over there twiddling his little figs.

[B]

And berries, extra virgin olive oil evo.

[A]

Hot splashing on his nipples, and he's like, ow, ow, ow. And Chrissy's like, get back there and cook those eggs. Get back there, Jeff. And he's like, yes, ma'. Am. Yes, ma'. Am. Medium.

[B]

Where's that lettuce?

[A]

Swear to God. Did you mince the garlic or chop the garlic? Cause there's a difference, Jeff. The next episode of the commercial break starts now. 30 in the morning. Oh, yeah. Cats and kittens, welcome back to the commerc commercial break. I'm Brian Green, and this is my beautiful co host, Kristen Joy Oatley.

[B]

Best to you, Chrissy, Bestie Brian.

[A]

And best you out there in the podcast universe. I can't get over it. I can't stop looking at next door. I'm located in this city. Garage won't come down. Somebody needs to come help.

[B]

What?

[A]

Her garage won't come down. Somebody needs to come help.

[B]

The first place you're stuck the first place you're contacting when you're stuck in your garage is next door. Got it.

[A]

I just want to update everybody that yeah, I just wanted to update everybody that my dog had hip surgery and is doing well.

[B]

Oh, that was nice.

[A]

That was nice. My friend and I had a hamburger. We both got food poisoning. Please don't visit that restaurant. No restaurant given. Wait, there was another one. That was so funny. Oh, here it is. Need an electric. Need an electrician asap. I came home from vacation and noticed that all my food had spoiled. My refrigerator was not working. Need someone to fix it. Update. The plug had fallen out. These are real.

[B]

Cancel the electric.

[A]

Cancel the electrician. Don't need them asap. Do I need to look at mine? I don't know. Check and see if there's anything interesting. By the way, that's like two scrolls and I got that. It's so this next door needs to be stopped. Follow up on our conversation about the tech CEOs going in front of congress. I don't know if you saw that Mark Zuckerberg, like, turned around and apologized now. So, Mark Zuckerberg, five big social media executives go up in front of Congress, it's a very contentious hearing. And good for these senators because we got, somebody's got to do something about children being harmed on these social media apps or getting harmed because they're using them and not having a lot of levers that parents can pull to protect their children. And as a guy who's got 62 fucking kids who are about to be social media age, it makes me really nervous. Right. So there's the, one of the senators, I think Dick Durbin said this is the most amount of people we've ever had in a hearing room. And there were like 100 more waiting outside. So this huge room is packed and all of these parents have pictures of their children who have died because of something that happened on social media. They bought fentanyl pills on social media. They got bullied and they committed suic. They were sex storted and they committed suicide. The bad, bad thing, they met some predator online and they got killed. Some kind of hairy like just absolutely hair raising atrocity happened, right? And they're all holding up pictures of their children behind them and the, the CEOs are facing toward the senators. Well, someone, I think it was Josh Hawley who is. But this is about the only thing I will ever agree with Josh Hawley about. Josh Hawley starts grilling Mark Zuckerberg. Why haven't you done this? You keep saying you're going to do that, but you never do this. Do you have any reason why will not support these bills? No, of course you don't. Because you just keep on giving us lip service and you pay your lobbyists to, you know, get our colleagues to stop any kind of action on this, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And he says, have you ever apologized to the parents and people who have been affected by the actions taken on your platform where you have taken no action to reduce the harm? Right. And Mark's like, I, I don't think I've ever apologized to a parent because I've never been in the position to do that. And he says, they're right there, turn around. They're right there. Right. And so in this weird moment, Mark Zuckerberg turns around, stands up and starts talking to the parents.

[B]

Oh wow.

[A]

And says, you should never have had to go through any of this. And I'm mortified that you had to. And we're spending billions of dollars to make sure that it doesn't happen again. Right? All lip service because all they care about is money. But anyway, regardless, it was just like an amazing moment. It's like almost Like a. I don't know, like a Matlock moment. Right. Where they. They catch the guy on the stand.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like saying something, and Mark Zuckerberg actually turned around and apologized. First of all, there's got to be some human being down in there inside of Mark Zuckerberg's skin, first of all. Second of all, it's probably cold comfort to any of those parents.

[B]

They don't give a shoe.

[A]

He does have children. But those children won't grow up like the other children.

[B]

No.

[A]

And they'll be protected from the worst harms of social media because they probably won't be allowed to be on social media until they're of a certain age, because Mark knows goddamn well exactly what happens to preteens and. And teenagers on that. On those applications. They should just like, let's kill Facebook right now. Let's just do it. Who cares about it? No one cares about it. Do we. Do we care about Facebook anymore? Have you used Facebook in the last two years for any reason whatsoever?

[B]

Yes, but.

[A]

Shame on you.

[B]

It was mainly just to kind of check in and whatever, but, you know, it's. Every once in a while I jump on there.

[A]

Are you talking to those young boys again on social media?

[B]

Oh, first of all, young boys aren't on Facebook. No one young is on.

[A]

No, no, no, no, no, no. I don't think anyone's on Facebook. Only older folks are on Facebook. Facebook and next door. They're like the same. The same age range.

[B]

Right.

[A]

And I think that Facebook knows this, and they see the existential crisis that's coming if they don't get young people on the app. The app will go away eventually. Now they have Instagram, which is undoubtedly skews younger, but not that much younger. Like, even Instagram, I think, is like kind of the old fuddy duddy app, isn't it?

[B]

No.

[A]

No. Okay, well, then I'm completely wrong then. I'm just the old fuddy duddy using it. All right, Chrissy, do you have another word of the day?

[B]

Do I have a word of the day?

[A]

Yes, because if you don't have a word of the day, then we're going to break our streak of four words in a three words in a row.

[B]

Let me go to my word of the day.

[A]

Hurry up. Bring that wordle up and let's do it. The wordle Turtle Jizzy Jazz's wife right here. Bringing a word of the day class up here. Okay, ready? Okay. Word of the day.

[B]

Word of the day is edify.

[A]

To edify. Okay. To edify. Means to aggrandize or to put on a podium.

[B]

It means.

[A]

Or does it mean to pacify, like tell someone. Oh, yeah, no problem. Good job.

[B]

It means to instruct.

[A]

Oh.

[B]

Or improve morally or intellectually.

[A]

Oh. Someone that does not have nothing to do with a commercial break. That particular word. Edify.

[B]

Edifying. Anyone?

[A]

What was the word yesterday? Nounce, Knowledge, Knowage.

[B]

No, it was nonage.

[A]

Nonage. That's right. We're still in our knowledge years. Yes, Chrissy and I are.

[B]

Period of immaturity.

[A]

Oh, yes, that definitely. That definitely is usually for sure.

[B]

Yeah. Edify. Edify. Word of the day. All right, it's again, it's from like a Middle Middle English. Yeah, yeah.

[A]

Thy. Thou thus, then lie down. Thy weapons, sire, for thy knownage does not allow you to think clearly. Now Quintinian off and be bon homie.

[B]

I love.

[A]

You know, that's a great name for a restaurant, Bonhomi. It is, isn't it, Bon homie.

