Huckin' Buckin' Forest Quantum Witch

Summary

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The Commercial Break

Episode: "Huckin' Buckin' Forest Quantum Witch"

Release Date: September 5, 2024
Hosts: Bryan Green and Krissy Hoadley

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Episode Overview

This episode of The Commercial Break brings Bryan and Krissy back together for their trademark blend of raunchy, offbeat improv comedy and unfiltered banter. The main chunk of the episode is devoted to a hilarious, riff-heavy "watchalong" recap of the reality TV show Mountain Monsters, focusing on its “final night hunt” episode with the introduction of the so-called "Raven Mocker" creature. Laced with pop culture tangents and personal tales about Atlanta dive bars, it’s a showcase of their comedic chemistry, irreverent nostalgia, and running inside jokes.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Tangents on Bar Nostalgia and Dive Bar Culture

[00:58 – 19:04]

• Bryan and Krissy reminisce about legendary (and infamous) watering holes from their youth, notably "Tommy Tang's" (a fabled LA spot they wish they'd visited) and Atlanta’s "Rusty Nail."
  • Bryan: “There’s two reasons to go to the Rusty Nail — you had drugs or you needed them, that was it.” [04:21]
• Rich details about the Rusty Nail’s atmosphere: wood-burning graffiti, sticky floors, ancient dart boards, a cast of regulars (including a 60-something "head blow dealer"), and the pecking order for barstool access.
• A classic "relapse" story: Bryan recalls a former manager whose one-time fall off the wagon led to a wild bar bender, an alleged sting operation phone call, and his mysterious disappearance.
  • Bryan (paraphrasing ‘Mike’): “Relapse is part of recovery.” [09:06]
• Reflections on how social attitudes and laws on drugs (especially weed) have changed since their young-adult days.
• Halloween is coming: Krissy’s excitement to decorate—“If I could, I would put them up next week right after Labor Day.” [16:16]

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2. Intro to "Mountain Monsters" – Embracing the Absurd

[19:04 – 20:04, 20:04 – 47:52]

• Bryan and Krissy tee up their recurring “Mountain Monsters” breakdown episodes, citing fan requests and scheduling needs.
  • Bryan: “Mountain Monsters you can count on — every time it’s gonna be classic.” [18:27]
• The duo launches into a snarky, running commentary of the “final night hunt” episode, packed with:
  • Deadpan observations on the cast (“Buck, Huck, Chuck…”),
  • Mockery of the show’s repeated format and “so-called evidence” for cryptids,
  • Frequent laughter at the “hunt” for a giant Bigfoot (the “Raven Mocker”), including wild speculation, dubious evidence, and escalating in-group panic.
  • Krissy and Bryan note the outlandish behavior, heavy-handed dramatics, lack of basic gun safety, and increasingly unconvincing “supernatural” encounters.
    • Bryan: “There is no gun safety on this show.” [22:11]
• They invent their own folklore: “You take some donuts and Doritos... you have Buck. I take a little LSD and ayahuasca... wa-BAM! I’m the Forest Quantum Witch.” [33:35] (Parody)

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3. Hilarious Highlight Reel & Notable Quotes

Sprinkled throughout Mountain Monsters segment

• On cliquish dive bar regulars:
  • Bryan: “You had to earn your way into a bar seat... didn’t matter what time you went there. The people who had reserved bar seats were already there.” [04:58]
• On Mountain Monsters logic:
  • Bryan: “No scientist has ever come with us on any of these. We’ve never recovered any actual evidence. We don’t have one picture of any mon(ster). But we kind of keep going.” [24:35]
• On gun safety:
  • Bryan: “Where’s Alec Baldwin when you need him? Sorry, that’s a distasteful joke.” [22:13]
• On Raven Mocker "evidence":
  • Bryan: “A guy in a Walmart hoodie opened up his mouth, roared at you. That’s about my estimation of what happened.” [46:58]
• On the Mountain Monsters team:
  • Bryan: “What do you think these guys’ home lives are like?... I’m imagining it’s out in the sticks... they probably have the latest, greatest recliner, where they watch a lot of television and eat a lot of food.” [27:46]
• On the ever-more-ridiculous show arcs:
  • Bryan: “I love how lately Mountain Monsters has got more psychologically trippy. It’s like one guy is always tripping out for some reason.” [31:35]

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4. Meta Commentary – Why Do People Believe This?

[33:01, 46:25]

• Genuine puzzlement and comedic disbelief at anyone taking the show seriously:
  • Bryan: “Who in America is left believing Mountain Monsters? Because I want to talk to you.” [33:01]
• Krissy muses about their actual off-screen lives, while Bryan speculates on their salaries and relative fame, leading to more playful mockery.

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5. Noteworthy Segments & Timed Highlights

Dive Bar Memories

• 04:21 — Bryan details the only two reasons to go to Rusty Nail.
• 09:06 — Relapse as "part of recovery" riff.

Mountain Monsters Watchalong

• 20:34 — Show begins: “We’re in Lee County, Virginia.”
• 21:21 — Introduction of "The Raven Mocker."
• 24:52 — Bryan: “Listen, I just... I was born this way.” (Parody of their inevitability)
• 33:35 — Buck’s repeated “wa-BAM! I’m the Forest Quantum Witch!” improv.
• 40:38 — “Oh, fire came out of its mouth. That’s a new one. It’s a fire breathing raven mocker.”
• 45:25 — The “sensitive” Mountain Monster, Jethro, needs therapy after a sighting.
• 46:58 — “A guy in a Walmart hoodie...” (final evidence reveal)

Running Jokes & Banter

• Jokes about Mountain Monster cast members’ growing waistlines, possible health consequences, and their off-camera lives.
• Bryan’s fascination with how little actually happens on the show, and the show's escalating ridiculous “plot.”

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Notable Quotes With Attribution & Timestamps

• “There’s two reasons to go to the Rusty Nail — you had drugs or you needed them, that was it.”
  — Bryan Green, [04:21]

• “Relapse is part of recovery.”
  — Mike (Bryan parodies), [09:06]

• “No scientist has ever come with us on any of these. We’ve never recovered any actual evidence. We don’t have one picture of any mon(ster). But we kind of keep going.”
  — Bryan Green, [24:35]

• “Where’s Alec Baldwin when you need him? Sorry, that’s a distasteful joke. I’ll take that back.”
  — Bryan Green, [22:13]

• “You take some donuts and Doritos... wa-BAM! I’m the Forest Quantum Witch.”
  — Buck (parodied by hosts), [33:35]

• “Who in America is left believing Mountain Monsters? Because I want to talk to you.”
  — Bryan Green, [33:01]

• “Fire came out of its mouth. That’s a new one. It’s a fire breathing raven mocker.”
  — Bryan Green, [40:38]

• “A guy in a Walmart hoodie opened up his mouth, roared at you. That’s about my estimation of what happened.”
  — Bryan Green, [46:58]

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Tone & Atmosphere

The episode is irreverent, unfiltered, and playfully chaotic—true to the show's self-awareness as “just FINE”—riffing on both their own lack of structure and the absurd earnestness of reality TV monster hunters. As always, the chemistry between Bryan and Krissy is authentic and effortlessly funny, with tangential deep dives, inside jokes, and a willingness to be silly just for the fun of it.

