Hot, Hard Axe of The Thunder Brothers!

Summary

The Commercial Break – Episode Summary

Episode Title: Hot, Hard Axe of The Thunder Brothers!
Date: March 21, 2025
Hosts: Bryan Greene, Krissy Hoadley (aka "Chris Odley"), Darlene Stinkhand
Podcast Theme: Improv-comedy, pop culture send-ups, internet oddities, irreverent banter, and reality TV lampooning.

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Episode Overview

This episode of The Commercial Break leans into the show’s signature blend of chaotic, self-effacing humor and pop culture parody. Bryan and Krissy riff on recent personal mishaps and parenting foibles, offer tongue-in-cheek “financial” advice via recurring character Darlene Stinkhand, and, in the main event, gleefully lampoon the Travel Channel’s cult hit Mountain Monsters. Their focus: the over-the-top "Thunder Brothers" and the hunt for the legendary "Thunder Axe," a saga involving tree destruction, possible Bigfoot encounters, and bewildering Appalachian antics.

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Key Discussion Points & Notable Moments

1. Satirical Financial Advice with Darlene Stinkhand

[00:03–01:55]

• The episode cold-opens with a spoof newscast. Darlene offers purposely bad financial advice: invest in meme coins, pick up suspicious "work from home" schemes, and join a friend's MLM. Attending costly real estate seminars is pitched as a fast track to riches.
• Notable quote:
  • “She explained that any company that makes you buy thousands of dollars worth of product you probably can't sell is a surefire bet to make millions and millions of dollars...” – Rod Cunningham ([00:44])
• Bryan’s improv as a hapless listener:
  • “If you save your money, you can get stuff like a new living suit. It takes about a year to save up $3,000. I'm gonna get a new bedroom set...with lights on it.” ([01:08])

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2. The Chaos of Parenting & Spring Equinox "Venereal" Observations

[03:00–08:00]

• Bryan rants comically about the Spring (oops, “Venereal”) Equinox and the joys of parenting:
  • The embarrassment of having to help his kids in the bathroom as they get older ("the more manly your shit gets, the more I get disgusted"), and the mysterious immunity children have to bad smells.
  • Amusing aside about his own father's “morning routine” and suburban upbringing.
• Notable quote:
  • “Maybe this is the first day of not wiping your ass. How's that? Because the older you get, the more manly your shit gets, the more I get disgusted.” – Bryan ([03:51])
  • “Thy ladies shall never let thy poop be known.” – Bryan ([05:44])

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3. The "Tree Incident" & Social Anxieties of Podcast Fame

[08:07–16:56]

• Bryan recounts a “tree company” altercation at his kid’s school pickup—parents clashing with aggressive workers hurling cones and ignoring safety.
  • The consensus: society is on edge and minor incidents can escalate quickly.
• On being "outed" as a podcaster at his local Starbucks for the first time:
  • Reluctantly confesses to a barista, describes discomfort about losing anonymity.
  • Notable quote:
    • "I kind of like coming to Starbucks where I think that nobody knows what I do…it's a little safe harbor from some of the stupid shit I might say on the fucking podcast." – Bryan ([15:24])
  • Krissy: “Yeah, you don't want fact checking going on.” ([16:54])
  • Bryan: "We tried a fact checker. They checked too many facts. Facts. They were too aggressively checking my facts." ([16:56])

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4. Pop Culture Rant: Daylight Savings, Sunlight, Trump, and Strippers

[17:54–22:23]

• The hosts riff on the end of daylight saving time, Bryan’s preference for longer evenings, and mock debates about what politicians want for the “clock.”
• Notable quote:
  • “I want to have an ice cream in an outdoor mall when it's light outside. Okay?” – Bryan ([19:05])
  • “If we're worried about the kids going to school without sunshine... What about the dancers, the strippers that have to go to work at 8 o'clock at night? Are we not concerned about their safety also?” – Bryan ([22:18])

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5. TCB’s Mountain Monsters Breakdown – The Main Event

[24:37–62:17]

Introduction to the Segment

[24:37–26:24]

• Bryan describes "Mountain Monsters" as "a hilarious group of redneckersons chasing all kinds of monsters, from Whisper Wolves to the Paw Paw Poppers."
  • The show started with Bigfoot but now features “anything and everything and all kinds of made up shit.”

Mountain Monsters’ "Best Chases" Compilations

• [27:09+] The duo “watches” and commentates over a YouTube compilation, mainly ridiculing the melodrama, redneck theatrics, and lack of suspense or logic.

Hilarious Running Commentary

• Spotlights and quotes:
  • On the hunters’ demeanor and techniques:
    • “He literally does yell everything.” – Bryan on Wild Bill ([26:38])
    • “Why would they make a show like this? I fail to know the reasoning behind any of it, but it's highly entertaining.” – Bryan ([31:03])
  • On trees being allegedly felled by Bigfoot:
    • “You know exactly what that was. It was me. I was doing it for fun.” – Bryan, mocking the drama ([28:52])
  • On tracking Bigfoot "nests":
    • “Bigfoot nest. I make nests for my bigfoot eggs.” – Bryan ([38:08])
    • “They're just walking around the woods picking up sticks and making, you know, illogical conclusions about it.” – Bryan ([43:00])

The Thunder Axe and the Lightning Man

• [46:51–61:06] The hosts reach the peak: The "Thunder Brothers," the "Thunder Axe," and the Lightning Man.

  • Describing the absurd quest to assemble the "Thunder Axe," involving a pipe cooled with urine, a manufactured sense of peril, and ultimate triumph.
  • Notable exchange:
    • “So he's pissing on it. Oh, my God. Come on, guys. You're bringing this down. I thought this was a family show.” – Bryan ([48:24])
    • “What the fuck is a thunder axe?” – Bryan ([53:06])
    • “We got to let thunder man stick his hot loins in there. And then when he does—he will—jizz lightning and we will all become all powerful.” – Bryan ([54:22])

• The hosts lose themselves in laughter over the show's escalating nonsense, and Bryan notes that this is like a 4chan fantasy or Marvel movie in the making.

  • The segment closes with a (faux) dramatic brush with lightning, bodily function jokes, and the Mountain Monsters' celebration over their thunder axe triumph.

Mountain Monsters’ Enduring Charm

• [62:01–63:44]
  • Bryan and Krissy marvel that anyone can take the show seriously, wonder about the cast's post-reality show lives, and wrap up with appreciation for niche content creators.
  • Notable quote:
    • "Make content. Somebody out there will enjoy it. How many people? I don't know. But you know, we love it. So that's it. You can keep making them forever. We keep breaking them down." – Bryan ([63:06])

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Highlighted Quotes with Timestamps

• “Maybe this is the first day of not wiping your ass. ...Because the older you get, the more manly your shit gets, the more I get disgusted.” – Bryan ([03:51])
• "I kind of like coming to Starbucks where I think that nobody knows what I do…it's a little safe harbor from some of the stupid shit I might say on the fucking podcast." – Bryan ([15:24])
• “If we're worried about the kids going to school without sunshine... What about...the strippers that have to go to work at 8 o'clock at night? Are we not concerned about their safety also?” – Bryan ([22:18])
• “Bigfoot nest. I make nests for my bigfoot eggs.” – Bryan ([38:08])
• “We got to let thunder man stick his hot loins in there. And then when he does—he will—jizz lightning and we will all become all powerful.” – Bryan ([54:22])
• "Make content. Somebody out there will enjoy it... You can keep making them forever. We keep breaking them down." – Bryan ([63:06])

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Timestamps for Major Segments

• [00:03] – Satirical financial “news” open with Darlene
• [03:00] – Hosts’ intro, Spring Equinox parenting humor
• [08:07] – Tree incident and social stress story
• [15:23] – Bryan discovered at Starbucks as a podcaster
• [17:54] – Daylight Saving/Trump/sunlight tangent
• [24:37] – Mountain Monsters intro; reality TV riffing begins
• [27:09] – Breakdown of Mountain Monsters’ tree-felling “Bigfoot” chase
• [46:51] – Thunder Axe and Lightning Man saga
• [62:01] – Concluding thoughts, Mountain Monsters wrap-up
• [63:44] – Closing credits, show contact info

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Tone & Style Notes

• Language/Tone: Fast, irreverent, openly profane, deeply sarcastic, and self-aware; frequent breaking of the fourth wall and in-jokes about being “just FINE.”
• Format: Freewheeling conversation, structured entirely around the hosts’ banter and ad-libbed, often bawdy commentary over reality TV.
• Energy: High, absurdist, and honest; a sense that you’re eavesdropping on friends who delight in both the ridiculousness of their subject and themselves.

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Summary Takeaways

If you missed the episode: Picture two best friends goofing on the wonders and idiocies of fringe pop culture, turning personal misadventures and the world’s dumbest reality TV into extended, delirious inside jokes. Whether it’s parodying bad financial tips, dissecting “Bigfoot” TV, or reflecting on the perils of podcast micro-fame, The Commercial Break is at its best when it’s least serious. And this episode—centered around the epic silliness of the Thunder Brothers, the hard Axe, and a morass of Appalachian pee jokes—delivers exactly that kind of uncut, enjoyably pointless fun.