[B]

Yeah, it's the convivial place.

[A]

It's the Quintidian place. The quinvial. All right. It's not such great news. Well, I know, but I'm reading this story. I just like. I don't know what is going on with human beings and airplanes these days.

[B]

Oh, God, it's a whole thing.

[A]

Okay, byline. Frontier Airlines flyer who flashed her anus and genitalia is hit with federal charges. A passenger aboard a Frontier Airlines flight from Orlando to Philadelphia has been slapped with federal charges after she was caught on video having a meltdown when she flashed the cabin by pulling down her pants and underwear, cursed at the crew, and allegedly threatened to kill fellow flyers. Dulce Huertas, who's 60 years old, had two cocktails during the Nov. 20 flight, got out of her seat while the plane was about to land in Philly and announced, I have to pee, pee, pee, pee poo poo. According to the federal complaint.

[B]

She said peepee poo poo.

[A]

She said peepee poo poo. No, I'm kidding.

[B]

Can you check me for a blowout?

[A]

Can you do me a favor and blow me out? Look at my poo poo. Oh, it's on your hand. I got it on your hand. Hey, Daddy, if you check for a.

[B]

Blowout, I'll give you a special little surprise. Yep, your pants full of. Now we're both full of. How does it feel, asshole?

[A]

Pee pee poo poo. So Dulce decides that she's going to take a pee pee poo poo there on the plane, and a flight attendant Told her she had to sit down. But the woman began cursing before finally taking her seat. During the outburst, after the plane landed and was taxing to the gate, Huertas began cursing at passengers around her. The police report said someone asked her to sit down. Called the security to assist at the gate, and the captain was finally notified about the unhinged passenger. Decided to make an announcement instructing everyone to sit at the gate. Huertas started pushing passengers out of the way as she went to the front of the cabin where she approached the lavatory, but she was stopped by the crew. Sorry, everybody. She announced. She pulled down her pants and underwear as she squatted to urinate in the aisle.

[B]

Oh, lovely.

[A]

Someone shared the video on Facebook where it has displayed her Facebook. Oh, Facebook. Oh, There you go. 60 dulce. Huertas is 60. At one point, the person behind the camera recording the confrontation was heard saying, that poor boy next to us, referring to a small passenger having to watch this all unfold. Despite the stooped stance she took in the middle of the aisle, she stopped short of relieving herself on the floor and pulled her underwear back up and allegedly cursed at passengers. I just. I just can't understand.

[B]

What is a fine like that run you these days for showing your anus?

[A]

Oh, I don't know. I don't know what the anus fine is.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, I do.

[A]

I do what the nipple fine is. It's about $30. I can. I can handle it. Sometimes I like to take my shirt off during flight, show my dad, bod off to all the youngins around me. Frontier Airlines, 60 years old, pulls down her pants in the middle of the aisle, cursing at everybody along the way, saying she has to pee. Pee. Well, if you have to pee, pee, Ms. Huertas, you should have done it at the appropriate time. That's what I have to say. Now. I do have to say. Sometimes it just comes up on you. You're like, oh, I really gotta pee.

[B]

But you know you have to hold it if you're in landing mode.

[A]

Yes. That does not mean that anybody wants to see your nasty ass. Oh, and look at the picture. Because this is the type of woman who would do this. And I'm. And I'm saying that just because, you know, that this woman causes trouble in her and her family's life.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

This woman, she looks like kind of.

[B]

Like the woman that was cutting up the donut for the kids to eat.

[A]

Yes. Only much older. She's got a mask on, but it's around her chin because that's where it's the most effective. Thank you. Thank you for that. Thank you. Thank you for helping us all. Yeah, you're going to piss all over the floor by spreading your ass cheeks.

[B]

But good for you for wearing a mask.

[A]

Ass cheeks, yeah. Could you put that mask around your anus? We'd appreciate it. No, I think you get on the do not fly list for like that.

[B]

Yeah. Well, you should.

[A]

You absolutely. Yeah.

[B]

You just lost your privileges, Dulce.

[A]

You'll be driving to Philly next time. Yeah. And why is all the crazy happen on the way to Orlando? You know what I'm saying? Everyone's going down and then people are getting in fist fights at Disney World. And you know, they. You ever see that video of the one there's somebody standing in line for a ride at Disney World? I understand. I've been to Disney World. I've been there with children. You can. The lines can be hours long and there's nothing for the children to do. And you, there's no placeholder. You can't say, I'm going to be to the bathroom and I'll be right back. Because they don't allow that. Right. If you come back, you stand at the end of the line. Now if you're with a group, maybe you can get away with it and you can kind of slither past some people and say, I'm with this group. But the lady was so set on making sure that she did not lose her place in line. And I know the ride, and I know the line and it's not that long. You're going to be okay, 30 minutes tops. And she lets her son, she instructs her son to take a dump right there in the line. So the kid squats a pops a squat and takes a right there on the.

[B]

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

[A]

Yes, wait.

[B]

But how does that get her to ride the ride faster?

[A]

Because she doesn't have to leave to go to take her kid to the bathroom.

[B]

Oh, oh, oh.

[A]

I can't wait to go to the.

[B]

Back of the bathroom.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

God. Oh, God.

[A]

It's just unbelievable.

[B]

I mean, like abuse as a parent.

[A]

Them's the breaks. If your kid has to go to the bathroom, them's the break. Yeah. Riding down the road the other day, 10 minutes from the gymnasium to my house, there is nothing, one single bit of traffic that happens in that 10 minutes. We're not getting stuck anywhere. No one's going anywhere. However, there are not any public bathrooms available in that 10 minute ride. So I say to one of the kids, before we leave. Anybody have to go pee pee? Isn't that a normal thing for a parent? Yes. And one of my kids says, yes, take to the bathroom, come back, put everyone in the car.

[B]

Nice.

[A]

Five minutes into the ten minute ride, I have to go pee pee. Can you hold it for five minutes? No. And I'm like, oh, really? So what do I do? I do what any parent did. I stuck a towel under her butt and I said, hey, if you got to go pee pee, at least you're gonna go on the towel. Because I don't know what to do. There's no place to stop, and I'm not gonna let my kid piss on the side of the road. That's not an appropriate thing to do. Them's the brakes. Yeah, I got, you know, if you, you, I understand this lady had to pee, but you can't then disobey what the flight attendants are telling you to do.

[B]

That's your own problem. And also, nobody needs to know.

[A]

One wants to see that it's not Dua Lipa. I mean, you know what I'm saying? Like, and I'm not even why you.

[B]

Wouldn'T even want Dua Lipa to act.

[A]

Well, don't get crazy. I mean, I don't want her to act that way, but if she popped a squat, I'd say, well, it's duly, but she's got to pay. Let's let the poor girl pee in silence. No, I'm with you 100%.

[B]

Be on frontier.