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For New Listeners

If you're new to The Commercial Break, this episode is a quintessential slice of what to expect: raw banter, affectionate mockery of nostalgia and pop culture, running gags, outrageous improv, and a sense of two friends goofing off with no filter. The “Mountain Monsters” breakdown is a highlight for fans of reality TV parody and anyone who enjoys seeing the surreal in everyday absurdity.

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• 00:58 — Show proper begins, with Tang bar nostalgia
• 04:21 — Rusty Nail story (“two reasons to go”)
• 09:06 — Legendary “relapse” call from Mike
• 16:16 — Krissy's Halloween anticipation
• 19:04 — Transition to Mountain Monsters breakdown
• 20:34 — Lee County, Mountain Monsters hunt begins
• 21:21 — Raven Mocker introduced
• 24:35 — Bryan's meta-commentary on the show's lack of evidence
• 33:01 — “Who in America is left believing Mountain Monsters?”
• 33:35 — The "Quantum Witch" improv/storyline
• 40:38 — Fire-breathing Raven Mocker
• 45:25 — “Sensitive” Mountain Monster; group therapy joke
• 46:58 — Hoodie-wearing “monster” as evidence
• 47:52 — Closing thoughts on the show’s cast and possible real lives

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Memorable Moments

• The improvised recipe for creating the ultimate "Forest Quantum Witch" (with Doritos and ayahuasca), delivering one of the best running jokes in the episode.
• Bryan’s deadpan “scientific” analysis of absolutely no evidence being presented on TV after years of "hunting."
• The team’s escalating laughter at increasingly outlandish claims by the Mountain Monsters cast—a fire-breathing, shapeshifting Bigfoot, complete with suspect “found footage.”

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Final Thoughts

Huckin' Buckin' Forest Quantum Witch is a droll, fast-paced episode that encapsulates the weird appeal of The Commercial Break: tangents, affectionate mockery, and manic comedy all in a single, friendship-fueled package. Even if you’ve never watched Mountain Monsters, you’ll enjoy—and possibly relate to—the absurdity of people earnestly chasing nonsense… and two best friends laughing mercilessly about it.

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Transcript

[Brian Green]

So I played with myself next to.

[Buck]

A hundred other women playing with themselves.

[Brian Green]

Today and laughed with them and cried with them and screamed with them and became just feral fucking animals in the jungle in Costa Rica. And I feel so bad.

[Chrissy]

So go masturbating with your friends.

[Brian Green]

On this episode of the commercial break.

[Buck]

You take some donuts and some doritos and you put them into a cauldron. Wa bam. You have buck. I take a little seagull cyberlin, a little lsd and some ayahuasca. Wa bam. We're in for the final night of hunting. I'm the forest quantum witch.

[Brian Green]

Ooh.

[Ashton Kushner]

The next episode of the commercial break starts now.

[Brian Green]

Oh, yeah. Cats and kittens, welcome back to the commercial break. I'm Brian green. This is the Tommy demise. My tang.

[Huckleberry]

Chris.

[Brian Green]

Enjoy. Hopefully. Best to you, Chris.

[Chrissy]

Oh, bestie Brian, meet me at tang.

[Brian Green]

Best to you. Oh, yeah, we had a tang twang. You know what a tang twang is? It's a cosmopolitan with orange juice. It's a tang twang. I love it. Little ro, baby ro. Oh, how I wish, how I wish we had been graced with the knowledge or the presence of atomy tangs within 20 miles of us.

[Chrissy]

We did a little bit more digging.

[Brian Green]

Yeah.

[Chrissy]

After hearing about tommy tangs and what a great date night spot.

[Brian Green]

Hey, listen, everybody, like the tang, everybody was out of the tank.

[Chrissy]

Yeah, I guess he's a famous thai chef and he opened his own spot out in l. A on melrose.

[Brian Green]

And they used to say Tuesday at twang tangs, baby, meet Tuesday at tanks. Let's go. Let's hit it.

[Chrissy]

We would have said that. We would have been every day, man.

[Brian Green]

I would have been at tanks. You would have fuck, man. I love tang.

[Chrissy]

You know, there were a couple of people that were tough, total regulars.

[Brian Green]

Oh, you know, there were a lot more than a couple people. There were a bunch of out of worked actors and actresses and guys who had made like b movies, like directors of b movies back in the 70s who just found themselves bellied up to the tang bar. Yep, to the tang bar top. And just hanging out, regaling people with stories of old Hollywood. I mean, tang's just. I can only imagine. I bet that place of the walls could talk. I want to hear about tank and is there a documentary about tangs? Everything has a documentary. I think I have a documentary. I. I need a documentary about Tommy tanks.

[Chrissy]

That's what I need. That would be very interesting, Chrissy.

[Brian Green]

I'm just so disappointed that I never got to a tangs. I mean, really? I've been to the Rusty Nail, though, and The Rusty Nail.

[Chrissy]

Well, the Rusty Nail might be a good substitute for Tommy T. That place finally closed. Jeez.

[Brian Green]

It did, yeah. The one on Ross and the one here on Roswell Road in. In Atlanta. Is the one out on Buford highway still open or not? Buford. Whatever that is. Yeah, I think it's Buford Highway.

[Chrissy]

Oh, I thought there was just one.

[Brian Green]

No, there's two of them. The Roswell Road one, I believe, was the original that opened in the 70s, 80s. Had to be, because when you walk in.

[Chrissy]

God.

[Brian Green]

The Rusty Nail was the divest of dive bars. Some people will claim that Northside Tavern is the divest of dive bars. And it. But Northside Tavern, in its own way, is cosmopolitan.

[Chrissy]

Yeah. They have live music and Eric Clapton is played. Right.

[Brian Green]

It's not that divey. Right. It's a dive bar, no doubt. And it's like, you know, you're listening to some of the greatest musicians on earth make their way to Northside Tavern and. But there's pool tables in the middle of the dance floor. I mean, and there's a bar that barely looks like a bar. It looks like someone built it with their own two hands. On a Saturday afternoon. Old wood scraps from the back of a Home Depot.

[Chrissy]

Crazy. There's graffiti everywhere. It's terrible, but it's kind of their thing.

[Brian Green]

It's their thing.

[Chrissy]

It's their thing was just.

[Brian Green]

The Rusty Nail just got that way. Not because of good music, but because of really bad cover music.

[Chrissy]

Did they have live bands?

[Brian Green]

Oh, yeah. The Nail. Yeah. They used to put them right on.

[Chrissy]

Circular bar, right?

[Brian Green]

It did have a circular bar, yeah. Yes.

[Chrissy]

Rachel and I bellied up to that bar.

[Brian Green]

I can't think of how many hours in my life I wasted at the Rusty Nail.

[Chrissy]

Yeah, but, you know, like, smoking, drinking.

[Brian Green]

Smoking, drinking, drugging, doing whatever there, you know. Listen, I've said this about a number of places in Atlanta, and it remains true about all those places. Club, Anytime, Back street. And the Rusty Nail there were. And the speakeasy that used to be here in Buckhead. There are only two reasons to go to the Rusty Nail. You had drugs or you needed them. That was it. That was the only two reasons to go. But once you got, like. Once you kind of got in the. And it was also very cliquish. Like, there were people who were hardcore nail heads. You know what I'm saying? They were the head of a nail. I mean, they were like the Hammers. They were. And if those bar Seats were almost reserved, basically reserved. And there was a couple open for randos. And you had to work, you had to earn your way into a bar seat because it didn't matter what time you went there. If you went there at 12:30 on a Tuesday afternoon, the people who had reserved bar seats were already there.