Transcript

[Rod Cunningham]

And it's 15 after the hour here in the Rod Cunningham Diesel Depot studio. A check of traffic and weather right around the corner. But first, let's check on the markets. They're doing terribly. And crab applians are obviously concerned about the economy. WSHIT's consumer reporter Darlene Stinkhand has a few pieces of advice for those getting the jitters around the economy. The first thing on her list, invest heavily in memecoin. She explains that meme coin is a low risk, almost guaranteed return. Her second piece of advice, pick up a second career. She explains that those signs on telephone poles where you can make five to $7,000 a week working from home are often true and most people just drive by them. She encourages listeners to go ahead and make that phone call and follow through. Some other advice from Darlene was to join your friend's MLM company. She explained that any company that makes you buy thousands of dollars worth of product you probably can't sell is a surefire bet to make millions and millions of dollars in extra income. We were lucky enough to ca with Darlene in the studio earlier. And here's some other advice she had for the listeners.

[Brian Greene]

If you save your money, you can get stuff like a new living suit. It takes about a year to save up $3,000. I'm gonna get a new bedroom set.

[Chris Odley]

Yay.

[Brian Greene]

With lights on it. I hope I can be able to get it. Amen to that.

[Rod Cunningham]

And finally, Darlene expressed that most people miss an opportunity to become millionaires by simply not attending those weekend real estate seminars. She shared that two days worth of your time and thousands of dollars in coaching services you'll never use was an opportunity to build a solid foundation of real estate knowledge and become the next billionaire tycoon. Darlene will be back at the top of the hour to share some more wisdom. We'll be back after this commercial break.

[Brian Greene]

I'm gonna get a new bedroom set. Yay.

[Rod Cunningham]

On this episode of the Commerc.

[Brian Greene]

What? This sounds really complicated for a mythological dum dum creature. Like for a walking ape, really.

[Chris Odley]

The trap is set. The thunder axe is in the security box. Now we have to back off and let the lightning man do his part. All right. As much as I hate to do this.

[Darlene Stinkhand]

Fall into the trap.

[Brian Greene]

Yeah.

[Chris Odley]

Leave that thunder axe here and we have to back out.

[Brian Greene]

Yeah. As much as I hate to do this, we gotta let thunder man stick his hot loins in there. And then when he does.

[Chris Odley]

He will.

[Brian Greene]

Jizz lightning and we will all become all powerful, all mythological creatures. Will bow to our will. We have the thunder axe.

[Rod Cunningham]

The next episode of the commercial break starts now.

[Brian Greene]

Ah, yeah. Cats and kittens, welcome back to the commercial break. I'm Brian Greene. This is my dear friend and the co host of this show, Chris and Joy Odley. Best to you, Chris, best to you, Brian, and best to you out there in the podcast universe. And happy day after the spring equinox. The vernal, the venereal equinox as I like to call it. It's when my syphilis flares up every year around this time. Large robot. I got a large robot penis. Oh, yes, the spring equinox. When the. Technically when the sun rays are directly over the equator and then it moves to the. Then it moves to start shining on the northern hemisphere just a little bit more than it has before. That's why it's 31 degrees in Atlanta. Welcome to spring.

[Darlene Stinkhand]

I know it's been like 75.

[Brian Greene]

Let it go. I know we don't talk about the. This is like a weather related show at this point. That's all we talk about is how miserable we are about the weather. It's too hot, it's too cold, the pollen's out, sun is out. I don't know. But my, my. One of my kids was very excited about the spring equinox. He was like, it's the first day of spring, dad. And I was like, yeah, I'm still wiping your ass. What's going on there? Maybe this is the first day of not wiping your ass. How's that? Because the older you get, the more manly your shit gets, the more I get disgusted. The other day I had to call Astrid. I was like, astrid, I need your help on this one. I cann deal with the smell. It is a man smell. Yes. Meanwhile, all 13 children are still visiting me in the morning in the tiny little, you know, your conference room cabinet that I had. Yeah. The water closet or whatever you call it. They're all come in, they file in, they talk to me and I'm just like half asleep. I'm like, okay, guys, can I have a moment alone? Daddy, Daddy, Daddy, Daddy, Daddy, Daddy, Daddy, Daddy. They don't have noses, I don't think. I don't think smelling starts until you're like 20. I'm not sure what's going on there. It's awful, terrible. And I remember my father. I mean, we all remember our father's ass. Am I right or am I right?

[Darlene Stinkhand]

I don't.

[Brian Greene]

You don't, you don't remember your father's ass. I mean, not like you. You know what I'm saying? The smell of his ass, not his actual ass.

[Darlene Stinkhand]

No, the door was shut, and I knew I didn't want to go in there.

[Brian Greene]

The door was shut, but that doesn't mean I wasn't able to smell my father's shit. I mean, for God's sakes, my mom was always sneaking around the house, I think, pooping when people weren't there. She was of that ilk. Where you a lad. Never let her smell be known.

[Darlene Stinkhand]

Right? There is no smell.

[Brian Greene]

Thy ladies shall never let thy poop be known. Thy shall keep her asshole clean and tidy. But my dad. You know, you got to talk to your dad sometimes. And sometimes when you. When you had a father that was very busy, like mine, traveling a lot, you know, Sometimes. Sometimes dad would call us when he. We had a water closet, too. The door's always closed, but it was in this larger bathroom. And sometimes in the morning, Brian, I'd be like, oh, no, no. Dun, dun, dun, dun. I can hear you from here, dad. It's good. I'm cool. Get in there. No, because that shit would burn the nose hairs right off you. I mean, my dad's a hardy guy from Chicago. He's not some, you know, diminutive little flower eater. That's not what he does. He doesn't eat roses for breakfast. It has, like, bacon, eggs, pot roast. I don't know what they eat in Chicago, you know, whatever they were eating. But he's a meat eater. And so. But the other day, I. My son, he can. One of my sons, he can wipe his own ass. That. He can do that. Yeah, but sometimes you like to go in there for the double check. You know what I'm saying? You got to go in there for the double check. I don't think I learned how to properly wipe my ass. I was, like, 14 years old. And then maybe even not then. Like, it's a complicated procedure, and you got to get it right, and it takes a long time to get to know your ass. I mean, I'm just speaking truthfully here. Sorry if I'm disturbing your breakfast. But then, you know, daddy, I'm done. You know, I'm like, okay, let me come. And I just walked in and walked right out. And I'm like, oh, no, no, no, no, Astrid. He's like, what's wrong? And I'm like, nothing. Don't worry about it. You're all good. It's all human. It's all there. One of my kids came in the Other day I picked him up from school and he was telling me about his day and he says, during a movie. We were watching a movie today and during the movie I had to fart. And he goes, so I farted and it was really loud. And I go, oh, I was kind of laughing about it, you know, like, oh, that's a little embarrassing, but everybody farts. You can't hold it in. You're going to ruin your stomach if you hold it in. You know, just say, excuse me, you know, when you're done. And I go, did all the kids go, ew? And he goes, no, only two of my friends. And I go, well, why did they go ew? And he goes, because they really don't like my farts. And I was like, well, who does the other part of the class? Is it the other part of the class that does? I'm not sure. I don't know how that works. It's been a long time since I've been at school. I.

[Darlene Stinkhand]

Well, speaking of, though, I was wondering, when you said you went to go pick him up, was have you encountered any blowback or anything from the, from the tail of you and the construction workers or the people?

[Brian Greene]

Oh, that was a different school. So there's. So we have so many kids that they all go to different schools. They're all in different grades and different schools have different grades and all this. No, actually, when I went to the school. Well, you know, and, and I know now that at all the places that I go, the cat's just out of the bag. And certainly at Starbucks, the cat is way out of the bag. Because for the first time in 10 years, nine years of going there, someone said something to me directly. They asked me directly if I was in fact that guy from the commercial break. And I wanted to crawl. I wanted to die inside of a hole. I was like, ah, this is the one place where no.

[Darlene Stinkhand]

One place.

[Brian Greene]

Yeah, I mean, the one. I mean anywhere else in the world besides the places that I know people that you're not going to know about the commercial break, but the place that I go to. Eventually, curiosity kills the cat and they're trying to figure out what does that guy do, but no one has ever asked me directly, what do you do? So anyway, so everybody at this school where this tree incident happened, these tree guys. Incidents happened.

[Darlene Stinkhand]

The tree incident, it was an incident.