[A]

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. She would even be on Delta Virgin Airlines. That, that lady, probably first class. Yeah, she'd be in first class or traveling on her own private tour plane is what she would do. But I, you know, I was telling this to Tina when you were gone, and now I'm saying it to you. And we've done this a million times. The behavior on an airplane is outrageous. It's outrageous. We got to take a flight in a couple of weeks and I'm really nervous that I, I'm going to expose my children to some kind of panicky situation where someone has just lost their fucking shit. And now I'm flying Delta. So I'm hoping, because we don't see many Delta of these things happening on Delta, I'm hoping that it doesn't happen on the Delta flight. But I'm also flying down to Florida, so I know there's a good chance that there could be crazy people on the plane.

[B]

I took a long flight out to San Francisco and it was a great experience. Everybody was very lovely.

[A]

Oh, were they the whole staff and crew?

[B]

I'm hoping for you.

[A]

Who'd you sit next to?

[B]

Oh, well, I had no one sitting next to me on one side.

[A]

Oh, well, that makes it a lot easier.

[B]

Yeah, but on the way back, I. I was in the middle. There were two guys on each side, but they were very nice.

[A]

Yeah, I bet they were. They were like, oh, this is my lucky day. You know, I said, I think airlines have this program where they put, like, single guys together, like guys that are traveling. They put them together because I've never flown. I've won. That's not true. Two or three times in my life, I've flown as a. As a solo human being flown on a flight where a woman was seated next to me. And every other time I've sat in a row of all guys traveling either solo or in a pair or whatever. Right. And so I'm pretty sure that the airplanes, they either have a program to make sure that all the solo guys or all the guys sit together, or they have a program to make sure Brian Green sits with other girl. With other guys. They've seen the commercial break. They don't want trouble.

[B]

Do you pick your seat?

[A]

Yes, of course.

[B]

Yeah, I always do, too.

[A]

So you got these two guys next to you. So what happens? You sit down, you come. Are you in the middle seat before they come, or are you.

[B]

Well, no, the guy next to the window was already there. I sat next to him.

[A]

That makes easy.

[B]

Yep. And then this. I thought the seat next to me was not going to be taken on this ride home either, but until last minute. Yeah, last minute. The guy came running up, and I do have to say we were in a little bit of a tight situation there. And he did pull out, like, a huge laptop briefcase. Papers were everywhere. I think he was writing a thesis.

[A]

Oh.

[B]

I. But yeah, yeah.

[A]

So you put your headset on and you stare forward. Exactly. Look forward.

[B]

I watch. I watched a couple of movies.

[A]

Oh, you did? Yeah, that's the. That's the best policy. I always download a couple of movies. I stare forward. I try not to make small talk because, listen, at the end of the day, I really am not a very likable human being. So when I open my mouth, I can put on the Brian look all day long, but you don't want to be stuck to me and ex on the plane. No one wants to hear what I have to say. I'm just going to bitch and complain about everything. So you know what? I just decided to save my Misery for myself. I can think it in my head and talk about it here on the show. And so it's like this is the outlet for all the misery. But, you know, I always get stuck next to some sad sacks, a bigger human being, some, you know, guy that wants to spread out all over the place. The dude who wants to take off his shoes, he's wearing those socks. You know, someone's picking their nose or.

[B]

There should be a.

[A]

Cleaning their nails. Yeah. I sat next to a guy one time, he was clipping his fucking nails. Chrissy. Yeah. I had to stare out the window. I had to stare directly out the window because I was about to lose my shit.

[B]

Oh, God, that.

[A]

Clipping your nails on a podcast, I mean, on an airplane, a. Or clipping your nails on a podcast, either one. It's bad.

[B]

Yeah, exactly.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I used to work with a guy that would clip his nails at work. I hated it.

[A]

Is there like a law against that or something?

[B]

Should be.

[A]

There. Should be, because, you know, your nails are dirty in general.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I don't care how clean you are.

[B]

And you know what? Inevitably there's always going to be one of those nails that goes flying.

[A]

Yes. Right into your lap. Sword, bro. Sorry, bro. That was a flyer. Got a flyer.

[B]

You know, and so do that at home. Listen, the privacy of your own bathroom.

[A]

I wasn't going to clip my nails here on the airplane, but I was scratching my ass earlier and I. I got. I gotta scrap my hernia, so my. My hemorrhoid. So I decided to do it right here on the plane. So I'm the big deal that when I get to Vegas, I'm gonna be a degenerate for 24 hours and come back home to my wife and kids. Could you save your nail clipping for somewhere else? Yes. Pretty.

[B]

Or even better yet, spend what, 10, $12 for a man's manicure?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

At a place somewhere in a strip mall. Just go do that.

[A]

I do. My own nails are always short. You know, they're short and clean. You know, we're talking about those healers the other day. I know the healers. You know, the healers are the ones with the long name, the three long nails. Because they play classical guitar or some. I can play.

[B]

I gotta pick it.

[A]

Yeah. What's that song called? Gas. Laughing Gas or something. You know, that 70s, you know, classical guitar song, right? That everyone was. Classical gas. That's what it's called, Classical Gas. That's a song and you know it. If you heard it, you'd know it. Everyone would know it. It's like, you know, just a song in the ethos. But, you know those healers, they got that one coke nail, you know? Yeah, but that's not for cocaine. It's for healing salts that I dribble all over your vagina when you have a headache.

[B]

Right?

[A]

Come on, man. Come on, man. Chirping up those nails now. I'm not saying men can't have nails. You want to do your nails? Cool. I've seen lots of them with painted nails, longer nails.

[B]

I think it's cool. I like the painted nails.

[A]

Tastefully done. I want to paint my nails. You think I should for the commercial break and, like, paint a couple nails? I like one black, one pink, one blue, Something like that. Yeah. And that could be. That's what I'm going to do.

[B]

I got Jeff to paint his toes one time when we were at the.

[A]

Oh, my daughter's painting my toes.

[B]

Yeah. At the spa.

[A]

Luckily, it was with frozen nail polish that came off the second I put a sock on. It was everywhere. Yeah. Some. One of my kids asked for frozen makeup for Christmas, and I love it. I love that she loves to, you know, doll up and play around.

[B]

She's a girly girl.

[A]

She is. But I swear on all the toli, like, we got to give her a makeup tutorial because she slathers on that lipstick and she looks like a clown. And then she's, like, putting on this fake blush, and it's sticky and it doesn't come off. And then she wants to paint my face, and I'm like, ah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I spend a lot of money making myself look this tan, and I don't want you to put any rouge on there. You know what I'm saying? I don't need to look any more red. I already look because I've been to the tanning bed three times this week. It's a stress reliever. In times of stress, I get more tan. I'll just let you know. That's a little secret. To the commercial break audience. You'll know what level of stress I'm at based on my tanning level.

[B]

Is this the. Is this the same place where you. Are you still doing the workouts, or did you just sign up?

[A]

Well, I signed up, but I've only been the one time. But I'm gonna go back and. No, I'm not gonna go to. I am not getting into that.

[B]

I want an update on the dude.

[A]

You want an update? Oh, ye. Dude. And a boxing dude.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Mma guy. That's in there. 70 years old with his tie, dye T shirt, Budweiser T shirt with the sleeves cut out.

[B]

We must have an update.