[Chrissy]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

Drinking. And there was one lady, and I'll. I'll never forget. I won't say her name here. God rest her soul. She's still alive. I think she passed away. She was in her late 60s and she was the head blow dealer for the Rusty now. And I think to a large extent, the manager, the general managers put up with it because she knew, like, everybody knew. There's no way a place like this survives unless there's a cocaine dealer. No way. No way. People would go in there for no reason. It was. I mean, I don't know. I think at one point, the cushions on the. Whatever you call them, the boots. The boots were made purely of fry grease, spilled Jaeger cocaine and cigarette smoke. It was like, literally, those. That was the place. The carpets had never been changed. The walls had never been changed. Used to be they didn't do this when. By the time I started getting there. But when they first opened, all of the walls were wood. It was wood paneling on the inside of it. And at each table they would have a wood burner. Like one of those things where you could carve your name into the wood with a hot gun. It's just like a thing that would heat up to, you know, the surface temperature of the sun, and then you just burn your name into it. So no matter where you sat, there was always something had been written by somebody. And then people just started using markers after a while. But they had dart boards that had never been changed. Like, you throw the dart and it would just fall. It go right into the bullseye, but it just fall down because there were a million holes, holes in the middle of it. Never changed it. They had. Of course, they had one of those whatever. Not top golf, but, you know, golf pro, whatever, that.

[Chrissy]

Yeah, yeah. What was that?

[Brian Green]

Tea.

[Chrissy]

Golden tea.

[Brian Green]

Golden tea, that's right. Golden tea. And that was a hot ticket. If you could manage to scoot your way into the Golden Tea, you'd be there for days because you were coked up and nothing better. Exactly right. But that girl, that lady at the.

[Chrissy]

End of the bar in Nashville, that was very similar.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, but it was tiny, too. It was like a thousand square feet. There were like five booths, four tables in the middle and that circuit. Two bar tops, two bar tables. And then that circular bar that maybe sat 20 people. Maybe sat 20 people. And then there was a couple of televisions. And those televisions were the furthest thing from flat screen you had ever seen. They still had UHF dials on them. You could tune in UHF channels on those things. And so you'd have to work your way into the respect of the people who were there.

[Chrissy]

Yeah, you would.

[Brian Green]

Or. Or you'd walk in there and people would look at you strange. They would. They'd be like, who's this kid? And when you were young, they look at you a certain way. But eventually you'd get an introduction to the dealer at the. You know, you'd have to, like, go through other people. And then eventually you'd get the introduction to the actual lady, and then you could just kind of go up and talk to her yourself. But this went on for years and years and years. I'll never forget, there was a guy who would. When we worked at the restaurant across the street from the Rusty Nail, the Trattoria, the Italian restaurant, we had a bar manager that. We had a manager. They're not a bar manager, but a general manager.

[Chrissy]

Okay, so look, I'm sorry, I was looking at Brusty now while you were talking. And they closed. They were open for 50 years.

[Brian Green]

So they did open in the 70s. Yeah, yeah.

[Chrissy]

After 50 years on Buford Highway.

[Brian Green]

Okay. And then they closed the one in Roswell, and I think that one was open probably equally as long as. So when we worked at that trattoria, there was a. A manager there. His name was Mike, and he was this slick, talking guy from Chicago, mustache and everything, salt and pepper hair, kind of like diminutive small guy, but he was a sober guy. He had been sober for like 10 years. And he was like hardcore sober, like preaching the A thing all the way, you know. Ah, you kids are gonna get yourself. And you know, you know, you got. You guys gonna get yourself in trouble running all around like that. And we'd be like, okay, okay, whatever. He fell off the wagon one time.

[Chrissy]

Oh, no.

[Brian Green]

It fell off the wagon. And we found him at the Nail, and he was just twacked. I mean, he was just like, like literally papered onto one of those bar stools. And we were like, oh, well, you know. But we were young. Mike, what are you doing, dude? He's like, ah, you know, relapse is part of recovery. That's the way it goes. Relapse is part of recovery. You don't worry about it, you know, I got it. Don't worry. I'll be sober in a couple days. Okay. So this bender went on for quite some time. Like a couple weeks. It was a bender. He'd come in hammered at work, he'd be drinking behind the bar. He'd go back to the nail. He had a wife and kids, too. Drove around a Lincoln Town Car. That's the kind of guy this was, right? Always dressed nice, smokes, never without a cigarette in his mouth. Like, just classic Chicago guy. Chicago guy. And one time I was staying, I was living with these dancers, these strippers. I was living with these dancers. I just moved in a couple weeks ago. It's like 4, 5 in the morning, and the phone rings and we're up. Of course we're up. We're up. Phone rings. One of the dancers answers it, and she goes, brian, it's for you. And I had just moved in, so I didn't even know anybody knew the number. And I was like, hello. Ready? Hey there, Brian. It's. It's Mike. Oh, hey, man.

[Chrissy]

Mike.

[Brian Green]

Hey, man. Listen, how you doing? Yeah, I'm good. How'd you get this number? One of your friends gave it to me. And just giving you a call. Okay, thanks, Mike. Hey, listen, you doing all right? Yeah, you just asked me that. Is everything okay? Yeah, I'm okay. You okay? Yeah, I'm fine. All right, cool. Listen, you remember how one time you told me you could get, like a couple pounds of cocaine from somebody? No. Yeah. Remember we were talking that one time you told me you could get me a couple pounds of cocaine, all I had to do was like, call you and figure it out for me? No, Mike, I don't ever recall telling you that I could get you any amount of cocaine, let alone pounds of cocaine. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Remember we had the nail that one time and you said there was that girl at the bar and she could, you know, she hooked you up with a couple pounds of cocaine? No, I don't. So you've never done cocaine? You don't. You don't buy or sell cocaine? No, I don't. Okay. All right, well, listen, try and make some calls for me and call me back at this number. He's like, giving me a number and. Exactly. And I hang up the phone and I'm like, what the was that? Yeah, so I tell the girls what just happened, and they're like, he got busted and he's trying to roll over on somebody, and he's trying to roll over on you. And I was like, Whoa. People really hate me. That's fucked up.

[Buck]

That's up.

[Chrissy]

Oh, my God.

[Brian Green]

Never told the guy any of the sort. Yeah, never did. And never did drugs with the guy. I worked for him. He was my general manager. I wasn't even that stupid. I mean, I did. Of course, I did drugs with general managers, but not this one. Because he had sober for so many years, we all felt like it was like a crime against humanity to, like, egg him on. You know what I'm saying? We had some empathy in our hearts, and so. And I also knew he had a wife and kids. I had met his wife, and I was like, you know, I. I just. We never even went there. We'd see him at the bar. He was all twacked out. We'd feel bad for him, and then we'd go work a shift and come back and whatever. But this guy tried to rope me one time. He tried to fucking rope me. Meanwhile, he was supposed to work the very next day. He never showed back up to work, ever. When questioned, the owner was like, I don't know. Like, Tony. Dino Venturi was like, yeah, I don't know. I don't know. I get a phone call in the middle of the night, and he says, I don't come into work anymore. I don't know. And I was like, wow. Wow.