[Brian Greene]

It was an incident and it felt aggressive and scary and especially when you have kid and, you know, children in the back of the car, and these guys were just young and dumb. And full of stupid energy. And again, we probably all could have handled it a little bit better, but in the moment, I just wanted to go, like, I just wanted to get out of the. I wanted to get out of the energy because, you know, in this day and age, you never know how quickly that energy can turn into, like, violence. It's just people are so fucking on edge. All of us. I'm not saying that that's everybody else and not me. Me too. Everybody's so on edge, and we see so much crazy shit happening that at any given moment, the things can just snap and you don't. And then you can't take it back. But anyway, so I go, the principal of the school, you know, the way that the cars line up, she comes by and she clicks a button to say, okay, these kids need to be brought out so that they can be picked up or whatever. And we're friendly. And so she's. We're talking and I. And I said, oh, the tree guys aren't here today. And she goes, oh, those tree guys, they were awful. And I go, oh, really? Did you see what happened to me? Because I assume she did, because it was that everyone is yelling and screaming and it's not very far away from every. Where all the other parents and teachers were standing. And she goes, no, what happened? So I tell her the story, and she's like, oh, my gosh, those guys were awful date. They wouldn't stop doing the trees while the keys were outside and the wood chips are going everywhere and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And she's like. And I had to ask them multiple times, and they still didn't listen to me. I am filing a complaint for them. And now I'm going to file a complaint on this too, because this is ridiculous. I'm going to talk to them.

[Darlene Stinkhand]

And I said, yeah, coordination on whoever.

[Brian Greene]

Did that, like straight out of a movie, I swear to God, this happens next, there's like two parking lots, one that you drive through, and then as you're driving to get to the front of the school, there's another side parking lot for a forest preserve, which is what I think they were cutting the trees down for the forest preserve, but it's this tiny little forest preserve, but there's a parking lot there, small parking lot. And so I'm sitting there waiting to go and talking to her. And out of the side of my eye, I see a big truck pull up to park right in. Like, the car is facing the side of my car now, my passenger side in that Extra parking lot. And guess who pulls up. The tree company. The tree company with the tree guys. Now, only one of the guys, of the two guys that was involved in the incident, and the less aggressive. I'd say the less aggressive. When they were both pretty fucking aggressive. But the less aggressive one is there, and it appears they're there with a supervisor because they're walking around and the supervisor is, like, pointing out these things or whatever, you know, you can tell he's just kind of, like, directing the charge. I don't think they noticed me. But I'll tell you what, it was crazy because as we were talking about it, they pulled up and I was like, oh, my God, here we go again. But luckily, nothing. Nothing happened. And it was just like. The whole thing was just so stupid. Come on, guys. What are you doing? Throwing cones at cars with kids in it and, you know, yelling and screaming and not paying attention. Just come on. The whole world is on fire right now. And it just. It really. You can really sense the stress out there when you're driving. Everyone's driving aggressively. When you're at a place, you're just looking for the person that's going to pop, and someone's inevitably ready to pop. People are yelling at each other. It's just all so much like, rev down, chill out. I know the world's on fire and everything's broken. Broken. And it's getting more broken by the day. I get that. But we're gonna. Some of us are gonna survive. We're gonna. I guess. I don't know. Some of us are gonna survive. It's gonna be okay. I don't know. I don't know how, I don't know when, I don't know where. But some normalcy will return. It always does. And we're just having a little bit of an upheaval right now, but we can't kill each other. That's what they want us to do. They want us to be at each other's throats, because then we're distracted and they can do. Then they can plunder. They can plunder while we're distracted fighting with each other over fucking cones in a parking lot. Honestly, it's so fucking ridiculous. So I go to Starbucks the other day, so let me finish the Starbucks. So I go to Starbucks the other day, and I told you that I had suspected that one of the girls had figured it out. I put two and two together. Just some things that she said to me indicated to me that she, in fact, knew that I had the podcast and she knew which podcast it was, but she didn't go direct directly at it. She didn't tell me that directly. And so I thought to myself, okay, well, she's going to keep my secret here at least. And I know. And I. And I like this girl. Like, I know she. She doesn't seem like the talker in the group, so I think, okay, all right, well, my secret's safe with her. Like, we don't. And she's not going to be asking me every day. She's probably definitely not listening to the show. At least I don't imagine she is. She. She's young and has a life, and she doesn't have time for all this. But then there's a new guy there, and the new guy the other day, he's like, I'm checking out, and he already knows me. He's already saying, hi, Brian, and all that. He already knows my drink. He's only been there for, like, three weeks, but he's on. He's on the ball. I like this kid. He's gonna fit right in. So, yeah, he's gonna go far in this Starbucks. He's gonna go far in Starbucks. Making my coffee before I even walk in the door. I like this kid. He's a winner. I can pick one that goes the distance. He's gonna go the distance. So he says, yeah, man, what do you. So what do you do? You're like, you got. You know, you work from home. And I go, yeah, yeah, I work from home. And he goes, yeah, yeah, yeah. I think. I think I know what you do. And I was like, you do? And he goes, I think, what do you do? And I go, tell me what you think I do. Yeah, well, that's what I said. I go, well, why don't you go first? And then I'll confirm or deny based on it. And he goes, well, there's a little rumor going around that you have a podcast, and it's called, like, the commercial break or something like that. And I go, oh, okay. And he goes, is that. Is that what you do? Is that true? And I go, listen, come here, you little fuck.

[Darlene Stinkhand]

Lean in close.

[Brian Greene]

I don't want anyone knowing exactly what I do. It's a family thing. Okay, you got it. Don't tell anybody. Don't tell anybody. I actually says this to him. I go, hey, listen. I go, yes. Okay. The truth is, yes. It took me, like, 30 seconds to say yes, because I was like, I don't know what to do here. I really don't want this secret Out. But he's already got my number. I can't say no. And then all he has to do is look up the fucking picture on the goddamn front of the podcast page. So I go listen. Yes. But honestly, I kind of like coming to Starbucks where I think that nobody knows what I do. Not because I'm famous or anything like that, but because it's a little safe harbor from some of the stupid shit I might say on the fucking podcast. I don't want to have to answer, you know, I don't want to answer every question about every fucking thing that I say. I am one of these guys. This is why I do a podcast and not stand up comedy. First of all, not funny. Second of all, could never travel like that. I have too many kids to. My wife would never let that happen. But third of all, I don't like the instant reaction about what I'm saying. I'd much prefer just go out there and you guys have a reaction in your own personal private space and I'll have my own reaction here, you know what I'm saying? And so I don't like the idea of having to answer for everything that I say on the show this morning.

[Darlene Stinkhand]

Like where people are following up with you on some of the things.

[Brian Greene]

So you said this about Ariana Grande, but that's actually not true. Okay, right. If I opened my mouth, it's probably not true. So let's, let's just get, let's get that point across.

[Darlene Stinkhand]

Yeah, you don't want fact checking going on.

[Brian Greene]

No, we tried that. It didn't work. That didn't work very well. We tried a fact checker. They checked too many facts. Facts. They were too aggressively checking my facts. I didn't care for that. So, yeah, so the cat's out of the bag at the Starbucks and what are you gonna. And what are you gonna do? And it's spring Equinox, so we're all just, you know, muddling through. I guess that's what happens. And then I read there are some things, believe it or not, that I agree with, with this current administration. And one of the things that at least was like tweeted about or twitted or twatted or truthed or whatever the fuck is going on. X, I don't know is that let's get rid of this time clock changing thing. And I couldn't be more in agreement with that sentiment, however, that is until I learned that our good friend Donald Trump doesn't want us to have more sunlight. He wants us to have less Sunlight. He thinks the clock should stay backwards.

[Darlene Stinkhand]

And not forward, which is the original time.

[Brian Greene]

Which is the original time.

[Darlene Stinkhand]

Yeah, but. But most people like it, right?

[Rachel]

Yes.

[Darlene Stinkhand]

More sunlight at night.

[Brian Greene]

Don't you want to be at the lake at 7:30, 8 o' clock at night with an extra hour of sunlight left? Or at the ocean or whatever it is you do, wherever it is you do. I spent time in Costa Rica close to the equator. In case you're checking a map, geographically is a little closer than I am right now. I spent time in Costa rica and it's 12 on, 12 off, no matter the time of year almost. You know, there's little changes, but it's much closer to, you know, even Stevens, if you know what I mean.

[Darlene Stinkhand]

I like that.

[Brian Greene]

12 on, 12 on. You think you like it, but the sun comes up at like 5:30 and 6 in the morning, and then it goes down at 5:30, 6 at night. I don't like that. I don't want the sun to go down at 5:30, 6 at night. Besides putting my kids to bed. There is no downside, in my opinion, to having it be light out at 8 o' clock at night. It just. And I know that then it stays a little darker a little longer and it's dangerous for the kids in the bus. I don't care about the kids with the bus. I want to have an ice cream in an outdoor mall when it's light outside. Okay?

[Darlene Stinkhand]

I think most people agree with that, or at least the people I've talked.

[Brian Greene]

To, sane people agree with that. But insane people want to give us less sunlight. They want to give us More sunlight at 3 in the morning when no one's fucking awake. And then everyone has to wake up earlier because the fucking chickens and all that bullshit. And then we don't get that sunlight at the end of the day. Can't you give us a fucking break?

[Darlene Stinkhand]

Yeah, again, I don't feel like it's a big deal too, because, you know, even though it's darker longer in the mornings, if it's warm outside.

[Brian Greene]

What?

[Darlene Stinkhand]

That doesn't. Then now if it's cold, it's freezing.

[Brian Greene]

If it's freezing cold, oh, and dark.