[A]

We must have an update. You know, I want an update, too. I want an update on Marlin is what I want. But I haven't heard from him in a long time. Yeah, I think that maybe, you know, maybe his lady friend didn't think that this whole thing was as funny as I did. Do you know what I'm saying? Yeah, I'm not saying that's what happened. I'm saying that that's what happened.

[B]

For those of you that don't know Marlon, we've been following Marlon for a couple years now.

[A]

A couple years, right.

[B]

And he had signed up for the.

[A]

Sugar sugarmama.com or something like that and.

[B]

Was matched and did in fact have a sugar mama for a while. And she was in control.

[A]

She was in control of her.

[B]

She knew how to pay for. Was her way.

[A]

Kind of, kind of. Kind of woman who grabs your head and stuffs it in her and says, to the left.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Yeah. And okay, cool. You know, she knows what she wants. She's a woman who knows what she wants. And there's no arguing that. But it can be a bit shocking when you're not used to that kind of behavior.

[B]

Went to Europe.

[A]

Yeah, they went to Europe. They went to a nudist.

[B]

Traveling all around.

[A]

They were all over.

[B]

And there was a breakup. Then there was a back together. And then that's kind of where we left.

[A]

That's kind of where we left off. There was a breakup, but then they found each other. They saw each other at a bar and they're each with somebody else. And then they. Yeah, that's right. And they decided that they really did want to be together. And then I didn't hear much after that. And I'm sure the commercial break is.

[B]

The condition of them getting back together.

[A]

That's right.

[B]

You're not talking to Brian anymore because.

[A]

Do you remember one time, we believe that she wrote into the show. Yes, she. Because it was. She told the story and it was the exact same story of Marlin's story. It was like she was talking to Marlon through the podcast because she knew that was the only way she was going to get through to him is if she stopped this bullshit that was going on in the commercial break. But you. I. I digress. You know, I just. I. I want to hear from the guy. I'll touch base with him over the next.

[B]

Has a sugar mama story or a.

[A]

Sugar kind of story. Do you have any story whatsoever? Feel free.

[B]

Yeah, we'll tell it.

[A]

Tell us. We'll tell it. Probably better than you can. Maybe not. I don't know. And if it's a good story and you can tell it, well, you never know, you might be on the commercial.

[B]

I'd love to have you.

[A]

Yeah. Okay, let's take a break. We'll be back.

[C]

Sorry to interrupt, but that's kind of my thing these days. If you're sick of me interrupting, Brian, give us a call at 626-ASKTCB-3. Leave us a voicemail and maybe I'll interrupt you on the show instead. You'd love that, wouldn't ya? You can also text us at 8:55 tcb8383 and check out our website, tcbpodcast.com for all things tcb. You know what's coming next. Follow us on Instagram at the commercialbreak and on TikTok CBpodcast. And now let's listen to some sponsors because they're the real ones around here.

[A]

This episode is sponsored in part by Prizepix. Everybody out there in the podcast universe knows what a huge NFL fan I am and exactly how much I know about the sport. However, I'm getting into it and I'll tell you why. Prizepix. Prizepix is America's number one fantasy sports app. With over 3 million members members, it's the easiest and most exciting way to play dfs. It's just you against the numbers. You don't have to be a professional football player or dating some famous singer to get in on the action. Prize Picks is allowing you to do it. And it's that time of year again. The big game right around the corner. Prize Picks is the easiest and most exciting way to turn every game changing moment into 100x your money. With as little as 4 correct picks, you can turn $10 into $1000. I just jumped on the prizepick apps last week and I'm telling you what, it's super easy to do. Prize Picks is a really simple way I can make my picks and then submit my entry in less than 60 seconds. Now, I don't want to go into detail about who I picked because I make my choices based on a complicated spreadsheet and then I have blue bark twice at the right answer. So do us a Favor, go to prizepix.com tcb and use the code tcb for the first deposit match of up to $100. That's prizepix.com tcf make sure you use the code tcb for the 1st deposit match of up to $100. They're giving you free money so no matter who wins or loses this big Sunday, you have an opportunity to be part of the big game in a big way and possibly win a little moolah. Who's going to argue with that? Prizepix.com TCB use the code TCB and get a first deposit match of up up to $100. Thanks prize picks, for being a sponsor of the commercial break. Okay, I was reading the story about this guy. So, guy goes down to Disney World, right? He is the executive of Hilton Head. The Hilton Head C Club, right?

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Sea Island Club or whatever. Not the Sea, it's not at Sea Island. It's called like the C Club or something like that. Like this big pony, ritzy reserve, the Harbor Club. Come to the Harbor Club, be accosted by 50 year old men who are taking hormone therapy.

[B]

That's young. Oh yeah, Harbor Club.

[A]

Well, I think they start at 50, they get on that hormone therapy and.

[B]

Then they're just like, you got, you've got low tea.

[A]

Yeah, I just got off my 60 foot scooter. And your tits are awesome. Show them to me. I've been drinking here every day for seven years. Yeah, I mean, you can imagine what kind of place it is. I don't know, I've never been there. I've probably driven by it, but I've never been there. But yeah, it's like the Schooners Social or whatever. I don't know, whatever. He is the senior vice president of marketing for this big resort yacht club in, in Hilton Head.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

He goes down to Disney World, he goes to one of the nicer restaurants in the park. I mean, as nice as you can get at Disney. And trust me, Disney will charge you a lot of money to go to something they consider nice, right? Or they call nice. And so it's at their nicest hotel, the Grand Floridian, they go to this restaurant and it's one of the only places inside of the entire resort of Walt Disney World that requires proper attire. That means no swim shorts, no T shirts, no hats, flip flops. No flip flops. Yeah, they want you to just be dressed. You can do resort casual. You can do, you know, slacks and a nice shirt and some casual shoes, like casual dress shoes. But they're asking you to be appropriate. Take it up one notch from your day, you know, following shitty little snotty little kids all day. Right? Well, this guy's. I'm I'm going to assume. I think in the story it said he was 57 and he was one of these guys you would find at one of those schooner clubs, right? Like jacked up. 57 year old white guy, you know, receding hairline, red as he can be because he goes to the tanning boy even more than I do.

[B]

Similar to Frankie.

[A]

Yes, Frankie.

[B]

The Sea island version or the Hilton Head?

[A]

The Hilton Head. Hilton Head version. That is correct. So this guy. Oh, let me, let me see if I have a picture of. I do have a picture of him. Look.

[B]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[A]

Okay, so everybody knows this guy. I'll ask somebody to put the picture up there. Everybody knows this guy. He's just, he's 64. Excuse me. He is just an. He's an asshole to everybody around him. Yaks, entitled. He probably drives like, you know, a bright yellow Maserati with rims on it or something like that. We all know these guys, right? They're entitled, you know, snowflake, snowflakes. Homeless people don't live in my neighborhood, you know, the whole nine yards. So this guy comes, there's a table of three, there's a reservation. He shows up, he says, I'm waiting for my reservation. Three other people are coming. And the hostess says, this reservation is for 3, not 4. I'll see if I can accommodate. She goes back and she talks to the manager. And she. That she explains to the manager, this guy wants to show up. Up, by the way, he's drunk as a skunk. So shows up, belligerent, demanding that he be part of this party. She goes back, she talks to the manager.