[Chrissy]

Was it a business guy?

[Brian Green]

Was it a collect call? Yeah, that's all. That's what I mean. That was it. Never knew what happened to Mike. Never followed up. No one ever heard from him. Nothing. Somebody one time came in that supposedly had known him and said he had moved back to Chicago. And I just never believed it. I never believed it. But I think he tried to roll on me when I tried to get me.

[Chrissy]

That's crazy.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. Try to get me to say something incriminating so that hopefully he could let himself get out of the situation, whatever situation he had happened to be in. And I was like, wow. And the strange thing was the phone number that he had given me was not his phone number. And I knew his phone number because we had. You know. Back then, you knew people's phone numbers, which is what you did, right. You had it somewhere in a little black book or whatever, a sten pad, or you had your book of phone numbers, or you just knew people you would call frequently. You know, it'd be like, 72-3-3456. Anyway, I hope you're doing well out there, Mike. If you're listening, I hope you're doing well. Thanks for you for trying to roll a 22 year old kid who had nothing to do with your life.

[Chrissy]

But anyway, I'm glad you didn't know, you know, even say, yes, I think I know where I could get some.

[Brian Green]

Exactly. I think I knew I was telling the truth. I had never had that conversation. And I had never told him that I was doing drugs. Had, could get him drugs. Never. I mean, the reality was, the reality was I was not a drug dealer. Had I been a drug dealer, I would have done all my drugs, you know what I'm saying? I mean, I think one time I tried to deal something, but I just ended up doing it all. Every, every person who's been into drugs for long enough eventually becomes a drug dealer for like a day. And then you're like, I just did all my profit. It doesn't work out. It never works out. Drug dealers have to be really disciplined about what they do if they're going to be good at it. And you know, but it's 20, 24, maybe you don't have to be so disciplined about it anymore. No one gives a shit anymore. But back then, back then, when we're talking about this time, this period of America, everything was still illegal. You could not be smoking weed riding down I85, every third car just, oh my God, I walked up to Starbucks today. The entire time is just a trail of tears, whereas a pot smoke, I can smell it everywhere. I'm like, oh my God, everyone is smoking weed too.

[Chrissy]

I was just walking down the street and all of a sudden I smelled it.

[Brian Green]

I don't understand why it's not legal here yet. I really don't know why we haven't had a referendum on this. It's. Medical marijuana is not even legal in the state of Germany. Not thc. Nope. Hemp is. I think there are some random like, like really stringent circumstances where a doctor can get some kind of medical grade marijuana, but you have to be like dying of cancer for that. It's glaucoma. Like you walk into California. I remember I was in LA and it was like, you know, get your doctor's card here. And I was talking to somebody and they were like, you don't need a doctor's car, dude, it's perfectly legal. And I was like, well then why do they have that? And he's like, well, some people think it's easier to go through those kind of dispensaries, like to go through the medical dispensaries than it is to just walk in and buy, buy weed. And he's like, but really, it's just a $50 ripoff. Doctor says, are you anxious? Yes, I'm always, you know, who's not anxious? Everyone's anxious, right? Yeah, yeah.

[Chrissy]

Having trouble sleeping, anxious.

[Brian Green]

Right. I bet that was a good gig for a doctor. While you could get it when it was just recreational, you know, Pharmaceutical marijuana.

[Chrissy]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

And everybody needed a card because if you remember, that was just 10 years ago. Everybody had a card. Everybody I knew had a card. Anyway, speaking of cards, get your Halloween cards. Halloween's coming up soon. I can already see the decorations going up and I'm sorry. Sick.

[Chrissy]

I'm so excited. I mean, if I could, I would put them up next week right after Labor Day.

[Brian Green]

Your decorations? Your Halloween decorations.

[Chrissy]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

Why don't you put them up after Labor Day?

[Chrissy]

I think I will.

[Brian Green]

Walmart is. Why don't you, you know, saying like, Home Depot already has them out. I can already see the Halloween balloons at my local grocery store. It's insane. My. One of my kids is already bothering me about getting Halloween candy and I'm like, no, candy. It's not. Yes. Oh God. This year we're trading cand for a toy. You give me 20 pieces of candy, I'll give you a $10 toy. Because.

[Chrissy]

Little negotiation.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. It's too much. We have this parade.

[Chrissy]

There's so much candy.

[Brian Green]

So much candy. And. And it lasts for months.

[Chrissy]

I know my nephews, I remember them last year around this time. And the Halloween and candy.

[Brian Green]

Uhhuh.

[Chrissy]

As soon as they come home from school, candy.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. I know why they. I know why Halloween is like all monsters and ghouls and goblins is because children literally turn into monsters and goblins when you give them fucking candy. It ridiculous. They're little monsters. That's what they are. All right. Speaking of monsters, we've had a couple of requests. I know it's been a while. We are doing. Just to give you, like, some insight because Chrissy and I are going to be traveling to Florida this month and then doing some traveling later on down the road. We are doing some episodes that we are recording now but are airing later. So there. We're going to do a couple extra video episodes because that way we don't get stuck telling you about a news story that is six months old by the time that you hear it.

[Chrissy]

You hear about Justin Timberland.

[Brian Green]

Hey, guess what? Ben and Jen have broken up. Yeah. Justin Timberlake just got arrested for dui. It's crazy. And then you're like, what the fuck are these two talking about? So we're Trying to keep it. We're trying to keep it timely while not getting. While actually getting far ahead of ourselves. And so since we've had a bunch of requests, since so many of you say that you love these episodes, we'll do them. Let's break down a Mountain Monsters episode. It's been so long. But we love them and we know there's good times to be had with every monster.

[Chrissy]

Every time. Every time is the best time.

[Brian Green]

It's classic Frankie B. And Mountain Monsters you can count on. Every time. It's going to be classic Teresa Caputo. 90% of the time. Dating shows 75% of the time. You know, the weird people out there, strange addictions and stuff like that. 50 of the time. The old 50s educational films. Chrissy says 0% of the time. I say 30% of the time. Yeah, yeah. But, you know, there's a home run coming. We got a Mountain Monsters episode on deck, and we do for you today. So let's do this. Let's take a break, and then we'll come back and we'll do a Mountain Monsters.

[Chrissy]

Sounds good.

[Brian Green]

We'll be back.

[Christina]

Okay, you guys, I have an idea. Why don't we take a break? Gotcha.

[Brian Green]

This is the break.

[Christina]

And you already know when you hear my sexy voice, it's time to whip your phone out and follow us on Instagram or skip the ads at the commercial break and on TikTok at TCB podcast. And of course, you know, if you want to get involved, you can always give us a call or text us at 212-4333, TCB. That is 212-4333. And guess what? I finally have information on TCB Live. So the links are in the show notes. But let me tell you right now, you can come see us at Danya beach improv on Tuesday, September 24, or at the Funny Bone Orlando on Wednesday, September 25. It's gonna be fab. So go buy your tickets and we'll see you in Florida.