[Darlene Stinkhand]

In the morning, but that's not the case.

[Brian Greene]

I get it. But listen, going to work in school is never gonna be less miserable. Do you know what I'm saying? It's not gonna be less miserable because the sun is out. That's not gonna happen. You might be a few degrees warmer on those rare circumstances where, you know, the sun comes up and Warms it up enough for you to feel it. But let's admit it. It's not like the sun pops up and all of a sudden it's 72 degrees in the middle of January. It's not how it works, first of all. Second of all, you're never gonna like going to work or school. Never gonna happen. So it doesn't matter. Let's at least. This is what I'm trying to say to you, all you people who might agree with the clocks backwards. If we're gonna have extra sunlight, let it be during the times when we're not supposed to be at work.

[Darlene Stinkhand]

We're all done.

[Brian Greene]

That's right. Yes. When I was working 9 to 5, which was for about a year of my life, when I was working nine to five, there's nothing, nothing in the world that I loved more than to hit the whistle. You know, everybody's working for the weekend. The five o' clock whistle. Hit it, quit it. And go find a patio and sit there for a couple of hours with the sun shining on my face and drinking myself into oblivion. Because that's what Americans do, because we're all fucking miserable. Okay, got it. So let's all get on the same page about this one. And I understand that Mr. Trump is easily persuadable in certain situations, and I think we should all twat at him or X to him. I don't even know what we do anymore. Truth him, Truthy social, or whatever it is. Is that even still a thing? Truth social. Yeah. Oh, okay.

[Darlene Stinkhand]

That's what he puts all his messages out on.

[Brian Greene]

Yeah, that's what all he puts all. You know, that's where he takes all the money. Under the, under the, under the table. Let us all agree and hit him up and let him know that the way we actually want it is things to go forward, not backward. Because it just doesn't make any sense. It makes no logical sense why you would want less sunlight at the end of the day when you're not working or at school. Let the kids have an extra hour of sunlight to play around. Let me have an extra hour of sunlight, because that's just what I like. I don't even have working. We don't even have working hours here. But if we did, we'd want extra sunlight. And then the regular, you know, everybody else who works 9 to 5 or whatever it is, let them have an extra hour of sunlight, too. And let us not forget about the people who work the overnight shifts. You know, if we're worried about the kids going to school without sunshine, standing out in the bus waiting for the bus without sunshine. What about the dancers, the strippers that have to go to work at 8 o' clock at night? Are we not concerned about their safety also?

[Darlene Stinkhand]

That's right.

[Brian Greene]

We don't want them going to work in the dark.

[Darlene Stinkhand]

See, Brian's always thinking possibly on a bus as well.

[Brian Greene]

That's right. The short order cooks at Waffle House, the police officers, everyone who works that overnight shift starts at 8:00 clock at night. And we don't want them to be unsafe either. So, you know, what's good for the goose is good for the gander. That's right. We learned about that in here at the school of hard knocks of the commercial break. I have. It's Friday. I'm feeling a little squirrely. So I've decided to do something fantastic for the audience here. And this may be a two parter we'll have to see. I pulled down the five scariest mountain monsters chases in mountain monster history. It's a compilation video. I wish I could tell you to go watch it on YouTube, but it's 95% likely it's going to get banned by Travel Channel or who, Discovery, H plus minus Max or whoever owns it. But we'll do our best. We'll do our best to get it up there. So why don't we do this? I know this is a little bit of a short segment. Let's take a break and when we get back, we're going to get right into it with some of this are some of our favorite guys, Huck, Buck, Chuck, everybody. Huckleberry number four or five or whatever they're on. Let's, let's take a break. When we get back, we'll do some mountain monsters for you. What do you think?

[Darlene Stinkhand]

I like it.

[Brian Greene]

We'll be back.

[Rachel]

Hey, it's Rachel, your new voice of God here on tcb. And just like you, I'm wondering just how much longer this podcast can continue. Let's all rejoice that another episode has made it to your ears. And I'll rejoice that my check is in the mail. Speaking of mail, get your free TCB sticker in the mail by going to tcbpodcast.com and visiting the Contact Us page. You can also find the entire commercial break library audio and video just in case you want to look at [e-mail] Want your voice to be on an episode of the show? Leave us a message at 212-4333. That's 212-433-3822. Tell us how much you love us and we'll be sure to let the world know on a future episode. Or you could make fun of us. That'd be fine, too. We might not air that, but maybe. Oh, and if you're shy, that's okay. Just send a text. We'll respond now. I'm gonna go check the mailbox for payment while you check out our sponsors, and then we'll return to this episode of the commercial break.

[Brian Greene]

Okay. Man. Has it been a long time since we've done a Mountain Monsters?

[Darlene Stinkhand]

Yes, it has.

[Brian Greene]

I don't know. Months at least, probably. We probably haven't done any in 2020. Maybe we did one for the 12 days of TCB.

[Darlene Stinkhand]

We had to.

[Brian Greene]

I think so. And we'll probably do one for the 12 hours of TCB. Stay tuned. Okay. All right, so I'm just gonna drop little hints here and there, but I think this one is coming together. I think this one we're definitely doing well. We have to now because we have people that are obligated to, but we're obligated to have other obligations to have people do it. But anyway, 12 hours of TCB. Think it. Chew on that one. And we'll give you more details in April. But Mountain Monsters, some of our favorite. This is one of my favorite comedy shows of all time, if I'm being real honest. The Mountain Monsters are a hilarious group of redneckersons that are out there chasing all kinds of monsters, from the Whisper Wolves to the Paw Paw Poppers. Yes, Skinny John Popper. They're chasing everybody, chasing these mythological creatures through West Kentucky, it seems like. And they. They made a compilation of the top five mountain monster chases or hunts. Quote, unquote.

[Darlene Stinkhand]

Hunt hunts. I love it because it started off. I mean, what was the premise that it originally started off as, like, chasing Bigfoot.

[Brian Greene]

Yeah, we've been here for four hours and recorded a fucking thing. My mouth's not working anymore. I mean, honestly, we've been here diddling around. Some days it all comes together and some days it doesn't. It's that sun over the equator. It's making my brain fry. It's the thought of having less sunlight that's driving me crazy. It really is.

[Darlene Stinkhand]

Okay, so Bigfoot, it started off with that and then just. It's now anything.

[Brian Greene]

Yeah, it's now anything and everything and all kinds of made up shit and, you know, cow killing bastards and everything. But Huck, Chuck fucking Ron are back at it. The guy who yells too much? Bill.

[Rod Cunningham]

Bill.

[Brian Greene]

Yeah. Yeah, it's Bill. Yeah, it's Billy. Bill. Yeah, Bill. What did you do to that one? Go. God damn. All right, cool. I guess he literally does yell everything. Oh, he does. Their. Their level of excitement on the cutaways gets very intense. Okay, here we are. Let's count down the top five and we'll get started. Now as soon as I press play.

[Chris Odley]

Number five, another 50 yards and go up.

[Brian Greene]

Look, look, look, look, look, look, look. It's a tree coming down. Hey, guys, I took that chainsaw and cut that tree down for you like you told me to. I other one down. What we're seeing right now is a drone shot of a tree falling. And these guys are getting very excited because. Does a tree make a noise when it falls in the forest? I guess we're about to find out.

[Chris Odley]

Son of a bitch. That Bigfoot just took.

[Brian Greene]

Son of a bitch. That tree done fail that tree down. Holy hell.

[Chris Odley]

Cowboys. Kids, zooms in on that drone cowboy kid.

[Brian Greene]

There he is.

[Darlene Stinkhand]

Wild Bill.

[Brian Greene]

That's right. Hey, don't smoke some meth. And then everyone looking at a tree falling down. And there's a TV and a drone and all kind of shit. Ah. Ah. And my teeth are falling out. Look at those teeth. Oh, that is a picture of dental health. I'm gonna. I'm. I'm purposefully pressing pause here so I can show my children later.

[Darlene Stinkhand]

Right? This is what happens when you.

[Brian Greene]

That's right. They're so. They're so scared about that.

[Darlene Stinkhand]

I did the same thing with my nephews.

[Brian Greene]

Oh, you gotta do it. You gotta tell them all the bad things that'll happen.

[Rod Cunningham]

And you know what?

[Brian Greene]

They're mostly true. So at least you're not lying to them.

[Chris Odley]

Big ass tree comes crashing to the ground. Hell yes, sir. You heard that high pitched squall and you heard that tree knock. You know exactly what took that tree down. That was a Bigfoot.

[Brian Greene]

You know exactly what that was. It was me. I was doing it for fun.

[Chris Odley]

That Bigfoot. That son of a bitch just ripped that big ass tree down.

[Brian Greene]

I think he just said Bigfoot is celibate. And he. That tree down.

[Darlene Stinkhand]

It did sound like he said it did.

[Brian Greene]

He said Bigfoot is celibate. He. That tree down.

[Chris Odley]

Cowboy Ken. He got it right there on his drone. Ken, get that drone back. We need to get over there.

[Brian Greene]

I want a cool name like Cowboy Ken. You call me Billabong Brian or something.