[B]

He wanted to be part of another party that was already there.

[A]

Another party that was coming.

[B]

Oh, oh, coming.

[A]

Yeah, they showed up shortly after. Three women.

[B]

She was there first.

[A]

That's correct. He was there first. And so the man, she goes back. Three. Three women. Exactly right. But now listen to this. It's crazy. So it's not crazy, it's. It's interesting. So I gotta get rid of those crutch words, Brian. Crazy. Amazing. Wow. Get rid of them. Okay, We've heard them enough. 500 episodes in, we'll probably say word seven times an episode. Leave it. All right, so I'm gonna.

[B]

The day that means crazy and then we'll start using that.

[A]

So the manager says, nope, he cannot be part of the party. He's wearing SIM swim trunks, a T shirt and a hat. He cannot be part of that party. Right. Then the women show up for their appointed time. And the hostess says, I'm sorry, we can't allow you to eat dine at the restaurant because it's not proper attire.

[B]

They don't have proper attire on either.

[A]

They do. He doesn't. They say. She says to him, if you would like to, you can go back and change and come back. Otherwise I can't seat you inside of the restaurant because it's proper attire. It says right on the website. It's our rules. So he plays it cool at first.

[B]

Don't you know who I think I am?

[A]

Don't you think I understand who you might believe I can be? I could be your father. But I'd like to you right here.

[D]

I could be your grandfather. But now you're gonna get crushed with the size of my mini penis. Don't you know that I drive a Maserati?

[A]

He's full white man angry mode, right? But he plays it cool at first. He goes, okay, but I want to wait with these ladies in. In the waiting area until they get seated. The hostess obliges. She says, okay, all right, fine, fine. Whatever you want to do. I'm not gonna, you know, she's not. She's not looking to cause trouble. She's the hostess. Yeah, she makes 19 an hour. She don't want to be deal with Bob the dick. Yeah, right. So then it's time to get seated. And the hostess goes to seat them, these three ladies. And Bob is following behind, you know, all the ladies. And the hostess says, he thought he could sneak through. He thought he could sneak through. And the hostess turns and says, I'm sorry, I cannot seat you. That's right.

[B]

No, no, no.

[D]

My prostate is the size of a softball and it will crush you. I just took a human growth hormone three minutes ago. I got hair transplant.

[A]

So the. According to the story in the article that I read, one of the ladies at this point in this confusion in the middle of the restaurant while she's trying to say, no, you can't go. He's one of the ladies says, with the party. With the party. Okay. Says, it's my birthday. He's drunk, he's obnoxious. I don't want him to sit with us. We barely know him.

[B]

Yeah, like, he probably. They probably met that day.

[A]

That's right.

[B]

And then he's like, where are you heading tonight?

[D]

Are you going to Peter Pan's flight ride? Because show me your tits. I can follow you on the ride. Well, the senior vice president of marketing for the special Schooner Social Club in South Carolina.

[A]

So the hostess now said, now think probably Thinks to herself, holy, there's like a situation going on here, right?

[B]

Definitely.

[A]

And so she walks to the gentleman and she says, I'm really sorry, I cannot seat you. You do not have proper attire. We discussed this. The jackhole who considers himself God on earth then decides to slap the hostess three separate times in the head.

[B]

What?

[A]

Yes. Saying her name repeatedly. Like, you know, let's say her name. I don't know. Stacy, Stacy, Stacy, Stacy.

[D]

I'm gonna get seated. You're gonna seat me. I'm gonna eat with these people. You're a hostess?

[A]

I'm Bob. God. An total. Oh, it is definitely assault. But she decided not to press charges. And why she didn't, I don't know.

[B]

I know I would be all over that.

[A]

But the police came in and removed the man and now he's been suspended from his job at the special suit, you know, special social Schooners Club, wherever resort in Hilton Head. And good for them. I say cheers to you.

[B]

Yeah, you can't have the. That type of employee.

[A]

Yeah. Sometimes you get like these, you know, good old boy networks and they all start to defend themselves. Right. Didn't do anything. And just, you know, that's just Bob. That's just Bob.

[B]

Me and Bob.

[A]

Bob's Bob.

[B]

Drunk.

[A]

That's right.

[D]

I'll set fire to Disney World with my hot chees. I have jizz that's older than you.

[A]

And Bob got taken out of the restaurant by the police. He probably got a Do not. He probably got a trespassing notice from Disney. I would assume when you touch one of their employees, you get a trespassing notice, which means you can't. That means you cannot go in the resort ever again. And trust me, you may think that Disney World is like the happiest place on earth, but they have some of the most sophisticated security in the world. And they will know when you walk on their property because they have cameras in every nook and cranny and they will most definitely have facial recognition software. As a matter of fact, I think that's how they recognize when people are trying to scam and get into the park with different tickets and all this other stuff. They use your fingerprint now, you know, they don't. They supposedly don't store the fingerprint, but. House, does it work? I don't. I don't know.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

Do you mind if I put my dick on there? Cuz everybody wants to see it. I am 40 years past my prime of My dick looks great. I'm going to go in there and I'm going to assault women and say little cuss words and then I'm going to jizz all over Walt Disney's forehead.

[A]

My Maserati.

[B]

Maserati Maz.

[A]

So he got kicked out. I just can't believe this. This is like.

[B]

Was that a picture to the picture that you showed me? Was that his, like, mug shot?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Okay, good. Well, so he did get like.

[A]

Oh, yeah. Hold on one second. It says something here.

[B]

Look kind of like a mug shot.

[A]

Yeah, according to deputies. Oh, let's say his name on here. Let's just make sure that everybody knows. His name is John Monroe. John Monroe. M u n R O Monroe. And then I'm going to give you the name of the place where he works. Sea Pines Resort in Hilton Head. So he's at this place in. So one of the women said, please don't allow him to sit with us. He's really drunk, underdressed. It's my birthday. I'm embarrassed. And according to the affidavit, may not have known the man all that well. When the hostess told Murano that he. Monroe. That spelled so weird. M u n r O Monroe. That he could not sit with the group, he began repeatedly to slap her on the forehead three times while stating her name, which he read from the name tag on her shirt. What an dude. The hostess sustained no visible injuries. Injuries. And declared medical treatment. She. Oh, she did wish to pursue charges. I'm sorry, Jeff. He's caught up with Monroe, who said he was intoxicated, slurred speech, glossy red eyes, and constantly repeating that he was going to sue Disney World. Oh. Oh, okay. Good luck with that, bro. Yeah, I'm gonna sue you.

[D]

My dad's an attorney. He's dead, but he's got a partner that might or might not be alive. I come from South Carolina. I'm one of only three people in South Carolina that own a Maserati. And mine's yellow. Yellow is the color of big dicks.

[B]

I mean Disney.