[Brian Green]

Okay, we're back with Mountain Monsters on board. We're ready to go. I'm not even gonna preface this. Let's just get the boys going. This is one of my favorite comedy shows on television today. Buck, Huck, Chuck, and all the guys are bad. All the guys are back.

[Chrissy]

The gangs together. Gangs all together, by the way, too. It's just to preface it, it's a final night hunt.

[Brian Green]

A final night of the hunt. As opposed to the beginning of the hunt. I imagine they're all filmed in the same night, but okay, whatever.

[Huckleberry]

Some just come flying through the air and landing in the brush or something up there. We're in Lee County, Virginia.

[Brian Green]

We're in Lee County, Kentucky slash Virginia slash Indiana. They're always in Lee County. Never outside of Lee County.

[Chrissy]

Huckleberry, he's had a security.

[Brian Green]

Oh, Huckleberry. Huckleberry gained a few pounds, did he not? He did. Did he not gain like a hundred pounds?

[Chrissy]

He did. His pupils are still black as ever.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. He's got the blackest eyes I have ever seen on human being. First of all, did Huck just say or Chuck or whatever his name is? Did he just say that something flew out of the air and landed right in front. Why don't you go check out to see what it is. It just landed in front of you.

[Huckleberry]

Something just come flying through the air and landing in the brush or something up there. We're in Lee County, Virginia. We're going after the raven mocker. The raven?

[Brian Green]

Oh, the raven mocker. I hate when those ravens get mocked. They're so mean to the ravens. Chrissy. Raven mocker.

[Chrissy]

Oh my God. Well, wait now, here they're gonna, you know, show us their animated.

[Brian Green]

That's right. Here is the four year old. The four year old's drawing of what a raven mocker would look like.

[Huckleberry]

There's a huge Bigfoot. Seven foot tall, 500 pounds, jet black fur.

[Chrissy]

He's a big big.

[Brian Green]

Oh, he's a big Bigfoot. He's the biggest of the big. He's got extra teeth and white eyeballs. He's very scary. It looks to me like a Halloween mask, doesn't it?

[Chrissy]

Absolutely.

[Ashton Kushner]

I got no.

[Huckleberry]

Guys, we gotta get moving.

[Brian Green]

What the hell? What the hell?

[Buck]

What the hell?

[Brian Green]

He is pointing that gun everywhere.

[Chrissy]

Oh, flying it around.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. There is no gun safety on this show.

[Chrissy]

No.

[Brian Green]

What?

[Buck]

What's the matter?

[Brian Green]

Where's Alec Baldwin when you need him? Sorry, that's a. That's a distasteful joke. I'll take that back. Maybe some.

[Huckleberry]

Touch me again. There's nothing there. Where?

[Christina]

Damn it.

[Huckleberry]

Where?

[Brian Green]

I love how one of the guys carrying a camera around. I know when there's 12 other camera angles he might get something they don't.

[Huckleberry]

When this thing touched me on the shoulders, we all jumped around there and started looking.

[Brian Green]

Oh, did you see that? I did.

[Chrissy]

That was the pa's hand.

[Brian Green]

Yes. Coming.

[Buck]

Hi, guys.

[Chrissy]

Billy.

[Buck]

Hey. Snacks are ready. Snack time. Snack time. I was just trying to give you a little massage. I sensed you were stressed. This is a pretty scary situation for everybody. You need a little Rubbing tug. What's going on there, Huckleberry?

[Huckleberry]

We all jumped down there and started looking. There's bar patches behind me, thick brush on this side you can't beat a goat through. There's no dead.

[Brian Green]

Why would I want to beat a goat? Who's beating the goat? This is like this lady at the yes lab the other day.

[Buck]

I got a pussy willow stuck in.

[Brian Green]

My crag hole for this thing to go.

[Huckleberry]

Why can't we hear it? Why can't we see it?

[Brian Green]

Cause you're yelling so much.

[Huckleberry]

The hell's going on in here? Something touches Huckleberry's back. There's nothing there. Something's playing games with us in these woods.

[Chrissy]

Yeah, that huge big Bigfoot is creeping around playing games.

[Brian Green]

Playing grab ass with you. Yeah.

[Ashton Kushner]

Tag your red.

[Brian Green]

Wait, hold on. That's not it.

[Huckleberry]

Hello.

[Ashton Kushner]

I'm playing hide and seek with the mountain monsters. I'm here from Hollywood, and I'm here to predict the mountain monsters. I'm a mut raven. Monterey.

[Brian Green]

Raven.

[Ashton Kushner]

Mark, don't tell them I'm here. It's been five years since I've seen Huckleberry, and I'm gonna jump in front of him, scare the out of them, and then we're gonna go on a date.

[Huckleberry]

Hate to say it, but, guys, we're not done here. We have to keep moving.

[Brian Green]

I hate to say it, guys, but we're gonna have to kill ourselves. I hate to say it, but we're gonna have to walk into sure death. Yeah. For no reason whatsoever. No scientist has ever come with us on any of these. We've never recovered any actual evidence. We don't have one picture of any mon. But we kind of keep going.

[Chrissy]

You have to. The train's already rolling.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, listen, I just. I was born this way.

[Huckleberry]

This. Look at this here, man. Look at that.

[Brian Green]

Look at that. That looks like a sign from Tommy Tangs.

[Buck]

It's pointing us to the tank.

[Huckleberry]

Right there. You can see something humongous has slid down off.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, it was probably one of you. You've all gotten rather humongous. I'm just gonna take a guess.

[Chrissy]

We did see what's his name going on his butt down the. Oh, yeah, the hill that time.

[Brian Green]

Oh, yeah, that's right. Whatever his name is. Huck. There's Huck and Huckleberry.

[Buck]

Listen, guys, I've been trying to tell you about your unhealthy BMI for years. You gotta slow down on the Doritos.

[Huckleberry]

Contraction and headed right up that trail.

[Brian Green]

It had a contraction. Is it pregnant?

[Huckleberry]

The tree Bent over right there, too. We're finding a bigfoot sign everywhere. Right behind you. We know the raven markers in these woods. All we got to do now is get him in that.

[Brian Green]

Really? Really. All we got to do now is get him into that trap I done built just two hours ago with the help of special effects from Warner Brothers.

[Huckleberry]

Guys, keep your eyes open. Damn it.

[Brian Green]

Oh, yeah. As if. What am I gonna do? Sleepwalk through the hunt for the extra Big Bigfoot. Bigfoot. Extra Bigfoot.

[Chrissy]

Senior, Close your eyes.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, close your eyes now. No, that. Now's not a time to be fooling around. Keep your eyes open. Damn it. He said damn it. As if people are falling asleep on the job.

[Huckleberry]

Eyes open, damn it. This thing's been running around all over the place on us tonight.

[Brian Green]

Ho, ho, ho, ho.

[Huckleberry]

We got. There's something up in that damn tree. There's something up in that there tree.

[Brian Green]

The whole forest is filled with trees. Which tree do you mean?

[Huckleberry]

I got nothing on the camera.

[Brian Green]

I got nothing on the thermals. There's nothing on the thermals. It's just pure tree out of this game.

[Huckleberry]

Yeah. Huckleberry, go to the right. Jeff, go to the left. I'm going right up the middle. Whatever's in there.

[Brian Green]

I've got a brilliant idea. Let's split up.