[Darlene Stinkhand]

I sure will.

[Brian Greene]

Can you call me Backstreet Brian? Yeah, that's my new Nickname Backstreet Brian Again. Huckleberry Looks like a totally different human being. I swear to God, they've had multiple huckleberries. And why are they all wearing winter hats? I don't know. It doesn't seem very cold outside.

[Chris Odley]

We need to get over to where that tree. Just come down and get over there. Now look here.

[Brian Greene]

Why is he holding the drone like that? It's like he's waiting for it to lift him off the ground.

[Darlene Stinkhand]

Well, he's gonna be waiting on a long time.

[Brian Greene]

You know, whenever there's impending doom and danger and claws and teeth and bloody marks and lots of of things on fire and blood splashing out of these guys will run right into it. They're the bravest guys I know.

[Darlene Stinkhand]

They really are.

[Chris Odley]

Look here, look here. Look here.

[Rod Cunningham]

What do you got?

[Chris Odley]

What do you got, Buck?

[Brian Greene]

Damn. Look at this, guys.

[Chris Odley]

Get the hell up here.

[Brian Greene]

Damn. Guys, look at this. Look at this mean killing machine over here. Get over here. Here they come. I guarantee that was pulled down with a thing. Yes. You can see the trail right behind it clearly. There's been like a four wheeler behind it.

[Chris Odley]

Son of a bitch.

[Brian Greene]

I've never seen so many quick shots of a fallen tree. Trying to make it look scary.

[Darlene Stinkhand]

I know. Well, and they did it. Where it's like the, you know, tails flat, dark side. Yeah, the flash.

[Chris Odley]

Look at this. Look at this. My gosh.

[Brian Greene]

Look at this. Look at this, look at this, look at this, look at this. Good night, John boy. Good night, Mary.

[Chris Odley]

I spot that tree right up ahead. I hurry up and get up there and man, this thing has tore all to shreds.

[Brian Greene]

Look at that.

[Chris Odley]

Oh, man, you can see.

[Brian Greene]

Where would he shred a tree, Chrissy? Why? Why would they make a show like this? I fail to know the reasoning behind any of it, but it's highly entertaining. It is. I don't know. Look at this. We're all entertained by a falling tree.

[Chris Odley]

And ripped to pieces. That's that damn tree a bigfoot ripped down. Now think this.

[Brian Greene]

That's that damn treated big foot ripped down. We know, Bill. We see it. Also, thanks for pointing out the obvious.

[Chris Odley]

Squatch is gonna get nicknamed Paul Bunyan. Look at the size of this. Yeah, it's a big old ass about probably 50, 60 years old. 70. Somewhere around there.

[Brian Greene]

Probably. 50, 60, 70.

[Darlene Stinkhand]

Be fair. It looks dead.

[Brian Greene]

80, 90. Yeah, it does look pretty sickly. I bet it didn't take a lot of force to just pull it down.

[Chris Odley]

Pissed off bigfoot guys. Yes, it is. Oh, you bet it is. You think he got mad because we had that drone in there.

[Brian Greene]

You think he got mad because.

[Darlene Stinkhand]

He had that drone?

[Brian Greene]

You think he got mad because I had an erection? Do you think because he had a drone in there? Yeah. Bigfoot was upset?

[Chris Odley]

That's a good possibility. That's a good deal.

[Brian Greene]

You think he was upset I hadn't washed my jeans and two years?

[Chris Odley]

You think he's pissed about something? Guys, I got a big question for you.

[Brian Greene]

What's that? Which one of you dealt it? Because I just. Who farted? No, that's just my beard.

[Chris Odley]

Bigfoot did this. Where's he at?

[Brian Greene]

I hadn't thought about that. Well, golly. Well, palm my dick and call me Rosie. You bring up a good point.

[Chris Odley]

My guess is not real far.

[Brian Greene]

Whispers are scary.

[Chris Odley]

I tell you what I think we need to do. Guys, it's starting to get dark.

[Brian Greene]

Dark.

[Chris Odley]

We need to go back, get our lights, get our guns, get the thermal, and get back out here.

[Darlene Stinkhand]

That's right.

[Brian Greene]

Yeah. We need to do this in the dark. Here's what we need to do. Let's hit Old Country Buffet. I'm gonna take a hot deuce.

[Darlene Stinkhand]

Load up a Mountain Dew.

[Brian Greene]

You wash your beard because it smells like. We'll get Billy to get us some Mountain Dews. Already done, boys. We'll come back when it's pitch black. It'll be better for seeing stuff, you know? Of course.

[Darlene Stinkhand]

Yeah.

[Chris Odley]

You want to grab that dur and see if we can't get it there more? See if we can't get some action? We'll do. All right. Holy. Right up in there.

[Brian Greene]

Whoa.

[Chris Odley]

Right up in there.

[Brian Greene]

They're all pointing. They're all up in there.

[Chris Odley]

Trina. Oh, yes, it was. Guys, the Hunts on. Kill those lights and go to IR.

[Brian Greene]

Go kill those lights and go to IR.

[Darlene Stinkhand]

What's IR?

[Brian Greene]

I don't know, but it sounds like we're watching NASA like a SpaceX launch. Now kill the lights, go to AR. Capcom, go kill the lights and go to AR. Roger, Cap.

[Chris Odley]

All right, that sounded like it was just right up the hill.

[Brian Greene]

So, wait, let me get this straight. They kill the lights on the camera, but every single one of them is illuminated? Is illuminated with a headlamp. Okay, gotcha. Hell, yeah.

[Chris Odley]

That's not far. I know Ken didn't expect to be out here doing tree knocks and actually get a response.

[Brian Greene]

What is a tree knock? Well, you remember when I told you about the wacking tree? You ever seen a porn movie where the male in the movie smacks his erect penis on a vagina of A young, lovely woman. Well, that's called a tree knock. And what we do here is we run around whacking our dicks against trees, hoping that Bigfoot does the same in response. It's his calling card.

[Chris Odley]

Right up in there. That was a damn tree knock.

[Brian Greene]

Hell yes, it was.

[Chris Odley]

Welcome, Cowboy Ken. You're a names member. All right, here's the plan.

[Rod Cunningham]

Welcome, Cowboy Ken. You're officially a names member.

[Brian Greene]

You're the one we're gonna feed to Bigfoot.

[Rod Cunningham]

Willie Bill, Cowboy Ken, Willie Bill, Other.

[Brian Greene]

Bill, Other, Billy, Huck, Huck, Huck Number three and Cowboy Ken. You go first. I'll be back here. It's snack time. I'm contractually obligated to have three snacks a half hour.

[Chris Odley]

All right, you three start up the Holler about 150 yards. Start working on the side of that hill. Jeff, hup. We're going to go up this way. We're gonna spread out and see if we can't get our eyes on this thing. Hey guys.

[Brian Greene]

Hey guys. I don't walk so good. Anybody got a four by?

[Chris Odley]

Check this out.

[Brian Greene]

It's a tree.

[Darlene Stinkhand]

Yes.

[Chris Odley]

Look at this.

[Brian Greene]

Wow.

[Chris Odley]

My gosh. Look at this thing. Man. That's creepy looking.

[Brian Greene]

Man, that's just free. I know. It's it a tree. It's an oak tree. Oh my God. Geez. We're really desperate for. Really desperate for some kind of attention here, huh?

[Chris Odley]

We're walking along this trail, all of a sudden we look up and here's this big old honey locust all gnarled together, twisted together. That old honey locust.

[Brian Greene]

It's a honey locust. Oh, interesting. You learn something new every day on.

[Darlene Stinkhand]

Mountain Monsters as a teaching show.

[Brian Greene]

Yeah.

[Chris Odley]

It is. Looking up at this tree. This don't give me any good feelings. Sure looks like it should be Bigfoot country.

[Darlene Stinkhand]

What constitutes looking like it should be Bigfoot country?

[Brian Greene]

This looks like a tree. Yoni having her moon cycle right to.

[Chris Odley]

The center of your soul. Telling you guys, that's Devil tree.

[Brian Greene]

I'm telling you guys, I saw this on Instagram. It's called the Devil tree and we're supposed to sacrifice to it by, I. I don't know, doing a little dancing and two stretches and a downward dog. We better get on our paws, boys.

[Chris Odley]

This creepy looking, ain't it? Hey, look here. Hey, step back.

[Brian Greene]

Hey, get the fuck out of the way.

[Chris Odley]

Hey guys, here's a side beside trail.

[Brian Greene]

Oh, hell yes.

[Chris Odley]

Oh.

[Brian Greene]

Oh hell yes. You hadn't noticed that you were walking on a side by side trail before? No, it's just come upon you that there's a side by side trail.

[Chris Odley]

Yeah, that nest in that video was right along the side by side trail.

[Rachel]

Nest?

[Chris Odley]

Yeah, guys.

[Darlene Stinkhand]

Bigfoot in a nest.

[Brian Greene]

We're in the money, guys. Bigfoot nest. I make nests for my bigfoot eggs.

[Chris Odley]

Mmm, yum, yum.