[A]

Yes. Monroe entered a plea of not guilty and is expected in his court appearance for a pre trial conference conference on February 16th. I only wish that that will be online. I will actually mark that in my calendar. This is the kind of. That we need to disrupt in this country because these are entitled. Here's the thing. This is our father's generations, right? These, these guys in this, in this age group are the generation of our fathers. And in a lot of cases, there are some really, really good human beings in that group of people. People. Some of them were hippies, some of them anti war activists. Some of them went to the war. Some of them were just around during the war, the moon landing. I mean, that generation has produced a lot of good, right?

[B]

Oh, yeah, for sure.

[A]

They are souring in their old age like a rotten banana. Do you know what I'm saying? Some of them, and they get this thought in their head that they in fact rule the world, they are entitled to everything and they should be honored like a God because they just showed up somewhere. But this drunk was, I think, there.

[B]

That also could be said for younger generations.

[A]

No, it could, it could. But I'm thinking of a particular type of influencers. Well, yeah, influencers are the worst. And, and we're trying to be one. So I don't know that we're any better than any of the other influencers or creators out there. We sit here and talk all day for a living. But yeah, no, I agree with you, but I'm talking about this like super weird entitlement that these mainly men have that they think that something is being taken from them that they owned at some point and now they need repercussions. You know, I read that, I read that that generation, that generation is like phasing out of the kind of upper crust rich society. And a younger generation, like our generation is now moving up into those positions. Right. And that they're bitter. Yeah, they're bitter. There's just like an anger about it. And it's not everybody. Of course it's not everybody. It's not even the majority of people, I would imagine, because the only people that we hear about are the people that make news like this for doing stupid. But these are. And you know the type. Everybody has one. Everybody has one in their neighborhood. Everyone sees one at their local bar, everyone sees them at the grocery store. They just treat everybody like. Because they think they're better. You see all this on Tick Tock, you know, old white men trying to fight young people in a CVS because they're wearing a mask or something. It's like, what the. Dude, really? You're so angry. You're so angry about the mask that you have to fight somebody. Is that really what you. And smacking a hostess, like a 19 year old hostess in the head because you're not being seated, because you are improperly dressed drunk and acting disrespectfully, but you're gonna sue Disney World. Yeah. You're suing Disney World, though. That's what's going on. Really. You know what? It grinds my gears.

[B]

Where were the Kids were these people just down there first.

[A]

Ah, you know, lots of. There's lots of conferences down there, you know.

[B]

At Disney World.

[A]

Yeah, at Disney World. Lots and lots of conferences.

[B]

So long, long.

[A]

I love it. But right now I'm not going because it's kind of a hot mess down there. They got this like reservation system where everything has to be pre planned months ahead of time. It takes the fun out of Disney World.

[B]

Yeah, right.

[A]

I think to just go and ride rides. Right. And if you can get a fast pass on the app. Okay, cool. But if I have to plan it out and pay extra to not do this. I was reading about this, like my genie plus that's going on with them. It's a new reservation system. Is it make a reservation to get into the park? Maybe not anymore. They're like phasing that out. But for a number of years you've had to make a reservation to get into the park. And then in order to get on rides or have a, like a fast pass, quote unquote. Right. You have to get a genie line or something like that. You have to pay extra based on the demand. So it could cost up to $15 extra per person in your party to get everybody the genie line or whatever the they call it. And then that genie line is often times longer than the other line just to standby. And the poor people are just walking into the ride. Then they have to wait for hours.

[B]

Kids in the.

[A]

I know there's kids in the line. There's people fighting all over the place. The prices are outrageous.

[B]

Stick to the cruise. Yeah, the reason about the cruise.

[A]

The cruise, that's where all the action is. At a literal floating dysentery opportunity, you two can get the shits for three or four days if you take a cruise. But with the Disney cruise.

[B]

Disney cruise, though I've heard, unlike good things I've been.

[A]

And I gotta say, I was pleasantly surprised. I didn't expect much. I expected to wait in lines, be miserable and have screaming kids all over the place. And only two of those things happened. So I was like, you know, pleasantly surprised at the whole situation. And I think that's the way to.

[B]

Creep around at night with your camera, dude.

[A]

Was. I was, I was, I, I was creeping around. You know, they have that new Royal Caribbean has the world's largest cruise ship. Did you see that?

[B]

It's huge.

[A]

I watched somebody take a tour of that. And I have been on a like.

[B]

Seven pools and an ice skating rink, the movie theater, this, that. I mean, it's A full city, multiple.

[A]

Theaters, huge casino, seven pools over three decks. They have a city inside of the. The ship. And then they have a. Like a gangway, like a galley that has. It's like a mall with multiple restaurants. They have, like 72 restaurants and eateries and stations where you can grab food. I know not everybody's up for cruising. I know it's not everybody's, you know, to be stuck on a boat with a bunch of people and, you know, running around. But there's something kind of cool about, like, a city floating in the middle of the ocean, going from one place to the other. Where I went on the second largest, now the third largest cruise ship in the world. I went on there and I went on a cruise in Europe. And I gotta tell you, you. I didn't even make it to. I was there. I was on that cruise ship for 10 days. I did not make it to every part of that cruise ship, I'm sure. And I was creeping around 24 hours a day, seven days a week. The problem with that cruise ship is it really never sleeps. So there are always people around. It's not like there's no downtime on that cruise ship because they have. There's a mall, there's a city. They have trees that are bigger than the trees out front of my house growing in the middle of the cruise ship. And the real. It's amazing. Amazing. I'm like. Humans can do really cool things when they put their minds to it. Slapping a hostess 50 times in the forehead because you didn't get to sit at some fancy restaurant at Disney World where kids go is a ass clown move.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

God, it makes me angry, Chrissy. I know. It really does.

[B]

Well, me too. I hope he's punished.

[A]

He should be punished. And he's not suing.

[B]

The bare bottom spanking is what he needs.

[A]

Bare bottom spanking. Now you got me going. You. You're too excited. You and Jeff have been. I don't know what you and Jeff are up to over there. They called me last night. They did. They're. We're talking about this. That. The other thing regarding the podcast, Dizzy. Jeff and I are having a little. A little man conversation about what to do with the commercial break. You know, I don't know, like a board of. A board of directors meeting.

[B]

Yeah, we had a little directors meeting.

[A]

Yeah. Little directors.

[B]

I was cooking with my evo.

[A]

She was going to go to evo. Oh. And they told me Jeff said he had a riding crop and he was smacking Hoadley on The butt.

[B]

No, I was smacking him.

[A]

He was smacking you every.

[B]

I was smacking him. He was wearing his chaps. I was smacking him whenever he didn't love it. Sir, something correctly to just have a.

[A]

Camera, just one camera in the house, right? We can blur things out later on down the road, but I just imagine, like, Chrissy's naked butt and Jeff's naked ass, and he's just over there twiddling his little figs and berries, extra virgin olive oil splash hot splashing on his nipples, and he's like, oh, ow, ow. And Chrissy's like, get back there and cook those eggs. Get back there, Jeff. And he's like, yes, ma'. Am. Yes, ma'. Am. Medium.

[B]

Raise that lettuce.