[Chrissy]

Yeah. That's always what they do.

[Brian Green]

Yes. That's way. That way. One of us will get murdered, followed by the other one. Followed by the other one. We'll make it more difficult for him to murder us.

[Huckleberry]

We'll find out. All right, guys, let's go.

[Brian Green]

Be ready.

[Huckleberry]

Tired of this crap. We heard something in this damn tree.

[Brian Green]

Oh, he's. Damn it. Yeah.

[Chrissy]

I'm tired of this crap.

[Brian Green]

I would be, too, if I was carrying an extra £400. I'd be tired of everything. I'd just be tired. He's a big boy, and he really is. He got so big ahead of us.

[Huckleberry]

Whatever's in there, we're gonna flush it out and see what it is. Keep your eyes open.

[Brian Green]

What do you think these guys home lives are like? I'm just wondering, what do you think? You think that they live moderately well from this television show?

[Chrissy]

I think so.

[Brian Green]

Probably in whatever in Lee County.

[Chrissy]

Well, I was gonna say in Lee County. They're very famous.

[Brian Green]

They're very famous. Yeah. They got to be very famous in these backwoods. I would imagine each one has got a nice home with acreage. Maybe they even have cabinets with some ATVs. Yeah. Under cabinet. Lightning lighting. I bet that's a Thing in one of their houses. They probably have the latest, greatest recliner where they watch a lot of television and eat a lot of food. And they probably. There's probably a local restaurant. I wonder where these guys live. I would be surprised to find out if they live in like Charlotte or downtown Atlanta or something like that. I'm imagining it's out in the sticks, I think so.

[Huckleberry]

Clear so far over here. Huck, you got anything? No. What was that, Jeff? Right over here somewhere.

[Brian Green]

Buck. Settle down, Buck. Geez, you're always talking to me like that. It's really started to hurt my feelings. It's like I'm doing something wrong.

[Huckleberry]

Sound like right up there?

[Brian Green]

Well, yeah. It's the other guy coming from the other direction. You dumb shits. You tell him to split up and come back around.

[Huckleberry]

Let's go to the left of it. All right.

[Brian Green]

This. Are you there? Buck? Is that you?

[Buck]

I'm really scared, Buck.

[Brian Green]

Buck.

[Huckleberry]

Huckleberg.

[Brian Green]

It's always inevitable one of them gets lost, and that's a weird encounter. But none of them. None of the other ones. See? That's right.

[Huckleberry]

You got anything?

[Chrissy]

Oh.

[Brian Green]

Oh. Hey. Wow. That was crazy. Swung around and pointed it right at his buddy. Easy, easy, easy.

[Huckleberry]

What are you doing back there?

[Brian Green]

What happened? You don't notice the guy with the headlamp weighing 498 pounds is your buddy?

[Huckleberry]

Are you games with me? No, I ain't playing games. Bucky was just right there.

[Brian Green]

Take it easy. Take a breath.

[Huckleberry]

I was not in front of you. You just called me over. You said, I need help, Huck. I never said your name.

[Brian Green]

That's right. See? Beside the dust. Right in their face.

[Buck]

Hey, huckleberry.

[Ashton Kushner]

Hey, huckleberry. Finger dip. Finger dip. I'm here with Ashton Kushner. You're about to get pumped.

[Brian Green]

Oh, I shot my own best friend. Oh.

[Ashton Kushner]

You'Ve been punct.

[Christina]

What's wrong?

[Huckleberry]

What's going on? I damn near shot Buck.

[Chrissy]

I heard Buck's voice in front.

[Brian Green]

Bob damn near shot my belt friend. I'm all tore up inside about it. I got the bubble gut over it. Oh, give me some leaves. I'm about to explode from the rear.

[Huckleberry]

Whatever was in front of me imitated Buck right down to the last letter.

[Chrissy]

That's how he got the Raven Mocker name.

[Brian Green]

That's right. He got the Raven Mocker by mocking you morons out there. Up there.

[Huckleberry]

I know. Right up in there. Let's walk up that way and see what's going on. Let's just stay together.

[Brian Green]

I love how lately Mountain Monsters has got more psychologically trippy. It's like one guy is always tripping out for some reason. You know, he's. It's the raven mockers now affecting their mind psychologically.

[Huckleberry]

Hold up, guys. Hold up, hold up.

[Brian Green]

It's a stick. They got a stick.

[Huckleberry]

Stick.

[Brian Green]

Oh, wow. They are on the hunt now.

[Huckleberry]

Right across the middle. This is how you funnel on coyotes. Right here. A coyote steps over top. Look here.

[Brian Green]

Oh, my damn. Damn buck.

[Chrissy]

What was that?

[Brian Green]

How did you know there'd be a hole in the ground where the coyotes get funneled. He saw a stick, he lifted it up. There's a hole in the ground. As if the raven mocker is brilliant enough. This is so silly.

[Chrissy]

Raven walker's like the chipmunk. It's gonna just go up and down.

[Brian Green]

Or Arnold Schwarzenegger in Predator.

[Huckleberry]

It's a foot trap. This thing was trying to lure me into it. If I step into it, it'll cut my foot all the hell and back. We know the ravenwalker makes the sound of a raven.

[Chrissy]

The ravenwalker made the trap.

[Brian Green]

Oh, this is so good. You guys are so good at what you do.

[Chrissy]

I know.

[Brian Green]

They really are. Who in America is left believing mountain monsters? Because I want to talk to you. I know there's a few of you out there. I know there is. I've seen what other stuff people believe. There's got to be one or two out there.

[Huckleberry]

What makes you think he couldn't learn to mock a person? Now my question is, did the Ravenmacher make this trap? Or was it whatever else is screwing with us in these woods?

[Chrissy]

What else is there?

[Brian Green]

What else would there be? Wha. Bam.

[Buck]

You take some donuts and some Doritos and you put them into a cauldron.

[Brian Green]

Wa.

[Huckleberry]

Bam.

[Buck]

You have Buck. I take a little seagull sibling, A little LSD and some ayahuasca. Wa Bam. We're in for the final night of hunting. I'm the forest quantum witch.

[Brian Green]

Ooh.

[Buck]

Now you can google 2.5 times faster what kind of shit you're going.

[Brian Green]

To put on your show.

[Buck]

I'm the Lee. I'm the AI Witch of Lee County. I can mock your name.

[Brian Green]

Listen.

[Buck]

Hey, it's me, Buck. Doesn't it sound just like you?

[Huckleberry]

Whatever's out here touching me on the shoulder, imitating Buck.

[Chrissy]

It's not human building traps.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, someone's out building traps for humans.

[Huckleberry]

They're out for blood. We're weighing above our heads here. But we're not too far from the trap. The best thing we can do Is just keep pushing forward and get to that trap. And that's a big timber, dude. Yeah, I know, dude.

[Chrissy]

Oh, they got the other team out there making more. Jimmy and Willie.

[Brian Green]

That's right. They got the more serious Jeff and Willie. The. The screamer and Willie. We've got to get down to the. We got to get down to the thing.

[Buck]

I'm.

[Brian Green]

Right now. I said I'm sorry. I didn't mean to yell so much. What is it?

[Huckleberry]

It's a deer head.

[Brian Green]

It's a deer head.