[Brian Greene]

Just making my bigfoot.

[Chris Odley]

No, it's big fat people.

[Brian Greene]

Quick, knock the tree.

[Chris Odley]

Take dick whack across tree. Make him scared. In that video that Jeff has of that nest, you can clearly see a side by side trail Right nearby that nest.

[Brian Greene]

It may not be okay. We've all been using cell phones for about 20 years now. And I guess whatever raccoon Jim or whatever his name is is has the inability to hold a phone straight so he can get an actual picture of something. Bigfoot nest. It just look like a bunch of weeds too far.

[Rod Cunningham]

What?

[Chris Odley]

Let's start beating this trail. You ready? Yeah, yeah. Let's keep walking up. Which way, boys?

[Brian Greene]

Listen, I got my gun out.

[Darlene Stinkhand]

Trying to go through the forest.

[Brian Greene]

I know. They're just trying to walk through a forest. It's not very foresty. There's no trees, but okay. I guess it.

[Chris Odley]

Can you hear that? Yeah.

[Brian Greene]

He's got a 9 mm in his hand. He's. He's like pointing at things with it.

[Darlene Stinkhand]

I know.

[Brian Greene]

I think that's like the rule number one of gun safety Is you don't use your gun as a pointer.

[Chris Odley]

Sounds like something's moaning or craying or something over there. Hear that cowboy? Yeah. He's coming right. By the way, about cowboys Right over there.

[Darlene Stinkhand]

Cowboy's like, I was just supposed to do the drone shots.

[Brian Greene]

Yeah.

[Darlene Stinkhand]

How am I out here now?

[Brian Greene]

He's like, listen, somebody called me and said, you got a done. You done got a drone. And they said, you want to be on a TV show? I didn't bargain for all this. Bigfoot, you go first.

[Chris Odley]

Go easy, bill. Go easy, Bill.

[Brian Greene]

Go easy. Has bill ever gone easy on anything?

[Chris Odley]

No, he hasn't, Brian.

[Brian Greene]

No, I can't do that. Guys.

[Chris Odley]

There's really not that many side by side trails that we've found here in the tiger valley.

[Brian Greene]

No, no. Meanwhile, these guys are having a stroll. You know, I really haven't wonders Too many side by side trails down here on tiger valley. You know, in 1947, Tiger Valley got his name because they found an actual tiger. No, I didn't know that, buck. Meanwhile, these other three are pointing guns at each other.

[Chris Odley]

Keep the thermal moving, Jen.

[Brian Greene]

All right, I got her, buddy.

[Darlene Stinkhand]

Keep the thermals.

[Brian Greene]

And again. Again. There is nothing smarter, in my opinion, when it comes to safety and security than sending one team one way and one team the other way. To circle back around when everybody's got guns. That's right. Take out the thermals. It's 42 degrees max.

[Chris Odley]

Take your time, bo. Take your time. Hey, look here.

[Rod Cunningham]

Look here.

[Brian Greene]

Look here.

[Chris Odley]

Wow.

[Brian Greene]

We got.

[Chris Odley]

What you got?

[Brian Greene]

Wow. It's a stick. I found a stick.

[Chris Odley]

Pine limbs.

[Darlene Stinkhand]

Pine lim.

[Brian Greene]

Pine limbs.

[Darlene Stinkhand]

Hmm.

[Brian Greene]

Something seems awful suspicious in tiger valley on this side by side trail. Pine limbs. I wonder where they coming from. Probably the pine tree.

[Rod Cunningham]

Buck.

[Darlene Stinkhand]

Can I zoom in on the pine?

[Chris Odley]

It's fresh. We've got to be getting close to that nest. The whole outside of the nest was covered in pine limbs. Yeah, it was.

[Brian Greene]

Yeah, it was. Huh.

[Darlene Stinkhand]

A specific tree. He likes to build the nest with.

[Brian Greene]

Pine leaves and huckle fin. And what was that huckle? Honeysuckle or whatever it was. Huckle honeysuckle. That's one creepy honeyhuckle suckle.

[Chris Odley]

Yeah. The whole nest made out of pine leaves.

[Brian Greene]

Look around.

[Chris Odley]

Do you see any pine trees? I ain't seeing one. Right here.

[Darlene Stinkhand]

He's importing them in special.

[Brian Greene]

Hello? Hello. It's me, bigfoot. Hello. Yes, me bigfoot. Need some more honeysuckle buckle and pine leaves. Yes. Making big nest. I am. Don't tell anybody. I'm a prime member. Do I get that overnight? Yes. Okay. All right. Thank you. Let me ask a question. If they're in search of this supposed bigfoot net, why didn't the guy who found the bigfoot nest just tell him where it is? Why didn't they just let him know? Why are they running around like this?

[Chris Odley]

Yeah, fake stuff.

[Darlene Stinkhand]

Come on, bongo Brian.

[Brian Greene]

Yeah, come on, captain Kim. Or whatever your name is, cowboy. Captain Kim.

[Chris Odley]

Guys, look at this.

[Brian Greene]

Dang. We didn't even notice. That was right next to us the entire time.

[Chris Odley]

Oh, my God.

[Brian Greene]

It's a ball of twine. What you guys can't see is that they. They're just. You're not missing anything. Like, visually, you're not missing anything. They're just walking around the woods picking up sticks and making, you know, illogical conclusions about it. But they just turned literally to the right, and two feet in front of them is this big ball of sticks and twigs and pine and honeysuckle puckle and all this.

[Darlene Stinkhand]

They couldn't see that during the day. No, they couldn't. They had to wait.

[Brian Greene]

They had to do that at night. Of course, Chrissy, it makes more sense when you can use thermals number one Number two, You turn on the ir, number two. I'm pretty sure you would have seen that regardless of what day or time of night it is, the thing is huge. Good, Good crafting on behalf of the staff there, by the way.

[Chris Odley]

There it is.

[Brian Greene]

Wow. They have a lot of shots of it, you know what I'm saying? They seem like they've taken a lot of B roll of this particular thing. Oh, there's lights.

[Darlene Stinkhand]

Oh, there was a little door.

[Brian Greene]

There's a little door. That's right. Big Bigfoot. While he may not, you know, he might be the kind of creature that tears down trees and tree limbs and all that, he has excellent landscape and hardscape taste. He's got great lighting outside. I want that kind of lighting outside in our landscape. Actually, Astro won't let me pay for it. I have also never seen tree lighting in the middle of the forest. But, hey, what am I? Who am I? They have lights all around it.

[Darlene Stinkhand]

They do.

[Brian Greene]

They're not even pretending to hide them. There's just lights. They have spooky atmospheric. Clearly set up professional lighting, casting a sh. Looks like a ride at Disney World.

[Chris Odley]

I have this massive Bigfoot mask.

[Darlene Stinkhand]

Oh, that was it.

[Brian Greene]

Well, that was it. Yeah. They're not going to show you the end. Like, all these videos. They. And obviously I don't have the rights to watch the. I don't have any of the rights to do any of this. I'm just. I'm. This is under fair use. I'm making commentary on it. But on YouTube, they don't show the conclusion of any of these. Not most of them. What they really show is, like the teaser, and then they want you to go watch the episode. But this is the five best hunts or the scariest hunts. So we're going to do number four in the next segment. I'm going to take a short break. We'll do number four in the next segment. And then if we need to, I. I guess we can just roll into.

[Darlene Stinkhand]

I think we're gonna have to.

[Brian Greene]

Why not? The guys and the kids love it out there. It's the only thing that they love, apparently, is the Bigfoot. But that's okay. I'll give you what you want. All right, let's take a break. We'll be back.

[Rachel]

Let me do something Brian has never done. Be brief. Follow us on Instagram at the commercial break, text or call us 212-4333 TCB. That's 212-433-3822. Visit our website tcbpodcast.com for all the audio, video, and your free sticker. Then watch all the [e-mail] thecommercial break and finally share the show. It's the best gift you could give a few aging podcasters. See, Brian, that really wasn't that difficult. Now what it. You're welcome.

[Brian Greene]

All right, we're back with the boys from Mountain Monsters. We're checking out their five scariest hunts for various different monsters. We just saw them come across. Come across a Bigfoot nest that was well lit and actually looks kind of cozy.

[Darlene Stinkhand]

It did, yeah. It looked like something you'd find, like in the Hobbit land or fire fest or something.

[Brian Greene]

You know, like a glamping. Like a glamping location. Do you know what I'm saying? All get back to it with number four. Here we go.

[Chris Odley]

Look there, look. Look right there. There's a lightning bolt. We're in Blair County, Pennsylvania, and we're going after the Lightning Man.

[Brian Greene]

The Lightning Man. The Lightning Man. The Lightning man who looks much like.

[Darlene Stinkhand]

What you would think. A Bigfoot.

[Brian Greene]

Bigfoot. That's right. Just a little way more fangier, lots more fangs.

[Chris Odley]

That's a Bigfoot. He strikes out of the darkness and then just vanish. That means he's damn quick. He's agile. He'll be out of the dark, on top of you and going before you know. You got your guts ripped out.