[A]

Yeah, get that lettuce washed. Swear to God. Did you mince the garlic or chop the garlic? Because there's a difference, Jeff. I don't know, ma'. Am. I don't know.

[B]

You're gonna know.

[A]

And then Chrissy just, like, takes a spoonful of hot oil and just throws it on his balls. You deserve it. Yes, ma', am. I do. Yes, masters. Yes, mistress. Oh, God. I swear to God. Swear to God, if we ever do anything outside of this studio, it's going to include live video from their house because there's some going on down there that none of us know about. But I think I'm getting close to the truth here on the commercial break.

[B]

You're chipping away.

[A]

All right, let's chip. Let's chip away at our debt by playing some commercials.

[B]

Okay, we'll be back.

[A]

Ugh.

[C]

Finally. I feel like I was waiting forever for my turn to talk now that I have you. Go to tcbpodcast.com to find all of our audio and video content. And follow us on Instagram, the commercial break, and on TikTok. TCBpodcast. Want it to be your turn to talk? Call us and spill the tea at 626-ASKTCB-3 and you may hear your voice on the show. You can also text us your tea at 8:55 tcb8383. And boy, do we love to hear it. Anyway, take a listen to our sponsors, and let's get back to the show.

[A]

You're turning into an old lady. Chrissy's got a bird cam.

[B]

I'm enthralled. I become enthralled with the birds. The bird cam to the bird feeder that we have outside. And we're always like, there's a new one. And what is that one called? And we're trying to look them up and I'm taking pictures and they're blurry because I'm trying to take them to the window and whatever. So we got the bird buddy.

[A]

You got the bird buddy. Which is like what a little camera that takes pictures when they.

[B]

It's a birdhouse, you fill it with the food and there's a camera right there.

[A]

So interesting.

[B]

I know, it's really fascinating.

[A]

That is kind of cool, actually.

[B]

Takes pictures, identifies the species.

[A]

Yeah. You just had a saffron finch at your house. I didn't even know there's such thing as a saffron.

[B]

I didn't either.

[A]

Saffron is one of my least favorite smells in the world. But the saffron finch is very pretty. Beautiful. Yes. I want one of those at Chrissy's house. I want a little bird house that we can put in Chrissy's house.

[B]

Except inside.

[A]

I want the bird buddy. I want the ball buddy is what I want. Every time Jeff's berries come out, I.

[B]

Want to take a picture and identify them.

[A]

Yes, identify. I want a heat sensor too. I'm gonna tell me what temperature it's at so we can figure out when Jeff's most fertile. Oh, my God. I was, you know, we were talking the other day and I was talking about one of my kids, you know, packing to go to their grandparents house and she was like counting to get away with putting. I said, bring three and she had like 10. And so she said, I'll count, I'll count. And she was going, one, one, one, one, 1, 2, 2, 3, 3. So I was just laughing about this because I forgot what I was gonna say.

[B]

You were thinking about just berries.

[A]

Oh, okay, okay. So I said, so I said that's how we ended up with so much children. So many children. We kept counting the days wrong. One first day of the cycle, 1, 1, 1, 1. Right. So that's how we ended up with some children. So then I somehow, some way, of course, Instagram popped up some fertilization app that's out there now where you can of course time and tell your schedule and do your thing. And I'm here to tell you, be careful because that shit don't always work. It doesn't always work. You got to be careful about that stuff. I think that's a. Listen, in this country right now, contraception is more important than ever, right? And prophylactic means, means you got to get it done. But I went on the website and I was like, oh, this sounds like a recipe for disaster. Like I hope this. I hope these people, these people with the best of intentions to tell women and men how they can avoid or how they can get pregnant. This, like, prophylactic method. There's a lot of suing gonna go on because I'm sure that that stuff isn't right half the time. Can't sperm live for, like, 30 days or something? Some like that.

[B]

Something like that.

[A]

I don't know. Speaking of, it's about time.

[B]

You don't have to worry about that.

[A]

I do.

[B]

And Jeff doesn't have to worry about that.

[A]

Well, Jeff's gone for two tests, right?

[B]

Yeah. And he's clear.

[A]

Okay, he's clear. I haven't done my one test yet. It's coming up very soon, right? In the next couple of days, I got to do my window. I got to alert the whole staff and team over there. Urologist. So crazy.

[B]

I can't believe. You don't have to send it off.

[A]

No, not with this. Don't. This version, you have to literally call, let them know I'm about to jizz. Right. It's so. It's so crazy.

[B]

You have to plan it.

[A]

Hi, it's me, Brian. I'm about to jizz. I'm coming, I'm coming, I'm coming. Can I bring my jizz down there? Can I bring my jizz? I'm sorry, he's not in.

[B]

Yeah, I mean, that's what I was gonna say. You've gotta really plan this out, like, to when the doctor's gonna be there.

[A]

Yeah. I feel like I gotta edge myself. Myself for an hour while I'm waiting for the doctor to call me back to let me know what time to bring the jizz in. I'm just like, I. I don't know what time I should bring the jizz in. Apparently they do it by microscope. Like, they put it under the microscope, but I have a certain window to get it to them before the sperm die, and then it's like they can't use it. But I'm just hoping that I get it knocked out, you know, first time. I'm hoping that I have to do this twice. But, you know, knowing me, I'll have to do it five times and embarrass myself every time as I'm bringing this milky cup into the. How do I go through the lobby with that? I guess I'm gonna put under a coat or a trash bag or something.

[B]

I cannot believe they didn't just give you, like, a little box or something.

[A]

They did give me a box.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

But one of my kids took it to play with it, and it got thrown away after they broke it.

[B]

I'll use an Amazon box.

[A]

Yeah, I should probably put my jizz cup up away from the children. But I just threw my jizz cup on the floor. One of my kids is, like, eating strawberries out of the jizz cup, and then the doctor's gonna be like, there's strawberry juice in here. Well, doctor, you know what they say. I mean, I don't know. I don't know what to tell you. It's like, I guess there's. I mean, I have.

[B]

I know somebody want to call and recheck this whole situation.

[A]

They have gave me a whole sheet of paper, and I have the sheet of paper, and I just read it two days ago, and it was like, yes, I have to call. And by the way, there is somebody else who I knew who had a vasectomy. You have to do the same thing. Now, here's the good news. I have found that there is a branch of this particular urology company that is right down the street from my house. So at least I don't have to, like, time it out too much. I can be there in, like, seven minutes. I'd almost rather. And I know they don't do this very often anymore, but I would almost rather jizz there because at least then I know I'm there, right? I can jizz. They know it's fresh. Everything's fine. How I would reach climax while I was in a doctor's office bathroom, I'm not sure. But, you know, it's the Internet. Like, you know, I'm sure I could find something to hang on to.

[B]

Didn't you say there was a hot nurse involved there at the place?