[Buck]

He done ripped off a de.

[Brian Green]

Hung it. This ravenwalker is a particularly cruel individual.

[Huckleberry]

Watch out.

[Brian Green]

Watch out. That might be. That might be a what?

[Chrissy]

Bait.

[Brian Green]

Bait.

[Chrissy]

I think he said, as if I'm.

[Brian Green]

Hungry for deer eyeballs. What bait could take kill about that size?

[Huckleberry]

Look, it's Chris. Nope, this man ain't been cut off. It's been twist off. Look at that.

[Chrissy]

What was that head? That was not a deer head. That looked like one of those ones from Texas.

[Brian Green]

It's a steer. Yeah, it did look like a steer, didn't it? It did not look like a deer. No, it's a deer. It's a deer with a lot of antlers. Yeah, but that's probably from some hunt or it's just a really clever, you know, special effects team.

[Chrissy]

They said it was twisted off.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, but they don't show the part was twisted off because of course they don't then twist them.

[Huckleberry]

Look at that, man. That's kind of spooky looking, having dead heads hanging around trees.

[Brian Green]

Oh, you don't say. You walk into a dark forest and they got heads twisted off. Wouldn't scare me. No, sir. Revive.

[Chrissy]

He's gotta keep pushing forward.

[Brian Green]

You gotta keep pushing forward. Just ignore the old deer head hanging off the fresh kill hanging off of a tree. Don't worry about that. Nothing to see here. That's kind of spooky. You know what's kind of spooky? A daddy long legs on your ceiling. You know it's all out shit scary when someone's twisting deer heads off, skinning them and hanging them off a tree. That shit's scary. All right, we'll be back with more mountain monsters after this.

[Christina]

You already know who it is. Christina, here to keep you actually informed, unlike some people we know.

[Brian Green]

Hmm.

[Christina]

Brian, I've got certified, verified factual information about our Florida shows. So listen up. We are coming to Dania beach improv on Tuesday, September 24th and the Funny Bone in Orlando on Wednesday, September 25th. And links to those tickets are in the show. Notes. So go get em. In other completely new and interesting news, you should follow us on Instagram hecommercialbreak and on TikTok@the CV podcast. And of course, go to our website, tcvpodcast.com for all of our audio and video content. And finally, if you want to tell Brian and Chrissy that I am a pretty, pretty princess or that you hate me, text us or leave us a voicemail at 212-4333, TCB. That's 212-433-3822.

[Brian Green]

All right, Amber, back with the boys. Mountain monsters just found a dead. Well, a dead deer. Fresh dead deer with the skin ripped off and head twisted and all mangled. And someone mentioned that it's kind of creepy. Don't say.

[Huckleberry]

Yeah, that's a whole lot spooky. Let's head on down this flat back out towards the trap. Gladly. Let's do it.

[Brian Green]

All right.

[Huckleberry]

Back here, Huck.

[Buck]

Yeah?

[Huckleberry]

Trust anything anymore.

[Brian Green]

Wow. Huckleberry's trousers are ripped. He's so big. Jesus Jones. There's no one looking out for these guys, Health. There's no one over at the travel channel saying, hey, guys, lose a few pounds. We need you for the next season. I guess not. Maybe they're saying. Maybe they're saying the opposite.

[Huckleberry]

I'd like to know what it is that's out here screwing with us. I'm about tired of this. Hold up, hold up, hold up. We got.

[Brian Green]

We got.

[Huckleberry]

What is this?

[Brian Green]

What the hell?

[Huckleberry]

Right there.

[Brian Green]

Look at that. Look at that.

[Chrissy]

Look at that.

[Brian Green]

It's a tree.

[Chrissy]

Tree.

[Huckleberry]

Wow, look at the size of that one. What the hell? Yucks. We're looking at this big structure on the side of the tree. We've seen this before.

[Brian Green]

It's.

[Huckleberry]

It's evil.

[Brian Green]

It's evil.

[Chrissy]

What is it?

[Brian Green]

I really don't know, Chrissy. It looks like a bunch of branches to me. But who am I? I'm no expert. These gu are, so let's let that be evil. Yeah, it's. Whatever it is, it's clearly evil.

[Huckleberry]

He's made by the Raven Walker. Well, how close are we to the trap? Over there. It just jumped up in front of me.

[Brian Green]

It's evil. It just jumped up in front of me.

[Buck]

It just took a on my head. What happened? I don't know.

[Chrissy]

Well, they would spin the camera around.

[Brian Green]

They shake that camera. Yeah, that camera is just a shaking left and right, and the guys are twirling around with their guns pointing at each other. They don't know what's going on. But I didn't hear a thing or see a thing because of course I don't. That's not the way the show's supposed to go.

[Huckleberry]

He says this thing was right in his face, but there's nothing there. Was it the raven mocker? No, it was something about that.

[Brian Green]

No, it was my ex wife looking for alimony.

[Buck]

She's here for the child support. Get out quick. Shoot me now, boys.

[Huckleberry]

And it opened his mouth up and it looked like it was throwing fire out at me.

[Buck]

Why are yelling so much?

[Chrissy]

It threw fire.

[Huckleberry]

It was.

[Chrissy]

Fire came out of its mouth.

[Brian Green]

Oh, fire came out of its mouth. That's a new one. It's a fire breathing raven mocker.

[Huckleberry]

We got you. We got you. Don't move. Stay right here. God, that scared me.

[Brian Green]

You all right? Yeah, I'm fine.

[Chrissy]

Bucks radioing.

[Brian Green]

Oh, yeah, he's got a radio in for help. Someone just shot flaming ass over here and. Billy, you gotta get over here. Where are you? I don't really know. I'm over here at the evil tree thing. Can you head over this direction? I'm over yonder near the creek, over by the holler.

[Chrissy]

The wagon tree.

[Brian Green]

The old wagon tree.

[Huckleberry]

Go ahead, Buck. I need you over here with us as quick as you can get here. Just go past the trap another 75 yards, you'll run into us. All right, we're on our way.

[Brian Green]

Let's go.

[Huckleberry]

Let's go.

[Brian Green]

All right, no questions asked. We're coming. You can count on us, Buck. We'll be there.

[Huckleberry]

I'm telling you, it was right there on the other side of the log and it was right there. Who goes there?

[Brian Green]

Who goes there? Who else has a camera crew with them? Who goes there? What is this, the Renaissance Festival? Who goes there?

[Chrissy]

Friend fest.

[Brian Green]

Who goes there? It is me, King Arthur of the Round Table. Would you like a butterbeer?

[Huckleberry]

Oh, it's us over here. What's going on? We got problems. We got big problems. We got this and we got somebody here in the woods. It's the damnedest evil thing you ever seen. It had a ball of fire come out of its mouth right up at the thermal, at me. I'm telling you, it just went.

[Brian Green]

It had the breath of a thousand asses. It had fireball. And I don't mean the kind you drink. What?

[Huckleberry]

A ball of fire came out of his mouth and it pushed me in the chest. I don't know what it was.

[Chrissy]

The other guy goes, what?

[Brian Green]

What? That's not what you said at first. You said you saw a face. Then it had a fireball. Now it's pushing you in the chest. Let's get our story together.

[Huckleberry]

See anything like it? If I see it again, I'm gonna shoot it. I don't care. I'm killing it. Willie Moon Huckleberries right here.