[Darlene Stinkhand]

Damn.

[Brian Greene]

Well, that was descriptive.

[Darlene Stinkhand]

The Lightning Man.

[Brian Greene]

Well, that explains a lot. That explains a lot. That explains a lot of things that happened to me in the woods as a kid. It was the Lightning Man.

[Chris Odley]

Look at the steam coming out right there.

[Brian Greene]

That's right. It's a hot and steamy pile of shit. Uh oh. Earthquake. Here we go.

[Chris Odley]

The hell was that? That's Thunder. Thunder Brothers.

[Brian Greene]

We gotta get the Thunder Brothers. The Thunder Brothers. The Thunder Brothers. It sounds like a gay porn duo. This Tuesday, the Thunder Brothers bring their variety review and striptease to Backstreet Atlanta.

[Chris Odley]

Need to get it cooled off. How we gonna cool it off? Hold that. We need to get out of that.

[Brian Greene]

Cat piss on it.

[Chris Odley]

And we need that pipe. So I stack it on my feet. I just.

[Brian Greene]

Oh, he pissed on it. He's pissing on it. Some reason the Thunder Brothers left a pipe or the Lightning man or whatever left a pipe that was too hot to touch. And they need it for what reason? I don't know. It's like hieroglyphs in ancient Egypt. They need to get out of the tomb and quickly. It's like real Harrison Ford. So he's pissing on it. Oh, my God. Come on, guys. You're bringing this down. I thought this was a family show.

[Chris Odley]

Pissed on a damn thing and cooled it off.

[Brian Greene]

Here, you grab it with your bare hands. Oh, lovely.

[Chris Odley]

Oh, that's nasty. Let's go.

[Brian Greene]

Get ahead of me. Get ahead of me.

[Chris Odley]

That was right up there, bud.

[Brian Greene]

I'm surprised with my prostate I was able to get anything out, but it dribbled out.

[Darlene Stinkhand]

Why did they need the punch?

[Brian Greene]

I don't know. Why did he need to piss on it? Why did the other guy pick it up with his hands? Is piss really gonna cool it off that much back there?

[Chris Odley]

About 20, 30 yards. It sounds like something's beating on the trees. Almost like thunder.

[Darlene Stinkhand]

Jing zang thunder.

[Brian Greene]

Almost like thunder. Like thunder. What's an ambulance?

[Chris Odley]

Right out through there. I just caught movement right up through there.

[Darlene Stinkhand]

Shoot.

[Brian Greene]

Well.

[Darlene Stinkhand]

This was one instance when they weren't pointing the gun at each other. They were actually able to get a clear shot.

[Brian Greene]

That's right. They saw. He said he saw movement. I'd just start shooting. If it was me, I'd just start indiscriminately shooting into the air. Yeah. Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. Just side to side like a movie, hoping to hit something.

[Chris Odley]

My lights out. See a wet way up, Buck? That's the lightning man. Yeah, good deal. Good deal, Buck. Good deal. Yeah, get that lighter out.

[Brian Greene]

Yeah, good deal. Get that lighter out. That'll shed a bunch of light on the situation. Nothing illuminates a room like a lighter.

[Chris Odley]

Going in here. Now stick one of them big hairy paws in her now.

[Brian Greene]

Yeah, I got a lighter. Go ahead. How dare you?

[Darlene Stinkhand]

And a kite.

[Brian Greene]

How dare you stick your dirty mugs in here? Now, I got a pissy pipe and a hot lighter that's burning my thumb. I also have a gun, but I'm not gonna use that.

[Chris Odley]

We're in trouble. I'm losing fluid.

[Brian Greene]

We're losing fluid. You couldn't hold the lighter that long anyway. They're gonna explode in your hand. I'm out. Oh, that was conveniently quick. I've had Bic lighters for five years. That never ran out.

[Chris Odley]

Right.

[Brian Greene]

When I smoked cigarettes, I had one lighter, I swear to God, for five years, it never ran out of fluid. And I did a lot of things with that lighter. A lot. But I never chased a Bigfoot with it. Well, however, he conveniently had it lit for 30 seconds and it ran out of fluid. See?

[Chris Odley]

Nothing. I can't see a thing.

[Brian Greene]

Hear him. I hear him. I hear him.

[Chris Odley]

I hear him. He's right on her ass. Come on, we gotta get there. Come on. Come on. Come on.

[Brian Greene]

On.

[Chris Odley]

I hear him hollering. Come on, let's go.

[Brian Greene]

Here come the Thunder Brothers. Here come the Thunder Brothers. Be careful. We mean you no harm.

[Chris Odley]

We just want to show you our new routine. Look.

[Brian Greene]

Clap them cheeks.

[Darlene Stinkhand]

Clap them cheeks.

[Brian Greene]

Found it.

[Chris Odley]

You got it? We got it. We got it. Got it right here, brother. Take this last piece. We got it.

[Brian Greene]

I'm right directly in front of you. I'll scream loud. You got the piss pipe? I got the piss pipe. You got the deadliner?

[Chris Odley]

I do.

[Brian Greene]

We've got all the ingredients. For what? I don't know.

[Chris Odley]

We gotta get that ax put together and we gotta do it fast.

[Brian Greene]

Let's do it.

[Chris Odley]

Let's do that. Do it.

[Brian Greene]

Let's do it.

[Chris Odley]

Let's do it. We got that piece of pipe we believe has that second piece of that lashing in it. The only way to get it open is beat it open.

[Brian Greene]

What? What are these guys doing?

[Darlene Stinkhand]

Why are they beating up on my.

[Brian Greene]

Yeah. All of a sudden, it's an Indiana Jones adventure. It's a choose your own adventure. This is a Dan Brown novel now. I don't know what's going on.

[Darlene Stinkhand]

Is that it?

[Chris Odley]

Is that it?

[Rod Cunningham]

That's it.

[Chris Odley]

That's it. That's it.

[Darlene Stinkhand]

That's it.

[Brian Greene]

Oh, boy.

[Darlene Stinkhand]

That's it.

[Brian Greene]

Oh, there it is. It's a piece of my shit. Well, to cool it off, you see, I stuck it on my ass and relieved myself.

[Chris Odley]

Oh, yeah. We just got that pipe open and there it was. That's the other piece. Atlassian. We was the last. Now we have all the pieces of the thunder axe.

[Brian Greene]

The thunder ax. Thunder axe. What the fuck is a thunder axe?

[Darlene Stinkhand]

They're fitting it together like this.

[Brian Greene]

Oh, my God. This has gone way out of control now. It's a Marvel movie. Where's Thanos when you need him? That's it.

[Chris Odley]

We got.

[Brian Greene]

We got.

[Chris Odley]

Oh, yeah.

[Darlene Stinkhand]

They had a gun.

[Brian Greene]

Yeah, everyone's got guns, but they're all excited about a thunder axe made with lashing and a piece of shitty wood.

[Chris Odley]

We got the thunder axe. Yeah.

[Brian Greene]

This is like a 4chan board come to life. We call it the Thunder Axe Storm the Capitol.

[Chris Odley]

We had the power. Whoa. We just got the thunder axe assembled. We need to get it in that safety box and give the lightning man his chance to touch it.

[Brian Greene]

Come on, guys. Come on. What? This sounds really complicated. For a mythological dum dum creature, like, for a walking ape, really.

[Chris Odley]

The trap is set. The thunder axe is in the security box. Now we have to back off and let the Lightning man do his part.

[Brian Greene]

All right.

[Chris Odley]

As much as I hate to do this.

[Darlene Stinkhand]

Fall into the trap.

[Brian Greene]

Yeah.

[Chris Odley]

Leave that thunder axe here. We have to back out.

[Brian Greene]

Yeah, we have to. As much as I hate to do this, we got to let thunder man stick his hot loins in there. And then when he does.

[Chris Odley]

He will.

[Brian Greene]

Jizz lightning and we will all become all powerful. All mythological creatures will bow to our will. We have the thunder axe. Full of pee. But it's the thunder axe nonetheless.

[Chris Odley]

Give the lightning man his chance to touch that thunder axe.

[Brian Greene]

Yeah.

[Chris Odley]

Huckleberry Bill, Jeff, get up high on that ridge about a hundred yards back. Behind the turtle crap. All right. Will you come with me? We're going to hit that high.

[Rod Cunningham]

Will you come with me?

[Brian Greene]

We're going to hit that Krispy Kreme. We're going to hit that Krispy Kreme 30, 40 yards out. And then we'll be. We'll be back. Yeah. You guys wait for certain death. I'll be at the Krispy Kreme.

[Chris Odley]

Jump on this side, trap door goes down, we come running. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's go. Man, this storm come out of nowhere, homie.

[Brian Greene]

Man, this storm conveniently come out of nowhere during the lightning man episode. That's kind of crazy. Or well timed daylight.

[Chris Odley]

All right. Go son. What was that?

[Brian Greene]

What was that? What was that?

[Chris Odley]

What was that Right there.

[Brian Greene]

What was that?

[Darlene Stinkhand]

They did.

[Brian Greene]

Billy.