[A]

Oh, my God. Nurse Dua Lipa came in to, you know, shave my box, prep me, you know, and she was handling it like it was, I don't know, radioactive. She was like. Had one finger like this, and she was like. But it should indicate how little I'm working with when I say one finger. Because it was one finger. Two. Two fingers. She grabbed it like she was grabbing. I don't know, like a baby would grab a piece of food off of a thing. And I was just. But I was so high, I didn't care at the time. Yeah, chopsticks. Exactly. Maybe she should have used chopsticks. Fresh chopsticks, the wooden kind where you have to slide them. Yeah. Make sure you don't get splinters in your mouth. Yeah. Imagine end up getting a splinter in your dick from Chopsticks. Oh, man, would that. That would be rather unpleasant. And, you know, I am a big boy, and I understand that there's lots thousands and thousands of men that probably get this done on a daily basis. I'm not the only guy who has to jizz in a cup. There's lots of jizzing going on around the world and lots of jizzing going into cups to make sure that everyone. Everything's okay or to count your sperm count or whatever. But there's just something. So, like, it takes me back to, like, seventh grade when I'm trying to avoid standing up in the classroom with a boner. Right. I feel so embarrassed about having to bring my jizz cup in. I would just like. I want to go in there with a trench coat and then leave the trench coat.

[B]

It's literally their business.

[A]

I know. I know.

[B]

You're not taking it in the Starbucks.

[A]

No, that's true.

[B]

Or the car wash. Do.

[A]

Do you know.

[B]

Or whatever. They're taking it to the place that this is their business.

[A]

That's true. That's true. And there's mostly. Even women go to urologists, too, but there's. It was mostly men that I've seen in there. Right. I don't think there's. I think a lot of women go to urologists, but maybe not this particular practice. I'm not sure. There was not a lot of women around that were not nurses or people working at the front desk or assistants. And all of them were women except for the doctor. So I got to navigate kind of this, you know, I don't know, this road of ladies that I want to somewhat respect me as a human being. And then I gotta, you know, shake my jizz in front of them like.

[B]

You know, hopefully you're never gonna see him again.

[A]

Hopefully I'll never see them again unless I have to go back and do it again. Didn't Jeff have to go back and do it twice?

[B]

No, he didn't have to go back and have another surgery. He just had to provide another sample.

[A]

No, that's what I'm saying. But he had to go twice because the first one didn't work out.

[B]

We sent ours away.

[A]

Oh, you did?

[B]

Yeah, we had to leave the house.

[A]

Really?

[B]

No. That's why I'm so surprised you have to do this whole dance.

[A]

And did you and Jeff use EVOO as a part of extracting that sample? That's what I should do. I should sell Astrid, I should say. Astrid.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Come on in here. Help me out a little bit. Yes, Right.

[B]

It was a team effort.

[A]

You're beautiful. We've done this before.

[B]

Right.

[A]

You know, and it ended up with 30 children. More children. But I promise you, this time, let's do it where we can't. Where it's almost certain we're not going to have children. Let's do it that way.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And, you know, give me a hand shandy. And then, you know, I'm going to get in and do the commercial break. But if you could drop this off on the way to pick up the kids, I would appreciate it. They should have, like, a night drop box where you just, like, drop. Like a jizz drop or like, at the bank. Yeah, the little night deposit back. Hi, Mr. Green. Hi. I'm here for my deposit. Yes, if you give me just one second, I'll. I'll get that to you. Yeah, you know what? That's not a bad idea, actually. That's what they should do. Well, of course you have a urologist that actually has technology, so they're going to send it away in a box. Right. I don't have to go anywhere. I just have to put it in. Do you think the US Post Office is like, oh, God damn it. Another jizz drop could be another.

[B]

I didn't say it on the box. It was very nondescript box.

[A]

You know how they have the Ubers that will drop stuff off for you?

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

I got my glasses that one time, remember I got glasses. I had an Uber driver driver drive 80 miles two hours before I was.

[B]

Supposed to get on a helicopter.

[A]

He wanted to. The guy wanted me to get on a helicopter, but the guy, the owner wasn't there, remember? Okay, yes. What if I hire the Uber to do the jizz drop and I just give him a really nice tip and I seal it in a box and maybe I put, like, a hand warmer in there. You know, the hand warmers you can get. I put a couple hand warmers in there.

[B]

The ones where you have to, like, break them.

[A]

Yeah, exactly. And I put a couple in there just to ensure that it stays warm. And then I give it to the Uber driver and I say, could you please. Now, I don't want anybody handling any kind of dangerous radioactive material.

[B]

Why is it.

[A]

Yeah, so I would wrap it up. I do. I do an Amazon, like, box. I put a box inside of a box inside of a box inside of a box. A babushka type thing.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

And I'd wash my hands after each boxing. You know what I'm saying? That way no one has any problems And I just give it to him and I say, listen, go drop this off. Front desk, reception, sign for me. Everything. They don't know who I am. They you say you're Brian Green walking there and here's a nice hundred dollar tip for doing for your trouble.

[B]

I think you're making this more than it needs to be.

[A]

I know, but you know, I'm a three year old in my head.

[B]

And that would mean that you're still in the knowledge.

[A]

I'm still in the knowledge phase. That's right. That's right. What was our word today?

[B]

Our word today was edify.

[A]

Edify.

[B]

To edify somebody means to improve instructor. Improve someone morally or intellectually.

[A]

Okay, well, I want to edify this process of putting jizz in a cup.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yes, I should.

[B]

We're not edifying anyone here. Talking about.

[A]

That's right. If I can get an EKG on my iPhone, I should be able to determine if I have any sperm. Watch. Yeah. Shouldn't I be just jizz on my watch? And it tells me, hey, you've got jizz. All right. Www tcbpodcast.com. you know how to do it. Go there. You can listen to the entire library. Watch the entire library. And additionally you can get your free piggy fronting sticker. Hit the contact us button, drop down menu. I want my free sticker. Send us your physical address. We'll send it off to you in seven to 10 days all. Also, we'd like to thank the good people at Odyssey. Go listen on the Odyssey app, now available on the App Store or Android Store. Please go listen on Odyssey. Yes, yes, please do. Okay, the other thing that I wanted to tell you is that my mom will be making an appearance on the podcast very shortly. If you would like to ask my mom something, you can send that question or that need for advice, you can send it via text message or voicemail mail to 1626. Ask TCB the number three. That's 626. Ask TCB the number 3 toll free from anywhere in the world. Ask Brian's mom. Ask TCB questions, comments, concerns, content, ideas. We take them all. Feel free to leave us a voice message. Actually some. Quite a few people have left us a voice message. Nice. I've now figured that out. Yeah. So I'm editing those down.

[B]

I've now checked the right.

[A]

Unbelievable. I'm so stupid. I'm just stupid.

[B]

So stupid.

[A]

Also, if you would please do us a favor at the commercial break on Instagram. Follow us there. TCB podcast at on tick tock TCB podcast on Tick Tock. We would love it if you would follow us there or you can subscribe.

[B]

That we said we hate earlier.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, we're still there. YouTube.com the commercial break. All right, Chrissy, that is definitely all I can do for today.

[B]

I think so.

[A]

So I'll tell you that I love you.

[B]

I love you.

[A]

I'll say best to you. And I'll say best to you out there in the podcast universe. Best podcast audience in the world. Until next time, Chrissy. And I do say, we always say, and we must say goodbye, Sam.