[Brian Green]

Of course. Of course. As a general rule, if you see a creature with fire coming out of its mouth, you go ahead and shoot it and ask questions later. You let the scientists figure it out. We all know this from ET and other movies. Kill it, and then we'll figure it out.

[Huckleberry]

Looking this over. Jeff was within 15 yards of us. And Jeff's seen it and we didn't. He just walked. He's white as a sheet right over there, man. I'm sorry, guys.

[Brian Green]

He's always apologizing for something. Wasn't he crying a couple episodes ago?

[Chrissy]

Yeah, they're patting him on the back.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, he's the sensitive one. Yeah, there's always one. I was one. I was a sensitive one in my group.

[Huckleberry]

He jumped up right in his face. Yeah. I mean, and we. And we was within 10 yards of him and didn't see it. I look over.

[Brian Green]

Look at that guy.

[Chrissy]

I know.

[Brian Green]

Never seen someone on so much crystal meth. Then we're looking at a picture of one of the randos that. That follows these guys around.

[Chrissy]

That's Jeff.

[Brian Green]

Oh, that's Jeff, I think. No, the other one's Jeff.

[Chrissy]

Throw.

[Brian Green]

His name is Jeff. Not Jeff, but. And it took me a while to figure that out too. This is Billy. Billy has the blackest eyes, and his pupils are so dilated. And he has the stare of a thousand crack pipes.

[Huckleberry]

Jeff. He's white as a sheet. He sees something.

[Brian Green]

Willie. I got older. Willie.

[Huckleberry]

We need to get back to the side beside. And we need to find out exactly what he seen on that camera, because.

[Brian Green]

I don't think I can watch much mock much further. I'm just gonna be honest with you, boys. I'm pretty big.

[Huckleberry]

He got it on camera. I got it on camera. He's got it on camera. Let's get out here and get back here and get.

[Chrissy]

He got it on camera, but the cameraman.

[Brian Green]

Oh, yeah. The cameraman was nowhere, but he got.

[Chrissy]

It on too much to.

[Brian Green]

He got it on his thermals. Yeah, but see. Let's see.

[Chrissy]

Can only imagine.

[Huckleberry]

We got to step out of here and find out what's in these woods.

[Brian Green]

Yeah.

[Chrissy]

I mean, bugs. Bug stomach is almost to the ground.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, it's. It's down to his knees.

[Chrissy]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

It's crazy how big this Boy is. And he hasn't always been this big. He's always been big, but not this big.

[Huckleberry]

Come on. We're here. Jethro.

[Brian Green]

Jeff.

[Huckleberry]

Over here, buddy.

[Brian Green]

We're here, buddy. We're here. Sorry about your fireball seeing accident. You'll be all right. They've been running around chasing these deadly creatures for decades now, it seems like.

[Chrissy]

Oh, yeah.

[Brian Green]

And all of a sudden, Jethro needs a therapist because he saw something he didn't like.

[Huckleberry]

Oh. You all right, bub? Huh? Guys, we're safer, but we're not safe. We've been doing this for a lot of years. Something was running circles around us down there. Oh, yeah, You. We ain't never had to deal with this crazy. What?

[Chrissy]

Every time they deal with us, it's the same thing.

[Brian Green]

Every episode, same thing.

[Chrissy]

We've never had this happen.

[Brian Green]

We've never had this happen. For the most part, whatever we was.

[Huckleberry]

Dealing with is not a Bigfoot.

[Brian Green]

No. Hell, no.

[Huckleberry]

Not at all. I can't even explain what I've seen. I'm not sure I want to see it again.

[Brian Green]

Well, I promise.

[Huckleberry]

Y' all said we got to know. Yeah, I want to see.

[Brian Green]

We got to know. As if there was a choice.

[Chrissy]

Yes. No.

[Brian Green]

As if they had a choice. As if there was any other choice. They were going to, like, make a group call not to ever see it. We'll never look at these photographs again. What is this, Hangover Part 5? Come on, show the film.

[Huckleberry]

Yeah, show it to me.

[Brian Green]

I go get it.

[Huckleberry]

We got to see what that thing looks like.

[Brian Green]

Oh, my God. He's got a laptop with an American flag on it. And it's an apple. Who knew? Who knew? Here we go. Here we go, guys. Well, there you go. A guy.

[Chrissy]

There's proof.

[Brian Green]

There's proof. A guy in a Walmart hoodie opened up his mouth, roared at you. That's about. That's about my estimation of what happened. You want to review one more time? Let's do it one more time. Oh, yeah, there he is. Yeah, it's a guy with a hoodie on. Yep, that's what it is. Well, he's got a beard, too, probably.

[Huckleberry]

Damn.

[Brian Green]

Damn. What the hell? Goddamn.

[Chrissy]

It's a good time.

[Brian Green]

Oh, man. I'll tell you what. It's never not a good time. It's never not a good time as a double negative. So that means it is always a good time. When you get those boys in a room together or in a forest together or in Lee county together, they're always there having some fun, shaking Trees and making babies. I do love it. I do love the mountain monsters, man.

[Chrissy]

Oh, my God, they're classic.

[Brian Green]

Sometimes little Brian Secret. Sometimes. I would will watch these episodes even though we're not going to run them. Like, I will watch them and I'll be like, oh, man, this is good fun. This is good talk. But I'm always watching from the perspective of who are they as people, what do they do? Like, TMZ isn't covering the mountain monsters, you know what I'm saying?

[Chrissy]

Oh, I know. Yeah. They're not out.

[Brian Green]

There's no paparazzi for the mountain monsters, so you don't see a lot about their life. I always wonder, do they have a Facebook page that I could check out or something like that? I don't know. Maybe I'll do some further investigation about the personal lives. Huckleberry, Jethro, Willie Bob, Bobby, I don't know. I want to find out if they have wives and why. If they have wives, why those wives aren't telling you to slow down on the turkey legs. Honestly, I'm actually worried about Buck now.

[Chrissy]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

This is a newish clip clip, by the way. It was only released a number of days ago, so you check it out on YouTube.

[Chrissy]

He's traveling on his success, literally feasting on.

[Brian Green]

I know where all those extra dollars go. I bet they make. I bet Buck and Huckleberry probably make 20, 000 an episode, is my guess. They probably do 16 in a season. So, you know, not a bad deal. Not a bad deal. I Wish we made $20,000 an episode. That sounds dumb because we do 116. Actually 225 in a season. Oh, all right. Well, Chrissy and I will be live in your faces pretty soon down in Florida. We would love to see you, dania improv on the 24th of September in Damia Beach, Florida, and then on the 25th at the Funny Bone in Orlando. If you're going to be down there, please do let us know. 2124-3338-2212-4333, tcb at the commercial break on Instagram, tcb podcast on tick tock and YouTube.com thecommercial break. Oh. Tickets are available in the links in the show notes or on the website. Okay, Chrissy, I guess that's all I can do for today.

[Chrissy]

I think so. And I'm gonna let you know that they live in West Virginia.

[Brian Green]

I love you. I love you. And best to you out there in the podcast universe. Now we know. Until next time, Chrissy and I do say, we will say and we must say goodbye.

[Huckleberry]

That cow killing bastard.