[Chris Odley]

Billy.

[Brian Greene]

Billy. Wanda. Billy, you better get over here right now.

[Chris Odley]

I got what you said I got.

[Brian Greene]

Don't make the pancakes. It's a goddamn venture chicken fried on. You've been out here all night with your boyfriend? Hey, honey, I told you I just saw him when goddamn was eating. Well, God damn. You better stop playing out here with your boyfriends.

[Chris Odley]

Right here. What's right here? I don't see anything. Easy now. Easy. Be ready.

[Brian Greene]

Be ready.

[Chris Odley]

Bill, he was like your Huck, remember? We gotta let him touch that thunder axe.

[Brian Greene]

Easy, easy. Go slow. I don't want to die too quickly. Now you gotta let him touch that thunder. That pp. Thunder axe right here.

[Chris Odley]

Huck. I heard something over here. Right here.

[Brian Greene]

This is just wild to me that they found a pipe. They pissed on it. Inside the pipe was a lashing that. Then they found a rock that. Then they put a piece of wood together to make a thunder ax. And that thunder axe needs to be touched by the lightning Man. Then the Thunder brothers inside the security box. And then I don't know what. What happens? What happens then I don't know. Whoa. Everyone exploded. Did you hear that Very realistic explosion noise that sounded like a cartoon.

[Darlene Stinkhand]

Tree's on fire.

[Chris Odley]

Lightning bolt right there. Talk about.

[Brian Greene]

That was a lightning bolt right there. I guess Buck did have some extra fluid in his lighter. He lit the tree on fire.

[Chris Odley]

Calm down, brother. What happened? Lighting him right there. That tree right there.

[Brian Greene]

That tree right there. The only tree in the entire forest that has been lit on fire. Can you see it? Directly in front of us.

[Chris Odley]

Where? Come on, Bill.

[Rachel]

Come on.

[Brian Greene]

We got.

[Chris Odley]

Death row hit right there. Damn. Jeff Rowe. Jeff Rowe. Jeff Rowe.

[Brian Greene]

Holy.

[Chris Odley]

Hold on, Bill.

[Brian Greene]

Jeff.

[Chris Odley]

Why not?

[Brian Greene]

Jeff. Jeff. Jeff. Jeff. Jeff. Jeff. Row. Jeff. It's clear. The more you yell his name, the more he will recover from the certain lightning strike. It's in the medical textbooks.

[Chris Odley]

Lightning. In my 49 years in the woods, I've never had a life that close to. To me, you can feel the power. Holy.

[Darlene Stinkhand]

I think he's been out there for a hundred.

[Brian Greene]

Oh, yeah.

[Chris Odley]

He.

[Brian Greene]

Yeah. This is 49. That's just how many years he's been out in these woods. This time it was the first 22 years of his life. He took a short break in Paducah, and then he came back. Oh. Knocked him right out of his shoes. Yeah.

[Chris Odley]

Is he all right? Buck? He was standing right there.

[Brian Greene]

Right there.

[Chris Odley]

I mean, he shook the ground.

[Brian Greene]

Let's forget about medical attention and recall exactly what happened.

[Chris Odley]

I got some bad news, brother.

[Brian Greene]

What?

[Chris Odley]

Your boot blew off and you pissed your pants.

[Brian Greene]

Yeah.

[Chris Odley]

Oh, yeah.

[Brian Greene]

Oh, my. Will it. My tally whacker. He's been pissing all over the place this time. He's. He's had a lot. He had to go. He had to go.

[Chris Odley]

That's all right.

[Brian Greene]

That's all right. That's all right. We'll clean you up. We always do. We'll catch you new ones.

[Chris Odley]

You're lucky to be alive. Yes, sir. All I remember is Huckleberry and Bill going down over that hill. Next thing, I saw a flash of light. A huge boom blew the piss out of me. My boot flew off. That's the brightest light I've ever seen.

[Brian Greene]

In my whole life.

[Chris Odley]

You're not gonna be alive.

[Brian Greene]

You're not gonna be alive. Don't worry. We don't need any additional medical attention for that lightning strike. Yeah. No, you're fine. You might hear a buzz for a couple of days and radios might turn channels when you walk by them. But don't worry about it.

[Chris Odley]

Lightning hit a tree that close. Oh, man. 10ft away.

[Brian Greene]

Yeah.

[Chris Odley]

What the hell is that. That's a trap door. Huckleberry. Jeff, we heard the trap door go down. We need to hurry up and get up there. But then we gotta slow down and ease in because that lightning man could still be right there. There.

[Brian Greene]

Said every woman he has ever slept with. Slow down, ease in before the thunder man gets here. Easy, easy, easy, easy, easy, easy.

[Chris Odley]

That lightning man Thunder brothers could be right. Here's the trap. The trap door's down.

[Brian Greene]

Watch.

[Chris Odley]

Make sure they're not here.

[Brian Greene]

Will he.

[Chris Odley]

I'm a looking, I'm a looking. Will it go to the right of the.

[Brian Greene]

I'm a looking, I'm a looking. I'm putting an A in front of looking to make it sound like I'm a little more redneck than I actually am. I'm looking.

[Chris Odley]

Crap. Bill, cover the front. I'm gonna head around to the left. Let's check it out. Make sure he's. He's has to be close. He can be right here, guys. Keep your eyes open.

[Brian Greene]

What's that?

[Darlene Stinkhand]

What was the trap?

[Brian Greene]

I don't know. It doesn't matter. It's all just moving cameras really fast so you can't see anything on this side. It's in there.

[Chris Odley]

Axe is in there. It's in the trap. Yeah, Good deal. Thunder axe in the trap.

[Brian Greene]

Hell yeah. Jeff, come on. Jeff, Jeff, Jeff. I know you just got hit by lightning, but come over here and see the. See our thunder axe ax. It's really cool. I've got a he man and she ra playset also.

[Chris Odley]

Go easy now. Go easy, Jeff.

[Brian Greene]

Go easy now. I think you also shat yourself. I can smell it from here. I think it's pee pee and poo poo, if you know what I mean.

[Chris Odley]

Got the thunder axes in the trap. How are you boys?

[Brian Greene]

Hallelujah, boys. I got struck by lightning, shat myself, lost my ability to get an erection and I got a terrible headache. But woohoo, we got a thunder axe, whatever that means.

[Chris Odley]

We're in central Kentucky.

[Brian Greene]

And the team quickly sent the thunder axe to the Smithsonian for additional research because, you know, the thunder axe and all that shit. All right, everyone, settle down. It's getting too loud in here.

[Darlene Stinkhand]

Oh, Buck and the boys.

[Brian Greene]

Well, there just has never been a better episode. I love the mountain monsters to death. I just think this is the funniest show that has ever been.

[Darlene Stinkhand]

It really is.

[Brian Greene]

And it's hard for me to imagine that there is any human being out there that is watching this with any degree of seriousness, but it's possible that there is someone out there believing this stuff, and I feel bad for their relatives. That's all. I gotta.

[Darlene Stinkhand]

Maybe in the first couple of seasons. But aren't they on like season 20?

[Brian Greene]

I think it's actually. I think they're actually only on season number eight or nine. But I believe that they are not making any more new mountain monsters. I think they canceled it. Yeah, right before you get that lucrative, you know, syndication come contract. It always works that way.

[Rachel]

Huh?

[Darlene Stinkhand]

That works. Trying to save money.

[Brian Greene]

But don't worry, it'll be. I think it's on max right now. It'll. It'll float to Netflix or something like that. But what are those boys gonna do after they get done with this? Do you think they made enough money to just kind of walk off into the sunset?

[Darlene Stinkhand]

Well, depending on where they live.

[Brian Greene]

Well, you'd be surprised. I bet the. I bet these guys live in, like, Manhattan. They're probably in the Hamptons or something. Yeah, I bet they clean up nice.

[Darlene Stinkhand]

Have a big lake cabin.

[Brian Greene]

Yeah, for sure. They're living on some lake in Kentucky and they'll always be famous. To the. To those who know. To those who want. Yeah, you know, it goes to show make content. Somebody out there will enjoy it. How many people? I don't know. But you know, we love it. So that's it. You can keep making them forever. We keep breaking them down. All right, all the. The audio and the video is now and always has been available on our website@tcb podcast.com it's hot. It's a hot website, but you don't have to piss on it. Pick it up with your hand. Like I said, all the audio.

[Darlene Stinkhand]

Where that came from.

[Brian Greene]

Yeah, I have no idea. That's a good question. Hit the contact us button if you want your free swag. Give us your address. We'll send you some. 212-433-3. TCB 212-433-3822. Questions, comments, concerns, content, Ideas. Add the commercial break on Instagram and YouTube.com the commercial break for all of the episodes the same day they air here on the audio feed. Okay, Chrissy. That's all I can do for today.

[Darlene Stinkhand]

I think so.

[Brian Greene]

I love you.

[Darlene Stinkhand]

I love you.

[Brian Greene]

Best to you and best you out there in the podcast universe. Until next time, Chrissy and I will say. We do say, and we must say goodbye. Ra.